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HE SOUGHT PEACE IN THE BOTTLE
TO NUMB HIS BURDENED MIND
SHE SOUGHT PEACE IN THE NEEDLE
TO LEAVE HER PAIN BEHIND
HE SOUGHT PEACE IN WOMEN'S ARMS
TO DROWN OUT HER MEMORY
SHE SOUGHT PEACE IN STRANGERS ARMS
TO DROWN OUT HIS MEMORY HE SOUGHT PEACE IN LIQUID AMBER
TO HEAL HIS BROKEN HEART
SHE SOUGHT PEACE IN GETTING STONED
TO KEEP FROM FALLING APART
HE SOUGHT PEACE WITH LIQUID COURAGE
TO FACE HIS LIFE WITHOUT HER
SHE SOUGHT PEACE BY NUMBING HER VEINS
TO FACE A LIFE WITHOUT HIM HE SOUGHT PEACE BUT COULD FIND NONE
HE HAD DRANK HIMSELF ALMOST TO DEATH
SHE SOUGHT PEACE BUT IT ELUDED HER
AND PUT HER IN INTENSIVE CARE
IN REHAB...HE DISCOVERED GOD
IN REHAB...SHE DISCOVERED GOD HE SOUGHT TO MAKE IT ON HIS OWN
A MAN HAS HIS PRIDE, YOU KNOW
SHE TRIED TO MAKE IT ON HER OWN
TOO STUBBORN TO ACCEPT HELP
IN FINDING GOD, HE FOUND HIMSELF
SHE TURNED TO GOD, AND FOUND HERSELF COPYRIGHT 2008
DEBBY HARRIS I WROTE THIS FOR A COUPLE OH HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS. THEY GREW UP TOGETHER AND MARRIED. HE CAME BACK FROM VIETNAM AND WAS NEVER THE SAME. THEY EACH TURNED TO THEIR DRUG OF CHOICE TO DULL THE PAIN. SHE, THE PAIN FROM SEEING HER HUSBAND SUFFER FROM PTSD; HE, FROM THE NIGHTMARES OF THE HORRORS HE'D SEEN. THEY SPLIT UP AND NEVER GOT BACK TOGETHER. EVENTUALLY, THEY BOTH ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL AND THEN IN REHAB. FROM THERE, THEIR DISCOVERY OF SELF BEGAN AND THEY JOURNEYED TOWARDS PEACE. BOTH, HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 20+ YEARS NOW. I SALUTE THEM!!!
HOW DO I FIND MY TRUE SELF...
WILL I RECOGNIZE ME...
WILL I BE DISAPPOINTED...
WILL I PICK MYSELF APART...
LIKE SOCIETY DOES
MUST I LOOK LIKE ADS ON TV...
WASH MY HAIR WITH A CERTAIN SHAMPOO...
USE A CERTAIN DEODORANT...
USE A CERTAIN TOOTHPASTE...
TO GET A SEXY SMILE
WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE SOMEONE ELSE...
WHAT IF I WANT TO BE...SIMPLY ME...
COMPLETE WITH IMPERFECTIONS
LIKE THE COLOR OF MY HAIR...
A FEW FRECKLES ON MY NOSE...
A BODY THAT'S NOT A PERFECT 10...
WHAT IF I'M HAPPIEST IN OLD, FADED JEANS...
AND SOFTLY WORN T SHIRTS...
WHAT IF I WANT TO PLEASE ONLY MYSELF...
WHILE LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR...
WHAT IF I DON'T LET SOCIETY DICTATE MY WORTH...
WHAT IF WE ALL LEARNED TO LOOK AT OURSELVES GENTLER...AND LESS CRITICAL...
AND ACCEPTED WHAT MAKES US ALL UNIQUE...
WHAT IF WE STOPPED LOOKING THROUGH A MICROSCOPE...
AND STARTED LOOKING INSIDE OUR HEARTS TODAY...I WASH SOCIETY'S VIEWS OFF OF ME...
HOW I LOOK...
HOW I FEEL...
