COME GATHER AND LISTEN TO A SORROWFUL TALE ABOUT A FARM THAT'S IN SHAMBLES WHERE THE WEEDS DO PREVAIL THE PLOW HORSE IS LAME AND THE LIVESTOCK ALL STARVE THEY'RE ALL WALKING BACKWARDS THEY'LL NEVER GET FAR
THE SUN IS STILL SHINING AND THE RAINS STILL COMES DOWN BUT IT SOAKS AND IT CHOKES AND NO FOOD CAN BE FOUND THE SCARECROW WOULD WEEP BUT THE BIRDS TOOK HIS EYES HE CAN'T SEE A THING AND THE WELL HAS RUN DRY
THE DOCTORS CAN'T FIX IT WITH THEIR BAG OF TRICKS EVERYTHINGS DYING AND LAYING DOWN SICK
THE DINNER BELL'S QUIET NOTHING LEFT BUT FOUL STEW BUT THE CHURCH BELL IS RINGING OH WHAT WILL THEY DO AND A DIRGE IS NOW PLAYING LET THE FUNERAL BEGIN AND ALL BOW THE HEADS THANK THE WAGES OF SIN
ACROSS THE WIDE MOUNTAIN THERE GROWS GRASS SO GREEN THE PRETTIEST THING THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN THE SHEEP ARE ALL FAT AND THE COWS GIVE THEIR MILK EVERYONES WELL DRESSED ALL WEARING SILK
THERE'S HEDGE ROWS OF FLOWERS THAT SPARKLE WITH DEW EVERYWHERE THAT YOU LOOK YOU'LL SEE SOMETHING NEW
THE CARETAKER'S TAKING GOOD CARE OF IT ALL HE TAKES OUT THE WEEDS SO THE SEEDS GROW UP TALL HE LEAVES THE GATE OPEN BOTH NIGHT AND DAY THE ROAD'S FILLED WITH MARKERS AND SIGNS POINT THE WAY
ANY AND ALL THAT FIND THEIR WAY THERE FIND MUSIC AND LAUGHTER AND BIRDS FILL THE AIR
PILGRIMS AND TRAVELERS ON THE HIGHWAY SOME FINDING REFUGE SOME LOSE THEIR WAY SOME WANDER INTO THE DARKEST OF WOODS OTHERS SEEK SUNLIGHT AND LEAD THOSE THEY COULD UP ON A PEAK OF A MOUNTAIN SO HIGH THEY HEAR WORDS THAT SPEAK HOW THE TRUTH CANNOT LIE THE CHOICE IS THEN GIVEN WHICH WAY TO GO TO THE FARM THAT'S IN SHAMBLES OR WHERE THE GREEN PASTURES GROW
He was blogging his ass off He was blog happy Blogging everyday Blog blog blog all the time
Sounds like something a caveman would say Blog Thats what he was A high tech caveman
No shoes long hair and beard Severe overbite wearing animal skins Sitting at the keyboard night and day Blogging away
Freaked his girlfriend out She couldnt pry him away from the computer And what was Blog blogging about ? nothing ! absolutely nothing
Just typing over and over and over again and again All work and no play makes Blog a dull Blog The only time he would take a break was to reach into a bucket and grab a fresh gecko to munch on Blog was serious about his blogging You could talk to him and he wouldnt listen If he responded at all he would just grunt out "Blog" You go for it Blog You the man
A recently discovered comet will become one of the brightest lights in the sky late next year, outshining all of the stars in the night sky and even our own moon. Astronomers are predicting that it will be one of the most spectacular comet sightings in history, so for those of us who enjoy gazing up at the stars, we’re in for a real treat indeed!
The comet is already significantly bright, visible to telescopes near the constellation Cancer. In late 2013 and early 2014, however, it will be closer to the Earth and therefore much more prominent. What gives the comet its shine? As the comet moves closer to the sun, gas and dust are blasted off the center core of ice and rocks. A tail made up of this gas and dust is formed behind it, giving it the image we are familiar with when thinking of comets. This tail is very reflective, largely because much of the material blasted off the comet into the tale is icy, and it is this which will make the comet so bright.
This comet, 2012s1, was discovered late last week by Russian astronomers and confirmed by an international astronomical union on Monday. Though little is known about it right now, it appears to to be fairly large, possible around two miles wide. Astronomer’s still aren’t sure where the comet came from, though they have suggested that it may have escaped the Oort Cloud, a massive cloud of asteroids and icy bodies which surrounds our outer solar system. There is excitement amongst astronomers because, if this is the case, the comet will present an excellent opportunity to study these bodies that are usually far outside our reach. The comet will pass very close to Mars, and there is a possible opportunity for the latest Mars rover, Curiosity, to observe it.
