This will be my last entry concerning this subject on elder abuse, as it is now complete since my husband's father's estate has been closed and my husband has received all items from his sister that is rightfully his as stated in their father's Will. This has been a two year process in fighting with her in the legal system, three years in all with all activities that had been taking place while my father-in-law was still alive. Some might consider this blog as me hanging our dirty laundry out for the public to see, but I view it as therapy for all the hell I went through being supportive to my husband while he was going through this mess. I also see this as a way of possibly helping others who have gone through or are going through this ordeal. I have reposted two of my original blogs when this first started, so if you wish to go back and read past posts so you'll have the full story, they are there for you to read. I'm just writing about the last events that had taken place because this is so vast, it's too much detail.
There might have been numerous things we could have done to prevent a lot of this from happening, but if you've never been through this, where do you start? You only have one set of parents, they only die once. Then there are all the legal fees as far as fighting this in court. How many people are set up financially to take on that type of expense? One word of advice I can offer is watch what takes place with the person who decides to be the caregiver. A few things we've observed were all the lies my husband would catch his sister in, she would never notify him on anything that had to do with their father's welfare. Example; my father-in-law fractured three of his ribs. If it hadn't been for my husband calling his father, he would have never known anything happened to him. The big one; when my husband and I had gone to see his father the summer of 2004, apparently my sister-in-law had made arrangements before hand to see an attorney concerning my father-in-law's Will. Both my husband and his sister were executors of his Will. The day they walked into the attorney's office, paperwork was all ready to be signed. In the Will, it stated my sister-in-law was the main holder of a durable Power of Attorney, while my husband and a half-sister, whom he never met in his life were made Associates. If my husband had agreed to this, my sister-in-law would have had more access to do whatever she wanted since she held the durable POA. In other words, watch for someone who might possibly make changes in the Will.
I'm just going to copy a few emails that were written to each other to give you an idea what all transpired. Her last email is very interesting. Gives you a clear idea of what type of person she really is.
Subject: About the truck and handgun
Can we work this out ourselves or do we need to go through our attorneys?
No response from her
Subject: I'm surprised you still care enough about me that you want
to see me again so soon after the court
date in Alabama. But since you fail to respond to my emails it appears
you want me to come to New Jersey to get the truck and handgun in
person. That's fine with me, we have some friends we can visit in
Maryland and Pennsylvania, and Nancy has family in Virginia so we can
consider the trip a vacation. Do you want me to show up announced or
unannounced? To make a smooth transfer I believe we should have the
police involved to insure there are no problems. I will come to New
Jersey to recover the handgun and truck; it's up to you if we do it in
a civilized manner or not. If I do not hear from you I will assume you
want me to arrive unannounced.
I also want to be up front with you and tell you of my plans.
Do not take this as a threat because it is not - it is fact. If the
truck is damaged in any way beyond normal wear and tear I will file a
civil lawsuit against you in the State of Arizona for the cost of
repairs, or the value of the truck. I will seek reimbursement for
court cost, attorney fees, and all the funds I that I will have spent
to travel to New Jersey. I have already obtained legal counsel
concerning this matter. A civil suit is much different than criminal
charges; there are no state lines when it comes to a civil lawsuit. I
will win the case. Dad's will clearly states the truck is mine and all
parties involved knew this fact since June 2004. The vehicle has been
in your care for the last three years and it was your responsibility to
take care of it. I have pictures of the truck I took in 2004 which
clearly shows its condition at that time. The vehicle should not have
been driven and any destruction of the vehicle beyond normal wear and
tear would be malice on your part. If you are unable to pay the
settlement I will file the required legal documents to have your's, or
John's wages garnished to satisfy the settlement.
The same applies to the Colt 45. I have documents from you
indicating that you have the weapon and you are aware it is mine. If
the weapon disappears I will add the value of a weapon made in that era
to the law suit and recovery the value of that as well.
I communicated with Mr. B****** on Friday, June 1, 2007 and
found out he has not filed any documents with the court to close the
estate as of yet. All I have to do is file a motion to stop the
delivery of the funds until the handgun and truck are recovered from
you. Regardless if it works or not I can delay the process once again
for who knows how long - and since you agreed, and signed a legal
document stating you would work with me on the handgun and truck the
court may well look at it in a different light and grant me the motion.
It's unfortunate things have come to this…but you continue to
drive this train into the ground.
Her response:
PLEASE REQUEST ANY FURTHER INFORMATION THROUGH YOUR
LAWYER...I HAVE HEARD NOTHING ELSE CONCERNING THE CLOSING OF THE
ESTATE.
and another one:
I've contacted my lawyer and you can't have these two
items until this estate is closed and it is not closed until all money
is paid out and the case is closed.
Subject: Re: TRUCK and COLT 45
I'm not asking you for the status of the estate, if I want that I will
contact my attorney.
