Butt Spores
I enjoy eating at restaurants, except for one major thing. Butt Spores. I have noticed that busboys wipe the chairs before wiping the table. This means all the butt spores left on the seat are getting smeared on the table for the next person. Then they lay all the silverware in the butt spore pool. How many people drop a piece of food on the butt spore laden table and then eat it?
Even if the wiping cloth has bleach on it, how long before the cloth is covered with too many butt spores for the bleach to kill? Even if they are killed with bleach, you are still hanging out in a pool of dead butt spores…….that seems to be even worse!
Besides, how many butt spores does the average person leave behind? There has got to be bazillions considering how many butts live in the world.
My butt spore hang-up extends even further. When I am sitting at a booth, the following scenario seems to play out continuously. The booth residents across the aisle will see some people that they know. The people will stop to talk in front of their table. They will have their butts right at eye level to my face. There is nothing less appetizing than eating with five butts surrounding your face. They don't seem to notice and are certainly in no hurry to move on.
Which makes me wonder, do butt spores become airborne?
I really feel sorry for children. They are short humans, you know. Those poor creatures walk through life with adult butts in their face all the time.
My father has a funny story about being in a grocery store line with my brother who was a toddler at the time. My brother poked the lady ahead of them in the butt with his finger. She turned around and scowled at my father, thinking he did it!
Now that's some hilarious butt humor for the ages.
But I digress.
Does the fabric of one's clothing offer enough protection between the butt spores and the rest of the world, especially when we are talking about the thong people or the commando people? If you really think about it, there is a small thickness of fibers between the butt spores and humanity. Such a sobering thought.
So for any of you obsessive compulsives out there…….I have given you one more thing to fret about. You're welcome.
If you'd like to discuss this further, meet me at the corner restaurant, in one of those freshly cleaned booths.
We can talk about it then.
