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Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 11/01/2012 11:29:41

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Remembering

"For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."1

Ron Clarke of Tasmania tells the following story about the devastating Irish famine (1845-1849) that wiped out a million people some 150 years ago when many thousands left Ireland for the New World, or Australia and New Zealand searching for a new life.

"One of these was a penniless boy who hid as a stowaway on an immigrant ship bound for America. In the mid-Atlantic the ship began to sink, but there was enough time to get everybody into life-boats. Deep down in the bowels of the ship the boy wondered why the ship had stopped and as he emerged from his hiding place there was no-one around. He came up on deck just as the captain was about to step into the last seat of the last life-boat. In the highest tradition of the sea, the captain stepped back and put the boy in his place, and as the life-boat was pushed off, he said to the lad: 'Never forget what has been done for you.'

"As the life-boat pulled away, the lad could see the captain standing on the deck, and that vision never left him. He became a successful businessman in the New World, and when people asked him about the secret of his achievement, he always told the story of the captain giving his life for him, and how he was urged to never forget what had been done for him. 'Whenever I get discouraged and feel negatively about myself,' he said, 'I recall the vision of what has been done for me, and it gives me new courage to keep on keeping on to be worthy of such a price.'"2

To sacrifice one's own life for that of another is without doubt the supreme sacrifice. But that is exactly what Jesus Christ, the Son of God and Creator of the universe, did for you and me when he left the ivory palaces of Heaven, laying aside his external robes of deity, and came to earth as a man to pay the just penalty for your sins and mine through his death by crucifixion on the insufferably cruel Roman cross. As today's Scripture reminds us: "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."1

May we never forget the overwhelming sacrifice that Jesus paid for you and me! And because Christ gave his life to die in our place, with God's help, may we give our life to live for him always in all ways.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, how can I ever thank you enough for dying in my place on the cross at Calvary to pay the just penalty for all my sins, so that I can be freely forgiven and receive your gift of eternal life in your Heaven? Help me always to live a life that is well-pleasing and honoring to you. And help me to be 'as Jesus' in some way to every life I touch, and grant that they, seeing Jesus in me, will want you to be in their life too. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

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FOR THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER WE ARE GOING TO HAVE JEFF FOXWORTHY's REDNECK Words you thought you knew the meaning of. ..lol  my Thanksgiving treat for you  lol

WORD FOR THE DAY:

al-lowed (e-laud') adj.  distinguished by intense elevation of volume. 
"did you just hear allowed noise?"

afar (e-far'), n an object in the state of combustion.
"there's no sense bein' this cold --let's build afar."

as-pect (as'-pekt),n and v.  having one's backside assulted by a sharp object.  "He got done skinny-dippin', passed out on that deck chair, and had his aspect by a woodpecker."


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November 1—All Saints’ Day (Hallowmas)

This is the day when all of the saints are honored, especially those who did not have a day of their own. The day was formerly known as Allhallowmas, “hallow” meaning “holy” or “holy person.”

Traditionally, All Saints’ Day features doughnuts. The round shape of the doughnuts was said to symbolize eternity, a nod to the saints whose lives are celebrated.


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Asthma

What is asthma?

Asthma is an episodic constriction of the bronchial tubes. It is a common disorder of both children and adults, often regarded as mysterious and frustrating to treat.

What are the symptoms of asthma?
The condition is marked by wheezing (especially on expiration), coughing, and difficulty in breathing. Asthma can appear and disappear without warning. If an attack is severe enough, it can kill.

What are the causes of asthma?
The immediate cause of an asthmatic attack is tightening of the muscular bands that regulate the size of the bronchial tubes. These muscles are controlled by nerves, but what triggers the nerves to make airways constrict inappropriately is not clear. The triggers for asthma can be primarily allergic or primarily emotional or induced by exercise or respiratory infection, or it can occur with no obvious causes. It is now being considered an inflammatory disorder.

The "hygiene hypothesis" is a proposed explanation for why allergies and asthma are now epidemic, especially in developed countries. The hypothesis holds that children who grow up in crowded and dirtier environments are less likely to develop these ailments than youngsters raised in cleaner, more protected environments. The idea is that the developing immune systems of less privileged kids are exposed to lots of germs from an early age and so become stronger and more protective of health. The hypothesis recently got a big boost in credibility. Researchers at Duke University Medical Center compared the antibodies in the blood of laboratory rats and mice, which grow in a virtually germ-free environment, with those of wild rats and mice. All of the wild rodents had higher levels of IgG and IgE, classes of antibodies associated with immune and allergic diseases, but the wild rodents' antibodies did not tend to bind to the rat's own cells, as did the antibodies produced by the hygienically raised rodents. Instead, the wild rodents' antibodies efficiently and effectively attacked invading organisms. The research was written up in the August, 2006, Scandinavian Journal of Immunology.

Despite this intriguing evidence, we need a lot more proof from human studies before the hygiene hypothesis makes the leap from theory to fact, and I wouldn't worry about a home being "too clean." In fact, random pollution of the home environment has its own drawbacks. Children who breathe secondhand smoke are more likely to develop asthma, and among all youngsters with asthma, those who breathe secondhand smoke have more frequent attacks).

What is the conventional treatment of asthma?
Treatment of asthma has two aspects: management of acute attacks and long-term control or prevention. Conventional treatments are sometimes the best choices for acute attacks, where immediate relief can be a life-and-death matter.

For allergic asthma, one of the safest and best drugs is inhaled cromolyn sodium. Most bronchodilating drugs are stimulants that increase sympathetic tone and anxiety. Theophylline, derived from tea, has a long history of use, but may not be as safe as doctors used to think. It can cause dramatic personality changes. Other drugs of this class can be inhaled to relieve and prevent attacks. These inhalers work, but they are often addictive, since the bronchial tubes are likely to become constricted again when one dose wears off (the same pattern occurs when these drugs are sprayed into the nose to relieve nasal congestion). Newer drugs - the leukotriene inhibitors are useful for some patients and less toxic.

Other inhalers contain steroids. If the steroids are not absorbed into the system, they can be safe and effective. Different products vary greatly in efficacy and absorbability. At this writing the best are Flovent (fluticasone) and Pulmocort (budesonide), both safer than older versions. Steroid inhalers should always be used immediately following inhalation of a bronchodilator.

In my view, conventional protocols for long-term control are more problematic. Oral steroids (prednisone is the commonest) are very dangerous for asthmatics, because it is too easy to become addicted to them, and toxicity from long-term steroid use is devastating. Try to avoid ever going on oral steroids. If you do have to take them, get off as soon as possible. In general, the less medication you can take, the better. Allopathic drugs, being suppressive in nature, tend to perpetuate asthma and may reduce the chance that it will disappear on its own

What therapies does Dr. Weil recommend for asthma?
For acute attacks, try lobelia, or Indian tobacco (Lobelia inflate). Mix three parts tincture of lobelia with one part tincture of capsicum (red pepper, cayenne pepper). Take twenty drops of the mixture in water at the start of an asthmatic attack. Repeat every thirty minutes for a total of three or four doses.

For long term control and prevention:

    Decrease protein to 10 percent of daily caloric intake. Replace animal protein as much as possible with plant protein
    Eliminate milk and milk products, substituting other calcium sources.
    Eat organically grown fruits and vegetables as much as possible.
    Eliminate polyunsaturated vegetable oils, margarine, vegetable shortening, all partially hydrogenated oils that might contain trans-fatty acids, all foods that might contain trans-fatty acids (such as deep-fried foods).
    Use extra-virgin olive oil as your main fat.
    Increase intake of omega-3 fatty acids.
    Always drink plenty of water to keep your respiratory tract secretions more fluid.
    Experiment with eliminating (one at a time) wheat, corn, soy and sugar for six to eight weeks to see if the condition improves.
    Eat ginger and turmeric regularly for their anti-inflammatory effects.
    Have some manipulative work done on the chest to break up restrictive patterns in nerves and muscles that develop in chronic asthma. The best systems I know for this are osteopathic manipulation, especially from a practitioner of cranial therapy, and Rolfing, a form of deep-tissue massage.
    Minimize contact with respiratory irritants, such as smoke, dust, molds, and volatile chemicals. Remove sources of offending materials from your home, install a good air filtration system, or consider moving if the air is generally bad where you live. Experiment with living in other locations: in high mountains, the desert, or near the seacoast. Asthma may improve greatly with a change of climate.
    In adults, GERD (acid reflux disease) may be an underlying cause of asthma. In such cases, successful treatment of the digestive problem will often clear up the asthma.
    Experiment with traditional Chinese medicine and Ayurvedic medicine (the traditional healing system of India). These systems are sometimes able to offer significant help through more specific dietary adjustments and herbal treatments.

Here are some specific recommendations for exercise-induced asthma:

    Warm up very slowly to the point where you almost feel the "tightness" associated with exercise-induced asthma. Then stop and stretch or, if you're exercising vigorously, slow down. By taking this break, you often can block the development of asthmatic symptoms. You can then go back to your normal pace. This may take some getting used to, but can sometimes eliminate the need for medication.
    Try breath work. The most effective approaches are pranayama techniques (breath control exercises taught in some yoga classes). You can do these after the initial warm-up when symptoms are almost felt. For beginners, start with "The Relaxing Breath," a technique I describe in my books and on this Web site.
    Find a form of physical activity that minimizes your exercise-induced symptoms. Sports or activities that have intermittent rest periods (such as tennis, softball, and golf) can allow you to regain control of your breathing. Swimming may be better than running outdoors in cold weather, but no type of exercise is off-limits with proper treatment. In fact, some of the world's top athletes have exercise-induced asthma, and they're still able to compete successfully in Olympic-level events.

 
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Sure-Fire Chocolate Stain Remover
         
Did your family get chocolate stains on their clothes from their Halloween haul? Make a paste with borax powder (available at supermarkets and drugstores) and water—you can also use meat tenderizer and water—and rub it into the stain. Let the paste remain for one hour, brush it off and launder as usual.

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RECIPE:

Breakfast Pizza

This quick and easy winning recipe for families on-the-run features scrambled eggs flavored with green pepper, onion and Canadian bacon on a pizza crust. Melted Cheddar cheese, salsa and chopped cilantro top it all.

Serves: 6 servings (1 slice each)
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon butter
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/4 cup chopped green pepper
1/4 cup chopped Canadian bacon
1 (12-inch) prepared pizza crust
8 eggs, beaten
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
3/4 cup Pace® Picante Sauce
2 ounces shredded Cheddar Cheese (about 1/2 cup)
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 400°F.
Heat the butter in a 10-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, pepper and bacon and cook until the vegetables are tender.
Place the pizza crust onto a pizza pan or baking sheet. Place in the oven to warm.
Stir the eggs and black pepper in the skillet. Cook and stir until the eggs are set. Spoon the egg mixture onto the pizza crust.  Top with the picante sauce. Sprinkle with the cheese.
Bake for 5 minutes or until the cheese is melted. Sprinkle with the cilantro. Cut the pizza into 6 slices.

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Bodacious Blondies

These candy-spiked brownies are great for snacks, picnics, class trips, bake sales and good, old-fashioned dessert! Kids love making them almost as much as they like eating them.

Serves: 20 cookies
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups M&M's semi-sweet or milk chocolate mini baking bits

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 350°F. Line a 3-quart shallow baking pan with aluminum foil with 2 inches of foil extending beyond the edges of the pan.  Lightly grease the foil.
Stir the flour mixture, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl.
Beat the butter, brown sugar and granulated sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until the mixture is light and fluffy.  Beat in the eggs and vanilla extract.
Reduce the speed to low.  Slowly add the flour and beat just until combined. Stir in 1 3/4 cups M&M's.
Pour the batter into the pan. Sprinkle with the remaining M&M's.
Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with a few moist crumbs clinging to it.
Cool the blondies in the pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Use the foil to remove the blondies from the pan and cool completely on a wire rack.

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Myra's Speghetti Squash, Mushrooms, Tomatoes Bake

1 ctn fresh sliced mushrooms
1 ctn fresh cherry tomatoes
1 speghetti squash
1/2 vadelia onion, diced
1 garlic clove diced
2 sm banana peppers, diced
1 stick of butter
1/2 cup italian bread crumbs
1/2 cup dry parmasean cheese

cut speghetti squash in half, clean out seeds,  butter and salt inside of squash and put in mirosafe dish cut side down,  add about 1/4 c water and cook 10 minutes.
let cool. 
Meanwhile, taking 2 tbsp of butter, fry the tomatoes until they just wilt and pop. remove to seperate container and cover.
in the same skillet add 2 tbs of butter and fry til tender the onions, garlic and banana peppers til tender but not brown, remove to container and cover.
in same skillet add 3 tbsp of butter and add the mushrooms and cook til just tender, remove to container and cover.

When speghetti squash is cool enough to handle scrape out the speg squash into a sprayed 8 x 8 baking dish, spread evenly on bottom, add the cherry tomatoes, then spread the mixture of onions, peppers, garlic, and top with the mushrooms.
in sperate bowl, mix the bread crumbs and parmasean cheese, add 2 tbsp of melted butter and sprinkle over the entire top of the casserole.

Bake in 350 F degree oven for 20 minutes, covered with aluminion foil, remove foil, put on top shelf and brown under 500 degree F remove and serve.

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Fiesta Pork Tenderloin with Oven-Roasted Vegetables

Pork tenderloin and baking potatoes prepared with green or red bell peppers and fajita seasoning mix spark this pork roast of tenderloin with zesty Mexican flavors. Serve with a crisp green salad dressed in a light vinaigrette.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 9 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
 
1 1/2 pounds pork tenderloin
2 small baking potatoes, quartered
2 small green and/or red bell peppers, sliced
1 medium onion, coarsely chopped
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 package (1.25-oz.) ORTEGA Fajita Seasoning Mix
Garnish, with salsa and sour cream

DIRECTIONS:

PREHEAT oven to 400 degrees F. Line roasting pan or 15x10-inch jelly-roll pan with foil.

PLACE tenderloin, potatoes, bell peppers, onion, oil and seasoning mix in large heavy-duty plastic bag; shake to coat. Place tenderloin in center of prepared pan. Arrange vegetables around tenderloin.

BAKE, stirring vegetables halfway through, for 40 to 45 minutes or until tenderloin reaches an internal temperature of 170 degrees F and potatoes are tender. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving. Garnish as desired.

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Brown Sugar Apple Pie

This pie can be made and frozen well ahead of time. When you bake it, serve with ice cream or whipped cream.

Serves: 6-8
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 45-50 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
 
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup vegetable shortening
5 to 6 tablespoons ice cold water
6 cups peeled, thinly sliced tart baking apples, (7 to 10 apples, depending on size)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 teaspoons unsalted butter

DIRECTIONS:

In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour and salt. Using a pastry blender, a fork, or your fingertips, work the shortening into the flour until pea-sized chunks form. Sprinkle with ice water, 1 tablespoon at a time and toss lightly with a fork until the dough forms a ball.

Divide dough into two balls. Wrap each in plastic wrap or wax paper and refrigerate for at least 20 minutes.

On a lightly-floured work surface, roll one of the balls of dough into a circle about 11 inches in diameter. Use light, firm strokes and only roll in one direction: from the center outward. Sprinkle flour on the dough as needed to prevent sticking. Turn the flour by quarter turns as you roll. Don't roll more than necessary, or the dough will be tough.

Drape the dough in a 9-inch pie plate, letting the edges hang over the side of the plate.

Let the other ball of dough stay in the refrigerator while you make the filling.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

In a bowl, toss the apple slices with the sugars, flour, cinnamon and nutmeg. Scrape the filling into the pie plate.

Dot the filling with small pieces of butter.

Roll the second ball of dough into a circle about 11 inches in diamter. Drape it over the pie filling. Fold the overhang from the bottom crust over the top crust and use a fork or your thumbs to crimp and seal the edges together. Use a knife to make a few slits in the top crust for steam vents. (At this point, the pie can be frozen. To bake, transfer it directly to the oven and increase the baking time only by 5 minutes or so.)

Bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until the crust is golden and the filling is bubbling hot. If the edges of the crust browns too much, shield it with aluminum foil.

Let the pie cool for an hour or more. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Notes: Ingredients # 1-4 are for the crust and # 5-11 are for the filling.

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Glazed Carrot Raisin Cupcakes

Spicy muffins are filled with raisins and topped with an apple juice glaze.

Serves: 24 cupcakes
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
         
INGREDIENTS:

1 box (about 18 ounces) spice cake mix
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Tomato Soup (Regular or Healthy Request®)
1/2 cup water
2 eggs
1 medium carrot, shredded (about 1/2 cup)
1/2 cup raisins
1 cup confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons unsweetened apple juice

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 350°F.  Place paper liners into 24 (2 1/2-inch) muffin-pan cups.
Combine the cake mix, soup, water and eggs in a large bowl and mix according to the package directions. Stir in the carrot and raisins. Spoon the batter into the muffin-pan cups.
Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove the cupcakes from the pan and cool completely on a wire rack.
Stir the confectioners' sugar and juice in a small bowl until the mixture is smooth.  Spread the glaze on the cupcakes.

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JOKES:

The blonde Thanksgiving dinner

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.

"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.

"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"

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A geek's list of thanks
1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed!

2. Be thankful your computer isn't down!

3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down!

4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus!

5. Be thankful your server isn't down!

6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!

7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!

8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn't gain a pound!

9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn't 72!

10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection!

11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!

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Signs You've Eaten Too Much

Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you. 
 
Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall. 
 
You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.

Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet. 

You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July. 

World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!" 

CBS tells you to lose weight or else. 
 
Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department. 
 
Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt. 
 
You're sweatin' gravy.

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Q: If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
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Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
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Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble.
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Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play.
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Q: Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
A: To keep his wig warm.
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Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks
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Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape.
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Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote , "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock

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Top 10 Things Your Combat Vet Wants You To Know:

1. He is addicted to war, although he loves you. War is horrible, but there is nothing like a life-and-death fight to make you feel truly alive. The adrenaline rush is tremendous, and can never be replaced. Succeeding in combat defines a warrior, places him in a brotherhood where he is always welcome and understood. The civili...an world has adrenaline junkies as well; just ask any retired firefighter, police officer, or emergency room staff if they miss it.

2. Living for you is harder. It would be easy for him to die for you because he loves you. Living for you, which is what you actually want, is harder for him. It is even harder for him if you are smart and do not need him to rescue you, since rescuing is something he does really well. If you are very competent at many things, he may at times question if you need him at all. He may not see that you stay with him as a conscious choice.

3. "The training kicks in" means something very different to him. It is direct battle doctrine that when ambushed by a superior force, the correct response is "Apply maximum firepower and break contact." A warrior has to be able to respond to threat with minimal time pondering choices. While this is life-saving in combat, it is not helpful in the much slower-paced civilan world. A better rule in the civilian world would be to give a reaction proportionate to the provocation. Small provocation, small response (but this would get you killed on the battlefield). When the training becomes second nature, a warrior might take any adrenaline rush as a cue to "apply maximum firepower." This can become particularly unfortunate if someone starts to cry. Tears are unbearable to him; they create explosive emotions in him that can be difficult for him to control. Unfortunately, that can lead to a warrior responding to strong waves of guilt by applying more "maximum firepower" on friends, family, or unfortunately strangers.
4. He is afraid to get attached to anyone because he has learned that the people you love get killed, and he cannot face the pain again. He may make exception for his children (because they cannot divorce him), but that will be instinctual and he will probably not be able to explain his actions.

5. He knows the military exists for a reason. The sad fact is that a military exists ultimately to kill people and break things. This was true of our beloved "Greatest Generation" warriors of WWII, and it remains true to this day. Technically, your warrior may well be a killer, as are his friends. He may have a hard time seeing that this does not make him a murderer. Although they may look similar at first glance, he is a sheepdog protecting the herd, not a wolf trying to destroy it. The emotional side of killing in combat is complex. He may not know how to feel about what he's seen or done, and he may not expect his feelings to change over time. Warriors can experience moments of profound guilt, shame, and self-hatred. He may have experienced a momentary elation at "Scoring one for the good guys", then been horrified that he celebrated killing a human being. He may view himself as a monster for having those emotions, or for having gotten used to killing because it happened often.

