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I received this in an email from a friend and thought you might like to read this and pass it on if you like,It is a bit long but worth the read ty..

I have been following a situation in Ventura regarding
what had been a cemetery in downtown...the City of
Ventura decided that the old Catholic, Jewish and
public cemeteries where all the forefathers of the
area were interred, needed to be torn down and a dog
park and parking lot be erected over the bodies
there...I think this article that Steve, who is
heavily involved in trying to preserve that land as a
cemetery, sent is really neat on how other places
honor their dead from Civil War and other
dead...Thought you might enjoy reading it...Shows how
everything in CA is considered disposable...

> In New York, New York everyone sincerely honors the
> Dead.
>
> In San Buenaventura, California the City Council
> demands that dogs deficate
> on the graves of our fore fathers daily.
>
> Our City Council is very intelligent and is
> seriously concerned about the
> welfare of the living and the Dead. (?)
>
> What other devious treacheries and frauds are they
> conspiraring for us, even
> as you read this?
>
> www.restorestmarys.org
>
>
>
>
> >Rows of New Markers, and Untold Sacrifice by Civil
> War Soldiers - New York
> >Times
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >May 28, 2007
> >Rows of New Markers, and Untold Sacrifice by Civil
> War Soldiers
> >By GLENN COLLINS
> >Conrad Joachim, a German immigrant, marched off to
> war from his home on
> >Greenwich Street in Manhattan on May 13, 1862,
> enlisting as an assistant
> >surgeon in the 15th New York Heavy Artillery.
> Charles Joachim, whom
> >historians believe to be his son, had already
> joined the same unit.
> >
> >Four months later, Conrad was dead; and in another
> year, so was Charles, at
> >about the age of 20. They were buried in the same
> grave at Green-Wood
> >Cemetery in Brooklyn, beneath a marble headstone
> that is an exquisitely
> >carved open book inscribed with both their names.
> But the stone slowly sank
> >into the earth as the centuries turned twice, and
> the cemetery and the city
> >were completed around them.
> >
> >The Joachim family's sacrifice may have been
> forever lost to history if not
> >for a formidable labor of detective work involving
> hundreds of volunteers
> >and lasting longer than the Civil War itself. Now
> the Joachims are among
> >more than 1,200 Civil War soldiers with new
> gravestones at Green-Wood. And
> >today, for the first time, the cemetery is honoring
> the full known
> >complement of veterans of the country's deadliest
> war.
> >
> >Dozens of veterans' descendants, some from as far
> away as Spain, will be
> >joined at 9 a.m. by volunteers and Civil War
> re-enactors for a public
> >ceremony. There will be a parade, a color guard, a
> fife and drum corps,
> >crashing salutes from an artillery battery and
> speeches of welcome and
> >remembrance. Then, descendants and history lovers
> will read the names of
> >the veterans.
> >
> >Over five years, the volunteers have scoured not
> only Green-Wood's grounds,
> >but also cemetery records, pension and enlistment
> archives, government
> >databases, regimental histories, published
> obituaries and death notices.
> >They have also found and interviewed soldiers'
> descendants.
> >
> >The project identified not 200 Civil War veterans -
> as had originally been
> >expected - but 2,998. Many gravestones were
> missing, damaged or
> >obliterated; some, like the Joachims' marble, had
> sunk beneath the grass.
> >And so the volunteers filled out more than 1,200
> applications for new
> >markers, since the Department of Veterans Affairs
> supplies them if
> >originals are unreadable or lost.
> >
> >"This is a work of historical rescue," said one of
> the volunteers, Jeffrey
> >Blustein, a medical ethicist at Albert Einstein
> College of Medicine in the
> >Bronx. "History isn't just about the rich and
> famous, it's about all the
> >forgotten people, ordinary people who otherwise
> would never be known."
> >
> >The Joachims' original gravestone was discovered
> after their new ones had
> >already been ordered; now the elegant marble stone,
> earth-tinged from
> >decades in the ground, contrasts with the gleaming
> granite of the new
> >markers.
> >
> >Most of the new stones have yet to be installed,
> and are lined up in a
> >meadow, evoking not so much Brooklyn as Arlington,
> Gettysburg or
> >Colleville-sur-Mer.
> >
> >Video
> >More Video »
> >
> >The effort began in 2002, with the restoration and
> rededication of the
> >massive 1869 Civil War Soldiers' Monument on the
> cemetery's promontory,
> >Battle Hill, bringing together dozens of
> volunteers. "We discussed it and
> >came to a conclusion: Let's see if we can find all
> the Civil War dead at
> >Green-Wood," said Jeff Richman, the cemetery's
> historian.
> >
> >Soon, volunteers were walking every inch of
> Green-Wood. One of them, Marge
> >Raymond, found the grave of Capt. Henry Augustus
> Sand, and later located
> >one of his descendants in Germany, found
> transcripts of the captain's
> >letters and even a photograph.
> >
> >She learned that he served with the 103d New York
> Infantry and was fatally
> >wounded by a cannonball on Sept. 17, 1862, at the
> Battle of Antietam, when
> >he seized the flag of a fallen color-bearer and
> urged his men forward. He
> >died six weeks later. "He made a major contribution
> to our country," Ms.
> >Raymond said, "but his stone was covered in algae
> and dirt, and we had to
> >clean it before we could read it."
> >
> >Mr. Richman directed the group in a search of
> online databases, looking for
> >troops raised in Brooklyn or Manhattan. In the end,
> volunteers amassed
