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Special Classes for Men
Due to many request by women who deal with men on a personal day to day basis, we have rescheduled a number of special classes just for men. These classes are designed for husbands, sons, fathers, brothers, boy friends and other manly men.
1. Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays.
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
2. Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturdays 12:00 for 2 hours.
3. Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturdays 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
4. Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor.
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
5. Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
6. Class 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00PM.
7. Class 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking in the right places instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
8. Class 8: Health Watch - Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00PM for 2 hours.
9. Class 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
10. Class 10: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturdays at noon, 2 hours.
11. Class 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing. Location and times to be announced.
12. Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation
and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
13. Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday,
Wednesday, Friday at 7:00PM for 2 hours.
14. Class 14: The Stove/Oven - What it is and How it is Used.
Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
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"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Feds Ban Woman Drivers
Washingon D.C.: In its first sensible policy in years, the Federal Government has announced that it will ban women drivers from our nations roads. Since just under half of all road traffic accidents are caused by women, this policy is expected to save thousands of lives.
The U.S. Department of Transportation’s National Highway Traffic Safety Administration spokesman Felix Wonderhoven, stated that most women drives are a health hazzard. "Why do women want to drive when it is a proven fact that none of them can't parallel park or do a three point turn? And most cannot read a road map nor will they listen to their husbands give them directions"
Women will, however, be entitled to operate other road vehicles, such as riding lawnmowers for which a new road licence will be necessary. Mr. Wonderhoven added "The Government feels that women operate riding lawnmowers better than men and therefore men won't be given licences to mow the grass."
Finally, all riding lawnmowers will be equipped with GPS systems which will help women tell north from south and east from west. That way they can find their way home after mowing the yard....
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"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Satire
Woman Passes Driving Test First Attempt!!!!!
LW News: The U.S. Department of Transportation’s National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has launched a major inquiry after it was revealed that a woman in Shelby Co., Texas passed her Driving Test at the very first attempt.
Bertha Mae Butts of Brouddas came through the test with flying colors, raising eyebrows in Congress and causing a national outcry amongst motoring organizations and drivers alike.
Ernest Driver,chief executive of the AAA, said:
"This is madness!. Whoever heard of a woman passing the first time? It's a disgrace!"
National Safety Council spokesman Felix Wonderhoven, who, himself, took four attempts to pass his test back in 1972, said:
"This has to be a mistake. The woman concerned must have turned up wearing a mini-skirt or those thigh-length black leather boots - probably with side lacing."
Benard Blind, the man who administered Miss Butts test, was adamant that she passed the test fairly and squarely.
"She did wear a light blue halter top and white mini-skirt and thigh-length black leather boots with side lacing, but I never noticed" claimed Bernard.
Women's Rights groups are celebrating the news and hope to mark the event with a mass drive-around in Washington later this year.
Police in the capital have warned all safety-minded drivers who place a value on their lives, to listen for an official announcement of the date of the drive-around, so that they may stay indoors and avoid being killed.
Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon..
Tags: Satire
Walmart to Sell Unused Cash Registers
TPI: Wal Mart has announced that they are to sell off over 2,000,000 unused cash registers to small businesses - to help them out.
Wal Mart spokesman Felix Wonderhoven told me "We are not using 90% of our current cash registers so we are getting rid of them - we can use the extra space to display more Chinese made products - which can be stacked by our happy workers."
"It makes sense," said one shopper, Bertha Mae Butts. "I mean those cash registers are never used - its a waste of space - at least now I won't need to complain of closed checkouts - as there will be only two now."
"Once again Wal Mart is showing the way," confirmed Wonderhoven. "We are listening to our customers and our employees - we will no longer have closed lines but have more stuff - its ingenious," he smiled, "and," he said looking around, "it means we can either lay off some workers or cut hours back," he said with a wink.
Unfortunately though Wal Mart's plan has already hit a snag. According to research there are no small businesses left in the vicinity of any Wal Mart stores therefore the cash registers may remain unsold. Go figure!!
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"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Satire
Me and Carol
I will start at my and Carol's beginning.. We were both previously divorced and lived 150 miles apart in small towns in the Texas Panhandle. We met on an online dating site. Long story short married in '02. I retired at 55 in '03 and we moved to a lake in East Texas where my brother lives.
We sold our house and bought a 5th wheel and one ton dulley to pull it with. Planned to stay here in the winter and fish, and travel in the summer for a few years before settling down. Carol hurt her knee in the spring of '04 and had surgery on it. We traveled that summer and her knee never got any better.
In the fall she had knee replacement surgery. The morning after, they got her up to walk and she had a blood clot turn loose from her knee, went thru her heart and stopped up the artery to her lungs. She died three times and they had to give her that clot buster shot. She had mini strokes all over her brain. All her organs shut down. She was on dialysis for a couple of months. She was in four different hospitals for a total of seven months. She had outpatient rehab for another thirteen months.
The after effects of all this is, No balance at all, no fine motor skills, short term and recent memory loss, bathroom problems, both.(our worst problem) vocal chord and swollering problems. She can walk a little ways if someone holds onto her, but uses a wheel chair if we go to town or church. She can't dress herself or comb her hair or cut her food or wipe her butt etc etc.and uses a straw in her drinks. It affected her left vocal chord and she has a hard time talking.
Carol was so talented, could sing as good as anyone, played the piano very well and we did some singing for meetings, conferences, conventions, Churches, and such. She would sing and play the keyboard, and I would play the guitar or bass and sing backup mostly, I did the talking lol.... She was good enough to be a pro,....
It's all gone now......
Since her stroke we have lived in the RV.but the traveling is over. It's about like a large one bedroom apartment. Its a 36' Montana with three slide outs. It's small enough I can take her back and forth to the bathroom without using help and I can kinda keep it clean and tidy.. I do all the cooking ,, well I do everything.
I do have a lady that comes usually two days a week from 9 to 3. That allows me the time to run errands, do outside chores, or just get away for a few hours. I have been told ,,, put her in a nursing home, and I just can't. it's not in me to hurt her any more... it would kill her soul.
That's enough for this time, Maybe another time I will write about our life, the day to day stuff. Hope this isn't too much. But between this and my profile (pics too) maybe you can get a pretty good picture of here.
We live one day at a time and live by faith. Carol has a great attitude and doesn't complain. It has been a road we neither one would have ever guessed would have to travel. But I know God has a plan and we both turst in Him and depend on Him to get us thru each day.
-- "Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Life
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