REMINDERS FROM GOD:

"This would cure the poor sick world if every day each soul waited before me. Gradually you will be transformed physically, mentally, and spiritually into My Likeness."  -- GOD

Our Daily Devotional:

Beware the Big Fish

Jonah 1:1-3 NIV: "The word of the LORD came to Jonah...´Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.? But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish."
Jonah learned the hard way what happens when a child of God does not yield to the will of God. In our lives as believers, it is probable that God is going to lead us in a direction we did not expect, or lead us to do a work we would never have chosen to do. And within that moment, we (like Jonah) have a choice: we can be obedient to God´s will, thus allowing God to work through us as He wishes; or we can run from God´s will and, essentially, be miserable. It is not God´s intention to make you miserable. But rest assured that since we are His, and since we have a purpose of God´s desire, we must function accordingly if we are to have peace. The benefits far outweigh the costs. Letting go of what we think or want is difficult, but necessary, if God is to complete His perfect work in us. Anything else is like kicking "against the goads." The best thing we can do is simply follow His way, and stop trying to force our will above His.

And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. And he turned again into the camp: but his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, departed not out of the tabernacle.
- Exodus 33:11 

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

palingenesis pal-in-JEN-uh-sis   , noun;
1. Rebirth; regeneration. 2. In biology, embryonic development that reproduces the ancestral features of the species. 3. Baptism in the Christian faith. 4. The doctrine of transmigration of souls.

Quotes:

His acquaintance with the family dated from their social palingenesis , when, after obscure prosperity in a southern suburb, they fluttered to the northern heights, and were observed of the paragraphists.
-- George Gissing, The Whirlpool

A perfect palingenesis  was wrought by the restorer of the Persian empire, which pretty nearly re- occupied (and gloried in re-occupying) the very area that had once composed the empire of Cyrus.
-- Thomas de Quincey, The Caesars

Origin:
Palingenesis  is the combination of two Greek roots: palin , "again," and genesis , "source."

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Bubbe's Potato Latkes with Homemade Applesauce

Serves: 6 Edit
Total Time: 1 hr 30 min
Cook Time: 10 min
Oven Temp: 250

 Ingredients
 
Potato Latkes

4 large (about 2 1/2 pounds) baking potatoes
1 medium onion
1 large egg
2 tablespoon(s) all-purpose flour or matzoh meal
1 tablespoon(s) fresh minced parsley or dill
1 tablespoon(s) fresh lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon(s) baking powder
1/2 teaspoon(s) salt
1/4 teaspoon(s) coarsely ground black pepper
3/4 cup(s) vegetable oil for frying
Parsley sprigs for garnish

Homemade Applesauce

4 large (about 2 pounds) Golden Delicious apples, cut into eighths, but do not peel or remove core and seeds
1/2 cup(s) apple cider or apple juice
1 teaspoon(s) fresh lemon juice

Directions

Prepare Homemade Applesauce: Cut apples into eighths, but do not peel or remove core and seeds. In 3-quart saucepan, heat apples, apple cider or juice, and fresh lemon juice to boiling over high heat. Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer 15 minutes or until apples are very tender. Into large bowl, press apple mixture through coarse sieve or food mill to remove skin and seeds. Makes about 2 cups. Cover and refrigerate.
Prepare Potato Latkes: Peel and finely shred potatoes and onion into colander. With hand, squeeze to press out as much liquid as possible. Place potato mixture in medium bowl; stir in egg, flour, parsley, lemon juice, baking powder, salt, and pepper.
Preheat oven to 250 degrees F. Heat 3 tablespoons vegetable oil in 12-inch skillet over medium heat until hot but not smoking. Drop potato mixture by scant 1/4 cups into hot skillet, cooking 5 latkes at a time. With back of spoon, flatten each latke into a 3-inch round. Cook latkes about 4 to 5 minutes until undersides are golden. With pancake turner, turn latkes and cook 4 to 5 minutes longer until second sides are golden brown and crisp. With slotted pancake turner, remove latkes to paper towels to drain and keep warm on cookie sheet lined with paper towels in the oven.
Repeat with remaining potato mixture, stirring thoroughly before frying each batch and using 3 tablespoons hot vegetable oil per batch. Serve hot with Homemade Applesauce.

Nutritional Information
(per serving)

Calories 250
Total Fat 9g
Saturated Fat 1g
Cholesterol 43mg
Sodium 270mg
Total Carbohydrate 38g
Dietary Fiber --
Sugars --
Protein 6g
Calcium --

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Ginger Crinkle Cookies

Active Time:  10 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour
Yield:  34 cookies 

Cynthia Farr-Weinfeld, a hypnotherapist and writer, started improving the nutritional profile of a friend’s mother’s ginger cookie recipe by substituting whole-wheat pastry flour for all-purpose flour and canola oil for shortening. "Experiment with these cookies," she advises, "as they taste great either slightly underdone or crispy." She calls them "the quickest cookies you’ll ever bake."

Make Ahead Tip: Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 5 days. 

INGREDIENTS
2/3 cup canola oil 
1 1/2 cups turbinado sugar, divided (see Tip) 
1 large egg 
4 tablespoons molasses 
2 cups sifted whole-wheat pastry flour 
2 teaspoons baking soda 
1 1/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon 
1 1/4 teaspoons ground ginger 
1/4 teaspoon sea salt 

Tip: Turbinado sugar is steam-cleaned raw cane sugar. It’s coarse-grained and light brown in color, with a slight molasses flavor. The coarse texture adds great crunch when used in baking. Find it in the natural-foods section of large supermarkets or at natural-foods stores. 
 
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Mix oil and 1 cup sugar in a large bowl until combined. Beat in egg until combined. Stir in molasses until evenly incorporated. Sift flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger and salt over the wet ingredients and stir until just combined.
Put the remaining 1/2 cup sugar in a small bowl. Roll the dough into 1-inch balls and roll each ball in the sugar before placing 2 inches apart on an ungreased baking sheet. Do not flatten.
Bake the cookies until set, but still soft when gently touched, 10 to 12 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.
 
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Big Oatmeal Raisin Chews   

Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  35 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 18 cookies (1 serving size = 1 cookie) 
These big, soft, chewy cookies are lightly spiced and just delicious.
 
INGREDIENTS
2 1/4 cups old-fashioned oats (do not use instant or quick oats) 
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 
3/4 teaspoon ground allspice 
3/4 teaspoon baking soda 
1/2 teaspoon salt 
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 
1 cup granulated sugar 
1 cup (packed) dark brown sugar 
2 large eggs 
1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
1 1/4 cups raisins 
 
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 3 large (16 by 14-inch) nonstick baking sheets.
Mix first 6 ingredients in medium bowl. Using electric mixer, beat butter and both sugars in large bowl until well blended, about 1 minute. Add eggs and vanilla; beat until well blended, about 1 minute. On low speed, beat in dry ingredients just until blended (do not over beat). Stir in raisins.
Drop batter by 1/4 cupfuls onto prepared sheets, spacing evenly apart and forming 6 mounds per sheet. Bake until cookies are pale golden brown, about 15 minutes. Cool cookies on sheets for 5 minutes. Using metal spatula, transfer cookies to racks and cool completely. (Can be made 2 days ahead. Store in airtight container at room temperature.)

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Chewy Molasses Cookies

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  45 Minutes
Yield:  about 2 dozen cookies 

Redolent of cloves and ginger, these chewy molasses cookies are great for after school snacks.

Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 1; cover and refrigerate overnight. Store baked cookies in an airtight container at room temperatue for up to 4 days or freeze for longer storage. 

INGREDIENTS
2 cups all-purpose flour 
2 teaspoons baking soda 
1/2 teaspoon salt 
1 1/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon 
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 
1 large egg white 
1 1/4 cups sugar, divided 
1/2 cup fruit puree fat replacement 
1/4 cup canola oil 
1/4 cup molasses 
 
 
DIRECTIONS

Whisk flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, cloves and ginger in a medium bowl. Whisk egg white, 1 cup sugar, fruit puree, oil and molasses in a large mixing bowl. Add the dry ingredients and stir gently until combined. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until firm, at least 2 hours or overnight.
Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat 2 baking sheets with cooking spray or line them with parchment paper.
Place remaining 1/4 cup sugar in a shallow dish. Scoop out dough by the scant tablespoonful and, with lightly oiled hands, roll into 1-inch balls. Roll balls in sugar and place 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheets. Bake cookies, 1 sheet at a time, until golden on the bottom, 10 to 15 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

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Irish Lace Cookies

Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 5 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 12 cookies 
 
 INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter 
1/2 cup (packed) golden brown sugar 
2 tablespoons heavy cream 
1 tablespoon light corn syrup 
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 
3/4 cup quick cooking irish oatmeal 
1/4 cup all-purpose flour 
1/4 teaspoon salt 
 
 
DIRECTIONS
Using electric mixer and paddle attachment, beat first 5 ingredients in large bowl until light and fluffy. Add oatmeal, flour and salt. Beat just until soft dough forms. Transfer dough to waxed paper; shape dough into ball. Refrigerate until firm, about 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Line baking sheet with parchment paper. Using 1 tablespoon dough for each, shape dough into twelve balls. Place 3 balls on prepared baking sheet, spacing evenly apart. Flatten dough balls with palms. Bake until golden brown and "lacy," about 10 minutes. Cool cookies on baking sheet until firm, about 2 minutes. Using metal spatula, transfer cookies to rack and cool completely. Repeat with remaining dough balls.
 
Serving size = 1 cookie

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Braised Brisket with Garlic

Braised brisket is a lovely dish for the holidays or anytime for that matter. Advance preparation cuts down on last-minute cooking and makes it easier to remove the fat from the gravy.

Serves: 8 to 10
Prep. time: 30 minutes
Cooking time: 2 1/2 to 3 hours

36 plump cloves garlic 
3 tablespoons olive oil 
about 5 pounds beef brisket, trimmed of fat, patted dry with paper towels 
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar 
3 cups beef broth, or chicken broth, preferably homemade 
3 fresh thyme sprigs, or 2 teaspoons dried thyme 
2 fresh rosemary sprigs, plus 1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary 
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste 
1 teaspoon minced garlic 
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest 

 
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.
Drop the garlic cloves into boiling water for 30 seconds. Drain immediately and peel as soon as they are cool enough to handle. Set aside on paper towels to dry.
In a roasting pan large enough to hold the meat, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat (you may have to use two burners). Add the brisket and cook for about 10 minutes until well browned on both sides. Transfer to a platter.
Pour off all but 1 tablespoon of fat in the pan. Add the garlic cloves and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the edges of the cloves are tinged with gold.
Add the vinegar and scrape up the browned bits on the bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon. Add the stock, thyme, and rosemary sprigs and reduce the heat to a simmer.
Season the brisket on both sides with salt and pepper and return it to the pan, fat side up. Spoon the garlic sauce over the meat.
Cover (use foil if necessary) and roast in the oven for 2 1/2 to 3 hours until the meat is fork tender. Baste it with the pan juices every 30 minutes. Periodically check the pan juices; they should be gently bubbling. If they are boiling rapidly, reduce the oven temperature to 300 degrees F.
Transfer the brisket to a cutting board and tent it loosely with foil.
Strain the pan juice, reserving the garlic and discarding the thyme and rosemary sprigs. Skim and discard as much fat as possible from the liquid.
Transfer about half of the garlic cloves and about 1 cup of braising liquid to a food processor or blender. Puree until smooth. Transfer the puree, the remaining garlic cloves, and the braising liquid to a skillet. Add the chopped rosemary, minced garlic, and lemon zest. Bring to a boil and cook over high heat until the gravy is reduced to the desired consistency. Taste and adjust the seasonings. (For a smoother gravy, puree all the garlic.)
Cut the brisket into thin slices across the grain at a slight diagonal. Arrange on a serving platter and spoon some of the hot gravy over the meat.

