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REMINDER FROM GOD:
Our Daily Devotional:
We Wrestle Not
Ephesians 6:12, KJV: "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
What we wrestle against, as Paul writes, are principalities, powers, "the rulers of the darkness of this world," and "spiritual wickedness in high places." Or do we? That is, do we wrestle? Do we struggle against the things of this world that oppose God? Do we fight to be holy, to "throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles?" Do we wrestle against that which is ungodly, or threatens to bring ungodliness into our lives, the lives of others, or into the church? We are told in Hebrews, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood" (4:12). How far are we willing to go to rid ourselves of the things that cause us and others to stumble? Do we find we often selfishly give into our whims and wants from day to day? Or do we wrestle?
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
- James 1:5
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
elegiac
audio pronunciation
el-uh-JYE-ak
DEFINITION
adjective
1
a : of, relating to, or consisting of two dactylic hexameter lines the second of which lacks the arsis in the third and sixth feet b : of or relating to the period in Greece about the seventh century B.C. when poetry written in such couplets flourished
2
: of, relating to, or comprising elegy or an elegy; especially : expressing sorrow often for something now past
EXAMPLES
The editorial was an elegant, elegiac lament for the golden era of the author's long-ago past.
"His speech was ruminative and elegiac, marking the closing of an era rather than the closing of a conference." — From an article by Eitan Kensky in The Forward, May 15, 2012
DID YOU KNOW?
"Elegiac" was borrowed into English in the 16th century from the Late Latin "elagiacus," which in turn derives from the Greek "elegeiakos." "Elegeiakos" traces back to the Greek word for "elegiac couplet" or "elegy," which was "elegeion." It is no surprise, then, that the earliest meaning of "elegiac" referred to such poetic couplets. These days, of course, the word is also used to describe anything sorrowful or nostalgic. As you may have guessed, another descendant of "elegeion" in English is "elegy," which in its oldest sense refers to a poem in elegiac couplets, and now can equally refer to a somewhat broader range of laments for something or someone that is now lost.
Read more at http://www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day/2012/09/29/#UZufzOCfmU... Drinks and Weight Gain Linked
By Kathleen Doheny WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
Sept. 21, 2012 -- If you're at risk of obesity because of your genes, you may also be more at risk for weight gain from sugary drinks.
That's according to new research published in the New England Journal of Medicine.
In people with a high genetic risk for obesity, getting a lot of sugar from sugar-sweetened drinks may amplify the genetic effects on obesity, says researcher Lu Qi, MD, PhD, an assistant professor of nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health.
Qi's study and two others looked at the effects on weight gain of sugary drinks -- including sodas, fruit punches, lemonades, or other fruit drinks.
The new research should inspire people to give up sugary drinks or consider them an occasional treat, says David Appel, MD. Appel is the director of the Montefiore Medical Center School Health Program and associate professor of clinical pediatrics at Albert Einstein College of Medicine.
"These three studies give very clear evidence that drinking sweetened beverages even in modest amounts clearly results in increased weight and excess weight," he says.
In a statement, the American Beverage Association countered: "We know, and science supports, that obesity is not uniquely caused by any single food or beverage."
Sugary Drinks and Genes
Evidence is already strong, Qi says, that sugary drinks are linked with weight gain.
His team wanted to look at whether the effect of sugary drinks differs depending on individual genetic risk for obesity.
Qi's team looked at more than 33,000 people and calculated a genetic-risk-for-obesity score.
The genetic risk scores ranged from 0 to 64.
For every 10 points on the genetic risk score, those who had the fewest sugary drinks had a 35% higher risk of obesity, he found. This group had less than one sugary drink a month.
For every 10 points on the genetic risk score, those who had the most sugary drinks, one or more a day, had a 235% higher risk of obesity, he found.
"If you reduce your intake of sugary beverages, your genetic risk of obesity may be lessened," he says.
His research found a link between sugary drinks, genetic risk, and excess weight, not cause and effect.
Qi received funding from Amgen for the study.
Sugary Drinks and Weight Gain in Kids
In another study, researchers assigned 641 children, ages 4 to 11 and mostly average weight, to drink either an 8-ounce sugar-free drink or an 8-ounce sugary drink daily for 18 months.
In all, 477 completed the study. The children who drank the sugar-free drink gained less fat, says Martijn B. Katan, PhD, emeritus professor of nutrition at VU University in Amsterdam. They also gained fewer pounds.
Those who drank the sugary drink gained about 16 pounds. Those who drank the sugar-free drink gained about 14 pounds.
While that difference may seem small, it is not insignificant, Katan says.
The size of the drink studied, 8 ounces, is far below the daily average in the U.S., he says. "With average consumption, you could be talking in the United States, say, about [a difference of] 5.5 pounds."
Sugary Drinks and Weight Gain in Teens
In a third study, researchers split 224 overweight or obese teens who regularly drank sugary drinks into two groups.
One group was encouraged to drink fewer sugary drinks during a one-year program. They were followed for another year without a formal program.
The other group was not encouraged to have fewer sugary drinks.
The researchers, from Boston Children's Hospital and Harvard, tracked changes in body mass index (BMI). At two years, there was no substantial difference in BMI between the groups.
At one year, however, the rise in BMI was smaller in the group that was encouraged to have fewer sugary drinks.
Beverage Industry Perspective
Americans are drinking fewer sugary drinks, according to the American Beverage Association. In its statement, it says that calorie intake from sugary drinks declined by more than 20% between 2001 and 2010.
"By every measure, sugar-sweetened beverages play a small and declining role in the American diet," it says.
"Obesity is caused by an imbalance between calories consumed from all foods and beverages and those burned through physical activity," the statement says.
The industry group took exception with the new findings. Among the many criticisms:
The study in children, it says, did not consider physical activity and total calories.
The genetic study looked only at the 32 known genes linked with weight, but these account for only a small amount of BMI variation, according to the American Beverage Association.
Advice for Parents
"Parents should do their best at home to have water [for children] instead of soda," Appel says. "We have equated quenching our thirst with a sweetened beverage," he says.
Water can quench thirst, too, he says.
Parents who choose to keep soda at home should give children controlled amounts, Appel says.
"I think all people really don't need to drink sweetened beverages," says Nancy Copperman, RD, director of public health initiatives for North Shore LIJ Health Systems in Great Neck, N.Y. Nutritionally, they are not a beverage of choice, she says.
If quitting sugary beverages cold turkey is difficult, focus on cutting down, she says.
In an editorial, Sonia Caprio, MD, of the Yale School of Medicine, writes: "Taken together, these three studies suggest that calories from sugar-sweetened beverages do matter."
The time has come, she writes, for both children and adults to have fewer sugary drinks.
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RECIPE:
Asian-Style Oven-Fried Sweet Potatoes
Tempura veggies move over! These sweet potato wedges pack great Asian flavor and crunch without frying.
PREP TIME 10 Min
TOTAL TIME 40 Min
SERVINGS 4
1/3 cup Progresso® panko crispy bread crumbs
1/4 teaspoon coarse (kosher or sea) salt
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1 large dark-orange sweet potato (1 lb), peeled, cut crosswise in half, then cut into 3x3/4-inch wedges
1 tablespoon canola or olive oil
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
DIRECTIONS:
1 Heat oven to 400°F. Line 15x10x1- inch pan with foil; spray foil with cooking spray.
2 In small bowl, mix bread crumbs, salt, garlic powder and ginger. In large bowl, toss potato wedges, oil and pepper flakes. Add crumb mixture; toss to coat.
3 Spread potatoes in single layer in pan; sprinkle any remaining crumb mixture on potatoes.
4 Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until crumbs are golden brown and potatoes are tender.
Expert Tips
Sweet potatoes are high in vitamins A and C. Store in a cool, dark place (not in the refrigerator) and use within a week of purchase.
Sprinkle baked fries with seasoned rice vinegar to tantalize every taste bud.
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New Orleans Bourbon Bread Pudding with Bourbon Sauce
Yield: 8 to 10 servings
Prep Time: 1 hour | Bake Time: 1 hour 15 minutes
For the Bread Pudding:
1 (18 to 20-inch) French baguette, torn into 1-inch pieces (10 cups)
1 cup raisins
¾ cup bourbon, divided
8 egg yolks
1½ cups light brown sugar
3 cups heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1½ teaspoons ground cinnamon, divided
¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cubed and chilled
For the Bourbon Sauce:
¼ cup bourbon, divided
1½ teaspoons cornstarch
¾ cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons sugar
Pinch of salt
2 teaspoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Butter a 9×13-inch baking dish; set aside.
2. Arrange the bread in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake until crisp and brown, about 12 minutes, turning pieces over halfway through and rotating the baking sheet front to back. Let bread cool. Reduce oven temperature to 300 degrees F.
3. Meanwhile, heat raisins and ½ cup bourbon in a small saucepan over medium-high heat until bourbon begins to simmer, 2 to 3 minutes. Strain the mixture, placing the bourbon and raisins in separate bowls.
4. In a large bowl, whisk the egg yolks, brown sugar, cream, milk, vanilla, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. Whisk in in the remaining ¼ cup bourbon plus the bourbon used to plump the raisins. Toss in the toasted bread until evenly coated. Let the mixture sit until the bread begins to absorb custard, about 30 minutes, tossing occasionally. If the majority of the bread is still hard when squeezed, soak for another 15 to 20 minutes.
5. Pour half the bread mixture into the prepared baking dish, and sprinkle with half the raisins. Repeat with the remaining bread mixture and raisins. Cover the dish with foil, and bake for 45 minutes.
6. Meanwhile, mix the granulated sugar and remaining ½ teaspoon cinnamon in a small bowl. Using your fingers, pinch 6 tablespoons butter into the sugar mixture until the crumbs are the size of small peas. Remove the foil from pudding, sprinkle with the butter mixture, and bake, uncovered, until the custard is just set, 20 to 25 minutes. Increase the oven temperature to 450 degrees F and bake until the top of the pudding forms a golden crust, about 2 minutes.
7. Let the pudding cool on a wire rack for 30 minutes (or up to 2 hours). Serve alone or with Bourbon Sauce (I strongly recommend the bourbon sauce).
8. To Make the Bourbon Sauce: In a small bowl, whisk the cornstarch and 2 tablespoons of bourbon until well combined.
9. Using a small saucepan over medium heat, heat the cream and sugar until the sugar dissolves. Whisk in the cornstarch mixture, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, and cook until sauce thickens, 3 to 5 minutes.
10. Take the pan off the heat, and stir in salt, butter and the remaining 2 tablespoons bourbon. Drizzle warm sauce over bread pudding.
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Sticky Toffee Pudding
Yield: 6 to 8 servings
Prep Time: 30 minutes | Bake Time: 50 minutes
For the Toffee Sauce:
2 cups heavy cream
½ cup demerara or muscovado sugar (or another dark brown sugar)
2½ tablespoons golden syrup or molasses
Pinch of salt
For the Pudding:
6 ounces pitted dates, chopped
1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1¼ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
¾ cup granulated sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and butter an 8½-inch porcelain soufflé dish (or similar-sized baking dish.)
2. Make the toffee sauce by bringing the cream, demerara or turbinado sugar, golden syrup (or molasses) and salt to a boil in a medium saucepan, stirring often to melt the sugar.
3. Lower heat and simmer, stirring constantly for about 5 minutes, until the mixture is thick and coats the spoon. Pour half the sauce into the prepared soufflé dish and place the dish in the freezer, and reserve the other half for serving.
4. To make the pudding, in a medium saucepan, heat the dates and water. Once the water begins to boil, remove from heat and stir in the baking soda. Set aside, but keep it slightly warm.
5. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt.
6. In the bowl of a standing electric mixer, or by hand, beat the butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the eggs, then the vanilla. (Don’t be alarmed if the mixture looks a bit curdled.)
7. Stir in half of the flour mixture, then the date mixture, then add the remaining flour mixture until just mixed. Don’t overbeat the batter.
8. Remove the soufflé dish from the freezer and scrape the batter into the soufflé dish and bake for 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with moist crumbs attached.
9. Remove the pudding from the oven, and let cool slightly before serving. Spoon portions of the cake into serving bowls and douse with additional warm toffee sauce. Whipped cream or vanilla ice cream are good accompaniments, although I enjoy it just as it is.
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Southern Banana Pudding
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
Prep Time: 30 minutes | Chill Time: 4 hours
2 cups whole milk
2/3 cup granulated sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
30 vanilla wafers
2 large bananas, cut into ¼-inch slices
¾ cup heavy cream, chilled
¼ cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1. Heat the milk, sugar and salt in a medium saucepan over medium heat until simmering, stirring occasionally to dissolve the sugar. Meanwhile, whisk the egg and yolk in a medium bowl until thoroughly combined. Whisk in the cornstarch until combined and the mixture is pale yellow and thick, about 20 seconds.
2. When the milk mixture reaches a full simmer, gradually whisk the simmering mixture into the egg mixture to temper. Return the mixture to the saucepan, scraping the bowl with a rubber spatula; return to a simmer over medium heat, whisking constantly, until a few bubbles burst on the surface and the mixture is thickened and glossy, about 30 seconds. Off the heat, whisk in the butter and vanilla.
3. Strain the pudding through a fine-mesh sieve set over a medium bowl. Place plastic wrap directly on the surface of the pudding to keep a skin from forming.
4. Line the bottom of a 1½-quart serving dish with vanilla wafers. On top of the wafers, place a layer of the sliced bananas. Pour ½ of the pudding over the bananas, and spread to the edges of the dish. Repeat the vanilla wafers, bananas, and pudding again. Press plastic wrap against the surface of the pudding and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
Southern Banana Pudding - Prep
Southern Banana Pudding - Prep
5. When ready to serve, whip the heavy cream with the powdered sugar and vanilla until soft peaks form. Spread on top of the pudding and top with crushed vanilla wafers. Store leftovers in the refrigerator.
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Instant Vanilla Pudding Mix
Yield: 20 to 25 servings (enough for 5 batches of pudding)
Prep Time: 5 minutes | Cook Time: 10 minutes
1 cup granulated sugar
¾ cup cornstarch
¾ cup nonfat dry milk powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 whole vanilla beans
1. In a medium bowl, whisk together the sugar, cornstarch, milk powder, and salt; set aside.
2. Split open the vanilla beans and use the back of a knife to scrape out the seeds. Add the seeds to the sugar mixture, and again whisk well to evenly combine, using a fork or the back of the spoon to break up any chunks of vanilla bean seeds. Cut the empty vanilla bean pods into two or three pieces each.
3. Place the vanilla bean pieces into an airtight container or jar, and add the sugar mixture. Seal it, and then give it a few good shakes to distribute the vanilla bean pieces evenly. Store in a cool, dry place.
To make pudding: Combine 2 cups of milk with ½ cup of the instant pudding mix in a medium saucepan over high heat, whisking constantly. Bring to a boil, and then immediately reduce the heat to a simmer and continue whisking until the mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon (about 3 to 5 minutes). Let sit for at least 5 minutes before serving. Store leftovers in an airtight container in the refrigerator.
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NOTE: FOR YOUR FAVORITE FRIEND - your dog, I would also give this as a treat for my birds . . Grammy S.
Peanut Butter Doggie Bones
Ingredients:
2 cups whole-wheat flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1 cup natural peanut butter
1 cup low-fat milk
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a bowl, combine flour and baking powder. In another bowl, mix peanut butter and milk. Add wet mixture to dry, and mix well.
Turn out dough on a lightly floured surface and knead. Roll out to 1/4-inch thickness and cut out shapes. Place on a greased baking sheet and bake 20 minutes or until lightly brown. Cool on a rack and store in an airtight container.
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JOKES:
Jenny Craig for Men
A guy calls the company and orders their 5 day - 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe from J.C. Dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kgs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5day - 10kg program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kgs, as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day - 25kg program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds
A huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,
'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 31kgs that week. . .
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Twin sisters in a Newfoundland Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old.
The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures
of the two 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well..
Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.." So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS! "
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out,
"OH LARD JESUS! - BOTH OF US????"
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No comment.40 years of marriage..
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She
said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a
wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic,
but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my
love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...The husband became 92
years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are
female.....
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salespeople...the best!
A young guy from rural Kansas moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says,"Yeah. I was a salesman back in rural-Kansas ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job ...was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up the boss came down
"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says, "One".
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.
"How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65".
The boss says, "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department
and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said, "No the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot - you should go fishing."
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The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better then…
Men and women both send out men jokes, and it's about time more women sent out women jokes (instead of getting stupidly offended at them, note men rarely get offended at men jokes)!
..10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
..9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
..8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
..7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
..6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
..5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
..4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
..3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
..2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
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Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human???
Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection.
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It’s not for me to judge you because you are so much more than your past mistakes. I love you for who you are, and I’m not gonna judge you for who you used to be. ~Rahul Singh
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Our Daily Devotional:
Sometimes the Rains
Matthew 5:44-45, NIV: "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Sometimes the rains come softly. Sometimes they come in fierce torrents. Regardless of where we are today, we know that there will be days we fall beneath the shadows of the storms. And as the storms prevail, we sometimes stand--we sometimes watch--we sometimes wonder if we shall make it through. Yet, we know just as with many storms before, this too shall pass. And once the sky has cleared and the sun breaks through, we rest and enjoy the season of peace. And as we see new growth, we know the storms were not for nothing. The storms of life are hard and often seem relentless. But new hope always will emerge with the coming of the Son.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
- James 1:22
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
interrobang
audio pronunciation
in-TAIR-uh-bang
DEFINITION
noun
: a punctuation mark ? designed for use especially at the end of an exclamatory rhetorical question
EXAMPLES
The essay was peppered with interrobangs and exclamation points, communicating—intentionally or not—an incredulity and outrage that didn't feel very hospitable.
