Yesterday would have been my first born, James Edward Grenier (Jamie), 41st birthday.    One would think that after 41 years a mother would not hurt for a child that passed all that long ago.  He died on January 12, 1972 of SIDS.  But this mother still has a big hole  in her heart for him. 
 
     I often wonder, what he would look like now, heck I wondered that entire time he would have been growing up.   I wonder now if he would have married.  What field of work he would have chosen and how many children he would have had.  Where he would have lived. Oh so many forever unanswered questions. 
 
   I have gone thru counseling for losing my number 1 son.  But nothing has helped.  How can it help when from the time you were a small child and knew what a family was suppose to be, and someone asked what you wanted to be, and you would answer everytime , "A full time mother of lots of kids"  ha ha,  had two more boys that grew up and  moved away and forgot how to contact mom in now over 7 years for one and 3 years for the other.  So inturn I feel like I have lost the other two sons too.

Life is so unfair, I cant wait til I get to Heaven and ask my Heavenly Father why my life went this way.  I followed my Jesus and the Holy Book. .as instructed and as much as any Sinner can. Yes, I am not perfect, and I admit to being a Sinner, but I know that Jesus has died for me and has buried my sins.  That is along as I ask for forgiveness and not do that sin anymore or try not to.  I know I have forgiveness. . .

Oh well, I will see my  Jamie when I get to Heaven. . I mean where else does an innocent baby go.   I just dont know if I will see a grown man when I get there or will see my baby. . .
What does my Christian friends think or know. .. which will I see?
I know my Grandparents Curtis is there with him. . which ever size he is.

OBTW -  Jamie  hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday in Heaven. . I baked you a nice chocolate cake poke cake with cherry jello and cool whip icing, as well I made a wonderful meal yesterday of Roasted pork butt, old timey mac and cheese and fresh mustard greens.  Figure one of them you would like...
Love you Jamie. ..

Tags: Belated birthday in Heaven ltr

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Spoiled Rotten

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."1

A Daily Encounter reader shares how her re-married father spoils her stepsisters rotten but totally neglects her, and has done so for many years. She feels totally abandoned and rejected by him. One can understand how she feels, but as long as she feels bitter towards her father, she will never find peace of mind or heart. She, of course, is not alone in her situation. Endless people are still carrying hurt and nursing grudges from things that happened years earlier.

The reality is, as I continually remind folk, that we can't change anybody else regardless of our relationship with them. The only person we can ever change is our self.

The real issue is not so much on what others do to us, but how we react (or overreact) to external circumstances. If our inner sense of wellbeing is dependent on how others treat us, we will remain miserable much of the time. What others do to me is their issue. How I respond is always my issue, my responsibility, and my choice. Furthermore, when we overreact to external circumstances, it is always our problem. We overreact when we have hurtful issues from the past that we have never resolved, and those ancient buried feelings get triggered.

In her book, Your Life Matters, Petrea King wrote, "Peace becomes possible when we stop blaming anything or anyone for how we feel and take responsibility for our own perceptions. If we pursue happiness in the way our culture suggests, we reach for it outside of ourselves and remain dependent on circumstances that will remain forever beyond our control. But if we anchor our sense of self in our consciousness, rather than in the outer trappings or events of our life, peace becomes possible."2

And as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Though we search the world over for the beautiful, we find it within or we find it not."

Furthermore, as Christians, we not only need to resolve our hurt and angry feelings from the past, but also to surrender circumstances beyond our control to the Lord and trust him to bring good out of the situation. That is a choice we can each make and live by. Only then will we discover the peace that Jesus promised to his disciples and followers.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to realize that lasting peace comes from within and is not dependent on external circumstances. Help me to change the things I can change and accept with grace the things I can't change—and through these circumstances become more mature and Christ-like in every way. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. John 14:27 (NIV).

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Today, God’s message for you is to not fear illness or death.  We must accept that today may be all we will ever have.  Tomorrow may belong only to others.  Be inspired by what you have already accomplished and create memories that will forever live in the hearts of those you must leave behind

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - H

heal (hel'), n abd u. to predict or suppose the future action of a specific male.  "If that surgeon keeps drinkin', heel kill somebody."

Hel-en (hel'-en), n and conj.  the underworld,  plus the aftermath.  "That poor guy's been to Helen back."

hip-pie (hip'-e), n. a reference to thge hauch of a specific male.  "ever since he got shot in the hippie walks funny."

hoard  (hord'), v, having committed an act of marital indiscretion, sometimes preceded by a financial interaction.  "She hoard around on him one too many times."


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 Live In The Present, Let Go Of The Past, Don’t Worry About The Future


Living in the present moment can be challenging for many of us and the interesting thing is that not too many people understand that: “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly”. ~Buddha

Today I want to share with you a beautiful story about the power of the present moment and why is it so important to train our minds to stay focused on TODAY so continue reading if you too feel the need to cry over the past and/or stress over the future.

 
YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry.

Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares,

Its faults and blunders, Its aches and pains.

YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.

We cannot undo a single act we performed.

We cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW.

With its possible adversities, Its burdens,

Its large promise and poor performance.

TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW‘s Sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,

but it will rise.

Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW, for it is yet unborn.

This just leaves only one day . . . TODAY.

Any person can fight the battles of just one day.

It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity’s -

YESTERDAY and TOMORROW that we break down.

It is not the experience of  TODAY that drives people mad.

It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY.

and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

Let us therefore LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.”

~ Author Unknown

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RECIPE:

Chocolate Cherry Cake
 
Description
A great tasting easy to make cake modifying a box cake that no one will know it's a box cake

Ingredients
(1) Box Choc. Cake Mix w/pudding in box
(3) Eggs
(1) can Cherry Pie Filling ( Comstock)
(1) Tbs Cooking oil

Directions
Blend well in mixing bowl the pie filling,eggs,cooking oil. Add cake mix and blend well. Spray bundt pan w/Pam or like product
Place mixture in bundt pan, level top, and place on center rack in oven.

Prep Time: 10 Min
Cook Time: 35 Min
Total Time: 45 Min
Servings: 12

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PUMPKIN CREAM CHEESE BREAD

FILLING

1 package (8 ounce) cream cheese, softened
1/2 to 3/4 cup sugar (depending on how sweet you want the filling to be)
1 Tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

BREAD

1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 to 1 1/4 cup(s) pumpkin puree, canned or homemade
1/2 cup canola oil
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts

CINNAMON GLAZE

1 cup powdered sugar
2 to 2 1/2 Tablespoons half & half
1/2 to 1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts for garnish

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease and flour two 8 x 4 x 3-inch loaf pans. In a medium mixing bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, flour, egg, and vanilla; beat until smooth and creamy. Set aside. In a large bowl, blend 1 2/3 cup flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and nutmeg; set aside. In another medium bowl, combine the pumpkin puree, canola oil, eggs and sugar; beat well. Stir the pumpkin mixture into the flour mixture just until combined. Fold in the chopped pecans or walnuts.

*

Pour half of the pumpkin bread batter evenly into the two prepared loaf pans. Spoon cream cheese mixture on top of the pumpkin batter layers in each loaf pan and then spoon or pour on the remaining pumpkin batter (if you don't have enough pumpkin batter to cover the cream cheese layer entirely, that's okay, because you'll be swirling them together anyway). Take a knife and stick straight down into the top pumpkin batter layer and middle cream cheese layer; swirl the knife around in these two layers, creating a marble effect; this will give the cream cheese filling a nice swirly shape as it bakes.

*

Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 55 to 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in center of the loaf comes out clean. Cool bread in pans for 10 minutes; remove to a rack to cool completely. While waiting for the bread to cool, mix your cinnamon glaze: combine powdered sugar and half & half, blending well; then add cinnamon and mix until smooth and creamy. Note: the cinnamon makes this glaze darker in color, so if you want a lighter, creamy color glaze, just add a dash of cinnamon to the mixture. Drizzle over completely cooled bread loaves and then sprinkle on nuts for garnish.


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Spooky Mummy Hot Dogs

Ingredients :
1 1-oz.tube refrigerated
bread stick dough
12 hot dogs
1 egg
1 tablespoon water
Mustard (for eyes)

Directions:
Separate dough into strips.Wrap one strip
of dough around each hot dog,leaving 1/2 inch
uncovered for face.
Arrange on a lightly greased baking sheet.
Whisk together egg and water;brush over dough.
Bake at 350 for 14 to 16 minutes,or until golden.
Dot mustard on hot dogs with a toothpick to form
eyes,if desired.

Serving/Yield:12 hot dogs

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Easy Caramel Apple Bars

Bake the irresistible combination of caramel and apples in an easy cookie mix bar.

    PREP TIME 15 Min
    TOTAL TIME 2 Hr 55 Min
    SERVINGS 36

INGREDIENTS

1/2    cup cold butter
1    pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® oatmeal cookie mix
1    egg
1    cup finely chopped peeled apple
3/4    cup caramel topping
1/4    cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour

DIRECTIONS:
    1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray.
    2 In large bowl, cut butter into cookie mix using fork or pastry blender. Stir in egg until mixture is crumbly.
    3 Reserve 1 1/2 cups cookie mixture. Press remaining cookie mixture into bottom of pan. Bake 15 minutes. Sprinkle apple evenly over crust. In small bowl, mix caramel topping and flour; drizzle over apples. Sprinkle reserved cookie mixture over apples.
    4 Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool completely, about 2 hours. For bars, cut into 9 rows by 4 rows.

Expert Tips

Empire, Regent and Spartan apples are good choices for baked apple desserts.
Skip the cooking spray and line pan with foil for quick cleanup and easy bar remova

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Apple Streusel Cheesecake Bars

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 3 Hr 40 Min
    SERVINGS 24

INGREDIENTS:

1    pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® oatmeal cookie mix
1/2    cup firm butter or margarine
2    packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened
1/2    cup sugar
2    tablespoons Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1    teaspoon vanilla
1    egg
1    can (21 oz) apple pie filling
1/2    teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4    cup chopped walnuts

DIRECTIONS:

    1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray.
    2 Place cookie mix in large bowl. With pastry blender or fork, cut in butter until mixture is crumbly and coarse. Reserve 1 1/2 cups crumb mixture; press remaining crumbs in bottom of pan. Bake 10 minutes.
    3 Meanwhile, in large bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar, flour, vanilla and egg with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth.
    4 Spread cream cheese mixture evenly over partially baked crust. In medium bowl, mix pie filling and cinnamon. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle reserved crumbs over top. Sprinkle with walnuts.
    5 Bake 35 to 40 minutes longer or until light golden brown. Cool about 30 minutes. Refrigerate to chill, about 2 hours. For bars, cut into 6 rows by 4 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.

Expert Tips

This recipe was one of fifteen winners in the 2007 Mix It Up with Betty! Cookie Mix Recipe Contest. More than $10,000 was awarded!

Cut the bars into larger servings and serve with a fork.


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Fabulous Fruit Bars

 Bake a warm and cozy fruit dessert bar using cookie mix and pie filling, ingredients already in your cupboard.

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 1 Hr 20 Min
    SERVINGS 24

 Base

2    pouches (1 lb 1.5 oz each) Betty Crocker® sugar cookie mix
1    cup butter or margarine, softened
1/2    teaspoon almond extract
2    eggs

Filling

1    can (21 oz) cherry pie filling

Topping

1    cup powdered sugar
1    tablespoon milk
1/4    teaspoon almond extract

DIRECTIONS:
    1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray.
    2 In large bowl, stir base ingredients until soft dough forms. Press half of dough in bottom of pan.
    3 Spread pie filling over dough. Drop remaining dough by teaspoonfuls over filling.
    4 Bake 45 to 50 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 10 minutes.
    5 In small bowl, stir glaze ingredients until smooth. If necessary, add additional milk, 1 teaspoon at a time, until thin enough to drizzle. Drizzle glaze over warm bars. For bars, cut into 6 rows by 4 rows. Store covered at room temperature.

Expert Tips

This recipe was awarded honorable mention in the 2007 Mix It Up with Betty! Cookie Mix Recipe Contest.

Serve warm with a scoop of ice cream.

Use your favorite flavor of pie filling.

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Parrot Pharmacy In A leaf
By Carolyn Swicegood

Aloe Vera is a thick-leafed perennial succulent belonging to the lily family and resembling a cactus plant. It is perhaps the best-known medicinal plant in North America and is also known as the burn plant. It has been used fin over four thousand years all over the world for a great variety of human and animal ailments. If you apply the gel from the inner leaf to an itchy insect bite or a painful sunburn, you will get instant relief Even cuts and bruises are instantly soothed by the application of the gel. due to the pain-killing action of Lupeol, Salicylic Acid, and Magnesium. A poultice made from this inner-leaf gel is highly effective on burns, bites, cuts, blisters, bruises and blemishes. As a first aid-treatment, it can stop pain and reduce the chance of infection and scarring while greatly enhancing the healing process. Although skin cancer is a serious medical problem requiring medical attention, there are many reports of total cures by applying Aloe Vera gel two to four times a day for several months. Cold pressed Aloe Vera gel is hypoallergenic, has anti-itch properties. is a superior skin penetrant, and is an effective skin moisturizer. It's renewed popularity has not been lost on the cosmetics industry Just read the labels of such products as moisturizers, cleansers, deodorants, lotions, suntan preparations. Shampoos and conditioners for hair and quite often you will find Aloe Vera listed among the ingredients, sometimes as the main ingredient. Even "baby wipes" now contain Aloe Vera!

