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US Treasury Replaces the Dollar with the Peso (Washington) - With the complete failure of Congress and the White House to pass immigration reform, the U.S. will change its currency to accommodate the crisis. To accommodate the millions of U.S. illegal immigrants from Mexico, the U.S. Treasury Dept today announced it was transitioning American currency from the dollar to the peso. A politically correct spokesperson for the White House stated, "Illegal immigrants in the U.S. are financially disadvantaged. The changeover from dollars to pesos is a humane way to lessen the culture shock of illegals coming to the U.S. from Mexico and a good way to level the playing field for this fast growing minority group, who will soon be able to vote." Mexican officials applauded the move and declared, "Now that the U.S.A. is accommodating illegals who relocate from Mexico to the U.S. we plan on urging millions more of our poor and unemployed to cross the border for a better life, with free benefits. Plus, it'll be easier for them to send the billions of dollars back to Mexico every year, except now it will be trillions of pesos." All U.S. businesses will have to covert their prices to pesos. Currently the peso is worth about 10 cents. Justaburger will now list it's Five Dollar Burger as the Fifty Peso Burger. Gas prices, for example, will not be listed as $3 a gallon but as 30 pesos per gallon. GM is already converting it sticker prices on new cars. A new Cadillac will now retail for 500,000 pesos. Real estate agents across the country are scrambling to re list all residential properties in pesos (the average cost of a house in middle america is 6 million pesos). And U.S. taxpayers will now have to pay their federal income taxes in pesos ... even though illegal immigrants do not pay income taxes. Officials in Washington said this may be only temporary as China will soon own the majority of America. The Yen may become the national currency before the BO Administration leaves office.
Buenos Dias. Welcome to Washington.
--
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
THEY WALK AMONG US:
They Walk Among Us:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two."
We haven't used Sears repair since.
THEY WALK AMONG US:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money.." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
THEY WALK AMONG US:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS
THEY WALK AMONG US IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City
THEY WALK AMONG US:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
THEY WALK AMONG US:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
THEY WALK AMONG US:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear
coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
THEY WALK AMONG US:
I work with an individual who plugged her power
strip back into itself and for the sake of her life,
couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
THEY WALK AMONG US:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it’s open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton ,
Mississippi
STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE.
Tags: funnies
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Waxahachie, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store only ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases on each floor. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign reads:
FLOOR 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
That’s nice she thinks, but I want more. So she continues to upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking, and help with the Housework.
Oh, mercy me! She exclaims, I can hardly stand it! Still she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but shes goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exist solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the owner of the store opened a New Wives Store just across the street.
The First Floor has wives that love sex.
The Second Floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer.
The Third, Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Floors have never been visited. "Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: funny story
"Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies"
(TP) President B.H. Obomo selected the slogan today that will define his presidency. Said BO, "Some of our greatest leaders and their administration have been defined by a single phrase or slogan. Some of my favorites are "The New Deal," "Happy Days are here again," and "Stay the course". Mine will reflect the way my Amimistration deals with the major issues of the day." BO had considered using a shortened version of the saying ("Don't ask, don't tell) but assumed that everyone would identify this with gays and the military. Other ideas that were consided by the President and his staff were "We're always right, and we're bigger than you," "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and "1 Point of Light." BO intends to start all of his press conferences from now on with his new catch phrase and will stop accepting non-approved, non-scripted questions. As a result, Fox News has decided to stop sending reporters to cover his press conferences. In the words of Fox News correspondent Bret Baier, "That would be worthless. Why attend a dog and pony show? He would just be disseminating more sugar coated lies as pablum for the masses." ABC, NBC, CBS, CBC, CNN, the BBC, AP, UPI, USA Today, The New York Times, Reuters, and all other major world newspapers will, of course, continue sending representatives and is agreeable to submitting questions beforehand and accepting scripted questions. In a prepared joint statement, the networks said "We intend to continue our long-standing tradition of telling you what the Democratic White House thinks you need to hear." In the press conference that BO gave when he announced this new policy, a reporter from Fox News shouted out questions such as "Which lies have you already you told us?" To this BO said. "I'm sorry, that wasn't scripted."
