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The Farallon Islands are a small group of islands off the coast of San Francisco, some 27 miles outside the Golden Gate. These islands are officially part of the city and county of San Francisco, California. From 1946 to 1970, the United States routinely dumped 55-gallon drums of nuclear waste (plutonium, uranium, strontium) off the Farallon Islands on a regular basis. The drums that failed to sink, which had no protective linings to prevent seepage, were riddled with bullet holes by U.S. Navy gunners until they sank out of sight. In all, 47,500 drums containing radioactive material were dumped into the waters off Farallon Islands. You don't have to be a hard-core Tree Hugger to realize that dumping nuclear waste into the ocean is incredibly irresponsible and highly dangerous to the survival of Planet Earth and the Human Race. Other nations dumping nuclear waste into oceanic waters include China, Russia, Japan, New Zealand and nearly all the nations of Europe. Which begs the question -- "Is the entire human race nuts?" In March of 2011, an earthquake and tsunami ripped through northern Japan rendering several nuclear power plants into a state of dire emergency (nuclear meltdown). Radioactivity is deadly to living creatures, including people. As I write this piece, nuclear scientists are scrambling feverishly, trying to prevent a nuclear disaster of monumental proportions. Thousands of people died in the initial magnitude-9 earthquake and tsunami, and the area near the damaged nuclear power plants has been evacuated for scores of miles in all directions from the power plants. A tragedy like this doesn't build character, it reveals it. On March 17, 2011, CNN announced that actress Sandra Bullock donated $1 million to the Red Cross toward relief efforts of this disaster in Japan. Perhaps there is hope for the human race after all. There are no passengers on the Planet of Wounded Souls -- we are all crew. ___________ Quote for the Day -- "Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think we are -- the tree is the real thing." Abraham Lincoln ___________ Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where Mother Earth will mess with you if you mess with her. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
Time is a wonderful invention. It keeps everything from happening all at once. This weekend, March 12-13, 2011, is Daylight Savings Time once again. Spring forward, fall back, and do a cartwheel on your front lawn. As per our obligation as followers of leaders, it is our responsibility to adjust our clocks, watches and sundials by an hour to remain in sync with the rest of the world. It all started in 1784, when Benjamin Franklin wrote a whimsical essay titled "Turkey versus Eagle, McCauley is my Beagle" in which he advocated what is today referred to as Daylight Saving Time. Over the ensuing years, the notion of saving daylight slowly began to catch on with those who would apparently score low on a whimsy-o-meter. Germany and England first adopted Daylight Saving Time in the spring of 1916, during World War I. In March of 1918, the U.S. Congress established times zones, which had been used by the railroads and most cities since 1883, and included a conversion to Daylight Saving Time for the remainder of World War I. DST proved to be very unpopular in the USA and was repealed in 1919. President Woodrow Wilson vetoed the legislation but Congress overrode the veto. Thus, America returned to normal after the war to end all wars. In February of 1942, DST was once again reinstated in the USA. Apparently, it's easier to fight world wars if you adjust the time pieces to save daylight. That way, you have an extra hour each day to fight and the enemy can't sneak away in the dark quite as easily. In September of 1945, the "war time" requirement was removed. From 1945 to 1966, the U.S. Congress had better things to do than mess with time. States and localities were free to observe or not to observe DST. But in April of 1966, the Federal Uniform Time Act mandated DST nationwide. However, individual states could become exempt from DST by passing a state law. Then in 1972, the Act was amended to permit states that straddle time zones (such as Indiana) to exempt areas within zones. The primary benefit of advancing clocks by an hour in the spring and reversing them in the fall is to give people more afternoon sun during the summer. However, an extra hour of daylight in the afternoon costs an hour of daylight in the morning. While a time change may benefit some, it can be inconvenient or a burden to others. 