REMINDER FROM GOD:

 Revelation 11:4

(4) These are the two olive trees and the two lampstands standing before the God of the earth.

Jesus, through the angel speaking to the apostle John, identifies who the Two Witnesses are. To the unenlightened, this sounds like little more than further symbolic claptrap. However, to those who use God's Spirit, which imparts the mind of Christ to His disciples (I Corinthians 2:16), it is a lighted, flashing arrow pointing back to the prophecy found in Zechariah 4.

Zechariah 4:14, in summing up the prophecy, parallels Revelation 11:4: "So [the angel] said, 'These [olive trees] are the two anointed ones, who stand beside the Lord of the whole earth." Clearly, the Two Witnesses and their work are revealed in the two olive trees, but understanding this heavily symbolic description takes some effort.

In Zechariah 4:2, the angel describes a strange golden lampstand, somewhat like a menorah—a seven-branched candelabra—but with a large bowl on top. This lampstand features a central pole, on top of which is the bowl, and from it, perhaps in seven different directions, extend seven arms or branches, each ending in a lamp. Further, seven pipes or tubes run to each of the seven lamps from the large bowl on top. Verse 3 informs us that the two olive trees stand to the right and left of the bowl.

A similar vision is given to the apostle John in Revelation 1:12-13. In it, the resurrected Jesus Christ replaces the central pole, and the seven lampstands are arrayed around Him, much like the seven lamps. Christ Himself interprets the vision, saying that the seven lampstands are the seven churches (verse 20). However, in this vision, the olive trees are not to be found—they appear separately in Revelation 11. Here, the bowl, too, is missing.

Zechariah has no idea what he is seeing, so he asks for clarification. Through the angel, God gives His answer: "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of hosts" (Zechariah 4:6). Zerubbabel, a type of Christ, had been given the work of building the Temple after the Jews returned from exile in Babylon. God's answer to Zechariah is that His work is done through His Spirit.

Applying this to the vision, we are to see that the oil that drains from the bowl into the seven lamps represents God's Spirit manifested in works (I Corinthians 12:7-11). We never see the Holy Spirit, since it is invisible to the eye, but we see the works done through it (John 3:8).

On this aspect of the prophecy of Zechariah 4, the Kiel and Delitzsch commentary asserts: "Oil . . . is used in the Scriptures as a symbol of the Spirit of God, not in its transcendent essence, but so far as it works in the world, and is indwelling in the church." Simply put, oil signifies God's Spirit in its visible works rather than in its pure form.

Jesus declares an important principle in John 6:63, "The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life." One of the primary vehicles of the work of God's Spirit is words—spoken or written. The Bible is inspired by God's Spirit (II Timothy 3:16; II Peter 1:21), and it is a composition of words—God's words, prophets' words, and apostles' words. In the same way, the primary job of an anointed servant of God is to speak or write words to convict people of God's truth. In the speaking or writing of words, he witnesses for God and accomplishes a work.

In the case of the Two Witnesses, the two anointed ones, this connection becomes critical. Zechariah 4:12 literally reads, "What are the two olive clusters which through the two golden pipes empty out of themselves the golden oil?" It is an illustration of the olive trees emptying oil into the bowl! How can these two men—prophets though they are—supply the seven churches with oil? Because the oil is not God's Spirit in pure form but Spirit-inspired works, probably in the form of words—teaching, instruction.

If this is so, the Two Witnesses provide a massive amount of spiritual instruction to the seven churches just before the end.


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WORD FOR THE DAY:

ev·er·green
adjective 'e-v?r-?gren

Definition of EVERGREEN
1  : having foliage that remains green and functional through more than one growing season — compare deciduous 1
2 : retaining freshness or interest : perennial

Examples of EVERGREEN
    Most pines are evergreen trees.

First Known Use of EVERGREEN
1574

evergreen

noun

Definition of EVERGREEN
1  : an evergreen plant; also : conifer
2  plural : twigs and branches of evergreen plants used for decoration
3  : something that retains its freshness, interest, or popularity

First Known Use of EVERGREEN
1644
evergreen
noun    (Concise Encyclopedia)

Any plant that retains its leaves through the winter and into the following summer or through several years. Many tropical species of broad-leaved flowering plants are evergreen, but in cold-temperate and Arctic areas the evergreens commonly are cone-bearing shrubs or trees (conifers), such as pines and firs. The leaves of evergreens usually are thicker and more leathery than those of deciduous trees and often are needlelike or scalelike in cone-bearing trees. A leaf (or needle) may remain on an evergreen tree for two years or longer and may fall during any season.

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7 Authentic Gifts to Give Yourself this Holiday Season
This article was written by Paulina Brooks


Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. ~Oren Arnold

“Black Friday” is now over…and so it is that stressful holiday season begins! We move through the motions, we shop, we wonder if we got the right presents, we worry about family dynamics, and before we know it the magic we once saw has been completely replaced by physical and mental exhaustion. Phew!

What happens as we grow up that as  we reach adulthood makes this time of year all about spending money and time we may not have in order to fulfill expectations? Do we really need the anxiety that the shopping season can create? As you reflect upon these questions, take a deep breath and give yourself authentic gifts that don’t require anything but being open.

1. Remember your pure essence

We come into this world allowing new and unknown sensations to enter our lives without resistance.  As children, we let our likes and dislikes to be known and we live in pure bliss.  That purity and innocence gives way to embracing all that life is and everything that is at our disposal.  We are open to exploring, effortlessly.  The world expands and grows with us; the possibilities are endless!

Yet for some reason, the moment our wings begin to expand even more, our thoughts and actions -born out of pure consciousness- are too often replaced by patterns that begin to pre-condition much of how we will travel the road ahead. We are grown-ups now and our tendency to look at life through the rearview mirror is tempting as we wonder where life has gone.

That’s why remembering our pure essence is key to returning to our most natural state; we must not let circumstances block it to the point our existence becomes numb or sanitized just so we may avoid pain, suffering or even joy.  After all, this is the season to be jolly!

2. Grieve

Yes, grieve.  It may sound like a bizarre inner gift,  but grieving and embracing the thought, memory or event that caused us pain allows us to move on; more importantly, it allows us to forgive ourselves.  When we are able to identify the basis of our suffering, accept it and forgive it if necessary, we are able to open our hearts and let the light in…this reconnection with our core and with the universe around us is crucial in our quest to find the self-love that we may have lost along the way. We can’t give away what we don’t have, so imagine sharing this gift with everyone on your list!

3. Rejoice

Find beauty in everything that contributes to your reality and be grateful.  Celebrate all that life has to offer with the understanding that nothing that is not supposed to happen will happen…although we may not see the reasons why at this very moment, there is a place and a time where everything takes shape and begins to make sense.

4. Wonder

Approaching life with a sense of wonder serves a higher purpose than we sometimes can appreciate. The design of our road map is indeed flawless; however, winds change and so do we… a person who feels, grieves and rejoices neither dwells on the negative nor worries about the uncertainties; can you see yourself ending this year free of fear and limiting beliefs?

5. Express

The peaceful spirit soars. It expresses contentment, wisdom and even anger in the most eloquent ways.  These expressions reach deep within and give life eternal flow; they elevate dreams to new heights. They open up communication and possibilities. They are the prelude to great achievements.

6. Create

Action powers the world.  We simply cannot grow in a state of stagnation or paralysis.  We are shaping our future at this very moment, with this very thought… positive creation and flow are innate gifts that we must never take for granted or discard.

7. Re-invent

Never stop discovering.  Commit yourself to a life founded on the notion of feeling like a newborn, living like a child.  No limitations, no judgment or need for justifications.  Surrender.  Lose your fears…of failure, of judgment, of lack, and more importantly – of loving and being loved.  Honor what is rightfully yours and above all, follow your intuition because it may one day save your life through transformation.

My wish for everyone reading this is that you may find happiness and fulfilment no matter what your circumstances. Imagine being able to celebrate this holiday season lighthearted and with a song in your soul! The best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones is your true essence, because when we are truly in touch with it we can harness the power of a universe that is infinite and abundant, ready for us to create a lifelong environment of peace, comfort and joy!

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Today's Tip

Quick and Easy Grease Remover   
Football season means food in front of the television—and thrill-induced spills! If you get a grease spot on your couch, rub table salt on the stained upholstery as soon as possible. Give the salt at least 30 minutes to absorb the grease, then brush or vacuum the salt away.


Delete That Smudge of Deodorant    
If you accidentally get a bit of deodorant on a dark-colored shirt, use a clean pair of pantyhose to wipe it off. The nylon fibers work like a magic eraser.

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RECIPES:

 Pumpkin Pie Bars

Crunchy oat-nut crust, cream cheese in the filling and sweet crumbs combine to take pumpkin pie to a new and even more delicious level.

time
prep:  15 min
total:  55 min

servings
total:  24 servings

    What You Need
    1-1/3    cups  flour
    3/4    cup  granulated sugar, divided
    1/2    cup  packed brown sugar
    3/4    cup  cold butter or margarine, cut up
    1    cup  old-fashioned or quick-cooking oats, uncooked
    1/2    cup  chopped PLANTERS Pecans
    1    pkg.  (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
    3     eggs
    1    can  (15 oz.) pumpkin
    1    Tbsp.  pumpkin pie spice

    Make It

    HEAT oven to 350°F.

    LINE 13x9-inch pan with foil, with ends of foil extending over sides; spray with cooking spray. Mix flour, 1/4 cup granulated sugar and brown sugar in medium bowl until blended; cut in butter with pastry blender or 2 knives until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in oats and nuts.

    RESERVE 1 cup oat mixture; press remaining onto bottom of prepared pan. Bake 15 min. Beat cream cheese, remaining sugar, eggs, pumpkin and spice with mixer until blended; pour over crust. Sprinkle with reserved oat mixture.

    BAKE 25 min.; cool 10 min. Use foil to transfer dessert from pan to wire rack; cool completely.
   

Kraft Kitchens Tips 
 Substitute
    Prepare using PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese.
   
Substitute
    Can't find pumpkin pie spice? Simply mix 1 tsp. each ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg and allspice, then use as directed.
    How to Store
    Store in tightly covered container in refrigerator.

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Sicilian Meatball Soup

Flavored with Parmesan and garlic and studded with raisins, scrumptious Sicilian meatballs turn vegetable soup into a tempting meal. If the soup waits, the pasta may absorb much of the liquid; just add water or more stock.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:
 
1/2 pound ground beef
5 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving
2 tablespoons raisins
2 tablespoons dry bread crumbs
1 egg, beaten
5 garlic cloves, minced
2 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 carrots, cut into 1/4-inch dice
1 onion, chopped
2 ribs celery, cut into 1/4-inch dice
1 zucchini, cut into 1/4-inch dice
1 1/2 quarts canned low sodium chicken broth, or homemade stock
1 cup canned crushed tomatoes in thick puree
1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, or 2 teaspoons chopped fresh rosemary
1 cup small pasta shells or other small macaroni

DIRECTIONS:

In a medium bowl, mix together the ground beef, 4 tablespoons of the parsley, the Parmesan, raisins, bread crumbs, egg, half of the garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of the salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of the pepper until thoroughly combined. Shape the mixture into 24 meatballs.

In a large pot, heat the oil over moderate heat. Add the carrots, onion, celery, and the remaining garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables start to soften, about 5 minutes. Add the zucchini and cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes. Stir in the broth, tomatoes, rosemary, and the remaining 2 teaspoons salt. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, partially covered, for 10 minutes.

Add the remaining tablespoon parsley, 1/4 teaspoon pepper, and the pasta to the soup. Simmer for 5 minutes. Stir in the meatballs and simmer gently until the meatballs and pasta are done, about 5 minutes longer. Serve with additional Parmesan.


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20-Minute Herbed Chicken

It's quick, it's easy and your family will love it...all it takes is 25 minutes and a few on-hand ingredients until dinner is served.

Serves: 4 servings
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
   
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 1/4 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast half
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Cream of Chicken with Herbs Soup
1/2 cup milk

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat.  Add the chicken and cook for 6 minutes or until browned on both sides.
Stir the soup and milk in the skillet and heat to a boil.  Reduce the heat to low.  Cover and cook for 5 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.

Serving Suggestion: Serve the chicken and soup mixture with Broth Simmered Rice: Heat 1 can (10 1/2 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Chicken Broth and 1 cup water in a 3-quart saucepan over medium-high heat to a boil.  Stir in 2 cups uncooked instant white rice. Cover the saucepan and remove from the heat. Let stand for 5 minutes.

Ingredient Note: We develop our recipes using a 4-to 5-ounce skinless, boneless chicken breast half per serving. However, there are a range of sizes available in-store, from the butcher counter to the meat case and the freezer section. Use whichever you prefer- just follow the recipe as written above for the best result. If you're using larger chicken breasts they may require a little longer cooking time.

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Oven-Roasted Root Vegetables

There's a little something for everyone in this savory side that's perfect for holiday meals or anytime you need a hearty and flavorful vegetable side dish.

Serves: 8 servings (about 2 cups each)
Prep Time: 35 minutes
Cook Time: 50 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:
 
Vegetable cooking spray
3 medium red potato (about 1 pound), cut into 1-inch pieces
2 cups fresh or frozen whole baby carrots
1 pound celery root (celeriac), peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces (about 2 cups)
1 rutabaga (about 3 pounds), peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces (about 6 cups)
2 medium red onion, cut into 8 wedges each
2 medium parsnip, peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces (about 1 1/2 cups)
5 cloves garlic, cut into thin slices
1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary leaves or fresh thyme leaves
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup Swanson® Vegetable Broth (Regular or Certified Organic)

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 425°F. Spray a 17 x 11-inch roasting pan or shallow baking sheet with the cooking spray.
Stir the potatoes, carrots, celery root, rutabaga, onions, parsnips, garlic, rosemary and oil in the prepared pan. Roast the vegetables for 30 minutes. Pour the broth over the vegetables and stir.
Roast for 20 minutes or until the vegetables are fork-tender.


Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using regular Swanson® Vegetable Broth: Calories 160, Total Fat 2g, Saturated Fat 0g, Cholesterol 0mg, Sodium 215mg, Total Carbohydrate 33g, Dietary Fiber 7g, Protein 4g, Vitamin A 185%DV, Vitamin C 82%DV, Calcium 10%DV, Iron 10%DV

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Bye Bye Butter Stuffing

You just have to try this moist, delicious and quick-cooking stuffing that gets it's great flavor from chicken broth instead of butter...it's just that good.

Serves: 9 servings (about 3/4 cup per serving)
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

3 1/2 cups Swanson® Chicken Broth (Regular, Natural Goodness® or Certified Organic)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 stalks celery, coarsely chopped (about 1 cup)
1 medium onion, coarsely chopped (about 1/2 cup)
3 ounces mushroom, sliced (about 1 cup)
1 package (14 ounces) Pepperidge Farm® Herb Seasoned Stuffing

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the broth, black pepper, celery, onion and mushrooms in a 3-quart saucepan over medium-high heat to a boil.  Reduce the heat to low.  Cover and cook for 5 minutes or until the vegetables are tender.  Remove the saucepan from the heat.
Add the stuffing to the saucepan and mix lightly.

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JOKES:

Santa's Bad Day

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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Assorted X-mas One-Liners

    A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: "Anyone want to buy a present?"
    Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"
    I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!
    I think that Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
    No one in the history of the world has ever purchased a fruitcake for themselves.
    No parent in their right mind would give a 6-year-old a drum set, therefore Santa exists!!
    The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
    Q: Do you know why Santa dosen't have any children ??? A: he only comes once a year and thats down a chimney ...
    Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

    What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
    Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
    What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
    When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.


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WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN

    A Christmas tree is always erect.
    Even small ones give satisfaction.
    A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
    A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
    A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
    A Christmas tree has cute balls.
    A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
    You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.
    You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.


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10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren't

    10. Did you get any under the tree?
    9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
    8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!
    7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
    6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
    5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
    4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
    3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
    2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
    1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

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Tragedy begets comedy

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy".

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

The third man answered "They're Carol's."

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10 Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

    10. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
    09. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
    08. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
    07. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
    06. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
    05. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
    04. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
    03. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
    02. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
    01. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

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Today, God’s message for you is to find love in the ways of others. They may not be the same as your ways, though they still might be just as loving, if you only understood. Find the loving ways in someone else, and you may be surprised to see that love is everywhere.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

The Sin of Silence

"Today is November the 9th—the 74th anniversary of "Kristal Nacht"

In referring to Hitler's Germany, when church leaders and Christians remained deathly silent while Hitler murdered six million Jews, the president of a Christian university—a man of Germen descent—warned the student body as follows:

"Today is November the 9th—the 74th anniversary of "Kristal Nacht," the Night of the Broken Glass. On this day in 1938, Nazi thugs moved through the cities of Germany smashing the windows of German homes and shops, burning the synagogues. Innocent people; men, women and children were beaten and killed simply because they were Jews.

"I was there as a young man … and I can still hear the sound of the shattering glass. There were many of us who were Christians then but we did nothing. We looked the other way and we did nothing. That was the beginning of the Holocaust because the Jew haters knew then that no one would stop them, no one would stand in their way.

"My friends, it is happening again. It is happening again today in our beautiful America—so richly and abundantly blessed by a gracious God. It is happening today as the innocent are slaughtered in a forty-year Holocaust that has seen over fifty-four million little boys and girls brutally done to death [via legalized abortion]. It is happening again as families are fractured and marriages are broken, while self-obsessed people pursue the immediate gratification of their every desire. It is happening again as militant homosexuals pursue absolute approval, complete acceptance, and preferential legal treatment for their perversion…. It is happening again as the nation's leaders wallow in decadence and deceit, while the people look on in apathetic indifference [and silence]."2

Church pastors, leaders, and Christian friends it is absolutely imperative that today we stand up and be counted—to be watchmen who no longer remain silent—and take a stand against all evil and moral perversity. It is also imperative that we vote only for leaders who are men and women of character and integrity, and who take a positive stand against all evil and moral corruption—including wretched abortion for any reason and especially the barbaric practice of partial-birth abortion. Can you even begin to imagine what God thinks of this perversion and that of our moral decay? We are fast moving away from God's protection and, as a nation, will suffer the dire consequences of what happens to nations when men and women forget God. Think of Ancient Israel, for example, when they turned from God, they removed themselves from God's protection and ended up in captivity in Babylon.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, while we need to love all sinners, we are, as today's Scripture reminds us, to take a moral stand and correct and rebuke all evil and moral decay. Let us remember too, that meekness is not weakness and let us not forget the words of Edmund Burke who said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." And in the words of the German pastor, Pastor Martin Niemoller:

    First they came for the Communists
    And I did not speak out
    Because I was not a Communist
    Then they came for the Socialists
    And I did not speak out
    Because I was not a Socialist
    Then they came for the trade unionists
    And I did not speak out
    Because I was not a trade unionist
    Then they came for the Jews
    And I did not speak out
    Because I was not a Jew
    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    to speak out for me.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please open the eyes of my understanding and help me to see the way our country is rapidly moving away from you and your Truth. Deliver me from the sin of silence and give me the courage to stand up and be counted and, in so doing, please use me to be an effective witness for Jesus Christ. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

Note: For helps to stand up and be counted and be an effective witness for Jesus Christ, please join with us as a People Power for Jesus Partner. See http://www.actsweb.org/people_power_invite.php.

