Overcoming Unforgiveness
By Gordon Mc Donnell
There are three kindred spirits of the human heart , Giving , Forgiving , and Thanksgiving . And , usually where you find one , you will find the others .
What Is Forgiveness
1. FORGIVENESS IS NOT Just ignoring those who wrong us .
( A ) Now , this is fine if we are ignoring the wrong because the offender did not have a chance ; but , if we ignore it on the bases of contempt for the offender , that is a different matter .
( B ) Forgiveness is more than a refusal to strike blow for blow , tooth for tooth . One might stop himself from doing this but he may still fill bitterness and ill will .
( C ) Forgiveness is not ignoring the sin . God does not overlook sin ; nor , should man . Jesus says : rebuke , not ignore , ( Luke 17 verse 3 )
( D ) Forgiveness is not putting the offender on probation , while we discuss how wrong his behavior was , and then promising to forget it providing no other offenses are going to take place again .
2. WE CAN TELL WHAT FORGIVENESS IS BY OBSERVING WHAT GOD DOES WHEN HE FORGIVES
( A ) He removes the Sin from his record , ( Acts 3 verse 19 )
( B ) He forgets , putting it out of his memory , ( Heb . 8 verse 12 )
( C ) And He treats us just like He did before we had sinned , receiving us back wholeheartedly . ( Luke 15 verses 20-24 )
3. FORGIVENESS WHEN SEEN BY EXAMPLES IS BETTER UNDERSTOOD
Easu forgave Jacob . (Gen.33 verse 4).
Joseph forgave his brethren (Gen.45 verses 5-15 , and 50 verses 10-21).
Moses forgave Mirian and Aaron (Num.12 verses 1-13
David forgave Saul (1st Sam.24 verses 9-22).
The father forgave his wayward son (Luke 15verses11-32)
4. WE CAN TELL IF WE HAVE FORGIVEN ANOTHER BY TAKING THE
HAVE I REALLY FORGIVEN MY OFFENDER TEST
( A ) Do I secretly rejoice when I hear os some misfortune my offender has had ?
( B ) Do I purposely avoid his or her presence ?
( C ) Do I hesitate to speak to him or her and only if I have to ?
( D ) Do I vividly remember the wrong committed ?
( E ) Do I ever sit in silence and meditate and brood over the wrong done me ?
( F ) If a particular circumstance arose related to the offender demanding prayer , would I happily and anxiously go to God in his behalf ?
( G ) Have I sought an opportunity to do him or her a favor ?
The Importance and Necessity of Forgiving One Another
( 1.) It is a command . ( Mark 11 verse 25 , Col 3 verse 13 ) Now read Rev. 22 verse 14 and John 14 verse 15 .
And there are no nonessential commandments . Forgiving one another is no more nonessential than baptism and the Lord's Supper .
( 2 ) The example of Jesus Christ demands it ( Luke 23 verse 34, 1st Peter 2 verses 21-22 , Phil . 2 verse 5 ) .
We follow his example in being baptized , in eating the Lord's Supper , in attending worship service , etc. Will we not follow his example in forgiving others ?
( 3 ) The example of the early disciples teach it . ( Acts 7 verse 60 ) An atheist once said , If there be a God , why didn't he help Stephen who prayed for his enemies as they stoned him to death ? He did by giving him grace to pray for his murders , was the reply .
( 4 ) Love calls for it ( 1st Cor. 13 verse 4 , 1st Peter 4 verse 8 ) . Hate is what prevents us from forgiving .
( 5 ) Forgive because we have been forgiven ( Eph.4 verse 32 ) . The parable of the unmerciful servant illustrates this point . ( Matthew 18 verse 23-35 ).
( 6 ) In order that me might be forgiven . ( Matthew 6 verses 12-15 , Mark 11 verse 25 ) .
These verses relate one of the flattest statements in the Bible . It is a take it or leave it proposition . It is forgive and be forgiven ; or refuse forgiveness and have forgiveness refused ;
The most expensive thing in the world you can do is harbor ill will toward another . You have paid the price of the loss of heaven .
