HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY
OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE, AND I WAS SITTING IN
THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE
BEEN MY CLASSMATE..
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL ..
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU
TEACH???'
Subject: Dogs on airplanes
A man gets into his seat on an airline, which is about
to take off, when another man with a Labrador
Retriever occupies the two empty seats beside him. The
Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is
looking quizzically at the dog when the second man
explains that they work for the airline.
The airline rep says, "Don't mind Sniffer. He's a
sniffing dog, the best there is. I'll show you once
we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler
says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the
dog, "Sniffer, search."
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits
next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to
its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm.
He says, "Good boy."
The airline rep turns to the first man and says,"That
woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a
note of this and her seat number for the police who
will apprehend her upon arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again, he sends Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few
seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on
the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is
carrying cocaine, so, again, I'm making a note of this
and the seat number."
"I like it!" says the first man.
A third time, the rep sends Sniffer to search the
aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and, after
a while, sits down next to someone. He then comes
racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and poops all
over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior
from a supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks,
"What's going on?"
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"