> >about 162,000 names of potential veterans, and
> compared them with those in
> >some 60 "chronology books," historic 22-by-16-inch
> Green-Wood burial
> >ledgers inscribed in spidery script that listed
> causes of death, but not
> >veteran status. "If someone died in 1902, their
> military service might not
> >have been viewed by then as being particularly
> significant," Mr. Richman
> >said.
> >
> >After the comparison, he said, "we got 5,000 hits,
> but we had no idea
> >whether the names were coincidental, or whether
> they were real matches with
> >real soldiers."
> >
> >So volunteers calculated the relative ages of
> possible soldiers from dates
> >of birth and compared those with the ages in the
> cemetery records. Then
> >they sought the names in regimental histories,
> death notices, obituaries
> >and other historical resources.
> >
> >"We became very protective of them, very personal
> and emotional about
> >them," said Susan Tomasi, a Brooklyn school
> psychologist.
> >
> >Whole families joined the quest. Stephanie Carey of
> Somerset, N.J., who has
> >long been proud that one of her ancestors served in
> the Civil War, was
> >assisted by her husband, Mark, an electrical
> engineer, and her daughter,
> >Victoria, a high-school senior.
> >
> >"There were so many great but forgotten sacrifices,
> like the Union doctor
> >who was captured in the South, and though he could
> have been returned to
> >the North, chose to stay down there to take care of
> his troops," said Laura
> >Congleton, a genealogist from Brooklyn. Her
> great-great-grandfather,
> >Johnson Foster, died at the Andersonville prison in
> Georgia and was buried
> >there.
> >
> >As word spread about the project, volunteers began
> hearing from descendants
> >as far away as England, Germany and Spain; many
> sent in pictures,
> >biographical information and "sometimes the
> original commissions or
> >discharge papers," Mr. Richman said.
> >
> >Many grave markers were believed to be missing
> until a team of cemetery
> >workers began using metal rods to probe the greens.
> "We found stone after
> >stone that had sunk below the grass line," Mr.
> Richman said. "The
> >gravestones make a pinging sound."
> >
> >Some of the veterans' families were most likely
> unable to afford
> >headstones; others chose marble or limestone, which
> have eroded because of
> >age and acid rain. "After researching their lives,
> it gives you a lump in
> >your throat to see their names on the new stones
> from the V.A.," Ms. Tomasi
> >said.
> >
> >In what the cemetery calls the Soldiers' Lot - a
> plot on less than an acre
> >donated in 1863 by Green-Wood primarily for those
> who died in battle or
> >from disease and could not afford grand burial
> monuments like the ones
> >around them - some of the new granite stones, being
> installed at
> >Green-Wood's expense, have been set up next to the
> soldiers' original
> >markers.
> >
> >Conrad and Charles Joachim were buried there. Only
> 28 feet away, adjacent
> >to the plot - which was restricted to veterans -
> researchers discovered the
> >gravestone of Conrad Joachim's wife, Eliza, who
> died in 1896, 34 years
> >after her husband.
> >
> >One volunteer, Barbara Farley, a widow whose
> husband's great-grandfather
> >was a Civil War veteran, discovered that one of
> those buried in Green-Wood,
> >Robert Mitchell, had lived at 5712 14th Avenue in
> Brooklyn. That was just
> >around the corner from the house where Ms. Farley
> grew up, at 1364 57th
> >Street.
> >
> >"As a child, I might have played with his
> descendants," said Ms. Farley, a
> >retired neurobiologist from Brooklyn. Despite
> intensive research, she has
> >found little of his biography, save that he died in
> 1913.
> >
> >Mr. Richman's book on the project, "Final Camping
> Ground: Civil War
> >Veterans at Brooklyn's Green-Wood Cemetery, in
> Their Own Words," will be
> >available at Green-Wood today and is accompanied by
> an illustrated
> >collection of the veterans' biographies on compact
> disc.
> >
> >He has not given up the search. "We think we've
> found less than 50 percent
> >of the veterans, so far," Mr. Richman said.
> >
> >Many of the stones bear a black carved shield that
> traditionally marked
> >those of the Union dead; Confederate soldiers have
> their own symbol, which
> >Mr. Richman said was a cross and a wreath. Some who
> fought for the South
> >were buried at Green-Wood because they were
> included in the family plots of
> >Yankee relatives, he said. On a recent afternoon a
> new stone was being
> >carefully placed in the Soldiers' Lot by two
> gravediggers, Felix Hernandez
> >and Elvis Merizalde.
> >
> >"It's an honor to be involved in this job," said
> George Barreto, a foreman
> >in the grave department. "We are giving them the
> honor they deserve." Among
> >Green-Wood's nearly 600,000 graves and manicured
> hills offering panoramic
> >views of New York Harbor are veterans from every
> American war, said Richard
> >J. Moylan, Green-Wood's president.
> >
> >Mr. Moylan said the four veterans of the Iraq war
> buried in Green-Wood -
> >Joseph O. Behnke, Manny Hornedo, Angel R. Ramirez
> and Michael D. Rivera -
> >have also been joined by Steven C. Vincent, a
> journalist from New York who
> >was abducted and killed in Iraq in 2005.
> >
> >The Civil War project has inspired the cemetery to
> begin similar efforts
> >for veterans from "the Revolutionary War, the War
> of 1812, the Mexican War,
> >the Spanish-American War, the world wars, Korea and
> Vietnam," he said.
> >
> >"We even have a veteran who won the Medal of Honor
> in the Boxer Rebellion,"
> >he said, referring to China's antiforeign movement
> in 1900. "This is just
> >the beginning of a process of reconnecting with the
> history of our cemetery
> >- and the history of our country."