Right now the comet is 615 million miles out from the Earth, between the orbits of Saturn and Jupiter. At its closest point, the comet will come to within 1.2 million miles of the sun, where the intense heat and gravity could cause it to break apart. Before this happens, when it is closer to the Earth, we’re in for a real exciting show. Astronomers are already calling this one of the most promising comet sightings of history, and they say that it seems to be following the same path as the ‘Great Comet of 1680′, which is now considered the most extraordinary event of this kind experienced.
Late 2013 and early 2014 we’re in for a real treat. Get excited for this one!
MISTER FUKKLEFARDFACEFATFINGER ALWAYS FELT LEFT OUT OF THE FESTIVITIES OH SURE HE COULD ALWAYS FIND SOME THROWN AWAY HALLMARK CARDS IN THE TRASH WITH SOMEBODIES GUM ON IT HE COULD STICK TO HIS CUBICLE WALL
AND THEY WOULD PUT FRUITCAKES ON HIS DESK WITH HIS PICTURE STAPLED TO IT BUT WHEN HE PASSED PEOPLE IN THE HALL THEY WOULD ALWAYS STARE AND POINT AS IF HE HAD BLOODY DROOL SOPPING OUT THE CORNERS OF HIS GROTESQUE QUASIMODO MOUTH
BUT THINGS SEEMED TO CHANGE A LITTLE WHEN HE BROUGHT HIS PET TURTLE “NERTZ†TO WORK AND HAD THEM PET IT
SOON HE GOT THE BRIGHT IDEA TO PUT IT IN HIS BATMAN UNDERWEAR WHICH DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL
HE GOT A FEW TAKERS OF COURSE BUT MOST POLITELY DECLINED WITH A HARRUMPH AND THE FINGER
THE NEW KID IN THE MAILROOM WAS BEING A PEST EVER SINCE HE GAVE HIM HIS OLD SOCKS AND A HALF A BOLOGNA AND BREAD SANDWICH AT THE CIRCLE K BARN DANCE
IT WAS ALWAYS “HEY MISTER FUKKLEFARDFACEFATFINGER†THIS OR “HEY MISTER FUKKLEFARDFACEFATFINGER' THAT SOMETIMES HE COULDN'T EVEN GET HIS WORK DONE WITH HAVING TO TELL THE KID HIS LIFE STORY AND WHEN HE RAN OUT OF THE COOL STUFF TO SAY HE WOULD START IN ON HIS FAMILY LIKE HIS DAD “BOILS†OR HIS MOM “SCABBYâ€
DANG IT ALL IF HE DIDN'T LIKE TO GROWL AT THE DOGS IN HIS NEIGHBORHOOD
HIS LANDLADY MISS WRINKLES LIKED WHEN HE SCARED AWAY THE MUTTS BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS BARKING AT HER PUSSY SHE FELT SORRY FOR THE THREE LEGGED DOG THOUGH AND ONLY TRIPPED HIM ONCE
TOP O' THE MORNING TO YA MISTER FUKKLEFARDFACEFATFINGER SHE WOULD ALWAYS SHRIEK AT HIM TO WHICH HE WOULD SHRUG HIS SHOULDERS AND SKIP TO THE BUS STOP AS HE GROWLED AT DOGS AND THOUGHT OF STUFF TO TALK ABOUT AT WORK AND WONDERED WHY A 43 YEAR OLD MAN HAD SUCH EXTREME ACNE ON HIS SCROTUM
I GUESS IF YOU WERE TO ASK MISTER FUKKLEFARDFACEFATFINGER IF HE WAS A HAPPY MAN HE WOULD JUST WHISPER TO HIMSELF AND WALK AWAY
I AM SO SO SORRY I WASN'T ABLE TO SEND OUT ANY COMMENTS YESTERDAY I KNOW HOW EVERYBODY DEPENDS ON THEM
BUT I WAS UNAVOIDABLY DETAINED AND PREOCCUPIED YOU SEE.MY DOG WITH A SEVERE CASE OF WORMS AND WOULDN'T STOP DRAGGING HIS BUTT ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM RUG SO AFTER I BEAT HIM SENSELESS WITH A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER AND LOCKED HIM IN THE CHEMICAL CLOSET AND PLUGGED MY EARS SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO HEAR HIM YELP ALL NIGHT I WENT TO THE STORE TO RENT ONE OF THOSE SHAMPOOERS OF COURSE WHEN I GOT HOME DON'T YOU KNOW THE MUTT WENT AND DIED ON ME SO NOW I WILL HAVE TO GET A SHOVEL NEXT WEEK AND WAIT TILL THE NEIGHBOR IS OUT SO I CAN BURY HIM IN HIS BACKYARD IF I DON'T FORGET BECAUSE I FORGET ALL THE TIME CRAP LIKE THAT
