Vancouver Barbie:
This
modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a
Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and
double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's
generous salary. Comes with Paxil prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and
traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband
Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often 'working late.' Available at all
Robson Street -area Starbucks retailers.

Whistler Barbie:
This
Barbie is only sold at Le Chateau . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade
handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer and a long-haired foreign
lapdog named 'Honey.' Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream
house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.
Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Vancouver Downtown
Eastside Barbie: This recently paroled
Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted
windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can
only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then
we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at
participating pawn shops.

Langford Barbie:
This
tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals
with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Sooke Barbie's
trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails,
strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Camaro
convertible separately and get Canadian Tire money absolutely free. Boyfriend
Ken is in treatment. Available at any Fields Store. Sooke Barbie sold
separately.

Sooke Barbie:
This pale
model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 sizes too small, a 'It's All About
Me' T- shirt and a Guns and Roses tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of
Lucky and comes with Metallica CD's . She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and
kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned
cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with
Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart and Buffy's
Pub.

Duncan Barbie:
Pregnant
at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a
2 litre of pop and an income assistance cheque. Construction worker Ken and his
'82 Ford pickup are optional. Available at Value Village.

Salt Spring Island
Barbie: This Barbie is made out of
recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet,
hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have,
want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will
receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at the Ferry terminal.

James Bay
Barbie: This versatile doll can be
easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts.
Walks to work and hangs out at Tim Horton's. Likes to 'experiment,' but will
never commit. This model is being phased out.