>>> TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
>>>
>>> 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
>>> He thought he was God and I didn't.
>>> 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>>> 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>>> 4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>>> 
>>> 5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
>>> 6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
>>> 7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>>> 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
>>> 9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
>>>
>>>
>>> 
>>>
>>> 10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>>> 11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
>>> medicine.
>>> 12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
>>> 13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>>> 14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
>>>
>>> 
>>>
>>> 15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>>> 16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
>>> 17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
>>> Grew up.
>>> 18.. Procrastinate Now!
>>> 19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With
>>> That? 
>>> 20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>>> 21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
>>> 22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
>>> 23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
>>> 24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
>>> 25..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
>>> thousand times the memory.
>>> 26..Ham and eggs.A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
>>> commitment for a pig.
>>> 27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
>>> 28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
>>> 29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
>>>
>>> Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
>>> Life is too short and friends are too few.

> > >> > Ok. I don't know where to begin because the last 2
> > >> days of my life have
> > >> > been such a blur. Yesterday, My youngest daughter
> > >> Halle who is 4, was
> > >> > rushed to the emergency room by her father for
> > >> being severely lethargic
> > >> > and incoherent. He was called to her school by the
> > >> school secretary for
> > >> > being "very VERY sick." He told me that when he
> > >> arrived that Halle was
> > >> > barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her
> > >> own head up and when
> > >> > he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them.
> > >> > He immediately called me after he scooped her up
> > >> and rushed her to the
> > >> > ER. When we got there, they ran blood test after
> > >> blood test and did
> > >> > x-rays, every test imaginable. Her white blood
> > >> cell count was normal,
> > >> > nothing was out of the ordinary. The ER doctor
> > >> told us that he had done
> > >> > everything that he could do so he was sending her
> > >> to Saint Francis for
> > >> > further test.
> > >> > Right when we were leaving in the ambulance, her
> > >> teacher had come to the
> > >> > ER and after questioning Halle's classmates, we
> > >> found out that she had
> > >> > licked hand sanitizer off her hand. Hand
> > >> sanitizer, of all things. But
> > >> > it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of
> > >> different scents and
> > >> > when you have a curious child, they are going to
> > >> put all kinds of things
> > >> > in their mouths.
> > >> > When we arrived at Saint Francis, we told the ER
> > >> doctor there to check
> > >> > her blood alcohol level, which, yes we did get
> > >> weird looks from it but
> > >> > they did it. The results were her blood alcohol
> > >> level was 85% and this
> > >> > was 6 hours after we first took her. There's no
> > >> telling what it would
> > >> > have been if we would have tested it at the first
> > >> ER.
> > >> > Since then, her school and a few surrounding
> > >> schools have taken this out
> > >> > of the classrooms of all the lower grade classes
> > >> but what's to stop
> > >> > middle and high schoolers too? After doing
> > >> research off the internet, we
> > >> > have found out that it only takes 3 squirts of the
> > >> stuff to be fatal in
> > >> > a toddler. For her blood alcohol level to be so
> > >> high was to compare
> > >> > someone her size to drinking something 120 proof.
> > >> So please PLEASE don't
> > >> > disregard this because I don't ever want anyone to
> > >> go thru what my
> > >> > family and I have gone thru. Today was a little
> > >> better but not much.
> > >> > Please send this to everyone you know that has
> > >> children or are having
> > >> > children. It doesn't matter what age. I just want
> > >> people to know the
> > >> > dangers of this.
> > >> > Thank you

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little

strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around

the room and saw that all the waitpersons had a spoon in their pocket.