IN FACT I JUST REMEMBERED I NEVER HAD A DOG THE ONLY HOUSE PET I EVER HAD WAS A GOLD FISH THAT GOT TOO BIG FOR THE TANK SO I MADE A SANDWICH OUT OF HIM WASN'T BAD REALLY,TASTED LIKE CHICKEN I WONDER WHAT DOG WOULD TASTED LIKE? I WONDER IF I CAN GET MY MONEY BACK ON THE SHAMPOOER? HAVE A GREAT DAY AND AWESOME NIGHT,DONT LET THE BEDBUGS BITE UNLESS YOU ARE INTO THAT KIND OF THING
The lecture hall was filled and professor Schmitzky was about to take to the stage
As the leading expert in his field everyone was curious if he would go against traditional thinking and bring up new evidence and possibly create division among his colleges Even the president was waiting online to find out before he made any new decisions But the professor fooled everyone All he did was wave his arms and cluck like a chicken for 30 solid minutes while amazement filled the room The shear brilliance of his exhibition drove the lecture hall wild Even those that kicked off their shoes and chewed their toenails in protest could not deny his genius To conclude the lecture he slowly mooned the crowd and hopped off the stage on one foot He received a standing ovation Bravo
QUIET BREEZE ;;;;;;;;;;;; THE WHISPER OF A QUIET BREEZE SLOWLY ENTERS THROUGH MY BEDROOM WINDOW AS IMAGES OF YOU SLOWLY ENTER MY MIND THE PEACE OF SILENCE PROMOTES YOUR PRESENCE I FEEL YOUR ARMS ENCIRCLING ME FROM BEHIND THE TOUCH OF YOUR FINGERS EXCITE MY SKIN I STAND MOTIONLESS NOT WANTING THE MOMENT TO LEAVE YOU ARE HERE WITH ME THOUGH I DO NOT SEE YOU YOUR SCENT FLOODS MY SENSES AND FOGS MY BRAIN WE ARE NAKED TO EACH OTHER BODY AND SOUL NOT HIDING ANYTHING OPEN AS A MORNING ROSE WET WITH THE DEW OF DAWN THE WARMTH OF YOUR KISS ON MY NECK PERMEATES MY WHOLE BEING YOU ARE HERE THOUGH I DO NOT SEE YOU A MISTY VAPOUR OF CLOUDS AND RAIN THE WHISPER OF A QUIET BREEZE SLOWLY ENTERS THROUGH MY BEDROOM WINDOW AND IMAGES OF YOU SLOWLY VANISH BUT I'LL DREAM OF YOU AGAIN
DAVID BERGMAN
:::::::::::::::::
ONCE AND FOR ALL
IF I LOVED YOU ONCE THAT PLACE IN MY HEART WILL FOREVER BE THERE
IF I LOVED YOU AT ALL ITS FRAGRANCE WOULD NEVER LOSE ITS SCENT
IF I LOVED YOU IN TRUTH I KNOW TO ME YOU DID SHARE
IF I LOVED YOU IN TIME THEY WERE MOMENTS NO BETTER SPENT
Due to technical difficulties the radio presenter wasn't able to conclude the broadcast but is feeling much better now that the Ex Lax has begun working and should be able to resume his normal doodies tomorrow
Its A Classic
The following is an excerpt of a PBS classical radio announcement
Good morning this is Nigel Woodson on this mornings edition of classical showcase This morning we will be featuring a Romanesque Baroque composition by Heinrich Von Schlershheim the german composer of the arm band school of music who first performed this violin and cello piece for the archduke Ludwig Putzergruber in 1632 at the Weimer castle for a birthday celebration for the archdukes niece Frau Koppherdyken
It will be presented today by Barney McGoo on banjo and accompanied by his brother-in-law Cletus Aintry on jews harp and will be followed by the sounds of fat people belching the tune of the William Tell Overture after a greasy and undercooked polish dinner copies are available on tape cassette or compact disc by writing to Shizzle my Pizzle Music Studios 1313 Mockingbird lane London England... Please enclose 12 euro dollars or a phony credit card number....for shipping and handling Now lets enjoy this 3 hour composition in B flat major seven to the 16th power square root divided by pi while I slowly thumb through a copy of Stank Bottom