HOW I THINK...
HOW I LIVE THIS LIFE I'VE BEEN GIVEN
I'M JUST THE WAY I'M MEANT TO BE...
IMPERFECT...AS IS
COPYRIGHT 2/27/10
DEBBY HARRIS
I DON'T DEFINE MYSELF BY HOW MANY ROAD BLOCKS THAT HAVE APPEARED IN MY PATH...
BUT BY THE COURAGE I'VE FOUND TO FORGE NEW ROADS
I DON'T DEFINE MYSELF BY HOW MANY DISAPPOINTMENTS THAT I'VE FACED...
BUT BY THE FAITH I'VE FOUND TO BEGIN AGAIN
I DON'T DEFINE MYSELF BY HOW LONG A RELATIONSHIP LASTED...
BUT BY HOW MUCH I'VE LOVED AND BEEN WILLING TO LOVE AGAIN
I DON'T DEFINE MYSELF BY HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN KNOCKED DOWN...
BUT BY HOW MANY TIMES I'VE STRUGGLED TO MY FEET
I DON'T DEFINE MYSELF BY HOW MANY MISTAKES I'VE MADE...
BUT BY THE KNOWLEDGE I'VE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY
I'M NOT MY PAIN...
I'M NOT MY PAST...
I AM THAT WHICH HAS EMERGED FROM THE DEPTHS OF IT ALL
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
THO' I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DESPAIR
NOT A MOMENT GOES BY THAT HE IS NOT THERE
ALTHOUGH THE STONES MAY CUT MY TIRED FEET
I SHALL NOT THROW MY HANDS UP IN DEFEAT THO' I KNOW THE MOUNTAINS I MUST CLIMB
WILL BE RUGGED AND DANGEROUS AT TIMES
I SHALL STAY THE COURSE AND PERSEVERE
EVEN WHEN THE OUTCOME IS SO UNCLEAR THO' I WILL STUMBLE AND SOMETIMES FALL
THERE MAY BE TIMES WHEN I'LL HAVE TO CRAWL
UP AND OVER DANGEROUSE CLIFFS AND ROCKS
TIL' I REACH THE TOP AND SOAR WITH THE HAWKS THO' I MAY BE AFRAID OF SLIPPING AND FALLING
I STAY FOCUSED TO HEAR GOD'S CALLING
"MY CHILD I WILL CARRY YOU TO THE VALLEY BELOW...
I PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL NEVER LET GO" THO' I FIND MYSELF IN THE VALLEY FOR A DAY OF REST
I KNOW THAT I WILL HAVE TO FACE ANOTHER QUEST
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE OTHER MOUNTAINS TO SCALE
WITH THE ENEMY HOT AND HEAVY ON MY TRAIL THO' I GET WEARY FROM LIFE'S UPS AND DOWNS
AND SUFFER AT TIMES FROM SPIRITUAL MELTDOWNS
I KNOW SOMEDAY I'LL CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN TO HEAVEN
FOR GOD'S BEEN TRAINING ME FOR MY FINAL RUN
COPYRIGHT 2008
DEBBY HARRIS
PEOPLE LOOK AT ME ON THE OUTSIDE
THEY SEE NORMAL
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL ON THE INSIDE
HOW FAR I CAN FALL
THEY HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW DEEP MY DISTRESS IS
IF THEY DID, THEY WOULDN'T CHOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS INSIDE MY HEAD, FEELINGS RAGE
ANXIETY RULES MY LIFE
SOMETIMES ON A RAMPAGE
I CUT MYSELF WITH MY KNIFE THEY GIVE ME PILLS, THEY GIVE ME NO HOPE
THEY EVEN SOMETIMES HOSPITALIZE
THEY PUT ME UNDER THEIR MICROSCOPE
STILL, THEY DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE
THAT THEY ARE MAKING ME WORSE THEY LOOK DOWN THEIR NOSES AT ME
AND WHISPER BEHIND MY BACK
A HANDICAP, YOU CAN'T ALWAYS SEE
I LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF PANIC ATTACKS I LOOK SO NORMAL, I HIDE IT SO WELL
THE WORSE I FEEL, THE MORE I JOKE AROUND
THEY DON'T LIVE IN MY PRIVATE HELL
WHERE JOY AND PEACE CANNOT BE FOUND SOME DAYS I WANT TO LIVE, SOME DAYS I WANT TO DIE
I HATE THIS FEELING OF SADNESS AND DESPAIR
SEEMS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE
SADNESS IS MY CONSTANT COMPANION I HATE THIS BIPOLAR ROLLER COASTER
I'M ON A RIDE I DON'T WANT TO BE ON
FIRST I'M UP, THEN I'M DOWN
THIS ISN'T A LIFE THAT I'D PREFER THE FEAR I HAVE IN TAKING MY LIFE
AND KNOWING HOW DEVASTATED MY MOM WOULD BE
IS ALL THAT KEEPS ME ALIVE
I KNOW HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME ALL I WANT IS TO GET OFF THIS RIDE
TO PLANT MY FEET FIRMLY ON THE GROUND
TO NO LONGER SURF THIS WILD TIDE
THE PAIN IS SO PROFOUND I WAKE EACH DAY TO BEGIN THE RIDE ANEW
HOPING FOR A FEW HOURS OF RELIEF
BUT IN MY WORLD, THE VIEW NEVER CHANGES MUCH
FULL OF ANXIETY AND FULL OF GRIEF
I FEEL SO OUT OF TOUCH I HOPE FOR A MIRACLE MEDICINE TO HELP ME, HELP MYSELF
TO LIVE ANXIETY FREE
TO LIFT THIS GRIEF
TO STOP THIS RIDE
TO SLOW THIS TIDE
TO GET OFF THE BIPOLAR ROLLER COASTER
COPYRIGHT 2006
DEBBY HARRIS
I WROTE THIS FOR MY SON 3 YEARS BEFORE HE COMITTED SUICIDE. FROM THE HOURS SPENT LISTENING TO HIM SPEAK OF THIS BEAST OF A DISORDER; I WROTE THIS FOR HIM. WHEN HE READ IT, HE SAID IT WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY. MICHAEL FOUGHT THIS DISORDER FOR MANY YEARS. OH, HOW I WISH IT WAS LIKE WHEN HE WAS A CHILD...AND I COULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER. IT BROKE MY HEART TO SEE WHAT THIS DISORDER DID TO HIM. PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT BIPOLAR FEELS LIKE, BECAUSE WE ARE ONLY OBSERVERS IF WE DON'T SUFFER FROM IT ALSO. MEDICINE IS STRICTLY TRIAL AND ERROR UNTIL THE DOCTOR AND PATIENT FIND MEDS THAT SLOW THE MOODS FROM CYCLING TOO FAST. MICHAEL PROMISED ME HE WOULD ALWAYS CALL ME AND TALK TO ME IF HE FELT SUICIDAL. FOR MANY YEARS, I WAS ABLE TO TALK HIM INTO CHECKING INTO THE HOSPITAL UNTIL THE CRISIS PASSED. THE DAY HE TOOK 80 OF HIS MEDS AND ENDED HIS LIFE; I SPOKE WITH HIM 5 TIMES THAT DAY. HE WAS CALM AND SEEMED UPBEAT. I HAD NO CLUE WHAT HE HAD PLANNED. I KNOW MICHAEL LOVED ME AND HE BROKE HIS PROMISE; HOWEVER, I FORGIVE HIM. HIS LOVE FOR ME WAS GREAT, BUT HIS PAIN BECAME GREATER AND HE TOOK THE ONLY ROUTE THAT WOULD STOP THAT BIPOLAR ROLLER COASTER RIDE. I MISS MICHAEL. I WOULDN'T WISH THIS DISORDER ON MY WORST ENEMY IF I HAD ONE.
GOD, ARE BUTTERFLIES, BUG ANGELS?