1) Sleep patterns are interrupted which generally take up to five days after each time shift to overcome 2) Personal health and work-related productivity suffer with changing sleep patterns 3) Those who must rise with the sun (agriculture) are out of sync with the societal time schedules 4) Studies show that traffic accidents increase significantly during periods following the time shifts 5) Computers must all change their internal clocks in accordance with human time 6) More afternoon sunlight actually increases energy consumption 7) Time shifts cause much confusion with international business 8) All Amtrak trains must stop for an hour in the fall to remain in sync with published timetables 9) In the spring, Amtrak trains become an hour behind schedule and must do their best to catch up The state of Arizona does not observe Daylight Saving Time. I lived there in 1987-92 and life was much simpler sticking to a consistent time. I never understood why the rest of the country was so unenlightened. Saving daylight is a lot like saving a jar of air. Basically, it's an exercise in stupidity resulting in an empty jar. By the way, the U.S. Congress, in its infinite wisdom, has given us even more daylight to be saved. Starting in 2007, Daylight Saving Time was extended another four or five weeks in the USA (except Arizona, Hawaii and parts of Indiana), from the second Sunday of March to the first Sunday of November. Note to Congress: Daylight Saving Time really doesn't save any daylight -- it only causes irritation, much like most everything else you do. If DST is such a great idea, why not do it all year around and avoid the grief? When confronted with rules made by nitwits, one course of action is to become a nitwit. When the times change in the spring, show up at work an hour late, complaining you didn't realize the change had occurred. In the fall, show up two hours late during the time change, explaining you were confused. It works either way. Time is precious. Don't give it away so freely. The only freedom you have in this dimension is the time that belongs to you. ___________ Quote for the Day – "Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." John Lennon ___________ Bret Burquest is a former award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where the future arrives one day at a time, unless you sleep really late. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
Time seems to be accelerating, advancing humanity at an exponential rate. A hundred years ago, 1911, in the USA the average annual income was $520, which was adequate since a pound of butter was 34 cents, a half gallon of milk was 17 cents, a pound of round steak was 18 cents, a pound of potatoes was 22 cents and a brand new car was $750. The following events took place in 1911: Jan 10 -- The first bombs ever dropped from airplanes took place when U.S. Army aviators were used to preserve the neutrality of the Rio Grande during the Mexican Revolution Jan 27 -- Fingerprints were accepted as evidence for the first time in a U.S. courtroom Feb 8 -- The USA helped to overthrow the president of Honduras Feb 22 -- The Canadian Parliament voted to preserve the union with the British Empire Mar 7 -- The USA sent 20,000 troops to the Mexican border during the Mexican Revolution Mar 11 -- General Motors Cadillac Division presented the first electric self-starter Mar 30 -- The Yangtze River in China overflowed killing 100,000 people Apr 14 -- The Mona Lisa painting was stolen from the Louvre in Paris May 8 -- England and China signed a treaty making opium the leading trading commodity May 15 -- The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the break-up of the Standard Oil Company owned by John D. Rockefeller, in violation of anti-trust laws, forming 34 new companies, including Exxon, Mobil, Chevron, Arco, Conoco May 16 -- The remains of a Neanderthal man were discovered in New Jersey May 30 -- The first long-distance auto race in Indianapolis -- average speed was 74.4 mph and one driver was killed. Jun 6 -- The U.S. Navy acquired its first airplane Jun 22 -- The first white line down the center of a roadway was created in Michigan Jul 15 -- Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud visited New York City prior to their lectures at Clark University Jul 23 -- A volcano in the Philippines killed 1,335 people Aug 15 -- Proctor & Gamble introduced Crisco shortening Aug 22 -- President William Taft vetoed a joint resolution granting statehood to Arizona because the state constitution authorized the recall of judges -- the offending clause was removed, Arizona was admitted to statehood and soon thereafter the offending clause was restored into the state constitution Sep 17 -- Calbraith Rodgers attempted to fly an aircraft across the continental United States (4,321 miles) from New York to California within 30 days to collect a $50,000 prize -- it took 84 days, involving 70 crash landings Sep 25 -- Italy declared war on Turkey Sep 27 -- Henry Ford reduced the retail price of the Model T to $690 Oct 4 -- The first public elevator began operation in London, England Oct 10 -- A bomb explosion in China triggered a revolution whereby the Manchu Dynasty was overthrown Oct 11 -- The Philadelphia Athletics won the Baseball World Series over the New York Giants Oct 16 -- Goodyear began flying blimps Nov 10 -- President