1. 2 Timothy 4:1-3 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

Noel
 - definition

British English pronunciation: Noel
or Noël British English pronunciation: Noël /n??'el/

    christmas. This word is used in Christmas songs and on cards.
    Thesaurus entry for this meaning of  NoelThesaurus entry for this meaning of Noel

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 What To “Do” with Your Scariest Thoughts

I got up to change the baby’s diaper last night and when I came back to bed, something seemed off about my husband. He seemed to be sleeping unusually still. I couldn’t hear or see him breathing.

My mind immediately raced to what life would be like if he were dead.

Part of me was pretty sure he wasn’t. That part said “He’s been especially tired lately so he’s just sleeping more soundly than usual.”

Meanwhile, another part of my mind created some horror story scenarios.

What if I reached over to touch him and he didn’t wake up? What would I do with my two year old while the paramedics were trying to resuscitate him? Could I keep it together to not traumatize our kids any more than necessary?

I had a flash of clarity about how much I take our life together for granted.  I was suddenly, 100% positive that I wanted our life to be exactly as it was. A flood of gratitude ensued, dimmed by a flood of terror that it could all end in an instant.

A minute later, the dog snored loudly and hubby flipped over. Alive!

I share this story because everyone’s imagination spins horror stories from time to time.

The story itself is irrelevant. The nature of the horror, the frequency of the story, the emotion it stirs…all irrelevant.

The only thing that matters is what you do with it.

I was awake when this was all going on last night, but I could have just as easily been asleep.  It could have just as easily been a dream. Dream or thought…what’s the difference, really? He’s alive. Either way, the awful outcome I dreamed up was a figment of my imagination.

So here’s what I recommend doing with it the horror stories your mind might spin: nothing.

Humans typically aren’t fans of doing nothing. Here are a few of the things we tend to do with thoughts like these:

1. We replay them over and over throughout the day

This requires effort. The nature of thought is such that it floats in, floats out. To return this thought to the front of your mind often requires finding it and dragging it back. Or lavishing it with so much attention when it floats in that it never wants to leave.

2. We take the thoughts as signs

“It’s a sign” is just another thought (and even if my thought was a sign, then what?). This was just a thought, like a nightmare is just a nightmare. Nothing changed in the world of form.

3. Assume action is required

I could have demanded that my husband have his blood pressure checked and start eating more green vegetables. If you believe thought is meaningful and requires action, those steps make sense. But if you get that thought doesn’t require action any more than a nightmare does, what’s the point?

Instead of any of the above, I chose to view those worst case scenario moments as evidence that I am human, remind myself of the nature of thought, and do nothing.

That exact fear might come back. It may not. I have no idea. I might have the same nightmare tonight that I had last night or I may never have it again. Your guess is as good as mine.

When I get that thoughts aren’t real…

And when I get that that nature of thought is that it floats in and it floats out…

There’s simply nothing to “do”.

This article was written by Amy Johnson, Ph.D.Psychologist. Master Certified Coach and author.

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RECIPES:

White bean soup with horseradish

Ingredients

    About 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
    1 onion cut into large pieces
    6 ounces pancetta, left in big pieces
    3 whole cloves garlic
    1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
    2 sprigs fresh rosemary
    2 sprigs fresh sage
    2 cups dried white beans, such as cannellini, rinsed, soaked in water for 24 hours, and drained
    3 quarts chicken broth
    Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
    About 3 cups shredded escarole (from 1 head)
    1 tablespoon horseradish

Preparation

In a large soup pot, heat half of the olive oil over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic, crushed red pepper, rosemary, sage, and pancetta. Cook, stirring occasionally, for about 5 minutes to allow the flavors to intermingle and develop. Add the beans and the chicken stock. Bring the liquid to a boil, reduce to a gentle simmer, and cook until the beans are tender, 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

With a slotted spoon, transfer the large pieces of stuff — the herbs, the pancetta, and the onion pieces — as well as about half of the beans to a sided baking sheet. Pick out some of the pancetta and chop it for a garnish for the soup, if you like. Then discard all but the beans.

Purée the removed beans with a couple tablespoons of olive oil and some salt and pepper and return the purée to the pot. Sautee shredded escarole and cook until wilted. Add prepared horseradish to the escarole. Taste and add additional salt and pepper if needed. Serve in warm bowls over escarole with any reserved pancetta and an additional drizzle of olive oil.

Serving Size
Makes about 8 cups; serve 6 to 8

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Campi viola

Ingredients

    2 ounces gin
    1 ounce blue curaçao,
    1 ounce Franciacorta or Prosecco
    Martini glass
    Lemon twist for garnish

Preparation

Shake gin and blue curaçao over ice in a martini shaker. Pour into a chilled martini glass. Float Franciacorta or Prosecco on the top. Garnish with twist of lemon.

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Beet risotto with taleggio & pink peppercorns

Ingredients

    About 5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
    1 small shallot, finely chopped (about 1 tablespoon)
    Pinch of red pepper flakes
    1 cup Vialone Nano rice
    1/2 cup dry white wine, such as Sauvignon Blanc
    About 4 cups chicken broth
    1 tablespoon unsalted butter
    2 tablespoons grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
    Kosher salt to taste
    3 tablespoons diced cooked beets
    1 teaspoon pink peppercorns
    3 tablespoons beet puree
    4 ounces Taleggio cheese

Preparation

In a wide heavy-based saucepan, heat about 3 tablespoons of the olive oil over medium-high heat until very hot. Add the shallot and pepper flakes and stir until the shallot is barely browned, about 2 minutes. Add the rice, and cook over medium-high heat stirring with long strokes, until you see that each grain has been coated with the oil and looks separate, about another 1 to 2 minutes. Pour in about 1/4 cup of the wine and boil until the wine is almost completely absorbed. Do not let the pot become completely dry; a little liquid should still be on top of the rice.

Add a couple ladlefuls of the hot broth to the rice and stir well every minute or so until almost all of the liquid has been absorbed. To see if it's time to add more liquid, drag the spoon through the rice; if the liquid doesn't immediately fill in the space, it's time to add more. Add another ladleful of stock, the remaining wine, and about a tablespoon of olive oil. Continue to cook, adding more stock as needed and stirring, until the risotto looks creamy but is still al dente, about 20 minutes. Add beet puree, diced beets, and pink peppercorns.

Add a final drizzle of olive oil, the butter, and Parmesan cheese, and stir with a wooden spoon until well combined and cohesive. Season to taste with salt, if needed. Serve in bowls and top with Taleggio cheese. Serve immediately.

Serving Size

Makes 4 first course servings

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 Cinnamon and Toasted Pecan-Crusted Sweet Potato Cake (Gluten Free)

All the flavors of the holidays in one easy gluten-free cake. With the pecan-cinnamon crust, there’s no need for frosting or glaze.

Prep Time
10  Minutes

Total Time
2:00  Hrs:Mins

Makes
12  servings

1/3  cup finely chopped pecans
2  tablespoons granulated sugar
3  teaspoons ground cinnamon
1  box Betty Crocker® Gluten Free yellow cake mix
1/4  cup packed brown sugar
1/4  teaspoon ground nutmeg
1  cup cooked and mashed sweet potatoes
1/2  cup vegetable oil
3  tablespoons plain yogurt
2  teaspoons gluten-free vanilla
3  eggs
Gluten-free powdered sugar, if desired

    Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 12-cup fluted tube cake pan with cooking spray. In small bowl, mix pecans, granulated sugar and 1 teaspoon of the cinnamon. Sprinkle into pan, turning pan to distribute evenly.
    In large bowl, beat cake mix, brown sugar, 2 teaspoons of the cinnamon, nutmeg, sweet potatoes, oil, yogurt, vanilla and eggs with electric mixer on low speed 30 seconds, then on medium speed 2 minutes, scraping bowl occasionally. Carefully spoon into pan.
    Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pan. Cool completely, about 1 hour. Sprinkle lightly with powdered sugar.

Makes 12 servings

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Creole Shrimp & Sausage

Add diversity to weeknight meals and get a taste of low-country cuisine with this simple take on a Louisiana Creole classic that uses bulgur instead of rice. —Taste of Home Test Kitchen

    Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
    Yield: 4 Servings

Ingredients

    1/2 cup water
    1/2 cup chicken broth
    1 cup quick-cooking bulgur
    1/2 teaspoon chili powder
    3/4 teaspoon Creole seasoning, divided
    1/2 pound smoked sausage, cut into 1/4-inch slices
    2 teaspoons olive oil, divided
    1 medium onion, chopped
    1 medium green pepper, chopped
    2 garlic cloves, minced
    1 can (16 ounces) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
    1 can (14-1/2 ounces) diced tomatoes, undrained
    1/2 pound uncooked jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined
    1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

Directions

    In a small saucepan, bring water and broth to a boil. Stir in the bulgur, chili powder and 1/4 teaspoon Creole seasoning. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until tender.
    Meanwhile, in a large skillet, brown sausage in 1 teaspoon oil. Remove and keep warm.
    In the same skillet, saute onion and green pepper in remaining oil until tender. Add garlic; cook 1 minute longer. Stir in the beans, tomatoes, shrimp, Worcestershire sauce, sausage and remaining Creole seasoning. Cook for 3-5 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. Fluff bulgur with a fork; serve with sausage mixture. Yield: 4 servings.

Editor's Note: The following spices may be substituted for 1 teaspoon Creole seasoning: 1/4 teaspoon each salt, garlic powder and paprika; and a pinch each of dried thyme, ground cumin and cayenne pepper.

Nutritional Facts 1-1/4 cups sausage mixture with 1/2 cup bulgur equals 510 calories, 19 g fat (7 g saturated fat), 108 mg cholesterol, 1,287 mg sodium, 57 g carbohydrate, 15 g fiber, 30 g protein

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Layered Pumpkin Loaf

Just when you thought pumpkin bread couldn’t get any better, it does. Neufchatel adds a delectable layer. This moist, flavorful loaf can also fit into your healthy eating p...read more

time
prep:  20 min
total:  1 hr 25 min
servings
total:  16 servings  

    What You Need
    1    cup  canned pumpkin
    1    cup  plus 2 Tbsp. granulated sugar, divided
    1/2    cup  packed brown sugar
    4     egg whites, divided
    1/2    cup  fat-free milk
    1/4    cup  canola oil
    2    cups  flour
    2-1/2    tsp.  CALUMET Baking Powder
    2    tsp.  pumpkin pie spice
    1/4    tsp.  salt
    1    pkg.  (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese, softened
   
Make It

    HEAT oven to 350ºF.

    MIX pumpkin, 1 cup granulated sugar, brown sugar, 3 egg whites, milk and oil in large bowl. Add flour, baking powder, spice and salt; stir just until moistened. Beat Neufchatel cheese, remaining granulated sugar and remaining egg white with whisk until well blended.

    SPOON half the pumpkin batter into 9x5-inch nonstick loaf pan sprayed with cooking spray; cover with layers of Neufchatel mixture and remaining pumpkin batter.

    BAKE 1 hour to 1 hour 5 min. or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Loosen bread from sides of pan; cool in pan 10 min. Remove from pan to wire rack; cool completely.
    Kraft Kitchens Tips
    How to Store Bread
    Wrap cooled bread in foil or plastic wrap. Store in refrigerator up to 4 days.

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Today's Tip

 Preseason Prep for Your Fireplace
         
After you’ve cleaned out the ashes, fill a pan or a paper plate with baking soda and place it in the fireplace. Leave it for a day or so, and the smell of soot should disappear.

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JOKES:

More Short Christmas Jokes

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
'Horn'-aments!

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She'd go to a 're-tail' shop for a new one!

Why is Prancer always wet?
Because he's a 'rain'-deer!

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!

Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
'Rude'-olph!

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want because he can't hear you!

What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
This one will 'sleigh' you!

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-'deer'!

What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
'Elk'-a-seltzer!

How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the 'deer'-bell!

What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Santelope!

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was 'elf'-taught!

Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road?
Because he was tied to a chicken!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they look silly in snowsuits!

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 An male elf was so paranoid about the size of his willy that he could never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love with a elf nurse. One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of his problem. "Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh." Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that." "Really?" the relieved elf asked. She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."

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 It was slightly before Thanksgiving. The trip went reasonably well, and I was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, I was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in my luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), I saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, I said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." (pause) "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss." "That's not why it's there." (pause) "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

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 Short Winter Jokes
Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!

Q: What's an ig?
A: A snow house without a loo!

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?
A: When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.

Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Q: Where can you find an ocean without any water?
A: On a map!

Q: What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?
A: H to O! (H20)

Q: Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Q: What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers? A: Leeks!

 Q: What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice?
A: "Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages - but you should see the murres smack it!"

Q: Why didn't the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake - and kept popping out of bed all night!

Q: What happened when all the muskox wool that was collected was stolen?
A: The police combed the area.

Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for? A: Snowbows.

Q: What did one Greenland Shark say to the other?
A: "Say, good lookin'... didn't I meet you last night at the feeding frenzy?"
 
Q: What's a sign that you have an irrational fear of icebergs?
A: You start having water-tight compartments installed in your pants.

Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?
A: "Dam!"

Q: What do women use to stay young looking in the Arctic?
A: Cold cream.

Q: Why was the Saami herder given an umbrella?
A: Because of the rain, dear.

Q: What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
A: I have no eye deer.

 Q: What did one Arctic murre say to the other?
A: "What? We flew 2000 miles for THIS?!"

Q: What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
A: "Where were you on the night of September to March?"

Q: What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18? A: The crack of dawn!

Q: If you live in an igloo, what's the worst thing about global warming?
A: No privacy!

Q: What did the walrus say when it was late?
A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."

Q: When are your eyes not eyes?
A: When the cold Arctic wind makes them water!

Q: What did the icy Arctic road say to the truck?
A: "Want to go for a spin?"

Q: What do you use to catch an Arctic hare?
A: A hare net!

Q: What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A: A receding hare line.

Q: Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?
A: They're both below C level!

Q: What are caribou calves given to wear?
A: Hoof-me-downs.

Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?
A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."

Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

Q: What do Saami reindeer herders say to reindeer who complain? A: "Venison!"

Q: What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?
A: Lost! REALLY lost! (Penguins live in Antarctica.)

Q: Why aren't penguins as lucky as Arctic murres?
A: The poor old penguins can't go south for the winter.

Q: How do you keep from getting cold feet?
A: Don't go around BRRfooted!

Q: Where do seals go to see movies?
A: The dive-in!

Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A: Owlgebra.

Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes? A: A nervous wreck.

Q: How do you know if there's a snowman in your bed?
A: You wake up wet!

Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus...

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Winter Bar Jokes

Cold Winter The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This Winter is going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!" New England Home My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." Ear Muffs Winters are fierce in Minnesota where he lives, so the owner of a construction project felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman. Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the project manager asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?" The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty." "Why don't you wear them?" The Project Manager said. The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!" It Was So Cold that We had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues! Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker! When I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring! The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses! Kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!" Richard Simmons started wearing pants! A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring. UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii! Pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm! The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence! I chipped a tooth on my soup! My Dad was wearing golfing gloves on both hands! The dogs were wearing cats! Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick! People with traffic tickets would plead guilty and beg for the electric chair! Terrorists started to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate! Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans! The rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle. We had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords. We had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas! When we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream! Words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire! The dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running! Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off. We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up! The Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! When we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!


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Onions And A Christmas Tree

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter. So the daughter said " Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"

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THE TOP 15 *OTHER* SIGNS SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY A WOMAN

    15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.
    14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.
    13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!
    12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."
    11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
    10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.
    9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
    8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
    7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention.
    6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
    5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
    4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
    3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
    2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.
    1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!

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 See By Faith
 
On the wall of a concentration camp, a prisoner had carved the following words:
 
“I believe in the sun, even though it doesn’t shine.
 
I believe in love, even when it isn’t shown.
 
I believe in God, even when he doesn’t speak.”
 
What hand could have cut such a conviction?  What eyes could have seen good in such horror? There’s only one answer:  Eyes that chose to see the unseen.
 
Paul wrote in 2nd Corinthians 4:18: “We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see.  What we see will only last a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.”
 
We can see either the hurt or the Healer.
 
Mark it down. God knows you and I are blind.  He knows living by faith and not by sight doesn’t come naturally.  He will help us.  Accept his help.
 
Either live by the facts or see by faith!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

PS:  When filling out your Christmas cards this year, please take time to fill out an extra card and send to this address: A Recovering American Soldier, c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center, 6900 Georgia Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20307-5001. Pass this on and think of how many cards these wonderful, special people who have sacrificed so much would get. Thank you !

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

It's Only Words

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver," and, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."1

One of my favorite songs sung by the Bee Gees a number of years ago went something like this: "It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away."

Words can be a force far beyond their weight, and can have an impact far beyond their immediate reach. With words we can make people laugh—or cry; respond positively—or negatively; draw people closer to us—or drive them away. With words we can inspire people to noble acts of kindness or, if we are so inclined, to evil deeds of wickedness. Compare the words of Martin Luther King with those of Hitler.

And while you and I will never be a King or a Hitler, our words can and do have a lasting impact, especially on our spouse and on our children—as well as on our friends, associates, and people in our circle of influence. I know of one mother who told her daughter that she wasn't wanted, and that child, now an adult, is still traumatized by that rejection. And speaking personally, I can still remember words of encouragement I received as a young man growing up—words that have stayed with me all of my adult life.

So never forget the impact your words can have on those you love the most and those who are closest to you—and even on strangers. Remember today's scripture verse: "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up," and that:

    Words spoken may soon pass away
    and forgotten be,
    but when spoken in love and kindness
    are like beautiful flowers,
    and even though they fade and die
    from conscious memory,
    their fragrance lives on
    embedded in the deeper mind–
    forever.2

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me a sensitive spirit and help me to learn the art of speaking loving and kind words (eloquent or otherwise) to all those who cross my path and are in need of encouragement. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY -   Y, X and Z

Y

yacht  (yat')  n and v.  to advise or urge someone toward making a wise choice.  "Yacht to put out that cigarette while you're pumpin' gas."

yawn  (yon')  n and prep.  indicating the position of another.  "Watch where you're steppin'!  Yawn my foot!"