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Sole with Lemon Cream
 
You can use any type of sole for this dish, such as Petrale, lemon, or gray. They’re all delicate in flavor, as is the simple lemon cream sauce. The balance in strength ensures that neither will overwhelm the other; the sauce just enhances the fillets.

Serves: 4
Prep. time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 6 minutes
 
INGREDIENTS:

2 tablespoons butter 
2 pounds sole fillets, cut to make 4 pieces 
3/4 teaspoon salt 
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper 
1/4 cup white flour 
3/4 cup heavy cream 
grated lemon zest, of 1/2 lemon 
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice 
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 

DOCUMENTS:
 
In a large nonstick frying pan, melt the butter over moderate heat. Sprinkle the sole with 1/2 teaspoon of the salt and the pepper. Dust the sole with the flour and shake off any excess. Put the sole in the pan and cook for 2 minutes. Turn and cook until just done, about 2 minutes longer. Remove the sole from the pan.
Add the cream and lemon zest to the pan. Bring to a simmer and cook until starting to thicken, about 2 minutes. Stir in the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt, the lemon juice, and parsley. Serve the sauce over the fish.

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 Slow-Cooked Pulled Pork Sandwiches

These fabulous sandwiches feature pork shoulder that is slow cooked in a scrumptious, sweet and tangy sauce to be served on sandwich buns.

Serves: 12
Prep. time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: About 9 hours

1 tbsp. vegetable oil 
1 boneless pork shoulder roast (3 1/2 to 4 lbs.), netted or tied 
1 can (10 1/2 oz.) Campbell's Condensed French Onion Soup 
1 cup ketchup 
1/4 cup cider vinegar 
3 tbsp. packed brown sugar 
12 sandwich or hamburger rolls 
 
Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the pork and cook until well browned on all sides.
Stir the soup, ketchup, vinegar and brown sugar in a 5-quart slow cooker. Add the pork and turn to coat.
Cover and cook on LOW for 8 to 9 hours or until the pork is fork-tender.
Remove the pork from the cooker to a cutting board and let stand for 10 minutes. Using 2 forks, shred the pork. Return the pork to the cooker.  Divide the pork mixture among the rolls.

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Chewy Walnut Squares

Makes: 12 servings
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 18 minutes
Ready In: 48 minutes

 This has nothing to do with walnuts but did you know that roosters cannot crow if they cannot fully extend their necks and it is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. Also leave Santa's some bananas for Christmas. Why? Because reindeer like to eat bananas - oh this candy is really great for Holiday baking and sharing.
 
Ingredients
1 egg unbeaten
1 cup dark brown sugar firmly packed
1/2 cup flour
1/4 tsp soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 dash salt
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts  

Directions
Combine the egg and brown sugar. Add the vanilla and dash of salt. Next combine with flour; add the walnuts and mix well. Pour into a buttered 8X8 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 18 to 20 minutes. Cool in the pan and cut in squares.

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THINGS TO PONDER:  Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?

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You might be a REDNECK if... 
    ...your family tree has no forks. 
 

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ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES 

Total Time: 20 min

Yield:  3 dozen cookies

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 stick Crisco Baking Sticks Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening
OR 3/4 cup Crisco Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening

1 1/4 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 3/4 cups Pillsbury BEST All Purpose Flour
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 (6 oz.) package semi-sweet chocolate chips (1 cup)
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans (optional)
 
DIRECTIONS:
1.HEAT oven to 375ºF.

2.COMBINE shortening, brown sugar, milk and vanilla in large bowl. Beat at medium speed of electric mixer until well blended. Beat in egg. Combine flour, salt and baking soda. Mix into shortening mixture until just blended. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts.

3.DROP by rounded measuring tablespoonfuls 3 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheet.

4.BAKE 8 to 10 minutes for chewy cookies, or 11 to 13 minutes for crisp cookies. Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet on a cooling rack. Remove cookies to rack to cool completely.

TIP* If nuts are omitted, add an additional 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.

 VARIATIONS

 BAR COOKIES

1.HEAT oven to 375ºF. Follow recipe above to prepare dough. Spray a 13 x 9-inch pan with no-stick cooking spray. Spread dough evenly in pan.

2.BAKE 19 to 21 minutes or until top is golden brown and toothpick inserted in center comes out clean and center feels slightly firm to the touch. Cool completely before cutting into bars.

 LARGE ROUNDS

1.HEAT oven to 375ºF. Follow recipe above to prepare dough. Spray small area in center of baking sheet with no-stick cooking spray. Cover with 12-inch square of foil.

2.PLACE one-fourth of dough in center of foil. Form into a small circle with spatula or rubber scraper. Spray 12-inch square of wax paper with no-stick cooking spray. Place sprayed side down on top of dough. Flatten with round cake pan or pie pan to form a 7-inch circle. Remove wax paper.

3.BAKE 9 to 10 minutes or until light golden color. Cool 5 minutes on baking sheet on a cooling rack. Remove to rack to cool completely. Repeat with remaining cookie dough.

 CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE OR DIP

1.DRIZZLE: Melt 1 cup semi-sweet or white chocolate pieces with 1 teaspoon shortening over very low heat. Stir well. If too thick to drizzle, add 1/8 to 1/2 teaspoon more shortening to thin. Drizzle from end of spoon back and forth over cookie. Sprinkle with nuts before chocolate hardens. To harden chocolate quickly, place in refrigerator for a few minutes.

2.DIP: Spoon melted chocolate into custard cup. Dip one end of cooled cookie halfway up in chocolate. Sprinkle with finely chopped nuts before chocolate hardens, or drizzle with contrasting white or dark chocolate. Place on wax paper.

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One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

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The airman, after many hours of thick weather, had lost his bearings completely. Then it cleared and he was able to make a landing. Naturally, he was anxious to know in what part of the world he had arrived. He put the question to the group of rustics that had promptly assembled. The answer was explicit:

"You've come down in Deacon Peck's north medder lot."

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Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs.
That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck.
"Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone.
"He's about 6 miles back.
He tripped and broke his ankle.
I left him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."

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Three guys are debating about which of their languages is the most pleasing to the ear.
The Spaniard says, "Consider the word for 'butterfly'.
In Spanish, it is pronounced 'Mariposa', a beautiful sounding word." The French man says, "True, but Papillion, the French word for butterfly, is even more beautiful." "What's wrong with Schmetterlink," asks the German?

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Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up.
"And I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned.
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

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The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,    

(you are going to love this)

 
   
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
 
 
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 Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East and he was only here a few months when he became ill.

He went to doctor after doctor but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said:

'Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket ahn breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.

'Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, and bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor, he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific!

What was wrong with me?'
 
The doctor said, 'You were homesick.

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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Quotes, tidbits

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REMINDERS FROM GOD:

"Comfort Me by letting Me know that you would see Me just to dwell in My Presence. Not for teaching, not for material gain, not even for a message, but for Me. The longing of the human heart to be loved for itself is something caught from the Great Divine Heart."  -- GOD

Our Daily Devotional:

I Surrender

Hebrews 12:3 NIV: Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Surrendering to Christ does not mean throwing in the towel. The fight is not over, but only really beginning. It is the fight to live a holy life, to follow the path of Christ, to "take up your cross daily and follow" Him. If I surrender all to Him, I also surrender my giving up. Besides surrendering the part of me that is prideful, sinful, and selfish; I surrender the part of me that feels beaten down and unable to continue. It is then that my giving up becomes giving in. It is then I find that His "grace is sufficient" and His "strength is made perfect in weakness." The difference between giving up and giving in is in where you turn. As I give up the fight, I turn away from Christ and wallow in self-pity. But when I give in, I turn toward Christ. I am the same weak mass of confusion. But where I turn determines how soon I will have victory and find the grace I need to stand again.

And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.
- Matthew 1:20 

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WORD FOR THE DAY: 

risibleRIZZ-uh-bulDEFINITION
adjective

1a : capable of laughing b : disposed to laugh
2: arousing or provoking laughter; especially : laughable
3: associated with, relating to, or used in laughter

EXAMPLES

The teacher asked the class clown to keep his risible remarks to himself during the lesson.

"Skeptics of the plan could make any number of reasonable criticisms. But they're not. Instead, they're raising a host of risible objections that frequently cancel one another out." -- From an article by A. Barton Hinkle in the Richmond Times Dispatch (Virginia), September 14, 2010

DID YOU KNOW?

If someone makes a ridiculous remark about your "risible muscles," he or she is not necessarily deriding your physique. "Risible" can also mean "associated with laughter," so "risible muscles" can simply be the ones used for laughing. (You've also got a set of risorius muscles around your mouth that help you smile.) Next time you find something laughable, tip your hat to "ridere," the Latin verb meaning "to laugh" that gave us "risible" (and "ridiculous" and "deride," by the way).

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CONFUCIOUS SAYS:   The book salesman should be honored because he brings to our attention, as a rule, the very books we need most and neglect most.

THINGS TO PONDER:   If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?

You might be a REDNECK if... 
    ...your birth announcement included the word "rug rat". 
 
Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.
  - Peter Ustinov

If you believe everything you read, better not read.
  - Japanese Proverb

Only the mediocre are always at their best.
  - Jean Giraudoux

In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.
  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
  - Albert Schweitzer

No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.
  - W. H. Auden

"You are today where your thoughts have thought you; you will be tomorrow where your
thoughts take you."
- James Allen

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Oven-Crisped Potato Latkes

Shredding the potatoes and onions in a food processor as opposed to a box grater makes this recipe faster.

Serves: 10 Edit
Total Time: 1 hr 30 min
Prep Time: 1 hr
Cook Time: 30 min

 Ingredients

1 1/2 pound(s) russet potatoes, scrubbed and shredded (about 2)
1 medium white onion, shredded
2 medium shallots, minced (about 1/4 cup)
1 teaspoon(s) salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 piece(s) whole-wheat matzo, (6-by-6-inch), broken into pieces
1/2 teaspoon(s) white pepper
3 tablespoon(s) peanut oil, or extra-virgin olive oil, divided

Directions

Toss shredded potato, onion, shallots and salt in a medium bowl. Transfer to a sieve set over a large bowl; let drain for about 15 minutes. Squeeze the potato mixture, a handful at a time, over the bowl to release excess moisture (don't oversqueeze--some moisture should remain). Transfer the squeezed potato to another large bowl. Carefully pour off the liquid, leaving a pasty white sediment--potato starch--in the bottom of the bowl. Add the starch to the potato mixture. Stir in egg.
Put matzo pieces in a sealable plastic bag and crush with a rolling pin into coarse crumbs. Sprinkle the crumbs and pepper over the potato mixture and toss to combine. Cover and refrigerate until the matzo is softened, 20 to 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Coat a baking sheet with cooking spray.
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Stir the potato mixture. Cook 4 latkes per batch: place 1/4 cup potato mixture in a little of the oil and press with the back of the spatula to flatten into a 3 1/2-inch cake. Cook until crispy and golden, 1 1/2 to 3 minutes per side. Transfer the latkes to the prepared baking sheet. Continue with 2 more batches, using 1 tablespoon oil per batch and reducing the heat as needed to prevent scorching. Transfer the baking sheet to the oven and bake until heated through, about 10 minutes.

Nutritional Information
(per serving)

Calories 108
Total Fat 4g
Saturated Fat 1g
Cholesterol 18mg
Sodium 204mg
Total Carbohydrate 16g
Dietary Fiber --
Sugars --
Protein 3g
Calcium 0

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Zucchini-Potato Latkes with Tzatziki

Tzatziki, a flavorful Greek yogurt sauce laced with cucumber, is a tangy accompaniment for these high-fiber latkes. Make it a meal: Enjoy with sliced fresh tomatoes and a few kalamata olives or put patties and tzatziki in pita pockets for lunch on the go.