Taft ended a 57-day speaking tour Nov 11 -- California granted women the right to vote, the sixth state in the Union to do so Dec 2 -- Louis Chevrolet established the Chevrolet Motor Company Dec 14 -- Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first person to reach the South Pole Dec 16 -- Chinese men stopped shaving their heads and wearing braids, a style under the order of the emperor since 1644 Dec 31 -- Russia exported 13.7 million tons of grain while 30 million of its peasants suffered from famine Dec 31 -- The most popular song in 1911 was "Oh, you Beautiful Doll" Those born in 1911 -- John Sturges (movie director), Jay Hanna "Dizzy" Dean (baseball player), Ronald Reagan (actor, U.S. President), Merle Oberon (actress), Jean Harlow (actress), L. Ron Hubbard (founder of Scientology), Melvin Calvin (chemist, Nobel Prize 1961), Hubert Humphrey (U.S. Vice President), Maureen O'Sullivan (actress), Vincent Price (actor), Luis W. Alvarez (physicist, Nobel Prize 1968), Albert Hirschfield (illustrator), Robert Johnson (blues musician), George Pompidou (Prime Minister of France), Terry Thomas (actor), Ginger Rogers (actress), Hume Cronyn (actor), Marshall McLuhan (professor, writer), Joseph Vernon "Big Joe" Turner (blues musician), Lucille Ball (actress), Cantinflas (actor), Bill Monroe (father of Bluegrass music), William Golding (novelist, Nobel Prize 1983), Sonny Terry (musician), Will Rogers, Jr. (actor), Mahalia Jackson (gospel singer), Roy Rogers (singing cowboy actor), Chester "Chet" Huntley (broadcast journalist), Joshua "Josh" Gibson (baseball player). Those who control the present control the past, those who control the past control the future -- those in control tend to deviate from the truth to reflect positively in themselves and the actual past becomes a pile of ashes. In two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. ___________ Quote for the Day -- "It ain't bragging if you can do it." Dizzy Dean ___________ Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where time moves at the speed of slow. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
The Top Ten Deadliest Animals on Earth 1) Mosquito – Some mosquitoes carry parasites resulting in the deaths of two million people per year. They may cause malaria, encephalitis, dengue fever, West Nile virus and other diseases. Having type "O" blood makes you more susceptible to being bitten. Being naked in a swamp also makes you more susceptible. 2) Asian Cobra – 50,000 deaths per year are caused by venomous snakebites. While not the most venomous snake on the planet, the Asian cobra tops the list by causing the most deaths. On the positive side, they eat rodents and other reptiles. But they don't make very good pets unless you have lots of tattoos and a nose ring. 3) Australian Box Jellyfish – Also known as the sea wasp, it's about the size of a Buick hubcap and can have as many as 60 tentacles, up to 15 feet long each, with about 5,000 stinging cells per tentacle. It carries enough toxins to kill 60 people. So always go swimming in Australia with more than 60 people to narrow the odds. 4) Great White Shark – It has 3,000 teeth and will bite on anything that moves, especially if it is bleeding. By contrast, my ex-wife has 32 teeth and will eat just about anything that doesn't move and isn't bleeding, especially if it's the most costly thing on the menu, in which case moving and bleeding are optional. 5) African Lion – Fast, quick, powerful, giant fangs and sharp claws. They hunt in groups, with the females doing most of the work, and are not vegetarians. Female human beings often hunt in groups as well, usually seeking clothes, jewelry or men. They too are quick and have sharp claws but very few of them have giant fangs. 6) Australian Saltwater Crocodile – They lurk in the water, motionless, near shore, waiting for a morsel of food to wander by. They'll lunge at the prey, dragging it into the water, twisting as they're moving and drowning their victim. They will then dismember their catch and chow down, or secure it underwater for future dining. Being dismembered as you're drowning or drowning as you're being dismembered – either way, it's a bad hair day. 7) Elephant – A bull elephant can weigh up to 16,000 pounds. Although they have huge tusks, they prefer to stomp you to death. Over 500 people per year are killed by elephants worldwide. They don't make very good pets because they're very hard to house train and tend to break things. Plus being stomped to death is a rather unpleasant way to meet your maker, particularly if the first stomp doesn't get the job done. 8) Polar Bear – Males stand up to 11 feet tall and weigh up to 1400 pounds. They can outrun a human and are always hungry. To a polar bear, you are a tasty treat. If you run, they think you are prey and will run you down. If you look them in the eye, they become challenged and will put a swift end to your antics. The best defense against polar bears is to move south of Ft. Lauderdale and keep your doors locked. 