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This Sunday (7/1/07) I packed my gear on the Beemer, strapped on a helmet and left for Virginia with my daughter in law Kristina and her dog Moby following behind to meet and welcome my son home from six months at sea aboard the USS Bataan. My son has been in the Navy for 6 years and this is the longest he has been deployed, ironically just a few months after he was married which made it even more difficult. We left at 5 AM to beautiful weather the whole way, and arrived at my motel around 6PM, then Kristina left to go stay with friends for the night as their new apartment had to have the furniture moved in still. After a night in the worst motel I've ever been in during which time I thought I would be mugged and have my motorcycle stolen, I left for the navy base mall before 3 AM, where the families met to sign in for the big journey which got underway at about 5 AM. Wives were not allowed, so it was all dads, moms, sisters, brothers, etc... We hopped a bus to Camp Lejeune, NC where I met a really great guy who ironically happened to be the dad of another guy in my kid's dept. on the ship. Caught a few zzz's on the trip, in between chats with my new friend Earl. After 4 hours on the road, we arrived at the marines camp, and were taken via hovercraft to the awaiting Bataan. The sailors still hadn't set foot on land, but all of the marines were gone to make room for us, app. 800 or so family members. The ride on the hovercraft was very unusual, and kind of reminded me of a roller coaster as the waves were very choppy that day, and they ride on air so it was even more bouncy than if we'd been taken aboard on a smaller boat. The hovercraft drive right inside the ship, power down and let you out. We spent the night on the ship, and shared meals and quarters with all of the guys. Our guys took us on tours to the vaious parts of the ship explaining some of the operations involved in keeping the ship running and what defenses the ship could deploy if necessary. I took lots of pics, but unfortunately my memory card started going bad, and I lost about 3/4 of what was on it. Luckily I had 2 more smaller cards which I used for the rest of the trip the next day, and got the most important shot of all, the first hug and kiss of my son and his gorgeous Russian wife after not seeing each other for 6 months. This was easily the most fascinating, and emotional event I have ever been involved in, and if you ever have a chance to do it, you'd be crazy not to. The trip home Wednesday (July 4th) was not quite as nice, after getting lost and going almost 100 miles out of my way, I was caught in a torrential downpour that lasted 3 1/2 hours. I didn't stop, in fact the harder it rained, the faster I drove, and was soaked to the bone and shivering when I finally arrived home, 13 hours after I left Virginia. You can view the photos in the slide show under turn ons on my page. Enjoy! Ed

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love". Neil Gaiman

Well, 50 degrees this afternoon in upstate NY, dusted off the Beemer and took it out for the first spring ride. I've gotta say, one thing about living in the north, is that every year when I get back on the bike it is almost as great a feeling as the first time I rode, with the exception that all the skills (or most of them) are still there. If you've never driven a motorcycle before, let me explain that fighter jet pilots claim a motorcycle is the closest thing on the ground that gives them a feeling anywhere near what they feel when flying their jets. Unlike a car where you turn the wheel and aim the vehicle, the bike becomes an extension of your body. The wind blows by you, the bugs hit you, you see everything around you, you hear more of what is going on around you. It is an amazing experience of freedom, one which I hope I never have to give up in my lifetime.

I had 2 new ones the last 2 nights, actually more but 2 I distinctly remember. In the first, for some reason I had to go through this narrow alley full of glass and broken glass, I was scantily clothed and barefoot. After I made it through the alley (obviously scratched, cut, little pieces of glass embedded in my feet) I had a mouthful of glass, some fairly large pieces, which I carefully removed so as not to cut myself any worse. The thing is as much as I took out there was always more. Man was I glad to wake from that one.

Last night I dreamt that I was given an appendectomy, without my consent or knowledge. When I came to in the hospital with a bloody bandage on my stomach which was full of stitches and realized what happened, I demanded to see the female doctor who performed the operation. At that point I proceeded to read her the riot act as to why I hadn't been asked to sign a consent form, and that she would be hearing from my lawyer. Upset, I walked out of the hospital and started heading home which was miles away, using a cell phone to try and reach my son to see if he could give me a ride, with no luck.