Many of us use this natural healing agent to treat the skin problems of our parrots. Whereas chemical ointments may have toxic side effects in our birds, Aloe can he used to soothe and heal minor cuts, bruises, abrasions, and rashes with complete safety. There is preliminary evidence that Aloe gel spray is effective with some feather plucking in parrots. It is thought that this effect is due to the "anti-itch" properties of Aloe. The sooner treatment is begun. the better the chances of cessation of this frustrating problem. as the long-term habitual plucker is more difficult to treat. Try filling a spray bottle with four parts pure water and one part Aloe Vera. (Do not use cold spray on the bare skin of a feather-plucked bird). It can he made stronger or weaker as needed.

From the experiences I personally know of with Aloe Detox. it probably should he a part of every parrot owner's first aid arsenal. Aloe Detox is a detoxifying formula available from better health food stores. It contains double-strength Aloe Vera Gel (200:1) with pure Aloe Vera pulp and a natural herbal blend of Milk Thistle, Burdock, Dandelion, Echinacea, Green Lea, Red Clover and Blue Cohosh.. There are several brands available but the cases that I know of personally were successfully treated with a brand called "Natureade" which uses all organic ingredients and has been around since I926. At this writing, it costs less than fifteen dollars for thirty- two fluid ounces. It is recommended at the ratio of one part formula to two parts water for HUMAN consumption. Because it is non-toxic, one can adjust the amount given a parrot according to the severity of its medical condition.

One case was that of an Amazon baby, which a practicing veterinarian had given up for dead because of a very stubborn and serious crop problem. The bird had been treated with spinach. BeneBac. Nystatin and even Tylosine with some improvement, but after two feedings with Aloe Detox. the bird made a dramatic recovery and the problem has never recurred. In another case, two veterinarians had been unable to diagnose or successfully treat an adult female Eclectus which was extremely ill. Both had tried everything at their disposal to save her but finally sent her home to he kept comfortable until the inevitable end. In desperation, the owner started the bird on Aloe Detox and for the first time in six weeks, the Eclectus resumed eating, gained weight, and within weeks had perfectly normal values on a CBC. One of the veterinarians commented that had he not drawn the blood himself, he would have sworn that it came from a different bird which had never been ill! These are documented cases, although no formal tests with controls have been run on this product as far as I know. At the very least, when our veterinarians give up on seriously ill birds or other pets, there is nothing to lose by trying this all-natural and non-toxic product.

Although it has been used in the United States mainly as a treatment for surface skin injuries and problems. Aloe is used primarily as a beverage in the rest of the world. Aloe is effective for many inflammatory conditions of the digestive system and other organs. It has been shown in lab tests to prevent stomach lesions and to cure gastric and peptic ulcers. There have been many reports that it is effective in cases of colitis and other inflammations of the digestive tract. Just as in humans, many health conditions in parrots and other animals begin with digestive problems. Many parrot owners now seek to prevent these problems by the regular addition of Aloe Vera to their water or food supply. In the wild, our birds could seek out natural clays and plants to detoxify the foods they consume which may have toxic properties. Few of us provide our birds an effective substitute for this valuable component of their diet. In Russia, tests were conducted on rabbits to see if Aloe increased the body's ability to handle harmful substances. Of the rabbits given Aloe Vera for thirty days, a third of them were able to survive deadly doses of Strychnine. Whereas, no rabbits without the Aloe Vera were able to survive. This could indicate that the natural protective functions of the body are stimulated by this remedy. Considering the fact that the fresh fruits and vegetables as well as the seeds and grains that we feed to our birds are usually contaminated by varying amounts of pesticides and other chemicals. The addition of a detoxifying agent could prevent many illnesses and discomforts as well as prolong their life spans, which all too often are not what they could and should be. Perhaps the addition of Aloe to the diet of parrots could be considered the next best thing to feeding all organic foods, which sometimes are expensive and difficult to obtain. The polysaccharides found in Aloe Vera gel exhibit antiviral activity and enhance immune cell function. Aids patients have been able to obtain relict from many of their symptoms such as night sweats and fever without the toxic side effects of prescription drugs. If this enhanced immunity translates into less illness for our birds, it's definitely worth trying.

Many arthritis sufferers have found that their aches and pains respond to an oral regimen of four tablespoons of Aloe Vera gel daily. At that rate, a gallon of gel or juice will last one person for two months. When the dosage is titrated down to the small amount needed for a parrot, Aloe Vera may he the least expensive supplement on the market. It is obvious in older parrots that they too have arthritic changes causing aches and pains. It certainly would seem possible that they too may be helped by the addition of Aloe to their diet. There are many claims by dog owners that the addition of Aloe to the diet made remarkable improvements in their dogs crippling arthritis. Many people swear by stabilized Aloe Vera juice as a nasal irrigant to prevent and eliminate the discomfort of sinus conditions. Many of our birds too suffer with this malady and the use of an Aloe Vera and saline solution to flush congested sinuses may prove to he a useful remedy. In addition to all of the aforementioned benefits to our birds. the following conditions also have been improved by the use of Aloe Vera: abscesses, cysts. E.Coli., Fungus. Mycohacterium, Strep and Staph infections, Salmonella, Respiratory infections, Yeast infections. and parasites! And best of all, even if Aloe Vera does not improve all of these conditions. How many other remedies can make the claim that they do no harm? At the very least, in non-emergency situations, Aloe Vera can be tried before other products which may have detrimental side effects. Perhaps preventative use of this wonderful natural remedy will restore some of the components missing from the diets of our parrots and prevent some of the associated problems.


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JOKES:

"You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower."
"Really? Which rat was he?"

How does a Turkey drink her wine?
In a gobble-let

What do turkeys like to do on sunny days?
They like to go on a peck-nic.


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What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?
He gave tanks.

What do turkeys use to clean themselves?
They use "feather dusters"!

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.


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What's black and white and red all over?
A Pilgrim with a rash!

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Why did the turkey eat his meal so quickly?
Because he was a gobbler.


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What was the main thing the Pilgrims did during the first winter?
Starve.

Why did Johnny get such low grades after Thanksgiving?
Because everything is marked down after the holidays.

What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey?
"Pleased to eat you!"

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What did the little turkey say to the big turkey?
"Peck" on someone your own size!

What do you get after eating way too much turkey and dressing?
Dessert, of course!

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 Make a Choice

Maybe your past isn’t much to brag about. Maybe you’ve seen raw evil—and now you have to make a choice. Do you rise above the past and make a difference? Or do you remain controlled by the past and make excuses?

Healthy bodies.  Sharp minds.  But retired dreams.  Back and forth they rock in the chair of regret.  Lean closely and you’ll hear them.

If only I’d been born somewhere else. . .

If only I’d been treated fairly. . .

If only I’d had more opportunities. . .if only. . .

Put down the scrapbook of your life and pick up the Bible.  Read Jesus’ words in John 3:6: “Human life comes from human parents but spiritual life comes from the Spirit.”

God has not left you adrift on a sea of heredity. You have a choice in the path you take.

Choose well!

 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Hope Springs Eternal

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God."1

We can endure many trials in life as long as we have hope. Without hope, however, many people in seemingly hopeless situations give up and die before their time. Too many end up taking their life.

If anyone ever had a reason to feel hopeless it was Job. He lost his wealth, his health, and his children. His body, covered with boils, was racked with pain. His life had become a living nightmare. His friends said it was because of his sins and failures. He was so destitute his wife suggested he curse God and die.

Job had no idea that God was allowing Satan to test him. But through all his tests and attacks, Job never lost his faith in God. In the midst of his despair his soul cried out the profound words upon which Handel based his "Messiah."

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God." Job instinctively knew that he was more than a body in that he was a living soul and that, in the end, he would see God.

We too, can have this same confidence and hope knowing that no matter what happens to us, by accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and trusting our life to God day by day, we too can have the hope and confidence that we too, like Job, will see God face to face and remain with him forever in heaven.

God's Word promises, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son [Jesus Christ]. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life."2 There is no greater hope than this in all of life. Do make sure this hope is yours. For help, read the article in No. 3 below.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to know you in a personal way, so that I have the assurance that all my sins are forgiven, and that I have the hope of eternal life when, like Job, I will see you face to face. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Job 19:25-26 (NIV).
2. 1 John 5:11-13 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - G

ga-la  (gal'-e), n and v. a woman inclined to take action.  "Her sister might be a dud, but that gala show you a good time!"

god-dess (gad'-es), n and v the future action of a supreme being.  "Goddess gonna get you for that."

gro-cer (gros' -er) , adj and conj. and inquiry regarding the extent of repulsiveness.  "Is he grocer what?"

gui-tar (get-tar'), v. and n.  to preform an errand resulting in the acquisition of abituminous liquid.  "If we're gona fix this roof we're gonn have to guitar."


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Quick Fixes

 Sure-Fire Grass Stain Removal
 If you accidentally got some grass stains on your clothing this weekend, cover the stains with rubbing alcohol and soak for 10 to 15 minutes. Rinse out the alcohol with warm water, and launder the clothing as usual.


Home Cooked Furniture Polish
 Choose one of these formulas for polishing wood furniture...
Mix ? cup of distilled white vinegar with 1 cup of olive oil or
Mix 1 cup of mineral or baby oil with 3 drops of lemon extract. Rub the homemade polish on the furniture with a soft, lint-free cloth, wipe it off and your wood will gleam.


Healthier Garden Plants
 If you’ve had sick plants, your garden tools may also be infected. Kill any problem bacteria by washing the tools thoroughly with soap and warm water. Wear rubber gloves.
If you want a stronger solution to sanitize your tools, soak them in 1 gallon of water mixed with ¾ cup of bleach. Rinse the tools thoroughly with plain water before using them again.
Don’t forget to wash your gloves, gardening shoes and any other clothes that may have had contact with the ailing plants.


Faster Potato-Baking Idea
 To shorten potato-baking time, scrub the potato skins well, puncture and put each potato in a muffin tin cup. Be sure to fill any empty muffin compartments halfway with water to prevent the tin from smoking or warping


 Stronger Than Thread For Sewing Buttons
 You may find that children’s clothes or work clothes often test the endurance of cotton thread.
Use unwaxed dental floss to sew the buttons and they pass the endurance test.


Stretch Your Dish Detergent
 In a plastic squeeze bottle, combine one part liquid dish detergent with one part distilled white vinegar and three parts water. Shake it a few times before using. The detergent cuts the grease, the white vinegar disinfects and helps clean, and the water acts as detergent-extender…making it last longer.


Measure Medicine The Right Way
If you need to give or take a liquid medicine, be sure to use a measuring cap or dosing spoon. Why? Kitchen teaspoons and tablespoons vary in size, which means you get an incorrect dosage.


Make Your White Clothes Sparkle…Without Bleach
 If you want to get your white summer clothing looking fresh again, try this.
In a basin of just-boiled water, add the juice of a small lemon. Let your white clothes soak for at least 30 minutes, then launder them as usual.
For super-grungy socks or very soiled pieces, soak overnight before laundering.

 Make That Cream Last Longer
 If you have sweet cream that’s just starting to turn sour, bring back the sweetness by adding a pinch of baking soda.


More Uses For Your Garden Hose
 If your garden hose has sprung several leaks and is beyond repair, recycle it by poking additional holes into it and turning it into a sprinkler (also called a “soaker hose”) for your lawn or garden.
You can also cut up an old hose and use it to brace newly planted trees—it will protect their bark.


How To have a perfect pineapple
 The bottom of a pineapple gets ripe and even overripe while the top or crown stays green. To remedy, turn the pineapple upside down and let it stand that way until it is ripe. How do you know it’s ripe? Pluck a small leaf. If the leaf comes out easily, the pineapple is ready to cut and serve.


A Sweeter Smelling Room
 Vacuum up a tablespoon of your favorite sweet-smelling herb—lavender, cinnamon, the contents of a spiced tea bag—or put the perfume strips from magazines or a scented fabric softener sheet in the vacuum cleaner bag. The vacuum’s heat brings out the fragrance of the herb or perfume.


 #1 Mistake Made with Flowering Houseplants
         
When it comes to pots for flowering houseplants, bigger is not better. For the health of the plant, use a pot that will keep the roots close together rather than spread out.

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RECIPE:

Chewy Cocoa Brownies
Moist and chewy, these brownies will be a hit whether as an afternoon snack or topped with ice cream and served as an after-dinner dessert.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:     
 
1 2/3 cups granulated sugar
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter or margarine, melted
2 tablespoons water
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup NESTLÉ ® TOLL HOUSE ® Baking Cocoa
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup chopped nuts, (optional)
Powdered sugar

DIRECTIONS:

PREHEAT oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 13x9-inch baking pan.

COMBINE sugar, butter and water in large bowl. Stir in eggs and vanilla extract. Combine flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt in medium bowl; stir into sugar mixture. Stir in nuts. Spread into prepared baking pan.

BAKE for 18 to 25 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out slightly sticky. Cool in pan on wire rack. Sprinkle with powdered sugar, if desired. Cut into bars.