"Inevitably, however, you'll cheat on the Period with the Ampersand, Semi-Colon, or possibly the Interrobang." — From an article by Jen Doll in the Atlantic Wire, August 21, 2012
DID YOU KNOW?
Most punctuation marks have been around for centuries, but not the interrobang: it's a product of the 1960s. The mark gets its name from the punctuation that it is intended to combine. "Interro" is from "interrogation point," the technical name for the question mark, and "bang" is printers' slang for the exclamation point. The interrobang is not commonly used—its absence from standard keyboards can explain its paucity in print perhaps just as well as its paucity in print can explain its absence from standard keyboards. Most writers who want to communicate what the interrobang communicates continue to do as they did before the advent of the mark, throwing in !? or ?! as they feel so moved.
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How to Be Happy In an Unhappy Environment
If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy
How can you be happy in an unhappy environment, in an unhappy world, is that even possible? Is the world we’re living really a hostile place to be, is the world we’re living really an unhappy world?
I guess it all depends on who you are asking but if you really think about it, the world is neither happy nor unhappy, neither good nor bad, and just like Shakespeare said it, “there is nothing either good orbad, but thinking makes it so.â€
We are the ones who perceive things as being in one way or another. The outside world is nothing more than a projection of the inside world, a projection of our own inner world, a projection of our own fears, doubts, struggles, our own darkness. The world is full of negativity, poverty and suffering because we have projected our own negativity, our own pain and suffering on to it and now we somehow see it as being separate from who we are. We choose to blame the world for our lack of happiness, our lack of abundance and inner peace not understanding that by doing so are inflicting even more pain upon ourselves and those around us.
Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler
If we choose to watch the news every single day, if we focus our attention on the things that are missing, on the things that are not working, on poverty rather than abundance, on ugliness rather than beauty, than yes, the world would definitely be seen as a really unhappy place.
Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony
On the other hand, if we choose to focus on the many incredible things that take place every day across the world, all the beautiful people in our lives, all the amazing things that are happening to us and all around us, then the world would be seen as a beautiful, harmonious, peaceful and happy place and as a result we will find happiness.
We often hear people telling us how they want to change and save the world but what’s there to be saved? Is it really the world that needs to be saved or is just US – the humans inhabiting this world? The world is a projection of ourselves and the moment we become aware of this truth that will be the moment we’ll all find peace and we’ll all be happy.
Do you want to improve the world? I don’t think it can be done. The world is sacred.It can’t be improved. If you tamper with it, you’ll ruin it. If you treat it like an object, you’ll lose it. ~Lao Tzu, 2500BC
Happiness is a choice and it comes your way the moment you start taking responsibility for your own thoughts, your own beliefs and your own life and it has nothing to do with your geographic location, your age, skin color, race, religion, weight, etc..
Until we won’t let go of our need to see ourselves as victims of the world and until we won’t let go of the constant need to complain and criticize everyone and everything for what is missing in our lives we won’t really be happy. If we are too busy focusing our time and energy on what is wrong, on what is not working, on what is lacking we won’t have any time life to spend on improving ourselves and our lives.
We only have one life to live, this life and we should as well enjoy it, appreciate everything about it, appreciate all that we are and all that have and live in harmony with the rest of the population, no conflicts, no hate, no negativity. We are all in this together, we are all ONE and it would be such a pity to ignore this truth and continue to fight amongst each ourselves.
What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. ~Colette
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RECIPE:
Butterfinger Crumb Cake
A moist and rich cake with chopped up Butterfinger candy bars as an added bonus.
Serves: 9
Prep Time: 12 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or margarine, softened
1 NESTLÉ ® BUTTERFINGER® Candy Bar, finely chopped
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS:
PREHEAT oven to 350 degrees F. Grease an 8-inch square baking pan.
COMBINE flour, brown sugar and sugar in a medium bowl; cut in butter with a pastry blender or two knives until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Transfer ½ cup flour mixture to a medium bowl; stir in Butterfinger pieces.
STIR baking soda and salt into remaining flour mixture. Combine milk, yogurt, egg and vanilla extract in a small bowl until blended. Add to flour mixture; stir just until blended. Pour into prepared pan; sprinkle evenly with Butterfinger mixture.
BAKE for 40 to 45 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool slightly in pan on a wire rack. Serve warm.
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Sausage-Cheese Balls
These little appetizers make a big hit with any crowd.
Serves: makes 8 dozen appetizers
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
3 cups Original Bisquick® mix
1 pound bulk pork sausage
4 cups shredded Cheddar cheese, (16 ounces)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary leavescrushed
1 1/2 teaspoons parsley or 1/2 teaspoon parsley flakes
barbecue sauce, or chili sauce, if desired
1. Heat oven to 350ºF. Lightly grease bottom and sides of jelly roll pan, 15-1/2 x 10-1/2 x 2 x 1- inch.
2. Stir together all ingredients, using hands or spoon. Shape mixture into 1-inch balls. Place in pan.
3. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until brown. Immediately remove from pan. Serve warm with sauce for dipping.
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft)
Heat oven to 375ºF. Decrease Bisquick to 2 1/2 cups; stir in 1/2 cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour. Bake 25 to 30 minutes.
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Plantation Quiche
Team this tasty quiche with tall glasses of iced tea and seasonal cut fresh fruit for a great lunch.
Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 55 minutes
1 package (12-oz.) Classic Dishes frozen corn souffle, defrosted according to package directions
1 (9-inch) unbaked pie shell
1 large egg, beaten
1/2 cup ham, chopped
2 tablespoons diced green or red bell pepper
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/8 teaspoon black pepper, ground
3/4 cup Swiss or Monterey jack cheese, shredded , divided
PREHEAT oven to 375 degrees F.
COMBINE corn soufflé, egg, ham, bell pepper, flour and black pepper in medium bowl. Sprinkle ½ cup cheese over bottom of pie shell; top with corn soufflé mixture. Sprinkle with remaining cheese.
BAKE for 45 to 50 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.
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Pizza Sloppy Joes
If you’re tired of same old, boring sloppy joes, here’s a tasty twist! These messy, kid-friendly sandwiches have a definite pizza flavor that families will love, but be sure to serve them with a fork!
Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
Yield: 6 Servings
Ingredients
1 pound lean ground beef (90% lean)
1 medium onion, chopped
1/4 cup chopped green pepper
1 jar (14 ounces) pizza sauce
3 ounces sliced turkey pepperoni (about 50 slices), chopped
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
6 hamburger buns, split
6 tablespoons shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
Directions
In a large nonstick skillet, cook the beef, onion and pepper over medium heat until meat is no longer pink. Drain if necessary. Stir in the pizza sauce, pepperoni and herbs. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 10 minutes.
Spoon 2/3 cup beef mixture onto each bun; sprinkle with cheese. Place on a baking sheet. Broil 3-4 in. from the heat for 1 minute or until cheese is melted. Replace tops. Yield: 6 servings.
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Spiced Chickpea “Nutsâ€
When roasted in a hot oven, chickpeas become super crunchy. They’re a great low-fat substitute for nuts when salty cravings hit.
"I didn't have those two spices so I improvised and it still tasted great! Everyone loved it. Had to cook the chickpeas for 45 minutes though for them to get really crunchy. Great recipe!! "
4 servings, 1/4 cup each
Active Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour
Ingredients
1 15-ounce can chickpeas, rinsed
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon salt
Preparation
Position rack in upper third of oven; preheat to 450°F.
Blot chickpeas dry and toss in a bowl with oil, cumin, marjoram, allspice and salt. Spread on a rimmed baking sheet. Bake, stirring once or twice, until browned and crunchy, 25 to 30 minutes. Let cool on the baking sheet for 15 minutes.
Tips & Notes
Make Ahead Tip: Cover and store at room temperature for up to 2 days.
Nutrition
Per serving: 103 calories; 5 g fat ( 0 g sat , 3 g mono ); 0 mg cholesterol; 14 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 4 g protein; 5 g fiber; 303 mg sodium; 2 mg potassium.Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2Exchanges: 1 Starch, 1/2 lean mean, 1 fat
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How to Make Sweet Potato Oven Fries
Things You'll Need
4 sweet potatoes (about 2 lbs.
2 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tsp fresh orange juice
Instructions
1 Preheat oven to 425 degrees. While it is heating up, in a large bowl, mix the vegetable oil with the orange juice, salt and pepper.
2 Peel and cut the sweet potatoes into strips, like French fries and put the sweet potatoes into the vegetable oil mixture until well coated. Depending on how large the sweet potato is and how large you want the fries, you can cut the sweet potato in half and then cut into strips.
3 Next, place the sweet potato strips in a single layer on a large baking sheet. Bake until tender which will take about 15-20 minutes. Turn the fries over after about 10 minutes to get them fully cooked.
4 You can make your sweet potato fries sweeter by sprinkling on brown sugar with cinnamon. If you want them not so sweet, then use chili powder and paprika. Sprinkle evenly over sweet potatoes. Bake until glazed, about 5-10 minutes. For a gourmet look, sprinkle optional parsley on top.
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Soul Cakes
Ingredients:
5 oz butter
5 oz sugar
2 cups flour
3 egg yolks
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp allspice
3 tbsp currants
2 tsp milk
Sift flour and spices into a bowl.
Cream together butter and sugar.
Beat egg yolks and add to the creamed mixture, beating well.
Add flour and spice mix and stir in the currants.
Add milk to form a soft dough.
Place dough on a lightly-floured surface and shape into flat cakes about two-or-three-inches in diameter.
Transfer to a well-buttered baking tray and place in an oven pre-heated to 350°F and bake until lightly golden.
Cool on a wire rack.
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JOKES:
THING TO PONDER: Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
"Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he
said. They came. He pushed them, And they flew..."
- Guillaume Apollinaire
You might be a REDNECK if...
...you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
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A young couple moves into a new neighbourhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbour hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean", she said."She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbour would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a Nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this. "The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look!
Life without God is like having an unsharpened pencil... It has no point!!
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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in
the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The
bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's
too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the
Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being
cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we
can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We
have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss
the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
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At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."
Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to
change your mind?"
Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."
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It has been determined that having sex before participating
in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not
impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known
and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance
at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
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The Freudian Slip
Ted and John are setting in the bar and John asked Ted if he bought
the train tickets to go
see the Steelers game this weekend. Ted says yea and kinda looked a
little funny. John
said is there anything wrong? Ted said naw, everythings OK. They take
a few more sips
of beer and Ted ask John if he had ever embarrassed himself by saying
something he didn?t
mean to say. John said sure, it happens to everyone. Ted said there?s
a name for that isn?t
there...you know, where you accidently use the wrong words when you
are trying to say
something. Yea, says John, it?s called a Freudian slip. Yea, thats it
said Ted, I couldn?t
think of the word. Why are you asking said John?
Well, yesterday I went to the train station to get the train tickets
for Pittsburg, and the girl
selling tickets has this incredible set of jugs. I pulled out the
money and laid it on the
counter and asked her to give me two pickets to Titsburg and then had
to embarrassingly
say I mean two tickets to Pittsburg. God, it just embarressed the shit
out of me. You ever
done anything that stupid?
? Funny you would ask?, said John. Just this morning my wife and
I...gosh, I guess
we?ve been married going on 23 years now..., were having breakfast. I
was reading the
paper and drinking my coffie. I meant to say, ?dear, would you please
pass me the
sugar?,but instead I said, 'You fucking bitch, you?ve ruined my
life.'"
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Secrets to Better Pumpkin Cleaning and Carving
Use an ice cream scoop to remove pumpkin pulp and seeds. It makes the work quick and easy. To carve the pumpkin, use a utility knife (often used to cut drywall, available at hardware stores)—it provides better control than a kitchen knife.
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God's Daily Message
Remember that we all have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. But God is merciful. Live every day to honor him. Strive for perfection though you are only human and will never attain it. But it is those daily actions you take that will impress the Father so He can welcome you into His grace.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Healing a Man's Father Wound
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."1
In spite of what some women libbers, gay and lesbian would-be-parents, and mothers having children out of wedlock—to justify their actions—claim about fathers not being important for the development and well-being of children, the fact remains, God's plan for parenthood and family life has never changed, and the significance of the role of fatherhood (as well as motherhood) cannot be underestimated.
"According to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a father's involvement with a child increases the child's IQ, the child's motivation to learn, and the child's self-confidence. In addition, children with involved dads are more likely to develop a sense of humor as well as an 'inner excitement.'"2
Interesting too, that Dr. Frank Minirth reports how one "survey revealed how children are learning their values: 43 percent by parents, 38 percent by television, 8 percent by peers, and 6 percent by teachers."3
Ask a hundred men how many felt close to and affirmed by their fathers and you will see about three or four hands raised. Herein lays the secret of so much of our relational and emotional distress. The father-wound that injured our masculine soul is because we never felt close to or loved by our father. And that wound desperately needs to be healed. (The same principle also applies to women who carry a deep father-wound.)
Speaking personally, from early childhood I started looking for love in the wrong places in a vain attempt to fill the empty vacuum caused by my emotionally absentee father. For example, for many years starting in my youth, I looked for love in the things I did, like making beautiful things including a dream home. Then I majored in words and wrote books and poems. I learned to move a group to tears, make them laugh hilariously and inspire them to reach for noble goals. I got lots of approval but none of these things ever made me feel loved.
Unfortunately, no mother, wife or any other woman can ever make a boy or a man love himself as a man. An attractive woman might make him feel terrific for a time, but she can't make him feel loved or that he is a man no matter how attractive she might be. A man may even be intoxicated with passion when he meets a beautiful woman and may want to marry her. If he does, he may be in for a rude awakening. Not because of her, but because of him. When his passion subsides, he'll be faced with the pain and reality of his own loneliness and emptiness.
And then to avoid facing his pain, he'll look to another performance, climb another mountain, or seek another beautiful woman … and another … to prove to himself that he is a man. Or he'll deaden the pain through alcohol, drugs or addictive behaviors and eventually ruin his health, get cancer, die of a heart attack, never get close to the ones he loves, or ruin those relationships. That is, he'll keep acting out until he faces why he looks in the wrong places for the father-love (and/or mother-love) he never received as a child.
To fathers I trust today's Daily Encounter will help you realize the importance of investing your very soul and becoming emotionally and spiritually involved in the lives of your children. And those of us who have a father-wound, let us stop our crazy ways of making attempts to deaden the pain of our inner emptiness, admit the real need of our heart and soul, and seek the help of God and a trusted counselor (if necessary) to find healing for our father-wound.
NOTE: For additional help, see the complete article, "Healing a Man's Father Wound," at http://tinyurl.com/father-wound.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, (for those of us who are parents—especially fathers) please help me to be the father you planned for me to be to my children. Help me always to be as Christ to them, and may they grow up knowing that they are very much loved by me as well as you. And (for all of us who have a deep father-wound), please help me to face my wound and lead me to the help I need for healing and recovery so that I may become the family man and man of God you planned for me to be. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Ephesians 6:4 (NIV).
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
festinate
audio pronunciation
FESS-tuh-nut
DEFINITION
adjective
: hasty
EXAMPLES
"I assure you," said the Ambassador, "I am all too aware of the dangers inherent in a festinate decision."
"Novell's proxy servers, caching and firewalls may not be such utter failures, but growth in crowded fields dominated by companies with better track records is just as illusory. Even successes like GroupWise, ManageWise and ZENworks are vestiges of 1990s thinking. They may halt a festinate death, but you don't build a company around them." — From an article by Fritz Nelson in Network Computing, August 21, 2000
DID YOU KNOW?
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HOW TO MAKE SPIRIT JUGS
Spirit Jugs
what you'll need:
clean gallon milk jugs
black permanent marker
craft knife
string of clear low-wattage christmas lights
step one: draw some spooky faces on your milk jugs.
step two: let your kids color in the faces while you bake a batch of cookies.
step three: using the craft knife (mom), cut a hole in the lower backside of the jug. about the size of a half dollar (or maybe a little bigger since i couldn't picture a half dollar).
step four: line all of your ghosts up and stuff several lights in each one.
step five: place your group of glowing spirit jugs along your walkway or front porch to welcome those cute little holiday guests.
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RECIPE:
Spanish Tortilla
Active Time: 40 Minutes
Total Time: 40 Minutes
Yield: 6 servings
Don’t confuse this with the flour or corn tortillas you use to make wraps. A Spanish tortilla is a potato-and-egg omelet found on numerous menus throughout Spain. Traditionally these are cooked in heaps of olive oil. Our version uses less oil, so it’s lower in calories, and if you use precooked diced potatoes, it’s faster too.
Make Ahead Tip: Store airtight in the refrigerator for up to 1 day.
INGREDIENTS
3 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1 small onion, thinly sliced
1 cup precooked diced red potatoes (see Tip)
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
6 large eggs
4 large egg whites
1/2 cup shredded manchego or Jack cheese
3 cups baby spinach, roughly chopped
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
Tip: Look for precooked diced potatoes in the refrigerated section of most supermarket produce departments.