6.He's had to cultivate explosive anger in order to survive in combat. He may have grown up with explosive anger as well.

7. He may have only been nineteen when he first had to make a life and death decision for someone else. What kind of skills does a nineteen-year-old have to deal with that kind of responsibility?One of my veterans put it this way: "You want to know what frightening is? It's a nineteen-year-old boy who's had a sip of that power over life and death that war gives you. It's a boy who, despite all the things he's been taught, knows that he likes it. It's a nineteen-year-old who's just lost a friend, and is angry and scared, and determined that some fucker is gonna pay. To this day, the thought of that boy can wake me from a sound sleep and leave me staring at the ceiling."

8. He may believe that he's the only one who feels this way; eventually he may realize that at least other combat vets understand. On some level, he doesn't want you to understand, because that would mean you had shared his most horrible experience, and he wants someone to remain innocent.

9. He doesn't understand that you have a mama bear inside of you, that probably any of us could kill in defense of someone if we need to. Imagine your reaction if someone pointed a weapon at your child?

10. When you don't understand, he needs you to give him the benefit of the doubt. He needs you also to realize that his issues really aren't about you, although you may step in them sometimes. Truly, the last thing he wants is for you to become a casualty of his war.

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Today, God’s message for you is to forgive others. To forgive someone else’s shortcomings is to heal old wounds. This doesn’t mean it need be forgotten, as it is a lesson learned, nor does it mean to allow it to happen again. It only means to forgive, and to allow it to heal.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc


REDNECK HALLOWEEN JOKES
Posted On 10/31/2012 06:20:30

You Might be a Redneck if:

- People compliment your " Hobo " costume and you are wearing your everyday clothes .
-Your halloween pumpkin will do double duty and become pies for thanksgiving.
-You put your mother-in-law out on the front porch to sit, and people think she is a witch decoration.
-You ran out of toilet paper and use the ones on the trees in your yard.
- You put in those plastic "Billy Bob" teeth and friends compliment you on your new tooth.
- Your house wins the neighborhood prize for best Halloween decorations, but you didn't decorate this year.
-You can't take your kids trick-or-treating further than two houses down due to parole violations.
-Your halloween fog machine involves your truck's exhaust.
-Going trick-or-treating requires a 4-wheeler, mud boots & a flood light.
-Trick or treaters can't even make it to your front door
-You tell your kids those are deer droppings to get their Milk Duds for yourself.
-The candy you give out was Easter clearanced candy from earlier this year at the local Kmart.
-You went to the haunted house, and the actors were scared of you.
-You used a cordless power drill to carve your pumpkin, and a fireplace starter stick to light it.
-Your dentures fall in the bowl of candy corn match perfectly.
-Your front yard takes longer to get through than your local farm corn maze.
-You hand out fishing lures, duct tape, & little tree air fresheners.
-Your candy is seeds from the pumpkin you just carved.
-You ring doorbells and people say "Nice Hillbilly costume" and you say "it's not a costume."
-You egg houses that have a #24 flag proudly waving out in the front yard.
-You collect the TP off the trees because you ran out.
-The security tape around your house was not purchased at the costume/party/decoration store, but put there by the police department.
-Your new zombie costume comes with false teeth, but your real teeth are more frightening
-You refer to Trick-or-treating with your children as, "Takin the young-uns grocery shopping."
-A vampire drinks your blood and gets drunk.

Tags: JOKES FOR HALLOWEEN


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/31/2012 03:33:18

REMINDER FROM GOD:

What Is Sin Anyhow?

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."1

Some sins are easy to see—such as stealing, cursing, violence, drunkenness, abuse, adultery, lying, cheating, and so on. These are all obvious.

These are sins of commission. But there are also sins of omission. As James pointed out, if we know to do good and don't do it, that's sinning too.

There are also subtle sins, sins that are often hidden. These could be called sins of the spirit such as greed, jealousy, envy, pride, self-righteousness, lust, bitterness, resentment, hostility, manipulative and/or impure motives, and the desire to control others, and so on.

Even more subtle, and perhaps the most common sin of all and practiced by so many, is the sin of denial. It is lying to one's self—which is as big a sin as lying to anyone else. Denial is being out of touch with reality. It can be a silent killer. It is being emotionally and spiritually asleep, and we don't become aware of it unless we wake up. It usually takes a crisis of some kind to wake us from this dangerous sleep. We deny our true feelings, we deny our motives, we deny many of our sins, we rationalize our behavior and end up believing the lies we tell ourselves. In other words, we hide from the truth. And the more in denial we are (that is, dishonest with ourselves), the more we will distort all other truth, including God's truth, to make it match our misguided perception of reality.

It is a dangerous and self-destructive way to live.

Sin is a cancer of the soul. The reason God is so opposed to it is because it hurts and ultimately destroys those whom God loves—us! Unconfessed and unforgiven it will separate us for all eternity from a holy and loving God.

But thank God there is a remedy. It is found in the saving gospel message of Jesus Christ. You can read all about it in No. 2 below.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to be real with myself, with you, and with at least one or two safe, non-judgmental friends. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

1. James 4:17 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

    devoir
    audio pronunciation
    duh-VWAHR

    DEFINITION

noun
1: duty, responsibility
2: a usually formal act of civility or respect

    EXAMPLES

"The Grand Master, having allowed the apology of Albert Malvoisin, commanded the herald to stand forth and do his devoir." — From Sir Walter Scott's 1819 novel Ivanhoe

"Our feet are always faithful, never fickle. Now, don't contradict this. I don't know about yours, but my feet pursue me everywhere; they are perfectly content with their commitment to me, and I am more than grateful for their devoir." — From an article by Jean Guerrero in the Daily Trojan, February 8, 2007

    DID YOU KNOW?

"Devoir" was borrowed twice, in a manner of speaking. We first borrowed it in its Anglo-French form, "dever," back in the days of Middle English. As is so often the case when an adopted word becomes established in English, its pronunciation shifted to conform to English pronunciation standards. The French put the stress on the last syllable, but English speakers stressed the first. One hundred or so years later, some writers changed the English spelling to "devoir" to match the modern French. That French borrowing was actually pronounced like French (as well as English speakers could, anyway)—just as it is today.

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October 31—Halloween (All Hallows’ Eve)

Halloween originated with the ancient Celts, who celebrated the new year on November 1. They believed that the souls of the dead returned to Earth the night before (Samhain).

Samhain (pronounced saw-an) is Gaelic for “summer’s end,” a day to bid good-bye to warmth and light as day length shortens.


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Signs and Symptoms of a Sick Parrot

As a parrot owner, there are some things that
you should watch out for as warning signals.
Parrots get sick even if you're the most attentive
and protective owner, so make sure you can
tell if your parrot is exhibiting signs that it is ill.

    Appetite – You should be concerned if
    your parrot manifests a decrease in
    appetite, even more so if it completely
    stops eating.

    Droppings – A change in color, consistency,
    volume and number of droppings for more
    than 12 hours is a sign that something is
    wrong. To better monitor your pet's
    droppings, use paper liners for the cage's
    bottom tray.

    Behavior – Labored breathing and lethargy
    are common signs that a parrot is sick.
    Behavioral changes do occur due to molting
    and sexual maturity, so observe your parrot
    closely to determine what the real cause is.

       Appearance – Weight loss, fluffed feathers,
    nare discharge, abnormal plumage (dull feathers,
    bald spots, unusual feather growth, etc.) and
    abnormal beak (soft tissues, difference in color,
    unusual growth, etc.) are also causes for concern.

 
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RECIPE:

Blueberry–Sour Cream Muffins
   
Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  50 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 1 dozen muffins

Some little rituals, like baking on Sunday for the week, provide cookbook author Eugenia Bone a kind of stress-free reprieve, and at the same time let her stock up on fuel for the family, like these muffins.

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup  light brown sugar
1/3 cup  all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons  unsalted butter softened
1 teaspoon  cinnamon
1 1/2 cups  plus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons  baking powder
1/4 teaspoon  baking soda
1/2 teaspoon  salt
1   large egg
3/4 cup  sugar
1 tablespoon  unsalted butter melted
1 cup  sour cream (rounded )
1 teaspoon  pure vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon  finely grated lemon zest
1 cup  frozen blueberries (rounded )
   

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 375°. In a medium bowl, combine the brown sugar, flour, butter and cinnamon. Rub with your fingers to form coarse crumbs. Refrigerate until ready to use.
Butter a 12-cup muffin pan. In a medium bowl, whisk the 1 1/2 cups of flour with the baking powder, baking soda and salt. In a large bowl, using a handheld mixer, beat the egg at medium speed until frothy. Add the sugar and melted butter and beat until pale yellow, 1 minute. Beat in the sour cream, vanilla and lemon zest until blended. Add the dry ingredients and beat at low speed until almost blended. In a bowl, toss the blueberries with the remaining 1 tablespoon of flour. Using a rubber spatula, fold the blueberries into the batter.
Fill the muffin cups three-fourths full of batter and sprinkle with the topping. Bake for 25 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean. Remove the muffins from the pan and let cool on a rack.

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Pineapple Upside-Down Muffins

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour
Yield:  1 dozen muffins

Glistening like sticky buns, these unusual muffins are packed with wholesome ingredients--vegetables, fruit and whole grains--so you can feel good about serving them to your family. If you prefer to make simple carrot muffins for lunchboxes or breakfasts-on-the-go, omit the topping; sprinkle 2 tablespoons chopped nuts over the muffins before baking, if desired.


 INGREDIENTS

For the Topping:
2 tablespoons  packed light brown sugar
2 tablespoons  chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)
1 10-ounce can  pineapple slices

For the Muffins:
3/4 cup  whole-wheat flour
3/4 cup  all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons  baking powder
1/2 teaspoon  baking soda
1/4 teaspoon  salt
1 tablespoon  ground cinnamon
2   large eggs
1/2 cup  packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup  canola oil
2 tablespoons  pineapple juice or orange juice
1 teaspoon  vanilla extract
1 8-ounce can  crushed pineapple (not drained)
1 cup  grated carrot (1 large)
1/2 cup  old-fashioned oats
3/4 cup  raisins, preferably baking raisins (see Ingredient note)
1/4 cup  chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)

Ingredient Note: Baking raisins, moister than regular ones, ensure a better texture. To substitute regular raisins, plump them first: soak in boiling water for 10 minutes; drain well.
   
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Coat 12 muffin cups with cooking spray.

FOR THE TOPPING:
Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon brown sugar into each muffin cup. Sprinkle nuts, if using, over the sugar. Stack pineapple slices and cut into 6 wedges. Place 2 wedges in each muffin cup.

FOR THE MUFFINS:
Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a large bowl.
Whisk eggs and brown sugar in a medium bowl until smooth. Whisk in oil, juice and vanilla. Stir in crushed pineapple. Make a well in the dry ingredients; add the wet ingredients and stir with a rubber spatula until just combined. Stir in carrot, oats, raisins and nuts, if using. Scoop the batter into the prepared muffin cups (they'll be quite full).
Bake the muffins until the tops are golden brown and firm to the touch, 15 to 25 minutes. Immediately loosen edges and turn muffins out onto a baking sheet. Restore any stray pineapple pieces and nuts. Let cool for at least 10 minutes. Serve upside-down, either warm or at room temperature.

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Big Blueberry Muffins
   
Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  45 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 12

 INGREDIENTS

nonstick vegetable oil spray
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon ground mace
1 1/2 cups buttermilk
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups fresh or frozen, unthawed, blueberries
   
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Place 12 round mousse rings on large heavy flat baking sheet and spray insides with nonstick spray. Using electric stand mixer, blend flour, sugar, butter and salt in large bowl until mixture resembles fine meal. Reserve 1/2 cup of mixture in small bowl. Add baking powder, baking soda and mace to remaining flour mixture in large bowl. Whisk buttermilk, eggs and vanilla to blend in medium bowl. Gradually beat into flour mixture. Carefully and evenly fold in blueberries. Divide batter evenly among prepared rings. Sprinkle streusel over tops of muffins.
Bake until golden brown and tester inserted in center comes out clean, about 25 minutes for fresh berries and 35 minutes for frozen. Cool 5 minutes on baking sheet.
Using spatula, carefully transfer muffins to rack and cool until warm. Starting at bottom, run small, sharp knife around edge of muffin to loosen and remove ring.

DO-AHEAD: Muffins can be made 2 days ahead. Store airtight at room temperature. Rewarm in 275 degrees F oven for 10 minutes, if desired

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Sweet Mama's Morning Cakes

Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  15 Minutes
Yield:  Serves 6

These pancakes are firm enough to hold like toast and young eaters who don't want to use forks and knives can make pancake rollups. With a little help from a teenager or grown-up, your kids can have fun using their creative flair to make Smiling Baby Cakes with grins.

INGREDIENTS

For the Smiling Baby Cakes:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons salad oil

For the Toasted Pecan Honey Butter:
1/3 cup pecans
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
1/4 cup honey

DIRECTIONS
In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In a small bowl, stir together the eggs, milk, and oil. Pour the egg mixture into the flour mixture and mix until smooth. Set aside.
Coat an electric skillet or griddle with cooking spray and preheat to 350 degrees F for 5 minutes. (This is a lower temperature than conventional pancakes use.) Working in batches, pour 1/4 cup batter onto the hot griddle for each cake. Cook until the top is bubbly and the cake is dry around the edges. Flip over and cook until golden on the second side.
Serve the cakes warm or at room temperature with the Toasted Pecan Honey Butter.

FOR THE TOASTED PECAN HONEY BUTTER:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Spread 1/3 cup pecans in a pan, and bake until lightly toasted, 5 to 8 minutes. Let cool and chop finely. In a bowl, beat together 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter and 1/4 cup honey until combined. Stir in the pecans. Serve at room temperature.

FOR THE SMILING BABY CAKES:
Use 1 tablespoon batter to first outline a smile and two dots for eyes on the heated griddle. Once the batter begins to bubble and dry, pour 1/4 cup batter around the eyes and smile and fill in.

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Chocolate Butter Cookies

Yield:  4 dozen

The dough can be wrapped tightly in plastic wrap and stored in the refrigerator for up to three days or in the freezer for up to two weeks. Defrost frozen dough in the refrigerator overnight, then let stand at room temperature until firm yet malleable, about 30 minutes. The cookies are refined enough to serve plain, but a dusting of sifted confectioners’ sugar or chocolate glaze is a nice touch. Baked cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to three days but should be dusted with sugar or glazed the day they are served.

INGREDIENTS
20 tablespoons (2 ½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened to cool room temperature (about 65 degrees)
½ cup (about 2 ounces) cocoa powder
1 teaspoon espresso powder
1 cup (7 ounces) sugar
¼ teaspoon table salt
2 large egg yolks
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 ¼ cups (11 ¼ ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour

DIRECTIONS

Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 375 degrees. Melt 4 tablespoons butter in medium saucepan over medium heat. Add cocoa powder and espresso powder; stir until mixture forms smooth paste. Set aside to cool, 15 to 20 minutes.
In standing mixer fitted with paddle attachment, mix remaining 16 tablespoons butter, sugar, salt, and cooled cocoa mixture on high speed until well combined and fluffy, about 1 minute, scraping sides of mixing bowl once or twice with rubber spatula. Add yolks and vanilla and mix on medium speed until thoroughly combined, about 30 seconds. Scrape sides of bowl. With mixer running on low, add flour in three additions, waiting until each addition is incorporated before adding next and scraping bowl after each addition. Continue to mix until dough forms cohesive ball, about 5 seconds. Turn dough onto counter; divide into three 4-inch disks. Wrap each disk in plastic wrap and refrigerate until dough is firm yet malleable, 45 to 60 minutes. (Alternatively, shape dough log, 2 inches in diameter and about 12 inches long; use parchment paper or plastic wrap to roll into neat cylinder. Chill until very firm and cold, at least 1 hour.)
Roll out 1 dough disk between 2 large sheets parchment paper to even thickness of 3/16 inch. (If dough becomes soft and sticky, slide rolled dough on parchment onto baking sheet and rechill until firm, about 10 minutes.) Peel parchment from one side of dough and cut into desired shapes using cookie cutter(s); using thin metal spatula, place shapes on parchment-lined baking sheet, spacing them about 1 inch apart. Gather dough scraps and chill. (For cylinder-shaped dough, simply slice cookies 1/4 inch thick and place on parchment-lined baking sheets.)
Bake until cookies show slight resistance to touch, 10 to 12 minutes, rotating baking sheet halfway through baking time; if cookies begin to darken on edges, they have overbaked. Cool for 5 minutes, then, using spatula, transfer cookies to wire rack; cool completely. Repeat steps 3 and 4 with remaining dough disks and scraps, rerolling scraps just once. Decorate as desired.

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Ginger Root Tea

5 thin slices of raw ginger
1 1/2 - 2 cups of purfied water
1/2 - 1 lemons, squeezed
1 - 2 tablespoons raw honey

(optional ingredients) - not added all at once)
1 - 2 cloves crushed garlic
caynne powder
1/2 teaspoon seaweed
1-2 sticks of cinnamon

Boil water and meanwhile, grate ginger slices.  Pour into a tea kettle.  Add the ginger, lemon juice, honey, and optional ingredient (s).  Allow to sit for 15 - 20 minutes.  Strain into a cup or mug and enjoy.

NOTE: Health Benefits of GINGER:

 lowers cholesterol, helps with asthma, anti- cancer properties, relieves rheumatoid artheritis pain, relieves headaches & migraines, helps with digestion conerns, excellent for colds and flu, relieves blockages from menstral cramps, diminishes morning sickness, relieves nausa, prevents symptoms of motion sickness, especially seasickness, thins the blood, freshens breath, eleminates intestinal gas, anti-inflamatory effects, antioxidant activity, protects against colorectal cancer, induces cell death in ovarian cancer cells, promotes healthy sweating, boots immune system, free radical protection, lessens depletion of glutathion.


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JOKES:

here are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin. ~ Linus Van Pelt in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"

And now for the really zany—but, for the most part, marvelously ingenious!—Halloween riddles, puzzles and puns (oh my!):

What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? White Pillowcases.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.

Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? [This one is so bad that it's actually quite good!] Bootiques.

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.

What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch.

What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.

Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash [!].

What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern? A plumpkin.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? It's good for the bones.

Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.

What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.

What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice Scream.

What did the mummy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook until you're spoken to.

What did the mummy say to the detective? Lets wrap this case up.

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts.

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime.

What's a monster's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet. [See?--they're much more romantic than you'd guess.]

What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.

What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He got repossessed.

What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.

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Some Halloween "Lessons" from the Movie Theater!

Below, you'll find some "lessons" about Halloween, ghosts, and spooks that you'll only learn from the movie theater!

Have a HAPPY Halloween and a great week! Thanks! -- Alex ;-)


Bat and Moon 17. When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

15. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

Witch and Cat 14. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

13. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

Spooky Ghost 11. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several hundred rounds to kill them, so be prepared!

10. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

9. When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

8. Do not take *anything* from the dead.

7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Pumpkin 6. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

5. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

4. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Bright Pumpkin 3. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

2. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*

and last but not least...

1. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!

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Photographer works

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what's the moral of the story?

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

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Halloween Jokes

Q: What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A: A plumkin

Q: What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A: A guy with very high blood pressure

Q: What do you use to mend a Jack-O-Lantern?
A: A pumpkin patch.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no body to go with!

Q: If you peel my skin off, I won't cry, but you will. What am I?
A: An onion.

Q: What notes does the tightrope-musician have to worry about?
A: C sharp or B flat!

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9!

Q: Why won`t cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny!

