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PAGE 2 of Friday April 15th 2011
Better-Than-Almost-Anything Cake
PREP TIME 10 Min
TOTAL TIME 3 Hr 3 Min
SERVINGS 15
INGREDIENTS
1 box Betty Crocker SuperMoist German chocolate cake mix Water, vegetable oil and eggs called for on cake mix box 1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk 1 jar (16 to 17 oz) caramel, butterscotch or fudge topping 1 container (8 oz) frozen whipped topping, thawed 1 bag (8 oz) toffee chips or bits
DIRECTIONS:
1 Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Bake cake as directed on box for 13x9-inch pan. 2 Poke top of warm cake every 1/2 inch with handle of wooden spoon. Drizzle milk evenly over top of cake; let stand until milk has been absorbed into cake. Drizzle with caramel topping. Run knife around sides of pan to loosen cake. Cover and refrigerate about 2 hours or until chilled. 3 Spread whipped topping over top of cake. Sprinkle with toffee chips. Store covered in refrigerator.
Expert Tips
The cake may stick to the wooden spoon handle while you’re using it to make the holes, so occasionally wipe off the handle. The caramel topping will be easier to drizzle if it has been kept at room temperature. If refrigerated, remove the lid and microwave on High about 15 seconds. Instead of the toffee chips or bits, coarsely chop 5 bars (1.4 oz each) chocolate-covered English toffee candy, and sprinkle on top of the cake.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 510 (Calories from Fat 190), Total Fat 21g (Saturated Fat 9g, Trans Fat 0g), Cholesterol 60mg; Sodium 480mg; Total Carbohydrate 75g (Dietary Fiber 1g, Sugars 57g), Protein 6g; Percent Daily Value*:Calcium ; Exchanges:1 1/2 Starch; 0 Fruit; 3 1/2 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Skim Milk; 0 Low-Fat Milk; 0 Milk; 0 Vegetable; 0 Very Lean Meat; 0 Lean Meat; 0 High-Fat Meat; 4 Fat; Carbohydrate Choices:5; *Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Carrabba's Spicy Sausage Lentil Soup
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 cup minced onion 3/4 cup grated and minced carrot 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1 pound uncooked hot Italian sausage 2 ounces diced ham (about 1/2 cup, cut from a ham steak) 7 cups water 5 cups chicken broth 1 pound dry lentils 1 medium tomato, diced 2 tablespoons vinegar 1 tablespoon minced fresh basil 1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley 2 bay leaves 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
DIRECTIONS 1. Heat up olive oil in a Dutch oven or large sauce pot over medium heat. Add onion, carrot, and garlic. Remove sausage from casing, and add it to the pan. Saute for 8 minutes, stirring often. Break up the sausage into bite-size bits as it cooks. Add ham, and cook for an additional minute.
2. Add the remaining ingredients to the pot, bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 1 hour.
3. Serve 1 cup for a "cup" portion, or serve 2 cups for a "bowl" serving.
Makes 12 to 13 cups.
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Red Lobster Parmesan Crusted Tilapia
This Italian inspired dish features fresh Tilapia baked with a delicious coating of fresh Parmesan cheese, butter and Parmesan crème.
Serves 4
Ingredients: * 4 ea 5-6 oz Tilapia Fillets * Non-stick Cooking Spray * 1/2 lb. Linguini, cooked
Parmesan Crust: * 1/2 cup Panko Bread Crumbs (Japanese style breadcrumbs that are usually found in the ethnic items section of your supermarket) * 1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese, pre-shredded
Parmesan Base: * 1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese, pre-shredded * 1 Tbsp. Parsley, dried * 10 oz Prepared Refrigerated Alfredo Sauce
Parmesan Cream Sauce: 1. 2 Tbsp. Fresh Basil, Chopped 2. 1/4 cup Chablis or Chardonnay Wine, optional 3. 1/4 cup Half and Half
Preparation:
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. 2. Spray a 9X13 baking dish with Non-stick Cooking Spray. Place the 4 Tilapia fillets in the dish and set aside.
3. In a small bowl, mix the Panko bread crumbs and 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese to make the crust for the topping. Set aside.
4. To assemble the Parmesan Base, place 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, 1 Tbsp. parsley and the prepared Alfredo sauce in a medium bowl and stir well. Remove 1/2 cup of the mixture (reserving the rest to make the Parmesan Cream Sauce) and brush onto the 4 pieces of Tilapia, making a thick, even covering on the fish. Evenly sprinkle the Parmesan Crust on top of the fish. Bake on the top shelf of the oven for 15-20 minutes or until fish reaches 140-150 degrees and the crust is golden brown.
5. Meanwhile while the fish is baking, make the Parmesan Cream sauce. Place the remaining Parmesan Base in a medium sauce pan, add the fresh Basil, Wine, and Half and Half and heat over medium heat until the sauce is simmering, stirring often.
6. Toss the Parmesan Cream Sauce and the Linguini together and serve with the Parmesan Crusted Tilapia. Sprinkle with additional Parmesan cheese if desired.
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Weight Watchers Chili Parmesan Popcorn Recipe WW: Chili Parmesan Popcorn (2 points)
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1 1/2 tsp sugar 1 tsp chili powder 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper 1/2 tsp table salt 12 cups light microwave-popped popcorn
Combine cheese, sugar, chili powder, pepper and salt in a small bowl; toss with popcorn.
Yields about 1 1/2 cups per serving.
Serves | 8 POINTS per serving | 2
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She: Jack is in love with you.
Her: Nonsense!
She: That's what I said when I heard it.
Her: How dared you!
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A quiet conscience makes one so serene!
Christians have burnt each other, quite persuaded
That all the Apostles would have done as they did.
—Byron.
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A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."
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No good deed goes unpunished. I had volunteered to tar the roof on my father's shed. I was about halfway done when I slipped and fell flat on my face getting black goop all over my shirt, my pants, even my hair. Hearing the thud, Dad looked up. "What happened?"
I got up and began to say, "All I did was..." when my feet shot out from under me and I flipped into the tarry mess a second time.
"You know," Dad said dryly, "you could have just told me."
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CURTIS AND LEROY
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. And bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day...
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already.."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."
The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the Bailout Program.
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Doo Wop Oldies Quiz
Thirty great memories about music that caused our parents and teachers grief! Take the quiz and see how you score as a true ''Oldies Fan.'' Write down your answers and check them against the answers at the end. (Answers Below)
Don't cheat, now!
1. When did ''Little Suzie'' finally wake up? (a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock (b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. ''Rock Around The Clock'' was used in what movie? (a) Rebel Without A Cause (b) Blackboard Jungle (c) The Wild Ones
3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint? Earth _____ (a) Angel (b) Mother (c) Worm
4. ''I found my thrill . . .'' where? (a) Kansas City (b) Heartbreak Hotel (c) Blueberry Hill
5. ''Please turn on your magic beam,_______ ___ bring me a dream,'': (a) Mr. Sandman (b) Earth Angel (c) Dream Lover
6. For which label did Elvis Presley first record? (a) Atlantic (b) RCA (c) Sun
7.. He asked, ''Why's everybody always pickin' on me?'' Who was he? (a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown (b) Charlie Brown (c) Buster Brown
8. In Bobby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named: (a) MacHeath (b) MacCloud (c) MacNamara
9. Name the song with ''A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.'' (a) Good Golly, Miss Molly (b) Be-Bop-A-Lula (c) Tutti Fruitti
10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term ''Rock And Roll''? (a) Dick Clark (b) Wolfman Jack (c) Alan Freed
11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher: (a) Little Richard (b) Frankie Lymon (c) Tony Orlando
12. Paul Anka's ''Puppy Love'' is written to what star? (a) Brenda Lee (b) Connie Francis (c) Annette Funicello
13. The Everly Brothers are . . ... (a) Pete and Dick (b) Don and Phil (c) Bob and Bill
14. The Big Bopper's real name was: (a) Jiles P. Richardson (b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr. (c) Marion Michael Morrison
15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr., started a small record company called... (a) Decca (b) Cameo (c) Motown
16. Edd Brynes had a hit with ''Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb''.. What TV show was he on? (a) 77 Sunset Strip (b) Hawaiian Eye (c) Surfside Six
17. In 1960 Bobby Darin married: (a) Carol Lynley (b) Sandra Dee (c) Natalie Wood
18. They were a one hit wonder with ''Book Of Love'': (a) The Penguins (b) The Monotones (c) The Moonglows
19. The Everly Brothers sang a song called ''Till I ______ You.'' (a) Loved (b) Kissed (c) Met
20. Chuck Berry sang ''Oh,_______ ____, why can't you be true?'' (a) Suzie Q (b) Peggy Sue (c) Maybelline
21. ''Wooly_____ __'' (a) Mammouth (b) Bully (c) Pully
22. ''I'm like a one-eyed cat . . . ." (a) can't go into town no more (b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor (c) peepin' in a seafood store
23. ''Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do . . . . ..'' (a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues (c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise
24. ''They often call me Speedo, but my real name is . .. . . . .'' (a) Mr. Earl (b) Jackie Pearl (c) Milton Berle
25. ''You're my Fanny and nobody else's ....'' (a) girl (b) butt (c) love
26. ''I want you to play with my . . . '' (a) heart (b) dreams (c) ding a ling
27. ''Be Bop A Lula ....'' (a) she's got the rabies (b) she's my baby. (c) she loves me, maybe
28. ''Fine Love, Fine Kissing ...'' (a) right here (b) fifty cents (c) just for you
29. ''He wore black denim trousers and . . .'' (a) a pink carnation (b) pink leotards (c) motorcycle boots
30. ''I got a gal named . . .'' (a) Jenny Zamboni (b) Gerri Mahoney (c) Boney Maroney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answers:
1 (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock 2. (b) Blackboard Jungle 3. (a) Angel 4. (c) Blueberry Hill 5. (a) Mr. Sandman 6. (c) Sun 7. (b) Charlie Brown 8. (a) Mac Heath 9. (c) Tutti Fruitti 10.. (c) Alan Freed 11. (a) Little Richard 12. (c) Annette Funicello 13. (b) Don and Phil 14. (a) Jiles P. Richardson 15. (c) Motown 16. (a) 77 Sunset Strip 17. (b) Sandra Dee 18. (b) The Monotones 19. (b) Kissed 20. (c) Maybelline 21. (b) Bully 22. (c) peepin' in a seafood store 23. (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues 24. (a) Mr. Earl 25. (b) butt 26. (c) ding a ling 27. (b) she's my baby 28. (a) right here 29. (c) motorcycle boots 30. (c) Boney Maroney ***************************************
Fable of the Porcupine It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way, they covered and protected themselves; but, the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.
After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive. Therefore: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities. The Moral of the story! LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE. MJ
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Copy the child-spirit. Not only for its simple trust but for its joy for life." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Let Me Draw Your Attention
Philippians 4:8, NIV: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Your attention is something that can be given, lost, or stolen. It can be requested, as in, "Can I have your attention;" drawn, "Let me draw your attention to...;" or demanded, "Let me have your complete attention." Our attention is something all too easily distracted...are you still with me here? And for most of us, the span of our attention is something that could certainly be improved upon. With that, I would like to draw your attention to what needs your attention: Jesus, your Bible, your quiet times, your church, etc. Regularly giving your attention to the things of God does far more than fulfill some religious duty. As you put your attention on Him within your day, your attention is drawn to the things of God all throughout the day. It puts you in a frame of mind that is more Christ centered, and focused on abiding in Him. As you give Him your attention, your eyes become readied to see God at work around you. Your heart is more receptive to His guidance, and you become more attentive to the needs and concerns of others. Today, many things will demand your attention, but there is no better place to set your attention than on the fruitful and glorious things of God.
Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. - John 3:5
Hebrews 1:3 “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
tenterhooks TEN-ter-hooks , noun;
1. On tenterhooks, in a state of uneasy suspense or painful anxiety. 2. One of the hooks or bent nails that hold cloth stretched on a tenter.
Quotes: "I wait on tenterhooks to see if my ploy of last night will yield the desired outcome." -- Stephanie Laurens, The Elusive Bride
"Such as the fact that this Sevarin has been dangling after Miss Stone in earnest, and the village seems to be hanging on tenterhooks in expectation of a betrothel announcement." -- Judith McNaught, Whitney, My Love
Origin: Tenterhooks usually occurs in the idiomatic phrase "on tenterhooks," from the type of hook that that hold cloth stretched on a tenter.
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You might be a REDNECK if... ...you own a home that's mobile and 14 cars that aren't.
THINGS TO PONDER: If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too? THINGS TO PONDER: Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: Heaven means to be one with God.
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not by strength but by perseverance." - H. Jackson Brown
"Yesterday's failures are today's seeds that must be diligently planted to be able to abundantly harvest tomorrow's successes." - Author Unknown
H. L. Mencken "A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."
Groucho Marx "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
George Burns "Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." **********************
TODAY'S PET TIP
Antifreeze and dogs
Antifreeze is a common poison. It has a sweet taste and pets will consume it readily. A little more than 3 tablespoons could be lethal for a 22 pound (10 kg) dog. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Dog Breeds of 2010 - Most Popular Dogs By: Courtesy American Kennel Club
This year the AKC celebrates its 127th anniversary and for the 20th year in a row, the Labrador retriever is once again America's favorite purebred dog, according to registration numbers tallied by the American Kennel Club. The AKC released the figures and, as in past years, the Labrador far outstrips the other dogs in the top 10.
Changes This Year
The biggest change this year is that the Beagle jumped into 4th place from fifth knocking out the Golden Retriever to 5th. The bulldog also jumped into 6th place knocking out the boxer.
In 2009, the biggest change was that the German Shepherd Dog came in at #2 knocking the Yorkshire Terrier down one notch to #2 dog. It was first time the German shepherd ranked #2 in over 30 years.
In 2008, for the first time the bulldog made it into the top ten list since 1935 and has continued to increase and jumped up to 6th place this year.
Over the past several years, the top 10 list has been relatively stable. The biggest changes are that six years ago, in 2005, one new breed joined the top 10 list and one got bumped off. The Miniature Schnauzer came in at #10 displacing the Chihuahua into the #11 position. In 2007, the Miniature Schnauzer was dropped from the top 10 list. And in 2008, the Bulldog jumped on the top 10 list.
Large Vs. Small Breeds
Five out of the top ten AKC registered breeds are large breed dogs! These include the Labrador retriever, German shepherd, golden retriever, Boxer and Bulldog. The rest are smaller breed dogs which includes the Yorkie, Beagle, Dachshund, Poodle, and Shih Tzu.
The Top 10 Breeds of 2010 are:
1. Labrador retrievers 2. German shepherds 3. Yorkshire terriers 4. Beagles 5. Golden retrievers 6. Bulldog 7. Boxers 8. Dachshunds 9. Poodles 10. Shih Tzus
The Top 10 Breeds of 2009 are:
1. Labrador retrievers 2. German shepherds 3. Yorkshire terriers 4. Golden retrievers 5. Beagles 6. Boxers 7. Bulldog 8. Dachshunds 9. Poodles 10. Shih Tzus
The Top Breeds of 2008 were:
1. Labrador retrievers 2. Yorkshire terriers 3. German shepherds 4. Golden retrievers 5. Beagles 6. Boxers 7. Dachshunds 8. Bulldog 9. Poodles 10. Shih Tzus
The Top 10 Breeds of 2007 were:
1. Labrador retrievers 2. Yorkshire terriers 3. German shepherds 4. Golden retrievers 5. Beagles 6. Boxers 7. Dachshunds 8. Poodles 9. Shih Tzus 10. Bulldog
The Top 10 Breeds of 2006 were:
1. Labrador retrievers 2. Yorkshire terriers 3. German shepherds 4. Golden retrievers 5. Beagles 6. Dachshunds 7. Boxers 8. Poodles 9. Shih Tzus 10. Miniature Schnauzer
AKC Categories
The AKC recognizes dogs in seven categories: sporting, hound, working, terrier, toy, non-sporting and herding. The largest breed registration in each group is as follows:
• Sporting – e.g. Labrador retriever
• Hound – e.g. beagle
• Working – e.g. boxers
• Terrier – e.g. miniature schnauzer
• Toy – e.g. Yorkshire terrier
• Non-sporting – e.g. poodles
• Herding – e.g. German shepherd
The Entire Ranking of 2010 AKC Dog Registrations
Rank Breed
1. Labrador Retrievers 2. German Shepherd Dogs 3. Yorkshire Terriers 4. Beagles 5. Golden Retrievers 6. Bulldogs 7. Boxers 8. Dachshunds 9. Poodles 10. Shih Tzu 11. Rottweilers 12. Miniature Schnauzers 13. Chihuahuas 14. Doberman Pinschers 15. Pomeranians 16. German Shorthaired Pointers 17. Great Danes 18. Siberian Huskies 19. Shetland Sheepdogs 20. Boston Terriers 21. French Bulldogs 22. Maltese 23. Cavalier King Charles Spaniels 24. Pugs 25. Cocker Spaniels 26. Australian Shepherds 27. Pembroke Welsh Corgis 28. Mastiffs 29. English Springer Spaniels 30. Brittanys 31. Havanese 32. Weimaraners 33. Leonbergers++ 34. West Highland White Terriers 35. Papillons 36. Basset Hounds 37. Bichons Frises 38. Collies 39. Bernese Mountain Dogs 40. Miniature Pinschers 41. Vizslas 42. Bullmastiffs 43. Bloodhounds 44. Newfoundlands 45. St. Bernards 46. Rhodesian Ridgebacks 47. Border Collies 48. Chesapeake Bay Retrievers 49. Akitas 50. Chinese Shar-Pei 51. Cane Corso++ 52. Scottish Terriers 53. Bull Terriers 54. Airedale Terriers 55. Portuguese Water Dogs 56. Cairn Terriers 57. Chinese Crested 58. Alaskan Malamutes 59. Soft Coated Wheaten Terriers 60. Whippets 61. Pekingese 62. Lhasa Apsos 63. Shiba Inu 64. Australian Cattle Dogs 65. Chow Chows 66. English Cocker Spaniels 67. Italian Greyhounds 68. Dogues de Bordeaux 69. Dalmatians 70. American Staffordshire Terriers 71. Great Pyrenees 72. Samoyeds 73. German Wirehaired Pointers 74. Staffordshire Bull Terriers 75. Japanese Chin 76. Belgian Malinois 77. Irish Setters 78. Silky Terriers 79. Irish Wolfhounds 80. Brussels Griffons 81. Old English Sheepdogs 82. Icelandic Sheepdogs++ 83. Border Terriers 84. Cardigan Welsh Corgis 85. Bouviers des Flandres 86. Afghan Hounds 87. Keeshonden 88. Greater Swiss Mountain Dogs 89. Basenjis 90. Tibetan Terriers 91. Black and Tan Coonhounds 92. Parson Russell Terriers 93. Wirehaired Pointing Griffons 94. Giant Schnauzers 95. Standard Schnauzers 96. Borzois 97. Wire Fox Terriers 98. Gordon Setters 99. Toy Fox Terriers 100. Norwich Terriers 101. English Setters 102. Schipperkes 103. Flat-Coated Retrievers 104. Tibetan Spaniels 105. Welsh Terriers 106. Norwegian Elkhounds 107. Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retrievers 108. Belgian Tervuren 109. Anatolian Shepherd Dogs 110. Smooth Fox Terriers 111. Pointers 112. Bearded Collies 113. Neapolitan Mastiffs 114. American Eskimo Dogs 115. Salukis 116. Belgian Sheepdogs 117. Norfolk Terriers 118. Spinoni Italiani 119. Bluetick Coonhounds 120. Kerry Blue Terriers 121. Manchester Terriers 122. Redbone Coonhounds 123. Australian Terriers 124. Tibetan Mastiffs 125. Briards 126. English Toy Spaniels 127. Welsh Springer Spaniels 128. Irish Terriers 129. Petits Bassets Griffons Vendeens 130. Miniature Bull Terriers 131. Clumber Spaniels 132. Field Spaniels 133. Boykin Spaniels 134. Plotts 135. Black Russian Terriers 136. Affenpinschers 137. Lakeland Terriers 138. German Pinschers 139. Greyhounds 140. Bedlington Terriers 141. Scottish Deerhounds 142. Swedish Vallhunds 143. American Water Spaniels 144. Kuvaszok 145. Pulik 146. Curly-Coated Retrievers 147. Lowchen 148. Irish Water Spaniels 149. Polish Lowland Sheepdogs 150. Irish Red and White Setters 151. Ibizan Hounds 152. Sealyham Terriers 153. Beaucerons 154. Komondorok 155. Sussex Spaniels 156. Pharaoh Hounds 157. Glen of Imaal Terriers 158. Finnish Spitz 159. Norwegian Buhunds 160. Skye Terriers 161. Otterhounds 162. Pyrenean Shepherds 163. Canaan Dogs 164. Dandie Dinmont Terriers 165. Harriers 166. American Foxhounds 167. English Foxhounds
+ New breeds entered in AKC registry in 2010. ++ Data from AKC website: http://www.akc.org/reg/dogreg_stats.cfm
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Pace Monterey Chicken Tortilla Casserole
An easy version of a south-of-the-border classic "chilaquiles"--this dish uses leftover tortilla chips layered with chicken, Pace® Picante, corn, olives and cheese.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 15 minutes Cooking time: 40
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup coarsely crumbled tortilla chips 2 cups cubed cooked turkey or cooked chicken 1 can cream-style corn 3/4 cup Pace Picante Sauce 1/2 cup sliced pitted ripe olives 2 oz. shredded Cheddar cheese (about 1/2 cup) Chopped green pepper or red pepper tortilla chips
DIRECTIONS:
Layer the crumbled chips, chicken, corn and picante sauce in a 1-quart casserole. Top with the olives and cheese. Bake at 350°F. for 40 minutes or until the mixture is hot and bubbling. Top with the pepper. Serve with the chips.