DIRECTIONS
Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a medium nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add onion and cook, stirring, until translucent, 3 to 4 minutes. Add potatoes, thyme and paprika and cook for 2 minutes more.
Lightly whisk eggs and egg whites in a large bowl. Gently stir the potato mixture into the eggs along with cheese, spinach, salt and pepper until combined. Wipe the pan clean; add the remaining 1 teaspoon oil and heat over medium heat. Pour in the egg mixture, cover and cook until the edges are set and the bottom is browned, 4 to 5 minutes (it will still be moist in the center).
To flip the tortilla, run a spatula gently around the edges to loosen them. Invert a large plate over the pan and turn out the tortilla onto it. Slide the tortilla back into the pan and continue cooking until completely set in the middle, 3 to 6 minutes. Serve warm or cold.
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Southern Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
Yield: Makes one 9-inch layer cake
INGREDIENTS
The Cake:
2 cups plain whole-milk yogurt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons red food coloring
2 teaspoons distilled white vinegar
16 tablespoons (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
3 cups sugar
4 large eggs
4 cups cake flour
2/3 cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon table salt
The Cream Cheese Frosting (Makes 4 cups)
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, at room temperature
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/4 teaspoon table salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 1/2 cups (1 pound) confectioners’ sugar, plus more if needed
Southern Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting Recipe at Cooking.com
DIRECTIONS
For the Cake:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Prepare two 9-inch round cake pans by greasing them with cooking spray and then lining the bottoms with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, combine the yogurt, vanilla, food coloring, and vinegar. Stir well.
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the butter and sugar on medium speed until light yellow and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time and mix for 1 minute.
In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. With the mixer running on low speed, mix in a third of the flour mixture and half of the yogurt mixture. Add another third of the flour mixture and all the remaining yogurt mixture. Remove the bowl from the mixer, and fold in the remaining flour mixture until fully incorporated. Pour the batter into the prepared pans.
Bake, rotating the pans halfway through, for 40 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Let the cakes cool in the pans for 20 minutes. Then turn each cake out onto a clean plate, remove the parchment paper, and then turn it back over onto a wire rack. Let cool completely.
To assemble, place a cake layer on a serving plate. Spread a thin layer of the cream cheese frosting over the top. Place the second layer on top, and spread the remaining frosting over the entire cake.
For the Cream Cheese Frosting:
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the cream cheese and butter on medium speed until soft and creamy, 5 minutes. Add the salt and vanilla, and mix for 30 seconds on low speed. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. With the mixer running on low speed, add the confectioners’ sugar. Scrape down the bowl, and then beat the mixture for 1 more minute. If the consistency is too soft for frosting the cake, add more confectioners’ sugar, a tablespoon at a time, until you reach the desired consistency.
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Poor Man's Steak
Active Time: 25 Minutes
Total Time: 25 Minutes
Yield: Serves 6
INGREDIENTS
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 lb steak, thinly sliced
1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
1 teaspoon pepper
3 russet potatoes, cut in 1/2-inch slices
2 onions, sliced
3 poblano chiles, toasted, skinned, cut into strips
4 tomatoes, cut in 1/2-inch cubes
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1 cup chicken broth or water, to cover
DIRECTIONS
Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large frying pan over high heat. Sprinkle the steaks with the salt and pepper and brown them in the oil, turning once. Remove the meat from the pan and set aside.
Reduce the heat and separately fry the potatoes, onions , and chiles, each for a few minutes, using the remaining oil as needed, and remove from the pan. Fry the tomatoes for a few minutes, then return the meat and the vegetables to the pan.
Season with the thyme and marjoram. Add the broth. Cover and simmer until the potatoes are completely cooked. Serve from the pan so the dish stays hot.
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Beef Stroganoff
Active Time: 25 Minutes
Total Time: 25 Minutes
Yield: Serves 4
This classic beef dish is named after Count Stroganoff, a nineteenth-century Russian diplomat and scion of a wealthy family that owned vast tracts of land and salt refineries in the Urals and later led the conquest of Siberia. It was Count Stroganoff who popularized the family dish in the rest of Europe. You can use top sirloin or tenderloin tips instead of beef tenderloin, and farm-raised mushrooms instead of the wild mushrooms called for in the recipe; in a pinch, use them instead of all the other types, but using several varieties of mushrooms adds to the interesting complexity of flavor in the dish.
RECIPE
INGREDIENTS
For Stroganoff:
4 tablespoons butter
1 pound lean beef tenderloin or top sirloin, cut into strips
1/2 onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup sliced shiitake mushrooms
1/4 cup sliced portobello mushrooms
1/4 cup sliced chanterelle mushrooms
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/2 cup beef stock
1/2 cup red wine, preferably Burgundy or Pinot Noir
1 tablespoon dijon mustard
1/4 cup sour cream
For Noodles:
1 pound egg noodles
1 tablespoon butter
For Garnish:
1 ounce enoki mushrooms or sliced shiitake mushrooms
1 bunch scallions, sliced on a diagonal
DIRECTIONS
TO PREPARE STROGANOFF: Heat 2 tablespoons of the butter in a heavy saute pan or skillet. Season the meat with salt and pepper, add to the pan, and brown on all sides over medium-high heat. Add the onion and mushrooms, and sauté about 4 minutes longer. Cover to keep warm and set aside. In a separate pan, blend the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter with the flour over low heat to make a roux. When the mixture begins to bubble, gradually stir in the stock and wine. Raise the heat to medium and bring to a boil, while stirring, making sure the mixture is smooth. Stir in the mustard, sour cream, and reserved beef and mushroom mixture, and keep warm.
TO PREPARE NOODLE: Bring a large saucepan of salted water to a boil. Add the noodles to the pan of boiling water and cook at a low boil until al dente, about 10 minutes. Drain, then toss the noodles with the butter to coat.
TO SERVE: Arrange the buttered noodles on warm serving plates and top with the stroganoff. Garnish with the mushrooms and scallions, and serve immediately.
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Steak Fajitas with Black Beans and Spicy Red Rice
Active Time: 25 Minutes
Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes
Yield: Serves 4
Fajitas mean "belts" in Spanish, referring to the strips of meat that are usually marinated and grilled. Although the popular fajitas are often thought of as Mexican, they originated in the San Antonio region of Texas during 1800's. The flavor of fajitas will be enhanced if you plan ahead and marinate them over night. Here we use sirloin rather than the traditional skirt steak, which is a tougher cut; leaner cuts are typically used for especially tender, tasty fajitas. If you cannot find smoky barbecue sauce, use a regular sauce. To simplify this recipe, serve this dish with just flour tortillas rather than rice; you can also substitute guacamole, diced tomatoes, or Pico de Gallo salsa for the beans. Serve with grated cheese and chopped onion on the side if you wish.
INGREDIENTS
For Marinade and Steaks:
1 bottle dark beer, such as Negra Modelo or Dos Equis
1 jalapeno chile, minced
6 scallions, sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
Pinch of ground cumin
Pinch of dried oregano
4 top sirloin steaks, about 8 ounces each, sliced into thin strips about 3 inches long and 1/2 inch wide
3 cups cooked black beans
For Rice:
1/2 teaspoon dried ground oregano
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
3 tablespoons butter
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 onions, minced
1 1/2 cup white rice, rinsed in cold water and drained
1 1/2 tablespoon pure red chile powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
For Fajitas:
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1 red onion, sliced
1 poblano chile or green bell pepper, seeded and julienned
1 red bell pepper, seeded and julienned
Juice of 1 orange
Juice of 1 lime
8 flour tortillas
For Garnish:
Chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) sour cream
1 avocado, pitted, quartered, and sliced
1 lime, cut into wedges
Steak Fajitas with Black Beans and Spicy Red Rice Recipe at Cooking.com
DIRECTIONS
FOR MARINADE AND STEAKS: Thoroughly mix together all the marinade ingredients in a glass dish. Add the sliced sirloin add toss together to coat thoroughly. Cover and marinate for at least 4 hours and preferably overnight in the refrigerator. Remove the dish from the refrigerator and let sit at room temperature for at least 1 hour before cooking.
Prepare the beans and keep warm.
TO PREPARE RICE: Place the oregano and cumin in a dry, heavy skillet and toast over low heat, stirring frequently, for about 1 minute, until fragrant. Set aside. Melt the butter in a sauté pan or skillet. Add the garlic and onions, and sauté over medium-low heat for 8 minutes, until soft. Stir in the rice, 3 1/2 cups of water, chile powder, and salt, and bring to a boil. Cook for 2 minutes, lower the heat to a simmer, and cover the pan. Simmer the rice for 25 minutes, until the liquid is absorbed. Remove the pan from the heat and let stand for 5 minutes. Keep warm. Fluff with a fork before serving.
TO PREPARE FAJITAS: Heat the oil in a heavy-bottomed skillet. Remove the meat from the marinated, drain, and pat dry. Place the marinated steak in the hot pan and sauté for 3 minutes, stirring frequently, until browned. Remove the meat from the pan and keep warm. Add the onion, poblano chile, and red bell pepper to the same pan, season with salt and pepper, and sauté over medium-high heat for 4 minutes, until soft. Add the sautéed steak, orange juice, and lime juice, and toss together.
Warm the tortillas on a griddle or in a dry skillet. Place in a basket and cover with a towel to keep warm. Place the beans and rice in separate serving dishes and garnish with cilantro.
TO SERVE: The guests should transfer some of the rice and beans to their plates. Then they should take a warm tortilla, place some of the fajita mixture in the center, and garnish with the sour cream and cilantro. A little of the avocado and sprinkling with a lime wedge should be added. After the tortilla has been rolled up, it can be eaten by hand. (Serve 2 tortillas per person.)
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Skillet-Roasted Strip Steaks with Pebre Sauce & Avocado
Active Time: 30 Minutes
Total Time: 30 Minutes
Yield: 4 servings
This recipe was inspired by the popular Chilean sandwich, called a churrasco, that features a thin sandwich steak, mashed avocado and a type of salsa called Pebre. We have substituted tender strip steak for sandwich steaks to make a satisfying steak dinner. If you have leftovers, layer the components in a mayonnaise-coated crusty roll and enjoy a churrasco sandwich the following day. Searing a steak on the stovetop and then finishing it in a moderate oven allows for good browning, and the gentle heat helps ensure a tender result.
Make Ahead Tip: The Pebre Sauce will keep, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Bring to room temperature before serving.
INGREDIENTS
For the Pebre Sauce:
1/2 cup finely chopped sweet onion, such as Vidalia or Walla Walla
1 medium-large tomato, seeded and diced
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
2 tablespoons minced jalapeño or serrano pepper
2 tablespoons red-wine or cider vinegar
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
For the Steak:
3/4 teaspoon paprika
3/4 teaspoon ground cumin
3/4 teaspoon dried oregano
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper
2 8- to 10-ounce New York strip (top loin) steaks, trimmed
2 teaspoons canola oil
2 avocados, pitted and peeled
DIRECTIONS
FOR THE PEBRE SAUCE: Place onion in a medium bowl, cover with ice water and let soak for 10 to 20 minutes. Drain. Combine the onion, tomato, cilantro, jalapeño (or serrano), vinegar, garlic and 1/4 teaspoon salt in a medium bowl.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
FOR THE STEAK: Mix paprika, cumin, oregano, 1/2 teaspoon salt and pepper in a small bowl. Rub the spice mixture evenly over both sides of steaks.
Heat oil in a large ovenproof skillet, such as cast iron, over medium-high. Add the steaks and cook just until browned, 1 to 2 minutes per side. Transfer the pan to the oven and roast the steaks 5 to 7 minutes for medium-rare, depending on thickness. Transfer to a clean cutting board. Tent with foil and let rest for 5 minutes.
Meanwhile, mash avocados with the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt in a small bowl.
Carve the steak into thin slices. Serve with the avocado and Pebre Sauce.
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JOKES:
Imaginary Mouse
Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked.
"A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered.
"What for?"
"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle.
Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."
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Cat Quiz
For Humans
Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying:
a) Welcome home
b) The phone rang twice while you were out
c) Feed me, NOW
Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying:
a) Please don't leave me here all alone
b) Good-bye
c) But what if I get hungry while your out?
Your cat digs its claws in your leg. Is this:
a) An unsuppressed primal instinct
b) A sign of affection
c) A demand to be fed now
Your cat scratches at the door after being fed: Is it saying:
a) Lemme out - I need to use the garden
b) Wanna go out and play
c) Wonder what they've got to eat next door?
For Other Cats
Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean:
a) It's hungry
b) It's lost
c) You're hungry
Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this:
a) supper
b) something to keep you going till supper's ready
c) inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the human's got.
Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean:
a) You're in trouble - better not do it again
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it.
Staircases are for:
a) Getting up to the human's bedroom at 4am
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of
c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.
d) all of the above
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Why Dogs Don't Use Computers
Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
Fetch command not available on all platforms.
Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
Surfs ww.pethouse.com instead of working.
Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand ...
SmellYou-SmellMe still in beta test.
SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws
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Cat Diary
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).
DAY 762
Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ... Hmmm Not working according to plan.
DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
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Dog Etiquette
Basic House Rules for Dogs
If you have to throw up, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can't manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, any good rug will do.
ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It's not necessary to do anything; just sit and stare.
Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws.
When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled with food.
Once a door is opened, it's not necessary to use it. After you've ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. It's particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
Begin people training early. You'll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
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Uh Oh!!!
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say:
"Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
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John 1:1-5,14 In the beginning the Word already existed; the Word was with God, and the Word was God. From the very beginning the Word was with God. Through him God made all things; not one thing in all creation was made without him. The Word was the source of life, and this life brought light to people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out. The Word became a human being (Jesus) and, full of grace and truth, lived among us. We saw his glory, the glory which he received as the Father's only Son. (GNT)
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Good News for Jerks
"Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love."1
I'm sure you've heard or read about the book authored by Thomas Harris, I'm OK–You're Ok, that was published some years ago. A humorist adapted it to say, "I'm not okay–and you're not okay–but that's okay." I read an even funnier suggestion not so long ago where an author said he would like to write a book and title it, I'm a Jerk–You're a Jerk (although he used a much stronger word than jerk).
This wasn't intended to put people down, but to realize that it is such a liberating experience when we admit what we are, because only then are we free to change.
The reality is that everybody at times feels insecure and not okay. And it's okay to feel this way. Once we admit it, then we don't have to quit living and pretending as if we don't feel that way. It's called being authentic.
It starts with courageous honesty and admitting who and what we are. On one occasion in a support group I was leading after a comment I made to a lady she retorted, "Innes, you are a j with an erk." So I replied, "You're correct. Sometimes I am a jerk." That's a fact. If I get defensive and deny it, I will never improve, but if I admit this and all my faults, which, by the way is vital for self-acceptance, I am then free to grow and improve.
When we are truly honest with ourselves and learn to love and accept ourselves as we are, warts and all—the way God loves and accepts us—we gain a much healthier sense of self-love and self-acceptance. Realizing however, that while God loves and accepts us as we are, he loves us too much to leave us as we are. His goal is that we not only become followers of Jesus but that we grow to become whole and mature in every area of life.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see myself as you see me—warts and all—and learn to love and accept myself as you love and accept me so that I am free to grow and become more and more like Christ in every area of my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Ephesians 4:15-16
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
hypothecate
audio pronunciation
hye-PAH-thuh-kayt
DEFINITION
verb
: to make an assumption for the sake of argument : hypothesize
EXAMPLES
The students hypothecated that plants under observation would have different reactions when exposed to artificial light versus natural light.
"'Can someone hypothecate where Scotland and Yorkshire would rank in the medal table?' says Marie Meyer." — From the (London) Guardian's Olympics 2012 live blog, August 5, 2012
DID YOU KNOW?
"Hypothecate" is a controversial word. It has existed as a synonym of "hypothesize" since 1906, showing up primarily in scientific and linguistic sources, but usage commentators have long criticized it. It is sometimes perceived as a mistaken use of another "hypothecate," one meaning "to pledge as security without title or possession." Both "hypothecate" homographs—and "hypothesize" too—derive ultimately from the Greek "hypotithenai" ("to put under," "to suppose," or "to deposit as a pledge"), but each entered English by a different route. The hypothesizing "hypothecate" is a legitimate (albeit uncommon) word in its own right, not a misuse of its homograph. If you want to avoid the controversy altogether, however, you can stick with the more common "hypothesize."
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Why Is My Intuition Not As Strong As It Used To Be? by Julie Umpleby
I have had this question put to me numerous times over the past few years, by both experienced intuitives and novices alike. More often than not, those who are querying what is happening, think that something is wrong with them or they are perhaps not doing things right anymore and that their guidance doesn’t seem to be as ‘loud and clear’ as it was. This often leads to frustration, self-judgment and lowered confidence in their abilities, and in the face of emotional influences, intuition itself becomes more clouded. It’s a double-edged sword if we are not aware of what is actually happening and what we can do to counteract it.
I have also personally been through periods when my intuitive inner voice doesn’t seem to be as clear, or when my ability to read energy fields fades for a while. There are actually a number of reasons why this is happening and with awareness you will be able to move through these sometimes confusing stages without feeling like you have lost the plot!