 Q: What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?
A: Hide and shriek

Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A: Ice scream

Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A: Boo-boos

Q: What vegetable do you get when King Kong walks through your garden?
A: Squash!

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop!

Q: What do you say to a skeleton going on vacation?
A: Bone voyage!

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Halloween Party.

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,wondering what explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a great time!"

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Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats.
 
    History of the Jack O' Lantern

    Jack-o'-lanterns have been a part of Halloween celebrations for centuries.
 
    Halloween Around The World

    Halloween, one of the world's oldest holidays, is celebrated around the world with a variety of somber, spooky and fun traditions.

    Famous Ghosts in American History

    Some of America's most famous citizens are now reported among its most famous ghosts.

    Pumpkin Facts

    Pumpkins are indigenous to the western hemisphere and an iconic part of Halloween celebrations.

Did You Know?

One quarter of all the candy sold annually in the U.S. is purchased for Halloween.
   

Ancient Origins of Halloween

Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

By 43 A.D., the Roman Empire had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain. The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of "bobbing" for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.

On May 13, 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon in Rome in honor of all Christian martyrs, and the Catholic feast of All Martyrs Day was established in the Western church. Pope Gregory III (731–741) later expanded the festival to include all saints as well as all martyrs, and moved the observance from May 13 to November 1. By the 9th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands, where it gradually blended with and supplanted the older Celtic rites. In 1000 A.D., the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It is widely believed today that the church was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. All Souls Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels and devils. The All Saints Day celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the traditional night of Samhain in the Celtic religion, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween.


Halloween Comes to America

Celebration of Halloween was extremely limited in colonial New England because of the rigid Protestant belief systems there. Halloween was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups as well as the American Indians meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included "play parties," public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other's fortunes, dance and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country.

In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland's potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today's "trick-or-treat" tradition. Young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings or mirrors.

In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers than about ghosts, pranks and witchcraft. At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything "frightening" or "grotesque" out of Halloween celebrations. Because of these efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century.

By the 1920s and 1930s, Halloween had become a secular, but community-centered holiday, with parades and town-wide parties as the featured entertainment. Despite the best efforts of many schools and communities, vandalism began to plague Halloween celebrations in many communities during this time. By the 1950s, town leaders had successfully limited vandalism and Halloween had evolved into a holiday directed mainly at the young. Due to the high numbers of young children during the fifties baby boom, parties moved from town civic centers into the classroom or home, where they could be more easily accommodated. Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. A new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow. Today, Americans spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country's second largest commercial holiday.


Today's Halloween Traditions

The American Halloween tradition of "trick-or-treating" probably dates back to the early All Souls' Day parades in England. During the festivities, poor citizens would beg for food and families would give them pastries called "soul cakes" in return for their promise to pray for the family's dead relatives. The distribution of soul cakes was encouraged by the church as a way to replace the ancient practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. The practice, which was referred to as "going a-souling" was eventually taken up by children who would visit the houses in their neighborhood and be given ale, food, and money. 

The tradition of dressing in costume for Halloween has both European and Celtic roots. Hundreds of years ago, winter was an uncertain and frightening time. Food supplies often ran low and, for the many people afraid of the dark, the short days of winter were full of constant worry. On Halloween, when it was believed that ghosts came back to the earthly world, people thought that they would encounter ghosts if they left their homes. To avoid being recognized by these ghosts, people would wear masks when they left their homes after dark so that the ghosts would mistake them for fellow spirits. On Halloween, to keep ghosts away from their houses, people would place bowls of food outside their homes to appease the ghosts and prevent them from attempting to enter.


Halloween Superstitions

Halloween has always been a holiday filled with mystery, magic and superstition. It began as a Celtic end-of-summer festival during which people felt especially close to deceased relatives and friends. For these friendly spirits, they set places at the dinner table, left treats on doorsteps and along the side of the road and lit candles to help loved ones find their way back to the spirit world. Today's Halloween ghosts are often depicted as more fearsome and malevolent, and our customs and superstitions are scarier too. We avoid crossing paths with black cats, afraid that they might bring us bad luck. This idea has its roots in the Middle Ages, when many people believed that witches avoided detection by turning themselves into cats. We try not to walk under ladders for the same reason. This superstition may have come from the ancient Egyptians, who believed that triangles were sacred; it also may have something to do with the fact that walking under a leaning ladder tends to be fairly unsafe. And around Halloween, especially, we try to avoid breaking mirrors, stepping on cracks in the road or spilling salt.

But what about the Halloween traditions and beliefs that today's trick-or-treaters have forgotten all about? Many of these obsolete rituals focused on the future instead of the past and the living instead of the dead. In particular, many had to do with helping young women identify their future husbands and reassuring them that they would someday—with luck, by next Halloween—be married. In 18th-century Ireland, a matchmaking cook might bury a ring in her mashed potatoes on Halloween night, hoping to bring true love to the diner who found it. In Scotland, fortune-tellers recommended that an eligible young woman name a hazelnut for each of her suitors and then toss the nuts into the fireplace. The nut that burned to ashes rather than popping or exploding, the story went, represented the girl's future husband. (In some versions of this legend, confusingly, the opposite was true: The nut that burned away symbolized a love that would not last.) Another tale had it that if a young woman ate a sugary concoction made out of walnuts, hazelnuts and nutmeg before bed on Halloween night she would dream about her future husband. Young women tossed apple-peels over their shoulders, hoping that the peels would fall on the floor in the shape of their future husbands' initials; tried to learn about their futures by peering at egg yolks floating in a bowl of water; and stood in front of mirrors in darkened rooms, holding candles and looking over their shoulders for their husbands' faces. Other rituals were more competitive. At some Halloween parties, the first guest to find a burr on a chestnut-hunt would be the first to marry; at others, the first successful apple-bobber would be the first down the aisle.

Of course, whether we're asking for romantic advice or trying to avoid seven years of bad luck, each one of these Halloween superstitions relies on the good will of the very same "spirits" whose presence the early Celts felt so keenly.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/30/2012 02:38:42

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Living the 'Prayer of St. Francis' With All of Creation

There is probably no saint more revered and well known in all of Christian history than St. Francis of Assisi. Today Christians, and many non-Christians alike, celebrate the life and legacy of this medieval Italian man who is known the world over for his exemplary life of holiness and model of peaceable living he leaves to us, nearly 800 years after his death.

Just as he remains a popular figure across many cultures and religious traditions, there is probably no Christian prayer more popular (with perhaps the predictable exception of the "Lord's Prayer") than the one that bears the name of this Saint from Assisi: "The Prayer of St. Francis."

    Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
    Where there is injury, pardon.
    Where there is doubt, faith.
    Where there is despair, hope.
    Where there is darkness, light.
    Where there is sadness, joy.

    O Divine Master,
    Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
    To be understood, as to understand;
    To be loved, as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive.
    It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
    Amen.

Many people are shocked to learn that the prayer most closely associated with St. Francis was not actually written by him. In fact, the prayer called "The Prayer of St. Francis" is generally believed to be only about 100 years old, a creative and sincere prayer penned by an anonymous French writer. Over time this anonymously drafted prayer became linked with the spirit of the 13th-century friar whose continual striving to follow more closely the Gospel of Jesus Christ led to a renewal in the church at many levels.

Ultimately, I don't think it matters very much that St. Francis isn't directly responsible for this prayer because, although St. Francis never actually said or wrote these particular words, he lived the prayer with his whole life. And when we do look at a few of the authentic writings that we do have from the Poverello (the "little poor man" of Assisi), we see the values, insights and spirituality of the Franciscan tradition reflected in this now-classic prayer.

The most well known writing of St. Francis is probably the Canticle of the Creatures, in which the Saint from Assisi poetically praises God in and through various elements of the created order. The fundamental spiritual insight of the Canticle is that each aspect of God's creation gives glory and praise to God by being what it was created to be. The Sun praises God by giving the world light; the wind praises God by bringing every kind of weather; and the Earth praises God by sustaining us through producing fruits, flowers and herbs.

All of God's creation perfectly praises God because each element does what it was intended to do.

Near the end of the Canticle St. Francis finally introduces human persons. He writes:

    Praised be You, my Lord, through those who give pardon for Your love,
    and bear infirmity and tribulation.
    Blessed are those who endure in peace,
    for by You, Most High, shall they be crowned.

Human beings give praise to God -- they live most authentically as they were created to be -- through loving one another amid difficult times and by being peacemakers who seek reconciliation. Just as the Sun is most genuinely itself when providing light and warmth, women and men are most truly themselves when they love, forgive and make peace.

In this sense, the so-called "Prayer of St. Francis" reflects the spirit and outlook of the man for whom it is named. The prayer is a petition to God that we might live up to the true way of being-in-the-world that God intends for the human family. To be most authentically human is to be an instrument of peace or, to put it in the sense of the prayer's following lines, one who sows: love, pardon, faith, hope, light and joy in our world.

If the first part of the "Prayer of St. Francis" reminds us about whom we should strive to be in asking God to help us live out that identity, the second part of the prayer is a reminder of what not to be. In a word: selfish.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be understood, desiring to be loved, or seeking forgiveness from those we've hurt. But living after the example of St. Francis, whose whole life was modeled on the life of Jesus Christ, means putting others first and caring for the rest of creation in a way that reflects our interdependence and family relationship. It is a call to remember who we really are in the eyes of God, see who others are from that same perspective, and act in a way fitting our identity as human beings.

St. Francis once wrote to his fellow friars: "All creatures under heaven serve, know, and obey their Creator, each according to its own nature, better than you" (Admonition V). Unlike the Sun or wind or water, you and I have the capacity to choose to live in accord with our truest selves, or ignore it; to praise God by our words and deeds, or not; and to recognize our place in the family of creation, or pretend that we are above and apart from it.

The "Prayer of St. Francis" offers us is a chance to pause, pray and reflect on who it is that we are and what it is that we are created to do.

As we mark this day in honor of the great peacemaker, lover of all creation, and icon of holiness from Assisi, may the prayer offered in his name show us a way to live today as it reflects the way St. Francis once lived in the world.

For it is in living as authentic human persons fully alive that we become instruments of God's peace and, like St. Francis, our whole lives can become a prayer.

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

    seriocomic
    audio pronunciation
    seer-ee-oh-KAH-mik

    DEFINITION

adjective
: having a mixture of the serious and the comic

    EXAMPLES

The intergenerational meal was a seriocomic affair, with the younger generation refereeing the jabs their elders hurled at one another while trying to keep the youngest generation from getting a true sense of just what was going on.

"Inspired by actual events surrounding the visit of Britain's King George and Queen Elizabeth to the New York residence of sitting President Franklin D. Roosevelt and his wife, Eleanor, in the summer of 1939, the film is a seriocomic look at one of history's little known footnotes." — From a movie trailer review on HollywoodOutbreak.com, September 3, 2012

    DID YOU KNOW?

"Seriocomic" may have a modern ring to it, but our earliest evidence of the word in print is from 1783. Another "comic" word—"heroicomic," meaning "comic by being ludicrously noble, bold, or elevated"—is slightly older; evidence of it dates to 1756. Both words are about a century younger than our third "comic" word, "tragicomic" ("manifesting both tragic and comic aspects"), which print evidence dates to 1683. (Evidence of the variant "tragicomical," however, dates all the way back to 1567.)

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THE DEFINITION OF HALLOWEEN or WHY WE CELEBRATE IT?

Halloween
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This article is about the holiday. For other uses, see Halloween (disambiguation).

Halloween
A jack-o'-lantern, one of the symbols of Halloween
Also called     All Hallows' Eve
All Saints' Eve
Samhain
Observed by     Western Christians & many non-Christians around the world
Date     October 31
Celebrations     Parades, festivals, costume parties, trick-or-treating/guising, carving pumpkins, ghost tours, haunted attractions, Hell houses, bonfires, divination, apple bobbing, fireworks displays
Observances     Church services, prayer, fasting, and vigils
Related to     Samhain, All Saints' Day (cf. vigils)

Halloween or Hallowe'en (a contraction of its original title "All Hallows' Evening"), also known as All Hallows' Eve, is a yearly holiday observed around the world on October 31, the eve before the Western Christian feast of All Hallows. According to some scholars, All Hallows' Eve initially incorporated traditions from pagan harvest festivals and festivals honoring the dead, particularly the Celtic Samhain; other scholars maintain that the feast originated entirely independently of Samhain.

Typical festive Halloween activities include trick-or-treating (also known as "guising"), attending costume parties, carving pumpkins into jack-o'-lanterns, lighting bonfires, apple bobbing, visiting haunted attractions, playing pranks, telling scary stories, and watching horror films.

 History
Etymology

The word Halloween was first used in the 16th century and represents a Scottish variant of the fuller All-Hallows'-Even ("evening"), that is, the night before All Hallows' Day.[10] Although the phrase All Hallows' is found in Old English (ealra halgena mæssedæg, mass-day of all saints), All-Hallows-Even is itself not seen until 1556.
Pre-Christian influences

The Halloween holiday is commonly thought to have pagan roots, even though the etymology of the word is Christian. Historian Nicholas Rogers, exploring the origins of Halloween, notes that while "some folklorists have detected its origins in the Roman feast of Pomona, the goddess of fruits and seeds, or in the festival of the dead called Parentalia, it is more typically linked to the Celtic festival of Samhain, derived from the Old Irish Samuin meaning "summer's end". Samhain was the first and the most important of the four quarter days in the medieval Irish and Scottish calendar and, falling on the last day of autumn, it was a time for stock-taking and preparation for the cold winter months ahead. There was also a sense that this was the time of year when the physical and supernatural worlds were closest and magical things could happen. The souls of the dead were supposed to revisit their homes on Samhain eve.  To ward off these spirits, the Gaels built huge, symbolically regenerative bonfires and invoked the help of the gods through animal and perhaps even human sacrifice. In the Western Isles of Scotland the Sluagh, or fairy host was regarded as composed of the souls of the dead flying through the air, and the feast of the dead at Hallowe'en was likewise the festival of the fairies.
Christian influences
Snap-Apple Night (1832) by Daniel Maclise.
Depicts apple bobbing and divination games at a Halloween party in Blarney, Ireland.

Halloween is also thought to have been heavily influenced by the Christian holy days of All Saints' Day (also known as Hallowmas, All Hallows, and Hallowtide) and All Souls' Day. Falling on November 1 and 2 respectively, collectively they were a time for honoring the saints and praying for the recently departed who had yet to reach Heaven. Pope Gregory IV ordered its church-wide observance in 837. By the end of the 12th century they had become holy days of obligation across Europe and involved such traditions as ringing bells for the souls in purgatory and "souling", the custom of baking bread or soul cakes for "all crysten christened souls". It was traditionally believed that the souls of the departed wandered the earth until All Saints' Day, and All Hallows' Eve provided one last chance for the dead to gain vengeance on their enemies before moving onto the next world. To avoid being recognised by a soul, Christians would wear masks and costumes to disguise themselves, following the lighted candles set by others to guide their travel for worship the next day.[20] Today, this practice has been perpetuated through children guising (trick or treating).

In Britain the rituals of Hallowtide and Halloween came under attack during the Reformation as Protestants denounced purgatory as a "popish" doctrine incompatible with the notion of predestination. In addition the increasing popularity of Guy Fawkes Night (5 November) from 1605 on saw Halloween become eclipsed in Britain with the notable exception of Scotland. There and in Ireland, they had been celebrating Samhain and Halloween since the early Middle Ages, and the kirk took a more pragmatic approach towards Halloween, viewing it as important to the life cycle and rites of passage of local communities and thus ensuring its survival in the country. North American almanacs of the late 18th and early 19th century give no indication that Halloween was recognized as a holiday. The Puritans of New England, for example, maintained strong opposition to the holiday and it was not until the mass Irish and Scottish immigration during the 19th century that the holiday was introduced to the continent in earnest. Initially confined to the immigrant communities during the mid-19th century, it was gradually assimilated into mainstream society and by the first decade of the 20th century it was being celebrated coast to coast by people of all social, racial and religious backgrounds.
Symbols
Jack-o'-lanterns in Kobe, Japan

Development of artifacts and symbols associated with Halloween formed over time. For instance, the carving of jack-o'-lanterns springs from the Samhain custom of carving turnips into lanterns as a way of remembering the souls held in purgatory. The turnip has traditionally been used in Ireland and Scotland at Halloween, but immigrants to North America used the native pumpkin, which is both much softer and much larger – making it easier to carve than a turnip. Subsequently, the mass marketing of various size pumpkins in autumn, in both the corporate and local markets, has made pumpkins universally available for this purpose. The American tradition of carving pumpkins is recorded in 1837 and was originally associated with harvest time in general, not becoming specifically associated with Halloween until the mid-to-late 19th century.

The imagery of Halloween is derived from many sources, including national customs, works of Gothic and horror literature (such as the novels Frankenstein and Dracula) and classic horror films (such as Frankenstein and The Mummy). One of the earliest works on the subject of Halloween is from Scottish poet John Mayne, who, in 1780, made note of pranks at Halloween; "What fearfu' pranks ensue!", as well as the supernatural associated with the night, "Bogies" (ghosts), influencing Robert Burns' Halloween 1785. Elements of the autumn season, such as pumpkins, corn husks and scarecrows, are also prevalent. Homes are often decorated with these types of symbols around Halloween.

Halloween imagery includes themes of death, evil, the occult, and mythical monsters. Black and orange are the holiday's traditional colors.
Trick-or-treating and guising
Main article: Trick-or-treating
Trick-or-treating in Sweden

Trick-or-treating is a customary celebration for children on Halloween. Children go in costume from house to house, asking for treats such as candy or sometimes money, with the question, "Trick or treat?" The word "trick" refers to a (mostly idle) "threat" to perform mischief on the homeowners or their property if no treat is given. In this custom the child performs some sort of trick, i.e. sings a song or tells a ghost story, to earn their treats.

The practice of dressing up in costumes and begging door to door for treats on holidays dates back to the Middle Ages and includes Christmas wassailing. Trick-or-treating resembles the late medieval practice of souling, when poor folk would go door to door on Hallowmas (1 November), receiving food in return for prayers for the dead on All Souls' Day (2 November). It originated in Ireland and Britain, although similar practices for the souls of the dead were found as far south as Italy. Shakespeare mentions the practice in his comedy The Two Gentlemen of Verona (1593), when Speed accuses his master of "puling [whimpering or whining] like a beggar at Hallowmas."

In Scotland and Ireland, Guising – children disguised in costume going from door to door for food or coins  – is a traditional Halloween custom, and is recorded in Scotland at Halloween in 1895 where masqueraders in disguise carrying lanterns made out of scooped out turnips, visit homes to be rewarded with cakes, fruit and money. The practice of Guising at Halloween in North America is first recorded in 1911, where a newspaper in Kingston, Ontario reported children going "guising" around the neighborhood.

American historian and author Ruth Edna Kelley of Massachusetts wrote the first book length history of the holiday in the U.S; The Book of Hallowe'en (1919), and references souling in the chapter "Hallowe'en in America";

    The taste in Hallowe'en festivities now is to study old traditions, and hold a Scotch party, using Burn's poem Hallowe'en as a guide; or to go a-souling as the English used. In short, no custom that was once honored at Hallowe'en is out of fashion now.

In her book, Kelley touches on customs that arrived from across the Atlantic; "Americans have fostered them, and are making this an occasion something like what it must have been in its best days overseas. All Halloween customs in the United States are borrowed directly or adapted from those of other countries".

While the first reference to "guising" in North America occurs in 1911, another reference to ritual begging on Halloween appears, place unknown, in 1915, with a third reference in Chicago in 1920.

The earliest known use in print of the term "trick or treat" appears in 1927, from Blackie, Alberta, Canada:

    Hallowe'en provided an opportunity for real strenuous fun. No real damage was done except to the temper of some who had to hunt for wagon wheels, gates, wagons, barrels, etc., much of which decorated the front street. The youthful tormentors were at back door and front demanding edible plunder by the word “trick or treat” to which the inmates gladly responded and sent the robbers away rejoicing.