Anyone else have strange ones like this, I'd love to hear them. Ed

For those of you who have been following the turmoil known as my life for the last few months, the situation with my daughter came to a head yesterday, possibly the last chapter in this saga. I received a letter from the rehab center she entered last Monday explaining to me that it would be nice if I would be involved in my daughter's attempt to recover from meth addiction. The letter included visitation info, and a form to fill out explaining how I see her addiction and what I think they need to do to help her. I cancelled all my plans for the weekend because Sun. is the only day you can visit. To do this, you show up at noon, sit through a 1 1/2 hour educational presentation, listen to the rules of the facility, and then you get to visit with the patient. It said you need to arrive early because no one would be permitted in after the l2:00PM start time, so I got there about 10 minutes early, and was surprised to see I was the only one there for her, because up til now her mom had been very supportive including while she was in jail. 5 minutes into the meeting, the guy she was with when arrested shows up, no one said anything to him about being late, so he sits down until the man who was talking about the rules finished and asked us to fill out papers which we had been handed when we first got there. Well, being late, Rich (that's her boyfriend's name) didn't have the paper so he walked over to get one, at which point I said "you aren't family, what are you doing here". "I'm not huh" was his only response. The man running the meeting finished what he was doing, then said he noticed there was a conflict and asked me to another room to discuss it. We left, and I told him how this was a co defendant in her drug case, and he shouldn't be around her, at which point he told me because this was an out of state case (PA) they couldn't keep them apart. I said "If he is going to be involved, then I will not" so he said my daughter needed to hear that for herself, went and got her and brought her in. I told her she should not be around him, and that she needed to start finding new friends if she ever thought she was going to get better. She agreed, but added "Rich is supporting me". I told her that he has 2 children and a wife who he doesn't support, and that I hear about it from his mother in law at my work almost every day. She said "yes he does" at which point I told her to stop lieing to me, she might be able to lie to a lot of people, but not me because I know the truth. She said she would not quit seeing him and allowing him to come to the rehab center, at which point I said "it was nice knowing you, have a nice life"! I know that sounds cold, but if I had to deal with him in the same room, I would be going to jail for assault, and she made her choice. I was the last family she had who was willing to give her a chance, and she didn't care. So now, I'm down to 1 kid, and he's on his way to the Persian Gulf with the Navy. May God keep him safe.

Most of us have the proverbial skeletons in the closet, but for me the door is always open, and even though I'm not proud of some of the stuff I did in my past, I think I am a pretty good person now. It took me a little longer than most to figure out what kind of person I was going to be. Let me give you a little backround. My dad was physically and verbally abusive to my mom who told him to hit the road when I was 5, my brother 2 1/2. We were living in Kentucky at the time, and she had a sister who lived in Elmira, NY who we came to stay with until she could get a job and a place for us to live. She got a secretarial job and supported us on very little for the next 9 years, barely getting by and living in an apartment where the roof leaked so badly that we all had to sleep in one room during rainstorms because the other 2 bedrooms were full of pots and pans collecting water falling from the ceiling. We wore second hand clothes, ate a lot of hot dogs and hamburgs, and didn't see much of our mom so she had a live in nanny (older woman) watch us. I was the smallest kid in my class and took a lot of verbal abuse because of that and being so poor, and not having a dad. So when I graduated high school, started working for living, I guess I thought I had to be a tough guy to make up for having such a crappy childhood. When I turned 21 got a motorcycle and started hanging out at biker bars, getting drunk and stoned and fighting anyone who wanted to go at it. This continued pretty much until I reached a low point when I was 35, my wife left, took the kids, and I had a drunken motorcycle accident in which I broke my neck. THAT was my wake up call, and when I started turning my life around. I realized how lucky I had been to live through that, and quit riding motorcycles because I no longer trusted myself on them and also because the bike was totalled and I didn't have the money for another esp. paying all of the child support that I was paying. I took my kids every weekend for almost 12 years, and was a good dad, giving up any chance of a relationship because 1. I had no money, 2. My weekends were for my kids. Anyway, I was the bad boy for half of my life, and now I'm trying to make up for it. I love helping others, whether it be with their computers, shoveling snow in the winter, or with something they can't handle at work. I just want people to know you can change, and I am living proof!