To understand why and what is going on, we first acknowledge the fact that all is energy, and all information – whether gross (verbal, in person), or subtle (inner voice, kinaesthetic impulses etc) is communicated via electromagnetic frequencies. Energy in the form of electromagnetic carrier waves, is information and we are surrounded by information at all levels of the electromagnetic spectrum. Our Higher Self which feeds information to us or triggers our intuition, operates on frequency bands that are much higher and finer than the gross (or ‘lower) frequencies through which we experience our current reality.
What happens when we have our initial wake up call, is that life becomes a magical ride of blatant synchronicities and numerous ‘wow’ moments as our life is steered in new directions. The window or portal to the higher frequency ranges gets blown wide open, and the events that take place are so radically different from what we have previously known that there can be no mistaking the fact that our life has shifted in some way. Many of us feel called to explore alternate avenues, to reconnect with the natural order of things and of life. We discover latent healing gifts, unexpressed talents and capabilities we were unaware that we had. For thousands of years we have been disconnected from the universal harmonic and alternate perspective on reality, and grew up believing that the reality we were taught was all that there was.
So, in the heady stages of waking up, we are guided into maintaining the open doorway to our Higher Self, our Divine Essence through very clear intuitive impulses and life synchronicities to make sure that we stay on this new track. Throughout this time, our body begins the process of literally detoxifying and transmuting all of the old thoughts, beliefs and emotional patterns that we have been stuck with for literally thousands of years through ancestral memories locked into our DNA. This can take many years to go through this process (although with time itself speeding up and the new matrix embedding ever more strongly, this is also taking less and less time). We find we are guided so clearly to the right teachers, healers and those who can help to facilitate our transformation.
What we are doing is preparing our various bodies – at all levels – to integrate and align with a new matrix of light in order to be able to move through this huge planetary shift. This new matrix is comprised of a different range of electromagnetic frequencies than we have been used to. Our Divine Self that is aligned with this new matrix begins becomes embedded in the very cells and fabric of our body as we gradually embody and align with more of these new frequencies.
What we are learning through this process is what all the great Spiritual Masters have taught us – that everything we need is within us. We just needed to create the space in order to connect and KNOW this. This is the key to what appears to be diminished intuition or reduced synchronicities.
Our reliance on externally perceived events and circumstances, clear guiding voices etc, is being replaced by our own innate KNOWING. We are moving from intuitive guidance to a deep knowing that all is well. Along with the knowing, comes a deep sense of peace that no matter what the circumstances we may be faced with, our Divine Self through an open heart knows exactly what to do and how to respond. We no longer need to be directed by external stimuli in order to confirm this rightness, for it truly is within us. The more we surrender to this force that is our real source of power, the more we are subtly moved to think and act in ways that are in accordance with the Higher Harmonics of the universe and the Divine fabric that underpins it.
This doesn’t mean that intuition disappears completely. It simply becomes more subtle and more refined in accordance with the new frequency ranges we are operating at. As our awareness expands, so too does our ability to capture the subtlest of messages and guidance. One or two words provide the impetus necessary for right action, where previously we had books, people and external cues providing us this with this, sometimes with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
The 3-D world that initially responded and showed us the path, can no longer operate at the same level of resonance that we are operating at – so we no longer receive our guidance from this source. Instead, we are adjusting to be able to receive from the higher grids of reality in more subtle, quiet and Knowing ways.
And as we embrace yet more of our Divine Essence and connect more deeply with the peace and stillness of our core, we no longer need the 3-d world to show us where to go and what to do. We are empowered to act from our own internal source.
Another factor affecting our intuition is the activity of the sun and impacts on the planetary geomagnetic fields and the Schumann resonance. This will be explored in a further article.
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Julie Umpleby is the founder of Diamond Light World, the home of the Diamond matrix of Light that is the vehicle or container for your Highest Self. This shape is found at every level of the human body in its structure, as well as at the macro level of the Universe, and has been scientifically shown to be a perfect receiver and transmitter of energy. As such, the octahedron or diamond also serves as an amplifier and ‘boosts’ the subtle energy signals of your Higher Guidance through energy focus through the heart – it is an amazing energy tool we have been given for these times.
She designs and creates processes that support the alignment of your very own crystalline matrix to support transformation and embody more of your Divine Essence. Find out more at http://www.diamondlightworld.net
***********************... Coins
Cooking carrots slowly in the oven brings out their natural sweetness -- and this is one of the best ways to do so we know! This is a delicious vegetable to serve for the holiday.
INGREDIENTS:
4 large carrots, trimmed and peeled
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon dried dill
Salt and freshly ground pepper
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Slice the carrots into 1/2-inch-wide rounds. Heat the oil in an ovenproof frying pan until hot but not smoking over medium-high to high heat. Add the carrots and turn to coat in the oil. Reduce the heat to medium. Add the dill, salt, and pepper and cook for 10 minutes, stirring 4 to 5 times. Remove from the heat, cover tightly with a lid or foil. Put the pan in the oven and let the carrots cook for about 30 minutes or until very tender.
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Cajun Catfish Sandwiches
This spicy bistro-style sandwich makes such a no-fuss summertime supper. Serve alongside your favorite vegetable side dish and enjoy. —Shauniece Frazier, Los Angeles, California
Prep/Total Time: 25 min.
Yield: 4 Servings
Ingredients
3/4 teaspoon seasoned pepper
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon seasoned salt
4 catfish fillets (4 ounces each)
2 teaspoons olive oil, divided
2 green onions, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 cup fat-free mayonnaise
4 French or kaiser rolls, split and toasted
4 romaine leaves
Directions
Combine the seasoned pepper, chili powder, cayenne and seasoned salt; sprinkle over fillets.
In a large skillet, cook fillets in 1 teaspoon oil for 4-6 minutes on each side or until fish flakes easily with a fork. Remove and keep warm.
In the same skillet, saute onions in remaining oil until onions are tender. Add garlic; cook 1 minute longer. Remove from the heat; stir in mayonnaise. Spread over rolls; top each with a romaine leaf and fillet. Replace tops. Yield: 4 servings.
Nutritional Facts 1 sandwich equals 373 calories, 14 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 56 mg cholesterol, 710 mg sodium, 37 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 24 g protein.
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Apple Pork Chops
Sweet-tart apple, onion, thyme and Dijon give these chops delightful flavor. —Deborah Williams, Peoria, Arizona
This recipe is:
Quick
Diabetic Friendly
Prep/Total Time: 25 min.
Yield: 4 Servings
Ingredients
2 teaspoons cornstarch
3/4 cup chicken broth
4 boneless pork loin chops (4 ounces each)
2 teaspoons canola oil
1 large apple, peeled and thinly sliced
1 small onion, finely chopped
1/3 cup unsweetened apple juice
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
Directions
In a small bowl, combine cornstarch and broth; set aside. In a large skillet, cook chops in oil over medium heat for 2-3 minutes on each side or until chops are lightly browned; drain. Remove and keep warm.
In the same skillet, saute apple and onion until apple is crisp-tender. Stir in the broth mixture, apple juice, mustard and thyme; bring to a boil. Add pork chops. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 4-5 minutes or until a thermometer reads 145°. Let stand 5 minutes before serving. Yield: 4 servings.
Cooking for 2: Apple Pork Chops for Two
Nutritional Facts 1 chop with 1/4 cup sauce equals 221 calories, 9 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 56 mg cholesterol, 277 mg sodium, 12 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 22 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3 lean meat, 1 starch, 1/2 fat.
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Apple-Butterscotch Ring Cake
The aroma of tart apples and sweet butterscotch will fill your home as this cake bakes.
PREP TIME 15 Min
TOTAL TIME 1 Hr 15 Min
SERVINGS 8
Base
3 small apples, peeled, chopped (about 2 1/2 cups)
1 cup chopped pecans
1 cup butterscotch chips
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon apple pie spice
1/4 cup butter, melted
Cake
1 box Betty Crocker® SuperMoist® yellow cake mix
1 box (4-serving size) butterscotch instant pudding and pie filling mix
1 1/3 cups water
1/2 cup butter, softened
4 eggs
DIRECTIONS:
1 Heat oven to 325°F. Grease dark nonstick 12-cup fluted tube cake pan with shortening or cooking spray.
2 In medium bowl, toss apples, pecans, butterscotch chips, brown sugar, apple pie spice and melted butter. Set aside.
3 In large bowl, beat cake ingredients with electric mixer on low speed 30 seconds. Beat on medium speed 2 minutes, scraping bowl frequently.
4 Pour apple mixture evenly into bottom of pan. Pour cake batter evenly over top.
5 Bake about 55 minutes or until cake is golden and springs back when lightly touched. Place heatproof plate upside down over pan; turn plate and pan over. Remove pan. Cool cake slightly before serving.
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Kentucky Bourbon Cake
Categories: Cakes, American, Beverages, Holiday
Yield: 1 Cake
2 c Raisins
1 1/2 c Bourbon
1/4 c Butter; softened
1 1/2 c Sugar
5 Eggs
4 c Flour; sifted
2 ts Baking powder
1 ts Baking soda
1 pn Salt
1 ts Lemon zest; grated
1 tb Lemon juice
1 c Pecans; chopped
Marinate raisins in 1 cup of the bourbon for at least 1 hour, up to 12 hours; drain, reserving both raisins and bourbon. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a 10-inch Bundt cake pan or other tube-cake pan. Beat together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. (For best results, use an electric mixer and start beating at a slow speed, gradually increasing to moderate. If you allow this process to take about 15 minutes, the butter will be very pale and look something like whipped cream. This adds lightness to the cake.) Beat in the eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each. In another bowl, sift together 3 3/4 cups of the flour, baking powder, soda and salt. Combine reserved bourbon with the zest and lemon juice. Add dry ingredients to the butter mixture alternately with the bourbon mixture. Toss the remaining 1/4 cup of flour with the drained raisins and the pecans. Fold into batter. Bake about 1-1/2 hours or until the cake tests done. Cool about 10 minutes in the pan before turninout onto a rack. Brush the remaining 1/2 cup of bourbon over the cake while it is still somewhat warm. For long storage, wrap the cake in rinsed cheesecloth that has been thoroughly moistened in bourbon. Then wrap in plastic or foil so that it is airtight.
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Incredible Baked Meatballs.
1lb hamburger,
2 eggs, beaten with
1/2 cup milk,
1/2 cup grated Parmesan ,
1 cup panko or bread crumbs,
1 small onion, minced,
2 cloves garlic, minced,
1/2 teaspoon oregano,
1 teaspoon salt,
freshly ground pepper to taste,
1/4 cup minced fresh basil
Mix all ingredients with hands. Form into golfball sized meatballs. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
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JOKES:
Are my testicles black??
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are - my - test - results - back?
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Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
Women may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but they cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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Exhaustipated
Here is a new word to add to your vocabulary. It will be especially useful to us senior folks!
Exhaustipated: Just too tired to give a shit.
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A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
********************
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
**********************
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
*************************
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
************************
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
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'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . ....
Wait for it ... ....
It's coming ..... ......
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She said ... ...:
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
(Oh shut up, and just forward it!)
*******************************************
Canadian humour!!
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
Canadians, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Pakistanis.
God Bless Canadian generosity.
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Today, God's message for you is that sometimes life takes you on a detour. Use these times to see things you would have missed had you remained on your planned route. You may find it to be among the best parts of your journey.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
REMINDER FROM GOD:
The Search for Happiness
"Then he said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.'"1
Some time ago "former Tyco executive Dennis Kozlowski walked out of a Manhattan courtroom and into a swarm of photographers. He had just been convicted on multiple counts of looting Tyco of hundreds of millions of dollars.
As Chuck Colson wrote, "I have an idea that at the peak of Kozlowski's wealth and fame, he found his life empty and meaningless. I did when I rose to great heights of political power. According to researchers … a growing body of data points to the conclusion that the amount of money accumulated above middle-class comfort level has no impact on our happiness. They found instead that it's social interaction and friendships that give us lasting pleasure in life."2
Amazing isn't it? Modern research is now agreeing with what Jesus taught 2,000 years ago. Furthermore, God's Word repeatedly emphasizes the importance of relationships. One of the first things Jesus did at the very beginning of his earthly ministry was to choose the twelve disciples "that they might be with him." He reminded his friend, Martha, that it was more important to relate to him—in the way that her sister, Mary, was doing—than it was to work for him—as important as that was. A new commandment that Jesus gave all his followers was to "love one another."
Jesus also pointed out that when we come with an offering for God and remember that we have an impaired significant relationship, we are to first resolve that relationship and then bring our gift to God.
It has been claimed that 80 percent of life's satisfaction comes from satisfactory relationships. For happiness, yes we do need to have our basic needs met, and there's nothing wrong with wealth if it is gained honestly and used purposely with healthy motives; but of far greater importance is that we not only find peace with God, but also peace with others by forgiving all who have hurt us, and resolving every impaired relationship as far as is humanly possible.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, while not neglecting my work and responsibilities, please help me to sort out my priorities and develop and maintain healthy relationships, first with my family, then with friends, and also with strangers whom you bring into my life. And above all, please help me to love you with all my heart, and always put my relationship to you first in everything I am and do. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Luke 12:15 (NIV).
**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
forsooth
audio pronunciation
fer-SOOTH
DEFINITION
adverb
: in truth : indeed — often used to imply contempt or doubt
EXAMPLES
"Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue; so your face bids me, though you say nothing." — From Shakespeare's King Lear, Act I, Scene iv
"Forsooth, your kids aren't into Shakespeare? They will be once they see the Rebel Shakespeare Company." — From an article by Elizabeth Gehrman in The Boston Globe, April 22, 2012
DID YOU KNOW?
Although it is still a part of the English language, "forsooth" is now primarily used in humorous or ironic contexts, or in a manner intended to play off the word's archaic vibe. "Forsooth" is formed from the combination of the preposition "for" and the noun "sooth." "Sooth" survives as both a noun (meaning "truth" or "reality") and an adjective (meaning "true," "sweet," or "soft"), though it is rarely used by contemporary speakers. It primarily lives on in English in the verb "soothe" (which originally meant "to show, assert, or confirm the truth of") and in the noun "soothsayer" (that is, "truthsayer"), a name for someone who can predict the future.
**********************************************
The Reality of Losing Someone You Love
Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Eskimo Proverb
I entertained this reality in my mind many times. When I saw it happen to others, I thought maybe I understood. However, no matter how much you try to imagine it, or prepare yourself, no amount of mental rehearsal comes close to the reality of losing someone you love.
Every man dies – Not every man really lives. ~William Ross Wallace
First off, I’m incredibly lucky. My dad passed at age 84, after a decade of roller-coaster health and hospital stays. His old self was an expectation adjusted with each episode. The first time a doctor truly pronounced him as mortal, my mind projected forward to the voyage of a life without him. It was hard to watch him deteriorate over the years, but we got to do just that. Enjoy his company. His two lung cancer surgeries flipped the egg timer on his mortality. Sand running from the full end, filling the empty lower half. That’s when I truly realized his time would eventually run out. Until then death was a nebulous concept, one that occurred in others’ lives.
My dad isn’t immortal. He’s deceased. Not of this earth. I will never see his face or hear his voice again. I had tons of I Love Yous with my dad. No regrets. Nothing unspoken. He had ZERO doubt of how I felt about him and a MASSIVE vice versa. I also know he was proud of me, of the man I’d become. He was proud of all of his kids. He and our mom turned out honest, kind, decent people; qualities that mean a parent has done a good job. None of this changes the simple fact. Loss is still loss.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter. ~Winston Churchill
He’s just gone. No matter how hard I try, or where I look. Gone. I think its human nature to prepare for these things. I know I played it out in my mind. Prior to his death, there were times when I’d look at him and sort of erase him from the moment. Him not saying grace before dinner. Him not sitting in his spot in the den. Not strong enough to think about holidays though.
Life goes on. There’s a reason for the cliché. Aside from a handful of people, the world won’t skip a beat when someone dies. Though my dad is irreplaceable to me, there’s no great cavity in humanity. No streets of wailing citizens. No candlelight vigils. Even for some people who knew him, tomorrow was just another day. They paid their respects in whatever way they wished, and moved on. That doesn’t make them bad people. It’s just how things are.
Dying is not romantic, and death is not a game which will soon be over… Death is not anything… death is not… It’s the absence of presence, nothing more… the endless time of never coming back… a gap you can’t see, and when the wind blows through it, it makes not sound… ~Tom Stoppard
Yet for some of us, there’s a hole in our lives. It is different. My family and I got a lot of extra years with him. There are times when I find myself staring off into space. Not at anyone. At nothing. I’m not thinking about anything in particular. Just feeling how different things are. How did I react when someone, an acquaintance really, told me that he or she has lost a loved one, especially a parent? In all honesty, looking back, I see myself as pretty indifferent and oblivious. Maybe that’s harsh. Maybe the reality hit too close to home and I tried not to think about being in that person’s shoes.
After your death you will be what you were before your birth. ~Arthur Schopenhauer
The next time someone tells me about their loss, I won’t say, “I know how you feel.†I’ll never know how anyone feels. Our realties are different. Our relationships were different. However, I will have an understanding. I’ll ask, and above all, I’ll follow up. I’ll hope that they appreciated their loved one like I did mine. While I won’t know exactly what they are dealing with, I will know–absolutely know–that their loss is different, and much more than they imagined.
This article was written by Mike Brennan
*********************************************
RECIPE:
Grilled Banana Peppers
If you like ABTs, you'll enjoy these grilled banana peppers just as well. Stuffed with a mixture of two different cheeses, then wrapped with smoky bacon, they become the most mouthwatering appetizers you'll ever try.