Jay Carney told this reporter that the President is willing to grant interviews to MSM reporters as long as they do not ask any questions. Remember the new slogan, "Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies"
"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
The New U.S. Symbol ![]()
The fierce, independent, and majestic American bald eagle may be replaced as the national symbol of the United States. The new U.S. symbol? It may be a chicken.
A Whitehouse spokesperson stated, "The change to a chicken would better reflect the image of the new Administration." Our new government doesn't fight wars to win, doesn't stand up to third world bullies and dictators, doesn't secure its borders, is overly concerned with not offending other countries and cultures, panders to special interests, and spends money like chicken feed. And,,, the chicken would be an excellent representation of our do-nothing Congress and sissy President.
The Democrats in Congress also may be thinking that the eagle symbol is too strong, too majestic, too predatory. They would prefer a lower profile symbol. Perhaps a chicken.
As a new American symbol, the chicken is being applauded by the ACLU, left-wing liberals, U.S. college students and university professors, the liberal media, and the poultry industry.
The chicken is also known for laying eggs on a regular basis and leaving chicken sh*t everywhere it goes, which makes it a perfect symbol for our new Administration..
Commenting on the chicken symbol, at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel happily crowed, "Now we're cooking!"
If you have any good pics of chickens that might be used as our new symbol, please post them with your comments. They will be forwarded to the Chicken Czar for review...
--
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
It is time for a new budget for the National Government,, BO has sumitted one, and now the House and Senate get their turns to improve it,, Lets talk a minute about what our taxes are used for.....or should be used for.
A Couple of List (With Your Help) OK Folks lets make a couple of list.
First let's make a list of some things the Federal Government should be doing.
1. Provide for the National defense, with a standing Armed Forces 2. Securing the National borders 3. Foreign Relations, treaties, trade, etc. 4. Regulating interstate commerce. 5. Maintain the National Parks. 6. Help with national disaster recovery
Now let's make a list of some things the Federal Government should "NOT" be doing.
1. Bailing out and financing Banks, Lending Institutions, and any other 'private' Corporation with our taxed money 2. Taking over private businesses such as Auto companies with our taxed money 3. Taking over the health care business with our taxed money 4. Taking over the energy business 5. Providing G'ment loans to people with our taxed money 6. Dictating what is to be taught in local schools,using our taxed money as a bribe 7. Removing all traces of God from schools 8. Removing all traces of God from G'ment 9. Removing all traces of God from Public life, buildings, places, etc. 10. Dictating what type of cars we can drive 11. Dictating what kind of food we eat or don't eat 12. Making any laws that should be made by the states or local G'ments. 13. Spending our taxed money for pork barrel projects 14. Spending our taxed money to fund Acorn type organizations 15. Giving our taxed money to foreign Nations 16. Giving our taxed money to foreign organizations such as terrorists groups 17. Spending our taxed money on unproven agenda's such as global warming and climate change. 18. Giving illegal aliens more rights than citizens have. 19. Spending more of our taxed money than is collected. 20. Borrowing money to spend that taxpayers have to repay.
OK that's a good start. I am getting tired of typing. Yall please add to the lists now things that you know. I know there's a lot I have left out. Add as many as you want...
Tags: Politics, Government, Taxes
GM Turns Green
DETROIT--In a radical move, General Motors has decided to switch to pedal power for all of its car models in the 2012 model year say top executives at the company, who also unveiled their first pedal-powered model.
"With people power, we know we can comply with Obomo's new green regulations (which will save the world), and can also compete with the Japanese car makers like Toyota, Honda and Nissan," boasted Felix Wonderhoven, Vice President of the new GM division of People Powered Vehicles. "All those companies can build better quality cars than we can, ones that get far better gas mileage, and are just plain cheaper. But they can't compete with our new pedal powered models."