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Peanut Butter Waffle Toast

Waffle toast? Bread covered with a peanut butter batter is baked in a waffle iron, creating a cross between French toast and waffles.

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 20 Min
    SERVINGS 6

INGREDIENTS:
1 1/4    cups milk
1    cup Original Bisquick® mix
1/2    cup peanut butter
2    tablespoons granulated sugar
1    teaspoon vanilla
1    egg
6    to 8 slices bread
6    to 8 tablespoons miniature semisweet chocolate chips
    Powdered sugar, if desired

DIRECTIONS:
    1 Heat waffle iron; grease with shortening if necessary (or spray with cooking spray before heating).
    2 In medium bowl, stir milk, Bisquick mix, peanut butter, granulated sugar, vanilla and egg until well blended. Carefully dip bread into batter on both sides. Place in waffle iron; close lid.
    3 Bake about 2 minutes or until steaming stops and "toast" is golden. Carefully remove waffle toast. Sprinkle each waffle with 1 tablespoon chocolate chips and powdered sugar.

Expert Tips

The peanutty batter covering the bread is thick so it clings to the bread. If it seems a little too thick, add a small amount of milk. When you coat the bread, use your fingers to turn the slices (messy) or try using a spatula (less messy). Either way, the toast turns out delicious!

How many slices of waffle toast you'll actually make will depend on the type of bread you use.

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Sausage Cheese Balls

These little appetizers make a big hit with any crowd. They continue to be one of our most-requested recipes! About

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 45 Min
    SERVINGS 102

Ingredients:

3    cups Original Bisquick mix
1    pound uncooked bulk pork sausage
4    cups shredded Cheddar cheese (16 ounces)
1/2    cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2    cup milk
1/2    teaspoon dried rosemary leaves, crushed
1 1/2    teaspoons chopped fresh parsley or 1/2 teaspoon parsley flakes
    Barbecue sauce or chili sauce, if desired

DIRECTIONS:

    1 Heat oven to 350ºF. Lightly grease bottom and sides of jelly roll pan, 15 1/2x10 1/2x2x1 inch.
    2 In large bowl, stir together all ingredients except barbecue sauce, using hands or spoon. Shape mixture into 1-inch balls. Place in pan.
    3 Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until brown. Immediately remove from pan. Serve warm with sauce for dipping.

Expert Tips

Want to make these savory cheese balls ahead? Your options are many! You can:
Cover and refrigerate unbaked balls up to 24 hours. Bake as directed.
Cover and freeze unbaked balls up to 1 month. Heat oven to 350ºF. Place frozen balls on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until brown.
Bake as directed; cover and freeze up to 1 month. Heat oven to 350ºF. Place frozen balls on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until heated through.
Bake as directed; cover and freeze up to 1 month. Place 6 frozen balls on microwavable plate. Loosely cover with waxed paper. Microwave on High 45 seconds to 1 minute or until heated through.

*The recipe is correct as written, the mixture is made with uncooked sausage.

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Apricot-Caramel-Coconut Bars

Treat your guests with these apricot-caramel-coconut bars that are made with almonds – a wonderful dessert.

    PREP TIME 10 Min
    TOTAL TIME 3 Hr
    SERVINGS 36

INGREDIENTS:

1    cup slivered Almonds
2    cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1/2    cup granulated sugar
1    cup cold butter, cut into pieces
1    cup apricot preserves
1/3    cup caramel topping
3/4    cup shredded coconut

DIRECTIONS:
    1 Heat oven to 350°F. In food processor bowl with metal blade, place almonds. Cover; process, using quick on-and-off motions, until finely chopped. Add flour, sugar and butter. Cover; process; using quick on-and-off motions, until mixture looks like coarse crumbs.
    2 In bottom of ungreased 13x9-inch pan, evenly press half of crumb mixture (about 2 1/2 cups).
    3 In medium bowl, mix preserves, caramel topping and coconut. Spread over crumb mixture to within 1/2 inch of edges. Sprinkle remaining crumb mixture evenly over apricot mixture to edges of pan.
    4 Bake 40 to 50 minutes or until edges are golden brown. Cool completely, about 2 hours. For bars, cut into 6 rows by 6 rows.

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Almond Streusel-Cherry Cheesecake Bars

Sugar cookie mix makes the base of a creamy cheesecake bar with a baked-in cherry filling.


    PREP TIME 45 Min
    TOTAL TIME 4 Hr
    SERVINGS 24
 
Cookie Base and Topping

1    pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® sugar cookie mix
1/4    cup cold butter or margarine
4    oz (half of 8-oz package) cream cheese
1/2    cup sliced almonds

Filling

2 1/2    packages (8 oz each) cream cheese (20 oz), softened
1/2    cup sugar
2    tablespoons Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1    teaspoon almond extract
2    eggs
1    can (21 oz) cherry pie filling

DIRECTIONS:

    1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray. Place cookie mix in large bowl. Cut in butter and 4 oz cream cheese, using pastry blender or fork, until mixture is crumbly. Reserve 1 1/2 cups mixture for topping. Press remaining mixture in bottom of pan. Bake 12 minutes.
    2 Meanwhile, in large bowl, beat 20 oz cream cheese, the sugar, flour, almond extract and eggs with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth.
    3 Spread cream cheese mixture evenly over partially baked cookie base. Spoon pie filling evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle with reserved topping and almonds.
    4 Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool 30 minutes. Refrigerate about 2 hours or until chilled. For bars, cut into 6 rows by 4 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.

Expert Tips

You’ll need a total of three 8-ounce packages of cream cheese for this recipe.

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Peanut Butter Cookie Candy Bars

Love crunchy caramel-peanut butter candy bars? Try these indulgent cookies to satisfy cravings.

    PREP TIME 45 Min
    TOTAL TIME 2 Hr 30 Min
    SERVINGS 36

 Cookie Base

1    pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® peanut butter cookie mix
3    tablespoons vegetable oil
1    tablespoon water
1    egg

Filling

1/3    cup light corn syrup
3    tablespoons butter or margarine, softened
3    tablespoons peanut butter
1    tablespoon plus 1 1/2 teaspoons water
1 1/4    teaspoons vanilla
    Dash salt
3 1/2    cups powdered sugar

Caramel Layer

1    bag (14 oz) caramels, unwrapped
2    tablespoons water
1 1/2    cups unsalted dry-roasted peanuts

Topping

1    bag (11.5 oz) milk chocolate chips (2 cups)

DIRECTIONS:
    1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom only of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray. In large bowl, stir cookie base ingredients until soft dough forms. Press dough in bottom of pan. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool completely, about 30 minutes.
    2 In large bowl, beat all filling ingredients except powdered sugar with electric mixer on medium speed until creamy and smooth. Gradually beat in powdered sugar until well blended (filling will be thick). Press filling over cookie base. Refrigerate while preparing caramel layer.
    3 In 2-quart saucepan, heat caramels and 2 tablespoons water over low heat, stirring constantly, until caramels are melted. Stir in peanuts. Spread evenly over filling. Refrigerate about 15 minutes or until caramel layer is firm.
    4 In small microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate chips uncovered on High 1 to 2 minutes, stirring once, until melted. Spread evenly over caramel layer. Refrigerate about 1 hour or until chocolate is set. For bars, cut into 9 rows by 4 rows. Store covered at room temperature.

Expert Tips

Skip the cooking spray, and instead line the pan with quick-release foil for easy cleanup and removal of bars from the pan.


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JOKES:

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"
His friends who had got quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"
The father said with a long-drawn face, "Do you think it is so easy to catch it?"

Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

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Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses (guns).
The second pilgrim asks, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?”
The first pilgrim explains, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again”. The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, “Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?”

What do you get if you cross a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey?
A Witch-bone

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist!

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Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey, he’s already been stuffed!

What are unhappy cranberries called?
Blueberries!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wilma.
Wilma who?
Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?

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Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
He was exceeding the feed limit!

What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.

How To Cook A Turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

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Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the bread?
It’s a crummy job

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a baked fruit dessert?
Peach gobbler!

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

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Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling off?
The buckle was on his hat!

What would you get if you crossed a Pilgrim with a type of cracker?
A Pilgraham!

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age!

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Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play!

What would you get if you crossed Thanksgiving and Easter?
Feaster Sunday!

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!

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Why was the dog chasing the band in the Thanksgiving parade?
He wanted to bury the trombones!

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside.

Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle?
He wanted a light snack!

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"I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
"So what are you serving now?"
"Squash."

Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

Teacher: "Where did the Pilgrims come from?"
Student: "Their parents, of course!"

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 You Are His
 
God’s grace defines you!
 
Society labels you like a can on an assembly line. Stupid.  Unproductive. Slow learner.  Fast talker.  Quitter.  But as grace infiltrates, criticism disintegrates. You know you aren’t who they say you are.
 
You are who God says you are:  “spiritually alive.” Heavenly positioned, “seated with him in the heavenly realms.”  “One with Jesus Christ.”
 
Of course, not all labels are negative.  Some people regard you as clever, successful. But it doesn’t compare with being “seated with him in the heavenly realms!”  God creates the Christian’s resume!
 
Grace defines who you are.  The parent you can’t please is as mistaken as the doting uncle you can’t disappoint.
 
Listen, God wrote your story.  He cast you in his drama. You hang as God’s work of art, a testimony in his gallery of grace.
 
According to Him, you are His.  Period.
 
“And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.”  Ephesians 2:6   AMEN 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

What If There Is a Hell?

"And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."1

How often have you heard the argument, "If God is a God of love, how could he ever send anyone to hell?" Others who say they believe in God just don't believe there is such a place as hell." But what if there is a hell? The fact is that Jesus in God's Word repeatedly speaks about hell and warns people about the wrath to come.

Keep in mind, however, that hell was prepared first of all for the rebellious devil and his fallen angels . Also realize that in a very real sense it isn't God who sends us to hell, but it is we ourselves when we disbelieve God's warning and reject or fail to accept his pardon for all our sins and receive his gift of eternal salvation. God will not force us to spend eternity with him when we have refused his fellowship and forgiveness in life.

In his book, Echoes of Eternity, Dennis Kastens writes about people who never heeded the following warning: "During World War II the city of Palermo, Sicily, a military objective of the Allied Powers, was to be bombed by the American Air Force. To warn the Sicilians, telling them to flee, thousands of pamphlets were dropped on the city beforehand, but the citizens simply did not believe the warning. They listened, but they did not hear! When the American planes came and dropped their bombs, hundreds of Sicilians were killed; in fact, in some cold, dead hands were found the very pages urging them to leave the city."2

Whatever you do, don't fail to heed God's repeated warning about hell and the wrath to come after this life. Make absolutely sure your name is written in God's book of life. See also the article below: "The Why of Hell."*

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, I confess to you that I am a sinner and believe that your Son, Jesus, died on the cross in my place to pay the penalty for all my sins. Please forgive me of all my sins, and Lord Jesus, please come into my heart and life and be my personal Lord and Savior. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

NOTE: If you have never accepted Jesus as your savior and prayed the prayer above, please let us know by filling in the form at http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php and we will send you the web address for free online helpful articles.

*The WHY of Hell. Because God is a God of holiness no sin or sinner can ever exist in his presence any more than darkness can survive in the presence of light, or a moth in a flame. And because God is a God of justice, all sin (the breaking of God's universal moral laws) must be judged and that judgment is death, which is eternal separation from God in the place the Bible calls hell. The good news is that God is also a God of infinite love. That's why he gave his Son, Jesus, to die in our place on the cross to pay the penalty for all our sins and save us from spending eternity in hell. All we need to do is confess our sinfulness to God, believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that he died on the cross in our place, and ask God for his forgiveness and accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior.

Revelation 20:13-15 (KJV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - F 

fit-ness (fit'-nes) v and n.  to be able to wear a snug garment.   "and you didnt think I could fitness bathin' suit after three kids!"

fo-rum (for'-em) prep. and n concerning alliance with others.  "the thing about NASCAR drivers is there's no gray area.  You're either forum or against 'em."

fre-quent (frek'-went), n. and v/ the path of  any person afflicted awith grotesque physical oddities.  "Oh yeah, Officer, the frequent most definitely thataway."

fore-close  (for-kloz') prep and n. Pertaining to a wardrobe acquisition.  "Marla said she needed money foreclose.  What the hell's wrong with the dress she's got?"


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Quick Fixes

 Don’t Eat Off Those Pretty Painted Plates
 Don’t serve food that contains vinegar (such as vinaigrette dressing, cucumber salad or coleslaw) on painted plates. The vinegar may leach out the lead from the plates, and that can be dangerously toxic, especially to children. If you have any question about the plates you use, buy a lead-testing kit (available at home-improvement stores) and check them out.


Change Lanes with Your Lawn Mower
 Each time you mow the lawn, start at a different place. That way, you won’t keep rolling over the exact same lanes, which means you won’t be making permanent tire ruts in your lawn.


Fast and Fizzy Cleaner for Silver Jewelry
 Clean your sterling silver jewelry by placing it in 1 cup of water. Add 2 Alka-Seltzer tablets and wait for the plop, plop, fizz, fizz. After 5 minutes, rinse the jewelry and dry thoroughly with a soft cloth.