While in Alabama you signed a legal document concerning the Colt 45 and
truck that stated:
1. You would work with me to have the handgun shipped through a gun
dealer - you have not. As I requested in a previous e-mail, I need
the serial number off the Colt 45 so I can verify the date it was
made. Based on this I will know if you can sent it to me directly or
if it will be required to be sent through a gun dealer. Just send me
the serial number.
2. You would work with me to arrange to have the truck picked up - you
have not. I need to know if the truck still runs, and if there is air
in the tires. I can then make arrangements to either have the truck
picked up by an auto transport company, or have a local Dodge dealer
tow it to their location.
I've contacted my attorney and you may well not see your money until
these two items are off your property and in my possession. Take some
responsibility and do what you said you would do. Let's get this over
with and we will never have to contact each other again.
I'm not expecting the Colt 45 or truck right now. All I need is the
Serial number on the handgun so I can start making arrangements, and I
want to know the condition of the truck. How difficult would it be to
send me this information?
Failure to send me this information makes me wonder if the handgun and
truck are still in your possession. Why not send me a picture of both?
Subject: The Checks and My Property
I have received mine - you should have yours. Let's finish it.
I want to know:
1. The serial number of my Colt 45.
2. Does my truck run.
3. Do the tires on my truck have air in them.
Remember, you are still under a court order signed by you. The court still has "jurisdiction" over this matter until this property is in my possession. Read the last paragraph in the "Decree, Passing and Allowing Settlement" signed by the judge dated June 19, 2007.
Subject: Have you shipped the weapon yet?
You have had the paperwork and money orders since Saturday 14 JUL.
H****** is waiting for my reply so she can submit the required
paperwork to the court.
Let me know.
Her response:
Oh for heaven's sake - cool your jets......just got home from out of town.
GUN HAS:
PAT. SEPT. 19, 1871
JULY 2, 1872
17645
139084
THAT'S ALL THAT'S ON THE GUN - NO BRAND NAME
(Little does she know, from what our gun dealer told us, this weapon is a Colt 45 Single Action Revolver...1st Generation with the value "as is" between $4,000.00 and $6,000.00, with the possibility that it could be worth up to $10,000.00 or more depending on condition.)
TRUCK NEEDS A FLAT BED TRUCK TO PICK UP - TIRES ARE FLAT. WE HAVE NOT TRIED TO START IT, NOR WILL WE, IT NEEDS TO BE CHECKED OUT BY A MECHANIC.
The granddaddy of all emails!!!
Subject: Re: I guess it's time to go back to court...YES! IT IS...YEA
The estate is still open, the process can once again be stopped, and you can answer these questions in front of the judge.
I'll ask one more time:
1. What is the serial number of the Colt 45?
2. Is the truck still running?
3. Do the tires have air in them is it can be loaded on a transport truck?
If you won't answer these basic questions I'm convinced there will be no attempt on your part to help arrange the shipment of these two items. It appears another court date must be set. Every detail will have to be covered, legal documents will have to be signed outlining a plan, and the judge will need to approve all of it.
I'll contact my attorney.
Her response: This is what my husband refers to as "The Twilight Zone" email.
OH YES, PLEASE LET'S DO HEAD BACK TO COURT. YOU HAVE JUST MADE MY WISH COME TRUE. I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON THAT THE MONEY HAS NOT BEEN DISPERSED YET! (My husband never put an order in to have the process stopped, it just took the judge this long to sign off on the paperwork.)
I HAVE MEET AN AMAZING ATTORNEY HERE IN NEW JERSEY WHO HAS COME UP WITH A WHOLE NEW POSITION TO TAKE IN COURT THAT WOULD HAVE SOLVED THE PROBLEM. HOWEVER, YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THIS TIME WITH MORE THAN YOUR 50% OF THE ESTATE.
LET'S GO, I'LL HAVE BOTH ATTORNEY'S THERE THIS TIME, THE NEW ATTORNEY IS REALLY SORRY THAT HE DIDN'T MEET ME BEFORE I WENT TO ALABAMA, HE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE BEEN THERE, HE'S NEVER BEEN IN ALABAMA BEFORE AND HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO GO SOUTH, NOW HE'LL HAVE HIS CHANCE.
YOU ALMOST ENDED UP BACK IN COURT WHEN I GOT MY PAPERWORK, BECAUSE APPARENTLY I MISUNDERSTOOD SOMETHING MY ATTORNEY SAID, BUT I HAD DECIDED TO LET IT GO, BUT NOW I HAVE THE CHANCE TO CHANGE THINGS WITHOUT ME BEING THE ONE TO DRAG YOU BACK INTO COURT. LUCKILY, IF YOU ARE THE ONE TO INITIATE ANOTHER COURT DATE, IT WILL ONLY MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE BETTER PERSON.
