BECOMING A MAN
TWO YEAR DEGREE COURSE
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an MA degree. (Male Arts) Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under Things for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act like an arse when you’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SE#X 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SE#X 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SE#X 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put the Toilet Seat Down
(Elective) (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket after Farting Is NOT Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important II
Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her
Just a thought for all the women out there.
1. MENtal Illness
2. MENstrual cramps
3. MENtal breakdown
4. MENopause
5. GUYnocologist (poetic spelling)
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men?
Send this to all women you know (and men with a sense of humour) and brighten up their day!!…. and when we have real trouble, it’s a HISterectomy
What baby are you?
Bet you forward this to everybody in your address book - I did! These are adorable and I'll bet they fit your b-day/personality to a T.................
Jan
---------------JANUARY BABY--------------------
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to
Recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth.
Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet
Someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance
Your personality.
Feb
----------FEBRUARY BABY --------------------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
Freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves Aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
But rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the Inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Mar
-----------------MARCH BABY --------------------
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
And sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up Feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you
Repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your
New love in 8 days.
Apr
------------------APRIL BABY -------------------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
Sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
Work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good Memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look For information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
Make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
Others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and Traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you
Repost this in 5 mins, a Cutie that's caught your eye
Will introduce themselves and you will realize that
You are very much alike in the next 2 day s.
May
-----------------MAY BABY -----------------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and Highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to Dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good Imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
Literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike
Being at home. Restless. Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the
Next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone
You do not speak too much in the next 4 days.
Jun
------------JUNE BABY -------------
You've got the best personality and are an Absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make New friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
And more than likely have an a very attractive
Partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely
That you have a massive record collection. You
Have a great choice in films, and may one day
Become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
You've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you
Will meet someone that may possibly become
One of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
Jul
----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties In studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods
About the past and the old friends. Waits for Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
But takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5
mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days
Aug
------------AUGUST BABY ---------------
Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self control. Kind hearted. self
confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
Easy to get along with and talk to. has an 'every
thing's peachy' attitude. Likes talking and singing.
Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. In need of 'that someone'.
Longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
Restricted. Lives by 'no pain no gain' caring.
Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. 'Charming'
or 'beautiful' to everyone. Stubborn. Curious.
Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. repost in 5
mins and you will meet the love of your life
Sometime next month.
Sep
------------SEPTEMBER BABY ---------------
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys making love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5
mins, someone very close to you will become mad
At you in the next 8 days.
Oct
---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will
not meet the love of your life for 10 years.
Nov
---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the
greatest men are born in this month. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind.
Dec
---------------DECEMBER BABY ---------------
This straight-up means your
the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to
joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone
always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.
Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of
person . Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. loves music.
Green up your spring cleaning
Tips on making your own household cleaners
You've taken several steps to reduce your carbon footprint: you've replaced those old incandescent light bulbs with energy-saving compact fluorescents, you've upgraded the insulation in your home, you use public transit frequently, you cycle or walk when you can, and " for those times that you do need to drive " you've replaced your old vehicle with a much more fuel-efficient small car.
You're feeling pretty good about yourself as you contemplate your contribution to the greening of the nation " even as you prepare to prepare to clean your kitchen floor, armed with a lightweight stick that's loaded with a plastic bottle filled with store-bought detergent and has a disposable pad stuck to the end of it.
Yeah, you've thought about other ways of cleaning the house, but these new cleaners are just so damned convenient and they do such a good job " without you having to get down on your hands and knees to scrub.
Well, replacing the chemicals with environmentally-friendlier ingredients from your cupboard may not be as much of a sacrifice as you think.
Many common manufactured cleaners contain alcohol, ammonia, bleach, formaldehyde and lye " substances that can cause nausea, vomiting, and inflammation and burning of the eyes and throat.
Environmentalists have linked these ingredients with asthma, cancer and damage to the neurological system, liver and kidney.
But in most houses, you have at your fingertips a whole host of ingredients to make safer, cheaper and more environmentally friendly cleaners. For example, any of the following five ingredients can be safely mixed together. Store mixtures in spray bottles and label them.