One thing about banana peppers you should know, is that like jalapeno peppers there are hot ones and sweet ones. If you grow your own, great! You know what you have. But if you buy them, you usually don't know if they're hot or mild until you bite into one of them. So if you're concerned about the heat factor, sneak a bite of one before you buy.
These are pretty easy to put together, and grill to a bacony crisp doneness in 20 to 30 minutes.
INGREDIENTS
20 yellow banana peppers, hot or sweet
1 8oz block of cream cheese
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
20 slices of bacon
40 or so wooden toothpicks, soaked in water
Stir the cream cheese and cheddar cheese together. You can use your choice of cheeses, either regular or low fat, but I think the regular stuff just tastes better.
Cut the stem end off of each of the peppers, and using a narrow bladed knife or the narrow handle of a teaspoon to remove the seeds.
Using that same teaspoon, scoop in small amounts of the cheese mix, pushing it down to the tail of the pepper as best you can. I found that by using a bamboo chopstick you can get the cheese down almost to the end of the longer banana peppers. Use the business end of the spoon to round off the cheese at the open end, just so it's a little overfilled.
To wrap the bacon, cover the cheese dome with one end, then wrap the rest of the slice spirally around the length of the pepper. Secure with waterlogged toothpicks.
Use the indirect grilling method, medium heat. Cook until the bacon wrapping the grilled banana peppers is just starting to crisp, and the meat of the pepper is softened.
CAUTION -- the visible ends of the toothpicks sometimes burn completely off, leaving a sharp surprise inside the bacon wrapped, cheese stuffed grilled pepper appetizers. Warn your guests before serving, or better, remove all the toothpicks yourself, and be sure to find all the burned off, hidden ones.
**********************************************
Grandma's Lemon Meringue Pie
"This is a very fun recipe to follow, because Grandma makes it sweet and simple. This pie is thickened with cornstarch and flour in addition to egg yolks, and contains no milk."
Prep Time: 30 Min
Cook Time: 10 Min
Ready In: 40 Min
Original
Recipe Yield 1 - 9 inch pie
Ingredients
1 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups water
2 lemons, juiced and zested
2 tablespoons butter
4 egg yolks, beaten
1 (9 inch) pie crust, baked
4 egg whites
6 tablespoons white sugar
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
To Make Lemon Filling: In a medium saucepan, whisk together 1 cup sugar, flour, cornstarch, and salt. Stir in water, lemon juice and lemon zest. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, until mixture comes to a boil. Stir in butter. Place egg yolks in a small bowl and gradually whisk in 1/2 cup of hot sugar mixture. Whisk egg yolk mixture back into remaining sugar mixture. Bring to a boil and continue to cook while stirring constantly until thick. Remove from heat. Pour filling into baked pastry shell.
To Make Meringue: In a large glass or metal bowl, whip egg whites until foamy. Add sugar gradually, and continue to whip until stiff peaks form. Spread meringue over pie, sealing the edges at the crust.
Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes, or until meringue is golden brown.
Nutritional Information open nutritional information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 298 | Total Fat: 10.3g | Cholesterol: 110mg
**********************************************
Stuffed Grilled Banana Peppers-Heather
Makes 8-10 stuffed peppers
Ingredients:
8-10 large banana peppers-free from garden
1 tub whipped cream cheese, room temperature-$1.82
5 slices bacon, cooked and coarsely chopped-$1.25
1 garlic clove, minced-.05
1/2 Tbs. fresh oregano, finely chopped-free from garden
1/2 Tbs. fresh thyme, finely chopped-free from garden
1 tsp. course salt-PI
1 tsp. ground black pepper-PI
Directions:
Preheat grill to medium high heat or oven to 375 degrees. Rinse and dry peppers. With a sharp serrated knife remove stem from pepper.
With edge of knife, slice down one side of pepper lengthwise, being careful to not cut through both sides of pepper.
Gently open pepper up and remove seeds and as much of the rib of the pepper as possible.
Set peppers aside. In medium size bowl, combine cream cheese, bacon, garlic, herbs, salt and pepper and mix thoroughly. Using a table knife. Spread cream cheese mixture into each pepper making sure to push mixture into bottom end of pepper. Close each pepper with a toothpick near the top, this will help filling to stay inside pepper while cooking.
Grilling Instructions: Place peppers directly on bottom grate of grill, that has been lightly sprayed with cooking oil. Cook peppers on bottom grate until they are beginning to char on bottom and cheese has begun to melt.
Move peppers to top grate of grill that you have covered with tinfoil and allow to cook for an additional 10 minutes. Peppers will be ready when the pepper is soft and the cream cheese has started to slightly brown on top.
Place peppers on platter, remove toothpicks and allow to sit for 3-4 minutes before eating.
Oven instructions: If cooking in oven, place peppers on a tinfoil covered baking sheet and cook approximately 15-20 minutes. Peppers will be done when pepper is soft and the cream cheese has started to slightly brown on top. Plate peppers on platter, remove toothpicks and allow to rest for 3-4 minutes.
Total Cost: $3.12
**********************************************
Cream Cheese Lemon Bars
Moist and full of flavor, these lemon bars are a spring
classic. Lemon zest and lemon juice provide a fresh
lemony flavor to these lemon bars.
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
Container: 9 x 13 baking pan and a mixing bowl
Servings: 20
Ingredients
1 box lemon cake mix
1/3 cup butter or margarine - softened
1 egg
8 ounces cream cheese - softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 lemon - grated
undefined 2 tablespoons lemon juice or 1/2 fresh
squeezed lemon
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
Directions
In a mixing bowl, blend dry cake mix, butter, and 1
egg.
Press into a 9 x 13 pan, ungreased.
Beat the cream cheese until smooth.
Gradually blend in the powdered sugar.
Stir in lemon peel and lemon juice until smooth.
Reserve 1/2 cup of this mixture and refrigerate it
for later use.
Beat the remaining 2 eggs, add the vanilla, and
then beat this mixture into the remaining cream
cheese mixture until well blended.
Spread over the cake mixture.
Bake at 350° until set, approximately 25 to 30
minutes.
Cool completely.
Spread the reserved cream cheese mixture onto the
bars.
Refrigerate until firm; then cut into squares and
serve.
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Salted Nutella Fudge
Butter, for greasing pan
1 (14 oz. ) can sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
8 oz. high-quality bittersweet (60% cacao) chocolate chips
1 cup Nutella, room temperature
3 tbsp unsalted butter, room temperature, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
Sea salt, approximately 1/2 tsp
Grease the bottom and sides of an 8- by 8-inch baking pan with butter. Line the pan with parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overlap on the sides.
In a medium glass or stainless steel bowl, stir together sweetened condensed milk, vanilla, bittersweet chocolate chips, Nutella, and butter.
Form a double-boiler by setting the bowl on a medium pot of gently simmering water. The water level should be low enough that the bottom of the bowl does not touch the water. Stir until the chocolate chips are melted and the mixture is smooth, 5 to 7 minutes.
Scrape the mixture into the prepared pan, and spread the top smooth with a spatula. Refrigerate until the fudge is firm, at least 2 hours.
Run a knife under hot water, dry it off, and run it around the edges of the pan to loosen the fudge. Using the overhanging parchment paper, lift the fudge out. Flip the fudge over and peel off the parchment paper. Sprinkle with sea salt. Cut the fudge into 3/4-inch squares. Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container or wrapped well in plastic wrap and foil.
Makes approximately 50 3/4-inch squares.
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Lemon Loaf
This zingy lemon loaf made with freshly squeezed lemon juice, lemon zest, and sour cream is lightly brushed with a lemon syrup then drizzled with a lemon glaze.
Yield: 2 9x5 loaves
Ingredients:
For the Lemon Loaf:
1½ cups cake flour
1½ cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2¼ cups sugar
8 large eggs, at room temperature
¼ cup grated lemon zest (from about 4 lemons)
¼ cup fresh lemon juice
2 cups (4 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
½ cup sour cream, at room temperature
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
For the Lemon Syrup:
1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup sugar
For the Lemon Glaze:
2 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
4 to 6 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
Directions:
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease bottom and sides of two 9 x 5-inch loaf pans; dust with flour, tapping out excess.
In a medium bowl, sift together both flours, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; set aside.
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, on low speed combine sugar, eggs, lemon zest, and lemon juice. With the mixer still running, drizzle the butter into the bowl. Add the sour cream and vanilla and mix to combine. Transfer the mixture to a large bowl. Remove bowl from mixer.
Sprinkle in the flour mixture over the batter, one third at a time, folding gently after each addition until just combined. Do not overmix.
Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake in the center of the oven for 20 minutes, rotate the pans, reduce the oven temperature to 325 degrees F and bake for another 30 to 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the loaf comes out clean. Let cool in the pans for 15 minutes.
While the loaf is cooling, make the lemon syrup in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir together the lemon juice and sugar until the sugar is completely dissolved. Once dissolved, continue to cook for 3 more minutes. Remove from the heat; set aside.
Remove loaves to a wire rack on top of a baking sheet. Use a toothpick to poke holes in the tops and sides of the loaves. Brush the tops and sides of the loaves with the lemon syrup. Let the syrup soak into the cake and brush again. Let the cakes cool completely.
To make the lemon glaze, in a small bowl, whisk together the confectioners' sugar and 4 tablespoons of the lemon juice. The mixture should be thick but pourable. Add up to another tablespoon of lemon juice if the mixture is too stiff. Pour the lemon glaze over the top of each loaf and let it drip down the sides. Let the lemon glaze harden, about 15 minutes, before serving.
*******************************************
JOKES:
My Satnav is My Wife
I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damned thing off!
************************************************
Irish Railways
The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.
Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan
--------------------------------
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Irish Railway Company
--------------------------------
Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan.
*******************************************
A honeymoon couple had booked a sleeper berth for their trip. However when boarding the train, they found their berths were both upper berths on opposite sides of the compartment.
During the night, the groom, feeling amorous, whispered across to his bride, "Come across here Darling".
She whispered back, "How can I get across?"
The groom replied, "I have something stiff you could crawl across on".
A voice from the lower berth asked with a chuckle, "How's she going to get back?"
*******************************************
Christian One Liners
Don't let your worries get the
best of you; remember, Moses started
out as a basket case.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some people are kind, polite, and
sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Many folks want to serve God,
but only as advisors.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
It is easier to preach ten sermons
than it is to live one.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The good Lord didn't create anything
without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
When you get to your wit's end,
you'll find God lives there.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
People are funny; they want the front
of the bus, the middle of the road, and
the back of the church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
bangs on your front door forever.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Quit griping about your church;
if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If the church wants a better pastor,
it only needs to pray for the one it has.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some minds are like concrete
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Peace starts with a smile.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
I don't know why some people
change churches; what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
A lot of church members who are singing
'Standing on the Promises'
are just sitting on the premises.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We were called to be witnesses,
not lawyers or judges.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Be ye fishers of men. You catch
them - He'll clean them.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Coincidence is when God
chooses to remain anonymous.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't put a question mark
where God put a period.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't wait for 6 strong men
to take you to church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God loves everyone, but probably prefers
'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God promises a safe landing,
not a calm passage.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He who angers you, controls you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Prayer:
Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The Will of God never takes you to
where the Grace of God will not protect you.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We don't change the message,
the message changes us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The best mathematical equation
I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If this e-mail blessed you in a profound way today my Dear Friend, PLEASE pass this along to bless them today, tomorrow and ALWAYS!
May God and His Son bless you
from today on out!
I bet someone will LOVE it
just as much as you did.
*******************************************
Lavish Grace
Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
Worry is falling short on faith. Impatience is falling short on kindness. The critical spirit falls short on love.
So, how often do you sin, hmm… in an hour? For the sake of discussion, let’s say ten times an hour. Ten sins an hour, times sixteen waking hours, times 365 days a year, times the average life span of 74 years. I’m rounding the total off to 4,300,000 sins per person! How do you plan to pay God for your 4.3 million sin increments? You’re swimming in an ocean of debt.
But God pardons the zillion sins of selfish humanity. He forgives sixty million sin-filled days. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where He always wanted us to be. And He did it by the grace of Jesus Christ. AMEN!!
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Our Daily Devotional:
Be Ready
Luke 12:35-36, NIV: "Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, like men waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him."
Time will tell whether the words of a prophet are truth or nothing but vain ramblings. There are some who with the best intentions proclaim that God has revealed the date of His return. These often manage to draw many to follow them to a place where they will be ready for Jesus to come and gather them home. But to their sorrow, they discover their error and leave perplexed--wondering where they went wrong with their interpretation of the signs of the times. As the end approaches, Jesus warns, "At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, there he is! do not believe it. For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform signs and miracles to deceive the elect--if that were possible. So be on your guard; I have told you everything ahead of time" (Mark 13:21-23). Again He tells us, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man" (Mt.24:36). Of these matters, Jesus warns us, "Watch out that know one deceives you" and "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come" (Mt.24:42).
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
- John 14:26
**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
orphic
audio pronunciation
OR-fik
DEFINITION
adjective
1
: of or relating to Orpheus or the rites or doctrines ascribed to him
2
: of, relating to, being, or resembling an oracle : oracular, mystic
3
: fascinating, entrancing
EXAMPLES
"'No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike,' said I, with a degree of Orphic wisdom that astonished myself." — From Nathaniel Hawthorne's 1852 novel The Blithedale Romance
"The cosmos itself reverberates through the orphic strings of the bridge's supporting cables, creating one song, one bridge of fire, linked to the stars themselves and to the deepest human desires for Cathay, meaning for Hart Crane perfection of place, fulfillment in the social order." — From Kevin Starr's 2010 book Golden Gate: The Life and Times of America's Greatest Bridge
DID YOU KNOW?
Orpheus was a hero of Greek mythology who was supposed to possess superhuman musical skills. With his legendary lyre, he was said to be able to make even the rocks and trees dance around. In fact, when his wife Eurydice died, he was nearly able to use his lyre to secure her return from the underworld. Later on, according to legend, he was killed at the bidding of Dionysus, and an oracle of Orpheus was established that came to rival the oracle of Apollo at Delphi. Because of the oracle of Orpheus, "orphic" can mean "oracular." Because of Orpheus' musical powers, "orphic" can mean "entrancing."
**********************************************
Are You Letting the Wonders of the World Pass You By?
“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.†– Dale Carnegie
When we are in nature, we are in our natural state — you could even say we are in our ‘element’. And that is synchronously why it feels so joyful to go for a walk on the beach, stroll through a meadow or simply sit under a tree.
We are being reconnected with our state of inexplicable bliss.
Why Is This So?
There is an excellent documentary called ‘Dirt’, which outlines soil’s effect on every aspect of our lives, including our survival as a species. The simple truth of this is that we are all made up of the dirt of the earth and will return there some day. We are one and the same and share an incalculable bond with the planet we reside upon.
The very ingredients of our bodies are made up from the food you consume, which comes from the earth. When we honor and respect our planet, we honor and respect ourselves.
The house you live in, the car you drive, the computer you sit at, the ground that supports you is made possible by the world you inhabit.
So What?
Well, this doesn’t mean you have to become a tree-hugger (not unless you feel the calling!) — all I want you to think about is your connection to our beautiful, resourceful Mother Earth.
When we enjoy our lives and take advantage of her many wonders, we rekindle that which is innate within us — the connection we have to all life, the oneness of being part of the whole.
There is a bond that is severed when we forget about nature and the true joy it can bring. When we feel disconnected, being in nature can be the very inexpensive cure we need to re-align that which is out of attunement — which then becomes atonement (at-one-ment), reparation or making amends with your divine system.
7 Tips to Get You Started
Below is a list of things you can start today to get you into alignment with your true self. They are designed to truly get you back into the ‘now’ moment and to be present in your body. Explore your senses that so many take for granted, and have fun!
Here are 7 priceless things that your life has to offer:
Touch — Taking a walk amongst trees, touching the rough bark. Get back in contact with your sense of feeling textures and surfaces.
Smell — Sitting on a park bench or in your garden, can you identify all the different aromas? Can you smell the sweet scent of the flowers hanging on a gentle breeze? The time has never been more suitable to stop and smell the roses!
Feel — Strolling on the beach, letting the water wash over your bare feet. Feel the coarse sand underfoot. Walk bare-foot through a patch of wet grass and feel that freshness seep into your soles.
Taste — Biting into a freshly picked berry or a sprig of parsley — truly taste the freshness and zing of natural produce.
Beauty — Appreciating the world around you — look at how glorious the wing of a butterfly is! There are so many splendors to be taken in, try to keep your eyes open for magnificence — I promise you, you will be amazed at how much entertainment is all around you in the natural world.
Hear — Listening to the sound of bees buzzing about their business — now when last can you say you stopped to welcome that precious aural delight? Take note of all the sounds around you, from the wind brushing through the leaves to the birds chirping out a synchronized melody.
Vision — Marveling at a spectacular sunset or the dawn of a sunrise — can you remember lying on your back on the freshly mown lawn, just gazing up at the stars or trying to spot a shape in the clouds?
I hope you are clambering for your door this very moment, just itching to get out there!
