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Viewing 19 - 27 out of 29 Blogs.
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Bikers
Posted On 11/11/2011 01:06:47
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Bikers
This truck driver was really tired, and pulled into a diner, and just ordered a cup of coffee. While sitting at the counter, a group of bikers pulled in, started acting rowdy, spilled his coffee, made fun of him, and tried to pick a fight with him. He just got up, paid for his coffee ,and walked out and drove off. One of the other customers said to the waitress: "My, that truck driver wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress said: "No. and he's not much of a driver either, he just ran over six motorcycles"
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... I'll take two coffees and a tow truck, please.
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Nerds
Posted On 11/09/2011 02:12:46
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Nerds:
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
"Why did you do that?"
"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
Muddy in Alabama
Early spring sometime in the mid 1970s found me traveling east on I-20 near Birmingham. I was on sort of a short hop so I didn't have a co-driver. Just me and ole Waylon Jennings.
Evening was coming on pretty quickly. The plan was to make a stop soon. Get a shower, chow down and rest a bit.
The sky had been dark and dreary most of the day. The forecast was for showers. And true to the forecast it rained on and off.
I drove along. The beat of the wipers and Waylon's mooning over some lost love my only company.
I glanced in my mirrors to see behind me. I did a double take. What was that? Looked like a dark funnel cloud headed straight for me from the west. Wait a minute! The weather forecast had not said anything about a tornado. The hell with the weather forecast!
I pulled to the side of the road. Bailed out. A few seconds later I was face down in the deepest ditch I could find with my arms flung over my head.
The noise! It sounded like a freight train was running over me. I can't say how long it lasted. Just tried to make myself part of the muddy ground under me.
When I finally crawled out of my hole, I seemed to still be in one piece. But my clothes were beyond muddy. And folks, I'd be less than honest with you if I said my drawers were not a little muddy, too.
Truck Drivers and Lawyers:
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the loud, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"I know", replied the priest. "Lucky I got him with the door!"
Low Clearance
It's more common than you might think for trucks (or mostly trailers) to get stuck under bridges. Even experienced truck drivers sometimes make an error in judgement that lands them in this kind of situation. Most underpasses have yellow warning signs posting the clearance. And drivers are expected to know the clearance of their truck and trailer.
For some reason railroad bridges seem to be the culprits in most of these mishaps, though not all. Each incident is unique...in the way it must be handled. Many times just letting some air out of the tires will unstick the trailer. Other times more drastic measures have to be used. I've even known of times when part of the trailer had to be dismantled.
Of course death is the worst result of this type of accident. I've certainly know that to happen. But even if a driver is not killed or maimed, a citation and fine from the police can result in the loss of his job. And an alcohol and drug test is a certainty.
So watching out for those yellow signs is a must! 
This is a danger that truck drivers face everyday. Even so, below is a joke that pokes fun at it:
Low Bridge Ahead
A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?" The trucker replies sarcastically, "No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas!"
Gynecologist Mechanic:
A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with truck engines, so he enrolled in a school for truck mechanics. When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a truck engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%. "How could that be?" he asked.
"Well," said the instructor, "I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe."
I Just Don't Know
I am not an atheist; some people call me an agnostic. As far as religion goes, I just don't know. I've read and done a bit of studying about quite a few of the world's religions. To me they ALL have something to offer and each and every one seems to hold a "piece" of the "truth". My late wife was a Baptist and she always saw to it that our two boys went to church. But we never argued over religion.
I've traveled wide and far. I've seen beautiful and miraculous things. I know in my heart that there has to be some force behind it all. I just don't know what. As far as organized religion, I want no part of it. I've felt more spiritual sitting on a rock in the middle of the desert than in any church building.
My friend Barb/Yanaba sent me the following about Mark Twain in an email. I guess it sort of got me to thinking about all this. I would like to share it here:
A God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell — mouths mercy, and invented hell — mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him! - Mark Twain, author and atheist
YAN'S BLOG CHALLENGE
The challenge is to write about an everyday saying and where it comes from.
I chose "fly-by-night." When I hear the phrase "fly-by-night" I always think about someone or something slightly shady if not downright dishonorable.
Many times fly-by-night refers to those businesses or business people that are here today, gone tomorrow. But believe it or not, the first fly-by-nights were witches!
As witches travel by broom (and at night, no less), the saying came to mean something or someone up to no good.
But, fair warning to ya, if you are ever in England, be careful how you throw the phrase around!
For in Britain, a fly-by-night is slang for a prostitute...one who does her business in the dark of night, while making herself scarce by the light of day.
Belly Dumps and a Naked Girl
There were about 15 of us running belly dumps (trailers with a funnel-shaped bottom for unloading). It was the middle of the night. We were running back and forth from Coolidge, Arizona. Running out the back way up to 79 up to the 60 into Tempe during monsoon season. If you ever been in a monsoon you know what I'm talking about. And this back way is all desert.
All the trucks were just minutes apart of being loaded so we would run kind of together. And as we were running out this back road someone gets on the radio and says, "Hey! Did you see that naked girl sitting in the middle of the road?"
A few of us radio back. No we didn't see anything like that. Must have been a mirage.
The answer comes back, "No, it's God's honest truth. There was a naked girl in the road back there."
After dumping our loads and coming back we found the road was closed. There was a helicopter and the fire department there, making all kind of ruckus.
Come to find out, a mini-van had come through after us and saw this naked girl sitting in the middle of the road. Imagine how that looked....in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night, in the middle of monsoon season. So, of course, they called the police.
During the call the girl got up and wandered over to the mini-van yelling: " They are all over me! I can't get 'em off!" She kept yelling this over and over.
They finally figured out what happened. She was out partying and got real messed up on something and drove her car off the road. She was so messed up she thought she was being attacked by scorpions. So she took off all her clothes and sat down in the middle of the road.
God's honest truth....
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