Yu-can-ta'n  (yu-ke-tan'), n. and v. allowing for ability of another person to expose their epidermis to the sun's rays for a period of time, causing it to darken in hue.  "It's your choice; Yucatan in a booth or Yucatan at the beach."


X  ther is no words in the book  sorry

Z
za-ny  (za'-ne), v and n.   indicating another's proclamations.  "This guy was standin' right here the whole time, and now he's zany didnt see nothin'. . ."


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4 Practices to Help Cure Negative Thinking

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come. ~Robert H. Schuller

My friend and I were out walking this morning around the neighborhood when we noticed some magnificent landscaping and flower beds to die for!  We were also, funnily enough, talking about having foggy, congested heads (physically and mentally) because of the amount of time we are spending on our computers.  We both happen to be writers.

I found that looking at these spectacular gardens really opened up my heart space and led me to think about this concept of the mind/garden metaphor.

If we can just give ourselves time in our own gardens (minds) to prune back, weed and cut off any dead branches and scrape up old leaves off the grass, we would be able to temper that stuffy headedness.

Back to my morning stroll…we then went on to discuss how meditation, exercise, getting out into nature and yoga work to unclog this tightness and tiredness in the head.

So, some good practices to follow when you feel your thoughts aren’t being honorable paying guests in your head are to:


1. Gift yourself some time for space and clarity

This doesn’t have to be for very long stretches (however long you want) but make sure it is at least 10-15 minutes of down-time.  You can sit in your garden or in a comfortable quiet space and reflect on your thoughts.  Realign them to what you feel comfortable with.  Then simply let all your thoughts dissolve and sit in stillness.  Observe what comes up and then put it aside.  Enjoy the space of just being.  We are human BEINGS not human DOINGS.  Don’t forget that.

More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity. ~Francois Gautier


2. Assess yourself

 If you are having a lot of negative, worrisome thoughts, ask yourself if they are really necessary?  Is worrying about it going to change anything?  How can you steer them onto a different more nurturing path?

There is a basic law that like attracts like. Negative thinking definitely attracts negative results. Conversely, if a person habitually thinks optimistically and hopefully, his positive thinking sets in motion creative forces — and success instead of eluding him flows toward him ~ Norman Vincent Peale


3. Go for a walk or do some yoga

Any kind of exercise can actually give you a huge boost.  I know a lot of people that are tired and worn out from a hard day’s work don’t particularly care for physical movement.  Perhaps you think it is the last thing that can help but it really can.  Just 20-30 minutes can really get you to shift stagnant energy and get your system up and firing.

Walking is a man’s best medicine. ~Hippocrates

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk. ~Raymond Inmon


4. Breathe properly

 Take a few good and hearty breathes.  This is a wonderful grounding tool and can get you into balance very quickly.  Most of us breathe very shallowly, not allowing for the body to become fully oxygenated.  Try to take in enough breath as to fill your lungs and spill over into your stomach (you should look like your pregnant — that is an indicator that you have got in enough air). Breathe in to the count of 5, hold it to the count of 5 and then consciously breathe out to the count of 5.  This enlivens and awakens your mind — try it, you’ll see.

Focusing on the act of breathing clears the mind of all daily distractions and clears our energy enabling us to better connect with the Spirit within. ~Author Unknown

Kick out fear, worry and drama to finally start renting your headspace out to positive, nurturing and creative thinking — the paying guest.

 
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RECIPES:

Cream Cheese Flan

Rich and creamy flan with a beautiful amber sauce makes for a striking presentation.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 80 minutes /Stand: 3 hr. 20 min.
     
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 can (12-oz.) NESTLÉ ® Carnation ® Evaporated Milk
1 can (14-oz.) NESTLÉ ® Carnation ® Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 package (8-oz) cream cheese, softened
5 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

PREHEAT oven to 350° F.

HEAT sugar in small, heavy-duty saucepan over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, for 3 to 4 minutes or until dissolved and caramel colored. Quickly pour into bottom of 2-quart casserole dish.


PLACE evaporated milk, sweetened condensed milk, cream cheese, eggs and vanilla extract in blender; cover. Blend until smooth. Pour mixture into prepared casserole dish. Place casserole in 13 x 9-inch baking dish; fill baking dish with warm water to 1-inch depth.

BAKE for l hour and 20 to 30 minutes or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Remove flan from hot water; cool to room temperature in casserole on wire rack. Refrigerate for several hours or overnight. Run knife around rim; gently shake to loosen. Invert onto serving dish.

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Chicken Nachos

Got the munchies?  Here's a solution...cheesy chicken nachos that use canned chicken and prepared salsa so they're ready in just 15

Serves: 6 servings
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
     
1/2 cup Pace® Chunky Salsa
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Cheddar Cheese Soup
1 can (12.5 ounces) Swanson® Premium White Chunk Chicken Breast in Water, drained
1 bag (about 10 ounces) tortilla chips
Chopped tomatoes
Sliced green onion
Sliced pitted ripe olive

Heat the salsa, soup and chicken in a 1-quart saucepan over medium heat until the mixture is hot and bubbling, stirring often.
Spoon the chicken mixture over the chips. Top with the tomato, onion and olives.


Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using Swanson Premium Chunk Chicken Breast: Calories 331, Total Fat 14g, Saturated Fat 3g, Cholesterol 28mg, Sodium 991mg, Total Carbohydrate 38g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 14g, Vitamin A 5%DV, Vitamin C 0%DV, Calcium 10%DV, Iron 6%DV

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Linguine with Cauliflower, Garlic, and Bread Crumbs

The strong flavors of cauliflower, garlic, red-pepper flakes, and Parmesan cheese balance perfectly, raising these common, readily available ingredients to new heights.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
     
8 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup bread crumbs, fresh
6 garlic cloves, minced
6 tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped
1/2 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon anchovy paste
1 pound linguine
1 head cauliflower, (about 2 1/2 pounds), cut into small florets
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup Grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving

In a large frying pan, heat 4 tablespoons of the oil over moderate heat. Add the bread crumbs and cook, stirring, until golden, about 5 minutes. Remove. Wipe out the pan.

Heat the remaining 4 tablespoons oil in the same pan over moderately low heat. Add the garlic, parsley, and red-pepper flakes. Cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Stir in the anchovy paste. Remove from the heat.

In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the linguine until almost done, about 8 minutes. Add the cauliflower and bring back to a boil. Cook until the cauliflower and pasta are just done, about 4 minutes longer. Drain. Toss with the garlic mixture, salt, bread crumbs, and Parmesan. Top with additional Parmesan.

Wine Recommendation: Red wine, if it’s simple and crisp, makes an intriguing choice for this dish. A touch of earthiness, such as you’ll find in a basic Chianti, helps to tie the wine and food flavors together.


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Spaghettini with Mushrooms,Garlic & Oil

Regular white mushrooms are excellent here; portobellos or wild mushrooms would be great, too.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 9 minutes
   
       
1/2 cup olive oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
1/8 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
2/3 pound mushrooms, sliced
1 teaspoon salt
1 pound spaghettini
3 tablespoons flat leaf parsley, chopped
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

In a medium frying pan, heat the olive oil over moderately low heat. Add the garlic and the red-pepper flakes and cook, stirring, until the garlic softens, about 1 minute. Add the sliced mushrooms and the salt and cook until the mushrooms exude liquid, the liquid evaporates, and the mushrooms begin to brown, about 5 minutes.

In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the spaghettini until just done, about 9 minutes. Drain and toss with the mushroom mixture, the parsley, and the pepper.

Wine Recommendation: The earthy taste of mushrooms goes wonderfully with the correspondingly earthy flavor of a pinot noir, while the assertive flavor of the garlic calls for a simple version of this wine. A bottle of Givry, Rully, or Mercurey from France

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Chicken Cordon Bleu


Total Time:    25 min
Prep    5 min   
Cook    20 min   

Yield:
    8 servings   

Ingredients

    4 double chicken breasts (about 7-ounces each), skinless and boneless
    Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
    8 thin slices deli ham
    16 thin slices Gruyere or Swiss cheese
    2 teaspoons fresh thyme leaves
    1/4 cup flour
    1 cup panko bread crumbs
    1 teaspoon olive oil
    2 eggs
    2 teaspoons water

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lay the chicken between 2 pieces of plastic wrap. Using the flat side of a meat mallet, gently pound the chicken to 1/4-inch thickness. Take care not to pound too hard because the meat may tear or create holes. Lay 2 slices of cheese on each breast, followed by 2 slices of ham, and 2 more of cheese; leaving a 1/2-inch margin on all sides to help seal the roll. Tuck in the sides of the breast and roll up tight like a jellyroll. Squeeze the log gently to seal.

Season the flour with salt and pepper; spread out on waxed paper or in a flat dish. Mix the breadcrumbs with thyme, kosher salt, pepper, and oil. The oil will help the crust brown. Beat together the eggs and water, the mixture should be fluid. Lightly dust the chicken with flour, then dip in the egg mixture. Gently coat in the bread crumbs. Carefully transfer the roulades to a baking pan and bake for 20 minutes until browned and cooked through. Cut into pinwheels before serving.


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Smothered Pork Chops

When you need to get dinner on the table, and don't have time to spare, get out your skillet and try these scrumptious pork chops that go from fridge to table in just 35 minutes.

Serves: 6 servings
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
 
Swanson Beef Stock or 1 3/4 cups Swanson Beef Broth
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
Vegetable cooking spray
6 bone-in pork chop, 1/2-inch thick (about 1 1/2 pounds)
1 large onion, sliced (about 1 cup)


Stir the broth, cornstarch and black pepper in a small bowl until the mixture is smooth.
Spray a 12-inch skillet with the cooking spray and heat over medium-high heat for 1 minute. Add the pork and cook for 5 minutes or until well browned on both sides. Remove the pork from the skillet. Remove the skillet from the heat.
Reduce the heat to medium. Spray the skillet with the cooking spray and heat for 1 minute. Add the onion and cook until it's tender-crisp, stirring occasionally.
Stir the broth mixture in the skillet. Cook and stir until the mixture boils and thickens. Return the pork to the skillet. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 5 minutes or until the pork is cooked through.

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JOKES:

Heaven's Criteria

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

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Three Italian Nuns

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren."

And *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked.

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter .

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.

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The Bird and the Repair Man

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit, so she called a repairman. He couldn't give an evening appointment. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Doberman. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, all the time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied: "Sick him, Spike!"

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Pet Rabbit

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next-door neighbors' daughter's pet rabbit.

For years I had watched her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.

The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming I jumped the fence and placed it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes".

Within the hour the neighbor's car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed

"DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted,

"What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in its cage?"

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Short Christmas Jokes

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..!

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles!

What's Christmas called in England?
Yule Britannia!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Beacause a little water ends both of them!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!

What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
Platform shoes!

What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I'm going out tonight!

Whats happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy!

How long does it take to burn a candle down?
About a wick!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D"!

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Black mail!

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus!

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
Stacks!

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
Because he's Sooty!

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Today's Tip

Easy Car Organizer
         
Clamp a few big clothespins to the sun visor on the driver’s side of your car. If you don’t have clothespins, use a thick rubber band around each side of the visor. Toll tickets, parking stubs, shopping lists—whatever you need to keep handy when you sit behind the wheel—stay put in a snap.

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Today, God’s message for you is that you are perfect just the way you are. This isn’t to say that you are finished, only that you are well on your way. Yet, for this time, this place, wherever you may be in life, you are still perfect, every step of the way.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

2 comments View Entry

Previous posting was only a test to see who read the blog,  you won Angeleyes lol

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Pegs to Hang Anger On

"An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression."1

Unresolved anger can express itself in a score of destructive ways including resentment, a negative critical attitude, hostility and hatred. It causes all sorts of problems both to the angry person and to those on whom he dumps his anger.

Repressed it can become super-charged and cause the angry person to explode and lash out and hurt people—even murder them. Or it can cause a person to implode and ruin his physical health and destroy his relationships.

Unresolved anger is like an emotional cancer and you either get rid of the "cancer" or in time the "cancer" will get rid of you—one way or another.

Furthermore, angry people are forever looking for pegs to hang their anger on. Instead of facing their own reality, they are forever looking for faults—real or imagined—in others on whom to dump their anger and blame them for it.

So how do you relate to these people? Wherever possible it's best to avoid them. If you can't avoid them, exercise tough love and let them know in a kind way that there will be consequences (such as distancing yourself from them) if they continue to treat you in an angry, abusive way, either physically or emotionally.

If you happen to be an angry person, the first thing to do is admit it and then seek the help of a qualified anger-management counselor to help you work through and resolve your anger. Doing this will be one of the most loving things you can do for your loved ones and for yourself.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, if I am an angry person, please help me to see and admit this, and to find the help I need to resolve it so I can always maintain a loving attitude. And please give me the courage to lovingly confront any angry person in my life by letting them know that I will no longer allow them to treat me in an angry, abusive way, and that I will have to distance myself from them if they refuse to get the help they need to overcome their anger issue. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Note: See the article, "Taming Your Anger" at http://tinyurl.com/b439f.

1. Proverbs 29:22 (NASB).
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY -  W 

wag-on  (wag'-en), v. whippin back and fot. "That dog jus bit me in the face, then sat there wagon his tail."

wa-ter ( Wat'-er), n. and v.  used to introduce an inquiry concerning the future.  "I just wanna know, water my options?"

wire  (wi'-er) adv. and n.  introducing an inquiry as to the motivation of or reason for an action.  "So, uh, wire you here?"

wood-en  (wu'-den) v. to have fevent desire for an event not to occure.  "I can tell you I wooden want her as my wife."

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7 Ways to Lift You from Depression


Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light. ~Dumbledore (Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling)

Get Me Out Of Here!

We are smack bang in the middle of tumultuous, chaotic and confusing times.  With that kind of energy flying about, we have to take what goes with it — the many peaks and troughs in our day-to-day existence.  How does one draw on positivity when you feel like you’ve been sucked through a black hole and just got spat out the other end?

Yes, we all have these days.  You wake up and you, for no really good reason, feel like thumbing a lift off the planet and onto the next passing UFO (if you do decide to do this, remember to take along your hand-towel, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy manual and eat lots of salted peanuts).

Enough Tom-Foolery

Let’s get back to the brass tacks of riding out your low-wave storms.  The first thing to remember is you are not alone.  There are many people out there experiencing these highs and lows, just like you.  Enlightenment or awareness does not automatically present you with a ‘get out of jail free’ card.  No, you just need to know how to ride the tsunami when it hits.

Second thing to bear in mind is that ‘this too shall pass’.  Sometimes when we experience the dark night of the soul, we feel like we are in an emotional abyss and nothing will ever be the same again.

This is just another wave that needs surfing, you will ride it out and you will live to see another day.  Just hold tight onto that surfboard and apply copious amounts of sunblock (metaphorically speaking, in real-time just eat lots of chocolate — that usually does the trick!  Not only does wholesome organic or dark chocolate release happy endorphins but a friend of mine recently told me that it also has grounding effects).

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. ~Benjamin Franklin

Stocking Your Cupboard Full of Happiness

Okay, so we all have our dark moments, but what can we do to get ourselves back on track besides stuff our faces with choco-licious treats or sumptuously sipping at a glass of merlot?

Gratitude is important and heart-centered living is the future.  So with this in mind, how do we expand our feelings of love and gratitude?

Build up reservoirs of things that make you HAPPY and GRATEFUL by remembering:

Loved Ones — think of all the people in your life that make living a joy.  Picture their happy, smiling faces and feel the effect of their love in your heart center.

Play Music — from Bach to the Beatles, we all have our favorite songs that cheer us up and get a spark lit under our backsides.  Dust off those LP’s or plug in your iPod!  Have a dance around your living room floor, shake that booty and kick up those heels!  Or you can drift off to Debussy and have some quiet, reflective and pensive moments of sheer bliss. Don’t underestimate the power of frequency, let music be your bridge to aural ecstasy.

Precious Memories — bring out that old scrapbook of magical magnificent memoirs.  Remind yourself of how many moments you’ve had in your life that were full and extraordinary.

Encounters with Animals —  for those of us lucky enough to have had or currently have pets, you will know what I’m talking about when I say that they have the most remarkable way of lifting your spirits.  Go spend a bit of time with them.  If you don’t have any pets, go take a walk where you know people hang out with their pets.  Most animal owners don’t mind a bit if you stroke their animals.  Cats also have an astonishing talent to balance your aura with their purring — it has a vibrational resonance that heals any ‘leakages’.

Nature — yes, you know I like to hit this one home every now and again in my blogs.  Go be in nature!  It is calming, grounding and balancing.  If you are depressed, it is the most inexpensive cure to your quandaries and it sure beats any pill your doctor is offering you.

Count Your Blessings — do you have a roof over your head?   A comfortable bed to sleep in?  People who love and support you?  Clothes to keep you warm?  Food in the fridge?  A functional body?  These are all things we take for-granted but are wonderful markers to realign us with all there is to be thankful for and can be the very push you may need to get you out of a wallowing hole.

Laugh Your Head Off — another inexpensive cure to all dis-ease.  Put on some side-splitting comedy, something that you know will boost your morale.  A good pant-wetting episode every now and again is the best remedy for being on this planet right now.  No-one likes a sour-puss, so make sure your face is creased with laughter lines.

Go forth and make merry.

Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, even joyous. That has more of an effect on economic well-being than any other single factor. ~Paul Hawken

 
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RECIPES:

Philly Cheesesteak Panini

This is a fun, easy way to make panini, when you start with Pillsbury® refrigerated bread dough!

    Servings # 4

    of ingredients 6
    prep time 30 Min
    total time 30 Min
 
1    can Pillsbury® refrigerated crusty French or country Italian loaf
1/2    lb thinly sliced cooked deli roast beef
1    tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
1    green bell pepper, cut into thin bite-size strips (1 cup)
1    medium onion, cut into thin bite-size strips (1 cup)
4    slices (2/3 oz each) American cheese

    1 Heat closed contact grill or panini maker 5 minutes.
    2 Meanwhile, on cutting board, carefully unroll dough. Cut into 8 rectangles. Place 2 rectangles on grill; close grill. Cook 1 to 2 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from grill. Repeat with remaining rectangles.
    3 In 8-inch nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium heat until hot. Add bell pepper and onion; cook 3 to 5 minutes, stirring frequently, until vegetables are tender.
    4 Top each of 4 rectangles with one-fourth of the beef, one-fourth of the pepper mixture and 1 slice cheese. Top with remaining rectangles.
    5 Place 2 sandwiches on grill; close grill. Cook 2 to 3 minutes or until cheese is melted. Repeat with remaining sandwiches.