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Seared Strip Steaks with Horseradish-Root Vegetable Slaw
Steaks are often served with hearty accompaniments like mashed potatoes, which can make the whole meal seem heavy. Here we lighten things up by topping pan-seared steaks with a raw slaw dressed with pungent horseradish vinaigrette. We use shredded beets, turnips and carrots, but feel free to change up the combination of vegetables based on what you’re pulling from the garden.
4 servings, 3-4 ounces steak & generous 1/2 cup slaw each Active Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes
Ingredients 3 cups shredded peeled root vegetables, such as beets, carrots, celeriac and/or turnips (see Tip) 2 teaspoons plus 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, divided 3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill, divided 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, divided 1 pound strip steak (1-1 1/4 inch thick) trimmed and cut into 4 portions 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1/4 cup water 1/4 cup white balsamic (see Note) or regular balsamic vinegar 2-4 tablespoons prepared horseradish 1 tablespoon reduced-fat sour cream
Preparation 1.Toss root vegetables, 2 teaspoons oil, 2 tablespoons dill and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a medium bowl. Set aside. 2.Sprinkle steaks with the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt and pepper. Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium, add the steaks and cook, turning once and adjusting the heat as necessary to prevent burning, 3 to 5 minutes per side for medium-rare. 3.Remove the pan from the heat and transfer the steaks to a clean plate to rest. Add water, vinegar and horseradish to taste to the pan; scrape up any browned bits. Stir any accumulated juice from the steaks into the pan sauce. Drizzle half the sauce (about 1/4 cup) over the vegetable slaw and toss to coat. Stir sour cream and the remaining 1 tablespoon dill into the sauce remaining in the pan. To serve, divide the slaw and steaks among 4 plates and drizzle with the pan sauce.
Tips & Notes Tip: To prevent nicking your fingers on the sharp holes of a box grater while shredding round root vegetables, such as turnips or beets, shred about half the vegetable, then use a clean dish towel to grip the remaining half (and protect your fingers) as you shred. Or, use the shredding blade on your food processor and let the machine do the work for you. Note: White balsamic vinegar is unaged balsamic made from Italian white wine grapes and grape musts (unfermented crushed grapes). It’s milder in flavor than aged, dark-colored balsamic vinegar. Look for it near other vinegars in well-stocked supermarkets or specialty food shops.
Nutrition
Per serving: 246 calories; 12 g fat ( 3 g sat , 7 g mono ); 51 mg cholesterol; 10 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 23 g protein; 2 g fiber; 341 mg sodium; 538 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (93% daily value), Zinc (29% dv), Potassium (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2 Exchanges: 2 vegetable, 3 lean meat, 1 fat
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Better-Than-Almost-Anything Cake CONTINUED ON NEXT POST PAGE @
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
Reminders from God:
"Cling to Me until the Divine Life flows into your being and revives your spirit." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Let Me Draw Your Attention
Philippians 4:8, NIV: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Your attention is something that can be given, lost, or stolen. It can be requested, as in, "Can I have your attention;" drawn, "Let me draw your attention to...;" or demanded, "Let me have your complete attention." Our attention is something all too easily distracted...are you still with me here? And for most of us, the span of our attention is something that could certainly be improved upon. With that, I would like to draw your attention to what needs your attention: Jesus, your Bible, your quiet times, your church, etc. Regularly giving your attention to the things of God does far more than fulfill some religious duty. As you put your attention on Him within your day, your attention is drawn to the things of God all throughout the day. It puts you in a frame of mind that is more Christ centered, and focused on abiding in Him. As you give Him your attention, your eyes become readied to see God at work around you. Your heart is more receptive to His guidance, and you become more attentive to the needs and concerns of others. Today, many things will demand your attention, but there is no better place to set your attention than on the fruitful and glorious things of God.
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. - Matthew 6:24
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
cloud-cuckoo-land • kloud-KOO-koo-land • noun : a realm of fantasy or of whimsical or foolish behavior
Examples: If the boss really thinks he can up productivity and increase profit after the company is downsized, he is living in cloud-cuckoo-land . "I vastly prefer to live in my own cloud cuckoo land . Anything else sends me into such depression that I can't get out of bed in the morning and the only thing that cheers me up is Mum's ginger biscuits." -- From Elizabeth George's 2010 novel This Body of Death
Did you know? In Aristophanes' 5th century B.C. comedy TheBirds , Peisthetaerus (a human) convinces the king of the birds and his followers to help him build an ideal city juxtaposed between heaven and earth. They plan to intercept all of the sacrifices rising from the earth to the gods on Olympus, thereby starving the gods into cooperating with them.
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You might be a REDNECK if... ...your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
THINGS TO PONDER: If a person kills their clone is it murder or suicide?
CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.
"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." - Michael Jordan
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How to Remember a Person's Name
Having problems remembering people's names? It happens to almost everyone from time to time but if it's a permanent issue for you, it's time to do your best to stop what is a bit of a bad listening habit. If you're shy, nervous, bored, or facing people who awe you, these can all feed in to your name forgetfulness but they're not an excuse; there are ways to remember names and to keep yourself in the social graces of everyone else. Using a person's name is a key to opening doors for you and to maintaining an initial rapport that could turn this person into a new friend for life or a lifelong business partner. Make the decision to start remembering people's names from today! Steps 1 Understand the importance of using another person's name. Sometimes it can help to see the results of using a name rather than focusing purely on your nervousness, skittish memory, or simple lack of willpower to remember another's name. William Shakespeare once said: "There is no sound so sweet as the sound of one's own name" and he was spot on – using another person's name creates a connection and is a form of acknowledging them as being special and valued.[1] It makes the encounter meaningful for the other person (and for you too) and it helps them to feel good that you have recognized them. Ultimately, remembering a person's name is about being polite and considerate; moreover, first impressions count considerably and you may not get another chance to make a solid and likable impression
Bear in mind how you feel when someone forgets your name; nobody likes to be forgettable![2]
2. Be aware that the most common reason for not remembering names is actually very simple. It is usually because you're not really listening, or not paying adequate attention.[3] Much of this can stem from nerves and worry about the kind of impression you're making on the other person.[4] The answer is to give the person your full attention when you're introduced to them, and to focus on them, not on yourself. If one of the reasons that you find it hard to remember another person's name is because you're nervous and so busy worrying about a topic of conversation, then you'll probably benefit from spending a brief but useful time learning about how to create small talk so that you can be truly present when introduced to others and can hear their names clearly. wikiHow has some excellent choices for you to begin with: How to Make Small Talk
How to Find Things to Talk About
How to Talk to Someone You've Never Met
How to Be Yourself
How to Stop Talking About Yourself
How to Listen
How to Be Confident.
3 Ask for the name again if you don't hear it correctly the first time. Nobody expects you to make a large pretense of knowing the other person's name if you didn't actually hear it when it was first said. Seize the moment though – be sure to say that you "didn't catch" the name, or something similar, straight away. This clarifies that the name needs to be said again, perhaps more clearly or slowly. Listen well this second time! This is a good trick to use if you were overwhelmed by nerves, noise, movement, or whatever else has distracted you; you will usually be aware that a name has been stated and you should use that awareness to immediately apologize for not hearing and asking for the name again. If you do not understand how to say the person's name, this is the perfect opportunity to ask the person to repeat it and then repeat it out loud yourself.
If the name is unusual, ask the person to spell it, and perhaps even ask where it originated from.[5] Be prepared to do the same if your own name is unusual and hard to spell or say.
If appropriate, exchange business cards with the person, and have a good look at the name.
4 Use repetition. Repeat the person's name when you're introduced, such as: "Pleased to meet you Verity". Do this slowly rather than quickly, to make it clear and use the pause in the introduction to also smile and show that you're genuinely pleased to meet this new person.[6] Use their name early on in the conversation, such as in ends of your statements or questions. For example, say "I was wondering how you found the dinner this evening, Verity?". Repetition (use of the name at least three times) will help you remember, as the look and sound of the name will make its way into your memory. Say the person's name at least ten times in your own head when you're informed of it.
Example of some things to say with the person's name involved: "What are you planning to do next year, Theresa?", "How did you feel about that, Fred?", "It was a pleasure meeting you, Elisa". (Using it when you say goodbye is an excellent way of cementing the name in your mind for future meet-ups.)
5 Make associations with the person and other people you know. Create a mental picture of this new person standing beside somebody else you already know well with the same name, or a similar name (this can even be celebrities!). When you need to remember the new person's name again, you can usually remember the mental picture you had of this person, and who they were standing with. An example: "Mark is friends with Matt", "Hilda looks like Jennifer Aniston". It's also easier if the new person you meet, already knows some of your friends. This way, you can ask your friend, but you will also be more likely to remember the name if you think of your friend too.
6 Associate the name with objects or animals. There are several methods that you can employ here, depending on what works best for you: Find an animal or object or alike with the same letter as the person. Some examples: "Kimberly-Kitten", "Billy-Board".
If it's a name that can naturally be associated with something visual, then make use of this connection.[7] For example, names like House, Gold, Wood, Briar, Paris, Bree, etc., can all be linked to visual images in your mind to help you recall the name.
Associate the name with a word that it rhymes with, for example, "Terry Berry".
Associate the name with something of similar meaning, for example, "Cliff-Mountain".
Associate the name with what it sounds like, such as Mr Siegel becoming Mr Seagull.[8]
Substitute words or even famous people for names that you can't associate with visual images. For example, Alyssa Freiburg could become "Alyssa Milano fries burgers" for your memory's sake!
Obviously, keep these associations to yourself, as the person might feel offended by what they might see as a comparison rather than an association!
7 Study the person's face or other distinctive features. Naturally, be discrete, but try to examine the person's face, hair, or other characteristics when you're talking together. Try to find something easy to remember about them, such as jagged teeth, bushy eyebrows, deep wrinkles, suave dressing, or anything else unusual or distinguishing. Try to associate the name with this feature, so that you will remember next time. An example: "Jenny with the crooked smile." Try to select the most outstanding feature and attach the name to that.
8 Ask a friend or partner to help you. If you're really not getting the name thing down at all, ask your partner or some trusted friends to help you out. You can explain to them that you still can't remember names very well and would appreciate them coming to the rescue if you appear uncomfortable or use a keyword (choose one between yourselves in advance) that indicates you're floundering for a name.[9] Have them either introduce themselves immediately, or state the name of the person straight out in conversation if they already know it. Make sure you're listening! You can discretely ask someone you know to help you during the conversation; just be careful to do this to the side, and discretely. A friend or partner could also tell you the person's name, before you meet them, so that you will get more time to think about the name, thus saving it in your memory.
Some examples: "Did you know Rick is a painter?" or "Sarah and I also discussed this yesterday".
9 Trust yourself. It's easy to accept that you are bad at remembering names, but don't go around thinking that about yourself! You're not "Ben, the guy who can't remember names", and you shouldn't tell that to everyone you meet because in doing so you're effectively telling your own mind that it's hopeless on this count and letting other people know that you really can't be bothered trying, so they're less likely to be sympathetic with you. Commit to improving yourself, tell yourself that you can be good at remembering names. Think about how painful it is when someone else jumps in and says "I'm not good at remembering names" just when the same thought is on the tip of your tongue. Does that leave you feeling annoyed that they announced their disinterest in remembering your name first? It should be a wake-up call that both of you are not trying hard enough, so show that other person up by deliberately remembering their name!
10 Write it down. While you're practicing at becoming better at remembering names, you could keep a little notebook with you (or you could use your smart phone or other phone if it accepts notes). When you talk to someone new, write their name down in your notebook. Do this after you've finished talking, and you might even like to add some notes about the person's looks and personality, and where you met, in what month, etc. This way, you can look through your notes every day or week, and try to remember each entry. Example for note: "John, met him at the office in May. Tall, lean guy with glasses. Was a little condescending." Don't write the descriptive entry down when you're talking to them. Wait until you are done talking, then go somewhere discrete and write a fast entry down in your notebook. It is worth doing though, as people will appreciate you taking the trouble to remember their name.
11 Consider asking. Finally, if all else fails, own up to having forgotten the other person's name, as politely as you can. Say something like: "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. Would you mind telling me what it is again?" Smile and don't go into copious details or apologize too much; just treat it lightly and get on with it. The likelihood is that you won't forget this person's name again in a hurry!
Tips You are more likely to remember names of people if you have heard something about them before meeting them; it can help to ask friends and other people for information if you know you're going to meet new people they already know. Try to at least get the first letter correct, so that your chances of guessing correctly or figuring the name out later increase. Choose a distinguishing feature about the person and try your best to associate it with their name. If they were talking to someone else before you and the other person said their name, listen and then try to remember. Try to remember only his or her first name, don't worry too much about the last name, if you can't handle it. If you really can't remember the person's name, then try asking someone else after you have talked, or before you go over to talk to that person. That way, next time you talk, you should be able to remember the name, if you use the proper remembering methods. Visualize the person's name. For some people, turning the name into a visual memory works well for keeping it in your mind. The correct job title is as important as the correct name. Use the above steps to remember job titles as well.
Warnings If you're a business person, a celebrity, or pursuing a professional career, then forgetting people's name can cost you a lot more than you imagine. Therefore, you should practice the best way for you to remember names a lot! Naming someone has a power of its own; by not doing so, you are essentially denying your own worthiness to utter their name. Don't fall into this trap of lowering your owns self-worth around other people. Avoid shortening a person's name; you can't presume to know the nicknames they go by and it's impolite to assume. Even if you hear a shortened version from someone else during conversation, be astute enough to ask which name they prefer to be known by.[10] Don't overdo use of a person's name in conversation, or you'll seem odd!
Things You'll Need Memory recall techniques
********************** Louisiana Sloppy Joes
Add Cajun flair to this perennial crowd-pleaser with seasoning and a can of gumbo.
PREP TIME 35 Min TOTAL TIME 35 Min SERVINGS 12
INGREDIENTS
2 lb lean (at least 80%) ground beef 1 cup chopped celery 1 cup chopped green bell pepper 1/2 cup chopped onion (1 medium) 1 can (19 oz) Progresso Vegetable Classics hearty tomato soup 1 can (10 3/4 oz) condensed chicken gumbo soup 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard 2 teaspoons dried Cajun seasoning 12 burger buns, split
1 In 12-inch nonstick skillet, cook ground beef, celery, bell pepper and onion over medium-high heat 5 to 7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until beef is thoroughly cooked; drain. 2 Reduce heat to medium. Stir in all remaining ingredients except buns. Cook 15 to 20 minutes longer or until mixture is bubbly and vegetables are tender, stirring occasionally. Spoon beef mixture into buns.
Cruise the bread and/or bakery section of the store for interesting, flavorful buns for this recipe.
Serve these flavorful sandwiches with coleslaw and baked beans.
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Crispy Chicken and Fettuccine
With frozen chicken nuggets and refrigerated fettuccine, even busy cooks can prepare a 20-minute meal.
PREP TIME 20 Min TOTAL TIME 20 Min SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS
1 package (12 oz) frozen southern-style chicken nuggets 1 package (9 oz) refrigerated fettuccine 1 can (14.5 oz) Muir Glen diced tomatoes with Italian herbs, undrained 1 can (15 oz) tomato sauce 2tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 2 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese
DIRECTIONS: 1 Heat oven to 400°F. Bake chicken nuggets as directed on package. 2 Meanwhile, cook and drain fettuccine as directed on package. Leave fettuccine in colander after draining. In same saucepan, heat tomatoes and tomato sauce over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until thoroughly heated. 3 Add fettuccine, chicken and parsley to tomato sauce; toss to coat. (If desired, cut chicken nuggets in half.) Sprinkle with cheese.
If you've purchased breaded chicken breast fillets instead of the nuggets, go ahead and bake them, then cut into pieces just before tossing with the fettuccine.
Refrigerated pasta cooks more quickly than the dried variety, so follow the directions on the package carefully.
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Slow Cooker Chicken and Noodles Alfredo
Sun-dried tomatoes add color and rich flavor to a slow-cooked chicken casserole.
PREP TIME 15 Min TOTAL TIME 6 Hr 35 Min SERVINGS 5
INGREDIENTS:
1 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs, cut into 3/4-inch pieces 1 can (14 oz) quartered artichokes, drained 1 jar (16 oz) Alfredo pasta sauce 1 cup water 1/2 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes (not in oil) 3 cups uncooked medium egg noodles (5 oz) 2 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese
DIRECTIONS
1 In 3- to 4-quart slow cooker, mix chicken, artichokes, pasta sauce and water. 2 Cover; cook on Low setting 5 to 6 hours. 3 About 25 minutes before serving, stir tomatoes and uncooked noodles into chicken mixture. 4 Increase heat setting to High; cover and cook 15 to 20 minutes longer or until noodles are tender. Sprinkle cheese over individual servings.
Expert Tips Pasta quickly absorbs the sauce in this dish if it has to stand before serving. For a creamy consistency, stir in a little hot water.
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Slow Cooker Italian Sausage Lasagna
An Italian classic, with plenty of meat and cheese, is surprisingly easy and delicious prepared in a slow-cooker.
