REMINDER FROM GOD:

What If There Is a Heaven? Part III

"According to the Lord's own word … the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."1

Regarding heaven, we have been given evidence from those who have had near-death experiences and what they witnessed, the testimonials of the last words of famous people including those of non-believers, and the experience of a very close friend as he departed this life. All of these are very interesting, but the final point is the most powerful evidence of all as to whether there is a heaven or not.

Fourth, we have evidence from Jesus Christ himself and the whole of God's Word, the Bible. Speaking about heaven Jesus said, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. In my Father's house are many mansions. I am going there to prepare a place for you, and if I go, I will come back to take you there to be with me forever."2 While ministering here on earth, Jesus repeatedly made mention of heaven so it was clearly evident that Jesus believed in both heaven and hell.

Furthermore, according to one Bible scholar, there are 1,845 references to Christ's coming back to earth that are recorded in the Old Testament and 318 in the New Testament. There are many more references about heaven and hell. And as Jesus said, he is right now preparing heaven for all Christians and will, when everything is ready, return to take them to be with him forever.

Nobody can prove that there is a heaven or a hell. Neither can anybody prove there isn't. The evidence, however, confirms that there are both, and I know which side I'd rather be on. If I believe, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. But if I don't believe, I have everything to lose and nothing to gain.

The choice to believe or not to believe is each individual's decision. For those who choose to believe, the key issue is to be sure that you are prepared for heaven and ready to meet God face to face. You do that, first, by believing that when Jesus died on the cross 2,000 years ago, he died to pay the ransom price for your sins; second, by confessing your sins to God; and third, by responding to Christ's call to accept him into your heart and life as personal Lord and Savior.

The wonderful thing is that God's invitation to heaven is open to everyone. As God's Word, the Bible, says, "Whoever will may come."3

If you have not already done so, will you accept God's invitation to come to him by confessing that you are a sinner in need of forgiveness and by accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? Today? For help to make absolutely sure you are ready for heaven be sure to read the article, "How to Be Sure You're a Real Christian (without having to be religious)" at: www.actsweb.org/christian. Receiving Jesus as your Savior is your Passport into Heaven. Whatever you do, don't leave earth without it.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you again for your promise of heaven for all who believe in you and have accepted Jesus as their Savior. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I confess that I am a sinner and ask you, Lord Jesus, to forgive me for all my sins, and come into my heart and life and be my Lord and Savior. Thank you for hearing my prayer, for forgiving all my sins, and for your promise of a home in heaven. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 (NIV).
2. John 14:1-3.
3. Revelation 22:17.

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

benevolent
    audio pronunciation
    buh-NEV-uh-lunt

    DEFINITION

adjective
1
a : marked by or disposed to doing good b : organized for the purpose of doing good
2
: marked by or suggestive of goodwill

    EXAMPLES

Jody's grandmother was a benevolent lady who enjoyed performing random acts of kindness for both her family and strangers.

"This benevolent festival supports the nonprofit Hudson River Sloop Clearwater, which was founded by the folk singer Pete Seeger and aims to clean up the waterway." — From an write-up by Stacey Anderson in The New York Times, May 20, 2012

    DID YOU KNOW?

Someone who is "benevolent" genuinely wishes other people well, which is not surprising if you know the word's history. "Benevolent" can be traced back to Latin "bene," meaning "good," and "velle," meaning "to wish." Other descendants of "velle" in English include "volition" ("the act or power of making one's choices or decisions"), "voluntary," and the rare word "velleity" (meaning either "the lowest degree of volition" or "a slight wish or tendency"). There is also one more familiar "velle" descendant — "malevolent," the antonym of "benevolent," a word describing one who is disposed to doing ill instead of good.

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RECIPE:

Corn and Apricot Muffins with Orange Essence

Yield:  Makes 12 muffins

Whole grain cornmeal has a fuller flavor than regular cornmeal milled from degerminated corn. To determine what kind of cornmeal a package contains, look closely at the label.

 INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup granulated sugar plus 2/3 cup of granulated sugar
2 teaspoons orange zest, grated
1 1/2 cups dried apricots (10 ounces)
2/3 cup orange juice
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (10 ounces)
1 cup fine-ground, whole-grain yellow cornmeal (4 1/2 ounces)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon table salt
2 large eggs
1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
8 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 stick), melted
3/4 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk

DIRECTIONS
In food processor, process 2/3 cup granulated sugar and 11/2 teaspoons grated orange zest until pale orange, about 10 seconds. Transfer to small bowl and set aside.