9) Cape Buffalo – They weigh 1,500 pounds and have large, sharp horns. When faced with danger, their first response is to charge head on. This is usually accompanied by exciting the entire herd to charge head on. A stampede of a thousand Cape buffalo is not something you want to experience head on. 10) Poison Dart Frog – Their slimy backs ooze a neurotoxin meant to repel predators. Each frog produces enough toxins to kill 10 humans. So if your hobby is collecting frogs, avoid this brand. If your hobby is licking the slimy backs of frogs, check into the nearest psycho ward and have your head thoroughly examined. Of course, the deadliest animals on this planet are the two-legged humanoids, also known as people. Some will kill, either legally or illegally, simply because of ignorance or anger or fear or greed or just for the thrill of it. Humanoids have granted themselves dominion over all other creatures. When it comes to dominion over other humanoids, it's called government. When it comes to dominion over other animals, it's called selective harvesting. We live in a harsh reality where the most intelligent creature on this planet also causes the most bloodshed. In a perfect world, those who live by the sword would die by the sword and the meek would inherit the earth. ___________ Quote for the Day – "I'm at two with nature." Woody Allen ___________ Bret Burquest is a former award-winning columnist and the author of four novels. He lives alone in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and a host of wild animals that allow him to coexist peacefully among them. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
Nothing, nothing still The Orb of Wounded Souls hurls through the Void The Dark Rift awaiting at the center of the Way Great Expectations approach the 3rd Density The Age of Enlightenment is upon the Orb At the end of the Grand Procession in 12 of 12 Enlightened Ones ascend into the 4th Density Retrograde in 3D for those who cling to envy The Whore of Babylon sits on the Throne Illuminated Dragons behind the Golden Curtain The Mark of the Beast flies on Friday Schrodinger's Cat hides in the box 11 and 11 will comprehend the Curse The Orb is a carnal entrapment of shades of gray 33 Masters dwell in the 7th Realm Where patience reigns Supreme as One Complex souls are birds of youth Formed from the Rock of Ages Evolving into lustful barbarians Becoming slaves of shining objects The bush burns slowly for those who covet Choosing helplessness over freedom When trampled by uniformed boots of security The truth no longer sets them free Space and Time harness the Universe Patience is the Third element of the Trinity Matter is the mystical illusion of the 3rd Density Energy being the hidden essence of Being The ancient Tzu sits atop a mountain above the fray As the golden sun sinks into a red glow of splendor Comprehending answers before seeking questions Knowing that all knowing is within The Journey through Eternity is forever Surrounded by Infinity Suffering is the key to Understanding Understanding is the key to Bliss Everything is what it is All is One Soul purpose is to become pure within Accepting the sole perfection of the One Nothing is as it seems Nothing is beyond comprehension Nothing is beneath perfection Nothing, nothing still
The Chinese invented many things, including paper, metallurgy, the compass, fortune cookies and dynamite. They also invented astrology. In fact, the Chinese Lunar New Year is the longest chronological record in history. According to Chinese astrology, 2011 is the Year of the Metal Rabbit. Emperor Huang Ti introduced the first cycle of the zodiac in 2600 BC. As with other supreme rulers of his era, he had a lot of time on his hands and was eager to impress his subjects with his superior knowledge. The first day of the Chinese New Year is celebrated at the second new moon after the winter solstice which can fall anywhere between late January and the middle of February, depending on cyclical lunar conditions. The Chinese lunar year is divided into 12 months of 29 or 30 days. Each 12-year cycle is then positioned within a major cycle of 60 years (five 12-month cycles) representing the characteristics of each upcoming year. Chinese astrology is basically composed of two cycles – 12 annual animal cycles and 5 two-year element cycles. The 12 annual animals are Dog, Boar, Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey and Rooster. The five element cycles, each lasting two years, are fire, earth, metal, water and wood. In 2011, the Chinese New Year starts on February 3. The Year of the Metal Tiger will end and the Year of the Metal Rabbit will be ushered in. Celebrations will last for 15 days, until the full moon arrives and the Lantern Festival takes place. The Rabbit is a symbol of sensitivity, compassion and creativity. Rabbit-born people thrive on business dealings. For them, the Year 2011 will yield much professional success and personal