The thousands of Halloween postcards produced between the turn of the 20th century and the 1920s commonly show children but do not depict trick-or-treating. The editor of a collection of over 3,000 vintage Halloween postcards writes, "There are cards which mention the custom [of trick-or-treating] or show children in costumes at the doors, but as far as we can tell they were printed later than the 1920s and more than likely even the 1930s. Tricksters of various sorts are shown on the early postcards, but not the means of appeasing them".Trick-or-treating does not seem to have become a widespread practice until the 1930s, with the first U.S. appearances of the term in 1934, and the first use in a national publication occurring in 1939.
Costumes
Main article: Halloween costume
People dressed in Halloween Costumes in Dublin.

Halloween costumes are traditionally modeled after supernatural figures such as monsters, ghosts, skeletons, witches, and devils. Over time, the costume selection extended to include popular characters from fiction, celebrities, and generic archetypes such as ninjas and princesses.

Dressing up in costumes and going "guising" was prevalent in Ireland and Scotland at Halloween by the late 19th century. Costuming became popular for Halloween parties in the US in the early 20th century, as often for adults as for children. The first mass-produced Halloween costumes appeared in stores in the 1930s when trick-or-treating was becoming popular in the United States.

Halloween costume parties generally fall on, or around, 31 October, often falling on the Friday or Saturday prior to Halloween.
UNICEF
Main article: Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF

"Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF" has become a common sight during Halloween in North America. Started as a local event in a Northeast Philadelphia neighborhood in 1950 and expanded nationally in 1952, the program involves the distribution of small boxes by schools (or in modern times, corporate sponsors like Hallmark, at their licensed stores) to trick-or-treaters, in which they can solicit small-change donations from the houses they visit. It is estimated that children have collected more than $118 million for UNICEF since its inception. In Canada, in 2006, UNICEF decided to discontinue their Halloween collection boxes, citing safety and administrative concerns; after consultation with schools, they instead redesigned the program.
Games and other activities
In this Halloween greeting card from 1904, divination is depicted: the young woman looking into a mirror in a darkened room hopes to catch a glimpse of the face of her future husband.

There are several games traditionally associated with Halloween parties. One common game is dunking or apple bobbing, which may be called "dooking" in Scotland in which apples float in a tub or a large basin of water and the participants must use their teeth to remove an apple from the basin. A variant of dunking involves kneeling on a chair, holding a fork between the teeth and trying to drop the fork into an apple. Another common game involves hanging up treacle or syrup-coated scones by strings; these must be eaten without using hands while they remain attached to the string, an activity that inevitably leads to a very sticky face.

Some games traditionally played at Halloween are forms of divination. A traditional Scottish form of divining one's future spouse is to carve an apple in one long strip, then toss the peel over one's shoulder. The peel is believed to land in the shape of the first letter of the future spouse's name. Unmarried women were told that if they sat in a darkened room and gazed into a mirror on Halloween night, the face of their future husband would appear in the mirror. However, if they were destined to die before marriage, a skull would appear. The custom was widespread enough to be commemorated on greeting cards from the late 19th century and early 20th century.

Another game/superstition that was enjoyed in the early 1900s involved walnut shells. People would write fortunes in milk on white paper. After drying, the paper was folded and placed in walnut shells. When the shell was warmed, milk would turn brown therefore the writing would appear on what looked like blank paper. Folks would also play fortune teller. In order to play this game, symbols were cut out of paper and placed on a platter. Someone would enter a dark room and was ordered to put her hand on a piece of ice then lay it on a platter. Her "fortune" would stick to the hand. Paper symbols included: dollar sign-wealth, button-bachelorhood, thimble-spinsterhood, clothespin- poverty, rice-wedding, umbrella- journey, caldron-trouble, 4-leaf clover- good luck, penny-fortune, ring-early marriage, and key-fame.

The telling of ghost stories and viewing of horror films are common fixtures of Halloween parties. Episodes of television series and Halloween-themed specials (with the specials usually aimed at children) are commonly aired on or before the holiday, while new horror films are often released theatrically before the holiday to take advantage of the atmosphere.
Haunted attractions
Main article: Haunted attraction
Humorous tombstones in front of a house in northern California.

Haunted attractions are entertainment venues designed to thrill and scare patrons. Most attractions are seasonal Halloween businesses. Origins of these paid scare venues are difficult to pinpoint, but it is generally accepted that they were first commonly used by the Junior Chamber International (Jaycees) for fundraising. They include haunted houses, corn mazes, and hayrides, and the level of sophistication of the effects has risen as the industry has grown. Haunted attractions in the United States bring in an estimate $300–500 million each year, and draw some 400,000 customers, although press sources writing in 2005 speculated that the industry had reached its peak at that time. This maturing and growth within the industry has led to technically more advanced special effects and costuming, comparable with that of Hollywood films.
Foods
Candy apple

Because the holiday comes in the wake of the annual apple harvest, candy apples (known as toffee apples outside North America), caramel or taffy apples are common Halloween treats made by rolling whole apples in a sticky sugar syrup, sometimes followed by rolling them in nuts.

At one time, candy apples were commonly given to children, but the practice rapidly waned in the wake of widespread rumors that some individuals were embedding items like pins and razor blades in the apples. While there is evidence of such incidents, they are quite rare and have never resulted in serious injury. Nonetheless, many parents assumed that such heinous practices were rampant because of the mass media. At the peak of the hysteria, some hospitals offered free X-rays of children's Halloween hauls in order to find evidence of tampering. Virtually all of the few known candy poisoning incidents involved parents who poisoned their own children's candy.

One custom that persists in modern-day Ireland is the baking (or more often nowadays, the purchase) of a barmbrack (Irish: báirín breac), which is a light fruitcake, into which a plain ring, a coin and other charms are placed before baking. It is said that those who get a ring will find their true love in the ensuing year. This is similar to the tradition of king cake at the festival of Epiphany.

List of foods associated with the holiday:

    Barmbrack (Ireland)
    Bonfire toffee (Great Britain)
    Candy apples/toffee apples (Great Britain & Ireland)
    Candy corn, candy pumpkins (North America)
    Caramel apples
    Caramel corn
    Colcannon (Ireland)
    Novelty candy shaped like skulls, pumpkins, bats, worms, etc.
    Pumpkin, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread
    Roasted pumpkin seeds
    Roasted sweet corn
    Soul cakes

Around the world

Main article: Halloween around the world

The traditions and importance of the Halloween celebration vary significantly among countries that observe it. In Scotland and Ireland, traditional Halloween customs include children dressing up in costume going "guising", holding parties, while other practices in Ireland include lighting bonfires, and having firework displays. Mass transatlantic immigration in the 19th century popularized Halloween in North America, and celebration in the United States and Canada has had a significant impact on how the event is observed in other nations. This larger North American influence, particularly in iconic and commercial elements, has extended to places such as South America, Australia, New Zealand, (most) continental Europe, Japan, and other parts of East Asia.
Religious perspectives

See also: All Saints' Day and Samhain
Christianity

Christian attitudes towards Halloween are diverse. In the Anglican Church, some dioceses have chosen to emphasize the Christian traditions associated with All Hallow's Eve.Some of these practises include praying, fasting and attending worship services.

    Father, All-Powerful and Ever-Living God, today we rejoice in the holy men and women of every time and place. May their prayers bring us your forgiveness and love. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen. —All Hallow's Eve Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours

Other Protestant Christians also celebrate the holiday as Reformation Day, a day to remember the Protestant Reformation, alongside All Hallow's Eve or independently from it. Often, "Harvest Festivals" or "Reformation Festivals" are held, in which children dress up as Bible characters or Reformers.

Father Gabriele Amorth, a Vatican-appointed exorcist in Rome, has said, "if English and American children like to dress up as witches and devils on one night of the year that is not a problem. If it is just a game, there is no harm in that." In more recent years, the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston has organized a "Saint Fest" on the holiday. Similarly, many contemporary Protestant churches view Halloween as a fun event for children, holding events in their churches where children and their parents can dress up, play games, and get candy for free. Many Christians ascribe no negative significance to Halloween, treating it as a purely cultural holiday devoted to celebrating "imaginary spooks" and handing out candy. To these Christians, Halloween holds no threat to the spiritual lives of children: being taught about death and mortality, and the ways of the Celtic ancestors actually being a valuable life lesson and a part of many of their parishioners' heritage. In the Roman Catholic Church, Halloween's Christian connection is sometimes cited,and Halloween celebrations are common in Catholic parochial schools throughout North America and in Ireland. Nevertheless, the Vatican has strongly condemned the traditions popularly associated with Halloween as being "pagan" and "anti-Christian".

Some Christians feel concerned about the modern celebration of Halloween, and reject the holiday because they feel it trivializes – or celebrates – paganism, the occult, or other practices and cultural phenomena deemed incompatible with their beliefs.A response among some fundamentalist and conservative evangelical churches in recent years has been the use of "Hell houses", themed pamphlets, or comic-style tracts such as those created by Jack T. Chick in order to make use of Halloween's popularity as an opportunity for evangelism. Some consider Halloween to be completely incompatible with the Christian faith,believing it to have originated as a pagan "Festival of the Dead".
Paganism

Celtic Neopagans consider the season a holy time of year.Celtic Reconstructionists, and others who maintain ancestral customs, make offerings to the gods and the ancestors.
 
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RECIPE:

Grilled Shrimp and Cilantro Pesto

While the cilantro pesto tastes great with the shrimp, more traditional basil pesto is delicious, too.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 5 to 6 minutes
 
1 pound medium-size shrimp, unshelled
1 1/2 tablespoons lime juice
Light olive or vegetable oil
salt, to taste
freshly ground pepper, to taste
12 ounces spaghetti
1 cup Cilantro Pesto, (see our recipe)
3/4 cup tomato, chopped and seeded

DIRECTIONS

Heat the broiler or light the charcoal grill.

Shell the shrimp, leaving the tails attached, and devein them. Rinse the shrimp well and pat them dry. Whisk together the lime juice and 3 tablespoons of oil. Add the shrimp and let them marinate while the grill is heating or for at least 1/2 hour.

Bring a large pot of water to the boil for the pasta. Add salt and the pasta and cook for 11 to 13 minutes until the pasta is tender. Drain in a colander.

Meanwhile, skewer the shrimp, sprinkle them lightly with salt and pepper and broil or grill them for 2 to 3 minutes on each side until they are opaque at their centers. Pull the shrimp off the skewers and put them in a serving bowl with the pesto and tomato. Add the pasta and toss to coat with the sauce.

Note: If you broil the shrimp, lay them in a shallow pan rather than skewering them on metal skewers.

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Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

Try varying the seasonings by using soy sauce, garlic salt, or curry powder. Like many nuts, roasted pumpkin seeds should be stored in the freezer.

Yields: 3 cups
Oven Temp: 350

Ingredients
   
    3 cup(s) fresh pumpkin seeds
    4 cup(s) water
    3 teaspoon(s) salt
    1 tablespoon(s) olive oil
    1/4teaspoon(s) paprika

Directions

    Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Place pumpkin seeds, water, and 2 teaspoons of salt in a large saucepan and bring to a boil for 15 minutes. Drain seeds, blot dry, and toss with olive oil, paprika, and remaining teaspoon of salt. Spread the seeds in a single layer on a nonstick baking pan; roast until lightly golden and crisp -- about 30 minutes.

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Peter Pumpkin Cheese Puffs

    Prep: 20 min. Bake: 20 min.
    Yield: 18 Servings

Ingredients

    2 tablespoons cream cheese, softened
    1/2 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
    1/2 cup water
    1/4 cup butter, cubed
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/2 cup all-purpose flour
    4 drops yellow paste food coloring
    1 drop red paste food coloring
    1/2 cup grated Romano cheese
    2 eggs
    20 sprigs fresh Italian parsley, stems removed

Directions

    In a small bowl, combine cream cheese and vinegar. Cover and refrigerate. In a large saucepan, bring the water, butter and salt to a boil. Add flour all at once and stir until a smooth ball forms. Remove from the heat; let stand for 5 minutes.
    In a small bowl, combine the yellow and red food coloring; stir Romano cheese and food coloring into dough. Add eggs, one at a time; beating well after each addition. Continue beating until mixture is smooth and shiny.
    Drop by level tablespoonfuls 3 in. apart onto a greased baking sheet. Bake at 400° for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to a wire rack to cool.
    Using a star tip and reserved cream cheese mixture, pipe stems onto puffs. Add parsley sprigs. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 10 servings.

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Macadamia Nut Piña Colada Bars

These bars will help you imagine you're on a tropical island!

    PREP TIME 15 Min
    TOTAL TIME 1 Hr 55 Min
    SERVINGS 24

 Bars

1    can (8 ounces) crushed pineapple
1    cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1/2    cup butter or margarine, softened
3    tablespoons powdered sugar
2    eggs
1    cup granulated sugar
3/4    cup chopped macadamia nuts
1/2    cup flaked coconut
1/4    cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1/2    teaspoon baking powder
1/4    teaspoon salt
1/2    teaspoon rum extract

Pineapple Glaze
1/2    cup powdered sugar
2    to 3 teaspoons reserved pineapple juice

DIRECTIONS:

    1 Heat oven to 350°F. Grease bottom and sides of square pan, 8x8x2 or 9x9x2 inches, with shortening. Drain pineapple well, reserving 3 teaspoons juice for Pineapple Glaze. In medium bowl, mix 1 cup flour, the butter and 3 tablespoons powdered sugar with spoon until flour is moistened. Press in pan. Bake 10 minutes.
    2 In medium bowl, beat eggs with wire whisk until blended. Stir in pineapple and all remaining Bar ingredients. Spread over partially baked crust.
    3 Bake bars 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown. Cool completely, about 1 hour.
    4 In small bowl, mix all Pineapple Glaze ingredients until smooth and thin enough to drizzle. Drizzle glaze over bars. For bars, cut into 6 rows by 4 rows.

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Cheddar Cheese Soup

Thick and creamy with a dash of Worcestershire sauce for zest this cheddar cheese soup is certain to please on a blustery day. Serve with hot, crusty bread and a leafy green salad.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:     
 
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 cans (12-oz) NESTLÉ  Carnation® Evaporated Milk
1 cup beer*
2 teaspoons CROSSE & BLACKWELL Worcestershire Sauce
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard, (optional)
1/4 tablespoon cayenne pepper
2 cups (8-oz) sharp cheddar cheese (8-oz), shredded

DIRECTIONS:

Toppings: crumbled cooked bacon, sliced green onions, croutons

MELT butter in large saucepan. Add flour; cook, stirring constantly, until bubbly. Add evaporated milk; bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat; stir in beer, Worcestershire sauce, mustard and cayenne pepper. Simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from heat. Stir in cheese until melted. Season with salt.

LADLE into bowls. Serve with toppings.

* or water

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Melt in Your Mouth Lemon Bars

Ingredients

CRUST
2 c     all purpose flour
1 c     butter softened (no substituting)
1/2 c     powdered sugar

FILLING
4     eggs (slightly beaten)
2 c     sugar
4 Tbsp     flour
6 Tbsp     lemon juice

FROSTING
1/2 c     butter (softened)
1 c     powdered sugar
1 tsp     milk
2 Tbsp     cold water

STOP!!! don't pass this recipe by. lemon lover or not these bars are SO melt in your mouth you'll want to eat the whole pan. I have had this recipe for years. Everyone loves them and I hope you will to! 3 sticks of butter in these bars. what else is there to say! enjoy

Directions
1  MIX CRUST INGRED. WITH FORK AS YOU WOULD FOR A PIE CRUST. PAT INTO A 9X13 PAN WHICH HAS BEEN GREASED AND FLOURED. BAKE AT 350 DEGREES FOR 15 MINUTES.
2  AS CRUST IS BAKING. MIX FILLING. AFTER CRUST HAS BAKED 15 MINUTES, POUR FILLING OVER CRUST AND CONTINUE BAKING FOR 25 MINUTES. COOL BARS COMPLETELY
3   MAKE FROSTING BY BEATING BUTTER,POWDERED SUGAR AND MILK FOR 6 TO 8 MINUTES ON HIGH SPEED. THEN ADD 2 TBLSP. COLD WATER ONE AT A TIME. BEAT UNTIL SMOOTH. SPREAD OVER COOLED BARS.

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Simple Salisbury Steak

Ground beef comes alive in this simple skillet dish that uses prepared gravy to make it easy and really good!

Serves: 4 servings
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:

1 pound ground beef
1/3 cup dry bread crumbs
1 small onion, finely chopped (about 1/4 cup)
1 egg, beaten
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 can (10 1/4 ounces) Campbell's Beef Gravy

DIRECTIONS:

Thoroughly mix the beef, bread crumbs, onion, egg and water in a medium bowl and shape firmly into 4 oval patties, 1/2 inch thick.
Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the patties and cook for 10 minutes or until they're well browned on both sides. Pour off any fat.
Add the gravy and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 10 minutes or until the patties are cooked through.

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JOKES:

Jeff Foxworthy

In my younger days, I remember getting off work early on Fridays to get the car ready for the weekend and cruising the strip...You Might Be a Redneck if:

-Mechanics ask you to sit down before giving an estimate on your car.
-Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
-Local air quality plummets when you start your truck.
-The cigarette lighter in your car is your wife.
-You buy a color-coordinated rope to tie down your car hood.
-You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
-Your car has seat covers over seat covers.
-You consider the traffic sign "Merge" as a personal challenge.
-You use speed bumps to try to get your truck airborne.
-Your wife thinks your car is a "CH V O ET."
-Your will mentions tires.

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On Halloween, parents send their kids out looking like me. [And, if so, no wonder he never got any respect!] ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat . . . no thank you." ~ Rita Rudner

This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. ~ Conan O'Brien

I dressed up as a veterinarian for a Halloween costume party. I had a lab coat. And I got a couple of stuffed animals for patients and put bandages on them. ~ Tracy Chapman

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. ~ Steve Almond

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ~ Erma Bombeck

Demons are a ghoul's best friend. ~ Anon

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want--it's like an excuse for Halloween everyday. ~ Gwen Stefani

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. ~ River Phoenix

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. ~ Lindsay Lohan

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Top Signs That You're Too Old to Trick or Treat ...

Bat and Moon 10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

Witch and Cat 8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "What a scary mask!" but you're not wearing a mask!

Spooky Ghost 5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

Pumpkin 3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

Bright Pumpkin and last but not least...

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

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Halloween handouts

The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts

    Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.

    Teeth removing Taffy

    Metamucil in a straw

    Ex-Lax Brownies

    Caramel Covered Zucchini

    Colored Crisco on a Stick

    Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts

    Chocolate Covered Prunes

    A Handful of Red Man

    Anything that ticks!

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Mark 4:3-9 A farmer went out to scatter seed in a field. While the farmer was scattering the seed, some of it fell along the road and was eaten by birds. Other seeds fell on thin, rocky ground and quickly started growing because the soil wasn't very deep. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched and dried up, because they did not have deep roots. Some other seeds fell where thornbushes grew up and choked out the plants. So they did not produce any grain. But a few seeds did fall on good ground where the plants grew and produced 30 or 60 or even 100 times as much as was scattered. Then Jesus said, “If you have ears, pay attention.” (CEV)

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/29/2012 01:34:35

REMINDER FROM GOD:

"Loosen your hold on earth, its cares, worries, and even its joys. Unclasp your hand and let My Presence flow into your being."

