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Becoming a starving writer isn’t easy. The odds of getting your first novel published are approximately 200 to one. First of all, you need to know something about the structure of a novel. Almost without exception, a novel can be broken down into three distinct segments: the setup, the conflict and the resolution. The setup starts with a hook, something exciting or mysterious or bizarre or profound or whatever to entice the reader to continue. Plus, the opening line must entice the reader to read the second line. The setup goes on to introduce the main characters and the basic premise of the story. The setup ends with the first of two plot-points that changes the direction of the story, thrusting it into the next segment, called the conflict. The conflict is usually the biggest of the three segments, the meat of the story. Somewhere along the line, a second plot-point changes the direction once again, this time into the resolution, which wraps everything up and often ends with a climax. Once you have developed the structure of a novel, the next step is to write it. It should contain wisdom and wit, and flow like a river of poetic nuance. But above all, it must have some elements of originality. No publisher wants a re-hash of what has already been written by others. A novel should be a minimum of 55,000 words. Some of the gothic romance novels can run up to 125,000 words. My novels are all about 70,000 words. Once you have written the first draft, don’t bother to celebrate too much. Your work has just begun. You must rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until you bleed. You’ve got a 200 to one shot of getting published so it behooves you to make it as impeccable as possible without going insane. One of the hardest decisions is to know when to quit because it will never be as perfect as you desire, but you'll have to cut it off at some point. When you’re finally done writing, you’re ready for phase two -- getting it published. You have three options -- find a publisher, find a literary agent or self-publish it yourself. Finding a publisher or agent will require great fortitude, patience and persistence. Don’t bother sending a first novel to a publisher. Most mainstream publishers will only accept submissions from reputable literary agents. Most literary agents will not accept unsolicited manuscripts. Agents prefer a query rather than a complete manuscript. Some literary agents will take unsolicited queries and others won’t. A query to an agent usually consists of a 1-page letter explaining your project, a 5-page plot synopsis and the first three chapters of your proposed book. Make sure everything is double-spaced with a quality appearance. Although literary agents frown on multiple submissions, ignore them. Send out lots of submissions at a time because agents take many weeks to get back to you. Almost all agents will respond, usually with a form rejection letter. Don’t ever give up. I could literally paper my walls with rejection letters. Once you have signed with an agent, don’t get too excited -- your odds of getting published have been reduced to about 12 to one. Even if you get lucky, it may take years. By the time my agent finally matched me with a publisher, I had written four novels, all of which were then published over a ten-month period in 2000-2001. Bret Burquest is the author of the following 4 fiction novels (published by Random House imprint Xlibris) -- available at Amazon and many other on-line booksellers in paperback or e-book format. THE ELEVENTH SAGE -- metaphysical mystery -- A journey of the mind of an amnesia victim into the reality of a famous past life in the Old West, while simultaneously creating the destiny of a precise future being pre-lived subconsciously A BAD RUN OF FATE -- psychological mystery -- An enigmatic serial killer stalks modern-day prospectors seeking a lost treasure in central Arizona. GOOMBA IN MONTANA -- suspense thriller -- A young man discovers that his widowed mother's new suitor is a dangerous federally protected witness and is forced into a life-or-death struggle for survival. THE DOGMAN OF TOPANGA -- suspense thriller -- A newspaper woman seeks seclusion in a remote bohemian village near Los Angeles to write a story exposing a vast conspiracy whereupon her nearest neighbor is a mysterious man who lives in a cave with dogs and someone wants her dead. Ten year later, I compiled 5 nonfiction books consisting of articles I had written (wrote a weekly newspaper column for 8 years, plus some published magazine articles) and countless blogs (see bret1111.blogspot.com). Rather than scramble to find another publisher, I self-published these 5 volumes in 2011-2013. Bret Burquest is the author of the following 5 nonfiction books -- available at Amazon and many other on-line booksellers in paperback or e-book format. THE REALITY OF THE ILLUSION OF REALITY -- 44 articles on topics such