We must give mercy to receive mercy . ( Matthew 5 verse 7 , James 2 verse 13 ) . He who will not forgive brakes the bridge over which he himself must pass . If we do not forgive another , we clog the channel through which divine forgiveness flows so , let us not clog our hearts with hate , malice and ill will.
( 7 ) We must forgive to walk with God . ( Amos 3 verse 3 ) . We cannot have fellowship with someone whose entire philosophy of life differs from our own . This applies to us and God . ( 2nd John 1 verse 7 ) So , to walk with God , since He is so forgiving , we must be forgiving .
( 8 ) Forgive , for it may be later than you think , (A) Christ may come (Mark 13 verse 32 ) . And , who would want to be found at his coming (2nd Peter 3 verse 14 ) apart from his fellow man .
(B) The object of your revenge and hate may die . Two men back in the 19th century by the name of Thackeray and Dickens these two were great English literary masters but they became enemies . After several years of avoiding each other , they met accidentally in London , frigidly facing one another . On a impulse Thackeray turned back and seized the hand of Dickens who was touched by the gesture . They left smiling with the old jealousy destroyed . In just a few days Thackeray died; and , the next time Dickens saw him was when he looked
down at his farm in the grave. A writer , later recalling the story , wrote , Is it
not always well to seek forgiveness now ?
( C ) You stand on the verge of eternity , with the possibility of dying any moment .
After the death of Queen Caroline , Lord Chesterfield said a sad thing :
" An unforgiving , unforgiven dies ."
( 9 ) The parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18 verses 21-35) points up to very bad things about the unforgiving man .
( A ) He is mean or wicked . ( Verse 32 ) Some may not have missed a service in thirty years , but will be called " wicked " by the Lord at judgment because their hearts were filled with ill will , resentment , and they were unforgiving .
( B ) He was on his way to torment ( verse 34 ) ; and , this though he had been previously forgiven !
Attitudes Toward Forgiveness
( 1.) " I cannot forgive " . No , God does not require the impossible ! It is rather ,
" I will not forgive ." Read ( James 2 verse 10 ) . The greatest of men have been able to forgive the severest of offenses . Joseph and Stephen are examples of this .
( 2.) I'm going to forgive you , but in the future I'm not going to have anything to do with you . We are to " forgive " as Christ " forgives " ( Eph. 4 verse 32 ) ; and , He certainly does not forgive in this manner . Do you remember the definition of forgiveness ?
( 3.) It's a favor from me to you .
Actually the reverse is true ; for the offender can be forgiven of God without my extending forgiveness , but I cannot be forgiven unless I do forgive him ! With this improper attitude toward forgiveness , the offender will usually extend forgiveness only upon certain rigid conditions . However , we must avoid putting such qualifications on our forgiveness . " Freely forgiving one another ." (Col.3 verse 13)
( 4.) " I'm going to forgive you , but I'll never forget it ."
This is like burying the hatchet with the handle sticking out . It is like sweeping
the room , but leaving the dirt behind the door . A man said , Forgive and forget ; when you bury a mad dog , don't leave his tail above ground ." We must avoid keeping a file system . God does not ( Heb. 8 verse 12 and 10 verse 17 )
How Do You Learn And Cultivate Forgiveness
( 1.) Batsell Barrett Baxter tells the story of riding on a plain next to a blind man who was an executive . Not being able to resist asking what caused his blindness , the blind man answered Brother Baxter by telling how a competitor of his hired a gangster to throw acid in his face . Brother Baxter asked if he know who he was ,
" Yes , but I could not prove it in court ," he said He asked if he felt a terrible resentment , he said " I did for years , but it dawned on me that I was doing myself the real injury . I forgave this man and actually him some favors in recent years ."
( 2.) You will find it easier to forgive when you consider how greatly you have been forgiven . The parable of the unmerciful servant portrays this . ( Matthew 18 verses 23-35 ) " Went out " ( verse 28 ) are key words in this parable . It is because we go out of the presence of God , forgetting His mercy extended to us , that we are in danger of acting as did the unmerciful servant .
( 3.) Ask for the assistance of God . But make sure you really want to be forgiving . This is the difference in saying and praying a prayer .