Our Daily Devotional:

Walking Sermons

Matthew 6:21, KJV: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Sometimes the excitement of fellow Christians is more than we can bear. They can't seem to stop talking about Jesus, Heaven, and service to Him. They talk about pleasing God and sometimes become a walking sign of conviction to the rest of us. Perhaps they are unaware that when they approach, conversations end, people look at their watches and scatter. What is it about them? Why is it they seem so preoccupied with Jesus that they can't live in the real world? Perhaps it is because, to them, Jesus is the real world. Perhaps it is because He is more real to them than the things of this world and the circumstances of life. They have indeed become living testaments of Jesus Christ and are a constant reminder to the rest of us as to where our hearts should be, and what we should treasure. Are we happy to be reminded that "everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before?" Or have we decided that sermons are for Sundays as we dodge the silent preaching of the living testaments that all of us should aspire to become?

And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

- Luke 2:52

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

 hamartia hah-mahr-TEE-uh , noun:
Tragic flaw.

What is Oedipus' hamartia that leads to his self-fulfilling self-reversal?
-- Laszlo Versényi, Man's Measure

We called it by many different things, such as hubris or hamartia, but given the way you butcher Latin, let's stick with English.
-- Stephanie Draven, The Fever and the Fury

Hamartia stems from the Greek word hamartánein which meant "to err." However, it entered English in the late 1800s.

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 Determination

They told me….

They told me I wouldn’t amount to anything

They told me I would always have to be on anti-depressants

They told me I would always have to have someone to look after me

They told me I would never get better or recover from my illnesses

They told me that this was my lot and that is what life is like

They told me that there are no such things as friends

They told me money is always hard to come by

They told me my family was an unlucky family

They told me I was nothing special and the only way to get love from people is to please them

They told me that the only way to get love and attention from my family was to be ill

And the list went on and on….

BUT NO, NO!!!

Please challenge every thought and ask yourself: Is this really how you think or is this a thought that was planted into your Subconscious mind all these years?

My name is Lela Starseed and I have been on an extraordinary journey. Throughout most of my adult life I was unable to work due to emotional, mental and physical difficulties. I had back problems, knee problems, neck problems, repitative strain injury, severe depression, unexplained illnesses and finally I developed chronic fatigue syndrome which I had for about 5 years.

But with much determination and much fight that was within me, I was determined that I would not give up on this life. I have now completely recovered from all of these. Every single one. And I recovered because I’ve let go of anger, resentment, I’ve let go of fear and all those negative emotions that were completely consuming me.  And for many, many years I screamed, I shouted and cried the pain out until there was nothing left. I also used the power of the mind to completely recover from the chronic fatigue. One day I woke up and decided this would be the day that I made the decision to return to full health and say strongly to myself that I am fantastically well and healthy!

And so after all those years of soul searching I have now found my voice and there is no going back. I am writing a book called ‘It’s about the belief.’ Which shows that no matter who you are and what you have been through you can get through it because I did!

About 4 months ago I decided to leave a boring mindless job that was crushing my soul to embrace my life purpose. People kept saying to me you need to get a job, you need to get a job even if it is to support your spiritual work but the guidance that I kept on getting, kept on saying no!

I am now running groups, giving people voice healing and giving talks on my recovery from chronic fatigue and the power of the mind and completely expressing who you are! Because keeping your thoughts and feelings inside of me made me ill and I want to encourage everyone I meet or connect with to let them out!

On Monday 9th July I was guided to phone Hayhouse Radio and speak with Wayne Dyer on his weekly radio show and my immediate thought was that you will never get through! And then I thought why not?! I got through straight away and that encounter with him confirmed to me that miracles happen every day and you can do anything you want to! And I always say,

‘It’s about the belief! The belief that you can heal yourself and recover from any illness or disease because that is all it is, a belief!’

This article was written by Lela Starseed. You can connect with her via Facebook – Lela Starseed.

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RECIPE:

Autumn Chicken Stew

This simple chicken stew stars three of fall’s best crops—apples, carrots and parsnips. Serve with toasted sharp Cheddar cheese sandwiches and a brown ale.

6 servings, 1 1/2 cups each
Active Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 45 minutes

Ingredients

    5 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
    1 pound chicken tenders, cut into bite-size pieces
    1 large onion, chopped
    4 medium parsnips, peeled and chopped
    2 medium carrots, peeled and chopped
    2 teaspoons chopped fresh rosemary or 1/2 teaspoon dried
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
    4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
    2 Granny Smith apples, peeled and chopped
    2 teaspoons cider vinegar

Preparation

    Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a Dutch oven over medium heat. Add chicken and cook, stirring occasionally, until just cooked through, 3 to 5 minutes. Transfer to a plate.
    Add the remaining 3 teaspoons oil to the pot. Add onion, parsnips, carrots, rosemary, salt and pepper and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables begin to soften, 3 to 5 minutes. Add broth and apples; bring to a simmer over high heat. Reduce heat to maintain a simmer and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Return the chicken to the pot and stir in vinegar.

Tips & Notes
    Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 3 days.

Nutrition
Per serving: 208 calories; 6 g fat ( 1 g sat , 4 g mono ); 42 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 19 g protein; 4 g fiber; 621 mg sodium; 630 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (68% daily value), Vitamin C (23% dv), Potassium (18% dv).
Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2

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Hot Chile Grilled Cheese

This deconstructed version of a chile relleno turned sandwich packs some heat and an ooey-gooey filling. We like the flavor of sourdough, but any kind of bread will work well. Serve with: Coleslaw and sliced pineapple.

4 servings
Active Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

    4 poblano peppers (see Note)
    1 14-ounce can pinto beans, preferably low-sodium
    3 tablespoons prepared salsa
    1/8 teaspoon salt
    1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack or Cheddar cheese
    2 tablespoons low-fat plain yogurt
    3 scallions, sliced
    2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
    8 slices sourdough bread

Preparation

    Place peppers in a microwave-safe bowl, cover with plastic wrap and microwave on High until soft, 3 to 4 minutes. Let stand, covered, until cool enough to handle.
    Meanwhile, combine beans, salsa and salt in a medium bowl. Mash the beans with a fork until they begin to form a paste (some can remain whole). Combine cheese, yogurt, scallions and cilantro in a small bowl.
    When the peppers are cool enough to handle, slice each one in half lengthwise and remove the stem and seeds.
    Heat a panini maker to high. (No panini maker? See Stovetop Variation, below.)
    Spread 1/3 cup of the bean mixture on each of 4 slices of bread. Top with a heaping tablespoon of the cheese mixture. Place 2 pepper halves over the cheese. Cover with the remaining slices of bread.
    Grill the sandwiches in the panini maker until golden brown, about 4 minutes. Cut in half and serve immediately.

Tips & Notes

    Note: Dark green poblano peppers, smaller than a bell pepper but larger than a jalapeño, can be fiery or relatively mild; there’s no way to tell until you taste them. Find them near other fresh peppers at most large supermarkets.
    Stovetop Variation: Place four 15-ounce cans and a medium skillet (not nonstick) by the stove. Heat 1 teaspoon canola oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Place 2 sandwiches in the pan. Place the medium skillet on top of the sandwiches, then weight it down with the cans. Cook the sandwiches until golden on one side, about 2 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium-low, flip the sandwiches, replace the top skillet and cans, and cook until the second side is golden, 1 to 3 minutes more. Repeat with another 1 teaspoon oil and the remaining 2 sandwiches.

Nutrition
Per serving: 415 calories; 6 g fat ( 3 g sat , 1 g mono ); 13 mg cholesterol; 70 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 19 g protein; 9 g fiber; 761 mg sodium; 307 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (163% daily value), Folate (39% dv), Iron (20% dv)
Carbohydrate Servings: 4
Exchanges: 3 1/2 starch, vegetable, 1 medium-fat meat

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Power Pancakes

Dust these pancakes with confectioner's sugar or douse them with maple syrup. Either way, they are a delighful brunch dish. If you can't find nectarines, substitute peaches. In a pinch, used canned fruit.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 4 minutes for each pancake
 
INGREDIENTS

4 nectarines, divided
2 cups all-purpose baking mix, (reduced fat)
1 1/2 cups fresh orange juice, or apple juice
1 egg, lightly beaten
Non-stick cooking spray, non-stick, as needed

DIRECTIONS

Chop 1 nectarine to make 1 cup. Slice the remaining nectarines and set aside.

In a medium bowl, stir together the baking mix, juice, and egg until just moistened. Stir in the fruit.

Coat a griddle or skillet with nonstick spray and heat over MEDIUM heat. Spoon 1/4 cup of batter onto the griddle, spreading it gently with the back of a spoon. Cook until bubbles form on top and underside is golden brown. Turn and cook the pancake for another minute or so until golden brown. Top with the remaining nectarine slices.

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Cheese Ravioli with Pumpkin Sage Sauce

Alfredo sauce, luscious pumpkin and four-cheese ravioli make a festive and savory dish seasoned with white wine, shallots and fresh sage.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:
     
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/4 cup shallots, chopped
1 package (10 oz.) BUITONI® Refrigerated Alfredo Sauce
1/2 cup LIBBY ® 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 tablespoon sage, fresh
2 package (9 oz. Ea) BUITONI® refrigerated Four Cheese Ravioli or Roasted Chicken & Garlic Ravioli
2 tablespoons green onion, chopped

DIRECTIONS:

COOK wine and shallots in medium saucepan, stirring occasionally, until reduced to about 1 tablespoon. Stir in sauce, pumpkin and sage. Cook, stirring occasionally, until heated through. PREPARE pasta according to package directions; drain,reserving ¼ cup cooking water. Stir reserved water into sauce; toss with pasta. Sprinkle with green onion. Season with ground black pepper.

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Spicy Pita Pockets with Chicken, Lentils, and Tahini Sauce

Here’s something great to do with roasted chicken from the deli - a Middle Eastern sandwich chock-full of spicy lentils, bulgar, lettuce, tomato, and tahini sauce. Two pockets per person is enough to make a meal.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 42 minutes
     
1 cup lentils, dried
1/2 onion, cut in half
2 3/4 cups plus 6 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 bay leaf
1/2 cup coarse bulgur
1 1/2 teaspoons Tabasco sauce
1/2 cup tahini
2 garlic cloves, minced
5 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 cup plain yogurt
8 pitas
1 roasted chicken, bones and skin removed, meat shredded (about 1 pound meat)
2 large tomatoes, chopped
1 head romaine lettuce, shredded

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 350 degrees. In a medium saucepan, combine the lentils, onion, the 2 3/4- cups water, the oil, 1 teaspoon of the salt, and the bay leaf. Bring to a boil; simmer, partially covered, for 15 minutes. Stir in the bulgur and continue cooking, partially covered, stirring occasionally, until the lentils and bulgur are just done, about 12 more minutes. Remove from the heat, stir in the Tabasco sauce, and let sit, partially covered, for 5 minutes. Remove the onion and the bay leaf.

Meanwhile, in a medium glass or stainless-steel bowl, whisk together the tahini, the remaining 6 tablespoons water, the garlic, the lemon juice, the remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, and the yogurt.

Wrap the pitas in aluminum foil and warm them in the oven, about 10 minutes.

Cut the top third off of each pita. Spoon 1/4 cup of the lentil mixture into each pita. Divide half the chicken and tomatoes among the pitas and drizzle each with 1 tablespoon of the sauce. Top with half the lettuce. Repeat. Serve with the remaining sauce.

Wine Recommendation: You need a straightforward wine that won’t compete but will be gulpable enough to prepare the palate for the next hot bite. Try a chenin blanc or a white zinfandel from California.


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Easy-to-Tackle Jambalaya

Make this tasty rice dish anytime you gather a crowd. For zing, use spicy sausage and a little more cayenne pepper.

Serves: 8 to 10
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 45 minutes to 1 hour
   
INGREDIENTS:     
 
1 1/2 pounds smoked pork sausage, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices
1 1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into 1-inch pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
3 medium onions, chopped
2 cups chopped celery
2 medium green bell peppers, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
6 cups chicken broth
4 cups long grain white rice
1/2 teaspoon paprika

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Heat 8-quart oven-safe Dutch oven or stockpot over medium heat until hot. Add sausage; cook 5 to 7 minutes or until browned. Remove from pan; set aside. Add chicken, salt and pepper; cook 3 to 5 minutes or until chicken is browned. Remove from pan. Drain fat leaving 1 tablespoon. Add onions, celery, green peppers, garlic and red pepper; cook, stirring 7 to 10 minutes or until vegetables begin to brown. Stir in chicken broth, reserved sausage and chicken, rice and paprika. Bring to a boil.

Place covered pot in the oven and bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender, stirring once or twice during cooking.

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JOKES:

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He
decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what
he did that day. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps
the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching
movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The

robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn." Dad says,
"What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the
father. Mom laughs and says, "Well he certainly is your son!" The robot
slaps the mother!

P.S. Robot For Sale

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You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. On the memo line, she’d written, "Repairs."

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We’d finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "I’m afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. My middle-aged wife put him at ease. "Don’t worry," she said. "They’ll only look once."

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Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. "I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "All I know is, the day the big paper comes, I have to dress up and go to church."

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I’m getting older now and can’t tolerate the cold like I used to, so last year my wife and I replaced all the windows in my house with those fancy expensive double-panel energy efficient kind. Gotta nice tax break also. Anyway, today I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy Harold had told me last year when he installed them, and I quote, “In ONE YEAR these windows will pay for themselves!” It's been a year now I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. Don’t mess with us seniors.

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Even at 102, my Grandmother is confident she will live a long life. Recently, I bought her a brand new (although off-brand) sewing machine. She asked me, "Where is the warranty?" I replied, "What do you care Grandma... It has a 25-year warranty!" My Grandma replied, "How do I know the company will be in business that long?"

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Top Ten Reasons Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex.

10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.
9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.
8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning & groaning.
7. Less guilt the morning after.
6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again.
2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood!

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Halloween Misspelling.

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"


*********************************************
 Nothing Compares With Him

To what can we compare God?  Who is like the Lord?

What you are to a paper airplane, God is to you.

Make one.  Challenge it to race you around the block.  Who’s faster?

Invite the airplane to a game of one-on-one basketball. Will you not dominate the court? And well you should.

The thing exists only because you formed it and flies only when someone throws it.

God asks Isaiah:  “To whom will you compare me?  Who is my equal?” As if his question needed an answer, he gives one: I am God.  I alone!  I am God, and there is no one else like me.

King David marveled, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?” (Psalm 139:7)

You and I may have power.  But God is power. No one and nothing compares with Him!

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/26/2012 03:39:14

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Show me. Don't Tell Me.

"Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."1

"There's a wonderful scene near the end of the movie 'My Fair Lady' in which Eliza Doolittle sings words that God must also sing. She says, 'Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words…. If you're in love, Show me!'"2

The reality is that words have power. However, if personal and are spoken only from the head and not the heart, they are meaningless. Or if they are used to impress, flatter, manipulate, or don't mean a thing to the one who speaks them, they can be worse than useless.

It's the same with our Christian witness. If we say we are a believer in Jesus Christ and don't act accordingly, what does it mean? It means nothing.

I recall seeing a poster on the wall of the office where I attended college. It read:

    The living truth is what I long to see,
    I cannot live on what used to be,
    So close your Bible and show me how
    The Christ you talk about is living now.

As Jesus said, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."3

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a man/woman of my word in that I always do what I say I will do, and always live so my actions, which speak so much louder than my words, will always bring glory to you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. James 1:22 (NKJV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

    fecund
    audio pronunciation
    FEK-und

    DEFINITION

adjective
1
: fruitful in offspring or vegetation : prolific
2
: intellectually productive or inventive to a marked degree

    EXAMPLES

As an artist she gets most of her inspiration from nature; her daily walks in the woods are a fecund source of ideas.

"Sea slugs that mate more than the absolute minimum necessary to retain female fertility are more fecund than slugs that mate less often, according to the study detailed Wednesday in the open-access journal PLoS ONE." — From an article by Stephanie Pappas on NBCNews.com, August 22, 2012

    DID YOU KNOW?

"Fecund" and its synonyms "fruitful" and "fertile" all mean producing or capable of producing offspring or fruit—literally or figuratively. "Fecund" applies to things that yield offspring, fruit, or results in abundance or with rapidity ("a fecund herd"; "a fecund imagination"). "Fruitful" emphasizes abundance, too, and often adds the implication that the results attained are desirable or useful ("fruitful plains"; "a fruitful discussion"). "Fertile" implies the power to reproduce ("a fertile woman") or the power to assist in reproduction, growth, or development ("fertile soil"; "a fertile climate for artists").

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5 Healthy Ways to Reduce Stress and Improve Quality of Life

The doctor of the future will give no medication, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease. ~Thomas A Edison

At the speed things are moving in today’s world, in a society that demands perfection, more and more people become the victims of stress, anxiety and depression. Most likely, if you have anxiety or depression, your serotonin stores are low and the acid levels in your body are high.  It is when serotonin is low that things can get bad.  Most people use medications to help with this.  Medications will alter your serotonin, a hormone that affects mood, but so does diet and lifestyle. The more stress you have, the more you will need nutrient dense food to buffer the acidity and low energy levels you are creating.  This will increase your serotonin levels naturally.

Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food. ~Hippocrates

1. Eat complex carbohydrates

Eat complex carbohydrates at each meal and eat enough of them. By doing this, you are stimulating the pancreas to evenly let out insulin. Make sure these carbs are unrefined.  Think salad rather then sandwich.  Fruits vegetables and even beans are more effective then crackers.

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. ~Albert Einstein


2. Watch your oils

Make sure you get them from a healthy source.  While you might crave fatty, fried foods when you are really stressed, or depressed, go for unaltered, untreated fats like avocado, raw nuts, raw seeds or unheated oils.  The brain needs these essential fatty acids to function optimally.

3. Limit the gluten, dairy, corn and sugar

Other things to limit are gluten, dairy, corn and sugar.  They are mood changers. When you eat foods that are denatured and irritate the intestine, you compromise your digestion and absorption levels.  That means that you have lowered your ability to absorb nutrients that would make you feel better like folic acid, tryptophan and D.

Those who have no time for healthy eating will sooner or later have to find time for illness. ~ Edward Stanley

4. Make sure you get enough:
Nuts

    Oils in nuts and seeds help the body make prostaglandins, which are actually hormones.  These hormones are the ones that help with your responses to the brain, stimuli, and other hormones.  Essential fatty acids in nuts and seeds also help build neurotransmitters.
    Limit nuts to 10 or fewer per day, as there is a tipping point where too much is too much.  Too many nuts will sludge up your system.

Greens

    Contain tons of B6 and vitamin C.
    Is a great source of folic acid.
    Greens help the body create tryptophan.
    They stimulate more serotonin production (anti-depressant neurotransmitter).
    Contain phytonutrients that help the brain’s electro-chemical signals.  -Sodium and potassium are high in greens and actually carry electrical signals down each neuron.
    Greens give neurons amino acids, which build neurotransmitters.

It is my view that the vegetarian manner of living by its purely physical effect on the human temperament would most beneficially influence the lot of mankind. ~Albert Einstein
Workout

    Hard vigorous workouts help relieve depression.
    It releases endorphins, which are mood boosters.

 5. For an extra Boost

    Try a micro-algae supplement with DHA and EPA or cold-water fish.
    If you have SAD (seasonal affected disorder) use a light box.
    Play with eating more starches, fat or protein.
    Supplement with Tryptophan, 5-HTP, D, B6.

This article was written by Ana Goldseker – Mindful Nutrition. If you want to find out more about Ana, you can visit www.mindfulnutrition.net or connect with her on the Mindful Nutrition Facebook Page
 
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RECIPE:

Dry Rubbed London Broil

Total Time:    23 min
Prep    8 min   
Inactive    5 min   
Cook    10 min   

Yield:
    4 to 6 servings   
   
Ingredients

    1 (2-pound) London broil
    2 tablespoons olive oil
    1 recipe Dave's Rub, recipe follows

Directions

Rub London broil with olive oil and then coat generously with the dry rub. Let stand for about 15 minutes at room temperature.
Preheat a grill pan over medium-high heat.
Place meat on grill and grill for about 5 minutes on each side for medium-rare. Remove from heat and let rest for 5 to 10 minutes before slicing on the bias.