Expert Tips

You can use leftover roast beef or steak, thinly sliced, instead of purchasing deli roast beef.

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Cuban-Style Panini

A combination of pickle relish and Dijon mustard adds great flavor to these sandwiches.

    Servings # 4
    prep time 20 Min
    total time 20 Min
 

1    can Pillsbury® refrigerated crusty French or country Italian loaf
2    tablespoons dill pickle relish
1    tablespoon Dijon mustard
4    slices (3/4 to 1 oz each) Swiss cheese
1/2    lb finely shaved deli cooked ham

    1 Heat closed contact grill or panini maker 5 minutes.
    2 Meanwhile, on cutting board, carefully unroll dough. Cut into 8 rectangles. Place 2 rectangles on grill; close grill. Cook 1 to 2 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from grill. Repeat with remaining rectangles.
    3 In small bowl, mix relish and mustard. Spread 4 rectangles with mustard mixture; top each with 1 slice cheese. Evenly divide ham among 4 rectangles. Top with remaining rectangles.
    4 Place 2 sandwiches on grill; close grill. Cook 2 to 3 minutes or until golden brown and cheese is melted. Repeat with remaining sandwiches.

Expert Tips

If you have leftover ham, you can use it instead of purchasing ham from the deli.

For a Cuban sandwich, substitute sliced pork for half of the ham.

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Apple and Brie Panini

    Servings # 4

    of ingredients 6
    prep time 5 Min
    total time 15 Min

4    ciabatta rolls, split
4    teaspoons Dijon mustard
4    oz Brie cheese, rind removed, sliced
1/2    lb thinly sliced ham
2    Granny Smith apples, cored and sliced
4    teaspoons olive oil

    1 Heat closed contact grill or Panini press 5 minutes.
    2 Spread bottom halves of rolls with Dijon mustard. Layer with cheese, ham and apples, then tops of rolls. Brush outsides of rolls with olive oil.
    3 When grill is heated, place panini on grill. Close grill; cook 4 to 5 minutes or until cheese is melted and bread is toasted.

Expert Tips

Tart apples work best in this recipe.

Cheddar cheese can be substituted for the Brie cheese in this recipe

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Creole Steak

You don't have to be a culinary expert to realize that meat and seafood make a winning combination. If you're a fan of steak and oysters, dive into the gourmet favorite that is bursting with rich flavors.

Serves
1

Ingredients

    1 ribeye steak
    1 big handful fresh spinach
    1 strip bacon, diced
    2 tbsp. diced onion
    Salt and pepper, to taste
    4-6 oysters, depending on size
    2 oz. blue cheese crumbles
    2 oz. burgundy mushroom sauce   

Methods/steps
Cook steak to desired temperature. Saute spinach, bacon and onion; season with salt and pepper. Spread spinach mix on steak. Place oysters on spinach; sprinkle with blue cheese. Place in oven until cheese browns. Serve with burgundy mushroom sauce.


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Skillet Meaty Lasagna

Yield:  4

Do not substitute no-boil lasagna noodles for the traditional, curly-edged lasagna noodles here. Meatloaf mix is a combination of ground beef, pork, and veal, sold pre-packaged in many supermarkets. If it’s unavailable, use ½ pound each ground pork and 85 percent ground beef. We recommend using either whole milk or part-skim ricotta here, but do not use fat-free ricotta, which has a very dry texture and bland flavor.


INGREDIENTS
3 (14.5-ounce) cans whole peeled tomatoes
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium onion, minced
Salt
3 medium garlic cloves, minced or pressed through a garlic press (about 1 tablespoon)
1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 pound meatloaf mix
10 curly-edged lasagna noodles (about 8 1/2 ounces), broken into 2-inch lengths
2 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded (1/2 cup)
½ ounce Parmesan cheese, grated (1/4 cup)
Ground black pepper
¾ cup ricotta cheese (see note)
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil leaves
   

DIRECTIONS

Pulse the tomatoes with their juice in a food processor until coarsely ground and no large pieces remain, about 12 pulses.

Heat the oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium heat until shimmering. Add the onion and ½ teaspoon salt and cook, stirring often, until softened, 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in the garlic and red pepper flakes and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the ground meat and cook, breaking apart the meat, until lightly browned and no longer pink, 3 to 5 minutes.

Scatter the pasta over the meat, then pour the processed tomatoes over the pasta. Cover, increase the heat to medium-high, and cook, stirring often and adjusting the heat to maintain a vigorous simmer, until the pasta is tender, about 20 minutes.

Off the heat, stir in half of the mozzarella and half of the Parmesan. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Dot heaping tablespoons of the ricotta over the noodles, then sprinkle with the remaining mozzarella and Parmesan. Cover and let stand off the heat until the cheese melts, 2 to 4 minutes. Sprinkle with the basil and serve.

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Rice Pilaf

1 stalk celery, diced
1/4 cup chopped fresh mushrooms
1/4 cup diced white onion
1 tbsp. margarine
2 cups chicken stock
2 cups water
2 whole bay leaves
1 tsp. salt
1 lb. Uncle Ben’s Rice   

Methods/steps
Sauté vegetables in margarine until tender. Combine chicken stock, water, bay leaves and salt. Bring to boil. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Place rice in deep baking pan. Mix with vegetables and liquid mixture; stir well. Cover pan with foil. Bake 1 hour.

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JOKES:

A while ago, a new supermarket opened in Melbourne, Australia.
- It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh; just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
- When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.
- In the meat department, there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
- When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
- The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
- I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

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Little Johnny... you gotta love this kid!

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven, mam."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "SEVEN!!!"
A very angry Teacher: "How in the hell do you get seven?!?!?"
A very angry Johnny: "Because I already have a fuckin' cat!"

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 When did people think Fall began in the past?

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

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Autumn Humor

I love autumn. I love watching the leaves fall. It reminds me of the (Braves).

Autumn is a season for big decisions -- like whether or not it's too late to start spring cleaning.

Autumn -- time to drag out your winter clothes and see what kind of summer fun the moths had.

This autumn we can look forward to falling leaves and rising gas prices. We'll be raking it up while the oil companies are raking it in.

The autumn leaves are a lot like raising kids. First they turn on you, and then they fly away. And next thing you know, you look out the window and they're back!

I got tired of looking at all those leaves in my yard, so I got up off the couch and went into action. I closed the curtains.

The leaves are beginning to fall, and soon only two things will be hanging from the trees: the last leaf and the first football coach.

I can hardly wait until all the leaves turn brown to match the grass.

Ah yes, summer's out and autumn's in. From swimming pools to football pools....

I loved the end of summer when I was a kid. It always meant I no longer had to be embarrassed by the coach putting me in right field.

This is an exciting autumn. Our athletes are breaking the records for the most Olympic medals, and our political candidates are breaking the records for the most campaign promises.

Now, today’s lawn & garden tip. If you haven’t found the hedge trimmer yet, forget it. It’s almost time now to lose the leaf rake.

I could tell there was a hint of autumn in the air when my son's football smashed me in the face.

It's fall, that time when the colors change form green to red to gold -- and that's just the gunk in your swimming pool.

Autumn is a great time of the year. Soon those ugly patches of dead grass in your lawn will be covered up -- with ugly patches of dead leaves.


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Careful when you wish

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."

"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"

"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.

"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.

"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.

After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"

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Heaven & Hell


HEAVEN is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and it's all organised by the Swiss

HELL is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and it's all organised by the Italians!!

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Pet Skunks

Learn How To Get Rid Of Skunks Now. Don't Wait To Get Rid of Pests

The skunk - a common animal but the most exotic pet I've owned

We used to have a cat, two ferrets, and a hedgehog. Dad asked us when we were going to get a normal pet, like a dog. "We're looking into adopting a greyhound," we told him. He informed us that greyhounds are not real dogs; mutts are real dogs. But I don’t think Dad was really one to speak, since he bought a pet skunk when I was growing up. Ferrets are considered unusual; a hedgehog arouses curiosity as to how to pet it; but for getting attention, nothing beats carrying around a furry creature with those distinctive black and white stripes. People stop and stare; “Uh…is that what I think it is?”

And the inevitable next question, “Is it de-smelled?”

Of course a pet skunk was a big hit at Show and Tell, though nobody could remember the proper term, “de-scented”. We got asked if she was de-sprayed, de-skunked, and deodorized. One kid asked if she was defrosted.

Our pet skunk
This doubtful attitude is common among people holding a pet skunk.

Farmers don't have pet skunks

We had a pet skunk because Mom had a pet skunk when she was growing up. In her case, that was because she lived on a farm. Skunks are especially unappreciated on a chicken farm because they suck eggs. So when my grandfather saw a skunk coming out of a hole in the barn one day, he shot it. And he shot the baby skunks that were following it. But later he heard a noise in the hole and looked in to see yet another baby skunk. It was an albino skunk (white, red eyes, but still the hint of stripes), and he couldn’t stand to shoot it. He kept it secret for a few days to make sure it would live, then showed it to his children. Since scent glands aren’t fully developed in baby skunks, they didn’t have to worry for a few weeks about getting sprayed. They named it after Flower, the skunk in Bambi, but since it was just a little skunk, the name was Bud. Sadly, Bud died young when they took him to a vet to remove the scent glands, and the vet didn’t know what he was doing (probably he didn’t get many jobs like that.)

So, a generation later, when the local pet store had de-scented skunks for sale, we got one.

Baby skunks are very cute.

    Learn all you wanted to know about skunks with pictures, videos, photos, facts, and news from National Geographic.

The skunk as pet

Baby skunks really are cute; in fact, skunks never lose the cuteness of those soft little ears and that little white stripe running up the nose. I’d have to say they’re cuter than ferrets, but in most ways they are very comparable to ferrets. Ferrets seem like slim, hyperactive skunks; or skunks seem like big fat ferrets with beautiful tails. Skunks dig, move, and play like ferrets, though where ferrets play-fight hopping sideways, skunks waddle sideways. One difference between skunks and ferrets is the sounds they make. Both are mostly silent pets, but when excited, ferrets make a “dook-dook” sound. When our skunk got really frustrated, she made a sound like a wind-up toy winding down. I suppose it just added to her frustration when we laughed at the funny sound.

I think skunks are as friendly as cats and as graceful as dogs; in other words, not having the best features of either. Perhaps ours would have been friendlier if my brother and I had been mature enough to pet her when she wanted petting, as compared to when we did. Dad was her favorite person. She would flatten herself out on his lap and go to sleep there.

Ferrets you can’t really take for a walk because they are too curious about everything and go every which way but forward. But we could take our skunk walking, as long as we carried her on the way out. When she knew she was headed home, she’d walk or even run to get back to the laundry cabinet where she slept.

With their black fur, skunks overheat easily in the summer sun.  Once we took her to the state fair and had to leave her at the car, so we left her on a leash so she could crawl under the car to stay cool.  It would have been easy for someone to steal her, but, like a large, fierce-looking dog, skunks do kind of deter pilfering.  Anyway, she was there when we got back.

Of course, Dad would say I wouldn't know anything about dogs.

Both skunks and ferrets have scent glands. Though I haven’t personally experienced either because ferrets are also de-scented before sale as pets, my impression is ferret odor is to skunk odor as a pistol is to a cannon. Also, even de-scented skunks (and ferrets) have some body odor to them. It’s not an unpleasant smell in that small quantity (in my opinion; some friends of mine beg to differ); part of skunk spray is actually used as a perfume base. But dogs definitely react to any hint of skunk smell. Dogs were very suspicious of our family, not seeing why anyone would want to be hanging around with skunks.

Skunk hats, anyone?

Skunks, like ferrets, shed in the spring, but as they have thicker fur, you end up with enough skunk wool you could almost knit yourself a new skunk.  We had a sack of skunk wool saved, in case someone got around to knitting a skunk-wool hat.  I don’t suppose it’s going to become much of a cottage industry, though, since anybody with a nose could guess what animal it came from. 

Care and feeding of the pet skunk

Probably ferret food would have been good for our skunk; the dog food we fed her was lacking in skunk nutrients.  She would eat insects if she could catch them, but that was a big if.  I’m not sure how skunks ever eat in the wild, because skunks are short-sighted, not that quick, and ours didn’t know much about hunting.  One summer we had a whole lot of grasshoppers, and Mom didn’t see a reason to pay for skunk food when we had so much of it hopping around in the yard.  But our skunk rarely caught a grasshopper on her own.  So my brother and I caught the grasshoppers and held them in front of her nose while she ate them alive.  We were not enthusiastic about that.

We thought our pet skunk should have been a farm skunk, because she did not suck eggs.  She didn’t seem to know eggs were even edible.  Once we gave her an egg as a birthday present, and she just sniffed at it.  We poked a hole in the end to give her ideas, and she still ignored it.  We finally cracked it open and put her nose in it, but she never did eat it. 

Wet pet skunk

Skunks don’t seem enthusiastic about water, but they can swim pretty well if they have to.  Our pet skunk hated baths as much as ferrets do.  Probably because we laughed so much at the way she looked.  Ferrets look pretty bedraggled when wet, but skunks have such fluffy fur that when they’re wet they look like about half a skunk. 

Skunk spray play

One of the funniest things our skunk did was when we were playing in our back yard, which had a grassy hill in it.  The way skunks play is pretending to attack, i.e. spray, you.  We would get on our knees and “stamp” our hands at our skunk; she would stamp back at us with her front paws.  Then she’d go on to making a little run toward us and she would do a bit of a handstand with the stamp, lifting her back feet off the ground.  This handstand is kind of impressive since skunks are generally pear-shaped, with most of their weight in the back.  Eventually, she would be stamping hard, really doing a handstand, and swinging her backside around to point at us as if she were spraying.

So on this one day we were playing on the hill, and our skunk was running down the hill and stamping at us.  Finally, she did such a handstand, coming downhill, that she went right on over and did a somersault.  We laughed at her and she made her frustrated noise and looked as embarrassed as an animal without facial expressions can look. 

Avoiding skunk attacks

Having played with a domestic skunk, I am not worried about meeting a wild skunk.  Unless they’re suddenly scared, they give you lots of warning before they spray, starting by lifting the tail like a flag.  That lift gets the tail out of the way of the spray, but also it says “Look here; I’m a skunk.  Don’t you know what skunks do?  Shouldn’t you be leaving now?”  Then they start stamping, and running at you and stamping, and if you don’t know what’s good for you by then, well, you probably deserve the spraying.  (Dogs are not known for figuring out what’s good for them.)

Pet skunks are fun

I always hoped our skunk would have babies. Probably she was sterilized at the same time as being de-scented, but I still hoped. She did have a wild boyfriend. At least we assumed it was a boy; we weren’t going close enough to find out. But we saw one or two wild skunks passing through our back yard, apparently on social calls with our skunk. She was good at digging holes under the walls of the pen we made for her. Once she really did escape and we thought we’d lost her, but some (very thoughtful, and brave) person down the street who knew we had a pet skunk told us they’d seen a skunk who was hit by a car. It was our skunk, and she came home with a broken leg, and limped for the rest of her life, but she lived. When she did die, as best we could tell, it was of old age.

Skunks aren’t allowed as pets now where I grew up or where I live now, and I don’t know the reasons why. I think they make great pets, and I wish I had one now. They are beautiful animals.

from a friend

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Today, God's message to you is to think about the legacy you will leave behind when you die.  How will people remember you?  Will they remember you as kind, giving, loving, humble, and selfless?  Be sure that people will remember you for how you live, so live righteously.


PS:  When filling out your Christmas cards this year, please take time to fill out an extra card and send to this address: A Recovering American Soldier, c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center, 6900 Georgia Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20307-5001. Pass this on and think of how many cards these wonderful, special people who have sacrificed so much would get. Thank you !

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

A Persistent Duck

"A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him , crying out, 'Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.' Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, 'Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.'"1

In Vancouver, British Columbia (reported Reuters), when a family of ducklings fell down a Vancouver sewer grate, their mother did what any parent would do. She got help from a passing police officer.

Vancouver police officer Ray Peterson admitted he was not sure what to make of the duck that grabbed him by the pant leg while he was on foot patrol on a Wednesday evening in a neighborhood near the city's downtown.

"I thought it was a bit goofy, so I shoved it away," Peterson told the Vancouver Sun newspaper.

The mother duck persisted, grabbing Peterson's leg again when he tried to leave, and then waddling to a nearby sewer grate where she sat down and waited for him to follow and investigate.

"I went up to where the duck was lying and saw eight little babies in the water below," he said.

Police said they removed the heavy metal grate with the help of a tow truck and used a vegetable strainer to lift the ducklings to safety. Mother and offspring then departed for a nearby pond.2

When the Canaanite woman came to Jesus for help, the disciples tried to get Jesus to send her away, but she refused to go. She was desperate for help for her child. Jesus certainly tested her by telling her that his ministry was for the "lost sheep of Israel," and that it wasn't right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." In her determination she replied, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."

And Jesus replied, "'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.' And her daughter was healed from that very hour."3

God will also test us to see if we are determined and desperate enough to turn to him for help. The half-hearted never make it.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that when I am serious about turning to you for help, you always hear and answer the prayer that comes from my heart. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Matthew 15:22-28 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY -  T

ta-boo (te-bu'), v to verbally express negative opinions about another or others.  "It ain't right for them folks taboo little Billy like that."

tile ( ti'-el), n. and v.  to predict the results of adorning oneself with a fashion accessory worn about the neck.  "Heck, Bubba, this here tile get you into any fancy restaurant you want."

tire  (ti'-er), v. and n. to restrain a female, as to ribbon, rope, or bungee cord.  "I thought I told you to tire down."

trac-tor  (trakt'-er), v. and n.  having traced, haunted and found a female.  "She ran, but the police tractor down."

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Listen to Your Mind, Follow Your Heart

When the future hinges on the next words that are said, don’t let logic interfere, believe your HEART instead. ~Philip Robison

The smartest and the wisest thing we can do in life for ourselves and for others is to be true to ourselves. True to who we are deep down inside, our inner voice, our heart and intuition. If we dare to ignore what the heart is trying to communicate to us, we will get into a lot of trouble and that’s exactly what happened to me recently.

A while back I was invited to go to this really amazing event where I would meet a lot of wonderful people, speak on stage, be a photographer and also have a lot of fun. Even though in my mind it all seemed like an amazing thing to do, my heart said no for some reason, I decided to just ignore my own heart.

The heart has reasons that reason does not understand. ~Jacques Bénigne Bossuel

The date of the event was getting closer and closer and people would ask me, hey Dana, did you book your flight, when are you leaving? and to their surprise and mine too, my answer was always: not yet, I don’t know, will do it soon.