PREP TIME 25 Min TOTAL TIME 6 Hr 25 Min SERVINGS 6
INGREDIENTS
3/4 lb bulk Italian pork sausage 1/2 cup chopped onion 2 cans (15 oz each) Italian-style tomato sauce 2 teaspoons dried basil leaves 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 container (15 oz) part-skim ricotta cheese 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese 3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (12 oz) 12 uncooked lasagna noodles
DIRECTIONS: 1 In 10-inch skillet, cook sausage and onion over medium heat 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until sausage is no longer pink; drain. Stir in tomato sauce, basil and salt. 2 In medium bowl, mix ricotta cheese, Parmesan cheese and 2 cups of the mozzarella cheese. 3 Into 3 1/2- to 5-quart slow cooker, spoon 1/4 of the sausage mixture. Top with 4 noodles, broken into pieces to fit. Top with half of the cheese mixture and 1/4 of the sausage mixture. Top with 4 noodles, remaining cheese mixture and 1/4 of the sausage mixture. Top with remaining 4 noodles and remaining sausage mixture. 4 Cover; cook on Low heat setting 6 to 8 hours. 5 About 10 minutes before serving, sprinkle top of lasagna with remaining 1 cup mozzarella cheese. Cover; let stand about 10 minutes or until cheese is melted. Cut lasagna into pieces.
Expert Tips
Love your lasagna thick and meaty? For thick pieces of lasagna, use a 3 1/2-quart slow cooker. A larger slow cooker will also work, but your lasagna pieces will be a bit thinner.
Caesar salad and Italian bread make nice accompaniments to this delicious lasagna.
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Hidden Sloppy Joes
Good-bye, buns! A new sloppy joe is hidden in this recipe!
PREP TIME 15 Min TOTAL TIME 55 Min SERVINGS 8
INGREDIENTS
1 pound lean ground beef 1 jar (14.5 ounces) sloppy joe sauce 3 1/2 cups Original Bisquick mix 2/3 cup milk 2 tablespoons butter or margarine, softened 2 eggs
DIRECTIONS:
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Generously spray 12-cup Bavarian-style bundt cake pan with cooking spray. Cook beef in 10-inch skillet over medium heat 8 to 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until brown; drain. Stir in sloppy joe sauce. 2 Stir Bisquick mix, milk, butter and eggs until blended. Spoon about two-thirds of the Bisquick mixture onto bottom and half way up side of pan. Spoon beef mixture over Bisquick mixture. Drop remaining Bisquick mixture by spoonfuls to cover beef. 3 Bake 30 to 35 minutes or light golden brown. Cool 5 minutes. Turn pan upside down onto heatproof plate; remove pan.
Note:
Offer condiments! Supply bowls of chopped onion, pickles, relishes, shredded cheese or shredded lettuce to top off servings of sloppy joes.
Like a little spice? Use bulk hot Italian sausage, cooked and well drained, for the ground beef.
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New Dictionary Definitions
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RAISIN: Grape with sunburn. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. ----------------------------------------------------------------
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. ----------------------------------------------------------------- and MY Favourite!! ========================= WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
*************************** Gotta love old people!
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his crown jewels.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
H e raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."
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Wise Pigs
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Face the future with a brave and happy heart." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Let Me Draw Your Attention
Philippians 4:8, NIV: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Your attention is something that can be given, lost, or stolen. It can be requested, as in, "Can I have your attention;" drawn, "Let me draw your attention to...;" or demanded, "Let me have your complete attention." Our attention is something all too easily distracted...are you still with me here? And for most of us, the span of our attention is something that could certainly be improved upon. With that, I would like to draw your attention to what needs your attention: Jesus, your Bible, your quiet times, your church, etc. Regularly giving your attention to the things of God does far more than fulfill some religious duty. As you put your attention on Him within your day, your attention is drawn to the things of God all throughout the day. It puts you in a frame of mind that is more Christ centered, and focused on abiding in Him. As you give Him your attention, your eyes become readied to see God at work around you. Your heart is more receptive to His guidance, and you become more attentive to the needs and concerns of others. Today, many things will demand your attention, but there is no better place to set your attention than on the fruitful and glorious things of God.
Behold, I will send for many fishers, saith the LORD, and they shall fish them; and after will I send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain, and from every hill, and out of the holes of the rocks. - Jeremiah 16:16
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
canorous kuh-NOR-us; KAN-or-uhs , adjective; 1. Richly melodious; pleasant sounding; musical.
Quotes: I felt a deep contentment listening to the meadowlark's complex melody as he sat on his bragging post calling for a mate, and the soft canorous whistle of the bobwhite as he whistled his name with intermittent lulls. -- Donna R. La Plante, "Remember When: The prairie after a spring rain", Kansas City Star , March 16, 2003 But birds that are canorous and whose notes we most commend, are of little throats, and short necks, as Nightingales, Finches, Linnets, Canary birds and Larks. -- Sir Thomas Browne, Pseudodoxia Epidemica
Origin: Canorous comes from the Latin canor , "melody," from canere , "to sing." It is related to chant , from French chanter , "to sing," ultimately from Latin canere .
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You might be a REDNECK if... ...your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
THINGS TO PONDER: When someone says "You know what they say..." Who are they?
THINGS TO PONDER : Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you've ever made change in the offering plate. "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
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How to Help Someone Who Is Thinking About Committing Suicide by:Moses Mumbai, BrotherMichaelV, Teresa, Samantha
Suicide is a difficult and delicate issue to approach. Likewise, dealing with a friend or loved one who is seriously considering suicide can be very difficult. This article will attempt to guide you in talking with them and approaching this sensitive issue, in order to save their life and help them on the path to recovery.
Steps 1Listen. The key to preventing suicide is to listen. You never know when or how someone will reach out for help. Listen carefully, and be prepared to deal with indications that suicidal thoughts might be present. And always keep in mind that suicidal behavior is a cry for help and that you can do something to both help and stop their intentions.[1] Try to turn off the part of your brain that wants to relate their experiences to an experience of your own. They are not in a position to be able to correlate your outcome with the state of feelings they're currently experiencing and it might just cause them to feel more frustrated and misunderstood if you try to "hijack" their experience by substituting your own. As well as listening, take their threats seriously. Anyone who expresses suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously; studies have shown that 75 percent of people who committed suicide said and did things to indicate their intention in the weeks leading up to the act.[2]
2Keep an ear out for hints that they may be thinking about suicide. Listen carefully. Some phrases that may indicate suicidal thoughts include: "Nothing is working for me right now," "I just can't sleep at night," "No one seems to care about me anymore," "Nobody would miss me if I died," "You wouldn't miss me if I were gone," (preparing you to let go of them) "I just don't think that I can go on." Note that these are not all inclusive indicators though, nor are they exhaustive of the possible things a person feeling suicidal might say. Use your best judgement and reasoning to determine what is going on behind their words. Other indicators include giving things away and finding a new home for a pet or pets. Discovery of a hoard of medication or books/website history of searches about (lethal) doses of over-the-counter or prescription drugs.[3] Social isolation, neglect of personal welfare, feeding mismanagement, decline in performance at school or work, major personality change to sadness/pain, etc. are other indicators.[4]
3Ask them if they are thinking about suicide. This is a critical point. Many people wishing to commit suicide will reach out for help. By asking this critical question though, you will give them a chance to relieve that stress and connect to another person. Be tactful in the way you ask it though. Instead of asking, "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" try, "Are you considering harming yourself?" It is a myth that talking to someone about suicide will cause them to do it.[5] Open discussion of a very real and very final topic is an important way of helping the person see the consequences and perhaps to really come to terms with the finality of suicide. Many suicidal people harbor fantasies about nobody missing them, and talking about this can really bring it home that they most certainly would be missed.[6]
4Understand the problem. Many of us are raised to feel that suicide is a terrible thing to do. Do not let this judgment come out immediately in your words or actions; indeed, the assumption that people who commit suicide are crazy is very misplaced, as up to only 10 percent of those commit suicide suffer from delusional beliefs about reality.[7] The person you are talking with will be seriously considering suicide. To make them seem crazy for even thinking about it will only drive a wedge in between you and them. The trick here is to understand why they are thinking about considering suicide. Try to ask questions like: "What kind of things are driving you to do that?" "If it's that serious, something has to be pushing you over the edge. What is it?" Never assume that a person's problems are trivial, or "not enough to warrant committing suicide over".[8] You are not in their head, you won't always be aware of the varied experiences and internal pain that have driven them to this point, so assuming that the problems are not a big deal from your perspective can be a dangerous approach.
5Understand that many people thinking about suicide feel that their life is no longer under their control. If you ask a question like, "Why would you want to do that?", you seem to place the blame on them and this line of questioning or pressuring will likely drive them further away.
6Ask about what prevents them from committing suicide. Once you have listened to what has led them to this decision, try to change the subject to things that are preventing them from committing suicide. Some good ways to do this are by asking questions like, "Something's preventing you from doing this though. What could that be?" or "I'm sure there's a few positive things going on in your life. What are they?" Focus on their responses. The key to being successful is getting them to convince themselves there are reasons for living. By asking these directed questions, you are getting them to focus first on why they want to die, and second, on why they want to live. You are forcing them to provide their own answers. Do everything you can to avoid interjecting with your own opinion. This is about them.
7Get them to weigh both options. After they have listed reasons for dying and living, guide them through the process of weighing both options. Your role will increase here. Bring up things they may have mentioned. For example, if they have children, ask about how they think their children would feel about losing their parent. Try not to use colloquialisms or platitudes. For example, if they are dealing with an extremely bad break-up or divorce, try not to use the phrase, "there are plenty more fish in the sea," because this will seem scripted, and insincere. Instead, try something like, "I understand the difficulties there, and I know it has a significant impact on you. Is there anyone else though that you might be interested in?" Work to guide them towards choosing life. This takes great skill and patience though, so be prepared.
8Work to convince them to choose life. Ask them about goals and aspirations they might have. Get them to focus on these instead of their reasons for dying. They need you to help them see what they have to live for. You must get them to tell themselves these things though.
9Create a plan to keep them safe. If they have constructed a means to commit suicide, ask them for the equipment they would use. Namely, if they planned to overdose on prescription medication, ask them to hand over the medication. It is beneficial to get them to agree to seek further help and do things to improve upon where their life is going. Work with them to create plans for the next 24, 48 and 72 hours. For example, help them agree to spending more time with family and friends in the next 24 hours, seeking professional help in the next 48, and following through with said plans within the 72 hours. Be sure to keep in close contact as well to follow up on these timelines. Don't allow the person to hold you as an emotional hostage by insisting that you agree not to tell others.[9] Suicidal contemplation is one of the rare moments in life when breaking confidences is essential to help ensure that the person gets the help needed to save his or her life.[10] Offer to be with them during receiving of professional help if this will settle their concerns and fears.[11] Also realize that shouldering this alone is not a wise choice; you can get professional help in total confidence, so be reassured that privacy of everyone involved will be maintained.[12] Don't leave the person alone.[13] If you know they're on the brink, organize for someone (preferably yourself) to be with them constantly until this can be worked through. Detoxify the home or area they're in by removing all means for committing suicide. If you can't do this and be with them, call on a friend or family member to do this part.
10Follow through on everything. If someone opens up to you on a sensitive issue like suicide, they have put complete trust and faith in you. Be sure to follow up, continue talking to them and encouraging them. We all need support sometimes, and a situation like this is your chance to provide that support. If you ever get discouraged, know that you are saving a person's life, and the rewards of that are invaluable.
Tips Focus on them. Try not to let your own experiences or stories become the predominant subject. Try to understand what has driven them to this decision. Suicide is often accompanied by depression, which is an unimaginable emotional state for those who have never experienced it. Listen carefully and work to understand why they feel the way they do. Always strive to be supportive, and be willing to give your time to talk. They need support, and they will have likely come to you for it. Make the sacrifice to provide it, by making them feel as though their life is your top priority. Keep them talking. Cultivate an environment of understanding. Illnesses that can precipitate suicidal thoughts include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, psychosis, alcohol or drug abuse, etc. If you know the person suffers from one of these illnesses and they so much as mention suicide, get help immediately because in all likelihood, they mean it.[14] Life events that can precipitate suicidal thoughts include loss of a loved one, loss of a job/home/status/money/self-esteem, change in health, divorce or relationship loss, coming out or being outed as LGBTQ, other types of social stigma, surviving a natural disaster, etc.[15] Again, if you are aware that the person in question has undergone these experiences, be very alert to the seriousness of the situation.
Warnings If you feel that you may be risking your own life, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Nothing is worth you facing personal harm or injury. If you are upset at this person over something like their being gay or something else about them you hate categorically, back off and don't say anything negative about it. Don't pressure them about it or use any negative language at all about it. Think about bringing in someone who's accepting of their nature if you can't stomach the revelation. Do not encourage suicide in someone who's confided they're gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual. Be wary of individuals who talk about harming others. Although it is still advisable to help them through their rough times, if they are serious about inflicting bodily harm on other people, you may have a moral and legal obligation to notify law enforcement. Be cautious of saying the wrong thing. Unfortunately, helping someone on the verge of suicide can require a lot of patience and experience. If you feel you are incapable of providing this, explain it to them, and try to bring them to someone who may be able to help, such as a priest, a psychiatrist or a doctor. Never risk your own life to save someone else's. Avoid assuming that just because some people get through depression, divorce, loss of loved ones, etc., without contemplating suicide that so should everyone. Life isn't that cut and dry and often it's a series of events that lead a person to believing that they can't handle life anymore.
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Zucchini-Walnut Loaf
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: 2 mini loaves, 8 slices each
INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup whole-wheat flour 3/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 2 large egg whites, at room temperature (see Tip) 1 cup sugar or 1/2 cup Splenda sugar Blend for Baking 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce 2 tablespoons canola oil 1/4 teaspoon lemon extract (optional) 1 cup grated zucchini, lightly packed (about 8 ounces) 2 tablespoons chopped walnuts
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat 2 mini 6-by-3-inch loaf pans with cooking spray. Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg in a large bowl. Whisk egg whites, sugar (or Splenda), applesauce, oil and lemon extract (if using) in a medium bowl. Stir in zucchini. Make a well in the dry ingredients; slowly, mix in the zucchini mixture with a rubber spatula. Fold in walnuts. Do not overmix. Transfer the batter to the prepared pans. Bake the loaves until a toothpick comes out almost clean, 40 to 45 minutes. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for about 5 minutes, then turn out onto the rack to cool completely.
Tip: To bring cold eggs to room temperature quickly: Place in a mixing bowl and set it in a larger bowl of warm water for a few minutes; the eggs will beat to a greater volume. ******************************
Chocolate Cheesecake
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes Yield: Makes 10 servings INGREDIENTS
For the Crumb Crust: 1 3/4 cups chocolate cookies or graham cracker crumbs 2 tablespoons sugar 1/3 cup butter, melted
For Cheesecake: 8 ounces Baker's German's sweet chocolate 2 eggs 2/3 cup light or dark corn syrup 1/3 cup heavy cream 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract 16 ounces cream cheese, cut into cubes
DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.
FOR THE CRUST: In a bowl, mix together the ingredients until well combined. Press into a 9-inch springform pan or a 9-inch pie plate.
FOR THE CHEESECAKE: In the top of a double boiler, melt 6 ounces of the chocolate over boiling water. In the container of a blender or food processor, blend together the eggs, corn syrup, cream, and vanilla until smooth. With the blender or food processor running, add the cream cheese, a few cubes at a time. Blend until smooth. Blend in the melted chocolate. Pour the mixture into the crust. Bake the cake in the middle rack of the oven for 45 minutes, or until set. Cool on a rack. In the top of a double boiler, melt the remaining chocolate over boiling water. Drizzle the melted chocolate over the cake.
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Coconut Cream Pie
Yield: Makes one 9-inch pie, serving 8 to 10
Light coconut milk lacks rich coconut flavor, so skip it in favor of regular coconut milk.
INGREDIENTS
For the Crust: 6 ounces animal crackers 2 tablespoons unsweetened shredded coconut 1 tablespoon granulated sugar 4 tablespoons unsalted butter melted and cooled For the Filling: 1 can coconut milk (14 ounces) 1 cup whole milk 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 tablespoon granulated sugar 3/8 teaspoon table salt 5 large egg yolks 1/4 cup cornstarch 2 tablespoons unsalted butter cut into 2 pieces 1 teaspoon vanilla extract For the Whipped Cream and Garnish: 1 1/2 cups heavy cream (cold) 2 tablespoons granulated sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 tablespoon unsweetened shredded coconut toasted in a small dry skillet until golden brown
DIRECTIONS FOR THE CRUST: Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and heat oven to 325 degrees F. In food processor, pulse animal crackers, coconut, and sugar to fine crumbs, eighteen to twenty 1-second pulses; then process until powdery, about 5 seconds. Transfer crumbs to medium bowl and add butter; stir to combine until crumbs are evenly moistened. Empty crumbs into 9-inch glass pie plate; using bottom of ramekin or 1/2 cup dry measuring cup, press crumbs evenly into bottom and up sides of pie plate. Bake until fragrant and medium brown, about 15 minutes, rotating pie shell halfway through baking time. Set on wire rack and cool to room temperature, about 30 minutes.
FOR THE FILLING: Bring coconut milk, whole milk, shredded coconut, 1/2 cup sugar, and salt to simmer over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally to ensure that sugar dissolves. Following illustrations 1 through 6, whisk yolks, cornstarch, and remaining 1 tablespoon sugar in medium bowl until thoroughly combined. Whisking constantly, gradually ladle about 1 cup hot milk mixture over yolk mixture; whisk well to combine. Whisking constantly, gradually add remaining milk mixture to yolk mixture in 3 or 4 additions; whisk well to combine. Return mixture to saucepan and cook until thickened and mixture reaches boil, whisking constantly, about 1 minute; filling must boil in order to fully thicken. (To determine whether filling has reached boil, stop whisking; large bubbles should quickly burst on surface.) Take off heat, whisk in butter and vanilla until butter is fully incorporated. Pour hot filling into cooled pie shell and smooth surface with rubber spatula; press plastic wrap directly against surface of filling and refrigerate until firm, at least 3 hours and up to 12 hours.
FOR THE WHIPPED CREAM: Just before serving, beat cream, sugar, and vanilla with electric mixer until soft peaks form, 1 1/2 to 2 minutes. Top pie with whipped cream and then sprinkle with coconut. Cut pie into wedges and serve. *****************************
Cherry Vanilla Ice Cream Soda
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
Making your own cherry syrup is the secret behind this soda fountain classic. If good fresh cherries aren't available, use an equivalent amount of canned sweet cherries in syrup.
INGREDIENTS 2 cups pitted fresh cherries or drained canned sweet cherries (see Note) 1/2 cup sugar
1 cup cold whole milk 1/2 gallon vanilla ice cream 1/2 gallon cherry or cherry-vanilla ice cream One 1-liter bottle cold cream soda
Sweetened whipped cream 4 whole cherries DIRECTIONS Chill four 11-ounce soda fountain glasses or other tall glasses in freezer. Puree cherries and sugar in food processor until smooth. Transfer puree to heavy small saucepan; bring to boil over medium heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes. Place fine mesh strainer over large glass measuring cup or small bowl. Strain puree, pressing on solids with back of spoon to extract 1 cup syrup. Cool. DO-AHEAD TIP: Cherry syrup can be made 3 days ahead. Cover and refrigerate. Spoon cooled cherry syrup into bottom of chilled glasses, dividing equally. Pour 1/4 cup milk into each glass; stir to blend. Add one scoop vanilla ice cream, then one scoop cherry ice cream to each glass. Repeat layering ice creams. Fill glasses with soda. Top with whipped cream and whole cherries. Serve immediately with straws and long soda fountain spoons.
NOTE: If using canned cherries, reduce juice from can to 3 tablespoons. Add reduced juice to cherry and sugar puree, and proceed with simmering and straining.
