The end of January is here and along with that comes my annual prostate exam. Well, as usual, I didn't study. I wasn't really worried though, because if it was anything like the last few years, it was going to be more along the lines of a pop quiz. Anyway, the appointment reminder call got me to pondering the ins and outs of the procedure. I know the whys and wherefores, but still, I have questions.
First off, who pioneered the method of examination? What were they in search of when they made this profound discovery? Was it found through meticulously planned, liberally funded, medical research, or was it the accidental result of a sadistic experiment gone awry? "While there doesn't seem to be enough oxygen up there to support a lab rat for the long term, Dr. Burrows, I quite unexpectedly discovered this interesting tidbit." No doubt, shouts of "brilliant!" and "eureka!" rang throughout the lab. Or dungeon. Whatever.
Secondly, why wasn't research continued in regards to improving upon the procedure? Digital analysis may sound high tech, but with today's advances in medicine, you'd think they would have come up with a less invasive, more patient-friendly method of examination. Perhaps HMO's are to blame, by refusing to pay for more than the minimum. I mean really, how much can the procedure cost? My co-pay alone should cover a pair of rubber gloves and a dollop of lube.
Next, how is it that the prostate gland is described as being "about the size of a walnut"? How, I wonder, did they come up with this? Certainly not a blind taste-test. Did they do a side-by-side comparison? Who in their right mind would actually have volunteered to be part of the test population for this? "OK sir. I'm going to shove various tree seeds up your butt until I find one that is comparable in size to your prostate." Did they start with say, an almond, and work their way up the nut ladder? And who added "a walnut" to our standard units of measure? Were they using walnuts in the green sticky stage, the grey convoluted hard-shelled stage, or the black mushy stage? Important questions all, I'm sure you'll agree.
My final ponderance... Do doctors actually choose to specialize in fields such as this, realizing childhood dreams of digital analysis? Or is this considered some sort of punishment, akin to military KP duty? Perhaps this is the entry level, and they have to work their way up to the better orifices...
