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Sing a song soft and sweet. Keep the beat real slow. Make the lyrics remind me of you.
Make the words rythme, make it a sad song I need a good cry.
Put in the line where you said you'd always be mine and too don't forget it ain't over yet.
Put int he part where you said I broke your heart.

Everyone loves sad songs I love them too they remind everyone of someone mine remind me of you. So, sing to me a sad song with a tear in your eye, let me see the world your way since you couldn't see it mine. Set in the harmony then I'll sit by your side to join with you for a line or two.
I'll sing for you my part except for the part where you broke my heart.

When the song is done and the tears have all dried I hope to find you there by my side. If there's no harmony in your song then I'll learn to stay strong while you remain forever gone. When I listen to your song with tears in my eyes I remember, everyone loves sad songs, I love them too, they remind everyone of someone mine reminds me of you.

Thoughts for today


Lay me to rest on a soft pillow and a blanket of memories to take with me.

Dress my sleeping body in faded blue jeans and a soft blouse, not because I failed to be rich but because this is what gave me comfort along the way. Remember me not as you last saw me but as you knew me.

Don't feel a need to hug me or speak with me because it is too late, I can no longer enjoy the comfort of your arms.

I can no longer hear what you need to say, for this I have regret fore I so needed you through my life. Time gave what it could, I chose how to use it, who to love and need.

Friends were few because it meant commitment, honesty,loyalty,something I couldn't give to everyone.

Set near me fields of flowers, the smells of Spring, the rebirth of the earth.

In my hand place a lock of hair from the man I loved and from me a lock of hair for him, just a memory of our love.

Release me, but, lay me down gently.



Today is what I will call a *f&^%$* day..... Funny I have now resorted to giving the days of the week a new name when it suits me as it does today.

A couple months ago I was rear ended at maybe 45-50 miles an hour by some stupid bitch who felt the importance of a cell phone or a radio station , take your pick, I personally perfer the cell phone theory. When I am not completly busy I find I think of this event as a bad movie and the crash scene is played and heard over and over...I had such a passion for driving long distances, now I fear all drivers who stop too close to me or those who appear as if they will not stop at all. I want to carry signs to stick out my window at them that says,* BACK YOUR ASS UP* or * I MOVED FORWARD TO GET AWAY FROM YOU, STAY WHERE YOU ARE , DO NOT FOLLOW ME* or maybe * YOU ARE CLOSE ENOUGH TO F%$#, PAY ME OR BACK OFF*
Now that felt good to get that off my chest!

All these years later I still think of you. Somehow tears are released with the thoughts. The mind is a wonderful instrument, it can make us forget the most painful memories. Sometimes allowing us to search data to locate the truth, if we ever find the truth more important. However, I seldom felt the need to do that because, for the most part my mind was numb. The only surface remembrances are smiles, smells and sights and, those still bring a tear.
Time isn't a cure. It's only a mask. We never really forget. We only lock it in a safe place so we , ourselves have no access to the pain on a regular bases.

We may ask one another if we have been forgiven, but I'd need to search the what fors, for loving you? because that's the why or at least the beginning of why. Please don't ever forgive me for falling in love with you. It was the greatest time for feelings in my life.
There's a calm in my world most of the time but I find at times within me an eruption I blame on my losses and memories.
I cannot start in the past, I lived there for many years. The past is a world of memories. Forward to the future.
Skye

There it is ...The magnifying glass brings the details into view from the photograph.
I climb into the photograph of my mother with her sister Jean.
I can hear the laughter that created the smile on the faces in the photograph.
I see her as a teen, laughing and talking with her sister. I feel her youth, the warmth of the sun on her face, the sounds of the traffic. I am there watching her life.

I trip back into the present and find the tear has turned to many tears, realizing how short life has become.
Sometimes I wish I could curl up with my mom and have her hold me, to go places we have not been.
To tell her how much I love her and never want to lose her.
Sometimes, I just hate looking at photographs.

Today we found out my mom has breast cancer. I believe she wanted to keep it a secret to herself. She has eleven children and she told us one by one. I was the second to hear. The shock was amazing to me and I fear how she must feel about this.
If there were to be a funny side to this ( which there is not) it would be , my mom never smoked or drank. She did not swear or run around. She has been a model mother. I realize this happens to millions of people who are like my mom but she is my mom and that becomes shocking to me.
The earth has started its yearly rains to convert to snow. I hate winter as it reminds me of death. The earth freezes, people stay more indoors. Darkness rules more then the light. Winter at times frightens me. To write that statement sounds silly to me but it holds the truth.
I need to check on my mom.
skye

Somewhere in my mind she waits to be born, to laugh, to smile.
Somewhere time exsit just for her. Time to be not only loved but understood.

Somewhere behind the dust and clutter she hides the tears, the hope.

Somewhere she waits in fear of dying before she has the chance to be born.
Skye

Fantasy

whisper my name.
fill my heart with your love.
bring me from this dark.
take me to the level of heaven.
lead me into your tomorrows.
we can dance to the music in my mind.
reality is my dream, each dream holds a fantasy.
fantasy, take me. keep me safe in your arms.
fantasy, you are the music, I am your song.
I dance with your every move to perfection.
when my eyes meet yours I am humble.
the lights go on.
the magic is gone, I am dancing alone,
a tear for what won't be.

In One Tear
In one tear an entire world fell apart.

In one tear a woman lost a man

In one tear a heart broke not able to look back

In one tear my hand reached to find no hand reaching back

In one tear the passion left with no explanation

In one tear you said, f&%# off and I said, never twice
In one tear came a rush of many tears

sending the entire world into the kleenex

which I then sent into the trash.

Tears
A shimmering tear fell down my cheek.

Don't wipe it away,
leave it to soak into my face
so there will always be a trace.
Someday I may look back on it,
open it up to understand the things you said
as you were breaking my heart.

Then maybe, it can cover and heal this wound you placed in my life.

Don't wipe away my tears, I need them.

They are the stitches for this heartbreak of mine.

Tears
A shimmering tear fell down my cheek.Don't wipe it away, leave it to soak into my face so there will always be a trace.Someday I may look back on it,open it up to understand the things you said as you were breaking my heart.Then maybe, it can cover and heal this wound you placed in my life.Don't wipe away my tears, I need them.They are the stitches for this heartbreak of mine.



It has been raining all week....I live for the sounds of rain pounding on the roof of the car or being pushed into the window announcing themselves as I lay falling asleep.
I find a need at those times to drift....I find memories most times and with them at times I find smells, odd as that seems I can almost grasp the smell and acknowledge from where and when it came and then I lose it. I do know for sure it is from my childhood.
I stand very still trying to get back to that time and it fails me each time so far.


My mother who is older then myself(giggles) has gotten "old". I worry more about her. I find myself becoming angry about her growing old. I feel like screaming " I WANT MY MOM BACK"
I know she is there somewhere, why does she hide from me. Then as I drive home from her house I notice I am wiping away tears that had found their way to my cheeks. I did not invite these tears and get pissed at myself for the intrusion.
When I arrive home I found a picture of her with her sister at maybe 16 they are laughing, in my mind I can hear their laughter. I can see the sun shining and feel it's warmth on her face.
I see her beauty and how fast she moves.
I did not find this person in the mother I left today. Again, I find the moisture on my cheek and conclude, sometimes I do not like to look at pictures.

Today I said to my daughter, If dinosaurs were here first and we came later then please explain God to me. What was the point in the dinosaurs and then why us?
I am bored so I will go to bed so I can hear the rain and maybe a train in the distance.