Nutrition Facts per Serving Yield: Yield: Serves 4 Calories: 1335 Fat. Total: 40g Fiber: 6g Carbohydrates, Total: 226g Sodium: 473mg % Cal. from Fat: 27% Cholesterol: 144mg Protein: 20g
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Banana Corn Fritters
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 30 Minutes Yield: 5 servings, 2 cakes each Savory, smoky and slightly sweet, these are great with roast pork loin, a hearty bowl of black bean soup or barbecued chicken legs and coleslaw. Dotted with creme fraiche, they make an exotic appetizer.
INGREDIENTS 3/4 cup yellow cornmeal 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4-1/2 teaspoon ground chipotle chile (see Ingredient note) or cayenne pepper 1 1/4 cups roughly mashed bananas (about 3 medium) 1 large egg 2 tablespoons milk or buttermilk 2 tablespoons canola oil, divided
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Coat a baking sheet with cooking spray. Whisk cornmeal, flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and chipotle (or cayenne) in a medium bowl. Mix banana, egg and milk (or buttermilk) in another medium bowl. Add the cornmeal mixture to the banana mixture and stir until just incorporated. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium; using 2 tablespoons of batter for each, space 5 fritters evenly in the pan. Cook until golden brown, 30 seconds to 2 minutes per side. Transfer to the prepared baking sheet. Cook a second batch with the remaining oil and batter, adjusting heat to prevent burning. Transfer the fritters to the oven and bake until puffed and firm to the touch, 8 to 10 minutes. Ingredient Note: Chipotle peppers are dried, smoked jalapeno peppers, often used to add heat and a smoky flavor to foods. Ground chipotle can be found in the specialty-spice section of most supermarkets. Make Ahead Tip: Reheat at 350 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes.
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SEX STARVED
A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert .
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.
Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel.
When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."
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LABELS
This should be taken seriously!!!
Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following Warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Healthy Doubts and Questioning
"Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."1
John Fabre, the French naturalist, conducted an interesting experiment with some processionary caterpillars which are called by this name because they blindly follow one another one by one by one.
Fabre placed caterpillar food in the center of a flower pot and placed caterpillars end to end so they formed a complete circle around the edge of the pot. Round and round the caterpillars went for seven days and nights until they dropped dead from starvation and exhaustion—with all the food they needed only a few inches away.
Unfortunately many people are like processionary caterpillars in that they blindly follow a powerful or charismatic leader, never questioning what he or she says or teaches. This is true in false cults, certain religious traditions, secular organizations, some universities, politics, etc., etc. Can you imagine questioning the Apostle Paul, the most powerful leader in the early Church? But the Christians in Berea did this and made sure that what he was teaching was in line with God's Word. And they were commended for it.
It's important that we, too, learn to study and know the Scriptures for ourselves, and question or review everything we are taught to make sure it is in harmony with what God's Word teaches. While we need to respect respectful leaders, we need to make God's Word our "final voice of authority" and not the words of men, no matter how high his or her position is.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me a love for your Word, the Bible, and help me to know and understand what it teaches, and be aware of and discard all false teaching. Help me to be certain that my beliefs and life style are in harmony with your Word. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name. Amen."
Luke 4:9-12 – Do not put the Lord your God to the test The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,†he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’†Jesus answered, “It says: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’†– Luke 4:9-12 (NIV) When Satan tries to twist the Scripture to get Jesus to jump, Jesus holds His ground. Jesus was secure in the Father’s care. He did not need to test God by doing foolish things. Are we able to trust the Father’s care so much that we can stay the course? God has already proven His love for you through Jesus Christ; rest in that love. Those who can hold on to this are less prone to careless actions.
Acts 17:11 Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
stultify • STUL-tuh-fye • verb 1 : to cause to appear or be stupid, foolish, or absurdly illogical 2 a : to impair, invalidate, or make ineffective : negate b : to have a dulling or inhibiting effect on
Examples: Placing too many people in decision-making positions often has the effect of stultifying discussion and new ideas.
"Without continuing support for higher education, we will stultify our national progress and go down a vicious spiral of ever-diminishing returns." -- From a letter by Michael Pravica to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, March 6, 2011
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Fred Allen "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Douglas MacArthur "We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction."
Douglas Adams "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
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TODAY'S PET TIP
Feeding Raw Eggs Does feeding raw eggs improve hair coat quality? No.
If you are concerned about the quality of your pet's hair coat, talk to you veterinarian. Poor coat quality could be an indicator of disease or malnutrition.
Tip on Feeding Raw Eggs By: Petplace Staff
Does feeding raw eggs improve hair coat quality? No. If you are concerned about the quality of your pet's hair coat, talk to you veterinarian. Poor coat quality could be an indicator of disease or malnutrition. The best way to maintain a shiny coat is to feed a high quality diet, brush your pet regularly, bathe him with a quality shampoo that is appropriate to his hair type, and use a finishing spray if necessary. Feeding raw eggs can be dangerous
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I told you that the number one reason pet owners take their dogs to a veterinary emergency room is vomiting.
Can you guess what the #2 reason is?
It is diarrhea. I know that this is not a pleasant subject, but it is so common that I believe that all pet owners should know what to do if their dog has an onset of diarrhea. So please take a minute to read this e-mail so you know what to look for and what to do when this happens to your dog.
Let's get started...
A quick medical definition for diarrhea is a sudden onset and short duration (three weeks or less) of watery or watery-mucoid stool. Occasionally the fecal material is also overtly bloody.
Diarrhea results from excessive water content in the feces and is an important sign of intestinal diseases in the dog. Diarrhea can affect your dog by causing extreme fluid loss, which leads to dehydration, electrolyte disturbances, and/or acid-base imbalances.
Diarrhea is a symptom that can be caused by many different diseases or conditions, and specific treatment requires a diagnosis.
Common causes of diarrhea include:
1. Dietary indiscretion can include the eating of spoiled food, overeating, the ingestion of foreign materials, and/or sudden changes in the diet.
2. Intestinal parasites (e.g. roundworms, hookworms, whipworms) are a common cause of acute diarrhea, especially in young dogs.
3. Bacteria and bacterial toxins (Salmonella, Clostridium, Campylobacter, Escherichia coli, Yersinia, etc.) may cause acute diarrhea and may be contracted from contaminated food and water, or exposure to the fecal material of other infected animals.
Although most cases of acute diarrhea are short-lived and self-limiting, there are some cases that require diagnostic testing to confirm an underlying cause. This will require that you take your dog in to see your vet or to the Emergency Room.
If your dog has diarrhea, how much will it cost for a veterinary exam? Anywhere from $100 to $300 or more, depending on whether they do fecal studies, complete blood count, radiographs and other diagnostic tests.
Could you afford to cover emergencies like this out of pocket? How about even more costly emergencies? Have you looked into pet insurance yet? If you have not done so, take a minute now to find out how pet insurance can save you money. Go to: petinsurance.com
The good news is that in many cases the prognosis for curing self-limiting diarrhea is very good. When the diarrhea begins you should feed a bland diet, made with equal portions of boiled lean meat (chicken, hamburger or turkey) and boiled white rice. Do not use any additives such as butter, salt, garlic, or seasoning. Over a couple of days, you can slowly decrease the bland diet and increase your dog's regular food until he is back on his normal diet.
If the dog that has diarrhea acts lethargic or weak, if the diarrhea has blood or if vomiting begins, the recommendation is to have the dog evaluated by a veterinarian even if you have to pay for it out of pocket. Your dog's health is the first priority.
P.S. Once the diarrhea has resolved, keep your dog on a consistent, balanced diet and restrict your dog's access to garbage and other things that can cause diarrhea. If your dog's diarrhea has failed to respond to the management outlined, it may require more extensive diagnostics. You should have your dog reevaluated by your veterinarian.
P.P.S. Vomiting and diarrhea are very common and in the best of cases it can cost hundreds of dollars in office / ER visits - or thousands if there is a more serious underlying condition. If you have the cash in the bank and are willing to spend it, that is great. However, if unexpected expenses are a problem, please consider pet insurance . They have a number of different plans to fit different budgets.
**** SORRY FOR THE PLUG ON INSURANCE FOR DOGS, BUT IT IS A GOOD THING TO HAVE
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Maple Breakfast Soufflé
25 min 1 hrs 8 servings
INGREDIENTS: Crisco Original No-Stick Cooking Spray 1 (16 oz.) loaf Hawaiian or egg bread, coarsely chopped 1 (8 oz.) package reduced fat cream cheese, softened 1/4 cup Crisco Butter Shortening OR 1/4 stick Crisco Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening Sticks 3/4 cup Hungry Jack Microwave Ready Regular Syrup, divided 10 large eggs 3 cups whole milk 1 teaspoon cinnamon 2 tablespoons powdered sugar Syrup and softened butter for serving
DIRECTIONS: 1.SPRAY a 13 x 9-inch baking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Sprinkle bread pieces evenly over bottom.
2.COMBINE cream cheese, shortening and 1/4 cup syrup in bowl of electric mixer. Beat until smooth. Spread mixture over the bread.
3.BEAT eggs, remaining 1/2 cup syrup and milk in medium bowl. Pour over bread mixture. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Cover; refrigerate overnight.
4.HEAT oven to 350°F. Uncover dish.
5.BAKE 50 to 55 minutes or until puffed and golden. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. Serve with warm syrup and softened butter.
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How to Make Doughnut Muffins
Recipes that involve dough, yeast, and special machines may be intimidating to beginner cooks. Yet, have you ever wondered how to make complicated food in a simple way? These "doughnuts" aren't made in the same fashion as regular ones, but taste like a doughnut in muffin form. Try this fun and delicious recipe at home.
Makes about 24 medium sized muffins.
Ingredients
Muffins
3 sticks (24 tablespoons or 340 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature 1 3/4 cups (350 grams) granulated sugar 4 large eggs 6 cups (750 grams) all-purpose or plain flour 1 tablespoon and 2 teaspoons (23 grams) baking powder 1/2 teaspoon (2.3 grams) baking soda 1 3/4 teaspoons (10.5 grams) salt 1 teaspoon (2.2 grams) ground nutmeg 1 2/3 cups (395 ml) milk 1/4 cup (60 ml) buttermilk
Dipping/Topping
2 sticks (16 tablespoons or 230 grams) unsalted butter; more if needed 2 cups (400 grams) granulated sugar 2 tablespoons (15.6 grams) ground cinnamon
Steps
1Preheat the oven to 350°F or 180°C.
2Cream the butter and sugar together with an electric mixer in a large bowl. One at a time, beat each egg in until creamy in texture. 3Sift the flour, baking soda, baking powder, nutmeg, and salt together in a separate bowl. 4Measure and add the buttermilk and milk in a third bowl. 5 Carefully add about a quarter of the dry ingredients into the butter/sugar bowl and mix in. Add about a third of the milk in and repeat the alternating process. Mix thoroughly until smooth, but don't over-mix the batter. 6 Grease a muffin tin with non-stick cooking spray or flour. Add enough batter to the muffin cups to the rim or about 1/2 a cup. 7 Bake for about 30 to 35 minutes or until firm. 8 Melt the 2 sticks of butter for dipping. In a bowl, mix the sugar and cinnamon together thoroughly. Remove the muffins from the tin, when cooled. Add each one to the melted butter bowl (or use a basting brush) and roll them in the cinnamon sugar bowl. 9 Shake off any chunks or excess sugar from the muffins. Store in an airtight container. 10 Enjoy it with coffee, tea, as a snack, or as a dessert.
Tips If covered and chilled, the batter will be fresh in the refrigerator up to three days. Be on the "devilish" side. Add some of the cinnamon sugar dipping mixture on a small plate for double dipping.
Things You'll Need Standard muffin tin/tray Large bowl 2 medium bowls Sifter
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Grilled Tuna, Orange & Jicama Salad with Red Onion Dressing
This dinner salad is anything but ordinary! Crunchy jicama, sweet oranges, grilled tuna and a Mexican-inspired dressing combine to really fire up your taste buds.
6 servings Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
Ingredients Red Onion Dressing 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 4 cups sliced red onions (2 large onions) 2 teaspoons sugar 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1/4 cup red-wine vinegar 2 tablespoons lime juice 2 teaspoons ground cumin 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro 1/4 teaspoon salt, divided Freshly ground pepper to taste Salad 1 small jÃcama, peeled and cut into matchsticks (see Note) 2 seedless oranges 1 large red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips 1/4 teaspoon salt, divided 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, divided 1 pound tuna steak, about 1 inch thick 12 cups torn red leaf lettuce
Preparation To prepare dressing: Heat 1 tablespoon oil In a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onions and sugar; cook, stirring constantly, until well browned, 10 to 15 minutes. Add garlic and cook for 1 minute more. Let cool to room temperature. Transfer 1/4 cup of the browned onions to a blender or food processor. Add the remaining 2 tablespoons oil, vinegar, lime juice and cumin; puree until smooth. Add cilantro and pulse to blend. Season with salt and pepper; set aside. To prepare salad: Preheat grill to medium-high. Combine jÃcama with the reserved onions in a large bowl. With a sharp knife, remove the skin and white pith from oranges and discard. Working over the large bowl to catch juices, cut the orange segments from their surrounding membrane, letting the segments fall into the bowl with the jÃcama. Squeeze the juice from the membranes into the bowl. Add bell pepper and toss gently to combine. Season with 1/8 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Season both sides of tuna with the remaining 1/8 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Grill over medium-high heat until just cooked through, 4 to 5 minutes per side. Let rest for 5 minutes before cutting into thin slices. Add the tuna to the jÃcama mixture. Toss lettuce with the reserved dressing in a large shallow bowl. Spoon the tuna mixture into the center of the greens and serve.
Tips & Notes Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate the dressing and onions (Steps 1-2) for up to 8 hours. Note: Jicama is a round root vegetable with thin brown skin and white crunchy flesh. It has a slightly sweet and nutty flavor. To peel it, use a small, sharp knife or vegetable peeler, making sure to remove both the papery brown skin and the layer of fibrous flesh just underneath.
Nutrition Per serving: 250 calories; 8 g fat ( 1 g sat , 6 g mono ); 34 mg cholesterol; 23 g carbohydrates; 1 g added sugars; 21 g protein; 7 g fiber; 245 mg sodium; 800 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (135% daily value), Vitamin A (105% dv), Potassium (23% dv), Folate (18% dv), Magnesium (17% dv).
Carbohydrate Servings: 1
Exchanges: 1 fruit, 1 vegetable, 2 1/2 lean meat, 1 fat
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White Russian drink
Ingredients to use:
1.5 oz Coffee Liqueur 1.5 oz whipping Cream 3 each cubes Ice 1.5 oz Vodka Directions: Fill a rocks glass with ice. Add vodka and kahlua and stir. Float cream on top by pouring it slowly over a teaspoon or bar spoon held bottom-side up. Serve with a stir stick
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SO LETS OFFEND EVERYBODY
So I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your bloody will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Paki's" were not the correct answers. A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually' I walked past an abo kid sitting at a Bus Stop as I came out of the Bank. He looked at me and said 'Any Change' I said 'Nope! You’re still Black' Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself “fat chance with a face like that!†An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks ‘What is wrong’?? The boy says ‘Me ma is dead’ ‘Oh bejaysus’ the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you’?? The boy replies ‘No tanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment’. I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?' Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself ‘I’m having that’
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him ‘Where am I’?? The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back ‘Ya canna kid me ya flash bastard. You’re in that feckin basket.
I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was “Where do women have the curliest hairâ€?? The answer I should have given was “Fijiâ€
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There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."
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Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents deep in the woods. 'How far is it to town?' Terry wanted to know. 'Six miles,' said Debbie. 'That's too far to walk,' Terry replied. 'It's not too bad,' Debbie said. 'We can each walk three miles!'
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Lady: Well, what do you want?
Tramp: Leddy, believe me, I'm no ordinary beggar. I was at the front——
Lady (with interest): Really——
Tramp: Yes, ma'am; but I couldn't make anybody hear, so I came round to the back.
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The tourist from the East had stopped to change tires in a desolate region of the far South. "I suppose," he remarked to a native onlooker, "that even in these isolated parts the bare necessities of life have risen tremendously in price?"
"Y'er right, stranger," replied the native, "and it ain't worth drinkin' when ye get it."
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SHE—"Poor cousin Jack! And to be eaten by those wretched cannibals!"
HE—"Yes, my dear child; but he gave them their first taste in religion!"
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Oh please dear Lord I pray... tell me this won't happen to us!
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, " Windy, isn't it? "
" No, " the second man replied, " it's Thursday. "
And the third man chimed in, " So am I. Let's have a beer. "
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say " Supersex. "
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, " Supersex. "
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, " I'll take the soup. "
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, " Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. "
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes ; she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, " How soon do you need to know? "
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77 . Please be careful! "
" Heck, " said Herman, " It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them! "
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
Reminders from God:
Romans 4:15 (15) because the law brings about wrath; for where there is no law there is no transgression. New King James Version Change Bible versions
If we take to its logical conclusion the statement that "justification by grace through faith does away with law," then there is no such thing as sin any longer, for the law defines what sin is (see also I John 3:4). If that is true, Christ died in vain.
In addition, it violently flies in the face of two clear facts: 1) Two thousand years after Christ shed His blood to pay the penalty for sin—providing the means for justification—we still must repent of sin to be forgiven. That has not changed, so sin must still exist and law still exists. Thus, the Ten Commandments still exist, as sin is the transgression of that law. How can this be if there is no law to transgress? 2) The New Testament record of Jesus Christ's and the apostles' exhortations to Christians not to sin, especially after one is forgiven.
Two Great Abilities
"Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."1
Comedian Bill Cosby received a lot of flack because he told his own people to quit blaming anyone else for the problems they have, to act responsibly, and develop and use the abilities they have. This is a message we all need to hear regardless of the color of our skin or the circumstances of our background.
In fact, two of life's greatest abilities are depend-ability and response-ability. Dependability is keeping one's word. It's being there when we say we are going to be there, and doing what we say we are going to do. It's keeping the commitments we make.
Responsibility is realizing that I am totally responsible for what I say, what I want, what I feel, and for what I do or don't do. True, I was not responsible for my background or my upbringing, but I am totally responsible for what I do about overcoming my background if it were less than desirable, for what I become, and for every area of my life. As long as I blame my past, my parents, my background, the government, or anyone else, I will stay in a self-pitying and self-defeating mode going nowhere fast.
Unless some think I am an armchair-theorist coming from a highly privileged background telling others what they should do, they are mistaken. I came from a very dysfunctional family background, was not allowed to attend high school, made to go to work fulltime when I was still 13, and came overseas to get an education without any help from anyone (worked my way through college and worked three jobs at once during the summers). I made up my mind while still a teen that I wanted to fulfill God's will for my life, and for my life to amount to something so I did what I needed to do to make it happen.
What I did have going for me was a firm belief that God had a purpose for my life. I didn't know what it was at the time but I knew that I needed to prepare myself for whatever it might be. Sure there were obstacles to overcome and challenges to meet, but these made me all the stronger. Today it has paid off tremendously. I count it a tremendous privilege to be able to publish the gospel and Christian message and be communicating it around the world to multiplied thousands of people. There is nothing better in life that I could have wanted or wished to do.
The point is, every one of us needs to know that God has a plan and purpose for his or her life, and then employ all of his/her powers for the achievement of that purpose. God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, but he will never do for us what we can and need to do for ourselves—otherwise he would be acting irresponsibly by keeping us immature and over-dependent.
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Word for the Day:
doffDAHFDEFINITION verb
1a : to remove (an article of wear) from the body b : to take off (the hat) in greeting or as a sign of respect 2: to rid oneself of : put aside
EXAMPLES Although the temperature at the beach was a far cry from its August highs, the children doffed their shoes and made a game of teasing the surf.