The Right Way to Buy Corn
Don’t consider buying a cob of fresh corn unless it has husks—nature’s freshness seal. The husks should be moist (not dried out) and bright green, with a little brown tassel on top. The kernels should feel full and plump.
Do not remove the husks until you are ready to prepare the corn for eating.
As soon as you’ve removed the husks, take a damp paper towel and wipe off the silk threads in a downward motion.
Do not add salt to the water when boiling corn—it will toughen the kernels. If you want to enhance the corn’s natural sweetness, add 1 tablespoon of sugar or 1 or 2 packets of sugar substitute to the cooking water.

 Keep the Cat Out of the Sandbox
 You can prevent cats from using a children’s sandbox as their outdoor litter box—just pour distilled white vinegar around the box every month or so.


Surprising Sunscreen for Your Nails...They Need It
 Before you go out in the sun, apply a thin layer of lip balm—with sunscreen—to your nails. It will block the sun’s rays from yellowing your polish.
And while you’re at it, put some balm on your lips, too!


Don’t Throw Out That Old Measuring Cup
 Is it hard to read the faded markings on your measuring cup? Carefully repaint the lines and numbers on the outside with bright red nail polish.


Best Way to Freeze Berries
 If you’ve gotten a lot of wonderful berries this summer, you may want to freeze some.
Here’s how to prevent the frozen berries from squishing and sticking together.
Spread them on an ungreased cookie sheet and cover the sheet with plastic wrap. Freeze the berries for about 20 minutes, until they’re solid. Transfer them to a plastic freezer bag, and seal it closed with as little air in it as possible.


 Easy Way to Unstick a Label
 Remove a label from a glass jar by rubbing regular (not reduced-fat) mayonnaise, butter or cooking oil into the label. Soak the jar in very hot water for about 10 minutes and then peel off the label. If there’s some stubborn stickiness, massage vegetable oil or peanut butter into the spot until all the glue is gone. Clean the jar with soap and water.


No More Messy Tacos
Tacos can be messy to eat, but not if you use a coffee filter as a holder. Once you try it, we’re sure you’ll agree…it’s neat.


Make Your Moving Shelves Glide
 If the slide-out racks or trays in your refrigerator are not gliding as smoothly as they should, simply apply a thin layer of petroleum jelly to the edges—they’ll whiz in and out.


How to Beat a Sore Throat
 Did you wake up with that sore throat feeling? Add 1 teaspoon of dried sage to a cup of boiling water. Steep for 3 to 5 minutes, strain and gargle with it. Try it again at bedtime.
 
         
If your pet tries to chew on electrical cords or household wiring, rub the cords or wires with a dry bar of soap. If the smell of the soap doesn’t deter him/her, the taste certainly will.

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RECIPES:

French Rice

Total Time:  1 hrs 10 mins
Prep Time:  10 mins
Cook Time:  1 hrs

Servings:  4-6

Ingredients:

1 (10 3/4 ounce) can French onion soup
1 (10 3/4 ounce) can beef consomme
1 cup long-grain white rice, uncooked
1/2 cup butter
salt and pepper, to taste

Directions:

1  Place rice in a 9x13-inch casserole dish.
2  Mix French onion soup and consomme; pour over rice.
3  Cut butter in pats and place in dish.
4  Bake 1 hour at 350 degrees.
5  Check it at 40 minutes.

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 Easy Cheesy Barbecued Sloppy Joes

Just 6 ingredients and all the flavor of a lazy summer barbecue. Pass the napkins, please.

time
prep:  30 min
total:  30 min
servings
total:  4 servings

    What You Need
    1    lb.  ground beef
    1     green pepper, chopped
    1/4    cup  chopped onions
    3/4    cup  KRAFT Original Barbecue Sauce
    4     hamburger buns
    4     KRAFT Singles
  
 Make It

    BROWN meat in large skillet; drain. Add vegetables; cook and stir 5 min. or until crisp-tender.

    STIR in barbecue sauce; cook 5 min. or until heated through, stirring occasionally.

    FILL buns with meat mixture and Singles.
  
 Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    For added color and texture, serve with a mixed green salad tossed with your favorite KRAFT Light Dressing.
    Serving Suggestion
    Serve with sweet potato chips. (Chips are not included in the nutrition information.)
    Cheesy BBQ Potato Topper
    Omit buns. Spoon meat mixture over 4 hot split baked potatoes; top with Singles.

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Hawaiian Tea Cookies

Total Time:  20 mins
Prep Time:   10 mins
Cook Time:  10 mins
Yield:   60  cookies

I can't remember where I found this recipe, but these are my favorite cookies at any time of the year. I love anything with cconut! If ...

INGREDIENTS:

3 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 tablespoons lemon juice
4 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups shredded coconut

Directions:

1  Combine dry ingredients and set aside.
2  Cream butter and sugar until fluffy.
3  Beat in eggs, lemon juice and vanilla.
4  Add flour and coconut until well blended.
5  Shape into (4) 2 inch rolls.
6  Roll in colored sugar.
7  Wrap in plastic wrap and chill at least 4 hours.
8  With a sharp knife, saw into 1/4 inch slices.
9  Bake at 375 degrees for 10- 12 minutes, or until SLIGHTLY browned.

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Tropical Hawaiian Snowballs (Hawaiian-Style Russian Tea Cookies)

Total Time:   1 hrs 10 mins

Prep Time:   15 mins

Cook Time:   55 mins


These delicious cookies are like snowballs in that when they are left out they disappear quickly. No, they don't melt, but it seems th ...

Yield:  72  cookies

Ingredients:

2 cups butter, unsalted
2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon coconut extract
5 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups macadamia nuts, finely chopped
3 cups powdered sugar, sifted, for rolling

Directions:

1  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line 5 cookie sheets with parchment paper, or spray with cooking spray.
2  In a large bowl, cream together butter, sugar and vanilla and coconut extracts.
3  Sift together the flour and the salt.
4  Slowly add to the butter mixture.
5  Add nuts. Mix until blended well.
6  Roll into small, bite sized balls. (about 3/4 of an ounce or 2 tablespoons). I like to use a small #40 portion disher (small, 3/4 ounce sized, ice cream scoop) and place 1-inch apart on prepared cookie sheet.
7  Bake for 10-13 minutes, or until slightly golden.
8  While still warm, (not hot, not cold) roll through powdered sugar.
9  Keeps about a week (but they won't be around that long) in an air-tight container.

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Chicken Basquaise

Serve this chicken dish with boiled potatoes and a plain vegetable such as broccoli or peas.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
 
6 chicken breasts, boneless and skinless (1 1/2 to 2 pounds)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 medium-size onions, thinly sliced
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon dried rosemary
1 1/4 pounds peppers, red and green, sliced
Pinch of cayenne
2 medium-size cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 pound tomatoes, cored, peeled, seeded and chopped or 1-pound can whole peeled tomatoes, drained
1/4 cup dry white wine, or 1/4 cup liquid from canned tomatoes, drained
2 teaspoons capers, optional
freshly ground pepper, to taste
salt, to taste

DIRECTIONS:


Lightly sprinkle the chicken breasts with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon of oil over medium-high heat in a frying pan large enough to hold the chicken. Cook the chicken for about 2 minutes until lightly browned on each side. Remove from the pan.

Lower the heat to medium. Add the onions and the herbs to the pan and cook for 5 minutes, stirring often. Add the peppers and cook for about 10 minutes more, stirring often, until the vegetables are softened. Stir in the cayenne and add salt and pepper to taste. Add the garlic and the tomatoes and stir in the white wine. Cover and cook for 10 minutes more.

Return the chicken to the pan. Cover and cook for 5 to 10 minutes, turning the chicken once or twice, until it is cooked through. Remove the chicken to a serving platter.

Stir the capers into the sauce, if desired. If the sauce is thin, boil over high heat until reduced. Taste and adjust the seasoning. Spoon the sauce over the chicken and serve.

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Chicken Souvlaki

Grilled chicken on pita with tomatoes, onions, and tzatziki (yogurt and cucumber sauce) makes for a satisfying supper.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
   
      INGREDIENTS

2 cups plain yogurt
1 cucumber, halved lengthwise, peeled, seeded, and grated
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1 garlic clove, minced
fresh ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon dried dill
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 1/3 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts, (about 4), cut into 1-inch cubes
4 pocketless pitas
6 tablespoons butter, at room temperature
1 small onion, cut into thin wedges
2 tomatoes, cut into thin wedges
1/3 cup Kalamata olives, (or other black olives) halved and pitted

DIRECTIONS:

Put the yogurt in a strainer lined with cheesecloth, a coffee filter, or a paper towel and set it over a bowl. Let drain in the refrigerator for 15 minutes. In a medium glass or stainless-steel bowl, combine the cucumber with 1 teaspoon of the salt; let sit for about 15 minutes. Squeeze the cucumber to remove the liquid. Put the cucumber back in the bowl and stir in the drained yogurt, the garlic, 1/8 teaspoon of pepper, and the dill.

Light the grill or heat the broiler. In a small glass or stainless-steel bowl, combine the oil, lemon juice, oregano, the remaining 1/4 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper. Toss the chicken cubes in the oil mixture and thread them onto skewers. Grill the chicken over high heat or broil, turning once, until done, about 5 minutes in all. Transfer the chicken to a plate.

Spread both sides of the pitas with the butter and grill or broil, turning once, until golden, about 4 minutes in all. Cut into quarters.

To serve, put the pitas on plates and top with the onion, tomatoes, and chicken skewers with any accumulated juices. Serve with the tzatziki (yogurt-cucumber sauce)and olives.

Wine Recommendation: This traditional Greek preparation goes with a number of choices to suit the occasion and your taste. Look for a very fruity red such as a Beaujolais, a sparkling wine from California, or a sauvignon blanc from northern Italy.

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JOKES:

The football-playing turkey

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?

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How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

What does a Pilgrim call his best friend?
A palgrim.

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.

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Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To try to hatchet!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher: "Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

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What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.

What always comes at the end of Thangsgiving?
The letter G!

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Today, God's message to you is that you matter.  Even though you may be small, even though you may feel insignificant in the vastness of the universe, there are tasks that only you can perform.  There are people that only you can help.  There is a purpose that is uniquely yours.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Aching Arms

"As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset"1

I don't know why God required Moses to keep his hands raised when the ancient Israelites were in battle against the Amalekites—unless it was to acknowledge Israel's total dependence on God. Whatever the reason, it was a smart move to get a helping hand from Aaron and Hur, as Moses never could have made it by himself. It is also a good lesson for all of us because none of us can get through life without a helping hand from others.

I believe it was Paul Harvey who made the following comment: "We have always tended to revere the airplane pilot who did it alone and the country doctor who never left the bedside…. Such a spirit of independence served us well and caused us all to grow tall. But we'd never have made it to the moon without a spirit of interdependence. And we'd never have eradicated typhoid and smallpox and polio without cooperative effort. We've found that no person alone can fetch oil from beneath the ocean. We've found that we are becoming increasingly interdependent—not only in our country, but also all around the world…. On the steep slope ahead, holding hands is necessary."2

And in the quiet of our home and among friends holding hands is also necessary.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me never to be slow to offer a helping hand to a friend in need, and never too proud to ask for help when I need a helping hand. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Exodus 17:11-12 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - E

ear (ir'), u to recieve and cognitively process sound.  "Huh? I couldn't ear a single word you said."

en-close  (in-kloz'), n. Attired in garments. " She looks good enclose, but she looks better out of them."

eras-es (i-ra-sez), n and u. competing in a contest involving speed, especially by any personnamed dale jr..  "Dale jr. is the man, Erases anybody, anywhere."

en-roll (in-rol'), conj and v.  to move by revolving or turning over repeatedly.  "I told you, Lloyd, if you catch on fire you're supposed to stop, drop, enroll."

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Quick Fixes

 Hiccups? Just Wiggle
 We thought we had heard all the hiccup remedies until we came across this great one. Stand up straight with your arms reaching for the sky, and wiggle your fingers. The point is to disrupt your breathing pattern. (Try it—what have you got to lose?)


Last Ditch Effort for Serious Stains
 Here’s something we’ve tried on really tough stains and it’s worked two out of three times. Denture cleanser! It promises to dissolve tough stains. True, they don’t necessarily mean food stains on clothing. But if you like those odds and you have a stained garment, it’s worth a shot! Get a clean container such as a plastic bucket or plastic shoebox, fill it with warm water and drop in 2 or 3 denture cleansing tablets. Leave the garment soaking for about 15 minutes—the same amount of time recommended for soaking dentures. When the time is up, launder as usual.


Easy Way to Make Your Floor Sparkle
If you want to clean and shine a vinyl or linoleum floor between waxings, mix ½ cup of liquid fabric softener in one gallon of water, and mop the floor with the solution. The floor will be clean and keep its shine.


The One Word that Can Change Your Life
Many people find this simple form of meditation eases stress and anxiety, and it also has a positive effect on your blood pressure and your heart rate.
Choose a word that you find calming and relaxing. If there’s one that ends with an “m” sound or an “n” sound, use it. Some examples are home, charm, tame, dream.
Sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and relax your body. Say that word to yourself each time you exhale. Do this for 15 minutes every day. You may want to try it twice a day, if you find it especially beneficial.

  What If Your Scale Is Wrong?
 Here’s how to check the accuracy of your food scale: Put 9 pennies on it. If the indicator points to 1 ounce, the scale is accurate.

