WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE WIDOWED...

IT IS HALF A HEART LEFT ALONE TRYING TO STAY ALIVE
BEATING ON IT'S OWN WEAKLY WITHOUT PURPOSE.
IT IS HALF A SMILE WITH NO SMILE RETURNED
AND A LONELY HAND WITH NO OTHER TO CRADLE IT
IT'S MEMORIES THAT WERE WONDERFUL BUT NOW ONLY BRING TEARS TO ONES EYES
IT'S A PAIN SO DEEP YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR EXPLODING FROM THE INSIDE OUT
IT'S SILENCE SO LOUD YOU WISH YOU COULD TURN IT OFF
IT'S A SCREAM THAT IS STUCK IN YOUR THROAT WITH NO WAY OUT
IT'S ANGER AND RAGE SO STRONG YOU WANT TO LEVEL THE WHOLE WORLD OUT
THEN IT BECOMES NUMBNESS AND YOU STOP FEELING OR CARING AND ALL YOU
WISH FOR IS SLEEP TO TURN THE WHOLE THING OFF JUST DROWN IT OUT
BUT THEN YOU WAKE UP AND FIND IT'S ALL STILL THERE
YOU HAVE TO FACE IT AGAIN .. YOU PAINT ON A SMILE..
SOFTEN YOUR VOICE AND THE ROBOT GOES OUT INTO THE PICTURE..
THE ACT... THE SCENE ...WE ALL CALL IT  LIFE...**SIGH**

I'm no long in this place.. Thank Heaven for that
I found this today while clearing out my computer
I must have written this back when I lost my husband
I lost him to complications of leukemia & cancer from
Agent Orange on Feb. 14, 2010..Yes.. Valentines day
All I can say is that I pray I never feel that kind of pain again
I am healing...I am living and I am being the woman he knew
and loved....~smile~.... Thank You LORD

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As I sat here longing to be loved and wanted I dreamed of the day I would meet you The one who would complete me and make me whole. I would look at the skys and ask the Lord to bless me with that person. With the half that had been missing from me for so long. I would search for answers in the sky for a sign from the heavens. One evening there it was. A wonderful ribbon in the sky and I knew you just had to be on your way to me. There had to be a love stronger than life itself at the other end of that ribbon. A ribbon made of clouds and stars and the light of day and night all in one. Never had I seen such beauty. As my heart reached out to pull that ribbon towards me ..There you were. With a smile brighter than the sun and eyes bluer than any sky. The stars of love were in your eyes. Then I blinked and all I saw was a ribbon in the sky... for our love

These words were written to my late husband Paul from me. They appear on one of my web pages dedicated to him. Please feel free to go and take a look . The page will be made public soon. ~smiles~
By the way the photo belongs to my son. It was taken by him from his 14th floor apartment. I edited it for this site

MM_MIDNITE RIBBON IN THE SKY

http://www.angelfire.com/nj2/always/ribbon.html

"PLEASE CLICK HERE TO VIEW
RIBOON IN THE SKY"

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MY LOVE,

Lying here in your loving arms kissing you
As we look into each others eyes and smile
Brushing the hair from your handsome  face 
Feeling our breathing slow and our flesh cool
After loving each other so lovingly, so completely
I see how much you love and cherish me my love 
Feeling safe wrapped in the warmth of your arms  
I think  back to when I felt  so alone and forgotten
All of my life I had waited for the perfect forever love
One that would be my match to fit  my lonely heart
The soul mate that I had dreamed and longed for
I had given up on ever finding that with anyone
Since  my dark world had been so cruel to me
I never knew if I would see even a glimmer of love
I felt the  doors had closed on me and I was doomed
Doomed to be lonely..my destiny would be to be alone
Then one day I saw your warm light in the shadows
There you were, My light in the darkness shining bright
I knew  then you had been with  me for many years
I had heard the  whisper of your voice in the winds
I had felt  your soft warm touch many times before
I had felt your loving caress from the heavens above
I felt your sweet passionate kisses stir my dreams
Now  here you were with open arms to welcome me home
To love me with a love pure and unselfish like no other
All I could  do was cry tears of joy and happiness
I gasped as I felt you wrap  yourself around me
Placing me on a safe soft cloud like an angel from above
My angel ..my love...my life .. that's what you are  to me
Without you I would never be able to go on another moment
With you life is  an endless  glorious sunshine filled day
No darkness, no cold, just warm pure eternal love from you
Your what I had always  dreamed of .. all I want and  need
Sweetheart  you have my soul .. my love .. my life
You will have my heart until the  end of time 
You and you alone are my heart and soul...my all
For as long as I am blessed by God above
You will  always be ..."My Love .. My Valentine"
"To Live without you .. would be  to not live at all"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

{I wrote this in January 2001 for a website  I was creating then for Valentines day. The words came from my heart . A very lonely heart, one that felt forgotten and alone. I had been divorced and stayed alone for over 20 years. I thought that the man of my dreams did not exist.  Little did I know that I would meet the man I was writing about a few months later.  Online of all places.  We met in person after chatting online for a while. After that we never parted. He was my life and my joy.  But the lord called him home and now I am without him again. The thing is that  the lord called him to heaven on  "Valentines day" 2010.....Just goes to prove that the Lord is in control "Always" }

If your interested in seeing the  webpage where this is written  this is the link for it..:          

http://www.angelfire.com/nj2/holiday/MLMV.html            

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