as parallel dimensions, collective consciousness, intuition, UFOs, Edgar Cayce, St. Germain, Carl Jung, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, End of Days, the White Buffalo, Jesse James, Noah's Ark, JFK & MLK assassinations, Dead Sea Scrolls, Lao Tzu, Illuminati, New World Order, Bilderbergers, Hitler after WWII, reincarnation, Near Death Experience, Mayan calendar 2012, ancient wisdom, the Purpose in Life. 1111 HAPPY TRAILS ROAD -- 48 humor articles on topics such as dogs, cats, talking fish, dragonfly tattoos, Bronko Nagurski, lightning strikes, rednecks, chiggers, blondes, armadillos, hurricanes, fallen beings, amazing synchronicities, world's deadliest animals, relationships, Hollywood, Valentine's Day, Catch-22, confronting bullies, Toad Suck, Monkey Run, big bad women, banana slugs, flying queens, the secret of life. ORB OF WOUNDED SOULS -- 48 articles on topics such as happiness, failure, anarchy, haunted places, Burning Man, Time Travel, Dogon Knowledge, philosophy, medal of honor, Indiana Jones, John Lennon, George Carlin, Paul Newman, Bob Hope, Kinky Friedman, chocolate, best places to live and die, leap seconds, the Secret, moose attacks, depression, manifest destiny, mystical numbers, memories of past lives. PATH TO FOURTH DENSITY -- 44 articles on topics such as Geronimo, Skull and Bones, World War III, Mothman, Battle of New Orleans, Vice Presidents, superstitions, Leonard Peltier, Majestic-12, planets in retrograde, Bureau of Indian Affairs, New Madrid Earthquake, daylight savings, UFO truths, Alternative 3, Islamic radicalism, spiritual beings, abiotic oil, reptilian shape-shifters, TWA Flight 800, United Flight 93, hashing, next ice age, ascension to 4th density. 11:11 EARTH TIME -- 44 articles on topics such as communicating with spirits, coup d'etat of the USA, Nostradamus, Princess Diana, ancient giants, moon structures, Hunter S. Thompson, Carlos Castaneda, Marlon Brando, Milton Friedman, Jane Fonda, West Memphis Three, Obama strategy, G.I. Jurdjieff, Emanual Swedenborg, Pythagoras, North Korea, Military Industrial Complex, Vince Foster, reptilian shape-shifters After all that work, I can now call myself a writer, albeit a starving writer. Statistically, only one in 25 published writers actually makes a living at it. So far, I’m not the lucky one in 25, but at least I can go to my grave knowing I gave it my best shot. ___________ Quote for the Day --"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." Mark Twain ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where being a starving writer is a pleasant passage through life. ___________ - -
Marion Robert Morrison was born in Winterset, Iowa, on May 16, 1907. At age four, his family moved to Los Angeles. He was a gifted athlete who lost his football scholarship at USC due to a body surfing accident. Soon, he found work in small bit parts at local film studios, where he eventually changed his name to John Wayne. John Wayne appeared in 142 motion pictures, often in Westerns as a heroic character, and won an Academy Award for his role as a U.S. Marshall in the movie TRUE GRIT. Throughout his life, John Wayne was a staunch political conservative, opposing communism and politically liberal viewpoints of view. He passed on to the Great Beyond in 1979 due to stomach cancer. According to a book titled JOHN WAYNE -- THE MAN BEHIND THE MYTH by Michael Munn, there were three assassination attempts on Wayne's life. In 1949, Joseph Stalin (communist dictator of the USSR) learned about John Wayne's anti-communist fervor from Russian filmmaker Sergei Gerasimov during a peace conference in New York. Stalin soon decided Wayne should be killed. The plot to assassinate John Wayne was also reported by Russian filmmaker Alexei Kapler (who had been imprisoned by Stalin) and Russian filmmaker Sergei Bondahuck, later confirmed by Gerasimov. According to Munn's book, John Wayne's good friend, legendary stuntman Yakima Canutt, had "saved his life" in the early 1950s. The FBI had discovered that Russian agents were being sent to Hollywood to assassinate Wayne and notified him of the problem. Supposedly, Wayne told the FBI to let the agents show up and he would deal with it. Wayne then devised a plan, with help from a screenwriter named Jimmy Grant, to dissuade the assassins from carrying out their plans. While the details of the incident were never revealed to Munn, the prevailing rumor was that a group of stuntmen abducted the agents and drove them to a beach where they staged a mock execution. Thereafter, the agents supposedly remained in the USA and worked for the FBI. Subsequently, Wayne rejected any FBI protection and relocated with his family to a more secure house surrounded by a large wall. Thereafter, a group of Hollywood stuntmen pals infiltrated communist cells in America and learned of additional plots to kill Wayne In 1953, another attempt on Wayne's life was initiated in Mexico by a communist cell when Wayne