Chemical-Free Dandruff Fighter
 Instead of buying a special shampoo, get an aloe vera plant. Before you go to bed, cut off a piece of the lowest leaf. Peel off the skin and squeeze the gel on your hair and into your scalp. Cover your hair with a bandanna or scarf and sleep with your hair covered.
The next morning, do not use shampoo to wash your hair. Instead, foam up the aloe vera gel. This treatment is good for your hair and can, surprisingly, help you get rid of dandruff quickly.

Perfect Popcorn
 Do you hate biting down on an unpopped popcorn kernel? Ouch! Here’s a way to prevent it. After you’ve popped the corn and it has cooled, transfer it to a resealable plastic bag. Cut a small hole in one bottom corner of the bag, and shake it over the sink—the duds (unpopped kernels) should fall out.

Gentle Way to Remove Eye Makeup
To remove eye makeup, just lather up a couple drops of tear-free, hypoallergenic baby shampoo in a wet washcloth and softly dab your eyes. Gently rinse the eye area with water. No mess. No sting. No more mascara.


 How to Clean that Gross Grinder
 If you have a coffee grinder that’s occasionally used for spices, be sure to clean out every morsel of spice before putting coffee into it. You can clean the grinder by grinding 2 or 3 pieces of plain wheat bread. Taste the last piece of ground bread to make sure there is no trace of the spice.


Flame-Proof Secret
Many readers are getting their children back to school, so we thought it would be a good time for this safety reminder.
Manufacturers are required by law to make children’s clothing flame retardant.
In order for the fabrics to keep their flame-resisting ability, they should be laundered with a phosphate detergent. The detergent label will state whether it contains phosphates.
If you use a non-phosphate detergent, you can boost the flame-retardant property of the fabric by adding 1 cup of white vinegar to the cold water rinse. Let the clothes soak for 30 minutes before continuing with the spin cycle.


Be Extra Safe in Your Hotel
 When we travel, we pack a small rubber doorstop for added protection and you might want to do so as well. When you are in your hotel room for the night, lock the door and wedge the doorstop under your room door from the inside. This may give you peace of mind and a better night’s sleep.


Secret to Keeping Your White Shoes Clean
Use an old toothbrush to scrub a little bit of white, non-gel toothpaste on your white leather shoes. Wipe off any excess.
If the toothpaste didn’t work on those stubborn scuff marks, cover them with correction fluid and polish the shoes to even out the color.


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RECIPE:

 PHILLY Buffalo Chicken Dip

The problem: We love Buffalo wings but not sticky fingers. The solution: all the tangy flavor plus hot sauce and blue cheese in an easy-to-eat dip.

time
prep:  15 min
total:  15 min
servings
total:  18 servings, 2 Tbsp. each

    What You Need
    1    pkg.  (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
    1    pkg.  (6 oz.) OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Oven Roasted Chicken Breast
    1/2    cup  hot pepper sauce for Buffalo wings
    1/4    cup  KRAFT Natural Blue Cheese Crumbles
    2     green onions, sliced
  
 Make It

    SPREAD cream cheese onto bottom of microwaveable 9-inch pie plate. Mix chicken and sauce; spoon over cream cheese. Top with blue cheese and onions.

    MICROWAVE on HIGH 2 min. or until heated through.

    SERVE warm with celery sticks and WHEAT THINS Original Snacks.
   

Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Substitute
    Prepare using 1 pkg. (6 oz.) OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Grilled Chicken Breast Strips, chopped.
    Substitute
    Prepare using PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese.

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 Hearty Cheesesteak Sandwich

I made it just as the recipe said and everybody loved it!! I will definitely be making it again!!

time
prep:  5 min
total:  15 min

servings
total: 1 serving

    What You Need
    1/3    cup  each thin onion slices and green pepper strips
    6    slices  OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh French Dip Flavored Roast Beef
    1     KRAFT Singles
    1     submarine roll (6 inch), partially split
    1    Tbsp.  MIRACLE WHIP Dressing
  
 Make It

    COOK vegetables in small nonstick skillet on medium heat 5 min., stirring occasionally. Add meat; cook and stir 3 min. or until heated through.

    SPOON meat mixture into center of skillet; top with Singles. Remove skillet from heat. Let stand 2 min. or until Singles is melted.

    SPREAD cut sides of roll with dressing; fill with meat mixture.
   
Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Special Extra
    For extra flavor, brush cut sides of roll with garlic butter. Broil until golden brown, then spread with dressing and fill as directed.
    Special Extra
    For added flavor, top sandwich with a quick cheesy sauce. Cut 1 oz. VELVEETA® into 1/2-inch cubes; place in small microwaveable bowl. Add 2 tsp. milk and a dash of dry mustard. Microwave on HIGH 30 sec. to 1 min. or until VELVEETA is completely melted and sauce is well blended when stirred.
 
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 Grilled Hammy Sammy

time
prep:  5 min
total:  11 min

servings
total:  1 serving

    What You Need
    2    slices  marble rye bread
    1    Tbsp.  MIRACLE WHIP Dressing, divided
    1     KRAFT DELI DELUXE Process American Cheese Slice
    6    slices  OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Smoked Ham
    2     thin slices red onion
  
 Make It

    SPREAD 1 bread slice with 1 tsp. dressing. Fill bread slices with cheese, ham and onions.

    SPREAD outside of sandwich with remaining dressing.

    COOK in skillet on medium heat 3 min. on each side or until cheese is melted and sandwich is golden brown on both sides.
 
  Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Healthy Living
    Save 40 calories and 4g of fat per serving by preparing with MIRACLE WHIP Light Dressing and a KRAFT DELI DELUXE 2% Milk Process American Cheese Slice.

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 Philly-Style Grilled Cheese

Very good and easy to make. The bell peppers added the extra flavor and crunch that made the sandwich taste so good.

time
prep:  10 min
total:  10 min

servings
total:  1 serving

    What You Need
    2    slices  marble rye bread
    2     KRAFT Singles
    3    slices  OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Slow Roasted Roast Beef
    2     thin green pepper rings
  
 Make It

    FILL bread slices with remaining ingredients.

    COOK in skillet sprayed with cooking spray on medium heat 3 min. on each side or until golden brown on both sides.
  
 Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    Round out the meal with assorted cut-up fresh vegetables and a piece of fruit.
    Special Extra
    Serve with a crisp CLAUSSEN Dill Pickle on the side.

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 Shrimp & Jack Quesadilla

Plump shrimp, pepper Jack cheese and fresh avocado grilled up toasty and warm. A touch of cayenne brings a little heat.

time
prep:  10 min
total:  10 min

servings
total:  2 servings

    What You Need
    1    tsp.  oil
    1/4    lb.  uncooked medium shrimp, peeled, deveined
    1/8    tsp.  ground red pepper (cayenne)
    2     flour tortillas (8 inch)
    2     KRAFT Pepper Jack Cheese Slices with a TOUCH OF PHILADELPHIA
    1/4    cup  fresh salsa
    1/2     avocado, sliced
   
Make It

    HEAT panini grill.

    HEAT oil in small skillet on medium heat. Add shrimp and red pepper; cook and stir 3 to 4 min. or until shrimp turn pink.

    TOP 1 tortilla with 1 cheese slice, shrimp, salsa and avocados; cover with remaining cheese slice and tortilla.

    GRILL 4 min. or until golden brown. Cut into wedges.
  
 Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    Serve with a mixed green salad and your favorite fresh fruit to round out the meal.
    If You Don't Have a Panini Grill
    Heat skillet on medium heat. Cook quesadilla 3 min. on each side or until cheese is melted and quesadilla is golden brown on both sides, gently pressing down top of quesadilla with spatula to flatten slightly as it cooks.
    How to Devein Raw Shrimp
    To devein raw shrimp, first remove the outer shell. Then make a lengthwise shallow cut on the outer curve of the shrimp to expose the black vein. Loosen the vein with the tip of a sharp knife, then pull with your fingers to remove.

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 Grilled Hawaiian Quesadillas

time
prep:  5 min
total:  15 min

servings
total:
4 servings

    What You Need
    2    cans  (8 oz. each) pineapple rings in juice, drained
    1/4    cup  KRAFT Mayo with Olive Oil Reduced Fat Mayonnaise
    1    Tbsp.   chopped chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
    4     flour tortillas (8 inch)
    6    oz.  thinly sliced ham
    1    cup  KRAFT Shredded Monterey Jack Cheese
 
 Make It

    HEAT grill to medium-low.
    GRILL pineapple rings 2 min. on each side or until heated through; cut in half.
    MIX mayonnaise and peppers; spread onto tortillas. Top with ham, cheese and pineapple; fold in half.
    GRILL 3 min. on each side or until golden brown on both sides. Cut into wedges.
  
 Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    Serve with fresh fruit.
    Make Ahead
    Assemble quesadillas as directed; cover and refrigerate up to 2 hours before grilling as directed.
    Grilling Quesadillas
    Since it can be difficult to control the grilling temperature, cook these quesadillas around the edge of the grill where the heat is not as intense.


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JOKES:

Seems like there are a lot of weddings this month.... You Might Be A Redneck if:

-Your honeymoon plans included a deer camp.

-Your wedding day began in a liquor store and ended in a tattoo parlor.

-Two of your weddings made "America's Funniest Home Videos."

-You asked the preacher to repeat the question during your wedding vows.

-At your wedding reception, you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get "champagne."

-You received rat traps as a wedding present because they were on your registry.

-You're making payments on more than one wedding ring.

-Your rehearsal dinner was at Hooters.

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Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.

3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake

4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.

5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV.

6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.


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Jokes about the elderly
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted

OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate

OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world

OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay

OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest

OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap


*******************************************

Thanksgiving dinner prepared by kids
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.

Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.

Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.

Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.

Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it.

Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. you take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.

Danny - Turkey
You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Brandon - Turkey
First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it out and eat it.

Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.

Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.

Irene - Turkey
Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then it's all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.

Moriah - Turkey
First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on the table and eat it.

Vincent - Turkey
You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18 minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.

Jordyn - Turkey
First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it out of the oven and eat it.

Grace - Turkey
First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.

Alan - Turkey
First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.

Jordan Salvatore - Turkey
First you put it in the oven for 15 minutes at 100 degrees. Then you cut it up and then you eat it.

Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.

Whitney - Turkey
Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60 degrees and then you eat it.

Jason - Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine - Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.

Ashley - Chicken
Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.

Jennie - Corn
My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then you eat it.

Jordan - Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.

Adam - Pumpkin Pie
First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out and eat it.

Jarryd - Deer Jerky
Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.

Christina - Turkey
Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up, then eat it.

Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.

Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.

Bailey - Chicken
Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60 degrees. Then eat it.

Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Sean - Turkey
Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out and eat it.

Lauren - Turkey
First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.

Olivia - Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.

Siera - Pumpkin Pie
Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.

Kayla - Turkey
Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a plate. Then you eat it.

Tommy - Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin.

Wai - Pumpkin Pie
Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

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A man forgot to buy turkey for Thanksgiving

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

*******************************************

Today, God's message to you is that you matter.  Even though you may be small, even though you may feel insignificant in the vastness of the universe, there are tasks that only you can perform.  There are people that only you can help.  There is a purpose that is uniquely yours.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

3 comments View Entry

November 6—Election Day (U.S.)
By an act of Congress in 1845, the first Tuesday following the first Monday in November was designated Election Day. This year, as Americans elect their next president, we thought we’d share this interesting fact about the title of “President”:

It seems impossible to think of our chief executive as anything but “the President,” but in 1789 John Adams had other ideas. After George Washington was unanimously elected to be the nation’s first leader, Congress had to decide on his title. When “The President of the United States” was suggested, Vice President–Elect John Adams disagreed, saying that the title was not dignified enough—after all, he argued, even fire companies and cricket clubs had presidents. Instead, he believed that the leader of the United States needed a grander title, and humbly suggested “His Most Benign Highness.” His peers, including George Washington himself, no doubt thought that Adams’s grandiose suggestion was too reminiscent of the titles of English royalty, and insisted on the more down-to-earth “The President of the United States of America."

Tags: voting, election day

2 comments View Entry

I have kept this short and sweet today, so you will get out and vote. Instead of reading my bulletin; get out and do your civic duty. VOTE !!!!

REMEMBER    MANY HAVE DIED FOR YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE -   GO   VOTE!!!
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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Priorities

"Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered.'"1

Today in the Word reported how "Andrew Carnegie, a poor Scottish immigrant turned powerful industrialist, became one of the richest men of the nineteenth century—and one of the most generous. It's estimated he gave nine out of every ten dollars he earned in oil, railroads, and steel to charity, an astounding total of $350 million over his lifetime. A strong supporter of free libraries and education, he believed that the rich had a moral responsibility to use their wealth to benefit others. Carnegie spread his wealth around, making philanthropy his life's priority."2

Obviously, very few people ever have this kind of wealth, but we all have something that we can give—be it large or small—to help in some way to make our world a better place in which to live.

The Apostle Paul said, "It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known."3 His priority was to spread the good news of the riches of the gospel message of Jesus Christ. To this he dedicated and gave his life.

I think just about all of us want to feel that our life has not been lived in vain—that we have made a difference in the world in which we live. When we come to the end of life's journey and meet Jesus face to face, how terribly sad it would be if we have nothing to offer him but "leaves" as it was with the tree Jesus referred to in today's scripture verse.

