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THERE IS A NEW STUDY OUT ABOUT WOMEN AND HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THEIR
ASSES!

THE RESULTS ARE PRETTY INTERESTING:

A. 85% OF WOMEN THINK THEIR ASS IS TOO FAT

B. 10% OF WOMEN THINK THEIR ASS IS TOO SKINNY .

C. THE OTHER 5% SAY THEY DON'T CARE, THEY LOVE HIM, HE'S A GOOD MAN AND THEY WOULD HAVE MARRIED HIM ANYWAY

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the petrol pumps, and one of them said to it, "Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the petrol pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Earthling, how dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you mustn't anger him!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But how did you know he was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during all my travels through the galaxy, it's that if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick into his own ear, don't mess with him!"

A couple had been married 15 years.

One afternoon they were working in the garden together.

As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."

The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.

"Yep", he said, "Just as I thought; just about the same size."

The wife got very angry and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.

That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?"

The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

She replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"

A woman frying two eggs for breakfast...
suddenly her husband gets in the kitchen shouting...


beware... BEWARE!!! put a little more oil. MY GOD !!! you're cooking too much eggs at the same time !!! TOO MUCH !!! turn them !!!

TURN THEM NOW !!! we need more oil. MY GOD !!! WHERE are we gonna get MORE OIL ??? They're gonna STICK !!! beware ... BEWARE !!!
I said BEWARE !!! you ALWAYS ignore me when cooking !!! ALWAYS !!!
BEWARE !!!
turn them !!! COME ON!!! are you CRAZY ??? have you lost your temper ???
Don't forget the salt. You know you always forget the salt. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT !!! THE SALT !!!

The woman looking him astonished: WTF? you think I cannot fry two eggs?

Her husband smiles and answers calmly:
- Now you know how I feel when driving you somewhere

A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past
and looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

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