Serves: 4 Edit
Total Time: 40 min
 
Ingredients

1 pound(s) zucchini, shredded
2 cup(s) shredded cooked potato
2 medium shallots, minced, divided
1 egg, beaten
2 cup(s) fresh whole-wheat breadcrumbs
1/2 cup(s) crumbled reduced-fat feta cheese
2 tablespoon(s) chopped fresh dill, divided
1/2 teaspoon(s) salt, divided
1/2 teaspoon(s) freshly ground pepper
2 tablespoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1 cup(s) low-fat plain yogurt
1/2 medium cucumber, peeled, seeded and shredded
1 tablespoon(s) red-wine vinegar

Directions

Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Coat a baking sheet with cooking spray.
Toss zucchini, potato, 3 tablespoons shallot and egg in a large bowl. Add breadcrumbs, feta, 1 tablespoon dill, 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper; toss to combine. Form the mixture into 12 patties.
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add 6 patties, cover and cook until crispy and browned on one side, 2 to 5 minutes. Carefully transfer the latkes to the prepared pan, browned-side down. Repeat with the remaining 1 tablespoon oil and patties.
Transfer the latkes to the oven and bake until firm and heated through, 10 to 12 minutes.

Meanwhile, prepare tzatziki:
Combine yogurt, cucumber, vinegar, the remaining minced shallot, 1 tablespoon dill and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper in a small bowl.
Serve the latkes with the tzatziki on the side.

Nutritional Information
(per serving)

Calories 325
Total Fat 12g
Saturated Fat 3g
Cholesterol 62mg
Sodium 689mg
Total Carbohydrate 45g
Dietary Fiber --
Sugars --
Protein 14g
Calcium 0

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Cowboy Casserole
 
Prep Time 15 Minutes
Total Time 45 Minutes
Makes 6 servings

 Beef, beans and barbecue sauce are topped with biscuits to satisfy hungry cowboy appetites.
 
1  lb lean (at least 80%) ground beef 
1  can (16 oz) baked beans 
1/2  cup barbecue sauce 
2  cups Original Bisquick mix 
2/3  cup milk 
1  tablespoon butter or margarine, softened 
1/2  cup shredded Cheddar cheese (2 oz) 

Heat oven to 425°F. In 10-inch skillet, cook beef over medium-high heat 5 to 7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until thoroughly cooked; drain.
Stir baked beans and barbecue sauce into beef. Heat to boiling, stirring occasionally. Pour into ungreased 2-quart casserole.
Meanwhile, in medium bowl, stir Bisquick mix, milk and butter until soft dough forms.
Drop dough by 12 spoonfuls onto beef mixture.
Bake uncovered 18 to 22 minutes or until topping is golden brown. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake about 3 minutes longer or until cheese is melted.
 
Serve With
Swing by the deli to pick up coleslaw to serve with this hearty casserole.
Nutrition Information:Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 470(Calories from Fat 180),Total Fat 20g(Saturated Fat 8g,Trans Fat 1 1/2g),Cholesterol 70mg;Sodium 1230mg;Total Carbohydrate 48g(Dietary Fiber 5g,Sugars 14g),Protein 23g;Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ;Exchanges:2 Starch;0 Fruit;1 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;1 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:3;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
*****************************************

Turkey-Biscuit Pot Pie
 
Prep Time  25 Minutes
Total Time  55 Minutes
Makes  6 servings

 Instead of rolling out a crust, top a mouth-watering mixture of veggies and turkey with easy-to-make biscuits.

Filling
2 1/2  cups baby-cut carrots (12 oz) 
2  cups cut-up fresh broccoli 
3  tablespoons butter or margarine 
1/2  cup chopped onion (1 medium) 
3  tablespoons Gold Medal all-purpose flour 
2  cups Progresso chicken broth (from 32-oz carton) 
1  tablespoon chopped fresh or 1 teaspoon dried sage leaves 
2  cups cubed cooked turkey 

Biscuits
4  slices bacon 
1  cup Original Bisquick mix 
1/2  cup milk 
1/2  cup shredded Cheddar cheese (2 oz) 
  
Heat oven to 400°F. In 2-quart saucepan, heat 1 cup water to boiling. Add carrots and broccoli; cook about 4 minutes or until carrots and broccoli are crisp-tender. Drain.
Meanwhile, in 3-quart saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add onion; cook about 2 minutes, stirring occasionally, until tender. Beat in flour with wire whisk. Gradually beat in broth and sage. Reduce heat to medium-low; cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until sauce thickens. Stir carrots, broccoli and turkey into sauce. Spoon turkey mixture into ungreased 2-quart casserole.
Place bacon on microwavable plate; cover with microwavable paper towel. Microwave on High 4 to 6 minutes or until crisp. Crumble bacon; place in medium bowl. Add remaining biscuit ingredients; stir just until blended. Spoon biscuit batter around edge of turkey mixture.
Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until biscuit crust is golden brown.
 
Tips
You can find fresh sage in small bunches year-round in the produce section of supermarkets.
An easy biscuit topping made with Bisquick mix tops this family-friendly pot pie.

Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 360(Calories from Fat 160),Total Fat 18g(Saturated Fat 8g,Trans Fat 1g),Cholesterol 75mg;Sodium 900mg;Total Carbohydrate 26g(Dietary Fiber 3g,Sugars 5g),Protein 23g;Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ;Exchanges:1 1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;0 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;1 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;2 1/2 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

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Warm Caramel Apple Cake

Serve this yummy apple upside-down cake warm from the oven. It's all made easier with Betty Crocker cake and frosting.

Prep Time  30 Minutes
Total Time  1:25 Hr:Mins
Makes 15 servings

Cake
1/2  cup butter or margarine 
1/4  cup whipping cream 
1  cup packed brown sugar 
1/2  cup chopped pecans 
2  large cooking apples, peeled, cored and thinly sliced (about 2 1/3 cups) 
1  box Betty Crocker SuperMoist yellow cake mix 
1 1/4  cups water 
1/3  cup vegetable oil 
3  eggs 
1/4  teaspoon apple pie spice 

Topping
2/3  cup Betty Crocker Whipped fluffy white frosting (from 12-oz container) 
1/2  cup frozen (thawed) whipped topping 
 Caramel topping, if desired 

Heat oven to 350°F. In 1-quart heavy saucepan, cook butter, whipping cream and brown sugar over low heat, stirring occasionally, just until butter is melted. Pour into 13x9-inch pan. Sprinkle with pecans; top with sliced apples.
In large bowl, beat cake mix, water, oil, eggs and apple pie spice with electric mixer on low speed until moistened. Beat on medium speed 2 minutes. Carefully spoon batter over apple mixture.
Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool in pan 10 minutes. Loosen sides of cake from pan. Place heatproof serving platter upside down on pan; carefully turn platter and pan over. Let pan remain over cake about 1 minute so caramel can drizzle over cake. Remove pan.
In small bowl, mix frosting and whipped topping. Serve warm cake topped with frosting mixture and drizzled with caramel topping.
 
Substitution
You can use cinnamon for the apple pie spice for a slightly different flavor.

Success
Granny Smith and Braeburn are good apple choices to use in this recipe.

Nutrition Information:
1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 410(Calories from Fat 190),Total Fat 21g(Saturated Fat 8g,Trans Fat 1 1/2g),Cholesterol 65mg;Sodium 300mg;Total Carbohydrate 52g(Dietary Fiber 0g,Sugars 38g),Protein 3g;Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ;Exchanges:1 Starch;0 Fruit;2 1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;4 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:3 1/2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

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Ranch Chicken

These breaded chicken breasts are crispy and brown on the outside and tender and juicy on the inside. The seasoned crumbs add extra flavor.

Prep Time: 5 Min
Total Time:  20 Min
Makes 4 Servings

4  boneless skinless chicken breast halves (1 lb) 
1/4  cup ranch dressing 
1/3  cup Progresso dry bread crumbs (any flavor) 
2  tablespoons olive or vegetable oil 

Dip chicken into dressing, then coat with bread crumbs.
In 10-inch skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Cook chicken in oil 12 to 15 minutes, turning once, until outside is golden brown and juice is no longer pink when centers of thickest pieces are cut.
 
Success
Try to test for doneness only once or twice to keep juices inside and chicken juicy.
Planned-Overs
Sliced or shredded leftover chicken breasts are perfect on sandwiches. Spread bread with a dab of cranberry relish for a sweet-tart flavor accent.

Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 305 (Calories from Fat 160 ),Total Fat 18 g(Saturated Fat 3 g,Cholesterol 80 mg;Sodium 290 mg;Total Carbohydrate 8 g(Dietary Fiber 0g,Protein 28 g;Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ;Exchanges:1/2 Starch;4 Lean Meat;1 Fat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

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Impossibly Easy French Apple Dessert Squares

Impossibly Easy French Apple Pie lovers! Here's a double-the-goodness recipe that will serve 15.

Prep Time  25 Minutes
Total Time 1:50 Hr:Mins
Makes 15 servings

Streusel
1  cup Original Bisquick mix 
1/2  cup packed brown sugar 
1/4  cup butter or margarine 
3/4  cup chopped nuts 

Fruit Mixture
6  cups sliced peeled tart apples (6 medium) 
2  teaspoons ground cinnamon 
1/2  teaspoon ground nutmeg 
1  cup Original Bisquick mix 
1  cup granulated sugar 
1  cup milk 
2  tablespoons butter or margarine, melted 
4  eggs, beaten 

Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray. In medium bowl, mix 1 cup Bisquick mix and the brown sugar. Cut in 1/4 cup butter, using pastry blender (or pulling 2 table knives through ingredients in opposite directions), until crumbly. Stir in nuts; set aside.
In large bowl, mix apples, cinnamon and nutmeg; spoon into pan. In medium bowl, stir remaining ingredients until well blended. Pour mixture over apples. Sprinkle with streusel.
Bake 45 to 55 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean and top is golden brown. Cool 30 minutes or until set before cutting into squares. Store in refrigerator.
 
Serve-With
Add a slice of Cheddar or a spoonful of whipped cream.

Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 290(Calories from Fat 110),Total Fat 12g(Saturated Fat 5g,Trans Fat 1g),Cholesterol 70mg;Sodium 280mg;Total Carbohydrate 39g(Dietary Fiber 2g,Sugars 27g),Protein 4g;Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ;Exchanges:1 Starch;0 Fruit;1 1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 1/2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2 1/2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

************************************

The girl lodger...Good Brit humor !

Bath Night
A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......?

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.?

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....?

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:?"Next Monday, don't go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."?

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:?"Do you shave?"?

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hair?"?

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.?

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:?

"Did you see it?"?

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."?

"I have," he said, "but the? darts team havn't!!
 
 ********************************

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

Top tip; if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.
 
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.'
 
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.'  I said, 'don't worry fatty, you’re bound to lose it eventually.'
 
Snow in the forecast!  The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'
 
I have a new chat up line that works every time!  It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?  Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
 
Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away.' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
 
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and “Mexicans” were not the correct answers. 
 
 
 ***************************************
 
TWO OF THE YEAR'S BEST COMEBACK RESPONSES

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....  

Q:  'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'  

A:   'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q:   'Officer -- who provided this description?' 
 
A:   'The officer who responded to the scene.' 

Q:   'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
 
A:   'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q:   'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A:   'Yes sir, we do!'

Q:   'And do you have a locker in the room?'  

A:   'Yes, sir, ... I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A:   'Yes, sir.'

Q:   'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' 

A:   'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line --  and we think he'll win.

Number 2:

Now We Know Why He Was a General  -----
 
In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there  was room for  forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who  perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I  believe that forgiving them is God's function .... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

You got to love them both!

 *********************************

 BRAIN SURGERY
Standard pricing  procedure

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the   waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.    'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'

The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Some of the men actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.

A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?'

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,   'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.'

****************************

Just a little history

You Could Have Heard a Pin Drop

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.  DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. 
Rusk responded
"Does that include those who are buried here?" 
DeGaulle did not respond.

You could have
heard a pin drop

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.  During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.  What does he intended to do, bomb them?'
 A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply
emergency  electrical power to shore facilities; they have three  cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day,
they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.  We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?' 

