Quite suddenly and out of nowhere God appeared on the steps of a modest church
one Friday night in June. No one was anywhere near the church at that time of a Friday night. It was well past 10 p.m. and the nearest gathering of townspeople was at a tavern two blocks over. Fair of face and garbed in loose togs the creator of all that is known to mankind entered Lonnie's Blue Rose Bar and Grill.
A group of four guys seated at the rear noticed first. From their table they could watch the door and see what new arrivals might be coming in, it is no coincidence to note that this table also afforded them the best view of women returning from the ladies room.
"Is that a guy or a girl?" Leo Burr asked Kyle Blane on his right.
"Hell if I can tell, I don't even know if thats a dress or a robe. Hey Brian check out the door." Kyle had tapped Brian to get his attention but Brian was already aware of the stranger. The place had quieted a little by the time God took a place at the bar.
Manny Jacks, wiped a fresh spot on the bar for the new arrival.
"What can I get you" Manny asked laying a fresh coaster with the Bar and Grills logo on it down in front of the entity that gave our planet all of its fresh air, rain, wind and clean drinking water.
"Your Manny Jacks!" the creator said and extended his hand. Manny didn't recognize the stranger but shook his hand in a gesture of good faith.
"How do you know me?" Manny said smiling and expecting to hear a story of one of his past jobs he'd had in the area or perhaps the stranger was an old flame that had wandered in. It occurred to Manny that he was not sure if the person now seated at the bar was a woman or a man.
"Well we go back a long way you and I do." God said with a slightly amused smile.
"How far?" Manny inquired. "High School?" Manny was almost sure the stranger was Leticia Connors from his freshman year at Landers High School and began to smile when suddenly the light in the room became brighter or something like that. It became clear to Manny that this person was a man just as fast.
"I was a friend of your parents" God loved this one. It always confused people. Suddenly Manny was looking deep into the strangers eyes and trying to cipher what age he might be. A small crowd had gathered around the all powerful being seated at the bar and discussing the past with Manny the bartender. People were murmuring to each other such things as:
"I know her, I think she's my piano teachers sister."
"Sister? Are you crazy look at him he's a guy."
God raised a hand and said I'd like to buy a round for the house. "I believe it says in the bible "To he who is low of spirit give him wine".
Manny said. "You want to buy a glass of wine for everyone here?"
"Yes. A nice red if you have it." God smiled and looked around him at the gentle and confused eyes. "Shall we all have a glass of wine and toast our health."
A number of the onlookers were moving closer and patting the greatest force the universe has ever known on her shoulder. Some patted him. It was clear to some of them that the generous person at the bar offering to buy red wine for everyone did in fact look like a man to some and a woman to others.
God was having a good time reading the minds of some of the people.
"Who wants to see some really good magic!" God smiled and raised both his fists. Manny had begun passing out glasses of red wine. People from other parts of the bar were drifting over to see what the commotion was. They all gratefully accepted a free glass of red wine and sipped it like it was the first drink they ever had.
God slid off the bar stool and said "OK I need a volunteer." Sarah Keenan, stepped up and said "I'll volunteer". Sarah had never been in a bar in her life
and as if on cue she fancied that this must be the reason she came in. In truth
it was a glass of red wine that Sarah had been seeking.
"Sarah! How's your Dad, better isn't he?" God took her right hand and made her close her hand into a fist and held it closed with both gentle hands.
Sarah was trying to pay attention to the trick about to be performed but was also a little surprised to hear the woman say she knew her father, and that he was feeling better. Sarah had shared with very few people that her father had gone in to the Mercy General for some tests last month. A spot on an X-Ray had everyone concerned for a few days and it turned out to be nothing to be worried about. Sarah looked into the womans eyes and she smiled. Sarah hadn't felt so safe with a person since she was four years old and sat on her grandfathers knee while he sang of a dog he knew as a boy.
God looked into Sarah's eyes and smiled that gentle crinkly eyed smile that only someone who is a million years old can pull off.
"I want you to think of some magic words for me Sarah." Sarah was immediately
overwhelmed.
"What kind? I don't know any magic words except Abra Cadabra or Bibbity Bobbity Boo." She was almost in tears she felt so like a child. She hadn't thought of Bibbity Bobbity Boo since she watched "Cinderella" as a little girl.
"I want you to think of magic words that are powerful enough to create your hearts desire Sarah." The maker of birds, fawns, and split leaf philodendrons repeated himself with more intensity...."YOUR HEARTS DESIRE! Sarah."
Sarah remembered wanting a pink stingray bicycle as a young girl, she remembered wanting to travel to Europe when she got out of High School, and for some reason she thought of the thirty-five hundred dollars she owed the insurance company for the co-pay on her fathers medical provider.