Fortunately, it doesn't have to be that way. We start by setting priorities. Whatever comes first in our lives are our priorities. Let's make sure that God and living for him is at the very top of our list of priorities, remembering that we serve God by serving people.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to set priorities that are in harmony with your will so that, when I meet you face to face, I will hear your welcome words, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.' Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

 Matthew 21:19 (NIV).
 Romans 15:20 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:
REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY - D

di-et (di-et), u and n. to change the hue of something. " You know what you oughta do with your hair, Barb, is to diet red."

di-gest (di-jest), u and adv  to expire, especially recently.  "I don't know why Daddy had to digest three days after Mamma."

dis-tress (dis-tres'), n a skirted garmet, especially of a full-figued person.  " Does distress make my butt look fat?"

di-rec-tion  (de-rek'-shen), n.the engorgement of the male sex organ.  "Doc, could you give my Hank here a sample of those little blue pills? Direction ain't what it used to be."

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Quick Fixes
 
 Garden-Fresh Tomatoes for Thanksgiving
 If you clean your garden in autumn and find some unripe tomatoes, pull out the plants—roots and all. Shake off the dirt and hang the plants upside down in your basement or garage. The tomatoes will ripen on the vine. Think of it, fresh tomatoes at Thanksgiving!


Grease Away
 Had a tailgate party and got some of the barbecue grease on the car?
Whether the mess is from greasy food or grease your car picked up at the service station, you can clean it with a baby wipe. It’s gentle enough for a baby’s skin, so it won’t damage your car’s paint.


Pre-Wash Your Hair With Beer
 If you use hair gel, mousse, hair spray or other commercial products, try this rinse to get rid of the sticky buildup they leave. Pour 6 tablespoons of flat beer in 1 cup of warm water. Get in the shower and pour the mixture through your hair. Rinse and shampoo as usual.


Use Rice To Clean Your Fine Glassware-Scratch-Free
 You can clean a narrow-necked crystal vase with 2 or 3 tablespoons of dry, uncooked rice (either short-grained white or brown rice) and about ¼ cup of distilled white vinegar. Put the rice and vinegar in the vase, and shake with a circular motion. The vinegar will clean as the rice scours—without scratching the crystal.


 Save Your Skin From New Clothes Chemicals
 Ever get a rash or itchy skin when you put on new clothes? It may be the chemicals in the fabric. To avoid those irritating irritants, wash the clothes before you wear them, adding 1 cup of powdered milk into the rinse cycle. The milk helps remove the chemicals. Double rinsing is recommended.
Note: If your permanent-press clothes need an energy boost, adding powdered milk to the rinse cycle will give them more body and bring them back to their original shape.


Fasten Your Bracelet with One Hand
 Do you ever struggle trying to fasten your bracelet when there’s no-one around to help? Well, instead of going around in circles, tape one end of the bracelet to your wrist. You can simply fasten and go!


Don't Use Stale Baking Soda. Simple Test For Freshness
 We are great fans of baking soda for its multiple uses. If you’re baking with baking soda, make sure it’s fresh. Here’s how you can test it.
Pour ¼ cup of distilled white vinegar in a little bowl, then add 1 tablespoon of baking soda. If it fizzes, it’s fresh enough to use. If there is no reaction when the baking soda combines with the vinegar, forget it. Just pour the box down the drain. Stale or not, baking soda will freshen your sink.


No More Rust Ring on the Sink
 Does your can of shaving cream leave a rust ring in the bathtub or on the sink? Paint the bottom rim—the part that touches the sink or tub and leaves the ring—with colorless nail polish. Let it dry thoroughly, and then give it a second coat.

 Pet Sachet Repels Fleas
 Make a small pillow or sachet bag, and fill it with cedar chips or shavings, or chamomile flowers—loose or in tea bags. Attach the sachet securely to your pet’s collar. The scent will drive the fleas away from your pet.


Colorful Alternative to Birthday Candles
 Consider using fuzzy pipe cleaners, instead of the usual candles, for your birthday cake. They’re stiff enough to stand up straight, and they burn brightly, thanks to their metal cores. And your cake will stay free from candle wax.


The Best Way to Bake an Apple
 Baked apples are a delicious, healthy dessert, but sometimes built-up pressure in the apple’s core makes the apple explode.
You can prevent exploding apples in two ways:
Remove a half-inch of peel around the middle of the apple before you bake it.
Or make 8 shallow slits around the apple before baking it. They allow steam to escape and prevent the peel from splitting.
You can also sprinkle the apple’s bare midriff (or the 8 slits) with lemon juice to stop the breakdown of proteins that can cause a mealy texture.


Frozen Eyeliner Lasts Longer
 Most eyeliner pencils are soft and tend to break easily. And when you sharpen it, you lose half the pencil.
put the pencil in the freezer for about 10 minutes and then sharpen right before using it. The cold temperature hardens the pencil and prevents the tip from breaking off in the sharpener. Your eyeliner will last longer and be easier to apply.


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RECIPE:

Pumpkin Bundt Cake

Serves:     8
Prep Time:     20 Min
Cook Time:     55 Min

Ingredients
1 bx     yellow cake mix (18 -1/4 oz)
1 bx     butterscotch pudding (3.4 0z)
1/4 c     vegetable oil
1/4 c     water
1 c     canned pumpkin
2 tsp     pumpkin pie spice
4     eggs
    powdered sugar or whipped cream, opt.

Directions
1  In a large mixing bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. Beat on low speed for 30 seconds; beat on medium for 4 minutes.
2  Pour into a greased and floured 10-in. fluted tube pan. Bake at 350'F for 50-55 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted near the center comes out clean.
3  Cool in pan for 15 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
4  Dust with powdered sugar and or serve with whipped cream if desired.

This is a nice moist cake good anytime of the year but particularly nice for the holidays.
Kitchen Crew This cake has the smell of fall and it is just so beautiful. It makes me want cooler weather! It was a snap to prepare and I would be proud to include it on my holiday table. (Next time I might make a glaze with powdered sugar and milk... yum!)
 
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Frozen Blueberry Yogurt Pops

Ingredients

1 cup Ocean Spray® Blueberry Juice Cocktail
1 cup Ocean Spray® Fresh Blueberries, cleaned and rinsed
1 (6 ounce) container fat-free vanilla yogurt
8 wooden craft sticks
Directions

Combine all ingredients in blender. Cover; blend on high speed 15 to 20 seconds or until smooth.
Pour into 8 frozen pop molds (2.5 ounces to 3 ounces each). Cover, insert craft sticks, and freeze for 2 hours or until completely firm.
To serve, dip outsides of molds into warm water to loosen.

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Pink Frosties

Ingredients

1 cup vanilla, strawberry or raspberry sorbet, frozen yogurt or ice cream, softened
1 (8.4 ounce) can Ocean Spray® Sparkling Juice Drink, any flavor, chilled
Fresh strawberry slices or raspberries, garnish
Directions

Divide sorbet equally between 2 8-ounce glasses; stir until very soft and creamy.
Gradually stir in Sparkling Juice Drink, until mixed.

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  Cheesy Turkey Stromboli

time
prep:  15 min
total:  40 min
servings
total:  6 servings

    What You Need
    1    can  (11 oz.) refrigerated pizza dough
    6     KRAFT Colby Jack Cheese Slices with a TOUCH OF PHILADELPHIA
    1    pkg.  (7.5 oz.) OSCAR MAYER CARVING BOARD Applewood Smoked Turkey Breast, coarsely chopped
    1/2    cup  coarsely chopped roasted red peppers
    1    tsp.  dried basil leaves
    1     egg
    1    Tbsp.  water
  
 Make It

    HEAT oven to 375ºF.
    UNROLL dough on lightly floured surface. Roll out or pat into 12-inch square; top with cheese, turkey, peppers and basil, leaving 1/2-inch rim around all sides. Roll up; pinch seam and ends together to seal.
    PLACE, seam-side down, on foil-covered baking sheet. Beat egg and water; brush onto dough.
    BAKE 22 to 25 min. or until golden brown. Cool 10 min. before slicing.
 
  Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    Serve with fresh fruit and assorted cut up vegetables to round out the meal.
    Substitute
    Prepare using KRAFT Big Slice Colby Jack Cheese Slices.
    Substitute
    This recipe is easy to customize. Just substitute your favorite cheese and meat combo.

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"Steakhouse" Grinder

Get your family's favorite steakhouse sandwich on your menu with roast beef with mushroom and onions and topped with melted Cheddar on a hearty sub roll.

time
prep:  10 min
total:  10 min

servings
total:   Makes 1 serving

    What You Need
    2    tsp.  A.1. Original Steak Sauce
    1/3    cup  thin onion slices
    1/3    cup  thin fresh mushroom slices
    4    slices  OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Slow Roasted Roast Beef
    1     KRAFT Big Slice Sharp Cheddar Cheese Slice
    1     submarine roll (6 inch), partially split
    2    tsp.  MIRACLE WHIP Dressing
   

Make It
    step 1        COOK sauce and vegetables in skillet on medium heat 5 min., stirring occasionally.
    step 2        MEANWHILE, stack meat on microwaveable plate; top with cheese. Microwave on HIGH 30 sec. or until cheese is melted.
    step 3        SPREAD roll with dressing; fill with meat and vegetable mixture.
   

Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Substitute
    Prepare using 2 oz. OSCAR MAYER CARVING BOARD Slow Roasted Roast Beef.
    Special Extra
    For extra flavor, mix 1/4 tsp. garlic powder with the MIRACLE WHIP before spreading onto roll. Broil, cut-sides up, until golden brown. Fill with remaining ingredients as directed.
    Substitute
    Prepare using a KRAFT DELI DELUXE Process American Cheese Slice.


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 Cuban-Style Ham & Turkey Sandwiches

time
prep:  10 min
total:  24 min
servings
total:  4 servings

    What You Need
    1    loaf   (8 oz.) French bread, split
    4    tsp.  GREY POUPON Savory Honey Mustard
    4    oz.  OSCAR MAYER CARVING BOARD Oven Roasted Turkey Breast
    4    oz.  OSCAR MAYER CARVING BOARD Slow Cooked Ham
    4     CLAUSSEN Kosher Dill Sandwich Slices
    4     KRAFT Big Slice Swiss Cheese Slices
    1    tsp.  butter
  
 Make It

    SPREAD bread with mustard; fill with all remaining ingredients except butter.

    CUT into 4 pieces.

    MELT butter in large skillet on medium-high heat. Add sandwiches; cook 4 to 6 min. on each side or until cheese is melted and each sandwich is golden brown on both sides, occasionally pressing sandwiches with back of spatula to flatten slightly.
  

 Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    Serve with fresh fruit and a side salad to round out the meal.
    Variation
    Prepare using 10 slices OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Turkey and/or OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Shaved Ham instead of the CARVING BOARD Turkey or Ham.
    Note
    If you have a sandwich press, waffle iron or griddle, you can use that to cook these sandwiches instead of the skillet. Watch carefully and adjust the cooking time as needed.


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JOKES:

A blonde was on her computer. The message popped up and said 'YOU GOT MAIL!' She gets up, goes out to her mail box, opens it up and looks inside. She saw nothing, so she goes back inside to her computer.

A little later the message popped uo again - 'YOU GOT MAIL!' She goes back outside to look in her mail box. Her neighbour had watched her do this for several times in a row. Finally, he asked: "Why do you keep checking your mail? It is Saturday." The blonde looks at him and says back: "My computer keeps saying 'YOU GOT MAIL!' The guy told her... "You've got an E-MAIL, DUMMY!"

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10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked.

9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers.

4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

3. During sex she screams "A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!"

2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass.

1. Lipstick on the mouse.

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There was this one-legged man named John in the neighborhood years ago who was always depressed and down in the dumps about something. He had a habit of going to the local country store every afternoon about 2:00 for a Coke and a BC powder.
 
As usual one day some of the regulars were sitting around the heater chatting when John hobbled in on his crutch, got his Coke and BC, came over to the heater and took the powder, after which he slowly sat down on the old school bus seat and hung his head down, staring at the floor. One of the others asked, "John, what are you so down in the dumps about today?" John looks up and says, "Well, the old lady has been wanting to get pregnant and we've been trying and we thought she was, so we went to the doctor this morning and found out that she wasn't and now there's all that to do over, again. Oh, Me!!"

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Did you hear about the old man who died canoeing? He had a "stroke, stroke, stroke."

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Daddy came home, and his little son asked daddy: "Please don't sell me." His dad said: "Why do you say if I am selling you?" The son said: "Today the plumber came to the house and he asked my mother how much she wanted for the little one".

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“I don't make jokes. I just watch government and report the facts.” –Will Rogers (1879–1935)


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Be friendly and approachable. Christ adored children for their simple minds. He asked us to be like them, childlike and humble. Being friendly and approachable is the best way to learn something new for everyone you meet can teach you something.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Opening the Door to Healing

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."1

Related to what the Bible calls "confession," counselors call "catharsis," which means to purify by emptying out—an emptying out of the emotional poison that makes us sick or sicker than we need to be. Catharsis is needed to "get rid of … feelings of hatred"2 as God's Word instructs us to do. Just talking "about" negative feelings doesn't get rid of them. In fact, it can keep one stuck in them. They need to be felt in all their intensity and expressed creatively by either verbalizing them or writing them out until they are totally dissipated. (For help see footnote No. 3.)

