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I got this in an email and thought I would share with you all.

New Direction for the war on terrorists.
"Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down
terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds
off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to
join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than
28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some jerk that
desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a
while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the heck. Besides, like I
said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well
be up killing some fanatical (*&&^%%%$.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an
appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to
get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I
can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er . one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't
figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the
back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home
to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's
way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic
weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the
first night.

Share this with your senior friends.
It's purposely in big type so you can read it.
the adventure continues,

John Beckman
Defense Information Systems Agency
Network Transition Coordinator
Scott AFB, IL
618-220-8923
DSN: 770-8923

This English teacher has phrased it the best I've seen yet-

CHEAP TOMATOES?
This should make everyone think, be you Democrat, Republican or Independent

From a California school teacher - - -

"As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration, there are some things t hat you should be aware of:

I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower sociol economic and income levels.

Most of the schools you are hearing about, South Gate High, Bell Gardens, Huntington Park, etc., where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools.

Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast, I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a Marriott proud. The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I estimate that well over 50% of these student s are obese or at least moderately overweight. About 75% or more DO have cell phones. The school also provides day care centers for the unwed
teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters or having family watch their kids. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial.. I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center, half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education in America. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them "Putas" (translation - whores) and throwing things that the teachers were in tears.

Free medical, free education, free food, day care etc., etc, etc. Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements?

To those who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration and see the TRUE costs.

Higher insurance, medical facilities closing, higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc, etc. For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes.

We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it.

Does anyone in their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return?

There are many hardworking Hispanic/American citizens that contribute to our country and many that I consider my true friends. We should encourage and accept those Hispanics who have done it the right and legal way.

It does, however, have everything to do with culture: A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses to assimilate, and an American culture that has become so weak and worried about "politically correctness" that we don't have the will to do anything about it.

If this makes your blood boil, as it did mine, forward this to everyone you know.

CHEAP LABOR?
Isn't that what the whole immigration issue is about? Business doesn't want to pay a decent wage. Consumers don't want expensive produce. Government will tell you Americans don't want the jobs. But the bottom line is cheap labor.

The phrase "cheap labor" is a myth, a farce, and a lie. there is no s uch thing as "cheap labor."

Take, for example, an illegal alien with a wife and five children. He takes a job for $5.00 or $6.00/hour. At that wage, with six dependents, he pays no income tax, yet at the end of the year, if he files an Income Tax Return, he gets an "earned income credit" of up to $3,200 free.

He qualifies for Section 8 housing and subsidized rent.
He qualifies for food stamps.
He qualifies for free (no deductible, no co-pay) health care.

His children get free breakfasts and lunches at school.
He requires bilingual teachers and books.

He qualifies for relief from high energy bills.

If they are or become, aged, blind or disabled, they qualify for SSI. Once qualified for SSI they can qualify for Medicare. All of this is at (our) taxpayer's expense.

He doesn't worry about car insurance, life insurance, or homeowners insurance.

Taxpayers provide Spanish langu age signs, bulletins and printed material.

He and his family receive the equivalent of $20.00 to $30.00/hour in benefits.

Working Americans are lucky to have $5.00 or $6.00/hour left after paying their bills and his. The American taxpayers also pay for increased crime, graffiti and trash clean-up.

Cheap labor? YEAH RIGHT!

Wake up people. THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS WE SHOULD BE ADDRESSING TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR EITHER PARTY. 'AND WHEN THEY LIE TO US AND DON'T DO AS THEY SAY, WE SHOULD REPLACE THEM AT ONCE !'

THIS SHOULD BE PASSED ALONG TO AS MANY AS POSSIBLE OR WE WILL ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN BECAUSE A FEW DON'T CARE.

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, North of MCAS Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

Back came a reply in true USMC style:

Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and
subsequently locked onto your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was,
quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.

Thank you for your concerns.

THIS GUY MAKES A GOOD POINT; This was written by a construction worker in Fort MacMurray.

I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to earn that pay cheque, I work on a rig site for a Fort Mac construction project.

I am required to pass a random urine test, with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare cheque because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand -- I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.

I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass drinking beer and smoking dope.

Could you imagine how much money the provinces would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance cheque?

Please pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't.

Hope you will pass it along though, because something has to change in this country, and soon !!!

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

A little ticked off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it.

When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks one of them.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.

His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat.

The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year



I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.



I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.



I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.



I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.



Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail To seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.



Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.



I no longer can buy gas without taking some one along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.



I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.



Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ass.



And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, Causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.



By the way, a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
Always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Christmas song

Add to My Profile | More Videos

beautiful video by a lady from myspace and so nice thought you would all like it enjoy and have a great holiday

This is a game to test your knowledge of Christmas Carols
Below is a list of letters. They are the first initials of the words in the
FIRST LINE of a Christmas song. You have to figure out what they stand for.

For Example: IDOFAWCJLTOIUTK =
I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas Just Like The Ones I Used To Know


1. HYAMLC -
2. TFNTADS -
3. GRYMGLNYD -
4. YBWOYBNC -
5. YKDADAPAVCACADAB -
6. ISMKSCUTMLN -
7. CSBSDIHS -
8. GGROBAR -
9. AIWFCIMTFT -
10. DTTSIAOHOS-
11. CROAOFJFNAYN -
12. FTSWAJHS -
13. JBJBJBR -
14. IHABCWY-
15. HAHJC -





Answers below don't look unless you give up









1. HYAMLC - Have yourself a merry little Christmas
2. TFNTADS - The first noel the angels did sing
3. GRYMGLNYD - God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay
4. YBWOYBNC - You better watch out you better not cry
5. YKDADAPAVCACADAB - You know Donder & Dasher & Prancer....
6. ISMKSCUTMLN - I saw mommy kissing santa claus....
7. CSBSDIHS - City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style....
8. GGROBAR - Grandma got run over by a reindeer
9. AIWFCIMTFT - All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
10. DTTSIAOHOS- Dashing Through the Snow in a One Horse Open Sleigh
11. CROAOFJFNAYN - Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
12. FTSWAJHS - Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
13. JBJBJBR - Jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell rock
14. IHABCWY- I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You
15. HAHJC - Have a holly jolly christmas

An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms. Oxymoron is a loanword from Greek oxy (”sharp”) and moros (”dull”). Thus the word oxymoron is itself an oxymoron.

Clearly Confused
Found Missing
Pretty ugly
Alone together
Seriously funny
Silent Alarm
Timeless moment
Only choice
Original copy
Freezer burn
Free trade
Crash landing
Straight angle
Good grief
Sit up & stand down
Upside down
Inside out
Weekday
Wholesome
Old news
Tax free
Long sleeve T-shirt
One hundred percent chance
Science Fiction

And the coolest ones:
“Thank God I’m an Athiest.”
Hell’s Angels
“To infinity and beyond!”
Government Organization
Military Intelligence
Microsoft Works

And some famous oxymoronic quotes:
“You couldn’t get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth.” Erma Cohen
“No one goes there anymore, its too crowded.” Yogi Berra - speaking of a restaurant
“All generalizations are bad.” R. H. Grenier
“We must believe in free will. We have no choice.” �" Isaac Bashevis Singer
“Why, that’s the most unheard-of thing I’ve ever heard of.” Joseph McCarthy

“I’m planning on doing something spontaneous one of these days” - Unknown
“I wonder what life would be like without hypothetical situations?” - Unknown
“77% of all statistics are made up on the spot.” - Unknown
http://www.alistoflists.com/

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