Situation:  Guy joins military, gets stationed in a state away from his family, he meets a girl and they get married.  They have usual early marriage issues, guy and wife separate...he dates other girls during the course of their separation, and decides to get back together with wife.  Family is yet to meet wife...

Are they expected to accept her (again) as wife and family, or are they justified in feeling that they don't need to accept her as part of the family because they are yet to meet? 

I sit back and watch all of this unfold and wonder, which side is correct.

My heart goes out for the guy and his wife because they are indeed young and making so many mistakes in their marriage.  But the sister and mom...I wonder what fuels their lack of 'pulling' this girl into their family.

I don't live near my family and when I brought my now husband home to meet them, it never occurred to me that my family wouldn't accept him as part of their lives.  I worried more that he may see them as they truly are, dysfunctional. (And yet when I write this, I am most keenly aware of the fact that most families are)

And I wonder why people have become so cold to the idea of enlarging their family circle by choices of marriage.  When did people become so rightous that they feel that they have a decision in life partners of their family members...or are they right to feel that they are 'protecting their family from themselves'?

And I wonder which side is going to lose the most...

0 comments View Entry

I have stopped and read several blogs, sorry to all of those I have read and have not commented.  It is one of my greatest qualities and greatest flaws, that desire to hold back and discover someone before I open my very BIG personality on them... :-)

I struggle with being a step parent.  I am not even quite sure why.  Mostly I blame my insecurity for it.  I have never been one who could walk into any situation and feel like I can own it.  Every decision I make is followed by 'did I make the right choice?'

It is never more evident than when I am around my step kids...have I mentioned before that I am my husband's third wife?  No, well I am.  It makes it even more trying because first their is his kids' mom...and although the divorce happened before the kids were really old enough to remember it, she is pretty active in their lives (but not always in the way we need her to be, make sense?) Second wife, well the boy (20) and her still spend time together.  She also has a son the same age and the two boys are very close.  I am glad for that.  So in comes wife (me) three. 

The step kids live with us (or rather the boy moved out to live with friends a little over a year ago but the girl still lives with us) and right before we got married, they both made it extremely clear they were not interested in having another step mom.

It was a huge blow to my heart and my ego.  I don't think I have quite recovered from it...three years later.

So now I am stuck in the position of never knowing what to do.  There are times where I think to myself that in order to make this family gel, I have to treat them the same as my own boys and remind them that families no matter what form they come in have to work to make it work. 

Then there are times like right now, where I just don't want to.  No matter how hard I try, I will always be my husband's wife and not much more.  I get tired of trying to help them find jobs, and do their laundry, and attend cheerleading meetings (because someone has to do it, the mom doesn't and my husband would just as soon shoot himself in the eye) and drive for tumbling classes...and get the cold shoulder in return. 

Or even worse, them run to their mom when I don't do exactly what they want.  

And it all goes back to my issues of insecurities...because I am still insure my role in this family...

1 comments View Entry

Ok, it has been more than just a few days since I stopped by.  Well, I could make excuses galore, but the bottom line is that I to reprogram myself to blog.  And take the time to read others' blogs. 

So before the season is over, let's talk football! 

I didn't always love football.  Growing up in NE, you are surrounded by it, but I never really cared.  I didn't even care enough to learn the game. 

That changed in 1997 when my ex and I moved to MI.  For all of you that are familiar, it is the year that NU and MI shared the National Championship.  And after hearing all of the MI people trash my favorite place in the whole world, I started to care.  ALOT.

So 13 years later, I am a football fan, specifically a Nebraska fan.  Living in Oklahoma...(well that doesn't really have to do with living in Oklahoma, but if you are a football fan, you would know why I feel the need to add that comment)

So in 2011, we are headed to the Big 10.  There is alot of stuff that most people don't know/understand about the reason the Huskers are leaving.  So let me lay it out on the line for you.

1.  University of Iowa and University of Nebraska are both working on a cure for AIDS.  By joining the conference, this allows both schools to work on this together, pool their information and resources.  This could possibly be huge for both schools.

2.  As far as weather is concerned Nebraska is more in line with the northern states than we do with our southern counterpoints.  Which does make a difference whether people realize it or not.