"It's done!" God released Sarah's hand and Sarah was aware of something in her hand. She opened it slowly and a wad of bills was there. Thirty-five hundred dollars to be precise.
That did it. Suddenly everyone wanted to get in line for the next magic trick.
God chuckled. This was always the way it went. She took a sip of wine and raised her glass. "To our health!" she cried.
"TO OUR HEATH!!" everyone echoed.
"Now who wants to see some really good impersonations. God figured he could probably do the best Al Pacino or Jimmy Stewart anyone had ever seen. He also liked to appear as a lizard from time to time. It was calming to him to mimic his creations, he felt connected.
Suddenly there was a commotion at the door and two angels came hurrying in.
They saw God at the bar with a glass of wine and talking to a large group gathered around her.
"There look he's here!" The angels parted the crowd and stood on either side of the one that makes the night time dark and the day time light.
"It's time to go back home God." The taller of the two angels said.
"But I was going to do some more magic and some really good impressions, they like my magic!" God seemed disappointed to have to leave.
The shorter angel spoke. "Yes they do love your magic and no one can do Groucho Marx like you can, but you can't keep coming down here every two thousand years and walking around doing miracles. It upsets the balance and the people get strange ideas." The taller angel interrupted...
"I'll vouch for that. The last time you came down it took us 33 years to find you and you'd gotten yourself nailed to a post of wood. The locals were going to kill you. Remember?"
God teared up a little. Yes, I...I remember. But it wasn't their fault. They didn't know any better. We have to be more forgiving to the ones here. They have a much greater burden than you or I."
The taller angel was quiet a moment. "Be that as it may, don't you see what happened. Whole religions have sprouted out of your last visit. They even sell little likenesses of the piece of wood you were nailed to. It's the wrong shape but still it's because of your presence that all that confusion was started."
God looked humbled and said "Can I do my Lizard impression?"
Sighing the shorter angel looked up at the force of forces in the firmament and said.
"That's a really bad idea God. Two thousand years from now they'll all be wearing little silver lizards around their necks and have little plastic lizards on the dash boards of their car. How silly would it be to see bumper stickers that say
"Lizard is my Co-pilot" or "Lizard Saves"? "
God looked down and sort of scuffed a sandal in the sawdust by her barstool. In a really small voice almost no one could hear she said..."Can I give everyone a bunch of money?"
"No way." The taller angel had begun to lead God out the door. From the back of the room a lone voice cried out....."Let him at least do the Lizard!"
As if a spell had broken the revelers began to realize who was in their presence and what opportunities were before them. Here was the chance to ask "Why are we here?" Which religion is the right one?" "Was the Holifield fight really fixed?" "Why are there mosquitoes?" and all anyone could think to say was....
"Do the lizard!" A soft chant arose as God was led toward the door. Fifty or sixty voices were unanimous. For a moment all of creation had it's chance to
be connected to the number one unifying force in all of existence and all they could say was....
"Lizard.....lizard....lizard...lizard". As the angels led the prime deity out the door she looked back at the smiling revelers and appeared to one and all to be a really effective image of an exotic breed of lizard from the rain forest.
Applause broke out all around. It lasted long and thundered the walls. After seemingly 10 minutes of appreciative clapping, the occupants of the bar one by one ceased to applause and looked down at the glass of red wine before them.
Each one sipped slowly and as they sipped they forgot. Soon there was no one in the bar that had any recollection of the unusual visitor. Save one.
Sarah Keenan. She touched the pocket of her jacket and felt the bulge from the
money she received like magic. She looked around and noticed that everyone was talking to each other and connecting like a big crowd of kids playing on the playground. No one was left out, everyone seemed welcome to join anyone at any table. It was still here she thought. The presence was with them all. Having a physical person in the room with them was overwhelming and would lead to pandemonium possibly even violence .....but an essence....that would do just fine. The essence of the most loving and most giving, the silliest clown, best magician in all of the imaginable existence, the one who can do the best impressions of all time.....that essence is all around us...she whistled to herself.
"That's why we do the things we do." She thouht. It makes sense in a goofy kind of illogical way but we're just doing our best impression of God, or Al Pacino or Groucho , or
Dad, or Grandpa. It occurred to her that even strangers mimic us as we do them. It's calming somehow, She felt connected.
This blog is dedicated to the greatest force known to human kind, the ultimate imitator, the deity that is beyond question. That one which is in us all and, to a finite point, unprovable and unknowable, save to those among us that would allow it to
breath spirit into us and to entertain us in it's illogical and most connecting and calming manner. To our Health!!!
Roger Wild June 25TH 2007
