|
Viewing 10 - 18 out of 24 Blogs.
| Page:
|
2 |
|
Subject: Questions WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?†HUSBAND: “Definitely not!†WIFE: “Why not - don’t you like being married?†HUSBAND: “Of course I do.†WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?†HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.†WIFE: “You would? (with a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: “Would you live in our house?†HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.†WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?†HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?†WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?†HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.†WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?†HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.†WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?†HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.†WIFE: - - - silence - - HUSBAND: “F**kâ€
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Larry’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Larry’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Larry sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. “Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?†“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’†I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose pedals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, “Do what ever you want.†So, Here I am.
How Old am I?
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32 " the clerk replies. "I'm actually 47," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies,"I'd guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands down your panties. Then I can tell exactly how old you are." They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead." The old man slips both hands down her panties and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, Okay, how old am I?" He removes his hands and says, "You're 47." Stunned, the woman says, "That's amazing. How do you know?". The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."
Hi all, I'm sitting here in my hotel room in Cleveland preparing my speech for my 45th HS Reunion. I'll be here til Wednesday. Boy it's cold here!!!! D
|
1955
Posted On 09/06/2011 03:56:49
|
No sex since 1955
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little.
Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she
proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest
and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his
matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
(Don't ya love military time) __________________
Husband WantedA lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON." On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you . . . you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
Chicken Wire
Chicken Wire Date: Mon, 3 May 1999 11:31:29 -0500 Chicken Wire An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
Chicken Wire
Chicken Wire Date: Mon, 3 May 1999 11:31:29 -0500 Chicken Wire An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
| Page:
|
2 |
|
|