"As faithful as the 'True Grit' remake seems to the 1969 version, it takes the story one step beyond and uses the original ending from the Charles Portis novel. Instead of U.S. Marshal Rooster Cogburn doffing his cowboy hat and riding off to a musical flourish by Elmer Bernstein, the film strikes a more bittersweet note." -- From a movie review by Barbara Vancheri in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, December 22, 2010
DID YOU KNOW? Time was, people talked about doffing and donning articles of wear with about the same frequency. But in the mid-19th century the verb "don" became significantly more popular and left "doff" to flounder a bit in linguistic semi-obscurity. "Doff" and "don" have been a pair from the start: both date to the 14th century, with "doff" coming from a phrase meaning "to do off" and "don" from one meaning "to do on." Shakespeare was first, as far as we know, to use the word as it's defined at sense
2. He put it in Juliet's mouth: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet. / … Romeo, doff thy name; / And for that name, which is no part of thee, / Take all myself."
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Chicken Soup with Matzoh Balls
For tender, fluffy matzoh balls, don't crowd the pot. If necessary, use two pots or prepare in batches. And remember not to peek! If you have homemade chicken broth, use it--but if not, low-sodium canned broth works well.
Serves: 6 to 8 Prep. time: 20 minutes Cooking time: 35 to 45 minutes
4 large eggs 1/4 cup mild olive oil 2 1/2 to 3 quarts canned low sodium chicken broth, or homemade Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste 1 cup matzo meal 3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill, chopped fresh parsley or 2 pinches ground ginger, optional In a large mixing bowl, whisk the eggs with the olive oil until foamy. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of the chicken broth and season to taste with salt and pepper. Stir in the matzoh meal and any of the optional seasonings. Let the batter stand for 2 or 3 minutes to allow the matzoh meal time to absorb the liquids. Stir again, but do not overbeat; the batter should be rather soft. If it seems dry, add 1 to 2 more tablespoons of chicken broth. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours and up to 24 hours.
In a large, wide pot, bring 4 quarts of salted water to a boil over high heat (use about 1 1/2 tablespoons of salt).
Meanwhile, shape the batter into walnut- or olive-sized balls and arrange on a plate. They will be soft.
When the water boils, lower the heat to a simmer and carefully slide or drop the balls, one at a time, into the water. Increase the heat and let the water return to a gentle boil. Cover and lower the heat again to a simmer.
Cook for 35 to 45 minutes. Do not lift the lid from the pan; you do not want any vital steam to escape. After 30 to 35 minutes, lift a matzoh ball from the pot and cut it in half. It should be tender, fluffy, and completely cooked through. If not, continue cooking for a few more minutes.
Using a skimmer or large slotted spoon, remove the matzoh balls from the water. (They are too fragile to dump into a colander.) Set them on a plate or in a shallow bowl. If not using right away, cover with a little chicken broth and refrigerate for a few hours.
Heat the chicken broth and add the matzoh balls. Simmer until everything is heated through. Serve in shallow bowls.
Note: To keep the matzoh balls light and fluffy, remember not to lift the lid at all during the first 30 to 35 minutes of cooking--they need the trapped steam for the correct texture.
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Campbell's Classic Tuna Noodle Casserole
There are many reasons this casserole is a classic...it's comforting, easy to make, and oh so yummy!
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 25 minutes
1 can (10 3/4 oz.) Campbell's Condensed Cream of Celery Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free) 1/2 cup milk 1 cup Birds Eye frozen green peas 2 tbsp. chopped pimiento, (optional) 2 cans (about 6 oz. each) tuna, drained 2 cups medium egg noodles, cooked and drained 2 tbsp. dry bread crumbs 1 tbsp. butter, melted
Heat the oven to 400°F. Stir the soup, milk, peas, pimientos, if desired, tuna and noodles in a 1 1/2-quart baking dish. Stir the bread crumbs and butter in a small bowl.
Bake the tuna mixture for 20 minutes or until hot and bubbling. Stir the tuna mixture. Sprinkle with the bread crumb mixture.
Bake for 5 minutes or until the bread crumb mixture is golden brown.
Serving Suggestion: Serve with your favorite vegetable combination. For dessert serve ice cream.
Ingredient Note: To melt the butter, remove the wrapper and place the butter into a microwavable cup. Cover and microwave on HIGH for 30 seconds.
Easy Substitution: Substitute Campbell's Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup for the Cream of Celery.
**************************** Stroganoff-Style Chicken
Here's a fun twist on a traditional stroganoff that features flavorful chicken, a savory sauce - but, best of all, it's ready in less than an hour.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 5 minutes Cooking time: 20 minutes
2 tbsp. vegetable oil 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 lb.), cut into strips 2 cups sliced mushrooms (about 6 ounces) 1 medium onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup) 1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell’s Healthy Request Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup 1/2 cup plain nonfat yogurt 1/4 cup water 4 cups hot cooked medium egg noodles, cooked without salt and drained paprika
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken and cook until well browned, stirring often. Remove the chicken from the skillet.
Heat the remaining oil in the skillet over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and onion and cook until they're tender.
Stir the soup, yogurt and water in the skillet and heat to a boil. Return the chicken to the skillet. Reduce the heat to low. Cook until the chicken is cooked through. Sprinkle with the paprika, if desired. Serve the chicken and sauce with the noodles.
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Eggplant Parmigiana
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 45 Minutes Yield: Serves 8 INGREDIENTS
For Sauce: 1 large garlic clove, finely chopped 3 tablespoons olive oil 2 cans tomatoes, or 10 oz very ripe tomatoes, peeled 2 tablespoons tomato paste 1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
For Eggplants: 4 eggplants 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 cup olive oil 6 oz mozzarella cheese 1/4 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese DIRECTIONS FOR SAUCE: In a large frying-pan, cook garlic in oil until tender and aromatic. Add tomatoes, tomato paste, salt, pepper and herbs. Bring to a boil and simmer for about 1 hour, or until sauce is thick and reduced by half.
FOR EGGPLANTS: Meanwhile cut eggplants into thin slices. Sprinkle with salt and allow to drain for 1 hour. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Pat eggplants dry and dust with flour. Heat 1/4 cup oil in frying-pan and fry slices over moderately high heat until lightly browned on both sides. Add more oil as necessary.
TO ASSEMBLE: Cut mozzarella into thin slices. Cover bottom of an oiled gratin dish with a thin layer tomato sauce and add a layer of eggplant and one of mozzarella. Spoon on more sauce, add another layer of eggplant and mozzarella and sprinkle with Parmesan. Repeat. Bake in oven for 30 minutes. ****************************
Tomato Gratin
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 30 Minutes Yield: 6 servings
A gratin is any dish topped with cheese or breadcrumbs mixed with butter, then heated until browned—but it needn’t be heavy. This one has plenty of garden-fresh tomatoes and herbs, a touch of full-flavored cheese and a crispy crumb topping.
INGREDIENTS 4 slices whole-grain bread, torn into quarters 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/3 cup finely shredded Pecorino Romano or parmesan cheese 4 medium tomatoes, sliced 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 450°F. Coat a shallow 2-quart baking dish with nonstick spray. Place bread in a food processor and pulse until coarse crumbs form. Add garlic, oil and cheese; pulse to combine. Spread the seasoned breadcrumbs on a baking sheet and bake until beginning to brown, about 5 minutes. Meanwhile, layer tomato slices in the prepared baking dish, sprinkling each layer with basil, pepper and salt. Bake the tomatoes for 10 minutes; sprinkle with the toasted breadcrumbs, and bake for 10 minutes more. Serve immediately. ****************************
Lasagna Rolls
Active Time: 45 Minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: 6 servings, 2 rolls each
Crumbled tofu replaces the ricotta in our Italian-style vegetarian meal.
(*** NOTE: GRAMIE NEVER EVER USES TOFU SHE THINKS IT IS NASTY SHE USES THE REAL WOMAN INGREDIENTS !!!!!! LOL )
INGREDIENTS
12 whole-wheat lasagna noodles 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 14-ounce package extra-firm water-packed tofu, drained, rinsed and crumbled 3 cups chopped spinach 1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons finely chopped kalamata olives 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 25-ounce jar marinara sauce, preferably lower-sodium, divided 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese DIRECTIONS
Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain, rinse, return to the pot and cover with cold water until ready to use.
Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 20 seconds. Add tofu and spinach and cook, stirring often, until the spinach wilts and the mixture is heated through, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl; stir in Parmesan, olives, crushed red pepper, salt and 2/3 cup marinara sauce.
Wipe out the pan and spread 1 cup of the remaining marinara sauce in the bottom. To make lasagna rolls, place a noodle on a work surface and spread 1/4 cup of the tofu filling along it. Roll up and place the roll, seam-side down, in the pan. Repeat with the remaining noodles and filling. (The tofu rolls will be tightly packed in the pan). Spoon the remaining marinara sauce over the rolls. Place the pan over high heat, cover and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to medium; let simmer for 3 minutes. Sprinkle the rolls with mozzarella and cook, covered, until the cheese is melted and the rolls are heated through, 1 to 2 minutes. Serve hot. Make Ahead Tip: Freeze the cooked rolls and sauce for up to 1 month.
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The Hormone Guide
(Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!)
Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband.
DANGEROUS SAFER SAFEST ULTRA SAFE
What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine.
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Are you wearing that?You sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine
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What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my paycheck. Here, have some wine.
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Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some wine.
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13 Things PMS Stands For:
Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift Perpetual Munching Spree Puffy Mid-Section People Make Me Sick Provide Me Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pimples May Surface Pass My Sweatpants Pissy Mood Syndrome Plainly ~ Men Suck Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one:
Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this information to your lady friends and those who might need a good laugh and men who need a warning.
And, have some wine.
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Daddy , how was I Born?
A little boy Goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father Answers,
'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I Set up a date via e-mail with your Mom
and we met at a cyber-cafe..
We Sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother Agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, We discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too Late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that
Said:
'You've got Male!
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Easter is right around the corner, so today I want to talk about the Easter Bunny. Do you know his history?
Easter is the holiest day of the year for Christians, the day celebrating Christ's resurrection on the third day after Good Friday. This time of year is also associated with Passover, the holy Jewish holiday.
So why a bunny???
Since ancient times, rabbits have been symbols of Easter, partly due to pagan traditions, and partly due to religious symbolism.
In the Christian tradition, the rabbit symbolizes an innocent, vulnerable creature (much like a lamb), easily taken in by his enemies - and whose only real defense is to run or be saved by his master. Christians say the rabbit may represent man being saved by Christ, or Christ himself allowing himself to be "taken" as a lamb to the slaughter.
The egg is symbolic of the rebirth, as Christ rose on the third day.
Pagans, on the other hand, have a different explanation of Easter. The pagans worshipped the Anglo-Saxon goddess of fertility, Eostre. Her symbol was the rabbit, and this symbol has reached across many cultures, standing the test of time.
The pagans celebrated spring by painting eggs in spring-like colors. To avoid alienating these "lost souls," Christian missionaries were said to celebrate this festival as well, using the comradeship to minister to (and hopefully convert) the pagans.
A German lady friend of mine who now lives in Vienna said she was taught that the Germans brought the symbol of the rabbit to America in the 1700s. She was told stories of how the German people started to make nests for the Easter bunny the night before. Nowhere, however, can we find why tradition has this Easter Bunny bringing the delicious baskets of chocolate and jelly beans, gifts most of us so anxiously looked forward to as children.? ? The bunny and the egg are symbols, rooted in myth and traditions - and they are here to stay, much to the delight of young and old alike.
**************************** DOG TIPS:
Tips on Chocolate Toxicity By: PetPlace Veterinarians Share this
The toxic principles of chocolate are the stimulants theobromine and caffeine. The amount of chocolate that it takes to poison your pet depends on the type of chocolate he's eaten and his weight. White chocolate has the least amount of stimulants and baking chocolate or cocoa beans have the highest. Once toxic levels are reached, signs of toxicity include: restlessness, hyperactivity, muscle twitching, increased urination and/or excessive panting. If your pet isn't treated, he could go into a seizure - possibly even die.
TODAY'S PET TIP
Chocolate Toxicity in Dogs The amount of chocolate required to poison your pet depends on the type of chocolate he’s eaten. White chocolate has the least amount of toxins and baking chocolate or cocoa beans has the highest. ****************************
RAISE
Employee : Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss : Sure, come on in. What can I do for you? Employee : Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss : Yes. Employee : I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first. Boss : A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Ephesians 3:14-15 (14) For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, (15) from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
The Family of God is located both in heaven and on earth. In heaven there are two Beings of spirit who are part of the God Family. This flies right in the face of the concept of strict monotheism! But even more startling is that God considers true Christians to be part of the God Family already!
Currently two members of the Godhead are spirit. But God—Elhoim—said, "Let Us create man in Our image" (Genesis 1:26), and what is evident from the beginning of the Bible all the way to the end is that Elohim is expanding! God is increasing what Elohim is. God is increasing the number of those who are in the God Family. This is not hard to understand. Now we are already children of God. We are in His Family.
To us, monotheism indicates that one is worshipping one distinct and unique almighty personality, and if anyone claims anything more than that, that person is considered to be a polytheist—worshipping many gods. This is hard to accept here in this Western world, and this resistance to accepting what the Bible clearly reveals about the God Family has in large measure led to the introduction of the "Trinity." People just cannot accept the simple truth of the Bible, that God is expanding. He is increasing His number. We will be part of that God Family.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY
abrogate • AB-ruh-gayt • verb 1 : to abolish by authoritative action : annul 2 : to treat as nonexistent
Examples: The newspaper’s editors abrogated their responsibilities by failing to investigate the wrongful actions of the mayor’s office more forcefully.
"Israelis are worrying that a new government in Egypt could abrogate the two countries' 31-year-old peace treaty that is a cornerstone of Israel's security policy." -- From an article by Linda Gradstein in AOL News, February 15, 2011
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The Dangers of Fleas and Ticks - What You Need to Know
It's that time of year again when all dog owners must address the issue of parasite control. Unfortunately, many dog owners don't fully understand the importance of flea and tick control - and that's a very big problem. It is critical that you understand the dangers that your pets (and you) could be facing. So please take a few moments to find out what you need to know to keep your pets safe.
Parasites aren't just an annoyance. They also carry many dangerous diseases - some of which are life threatening. That's why it is so important that you understand how to protect your dog from these dangers.
Dog owners have so many questions - Does my dog need flea control medications? Is flea control enough, or should I also protect against ticks and other parasites? What medications are safe? What if I find fleas in my house?
First, let's talk about FLEAS.
The problem with fleas is that they breed and multiply so quickly. How fast do fleas multiply? If your dog had a single flea, in just 2 months time, under optimal conditions, you could have more than 3 million fleas infesting your home! That's why it's so important to act quickly.
Fleas are blood-sucking parasites. And a single flea can bite your dog more than 400 times in just one day! If your dog has an allergic reaction to the proteins in flea saliva, he can develop flea allergy dermatitis, causing constant scratching, skin problems and permanent hair loss.
Fleas can also transmit dangerous and sometimes life-threatening diseases to your dog, including anemia, bacterial diseases, tapeworms and other parasites. (And if you live in the southwestern USA, fleas can even transmit the plague.)
TICKS are another common parasite. They pose serious health risks to both pets and humans, and even dogs that spend very little time outdoors are at risk. A tick bite can cause localized infection. But the most harmful effects of a tick bite include serious diseases like Lyme disease (causes painful lameness), Rocky Mountain fever, paralysis, encephalitis and anemia. And if your dog brings a tick into your home, it can attach to and feed on humans, transmitting these same diseases to the human host.
So, when should you start treatment? Well, it depends on where you live. It is best to treat your dog at the beginning of the season, before your dog and your home become infested. In some areas of the country, flea and tick season lasts about 4 months, with September often being the worst month for flea infestations. In other areas, like Florida, flea season lasts all year round. But no matter where you live, if your dog has brought fleas into your home, they can live and breed inside a warm house all year round. In fact, the Companion Animal Parasite Council (CAPC) recommends that you administer a monthly preventative flea medication all year round - so if you are not already doing this, start now.
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TODAY'S PET TIP
Healthy Dog Signs
There are several signs that may indicate a problem with your dog. It is important to recognize what they are and have your pet evaluated. Problem signs include a lack of appetite, decreased activity, weakness, changes in water consumption, not grooming, bad breath, sleeping more, drooling, vomiting, diarrhea, coughing, trouble breathing, frequent urinations or bloody urinations.
Watch your dog carefully for any sign of illness. If you notice any of these signs in your dog, please contact your veterinarian or veterinary emergency clinic as soon as possible. ****************************
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. THINGS TO PONDER: If blind people wear sunglasses why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?
Douglas MacArthur "We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction."
Douglas Adams "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
Desiderius Erasmus "Fools are without number."
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Sunday Sausage Strata
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 3 Hours 15 Minutes Yield: 12 servings
The "strata" in this classic casserole are layers of bread, cheese and sausage baked in an egg-rich pudding.
INGREDIENTS
1/2 pound turkey breakfast sausage (four 2-ounce links), casing removed 2 medium onions, chopped (2 cups) 1 medium red bell pepper, seeded and diced (1 1/2 cups) 12 large eggs 4 cups 1% milk 1 teaspoon salt, or to taste Freshly ground pepper to taste 6 cups cubed, whole-wheat country bread (about 7 slices, crusts removed) 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1 1/2 cups grated swiss cheese (4 ounces) DIRECTIONS Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish (or similar shallow 3-quart baking dish) with cooking spray. Cook sausage in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat, crumbling with a wooden spoon, until lightly browned, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a plate lined with paper towels to drain. Add onions and bell pepper to the pan and cook, stirring often, until softened, 3 to 4 minutes. Whisk eggs, milk, salt and pepper in a large bowl until blended. Spread bread in the prepared baking dish. Scatter the sausage and the onion mixture evenly over the bread. Brush with mustard. Sprinkle with cheese. Pour in the egg mixture. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or overnight. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake the strata, uncovered, until puffed, lightly browned and set in the center, 55 to 65 minutes. Let cool for about 5 minutes before serving hot. Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 4 the night before serving.
******************************** Sour Cherry Crumbcake
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 2 Hours 20 Minutes Yield: Serves 8
This is one of the best quick coffee cakes I know. It has three layers of scrumptious toppings and is fluffy and moist. You can make it with canned cherries year round, but feel free to use fresh cherries during their short growing season.
INGREDIENTS For the Dough: 1/2 cup whole milk 1/4 cup water, room temperature 3 tablespoons vegetable oil 1 large egg yolk 2 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour 1/3 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons bread machine yeast or 1 1/2 teaspoons SAF instant yeast For the Sour Cherry Layer: 1/2 cup sour cream 1/4 cup sugar 2 tablespoon unbleached all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract Two 16-ounce cans unsweetened, pitted sour cherries, well-drained
For the Crumb Topping: 2/3 cup unbleached all-purpose flour 1/3 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 5 tablespoons butter, chilled, cut into pieces DIRECTIONS FOR THE SOUR CHERRY LAYER: Combine all ingredients except cherries in small bowl; whisk until smooth. Cover and refrigerate.
FOR THE CRUMB TOPPING: Combine flour, sugar and cinnamon in small bowl. Add butter and rub in with fingers until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Cover and refrigerate.
FOR THE DOUGH: Place dough ingredients in bread machine pan in order listed. Program machine for Dough Cycle; press Start.
Oil 9-inch square metal baking pan or 10-inch-diameter pie plate. Using rubber spatula, scrape prepared dough into pan (dough will be soft and sticky, like a thick batter). Using floured fingertips, press dough evenly into pan. Using off-set spatula, gently spread sour cream mixture over dough. Sprinkle cherries over, then sprinkle crumb topping over. Position oven rack in center of cold oven. Set oven temperature to 375 degrees F. Bake until edges of dough are golden brown and cake tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 35 minutes. Remove from oven; cool 20 minutes. Serve warm.