You could have
heard a pin drop.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German..'

You could have
heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN
WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.  
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked  sarcastically.  
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.  

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."  
The American said,

'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."  
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"  
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard  look.  Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."  

You could have
heard a pin drop.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Quotes, tidbits

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REMINDERS FROM GOD:

"You must rely on Me. You must wait, trust, hope and joy in Me. This is the great test."  -- GOD

The Healing Power of Touch

"Then they brought little children to Him , that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, 'Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God.' And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them."1

A Daily Encounter reader whom I will call Linda wrote: "As an unmarried incest survivor who is a Christian, I wondered if you might address the subject of 'touch deprivation' in an upcoming devotional. I find that, though I have had counseling and there has been tremendous growth and healing, I struggle desperately each day with being completely deprived of touch. I have been asking the Lord for many years now for someone to love me, so I can experience closeness, touch, and companionship. Would it be possible to address this issue?"

Many articles, both personal and scientific, all attest to the healing power of touch. Children who were deprived of sufficient loving touch often grow up to be somewhat cold and distant in relating to other people. Other children who were abused either physically or sexually can also have relational and emotional difficulties as adults. While they hunger for touch, touch can trigger their painful memories of past hurtful experiences and revive all those associated negative emotions.

As adults we still need the healing power of touch. If we don't get this need met in healthy ways, we can become physically ill, emotionally starved, and/or try to get the need for touch met in unhealthy ways such as in harmful sexual activities that only add to one's emotional deprivation and sense of loneliness.

So, how do people like Linda who is only one among thousands in this predicament get their needs for touch met?

First, people who have been hurt by harmful touch need to get into an effective recovery/therapy program to overcome their fear of touch and resolve the painful memories and emotions that are triggered by touch.

Second, rather than praying for a partner to love, pray that God will lead you to a healthy recovery program so you can be healed, for only healthy people find healthy love.

Third, a very effective way to get the need for touch met in a healthy way is through wholesome massage by a registered masseuse and/or masseur. This applies to both men and women. A half-hour massage can reduce stress, support your immune system, help you feel calmer, and meet your need for touch hunger. This is very non-threatening touch as there is nothing demanded back from you in return.

Fourth, if you are a woman, hug your sister, your mother, little children, and your friends. If you are a man (men need touch just as much as women), and don't feel comfortable yet in hugging other men, start touching your brother or friend on the arm, or patting him on the back. In time you will learn to be comfortable with a good bear hug from other men.

Fifth, a great place to give and receive healthy touch and hugs is in a healthy church. In Paul's day it was culturally acceptable (as it still is in some cultures) to greet one another with a holy kiss. Here in the West we, especially we men, don't find this culturally acceptable. So, to be culturally adaptable, let's put it this way, "Greet one another with a holy hug."

Remember, Jesus held the children and blessed them. He also touched sick people when he healed them. His indeed was a healing touch. And healing touch is something we all need.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that your Son Jesus always gave people in need a healing touch. Help me to find the healing touch that I need and become a healing 'toucher' to others—always touching and hugging to give love and not for any ulterior motive. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name. Amen."

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

disheveleddih-SHEV-uld
adjective

: marked by disorder or disarray

EXAMPLES

The young man's wrinkled suit gave him a disheveled appearance.
"He looks vaguely familiar, almost like the team's starting quarterback, that Joe Flacco guy. But instead of Flacco's usual disheveled haircut, which generally looks like it was combed with salad tongs, this guy at the mic has a spiky, gelled 'do with lines etched on the side and some other crazy pattern cut into the back of his head." -- From a post by Kevin Cowherd on the Baltimore Sun's Toy Department blog, October 26, 2010

DID YOU KNOW?
It’s common to wake up after a long night’s sleep with your hair disheveled -- which is appropriate, considering the origins of the word "disheveled." First appearing in English in the late 16th century, "disheveled" derived from Middle English "discheveled," meaning "bareheaded" or "with disordered hair." It is a partial translation of the Anglo-French word "deschevelé," formed by combining the prefix "des-" ("dis-") with "chevoil," the word for hair. Since the early 17th century, however, "disheveled" has been used for things other than hair, including such disparate items as grammar and reputations, that are far from tidy.

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CONFUCIOUS SAYS:  The firm, the enduring, the simple, and the modest are near to virtue.

THINGS TO PONDER:  Why do we pay tolls on the freeway?
                                     If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
      Why do you often see a shoe lying on the side of the street?

QUOTES:

Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.
  - Soren Kierkegaard

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
  - John Ciardi

To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
  - Franklin P. Adams

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
- Chinese Proverb

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You might be a REDNECK if... 
    ...you own a home that's mobile and 14 cars that aren't

You might be a REDNECK if... 
    ...your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. 
 
 
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How to make a quilt on a sewing machine
                        
Are you wishing you owned a long arm quilting machine so you could quilt your own quilts?  Have you priced a long arm machine and found it to be way way out of your reach?
If so, then get a load of this cool quilting method!  It's called "batting buddy", but you can do the same thing for free at home without purchasing the expensive templates that quilt shops want you to buy.
The idea is to sew each quilt square as if you were foundation piecing. The only difference is that you'll be sewing each piece directly to the back of your quilt through the batting. Follow these instructions to learn how.

 Steps
 Choose a simple block shape to sew. Diagonals work well, as do crazy quilt designs. Keep in mind that you'll be limited to straight sewn lines in your designs (as you would have in a foundation pieced block).
You'll need two sizes of squares, one an inch (2.5cm) bigger all around than the other. The beauty of this is that you can do all of your cutting with a rotary cutter using your regular cutting rulers if you like. The large squares will be used for the backing fabric. The small squares will be used for your batting and top pieces. The squares used in this example were 7 inches (17.78cm) and 5 inches (12.7cm) square respectively, making the larger square two inches (5cm) longer per side.
 Center a batting square on the "wrong" side of your larger backing square. You're now ready to place the first block pieces on the top.

Place the first block piece on the batting, face up. If you want adjacent blocks to line up exactly, make a cardboard "starting point" template to line up your first block with.
Place the second block piece face down with the seam edges lined up with the first piece.

 Press the seam open and place the next block piece in the same manner, lining up the edges, sewing the seam, pressing open, until you reach the edges of the block. Stop each seam at the edge of the batting.

   Turn the inch (2.5cm) wide, unquilted border section of the block sandwich under the block out of the way. Trim any fabric which protrudes past the batting edge. If you're careful, this can be done with your rotary cutter and a ruler as well.
  Repeat for all four sides. You have made one block. Create the rest, and then start to join them together as follows:
 Place two blocks backing side to backing side, with edges lined up. Feel carefully to ensure that the batting edges line up.
Sew a seam down the inch (2.5cm) wide flap(s) just barely outside of the batting. Take care not to catch the batting into the seam, as this will make the finished seam bunch up.
Press the seam open from both sides.
From the front side, fold or roll the inch flaps under themselves and pin in place.
Top stitch both of the folded edges down.

Sew rows of blocks together in this manner.
Sew the rows together, stitching the flap edges together, and then pressing them open and top stitching the entire row.  The maximum length of fabric under the neck of your machine at any time will be 10-12 inches (25.4cm to 30.48cm); this is very manageable for a "regular" machine.
Roll the outside edges over and top stitch to finish the edge.
The back of the blocks will already be quilted. No need to go through the whole quilt frame and long arm rigamarole!

Tips
Use a table to the left of the machine to support the weight of the completed part of the quilt as you sew.
This works best with thin batting, but thicker batting can be used if desired.
So long as you sew blocks into strips, and then add the strips to your quilt one at a time, you will have no more than the width of one strip under your machine at one time.
 
Warnings
Pressing each seam open is essential for a good looking quilt.
Poly type batting will compress and/or melt if your iron is too hot.

  Things You'll Need
Fabric
Scissors and/or rotary cutter and mat
Sewing machine
Quilt Batting, preferably cotton

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Grandpa's Homemade Turkey Soup

A great warm-up for these cold winter nights--and far easier than you might think.

Serves: 8
Prep. time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 90 minutes

5 cups turkey stock, recipe and ingredients below 
3 stalks celery, cut into 1-inch pieces 
2 large potatoes, peeled and quartered 
2 carrots, cut into 1-inch pieces 
1 onions, quartered 
1 cup uncooked noodles 
2 cups cooked turkey, cubed 

Rich Turkey Stock:

Simmer the following ingredients:
2 pounds bony turkey pieces (back, neck & wings) **
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 stalks celery with leaves, coarsely chopped
2 medium carrots, coarsely chopped
1 large onion, cut in chunks
1 to 4 cloves garlic (adjust amount used to taste), peeled
8 cups cold water
3 whole cloves
2 bay leaves
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon whole black peppercorns

Pat turkey parts dry with clean paper towels.
Over medium-high heat, heat oil in a 5-quart saucepan or Dutch oven. In 2 to 3 batches, brown turkey parts on all sides. Remove from pan with a slotted spoon and reserve in a large bowl.
Add celery, carrots, onion and garlic to pan and sauté until onion is tender, about 3-5 minutes.
Return turkey parts to pan. Add water and bring mixture to a boil. Skim foam from surface.
Add remaining ingredients. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 1 hour or until turkey pieces are tender.
Lift out turkey pieces with a slotted spoon. Strain stock through a sieve lined with 1 or 2 layers of cheesecloth. Discard vegetables and peppercorns.
Skim off fat. Use a metal spoon to ladle the fat off the top or chill stock and remove solidified fat layer.
When turkey is cool enough to handle, remove meat from bones. Discard skin and bones. Reserve meat for future use.
Stock may be used at once or stored in a closed container in the refrigerator 1 to 2 days; or stored in freezer up to 6 months.

** NOTE: A leftover turkey carcass may be substituted for turkey pieces.
In 5-quart saucepan, combine turkey stock and first 4 ingredients. Over high heat, bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 1 hour.
Stir in the noodles and turkey meat. Simmer until noodles are done and meat is heated through.

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2 RECIPES FOR YOU DOGS -
 
Lazy Turkey Loaf (for dogs)
Makes 6 servings
•    2 pounds ground turkey
•    1/2 cup cooked vegetables
•    1 teaspoon garlic powder*
•    1 egg
•    1/2 cup quick-cook barley
•    1 cup quick-cook oats
•    4 ounces canned no-fat gravy

Instructions:
•    Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
•    In a mixing bowl combine turkey, vegetables, garlic powder, egg, barley and oats.
•    Mix thoroughly.
•    Spoon into a greased loaf pan and pat down meat mixture until level. Spread gravy on top of loaf and bake for 1 to 1 1/2 hours.
•    Cool and cut into six even slices. Store unused portions in refrigerator.??

* Garlic powder in small amounts is not considered dangerous to dogs.

*********************

Jerky Turkey Dog Treat

A gentle-on-the-tummy treat - grain-free and low in fat.

Jerky Turkey Dog Treats

Ingredients:

1 lb. raw ground turkey (or chicken)
2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
2 tsp. finely chopped fresh herbs such as thyme or parsley (optional)

Instructions:

1.Preheat oven to 225 degrees F.
2.Combine all ingredients in a food processor and puree the mixture.
3.Line a jellyroll pan with aluminum foil or parchment paper (it makes clean-up easier) and pour the mixture into it.
4.Spread evenly.
5.Bake two hours with the oven door slightly ajar to allow the moisture to escape.
6.Remove from oven and using a pizza cutter or knife, cut into small, individual-sized portions.
7.Place pieces back in the oven, flipped over, and bake an additional one to two hours, or until the treats are dry and leathery.
8.Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

**************************************

Potato, Broccoli and Sausage Skillet

With only six ingredients, you can go from cooktop to tabletop with a complete meal of meat, potatoes and veggies.