The end of a very tough year for me, so I have nothing but hopes for a better '07. As some of you know, my mom's alzheimer's forced me to move her thousands of miles away to be closer to my brother the physician, which seems to be working out better than I thought it would. So this was my first Christmas without my mom in the picture for 47 years. I split with my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, partially due to me being stressed and partially to her having no idea how to handle money, and I couldn't see the light at the end of that tunnel. The only thing I miss about that relationship is the dogs which she has. Then there was my daughter's arrest for involvement with people who had a meth lab; the sad part about that is she is being charged with almost as bad of a crime as they are, and is looking at possibly 20 years and a 20,000 dollar fine. I am so hoping a bolt of lightning will hit her and change her into someone else, or something. I've been praying for her, maybe it will help, maybe not, but I feel so bad about it and there's really nothing I can do. She starts rehab Jan. 2. and I hope that someone there realizes she needs psychiatric as well as drug help. The best thing about the year, the Beemer still runs great, and I'm thinking about the cross country trip next year still, but nothing set in stone yet. Anyway, all have a Happy New Year, and I'll be seeing you around on Boomer. Ed

A friend and co-worker whom I had become very close to when we were working together, very unexpectedly blew his head off with a shotgun a number of years ago. He was fairly young, I believe 31 or so, and had everything going for him, good job, had just been living with a cute girl for a couple of months, lots of friends and they all took turns having parties and just enjoying life. Anyway, after he died I felt kind of guilty because when he left to go to another job we had drifted apart and there was so much I wish I could have said to him before he died. He used to confide in me alot and I'm wondering if maybe I could have helped him with whatever it was that troubled him so much (we never knew because the only note that he left apologized to his parents but gave no reason). I called his parents to find out what the arrangements were going to be, and tell them I'd like to play a song on my guitar at the service for him if they would let me. Their priest was answering their phone and said they were not going to have a service for him, it was going to be private for just family and he was going to be cremated. I told him I did not think this was fair because of all of his friends who needed closure, and that if they changed their minds about having a service, let me know; and the offer to play still stood. Well, it wasn't a couple of hours later he called back and said they were going to have a memorial service, and that they would love it if I played at it. So I quickly began thinking of a song, which turned out to be "Everybody Hurts" by REM. I learned the song in 2 days, and played in front of 250 sobbing people, in a chair with my acoustic guitar. Don't ask me how I stopped crying long enough to get through that song, but I did. When I was done, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. His parents (whom I had never met) invited me back to the house where I was fed and treated like one of their best friends. They sent me cards at Christmas every year and would leave a note about their son on the cards, and how much they missed him. They have since moved away, as the memories of him that remained in their house were too much for them, and I don't hear from them anymore (they don't know how to get ahold of me anyway).

Did someone mention snow?
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life


Okay, time for my new rant; one of my friends mentioned snow today, so what do I do? Well, pulled the sheets off my bed, threw them in the wash and pulled out the flannel sheets (mankind's second greatest invention; the first being the motorcycle of course, unlike what most of you women were thinking that takes batteries and doesn't talk back). So for us "biker types" in the north, another season of polishing, waiting, and wishing that maybe we had chosen a warmer place to live so we could ride all year round or close to it. But as nice as it sounds, I have to admit that going through the seasons like we do has one great advantage, and that is that every spring it is almost like the first time you ever got on a bike. Not as awkward fortunately, but that big ear to ear smile comes on your face the first time you fire it up, and risk 40 some degree weather to get your first ride of the year in. Luckily the last couple of years have been pretty warm, and not much snow so there wasn't a whole lot of salt on the roads, and when a nice day did pop up in Jan. or Feb., I managed to get a ride in amidst the "he must be crazy" glares from grandma going by in her cadillac. So as winter approaches, I am already missing my ride even though she will still get some use before it gets too nasty to ride. But this year more than most will be hard because it has been so wet that I only got about half the miles on I usually do. But come spring, watch out for "Crazy Eddie" on his black and chrome Beemer, giving the peace sign to Harley's broken down on the side of the road!

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