The 'Rules of the South'
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
Going to get dust and bugs on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the
Way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like
Money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west,
I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000
Cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
To your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish &crawfish. You really want sushi &caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless
Of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
You can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
Turkey. (I'll take it if you don't want it.)
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
Vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
Ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call
That stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
Over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute,
Know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
Spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities ,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
Plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when
They come home for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So
Don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump junk ain't
Music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
Your boxers! Refer back to #1!
