The Spirit of Tequila and what I need
Sitting outside my mud hut I looked up to see a strange man walking from the bush into the middle of the village. Now it is not so much that the man was strange in any particular way, but it was certainly strange that he was here. You see I had been here for a little over two years and this was the first new face I had seen since I got here. The man looked around at the small collection of huts, animals, children and adults his eyes finally settled on me. I guess it was because I was looking back at him while the others were watching him from the corner of their eyes, or with quick furtive glances.
Walking over to me he he looked down and asked, "Do you speak English?"
Well I had to think about that for a minute. After all I had not spoken my native language since the unfortunate incident that landed me here. It seems that not speaking a language, even your native tongue, for over two years you begin to lose your grip on it. So rather than risk embarrassment I shrugged.
Oh, I know what you are thinking, "If I were stranded in a mud hut village for two years, I wouldn't have shrugged, I would have jump at any chance to be free of it!"
Well maybe you would and maybe you wouldn't. You can decide for yourself, if you ever find yourself in my situation, and I hope to god you don't! Well maybe some of you, the ones who are more smugly sure of how they would avoid being me. Yes, some of you probably need to know exactly what it is like to be me, and that is the little twist of fate that brought me here, what I needed.
Now I am certain that everyone has had that little fantasy of wining the lottery, inheriting from a long lost, stinking rich, now dead and childless relative, or finding buried treasure in their backyards. Well I'm no different in my desire to have enough wealth to never have to work again. Unfortunately for me I found my lottery ticket one day in the form of a small unremarkable glass bottle with a very tight cork stuck in its mouth.
It all started when I lost my job. Oh sure, go ahead think of me as some loser. Well it wasn't my fault I lost my job. The company I had given 15 years of body and soul to was bought out by people who had neither body nor soul. They were corporate. There were no people just balance sheets and cost benefit analysises. It just happens that neither my body nor my soul added up to enough benefit to out weigh the cost of keeping me. You see there was enough overlap between "corporate" and their new tidbit that about 120 bodies and souls were no longer needed. So, like I said it all started when I lost my job.
I had enough money to keep my, now unneeded, body and soul together for about three months. The soulless corporation, to keep from being sued, gave me six months severance, and after taxes that gave me another five months. Five months, why not six? Well when you get it in a lump some like that they take out more taxes; that is why. So, I'm not too panicked; I have about 8 months to find a job. Still it was the first time I had been unemployed since I started working at age 15. Being a little down I decided to stop at the liquor store and pick up a bottle of tequila. I wanted something a little harsh and numbing, and I figured tequila was perfect.
Now normally I would buy a middle grade tequila, but I had already gone into emergency mode so I went straight for the cheapest I could find. Besides the way I was feeling the harsher the drink and the faster the numb the better. So I picked out a brand that I had never tried, but it was only $10.00 for the bottle. Paying at the counter I took my anesthesia and headed for home.
Once home I figured, "Hell why wait, let's get the party started!"
I quickly broke the paper seal and tried to pull the cork stopper from the bottle. It would not budge, "Shit! You would think a guy who just lost his job could at least get drunk!"
I tried to pry it out with a screw driver earning myself a nasty gouged right above my left thumb. I tried pulling it out with my teeth until I was afraid I was going to lose one. Finally in frustration I threw the battle against the wall and screamed,
"Open Damn YOU!"
Well the bottle fell to the floor and the stopper popped out with a sound like opening a champagne bottle. I rushed to the bottle to keep too much of the tequila from spilling on the floor, but when I got there, there was no tequila, only a dry slightly musky order in the room. Turning around to go call the liquor store I jumped and screamed just like a little girl! Standing there in front of me was a man. A man who looked just like a Mexican bandit from an old 50's movie!
"Who the HELL ARE YOU!", I blurted out in surprise.
"I am the spirit of tequila, and I am here to grant you a wish"
That stopped me and I almost laughed, but not quite.
"Shouldn't you be a Jeni and shouldn't it be three wishes?"
"Hey, look first of all not all magical wish granting spirits are Jeni, and second of all it's a tough economy out there. Do you want your one wish or should I give it to someone else?"
There it was, my lottery ticket, I could have fame, I could have fortune, I could have wealth, I could have IT ALL! Then I got a hold of myself.
"Wait a minute", I said.
"Every movie I have ever seen about wishes turns out badly because the wisher becomes greedy!"
"This is just a trap and if I'm not careful my life will go from bad to worse!"
Now, I like to think I'm a pretty smart guy. I certainly don't want my life to get worse, but I could sure use that wish! So, I thought about wants and needs and happiness and wealth; that is when I hit on the perfect wish.
"I will wish for all my needs to be met!", I said to the Tequila spirit.
He looked at me and kind of shook his head sadly, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be wealthy?"
"How about famous, or a genius?"
"Come on open up your imagination, you only get one you know."
"I know I only get one, and you are trying to trick me!"
"That's my wish now grant it or give me back my tequila!"
You would think that such a momentous event would warrant trumpets, thunder, or even a, "So shall it be written", but no, nothing happened except this smiling laughing Mexican just sort of faded away. Looking down my tequila bottle was now full of tequila so I got drunk and passed out in bed.
The next morning I was sick, so violently sick that I swore to never drink again. It seems that I needed that reminder to avoid becoming a drunk. In quick session my house burned down, I could no longer afford it and I needed to get rid of it. I was accused of embezzlement, seems I needed to be a little more humble. I escaped on a freighter heading anywhere but here, it seems I needed to get away from civilization.
Once the freighter entered Port Elizabeth of South Africa I jumped ship and was immediately arrested for illegal immigration, it seems I needed to be more sympathetic. I broke out of the detention center and ran off into the bush country finally finding this small mud hut village. Here all my needs are met.
I have clothing I weave myself. I have food that I grow or that comes from animals I keep. I have shelter from the rain and I have my health. I have everything I need. Now, am I happy? In a sense I guess I am, but if I had to do it all over again I would have gone for the wealth!
Sitting there considering whether to answer this stranger in English I see one of the tribal elders and three other strong young men heading in my direction. I sigh as I realize that the tribal elder is the father of the young lady I was entertaining in my hut last night. It seems I NEED to get my ass kicked....