DO-AHEAD TIP: Coffee cake can be frozen up to 2 months. Defrost in refrigerator overnight or on counter, unwrapped. Reheat in a 300 degrees F oven for 12 minutes. ********************************
Southwestern Breakfast Casserole
INGREDIENTS 1 (8 1/2 ounce) package corn muffin mix-prepared 3 cups cubed (1/2 inch) Italian bread 8 ounces Italian sausage 1 cup chopped onion 2 cups milk 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 1 (10-ounce) can diced tomatoes and green chiles, undrained 4 eggs 2 cups shredded Colby-Jack cheese, divided DIRECTIONS Prepare corn muffin mix according to package directions; cool. Crumble muffins into a large bowl and stir in bread. Set aside.
Remove casings from sausage and cook in large skillet with onion over medium heat until browned, stirring to crumble. Drain.
Combine milk, cumin, pepper, tomatoes, and eggs; stir until blended. Add sausage mixture; stir well. Stir into bread mixture. Spoon half of bread mixture into a 9 by 13 inch pan coated with cooking spray. Top with 1 cup cheese. Spoon remaining bread mixture over cheese, and then top with remaining cheese. Cover and refrigerate 8 hours or overnight. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake 40 minutes or until set. Let stand 10 minutes before serving. ******************************** Chicken Tetrazzini
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour Yield: 6 servings
This retro dish will please kids and adults alike.
INGREDIENTS 6 ounces fettuccine, preferably spinach 2 teaspoons canola oil 3 leeks, white parts only, washed and finely chopped (1 1/2 cups) 6 ounces button mushrooms, quartered 1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary, divided 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour 3 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth 1/2 cup low-fat milk 2 cups cubed cooked chicken breast Grated zest of 1 lemon lemon juice to taste salt & freshly ground pepper to taste 1/3 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese 1/4 cup fine dry breadcrumbs 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh parsley DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Coat a 3-quart baking dish cooking spray.
Cook fettuccine in boiling salted water until al dente, about 8 minutes. Drain and refresh under cold running water. Drain and set aside.
Meanwhile, heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add leeks and cook, stirring, until lightly browned, 6 to 8 minutes. Add mushrooms and 1/2 teaspoon rosemary; cook, stirring, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add broth and milk; bring to a boil, stirring, until slightly thickened, about 4 minutes more. Remove from heat and stir in chicken. Season with lemon juice, salt and pepper.
Gently mix the cooked fettuccine into chicken mixture and spoon into prepared baking dish. Combine Parmesan, breadcrumbs, lemon zest, parsley and the remaining 1/2 teaspoon rosemary in a small bowl. Season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle the mixture over the casserole. Bake casserole for 20 to 30 minutes, or until bubbling. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving.
Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 5. The casserole will keep, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 2 days.
********************************
Layered Potato and Cheese Casserole
Active Time: 10 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes Yield: Serves 6
Seek out authentic Italian Fontina, the semisoft mild cheese from the Valle d' Aosta. Offer this classic baked dish as a substantial first course or as a simple main course at lunch, perhaps accompanied by a green salad.
INGREDIENTS
2 pounds baking potatoes, of uniform size 1 tablespoon unsalted butter Salt 1 cup shredded fontina cheese 2/3 cup grated parmesan cheese 1 cup light meat stock DIRECTIONS
Have ready a large bowl of water. Peel the potatoes and slice them into thin rounds. As soon as they are sliced, place them in the water. When they have all been sliced, drain well and lay out on a kitchen towel to dry.
Preheat an oven to 300 degrees F.
Grease a baking dish about 9 1/2 in in diameter with the butter. In the prepared dish, layer some of the potato slices in a circle, with the slices slightly overlapping, to form a flower. Sprinkle with a pinch of salt and a small handful of each of the cheeses. Repeat the layering until you have used up all the potatoes, finishing with the cheeses. Pour the meat stock over the surface.
Bake until potatoes are tender when pierced with a toothpick and the top is slightly golden, about 1-1/2 hours. Be careful that they do not become too brown on top, covering the dish with aluminum foil if necessary. Serve hot directly from the dish. ******************************** THE GENEROUS TRAVEL AGENT
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came into his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you -- but, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?' ********************************
Grandma's Words
A 5-Year-Old Boy went to visit his Grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her Bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a Boyfriend now that Grandpa? s gone to Heaven?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my Boyfriend. I can sit in my Bedroom and watch it all day long. The Religious programs make me feel good and the Comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my Boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem. The little Boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local Church Minister. The Minister said, "Hello Son, is your Grandma home?" The little Boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the Bedroom banging her Boyfriend !"
******************************** 4 Worms in church
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol...Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke...Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup...Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil...Alive .
So the Minister asked the congregation, What did you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'
That pretty much ended the service! ********************************
IRISH AND PROUD
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after a story was published in the New York Times, "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British." One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following," After digging as deep as 30 feet near Ballyhaunis, Co Mayo, Mick O'Connor, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely **** all. Mick has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless."
It makes you fierce proud to be Irish. ******************************** UNIVERSAL LAWS
1. Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
>3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
>4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
>5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..
>6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
>7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
>8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
>9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
>. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
>14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
>18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
>19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
>-------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' >---------------------------------- > An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD: Friendship
"A friend loves at all times."1
According to an article in an English magazine, "A true friend is one who has the courage to disagree with us when [we are] in the wrong, and advise us for our own good, rather than let his sympathy or sentimentality cause him to agree." Charles Spurgeon once said, "Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trail had they not found a friend." Dr. Alfred Adler, internationally known psychiatrist, based the following conclusions on a careful analysis of thousands of clients: "The most important task imposed by religion has always been 'Love thy neighbor.' It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man that has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury on others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring." It may not be the most desirable, but it is true that we can live without romantic love, but we cannot live healthy without at least one loving friend. As Dinah Craik so eloquently said, "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." And, oh, the priceless value of having at least one such deep abiding friendship. Thank God for the gift of friendship.
Matthew 20: 17-19
“[Jesus Predicts His Death a Third Time] Now Jesus was going up to Jerusalem. On the way, he took the Twelve aside and said to them, “We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life!â€â€
******************************
WORD FOR THE DAY: meshuggener • muh-SHUG-uhner • noun
: a foolish or crazy person Examples:
Alex wondered what kind of meshuggener would be foolish enough to buy bonds from a known scam artist. "'Take no notice,' she said…. 'The man's a meshuggener.'" -- From Howard Jacobson's 2010 novel The Finkler Question **************************** "Alot ofpeople run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then to the end, punish himself even more. Nobody is going to win a 5,000 meter race after running an easy 2 miles. Not with me. If I lose forcing the pace all the way, well, at least I can live with myself." - Steve Prefontaine. **************************** Low Back Pain Contributed by : Colin L. Fernandes, MD (Harvard-trained pain specialist. He currently serves as Director of the Pain Service at the VA Hospital in Martinez, CA.) Anthony J. Mariano, PhD (Clinical Director of Pain Services at the VA Puget Sound Health Care System in Seattle, WA) If you are reading this, chances are you have experienced low back pain. More than half of the population will have low back pain at some point in their lives. Typically the pain is nagging, and sometimes sharp. It may lessen and go away, but it could also return. Low back pain may cause you to feel like something dangerous is happening in this part of the body, but generally, the pain is not life-threatening. Most acute low back pain will improve within four to six weeks. If you also have high fever, unexplained weight loss, history of cancer, or loss of bladder or bowel control with onset of low back pain, seek immediate medical attention. There are many causes for low back pain: Myofascial - pain arising from "soft tissue" muscles and ligaments in the back
Arthritis - overgrowth and inflammation of the bones and joints in the spine
Disc Degeneration - with wear and tear, the discs (which are cushions between bones in the spine) can decrease in size, weaken, and bulge
Irritation of nerves exiting the spine - often called "sciatica"
In many cases, your doctor will not be able to definitively point out the cause, or there may be more than one reason for the pain. Mental health conditions could affect low back pain. Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can cause aggravation of symptoms. When there is activation of the body's "fight or flight" nervous system, muscles may go into spasm and pain can worsen. There is little agreement between pain symptoms and findings on an X-ray or Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). In an important medical study published in 1994, investigators looked at the discs of 98 people who did not have back pain. More than half of these people had bulging discs. Many other Medical tests cannot tell if your pain is "real." Your pain is real if you say it is. This is why medical providers rely more on your history and physical examination than on imaging results. At your medical visit for low back pain, your provider may ask you questions about your general health, mood, sleep and lifestyle that may seem strange but that information is important. The treatment for low back pain typically involves some combination of the following: Physical Therapy - Including teaching better posture, breathing techniques and development of a home exercise program
Medications - Including non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants, nerve medications and opioids (strong painkillers like vicodin and morphine)
Procedures - Including injection of steroid anti-inflammatory medication into the spine (often called "epidurals" or "nerve blocks")
Psychotherapy - To help with sleep, anxiety, PTSD, depression, and coping with pain
Acupuncture
Chiropractic Manipulation
Surgery - In a few specific cases, surgery is appropriate as an emergency or as the best treatment. It should never be considered a "last resort" given the significant risks
The media often reports the promise of new developments. One example includes gene therapy to stall disc degeneration. While these are indeed exciting, they are unlikely to make it to clinical practice for a while. You cannot afford to wait for a "medical miracle" before you get on with your life, if you have low back pain now. The goal of treatment of low back pain is pain reduction, not elimination. More importantly, your provider will attempt to help you improve your day-to-day functioning. In summary, low back pain is common and has multiple, often puzzling, causes. A treatment plan typically involves a variety of strategies. The goals are aimed not only at pain reduction but at improving your functioning so you can get on with your life. **************************** The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl.
"Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse practitioner warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies." Idiot
****************************
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers.
At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
The cop says, 'How is this possible?' The guy says,'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.' *************************** We brought our newborn son, Adam, to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." "So what do you say to the others?" I asked. "He looks just like you." **************************** Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
–Jack Handey Charles M. Schulz
"I love mankind; it's people I can't stand." Ambrose Bierce
"Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head." Mitch Hedberg
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down." **************************** Dictionary
ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye. CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine, fostered by a delusional,
illogical minority.
RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES
Something other people have .... similar to my character lines.
OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!
****************************
The old fisherman...
A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.' **************************** Emeril's Herb-Crusted Halibut The herb crust provides a zesty crunch that brightens up a halibut fillet. The simplicity of this dish makes it perfect for a weeknight dinner and yet still sophisticated enough for weekend entertaining. If you cannot find halibut at your local fish market, substitute another mild, flaky white fish Ingredients 4 tsp. chopped lemon zest
4 tsp. chopped fresh dill leaves
4 tsp. chopped fresh parsley leaves
4 tsp. chopped fresh chervil leaves
2 tbsp. cracked black pepper
Four 6-ounce halibut fillets, skinned
1 1/2 tsp. salt
4 tsp. Dijon mustard
1 tbsp. vegetable oil
4 c. fresh arugula leaves, rinsed and spun dry
2 tbsp. olive oil Directions 1. In a shallow bowl, combine the lemon zest, dill, parsley, chervil, and black pepper. 2. Season the fish with 1 1/4 tsp. of the salt. Then lightly brush one side of each fillet with 1 tsp. of the Dijon mustard. Firmly press the mustard-coated side of each fillet into the lemon-herb mixture. 3. Heat the vegetable oil in a skillet (preferably non-stick). Place the fillets, coated side down, in the hot oil and cook until the crust turns golden, 3 to 3.5 minutes. Flip them over and continue to cook until the fish flakes easily, about 3 minutes. 4. Meanwhile, toss the arugula with the olive oil in a medium bowl, and season with the remaining 1/4 tsp. of salt. Divide the arugula evenly among four serving plates. 5. Place a halibut fillet on each mound of arugula, and serve immediately. Makes: 4 servings **************************** Mini Greek Pizza Muffins
Active Time: 30 Minutes
Total Time: 50 Minutes
Yield: 2 dozen mini muffins All the flavors of a Greek pizza make these savory muffins bite-size treats for adults and kids alike. Make Ahead Tip: Store in an airtight container for up to 2 days. Serve at room temperature or reheat at 350°F. | Equipment: Mini-muffin pan with 24 (2-tablespoon) muffin cups. INGREDIENTS For Mini Greek Pizza Muffins :
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2/3 cup finely chopped onion
2/3 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
1/3 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano or 1/2 teaspoon dried
1 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup low-fat milk
1/3 cup crumbled feta cheese
1 large egg, well beaten
2 tablespoons tomato paste
2 tablespoons chopped kalamata olives
DIRECTIONS
Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion and bell pepper; cook, stirring often, until the onion is tender, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl and let cool for 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400°F. Coat a mini-muffin pan with cooking spray.
Whisk whole-wheat pastry flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, oregano, sugar, garlic powder and salt in a medium bowl.
Stir milk, feta, egg, tomato paste and olives into the onion mixture. Make a well in the dry ingredients; add the wet ingredients and stir until just combined. Fill the prepared muffin cups two-thirds full.
Bake the muffins until lightly browned, 13 to 15 minutes. Cool in the pan for 5 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature
**************************** Parmesan Spinach Cakes Active Time: 15 Minutes
Total Time: 40 Minutes
Yield: 4 servings, 2 spinach cakes each If you like spinach-cheese pie, try these simple but elegant-looking little spinach cakes. Make Ahead Tip: Equipment: Muffin pan with 12 (1/2-cup) muffin cups INGREDIENTS
12 ounces fresh spinach (see Note)
1/2 cup part-skim ricotta cheese or low-fat cottage cheese
1/2 cup finely shredded Parmesan cheese, plus more for garnish
2 large eggs, beaten
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper Note: Baby spinach is immature or young spinach—it’s harvested earlier than large-leaved mature spinach. We like the sturdy texture of mature spinach in cooked dishes and serve tender, mild-flavored baby spinach raw or lightly wilted. Baby and mature spinach can be used interchangeably in these recipes (yields may vary slightly); be sure to remove the tough stems from mature spinach before using. Weights & Measures 10 ounces trimmed mature spinach=about 10 cups raw 10 ounces baby spinach=about 8 cups raw
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 400°F.
Pulse spinach in three batches in a food processor until finely chopped. Transfer to a medium bowl. Add ricotta (or cottage cheese), Parmesan, eggs, garlic, salt and pepper; stir to combine.
Coat 8 cups of the muffin pan with cooking spray. Divide the spinach mixture among the 8 cups (they will be very full).
Bake the spinach cakes until set, about 20 minutes. Let stand in the pan for 5 minutes. Loosen the edges with a knife and turn out onto a clean cutting board or large plate. Serve warm, sprinkled with more Parmesan, if desired. **************************** Ringo's Corn Muffins
INGREDIENTS 2 eggs
1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese
1/2 cup light sour cream
2 tablespoons butter, melted
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1 cup frozen corn, cooked
1 package (8 1/2 ounce) corn muffin mix
DIRECTIONS
Combine first 5 ingredients in large bowl. Stir in onion, corn, and muffin mix; stir until blended. Spoon into 12 well-greased muffin tins and bake at 400 degrees F for 15-20 minutes.
**************************** Baked Shells with Pesto, Mozzarella, and Meat Sauce Active Time: 15 Minutes
Total Time: 30 Minutes
Yield: Serves 4
Here's a true crowd pleaser: pasta shells in a simple sauce of ground beef, tomatoes, and pesto, layered with mozzarella and Parmesan and baked until bubbly. Fusilli or orecchiette would work well here, too.
INGREDIENTS
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1 onion, chopped
1 pound ground beef
2 cups chopped canned tomatoes, drained (from one 28-ounce can)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup store-bought or homemade pesto
3/4 pound medium pasta shells
6 ounces mozzarella cheese, grated (about 1 1/2 cups)
1/4 cup grated Parmesan
DIRECTIONS
Heat the oven to 400 degrees F. Oil a large baking dish (about 9 by 13 inches).
In a large stainless-steel frying pan, heat the oil over moderately low heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until starting to soften, about 3 minutes. Stir in the ground beef and cook, breaking it up, until the meat is no longer pink, about 2 minutes. Drain off any excess fat.
Add the tomatoes and salt to the pan and bring to a simmer. Cook until most of the liquid evaporates, about 10 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the pesto.
Meanwhile, in a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the shells until just done, about 10 minutes. Drain and toss with the sauce. Put half of the pasta into the prepared baking dish and top with half the mozzarella and 2 tablespoons of the Parmesan. Repeat with the remaining pasta, mozzarella, and Parmesan. Bake until bubbling, about 15 minutes.
Variation:
Almost any relatively soft, mild cheese will taste good here. You might try fontina in place of the mozzarella, or even Gouda or Havarti. ****************************
Scottish Griddle Scones 2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
2 tbsp granulated sugar
3 tbsp butter or shortening
1 egg, beaten
about 7 tbsp milk (almost 1/2 cup)
Pinch salt 1. Sift together dry ingredients in a bowl. Cut in butter or shortening
until texture is like fine meal. Combine egg with all but 1 tbsp of
the milk. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients. Add egg-milk
mixture, mix lightly with fork, to form fairly stiff dough. Add more milk
if necessary. 2. Gather dough together gently with lightly floured hands to form a ball.
Turn out on a lightly floured board. Roll out circle of dough aobut 1/2-inch
thickness. Cut into 8 pie-shaped wedges. 3. Rub a round griddle (or skillet) lightly with unsalted lard or shortening. Heat over
medium heat. Place scones on hot griddle, cook over medium heat, turn once to brown
on both sides after 5 or 6 minutes. Cooking directly on the griddle takes
10 - 12 minutes, total. Watch closely so scones do not cook too rapidly.
To test for doneness, press down lightly with fingers to see that dough does not
ooze out from edges. 4. Serve at once with butter and strawberry jam for breakfast or tea. Makes 8 large scones. **************************** Tools Explained
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B*TCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. Hope you found this informative **************************** Railroad tracks. The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the US railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. In other words, bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process, and wonder, 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right! Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.) Now, the twist to the story: When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah .. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? So, Horse's Asses control almost everything... ...Explains a whole lot of things, doesn't it?