( 4.) Recite a portion of the disciples prayer , inserting your offenders name . Thus, you will pray , " Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive ( insert name ) his or her trespasses."
( 5.) Practice praying for your offender . Be specific and call his name . Jesus prayed for his offenders ; not for their punishment , but for forgiveness to be extended to them . ( Luke 23 verse 34 ) .
Forgiveness has to do with feelings ; and , through meaningful prayer on behalf of the offender we come to create a love and feeling that is hard to obtain otherwise .
( 6.) Speak to others in a kindly manner about the person who has done you injustice .
( 7.) Develop an understanding heart ( Prov. 8 verse 5 , 1st Kings 3 verse 9-12 ) There is usually a cause why a person acts uncourteous . He may be a victim of his own heredity or environments ; or , he may have had something misrepresented to him , resulting in his offensive behavior .
( 8.) Cultivate the grace of mercifulness and compassion . ( Matthew 5 verse 7 , James 2 verse 13 , Matthew 18 verse 33 )
How Am I To Forgive ?
( 1.) From the heart . ( Matthew 18 verse 35 ) We must avoid mere lip forgiveness
( Matthew 15 verse 8 ) , while we continue to harbor malice and ill will in our hearts .
( 2.) " As " God forgives . ( Matthew 18 verse 33 , Eph. 4 verse 32 , Col. 3 verse 13 ) The " even as " of Col.3 verse 13 means in the same manner ." God forgives
A. Freely no constraint , B. Abundantly no peace meals ; C. Immediately no time payments ; D. Finally does not bring it up again .
How Often Must We Forgive ?
Peter thought seven times was sufficient . The Rabbi said to forgive three times .
Peter doubled this and added one , thinking this would be entirely sufficient .
But Jesus said : " I say not unto thee until seven times : But , until seventy times seven ." ( Matthew 18 verse 21-22 )
Jesus is teaching us that forgiveness needs Quality and not Quantity . He is saying , do not keep a ledger ; for , forgiveness " Is not a matter of Arithmetic or of bookkeeping , but of Love ; and , Love has no limits ." Let us avoid saying "It will do no good to forgive him or her , he or she will do it again ." As long and frequently as a man or woman will turn and say , " I repent ", we are to forgive him or her ( Luke 17 verses 3-5 ).
Who Must Take The Initiative In The Matter Of Effecting
Forgiveness ?
( 1.) The offender . ( Matthew 5 verses 23-24 ) Yes , before the offender can worship scripturally , he must first get things straightened out with the offended one . So the shortest way to God may be the distance to your brother's or sister's house . If the inspired instructions of this passage were followed , a lot of worship services would be broken up . There is no use trying to talk to God if we are not on speaking terms with our brother or sister .
( 2.) The offender . ( Matthew 18 verses 15-17 ) . And , yet we often times take the attitude , " Well he sinned against me ; so let him take the initiative ." Was not the Lord the offended one ; yet , did he not leave heaven and come to seek and save the sinner ?
( 3.) Let us suppose a case : Here is Brother A. And Brother B. A sins against B. When the Bible is followed , both will take the initiative ; and will meet about halfway, and reconciliation will follow .
You Will Not Have Much To Forgive :
( 1.) If you will refuse to be thin - skinned . Love is not easily offended . ( 1st Cor . 13 verse 5 ) Little minds are wounded by little things . Avoid carrying a chip on your shoulder ; for , such indicates wood higher up . In fact , the heaviest of all loads to carry is the chip on the shoulder . If you will take
responsibility on your shoulders there will not be room enough for chips .
( 2.) If we get lost in a large , preoccupying cause . Men's lives must gravitate around some center . As long as "self" is the center , a person will be easily offended and hurt . However , if we will get lost in the work of the church of the Lord , he will have no time for petty offenses and imagined slights and insults .
CONCLUSION
A mayor in New York city was shot by a maniac and almost killed . While laying in the hospital , fighting for his life , he said , " Every night , I forgive everything and everybody." Grear ! Would you like to slip out into eternity during your sleep with a heart filled with hate , ill will , resentment and unforgiveness ?