This article was written by Cherie Roe Dirksen. Cherie is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and meditation music composer from Cape Town, South Africa. She has weekly blogs on her site www.cherieroedirksen.com where she discusses practical and insightful perspectives on taking responsibility for your actions and ultimately living the life you came here to experience. She also devotes a weekly blog to creativity and the artistic process. You can follow her on Twitter (@cheriedirksen) and Facebook (The Art of Empower
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RECIPE:
Pistachio Avocado Soup
1 C Shelled Pistachios
1/2 Tsp minced or pressed garlic
2 1/2 C poultry stock or canned chicken broth, pref. low-salt type
2 large ripe avocados, peeled and seeded
1 1/2 Tsp freshly squeezed lime juice
2 C heavy (whipping) cream
Salt
Freshly ground white pepper
Avocado cubes tossed in freshly squeezed lime juice for garnish
Chopped pistachios for garnish
Combine the pistachios, garlic and 1 1/2 cups stock or broth in a saucepan and
cook over medium heat until the nuts are tender and most of the liquid
evaporates, about 10 minutes. Remove from heat and cool slightly.
Puree the avocados in a food processor or blender. Add the cooked
pistachio mixture, remaining 1 cup stock and lime juice. Puree until
smooth, then blend in the cream and season to taste with salt and pepper.
To serve hot, transfer the soup to a saucepan and heat over medium-low heat
until heated through, do not allow to boil. Ladle into preheated bowls,
garnish with avocado cubes and chopped pistachios, if using, and serve
immediately.
Alternatively, pour into a container and refrigerate, uncovered, until cool,
then tightly cover and store up to 3 days. Slowly reheat before serving;
do not boil.
To serve cold, pour into a container and refrigerate, uncovered, until cool,
then tightly cover and chill for at least 2 hours or as long as 3 days.
Ladle into chilled bowls and garnish as for hot soup.
Serves 6 as a soup course, 4 as a main dish.
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Georgia Peachy Chicken ~
Ingredients
4 Boneless skinless chicken Breast
3 Sweet Potatoes peeled and cubed
1 Cup of Chopped Sweet Onion
2 Tablespoons of Cold Water
3 Tablespoons of Cornstarch
1 Cup of Peach Preserves (can use apricot if you prefer)
1/2 Cup of Bell Pepper chopped
Directions
Step One
Season Chicken with salt, peper and poultry seasoning before you place in slow cooker.
Step Two
Place chicken, sweet potatoes and onion in slow cooker and cook on LOW for 7 to 8 hours
Step Three
Pour off juices from slow cooker into a suace pan, set aside.
Step Four
Cover chicken and veggies to keep warm.
Step Five
In a saucepan combine water cornstarch mix well add reserved juices from slow cooker stir in preserves
Step Six
cook and stir over medium heat until mixture boils and gets thick.
Step Seven
Pour over chicken and veggies.
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Cranberry-Apple Coffee Cake
Homey yet festive enough for the holiday season, serve this cake with breakfast, brunch or as a simple dessert.
Equipment: 9-inch springform pan
Make Ahead Tip: Cover and store at room temperature for up to 2 days.
INGREDIENTS
For the Topping:
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 1/2 cups cranberries, fresh or frozen, thawed, chopped (see Tip)
1 1/2 cups finely chopped peeled tart apple, such as Granny Smith (about 1 large)
1/2 cup cranberry juice cocktail, orange juice or apple juice
For the Cake:
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole-wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup canola oil
3 tablespoons butter, slightly softened
3/4 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest
3/4 cup granulated sugar, plus 1 tablespoon for sprinkling
1 large egg
3/4 cup low-fat milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Kitchen tip
To make quick work of chopping cranberries, place whole berries in a food processor and pulse a few times until the berries are coarsely chopped.
Kitchen note
A nonreactive pan—stainless steel, enamel-coated or glass—is necessary when cooking acidic foods, such as cranberries, to prevent the food from reacting with the pan. Reactive pans, such as aluminum and cast-iron, can impart an off color and/or off flavor in acidic foods.
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Coat a 9-inch springform pan with cooking spray.
To prepare topping: Whisk brown sugar, cornstarch and cinnamon in a medium nonreactive saucepan (see Kitchen note) until combined. Stir in cranberries, apple and juice. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring. Continue to cook, stirring, until the mixture thickens and the berries soften, about 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool.
To prepare cake: Whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda in a medium bowl.
Beat oil, butter and lemon zest in a large mixing bowl with an electric mixer, first on medium speed, then on medium-high, until well combined, about 11/2 minutes. Gradually add 3/4 cup sugar, beating until the mixture is light in color and well blended. Add egg and beat until the batter is smooth, about 1 minute longer. With the mixer on low speed, beat in half the flour mixture until just incorporated. Gradually beat in milk and vanilla until just incorporated. Add the remaining flour mixture and beat until a smooth batter forms, about 1 minute, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.
Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading to the edges. Spread the topping in an even layer over the batter; do not stir.
Bake the cake on the middle rack until the top is puffed in places and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean (the fruit topping will still be moist), 40 to 50 minutes. Sprinkle the remaining 1 tablespoon sugar over the top. Transfer the pan to a wire rack; let stand until cooled to warm, about 20 minutes. To serve, run a knife along the edge of the pan, remove the pan sides and cut the cake into wedges.
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Diane's Almond Joy Cake
Serves: 16
Prep Time: 25 Min
Cook Time: 30 Min
Ingredients
CAKE
1 bx duncan hines coconut supreme cake mix
3 lg eggs
1 stk butter, melted
1 1/3 c milk
2 tsp pure vanilla flavor
FROSTING
2 c toasted flaked coconut
1 1/2 c toasted sliced almonds
1 stk soft butter
2/3 c cocoa, unsweetened
3 c powdered sugar, plus additional if needed
1/3 c milk, plus additional if needed
1/4 tsp salt
2 tsp pure vanilla flavor
Directions
1 FOR CAKE: Mix all cake ingredients in large bowl and beat 2-3 min.
NOTE: if you can't find the duncan hines coconut cake mix try this; use a white or yellow cake and add a coconut pudding mix and 2-3 teaspoons of coconut extract. That has worked for several bakers posted in the comments. Good luck to all.
2 Pour into 2 9 inch layer pans and bake in 350* preheated oven for 28 minutes. Remove to wire rack and cool 10 min. Turn out onto wire racks and cool completely.
3 FOR FROSTING: Beat soft butter and cocoa till soft and well combined, add milk, sugar, salt and vanilla. Beat 2 min until light and fluffy. (Add additional sugar 1 tablespoon at a time - if needed - until it reached spreding consistency. Do the same with milk if it's too thick.)
4 In two small pans spread your coconut and nuts and, stirring often, toast to a pretty light brown color. They will need watching as they will burn quickly.
I do this as soon as I take my layers from the oven.
5 Place one layer on a pretty plate and spread a cup (more or less) of your frosting. Sprinkle coconut and almonds generously. Use most of the coconut and half the almonds.
6 Put on next layer and frost top and sides with remaining frosting. Sprinkle coconut around the top edge and along bottom. Sprinkle remaining nuts inside coconut circle on top. Whatever is pleasing to you.
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CHICKEN 'N DUMPLINS
JUST ABOUT THE BEST COMFORT FOOD I HAVE EVERRRR HAD!! I take this to mourning families or any occasion when I need to make sure someone feels a lil better.
1 whole fryer or roaster chicken (gizzard bag removed)
1 container chicken STOCK (stock makes a difference)
4 chicken bouillon cubes
1 can condensed cream of chicken soup
2 cups PIONEER Buttermilk Baking mix
2/3 cup milk
1/2 tsp poultry seasoning
1 tsp sea salt
2 TBSP butter
In large pot....place Chicken and bouillon cubes. Cover with the Chicken Stock and depending upon the size of the chicken to your put..a quart of water or so... enough to cover the chicken and leave a small space at the top of the pot (if some of the chicken is not covered its ok if not all the chicken is covered. Leave some space so the pot doesn't boil over. Bring to BOIL...continue to BOIL about 20 min...then turn down to a simmer over medium high heat. Let simmer for at least an hour (when the juices run clear)... for more tender chicken continue to simmer another 30 minutes.
Once the chicken is finished simmering turn off heat. Remove chicken and pull apart the meat from the bones and skin. Return pulled Chicken to broth. Turn heat back to medium heat. Add butter and cream of chicken soup.
MAKE DUMPLINS
In a large mixing bowl combine Baking mix and milk. Mix until combined well.
Bring pot to simmer. Drop dumplins in by the teaspoon in a ball shape into the simmering pot. Gently stir the pot to ensure dumplins are submerged. Cook the until the dumplins are no longer doughy..around 5 -6 minutes. careful not let it stick. Serve and enjoy!
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Garlicky Wilted Greens
A large bunch of greens quickly wilts into a rich-tasting side dish perfect with roast meat or fish or tossed with pasta. For a little heat, sprinkle some red pepper flakes on the cooked greens.
Serves: 4 to 6
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 5 to 10 minutes
2 pounds fresh Swiss chard
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large fresh, minced garlic clove
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
DIRECTIONS:
Cut the tough stems from the greens. Discard shriveled or tough outer leaves. Soak the leaves in water for 5 to 10 minutes, rinse, and shake dry. Tear extra-large leaves in half.
Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. When hot, add the garlic and cook for 20 to 30 seconds until fragrant. Do not burn.
Add a handful of leaves. Stir with a wooden spoon for about 1 minute until the leaves wilt. Add more leaves, stirring until they wilt. Keep adding the greens and cooking until all are wilted. If the leaves cook too quickly, add a little water to the pan.
Spinkle the balsamic vinegar over the greens. Season to taste with salt and pepper and serve hot.
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Your Family
Is your fantasy that your family will be like the Waltons? An expectation that your dearest friends will be your next of kin? Jesus didn’t have that expectation.
Look how Jesus defined his family in Mark 3:35: “My true brother and sister and mother are those who do what God wants.â€
He recognized that his spiritual family could provide what his physical family didn’t. If Jesus himself couldn’t force his family to share his convictions, what makes you think you can force yours?
We can’t control the way our family responds to us. We have to move beyond the naïve expectation that if we do good, our family will treat us right. I can’t assure you your family will ever give you the blessing you seek, but I know this- God will.
Accept God as your Father! Let God give you what your family doesn’t!
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JOKES:
THINGS TO PONDER: Why do we sing Take Me Out To the Ball Game if we are already there?
SUCCESS TIP # 020:
"If one advances confidently in the
direction of his dreams, and endeavors
to live the life he has imagined,
he will meet with a success
unexpected in common hours."
You might be a REDNECK if...
...the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
CONFUCIOUS SAYS: Silence is a true friend who never betrays.
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Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet, having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything dirty with a "W" so she calls on him.
"Womb!", Little Johnny says.
"That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says. "Is that as in where babies come from?" she asks.
"No", says Johnny, "That's the sound elephants make when they're screwing... you know, "Womb! Womb! Womb!"
*******************************************
A man goes into a pet shop that advertises "unusual pets" and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
The owner says, "How about Phil, the dog?" The man replies, "Come on, a dog can't do everything."
The owner says, "How about Miriam, the cat?" The man replies, "No way!
A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything, damn it!"
The owner thinks for a minute. Then says, "I've got it! ... Charlie, the centipede! HE can do everything. But it will cost you."
The man says, "Charlie, the centipede? ... I can't imagine a centipede doing everything but ... okay, if you guarantee he can do everything ... I'll try a centipede."
He gets the centipede home and says, "Charlie, clean the kitchen."
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate.
All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away.
The countertops cleaned. The appliances sparkling. The floor waxed.
He's absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, "Charlie, go clean the living room."
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed. The furniture cleaned and dusted. The pillows on the sofa plumped. Plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the
most amazing thing I've ever seen. This is a pet that really can do everything."
He sits down to watch a little TV, turns to the centipede and says, "Charlie, run down to the corner and get me a newspaper, please."
The centipede leaves. 10 minutes later ... no Charlie. 20 minutes later ... no Charlie. 30 minutes later ... no Charlie.
The man is wondering what's going on. The darn centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later ... still no Charlie!
The man can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is Charlie?
He goes to the front door, opens it ... and there's Charlie sitting right outside the door. The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you out 45 minutes ago to run down to the corner and get me a newspaper. What's the story?!"
The centipede says, angrily, "Hey, man, cut me some slack here, will ya? I'm still putting on my shoes!"
*******************************************
The State of Florida had a problem. The drug bust over the years had filled their storage areas with Marijuana. It was decided the only option was to burn all of the Marijuana on hand. The eventful day a huge mound of Marijuana
was torched. The fire raged and the smoke of the weed raised in a large cloud.
At this time a flock of Tern's flew through this cloud.
A group of forest rangers (aka Their environmental watch dogs) were sent out to assure the well-being of the Terns . They followed this flock until they finally landed. The rangers sneaking upon the terns were able to observe and
issue a report that read: Not a Tern was left unstoned.
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The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 per
ounce."
"Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want
something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called...
"You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
*******************************************
German Shepard on Golf Course
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic.
They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Trials and Temptations
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your
faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that
you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."1
John Newton, the converted slave trader wrote the following poem,
the title of which is, "I Asked the Lord That I Might Grow."
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.
'Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He'd answer my request;
And by His love's constraining pow'r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow'rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
"'Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.
These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may'st find thy all in Me."2
As God's Word also says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all."3
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in every trial and difficult time I
experience, please use it to help me grow and become the person you
envision for me to be. Thank you for hearing and answering my
prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. James 1:2-4 (NIV).
THINK ON THIS
Sometimes we can seek acceptance and identity in other people and
other things. When the circumstances of life take away our
"things" and/or when people withhold their acceptance, we can feel
unloved and dissatisfied. In order to deal with those negative
emotions, we may find ourselves lashing out at others, either
deliberately or unwittingly, in an attempt to "control" the people
who aren't giving us what we want. The name of the game is
"Rejection: Pass It On!" It is one of the most destructive processes we
can engage in -- unless we find acceptance and identity based on
the unconditional, immutable love of God.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
stravage
pronunciation
struh-VAYG
DEFINITION
verb
: to roam
EXAMPLES
"I was living at Gray's Inn in those days, and we stravaged up
Gray's Inn Road on one of those queer, unscientific explorations of
the odd corners of London in which I have always delighted." —
From Arthur Machen's 1922 novella The House of Souls
"Eleanor sees widowed Lindsay and single-mother Paula stravaging
along the streets with their respective children, Noah and Toby, and
invites them in...." — From a book review by Lucille Redmond in
the Evening Herald (Ireland), January 10, 2009
DID YOU KNOW?
A synonym of "roam," "wander," and "ramble," "stravage" (also
spelled "stravaig") isn't likely to pop up in your local newspaper—
unless you're stravaging in Scotland or one of its neighbors.
"Stravage" is not a new word; our earliest evidence of it dates to the
late 18th century, when it likely developed by shortening and
alteration from the now-archaic word "extravagate," a synonym for
"stray" and "roam" that can also mean "to go beyond proper limits."
Note that if you use it correctly, you won't be extravagating by
using "stravage"—no matter where you call home.
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How To Stop Procrastinating
The dictionary defines procrastinating as “postponing doing
something, especially as a regular practice.†Procrastinating is a
habit, nothing more. In order to stop procrastinating, you must
replace the habit of putting things off with the healthy habit of
getting things done… and the first step is to understand WHY
you are procrastinating.
Perhaps the job ahead of you is overwhelming. If this is the case,
don’t try to do the entire project all at once. Instead break it down
into smaller tasks and tackle them one at a time. Getting even part
of the job done can be a real psychological boost. Sometimes it can
be helpful to set a time limit, for example thirty minutes or an
hour, during which time you give whatever you’re doing your
entire concentration with no interruption. When the time period is
over, stop… and don’t think about this project again until the next
day, when you will set aside another block of time. Continue to do
this until the job is finished. Even the most daunting project can be
managed easily this way and each day you will have the
satisfaction of knowing that you are making progress and are that
much closer to the end. If it helps to keep you motivated, reward
yourself when you finish each time allotment.
Perhaps you find prioritizing difficult. If you’re this kind of
proscrastinator, you probably find it hard to finish a project. You
keep switching from task to task and starting new ones because
you can’t make a distinction between those things that should be
done right away and those that can wait. Making a list with each
task listed in order of importance can be a big help.
Perhaps the job is unpleasant. If you can, break it down into
steps and spend only a few minutes a day on each step. However,
sometimes it is better to just make yourself jump in there and get
something unpleasant done. It even helps if you tackle the most
unpleasant jobs first, because once you have them off your list,
everything else HAS to be better!
Perhaps you are putting off making a decision or not doing
something because the end result will change your life. If you’re
staying in a job you hate or postponing a move, for example,
because you’re afraid you may make bad decisions, the indecision
itself may be causing you stress. It is easy to overthink a
situation… gather all the facts you can, set a deadline for making
a decision, and then force yourself to meet that deadline.
Perhaps you are angry because you feel you are being forced into
doing something, and your anger and resentment are making you
procrastinate… but that only makes things worse. Any time you
aren’t in control, it is always better for you to acknowledge your
feelings and then do what you have to do as soon as you can to get
whatever it is out of the way.
Perhaps you have unrealistic expectations of how long something
will take. Often people wait until the last minute to do something
because they are sure they can get it done quickly and then
discover that they are out of time and the job has not been
completed. A perfectionist often unconsciously sets himself up for
failure this way. Better time management will help here. If you
consistently find yourself running out of time before you run out
of project, get in the habit of deliberately overestimating how much
time you think you will need.