Prep Time  10 Minutes
Total Time  38 Minutes
Makes  6 servings

1  box (4.7 oz) Betty Crocker scalloped potatoes 
2  cups hot water 
2/3  cup milk 
2  tablespoons margarine or butter 
2  cups sliced fully cooked reduced-fat Polska-kielbasa sausage (from 1-lb ring) 
1/2  cup Old El Paso Thick ‘n Chunky salsa (any variety) 
2  cups Green Giant Select frozen broccoli florets 

Stir Sauce Mix, hot water, milk, margarine and Potatoes in 12-inch skillet or 3-quart saucepan. Heat just to boiling, stirring occasionally.
Add sausage and salsa; stir until well mixed. Reduce heat; cover and simmer about 20 minutes, stirring frequently.
Stir in broccoli. Cover; cook 8 minutes longer or until potatoes and broccoli are tender (sauce will thicken as it stands).
 
Substitution
Use your favorite veggie for the broccoli.

Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 190(Calories from Fat 45),Total Fat 5g(Saturated Fat 1 1/2g,Trans Fat 1/2g),Cholesterol 20mg;Sodium 1210mg;Total Carbohydrate 24g(Dietary Fiber 2g,Sugars 3g),Protein 11g;Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ;Exchanges:1 1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;0 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;0 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:1 1/2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

*********************************

Slow-Cooker Black Bean-Mushroom Chili

Black beans, earthy mushrooms and tangy tomatillos combine with a variety of spices and smoky chipotles to create a fantastic full-flavored chili. It can simmer in the slow cooker all day, which makes it perfect for a healthy supper when the end of your day is rushed.

"I used 4 cans of black beans versus the dried and it came out fine. I also omitted the tomatillos. Better the next day! "

  10 servings, generous 1 cup each

Active Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 6 1/4-9 1/4 hours

 Ingredients
1 pound dried black beans, (2 1/2 cups), rinsed
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup mustard seeds
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin seeds, or ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon cardamom seeds, or ground cardamom
2 medium onions, coarsely chopped
1 pound mushrooms, sliced
8 ounces tomatillos, (see Ingredient Note), husked, rinsed and coarsely chopped
1/4 cup water
5 1/2 cups mushroom broth, or vegetable broth
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1-2 tablespoons minced canned chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, (see Ingredient Note)
1 1/4 cups grated Monterey Jack, or pepper Jack cheese
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
2 limes, cut into wedges

Preparation
Soak beans overnight in 2 quarts water. (Alternatively, place beans and 2 quarts water in a large pot. Bring to a boil. Boil for 2 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand for 1 hour.) Drain the beans, discarding soaking liquid.
Combine oil, mustard seeds, chili powder, cumin and cardamom in a 5- to 6-quart Dutch oven. Place over high heat and stir until the spices sizzle, about 30 seconds. Add onions, mushrooms, tomatillos and water. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are juicy, 5 to 7 minutes. Uncover and stir often until the juices evaporate and the vegetables are lightly browned, 10 to 15 minutes. Add broth, tomato paste and chipotles; mix well.
Place the beans in a 5- to 6-quart slow cooker. Pour the hot vegetable mixture over the beans. Turn heat to high. Put the lid on and cook until the beans are creamy, 5 to 8 hours.
Garnish each serving with cheese, a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkling of cilantro. Serve with lime wedges. Stovetop Variation: Total: 4 1/2 hours In Step 2, increase broth to 81/2 cups. Omit Step 3. Add the beans to the Dutch oven; cover and simmer the chili gently over low heat, stirring occasionally, until the beans are creamy to bite, about 3 hours.

Tips & Notes
Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days or freeze for up to 3 months. | Equipment: 5- to 6-quart slow cooker

Ingredient notes: Chipotle peppers are dried, smoked jalapeño peppers. Ground chipotle chile pepper can be found in the specialty spice section of most supermarkets. Chipotle chiles in adobo sauce are smoked jalapeños packed in a flavorful sauce. Look for the small cans with the Mexican foods in large supermarkets. Once opened, they'll keep up to 2 weeks in the refrigerator or 6 months in the freezer.
Tomatillos are tart, plum-size green fruits that look like small, husk-covered green tomatoes. Find them in the produce section near the tomatoes. Remove the outer husk and rinse them well before using.

Nutrition
Per serving: 306 calories; 10 g fat (4 g sat, 2 g mono); 20 mg cholesterol; 40 g carbohydrates; 18 g protein; 13 g fiber; 415 mg sodium; 735 mg potassium.

Nutrition Bonus: Fiber (52% daily value), Folate (47% dv), Iron (22% dv), Potassium (21% dv).

2 Carbohydrate Serving

Exchanges: 2 starch, 2 1/2 vegetable, 1 medium-fat protein, 1 fat

**********************************

WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, LET ME!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said ... 'Hi, Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew.....“Them Bastards won't let me fart”!!!!
 
**********************************

God
said, "Adam, I
want you to do
something for
Me."

Adam
said, "Gladly,
Lord, what do You
want me to do?"

God
said, "Go down
into that
valley."

Adam said, "What's
a valley?"

God explained it to
him. Then God said,
"Cross the
river."

Adam said, "What's a
river?"

God explained that
to him, and then said,
"Go over to the
hill...."

Adam said, "What is a
hill?"

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On
the
other side of the
hill you will find a
cave."

Adam said, 'What's a
cave?'

After God explained,
He
said, "In the cave
you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a
woman?'

So God explained
that to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I
want you
to
reproduce."

Adam said, "How do
I do
that?" 

God first said (under
His breath), "Geez....."

And then,
just like everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as
well.

So, Adam goes down
into
the valley,

across the river, and
over the hill,
into the
cave, and finds the
woman.

Then, in
about five minutes, he was back.

God,
His patience
wearing thin, said
angrily, "What is
it
now?"

And Adam said....

*

*

(YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE
THIS!!!!!!)

*

*

*

*

*

"What's a
headache?"
 

***************************************

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . ....
Slow down for three minutes to read this.  It is so worth it.
 
 Touching words from the mouth of  babes.

A group of professional people posed this
 question to a group of
4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined See what you think:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she  couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'When someone loves you, the way they say  your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a  boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out  and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when you go out to eat and give  somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when  you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'If you want to learn to love better, you  should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this  planet)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt,  then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old  man who are still friends even after they  know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage  and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and  smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to  sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best  piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer  than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'I know my older sister loves me because  she gives me all her old clothes and has to  go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes  go up and down and little stars come out  of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - a ge 6

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unlessrien  you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say  it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose  next door neighbour was an elderly  gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went  into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto  his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to  the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

******************************

Magic Sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica .

They were touring around the market looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper (with a Jamaican accent) say,

'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'

So the married couple walked in.

 The Jamaican said to them,

 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in.
 

Dey makes you wild at sex.'

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed,

 but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.

The husband asked the man,

'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'

The Jamaican replied, 

'Just try dem on, Mon.'

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes,

something his wife hadn't seen before!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican,

 bent him over the table, yanked down his pants,

 ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming:

 
'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Quotes, tidbits

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The Order of the Iron Cross

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ."1

I have read how, "During his reign King Frederick William III of Prussia found himself in trouble. Wars had been costly and in trying to rebuild the nation, he was seriously short of finances. He couldn't disappoint his people, and to surrender to the enemy was not an option.

"After careful reflection, he decided to ask the women of Prussia to bring their jewelry of gold and silver to be melted down for their country. For each ornament received, he determined to exchange a decoration of bronze or iron as a symbol of his gratitude. Each decoration would be inscribed, 'I GAVE GOLD FOR IRON, 1813.'"

Apparently, "The response was overwhelming. The women prized their gifts from the king more than their former jewelry. The reason why is clear, the decorations were proof that they had sacrificed for their king. It even became unfashionable to wear any other jewelry. And thus was established the ORDER OF THE IRON CROSS."2

I wonder how much we who name the name of Christ and call ourselves Christ-ones (Christians) are willing to sacrifice for and give of our best to our king, King Jesus—and receive from him the ORDER OF THE WOODEN CROSS?

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in light of all that you have done for me—in giving me the gift of life, pardon for all my sins, and the gift of eternal life—please give me a truly grateful and willing heart so that I will always give of my best for you in all that I am and do. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

NOTE: To receive God's gift of forgiveness and his promise of eternal life read, "How to Be Sure You're a Real Christian" at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
- Isaiah 1:18 

****************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

corrode • kuh-ROHD  • verb
1 : to eat away by degrees as if by gnawing; especially : to wear away gradually usually by chemical action 2 : to weaken or destroy gradually : undermine 3 : to undergo corrosion

Example sentence:
Several sections of the pipe have corroded and will need to be replaced.

"Power, the old saying goes, corrupts. It corrodes principle and beguiles politicians into placing their interests above the voters." -- From an article by Steve Huntley

*************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: "CZWIXMMOSTACZ."
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied. "I know the guy."

************************

The schoolboy, after profound thought, wrote this definition of the word "spine," at his teacher's request.

"A spine is a long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other."

************************

An Aberdonian went to spend a few days in London with his son, who had done exceptionally well in the great metropolis. After their first greetings at King's Cross Station, the young fellow remarked: "Feyther, you are not lookin' weel. Is there anything the matter?" The old man replied, "Aye, lad, I have had quite an accident." "What was that, feyther?" "Mon," he said, "on this journey frae bonnie Scotland I lost my luggage." "Dear, dear, that's too bad; 'oo did it happen?" "Aweel" replied the Aberdonian, "the cork cam' oot."

*************************

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.
He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while.
She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned.
He said "What?"

***********************

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items.
Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on all of them.
He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm damn sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."

*******************************

DOG TIPS:

Fall and Winter Holiday Plant Toxicity in Dogs 
   
  Flowers and plants add beauty to any holiday, and they make great holiday gifts. But if your family includes pets, you may want to learn which plants are safe and which ones you need to avoid.

Here is a list of plants to avoid. Remember that ingesting bulb plants often cause the most severe illnesses.

Holly (Ilex sp.). This plant, commonly found around Christmas time, can cause intense vomiting and diarrhea. Mental depression can also occur.

Amaryllis (Amaryllis spp). Ingestion can result in vomiting, diarrhea, depression, lack of appetite, tremors, drooling and abdominal pain.

Mistletoe (Phoradendron spp.). This plant, another Christmas plant, can also cause significant vomiting and diarrhea. In addition, this plant has been associated with difficulty breathing, slowed heart rate, collapse and, if a lot is ingested, death has occurred.Some animals may even show erratic behavior and possible hallucinations.

Poinsettia (Euphorbia). This plant can cause irritation to the mouth and stomach and sometimes vomiting. It has a low level of toxicity and is overrated as a toxic plant. Many people consider it basically non-toxic.

Christmas cactus, Thanksgiving cactus, Easter cactus (Schlumbergera or Zygocactus). In dogs, if large quantities of this plant are ingested, vomiting, possibly with blood, diarrhea, possibly with blood and mental depression have been reported. With small ingestions, typically there are no signs of toxicity. These plants are considered low toxicity plants.

Some less common toxic winter holiday plants include:

American bittersweet (Celastrus scandens). Ingestion results in weakness, vomiting and seizures.

European bittersweet (Solanum dulcamara). Ingestion results in drooling, vomiting, diarrhea, depression, lack of appetite, weakness, confusion and low heart rate.

Chrysanthemum (Chrysanthemum morifolium). Ingestion results in vomiting, diarrhea, depression, drooling and lack of appetite.

Christmas rose (Helleborus niger). Ingestion results in abdominal pain, vomiting, bloody diarrhea and delirium.

Jerusalem cherry (Solanum pseudocapsicuni). Ingestion results in vomiting, diarrhea, mouth ulcers, seizures, mental depression, respiratory depression, shock and death.

Autumn crocus (Colchicum autumnale). Ingestion of the bulbs results in mouth irritation, blooding vomiting, diarrhea, shock, kidney failure, liver damage and bone marrow suppression.

Thanksgiving cactus (Zygocactus truncactus). Ingestion results in vomiting, diarrhea and depression. Cats also can develop staggering.

Christams palm (Veitchia merrillii). This plant is considered nontoxic.