Because I ignored my intuition from the beginning and focused on what other people assumed I should be doing based on the affirmative answer I gave to them about going to this event, I started feeling stressed, anxious and all kind of negative thoughts would run through my mind. That’s when I knew I was in big truble, my real SELF was upset with me.

Deep down inside I knew what I should be doing in order to make things better but somehow I chose not to, not yet at least. Everything I knew about the importance of being true to your own SELF and the power that comes your way from doing just that was completely ignored by me. I was acting like a totally different person…

After going back and forth for days and pretending I don’t understand what’s happening and why was I feeling the way I was feeling, I knew the time has come for me to stop with the nonsense and go back to being me. I decided to just go ahead and pay attention to my intuition, even though it didn’t make any sense to my rational mind, and refuse the offer. The moment I said: No, I don’t want to go, I have to listen to my intuition, I felt so reliefed. All of my anxiety, all of my frustration and all the negativity disappeared. I immediately went back to feeling calm and at peace with myself and with the whole situation.

Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart. ~Martin Luther King, Jr

You see, people who love and care about you would want to help and would always want to offer you all kind of beautiful opportunities for you to grow and evolve into the amazing being that you are meant to be but there would be times when their presents might be something the mind wants but would not what the heart needs.

It is so important to listen to your own inner voice and to constantly do whatever you feel/know deep down inside is best for you without the fear of being judged or labeled as being ungrateful. If these people really love and care about you, they will understand and they will allow you to do whatever you feel is best for you.

In Life, When you get into trouble; don’t get nervous. Just close your eyes and listen to your Heart. Because the Heart may be on the left…But It is always right.  ~Unknown

 
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RECIPE:

Zucchini-Walnut Loaf

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 15 Minutes
Yield:  2 mini loaves, 8 slices each

INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup  whole-wheat flour
3/4 cup  all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon  baking powder
1/4 teaspoon  baking soda
1/4 teaspoon  salt
1 teaspoon  ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon  ground nutmeg
2   large egg whites, at room temperature (see Tip)
1 cup  sugar or 1/2 cup Splenda sugar Blend for Baking
1/2 cup  unsweetened applesauce
2 tablespoons  canola oil
1/4 teaspoon  lemon extract (optional)
1 cup  grated zucchini, lightly packed (about 8 ounces)
2 tablespoons  chopped walnuts


DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat 2 mini 6-by-3-inch loaf pans with cooking spray.

Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg in a large bowl.

Whisk egg whites, sugar (or Splenda), applesauce, oil and lemon extract (if using) in a medium bowl. Stir in zucchini.

Make a well in the dry ingredients; slowly, mix in the zucchini mixture with a rubber spatula. Fold in walnuts. Do not overmix. Transfer the batter to the prepared pans.

Bake the loaves until a toothpick comes out almost clean, 40 to 45 minutes. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for about 5 minutes, then turn out onto the rack to cool completely.

Tip: To bring cold eggs to room temperature quickly: Place in a mixing bowl and set it in a larger bowl of warm water for a few minutes; the eggs will beat to a greater volume.

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Apple Pie Coffee Cake

Yield:  14 Servings

 INGREDIENTS
1 package (18 1/4 ounces) spice cake mix
1 can (21 ounces) apple pie filling
3 eggs
3/4 cup fat-free sour cream
1/4 cup water
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 teaspoon almond extract
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

For the Glaze:
2/3 cup confectioners' sugar
2 teaspoons fat-free milk
   
DIRECTIONS
Set aside 1 tablespoon cake mix. Set aside 1 1/2 cups pie filling.

In a mixing bowl, combine eggs, sour cream, water, oil, extract and remaining cake mix and pie filling. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour half into a 10-in. fluted tube pan coated with nonstick cooking spray.

Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon and reserved cake mix; sprinkle over batter. Spoon reserved pie filling over batter to within 3/4 in. of edges; top with remaining batter.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack.

In a small bowl, combine glaze ingredients. Drizzle over cooled cake.

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Blueberry Coffee Cake

Yield:  9 servings

 INGREDIENTS

For the Coffee Cake:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided
1/4 cup sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 egg
2/3 cup milk
3/4 cup Smucker's Blueberry preserves

For the Topping:
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon butter or margarine

DIRECTIONS
Grease and flour 8- or 9-inch square baking pan. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cup; level off.

In medium bowl, combine 1 1/2 cups flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and allspice. Add melted butter, egg and milk. Mix vigorously until well blended.

Pour half of batter into greased and floured pan; spread Smucker’s preserves evenly over batter. Top with remaining batter.

Combine topping ingredients; mix until crumbly. Sprinkle over top of coffee cake.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

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Banana Walnut Sour Cream Bread

Yield:  Makes 8 servings

 INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup Daisy Brand Sour Cream
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup milk
2 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup toasted chopped walnuts

DIRECTIONS
Heat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine sugar, sour cream, vegetable oil, milk, eggs, and vanilla in a large bowl; beat until creamy. Add bananas; continue beating until well mixed. Add flour, baking soda, and salt; beat at low speed until moistened. Gently stir in walnuts. Spread into 4 greased 3-by-5-inch baking pans. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; turn out of pan. Cool completely. Cut into slices. Store covered.

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Sweet Potato Spice Cake

Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour

A maple frosting is layered into a moist spice cake.

 INGREDIENTS

CAKE
3 cups all-purpose flour
3 1/2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups canned sweet potato
1/4 cup water
2 tsps pumpkin-pie spice
3/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 eggs
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1 1/2 tsps vanilla extract

MAPLE FROSTING
11 ozs cream cheese softened
1/2 cup butter softened
3 1/2 cups sifted confectionary sugar
2 to 3 tsps maple flavoring
chopped nuts and nut halves
   

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour two 9-inch round cake pans.

For Cake, conbine flour, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin-pie spice, nutmeg and salt in smal bowl. Beat sugar and butter in large mixing mowl until creamy. Add eggs and beat for 2 minutes. Beat in canned sweet potato, evaporated milk, water and vanilla extract. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Spead evenly into prepared cake pans. Bake for 35-40 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire acks for 15 minutes, remove to wire racks to cool completely.

FOR FROSTING - Beat cream cheese, butter and confectionary sugar in large mixing bowl unti fluffy, add maple flavoring and mix well.

TO ASSEMBLE Cake - cut each cake in half horizontally with long serrated knife, frost between layers and on top of cake, leaving sides unfrosted, garnish with nuts.

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 Mason Jar Photo - How to Fold 3D Paper Hearts

Since I have an abundance of glass jars I decided to put a few to use {50 ways to re-purpose and reuse glass jars} and incorporate the hearts to make a cute Mason Jar Photo .  the jars can be displayed year round.

Materials Needed for 3D Paper Hearts:
12X12 Scrapbook Paper {or 6x6}
Scissors or a Paper Cutter

Materials Needed for Mason Jar Photo :
Empty Glass Jar with Lid
Pebbles or Decorative Rocks
3D Paper Hearts
Printed Wallet Sized Photo
Spray Paint {optional}


To make the paper hearts, begin by cutting the 12x12 piece of scrapbook paper into 1 1/4 inch strips. The scrapbook paper only has to have a single sided design.


Fold each strip in half and cut.


Working with one strip at a time, fold the upper right corner down to make a triangle -

Fold the triangle across and up -

Fold the triangle across and down again -

Cut the remainder of the paper strip off at an angle -  in step seven - and cut again as shown in step eight.

Tuck the cut end into the folded side leaving you with a triangle shape as shown above. Next puff and crease the triangle in the center of the longer side.

Using your thumbs, flatten the two points -  and trim around the corners with scissors to create a heart.

These take just minutes to make and are really easy to fold once you get started.

They can be used as fillers for jars and vases or look cute simply displayed in a bowl.

For the Mason Jar Photo , add some pebbles or decorative rocks to a glass jar and slide in a wallet sized photo. {I simply printed a photo right from my computer on regular white paper}.

Toss in a few paper hearts and use a pencil to arrange inside if needed.

A touch of spray paint can be used to make the lid a tad bit fancier. {try using Krylon Brushed Metallic in Champagne Nouveau}

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JOKES:

The crowded store
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...

"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

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A department store

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

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I am going to shop

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

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In the supermarket was a woman pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing girl. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies. When the woman told she couldn't have any, the girl began to cry. The woman kept repeating softly: "Don't get excited Monika, don't scream Monika, don't be upset Monika, don't yell Monika, keep calm Monika."
A woman standing next to her said: "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica!"
The mother replied: "I'm Monica!”
Some warning texts from actual label instructions on consumer goods

- On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

- On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)

- On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

- On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion)

- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
(Oops, too late!)

- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(As night follows the day...)

- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

- On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope)

- On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to what?)

- On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(I gotta admit, I'm curious)

- On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(NEWS FLASH)

- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: Fly Delta)

- On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good God)

- On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one)

- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts)

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Talk to me, please!

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked: "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Please, can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
Marian, Marian!

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A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically: "Marian, Marian!"
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her: "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother"
"I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."
Good bye, Mother!

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around, but he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
She said: "Pardon me, I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
The young man replied: "I'm very sorry, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
The young man answered: "Sure!"
As the old woman was leaving, he called out: "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk answered: "Your mother said that you would pay for her!"
Keep calm, Monika

*******************************************

Anything bigger?

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing.
She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any chicken?"
The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 2 1/2 pounds.
"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows 3 1/4 pounds.
"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."

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Today, God’s message for you is to take a good look at the world around you.  Marvel at the beauty, even if you live in a “concrete urban jungle.”  From the flowers in the window boxes, to the trees lining the sidewalks, to the majestic mountains-all of it is God’s handiwork.  Learn to appreciate God through His creation today.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

A Persistent Duck

"A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him , crying out, 'Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.' Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, 'Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.'"1

In Vancouver, British Columbia (reported Reuters), when a family of ducklings fell down a Vancouver sewer grate, their mother did what any parent would do. She got help from a passing police officer.

Vancouver police officer Ray Peterson admitted he was not sure what to make of the duck that grabbed him by the pant leg while he was on foot patrol on a Wednesday evening in a neighborhood near the city's downtown.

"I thought it was a bit goofy, so I shoved it away," Peterson told the Vancouver Sun newspaper.

The mother duck persisted, grabbing Peterson's leg again when he tried to leave, and then waddling to a nearby sewer grate where she sat down and waited for him to follow and investigate.

"I went up to where the duck was lying and saw eight little babies in the water below," he said.

Police said they removed the heavy metal grate with the help of a tow truck and used a vegetable strainer to lift the ducklings to safety. Mother and offspring then departed for a nearby pond.2

When the Canaanite woman came to Jesus for help, the disciples tried to get Jesus to send her away, but she refused to go. She was desperate for help for her child. Jesus certainly tested her by telling her that his ministry was for the "lost sheep of Israel," and that it wasn't right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." In her determination she replied, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."

And Jesus replied, "'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.' And her daughter was healed from that very hour."3

God will also test us to see if we are determined and desperate enough to turn to him for help. The half-hearted never make it.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that when I am serious about turning to you for help, you always hear and answer the prayer that comes from my heart. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Matthew 15:22-28 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY -  T

ta-boo (te-bu'), v to verbally express negative opinions about another or others.  "It ain't right for them folks taboo little Billy like that."

tile ( ti'-el), n. and v.  to predict the results of adorning oneself with a fashion accessory worn about the neck.  "Heck, Bubba, this here tile get you into any fancy restaurant you want."

tire  (ti'-er), v. and n. to restrain a female, as to ribbon, rope, or bungee cord.  "I thought I told you to tire down."

trac-tor  (trakt'-er), v. and n.  having traced, haunted and found a female.  "She ran, but the police tractor down."

**********************************************

Listen to Your Mind, Follow Your Heart

When the future hinges on the next words that are said, don’t let logic interfere, believe your HEART instead. ~Philip Robison

The smartest and the wisest thing we can do in life for ourselves and for others is to be true to ourselves. True to who we are deep down inside, our inner voice, our heart and intuition. If we dare to ignore what the heart is trying to communicate to us, we will get into a lot of trouble and that’s exactly what happened to me recently.

A while back I was invited to go to this really amazing event where I would meet a lot of wonderful people, speak on stage, be a photographer and also have a lot of fun. Even though in my mind it all seemed like an amazing thing to do, my heart said no for some reason, I decided to just ignore my own heart.

The heart has reasons that reason does not understand. ~Jacques Bénigne Bossuel

The date of the event was getting closer and closer and people would ask me, hey Dana, did you book your flight, when are you leaving? and to their surprise and mine too, my answer was always: not yet, I don’t know, will do it soon.

Because I ignored my intuition from the beginning and focused on what other people assumed I should be doing based on the affirmative answer I gave to them about going to this event, I started feeling stressed, anxious and all kind of negative thoughts would run through my mind. That’s when I knew I was in big truble, my real SELF was upset with me.

Deep down inside I knew what I should be doing in order to make things better but somehow I chose not to, not yet at least. Everything I knew about the importance of being true to your own SELF and the power that comes your way from doing just that was completely ignored by me. I was acting like a totally different person…

After going back and forth for days and pretending I don’t understand what’s happening and why was I feeling the way I was feeling, I knew the time has come for me to stop with the nonsense and go back to being me. I decided to just go ahead and pay attention to my intuition, even though it didn’t make any sense to my rational mind, and refuse the offer. The moment I said: No, I don’t want to go, I have to listen to my intuition, I felt so reliefed. All of my anxiety, all of my frustration and all the negativity disappeared. I immediately went back to feeling calm and at peace with myself and with the whole situation.

Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart. ~Martin Luther King, Jr

You see, people who love and care about you would want to help and would always want to offer you all kind of beautiful opportunities for you to grow and evolve into the amazing being that you are meant to be but there would be times when their presents might be something the mind wants but would not what the heart needs.

It is so important to listen to your own inner voice and to constantly do whatever you feel/know deep down inside is best for you without the fear of being judged or labeled as being ungrateful. If these people really love and care about you, they will understand and they will allow you to do whatever you feel is best for you.

In Life, When you get into trouble; don’t get nervous. Just close your eyes and listen to your Heart. Because the Heart may be on the left…But It is always right.  ~Unknown

 
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RECIPE:

Zucchini-Walnut Loaf

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 15 Minutes
Yield:  2 mini loaves, 8 slices each

INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup  whole-wheat flour
3/4 cup  all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon  baking powder
1/4 teaspoon  baking soda
1/4 teaspoon  salt
1 teaspoon  ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon  ground nutmeg
2   large egg whites, at room temperature (see Tip)
1 cup  sugar or 1/2 cup Splenda sugar Blend for Baking
1/2 cup  unsweetened applesauce
2 tablespoons  canola oil
1/4 teaspoon  lemon extract (optional)
1 cup  grated zucchini, lightly packed (about 8 ounces)
2 tablespoons  chopped walnuts


DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat 2 mini 6-by-3-inch loaf pans with cooking spray.

Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg in a large bowl.

Whisk egg whites, sugar (or Splenda), applesauce, oil and lemon extract (if using) in a medium bowl. Stir in zucchini.

Make a well in the dry ingredients; slowly, mix in the zucchini mixture with a rubber spatula. Fold in walnuts. Do not overmix. Transfer the batter to the prepared pans.

Bake the loaves until a toothpick comes out almost clean, 40 to 45 minutes. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for about 5 minutes, then turn out onto the rack to cool completely.

Tip: To bring cold eggs to room temperature quickly: Place in a mixing bowl and set it in a larger bowl of warm water for a few minutes; the eggs will beat to a greater volume.

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Apple Pie Coffee Cake

Yield:  14 Servings

 INGREDIENTS
1 package (18 1/4 ounces) spice cake mix
1 can (21 ounces) apple pie filling
3 eggs
3/4 cup fat-free sour cream
1/4 cup water
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 teaspoon almond extract
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

For the Glaze:
2/3 cup confectioners' sugar
2 teaspoons fat-free milk
   
DIRECTIONS
Set aside 1 tablespoon cake mix. Set aside 1 1/2 cups pie filling.

In a mixing bowl, combine eggs, sour cream, water, oil, extract and remaining cake mix and pie filling. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour half into a 10-in. fluted tube pan coated with nonstick cooking spray.

Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon and reserved cake mix; sprinkle over batter. Spoon reserved pie filling over batter to within 3/4 in. of edges; top with remaining batter.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack.

In a small bowl, combine glaze ingredients. Drizzle over cooled cake.

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Blueberry Coffee Cake

Yield:  9 servings

 INGREDIENTS

For the Coffee Cake:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided
1/4 cup sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 egg
2/3 cup milk
3/4 cup Smucker's Blueberry preserves

For the Topping:
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon butter or margarine

DIRECTIONS
Grease and flour 8- or 9-inch square baking pan. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cup; level off.

In medium bowl, combine 1 1/2 cups flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and allspice. Add melted butter, egg and milk. Mix vigorously until well blended.

Pour half of batter into greased and floured pan; spread Smucker’s preserves evenly over batter. Top with remaining batter.

Combine topping ingredients; mix until crumbly. Sprinkle over top of coffee cake.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

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Banana Walnut Sour Cream Bread

Yield:  Makes 8 servings

 INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup Daisy Brand Sour Cream
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup milk
2 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup toasted chopped walnuts

DIRECTIONS
Heat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine sugar, sour cream, vegetable oil, milk, eggs, and vanilla in a large bowl; beat until creamy. Add bananas; continue beating until well mixed. Add flour, baking soda, and salt; beat at low speed until moistened. Gently stir in walnuts. Spread into 4 greased 3-by-5-inch baking pans. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; turn out of pan. Cool completely. Cut into slices. Store covered.

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Sweet Potato Spice Cake

Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour

A maple frosting is layered into a moist spice cake.

 INGREDIENTS

CAKE
3 cups all-purpose flour
3 1/2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups canned sweet potato
1/4 cup water
2 tsps pumpkin-pie spice
3/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 eggs
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1 1/2 tsps vanilla extract

MAPLE FROSTING
11 ozs cream cheese softened
1/2 cup butter softened
3 1/2 cups sifted confectionary sugar
2 to 3 tsps maple flavoring
chopped nuts and nut halves
   

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour two 9-inch round cake pans.

For Cake, conbine flour, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin-pie spice, nutmeg and salt in smal bowl. Beat sugar and butter in large mixing mowl until creamy. Add eggs and beat for 2 minutes. Beat in canned sweet potato, evaporated milk, water and vanilla extract. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Spead evenly into prepared cake pans. Bake for 35-40 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire acks for 15 minutes, remove to wire racks to cool completely.

