Yesterday I was at my
local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog Chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff,
the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I
had a dog. 

What did she think I
had an elephant?  So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told
her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.  I added
that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but
that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was
essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants
pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel
hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to
try it gain.  (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if
I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.  I told her no, I
stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us
both.

I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.  Wal-Mart
won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you
ask retired people.  They have all the time in the world to think of crazy
things to say, and we're working on new ones everyday!!