was filming the movie, HONDO. This plot also failed. Joseph Stalin died in 1953 whereby Nikita Krushchev became the new communist leader of the USSR. In a private meeting in 1958, Krushchev told Wayne that he had cancelled Stalin's orders to assassinate him. "That was a decision of Stalin during his last five mad years. When Stalin died, I rescinded that order." The third attempt on Wayne's life occurred in 1966 when he was visiting U.S. troops in Vietnam. An enemy sniper who had been captured claimed, "There was a price on John Wayne's head, put there by Mao Tse Tung (communist leader of China). To some John Wayne was a grand hero, emblematic of American values. To others, he was a symbol of what was wrong with America, as a self-righteous bully who conquered others through force. From FEAR AND LOATHING IN AMERICA by Hunter S. Thompson -- "John Wayne is a final, rotten symbol of everything that went wrong with the American dream -- he is our Frankenstein monster, a hero to millions… The brainwaves of 'The Duke' are like those of the Hammerhead Shark… He is a ruthless stupid beast with only one instinct -- to attack, to hurt & cripple & kill… John Wayne, a cowboy movie actor whose only real talent was an almost preternatural genius for brainless violence. The Duke wasn't satisfied with just killing people; he beat them into bloody, screaming hamburger." Love him or hate him, John Wayne was bigger than life. He was a proud American who understood that communism was a form of human slavery, serving the bureaucratic masters who rule the Government Plantation. More government control means less individual freedom. Power does not corrupt people -- position of power attract corrupt people. Those who yearn to control others, even if they regard it as benevolence, are simply demanding the right to create their own version of heaven on earth. The struggle for freedom never ends. Whether or not John Wayne was a hero is highly debatable. Perhaps the true heroes are those who go gently through life treating others with tolerance, compassion and forgiveness. ___________ Quote for the Day -- "Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." John Wayne ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where freedom is never free. ___________ - -
When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a treasure hunter. I imagined it would be a grand adventure with the remote possibility of actually striking it rich someday. In my 20s and 30s, I spent my working hours sitting at a desk writing computer programs. At age 42, I turned my back on the rat race of big city life and spent about six years prospecting for gold in Central Arizona. One day, I stumbled upon an old man who lived in a school bus on a dirt road at the southern base of the Bradshaw Mountains, between Congress and Stanton, about 60 miles north of Phoenix. He was barefoot and shirtless, and had such hard skin it looked like he was weatherproof. He had more tattoos than teeth and his eyes twinkled when he spoke, either madness or glee -- I could never quite tell. We were both wary loners and became friends over time. He spent his summers in Oregon, along the Rogue River, and his winters in Arizona, buying gold from prospectors at 80% of spot. Paid cash. No questions asked. He claimed he had encountered an ancient Indian woman many years earlier who confided in him that her tribe had picked up most of the loose gold nuggets from the top of Rich Hill (near Congress, AZ) and hid them in a nearby gully to discourage white settlers. He appeared to believe the story and swore he never told another soul about it. Lucky me. Prospectors are like fishermen; the big ones always get away. I had heard many tales of lost treasures from dusty old coots but this one had an air of possibility to it. I never spent any time searching for this lost cache of gold nuggets. However, during my research, I did learn that Rich Hill initially had gold nuggets the size of eggs scattered about the top and that the local Indians had a reputation for hiding gold to discourage white settlers. Perhaps there’s some validity to the story after all. Incorporated within one of my novels, A BAD RUN OF FATE, is everything I know about this lost cache of gold. It’s not listed in any treasure atlas that I've seen. I did at one time own two mining claims, the Redledge and the Three Chinamen, which were near the waterfall mentioned in the novel. The map coordinates and other recorded claim information within the story line are taken directly from the original claims. To my knowledge, all other facts and locations within the narrative pertaining to the potential location of the treasure are accurate. Naturally, all characters (other than historical) are fictitious. In the story I chose a specific waterfall, which exists only during heavy rainstorms, as the precise location of the treasure because it seems like a logical place. It sure would be strange if it’s actually there – I never did check it out. Since I no longer hunt for riches, I expect a 10 percent share of any find resulting from my material. I now live in Fulton County in northern Arkansas, where there also seems to be a couple of lost treasures in the immediate vicinity waiting to be discovered. According to the U.S. Treasure Atlas, Volume 1, the following is true. SHARP COUNTY (Page 79) – In 1907, 6 or 7 bandits robbed the Frisco freight train at Mammoth Spring, loading a wagon with several crates. Two trainmen died in the incident. According to witnesses, the bandits headed toward Tick Ridge (or the head of Cold Spring Creek). The loot was placed in a cave and the entrance was dynamited shut until they could return and split it. All the bandits were captured and served long sentences in prison, never to recover the cache. In 1936, a former prison guard began searching for the cache, spending 10 years in a futile effort. He revealed that the train robbers were a gang of burglars that worked Gary and Bloomington, Indiana, Chicago, Illinois, and St. Louis and Springfield, Missouri. The gang had hidden all of their accumulated loot, including jewelry, gold & silver coins and gemstones, in the cave. IZARD COUNTY (Page 85) – A cache of gold and silver bars worth $110 million (worth much more today) and known as the Madre Vena Treasure is located in the Pineville area of Izard County. In my experience, the real treasure is in the hunt itself -- any finds are merely frosting on the cake. Happy hunting. ___________ Quote for the Day -- "It's not the years, it's the mileage." Indiana Jones ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books, including A BAD RUN OF FATE. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where lost treasures wait to be discovered. ___________ - -
Speaking of tax breaks for the rich -- take a deep breath and do some simple math. The top five percent of the taxpayers pay nearly half of all federal income taxes, while the bottom 50 percent pay only about five percent of the taxes. For every $100 in taxes collected by the federal government (rounded to the nearest dollar), the richest 10 percent pay $59, the second 10 percent pay $18, the third 10 percent pay $12, the fourth 10 percent pay $7, the fifth 10 percent pay $3, the sixth 10 percent pay $1, and the last four groups pay nothing. ______________ Speaking of taxes -- it’s always heartwarming to hear where some of the money is spent. The White House has 29 limousines and 50 chauffeured cars at its disposal. The federal government owns 1,200 civilian aircraft, used mainly to fly executives and guests around the country. There are over 4,000 federal employees specializing in public relations, at an average annual salary of $95,000, whose sole purpose is to “inform†the public of what a splendid job the government is doing. Plus, the federal government now has over three million websites to help “inform†the public of what a wonderful organization is looking after them. Instead of whining about how the rich do not pay their fair share, perhaps we should all be whining about the wasteful expenses our government gets away with year after year. ______________ Speaking of the White House -- Richard Milhous Nixon and William Jefferson Clinton are the only two U.S. Presidents whose names contain all the letters in the word “criminal.†______________ Speaking of U.S. Presidents -- I offer the following quotes, as a reminder that people will actually stand in line to cast a vote for them. Dwight Eisenhower – “The world is more like it is now than it ever was before.†Richard Nixon – “Solutions are not the answer.†Ronald Reagan – “Facts are stupid things.†George Bush, Sr. – “I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.†Bill Clinton – “I’m someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch.†George Bush, Jr. – “It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.†Barack Obama -- "I have now been in 57 states. I think I have one left to go." ______________ Speaking of silly quotes by political leaders -- here’s a few more. Ted Kennedy – “I favor access to discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.†Dick Gebhardt – “What we have is two important values in conflict – freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can’t have both.†Marion Barry (former Mayor of Washington, D.C.) – “If you take out the killings, Washington has a very low crime rate.†Walter Hickel (former Secretary of Interior) – “You can’t just let nature run wild.†___________ Quote for the Day -- "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.†Groucho Marx ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where nature happily runs wild. ___________ - -