happiness. A person born this year will be born in the Year of the Metal Rabbit. Rabbit-born people are charismatic, thoughtful, calm, gentle, sympathetic, fashionable, persistent and extremely shrewd in business dealings. Other Rabbit-born people were born in 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987 and 1999. Included in this group are Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Angeline Jolie, Frank Sinatra and Albert Einstein I was born during the Year of the Wood Monkey. According to the Chinese astrology, I am certain to be very intelligent, well liked by everyone and highly successful in whatever field of endeavor I choose. Obviously, Chinese astrology isn’t an exact science. ___________ Quote for the Day – "When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead... and the White Knight is talking backwards and the Red Queen's 'off with her head'... remember what the dormouse said... feed your head... feed your head." (WHITE RABBIT lyrics by Grace Slick) ___________ Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where falling down a rabbit hole is as easy as falling off a log. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
Christmas, like many other holidays, has its share of historical inaccuracies and myths. For example, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was not one of Santa’s reindeer and didn’t live on the North Pole. In fact, he was invented in 1939 by Robert L. May, a copywriter for Montgomery Ward department stores, as a promotional gimmick. By 1946, a total of 6 million copies of the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer booklet had been distributed to Montgomery Ward customers. May’s brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, developed the lyrics and music for a Rudolph song which was recorded by Gene Autry in 1949. It sold 2 million copies that year alone and went on to become the second best-selling record of all time, second only to “White Christmas.†However, May’s original story differs from the song lyrics. According to May, Rudolph lived in an ordinary reindeer village considerably south of the North Pole. Even though he was taunted for having a shiny red nose, his parents were not embarrassed. They brought Rudolph up in a loving home and gave him a high sense of self-esteem. Santa delivered presents to their house one night during a thick fog. Impressed by the glow of Rudolph’s shiny red nose, Santa chose him to lead his team of reindeer to complete his rounds. This brings to mind other Christmas myths. MYTH #1 -- Santa Claus is a fat man in a red suit. Not true. He's fairly thin and usually wears boxer shorts with a tank top around the house. He just dons multiple layers of clothing to keep warm in late December, when zipping around the night sky in an open sleigh. Santa’s delivery outfit is bright red to protect him from trigger-happy sportsmen – he doesn’t want to be mistaken for a flock of geese. MYTH #2 -- Santa Claus lives at the North Pole. Not true. He lives in Canada, halfway between Medicine Hat and Moose Jaw. The north pole is a large block of ice, populated by three polar bears and a wayward penguin. Canada is a lot like the North Pole – it's cold and nobody ever goes there. MYTH #3 – Santa has a bunch of little helpers called elves. Not true. They're mostly vertically-challenged (short) Swedes. MYTH #4 -- Santa Claus climbs down chimneys to deliver his presents. No longer true. He once did climb down chimneys but got stuck several times in Colorado where legislation in 1969 required all chimneys to contain filters. In 1970, Santa reverted to using doors and windows, but he was busted in 1972 in Hackensack, New Jersey, for breaking and entering. Ever since then, Santa has used the Star Trek method of teleportation whereby his molecular structure is disassembled on the rooftop and reassembled directly in front of the Christmas tree. This way he is guilty only of entering but not of breaking, usually a misdemeanor in most places. MYTH #5 – Santa Claus likes to have some cookies and milk waiting for his arrival. No longer true. In 1983, he developed a gastrointestinal infection while hovering over Thailand. Too much curry, causing a bad case of diarrhea, which can be quite a dilemma while flying through the air in an open sleigh. MYTH #6 – Kids will get presents that reflect the latest craze. Not true. There is no latest craze. Remember Cabbage Patch dolls, Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles and Tickle-Me Elmo? They were the latest craze for about fifteen minutes. By the time the kids open presents, the latest craze will become a closet relic. If you want to give your kids a gift that has some worth, give them something that will get them out of the house, like a bicycle or a chainsaw. MYTH #7 – Santa knows who has been naughty and nice. Not true. That's the CIA, FBI, NSA, NWO, DEA, IRS, ATF, CFR, KGB, MI6, MJ12 and the Jehovah Witnesses who are keeping tabs on everyone. Santa has enough to do without spying on you. MYTH #8 – Santa’s reindeer are named Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Not true. Actually, those are only nicknames to make it easier to come up with Christmas jingles. Their real names are Fox Maulder, Elmer Fudd, Sponge Bob, Snoop Dogg, Joe Sixpack, Clark Kent, D. B. Cooper and Dweezle Zappa. ___________ Quote for the Day – "Humans live through their myths and only endure their realities." Robert Anton Wilson ___________ Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where myths are facts until proven otherwise. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