Christmas orchid (Cattleya trianaei). This plant is considered nontoxic.

Christmas dagger fern (Polystichym spp). This plant is considered nontoxic.

Mistletoes cactus (Thipsalis cassutha). This plant is considered nontoxic.

Burning bush (Euronymous alatus). Ingestion can result in vomiting, diarrhea, depression and lack of appetite.

*********************************

QUOTES FOR THE DAY:

Mary Pickford
"Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo."

Calvin Trillin
"Health food makes me sick."

A. P. Herbert
"A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso."

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
  - Lynda Barry

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
  - Albert Einstein

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
  - John Russell

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a
person's determination."
- Tommy Lasorda

THINGS TO PONDER:       If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 

*********************

Copycat Famous Dave's Pecan Pie

1 (9") deep dish pie shell
1/3 cup melted butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 cup dark corn syrup
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1 cup whole pecans

Directions:

Pre-heat oven 350-degrees. Blend melted butter, sugar, dark corn
syrup, eggs, vanilla and kosher salt. Once combined, add chopped
pecans and whole pecans.

Pour the mixture into frozen pie shell. Put on cooking sheet. Cook
for about 25 minutes, rotate and bake another 20-25 minutes. Let
the pie cool down before serving..

************************

BANANA OATMEAL COOKIES  

1 1/2 c. sifted all-purpose flour
1 c. sugar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 c. shortening
1 egg, well beaten
1 c. mashed ripe bananas (2-3)
1 3/4 c. quick-cooking oatmeal
1/2 c. chopped nuts

Sift together flour, sugar, soda, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon.
Cut in shortening. Add remaining ingredients. Beat until
thoroughly blended. Drop by teaspoonfuls about 1 1/2 inches
apart onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees about
15 minutes or until edges are browned. Remove from pan
immediately and cool on rack.

About 3 1/2 dozen.

***************************

Boeterkoek

    A rich and easy shortbread from Holland.

Yield: 12 to 16

1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup white sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons almond extract
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 cups all-purpose white flour

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Melt the butter. Stir in the sugar, egg, and almond extract. Sift together the baking powder and flour and stir into the mixture. Spread into an ungreased 9-inch pie plate and bake for 25 minutes. Cut into wedges while warm.

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Bourbon Balls

 Bourbon balls, made with chopped pecans, vanilla wafers, cocoa, and corn syrup, along with bourbon and powdered sugar.

Ingredients:
1 cup finely crushed vanilla wafers
1 cup finely chopped pecans
1 1/2 cup of confectioners' sugar, divided
2 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa
2 tablespoons bourbon
1 1/2 tablespoons light corn syrup

Preparation:

Combine vanilla wafer crumbs, chopped pecans, and 1 cup of the confectioners' sugar. In a measuring cup, blend the Bourbon and corn syrup; stir into the dry mixture. When thoroughly blended, cover and refrigerate for an hour or more. Sift about 1/2 cup of confectioners' sugar onto a large piece of waxed paper. Shape small amounts of the dough into balls then roll in powdered sugar. Store tightly covered in the refrigerator. These can be frozen. Makes about 3 dozen.

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Chocolate Chip Cookies

Tips on Making Chocolate Chip Cookies

There is no substitute for quality. Even in simple recipes, like mine for chocolate chip cookies, every ingredient's quality has an effect on the recipe's outcome.

Eggs: Always use fresh eggs. Eggs that are past their prime may exhibit a cloudy white and a flatter rather than rounder yolk. If you are not sure about the freshness of an egg, break it into a measuring cup to inspect it before adding it to the recipe. Washing your hands after handling eggs is good procedure. This is especially true if you are going to touch the cookie dough later or taste the dough as you prepare it.

Baking Soda: Arm & Hammer brand baking soda works fine.

Butter: There's no substitute for butter. If you can not use butter for health reasons, do not waste your time attempting to make a great chocolate chip cookie. They will be substandard. I prefer unsalted butter, but you can use salted butter. Name brand butter works better than a generic brands. Generic brands vary a great deal in their taste and texture. You should experiment. My recipe uses softened butter. Softened don't mean liquid butter. When butter becomes a liquid during softening the cookies texture will suffer greatly. My method for softening butter is to use a microwave safe mixing bowl put the butter in it and the mixing bowl goes on a turntable in a microwave. If you do not have a microwave turntable, you should rotate to the bowl every 30 seconds or so. Set the microwave level at low and microwave the butter for a minute or two. The stick of butter should still be shaped like a stick, but can be easily dented by a gentle touch of a finger. Microwave ovens will sometimes microwave the center of the butter and c melted a hole in the center. Don't worry if this happens, a small liquid amount will not seriously damage this recipe. To prevent this, move the butter around in the microwave when you rotate it.
If your butter does not fully soften you will just have to work harder with your mixing the butter into the ingredients, but exercise will do you good.

Salt: I prefer iodized table salt. Salt substitutes taste is not complementary to the cookies.

White Sugar: Grocery stores house brands are not equal to name brands in my experience. White sugars don't seem to vary from one brand to another in quality.
Cookies made with white sugar substitutes are not fit for human consumption.

Brown Sugar: Brown sugars do vary from one brand to the next and by how old they are. I prefer Domino brand brown sugar. If your brown sugar is hard as a rock, it will not make a great cookie. To dissolve hard brown sugar will require too much stirring and will change the texture of the cookie. Using a dark brown sugar will produce a darker stronger tasting cookie than using light brown sugar. In my experience, most people prefer cookies made with light brown sugar. If they don't have a choice, they seem to enjoy cookies made with dark brown sugar just fine.
Brown sugar substitutes do not result in edible chocolate chip cookies.

Vanilla: Whenever two bakers gather to talk baking the debate over whether to use real vanilla extract or imitation vanilla will likely arise. My experience is that real vanilla extract is absolutely necessary for some recipes. For example, I use real vanilla extract when I am adding the vanilla to a cooked custard that I use in a chocolate eclair cake. However, real vanilla extract seems to lose its flavor when exposed to high temperatures like those required to bake chocolate chip cookies. I recommend imitation vanilla extract for this recipe.

Flour: Selecting a flour is also a matter of personal preference. I prefer to use a harder flour. Hard flours will often have labels that say something like "better for bread." Cake flours produce a cookie with a finer texture which in my opinion is not desirable.

Chocolate Chips: The quality of chocolate chips varies greatly. Nestles Toll House chocolate chips are very good and are available at most markets. I personally don't enjoy the flavor of Hershey's chocolate chips. My preferred chocolate chip brand is Guittard. These chips are available through Sam's Club stores. When I can afford them, I also use Merkens' semisweet chocolate chips. Merkens' chocolate chips are available through The King Arthur Baker's Catalog(800-827-6836).

Nuts: Although most chocolate chip recipes call for walnuts, pecans are preferred by most everyone I have asked. Use whatever nuts you prefer, but don't say that you are using my recipe unless you use pecans. Nut quality is also very important and not easily obtained. Old nuts will be soft and mealy. Taste the pecans before you put them into the dough. If you feel like you would like to have a second or a third, use them. If the not, look for better quality nuts. The brands carried by Sam's Club an BJ's stores are excellent. The Diamond brand nuts found in most markets areas o so and overly expensive.

Alexis's Brown Sugar Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 lb. (4 sticks) unsalted butter
3 cups brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
4 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 cups real chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375^. Cream butter until smooth; add sugars. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Sift flour, salt, and baking soda and beat into above mixture. Add chocolate chips. Drop 2 to 3 tablespoons of batter onto greased baking sheet, 2 inches apart. Bake 8 minutes. Remove from pans and cool on racks. Note: If cookies become hard while still on the baking sheet, put sheet back into the oven for a few seconds to soften them for easy removal.

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Annette Funicello's Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 c Unsifted flour
1 c Sugar
1/2 tsp Baking soda
2 eggs
1/4 tsp Salt
1 tb Water
1/2 c Corn oil margarine, softened
1 tsp Vanilla
6 oz Semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 c Skippy creamy or super chunk peanut butter

In small bowl stir together flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt. In large bowl with mixer at low speed beat together margarine, peanut butter, eggs, water, and vanilla just until blended. Add flour mixture, beat until blended. Increase speed to medium; beat 2 minutes. Optional: stir chocolate pieces into batter. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls 3 inches apart onto ungreased cookie sheets. Flatten slightly with floured bottom of glass. Bake in 375 F oven 10 to 12 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on wire rack. Store in tightly covered container. Makes about 2-3 dozen.

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Better Homes and Gardens Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup chopped nuts

Cream together first five ingredients until light and fluffy. Stir dry ingredients into creamed mixture. Stir in nuts and chocolate chips. Drop by heaping teaspoonful onto greased cookie sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes at 375 degrees . Makes 6-7 dozen.

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Brooke's Sweet Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 c Butter, softened
1/3 c Sugar, granulated
1/3 c Brown sugar, packed
1 Egg
1 T Water
1/2 t Vanilla extract
1 1/4 c Flour, all-purpose
1/2 t Baking soda
1/4 t Salt
8 oz Sweet cooking chocolate, coarsely chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Cream together thoroughly butter and sugars, using electric mixer. Add egg, water and vanilla and beat well. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, soda and salt. Blend dry ingredients into creamed mixture. Stir chopped chocolate pieces into batter by hand so they do not get too broken up. Drop from teaspoon 2" apart onto greased cookie sheet. Bake for about 13 minutes. Cool on racks. Yield: 3 1/2 dozen cookies

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Butter Flavored Crisco Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie

3/4 c Butter flavored Crisco
1 1/4 c Firmly packed brown sugar
2 T Milk
1 T Vanilla
1 Egg
1 3/4 c All-purpose flour
1 t Salt
3/4 t Baking soda
1 c Semisweet chocolate chips
1 c Pecan pieces

Heat oven to 375. Cream butter flavor Crisco, brown sugar, milk, and vanilla in large bowl. Blend until creamy. Blend in egg. Combine flour, salt, and baking soda. Add to creamed mixture, gradually. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts. Drop rounded Tablespoonfuls (about 2 measuring tablespoons) of dough 3 inches apart on ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 375 8 to 10 minutes. For chewy cookies (they will look light and moist) DO NOT OVERBAKE or 11 to 13 minutes for crisp cookies. Cool on baking sheet 2 minutes. Remove to cooling rack. 3 dozen 3-inch cookies. Note: if nuts are omitted, use 1-1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips.

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Chocolate Chip Krispie Cookies

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup margarine, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups Kellogg's Rice Krispies cereal
1 package (6 oz., 1 cup) semi-sweet chocolate morsels
Vegetable cooking spray

In small mixing bowl combine flour, soda and salt. Set aside. In large mixing bowl, beat together margarine and sugar until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla. Beat well. Add flour mixture, mixing until combined. Stir in Kellogg's® Rice Krispies® cereal and chocolate morsels. Drop by level measuring tablespoon onto baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350°F about 12 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove immediately from baking sheets and cool on wire racks. Store in airtight container.

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Chocolate Chip Meringue Drops (Forgotten Cookies)

2 large egg whites
1/2 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C). Line 2 baking sheets with aluminum foil or parchment and set aside. In large bowl of a mixer, beat the egg whites at moderately high speed until they hold stiff peaks. Beat in the sugar one tablespoon at a time, then beat in the vanilla extract. Reduce speed to low and beat in cocoa powder. With rubber spatula, fold in the chips. Note: May substitute 1/2 cup chopped pecans for the chips. Add a pinch of nutmeg and cinnamon to the egg whites if using the pecans.
Drop mixture by rounded teaspoonsful onto baking sheets, spacing one inch apart and bake for 1 hour. Turn off oven and dry cookies in oven 2 hours longer. Remove from pan and store in air tight container. Makes 40 cookies

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Double Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies

3/4 c Margarine
1 1/2 c Brown sugar firmly packed
2 tbs Water
2 c Chocolate chips
2 ea Eggs
2 1/2 c Flour
1 1/4 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp Salt
12 oz Andres mint candy (2 boxes)

Melt margarine, add chips and stir until partially melted. Remove from heat and stir until chips are completely melted. Pour into large bowl. Add brown sugar and water and cool slightly. At high speed, beat in eggs one at a time. Reduce to low speed and add dry ingredients. Stir until blended. Chill dough. When ready to bake, line cookie sheets with foil. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roll dough into very small balls (about 1/2 teaspoon per ball). Place 2 inches apart and bake for 10 minutes. Remove from oven and while cookies are still on pan, place half a candy piece on each cookie. Remove to waxed paper, wait about a minute and swirl the candy pieces across top of cookie.