To illustrate his point, Wonderhoven proudly unveiled the new people powered Cadillac and took reporters for a spin in it in the parking lot of GM headquarters.
Wonderhoven emphasized that these are fully qualified road vehicles and not to be confused with bicycles.
"We anticipate considerable cost savings by eliminating gasoline powered engines from our vehicles," added Wonderhoven. "They also save on weight by doing away with other heavy parts like transmissions and radiators. This stream-lining of the traditional GM car will make the vehicle light and very easy to operate. The new line averages just 1,200 lb. in weight."
" Everybody will want one, and everybody will be able to afford one." he continued, "Overweight Americans will also be able to work off some of that fat by going for a drive now. Both drivers and passengers will be able to operate the pedals for greater efficiency."
Wonderhoven stated that the idea for this new system came from BO himself. Barry is said to have been watching late night reruns of "The Flintstones" when the idea hit him.
Lance Armstrong has been hired as a consultant to provide insight into long distance pedaling. Right now the range of the new vehicles is estimated to be one quarter of a mile per person., That is expected to increase to over half a mile in the next few years as people get more fit from pedaling... Multi-pedal models for back seat passengers are on the drawing board already.
Chrysler is expected to follow GM's lead and similarly change its car product line over to pedal power in the near future.
Barry is Happy at last!
--
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Humor, Satire, Transportation
A Prayer for America
(This is a prayer I repost every few months.)
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come to You in the name of Your precious son Jesus. We enter Your gates with thanksgiving and we enter Your courts with Praise! We exalt Your Holy name on the earth!
Father, Your word says in 2 Chronicles 7:14, "if my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." Father, Your word also says in James 2:13 that "mercy triumphs over judgment," therefore, we humble ourselves and lift up the United States to You for mercy.
On behalf of ourselves, our leaders, and our nation, we repent for idolatry, violence,murder,same sex relationships, corruption, covetousness, addiction, gluttony, sexual immorality, envy, strife, division, rebellion, defiance, witchcraft, selfishness, lying, cheating, stealing, gossip, poor stewardship, lack of honor, not helping the poor, for robbing our widows and orphans, for any sin we have committed not mentioned here, for putting anything before You, or exalting anything above the knowledge of our God! We ask for forgiveness for all of these in Jesus' precious Name and receive forgiveness according to 1 John 1:9
We seek Your face Father and turn from our wicked ways and pray that You will heal our land. We pray Father that You will safely return America back to You, that You again make America "one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all" because Your word tells us these things please You!
Father, we pray that Your word will again be heard in our schools and government. We pray that our currency will keep Your name. We pray that the leaders You want will be hired, appointed, and elected! We pray that the United States will fully please the Lord, being fruitful in every good work, using its resources to preach the gospel and to help those around the world in need including Your beloved nation of Israel!
Father, we pray that You sweep our nation with a powerful move of Your Spirit. We pray that You move up the next generation of Paul's, Peter's, Stephen's, Abraham's, Moses', and Elijah's! We pray that You soften the hearts of our leaders and citizens, that people in their own hearts will hunger for You and Your righteousness!
Father, we pray You send Your Holy Spirit to make a way where the enemy has brought spiritual blindness and hindrance. We pray that You come with a powerful breakthrough for Your namesake. We ask You Lord to "stop the devil's plan to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10)." We give America back to You, the Lord our God, so that Your will, will be done here as it is in heaven!
We ask this of you in Jesus' Christ our Savior's Name. Amen
Now to You, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.
Amen!
--
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Religion, Faith, Prayer, God
World's Shortest Books: _________________________________
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
____________________________________________
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore ________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton ______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton _________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton _________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates ____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman _________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry _____________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
_______________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J... Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ......
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson __________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson _________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
_________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction
by the
Rev. Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
by Nancy Pelosi
Tags: Satire
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