When I was about five years old, I was excited to learn that Santa Claus was going to appear at my house early on Christmas Eve to personally hand Christmas presents to my little brother and me. My parents explained that Santa was doing this as a special treat for us since we didn't have a chimney. Sure enough, Santa showed up. Although he was an hour late, according to my mother, I was thrilled to see him. I rushed outside in the cold Wisconsin night but stopped several feet short. Something wasn't right. Santa was clearly wearing a mask on his face. I asked him why he was wearing a mask and he told me it was to keep warm. Later that holiday season, I overheard a conversation between my parents whereby I learned it was my grandfather pretending to be Santa and that my mother was very upset with him for showing up late and drunk. When my mother realized I had discovered the great Santa deception, she explained that Santa had so many houses to visit that evening that he didn't have time to make special stops and that my grandfather was just pretending to be Santa to make us happy. Once again, being a young innocent squirt, I bought the explanation. My grandfather was always a great guy, drunk or sober, and I appreciated him for stopping by on such a cold night just to please my brother and me. A few years later, in the second grade, I was hanging out with a couple of my buddies during recess. Usually we would shoot marbles behind a big oak tree so our teacher couldn't see us. Mrs. Halverson didn't like it when her boys would participate in games of chance, especially when marbles would change hands. Instead of playing marbles, we got into a discussion about Santa Claus. There had been some speculation that Santa Claus didn't really exist so the three of us tried to figure it out logically. Duncan Jones was the brains of the group, Vinny Gagliardi was ever so inquisitive, while I was more action oriented, preferring to play marbles rather than attempting to fathom the unfathomable. It all started when Vinny came up with a series of intriguing questions. How does Santa visit so many houses on a single night? How can he get all those presents in his sleigh? How can reindeer fly? How does a hefty guy like Santa manage to slip down a chimney and get back to the roof? What does Santa do when there is no chimney? How does Santa know whether you were naughty or nice? And so on and so on. Duncan made some quick calculations. He figured if there were a billion houses and Santa took only a minute per house, or 60 houses per hour, it would take about 17 million hours, not counting flying time. Then there was the flying reindeer problem. Duncan and I were fairly certain reindeer couldn't actually fly but Vinny wasn't so sure. He had seen an elephant fly in a Disney cartoon and it looked feasible to him. Soon a light bulb went off just above Duncan's head. Suppose there was a parallel universe. Santa could pop in and out of our reality almost instantaneously while doing most of his work in a parallel dimension. This would impose an anomaly in the continuum of time and space whereby a few seconds of our reality could be a year of Santa reality. This could also explain the reindeer problem. They don't actually fly; there're merely transported to our reality directly onto the roof and disappear the same way. Santa makes his way into the house in the same manner. It's simply a matter of hyper-dimensional travel between simultaneous planes of existence. The bell rang and we had to go back inside where Mrs. Halverson made us print the alphabet all afternoon. She wanted to make sure we slanted our letters at the proper angle. Mrs. Halverson always emphasized penmanship and seating posture, but had a phobia about teaching math. Numbers greater than 20 made her nose bleed. It's strange how so many parents are unaware of parallel dimensions. They tell their kids the most ridiculous tales to make up for their lack of knowledge about the anomalies of the continuum of time and space. I left a plate of cookies out for Santa last year. The next morning the plate was empty. I'm not exactly sure what happened though -- my dog had some cookie crumbs on his whiskers and didn't eat much that day. Happy Holidays. ___________ Quote for the Day -- “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.†Shirley Temple ___________ Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where Santa always leaves a lump of coal under my tree. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