When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months

of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of

approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen

and save 1.5 man-hours per shift."

As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said, "I'll

get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was rather impressed.

The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out

of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly. My curiosity got the better of me and before

he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice."Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time

in the restroom."

"How so?"

"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of...you know... we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need

to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent"

"Okay, that makes sense, but... if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "Idon't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

I truly enjoyed this...It was sent to me by a police
officer who lives in Texas...Kathleen

> THINGS I LEARNED IN TEXAS
>
> Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with
> all four feet in the air.
>
> There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4, 998 live
> in
> Texas.
>
> There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000
> live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen
> before.
>
> Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you
> know when they are ripe.
>
> If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it
> will bite you!
>
> Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
>
> There are valid reasons some people put razor
> wire
> around their house.
>
> A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do
> get stuck.
>
> The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25;
> then it stops totally until October 2.
>
> Oncet and twicet are words.
>
> Coldbeer is one word.
>
> People actually grow and eat okra.
>
> Green grass DOES burn.
>
> When you live in the country you don't have to
> buy
> a dog. City people drop them off at your front
> gate
> in the middle of the night.
>
> The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds
> good for the first few weeks.
>
> When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at
> you, it's time to see a doctor.
>
> Fixin-to is one word.
>
> There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There is
> only breakfast, dinner and then there's supper.
>
> "Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals,
> and you start drinking it when you are two.
>
> "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything
> about you.
>
> "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you
> eat?"
>
> You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't
> matter what time it is. You work until you're
> done,
> or it's too dark to see.
>
> You measure distance in minutes or hours.
>
> You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
> day.
>
> Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.
>
> You see cars with the engine running in the
> Wal-mart parking lot with no one in them, no matter
> what time of the year.
>
> All the festivals across the state are named
> after
> a fruit or a vegetable..
>
> You install security lights on your house and
> garage, and leave both unlocked.
>
> You carry jumper cables for your own car.
>
> You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting"
> are.
>
> You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt,
> Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
>
> You think everyone from north of Dallas has an
> accent.
>
> The local papers cover national and international
> news on one page, but require six pages to cover
> Friday night high school football.
>
> The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
>
> You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
>
> You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
>
> The four seasons are: Almost summer, summer,
> still
> summer and Christmas.
>
> You know whether another Texan is from East,
> West,
> North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his
> mouth.
>
> Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known
> as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world."
>
> You describe the first cool snap (below 70
> degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather.
>
> A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or
> pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.
>
> Texans understand these jokes. If you do, too,
> forward them to your friends from Texas. If you
> don't just come and stay awhile.

> A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at >
the bar and orders a drink.
> Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a
> corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table,
> leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in
> the face and says: 'I went by your grandma! 's house
> today and I saw her in the hallway butt naked.
> Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

> The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
> His buddies are confused, because he is one bad
biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

> The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got
it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I
> ever had!'

> The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad
but the biker still says nothing.

> The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,
'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked
it!'

> At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk
by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and
> says.. 'Grandpa,....... Go home, you're
> drunk!'

A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps a convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Mazda convertible. It was wonderful and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paintwork.

An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

With that thought, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the hood and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her cell phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?"

Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"

"Simple really, just crap in the fuel injectors," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh, OK. How often should I do that?"

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
>
>Satan: "Why so glum?"
>
>Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
>
>Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
>
>Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
>
>Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
>
>Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"
>
>Satan: "You a smoker?"
>
>Guy: "You better believe it!"
>
>Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
>
>Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"
>
>Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."
>
>Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
>
>Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."
>
>Guy: "Cool!"
>
>Satan: "What about Drugs?"
>
>Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
>
>Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
>
>Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
>
>Satan: "You gay?"
>
>Guy: "No..."
>
>Satan: "Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough..."

Here are quotes from various sports figures that prove, well, that jocks just ain't too smart!

* New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season... "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

* "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996

* "You guys line up alphabetically by height." - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

* "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

* Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King - "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

* Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece - "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

* Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships - "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

* 1982 - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice - "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

* 1991 - Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books - "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

* 1996 - Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote - "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."

* 1991 - Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins - "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

* 1987 - Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D - "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

* 1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player - "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

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