Serves 4

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Dave's Rub:

    2 tablespoons chili powder
    1 tablespoon dried oregano
    1 tablespoon sweet paprika
    2 teaspoons garlic powder
    4 pinches salt
    15 grinds black pepper

Mix all ingredients together thoroughly in a small bowl.

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Baked Acorn Squash

This is a delicious and colorful vegetable to complement any meal.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour

ingredients:

3 acorn squash
3 tablespoons butter, cut into small pieces
1 1/4 cups applesauce
3 tablespoons maple syrup
1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cut each squash in half horizontally and scoop out the seeds and fibrous center. Arrange the squash in a shallow baking dish and pour in hot water halfway up the side of the dish.

Combine the rest of the ingredients and divide the mixture among the squash cavities.

Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake until the squash is tender, about 1 hour.

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Crispy Roast Chicken with Sweet Potatoes

Thanks for putting this in video form. It makes it so much more motivating than just reading it. Do you have a low sodium shake and bake?

time
prep:  10 min
total:  1 hr 10 min
servings
total:  6 servings

    What You Need
    1    whole  roasting chicken (3-1/2 lb.)
    1    pkt.  SHAKE 'N BAKE Extra Crispy Seasoned Coating Mix
    1-1/4    lb.  sweet potatoes (about 3)
    1/4    cup  KRAFT Tuscan House Italian Dressing
    2    Tbsp.  KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese
  
 Make It

    HEAT oven to 400ºF.
    COAT chicken with coating mix; place in 13x9-inch pan. Bake 30 min.
    MEANWHILE, prick each potato several times with fork. Microwave on HIGH 2 to 3 min. or just until sliceable but not soft. Cut into spears; toss with dressing and cheese.
    ADD potatoes to baking dish with chicken. Bake 30 min. or until chicken is done (165ºF) and potatoes are tender.
 
   Kraft Kitchens Tips
 
  How to How to Easily Coat the Chicken
    Use a large resealable plastic bag to coat the chicken.
 
  Variation
    Substitute cut-up chicken parts for the whole chicken and bake in 15x10x1-inch pan.
   
Substitute
    Prepare using baking potatoes.

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Fudgy Brownie Cookies

Bake this mouthwatering treat of brownie cookies using semisweet chocolate chips - a perfect dessert.

    PREP TIME 45 Min
    TOTAL TIME 45 Min
    SERVINGS 48

INGREDIENTS:

1/2    cup butter, cut into pieces
1    bag (12 oz) semisweet chocolate chips (2 cups)
1    cup packed brown sugar
2    eggs
1    teaspoon vanilla
1    cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1/4    cup unsweetened baking cocoa
1/2    teaspoon salt

DIRECTIONS:

    1 Heat oven to 325°F. Spray cookie sheets with cooking spray.
    2 In 2-quart saucepan, heat butter and 1 cup of the chocolate chips over low heat, stirring occasionally, until melted. Remove from heat; stir in brown sugar. Cool slightly, stirring occasionally. Stir in eggs and vanilla. Stir in flour, cocoa and salt. Stir in remaining 1 cup chocolate chips. Onto cookie sheets, drop dough by tablespoonfuls about 2 inches apart.
    3 Bake 10 minutes or until almost set. Cool 5 minutes; remove from cookie sheets to cooling racks.

Expert Tips
Add a powdered sugar stencil design on top of cookies to dress them up for the holidays. Serve warm with a tall glass of milk for the ultimate afternoon treat!

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Crescent-Topped Beef Pot Pie

You can substitute your favorite vegetable mixture.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes


INGREDIENTS:

1 (approx.1 pound) 3/4 inch thick boneless beef top sirloin steak
Vegetable cooking spray
1 16-oz package frozen potato, green beans, onions, and red pepper, mixture
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1 jar (12 ounces) mushroom gravy
1 can (8 ounces) refrigerated crescent dinner rolls

DIRECTIONS:

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Cut beef steak lengthwise into 2 or 3 strips and then crosswise into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Spray 10 inch ovenproof skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium-high heat until hot. Add beef (1/2 at a time) and stir-fry 1 minute. Remove from skillet; season with 1/4 teaspoon pepper.

In same skillet, combine vegetables, 2 tablespoons water and thyme, cook and stir 3 minutes or until vegetables are defrosted. Stir in gravy; bring to a boil. Remove from heat; return beef.

Separate rolls into 8 triangles; starting at wide ends, roll up half-way. Arrange rolls on beef mixure with pointed ends directed toward center. Bake 17 to 19 minutes or until rolls are golden brown.

**********************************************

Chip-Crusted Chicken

    Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
    Yield: 6 Servings

Ingredients

    2/3 cup Dijon-mayonnaise blend
    6 cups barbecue potato chips, finely crushed
    6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (5 ounces each)

Directions

    Place mayonnaise blend in a shallow bowl. Place potato chips in another shallow bowl. Dip chicken in mayonnaise blend, then coat with potato chips.
    Transfer to an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 375° for 20-25 minutes or until juices run clear. Yield: 6 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 chicken breast half equals 397 calories, 16 g fat (5 g saturated fat), 78 mg cholesterol, 1,015 mg sodium, 29 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 30 g protein.

*******************************************

Honey Lemon Squares

Honey and lemon marry deliciously in these easy lemon squares.

Serves: makes 12 squares
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes
 
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1 cup + 1 tablespoon flour, divided
3/4 cup honey
1/2 cup lemon juice
3 eggs
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
1/2 teaspoon baking powder

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, cream the butter and powdered sugar until light and fluffy. Add 1 cup of flour and mix until combined.
Press the mixture evenly into the bottom of a 9-inch square pan. Bake for 20 minutes or until lightly browned.
Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, whisk together remaining tablespoon of flour with the remaining ingredients until thoroughly blended.
Pour over the baked crust and bake for about 20 minutes longer or until the filling is set.
Cool in the pan set on a wire rack. Cut into squares to serve.

******************************************

    
Friday, October 26, 2012

Juicy Way to Rev Up Your Lettuce
         
Soak limp lettuce leaves in ice-cold water with a splash of lemon juice. After about 15 minutes, your greens will be crisp again

*****************************************

JOKES:

Old people have problems that you haven’t even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man came to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doctor, it’s like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. She even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, but still nothing. The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yes, none of us could get the jar open."

************************************************

Little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little ticked off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week.. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren’t getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"

*******************************************

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on
the door of a house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful
cute! Who are you supposed to be?"
"We're Jack and Jill," she replied.
The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill - you're black!"
So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring
the doorbell and once again the man opens the door. "Well, now, that is just
darn cute! Who are you this time?"
"We're Hansel and Gretel," says the little boy.
"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because
you are black!"
Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring
again. This time when he opens the door there stands the two children but this
time, they are buck-naked. "Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?" he
asked.
"We're M & M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts."

*******************************************

Q: What do you call a wizard who has fallen into the sea on a barrel?
A: Bob!

Q: What must a wizard be to receive a state funeral?
A: Dead!

Q: What kinds of wizards can jump higher than a bus?
A: All of them, busses don't jump!

Q: What happened when the wizard met the witch?
A: It was love at first fright!

Q: What would happen if you threw lots of eggs at a wizard?
A: He would be egg-sterminated!

Q: If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
A: Out for the count!

Q: Two cannibals were talking. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law."
A: The 2nd replies, "So, try eating something else.

Q: "Your wife sure makes a good roast." commented the first cannibal.
A: "Yeah," replied the second. "I'm really going to miss her."

Q: Two cannibals are eating a clown.
A: One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Q: How did the ghost song and dance act make a living?
A: By appearing in television spooktaculars!

Q: What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains?
A: Boo-ts and ghoul-oshes!

Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A: Watch the board and I'll go through it again!

Q: How do ghosts learn songs?
A: They read the sheet music!

Q: What is a ghost's favorite day of the week?
A: Frightday!

Q: Where do ghosts get an education?
A: High sghoul!

Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son?
A: Don't spook until your spooken to!

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.

*******************************************
Beethoven Symphonies

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker.
"He's just decomposing!"
   
*******************************************

The Cab Driver And the Nun

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,

"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

******************************************************

The Cemetery Shortcut

One dark night two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemeteryjust for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath,
"You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

****************************************************

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Hints, Tips, Jokes, Etc


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/25/2012 12:23:19

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Perspective

"Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."1

An American visitor in England was driving with a British friend who made a remark about the windscreen of his car needing to be cleaned.

"You mean the windshield, don't you?" said the American.

"No. Over here, we call it the windscreen," the Englishman said.

"Then you are wrong," the American corrected, "because we invented the automobile and we call it a windshield."

"That is quite true," countered the Englishman, "but don't forget who invented the language."

All of us see things through the lenses shaped and colored by our background. That is, from our perspective. If we would only realize this, many of us wouldn't be as dogmatic as we sometimes are.

In conflict situations or where there is a difference of opinion we need to say, "This is the way I see it," and then ask the other person, "And how do you see it?" Not always, but often the truth is somewhere between the two. Remember, too, it is a very insecure person who is dogmatic, never wrong in his own eyes, and consistently has a neurotic need to be right.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to remember that I always see things from my perspective and that others see things from their perspective. Help me always to be willing to look at and genuinely consider others' point of view, and be ready to see and accept the truth regardless of my personal opinion. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Romans 12:10 (NLT).

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

 excoriate • ek-SKOR-ee-ayt • verb
1 : to wear off the skin of : abrade 2 : to censure scathingly

Examples:
"Every blow that shakes it will serve to harden it against a future stroke; as constant labour thickens the skin of the hand, and strengthens its muscles instead of wasting them away: so that a day of arduous toil, that might excoriate a lady's palm, would make no sensible impression on that of a hardy ploughman." — From Anne Bront's 1847 novel Agnes Grey

"One consequence of writing for a broader public was a growing disposition to write about people and places that I admired, and not just those whom it gave me pleasure to excoriate." — From Tony Judt's 2012 book Thinking the Twentieth Century

Did you know?
"Excoriate," which first appeared in English in the 15th century, comes from "excoriatus," the past participle of the Late Latin verb "excoriare," meaning "to strip off the hide." "Excoriare" was itself formed from a pairing of the Latin prefix "ex-," meaning "out," and "corium," meaning "skin" or "hide" or "leather." "Corium" has several other descendants in English. One is "cuirass," a name for a piece of armor that covers the body from neck to waist (or something, such as bony plates covering an animal, that resembles such armor). Another is "corium" itself, which is sometimes used as a synonym of "dermis" (the inner layer of human skin).

 
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Why Do I Forget Things?
Memory loss isn't due to your age or your gender. It's due to 'interference.'

By Colleen Oakley
Reviewed by Patricia A. Farrell, PhD

You walk into the kitchen with purpose, then stand in the doorway wondering what you went in there to do. Add to your grocery list? Look for your keys? Get a glass of water? Who knows? Your mind is completely blank.

"Though we jokingly refer to these as 'senior moments,' they happen to everyone -- from the very young to the very old," says Adam Gazzaley, MD, PhD, founding director of the Neuroscience Imaging Center at the University of California, San Francisco.

Finding Dr. Right

By Marguerite Lamb Baffled by all those initials after doctors' names? Tired of getting the referral runaround? We'll help clear up the confusion so you can find the best treatment for your symptoms.   In today's medical marketplace, you're not a patient—you're a "health-care consumer." That's good news and bad. It means you have more autonomy and choice than ever—but it also means the ball is in your court when it comes to figuring out whom to trust with your health. Should...

Gazzaley has spent years researching memory issues using brain-imaging technology. "Your brain works as a series of networks, with different areas communicating with each other at all times," he says. "When you're trying to remember something, your brain establishes a new network. Memory glitches occur when there's a break in that network."

What causes the break? Interference, which impairs your ability to focus. Interference can be anything from your cellphone ringing to background chatter at a restaurant to your mind wandering. "We've found that when a person is exposed to interference, their ability to recall info, even over very short periods of time, declines significantly," says Gazzaley.

Preventing Memory Loss

Some people can maintain their networks in the face of interference -- you know, those friends who never forget a face or always remember everybody's birthday. Why is that? "Some people are better at maintaining or reactivating their networks than others, and that's the main focus of our research right now -- understanding what causes the individual variability of memory," says Gazzaley.

What can you do? Try to limit interference. "You can't always shut off the world, but you can learn how to focus your attention on the task at hand," says Gazzaley. So if you go into the kitchen to write something down on your grocery list, don't answer your cellphone or let your mind wander to a meeting that morning. "Mentally rehearse what you're doing, and hold it in mind, until you're finished with the task," he says.

You can also train your brain to recall information by practicing. "Our brains have plasticity, or the ability to get better at something when challenged," says Gazzaley. "I often test my memory so that it continues to get better." Try this: Next time you go to the grocery store, don't make a list, and see how many items you can remember. "Four or five is my sweet spot," he says. "Nine is pushing it."

Remembering Names

"Last week, a friend introduced me to a potential client for my business," says Laurie Rowland, 32, a chef/caterer from Smyrna, Ga. "Ten minutes into our conversation, I couldn't remember her name. Why would I forget something so important?"

The short answer, says Gazzaley , is that "you weren't really paying attention. Maybe you were focused on how exciting it would be to have a new client or were trying to make a good impression, but your brain wasn't concentrating on the task at hand -- in this case,  remembering her name. The next time you meet someone new, really pay attention -- and then repeat the name to consolidate the information in your brain."

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RECIPE:

Grilled Meatball Sandwich

yield: Serves 4-6

Ingredients

    2 lb (1 kg) ground beef
    1/2 cup (4 oz/125 g) ricotta cheese
    1/4 cup (1 oz/ 30 g) freshly grated Parmesan cheese
    1/4 cup (1/3 oz/10 g) Panko bread crumbs
    4 large eggs, lightly beaten
    2 Tbsp minced fresh flat-leaf parsley
    1 garlic clove, minced
    1 tsp red pepper flakes
    Kosher salt
    Oil for grill
    1 large baguette
    8 oz (250 g) thinly sliced Provolone cheese
    Arugula Pesto

Preparation

1. In a large bowl, combine the beef, ricotta, Parmesan, bread crumbs, eggs, parsley, garlic, red pepper flakes, and 2 tsp salt. Mix gently just until combined; you don't want to overwork the meat. Form the mixture into 12 meatballs about the size of golf balls, putting them on a lightly oiled baking sheet as you work. Set aside at room temperature.

2. Build a hot fire in a charcoal grill or preheat a gas grill to high. Using a grill brush, scrape the heated grill rack clean. Rub the rack with oil. Arrange the meatballs on the grill rack without crowding. Using tongs, grill until browned evenly on all sides and cooked to medium, 8-10 minutes total, depending on grill temperature. Move any meatballs to a cooler area of the grill if they threaten to overbrown. Transfer to a platter or clean baking sheet as they are finished. Let rest for 5 minutes while you assemble the sandwiches.

3. Cut the baguette crosswise into fourths and split each piece horizontally. Lay the pieces, cut side down, on the grill. Toast until golden brown, about 3 minutes. Lay the provolone slices on half of the baguette pieces. Place 3 meatballs on top of the cheese-lined baguette slices. Garnish with the pesto and serve right away.

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Classic Onion Soup

This soup will be a hit with your family anytime of year.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

6 tablespoons butter, or margarine
8 yellow onions, peeled and sliced (about 2 1/2 cups)
4 teaspoons sugar
2 quarts canned low sodium chicken broth, or beef broth
1/2 cup brandy, to taste (optional)
salt, to taste
fresh ground black pepper, medium grind, to taste
1/2 baguette French bread, sliced, toasted
Grated Romano cheese
chopped fresh herbs, for garnish

DIRECTIONS:

In a large 4- to 6-quart saucepan or skillet, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring often, for about 12 minutes or until tender and golden brown. Sprinkle with sugar and stir for 1 minute.

Add the broth, cover and bring to boil. Simmer for 12 minutes to blend flavors. Add brandy and cook for about 2 minutes longer. Season with salt and pepper.

To serve, ladle soup into shallow bowls and float slices of toast on top. Sprinkle lavishly with cheese. Garnish with fresh herbs, if desired.

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Sticky Toffee Pudding

Yield: 6 to 8 servings

Prep Time: 30 minutes | Bake Time: 50 minutes

For the Toffee Sauce:
2 cups heavy cream
½ cup demerara or muscovado sugar (or another dark brown sugar)
2½ tablespoons golden syrup or molasses
Pinch of salt

For the Pudding:
6 ounces pitted dates, chopped
1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1¼ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
¾ cup granulated sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and butter an 8½-inch porcelain soufflé dish (or similar-sized baking dish.)

2. Make the toffee sauce by bringing the cream, demerara or turbinado sugar, golden syrup (or molasses) and salt to a boil in a medium saucepan, stirring often to melt the sugar.

3. Lower heat and simmer, stirring constantly for about 5 minutes, until the mixture is thick and coats the spoon. Pour half the sauce into the prepared soufflé dish and place the dish in the freezer, and reserve the other half for serving.

4. To make the pudding, in a medium saucepan, heat the dates and water. Once the water begins to boil, remove from heat and stir in the baking soda. Set aside, but keep it slightly warm.

5. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt.

6. In the bowl of a standing electric mixer, or by hand, beat the butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the eggs, then the vanilla. (Don’t be alarmed if the mixture looks a bit curdled.)

7. Stir in half of the flour mixture, then the date mixture, then add the remaining flour mixture until just mixed. Don’t overbeat the batter.

8. Remove the soufflé dish from the freezer and scrape the batter into the soufflé dish and bake for 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with moist crumbs attached.

9. Remove the pudding from the oven, and let cool slightly before serving. Spoon portions of the cake into serving bowls and douse with additional warm toffee sauce. Whipped cream or vanilla ice cream are good accompaniments, although I enjoy it just as it is.

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Wild Mushroom-Potato Kugel

Woodsy dried mushrooms are sandwiched between layers of potatoes so the final dish is full of deep, earthy perfumes. The kugel is baked in a hot metal pan so that the potatoes get nice and crusty.

Serves: 8 to 10
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 60 to 65 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
 
1 ounce dried porcini mushrooms, or mixed dried mushrooms
4 tablespoons olive oil, or vegetable oil, plus more for greasing the pan
3/4 pound onions, thinly sliced (about 3 cups)
Salt and freshly ground pepper
2 teaspoons chopped garlic
6 large russet potatoes, or 8 medium (baking potatoes)
4 large eggs, beaten
extra virgin olive oil, optional


directions:

Soak the mushrooms in 2 cups of hot water for 1 hour, or until soft. Drain through a strainer lined with paper towels or a coffee filter, reserving the soaking liquid. Wash the mushrooms under cold running water to remove any remaining grit. Chop coarsely.

Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the onions and saute for about 15 minutes or until crisp and lightly browned. Transfer to a bowl and season with salt and pepper.

In the same skillet (no need to wash it), combine the chopped mushrooms, garlic, and reserved mushroom soaking liquid. Bring to a boil over high heat and cook, stirring occasionally, until all the liquid evaporates. Season with salt and pepper and remove the skillet from the heat.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Peel the potatoes. Grate in a food processor or over the large holes of a hand grater. Transfer them to a colander, rinse well, and drain. Use your hands to squeeze out as much liquid as possible. Put the potatoes in a large bowl and add the eggs and fried onions. Season with plenty of salt and pepper.

Grease the bottom and sides of a large, shallow metal baking pan (not glass). It should measure about 13-by-9 inches. Put the pan in the oven until the grease is sizzling hot.

Turn half the potato mixture into the hot pan, spread the mushrooms over it, cover with the remaining potatoes, and smooth the top. If desired, drizzle with a little extra-virgin olive oil.

Bake for about 50 minutes or until the top is golden and crisp and the potatoes are cooked through. Let the kugel cool until set. If necessary, reheat before serving.

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Cornish Game Hens with Garlic and Rosemary

"Crusty garlic bread and a nice light Chianti wine complement this meal very well."