Confession is not only confessing our failures and sins, but also where we've been sinned against, as this can leave a spirit of resentment in us that we need to "empty out" and resolve.

Confession with catharsis is the emptying out of the poisonous emotions of hurt, anger, grief, guilt, and shame that are a result of our own actions or of being hurt, abandoned, abused, criticized, rejected, and so on, which stops us truly forgiving any and all who may have hurt us in the past—anywhere from yesterday to yesteryear all the way back to early childhood.

Furthermore, to fail to forgive keeps us bound by the past. As we have noted before, "Failing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Or as Max Lucado put it, "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner."

It is a fact of life that confession with catharsis, followed by forgiveness of any and all who have ever hurt us, opens the door to our healing and wellbeing.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see any sins in my life that I need to confess, and help me to get in touch with any unresolved negative emotions and learn how to 'empty them out' in helpful and healing ways. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. James 5:16 (NIV).
2. 1 Peter 2:1 (TLB) (NLT).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

REDNECK WORD FOR THE DAY  C

can-o-py (kan-e-pe") n. a metal vessel used for the containment of urine.  "The dude never stops for bathroom breakes.  That's why there's   a canopy in his truck."

can-ta-loupe (kant'-e'lop),u.  the expressed inability to marry in secret.  "my daddy wants a traditional marriage, honey, so I cantaloupe."

car-go (kar'-go}, n a v an automobile moving on a certain course, unsually forward.  "Cant't you make this cargo any faster?"

cas-trate (kast'-rat). n. a harden plaster mold used for immoblizing a broken limb so the bone will not heal crookedly.  "They're gonna have to rebreak my arm  ' cause they said the doctor didn't get the castrate the first time."

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Quick Fixes for Zipper Emergencies, etc

Stuck zipper? Squirt a small puff of foam shaving cream on your finger and spread it over the teeth of the stubborn spot. The cream should lubricate the problem area, allowing you to zip away. Missing zipper pull? Replace the tab with a paper clip.      


 Keep Your Front Steps Slip Free
 Here’s one way to help prevent slipping on concrete steps, especially when they’re icy or wet. Mix ½ cup of clean sand into a can of paint, and paint the concrete steps with it. The sand will offer some traction. Or consider painting the steps white so that they’re easier to see on dark nights.


Heat Your Cider for Safety
It’s the season for fresh, delicious apple cider. Be sure to drink only pasteurized apple cider to avoid the possibility of food poisoning from bacteria. If you aren’t sure about that just-bought cider, boil it for one full minute before drinking. Once it’s nice and cool, enjoy it without worry. We’d rather be safe than sorry.
 

 Foolproof Way to Find Your Fragrance
 If you want to find a new fragrance but get overwhelmed by all the choices at the perfume counter, take a few sample cards of the scents that you like. At home, brew some unflavored, regular or decaf coffee. In between sniffs of each fragrance, cleanse your nose’s palate by smelling the used coffee grounds. That way, you’ll be able judge each perfume sample on its own merit without the scents blending together.


 How to Cook with Bay Leaves
 It’s that time of year to start cooking lots of soups and stews. We love seasoning with bay leaves, but fishing them out of the pot of sauce, soup or stew can be a chore. Here’s an easier way to remove the leaves: Just put them in a tea ball (available at kitchen specialty stores). The holes let the flavor out and contain the herb.


 Recycle Those Packing “Peanuts”
Instead of lining the bottom of your indoor plant pots with rocks or pebbles, use polystyrene packing peanuts. They are good at retaining moisture—so you may not have to water plants as often—and they weigh next to nothing.
It’s an especially good idea to use the packing peanuts in hanging plants because of their light weight and absorbency.


 Perfect Protection for Mailing Pictures
 Save the cardboard sleeves from light-bulb packaging. When you have a photograph to mail, slip it in the sleeve for protection in the envelope.


 Powder-Puff Deodorant
Another use for versatile baking soda! Fill a clean, empty container with baking soda. Apply evenly under your arms using a powder puff or makeup brush. The alkaline nature of baking soda balances pH levels to neutralize odor.
You can also power-up commercially bought deodorant by putting baking soda over it to absorb additional moisture.


 Chemical-Free Wood Restorer—So Easy
To remove old polish and dirt from your fine wood furniture, place 2 bags of black tea (such as Pekoe) in 1 quart of water and bring it to a boil. Once the tea cools to room temperature, dampen a cloth with the solution and wipe the furniture. Buff dry with a soft cloth.


 The Ginger Ale Cure for Yellow and Weak Nails
 You can revive yellowed and weak fingernails by soaking them in a glass of ginger ale for 10 minutes a day. The ginger ale contains monopotassium phosphate, a natural bleach and strengthening agent.
Try it for at least a week or until your nails look nice and bright.


 Get Ready for Snow—Now
Right now—no matter what the weather is in your part of the country—put a coat of floor wax on your snow shovel. The wax will help prevent a metal shovel from rusting, and when it comes time to use it, the snow will glide on and slide off.


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RECIPE:

 Easy Chicken Enchiladas

These enchiladas get their Southwest flavor from our Philly Santa Fe Blend Cooking Creme. Who knew it was so easy to create saucy, authentic-tasting Tex-Mex?

time
prep:  15 min
total:  35 min

servings
total:  4 servings

    What You Need
    1    small  onion, chopped
    2    tsp.  oil
    3    cups  shredded cooked chicken breasts
    1    can  (14.5 oz.) no-salt-added diced tomatoes, drained
    1    tub  (10 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Santa Fe Blend Cooking Creme, divided
    1/2    cup  KRAFT Mexican Style Finely Shredded Four Cheese
    8     flour tortillas (6 inch)
 
  Make It

    HEAT oven to 350°F.

    COOK and stir onions in hot oil in large skillet on medium heat 4 to 5 min. or until crisp-tender. Stir in chicken, tomatoes, 3/4 cup cooking creme and shredded cheese.

    SPOON about 1/3 cup chicken mixture down center of each tortilla; roll up. Place in 13x9-inch baking dish sprayed with cooking spray; top with remaining cooking creme. Cover.

    BAKE 15 to 20 min. or until heated through.

    Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Serving Suggestion
    Serve with a side of hot cooked rice to round out the meal.
   
Variation
    Prepare as directed, omitting the oil and substituting 1 lb. extra-lean ground beef for the chicken. Brown meat with onions; continue as directed.
    How to Shred Cooked Chicken
    Place cooked chicken on cutting board. Use 2 forks or your fingers to pull meat lengthwise in opposite directions, separating it into long shreds.

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Black Forest Brownie

An easy variation on a German specialty, Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte, this brownie uses prepared ingredients for a fast and delectable dessert.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 18 minutes
 
1 package (18 oz.) NESTLÉ ® TOLL HOUSE ® Refrigerated Brownie or Walnut Brownie Bar Dough
1 can (21 oz.) cherry pie filling, warmed
2 cups whipping cream, whipped into soft peaks
2 ounces NESTLÉ ® TOLL HOUSE ® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Baking Bars, grated

BAKE brownies according to package directions. Cool completely in pan on wire rack; invert onto serving platter. Cut into pieces.
TOP brownie with pie filling, whipped cream and grated chocolate.

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Ham and Swiss Cheese Potato Bake

Make a quick, kid-pleasing meal with ingredients you have on hand!

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 65 minutes
   
 1 package Betty Crocker® julienne potatoes
2 1/2 cups boiling water
2/3 cup milk
1 1/2 cups cubed fully cooked ham
1 cup shredded Swiss cheese, (4 ounces)
1/2 cup Progresso® plain dry bread crumbs

1. Heat oven to 400°F. Stir together Potatoes, Sauce Mix and boiling water in ungreased 2-quart casserole. Stir in milk, ham and cheese.
2. Bake uncovered 50 minutes; sprinkle with bread crumbs. Bake 10 to 14 minutes longer or until top is golden brown.

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Rack of Pork with Parslied Crumbs

This pork is so juicy it doesn't need a sauce. Serve it with baked potatoes and a green vegetable.

Serves: 8
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 1 1/2 hours

 
1 whole rack of pork, chine bone trimmed, about 7 or 8 ribs
Freshly ground black pepper
salt, to taste
3/4 cup coarse mustard
1 1/2 cups fresh bread crumbs
3/4 cup flat-leaf fresh parsley, minced
1 tablespoon dried thyme, crumbled
3 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed

Heat the oven to 350 degrees.
Season the pork with salt and pepper, as desired. Brush the pork with 1/4 cup mustard.
In a medium mixing bowl, combine the remaining mustard with the rest of the ingredients. Press this crumb mixture evenly over the top of the pork.
Arrange the rack of pork, crumb-side up, in a roasting pan. Roast for about 1½ hours, or until a thermometer inserted into center of meaty part registers 150 degrees. Remove the pork from oven and let stand 10 minutes; temperature should rise to 160 degrees.
Carve pork, cutting between the ribs, and serve.

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Crispy Pesto Potatoes

Add a touch of Italian to your potatoes.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
       
1 1/2 pounds baby red potatoes, halved cooked and drained
1/4 cup BUITONI® Refrigerated Pesto with Basil

PREHEAT broiler. Line baking sheet with heavy-duty foil. PLACE hot potatoes and pesto in large bowl; toss to coat. Spread potatoes on prepared baking sheet. BROIL about 5 inches from heat for 4 to 5 minutes or until potatoes are lightly browned.

*BUITONI Refrigerated Reduced-Fat Pesto with Basil can be substituted for BUITONI Refrigerated Pesto with Basil.

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Thick and Rich Hot Cocoa

Rich, creamy, and thick enough that you may want to scoop it with a spoon, this European-style drinking chocolate is something different from the usual hot cocoa. Serve it in a demitasse or espresso cup for an elegant treat.

Yields: 6 servings, generous 1/3 cup each
Total Time: 10 min
Prep Time: 10 min

Ingredients

    2 1/4 cup(s) nonfat milk
    1/2 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa powder
    1/4 cup(s) sugar
    1 1/2 tablespoon(s) cornstarch

Directions

    Combine milk, cocoa, sugar, and cornstarch in a large saucepan. Cook over medium heat, whisking often, until steaming. Continue to cook, whisking constantly, until it comes to a boil, then remove from the heat.

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JOKES:

A women was pregnant with triplets.

One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.

She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.


So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.

The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

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Memorable Moments in Talk-Line History

  Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have
had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand
out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing.
We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their
favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal
favorites from the Talk-Line archives. It's hard to beat the
call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving
turkey on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if
I drive faster?"), but some of these come pretty close.
  Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are
real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!


  I have had my turkey in the freezer for a year and a half.
Will it take longer to thaw?"


  Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she
called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the
turkey, her chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and
couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the
bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and
more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line
home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in
the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!


  Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have
to interfere with the daily routine, so said a retired
Floridian. He called "Turkey Central" for turkey grilling
tips while waiting to tee off from the 14th hole.


  Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian
wondered, "How do you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line
staffer explained that fresh turkeys aren't frozen and don't
need to be thawed.


  Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a
Georgian woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had
just agreed to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line
a year ahead of time for turkey tips.


  Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman
called to comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball
Turkey Talk-Line is more important than the President. He
can take the day off, but the Talk-Line staff can't." (The
Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open Thanksgiving Day, 6 a.m.
to 6 p.m., Central Standard Time.)


  Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848
to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.
To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how
much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's
still running around outside."


  Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just
isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in
California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a
vegetarian menu.


  White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation
to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she
called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach.
To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey.


  A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed
roasting advice To provide approximate roasting times,
the home economist asked what size the turkey was.
  Without asking her mother the little girl paused, then
replied, "Medium."


  A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow
netting and wrapper around the turkey should be removed
before roasting. Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob,
the home economist responded, "Yes," then offered complete
roasting directions.


And one More...
  Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get
any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.

WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

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One day a burnette and a blonde were walking up the stairs. The burnette fell and the blonde laughed. The burnette said: "Whats so funny?". The blonde said: "I've already fell up the steps today once." (then the blonde fell.) The blonde said: "I guess I can check that off my list". The burnette said: "You can check what off ur list". The blonde answered: "My goal was to fall up the stairs twice in one day ... and i did".

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Today, God's message for you is that it is important to recognize the common humanity shared among all people. The most privileged are created in the same manner as the most impoverished, and neither is more or less important than the other.

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

The "Ten Commendments"

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'"1

I recently received an email in French requesting a copy of the "Ten Commendments." As I can't read French, I used the Google online translator to read this person's request. When translating online, sometimes the words can come out rather funny. For instance, when I asked Google to translate, "The cat sat on the mat" into French it read, "Le chat s'est reposé sur la natte." But when I asked Google to translate this back into English it read, "The cat rested on the plait." And then when I checked the word "plait" in my computer Thesaurus it said, "ponytail." So "The cat sat on the mat" ended up as "The cat rested on the ponytail."

Jokes aside, it's understandable that this can happen when translating online from one language to another, but the same thing happens very easily when communicating in person in the same language—especially between parents and children, husbands and wives.

Effective communication should be one of many "commendments" because so many misunderstandings and broken relationships are caused by mis-communications and/or misunderstood communications.

One of the challenges in communication is that we see and hear things, and will even read into things, on the basis of how we feel about ourselves, and on the bases of unresolved issues from past significant relationships.