Perhaps you procrastinate because of distractions. If you’re
trying to work with the television on or with people constantly
interrupting you so you aren’t able to concentrate, a change of
work habits will help. Work on an uncluttered desk or in a quiet
room, and make yourself concentrate on one task at a time.
If you find you are still occasionally putting things off, don’t be
hard on yourself. Remember… everyone procrastinates to some
extent, and replacing any bad habit takes time!
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RECIPE:
Warm Caramel Apple Cake
Serve this yummy apple upside-down cake warm from the oven. It's
all made easier with Betty Crocker® cake and frosting.
PREP TIME 30 Min
TOTAL TIME 1 Hr 25 Min
SERVINGS 15
Cake
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1/4 cup whipping cream
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup chopped pecans
2 large cooking apples, peeled, cored and thinly sliced (about 2
1/3 cups)
1 box Betty Crocker® SuperMoist® yellow cake mix
1 1/4 cups water
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3 eggs
1/4 teaspoon apple pie spice
Topping
2/3 cup Betty Crocker® Whipped fluffy white frosting
1/2 cup frozen (thawed) whipped topping
Caramel topping, if desired
1 Heat oven to 350°F. In 1-quart heavy saucepan, cook butter,
whipping cream and brown sugar over low heat, stirring
occasionally, just until butter is melted. Pour into 13x9-inch pan.
Sprinkle with pecans; top with sliced apples.
2 In large bowl, beat cake mix, water, oil, eggs and apple pie spice
with electric mixer on low speed until moistened, then on medium
speed 2 minutes, scraping bowl occasionally. Carefully spoon
batter over apple mixture.
3 Bake 41 to 47 minutes or until toothpick inserted near center
comes out clean. Cool in pan 10 minutes. Loosen sides of cake from
pan. Place heatproof serving platter upside down on pan; carefully
turn platter and pan over. Let pan remain over cake about 1 minute
so caramel can drizzle over cake. Remove pan.
4 In small bowl, mix frosting and whipped topping. Serve warm
cake topped with frosting mixture and drizzled with caramel
topping. Store covered in refrigerator.
Expert Tips
You can use cinnamon for the apple pie spice for a slightly
different flavor.
Granny Smith and Braeburn are good apple choices to use in this
recipe.
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Juicy Peach Crisp
Ingredients
6 fresh peaches - peeled, pitted and sliced
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter
Directions
Preheat an oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C), and grease an 8
inch square baking dish.
Place the peaches in the bottom of the baking dish, and sprinkle
them with almond extract.
In a bowl, combine the flour, sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon, and
salt. Cut the butter into the flour mixture with a pastry cutter
until the mixture resembles crumbs.
Sprinkle the flour mixture in an even layer over the top of the
peaches, and bake in the preheated oven for about 45 minutes, until
the peaches are bubbling and the topping is browned
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Roasted Butternut Squash Medley
time
prep: 20 min
total: 50 min
servings
total: 8 servings, 3/4 cup each
What You Need
4 slices OSCAR MAYER Bacon, chopped
3 Tbsp. KRAFT Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing
1 tsp. GREY POUPON Dijon Mustard
1 tsp. sugar
1 butternut squash, peeled, cut into 3/4-inch cubes (about 3
cups)
1/2 lb. fresh green beans, trimmed
2 red peppers, quartered
1 onion, cut into 6 wedges
Make It
HEAT oven to 425ºF.
COOK bacon in large skillet until crisp. Remove bacon from
skillet, reserving 2 Tbsp. drippings in skillet. Drain bacon on paper
towels.
POUR drippings into large bowl. Add dressing, mustard and
sugar; mix well. Reserve 1 Tbsp. dressing mixture; set aside. Toss
vegetables with remaining dressing mixture; spread onto rimmed
baking sheet sprayed with cooking spray.
BAKE 30 min. or until vegetables are tender, turning after 15
min.
SPOON vegetables into bowl. Add bacon and reserved dressing
mixture; mix lightly.
Kraft Kitchens Tips
Substitute
Prepare using KRAFT Balsamic Vinaigrette with Tomato & Basil
Dressing.
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Incredible Baked Meatballs.
1lb hamburger,
2 eggs, beaten with
1/2 cup milk,
1/2 cup grated Parmesan ,
1 cup panko or bread crumbs,
1 small onion, minced,
2 cloves garlic, minced,
1/2 teaspoon oregano,
1 teaspoon salt,
freshly ground pepper to taste,
1/4 cup minced fresh basil
Mix all ingredients with hands. Form into golfball sized meatballs.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
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Orange Pecan Crusted Pork Sliders with Raspberry Slaw
Active Time: 20 Minutes
Total Time: 45 Minutes
Yield: 10 sliders
Bright citrus and crunchy, pan-fried pork cutlets make for
engaging flavors and textures, but take it easy on the blue cheese:
it has a way of taking over.
INGREDIENTS
2 cups coleslaw mix
1/4 cup blue cheese crumbles
1 (11 ounce) can mandarin oranges, drained
1/4 cup raspberry vinaigrette dressing
1 pound pork tenderloin, sliced crosswise in 10 pieces
1/4 cup orange marmalade
1 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
2 tablespoons cooking oil
10 small split buns
DIRECTIONS
In a large bowl toss coleslaw mix with cheese, oranges and dressing.
Cover with plastic wrap and place in refrigerator until ready to use.
Using hands press pork pieces to ¼ inch thick. Rub marmalade
into pieces.
In a shallow bowl combine bread crumbs and pecans. Coat each pork
piece one at a time with mixture. If need be press mixture to stick to
pieces.
In a large skillet heat oil over medium high heat. Cook pork in hot
oil 2 to 3 minutes per side, or until done.
For sliders, place a slice of pork on bottom bun, top with prepared
slaw and top with other bun half and serve.
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Skillet Chicken Divan (Gluten Free)
In just over half an hour, busy cooks can put dinner on the table.
Chicken, broccoli and rice make it a colorful meal-in-one.
PREP TIME 35 Min
TOTAL TIME 35 Min
SERVINGS 4
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts (about 1 lb)
Water called for on brown rice package for 1 cup uncooked rice
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 cup uncooked quick-cooking brown rice
3 cups Green Giant® Valley Fresh Steamers™ frozen broccoli
florets, thawed
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar or American cheese (2 oz)
1 Melt butter in 10-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.
Add chicken; cook 1 to 2 minutes on each side or until browned.
2 Remove chicken from skillet. Add water, mustard, salt and
pepper to skillet; stirring with wire whisk until blended. Heat to
boiling. Stir in rice; return to boiling. Place chicken pieces and
broccoli over rice. Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer about 10
minutes or until most of liquid is absorbed and juice of chicken is
clear when center of thickest part is cut (170°F).
3 Sprinkle with cheese; cover and let stand 5 minutes.
Expert Tips
Always read labels to make sure each recipe ingredient is gluten
free. Products and ingredient sources can change.
Instant white rice can be substituted for brown rice. Increase rice to
1 1/2 cups and add water amount directed on package.
Adjust the level of Dijon mustard to personal tastes.
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A Parrot Is a Parrot Is a Parrot
A parrot by any other name would… well, have the
same morphological features. Ditching the literary
borrowings, the point really is that parrots may
offer a wide range of diversities, but they share
the components that make them belong to the order
of Psittaciformes.
What are the telltale signs that a bird is a parrot?
A parrot is often recognized by its short wide bill,
the upper mandible of which is curved and hooks
around the smaller lower mandible. A flexible hinge
connects the upper mandible to the skull and gives
the parrot extra biting power. The bill evolved to
that state from centuries of crushing hard seeds and
fruits.
A parrot has zygodactyl feet, characterized by two
toes pointing forward and the other two facing backward.
This isn’t peculiar to parrots, however. Those feet come
in handy for holding and manipulating objects, food in
particular, and climbing.
When it comes to plumage, a parrot has powder down
and structural colors. This is a trait that it shares with
a few other birds though. What is unique to a parrot’s
plumage, however, is the presence of a class of pigments
called psittacofulvins, which are actually a pretty recent
discovery. These make the parrots’ coloration especially
their own.
There are several other traits, although perhaps less obvious,
that unite parrots, such as the fleshy cere, the large heads on
short necks, their superior intelligence among birds (only rivaled
by crows), etc. The next time you encounter an unfamiliar bird
with the abovementioned features, you’ll know that it’s a parrot.
Even if it tells you otherwise.
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JOKES:
DO YOU REMEMBER HOLLYWOOD SQUARES?
Unfortunately, I am definitely old enough!
It was one of the funniest shows on Television!
The contestants were priceless!
FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER
These great questions and answers are from the days when
Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not
scripted, as they are now!
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15
minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a
man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask
him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter,
and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going
to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the
bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on
his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are
they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should
never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE
GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING
************************************************
I Don't Want to go to School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up,
son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get
ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52-years-old. And for another, you're the
Principal!"
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Vocabulary in Announcements
The new Vice Principal, made an announcement, over the school
intercom "The staff and students would like to congratulate Mr.
Green on his forthcoming marriage."
Later, when she saw him he thanked her for the special attention.
He added, that perhaps, for Junior High school, she should use
smaller words. It seems 2 or 3 students had asked him about his 3
earlier marriages.
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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a
brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops
down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled
cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind
of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-
course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny –
I’m just homesick."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
CERRIDWEN, CELTIC GODDESS OF DEATH AND TRANSFORMATION
Cerridwen, the Celtic Goddess of Witchcraft and the Underworld, lived on an island in the middle of Lake Tegid with her two children. Her daughter, who she named Creidwy, was a truly beautiful child; while her son, who was known as Afagdu was, perhaps, the ugliest child to ever grace the face of this Earth.
Like any other loving and caring mother Cerridwen wanted only the best for her children. It was obvious that Creidwy would do well in life. Unfortunately, however, Cerridwen knew all too well that Afagdu’s looks would only act as a detriment. So, in order to counter her son’s physical appearence, Cerridwen began to brew a magickal formula which would give him all the knowledge, wisdom and prophecy in the world, making him the most brilliant and inspired of men.
Cerridwen continued to work on that formula for one year and a day, simply to produce three drops of that precious liquid. It was kept simmering in her cauldron under the care of a young boy named Gwion.
Then one day it happened. While Cerridwen was out in the forest gathering herbs, the three drops of the boiling liquid accidentally flew up onto Gwion's finger, burning it and causing him great pain. In what appeared to be a typically automatic response, Gwion stuck his burned finger into his mouth in order to ease his pain.
All at once Gwion’s whole world quickly began to change, once the formula’s mighty powers began to work their magickal spell. Suddenly, he was able to hear everything that went on in the world. In fact, in that one brief instant, he was able to understand all the secrets of the universe, as well as the knowledge of the past, the present and the future. Luckily for Gwion, the sudden increase in his perception made him well aware of exactly what Cerridwen would do to him once she realized that it was he, rather then her beloved son, who had acquired the formula’s magickal powers. Fearing Cerridwen’s wrath, Gwion quickly fled away, but the all-knowing, all-seeing Cerridwen immediately realized what had happened, and she began to pursue Gwion with a vengence.
The race was on. When Gwion used his new shape-shifting abilities to change himself into a hare, Cerridwen pursued him in the form of a greyhound, and the two of them continued to play a game of cat and mouse, in a long and ongoing pursuit. If Gwion changed himself into a fish, then Cerridwen would change herself into an otter; and when he changed himself into a bird, she immediately became a hawk. It was not until Gwion changed himself into a grain of wheat, that Cerridwen knew for certain that he was hers. Immediately, she changed herself into a hen and then she quickly ate the grain of wheat that was Gwion.
Something unexpected happened, however, when Cerridwen ate that grain of wheat. By ingesting it Cerredwen became pregnant, and nine months later she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. There was little surprise, and no doubt about the fact that the child born to Cerridwen was actually Gwion. It was, however, the Gwion that he had previously been, when he was nothing more then a very young child.
Cerridwen soon made the decision that enough was enough, and that all the intrigue finally had to come to an end. She was, however, unable to find it within her heart to kill the child. So she placed him inside a leather pouch, and then set the pouch afloat in the sea. Luck was definitely on Gwion’s side because Elphin, the son of a wealthy squire, discovered the pouch with the sleeping Gwion inside of it. Elphin and his wife happened to be childless, so they decided to adopt the boy, and because he was such a beautiful child they named him Taliesin, which means "beautiful brow." Even at an extremely early age, Taliesin had the most wonderful gift for poetry, and when he grew into a man, the poet Taliesin became known, far and wide, as the greatest poet to ever come out of Wales.
This is a tale which the people of Wales could easily identify with, because to them, death and rebirth are normal and necessary parts of existence, if true inspiration is to occur. It appeared to be completely natural to them, as well, that Cerridwen, the Goddess of True Inspiration, was also the poet's Muse.
That was the famous Myth of Cerridwen and her Cauldron. Unfortunately, Cerridwen, just like many other Goddesses, is remembered solely for the way that she appears in one particular myth. That is not only unfair, it is also unworthy and extremely unfortunate. Goddesses, just like human beings, are complex creatures and it is impossible to judge either one of them by any single act or action. If people truly wish to learn about Cerridwen, or about anyone else for that matter, then they need to take the time and exert the effort to do just that. Once that happens, then they will be able to see Cerridwen as she truly is, and they might also discover that she actually has some important qualities to offer them.
Cerridwen takes on the role of the Crone in the typical Welsh Triple Goddess Trinity in which Arianrhod is the Mother and Blodeuwedd the Maiden. Cerridwen has also been known to have dark prophetic powers and, since her totem animal is the sow, she is easily identified as a Goddess of the Underworld, with all the dark and frightening powers that are associated with it.
Like many other Celtic Goddesses, Cerridwen had two children: one child representing the dark aspects, and the other representing the light. Cerridwen’s daughter, Creidwy, represented everything that was beautiful and light, while her son, Afagdu, represented everything that was not.
Cerridwen is also known as the Keeper of the Cauldron of the Underworld, from which divine inspiration and knowledge flow. In the ancient Celtic tradition, the cauldron is its central religious mystery or theme of regeneration, which grows deep within the womb of the Goddess. Although Cerridwen may only be one, out of many Dark Goddesses, she has one particular aspect which makes her truly unique. Cerridwen is the womb of potential from which all manifestations flow, and because of that, she is believed to represent the Wheel of Life: the beginning, the end, and then the beginning once again.
People seem to have no trouble picturing Cerridwen standing there, stirring her cauldron, and brewing within it life and death. Stirring her cauldron is not something that Cerridwen just happens to do, nor it is even something that she chooses to do. Rather, the act of Cerridwen stirring her cauldron is one of necessary obligation. She has no choice in the matter, nor would she ever desire one, because by Cerridwen constantly stirring the souls of the dead, it is then, and only then, that rebirth will come forth from her cauldron.
Cauldrons have always served as important symbols in Celtic mythology, since they have so frequently been associated with wisdom, knowledge, life and death. In Welsh mythology, Cerridwen is the Goddess of Dark Prophetic Powers, and the Keeper of the Cauldron of the Underworld, continuously brewing inspiration and divine knowledge, within her cauldron.
As the "white sow," Cerridwen takes on the aspect of the Great Crone Goddess, and she is also the Dark of the Moon. The most important thing, however, is that it is Cerridwen’s cauldron that we must enter if we are going to be reborn, and then reborn, again.
Cerridwen has appeared as the Washer at the Ford, which is an aspect of the Irish Goddess of War, The Morrigan. She has also appeared as the dark Hag known as the Calleach. It is truly unfortunate that people all too frequently misunderstand Cerridwen and the amazing regenerative powers that she has, because it is that which causes them to fear her. People must actively take the time to get to know Cerridwen, because it is then that they will begin to understand how much she has actually given the world. Once that happens, all of their fears will quickly disappear. That is because, from out of Cerridwen’s cauldron comes Awen, which is better known as inspiration. Without inspiration, mankind would have no purpose, and life would have no meaning.
Cerridwen has been known by many names, including the Dark Moon Goddess, the Great Mother, the Goddess of Nature, and the Grain Goddess. She has also been known as a patroness of death, fertility, regeneration, inspiration, magick, enchantment and knowledge.
Her cauldron, and the white, corpse-eating sow, both connect Cerridwen to the Moon, and after Taliesin came forth from her womb, bards from all over Wales began to call themselves “Cerridorion,†or “Son of Cerridwen,†in the hope that any connection to her, however slight, might help them gain recognition and fame.
Different forms of transformation have always been necessary and important aspects of Celtic Mythology, and it is the cauldron which brings them all together. Three different types of cauldrons exist in the Celtic Mystery Tradition. They are the Cauldron of Transformation; the Cauldron of Rejuvenation and Rebirth; and the Cauldron of Inspiration. Cerridwen's cauldron, however, is the most important and unique of all the different cauldrons, because it is Cerridwen’s cauldron that represents the synthesis of those three cauldrons combined together into one archetypal cauldron.
The Celtic Underworld, also known as the Otherworld, has often been referred to as the “Land of the Ever Young,†and it is Cerridwen’s cauldron which offers people a way of getting there, so that they might gain immortality. They have no fear of death, because death to them is simply an integral part of the constant cycle of life. For every death there is a rebirth, and for every end a new beginning.
