I got the call 2 nights ago. My best friend in the world had died in a motorcycle accident. The one who was 'MY ROCK' after Scott's suicide, the man I called my HERO, is now gone forever. I literally collapsed and the pain that went through me is without words to describe.
'Muscle Mike' was a Firefighter/ EMT in Plano, Texas. He was a man among men. He was my best friend for 8 years. If he had not been there for me everytime I needed him in the last 2 years, I wouldn't be here now. He knew that and he made himself available to me at any and all times, day or night. He answered all the hard questions I put to him. He was so careful choosing his words, but, he never failed to be honest. He talked when I needed to listen and he listened when I needed to talk. He was my guardian angel through the worst time of my life. Losing Scott left me in a world of pain that I continue to live with everyday. Muscle Mike was my voice of reason during the times I could only feel pain and dispair.
This loss is something I had never thought I would face. I thought he would be here forever in my life. He kept me sane when all I had around me was insanity and doubt and fear. This is the man that I had unconditional trust in and I never even thought to question his advice. I knew his heart was always in the right place. I knew he would protect me and never lead me anywhere that wasn't safe physically, mentally or emotionally. He encouraged me with the work that I do and he supported my undying dedication to Scott and his memory. He was the 'True Friend' that every person wants to have at least one of in their life. Loyal and honest and a man of unwaivering integrity.
My heart is so shattered right now and I can't imagine going through this pain again. Combined with my loss of Scott, these were the two most important people in my life, other than my children. Scott was the love of my life, my friend, soulmate, partner and my heart. Mike was the friend I told everything to and he did the same in reverse. He was always the first call I made when there was something new happening. He was the one I called when I met Scott. He was the one who convinced me not to let the 'age' thing matter. He did what only a best friend can do: he was there. Always. Everytime.
Now, I mourn both of these wonderful men. They touched my life and so many other lives in their short stay on Earth. I'm not sure how I will get through this compounded pain. I never thought God would put me through this kind of pain again. I still haven't recovered from Scott's loss and now adding to the pain is the loss of my friend Muscle Mike. I said a prayer last night and asked God not to let me falter. He sent me another crisis to deal with and He apparently thinks I can get through it. 'How?' is the question I keep asking. I have yet to find an answer.