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Barbara Bush’s Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 c Flour & 2 tbs; sifted
1/2 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 c Butter; softened
1/3 c Sugar; brown firmly packed
1/3 c Sugar; granulated
1 Egg
1 1/2 tsp -Water; very hot
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1 c Chocolate chips;semisweet

Approx. Cook Time:10 minutes

Preheat oven to 375F. Grease baking sheets with vegetable oil. Sift flour, baking soda and salt on waxed paper. Beat butter, sugar and egg in large bowl till fluffy, about 3 minutes. Beat in hot water and vanilla. Gradually beat in flour mixture until blended and smooth. Drop dough by well rounded teaspoonfuls on prepared baking sheets. Bake in 375F oven till golden, about 10 minutes. Cook on sheets on wire rack to cool completely. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

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Doh! Boy Chocolate Chip Cookie

This recipe closely approximates (although better than) the Pillsbury Ready-Made Chocolate Chip Cookies available at your Groceries Dairy Section. It's unique in that it uses Marshmallow Creme for sugar. Since marshmallow creme expands when heated.

1/2 cup Butter (1 stick)*
1/2 cup Vegetable Shortening (Crisco Butter Flavor)*
1 cup Brown Sugar, Light, Packed
7 oz Marshmallow Creme or Marshmallow Fluff (1 jar)
1 large Egg
3 tsp Vanilla Extract
3 cup All-Purpose Flour
2 tsp Baking Powder*
1 tsp Salt
1 1/2 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (most of a 12 oz package)
1 cup Chopped Walnuts (4 oz package - optional)

Soften butter/shortening in a microwave oven (use a microwave safe mixing bowl or glass measuring cup) stirring every 15 seconds until very soft. Add brown sugar, salt, marshmallow creme, baking powder, and vanilla and beat well. Add egg and beat until creamy. Add flour mixture (1/2 cup at a time) while beating. Add chocolate chips and nuts (optional). Refrigerate for 1-3 hours in covered bowl. Pre-heat oven to 375°F. Drop onto a waxed paper lined, room-temperature, air-bake cookie sheet in large rounded tablespoonful size (or small ice-cream scooper). Bake 10-12 minutes checking every two minutes after 8 minutes for golden brown appearance. Waxed paper may smoke so keep area well ventilated. Remove sheet from oven and let stand 5 minutes before transferring to a cool/flat surface. Rinse and dry cookie sheet between batches. Makes about [4] dozen cookies.

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Double Tree Hotel Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 1/2 C. butter -- softened
1 1/2 C. granulated sugar
3/4 C. firmly packed brown sugar
4 eggs
2 1/2 tsp. Vanilla
1 tsp. lemon juice
3 C. all-purpose flour
3/4 C. old-fashioned oatmeal -- uncooked
3/4 tsp. Baking Soda
1 tsp. Salt
1/4 tsp. Ground Cinnamon
3 C. Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips -- Ghirardelli
1 1/2 C. chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line baking sheets with parchment paper. Place the butter in a large bowl and cream lightly with an electric mixer. Add the sugars and beat on medium speed for about 2 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Add the vanilla and lemon juice and mix well. In a separate bowl, stir together the flour, oatmeal, baking soda, salt and cinnamon.
Add to the creamed butter mixture and stir well to blend. Add chocolate chips and walnuts and stir to combine.
Using a 1/4 cup measure or a 2-oz ice cream scoop, drop the batter on the parchment-lined pans, leaving 2 -3 inches between each cookie.
Bake for 13 - 15 minutes or until lightly browned around the edges. Remove from parchment and cool on wire racks.

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Famous Amos Raisin-filled Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 c Softened margarine-4 sticks
3/4 c Firmly packed light brown sugar
3/4 c Granulated sugar
1 tsp Vanilla
1 tsp Water
2 Eggs
2 1/2 c Flour
1 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 c Raisins
1 pkg Chocolate chips-12 ounce

Beat softened margarine, brown and white sugars, vanilla, water and eggs in a large bowl with electric mixer until creamy and thoroughly blended. By hand, stir in flour, baking soda and salt until well mixed. Stir in raisins and chocolate chips. Using teaspoon from measuring set, spoon dough by teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheets. Allow 1 to 1-1/2 inches between cookies for spreading. Bake in moderate oven (375) for 8 minutes, or until cookies are nicely browned, depending on how crisp or well done you like them.

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Hazelnut Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cream:

12 oz butter
12 oz sugar

Blend in:

12 oz flour
12 oz chopped toasted hazelnuts
12 oz Ghirardelli Double chocolate chips

Form into about 40 cookies. Bake about 12 min @ 350 degrees F (until very slightly browned on the bottom, do not overcook)

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Hilary Clinton's Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 1/2 c Flour
2 Eggs
1/2 c Sugar; granulated
1 c Shortening; vegetable
1 tsp Salt
2 c Oats; rolled, old fashioned
1 tsp Vanilla
1 c Sugar; brown, firmly packed
1 tsp Baking soda
1 pkg (12 oz.)Chocolate chips; semisweet

Approx. Cook Time: :10
Preheat oven to 350F.
Brush baking sheets lightly with vegetable oil. Combine flour, salt and baking soda on waxced paper. Beat together shortening, sugars and vanilla in large bowl with electric mixer till creamy. Add eggs and beattill light and fluffy. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in rolled oats and then chocolate chips. Drop batter by rounded teaspoonsfuls onto baking sheets. Bake in 350F oven for 8-10 minutes or till golden. Cool cookies on sheets for 2 minutes. Remove to wire racks to cool completely. Makes 7 dozen from

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Michael Romano’s Reverse Chocolate Chunk Cookies

These rich brown cookies studded with chunks of white chocolate are a delicious, inside-out version of chocolate chip cookies. Since the cookie batter is brown to begin with, you won't be able to use their toasty color as a visual indication of doneness. To avoid overcooking, remove the cookies from the oven as soon as they puff up and are still slightly soft to the touch. The cookies will set as they cool, but should remain pliable rather than hard or crunchy.

1 1/4 cup sweet butter at room temperature
1 Tbs. sweet butter for buttering cookie sheets.
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 3/4 cup all purpose flour
1 1/4 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp. baking soda
10 oz. solid white chocolate, broken into 1/4 inch chunks (or 8 ounces white chocolate chips)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly butter a cookie sheet, or alternatively, line the sheet with a strip of parchment paper. Set aside. In a mixing bowl, mix together the flour, cocoa powder and baking soda. Set aside. Using an electric mixer or a hand-held beater, cream the butter and sugars until the mixture is light and fluffy. Add the eggs and continue to beat until they are well-combined, about 1 minute. Mix in the flour, cocoa powder and baking soda mixture until well incorporated. Fold in the white chocolate chunks with a rubber spatula. Filling a tablespoon, scoop out individual cookies from the batter and place in even rows on the cookie sheet, leaving 2 inches of space between each cookie. Transfer the cookie sheet to the middle shelf of the oven, and bake for 8-10 minutes until the cookies are puffed and still to the touch. Remove the cookie sheet from the oven and allow cookies to cool and set for 5-7 minutes before carefully removing them with a spatula. If you have used a sheet of parchment paper, slide the entire sheet off the tray, and allow the cookies to cool for 5-7 minutes. Meanwhile, you may re-use the cookie sheet immediately for baking the next batch. Makes 60 cookies

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Mrs. Field's Raisin Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 c Flour
1/2 tsp Baking powder
1/3 c Light brown sugar
1 c Sugar
1 c Butter, softened
2 lg Eggs
2 tsp Vanilla
2 c Raisins
2 c Semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 300*F. In a medium bowl combine flour and baking powder. Mix well with wire whisk and set aside. Blend sugars in a large bowl using an electric mixer at medium speed. Add butter and mix until grainy, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Add eggs and vanilla and mix at medium speed until smooth. Add the flour mixture, raisins and chocolate chips. Blend at low speed until just combined. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto ungreased baking sheets, 1 1/2 inches apart. Bake 22-24 minutes. Transfer cookies immediately to a cool, flat surface.

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Nancy's Cream Cheese-Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 c Butter or Margarine (NOT diet!)
1 (3 ounce) package Cream Cheese, softened
1 tb Milk
1 c Sugar
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1 c regular (all purpose) Flour
1 bag of Mini or Regular Chocolate Chips
1/2 c Pecans or Walnuts, chopped

Heat oven to 375 F.

Cream butter or margarine, cream cheese and milk in medium bowl at medium speed of electric mixer until well blended. Beat in sugar and vanilla. Mix in flour. Stir in nuts and chocolate chips. Drop level measuring tablespoonfuls of dough 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheet, covered with parchment paper or they may get too brown or burn on the bottoms. Bake at 375 for 10 minutes. Remove to cooling rack. Makes 3 dozen 2 inch cookies. For a real different taste use white chocolate chips and 1 teaspoon orange or lemon rind & substitute Macadamia nuts.

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Nancy's Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 cup Butter (1 stick)
1/2 cup Vegetable Shortening (Crisco Butter Flavor)
1 cup Brown sugar, Light, Packed
1/2 cup Granulated Sugar
2 large Eggs
3 tsp Vanilla extract
1 1/2 cup All-Purpose Flour
3 cup Uncooked Oats
2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Cinnamon
1 cup Mini Chocolate Chips (you can use regular chocolate chips, I like the mini ones:

Combine the flour and baking powder and set aside. Melt butter/shortening in a microwave oven (use a microwave safe mixing bowl or a glass measuring cup) stopping and stirring every 15 seconds. Stop when the butter is more of a paste (usually about 30-60 seconds). Pour over granulated sugar, brown sugar, salt, cinnamon, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl and beat well. Add each egg separately beating until creamy. Add flour mixture (1/2 cup at a time) while beating. Fold in the oats and chocolate chips. Refrigerate for 1-3 hours in covered bowl. Pre-heat oven to 375°F 15 minutes prior to first batch. Drop onto a waxed paper (or baking parchment) lined, room-temperature, air-bake cookie sheet in large rounded tablespoonful size (or small ice-cream scooper). Bake 10-12 minutes checking every two minutes after 8 minutes for golden brown appearance. Remove sheet from oven and let stand 5 minutes before transferring to a cool/flat surface. Rinse and dry cookie sheet between batches. Makes about [5] dozen cookies.

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Orange-Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 c Shortening
6 oz Cream Cheese; Softened,(2PK)
1/2 c Sugar; Granulated
1/2 c Brown Sugar; Packed
2 Eggs; Large
2 ts Orange Peel; Grated
1 ts Vanilla
2 c Flour; Unbleached
2 ts Baking Powder
1 ts Salt
6 oz Chocolate Chips; Semisweet
1/2 c Nuts; Finely Chopped(Option)

Servings: 12

Cream together shortening, cheese, and sugars. Add eggs, peel, and vanilla; beat well. Stir together flour, baking powder, and salt; add to creamed mixture. Mix well. Stir in chocolate chips. Drop from teaspoon 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet. If desired sprinkle lightly with nuts or granulated sugar. Bake at 350 degrees F about 10 minutes. Makes 6 dozen cookies.