SARA MR. GOD, DO YOU HAVE NASCAR AND BEER IN HEAVEN? MY DAD SAID HE DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN, IF THERES NOT.
BILLY K GOD, DO THE ANGELS GET TIRED FROM ALL THAT FLYING?
MELISSA GOD, MY DADDY SAID THERE'S NO SNAKES IN HEAVEN, CUZ' YOU KICKED A BIG ONE A LONG TIME AGO. IS THAT TRUE?
MICKEY MR GOD, WHY DID YOU PUT A CRACK IN OUR BUTT?
RHETT GOD, MY HAMSTER WILLIE DIED. IS HE UP THERE WITH YOU?
MARTY PAPA GOD, IS MY GRANDPA UP THERE WITH YOU? HE FORGOT HIS FALSE TEETH. HOW CAN I SEND THEM?
CHARLOTTE MR GOD AND JESUS, I'M BEING A GOOD BOY. I ONLY KICKED JOEY IN THE LEG BECAUSE HE SAID A REAL BAD WORD. HE DIDN'T LEARN HIS LESSON BECAUSE WHEN I KICKED HIM, HE SAID MORE CUSS WORDS. YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM.
KORBIN JESUS, I KNOW YOU LIKE SHEEP; BUT DO YOU LIKE KIDS?
JAYSON MR GOD, DO YOU HAVE A SISTER? I DON'T LIKE MINE. CAN YOU SEND HER BACK?
WILLIAM GOD, HOW COME I CAN'T SEE HEAVEN WHEN I LOOK UP?
MARCEE GOD, DO YOU HAVE X BOX AND PSP 3 PLAYERS UP THERE? IF NOT, CAN I BRING MINE?
CURTIS MR GOD, WHEN I GET UP THERE; I WANT TO SPIT AND SEE IF IT HIT'S THE GROUND.
SAMMY MR JESUS, WHEN I GET UP THERE AND EAT SUPPER WITH YOU; DON'T GIVE ME ANY WINE CUZ' IT'S ILLEGAL FOR KIDS TO DRINK.
MARY ELLEN JESUS, WHY DO YOU LOVE US SO MUCH?
JESSICA JESUS, DID YOU POOP YOUR DIAPERS WHEN YOU WERE A BABY? MY DAD SAID THAT'S WHERE THE WORD "HOLY CRAP" COMES FROM?
RICKY MR GOD, DID YOU GET YOUR MOUTH WASHED OUT WITH SOAP FOR CUSSING TOO?
JEROD GOD, MY MOMMYS DAD IS REAL SICK. SHE CAN'T AFFORD TO FLY ALL THE WAY OUT TO CALIFORNIA. COULD YOU PLEASE GIVE HER WINGS NOW? SHE NEEDS TO HELP MY GRANDPA.
LIZABETH GOD, HOW DO YOU KEEP TRACK OF ALL OF US?
CINDY MR JESUS, I TRIED TO OPEN OUR NEIGHBORS GATE TO LET ALL OF HIS SHEEP OUT; SO I COULD BRING THEM TO YOU. THE NEIGHBOR CALLED THE SHERIFF ON ME. THE SHERIFF TOLD ME I WAS TRESPASSING AND IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW. I WASN'T STEALING THEM. I WAS JUST BRINGING THEM TO YOU. I TOLD THE SHERIFF YOU OWNED THEM SHEEP. HE TOLD ME NOT IN THIS LIFETIME SON. I'M SORRY I COULDN'T BRING THEM TO YOU, BUT THE SHERIFF WOULDN'T LET ME.
JEREMY GOD, MY MOM IS MAD BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET WHAT SHE WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS. SHE WANTED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR TO GET BIGGER BOOBS; BUT MY DAD SAID SHE HAD TO GET RID OF HER BIG BUTT BEFORE SHE COULD GET BIGGER BOOBS. WILL YOU MAKE HER BUTT SMALLER SO SHE GET'S WHAT SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS NEXT YEAR.
