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POSTED BY: Kibehr on Feb 25, 2008
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Top 10 Reasons to live in your Province
These "10 TOP Reasons to live in ...." were sent to me by several people. The originals contained a few things that I considered offensive, sexist or racist, so I have changed those items, deleted others and added some new ones. The remaining ones are a tongue-in-cheek attempt at Canadian humour and no one should take offence at anything contained herein. Canadians are always ready to laugh at themselves. There are just a few truths there too ! Enjoy ... and don't take life so seriously!
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. You don't have to worry if it is going to rain - it's already raining
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges to the 'burbs
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. You have a university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. You have a fleet of old rusted ships that you got for free from China
9. There's always some sort of forest protest going on somewhere
10. People here never get a tan - they rust
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. The Rockies are between you and B.C.
2. Preston Manning goes to Ottawa a lot, so he isn't here
3. Tax on goods is 7 percent instead of approx. 20 percent
4. The Premier is a beer drinker with about grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban Video Casino games
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You get red and white license paltes so other Canadians can immediately identify the bad drivers on their roads
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning here
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard transmission car
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbour's house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will always assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beach front property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the Federal government
5. Hundreds of huge but horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked winter in Winter-peg
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when you cut someone off
10. You have a naked gold-painted little boy on top of your Legislature Building
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You think you live in the centre of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a bit of a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win EVERY Federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a really 'cool' city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a loonie
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a more sober Ralph Klein
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Every visitor assumes you can't speak English
2. Montreal smoked meat and bagels make life somewhat bearable
3. The only province to ever kidnap a Federal politician
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move to Ontario next
5. Other provinces and the Feds basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The Hell's Angles and the Rock Machine - great dances!
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of mean French guys
8. The province with the oldest everything
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts here
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo minorities"
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French Separatists and drunken Celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies are
4. When listing the 10 provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to leave you
8. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. You have the highest tides in the world, but you have to share them with New Brunsick
2. Your province is shaped somewhat (?) like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player, or has one in the family
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their pants
5. The local hero is a long-haired, fiddle playing ..... whatever ...
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, Nova Scotia's equivalent to Mama Cass
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes tons of money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered one of Canada's most beautiful cities
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big expensive bridge from the mainlend
2. You can walk right across the province in an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes and crappy CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive right across the province in 10 minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest province in Confederation but with the most social assistance
2. If Quebec separates, you will likely float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod fish
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something really stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of all the "Great Big Sea's" lyrics
7. The work day is about two and 1/2 hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their pants
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day
http://www.members.shaw.ca/kcic1/canisms.html
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Kibehrs Place
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