Tags: recipes, jokes, quotes, Reminder from God, tidbits
Answers to the Most Common Behavioral Problems in Dogs Behavioral problems are one of the most common reasons dogs are let out, abused and euthanized. So I'd like to take a few minutes to give you information about the most common problems and what you can do to solve them. I'd like to save as many dogs as possible by helping you HELP them! Here are the problems and links to articles that may help. 1. Marking Urine Marking By: Dr. Nicholas Dodman
Urine marking by leg lifting is a typical canine male behavior by which a dog marks his territory. Most owners are not surprised or alarmed if their male dog lifts his leg on a few bushes, fence posts and fire hydrants outside. They understand that it is normal for a dog to do this. Some dogs have an obsession about marking their territory. After all, it is their heritage as pack members to live within a well-delineated territory. A territory contains all the commodities necessary to sustain the pack, including various valuable resources, including their mates and their progeny. Making it clear to strangers that they have crossed a line with respect to territory helps avoid unnecessary fighting. Dogs use more than simply the odor of urine to define their territory. There are visible clues as well, including marks made on the ground by pawing and scratching. Dogs may also deposit feces strategically to delineate territorial boundaries, These signals, like handwriting, remain long after the sender has gone, providing a reminder to itinerants that they are now entering a restricted area. Male urine contains pheromones that are derivatives of a male hormone, testosterone, plus other unique markers. These natural chemicals can be detected by members of the same species and will direct them to alter their behavior. The signal sent is akin to "trespassers will be prosecuted." You may have noticed that male dogs, on reaching a previously urine-marked landmark, will often attempt to cover over the urine marks of previous canine visitors with their own urine. In so doing, they sometimes engage in some quite amusing acrobatics, including the reverse handstand sometimes displayed by little dogs when attempting to over-mark lofty scent marks left by larger dogs. When male dogs are neutered, leg lifting and the acrobatic displays come to an end in about 60 percent of dogs. Dogs that still mark territory after the surgery may be just acting out hard-to-break habits. Some females urine-mark, too, though less frequently than males. This is understandable since no behavior is unique to either sex. Some behaviors, though, so-called "sexually dimorphic behaviors," are displayed more commonly by one sex. This is the case with leg lifting which is, more typically, a male behavior. But some perhaps dominant females, or those that have been raised in predominantly male litters, also acquire the habit. Females do produce small quantities of testosterone, so there will be some small quantities of testosterone breakdown products in their urine. But they also excrete their own urinary (and vaginal) pheromone, parahydroxybenzoic acid (PHBA), which signals their estrus status and receptivity to mating. This signaling is (appropriately) strongest during a heat cycle. Most females do not leg lift, but they frequently deposit urine to advertise pending sexual receptivity. Urine marking by intact females is performed more frequently from the squatting posture. Spayed females usually cease urine marking, though the occasional spayed female will urine mark when stressed. If urine marking by leg lifting or squatting in females is conducted exclusively outside, it is not usually a problem for the owner and is certainly not one for the dog. The real problem occurs when urine marking is happening inside the home. This can be a real source of annoyance for the owner though, again, it is not a problem for the dog. As natural as leg lifting and other forms of urine marking may be, it's still not acceptable to owners to have such signaling directed toward their sofa or best wingback armchair. Treatment
For intact dogs (males or females) the solution is neutering. Approximately 60 percent of "altered" male dogs will cease urine marking within weeks or months of castration. Estrus-related urine marking will be abolished in virtually all females once they are spayed.
Neutered males may start urine marking if they are territorially stressed or frustrated. External stresses for dogs include unwelcome visits from neighborhood dogs, especially female dogs in heat. Keeping strange dogs away is of course a logical option.
Dogs are also more likely to urine-mark if they have an exaggerate view of their own importance within the household. When a dog is strutting his stuff without due respect for his owners, a dominance control program is warranted.
Some dogs that leg lift, or otherwise urinate inappropriately around the house, are driven to do so because of prevailing anxiety or stress. A typical scenario is that a dog discovers that his territory has been invaded by a new baby or unwelcome house-guest. The anxiety created by such a situation may cause dogs to signal their disapproval by means of urine marking. In these latter cases, more complicated behavior modification programs, involving acclimation and desensitization of the dog to the offending parties, can be instrumental in correcting the problem.
In all cases of in-home urine marking, it is imperative to effectively clean up the odors of previous urine marks by using biological odor neutralizers. Attempting to mask the urine with various scents is almost universally ineffective. It is imperative to use an enzymatic or bacterial product that will destroy the behavior modifying odors at the source. Some trade names of appropriate products are Anti-Icky Poo® (AIP), Nil-Odor®, Odornil®, OdorBan®, Nature's Miracle®, etc.
Pharmacological Intervention In rare instances when neutering, dominance control programs, anxiety-reducing measures, and thorough clean up are ineffective, pharmacological intervention may be the last resort. The type of drug usually used for this treatment is with an anti-depressant, typically an older style tricyclic anti-depressant. Amitriptyline (Elavil®) and imipramine (Tofranil®) have both been used with good success. These drugs seem to work by stabilizing the dog's mood, increasing his confidence, plus toning the bladder sphincter. Where anxiety is thought to be involved, the anxiety-reducing drug, buspirone (BuSpar®), may prove effective. Appropriate desensitizing measures should be applied simultaneously.
2. Aggression
Aggression in Dogs By: Dr. J. Michelle Posage and Dr. Amy Marder If you have ever been bitten by a dog, you are certainly not alone. More than 2 percent of people in the United States are bitten each year – that's more than 4.3 million people! But what causes aggression and how should an owner handle it in dogs? Aggression in dogs is defined as a threatening or harmful behavior directed toward another living creature. This includes snarling, growling, snapping, nipping, biting and lunging. Dogs that show such behavior are not abnormal; they are merely exhibiting normal species-typical behavior that is incompatible with human lifestyle (and safety). There are many reasons why a dog will act aggressively toward strangers or even his owner. The first step, when attempting to find out why your dog is being aggressive, is to take him to your veterinarian. Some veterinarians will visit you at your home - but dogs tend to be more aggressive on "their" territory. If there's no medical cause for the aggression, your veterinarian may refer you to a behaviorist, who will then obtain a full behavioral history and recommend therapy. Even if treatment appears to be successful, you should always be on guard. The frequency and severity of aggression may be reduced but, in most cases, aggression cannot be eliminated completely. You must weigh the risks of keeping an aggressive dog against the benefits. Remember, safety for yourself and people around you is the primary concern! Diagnosis In the course of a veterinary examination, your veterinarian will determine if there is a medical reason underlying your dog's aggressiveness. For instance, a dog with neck pain may show aggression when pulled by the collar. Once medical causes have been ruled out, your veterinarian will refer you to a behaviorist. At the behaviorist's, you'll be asked to answer many detailed questions regarding your dog's behavior. The session may last a couple of hours. An accurate description of your dog's behavior is necessary. Keeping a journal is helpful. You should note:
What elicits the aggression
How often it occurs To whom it is directed The specific behaviors The dog's postures at the time Videotaping your dog's behavior is helpful for the behaviorist, but don't get hurt while making the video. Answers to the many questions asked can lead the behaviorist to establish the cause of the aggression, and then outline an individualized approach to its treatment. The behaviorist will also provide a professional opinion of the risk involved. Aggression is influenced by several factors, including: genetic predisposition, early experience, maturation, sex, age, size, hormonal status, physiological state and external stimuli. Behaviorists use a classification system based on patterns of behavior and the circumstances in which they occur. This is done to determine the dog's motivation and the cause of the behavior. The classification is as follows:
Dominance-related aggression is one of the most common types of canine aggression that behaviorists treat. The aggressive acts are directed toward one or several family members or other household pets. Dogs are pack animals, and they relate to humans as members of their own species and pack members.
Territorial aggression is directed toward approaching animals or people outside of the pack in defense of a dog's area (home, room or yard), owner or fellow pack member.
Inter-male aggression between adult males usually involves territorial or dominance disputes. Inter-female aggression occurs most frequently between adult females living in the same household.
Predatory aggression is directed toward anything that the dog considers prey, usually other species, but sometimes any quick-moving stimulus, like a car or bike.
Pain-induced aggression is caused by a person or animal that causes pain. It often occurs when a person attempts to touch a painful area or when injections are given.
Fear-induced aggression occurs when people or animals approach a fearful dog. This is common when the dog cannot escape, and is sometimes seen when an owner uses severe punishment. Active, unpredictable children may also stimulate this type of aggression.
Maternal aggression is directed toward anyone that approaches a bitch with puppies or in false pregnancy.
Redirected aggression occurs when a dog that is aggressively motivated redirects the aggression from the source to another. For example, a dog that is barking at the door may redirect his aggression onto an owner that is pulling him back. Dominant dogs often redirect onto subordinates.
Treatment Treating aggressive behavior may involve a combination of behavior modification techniques (habituation, counterconditioning and desensitization), drug therapy, surgery (such as neutering/spaying), avoidance and management (such as leash or head halter). Each case is unique, and the success of treatment varies depending on the diagnosis and in accord with your capability, motivation and schedule. Even with successful treatment, however, there is no guarantee that the aggressive behavior won't return. In most cases, the frequency and severity of aggressive behavior can be reduced but the aggressive behavior cannot be eliminated completely. The best that may be hoped for is to reduce the probability of aggression. You must weigh the risks of keeping an aggressive dog against the benefits. Home Care If your dog is unpredictable, consider using a comfortable basket-style muzzle until you can get professional help. Until you receive professional help, avoid all interactions that trigger your dog's aggression. Do not attempt physical punishment. This can increase the intensity of your dog's aggression and may result in serious injury. Avoiding problems may involve:
Keeping your dog confined in a separate room when visitors or children are present
Housing or feeding your dogs separately if they are fighting with each other Removing objects like bones or rawhides that your dog may be guarding Do not allow children to have unsupervised access to your dog. Children should be taught to avoid interacting with dogs that are eating, chewing on a bone, or resting. They should not be allowed to tease or hurt dogs. Keep your dog on a leash at all times. In the home, you may want to attach a thin nylon leash on a buckle collar, which your dog can drag comfortably. This will give you safer control over him. Indoor leashes can be attached to head collars for even greater control. If your dogs are fighting, do not get in the middle. Interrupt the aggression using water, a loud noise, blanket or spray.
3. Barking Barking By: Dr. Nicholas Dodman Section: Barking Problems Dogs bark for a variety of reasons, some good, some not so good. Sometimes barking is a welcoming signal, other times not. Sometimes dogs bark briefly, and other times they just won't quit. And therein lies a problem. By nature, some breeds tend to bark more than others. Beagles and Shetland sheepdogs, for instance, tend to be very vocal. Greyhounds and basenjis, by contrast, rarely bark. Barking is a form of communication. When people or other dogs are around, barking can be a statement intended specifically for them. When a sound is used as a means of communication from one creature to another, the rudiments of language exist. Language after all is just a complicated arrangement of verbal/vocal cues. We can communicate with dogs by means of our language, but we are often rather poor at understanding their requests. Phrases such as "come here," "leave it," "stop it," inform the trained dog what must be done, but their barking often leaves us stymied. Barking serves different purposes. Sometimes it is used to repel and sometimes to attract. Some barking tones indicate, "stay away," whereas others (particularly in the appropriate context) can be interpreted to mean, "I'm over here, where the heck are you?" Even the most inexperienced of dog watchers will notice that dogs have a variety of different types of barking ranging from the muted "woof" of appreciation or alarm to loud angry series of barks indicating aggression. Barking often serves as an alarm call. Many owners appreciate such alarm barking and some domestic dog breeds have been selected for an enhanced warning system of this nature. When the barking produces the desired result, the "language" is reinforced and perpetuated. But not all of this "language" is wanted or appreciated by friends or family (let alone the neighbors). The key to dealing with barking is to be able to turn it off. When Barking Is a Problem In order to deal with a barking problem, you first need to know why your dog is barking. To Get Attention Most people get a little irritated when the family dog barks and gets whatever he wants. These dogs are pushy individuals who insist on getting their own way, demanding attention and the limelight. This is the kind of dog that will not allow you to sit peacefully and relax. Instead, he will bark in your face demanding to have a ball thrown, to be allowed on someone's lap, to be given food from the table, etc. So what allows a dog to become like this? In a word, conditioning. Although we sometimes don't realize it, we are training our dogs all the time through our actions. No dog will persist in a strategy that doesn't work, whether that strategy is barking, whining, or crying. Whatever produces the goods is what is reinforced. A dog that barks to get attention will have been trained to do so by random intermittent reinforcement for barking. Barking for attention, if ignored, will intensify before it dissipates, because the dog will try even harder, at first, to make his point. Here are some suggestions on how to deal with an attention-seeking barker.
Attention withdrawal. Ignore the "bad" behavior and only respond with attention when the dog is quiet. You should not make direct eye contact with the dog, speak to him, or touch him, when he is barking. To the attention-seeking dog, any attention is better than no attention - even if it's in the form of scolding.
Bridging stimulus. If the attention withdrawal becomes tedious, a bridging stimulus can be employed to hasten progress. A bridging stimulus is a neutral sound, such as a duck call, or even a click, that is made as soon as the dog begins a tirade. It signals that you're about to withhold attention. This strategy can produce a speedier resolution of attention-seeking barking than simply ignoring the dog's barking because it focuses the dog's attention on the consequences of its actions.
Punishment. Audible punishment can be a deterrent. This can be done by issuing a command, such as "No Bark!" and punishing the dog by shaking a "shake can" (a can with a stone inside of it) or by blasting an air horn/fog horn if he does not respond to the command immediately. The technique sometimes works, but audible punishments are only really effective for more sensitive types of dog.
Counterconditioning. Counterconditioning involves training the dog to do something that is incompatible with his previously conditioned behavior, in this case barking. For example, you can train your dog to go to his bed, where he will receive praise from you and perhaps a long-lasting food treat, whenever the stimulus that previously caused barking occurs, such as mealtime or talking with someone on the telephone. The new behavior (eating and lying quietly) replaces and is incompatible with barking for attention.
Separation Anxiety Barking Then there's barking caused by separation anxiety, which often takes place as you prepare to leave or when you're not around. There are two types of separation anxiety barking:
The acute, hysterical type of barking that occurs within minutes of the owner's departure, representing panic - a cry for help.
The more chronic variety of more monotonous barking expressed by dogs that have all but given up on their ability to do anything about their predicament.
The two types of barking have similar causation yet sound different and represent different stages of the same condition. The acute variety a distress barking takes the form of intermittent bouts of "expectant" barking, perhaps interspersed with bursts of whining, designed to attract the attention of the owner (or, in some cases, anyone) to the dog's miserable plight. The treatment for this problem is the same as the treatment of separation anxiety because separation distress is at the root of the problem. Too many owners fail to recognize their dog's suffering when irate neighbors complain of being disturbed by the dog's incessant barking. Instead of viewing the problem as a problem for their dog, they only see it as a problem for them. Punishment of such behavior is an all-too-frequent and misguided solution. Physical punishment at any time, especially after the fact, is not only pointless but is counter-productive and inhumane. More chronic "stereotypic" barking, with its monotone and seemingly mindless motivation, also derives from separation anxiety. It occurs once the purpose of the dog's barking has altered to become a simple release for anxious energy - a displacement behavior. Stereotypic barking indicates that a dog has been left alone for extended periods for years and has all but lost faith in its ability to summon anyone's attention to its plight. In this respect, chronic displacement barking is a barometer of long-term suffering. The humane solution for these dogs is to give them their due by making arrangements to prevent them from having to experience such isolation and futility in the future. Training them not to bark misses the point and will often not work, anyway. Punishment is inhumane. For such characters, much more fundamental issues have to be addressed to bring about resolution of the problem in hand. Territorial Barking One of a dog's main duties around the home is to bark and warn off any strangers and alert fellow pack members that an intruder is approaching. This function is very much appreciated by many owners and has prevented many a burglary. Having a dog in the house is as good, if not better, than having an electronic surveillance system. But problems arise when overly enthusiastic dogs continue to bark longer than is necessary to alert its owners of approaching persons. The trick is to train the dog to stop barking once the warning has been acknowledged. For most dogs this is usually not too much of a problem. A "good dog" or "thank you" is sometimes all that is needed to acknowledge the dog's warning of a stranger's approach. It's good manners, too, to thank your dog for performing his duty. If barking persists following your acknowledgement and thanks, however, a "cease" command, like "stop it!" or "enough!" should be used afterwards to call an end to it. Training the dog to the "stop it!" command should be performed using positive reinforcement. The reinforcement is provided when the dog has stopped barking for at least 3 seconds. You may have to wait for a while at first, but the dog will eventually get the message if the reward is sufficiently potent. Because you can't have visitors standing outside the door for 30–minutes, waiting to be let in, you should orchestrate training sessions using a volunteer visitor who has the time and patience to see you through the session. Typical Sequence
Stranger approaches and rings the doorbell. Dog barks. Owner says, "Good dog, thank you."
Dog continues to bark. Owner says "Enough!" Dog continues to bark. Owner remains motionless. Stranger waits. Dog eventually stops. (They all do, eventually). Owner says, "Good boy!" and the dog is given a delicious food treat as a reward for stopping barking. Stranger rings the bell again. This sequence is repeated until the dog is responding more quickly. Training session should always finish on a good note with the dog being rewarded for quiet behavior. The stranger then withdraws. This exercise should be repeated daily for several days until the dog stops barking quickly (less than 3 seconds) on command and remains quiet as the visitor enters the home. If all else fails, you may need to resort to a slightly more direct method. The preferred technique is using the Gentle Leader® head halter. First train the dog to wear the head halter without struggling. Fit the device and a 10-foot long training lead before a planned visit from a friend. Your dog will bark as the stranger approaches. Praise the dog for barking, and then issue the command "enough." If the dog continues to bark, apply gentle, steady upward traction to the training lead, which will cause the dog's nose to be elevated and will transmit pressure to the dog's muzzle and nape via the nose-band and neck strap, respectively. Maintain the tension until the dog relaxes and is quiet. Then release the tension and praise the dog for quiet behavior (even though you made it happen!). If you consistently silence the dog in this way by applying tension to the muzzle (via the head halter) and nape (via the neck strap), the dog will learn that it is hopeless to disobey the "enough" command. It learns that you inevitably intercede and take control of the situation using this powerful, yet gentle, training tool. Another technique, with or without the assistance of a head halter, involves counterconditioning your dog. As mentioned before, this means training him to do something incompatible with the behavior in question; in this case barking at the door or in the yard, after you have conceded that there actually is someone out there. You could, for example, train your dog to go to an out-of-the-way part of the house and relax whenever strangers appear and reward him (extremely well) for this behavior. Caveat: One problem most owners face when trying to train their dog not to bark at the door is that they try to manage too many things at once; controlling the dog, opening the door, greeting the stranger, and ushering in the stranger, all at the same time. For optimum success, you need to set up trial approaches from volunteer strangers and apply your concentration to handling your dog. Finally, the territorial dog that is motivated by fear is a slightly different situation. Although some of the above measures might help with such a dog, the chances of success are more limited. These dogs are actually anxious/fearful around strangers and may never settle down, even after the stranger has been welcomed. Such dogs need to be enrolled in a "total package" program in which they are not only controlled at the door but are also systematically desensitized to strangers, perhaps starting such an exercise on neutral territory at first. Reactive Barking Some dogs don't just bark at approaching strangers - they bark at anything that moves or alters their environment: a passing car, a falling leaf, an icicle breaking off, and so on. Such dogs are the antithesis of the lazy old coonhound that takes everything in his stride: They are constantly on "red alert" for anything that might happen. This type of dog can be difficult to cohabit with, especially if you don't need that degree of protection. Highly reactive dogs take their self-defensive and family-guarding responsibilities way too far. Perhaps by nature, perhaps by nurture, these dogs trust no one and regard every environmental change as a threat. So, how do we persuade these dogs that their mission is pointless when each environmental disturbance eventually stops, thus reinforcing the behavior? The answer is that we can't. All you can do, with your veterinarian's help, is to address any medical contributions to such hyper-reactivity, provide adequate exercise, ensure an appropriate diet, and attempt to exercise the best physical control possible. This type of treatment is not too far removed from the program to control territorial barking; only its application may need to be even more intense. If medical problems like hypothyroidism or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) underlie the problem, the fix may be a quick one. If not, then you have your work cut out. Above all, it is important to enrich the lives of such reactive barkers so that they understand what is, and what is not, worth barking about. The innate drive for dogs to bark plus our own mismanagement can produce a dog whose behavior is so ingrained that it takes medication (in addition to behavior modification therapy) to effect even a marginal improvement. It's far better to act early to prevent such a progression.