3. Nebraska has tried a couple of times over the last century to join the Big 10, it's kind of a life long dream if you will

4.  Let's be honest, since TX joined the Big 8 and made it the Big 12, our conference isn't the same anymore.  The TX schools and UT in particular has started making all of the decisions for the entire conference.  And you can believe that it didn't sit well with the U of N.  UT's true colors has slowly been coming out.  First they were in talks with both the Big 10 and the Pac 10 all of the while telling the Big 12 that they were in it for the long haul.  NU didn't trust them and was worried that UT would bail at the last minute.  Then UT shocked the conference by admitting (UN was out by this time) that they are talking about making a Longhorns Network.  Not for the Big 12, not to benefit the Big 12, because UT feels that people want to see them play, not the Big 12...talk about some egos.  And lastly, and probably most importantly of all, money.  Big 12 proceeds are NOT divided equally among the schools.  It is most prominate in the Big 12 than any other conference.  UT would of course be #1.  And don't get me wrong they are indeed a big school in the conference, but UN and OU has been strong players as well.  UT wouldn't get credit for being a tough school if they didn't have to play schools in conference that are tough, especially OU and UN.

Whew...

And yes, UN did feel like the Big 12 screwed us on the 1 second.  I have never seen (and I hope I never do again in any conference) see refs put one second back on the clock to give another team the chance to set up for a field goal. 

And yes, I am not convinced that the Big 12 isn't trying to screw us this year.  Some of the penalties called against NU has been embarrassingly incorrect.  Or a flag thrown one way or not the other.  Prime example of that would be in last week's game against A&M.  I am not saying that the NU player didn't deserve the 15 yards for kicking the A&M player, and I am not saying that he didn't deserve the flag for taking off his helmet.  I am saying that the A&M player should have also been been flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.  I am not naive enough to believe that our player didn't plead his case and say come on he was grabbing my junk.  It is only emphisized by the fact that it was caught on national tv. 

Ironically enough, since we are talking my conspiracy theory, the same three games that we have complained about being over penalized also carried the exact same refs.  I have a hard time understanding how that could be just a coincidence.  Sorry, highly unlikely.

In this weekend's Exit Bowl ( sorry too funny, CU vs NU) we will find out just how bad the Big 12 wants to keep NU from taking home the final Big 12 Trophy before heading to the Big 10.

Ok...long enough...lol

0 comments View Entry

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  I have enjoyed getting together with my family, enjoy a good meal and lots of laughs and go home (or send them home) content with the day.  It is alot like the joys of Christmas without the expense and pressure of Christmas.  If it weren't for the four kids, I would just as soon skip Christmas and all of the presents too.  But Thanksgiving, it is special...

In years past my Thanksgiving was a very decisive day.  Wake up, bake pies, start the turkey then while it was cooking I would get out the Christmas tree and decorate the house while listening to the Christmas CD I remember the most from my childhood.  John Denver and the muppets...listening to Silent Night in German still gives me the chills in a great way.  By the time all of the decorating was complete, it was time to finish my meal, serve, and send everyone on there way while I stretched out on the couch and did pretty much nothing for the rest of the evening.

Since I have married my husband, oh my oh my how my holiday has changed.  He is an avid deer hunter and rifle season and it of course runs during the Thanksgiving holiday.  So rather than fight the schedule of my husband's favorite past time, I would pack up my boys and high tail it (pun intended) to see my family a couple of hundred miles away. 

I enjoy spending my Thanksgiving with my family, however the girls all like to get up early for Black Friday...and that is just not my idea of fun.  I love to shop, but to get up at 4am to do it and fight a bunch of other coffee deprived people is more work than it is worth!

So this year I am going to buck up (again a not so funny pun intended) and start a new tradition and see if it fits our family.  This year I am once again going to get up and start my pies, then I am going to make a nice brunch for my hunter and the rest of my family, then we will eat my yummy turkey and all of the trimmings late, after dark.  I will save my John Denver CD and Christmas decorating until Black Friday after a sufficient amount of caffiene is absorbed into my system.  And I will NOT be waking up at 4am to fight the crazies out there.

Anyone have any special traditions that I may resort to if this doesn't work?

0 comments View Entry

I set up this account just for blogging.  I blogged quite a bit on myspace and although I don't miss the dramatic turn myspace blogging has made, I miss blogging.  So just a little of what you can expect from me...

I am married (second marriage) and I have two young boys from my first marriage and two step kids from my current marriage.  You will probably see me vent quite abit about my challenges as a mother, step mother and third wife to my husband. 

Yes, I am opinionated, you will see some of my opinions on here...I am always open to opposition as long as it doesn't become hateful.  I will respect your opinion as well.  I am a believer of differences of opinions don't have to make or break friendships.

I LOVE football, I will probably talk about it once in awhile, more often during the actual football season.  No I am no expert...then again no one is LOL

Ummm...that's it for today...I can't wait to meet people on here and see what they think and hear what they say about what I think.

3 comments View Entry