Well, it's been five days and though I really do miss just being able to pour myself a glass of wine or crack open a bottle of beer, I'm feeling almost peachy again. Five days down, nine more to go in this course of treatment.

I could live without the alcohol if I didn't have to eat bland food. Or I could live with the bland food if I could have a glass of wine with it or a beer. But bland and no alcohol wants to be my undoing!

I don't feel any kind of substantial weight loss (I hoped I might) and my back still hurts pretty bad first thing in the morning... okay, it hurts REALLY bad ~ enough to make me get my big ass out of bed before I have finished sleeping. I'm about 99% certain that the back pain will leave me when a substantial amount of weight does. So I walk and try to stay moderately active and eat lighter and blander meals and I don't drink. I didn't expect the weight to melt off of me like butter but I honestly expected a decent loss of water weight and I haven't seen that either. So maybe alcohol isn't what is making me gain. But it isn't helping me to lose anything but my sanity by foregoing it.

I keep going back to what my grandma told me - moderation is key. Do everything, enjoy everything, in moderation and you'll live many years to enjoy that much more. I like that idea. Though at this present weight, I'm not exactly hoping to be this uncomfortable for even longer.

So for now, I'm climbing a BIG hill and it's taking most of what I've got and sometimes all I've got. Much of the time I put my head down and just focus on putting one foot in front of the other and keeping on with the climb. I know that I may have to break and rest but I'm not there yet so the trudge upward and onward continues.

I think I've discovered my dieting flaw though... Jerry and I were talking about it the other night. I don't have whatever it is that keeps you going. My motivation, inspiration, willpower, whatever it is that gets you to your goals, I don't have enough of it to get me through this long journey to reach my goal. And I don't know where to go to stock up on it or to get more when I'm in desperate need of it! If I can ever figure that out, I may actually win this war! If I don't, I'll just fight skirmishes and battles with my weight, all the days of my life. The thing is... I don't believe that there is just one answer. I think that the answer is as individual as we are. We have to find our answer for ourselves and the ones who succeed have found it; their key, the "weapon of choice" with which to win the war. I don't even know where to look ~