Prep Time:  20 Min
Cook Time:  1 Hr
Ready In:  1 Hr 20 Min

Ingredients

    4 Cornish game hens
    salt and pepper to taste
    1 lemon, quartered
    4 sprigs fresh rosemary
    3 tablespoons olive oil
    24 cloves garlic
    1/3 cup white wine
    1/3 cup low-sodium chicken broth
    4 sprigs fresh rosemary, for garnish

Directions

    Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C).
    Rub hens with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil. Lightly season hens with salt and pepper. Place 1 lemon wedge and 1 sprig rosemary in cavity of each hen. Arrange in a large, heavy roasting pan, and arrange garlic cloves around hens. Roast in preheated oven for 25 minutes.
    Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). In a mixing bowl, whisk together wine, chicken broth, and remaining 2 tablespoons of oil; pour over hens. Continue roasting about 25 minutes longer, or until hens are golden brown and juices run clear. Baste with pan juices every 10 minutes.
    Transfer hens to a platter, pouring any cavity juices into the roasting pan. Tent hens with aluminum foil to keep warm. Transfer pan juices and garlic cloves to a medium saucepan and boil until liquids reduce to a sauce consistency, about 6 minutes. Cut hens in half lengthwise and arrange on plates. Spoon sauce and garlic around hens. Garnish with rosemary sprigs, and serve.


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Orange Shell Sweet Potatos

3 cups mashed sweet potatos
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspsoon salt
2 eggs
1/4 cup butter or marg.
1/2 cup milk
6-8 oranges (pulp removed)
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix these first seven ingredients and pour into orange halves which have been pulp removed. Then mix the remaining ingredients and sprinkle over the mixture.

1 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup flour
1 cup chopped pecans
1/4 cup butter or marg.

Bake @ 350 for 35 min.

Yield 6-8 servings

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JOKES:

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."

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One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway. "If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I said to her. Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again. "Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

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Mum, does God use the bathroom? No, what a funny question! Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?'

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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.' 'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.' 'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted. 'I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. 'When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'

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An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the pub, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one gulp. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

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A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, "May I please see your permit?" I don't have one," confessed the musician. "In that case, you'll have to accompany me." "Splendid!" exclaimed the musician. "What shall we sing?"

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8 year old Tommy would stand at the street corner and do nothing but polish a red apple all day long. He did this every day. One day a man walked by and saw Tommy polishing this apple. "Son that the shinniest, brightest red apple I have ever seen, I will give you a $1.00 for it." "No sir, it's not for sale" said Tommy Weeks went by and the same man came to the same corner. The apple now had the shine equal to the mirror on the Hubble Space Telescope, you could see your face in it as it was so brightly shined. "Son remember me, I offered you $1.00 for your apple" "Yes" said Tommy "Today I am going to give you $100.00 for that apple, here is a crisp $100.00 dollar bill". "Not for sale for $100.00" Said Tommy "But Tommy" said the man.. that apple cost you only about 50 cents, I am going to give you $100.00 for it why won't you take the $100.00. Tommy said" See that silver Royles Royce across the street? My sister got that for just a cherry.

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Today, God’s message for you is to recognize that you are what the world needs most, give freely of yourself. You were created with a purpose, which only you may fulfill. Our lord may work in mysterious ways, but rest assured you are on a very sacred path, traveling in just the right direction for this moment. Each day will urge you toward this higher good.


Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tips, Etc. .


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/24/2012 12:07:12

REMINDER FROM GOD:

"As you spend more time with Me, you will be transformed into My Likeness."

Our Daily Devotional:

The Clothing We Wear

Colossians 3:5-12, NIV: "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature...You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things...Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

I quit smoking about twenty years ago. I quit because I was disgusted with smelling it on my clothing. But this didn't keep me out of the bowling alleys where second hand smoke thickly flourished. I enjoyed bowling, so I put up with the smoke while there. However, being a nonsmoker, after leaving a bowling alley, the stink on my clothes seemed so much worse than before. After getting home, the first thing on my mind was to shed the stinky, smoke permeated clothing, and get a bath, and wash my hair. I can't help but draw a comparison between that, and our lives as Christians in the world. Many of us came to Christ, and put the old sinful habits behind us. And yet, for some reason, we continue visiting those places where once we leave, we smell the stink of the world all over ourselves. Perhaps we still do some of the things we did before we came to Christ. Or maybe--more subtly--we do things that seem harmless yet convey all manner of ungodliness (TV, movies, for example). Perhaps we are not even aware until we come away. Perhaps we still don't notice; in which case we should evaluate why it doesn't bother a child of God to wear the stink of sin. Perhaps we should be wondering when we as Christians will get disgusted with smelling the stink of the world on us--and will shed the worldly clothing--refusing to go there again.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
- Joshua 24:15

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

 utile YOO-til , adjective:
Useful.

They have been accredited variously to the respective signs of the Zodiac, but to the end that resultant opinions have failed to be utile value.
-- John Hazelrigg, Astrosophic Principles And Astrosophic Tractates

It was located in an industrial warehouse but he had tricked it out smartly. It was altogether utile but not precisely cozy.
-- Eve Howard, Shadow Lane Volume 8

Utile comes directly from the French word of the same spelling which also means "useful." It entered English in the late 1400s.

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 leaf rose

The best part of living in Northern Michigan is the changing seasons. For a few weeks every fall, we live in a picture-perfect postcard. Our home is on a street lined with maple trees, so the materials for these are abundant. As I carefully select fallen leaves from my front lawn, picking them up individually, I have to reassure my curious neighbors that this is not how I do all my yard work! Every time I make these, I am convinced “this one is my favorite!” These are a great way to make those few weeks of fall last a little longer, and when given to others, they’re a sure way to brighten someone’s day. — Kate Hust

Materials

    10 colorful maple leaves per flower in various sizes (they should be dry & freshly fallen, so they are pliable)
    short twigs
    scissors
    floral tape

Instructions
1. Using one of the smaller leaves, place the colorful side down and fold the points in. Begin to roll the leaf from one side.
2. Take a second leaf and fold the center point down. Place the first rolled leaf in the center, fold down the side points on the second leaf and wrap both sides around the first “bud.”
3. Continue to add leaves, rotating the flower as you go to get an even size. Work with the smaller leaves at the center and the larger ones toward the outside. When you rotate, it also helps to keep the petals tucked in so that it doesn’t unravel.
4. When you have added all your leaves or reached the desired size, pinch the leaf stems tightly and begin to wrap with florist tape. Trim the stem ends by cutting with scissors.
5. Finally, if you are wanting a “long stem,” use a stick and attach to the flower by wrapping it with a bit more florist tape.
6. You’re done!
 
http://www.designsponge.com/2011/10/diy-project-autumn-leaf-bouquet.h... in the Graveyard Cake

This spooky cake is easy to make and fun to decorate. To save time, bake and freeze the brownies weeks in advance, then thaw at room temperature overnight before decorating.—Taste of Home Test Kitchen

    Prep: 1 hour Bake: 30 min. + cooling
    Yield: 29 Servings


Ingredients

    1 package fudge brownie mix (13-inch x 9-inch pan size)
    1 package fudge brownie mix (8-inch square pan size)
    3 pretzel rods
    1 cup (6 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips, melted
    6 ounces white candy coating, melted
    3 lollipop sticks
    6 chocolate jimmies
    1 can (16 ounces) chocolate frosting
    2/3 cup confectioners' sugar
    1 tablespoon baking cocoa
    Black paste food coloring
    Vanilla frosting
    1 cup chocolate wafer crumbs
    1/4 cup flaked coconut, toasted

Directions

    Line a 13-in. x 9-in. baking pan and an 8-in. square baking dish with foil and grease the foil. Prepare brownie batter and bake according to package directions, using prepared pans. Cool on wire racks.
    Break pretzel rods into various sizes; dip into melted chocolate. Arrange into a tree shape on a waxed paper-lined baking sheet.
    Place melted white candy coating in a heavy-duty resealable plastic bag; cut a small hole in a corner of bag. Outline three small ghosts on waxed paper. Fill in ghost outlines, adding a lollipop stick to each for support. Place jimmies on ghosts for eyes. Let dry completely.
    Using foil, lift brownies out of pans. Discard foil; place 8-in. square brownie on a large serving plate for graveyard. Spread chocolate frosting over top and sides.
    Cut remaining brownie into 3-in. x 1-1/2-in. tombstone shapes. Combine confectioners' sugar and cocoa; sprinkle over tombstones. With black food coloring, tint vanilla frosting gray; decorate tombstones.
    Using toothpicks, insert three tombstones into graveyard. Insert tree into graveyard (support as needed with brownie scraps). Insert ghosts into graveyard; sprinkle with wafer crumbs for dirt and coconut for grass. Place remaining tombstones on a serving platter. Yield: 1 graveyard cake (9 servings) and 20 tombstones.

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Micro-Easy Maple Baked Apples

Try these micro-easy baked apples. Only 5 minutes of preparation time and 10 minutes in the microwave, and you have a luscious hot dessert. Fancy enough for company, but easy enough for a weeknight supper.

Serves: 5
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 10 mins.
   
INGREDIENTS     
 
5 red apples, baking apples (Rome or York)
1 cup apple cider
5 tablespoons maple syrup
ground cinnamon

DIRECTIONS:

Core apples. With a paring knife or potato peeler, remove a small spiral of apple peel on the top quarter of each apple, leaving some peel on the apple to form a spiral design. Place apples around the edges of a casserole dish and pour cider on and around apples.

Drizzle 1 tablespoon syrup on each applel dust lightly with cinnamon. Cover with casserole lid and microwave on high for 10 minutes, or until fork tender. Serve with a dollop of vanilla non-fat frozen yogurt, if desired.

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Cheesy Chicken Pizza

Prepared pizza dough makes it easy to prepare this deliciously different pizza, topped with chicken, olives, green onion, mozzarella cheese and a zesty mixture of salsa and Italian sauce.

Serves: 4 servings
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:
1 package (about 13 ounces) refrigerated pizza dough (12-inch)
1/2 cup Pace® Picante Sauce
Prego® Roasted Garlic & Herb Italian Sauce or 1/2 cup Prego® Traditional Italian Sauce
turkey or 1 cup chopped cooked chicken
1/2 cup sliced pitted ripe olive
2 green onion, sliced (about 1/4 cup)
4 ounces shredded mozzarella cheese (about 1 cup)

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 425°F.
Unroll the dough onto a greased 12-inch pizza pan. Press the dough into a 12-inch circle. Pinch up the edge to form a rim.
Stir the picante sauce and Italian sauce in a small bowl. Spread the picante sauce mixture over the crust to the rim. Top with the chicken, olives, onions and cheese.
Bake for 15 minutes or until the cheese is melted and the crust is golden brown.

Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using Pace Picante Sauce: Calories 408, Total Fat 13g, Saturated Fat 4g, Cholesterol 46mg, Sodium 1575mg, Total Carbohydrate 48g, Dietary Fiber 2g, Protein 26g, Vitamin A 10%DV, Vitamin C 4%DV, Calcium 24%DV, Iron 20%DV
Tips: Tip: For a crispier crust, prepare the dough as directed above in Step 2. Bake the dough for 5 minutes. Remove the dough from the oven and proceed as directed above in Steps 3 and 4.

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25-Minute Chicken & Noodles

This quick and easy skillet dish features all your favorite ingredients from chicken noodle soup, but without the soup...instead it's a hearty meal perfect for a busy day.

Serves: 4 servings (about 1 1/4 cups per serving)
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
     
Swanson® Chicken Stock or 1 3/4 cups Swanson® Chicken Broth
1 teaspoon dried basil leaves, crushed
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 cups frozen vegetable combination (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots)
1/4 of a 12-ounce package uncooked medium egg noodles (about 2 cups)
2 cups cubed cooked chicken

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the broth, basil, black pepper and vegetables in a 10-inch skillet over medium heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low.  Cover and cook for 5 minutes or until the vegetables are tender-crisp.
Stir the noodles in the skillet. Cover and cook for 5 minutes or until the noodles are tender.  Stir in the chicken and cook until the mixture is hot and bubbling.

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Black Bean Chili with a Kick

This chili is easy to make and is a hearty meal.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:
 
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 1/2 pounds lean, boneless round steaks, cut into 3/4 inch pieces
1 large onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 (14-1/2 ounce) cans canned stewed tomatoes
1 (14 1/2 ounce) can chicken broth
1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
2 (4 ounce) cans chopped green chilies
1 (1-1/4 ounce) packet chili seasoning mix
3 (15 - 16 ounce) cans black beans, drained and rinsed
6 cups rice, cooked
sour cream, for garnish
Fresh choppped cilantro, for garnish

DIRECTIONS:

Heat oil in large Dutch oven over medium heat until hot. Add steak, cook 6 to 7 minutes, stirring occasionally until steak is just browned. Add onion and garlic, cook and stir 5 to 7 minutes or until onion is tender. Add tomatoes, broth, tomato paste, chilies and seasoning mix. Bring to a boil; reduce heat, cover and simmer 20 to 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add beans; cover and simmer 10 minutes more. Place 1 cup rice in each of 6 serving bowls. Spoon 1-1/2 cups chili over rice, garnish with sour cream and cilantro.

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Pizza Noodle Bake Recipe

    Prep: 25 min. Bake: 15 min.
    Yield: 6 Servings

Ingredients

    10 ounces uncooked egg noodles
    1-1/2 pounds ground beef
    XKick-up the flavor

    With Johnsonville Italian Sausage.
    Featured Sponsor
    1/2 cup finely chopped onion
    1/4 cup chopped green pepper
    1 jar (14 ounces) pizza sauce
    1 can (4 ounces) mushroom stems and pieces, drained
    1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
    1 cup (4 ounces) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
    1 package (3-1/2 ounces) sliced pepperoni

Directions

    Cook noodles according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook the beef, onion and green pepper over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain.
    Add pizza sauce and mushrooms. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 2-3 minutes or until heated through. Drain noodles.
    In a greased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish, layer half of the noodles, beef mixture, cheeses and pepperoni. Repeat layers. Cover and bake at 350° for 15-20 minutes or until heated through.
    Serve immediately or before baking, cover and freeze casserole for up to 3 months.
    To use frozen casserole: Remove from the freezer 30 minutes before baking (do not thaw). Cover and bake at 350° for 45-50 minutes. Uncover; bake 15-20 minutes longer or until heated through. Yield: 6 servings.

 Tip
Shred and Freeze Cheese
It’s usually cheaper to buy cheese in blocks than in shredded form. So I purchase large quantities of cheddar, Monterey Jack and mozzarella, then shred them myself in my food processor. I store the shredded cheese in the freezer in heavy-duty resealable plastic bags, so I have it at my fingertips whenever it’s needed.

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Shrimp with Sun-Dried-Tomato Barbecue Sauce

With jalapeños, ginger, chili powder, and an unusually large amount of black pepper in the mix, this is one spicy dish. It’s based on New Orleans-style barbecued shrimp, with the added innovation of sun-dried tomatoes.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes

     
INGREDIENTS:

1/2 cup dry-packed sun-dried tomatoes
1/2 cup boiling water
3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
4 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons cooking oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 jalapeno peppers, seeds and ribs removed, minced
1 teaspoons fresh ginger, minced
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 1/4 teaspoons fresh ground black pepper
1/4 pound butter
2 pounds shrimp, shelled but tails left on

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 425 degrees. In a small bowl, combine the sun-dried tomatoes and boiling water. Let sit for 20 minutes.
Put the sun-dried tomatoes and their soaking liquid in a blender. Add the Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, and salt and blend to a coarse puree.
In a medium saucepan, heat the oil over low heat. Add the garlic, jalapeños, and ginger and cook, stirring, for 3 minutes. Add the chili powder and pepper and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds longer. Add the butter and melt. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the tomato mixture. Add the shrimp and stir to combine. Put the shrimp and sauce in a 9-by-13-inch baking dish in an even layer. Bake the shrimp until just done, about 11 minutes.

Wine Recommendation: The spicy heat of the jalapenos and barbecue sauce make a beer the ideal thirst quencher for this dish. Anything but the most innocuous of wines (such as a Frascati from Italy) will be wasted here.

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Quirky Facts about Quaker Parrots

They're deceptively small, but quaker parrots are
more substantial than they look, both figuratively
and literally. The following will tell us more about
these cute and curiously named birds:

   1. Religious birds? Quaker parrots are also called
    monk parrots. Don't be misled by the seemingly
    religious names. It is believed that the "monk”
    was inspired by the shape of the gray swath
    on the breast, throat and forehead of the bird.
    The origin of "quaker” is not so certain, but
    one popular theory is that it came from the
    birds' characteristic tremor when asking for
    food or courting.
    
2. Parrot condos? The nest of the quaker parrot
    is pretty unique. It is usually a communal home
    that entails continuous building and expanding
    throughout several years. It has many
    compartments, each with a single entrance and
    no connecting tunnels with each other. There's
    a collective effort to repair and reinforce it as
    the residents live there year-round. They also
    have to pay exorbitant monthly maintenance
    dues (joke!).
  
3. Looking blue? Quaker parrots are normally mostly
    green with grey; however, there have been
    several color mutations in the breed. The blue
    quaker parrot, for instance, has become popular
    as a companion bird. Other mutations include
    lutinos, albinos, pieds and cinnamons.
   
4. Banned birds? Some states in America have
    actually outlawed the birds in the past. This
    ruling went over many heads and citizens
    continued getting quaker parrots for pets, not
    out of pure rebellion, but mostly from ignorance.
    Who would think to ban those cuties? Well, New
    Hampshire and Massachusetts used to, but they've
    reconsidered and declared the birds harmless
    because if accidentally released in the wild, they
    wouldn't survive the winters… which brings us to
    the next fact.
  
5.  Hardy birds? At first, they may be afraid, they may
    be petrified… but they will survive. Quaker parrots
    have proven to be amazingly tough. They've been
    known to withstand colder climates better than
    most tropical birds.

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JOKES:

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?" "Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

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Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of bats, creepy-crawlies, demons, ghosts, monsters, vampires, werewolves and yetis. Doctor: How interesting. Do you always dream in alphabetical order?

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When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first aid." The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."

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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

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Today, God’s message for you is not one that comes in an audible, booming voice from the heavens.  But He’s all around.  His voice is in his Word, the Bible.  Haven’t read it lately?  Try reading a passage and see what God may want to reveal to you today.


Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tips, Etc. .


Grammy&#039;s Bulletin
Posted On 10/23/2012 02:24:59

REMINDER FROM GOD:

What is Real Love?

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."1

A Daily Encounter reader asks, "What is real love? It seems to me that some people who don't claim to be Christians are more loving and non-judgmental than some Christians I know."

Dear Sharon (name changed), unfortunately, just because someone claims to be a Christian doesn't mean that they are a real or an emotionally mature person. It is also true that some non-Christians are more loving and non-judgmental than some Christians because they are more emotionally mature. However, it is important not to determine what love is by human standards but by God's standards.

The best definition of real love is found in the Bible in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. It probably would be wise for all of us, including myself, to memorize this entire chapter so it becomes a vital part of our inner belief system. This would definitely help us to act in a loving manner.

As God's Word says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."2

Thus real love is unconditional; that is, it is love without strings attached. It doesn't have hidden motives for loving someone. When one gives love it is always gratifying if that love is returned, but real love loves regardless of the response of the other. It always has the other's best interest at heart—and this sometimes calls for tough love.

The Apostle Paul also noted in this masterpiece on love, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."3 In other words, real love is the fruit, perhaps the highest fruit, of both emotional and spiritual maturity. So to grow in love we need to keep growing in both emotional and spiritual maturity.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to keep growing in spiritual and emotional maturity so that my life will always—in all circumstances—reflect the heart of a truly loving person and therein bring glory to your name. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV).
2. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV).
3. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV).