If I am a very insecure, super-sensitive person, the slightest negative comment can send me into an emotional tailspin. Furthermore, if I didn't get along with my mother [or father, sister, or brother], and you say or do something that reminds me of my mother, it's going to push my "mother [or whichever] button" and I will overreact way out of proportion to what you said or did. And you are going to be left wondering what on earth is happening to me. Then we get into the battle of: "You said" … "did not." "Yes you did"… "No I didn't" … "Did" … "Didn't…." And the vicious cycle continues and escalates.

As healthy relationships are vital to healthy living, learning to communicate effectively needs to be a top priority. There are many helpful tips on how we can learn to do this besides learning to hear what is not being said, but the bottom line is that we need to resolve all past impaired significant relationships so our hot buttons don't get pushed, and that we grow in maturity so we overcome our insecurities.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see and resolve any and all impaired relationships and grow in maturity so that I can learn to love and accept myself in a healthy manner and not overreact to what others say or do to me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Matthew 5:37 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

REDNECK DICTIONARY WORDS DAY #2 - -


bay-ou (bi"-u), v . and n. to purchase for another. "I was walked right up to her  and said, "Hey darlin', lemme bayou a drink,'"

big-ots (big'-ets), adj, used to describe a large object in motion or action.  "Man, Al's belly is so bigots draggin' on the floor."

bro-ker (brok'-er), v and adj. to hae violently injured any thing or things belonging to a female.  "My mom fell off a ladder and broker arm."


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Heaven and Hell

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...?

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time
and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning,

Today, you voted.."

Vote wisely on
November 6, 2012
 
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RECIPE:

PREACHER CAKE

Prep Time:     15 Min
Cook Time:     35 Min

Ingredients
2 c     sugar (may cut the sugar to 1 cup - 1 1/2 cups as it is very sweet)
2 c     all-purpose flour
2     eggs
2 tsp     baking soda
1/2 tsp     salt
2 tsp     vanilla
1/2 c     nuts - walnuts or any that you prefer
1 can(s)     20 ounces crushed pineapple - undrained (i use pineapple in it's own juice)

FROSTING
1 pkg     8 ounce cream cheese - softened
1 3/4 c     powdered sugar
1/4 c     butter or margarine
1/4 tsp     salt
1/2 c     nuts - walnuts or any that you prefer
2 tsp     vanilla
 
Susan J's Notes:
*My Dad (Edward Kielpikowski) loved to make this cake for company, potlucks, and for just general eating. He always said it was easy to remember because it took 2 of everything. That is almost true with the exception of salt and nuts - their measurement is 1/2 and the can of pineapple, but it was a 20 oz can. :) Most of the time my parents served this without the rich frosting as that made it deadly - just kidding, but it is certainly "rich" enough without it... LOL This recipe came from my Mom's Aunt Estelle (Melton) .

Directions
1  CAKE: Combine dry ingredients; add remaining ingredients and mix by hand.
2  Bake in a 9 x 13 prepared pan at 350 degrees for approximately 30-45 minutes. Do not over bake or it will be rubbery, but still delicious :)
3  FROSTING: Mix well and spread on cake in pan. Enjoy!

* If you would like to save calories, instead of using the frosting, just sprinkle top of cake with a bit of powdered sugar and enjoy!
* There is NO milk, butter, or oil in the cake.
* You may add other fruits or coconut if you like: some suggestions are: dried cranberries, raisins, currants, tub of mixed dried fruit, and even fresh blueberries.
* I suggest that you may cut the sugar to 1 cup as it is very sweet. I often cut the sugar in recipes.

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Sunday Brunch Casserole

"Isn't it about time for you to make your 'egg pie'?" my husband and sons inquire, using the nickname they've given this hearty casserole. It's nice enough for a special brunch and versatile enough for a satisfying family supper. -Patricia Throlson, Willmar, Minnesota

    Prep: 20 min. Bake: 35 min.
    Yield: 6-8 Servings

Ingredients

    1/2 pound sliced bacon
    1/2 cup chopped onion
    1/2 cup chopped green pepper
    12 eggs, lightly beaten
    1 cup 2% milk
    1 package (16 ounces) frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed
    1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
    1 teaspoon salt
    1/2 teaspoon pepper
    1/4 teaspoon dill weed

Directions

    In a large skillet, cook bacon over medium heat until crisp. Remove to paper towels; drain, reserving 2 tablespoons drippings. Crumble bacon and set aside. In same skillet, saute onion and green pepper in drippings until tender; remove with a slotted spoon.
    In a large bowl, whisk eggs and milk. Stir in the hash browns, cheese, salt, pepper, dill, onion mixture and reserved bacon.
    Transfer to a greased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish. Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 35-45 minutes or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Yield: 8 servings.

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Amish Breakfast Casserole

"We enjoyed a hearty breakfast bake during a visit to an Amish inn," recalls Beth Notaro of Kokomo, Indiana. "When I asked for the recipe, one of the ladies told me the ingredients right off the top of her head. I modified it to create this version my family loves. Try breakfast sausage in place of bacon."

    Prep: 15 min. Bake: 35 min. + standing
    Yield: 12 Servings

Ingredients

    1 pound sliced bacon, diced
    1 medium sweet onion, chopped
    6 eggs, lightly beaten
    4 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed
    2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
    1-1/2 cups (12 ounces) 4% cottage cheese
    1-1/4 cups shredded Swiss cheese

Directions

    In a large skillet, cook bacon and onion until bacon is crisp; drain. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients; stir in bacon mixture. Transfer to a greased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish.
    Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 35-40 minutes or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting. Yield: 12 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 serving (1 piece) equals 273 calories, 18 g fat (10 g saturated fat), 153 mg cholesterol, 477 mg sodium, 8 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 18 g protein.

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Savory California Walnut Sprinkles

This topping is delicious on ice cream and sliced fruit.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup walnuts
1/2 cup bread crumbs, (or fresh white bread crumbs to equal 1/2 cup)
1 tablespoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt, if desired

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. In a food processor, blend the walnuts until they are finely ground but still light and dry. Combine with the bread crumbs and spread the mixture on a baking pan. Bake for about 15 minutes, stirring frequently, until golden brown and crisp. Stir in the paprika and cayenne, and salt if desired, then cool to room temperature. This keeps about 10 days, stored in an airtight container.

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Panettone

Serve this delicious loaf cake at parties and teas.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 90 minutes
Cook Time: 45 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
 
4 1/2-5 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, unsifted
1/2 cup sugar
1 tablespoon salt
2 packages active dry yeast (package)
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup margarine, 1 stick
3 eggs, at room temperature
1/2 cup candied citron, chopped
1/2 cup raisins, seedless
2 tablespoons pine nuts
1 tablespoon anise seed
1 egg
1 tablespoon water

DIRECTIONS:

In a large bowl thoroughly mix 1 1/2 cups flour, sugar, salt and undissolved dry yeast.

Combine milk, 1/2 cup water and margarine in a saucepan. Heat over low heat until liquids are warm. (Margarine does not need to melt.) Gradually add to dry ingredients and beat 2 minutes at medium speed of electric mixer, scraping bowl occasionally. Add 3 eggs and ½ cup flour, or enough flour to make a thick batter. Beat at high speed 2 minutes scraping bowl occasionally. Stir in citron, raisins, pine nuts and anise seeds. Add enough additional flour to make a soft dough. Turn out onto lightly floured board; knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 to 10 minutes. Place in greased bowl, turning to grease top. Cover, let rise in warm place, free from draft, until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour. Punch dough down. Cover; let rise again until almost double, about 30 minutes.

Punch dough down again; turn out onto lightly floured board. Divide in half; form into round balls. Place on opposite corners of a greased baking sheet. Cut a cross 1/2 inch deep on top of each ball. Cover; let rise in warm place, free from draft, until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat 1 egg with 1 tbsp. water. Use to brush tops of cakes. Bake about 35 to 45 minutes, or until done. Remove from baking sheet and cool on wire racks. Makes 2 loaves.

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Simply Citrus Cream Cake

The addition of sour cream and lemon pudding makes this delicious citrus cake amazingly rich and moist.

time
prep:  15 min
total:  1 hr 25 min
servings
total:  18 servings

    What You Need

    1    pkg.   (2-layer size) yellow cake mix
    1    pkg.  (3.4 oz.) JELL-O Lemon Flavor Instant Pudding
    1-1/3    cups  BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream, divided
    3/4    cup  water
    1/4    cup  oil
    3     eggs
    2    Tbsp.  orange zest
    1/4    cup  powdered sugar
    1    tub   (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed
    1    can  (11 oz.) mandarin oranges, drained
 
  Make It

    HEAT oven to 350°F.
    BEAT cake mix, dry pudding mix, 1 cup sour cream, water, oil, eggs and orange zest with mixer until blended. Pour into 2 greased and floured 9-inch round pans.
    BAKE 25 to 30 min. or until toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean. Cool cakes in pans 10 min. Invert onto wire racks; gently remove pans. Cool cakes completely.
    WHISK remaining sour cream and powdered sugar in large bowl until blended. Stir in COOL WHIP.
    STACK cake layers on plate, filling layers with half each of the COOL WHIP mixture and oranges. Frost top with remaining COOL WHIP mixture. Garnish with remaining oranges. Keep refrigerated.
   
Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Variation
  
 Prepare using COOL WHIP LITE Whipped Topping and BREAKSTONE'S Reduced Fat or KNUDSEN Light Sour Cream.
    Chocolate Cream Cake
    Prepare as directed, using a chocolate cake mix and 1 pkg. (3.9 oz.) JELL-O Chocolate Instant Pudding, and substituting 1 cup fresh berries, such as raspberries, sliced strawberries or blueberries, for the oranges.
   
Make Ahead
    The COOL WHIP filling can be prepared in advance. Store in tightly covered container in refrigerator up to 2 days before using as directed.


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JOKES:

A turkey was chatting with a bull."I would love to be Able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull."They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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A hobo walking along the tracks came upon a home with chickens and a garden in the backyard. He walked up and knocked on the back door. A blond lady answered: "What can I do for you"? "Sorry to bother mam, I wonder if I could have a pot of water to make nail soup", he said pulling a nail tied to a string.

Bewildered she fulfilled his request. He thanked her and walked back towards the tracks, started a small fire, sat on a log and waited for the water to boil. She curiously approached and offered a ladle. He thanked her, took the ladle, stirred and sampled a taste. "Mmmm", he said. "How is it?", she asked. "Needs a little salt", he replied. She left and returned with salt and pepper.

He stirred, sampling a taste. "Mmmm, would you care to try?", he asked. She accepted and replied: "Interesting, but it's missing something". "A vegetable maybe?", he said. "Yes!" She bellowed as she ran to her garden and returned with veggies. He pulled out a rusty ol' knife to cut them up.

"Now that's coming around real well, would you like another taste?", he offered. "Why yes, yes I would", said the blond. She had a taste and said: "You know as good as it is, something still seems to be missing". She gave it a thought and exclaimed: "Chicken, how about some chicken"? She ran off, a few minutes later threw in some chicken. She proudly took a seat on the log and watched as the soup boiled.

"That smells delicious", said the blond. The hobo added a bit more salt and pepper saying: "It's ready, all we need is a couple of bowls and spoons". She ran in and back out before the door could close. They both sat on the log and ate by the fire. When done, he thanked her, pulled his nail out of the soup and shoved it back into his pocket. She thanked him and said: "That was the best nail soup I have ever had!"

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There was a snake that fell in love with the snake across the street for seven years. After a while he couldn't take it any longer so he wanted to confront her. He goes across the street and finds out that love of his life was actually a piece of rope..

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A young boy from West Virginia is in the woods hunting when a Game Warden spots him. The Warden yells to the young lad to approch him. As the fellow approches the Warden, the Warden notices that the young man has quite a few squirles tucked into his game bag.The Warden asked the boy: "How many squirles you got there son?" The boy replies: "Thirty some sir!" "Well, that's well over the kill limit son, I'm gonna have to write you a citation", replies the officer. "Yes sir", the boy responds.

The officer writes the ticket and has the young boy sign it. As the boy signs the ticket a squirle hops on a tree limb over head. The boy gets itchy, he looks at the officer and nods towards the squirel. The officer is curious as to how the boy is going to kill this squirel, without a gun, bow or knife. He tells the young man: "Go ahead, son." At this time the boy reaches in his pocket and pulls out a steel ball about an inch in diameter. He slings the ball at the squirel and hits him in the head. The squirel falls to his death at their feet.

The Game Warden looks at the boy and says: "Son, you just signed that citation with your right hand." The boy responds: "Yes sir, I'm right handed." "Well, I just seen you throw that ball bearing with your left hand",  says the Warden. "Yes, sir", states the boy. "Well, if you're right handed, why didn't throw that ball with your right hand?" asked the Warden. The boy looks at the officer and says: " 'Cause I tear'em up too damn bad!"

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A guy asked his wife: "Tell me something I will like and hate at the same time." She said: "Ok, I cooked your favorite dish today but I burned it and threw it away."

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Today, God’s message for you is to live and remember.  There may be good people who blessed your life once but who no longer walk this earth with you.  Be grateful for the time you had them and look forward to a future where other people will bless your life and where you may be a blessing to others.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc

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