RE-READ YOUR PAPERWORK, I NEVER SIGNED ANYTHING SAYING THAT I WOULD IN ANY WAY HELP YOU ARRANGE SHIPMENT OF THE TRUCK. AND YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, EVERY DETAIL WILL BE COVERED, EVERY DOCUMENT WILL NEED TO BE SIGNED AND THE JUDGE WILL HAVE TO APPROVE EVERY ONE OF THEM, AND WE WILL ALL LEAVE THE COURTROOM WITH A PLAN!!!!! I'LL BE LEAVING WITH A LOT MORE MONEY....
I'LL CONTACT MY LAWYER AND MR. B****** TOMORROW MORNING AND LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO PETITION FOR ANOTHER COURT DATE, THAT WAY MR. B****** CAN STOP THE CHECKS FROM BEING CUT AND SENT. THEN I'LL CONTACT MY NEW LAWYER HERE IN NEW JERSEY.
BY THE WAY, IT'S A BITCH WHEN ONE PERSON WON'T COOPERATE WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING, ISN'T IT????
SEE YOU IN COURT......
Well, we never ended back in court, thank God....once of that was enough. The estate is closed, everything is finally over, to include any relationship my husband had with his sister. Too bad money and greed was more important to her than her brother. Her choice...but from here on out, she is and always will be dead to her brother. How sad that someone would let so much greed come between blood like that. She must really hate herself.
We go to court
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life
We have our airline tickets, hotel reservations and rental car booked and we're ready to go to hopefully put an end to this mess my sister-out-law created. Two years of going through something that didn't need to happen, and shouldn't have happened. If she had been an honorable person, this situation would have been finished by this time last year, and the relationship between her brother and her would have remained intact. But, I guess to some people, money means more to them than family.
They say time heals all wounds, and you should forgive and forget. Well, I don't see time healing this any time soon, and my husband surely will not forgive or forget, or at least not in this century. I have heard repeatedly from him that his sister is dead to him, and after this gets settled, he no longer wants to hear her name mentioned in our house, and if she were to ever call and want to make peace, or ever needed anything from him, he would tell her to go to hell, feet first.
I asked my husband once if there was ever a time he rememberd while they were growing up together if she was always such a shallow, callous person. He said no, that she seemed normal during those years. So, I guess the question is, do you really know a person, even when you grew up with them? I always wondered why her mother and her never had a close relationship. Now I think I have the answer...she lied so much in her youth and thereafter, because I can remember so many times my mother-in-law saying you can never believe anything the sister-in-law says. Hmm...I just thought she meant that because my sister-in-law was a braggart, now, I know different...she's a liar. Personally, I think the woman is sick mentally and needs help.
So, we get to go to court in less than 10 days, I think we are as prepared as we can be. My only prayer is that she isn't allowed access to the false claims she has put in against the estate and that the judge will split whatever difference equally since she already had her hands on over $100,000.00.
This just isn't about the inheritance, this also has to do with how my father-in-law had been taken advantage of. You don't steal from your parent(s) when they are in that transition in life preparing to die. My husband wants to bring out all the things his sister had done while their father was alive. Yes, she took care of him (in more ways than one), she provided shelter for him, food, medical care, etc. But there was also a price my father-in-law paid for this care. All his retirement, Social Security and savings went directly into her hands to pay her mortgage, her child's college, trips, meals out every night, the list goes on. And her excuse is, "That's what Dad wanted." Where is the love you supposedly had for this person if you could do all of that? It's really sad to see how she treated her father in his final years, that this is what desperation does to you when you have lived a lifestyle of pretend, fantasies and lies.
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UPDATE
Well, well, well.....this just in. We found out through my father-in-law's health insurance that the electric chair he bought was totally paid for by Medicare AND his insurance 100%! But yet, sister-out-law is singing a different tune saying that all of it came out of his pocket, that no reimbursement was allowed. What the hell??? Does she think we're THAT stupid not to know any better? What an idiot!
One day a mother died.
And on that clear, cold morning,
In the warmth of her bedroom,
The daughter was struck with
The pain of learning that sometimes
There isn't any more.
No more hugs,
No more lucky moments to celebrate together,
No more phone calls just to chat,
No more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
Never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say "I Love You."
Or
"I Miss You"
So while we have it . . it's best we love it . .
And care for it and fix it when it's broken ....
And take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage .....and friendships.
And children with bad report cards;
And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep --
Like a best friend who moved away
Or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
Make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important,
And so are the people we know ..
And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone today
Who thought I was a 'KEEPER'!
Then I sent it to the people
I think of in the same way!
Now it's your turn to send this to all those people
Who Are "keepers" in your life!
(and I'd like to have this back from you)
Thank you very much
For being a special part of MY Life!
YOU ARE A KEEPER!
"Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you'll miss something.
I meant to add this...
Everyone, have a beautiful day...always take the opportunity to let someone know that you love them, because there might come a time you won't be able to. Take care.