The difference in Christains and some faiths is that our Savior never asked us to defend HIS honor, let alone by murdering those with other beliefs or thru civil war, in protest. JESUS can take care of us, as well as others who choose violence, and take care of these matters in HIS way. "I came not to destroy the world but to save it." Those who love HIM are loving HIM in return, because HE first loved us. If we had to stand and defend HIS honor, HE wouldn't be all powerful, all knowing, and omniplacent, as we know HIM, from HIS Word, and through our personal relationships. That's how we know we worship the one and only SAVIOR this world has ever known. So, as JESUS said many times, "Fear Not". HE also said of the sign's of the times, "Fear Not when you see these things coming to pass, for they must happen before MY RETURN." So, do watch these signs and prepare for THAT coming EVENT, and lift up your eyes to the Heavens and rejoice. AMEN

You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ (GNT)
Matthew 5:27

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

    dearth
    audio pronunciation
    DERTH

    DEFINITION
noun
1: scarcity that makes dear; specifically : famine
2: an inadequate supply : lack

    EXAMPLES
Teri had forgotten to bring a book, and the dearth of reading material in her uncle's house had her visiting the town library the first morning of her stay.
"This wryly funny take on the classic ghost story, with its tributes to horror thrillers from Halloween to Friday the 13th and rich cast of characters, has distinctive Tim Burton-esque visuals and a welcome dearth of potty humor." — From a movie review by Claudia Puig in USA Today, August 17, 2012

    DID YOU KNOW?
The facts about the history of the word "dearth" are quite simple: the word derives from the Middle English form "derthe," which has the same meaning as our modern term. That Middle English form is assumed to have developed from an Old English form that was probably spelled "dierth" and was related to "deore," the Old English form that gave us the word "dear." ("Dear" also once meant "scarce," but that sense of the word is now obsolete.) Some form of "dearth" has been used to describe things that are in short supply since at least the 13th century, when it often referred to a shortage of food.

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Being Successful When Living With A Chronic Illness
by Jen Reynolds in FibroTV Blog
 
When most think of success they tend to think of the worlds definition of success. I know I did for many years. The world tells us that success is defined with your education, your job, the amount of materialistic things you can acquire, your status, and the amount of money you make. For someone with a chronic illness or pain the worlds definition of success can make us feel unsuccessful in our life and even ashamed. Some of us can’t work or only work part time and at times just the basic day to day living is all we can handle. I would get so disappointed in myself when friends bragged about their accomplishments at one time and felt like a failure on many levels. Well! I have some good news for you because Authentic success is what makes people fulfilled and happy and it has very little to do with those things.

I have been reading a book called “Simple Abundance A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.” By Sarah Ban Breathnach. It is a book of 366 evocative essays-one for every day of your year-written for women who wish to live by their own lights. Simple Abundance shows you how your daily life can be an expression of your authentic self … as you choose the tastiest vegetables from your garden, search for treasures at flea markets, establish a sacred space in your home for meditation, and follow the rhythm of the seasons and the year. I want to share one of her passages in the book. It really touched me deeply because of my own journey as someone that lives with chronic pain and illness. It gave me peace when it comes to the definition of being a successful person and made me realize what the world sees as successful is not the entire picture. I hope this helps you as someone with chronic pain and/or illness the same way it did I.

Authentic Success

“We must all pay with the current coin of life
For the honey that we taste.” –RACHEL BLUMSTEIN

Authentic success is different for each of us. No single definition fits all because we come in all sizes. One autumn afternoon years ago, while wandering through an abandoned cemetery, I discovered a wonderful definition of authentic success inscribed on the headstone of a woman who died in 1820: “The only pain she ever caused was when she left us.”

Authentic success is having time enough to pursue personal pursuits that bring you pleasure, time enough to make the loving gestures for your family you long to do, time enough to care for your home, tend your garden, nurture your soul. Authentic success is never having to tell yourself or those you love, “maybe next year.” Authentic success is knowing that if today were your last day on earth, you could leave without regret. Authentic success is feeling focused and serene when you work, not fragmented. It’s knowing that you’ve done the best that you possibly can, no matter what circumstances you faced; it’s knowing in your soul that the best you can do is all you can do, and that the best you can do is always enough.

Authentic success is accepting your limitations, making peace with your past, and reveling in your passions so that your future may unfold according to a Divine Plan. It’s discovering and calling forth your gifts and offering them to the world to help heal its ravaged heart. It’s making a difference in other lives and believing that if you can do that for just one person each day, through a smile, a shared laugh, a caress, a kind word, or a helping hand, blessed are you among women.

Authentic success is not just money in the bank but a contented heart and peace of mind. It’s earning what you feel you deserve for the work you do and knowing that you’re worth it. Authentic success is paying your bills with ease, taking care of all your needs and the needs of those you love, indulging some wants, and having enough left over to save and share. Authentic success is not about need. Authentic success is feeling good about who you are, appreciating where you’ve been, celebrating your achievements, and honoring the distance you’ve already come. Authentic success is reaching the point where being is as important as doing. It’s the steady pursuit of a dream. It’s realizing that no matter how much time it takes for a dream to come true in the physical world, no day is ever wasted. It’s valuing inner, as well as outer, labor—both your own and others’. It’s elevating labor to a craft and craft to an art by bestowing Love on every task you undertake.

Authentic success is knowing how simply abundant your life is exactly as it is today. Authentic success is being so grateful for the many blessings bestowed on you and yours that you can share your portion with others.

Authentic success is living each day with a heart overflowing.

Excerpt from Simple Abundance Daily Comfort Book by Sarah Ban Breathnach

 
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RECIPE:

Bacon-Wrapped Dates

Ingredients

    1 package (8 oz.) whole pitted dates, at least 24 (halve some dates, if necessary)
    12 slices Safeway SELECT® Bacon
    24 toothpicks

Directions

    Cut bacon slices in half crosswise. Wrap each date in a bacon piece, securing meat with a toothpick; cover and chill.
    Lay wrapped dates on a rack on a baking sheet. Bake in a 375° oven, turning pieces over after 20 minutes, until the bacon is browned, about 30 minutes total. To serve, pass appetizers when warm.


Per piece: 46 cal., 28% (13 cal.) from fat; 1.2 g protein; 1.5 g fat (0.5 g sat.); 7.3 g carbo (0.7 g fiber); 70 mg sodium; 2.5 mg chol.

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Grilled Meatball Sandwich

yield: Serves 4-6

Ingredients

    2 lb (1 kg) ground beef
    1/2 cup (4 oz/125 g) ricotta cheese
    1/4 cup (1 oz/ 30 g) freshly grated Parmesan cheese
    1/4 cup (1/3 oz/10 g) Panko bread crumbs
    4 large eggs, lightly beaten
    2 Tbsp minced fresh flat-leaf parsley
    1 garlic clove, minced
    1 tsp red pepper flakes
    Kosher salt
    Oil for grill
    1 large baguette
    8 oz (250 g) thinly sliced Provolone cheese
    Arugula Pesto


Preparation

1. In a large bowl, combine the beef, ricotta, Parmesan, bread crumbs, eggs, parsley, garlic, red pepper flakes, and 2 tsp salt. Mix gently just until combined; you don't want to overwork the meat. Form the mixture into 12 meatballs about the size of golf balls, putting them on a lightly oiled baking sheet as you work. Set aside at room temperature.

2. Build a hot fire in a charcoal grill or preheat a gas grill to high. Using a grill brush, scrape the heated grill rack clean. Rub the rack with oil. Arrange the meatballs on the grill rack without crowding. Using tongs, grill until browned evenly on all sides and cooked to medium, 8-10 minutes total, depending on grill temperature. Move any meatballs to a cooler area of the grill if they threaten to overbrown. Transfer to a platter or clean baking sheet as they are finished. Let rest for 5 minutes while you assemble the sandwiches.

3. Cut the baguette crosswise into fourths and split each piece horizontally. Lay the pieces, cut side down, on the grill. Toast until golden brown, about 3 minutes. Lay the provolone slices on half of the baguette pieces. Place 3 meatballs on top of the cheese-lined baguette slices. Garnish with the pesto and serve right away.

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Breaded Chicken Cutlets (aka Grandma Jody's Chicken)

main ingredients Chicken,  Breadcrumbs

total time: 25 minutes

In spite of my desire to never eat breaded chicken cutlets again, this was the first meal I ever made for Andy (at twenty-two, my meal repertoire was... more ›

Ingredients

    Few generous glugs of olive oil (5 to 6 tablespoons), more as necessary (you are not deep-frying here, but pretty close)
    2 eggs, lightly beaten
    3/4 cup all-purpose flour
    1 1/2 cups plain bread crumbs or Kellogg's Corn Flake Crumbs that have been salted and peppered (see note)
    4 boneless chicken breasts (about 1 1/4 pounds), rinsed and patted dry and pounded like crazy

Preparation

Add the oil to a large skillet set over medium-high heat.

Set up your dredging stations: one rimmed plate for the eggs, one plate for the flour, and one plate for the bread crumbs. Using a fork, coat your chicken pieces first in the flour (shaking off any excess), then in the egg, then in the crumbs, pressing the chicken into the crumbs to thoroughly coat.

Fry each breast in the oil for 3 to 4 minutes on each side. (I usually do two at a time, but I've been known to cram all of them in at once and then spend the entire meal wishing I had just sucked it up and waited the 6 extra minutes.) The cutlets are cooked when chicken is firm to the touch but not rock hard.

Remove and drain the chicken onto a paper-towel-lined dinner plate tented with foil if you have more pieces to fry. Add more oil to the pan and fry the remaining breasts.

Note: Feel free to add any of the following to the bread crumbs: a pinch of cayenne, a teaspoon dry mustard, fresh thyme or oregano leaves, some ground flax, sesame seeds, or freshly grated Parmesan.

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Vanilla Coconut Rice Pudding

1 1/2 cups of cold cooked rice
1 1/2 cups of coconut milk
2 cups of whole or 2% milk
1/3 cup of sugar
pinch of salt
1 vanilla bean, insides scraped out

Combine all the ingredients together in a saucepan

and simmer over medium-low heat for 40 minutes.

Allows to cool and serve.

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Chocolate Chunk Cookies

yield: Makes about 48 (3-inch) cookies

Ingredients

    Flourless cooking spray, for greasing
    1 cup sugar
    3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
    1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into small cubes, at room temperature
    2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1 teaspoon salt
    2 large eggs, at room temperature
    1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
    2 cups bittersweet chocolate chunks or chips

Preparation

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Lightly spray cookie sheets with cooking spray or line them with parchment paper. In a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the sugars and butter on medium speed until light in texture and smooth, about 2 minutes. While that mixture is beating, sift the flour, baking soda, and salt into a bowl and set aside.

2. Add the eggs, one at a time, to the sugar-butter mixture, followed by the vanilla, and blend until incorporated. With the mixer on low or using a wooden spoon, stir in the sifted dry ingredients. Scrape down the bowl as needed to blend evenly. Stir in the chocolate chunks.

3. Using 2 spoons, drop the dough onto the prepared baking sheets, about 2 inches apart. If desired, slightly flatten the cookies before baking.

4. Bake the cookies in batches, rotating the pans halfway through baking, until they are cracked on top but still slightly moist, 12 to 15 minutes. Transfer the cookies to wire racks and let cool completely.

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Braised Beef with Pears and Fresh Ginger

yield: Makes 6 servings

Order the pig's feet from your butcher. Serve with a side of rich, creamy mashed potatoes.

Ingredients

    6 pounds meaty beef neck bones
    1/4 cup olive oil plus additional for brushing
    5 cups chopped onions (about 1 1/4 pounds)
    2 1/2 cups diced celery
    2 cups diced carrots
    3 tablespoons chopped peeled fresh ginger
    6 large garlic cloves, chopped
    1 1/2 cups dry red wine
    10 whole fresh Italian parsley sprigs plus chopped for garnish
    6 large fresh thyme sprigs
    5 large fresh rosemary sprigs
    4 Turkish bay leaves
    1 1/2 teaspoons juniper berries*
    2 pig's feet, split in half lengthwise
    8 cups beef broth (preferably organic)
    1 tablespoon all purpose flour
    2 large ripe unpeeled Bartlett pears, halved, cored, each half cut into 4 wedges

Preparation

Preheat broiler. Stand neck bones (close together for support), meat side up, in row in heavy large roasting pan. Brush meaty tops with oil; sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Broil until meat is deep brown, turning pan for even cooking, about 12 minutes. Transfer bones to rimmed baking sheet. Reduce oven temperature to 350°F.

Place roasting pan over 2 burners. Add 1/4 cup oil, onions, celery, and carrots. Sauté over medium-high heat until tender and beginning to brown, about 20 minutes. Transfer 1 cup vegetable mixture to small bowl and reserve for sauce.

Add ginger and garlic to pan; stir 30 seconds. Add wine and boil until reduced to glaze, about 5 minutes. Return neck bones to pan, arranging flat side down in single layer. Nestle in herb sprigs, bay leaves, and juniper berries. Top with pig’s feet, cut side down. Pour broth over and bring to boil.

Cover roasting pan tightly with foil and place in oven. Braise until meat is very tender and falling off bones, about 3 hours. Using tongs, transfer neck bones to rimmed baking sheet to cool. Discard pig’s feet.

Strain pan juices into large bowl, pressing on solids in strainer to release all juices; discard solids. Spoon all fat off surface of pan juices, reserving 1 tablespoon fat for sauce. Return juices to roasting pan. Boil over 2 burners until reduced to 3 1/2 cups, about 20 minutes, occasionally stirring up browned bits. Transfer juices to large pot. Add reserved 1 cup vegetable mixture. Stir 1 tablespoon reserved fat and flour in small bowl to smooth paste; whisk into sauce. Boil until reduced to 3 1/2 cups, about 12 minutes. Add pears to sauce. Simmer pears, uncovered, until tender, about 8 minutes.

Pull all meat off bones; cut meat into bite-size pieces. Sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper. Mix meat into sauce in pot. DO AHEAD: Stew can be made 1 day ahead. Cool 1 hour; cover and refrigerate. Rewarm before continuing.

Spoon stew into large bowl. Sprinkle with chopped parsley and serve.

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5 Ways You Can Live Fully Today…and Every Day by Jodi Chapman

Do you ever feel tired, numb, or disconnected from life? Here are five ways that you can wake up and start living more fully—today and every day!

    Be grateful for where you are starting from. We sometimes have a tendency to beat ourselves up for not being where we think we should be. And this just makes us feel even worse about ourselves. Accepting where you are right now in this moment—being OK with it, and even being grateful for it—is a great first step toward truly embracing your life exactly as it is…while still moving into the life you want.
    Open up to the magic all around you. It’s great to focus on what you’re doing—on the task right in front of you, on your life. But sometimes—especially if you’re ultra-busy—that focus can turn into tunnel vision. When that happens, it’s easy to forget that there’s so much more to life. But when you take time to look around and open up to the magic, the signs, and the beauty all around you, your entire world changes. And you’ll see how you fit into this beautiful world, how you’re an integral part of an amazing whole.
    Connect with others. Do you ever feel like you’re a solo act? Like you have to do it all yourself? It’s great to be self-reliant, but this can lead to you feeling disconnected, overworked, and overwhelmed! Whenever you’re feeling this way, remember: You don’t have to go it alone! The more you let others into your life, the more you’ll find that the world is filled with good people who genuinely want to help you, care for you, and connect with you. And when you do reach out and connect with these good people, you’ll notice that your own heart becomes fuller, you’ll feel so much more plugged in and alive, and you’ll have more to give back to all those wonderful people in your life.
    Take your fear out of the driver’s seat. We all feel fear, but that fear doesn’t have to call the shots! Living fully—and soulfully—doesn’t mean being fearless. It means listening to your soul and saying yes, even when your fear is screaming no! It means living on purpose and having faith that you’ll always be supported. It means leaping toward your dreams even when you’re scared. Living this way may not feel easy at first, but the more your soul overrides your fear, the more natural it becomes. Remember: fear is a weed that can only grow if it’s watered—so stop watering it! Tend to the other flowers in your mind and heart, and pretty soon they will far outgrow the withered, dried-out fear!
    Finally, love yourself and know that you are enough. Are you always trying to be who you think you should be, rather than simply being who you are? Are you always trying to be perfect, pushing yourself harder and harder, trying to reach this unattainable goal (and, possibly, making yourself miserable in the process)? Isn’t it time you said, Enough!? Enough pushing yourself like an insatiable slave-driver! Enough with not feeling like you’re enough! Because you are! And when you fully realize this, you’ll start to honor and care for yourself. You’ll start to experience the power of self-love. And you’ll start coming back to life.

P.S. – If you are truly ready to embrace your life, please join us for the Coming Back to Life Ecourse! This 6-week course, beginning 10/1, offers a helping hand, a supportive community, and a set of concrete tools to help you reconnect with your soul and plug back into life! If you sign up now, you’ll immediately receive over $175 in bonus gifts! And you can use coupon code: backtolife and save $20! I can’t wait to take this journey together! – Jodi Chapman


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JOKES:


Why Coffee Is Better Than Women
1. You don’t have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.

2. Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream in it.

3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.

4. You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.

5. You can always warm coffee up.

6. Coffee comes with endless refills.

7. Coffee is cheaper.

8. You won’t get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.

9. Coffee never runs out.

10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.

11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.

12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.

13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.

14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.

15. Coffee smells and tastes good.

16. You don’t have to put vinegar in your coffee.

17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.

18. You can always get fresh coffee.

19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it’ll be hot when you get back.

20. They sell coffee at police stations.

21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.

22. Coffee goes down easier.

23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on weight.

24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.

25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn’t matter.

26. Your coffee doesn’t talk to you.

27. Coffee smells good in the morning.

28. Coffee is good when it’s cold too.

29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.

30. Coffee doesn’t care when you dunk things in it.

31. Coffee doesn’t care what kind of mood you’re in.

32. Coffee doesn’t shed.

33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.

34. You can’t get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.

35. Coffee doesn’t mind being ground.

36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.

37. Coffee doesn’t have a time of the month...it’s good all the time.

38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.

39. When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pube in the back of your throat.

40. Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.

41. Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup.

42. INSTANT COFFEE!

43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.

44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.

45. Your coffee won’t be jealous of a larger cup.

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Understanding Women
At long last... The Men’s Guide to what a woman really means when she says something.

Pay close attention (there might be a quiz later).

You want = You want

We need = I want

It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’m on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it.

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

(The answer to "What’s wrong?")

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole

I don’t want to talk about it = Go away, I’m still building up steam

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at the pub

Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 10:58:37 -0500

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

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Technology for Country Folk

Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1998 11:27:15 +0600

Subject: Technology for country folk

~ LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.

~ LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

~ MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.

~ DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truk.

~ MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood.

~ FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from tryin' ta carry too much farwood.

~ RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.

~ HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time.

~ PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.

~ WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside.

~ SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's blak fly season.

~ BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do.

~ CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.

~ MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the munchie bag.

~ MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fields.

~ DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.

~ LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.

~ KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the keys.

~ SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes.

~ MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.

~ MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf.

~ PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.

~ ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all".

~ RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yer wife asks.

~ MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

*******************************************

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 16:57:54 -0500

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.

1. NAME __________ DATE OF BIRTH __________

2. HEIGHT __________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q __________ G.P.A. __________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY ______-____-________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK __________

5. HOME ADDRESS ____________________________________________
CITY/STATE __________ ZIP __________

6.Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? Y / N
If No, EXPLAIN ___________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married __________

8. Do you own a van? A truck with oversized tires? A waterbed? Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises) __________

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!" mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________

12. Church you attend __________ How often do you attend? __________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _____________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is _________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________

c) A woman's place is in the __________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is __________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with 'T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15.What do you want to be IF you grow up? ___________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED-HOT POKERS.

Signature (That means your name, moron) ______________________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).

Do you still want to date my daughter?

__________ Yes, please accept my application

__________ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tips, Etc. .




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