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'What a wonderful world'...'Ooohhh,Yeahhhh'!(Mr. Lewis Armstrong,'Goodmorning Vietnam'.)

mem_normal2 OFFLINE
70 years old
Lochmere, New Hampshire
United States
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MEMBER SINCE: 10/15/2006
LAST LOGIN: 09/14/2007 17:33:38

all kinds-Disney to hardcore military movies.


Kinda long but definitely worth it!!!!

STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a Pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
batteries, right?!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would
shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out
of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy,
bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" )

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to
give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to
my naked thigh, pushed the button, and


I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me
making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly
thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again !"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be
considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-....... That hurt like **@@&?** !!! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits
(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a
significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock.

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid".

Your stone/jewel: Emerald
Your power: Friendship. The ability to make friends with anyone, and to soothe old rivalry so that peace and friendship upholds.
Your element: Water
A quote that applies to you: Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

ant knee10031
Love Level: 51%
Name 1:
Name 2:

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anything but romance novels.
myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
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Libra are born between September 23rd and October 23rd
Libra is an Air sign.

You are a charmer, always a popular addition to any social situation, you enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. You are also good at settling disagreements between others. You have a gift of tact in that you know when you are about to put your foot in your mouth, and you withdraw. You are highly relationship oriented, and you like to have a lot to do with people as opposed to a little. Arty persuits make you happy.

Ms.Fix-it.Always something to do-not a lot of time for hobbies.But I love to plant flowers,to see if they like me enough to grow for me.
I carve wood-and go collecting what ever I can.
Fishing,hunting,camping.watching:football and baseball.Throwing popcorn into the air and across the room,when my team wins-or when they mess up.It all depends on that.

Save The World - One Click At A Time!

On each of these websites, you can click a button to support the cause -- each click creates funding, and costs you nothing! Bookmark these sites, and click once a day!

Click here to post this on your page or blog


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I have been told that sometimes I have a very sharp attitude -and friends know it's cause I have a soft side I don't show to a lot of people-unless I care a lot for them.I will stand up for weaker people against jerks who put them down,just to make themselves feel better.I will protect -with my life-those I consider family and friends.I will do verbal battle with ANYONE who puts down NamVets.Do not mess with the best of us.
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Visit The Artist's Website!


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I laugh easily-and care too deeply.My down fall(and the best of me) is the careing too much,and too much honesty-but it is who I am...I deal with it.I cannot be but who I am.
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John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it!
You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood."
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.

The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.
Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens... Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason; that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor.

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television.
That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he mad e and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be fromAmerica and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...


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Arrogant "power people".Those materialstic foolish people, who do not not understand that LIFE in itself-is priceless.Love and compassion cannot be bought.Wars can-but not LOVE.People who look down on others.Mean people.
"Politically Correct" Jerks.Just say what cha mean-and MEAN what cha say!

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