I walked into a bar and sat next to two rather LARGE ladies, I ordered a beer and noticed the two ladies next to me spoke with a deep accent, wanting to be a new friend I leaned over and asked " are you ladies from Scotland ? The one next to me said " it's Wales stupid" ok I appologized and asked " are you two wales from Scotland"? I wokeup in the ally.

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 Older Men Scam
>
> Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the
> small and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I
> have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.
>
> A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's,
> Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by
> surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam
> while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out
> to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't
> happen to you or your friends.
>
> there's how the scam works... Two nice looking, college-age girls will
> come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into
> your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and
> Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy
> T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and
> offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to
> McDonald's.
>
> You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start
> undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the
> other one steals your wallet.
>
> I had my wallet stolen Jan. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
> again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th.
> Also Feb. 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely
> again this upcoming weekend.
>
> So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take
> advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
>
> BTY, Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even
> cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three
> of their stores.
>
> Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds
> just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart.
> So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn
> them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just
> before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

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Little advice for Tiger from the "Old Guys"!

 

 

As we all know, Tiger has returned to golf after a many month hiatus. 
We seniors have put together some words of advice he may want to follow. 

Senior Wisdom for Tiger... 
When you see a woman and you desire her, please consider the following. 

No matter how beautiful she is... 


No matter how sexy she is... 


No matter how seductive she is... 


No matter how huge her breasts are.. 



I forgot where I was going with this ....

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I need you

I need you back into my life

I need you to listen to me

I need you give me a chance to explain

I need you to message me

I want you

I want you to stop and listen

I want you to want me as much as I want you

I want you to trust me

I want you to undertand me

I want you so much I can't stand it

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Why, Why did you do it? Why oh why is my heart broken so. Why did you do it the way that you did? Why didn't you talk to me first? why didn't you give me a chance to explaine. Why would you ignore me and shut me out like this. Why is it killing me, Why do I feel so lonely now. Why, oh Why did you treat me so wrong. Why did you not read my explaination. Why are you being so mean to me. 

  You mean alot to me, you were a true friend, you are the one person I trusted, you were all I had here, you left me as mysteriously as you entered my life. you make life so unfair.

Please come back to me, Please listen to my words, Please give me another chance... Please... Please, don't do this to me. 

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Check your shampoo bottle label.

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!!
It's the shampoo I'm using in the shower!

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!)
printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:

FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY!

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!!

Well!  I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using
Dawn dishwashing soap instead.  Their label reads,

DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.

Problem Solved!!!

If I don't answer, the phone I'll be in the shower!!!

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Branding Johnnie Dee (John Dadante)
Voice Over talent, Actor, Radio voice, commercials, Character roles and voices. MC, Auctioneer, Magician and musician. Usually one take. Not represented at present. PSA's available. Will work for scale. Contact through this site. You won't be dissapointed

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Branding Johnnie Dee (John Dadante)

Voice Over talent, Actor, Radio voice, commercials, PSA's available . Contact through this site. You won't be dissapointed

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If you believed in reincarnation, You should have your Tombstone say BRB instead of RIP.

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