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A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into
a regular workout routine
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at
the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being
a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be
a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting
for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes,
and a dazzling white sm.ile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching
the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my
workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the
morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY
annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
stair monster. Why anyone would invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help
me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Jerkhead was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help
being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran
and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny girl to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And
if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells
or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice
made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked
the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would
have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh
The National Veterans Art Museum in Chicago has an unusual work of art. I didn't even know this existed!
When visitors first enter the museum, they will hear a sound like wind chimes coming from above them and their attention will be drawn upward 24 feet to the ceiling of the two-story high atrium. 
Dog tags of the more than 58,000 service men and women who died in the Vietnam War hang from the ceiling of the National Vietnam Veterans Art Museum in Chicago on Veterans Day, November 11, 2010. The 10-by-40-foot sculpture, entitled Above & Beyond, was designed by Ned Broderick and Richard Stein.
The tens of thousands of metal dog tags are suspended 24 feet in the air, 1 inch apart, from fine lines that allow them to move and chime with shifting air currents. Museum employees using a kiosk and laser pointer help visitors locate the exact dog tag with the imprinted name of their lost friend or
relative.
"If you can read this, thank a Teacher ... If you are reading it in English, thank a VET."
Tags: ART
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