FOR FROSTING - Beat cream cheese, butter and confectionary sugar in large mixing bowl unti fluffy, add maple flavoring and mix well.

TO ASSEMBLE Cake - cut each cake in half horizontally with long serrated knife, frost between layers and on top of cake, leaving sides unfrosted, garnish with nuts.

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 Mason Jar Photo - How to Fold 3D Paper Hearts

Since I have an abundance of glass jars I decided to put a few to use {50 ways to re-purpose and reuse glass jars} and incorporate the hearts to make a cute Mason Jar Photo .  the jars can be displayed year round.

Materials Needed for 3D Paper Hearts:
12X12 Scrapbook Paper {or 6x6}
Scissors or a Paper Cutter

Materials Needed for Mason Jar Photo :
Empty Glass Jar with Lid
Pebbles or Decorative Rocks
3D Paper Hearts
Printed Wallet Sized Photo
Spray Paint {optional}


To make the paper hearts, begin by cutting the 12x12 piece of scrapbook paper into 1 1/4 inch strips. The scrapbook paper only has to have a single sided design.


Fold each strip in half and cut.


Working with one strip at a time, fold the upper right corner down to make a triangle -

Fold the triangle across and up -

Fold the triangle across and down again -

Cut the remainder of the paper strip off at an angle -  in step seven - and cut again as shown in step eight.

Tuck the cut end into the folded side leaving you with a triangle shape as shown above. Next puff and crease the triangle in the center of the longer side.

Using your thumbs, flatten the two points -  and trim around the corners with scissors to create a heart.

These take just minutes to make and are really easy to fold once you get started.

They can be used as fillers for jars and vases or look cute simply displayed in a bowl.

For the Mason Jar Photo , add some pebbles or decorative rocks to a glass jar and slide in a wallet sized photo. {I simply printed a photo right from my computer on regular white paper}.

Toss in a few paper hearts and use a pencil to arrange inside if needed.

A touch of spray paint can be used to make the lid a tad bit fancier. {try using Krylon Brushed Metallic in Champagne Nouveau}

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JOKES:

The crowded store
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...

"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

*******************************************


A department store

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

*******************************************

I am going to shop

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

*******************************************

In the supermarket was a woman pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing girl. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies. When the woman told she couldn't have any, the girl began to cry. The woman kept repeating softly: "Don't get excited Monika, don't scream Monika, don't be upset Monika, don't yell Monika, keep calm Monika."
A woman standing next to her said: "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica!"
The mother replied: "I'm Monica!”
Some warning texts from actual label instructions on consumer goods

- On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

- On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)

- On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

- On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion)

- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
(Oops, too late!)

- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(As night follows the day...)

- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

- On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope)

- On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to what?)

- On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(I gotta admit, I'm curious)

- On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(NEWS FLASH)

- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: Fly Delta)

- On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good God)

- On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one)

- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts)

************************************************
Talk to me, please!

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked: "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Please, can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
Marian, Marian!

*******************************************

A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically: "Marian, Marian!"
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her: "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother"
"I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."
Good bye, Mother!

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around, but he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
She said: "Pardon me, I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
The young man replied: "I'm very sorry, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
The young man answered: "Sure!"
As the old woman was leaving, he called out: "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk answered: "Your mother said that you would pay for her!"
Keep calm, Monika

*******************************************

Anything bigger?

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing.
She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any chicken?"
The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 2 1/2 pounds.
"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows 3 1/4 pounds.
"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

1 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

When the Best Advice Is No Advice

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."1

"Dear Dick," a Daily Encounter reader writes, "I am hoping you can provide some words of wisdom that I can use to help a friend whose 18-year-old daughter has become pregnant. The daughter had received a scholarship to a certain College but it has been revoked. I would appreciate any advice you can provide for this mother as well as the mother to be. I value your Daily Encounter. It has made a huge impact on my life and my relationship with God."

"Dear Eileen (name changed)," I replied, "sometimes the best 'advice' to give to hurting people is not to give any advice but to 'weep with those who weep,' and to let them know that we care and that we love them.

"I did this for a friend recently who was hurting real bad … I just held him while he (a young adult) sobbed in my arms. After his pain subsided, we prayed together and I assured him that he was very much loved. He was dealing with some major childhood hurts that he had never resolved as well as the recent loss of his girlfriend.

"At least for right now this is probably the best thing the distraught mother can do for her hurting daughter … and perhaps the best thing you can do for your friend. Do remember, however, that when Jesus grieved, he wept too."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to develop a compassionate heart so that I will always be a friend who knows not only how to rejoice with those who rejoice; but also, how to weep with those who weep. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Romans 12:15 (NKJV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY -  S

sanc-tum (sank'-tem), v. and n. to have caused the submergence of more than one watercraft.  "He took two boats out fishin'. Sanctum both."

scoot-er  (skut'-er), v. and adj. to slide oneself in any direction while remaining seated, as done by female.  "Tell your sister to scooter fat butt over so somebody else can sit down."

se-nior (sen-yor'), v. and adj.  to have visually perceived something belonging to another.  "Half the town senior wife with the gardner."

sher-iff  (sher'-ef), v. and conj.  to offer a portion of, under certain conditions.  "All right, you don't have to sheriff you don't wanna."

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Top 5 Ways You Can Help Combat Senior Malnutrition
By Sarah Stevenson

Senior malnutrition is all too widespread, but caregivers and family members alert to the signs of nutrition problems can help battle this sobering condition.

Ways to Combat Senior MalnutritionMalnutrition is not simply a lack of food. It is the failure to get proper nutrition. It affects the thin and the overweight, young people and adults—and, sadly, it is a pervasive problem among our nation’s elderly. According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, in 2012 there were 3.7 million senior citizens who were diagnosed with malnutrition.

The consequences of malnourishment are serious, both physically and psychologically. It weakens the immune system, leading to slow healing and increased risk of infection, and it can cause muscle weakness, increasing the risk of falls and injuries. Read on to find out more about how senior malnutrition starts, how to recognize the signs, and what you can do to prevent it.
How Does Malnutrition Start?

According to the Mayo Clinic, malnutrition in seniors is usually caused by a combination of issues. Health or dental problems can lead to trouble eating or decreased appetite. Dietary restrictions that have been imposed to manage medical conditions can also make it difficult to get sufficient nutrition. Psychological issues such as isolation and depression contribute to loss of appetite and lack of interest in eating. Lastly, social factors like limited income or inadequate transportation can affect seniors’ access to food.
Monitoring Senior Nutrition

It can be difficult to detect malnutrition in older people, but family members and caregivers are in a unique position to keep an eye out for the symptoms. Comfort Keepers has a helpful mnemonic for family members:

    Watch for physical problems. In particular, bruising, weight loss, and dental difficulties can be important signals.
    Ask seniors about their eating habits. Have their preferences changed?
    Talk to a doctor about your loved ones’ nutritional needs, and any physical or dental problems that might affect their eating.
    Check with a pharmacist. They can warn you of the potential for drug-food interactions, or side effects that affect appetite, digestion, or nutrient absorption.
    Have your visits during mealtime, and not just on special occasions, so you can observe eating habits firsthand.

5 Ways to Combat Malnutrition in Seniors

The Mayo Clinic suggests a number of ways caregivers can fight malnutrition in seniors:

    Encourage a nutritious and appealing diet. Chopped nuts, nut butters, wheat germ, egg whites, and cheese can be added to meals for an extra nutrient boost. Herbs and seasonings can help increase seniors’ enthusiasm for eating, too.
    Plan snacks for extra nutrients between meals.
    Make meals social events by visiting your loved ones at mealtime, or by encouraging them to eat with friends or at senior centers.
    Help seniors get regular exercise to stimulate the appetite and improve health.
    Provide tips and assistance with food savings. Seniors can split the cost of bulk goods with friends or family, and they can seek out restaurants that give senior discounts.

 
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RECIPES:

Marbled Pumpkin Cheesecake

As an unexpected treat, chocolate mini morsels are sprinkled on the crust before the pumpkin filling is poured in. More chocolate is swirled into the cheesecake to give it a marbled effect.

Serves: 16
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: about 65 minutes
     
1 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 cup NESTLÉ ® TOLL HOUSE ® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Mini Morsels, divided
3 packages (8-oz.) cream cheese, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 can (15-oz.) LIBBY ® 100% Pure Pumpkin
4 large eggs
1/2 cup NESTLÉ ® Carnation ® Evaporated Milk
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

FOR CRUST:
PREHEAT oven to 350º F. Grease 9-inch springform pan.

COMBINE graham cracker crumbs, butter and granulated sugar in medium bowl. Press onto bottom of prepared pan. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup morsels.

FOR CHEESECAKE:
MICROWAVE remaining morsels in medium, uncovered, microwave-safe bowl on HIGH (100%) power for 30 seconds; STIR. The morsels may retain some of their original shape. If necessary, microwave at additional 10- to 15-second intervals, stirring just until morsels are melted; cool to room temperature.

BEAT cream cheese, granulated sugar and brown sugar until smooth; beat in pumpkin. Beat in eggs, evaporated milk, cornstarch, cinnamon and nutmeg. Remove 3/4 cup pumpkin mixture; stir into melted chocolate. Pour remaining pumpkin mixture into crust. Spoon chocolate-pumpkin mixture over top; swirl.

BAKE for 60 to 65 minutes or until edge is set but center still moves slightly. Cool in pan on wire rack. Refrigerate for several hours or overnight. Remove side of springform pan.


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Broccoli & Pasta

Serve this simple pasta with French dinner rolls and Perrier for a simple and elegant dinner.

Serves: 3
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
   
1/4 cup olive oil
2 1/2 cups fresh broccoli florets
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/4 teaspoon red pepper, crushed
1 package (9-oz,) BUITONI® refrigerated Fettuccine, cooked, drained and kept warm
1/3 cup shredded Romano cheese


HEAT oil in large skillet; add broccoli, garlic and crushed red pepper. Cook, stirring frequently, until broccoli is crisp-tender. Add pasta; toss to coat well. Sprinkle with cheese; toss lightly. Serve immediately.

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Texas Jailhouse Chili

Try this spicy chili the next time you have a party.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 4 hours
 
1/2 pound beef suet
2 1/2 pounds coarsely ground beef chuck
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 tablespoons paprika
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon white pepper
1 1/2 tablespoons diced green pepper
1 teaspoon coriander
3 cups water
3 tablespoons chile molido, (chili powder with no additives; if unobtainable, use Spice Islands)

Melt suet in Dutch oven; add meat and brown. Add other ingredients and cook, covered, for 4 hours. (If a less "hot" chili is desired, increase paprika to 2-1/2 tablespoons and decrease chili powder to 2 tablespoons.) Add more water while cooking, if necessary. If desired, pink oval chili beans may be added.

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Chocolate Caramels

Homemade chocolate caramels will liven up any party.


Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: Varies
   
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1 can NESTLÉ ® Carnation ® Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 square NESTLÉ ® TOLL HOUSE ® Unsweetened Chocolate Baking Bars
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

LINE 8-inch-square baking pan with foil; grease. COMBINE butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and corn syrup in heavy-duty 2 1/2-quart saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until mixture boils and butter is melted. Add condensed milk and chocolate; stir constantly until chocolate is melted. Cook over medium-low heat, stirring frequently until mixture reaches 245° F. on candy thermometer, about 25 to 35 minutes. Remove from heat; stir in vanilla extract. Immediately pour into prepared pan. Cool. LIFT from pan; remove foil. Cut into 1-inch squares and wrap individually in plastic wrap, twisting ends. Store at room temperature; use within 7 to 10 days.

Notes: If caramels become too firm to cut, soften slightly in microwave oven on DEFROST for about 2 minutes; or warm in 200° F. oven for about 5 minutes.


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HOT FUDGE CAKE

This is an easy cake to put together, and everyone will rave about it.

Serves: 9
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes
 
1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
6 tablespoons baking cocoa, divided
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons Vegetable Oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup packed brown sugar
1-3/4 cups hot water
whipped cream, optional or ice cream, optional

In a medium bowl, combine flour, sugar, 2 tablespoons cocoa, baking powder and salt. Stir in the milk, oil and vanilla until smooth. Spread in an ungreased 9-in. square baking pan. Combine brown sugar and remaining cocoa; sprinkle over batter. Pour hot water over all; do not stir. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes. Serve warm. Top with whipped cream or ice cream if desired.

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Cookies A La Mode

These cookie 'pizzas' make great birthday party fare. Provide an assortment of candy toppings and let the kids make personalized concoctions!

Serves: 8
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
     
1 package (18-oz.) NESTLÉ ® TOLL HOUSE ® Refrigerated Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
8 scoops vanilla ice cream
1 jar Chocolate Flavor Nestle Nesquick syrup
1 jar candy sprinkles, (optional)


PREHEAT oven to 375 degrees F. Grease 10- to 12-inch-round pizza pan.

PRESS cookie dough onto prepared pizza pan.

BAKE for 10 to 15 minutes or until edge is set and center is still slightly soft. Cool pan on wire rack for 3 to 5 minutes. Carefully remove to wire rack to cool completely.

CUT into wedges; top each wedge with 1/3 to 1/2 cup ice cream, chocolate syrup and candy sprinkles.

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JOKES:

DUMB MEN  JOKES

What kills me about dumb men is they act like women don't know how to
handle money.
Like they do.
I was talking with a guy the other day and he told me he lost $200 on
the Giants, then he lost $200 on the Redskins, and another $200 on the
Raiders.
I said, "If you have to gamble, why don't you forget the football and
start gamblimg on something you can win at? Like horses."
"Oh I couldn't," he said, "I don't know anything about horse racing."


In England, a dumb man who doesn't do anything is called a Gentleman.
Here we call him a boyfriend.


They asked me if my boyfriend's family is worth any money.
"Yes," I told them. "His father's worth $20,000, dead or alive."


Did you hear about the baby born with organs of both sexes?
It had a penis and and brain.


A widower who had never missed his wife until she was gone went to a
psychic to see if he could contact his late wife.
Arrangements were made and one dark night he finds himself talking to
her.
"Honey," he says, "is that you?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Happier than you were with me?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Then heaven must be an amazing place."
"I'm not in heaven, my husband."


Cleanliness is next to godliness, but most men seem to want to wait
until they're next to God to bathe.
A friend says she was in line behind a man checking into a hotel and
the woman behind the desk asked the guy if he would like a room with a
tub or a shower.
He says, "What's the difference?"
"You can sit down in a tub," she explained.


You can't change a dumb man. I thought after the wedding he'd stop
drinking and stop smoking.
Instead he stopped working and started dating.


What do you get when you cross a dumb man with a pig?
Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.

What's a sure sign a dumb man is planning to be unfaithful?
If he has a penis.


A dumb man walks up to a tourist and says, "Stick `em down."
The tourist says, "You mean 'stick `em up.'"
The dumb man says, "No wonder I haven't made any money today."


A drunk dumb man walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. The
dial goes to 60. He looks for a minute and says, "My God!, I've lost
120 pounds!"

A dumb man walks into an antique shop and says, "What's new?"

One dumb man sees another dumb man at the office and says, "What did
you do to your hair? It looks like a wig."
The other guy looks embarrassed and says, "Well, it is a wig."
The first dumb guy says, "You know, you could never tell."

I asked one dumb man why he had 150 books but no bookcase.
He said, "Nobody will lend me a bookcase."

A dumb man comes homes to his wife one night and says, "I just saw the
most amazing invention that can sew buttons right on my shifts."
"That's wonderful," says the wife. "What is it?"
"It's called a needle and thread."

A panhandler walks up to a dumb man and says, "Mister, I haven't tasted
food in a week."
"Don't worry," he tells the bum. "It still tastes the
same."

My best friend just ran off with my husband.
I'll miss her.

Why don't dumb men drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.

Why did God give men larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

On the way home from a party, a wife said to her husband, "Have I ever
told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
The husband is very flattered, "Why no, I don't think you have."
"Then what in the hell gave you that idea at the party?"

Driving to school one day, a young daughter asks her mother what
happens to cars when they get old and banged up.
"Someone sells them to your father," comes the answer.

My husband is a CPA.
A Constant Pain in the Ass.

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TimeRacer
I don't know why..but I decided to make a list of jokes Men Won't Laugh At (while looking at a book a friend bought me). So yeah...here are a couple:

Q: What do men and mascara have in common?
A: They both run at the first sign of any emotion.

Q: How do you hurt a man with words?
A: Slam a dictionary on his penis. (I'm a girl and that one hurts)

Men come in three sizes: Small, Medium, and GOD YES!!!

Son: Mommy, how do lions screw?
Mom: I don't know son. I've only screwed a pig.

A small boy was lost, so he went to a policeman.
"I've lost my dad!" he said.
"Well what does he like?" asked the officer.
The little boy replied: "Beer and women."

Q: How does a woman's G-spot differ from a golf ball?
A: A man will spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball.

Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: Every woman has one and doesn't know why!

Husbands are like children. They're cute, as long as they belong to somebody else.

A woman tells her friend, "My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a really good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a really bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead."

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

A professor of mathematics left this letter on the kitchen counter:

Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your husband.

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Sheraton Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
Your wife

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Why are women like geography?

When their age is between 0 and 15 they are like the Revillagigedo islands, virgins and unexplored.

From 16 to 25 they're like Africa, half explored and very wild.

From 26 to 35 they are like Europe, already toured and half-destroyed.

From 36 to 55 they're like México, they receive anyone with open arms.

From 55 and so on they're like Oceany, everyone knows they exist but everyone hardly visits them.


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    Some person: Women are only found in the kitchen *cackles, thinking they're being cute*
    Me: You know what else is in the kitchen? Knives.
    Some person: ....
    Me: ....Ask me for a sandwich. *picks up knife* ...do it. :)

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Dear men

when you go around making sexist jokes, it’s not funny. It doesn’t make you sound like a charming, witty, or interesting human being. It makes you sound like an asshole, who has no respect for women. I’m not saying that you are, black and white, an asshole if you make a sexist joke. Maybe you’re a stand-up guy. But you’d never know it from the way you’re talking. It’s like someone who uses the “n” word, or someone who walks around calling people faggots. Just because you use a hateful word, doesn’t mean you’re a hateful person, but that’s what it comes across as. It makes you a perpetrator of the discriminatory behavior that people have fought to overcome for hundreds of years.

Not only that, but wait a minute…how did your ignorant ass get here in the first place? OH WAIT, that’s right. YOUR MOM’S VAGINA. A woman gave birth to you. So the very orfice you show such a depleted appreciation for is the very same one that brought you into the world, so that you could act like a bigoted fool.

