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Viewing 19 - 24 out of 24 Blogs.
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OLD people have problems that you haven't
even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was told by the
Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.' The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
Boyfriend to Husband Is this the way it is ... ??Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and PremierLeague 7.2. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried runningNagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. Signed: Desperate Wife (keep reading) - - - - -Reply Separator- - - - - Dear Desperate Wife, Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and installTears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause damage, with Husband 1.0 defaulting to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 orBeer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. Be especially cautious about the HotChik virus – it’s programmed to corrupt Husband 1.0 utterly (as well as all future Husband upgrades). DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriendprogram. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1. Good Luck,
Tech Support
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poems
Posted On 05/31/2011 07:47:59
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WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor
store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it'd be so damn literal! You are using that machine to its exact purpose!
Inner Peace: This is so true If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without alcohol, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, ...Then You Are Probably ......... The Family Dog! And you thought I was going to get all spiritual 
Well, It's been a long time since my early "Boomer" Days, and I guess things do change. I got home from work at about 10 pm, got out of my Best Buy uniform, (Blue golf shirt, Kahki pants and black geek squad shoes, ((that really hurt))). Went downstairs and fired up the "MacBook", grabbed some snacks and a huge glass of Hmmmmm. Sat in my leather chair, put my feet up and put the MacBook on my lap. First went to Face Book and returned some "Pokes" and answered a few messages. Then, with great atticipation clicked on "My Boomer Place". I was greeted with my mug shot found a message for friend from a few people and went straight to the "Lounge" to chat with my new found friends...... (insert cricket sounds here). Hmmmm? Maybe later. Played a game or two of Angry Birds, and went back.... (More Crickets). I returned three more times.... crickets, Crickets, CRICKETS!!!! I HATE CRICKETS!!!! Finally, a person is there, Good Ole Hank. Said Hi, How are you, I left and went to bed. Will somebody please tell me where was everyone?? It's Friday night for God's sake. If you got a better place, please tell me about it.
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