White vinegar: Mix with water and you can clean windows or any other glass, countertops and tile.
Baking soda: Mixed with water, this becomes an all-purpose cleaner, good for scouring sinks and tubs, and even sprinkling over carpets as a deodorizer.
Salt: Great as an abrasive for cleaning pots and pans.
Lemon juice: Use instead of bleach in laundry and on kitchen surfaces.
Olive oil: Mix with vinegar and use as furniture polish.
There are other ingredients " like borax, ammonia, club soda, isopropyl alcohol and toothpaste " that should make up part of your "greener cleaner" toolkit.
Before you get started
Make sure you've gathered your ingredients in a well-ventilated area. Your mixture may be all natural, but the fumes can still irritate your eyes, nose and throat " especially ammonia and isopropyl alcohol.
Use containers with tight-fitting lids. You don't want any leaks " some of your mixtures may be mildly corrosive. Don't reuse food containers or old containers from other cleaners for your homemade household cleaners. It's OK this time to splurge for new plastic containers.
When you have prepared your green cleaners, label the containers and store them in a safe place like you would any other cleaner.
Oh " and don't try to create a super-duper cleaner by mixing bleach and ammonia. You will create a potentially deadly mixture that can cause a number of chemical reactions.
Among them is the release of chlorine gas, which was used as a chemical weapon during the First World War. If you've added more bleach than ammonia, you could expose yourself to nitrogen trichloride, which is a very toxic chemical and a very volatile explosive.
Before you get going on your spring cleaning binge, test your newly mixed green cleaner on a small area.
Try these mixtures:
To clear your drains Pour 125 ml of baking soda down the sink and add at least a cup of vinegar. Put the cover on the drain and wait a few minutes. Finish by rinsing through with a mixture of boiling water and salt.
To clean your oven Make a paste of baking soda and water. First, scratch off burnt spots with a scouring brush and then apply the paste and scrub.
To clean your windows and other glass You have two options: for every litre of water, add 75 ml of vinegar into a spray bottle. Or try club soda. Be sure to use a lint-free cloth to wipe up.
To clean your toilet bowl Sprinkle baking soda around the inside of the toilet bowl and scrub with toilet brush. Add some white vinegar into the bowl and let sit for a few minutes before cleaning with the brush.
To clean your bathtub and surrounding tiles Mix 400 ml baking soda, 125 ml liquid soap, 125 ml water and a few spoonfuls of vinegar. Apply, scrub and wipe. Got mildew? Try vinegar and salt.
Cleaning up in the kitchen Use baking soda on non-scratch surfaces and the vinegar and water mixture on all others.
Cleaning your microwave oven Mix 30 ml of baking soda or lemon juice and 250 ml water in a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave for five minutes or until the liquid boils and condensation builds up inside the microwave. Wipe down.
Polishing your silver Put a sheet of aluminum foil into a plastic or glass bowl. Sprinkle the foil with salt and baking soda and fill bowl with warm water. Soak your silver in the bowl. The tarnish will migrate to the foil. Dry and buff.
Cleaning brass Cut a lemon in half, sprinkle it with salt and rub the lemon on the metal. Buff with a cloth.
Cleaning your copper Make a paste with equal parts white vinegar, flour and salt. Rub it onto your copper, leave it on for an hour and then buff with a cloth.
Cleaning your chrome surfaces Try toothpaste.
All-purpose cleaner In a spray bottle, combine five ml borax, 2.5 ml baking soda, 30 ml lemon juice and 250 ml of hot water.
Cleaning your wood floors Mix 125 ml white vinegar and 125 ml vegetable or olive oil in a spray bottle.
Furniture Polish In a spray bottle mix 250 ml vegetable or olive oil and 125 ml of lemon juice. Shake well and apply a small amount to a cloth.
Multi-purpose deep cleaner Mix 250 ml household ammonia, 125 ml white vinegar, 62.5 ml baking soda and four litres of warm water.