I know, “words are just words.” We give them power. Yeah, I hear this arguement all the time. But guess what folks, we communicate with verbal language. That’s one of our main means for connection within our species. So yeah, words have fucking power. Because they’re supposed to. Stop acting like the things you say don’t matter. Stop acting like a misogynist. Start showing some respect.

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Today's Tip

 Brush Your Teeth with Coconut Oil
         
Coconut oil kills germs that cause bad breath, tooth decay and gum disease. Brush your teeth daily using a mixture of  1 teaspoon baking soda and ½ teaspoon organic extra-virgin coconut oil (available at health-food stores). If your gums feel sore, massaging them with coconut oil should bring relief.

Coconut oil tends to be solid, so soften with your fingers before using.

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Today, God’s message for you is to walk away from hopeless and impossible situations.  The decision to do this will empower you and give you strength.  The minute you do this, feelings of hope will begin and you will be able to make a fresh start.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Devious Devilish Devices

"For we are not ignorant of his [Satan's] devices."1

To defeat an enemy it is imperative to understand his modus operandi. Satan, our archenemy, is the father of lies and a liar from the beginning. One of his most dangerous devices is to keep us in denial—to keep us from seeing the truth about God, about ourselves, about God's plan and our need of salvation, and above all to keep us from seeing the truth about the totally destructive nature and effects of sin.

To give us a clearer picture and understanding of sin, the Bible uses three words to describe sins' various facets.

First, is the word "transgression" which means to rebel against and/or disobey God's laws, to make up our own rules and go our own way. Rebellion can be willful and deliberate or it can be passive and even unconscious.

Second, is the word "iniquity" which is the expression of our sinful nature. For instance, we are not sinners because we sin, but rather, we sin because we are sinners. It is our nature to do so.

The third facet of sin is to "miss the mark"—God's mark or target of holiness. As Paul wrote, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory [standard or target] of God."2 God's mark is the perfection or wholeness he envisioned for us. Therefore, anything in my life that falls short of God's standard is sin. Besides obvious external acts such as stealing, lying, adultery, murder, etc., etc., it also includes failing to resolve hurts from the past, sins of resentment, pride, anger, bitterness, denial, failing to resolve my pockets of immaturity, and so on.

Once we understand the nature of sin and Satan's devices, with deep honesty and God's help, we are free to work on overcoming the sins and problems that so easily beset us.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, give me the courage to face my total 'dark side' and confess every secret and known sin. Help me to see wherever I fall short of your standard so I can bring these areas of my life to you for your healing and recovery. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name. Amen."

1. 2 Corinthians 2:11 (NIV).
2. Romans 3:23 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - R

re-tard-ed (ri-tard'ed), v. and prep.  to have withdrawn from employment at a particular moment in time.  "This here's the gold watch I got when I retarded age sixty-five."

rec-ti-fy  (rekt-ef-i), adj. and conj.  to suppose inebriation afer continuing consumption.  "No thanks, barkeep, I"ll be completely rectify have another drink."

ru-mor  (rum'-er), n. and conj. a phrase used in an ultimatum concerning personal space. "Give me some rumor get outta my bed."

righ-teous ( ri'ches), n. and adv.  a turn in the dextral direction.  "To get to Route 60 you go up this road about a mile, then make a righteous past the church."

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 Mayo Clinic Wellness Solutions for Fibromyalgia

Control fibromyalgia with the best remedies available from conventional medicine and alternative health

Mayo Clinic, one of the world's top medical centers, and Gaiam, the alternative health and wellness experts, have teamed up to bring you this integrated health action plan designed specifically to help you minimize the pain of fibromyalgia and allow you to live life to the fullest.

You'll love the results you'll get from this easy three-step action plan …

1. Start with understanding your condition. In this opening segment, you'll meet Mayo Clinic doctors who share the latest knowledge about fibromyalgia — what can cause it, specific triggers that lead to flare-ups and how to manage it using the most successful conventional and alternative therapies available today.

2. Eat well to feel better. That's the message in the second part of our action plan. You'll meet Donald Hensrud, M.D., a weight management expert from Mayo Clinic. Dr. Hensrud will take you grocery shopping, sharing his insights on how to shop smart and select everyday foods you and your family can enjoy while at the same time promoting better health. You'll also meet a Mayo Clinic dietitian who explains practical, easy food choices that help you maintain a healthy weight, since being overweight can impact the severity of fibromyalgia. We'll suggest which foods to eat and which ones to avoid.

3. Moderate exercise and stress-relieving techniques bring our action plan into balance. In this segment, you'll meet Rodney Yee, America's favorite yoga instructor. Rodney guides you through a series of simple, restorative yoga and stress-relieving meditation routines that are sure to bring new vitality to your life. These movements are designed to help you lose weight, improve circulation and reduce tension. This balance gives you better control over fibromyalgia and allows you to lead a healthier and happier life.

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RECIPES:

Sausage Sliders with Cran-Apple Slaw

The best things come in small packages, as these tasty sliders prove. With a filling this good, you’ll want to have a fork on hand for any yummy tidbits that get away. —Priscilla Yee, Concord, California

    Prep/Total Time: 25 min.
    Yield: 4 Servings

Ingredients

    2/3 cup coleslaw mix or shredded cabbage
    1/3 cup chopped apple
    3 tablespoons dried cranberries
    3 tablespoons chopped pecans, toasted
    4 teaspoons mayonnaise
    4 teaspoons barbecue sauce
    SLIDERS:
    1 pound bulk pork sausage
    4 slices sharp cheddar cheese, halved
    8 dinner rolls, halved and toasted
    3 tablespoons spicy brown mustard
    8 lettuce leaves

Directions

    In a large bowl, combine the first six ingredients. Chill until serving.
    Shape sausage into eight patties. In a large skillet, cook patties over medium heat for 3-4 minutes on each side or until a meat thermometer reads 160° and juices run clear, adding cheese slices during the last 1-2 minutes of cooking time.
    Spread rolls with mustard; top each with a sausage patty, lettuce and 2 tablespoons coleslaw mixture. Replace roll tops. Yield: 4 servings.

Nutritional Facts 2 sliders equals 672 calories, 43 g fat (15 g saturated fat), 107 mg cholesterol, 1,250 mg sodium, 47 g carbohydrate, 4 g fiber, 23 g protein.

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Creamy Pumpkin Pie

Yield: Makes 8 to 10 servings.

For crust:

Roll your pie dough into a 13-inch circle and line a 9½-inch deep-dish pie plate with it, forming the overhanging dough into an upstanding rim. Chill and partially prebake the shell. Then cool the shell.

For filling:

    6 ounces cream cheese, softened
    3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar, divided
    2 large eggs plus 1 egg yolk, at room temperature
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
    1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
    1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
    1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
    1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
    1 cup mashed or canned pumpkin
    1/2 cup light cream

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Put the cream cheese and ¾ cup of sugar into a food processor. Process until smooth. Add the eggs, yolk, and vanilla. Process again, scraping down the sides of the bowl. In a small bowl, mix the flour, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and nutmeg with the remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar. Add to the cream cheese mixture along with the pumpkin and light cream. Purée, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Carefully pour the filling into the pan. Place the pie on the center oven rack and bake for about 50 minutes. When done, the filling will be “set”—puffed around the edges, less so in the center. The edges will have a dull finish; the center will be shiny. Transfer to a rack and cool completely. Refrigerate for 4 hours, uncovered, before serving. To refrigerate longer, cover loosely with tented foil.

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the Other Burger

For a different spin on your burgers, try some of the suggested ingredients which appear at the end of this recipe.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes

1 pound (about 80% lean) ground pork
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 garlic clove, crushed
salt, to taste
sandwich buns , if desired

Light grill. Gently mix together ground pork and seasonings, shape into 4 burgers about 3/4-inch in thickness. Place over moderately hot coals in a kettle-style grill, lower hood and grill for 5 minutes; turn and finish grilling 4 to 5 minutes more. Serve immediately, on sandwich buns if desired.

Try some variations with your toppings. Bangkok Burger: To Other Burger basic mix, add 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 2 tablespoons dry sherry and 1 tablespoon grated ginger root. Southwest Burger: To Other Burger basic mix, add 1/4 teaspoon each ground cumin, oregano, seasoned salt and crushed red chiles. Italian Burger: To Other Burger basic mix, add one crushed garlic clove, one teaspoon crushed fennel seed and 2 teaspoons each red wine and olive oil.

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Almond-Crusted Salmon with Thyme & Lemon Butter Sauce

It takes just about 30 minutes to prepare this enticing baked salmon dish, featuring a almond-garlic breadcrumb topping and a luscious thyme and lemon-butter sauce.

Serves: 8 servings
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes

       
1/4 cup plain dry bread crumbs
1/4 cup blanched almond
1 clove garlic
2 tablespoons olive oil
8 salmon fillet (about 3 pounds)
1 tablespoon cornstarch
Swanson® Chicken Stock or 1 1/2 cups Swanson® Chicken Broth
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme leaves or 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, crushed
3 tablespoons butter
onion or 1/4 cup chopped shallot

Place the bread crumbs, almonds and garlic into a food processor or blender. Cover and process until the mixture is finely ground. Gradually pour in the olive oil while the food processor is running and process until the mixture is moist.
Place the fish into a roasting pan.  Top the fish with the bread crumb mixture and press to adhere.
Bake at 400°F. for 15 minutes or until the fish flakes easily when tested with a fork and the bread crumb mixture is golden. Remove the fish from the oven, cover and keep warm.
Stir the cornstarch, broth, lemon juice and thyme in a medium bowl until the mixture is smooth.
Heat 2 tablespoons butter in a 1-quart saucepan over medium heat. Add the shallots and cook until tender, stirring occasionally. Stir in the cornstarch mixture and heat to a boil. Cook and stir until the mixture boils and thickens. Add the remaining butter and cook and stir until it's melted. Serve the sauce with the fish.


Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using Swanson Chicken Broth: Calories 354, Total Fat 21g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 96mg, Sodium 287mg, Total Carbohydrate 6g, Dietary Fiber 1g, Protein 34g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 3%DV, Calcium 3%DV, Iron 5%DV

Nutritional Values per Serving using Swanson Chicken Stock: Calories 356, Total Fat 21g, Saturated Fat 6g, Cholesterol 95mg, Sodium 221mg, Total Carbohydrate 6g, Dietary Fiber 1g, Protein 35g, Vitamin A 9%DV, Vitamin C 3%DV, Calcium 3%DV, Iron 6%DV

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Caramel and Coconut Crepes

Try these crepes. They are so good! These crepes make a wonderful company dessert.

Serves: 3
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
     
3 Mission® flour tortillas
1 2/3 cups caramel, (or Mexican Cajeta)
4 tbsp. rum
1 1/2 cups coffee ice cream
1 1/3 cups shredded, toasted coconut

In a frying pan, melt the caramel or Mexican cajeta, and add the rum. Leave to boil for 5 minutes, stirring once or twice with a wooden spoon and using great care. Dip the tortillas (one at a time and very carefully) to cover in the caramel. Using tongs or a fork, place 2 tortillas, folded into 4 parts on each plate, and add a scoop of coffee ice cream. Sprinkle with shredded coconut.

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Whole-Wheat Spaghetti with Sausage and Peppers

Use mild or hot Italian sausage, according to your preference, in this updated classic. We call for red bell peppers but you can use green or one of each color. Plain spaghetti can replace the whole-wheat, too.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 16 minutes
     
 
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 pound mild or hot Italian sausage
1 onion, chopped
2 red bell pepper seasoning, cut into 1-inch pieces
1 3/4 teaspoons salt
3 minced garlic cloves
1 cup canned crushed tomatoes in thick puree
1 cup canned low sodium chicken broth
2 tablespoons dry vermouth or dry white wine
3 tablespoons chopped flat leaf parsley
3/4 pound whole wheat spaghetti
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving


In a large frying pan, heat the oil over moderate heat. Add the sausage and cook, turning, until browned and cooked through, about 8 minutes. Remove. When the sausage is cool enough to handle, cut it into 1/2-inch slices.

Add the onion, peppers, and 3/4 teaspoon of the salt to the pan. Cook, stirring frequently, until the vegetables begin to brown, about 5 minutes. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally until the vegetables are soft, about 3 minutes longer. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, for about 30 seconds. Add the tomatoes, broth, vermouth, the reserved sausage and any accumulated juices, the parsley, and the remaining 1 teaspoon salt and bring to a simmer.

In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the spaghetti until just done, about 12 minutes. Drain and toss with the sausage-and-pepper mixture and the Parmesan. Serve with additional Parmesan.

Wine Recommendation: The earthy Italian feel of this dish and the acidity from the tomatoes make a nebbiolo-based wine from the Piedmont region of Italy a nice choice. Look for a lighter version such as Nebbiolo d’Alba.

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Is Music Therapy an Effective Dementia Treatment?
By Dana Larsen

Dementia and Alzheimer’s unfortunately plague the senior population, creating strangers out of loved ones. While medication and memory care facilities help treat those who suffer from this debilitating illness, music therapy offers a bright new treatment option that acts as a trip-wire to recognizing a lost loved one. Find out more in this interview with Music and Memory founder, Dan Cohen.

Senior Man Benefiting from Music TherapyMost people agree that music is a great form of entertainment, socialization and overall enjoyment. Music is a multi-billion dollar industry and people dance to it, sing along with it and have purchased their favorite tunes—from the past days of record recordings to current days of iTunes downloads. The King is still “alive” when we hear Elvis belting a tune on the radio and memories of days long past can be instantly retrieved when reminiscing to a song. It’s no wonder that music has actually imprinted on our brains, making it one of the best-kept keepsakes locked in our minds.

In fact, music is more than a memory or catalyst for enjoyment. New research actually suggests that music can have a powerful impact on the human psyche and memory retrieval. In fact, in a recent interview with Music and Memory—a non-profit organization that promotes the health benefits association with music— founder, Dan Cohen, we learn just how much music can do for the human soul, psyche and dementia-diagnosed loved ones we think we’ve lost.

Read the interview below for insight into music’s powerful impact as a dementia therapy.

Music Therapy: Dementia’s Best Friend

Question: What are the benefits of personalized music?

Dan Cohen: For people who suffer from advanced Alzheimer’s disease—to the point when they can no longer recognize their own family or even speak—music therapy has an amazing affect. People actually ‘awaken’ and can sing the music when they hear it—a wonderful thing for families and caregivers to experience after watching their loved ones’ transformations into strangers. You see, people often lose their sense of self and identity in a nursing home or assisted living facility. Nursing home staff know who someone is as far as a resident who is on a medication or daily routine, but actually knowing who people are—and their past—is a different story. Through music, senior housing staff and their residents are able to connect as a resident’s reaction to music can bring up fascinating questions, stories and conversations of the resident’s past.

Music actually brings back functions of the brain. It offers a ‘back door” of memory retrieval that is seemingly lost. In fact, while hearing and talking components are located in specific places in the brain, music is located throughout the brain. So often music remains preserved, even if parts of the brain are lost through dementia. And music from our youth is deeply embedded in our neuro-network, and it’s cumulative over time. So if people listen to music for three hours a week over a 10-month period, many of their cognitive test scores actually improve, according to a NY State DOH Dementia Grant program study. If a drug became available that could do this, it would quickly be a multibillion dollar blockbuster and everyone who has a family member with Alzheimer’s would be asking for it. When families and caregivers see engagement in response to music it’s a big “win” for them.

Another benefit is music’s ability to allow people to reconnect with themselves. When people go into a nursing home, they’re forced to leave much of their old life behind; much of their identity. So reconnecting with one’s self is personal and important; and music allows people to do this.
Question: How is it that a person can no longer recognize his family, or even speak, but upon hearing familiar music from his youth, will awaken?

DC: Music memory is preserved better than short term memory. The connections are made to events which trigger the memories and help people ‘reconnect.’ One of the main reasons people are moved into care homes is because of specific behaviors that don’t allow them to function outside of a care home. Often times, music therapy can help ease some of these behaviors and make people more comfortable when they’re having ‘episodes.’
Question: I’ve heard that senior housing / senior care facilities can have music & memory certification. Is that important?

DC: Yes, music and memory certification is important. Even though running iPods is easy, in a large institution, training is needed so that it works well within the logistics of the care community. Otherwise the music therapy treatment may not work at all. Right now If a family member wants mom or dad to have music, a staff member will often say” it will get lost, don’t bother,” or “I’m not equipped to do that.” Nurses have different shifts and if the therapy is not part of a schedule, it most likely won’t happen. Policies have to be in place. So music therapy may not happen unless there’s certification and integration into the routine of the community. And one of the key things about music therapy is that it’s consistent.

Neuroscientist Guggenheim Fellow, UC Davis Center for Mind and Brain, Music Has Powerâ„¢ Award Winner, Petr Janata, PhD, has an interesting point:

“If music is such an important aspect of people’s lives from the time they are born, why is it that it doesn’t really occur to us, as a society, to provide people with music when they can no longer do what is necessary to provide it for themselves? Music has power, and we need to remember to keep everyone plugged in!”
Question: Agitation and sundowning are often difficult to deal with at home and in nursing homes. How do they do it now and does music offer an alternative?

DC: Because of the overuse of antipsychotic drugs to help manage the agitation and delusions, the federal government is directing all nursing homes to reduce their use by 15% by December 2012. However, sometimes antipsychotic meds are necessary.  In a recent Music and Memory survey, when 26 nursing homes were asked if the use of personalized music has been effective with verbal and physical behaviors, 6 in 10 reported that it has been effective with many (55.9%) or all (5.9%) residents. When staff were asked if the use of personalized music can help in reducing use of anti-psychotic medications, 50% said yes and all of the others except one person said “maybe.”  As there are no adverse effects of music, trying this approach, families have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Question: Won’t putting headphones on someone in a nursing home further isolate them?

DC: When I started working in music therapy, people were a little annoyed with me because they thought putting headphones on residents would discourage interaction. But when I had an opportunity to do a wider study, not one person reported isolation. Residents not only liked the music, but they because more social and began to interact more with their caregivers. The music therapy actually did the opposite of isolating them!

For example, residents’ grand kids became more likely to connect as their grandparents suddenly became more social when reminiscing about songs and music. The music actually served to bring back the dementia sufferers’ social behavior. And for the people in nursing homes and assisted living who didn’t get visitors, people didn’t know their backgrounds. The music allowed them to open up and share portions of their histories with others.

Music therapy is not a cure. People are not living longer, but people are more engaged and social, as opposed to no brain function or stimulation. In my book, that’s a good thing.
Question: How does a nursing home operate a music therapy program? Is it easy?