In the fourth century, the Romans and Persians celebrated the birthday of their sun god, Mithras, during the last week of December. The sun "dies" at the winter solstice, its lowest position in the sky in the northern hemisphere. Three days later, on December 25, the celebration of the "birth" of the sun takes place. The Catholic Church felt this celebration by a rival pagan religion threatened the existence of Christianity so they decided to conduct a festival of their own during the last week of December which would force a competition with the pagan festivities. Even though the Catholic Church believed the actual birth of Jesus Christ was in the spring, they chose December 25 as the official birthday and thereby began a tradition of holding Christ's Mass during a time frame where it would interrupt the pagan celebrations. Over time, "Christ's Mass" eventually became "Christmas" and December 25 became known thereafter as the day Jesus Christ was born. A man named Nicholas was born in Turkey in 280 AD. He was very pious from an early age and devoted his life to Christianity. He eventually became a Christian priest and later became a bishop. Nicholas had a reputation as a kindly, wise soul who was generous toward the poor. He was a rich young man who didn’t like to be seen giving gifts. He traveled the country helping people, always at night after the children were asleep. The most famous story about Nicholas is when he learned of a poor man who had no money to give to his three daughters on their wedding day. Nicholas dropped bags of gold into the stockings the girls had left to dry by the fire. Ever since, children have hung stocking by the fireplace in hopes that old St. Nick would drop by and fill the stockings with goodies. Turkey was part of the Roman Empire at the time. In 303 AD, the Roman Emperor, named Diocletian, demanded that all of his subjects worship him as god. Nicholas would not allow his conscience to betray his religious convictions so he refused to worship the Emperor, landing him in prison. Conditions were harsh, including torture, but the 23-year-old Nicholas held to his beliefs. In 313 AD, when Constantine became the new Emperor of the Roman Empire, he released Nicholas and other Christians from prison. Nicholas returned to his post as Bishop of Myra, where he continued his good deeds. Constantine later became a Christian and convened the Council on Nicaea in 325 AD. He appointed Nicholas as a delegate to the Council, the purpose of which was to create statements of beliefs and canons of doctrinal orthodoxy, thereby contriving a unity of beliefs for ecumenical (worldwide) Christendom. Nicholas died on December 6, 343 AD. In 394 AD, Roman Emperor, Flavius Theodosius, banned all pagan rites. This decree ended the practice of worshipping the sun god, Mithras. In 800 AD, Nicholas was officially recognized as a saint by the Eastern Catholic Church. St. Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors, the patron saint of children, the patron saint of Sicily, Greece, Russia and other countries. In the 1200s, France began to celebrate December 6 as Bishop Nicholas Day. By the end of the 1400s, St. Nicholas was the third most beloved religious figure, after Jesus and Mary. There were more than 2,000 chapels and monasteries named after him. Holland kept the legend of St. Nicholas alive in the 1500s, as Dutch children would place wooden shoes near the fireplace to be filled with treats. The Dutch spelled St. Nicholas as Sint Nikolaas. The name later became corrupted to Sinterklaas. Eventually, the English version of the name became Santa Claus. And that's how all of the Christmas nonsense evolved. St Nicholas was a man of strong convictions, having spent many years in prison merely for holding to his religious beliefs. Such courageous moral fortitude, whether or not one agrees with such beliefs, is a divine example of an individual soul remaining steadfast in a world of petty tyrants who demand the right to enforce their version of heaven on Earth. Ironically, the pagan worship of the sun god included such notions as Mithras being born of a virgin in a cave on December 25. His birth was attended by shepherds. He was considered to be a master and a teacher. He traveled with 12 companions, performed miracles and promised immortality to those who believed in him. Upon his death, he was buried in a tomb and rose again after three days on March 25 (Easter). The religion of Mithraism preceded Christianity by approximately 600 years. Religion is a curious thing. ___________ Quote for the Day – "Bah, humbug." Ebenezer Scrooge ___________ Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where Wiccans frolic on the Winter Solstice. His blogs appear on several websites, including www.myspace.com/bret1111 ___________ - -
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