The following items are from a book titled DISORDER IN THE COURT: GREAT FRACTURED MOMENTS IN COURTROOM HISTORY by Charles M. Seville -- they are portions from actual transcripts in American courts. __________ Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? __________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? __________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? __________ Q: Do you now wear corrective glasses? A: There are three of you. Q: No. There's only one of me. ___________ Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. ___________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 18th. Q: What year? A: Every year. ___________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ___________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ___________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ___________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ___________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. ___________ Q: And y'all had a very intimate relationship, didn't you, Ms. A.? A: We had sex two times. It wasn't very intimate. ___________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ___________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ___________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ___________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ___________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ___________ Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ___________ Q: Are you related to her in some way by marriage? A: We are brother and sister-in-law. Q: Are you married to O's sister? A: I am married to O's sister by the church, by the law, and because I am a fool. ___________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ___________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ___________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law ___________ Quote for the Day -- "Lawyers spend a great deal of time shoveling smoke." Oliver Wendell Holmes. ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where what lawyers do is called "practice." ___________ - -
In September of 2003, Jeffrey Lee Parson, a high school senior from Hopkins, Minn., earned his 15 minutes of fame by generating a copycat version of the Blaster Internet worm, also known as LovSan, infecting over 500,000 computers around the world and causing millions of dollars worth of damage. The computer virus exploited a flaw in Window’s software, replicating Internet worms that launched a data attack from at least 7,000 “drone†computers via the Internet onto the Microsoft technical service website. The FBI arrested Parson for “intentionally causing or attempting to cause damage to a computer†and confiscated his seven computers. Later that same day, Parson made an initial court appearance with a punk hair style, wearing a faded T-shirt with “Big Daddy†spelled out in front, as well as cargo shorts and high-top sneakers. The pesky teen-ager was then placed under house arrest, pending further court appearances, and not allowed to use a computer or to log onto the Internet. His parents must be so proud. At 6’ 4†and 320 pounds, the 18-year-old Parson was known locally as a hothead and a bully. According to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, some of Parson’s neighbors claimed that Parson used to beat up the other kids in the neighborhood and damaged property whenever he got upset, which was often. One sympathetic neighbor stated that Parson had always been very self-conscious about his size and felt no one liked him. He was apparently always much taller than the other kids and had received intensive counseling as a boy to help him adjust. The poor lad – being tall is such a heavy burden. Speaking of juvenile jerks, 63-year-old Congressman Bill Janklow of South Dakota also earned his 15 minutes of fame in the same month by driving over 70 mph in a 55 mph speed zone, running a stop sign and killing a 55-year-old motorcyclist and volunteer fireman from Minnesota. One of South Dakota’s most powerful politicians, Janklow had served four years as state attorney general and 16 years as governor before being elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 2002. A self-proclaimed speeder, Janklow received 12 speeding tickets in 11 separate counties in 1990-1994. In 1999, he complained to passengers in his sports utility vehicle that the computer limited his speed to 99 mph as he sped through the dense smoke of a forest fire in the Black Hills. As governor that year, he was quoted as saying: “if someone told me I was going to jail for two days for speeding, my driving habits would change. I can pay the ticket but don’t want to go to jail. It’s that simple.