DC: It’s relatively easy. In terms of starting up a program, there is work up-front in terms of creating a play list for each resident. Every nursing home says it’s worth it, though, as they see the music’s positive impact on their residents.

Once you set up a resident with an iPod, they’ll get the benefit for the rest of that resident’s life. And the best part? It costs less than 1 day of medication!
Question: It’s hard for many caregivers/family members to visit loved ones because of schedule conflicts or geographic limitations? Can they set up an iPod with appropriate music for my loved one and ask the senior housing staff to play it?

DC: If you are to ask 100 nursing homes that are not music and memory certified, “If I send you an iPod, will you manage it for me?” Most will answer “It’s a nice idea, but we’re really not equipped to do that.” Who is going to do it? Senior housing communities have specific schedules and different nursing shifts. Some people know how to use an iPod, others do not. This is why music and memory certification is so important!
Question: How can people help spread the word about the power of music?

DC: Visit the MusicandMemory.org website. If you contact us, we’ll send a PDF on how to set up an iPod donation drive or set up an iPod for loved one.

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JOKES:

 Dumb Men Jokes

About Men!
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?  So men can remember them.

What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?  A snowwoman is
easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head
and pack all that extra snow into balls to make its testicles.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?  To knock
the penises off the smart ones.

What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? 
a man.

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?  Castrated.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?  Bonds
mature.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?  E.T. phoned home.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time
to go back to childhood, he's already there.

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?  Men
always miss them.

Why are men like commercials?  You can't believe a word they say.

Why are men like popcorn?  They satisfy you, but only for a little
while.

Why are men like blenders?  You need one, but you're not quite sure
why.

Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake
foreplay.

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?  Because men keep telling them
that this...
         ||
 is 8 inches.

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?  Most men have no
trouble finding a bar.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?  Sex.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.

What do men and women have in common?  They both distrust men.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their
guilt gifts?   Guilt gifts are nicer.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?  His wife is
good at picking out clothes.

How is a man like the weather?  Nothing can be done to change either
one of them.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?  One can be
terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just
having a baby.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a
single 40-year-old man?  The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having
children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating
hunger.
What do men dream of?  Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint
 twins.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
 Slow.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.

What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?  An insurance company.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?  Because they don't
have feelings.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?  So oxygen can get to their
brains.

What's the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!

Two women meet on the street. One asks the other about her companion.
"Well, liquor doesn't agree with him and he doesn't know how to play
poker."
"That's wonderful."
"It would be, if he didn't drink and play poker."

What's funnier than a man trying to be romantic?
A man cooks for a woman when they are dating.
He says, "I only know how to cook two things - steak and fried eggs"
"Great," she says. "Which one is this?"

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The Four functions of women:

1. Add expenses.

2. Substract happiness.

3. Multiply trouble.

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Today's Pet Peeve

Men who make “make me a sammich” jokes ‘ironically’. In that jokey sort of, “I support women’s rights, but lol, go make me a sammich anyway,” way. It will quite often follow a well-written and in depth discussion of attitudes towards women, or a reblog of some witty women’s rights meme.

I am well aware that they don’t mean it to be hurtful, and genuinely think they are lightening the mood of a serious discussion, but they really, really are not.

So guys, next time you’re going to make a joke along those lines, please just stop for a moment and think about just how many times a girl will have heard that joke before. How many times a guy will have degraded her entire existence down into “being there to serve men”. How many times that will have been said to her in all seriousness.

Because the answer is: somewhere in the region of many thousands. Probably more. Just think - twenty times a day for your entire life. Something like that.

Would you still find it funny?

I don’t. I’m sick to death of it.

You say you support women’s rights, and I believe you really do try to. So please employ a little consideration and think about how hurtful a throwaway remark like that can be from someone who calls themself your ally.

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What do you call a man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen?

Single.

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Today, God’s message for you is whatever situation you find yourself in, ask, “Who has it worse than I?”  Then pray for that person(s) and even consider how you might help their situation or lend some encouragement.  It’ll make your plight seem much more bearable.

PS:   When filling out your Christmas cards this year, please take time to fill out an extra card and send to this address: A Recovering American Soldier, c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center, 6900 Georgia Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20307-5001. Pass this on and think of how many cards these wonderful, special people who have sacrificed so much would get. Thank you !

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

John 5:17-19

(17) But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working." (18) Therefore the Jews sought all the more to kill Him, because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also said that God was His Father, making Himself equal with God. (19) Then Jesus answered and said to them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.

The charge does not accuse Him of healing but of breaking Sabbath regulations. In both cases, Jesus repudiates the charge by arguing 1) that the works of salvation are contemplated by the Sabbath commandment (see Deuteronomy 5:15, where redemption is the focus of the keeping of the Sabbath), and 2) that what Jesus did--being contemplated by the Sabbath law--is equivalent to God doing the same thing. It was this that really angered the Jews because they surmised that He not only had "broken the Sabbath" but in their eyes did something far worse: blaspheming God by making Himself equal with God.

It ought to be obvious that Christ did not regard the Sabbath as a time of idleness. He certainly looked at it far differently than the Jews did. He admitted that what He was doing here could be considered as work.

But what kind of work is it? Since He equated Himself with God, what He was saying is that He was doing the work of God. That is His justification. "My Father is working until now," and He did not break the Sabbath!

It is interesting that the word "answered" in verse 17 also appears in verse 19. It is the only place in the New Testament where this particular Greek word is translated "answered." It is a particularly strong word. What it means is that Jesus was heatedly defending Himself. It is showing that He considered their accusation to be "personal," as it were, and He reacts to it very strongly.

What comes out of His mouth is, "My Father has been working till now, and He works on the Sabbath!"

    Then Jesus answered and said to them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do." (John 5:19)

Jesus is saying, "I am imitating what I have seen My Father do. Therefore, I am not breaking the Sabbath because God does this on the Sabbath!"

What we have to figure out is what kind of work does God do on the Sabbath? This is important to understanding the principle of the kind of work that is permitted on the Sabbath. What does God do that Jesus is copying?

God shows that He rested from His work. The kind of work that God is doing on the Sabbath does not involve the work of physically creating something. So we can eliminate that right away. Notice John 1:1-3:

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made [past tense] through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.

John is referring to the physical Creation. Those works were finished, as it were, from the foundation of the world. Jesus is not referring here to the work of earning a living. The work that God is involved in is something else entirely!

God does His work ceaselessly and effortlessly. Jesus is telling us what kind of work it is: the work of redeeming. It is the work of salvation. It is the work of healing people, particularly their minds.

In John 5:31-36, Jesus Christ says, in essence, "What I am doing proves that I am the Messiah." At that time, He had just healed someone, redeemed him from bondage to an illness, from uselessness. He just gave to him the liberty to have hope. He just delivered someone out of his discouragement. That kind of work is the work of salvation. God "is working salvation" (Psalm 74:12).

Also consider John 6:29: "Jesus answered and said to them, 'This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.'" God is working to produce in us faith in Jesus Christ because salvation is by grace through faith. Faith is the foundation from which everything in God's purpose grows. God is working to get us saved. He is able to do it, but we have a part in this salvation in that we have to make choices. The basis of our choices is whether or not we believe in Jesus Christ. If we believe Him, then we will make the right choices. It is essential, then, that our faith be increased.

So, the purpose of the manifestation of the works of God in Christ is to produce faith. If one has faith in God, then what will he do? He will apply God's Word, and that produces liberty in himself and in others. We can now begin to see the part that the Sabbath plays in this. It is essential to increasing our faith.

The work that God is doing is not the work of a physical creation but the work of a spiritual creation. He is creating sons in His image. Christ is Redeemer, Deliverer, Savior--and that is His work! What does He spend His time doing? He spends His time healing, forgiving sin, teaching the way of God, and doing good. That is His part in the work of God.

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - Q

quo-ta (kwot'-a), v. to relate, word for word, the statement of another.  "To quota great philosopher, it's spilt milk under the bridge."

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Apple Heads

The Native American art of making apple heads is both easy and fun. Follow these instructions for a creative fall craft.

    Choose a big apple and start by peeling it.
    Then, with a sharp knife, form the nose, make eye sockets, and cut a line for the mouth.
    Carve around the mouth to accentuate the cheeks, and make some lines around the eyes and on the forehead.
    Soak the head in lemon juice for about 1/2 ho
 
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RECIPES:

Peanut Butter Balls

Yield: About 50 balls

    1-1/2 sticks (12 tablespoons) margarine, melted
    1 28-ounce jar peanut butter
    1 box powdered sugar
    2/3 bar paraffin
    1 6-ounce bar German sweet (or semisweet) chocolate

Mix margarine, peanut butter, and sugar. Shape into small balls and place on wax paper. Put a toothpick into each one and refrigerate at least 45 minutes to an hour.

Next, melt paraffin and chocolate in top of a double broiler. Dip the balls, remove the toothpicks, and refrigerate. Don't let the balls touch each other until after the chocolate/paraffin mixture has hardened.

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Peanut Brittle

Yield: 10x12-inch sheet

    1 cup sugar
    1/2 cup light corn syrup
    1/4 cup water
    2 cups raw peanuts
    1 tablespoon baking soda

Line a 10x12-inch cookie sheet with heavy-duty aluminum foil. In a heavy pot, mix together the sugar, corn syrup, and water. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Add the peanuts. Cook, stirring often, until the peanuts smell parched, about 15 minutes. Add the baking soda and stir quickly. The mixture will foam, then turn a golden color. Quickly pour on the foil-lined cookie sheet. When cool, break into pieces.

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CHEESE BALL

    1/2 pound cream cheese
    1/4 pound Roquefort cheese
    1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
    2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
    1/2 teaspoon Tabasco
    1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts or pecans

Combine cheeses and beat with electric mixer until smooth and well blended, Beat in Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco, Cover and chill several hours, Shape cheese into small balls, about 1 inch in diameter, or 1 large ball, Roll in chopped nuts. Chill until serving time.


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 Pumpkin Spice Mix

Mix the following in a nice gift jar:

    1/3 cup ground cinnamon

    1 tablespoon ground ginger

    1 tablespoon ground nutmeg or mace

    1-1/2 teaspoons ground cloves

    1-1/2 teaspoons ground allspice

Add a gift tag with these instructions: "For pumpkin pie, add 1 to 1-1/2 teaspoons of spice mix to your other ingredients."

TIP: Sprinkle a teaspoon of pumpkin spice mix into your carved pumpkin before lighting the candle.



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Virginia Peanut Pie

Yield: Makes 8 to 10 servings.

For crust:

Most any pie pastry will do. Roll the dough into a 13-inch circle and line a 9-1/2-inch deep-dish pie plate with it, forming the overhanging dough into an upstanding rim. Chill and partially prebake the shell. Then cool the shell. For more about creating a rim and prebaking, see Everyday Baking.
For filling:

    3 large eggs
    2/3 cup packed light-brown sugar
    3/4 cup light corn syrup
    1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted
    1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
    3/4 teaspoon salt
    1 cup coarsely chopped roasted, salted peanuts

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Using an electric mixture, beat the eggs and brown sugar in a large bowl until evenly blended. Add the corn syrup, melted butter, vanilla, and salt and beat again, briefly, until evenly blended. Stir in the peanuts. Carefully pour the filling into the cooled pie shell. Bake the pie on the center oven rack for 30 minutes. Rotate the pie 180 degrees and bake for 20 to 25 minutes more. When done, the pie will be “set,” meaning that it will not move in waves when the pie plate is nudged. Thoroughly cool the pie on a rack. Serve at room temperature or cover with loosely tented foil and refrigerate for 1 or 2 hours before serving.

A Good Turn for Your Pie

I often recommend rotating pies 180 degrees midway through the baking. The back of most ovens is typically hotter than the front. Rotating helps baked goods to cook evenly and balances the surface browning.

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Topless Pear Fig Pie

No top crust, no crumb topping. You simply fold the edges of the pastry over the filling and bake as is. It's a nice shortcut when you're pressed for time, feeling a little lazy, or just want to try something new--and it works for just about any fruit pie.–Recipe is courtesy of The Old Farmer's Almanac Everday Baking cookbook

Yield: 8 to 10 servings

FILLING:

    5 cups peeled, cored, and sliced ripe pears
    1 cup quartered fresh figs or 3/4 cup dried figs, cut into chunks
    1/2 cup sugar, plus extra for sprinkling
    1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon cornstarch
    1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
    pinch of salt
    1 tablespoon lemon juice
    1 teaspoon freshly grated orange or lemon zest
    milk, for glaze

For crust: I recommend using Flakiest Pie Pastry, but any other pastry in this collection will do. Preheat the oven to 400°F. Roll the dough into a 13-inch circle and line a 9-1/2-inch deep-dish pie plate with it. Let the edge of the pastry drape over the edge of the pan.

For filling: Combine the pears and figs in a large bowl. Mix 1/2 cup of sugar, cornstarch, ginger, and salt in a separate bowl. Add the sugar mixture to the fruit with the lemon juice and zest and stir well. Scrape the filling into the pie shell and smooth with a spoon. Carefully fold the edges of the pastry over the filling, creating thick pleats. Lightly brush the exposed pastry with milk. Sprinkle the pastry and fruit filling with sugar. Bake on the center oven rack for 30 minutes. Reduce the heat to 375°F and bake for 30 to 35 minutes more, until the juices at the center of the pie bubble thickly. Transfer the pie to a rack and cool to lukewarm before serving.

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Today's Tip

Remove Rust with Soda Pop
         
If you want to remove a rusty nut, bolt or screw that won’t budge, pour some cola on it. Wait a minute or two, then try again.

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 What Is Black Friday

 Shopping Black Friday Story

On the East Coast of America the term 'Black Friday' can be traced back to the mid 1960s.  Some say that 'Black Friday' refers to the pattern of pedestrian and vehicle traffic as seen from the air in cities such as Philadelphia, others say it's the day in the year when many shops go from being in the red to going into profit or into the black.

Coincident with the advent of internet shopping, 'Black Friday' has gained a worldwide reputation for a spending bonanza and the time for stores to finalize their Christmas displays.


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JOKES:

Black Friday Wisecrack

Picture this, it was just after Thanksgiving, and the judge was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'

The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early'.

'That's no crime', said the judge. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'

'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.

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Try Before You Buy!

Myrna was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new dress. In the store she asked, 'May I try on that dress in the window, please?'

'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl, 'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.'

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Only in America - Crazy AwardsJokes for the Weekend

A man from Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500  and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's beagle.  The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard, as was the man.  The award was less than sought because the jury felt that the man who, at the time, was shooting the animal repeatedly with a pellet gun might have provoked the dog.

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 Friday 13th Superstitions

    It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth story window on Friday.
    American Proverb
  
 Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
    Of course, why would Friday be an exception?   Anon
 
  A legend believed by many fishermen is: 'A Friday's sail, always fail.'

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Two blondes were working on a house. One, who was nailing down siding would reach into her
nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. The other
blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails
away?" The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed
TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I
nail it in!" The second blonde got completely pissed off and yelled, "You MORON!!! The
nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"

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How the Pilgrims Got their Name   by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson

"Mayflower in Plymouth Harbor," by William Halsall (1882). The original oil painting may be seen in Pilgrim Hall Museum, Plymouth, Massachusetts. Larger image.

It wasn't until 1840 that the term "Pilgrim" came to refer to the early Mayflower settlers.

The Pilgrims (though they weren't called that at the time) originated with the members of a Separatist congregation from Scrooby, Nottinghamshire, England, whose pastors were Richard Clifton and John Robinson.1 This congregation suffered difficult persecution in England because they dissented from the state Church of England. William Bradford, one of the original Mayflower emigrants, wrote that

    "[The church members] were hunted and persecuted on every side, so as their former afflictions were as flea-bitings in comparison of these which now came upon them. For some were taken and clapt up in prison, others had their houses besett and watcht night and day, and hardly escaped their hands; and the most were faine to flie and leave their howses and habitations, and the means of their livelihood... Yet, seeing themselves thus molested, and that there was no hope of their continuance there, but a joynt consent, they resolved to goe into the Low Countries, where they heard was freedom of religion for all men...."2

The congregation moved to Holland in 1607 where religious freedom was greater. Some who were in prison, didn't get there for another year.

They settled in Amsterdam for a year, but then moved to Leiden, Holland, where they lived for a dozen years. But life was difficult for these expatriates. As foreigners they were deprived of a chance at the best jobs, and struggled to maintain even a low standard of living. Times were tough. But what caused them to move were their teenagers. They had religious freedom, but

    "Many of their children ? by the great licentiousness of youth in that countrie, and the manifold temptations of the place, were drawne away by evill examples into extravagante and dangerous courses."3

They were losing their young people and struggling at the bottom of the economic scale. If they returned to England they faced severe persecution and imprisonment. So in 1620 many from the congregation decided to emigrate to America, to the New World. Three groups came on the Mayflower:

    Saints -- members of the Separatist Leiden congregation,
    Strangers -- members of the Church of England who were emigrating for economic reasons, and
    Crew Members -- seamen aboard the Mayflower, some of whom were contracted to work in the Plymouth Colony for a year or longer.

The "strangers" weren't non-Christians. They were probably members of the Church of England and would count themselves as Christians. But they didn't share the Separatists' refusal to be a part of what they considered to be the corrupt state church.

We ought to make a couple of distinctions here. Strictly speaking, Separatists were pious Christians who had given up on the Church of England and formed their own congregations. Puritans, on the other hand, were members of the Church of England who wanted to purify the Church from its worldliness and corruption. Instead of separating (in the early days), they formed religious societies within Anglican congregations. A number of these groups, like the Mayflower group, fled to Holland. They were the beginnings of the Congregationalist and Baptist churches that put down early roots in America.

Though the Plymouth Colony was the first Separatist colony in New England, the Puritan Massachusetts Bay Colony was established by royal charter in 1629. But apparently the Massachusetts Puritans had something in common with the Plymouth Separatists even before they sailed for America -- the autonomy of the local congregation and a restriction of membership to "those predestined to be God's elect."4 As time went on the churches in Plymouth and the Massachusetts Bay Colony came to resemble each other.

But the Plymouth colonists still weren't called Pilgrims, not for many years, not until 1840. At that point someone resurrected William Bradford's original phrase describing the Saints that had left Leiden to travel aboard the Mayflower to the New World. They left Leiden, he said, "that goodly & pleasante citie which had been their resting place for near 12 years; but they knew they were pilgrimes, & looked not much on those things, but lift up their eyes to ye heavens, their dearest cuntrie, and quieted their spirits."5

Since the 1840s the Mayflower settlers have been referred to as the Pilgrims, echoing the verse from the Bible that Bradford had in mind:

    "These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country. And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned. But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city" (Hebrews 11:13-16, KJV).

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