MIKEY MR GOD, WHY DID YOU PUT WHISTLES IN OUR BUTT? MY DADDY SAID THAT'S WHAT TOOTS ARE. HE SAID WE ALL GOT WHISTLES IN OUR BUTTS IN CASE WE GET LOST.
SUSIE PAPA GOD, MY MOM AND DAD SAID THEY USED TO BE HIPPIES. WHAT'S A HIPPY? IS IT A BABY HIPPO?
JANIS GOD, WHY ARE PEOPLE MEAN TO EACH OTHER? DON'T THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE? DON'T THEY KNOW THAT YOU SAID TO LOVE EACH OTHER? I REMEMBER IN THE BIBLE WHERE YOU FED ALOT OF PEOPLE A FISH DINNER AND TOLD THEM ABOUT THE BEEATTATUDES.
MARIAH COPYRIGHT 2007
DEBBY HARRIS
THE GREATEST PRESENT EVER WASN'T FOUND UNDER A TREE
IT WAS THE SON OF GOD BORN FROM THE VIRGIN MARY
NOT WRAPPED UP IN A BOX WITH TINSEL AND BOW
OR SITTING UNDERNEATH THE MISTLETOE IN A MANGER AMONG THE ANIMALS HE WAS BORN
CHRIST THE KING WITH NO CROWN TO BE WORN
NO SILKEN GARMENTS DID HE WEAR
THERE WASN'T EVEN A ROCKING CHAIR BORN TO A YOUNG WOMAN HANDPICKED BY GOD
SO SPECIAL WAS HE THE WISE MEN WERE AWED
GOD CAME DOWN FROM HEAVEN THAT NIGHT
THE WORD BECAME FLESH, WHAT A WONDERFUL SIGHT THIS LITTLE BABE HELD CLOSE TO MARY'S BREAST
WAS INDEED A MIRACLE AN EVENT SO BLESSED
HE WOULD GROW UP AND SAVE THE WORLD FROM SIN
AND TEACH US ALL ABOUT SELF-DISCIPLINE HIS BIRTH WAS A GIFT FROM THE FATHER ABOVE
A TRUE GIFT OF THE HEART A GIFT OF LOVE
HE WAS THE SON OF THE FATHER OF THE MOST HIGH
HIS EVERY DEED WAS DONE TO GLORIFY HE TAUGHT US TO BE MORE FORGIVING
HE GAVE US THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING
HE FORGAVE US OUR SINS AND TOOK OUR PLACE
ON THE CROSS THAT DAY IN A HORRIBLE PLACE THE BEST GIFTS ARE NOT THINGS AT ALL
BUT ACTIONS OF KINDNESS AND LOVE ABOVE ALL
LOVE IS THE REASON WE CELEBRATE THIS SEASON
MY LORD JESUS CHRIST...HE IS THE REASON
COPYRIGHT 2007
DEBBY HARRIS HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!
I HAVE A PAST THAT I'M NOT PROUD OF
OH...THE STUPID MISTAKES I'VE MADE
WHAT I WENT THROUGH JUST TO BE LOVED
I ACTED TOUGH...BUT I WAS SO AFRAID I DID MY BEST TO MASQUERADE THE PAIN
NOBODY KNEW THE SECRETS THAT I KEPT
BELIEVE ME...IT WAS HARD TO MAINTAIN
SO I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND WEPT I WAS THE ONE WHO ALWAYS CLOWNED AROUND
I HAD TO LAUGH...OR I'D BREAK DOWN AND CRY
IT WAS SO HARD LIVING ON A BATTLEGROUND
PEOPLE KEPT HURTING ME AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I STOOD ALL ALONE AS A CHILD AS AN ADULT
THOSE WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME...FAILED
BEING A SCAPEGOAT MADE MY LIFE SO DIFFICULT
I'VE WAITED A LIFETIME FOR THE TRUTH TO BE REVEALED I WAS TOLD MANY TIMES THAT GOD LOVES ME
YEAH RIGHT...I THOUGHT...WHERE HAS HE BEEN