†The poor fellow – forced to endanger innocent lives and pay a fine rather than being a responsible citizen simply because the penalty just wasn’t stiff enough to prevent him from doing the right thing. Parson is an evil monster who gets a thrill out of hurting others. Janklow is an infantile pinhead who gets a thrill out of driving fast -- killing another human being in the process. Each faced a maximum of 10 years in prison. Parson should be dressed in bright orange and confined to a cell at least two hours for every hour of distress he caused multitudes of computer users. With good behavior, he would be eligible for parole on April 17, 2085. Janklow should be duct-taped to the hood of an Oldsmobile and driven on every road in South Dakota at 110 miles per hour by one of Richard Petty’s nephews. If he survives the thrill of being a hood ornament, he should serve two days in jail for speeding and be required to become a volunteer fireman for the rest of his natural life. We live in a wicked world where the punishment sometimes exceeds the crime. You can get six months in jail for chewing gum in public in Indonesia or beheaded for adultery in Saudi Arabia (women only). No matter the earthly consequences of our actions, we are all judged by an ultimate truth. ___________ Quote for the Day -- "Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are." Benjamin Franklin ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and an imaginary girlfriend named Trixie O'Toole. ___________ - -
A friend sent me the following item that appeared in THE ATLANTA JOURNAL in the “singles ads†section. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companion, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good-looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (404) XXX-XXXX and ask for Daisy. NOTE: Over 15,000 men called the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever. * * * New York City has an open-container law prohibiting alcohol in parks and beaches. On July 4, police rousted people on Rockaway Beach in Brooklyn who were drinking beer at a fund-raiser for a memorial to World Trade Center victims. The following week, police failed to issue a single citation as thousands of people sipped wine in Central Park and Prospect Park as they listened to the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. Michael Bloomberg, New York City’s billionaire Mayor, attended the concert and afterward defended this obvious hypocrisy. He felt it was perfectly acceptable for his crowd (the hotsy-totsy elite) to drink wine in a public park but “more dangerous†for others (the lower class barbarians) to drink beer at a public beach. NOTE: A constitutional guarantee of equality doesn’t mean that some people are more equal than others. We’re all in this together. Either obey the law or change the law. You can’t have it both ways. * * * Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University in St. Paul, Minn., has compiled the following statistics about the 2000 Presidential election, one of the closest elections in history. 1) States won: Gore = 19, Bush = 29 2) Square miles of country won: Gore = 580,000, Bush = 2,427,000 3) Population by counties won: Gore = 127 million, Bush = 143 million 4) Murder (per 100,000 residents) in counties won: Gore = 13.2, Bush = 2.1 Professor Olson also pointed out that Bush received most of the votes where the people owned the land whereas Gore fared better in big cities and among those who were the most reliant on government assistance. NOTE: It may have been a close election, but there seems to be a clear divide between city and country folk. * * * Speaking of country folks, north Arkansas is a great place to live primarily because it’s far off the beaten path. People in this area live a simple live void of the hustle and bustle of big cities. Actually, there’s a bit of hustle on occasion but rarely any bustle. There are some phrases you don’t often hear in these parts: 1) I picked up some Brie and a bottle of pinot noir for the Super Bowl. 2) Honey, did you mail that contribution to the Spotted Owl Foundation? 3) We should take the taxidermist off the speed dial. 4) Please pass the quiche. 5) Who is Jack Daniels? 6) I’d better get a new muffler for the pickup before I disturb the neighbors. 7) Does this necktie go with this shirt? 8) I’ll take Medieval Literature for 800, Alex. * * * ___________ Quote for the Day -- "Life is like riding a bicycle -- to keep your balance, you must keep moving." Albert Einstein ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where bustle moves at the speed of slow. ___________ - -
The Algonquin tribes of Native American Indians once stretched from New England, throughout the Great Lakes, all the way to Lake Superior. According to the Farmer’s Almanac, they had special names for each of 12 full moons to occur each year. Since the lunar month is only 29 days long on average, the exact calendar dates shifted from year to year. 1) Full Wolf Moon – Wolf packs howl hungrily during the cold and deep snows of midwinter. 2) Full Snow Moon – The heaviest snow usually falls during this month (February). 3) Full Worm Moon – Temperatures warm, the ground begins to thaw and robins return. 4) Full Pink Moon – Herb moss “pink†is one of the earliest widespread flowers to bloom. 5) Full Flower Moon – Flowers become abundant everywhere. 6) Full Strawberry Moon – A short season for harvesting strawberries (June). 