4. Jumping Up
Teaching Your Dog Not to Jump By: Dr. Ilana Reisner
When good behavior is consistently rewarded and jumping is ignored, dogs can quickly learn that keeping four feet on the ground is a preferable posture. No Rewards Allowed Training books and videos offer a number of creative methods for teaching a jumping dog to stop. Why, then, do so many dog owners continue to be subjected to this often unwelcome advance. The most important reason lies in the way that dogs learn. Any behavior that results in a reward is likely to be repeated. Rewards may be obvious or may be quite subtle. When dogs are excited, they naturally jump up onto their "target." Over the course of time they are met with hands petting them or pushing them away – with voices sometimes warm, at other times stern or surprised. All of these responses can be rewarding – and, therefore, all of them may reinforce jumping up behavior. When such rewards are scarce and intermittent – they are even more powerful reinforcers. So even if the family is working hard to ignore jumping up, the occasional reward supplied by a long-lost, third cousin can undo all the good work. Take Action What can be done to plant those four feet firmly on the ground? First, inform all family members and visitors that, from this day forward, jumping of any kind is banned. Peoples' only reaction to jumping should be no reaction. Everyone should remain utterly silent, averting their gaze and adopting an indifferent posture. Enlist the help of a neighbor or friend who can knock and enter repeatedly. Leash your dog and arm yourself with small food treats (perhaps placing a jar of treats near the door for visitors to dispense) Tell your dog to sit before he jumps up, while he's still calm enough to comply. Reward non-jumping behavior with food treats. Persistent attempts to jump can be corrected by saying, "OFF," walking your dog briskly in a circle, then telling him to sit (followed by a reward). Repeat the exercise as needed. Unlike pushing, petting or begging your dog to "get down," this exercise is unambiguous and rewards an alternative behavior – sitting. Your chances of success will be far greater if you work with others who can "provoke" your dog by entering the house or passing you on the street, time and time again. You should set up the training. At each pass, tell your dog to sit and reward this preferred behavior. In time, shift the control from yourself to the "visitor," who supplies attention only when your dog sits. Before you know it your dog will earn your heartfelt praise by sitting calmly instead of jumping up. A properly fitted head halter, such as the Gentle Leader, can be an invaluable tool for facilitating this type of retraining. All that is required is to pull forward and up to position the dog in a "sit" position. Then immediately release tension on the lead and praise the dog lavishly for sitting.
5. Nipping Nipping and Mouthing by Dogs By: Dr. Nicholas Dodman
When puppies play with each other, they use their mouths a lot. When they play with you or when they are petted, they usually want to bite or "mouth," too. This behavior is not frankly aggressive at this stage – though it may be pre-aggressive. There are two different life stages in which mouthiness can be an issue – before maturity and after maturity. The pre-maturity variety, all too often not taken seriously, and misguidedly interpreted as puppy play, leads to the adult version. Bear in mind that it is easier to "nip" the problem in the bud at this stage by training youngsters what is and is not acceptable behavior. Even if the behavior has been permitted to flourish into adult maturity, it is still possible to take corrective measures. Puppy Manners When pups are raised by their mothers, there comes a time when mom starts to set limits. Demanding youngsters often want to nurse whenever they feel like it, but a good mom starts to rebuff some of their efforts from the tender age of about 3 weeks. Nipping is also addressed, not just by mom but by the pup's littermates as well. Too hard a nip might result in a physical admonishment from mother, or the nipped littermate may cry out and stop playing. These natural checks and balances help to develop a puppy's good manners and eventual understanding of their impact of certain behaviors on others. When a puppy is raised by a well-meaning human caregiver, however, proper limit setting is sometimes neglected. Some new puppy owners do not realize that nipping is not acceptable behavior and that they should discourage it. However, a certain amount of puppy mouthing is acceptable, even desirable, in the very early stage of a pup's life. If a pup doesn't engage in any oral behaviors toward his minders, he can never be taught when enough is enough. To emphasize this point, consider improper rearing of usually inscrutable chow pups as an example of what can go wrong. As cute as they are, chow puppies are often too serious for their own good, don't play much, and may be reluctant to interact. If not coaxed out of this indifference, the first time they lay teeth on skin may not be until they're 18 months old and the message they deliver at this stage is likely to be overkill – sometimes with disastrous results. Instead, permit and even encourage mouthiness, even nipping – up to a point. But when mouthing becomes annoying, or the pup's needle teeth start to make an unforgettable impression, it's time to curtail the behavior. The idea is to teach the pup that humans are soft and ouchy. Let's suppose your puppy nips you for the first time when it is 4 months of age. Having carefully planned out your course of action, you wait until the next time your pup lays his teeth on you, withdraw your hand rapidly, and loudly exclaim "OUCH." Your interaction with the pup should then cease for a few minutes, just as would happen if the pup were with his littermates. You are teaching "bite inhibition"
- an essential early lesson for any family dog. If things turn out as they should, your pup will adore you, respect you, and understand that, even in extreme situations, humans do not need to be punctured in order to send them an intense signal. Having your dog understand this concept should be part of an overall strategy of limit setting and control. Not engaging in such a program with a would-be dominant dog often leads an unwitting owner down a sorry path of avoidance and subservience – a sorry state of affairs, and sometimes a dangerous one, too. Adult Nipping and Mouthiness Adult dogs that exhibit excess grabby oral behaviors do so because they have not been properly schooled as youngsters. They may nip you or grab people by the arm to indicate their wishes or admonitions. Being nipped and grabbed by your dog against your will is a fairly distressing consequence for an owner. The correct way for an owner to deal with such a problem is to immediately implement a "leadership" program in which the dog must learn that all good things in life come from you – and for a price. One common name for such a program is Nothing in Life is Free. As for adult nipping, avoid circumstances that can lead to nipping while working on the leadership program. If nipping or grabbing occurs do not shout, try to wave your arms around, or pull away. Instead, "turn to stone" and reward the dog when he lets go and stops nipping. A refinement of this approach to management of the mouthy dog is to arm yourself with a clicker and/or delicious food treats and ignore him when he engages in any rude and rough nipping behavior. The clicker is clicked and the food treat is supplied when his nipping ceases. Specifically, 3 seconds after a bout of mouthy behavior stops you should click, say "good dog," and offer him a food treat. For more frenetic nippers, a head halter with training lead attached can be employed as negative reinforcement to increase the frequency of the desired behavior – letting go when instructed, e.g. Out! Conclusion Many people don't realize that attention in any shape or form, positive or negative, may serve as a reward and can reinforce an unwanted behavior. If a dog takes hold of your arm and you start to yell and wave your arms around or push the dog away, you may be perceived as a big squeaky toy that can be animated for amusement when the going gets get slow. If your dog meaningfully grabs your arm with his mouth when you grab him by the collar, and you retreat, the dog's bad behavior is rewarded, ensuring that the behavior will be repeated in the future. The only way to avoid scenarios like this is to set certain limits and to become your dog's unequivocal leader.
6. Fear of Noise Fear of Thunder, Sounds or Noises in Dogs By: PetPlace Veterinarians
At the first clap of thunder, your dog is suddenly missing in action, and you're likely to find him in the far corner of the darkest closet or under the bed. Even if your dog is one of the so-called meanest breeds, he may sit trembling on your lap or at your feet when the thunder rolls. Fear of thunder and other loud noises is not uncommon in pets. In the animal world, fear is a normal response to a threatening situation or aversive stimulus and is designed to protect the animal from harm. A phobia is a persistent excessive and irrational fear response. Fears and phobias can develop at any age and in any breed. Fears, in general, can develop after a single frightening event or they can arise gradually over time. They are reinforced if the stimulus presentation is frequent. Dogs that are afraid of noise usually do not learn to tolerate the fear-inducing sounds. In fact, they often become more fearful with each exposure and the fear may generalize to include other similar sounds. For example, dogs that start out with thunder phobia may eventually become fearful of fireworks, cars backfiring, or sonic booms. A fearful dog may seek human company, freeze, pace, pant, tremble, salivate, try to escape, hide or bark at the fear-inducing noise. In severe cases, dogs may even injure themselves in their attempts to escape. Diagnosis A complete physical examination by a veterinarian is an important first step, not only to rule out medical problems that may exacerbate your dog's fear, but also to verify that your dog is healthy. You may also consider consulting with a behaviorist. In many cases of noise or thunderstorm phobia the diagnosis is obvious. However, if the noise occurs when you are away, you may come home to discover destruction, your dog on the loose, or signs of inappropriate elimination. Audio or video tape recordings can be useful in such cases to determine exactly what triggers the behavior problem. Treatment Treatment may be as simple as bringing your dog indoors, turning on the radio/television/fan/air conditioner ("white noise"), or providing a comfortable hiding place or "safe place." If your dog's signs are more severe, a program of counter-conditioning and desensitization may be helpful. This involves replicating the noise by tape recording and then exposing your relaxed dog to the noise at low volume. You can then increase the volume gradually, taking care not to cause your dog to become fearful. A veterinarian or behaviorist can help you design an appropriate program. Desensitization to thunderstorms is difficult using this technique because other difficult-to-recreate stimuli are presently simultaneously in a real storm e.g. changes in barometric pressure, darkening skies, and perhaps even certain odors (ozone?). The real situation will often precipitate the phobic reaction even after desensitization using taped recordings. Your dog's veterinarian or veterinary behaviorist may also recommend anti-anxiety medication. Home Care If your dog's fear is mild and the noise is infrequent, these simple techniques may be sufficient. However, don't try to reassure your dog during a fearful event with petting, soothing words, or extra attention, as this can sometimes exacerbate the problem by reinforcing your dog's fearful response. Also note that dogs are sensitive to peoples' moods may be influenced by the way that you react to the noise. It is best to act happy and upbeat or to redirect your dog's attention to some absorbing activity. Try to anticipate your dog's exposure to noises and avoid such exposure, if possible. Talk to your pet in a light, cheerful tone that sends a message that the storm is no big deal. Encourage your dog to find a quiet restful place to wait out the storm.
7. Digging Dealing with Dogs that Dig By: Dr. Monique Chrétien
Some dogs just love to get down and dirty by digging and digging. Meanwhile their masters can do nothing but watch as the yard starts to resemble a minefield. What you should do about digging depends on why your dog is scooping up soil by the pawfull in the first place. Why Dogs Dig There are a number of reasons that dogs dig. One is a well-founded urge for comfort, particularly on hot days. Dogs do not sweat very effectively and so they don't cool off as efficiently as humans. Digging into moist soil and then lying in it can provide summer relief. Even if the weather is not particularly hot, a well-appointed hole may be comfortable for nesting. Looked at from that point of view, digging is an indicator of how ingenious dogs can be. Some dogs dig because they are pursuing an odor of buried food or a prey animal. Breeds, such as terriers and dachshunds, have been bred for the propensity to dig to facilitate their burrowing into the underground dens of small animals. Sometimes, dogs dig just for the fun of it while others dig out of boredom or frustration. Then again, some dig because they have figured out that they can escape to roam the neighborhood if they can just get under the fence. On a more tragic note, some dogs that dig may be frightened into a frantic attempt to escape from frightening situations. Occasionally, dogs with separation anxiety dig out of their yards possibly in an attempt to be reunited with their owners. Thunderstorm phobic dogs just want to get away from the storm.
If digging does seem to be the result of a broader behavioral condition, such as separation anxiety or thunderstorm phobia, you should seek help through a veterinarian or an animal behaviorist. Digging is hardly ever a sign of a medical condition though it sometimes occurs as an obsessive-compulsive behavior and, as such, indicates anxiety superimposed on an underlying genetic tendency. Again, veterinary assistance should be sought if such a condition is even suspected. Tips to Discourage Digging
If your dog is digging to find a cool spot, try providing him with a small children's pool or sand pit in a shady area. Alternatively, try providing a shelter, such as a spot under a deck or insulated doghouse, for use on hot days. (Remember, all outdoor dogs should have access to shade and water at all times.)
If your dog is digging to escape from the yard, try to figure out why he is so keen to leave your property.
If your dog is leaving to find a mate, neutering will probably help.
If your dog is leaving to raid a neighbor's garbage, buy your neighbor a dog-proof garbage receptacle. If you have a benevolent neighbor who is feeding your dog, ask the neighbor to stop.
Give serious consideration to improving your containment system. The addition of an underground electronic fence or a fence that extends beneath ground level may be the only way to contain a skillful escape artist.
If your dog is digging just to have fun, show him other ways to play. Provide him with lots of exercise. If you don't have the time, consider hiring a dog walker or neighborhood child to walk your dog and play ball with him in the backyard. Always keep your dog busy and mentally stimulated.
Supervise your dog when he is out in the yard. Reprimand (NO!) if he starts to dig. Get him interested in doing other things instead (playing ball). If there is one particular area your dog likes to excavate, try temporarily covering the area with plastic or wood. Or change the texture of the soil - for example, with water, large stones or newly planted grass - as this may discourage the unwanted behavior.
Consider providing a special area of the yard for your dog to dig and teach him that it is acceptable to dig there but not in the rest of your yard. Well-placed (buried) treats may help direct him to a suitable area.
8. Running Away Dealing with Dogs that Run Away By: Dr. Nicholas Dodman
Some dogs are just born to run. Although the reasons for running away are varied, there are a couple of common themes. Dogs run away either a) to get to a better place where something rewarding may happen or b) to escape from a real or perceived danger.
It is useful to remember that dogs' living ancestors, the wolves, roam for a living. For them, roaming is a natural behavior that involves scouting, hunting, exploration, and discovery. Home, the den is reserved for family affairs but all other good things in life are procured by skillful exploitation of their home range. Typically, a wolf's or wild dog's home range covers several square miles and nature has equipped them (and their domestic dog descendents) with a "Cadillac" North Star navigation system that enables them to create and store mental maps. Essentially, they never get lost and can always find their way home. With these awesome skills, all they need is a good reason to go and they're gone. But when the neighborhood is concrete or tarmac and is seething with automobiles and trucks, this can present a problem. Free-ranging dogs get into a lot of trouble in our society and a good number of them wind up in the pound. For this reason, a wandering dog is not a good dog is not a happy dog – not in the long run anyway. If the trucks don't get them, and they don't bite or get bitten, the animal control officer will eventually track them down. Causes of Roaming
Reproductive drive. An intact male dog roams when he detects the odor of estrogen on the wind. Why, though, would a neutered male or a female develop reproductive wanderlust? The answer is because sexual urges are generated in the brain, not in the loins. Although castration causes the male hormone testosterone to fall to zero within about 8 hours, a neutered male remains a male, not an "it." Castration reduces roaming in 90 percent of dogs but for the remaining 10 percent behave as if nothing has changed.
Boredom. Why do dogs climb over and dig under fences? Some say, to get to the other side. People sometimes go to work and leave their dogs tied up or wandering in the yard because they are afraid they will damage the house if left inside. A curious and active dog in a postage-stamp sized backyard is an instant candidate for escape - and thus disaster.
Predatory drive. Another very strong, almost magnetic, force that draws dogs away from their homes is prey drive. Seeking and finding prey is one of the most powerful natural tendencies that dogs possess. The thrills and the sweet victory of the chase are their own intrinsic rewards. Although we provide our dogs all the food they need, this extravagance still does not extinguish the drive to hunt in dogs.
Social reasons. Like wolves, some dogs have secondary homes or dens. Unless physically restrained, they will leave one home and wander over to the other periodically. I once had five clients sitting in front of me during a behavior consultation on one dog. "Which one of you is the owner?" I asked. They looked at each other for a moment or two and then one of them said, "We all are." Apparently, the dog in question would wake up in one person's home and wander over to the neighbor's house for breakfast. It would then go over to a third neighbor's home for a mid-morning walk and visit yet another neighbor each evening for dinner. This scenario brings to mind so-called "boomerang dogs" that are discarded by one family but keep returning to the original owners' home.
Physical rewards. Food is a powerful reward for certain dogs. If such dogs learn of a source of food away from their home, they may visit that location whenever they feel a little hungry. One dog discovered that a neighbor always threw out leftover pizza on a Friday night. The dog was always found missing on Fridays.
Thunderstorm phobia. There are some phobic dogs that express their great displeasure by attempting to run away from what ails them. If a dog like this starts to run and run, he will eventually find that the storm abates. The running away behavior is rewarded by so-called negative reinforcement – the frequency of running away during storms increases because it stops something bad from happening (apparently, at least). Thunderstorm phobic dogs sometimes become quite skilled at breakouts, leaping from windows, or clearing high fences in a single bound as if they had superhuman powers.
Fear of owner. Although rare, I have seen this behavior recently in a dysfunctional dog adopted from a pound. The dog loved the lady owner but couldn't stand her husband. The dog barked at him from the time he set foot into the house in the evening until the time he left for work the next morning. Tragically, the woman died, leaving the dog to either get over his fear of the man or run away. The dog chose the latter approach but was later recaptured and rehabilitated.
What To Do About Roaming The first step is making sure that all dogs are neutered. Though not a panacea, neutering is the best way to reduce the risk of roaming in an intact dog. Also, unneutered dogs at large simply add to the already overwhelming population of unwanted pups. The second most important measure is to have your yard fenced with a sturdy solid fence to prevent your dog's escape and unwanted visits from neighboring dogs. Ties, runs, and electric fences are not as good as real fences because they don't keep others out and seem to increase territorial aggression in some dogs. The third step is to ensure that the environment in which you leave your dog is "user friendly." There is any number of ways to do this and they all involve various forms of environmental enrichment plus dutiful attention to the dog's basic needs. Environmental enrichment measures include providing your dog some company while you are away, ensuring he has plenty of aerobic exercise every day, making sure he has a sensible diet, and making sure he has a meaningful job to perform while you are with him Another more helpful measure is to make home as rewarding a place for him to be as possible – literally. Put your dog on a long line and feed him small meals often by the back door. Later, even if the frequency of meals is reduced he will hang around the vicinity of your home – just in case a meal is in the offing. For dogs that run because they're scared it is important to address the source of the fear by means of a specific behavior modification program. Such programs entails desensitization and, in some cases, anti-anxiety medication. Conclusion No one in his right mind would allow a dog to roam the streets these days. There's just too much trouble out there – not to mention leash laws. Attending to a dog's basic needs, making home a fun place, fencing in the yard properly, and having your dog neutered will all help to prevent escapes. And if your dog is one of those incorrigibles who are likely try anything to escape whatever you do, then you should make sure he is properly identified with tattooing, identification collars and tags or a microchip, so that he can be safely returned in the event of the inevitable escape. 9. Whining Dealing with Whining Dogs By: Dr. Nicholas Dodman
Dogs don't have too many sounds in their vocabulary – there's growling, barking, howling, whining ... and that's about it. The original function of these sounds was fairly straightforward – the growl being a warning; the bark, an exclamation; the howl, a long-distance communication; and whining, a care-soliciting call. But dogs can employ all of these sounds in different ways. Under different circumstances they use them to express a number of different desires and emotions. It may not be surprising to learn that there are various types of growl, each implying a different level of threat (the mutter or grumble, the throat growl, and the belly growl, for example) or that barking serves more than one purpose – either beckoning, warning, or indicating arousal and excitement. It may not be quite as obvious, however, that whining can also be a flexible vocal tool. Humble Beginnings Young puppies whine to communicate with their moms. Whining by pups, like the crying of human infants, is a sound that is virtually irresistible, thus ensuring the pups' proper care and attention. At first, whining is automatic, rather than planned, and is stimulated whenever the youngster is cold or hungry. The result: A visit from mom whenever one of her pups whines. She is then able to assess the need of the pup and to supply the missing ingredient. Soon, pups learn to whine with purpose. The Next Step Human families adopt pups at around 8 weeks of age. By this time they certainly have the whining game down to a tee, but now they must find out what effect it will have on their new caretakers. Newly adopted pups whine for the same basic reasons as before, but now there's no mom to summon. Loneliness or boredom may precipitate their sorrowful whimpering and whining in vain hopes that she might reappear but, of course, she usually doesn't. It's the owner's response to the pup's whining that determines how things progress from this point onwards. Owners reactions fall into three categories:
Those who ones who leave the pup to whimper unattended – the uninitiated or uncaring types
Those who approach the pup to make sure it's all right and take any action that is necessary – the thoughtful t
Tags: dogs, problems, care
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