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Otis Spunkmeyer's Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 cup& Butter (1 stick)*
1/2 cup& Vegetable Shortening (Crisco Butter Flavor)*
1 cup Brown sugar, Light, Packed
1/2 cup Granulated Sugar
2 large Eggs
3 tsp Vanilla extract
2 3/4 cup All-Purpose Flour
2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Salt
2 cups Chocolate Chips (one 10-12 oz package)
1 cup Chopped Walnuts (4 oz package - optional)

Combine flour and baking powder in a small bowl and mix with a whisk. Set aside. Melt butter/shortening in a microwave oven (use a microwave safe mixing bowl or a glass measuring cup) stopping and stirring every 15 seconds. Stop when the butter is more of a paste (usually about 45-60 seconds). Pour over granulated sugar, brown sugar, salt, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl and beat well. Add each egg separately beating until creamy. Add flour mixture (1/2 cup at a time) while beating. Refrigerate for 1-3 hours in covered bowl. Pre-heat oven to 375°F 15 minutes prior to first batch. Drop onto a waxed paper lined, room-temperature, air-bake cookie sheet in large rounded tablespoonful size (or small ice-cream scooper). Bake 10-12 minutes checking every two minutes after 8 minutes for golden brown appearance.

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Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 cup margarine
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 egg
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 tsp. vanilla
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped nuts(walnuts or pecans)
1 cup chocolate chips

Cream margarine and sugar together until light and fluffy. Beat in egg, pumpkin, and vanilla. Mix and sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon. Add to creamed mixture; mix well. Add chopped nuts & chocolate chips; mix thoroughly. Drop by teaspoons onto well-greased cookie sheets. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from cookie sheets while warm and cool on racks. Makes 3 1/2 to 4 dozen cookies. This recipe can be doubled.

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Ruth Wakefields Chocolate Chip Chip Cookies

1 stick or ¼ pound unsalted butter softened, but no liquid
1 jumbo egg
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup white sugar
½ cup light or dark brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon imitation vanilla extract
1 1/8 cups flour. If the cookies come out too flat and runny,use a little more flour next time.
3 cups chocolate chips
1 ½ cups pecans whole or chopped

Preheat oven to 365 degrees F. Arrange oven racks so that your cookie rack is in the middle of the oven.

In a large bowl, add softened butter, and egg.
Sprinkle the ½ teaspoon baking soda, and ½ teaspoon of salt over the butter and egg.
Add ¼ cup white sugar and ½ cup brown sugar.
Pour 1 ½ teaspoon vanilla extract over the brown sugar.
Mix ingredients just until evenly moist.
Add 1 1/8 cups of flour and stir until incorporated.
Add chocolate chips and nuts stirring until evenly blended.You may want to break up the nuts by breaking them into pieces before stirring them into the batter. I usually leave them whole and let the stirring process break up the nuts.
Spray cookie sheets lightly with a aerosol oil like Pam.
Use a teaspoon measure walnut size clumps of cookie dough onto cookie sheets. Do not crowd cookies. Leave space for them to spread out a little and not touch. Women seem to prefer smaller cookies. Men and children prefer larger cookies.
Bake one cookie sheet at a time for about 13 minutes. Do not over bake.
Cool cookie sheets on wire racks. Separate the cookies from the cookie sheets with a spatula or pancake turner before they cool completely.
Store in closed container at room temperature. As with all quality baked goods, chocolate chip cookies taste best if eaten within 24 hours of being baked. After 24 hours the texture and taste of the cookies degenerates.
Notes

A recipe that contains so few ingredients shouldn't require artfulness to prepare, but it does. Although most recipes call for creaming the eggs and sugar before adding other ingredients, that process turns what should be a great chocolate chip cookie dough into something that tastes overly processed, something more like a mall cookie.

Do not use an electric mixer or food processor to make this recipe.Both appliances ruin the texture of chocolate chip cookie dough.
Do not refrigerate or freeze cookies. Even putting the cookies in a cold room overnight can change their flavor. They should remain a room temperature until they are eaten. If you can't eat all of the cookies you make, share some with a friend or neighbor.

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Skaarup’s Almost Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie

1/2 cup Butter (1 stick)*
1/2 cup Vegetable Shortening (Crisco Butter Flavor)*
1 cup Brown sugar, Light, Packed
1/2 cup Granulated Sugar
2 large Eggs
3 tsp Vanilla extract
2 3/4 cup All-Purpose Flour
2 tsp Baking Powder*
1 tsp Salt
2 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (one 12 oz package)
1 cup Chopped Walnuts (4 oz package - optional)

Combine flour and baking powder in a small bowl and mix with a fork. Set aside. Soften butter/shortening in a microwave oven (use a microwave safe mixing bowl or glass measuring cup) stirring every 15 seconds until very soft. Add granulated sugar, brown sugar, salt, and vanilla and beat well. Add each egg separately beating until creamy.
Add flour mixture (1/2 cup at a time) while beating. Add chocolate chips and nuts.
Refrigerate for 1-3 hours in covered bowl. Pre-heat oven to 375°F 15 minutes prior to first batch. Drop onto a waxed paper* lined (see below), room-temperature, air-bake cookie sheet in large rounded tablespoonful size (or small ice-cream scooper). Bake 10-12 minutes checking every two minutes after 8 minutes for golden brown appearance. Remove sheet from oven and let stand 5 minutes before transferring to a cool/flat surface. Rinse and dry cookie sheet between batches. Store in an air-tight container for up to one week. Makes about [5] dozen cookies.

TIP: Bake on waxed paper. Tear sheet to approximate size of cookie sheet; edges shouldn't hang over cookie sheet. During baking there may be some aroma and smoke from the waxed paper.
TIP: If you don't have (or won't try) waxed paper then cover cookie sheet with fresh aluminum foil. After removing from oven, slide foil and cookies off sheet together and let sit 5 minutes before removing the cookies from the foil with the back side of a spatula. Cool cookie sheet to room temperature before reapplying aluminum foil and dropping more cookies. Also aids in final clean-up.
TIP: If cookies become dry in the container then add a fresh piece of bread (loosely wrapped in a paper towel or wax paper or in a zip-lock bag with holes punched in it) to container and reseal. Rational: Water seeks equilibrium. The moisture (water) in the bread will leave it and enter the dry cookies. The result will be drier bread and more moist cookies.

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Sourdough Chocolate Chip Cookies

4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour -- unsifted
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter -- softened
1 cup shortening -- softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/4 cups brown sugar -- packed
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 cup sourdough starter
4 eggs
1 3/4 cups walnuts -- chopped
2 12 oz pkgs chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375degrees. In a large bowl, combine butter, shortening, sugars and mix well. Add eggs and beat until all are blended. Add vanilla and sourdough starter. Beat in flour, soda, salt and mix well. Stir in walnuts and chocolate chips. Drop by tablespoons onto greased cookie sheet. Bake 10 to 12 minutes. This makes 70 cookies and can be cut in half for smaller batches.

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Spuddy Chocolate Chip Cookie

Many have said this is the best Chocolate Chip Cookie they've ever tasted; don't spoil it by telling them it contains potatoes. I like to call them my, "Little Spuddies."

1/2 cup Butter (1 stick)**
/2 cup Vegetable Shortening (Crisco Butter Flavor)**
1 cup Brown Sugar, Light, Packed
1/2 cup Granulated Sugar (Extra-Fine Granulated Preferred)
2 large Eggs
3 tsp Vanilla Extract
2 cup All-Purpose Flour (or Whole Wheat Flour)
3/4 cup Potato Buds (instant Mashed Potato Mix)***
2 tsp Baking Powder*
1 tsp Salt
2 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (one 12 oz package)
1 cup Chopped Walnuts (4 oz package - optional)

Combine potato buds, flour, and baking powder in a small bowl and mix with a fork. Set aside. Soften butter/shortening in a microwave oven (use a microwave safe mixing bowl or glass measuring cup) stirring every 15 seconds until very soft. Add granulated sugar, brown sugar, salt, and vanilla and beat well. Add each egg separately beating until creamy. Add flour mixture (1/2 cup at a time) while beating. May add 1-2 tbsp milk if dough too firm. Add chocolate chips and nuts. Refrigerate for 1-3 hours in covered bowl. Pre-heat oven to 375°F 15 minutes prior to first batch. Drop onto a waxed paper lined, room-temperature, air-bake cookie sheet in large rounded tablespoonful size (or small ice-cream scooper). Bake 10-12 minutes checking every two minutes after 8 minutes for golden brown appearance. Remove sheet from oven and let stand 5 minutes before transferring to a cool/flat surface. Rinse and dry cookie sheet between batches. Makes about [5] dozen cookies.

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Sunny Boy Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup Sunny Boy All-Purpose Flour
2 tbsp Water
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Vanilla
1 1/4 cup Sunny Boy Cereal
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 cup Vegetable Shortening
1 cup Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips
1/2 cup Granulated Sugar
1 Egg
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
1/2 cup Raisins (Optional)

Mix together Sunny Boy flour, soda and salt into bowl. Add shortening, sugar, egg, water and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Add Sunny Boy cereal and combine thoroughly. Fold in chocolate chips and raisins. Drop from a teaspoon on a greased baking sheet and bake for approximately 15 minutes at 350 degrees.

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The Neiman-Marcus Cookie (Urban Legend)

Okay, everyone....a true story of justice in the good old U.S. of A. Thought y'all might enjoy this; if nothing else, it shows internet justice, if it can be called that.

My daughter & I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas & decided to have a small dessert. Because our family are such cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie". It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and they said with a small frown, "I'm afraid not." Well, I said, would you let me buy the recipe? With a cute smile, she said, "Yes." I asked how much, and she responded, "Two fifty." I said with approval, just add it to my tab.

Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it was $285.00. I looked again and I remembered I had only spent $9.95 for two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00." Boy, was I upset!! I called Neiman's Accounting Dept. and told them the waitress said it was "two fifty," and I did not realize she meant $250.00 for a cookie recipe.

I asked them to take back the recipe and reduce my bill and they said they were sorry, but because all the recipes were this expensive so not just everyone could duplicate any of our bakery recipes....the bill would stand.

I waited, thinking of how I could get even or even try and get any of my money back.

I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00 and now I'm going to have $250.00 worth of fun." I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover will have a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus for nothing. She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this." I said, "I'm sorry but this is the only way I feel I could get even," and I will.

So, here it is, and please pass it to someone else or run a few copies....
I paid for it; now you can have it for free.

The Neiman-Marcus Cookie (recipe may be halved)

2 cups butter 4 cups flour
2 tsp. soda 2 cups sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal** 24 oz. chocolate chips
2 cups brown sugar 1 tsp. salt
1 8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated) 4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder 3 cups chopped nuts
2 tsp. vanilla

Measure oatmeal and blend in a blender to a fine powder. Cream the butter and other sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies. Have fun!!! This is not a joke --- this is a true story..

 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Real Neiman Marcus Cookie

1/2 cup Unsalted Butter, Softened
1 cup Brown Sugar
3 tbsp Granulated Sugar
1 large Egg
2 tsp Vanilla Extract
1-3/4 cup All-Purpose Flour
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Salt
1-1/2 tsp Instant Espresso Powder, Slightly Crushed
8 ounce Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

Cream the butter with the sugars until fluffy. Beat in the egg and the vanilla extract. Combine the dry ingredients and beat into the butter mixture. Stir in the chocolate chips. Drop by large spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375°F for 8-10 minutes, or 10-12 minutes for a crispier cookie. Makes 12-15 large cookies

For several years, we have heard a story about the mythical Neiman Marcus cookie recipe. We don't know how it got started or who is perpetuating the myth, but this "cookie monster" just won't die! We would never charge anyone for a Neiman Marcus recipe. We share our restaurant recipes for free upon request.

This same story circulated in the late 1930's about a lady who dined at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York. She liked the Red Velvet Cake so much she asked for the recipe. When she received her hotel bill, she had been charged $100 for the recipe. (This was during the Depression, so it seems our version of the story has been adjusted for inflation!)

Neiman Marcus never s

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Quotes, tidbits CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPES

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