Cauldrons have always been important symbols in Celtic mythology. That is because they have been associated very closely with femininity. Cerridwen’s archetypal cauldron represents the great importance and power of the Divine Feminine, which symbolizes rebirth, renewal and transformation. Cerridwen’s cauldron also represents the great power that women held in the pre-Christian, Pagan world, because it is Cerridwen’s cauldron that represents the womb of the Great Mother Goddess, from which all life is born, and then born again.
Cerridwen has always been considered an extremely important Goddess, standing tall in the company of such other Goddesses as Danu, Isis and Demeter. Indeed, Cerridwen is more then just the Celtic Goddess of Inspiration, Intelligence and Knowledge. She is also an extremely powerful example of the Divine Feminine, and it is for that reason that she will always represent freedom for each and every woman who chooses to follow in her path.
Blessed Be
Tags: Wiccan
sorry I posted yesterdays this morning, forgot to turn the page this morning, that is what I get for not drinking my coffee first lol this is the right bulletin for today lol Grammy Storey ****************************************************************
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Well Done
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'"1
Theodore Roosevelt said, "It's not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of good deeds could have done better.
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena: Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again…
"Who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause…
"Who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement…
"And who, at worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
Every one of us has been given at least one talent; many have been given several. Regardless of whether we have one or many talents, what is important is to use well what God has given and entrusted to us and therewith give life our best shot.
Remember, too: "Only one life 'twill soon be past / Only what's done for Christ will last."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, grant that I will so live today that when I stand before you face to face, I will hear your welcoming words, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.' Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Matthew 25:21 (NIV).
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
peripatetic
audio pronunciation
pair-uh-puh-TET-ik
DEFINITION
adjective
1
: of or relating to the Greek philosopher Aristotle or his philosophy : Aristotelian
2
: of, relating to, or given to walking
3
: moving or traveling from place to place : itinerant
EXAMPLES
I was peripatetic throughout my twenties, but in my thirties I bought a house and began putting down roots in the community.
"From the day Rousseau turned his back on his native city, these peripatetic writer-thinkers were bent on walking into a kind of alienated individuality." — From a book review by Billy Mills in Guardian Unlimited, August 9, 2012
DID YOU KNOW?
Are you someone who likes to think on your feet? If so you've got something in common with the followers of the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle. Not only a thinker and teacher, Aristotle was also a walker, and his students were required to walk along beside him as he lectured while pacing to and fro. Thus it was that the Greek word "peripatetikos" (from "peripatein," meaning "to walk up and down") came to be associated with Aristotle and his followers. By the way, the covered walk in the Lyceum where Aristotle taught became known as the "peripatos" (which can either refer to the act of walking or a place for walking).
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There Is No One Way To Do Simple Living Right
I think the most wonderful thing about voluntary simplicity is that it means different things to different people. There is no one way to do simple living right. Everyone has a different concept of how they want to live, what is most important to them, and what they need to make them happy. Trying to live someone else’s idea of simplicity will never work.
For us, all of our most important things are home and family oriented. We have a deep respect for all living things and a strong need to live close to nature. We value privacy and solitude and probably need more than the average “personal space.†We find working hard and tackling seemingly impossible projects to be both satisfying and fulfilling. Most of all, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company and working and spending time together. This is our version of voluntary simplicity and simple living, and it is a lifestyle we love because it matches who WE are.
Do you know who YOU are… what’s important to you and what you want and need in your life? If you have a genuine interest in pursuing simple living, do some soul searching as you answer these questions.
Bring into your life as many things as you can that have meaning to you and give you a sense of peace and fulfillment… purge some of what makes you feel stressed and unhappy. Make only small changes and only a few at a time. Be honest and flexible in your assessments and don’t be afraid to admit to yourself when something you thought would work doesn’t. As you discover what is really important to you and the way you want to live, use what you’ve learned to gradually restructure your life.
This will be YOUR version of voluntary simplicity… and YOUR way to do simple living right.
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RECIPE:
Tomato Tarte Tatin
2 medium yellow onions, chopped
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil or clarified butter
1 1/2 pounds / 24 oz small tomatoes (here it's a mix of heirloom cherry & early girls)
scant 1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt
2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
a bit of flour
zest of one lemon
1 pie crust, this rye crust is my go-to
1 egg whisked with a tablespoon of water
Preheat the oven to 400F / 205C.
While the oven is warming, uses a large skillet over medium heat to saute the onions and a couple pinches of salt in the oil/clarified butter. Cook, stirring regularly, until the onions are deeply golden and caramelized, 10-15 minutes. Remove from heat.
While the onions are cooking, cut any larger early girl tomatoes in half. I typically leave the small cherry tomatoes whole. Add to the caramelized onions along with the sea salt and balsamic vinegar. Transfer to a 10 or 11-inch cast iron skillet or equivalent deep pie dish. If you get the sense that your tomatoes are quite juicy, and might release a lot of liquid, you can toss the mixture with a tablespoon or two of flour at this point. Sprinkle mixture with lemon zest.
Roll out your pie dough, and use it to cover the tomato mixture - tucking in the sides a bit. Brush the crust with the egg wash, cut a few decorative slits in the crust, and bake in the top third of the oven until the crust is deeply golden and the tomatoes are bubbling a bit at the sides, 25 - 30 minutes.
Serves 6-8.
Prep time: 10 min - Cook time: 45 min
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Spinach and Mushroom Stuffed Chicken Breasts
Ingredients
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, 6 ounces
Large plastic food storage bags or waxed paper
1 package, 10 ounces, frozen chopped spinach
2 tablespoons butter
12 small mushroom caps, crimini or button
2 cloves garlic, cracked
1 small shallot, quartered
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup part skim ricotta cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano or Romano, a couple of handfuls
1/2 teaspoon fresh grated or ground nutmeg
Toothpicks
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Sauce:
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 cup white wine
1 cup chicken broth
Directions
Place breasts in the center of a plastic food storage bag or 2 large sheets of waxed paper. Pound out the chicken from the center of the bag outward using a heavy-bottomed skillet or mallet. Be firm but controlled with your strokes.
Defrost spinach in the microwave. Transfer spinach to a kitchen towel. Twist towel around spinach and wring it out until very dry. Transfer to a medium-mixing bowl.
Place a nonstick skillet over moderate heat. When skillet is hot, add butter, mushrooms, garlic and shallot. Season with salt and pepper and saute 5 minutes. Transfer mushrooms, garlic and shallot to the food processor. Pulse to grind the mushrooms and transfer to the mixing bowl, adding the processed mushrooms to the spinach. Add ricotta and grated cheese to the bowl and the nutmeg. Stir to combine the stuffing. Return your skillet to the stove over medium high heat.
Place a mound of stuffing on each breast and wrap and roll breast over the stuffing. Secure breasts with toothpicks. Add 3 tablespoons oil to the pan, 3 turns of the pan. Add breasts to the pan and brown on all sides, cooking chicken 10 to 12 minutes. The meat will cook quickly because it is thin. Remove breasts; add butter to the pan and flour. Cook butter and flour for a minute, whisk in wine and reduce another minute. Whisk in broth and return breasts to the pan. Reduce heat and simmer until ready to serve. Remove toothpicks. Serve breasts whole or, remove from pan, slice on an angle and fan out on dinner plates. Top stuffed chicken breasts or sliced stuffed breasts with generous spoonfuls of the sauce.
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Spinach and Mushroom Stuffed Chicken Breasts
Ingredients
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, 6 ounces
Large plastic food storage bags or waxed paper
1 package, 10 ounces, frozen chopped spinach
2 tablespoons butter
12 small mushroom caps, crimini or button
2 cloves garlic, cracked
1 small shallot, quartered
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup part skim ricotta cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano or Romano, a couple of handfuls
1/2 teaspoon fresh grated or ground nutmeg
Toothpicks
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Sauce:
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 cup white wine
1 cup chicken broth
Directions
Place breasts in the center of a plastic food storage bag or 2 large sheets of waxed paper. Pound out the chicken from the center of the bag outward using a heavy-bottomed skillet or mallet. Be firm but controlled with your strokes.
Defrost spinach in the microwave. Transfer spinach to a kitchen towel. Twist towel around spinach and wring it out until very dry. Transfer to a medium-mixing bowl.
Place a nonstick skillet over moderate heat. When skillet is hot, add butter, mushrooms, garlic and shallot. Season with salt and pepper and saute 5 minutes. Transfer mushrooms, garlic and shallot to the food processor. Pulse to grind the mushrooms and transfer to the mixing bowl, adding the processed mushrooms to the spinach. Add ricotta and grated cheese to the bowl and the nutmeg. Stir to combine the stuffing. Return your skillet to the stove over medium high heat.
Place a mound of stuffing on each breast and wrap and roll breast over the stuffing. Secure breasts with toothpicks. Add 3 tablespoons oil to the pan, 3 turns of the pan. Add breasts to the pan and brown on all sides, cooking chicken 10 to 12 minutes. The meat will cook quickly because it is thin. Remove breasts; add butter to the pan and flour. Cook butter and flour for a minute, whisk in wine and reduce another minute. Whisk in broth and return breasts to the pan. Reduce heat and simmer until ready to serve. Remove toothpicks. Serve breasts whole or, remove from pan, slice on an angle and fan out on dinner plates. Top stuffed chicken breasts or sliced stuffed breasts with generous spoonfuls of the sauce.
**********************************************
Magic Crust Custard Pie
Serves: 8
Prep Time: 5 Min
Cook Time: 45 Min
Ingredients
1/4 c margarine
4 eggs
3/4 c white sugar
1 pinch salt
2 c milk, 2%
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 c all purpose flour
My Mom used to make this yummy custard. The flour settles to the bottom and creates its own crust. Easy and very good!
.
Directions
1 Put all ingredients into a blender. Blend for 30 seconds.
2 Pour into buttered 9 inch pie pan. Sprinkle with nutmeg.
3 Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. The flour will settle to make its own crust.
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Peanut Butter Cookies
Packed with great peanut butter taste, these Betty's Best peanut butter cookies are sure to please.
PREP TIME 25 Min
TOTAL TIME 2 Hr 35 Min
SERVINGS 30
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup shortening
1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 egg
1 1/4 cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 Mix sugars, peanut butter, shortening, butter and egg in large bowl. Stir in remaining ingredients. Cover and refrigerate about 2 hours or until firm.
2 Heat oven to 375ºF.
3 Shape dough into 1 1/4-inch balls. Place about 3 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet. Flatten in crisscross pattern with fork dipped into sugar.
4 Bake 9 to 10 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool 5 minutes; remove from cookie sheet. Cool on wire rack.
Expert Tips
For a special treat, sandwich two of these all-time favorites together with a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Roll the edge in chopped candy bar or nuts.
Want the perfect bumpy top on your cookies? Wipe off any excess dough and sugar that may collect between the tines of the fork.
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Mini Apple Crostatas
Turn an apple into a personal pie with sugar and spice and a bit of refrigerated pie dough. Yum!
PREP TIME 15 Min
TOTAL TIME 35 Min
SERVINGS 4
1 Pillsbury® refrigerated pie crust (from 15-oz box), softened as directed on box
1 large baking apple, peeled, cored and thinly sliced (about 2 cups)
2 tablespoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
8 teaspoons caramel flavored topping
1 Heat oven to 425°F. Unroll crust on work surface. Roll crust out slightly; cut into 4 (5-inch) rounds. Place rounds on parchment lined cookie sheet.
2 In medium bowl, mix sugar and cinnamon; toss apple slices into sugar mixture. Divide apple slices evenly onto center of each pie crust round. Fold 1/2-inch of crust over filling, pinching slightly so that crust lays flat on apples.
3 Bake 18 to 20 minutes or until crust is golden brown and apples slices are tender. Drizzle 2 teaspoons caramel topping over each crostata. If desired, serve warm with ice cream.
Expert Tips
Soft dollops of whipped cream make an awesome topper with caramel topping too.
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30 Stupid Things The Government Is Spending Money On
as of March 1, 2012
#18 The federal government spends 25 billion dollars a year maintaining federal buildings that are either unused or totally vacant.
#19 U.S. farmers are given a total of $2 billion each year for not farming their land.
#20 The U.S. government handed one Tennessee library $5,000 for the purpose of hosting a series of video game parties.
#21 A few years ago the government spent $123,050 on a Mother’s Day Shrine in Grafton, West Virginia. It turns out that Grafton only has a population of a little more than 5,000 people.
#22 One professor at Dartmouth University was given $137,530 to create a “recession-themed†video game entitled “Layoffâ€.
#23 According to the Heritage Foundation, the U.S. military spent “$998,798 shipping two 19-cent washers from South Carolina to Texas and $293,451 sending an 89-cent washer from South Carolina to Floridaâ€.
#24 The U.S. Department of Agriculture once shelled out $30,000 to a group of farmers to develop a tourist-friendly database of farms that host guests for overnight “haycationsâ€.
#25 The National Institutes of Health paid researchers $400,000 to find out why gay men in Argentina engage in risky sexual behavior when they are drunk.
#26 The National Institutes of Health also once spent $442,340 to study the behavior of male prostitutes in Vietnam.
#27 The National Institutes of Health loves to spend our tax money on really bizarre things. The NIH once spent $800,000 in “stimulus funds†to study the impact of a “genital-washing program†on men in South Africa.
#28 According to the Washington Post, 1,271 different government organizations work on government programs related to counterterrorism and homeland security.
#29 The U.S. government spent $100,000 on a “Celebrity Chef Fruit Promotion Road Show in Indonesiaâ€.
#30 The feds once gave Alaska Airlines $500,000 “to paint a Chinook salmon†on the side of a Boeing 737.
How in the world can our government be so foolish?
Anyone that claims that there is not a lot of stuff that can be cut out of the federal budget is lying to you.
All of this crazy spending is going to get us into a massive amount of trouble eventually. Already, on a per capita basis the U.S. national debt is worse than the national debts of Greece, Italy, Ireland, Portugal and Spain.
We have accumulated the biggest debt in the history of the world and we are adding to it at a rate of about 150 million dollars an hour.
Our politicians strut around as if they are the smartest and wisest leaders in the history of the world, but the truth is that someday people will look back in horror at the decline of our once great society.
The federal government needs to stop spending so much money on stupid things and needs to stop pushing our national debt to nightmarish new levels.
Unfortunately, the corruption in Washington D.C. is so deep and so pervasive that it is going to be almost impossible to turn it around.
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JOKES:
Making the Grade
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, "Johnnie! What is your problem?!"
Johnnie says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister's in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!"
The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal's office and explained Johnnie's request.
While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Johnnie's teacher that he would give the boy a test and if Johnnie failed to answer any of the special questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
The teacher agreed. Johnnie was brought into the room. The principal told Johnnie his terms and Johnnie agreed.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnnie: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnnie: "36"
Principal: "What is 9 x 9?"
Johnnie: "81"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, "I think Johnnie can go on to the third grade."
The teacher, knowing Little Johnnie's tendency toward sexual wisecracks, said to the principal, "Let *me* ask him some questions before we make that decision?"
The principal and Johnnie both agreed, Johnnie with a sly look on his face.
The teacher began by asking, "What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2 of?"
Johnnie: "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal's eyes open wide! Before he could stop Johnnie's expected answer, Johnnie said, "Pockets."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "I think we should put Johnnie in the fifth grade. I missed the last two questions myself!"
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Improving the English Language
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies.
The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year,it was announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make ords like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double leters whish have always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop them and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
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The Funniest Puns
Submitted by ms. hayes
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Old electricians never die, they just get discharged.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
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Summer Vacation is Over!
Back to School Joke:
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!; couldn't you show me the same courtesy?"
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~ ONE LINERS ~
My first grade class was asked to write a letter thanking their mum/dad/gran for something they had done for them over the school holidays. Amidst the "thanks for taking me to the park"'s came Johns letter... "Dear Gran, thank-you for doing everything that I tell you to do."
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TEACHER:how do YOU spell cat?
TOM:k-a-t
TEACHER:the dictionary spells it c-a-t
TOM:but you asked how I spelled it!
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Students are required to have a hall pass to enter the building before school. I was on duty one morning when a student started to enter the building without a hall pass. When I asked to see his hall pass, he pulled out a dollar bill. I said, "Sorry, but Mr. Washington will not get you into the building." Then I said, "How about a Benjamin?" He was unable to produce a hall pass or a "Benjamin." Needless to say, he was not able to get into the building that morning.
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Recently we, in Washington state, had over 24 hours of rain. Several school districts closed or had late starts due to floods and high waters. One was the school district of Concrete, WA. Our school remained open and on time. As they do each morning, our secretaries began calling homes of absent children. When they reached one family, they asked why their child was not in school. He seemed a bit puzzled and said, " I heard on the radio that all concrete schools were closed." Our school building was constructed with concrete, and various materials. Our secretaries quickly taught a mini geography lesson.
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One day I was preparing the computer for the children to use during center time. I had a student eager to use it. As I tried to open the program for the child the computer froze. I turned to my team teacher and said we need the technician because the "Computer is frozen" the eager four year old student looked at me and said "It's frozen and it has to melt." My partner and I thought this was so cute. i just thought I'd share this with you.
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50 Ways to Fail an Exam with Style
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "#%@& this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"
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Today, God’s message for you is to forgive yourself. Any shortcomings or perceived failures are only lessons in God’s love. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to move forward. God still loves you. You can, too.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, etc
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