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"Bud the Cowboy"A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.â€
“Now give me back my dog.â€
AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
Tags: humor
Tags: Info
When it’s time to "spring forward" and change the clocks on Sunday, March 10, make sure to change the batteries in all of your smoke alarms. If batteries were recently changed, it's still very important to conduct your monthly test of your smoke alarms. It could save a life! Did you know that having a working smoke alarm reduces a person's chance of dying in a fire by half? For the best protection, install smoke alarms on every level of your home, outside every sleeping area, and in every bedroom. Smoke alarms should be mounted high on walls or ceilings and tested monthly. It's important to replace smoke alarm batteries at least once a year, unless they're 10-year lithium batteries. Even if your smoke alarms are hardwired, replace the batteries in case of a chirping sound or a power outage. Reminder: Smoke alarms do not last forever. The maximum life span is 8-10 years. After that time, the entire unit should be replaced. If the unit does not respond properly when tested, it should be replaced immediately.
Tags: Time Change
"WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS"
This one is priceless....A lesson to be learned from
Typing the wrong email address!!!!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans
Canada about 2 miles West of Winnipeg.
When the Mountie asked the driver why he
was speeding, the driver answered that he
was a magician and a juggler and he was
on his way to Brandon to do a show that
night at the Shrine Circus and didn't
want to be late.
The Mountie told the driver he was just
fascinated by juggling, and if the driver
would do a little juggling for him then he
wouldn't give him a speeding ticket.
The driver told the Mountie that he had sent
all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle.
The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Mountie
got three flares, lit them and handed them to the
juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car
pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Alberta got out and watched the performance briefly.
He then went over to the patrol car, pulled opened
the rear door and then got in.
The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk then replied to the Mountie ...
You might as well take me to jail ... "Cause there's no darn way I can pass that test!â€
Looks like Florida has a sheriff like Arizona has Polk County Florida Sheriff – “You kill a policeman it means no arrest…no Miranda rights…no negotiations…nothing but as many bullets as we can shoot into you…PERIOD.†POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF, GRADY JUDD An illegal alien, in Polk County , Florida , who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop, ended up “executing†the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A state-wide manhunt ensued. The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area. As soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times. Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to shoot the poor, undocumented immigrant 68 times. Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: “Because that’s all the ammunition we had.†Now, is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what! The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural causes. When asked by a reporter how that could be, since there were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied: (BEST QUOTE ever) . . ..â€When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die.â€
I’m certainly pleased the President and Holder are so intelligent.
Teacher Arrested: Public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS
 ON "MY BOOMER PLACE"!
"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"
~TO MY FRIENDS ~
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