7) Full Buck Moon – New antlers coated with velvety fur appear on the buck deer. 8) Full Sturgeon Moon – The large fish of the Great Lakes is most easily caught during this month. 9) Full Harvest Moon – The Indian staples (pumpkin, squash, beans and wild rice) are ready for gathering. 10) Full Hunter’s Moon – Leaves are falling and the deer have been fattened. 11) Full Beaver Moon – Time to set beaver traps before the swamp waters freeze. 12) Full Cold Moon – Winter cold arrives as days become shorter. Naturally, those of us who live in the splendor of the Ozark Mountain Plateau have also had a tradition of naming our 12 annual moons. 1) Full Reflection Moon – The dead of winter. Time to huddle in front of a fire and reflect upon how fortunate you are to live considerably south of Minnesota but not quite all the way to Texas. 2) Full Fixin Moon – Time to be fixin to do things, such as fixin to look for a job just as soon as you get done fixin to rest up a bit. 3) Full Possum Moon – Possum get restless during this month. Plenty of possum stew for all. 4) Full Moss Moon – As moss appears on rocks, it’s time for the spring bath. This is optional if you took a bath last year. 5) Full Shine Moon – Federal revenuers are busy back at the home office during the peak of tax season. Time to set up the sour mash operation for the summer. 6) Full Road-Kill Moon – Road-kill is at the summer peak. Plenty of road-kill stew for all. 7) Full Maintenance Moon – Good month for home maintenance. Time to burn the overgrown grass in the yard, dust the appliances on the porch, start a new trash pile in back, clean the cobwebs out of the outhouse and rearrange the layout of dead cars in the front yard so you can squeeze a few more in. 8) Full Catfish Moon – Time to go fishing. Plenty of fried catfish for all. 9) Full Fair Moon – This is county fair season. Prepare for the upcoming contests, such as cow pie flinging, long distance spitting and the “guess-my-gender†judging competition. 10) Full Nuts Moon – Squirrels start gathering nuts for winter. Plenty of squirrel potpie for all. 11) Full Jerky Moon – Hunting season. Shoot a bunch of deer, turkey and other tasty tidbits of nature. Skin ‘em, can ‘em, make jerky and mount the biggest one on the wall. 12) Full Ammo Moon – Time to prepare for winter. Make a trip into town to stock up on the necessities of life, such as chewing tobacco, camouflage and ammo. ___________ Quote for the Day -- “The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.†Tahereh Mafi ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and greets every full moon with a gratified howl. ___________ - -
Li Ching-Yuen was born in China in 1677 and died in 1930. His life is the most thoroughly documented case of extreme longevity, spanning 252 years. Imperial Chinese government records from 1827 report that Li Ching-Yuen was congratulated on his 150th birthday and documents from 1877 report that he was congratulated on his 200th birthday. According to local folklore, he produced some 180 descendents, comprising 11 generations, and survived 14 wives. "Beautiful is old age -- beautiful as the slow-dropping mellow autumn of a rich glorious summer. In the old man, Nature has fulfilled her work; she loads him with blessings; she fills him with the fruits of a well-spent life; and, surrounded by his children and his children's children, she rocks him softly away to a grave, to which he is followed with blessings. God forbid we should not call it beautiful." J.A. Froude Li Ching Yuen was a herbalist, gathering and selling wild ginseng, lingzhi, goitu kola and Goji berry. He maintained a diet of herbs and rice wine. During his early years, Li Ching-Yuen learned methods of longevity and gathered herbs from mountain ranges. At age 71, he joined the Chinese Army as a martial arts instructor. Goji berries, also called wolfberries, are possibly the most nutritional fruit on Earth. They contain 18 amino acids, including all 8 essential amino acids, and more than 20 trace minerals (such as zinc, calcium, selenium, germanium, iron, phosphorus and many others). By weight, they have 500 times the amount of vitamin C as oranges and also contain vitamins B1, B2, B6 and vitamin E. Of all known plants on Earth, Goji berries are the richest source of carotenoids (including beta-carotene). They also contain polysaccharides, which stimulates secretion of human growth hormones by the pituitary gland and fortify the immune system. Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened -- as you get older, work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work -- the best course of life is to die young as late as possible. We are what we eat. ___________ Quote for the Day -- "Be content with what you have. Rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." Lau Tzu ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where growing old ain't for sissies. ___________ - -
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