WHY HAS HE ALLOWED PEOPLE TO ABUSE ME
HE LEFT ME ALL ALONE IN THE LIONS DEN I BLAMED GOD FOR WHAT MANKIND DID TO ME
I WAS ANGRY AT HIM...THINKING IT WAS HIS FAULT
WHY DIDN'T HE LOVE ME ENOUGH TO PROTECT ME
FROM WAVE UPON WAVE OF VICIOUS ASSAULTS I DIDN'T KNOW GOD GAVE MAN FREE WILL
AND THAT HE NEVER ONCE ABANDONED ME
IT'S NOT HIS FAULT PEOPLE MAIM AND KILL
I NEVER KNEW HOW MANY TIMES HE CARRIED ME I DIDN'T KNOW JESUS DIED FOR ME TOO
EVEN THOUGH I HAD COMITTED...MANY A SIN
NAILED TO A CROSS AND BEATEN BLACK AND BLUE
SO THAT I TOO...AM AMONG THE FORGIVEN
COPYRIGHT 2009
DEBBY HARRIS
ALL ALONE IN HER BED AT NIGHT
A CHILD SILENTLY PRAYS
JESUS TAKE ME WITH YOU TONIGHT
PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE
TEARS FALL AND SOAK HER PILLOW
HER LITTLE BODY ACHES
FROM TOO MANY A BELTS BLOW ALL ALONE IN HER BED AT NIGHT
A YOUNG WOMAN SOFTLY CRIES
WHY DID HE PICK ANOTHER FIGHT
SHE CAN'T CRY OUT OR SHE'LL WAKE HER BABY
TEARS FALL AND SOAK HER PILLOW
HER YOUNG BODY ACHES
FROM MANY A FISTS BLOW ALL ALONE IN HER GRAVE IN THE GRAVEL PIT
HER TEARS ABSORB INTO THE DIRT
CLAUSTROPHOBIC FROM SUCH A TIGHT FIT
SO SCARED AND ALONE TIL' SHE HEARS GOD'S VOICE
"DON'T WEEP FOR I AM HERE WITH YOU...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIE. YOU HAVE A CHOICE." ALL ALONE IN A HOSPITAL BED
IN A ROOM CALLED INTENSIVE CARE
SHE HEARS NURSES SAY "SHE SHOULD BE DEAD"
IT HURTS TO BREATHE EVEN WITH OXYGEN
STITCHED UP AND HOOKED UP TO AN I.V.
THE DOCTOR SAYS "IT WILL TAKE A LONG TIME TO MEND" ALL ALONE IN A BIG COURTROOM SHE QUIETLY SITS
HERE COMES HER ATTACKER WITH A BIG CROWD
HIS FAMILY LOVES HIM REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE COMMITS
SHE SHAKES UNCONTROLLABLY SEEING HIM AGAIN
WHEN HE SPEAKS SHE STARTS TO SILENTLY CRY
REMEMBERING THE HORROR ALL OVER AGAIN
ALL ALONE SHE'S HAD TO FACE SO MUCH ON HER OWN
TIL' SHE REALIZED GOD WAS WITH HER ALL THE TIME
HE WAS RIGHT THERE WITH HER IN THE BATTLE ZONE
CARRYING HER WHEN HER STRENGTH WAS GONE
WIPING AWAY EVERY TEAR THAT SHE WEEPS
AS SHE RUNS THE GAUNTLET IN LIFES MARATHON
COPYRIGHT 2008
DEBBY HARRIS
IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN ABUSED, OR A VICTIM OF A SERIOUS CRIME LIKE I WAS; PLEASE GIVE THEM YOUR SUPPORT. GO WITH THEM TO COURT AS MORAL SUPPORT. MY FAMILY BLAMED ME AND WAS ASHAMED OF ME, SO I WAS ALL ALONE. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY MY ATTACKERS FAMILY WAS THERE FOR HIM...WHEN HE HAD TRIED TO KILL ME. MY FAMILY, REJECTED ME. WITH MY LAST BREATH...I WILL STAND FOR THOSE WHO STAND ALONE. DEBBY
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