In food processor, pulse dried apricots for ten
2-second pulses, until chopped fine. Transfer to medium microwave-safe bowl; add orange juice to apricots, cover bowl tightly with plastic wrap, and microwave on high until simmering, about
1 minute. Let apricots stand, covered, until softened and plump, about 5 minutes. Strain apricots; discard juice.

Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 400 degrees. Spray standard muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray.

Whisk flour, cornmeal, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in medium bowl to combine; set aside. Whisk eggs in second medium bowl until well combined and light-colored, about 20 seconds. Add granulated and dark brown sugar to eggs; whisk vigorously until thick and homogenous, about 30 seconds; add melted butter in 3 additions, whisking to combine after each addition. Add half the sour cream and half the milk and whisk to combine; whisk in remaining sour cream and milk until combined. Stir remaining orange zest and strained apricots into wet ingredients. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; mix gently with rubber spatula until batter is just combined and evenly moistened. Do not over-mix. Using an ice cream scoop or large spoon, divide batter evenly among muffin cups, dropping it to form mound. Sprinkle a portion of orange sugar over each mound of bater. Do not level or flatten surface of mounds.

Bake until muffins are light golden brown and skewer inserted into center of muffins comes out clean, about 18 minutes, rotating muffin tin from front to back halfway through baking time. Cool muffins in tin 5 minutes; do not invert baked muffins; use a paring knife to lift muffins from tin one at a time and transfer to wire rack. Cool muffins 5 minutes longer; serve warm.

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Big Blueberry Muffins
   
Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  45 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 12

 INGREDIENTS
nonstick vegetable oil spray
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon ground mace
1 1/2 cups buttermilk
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups fresh or frozen, unthawed, blueberries
   
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Place 12 round mousse rings on large heavy flat baking sheet and spray insides with nonstick spray. Using electric stand mixer, blend flour, sugar, butter and salt in large bowl until mixture resembles fine meal. Reserve 1/2 cup of mixture in small bowl. Add baking powder, baking soda and mace to remaining flour mixture in large bowl. Whisk buttermilk, eggs and vanilla to blend in medium bowl. Gradually beat into flour mixture. Carefully and evenly fold in blueberries. Divide batter evenly among prepared rings. Sprinkle streusel over tops of muffins.

Bake until golden brown and tester inserted in center comes out clean, about 25 minutes for fresh berries and 35 minutes for frozen. Cool 5 minutes on baking sheet.

Using spatula, carefully transfer muffins to rack and cool until warm. Starting at bottom, run small, sharp knife around edge of muffin to loosen and remove ring.

DO-AHEAD: Muffins can be made 2 days ahead. Store airtight at room temperature. Rewarm in 275 degrees F oven for 10 minutes, if desired.

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Ziti with Portobello Mushrooms, Caramelized Onions, and Goat Cheese
   
Active Time:  35 Minutes
Total Time:  35 Minutes
Yield:  Serves 4

Meaty mushrooms are enhanced by sweet caramelized onions and just enough tangy melted goat cheese in this delicious year-round pasta.

 INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons olive oil
3 onions, chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 pound portobello mushrooms, stems removed, caps halved and then cut crosswise into 1/4-inch slices
3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
1/4 teaspoon fresh-ground black pepper
3/4 pound ziti
3 ounces soft goat cheese, such as Montrachet, crumbled
3 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese, plus more for serving

DIRECTIONS
In a large frying pan, melt 1 tablespoon of the butter with 2 tablespoons of the oil over moderate heat. Add the onions, 1/2 teaspoon of the salt, and the sugar and cook, stirring frequently, until the onions are well browned, about 20 minutes. Remove from the pan.

In the same pan, melt the remaining 1 tablespoon butter with 1 tablespoon of the oil over moderate heat. Add the mushrooms and 1/4 teaspoon of the salt and cook, stirring occasionally, until tender and brown, about 8 minutes. Add the reserved onions, the parsley, the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt, and the pepper.

In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the ziti until just done, about 13 minutes. Reserve 3/4 cup of the pasta water and drain. Toss the ziti and 1/2 cup of the reserved pasta water with the mushroom mixture, the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, the goat cheese, and the Parmesan. If the pasta seems dry, add more of the reserved pasta water. Serve with additional Parmesan.

Nutrition Facts per Serving
Yield: Yield:  Serves 4
Calories:     627    Fat. Total:     27g    Fiber:     5g    Carbohydrates, Total:     77g    Sodium:     762mg    % Cal. from Fat:     9%
Cholesterol:     29mg    Protein:     20g
   
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Zucchini Rice Casserole

Active Time:  40 Minutes
Total Time:  2 Hours
Yield:  12 servings, about 1 cup each

We pack extra vegetables into this cheesy baked rice casserole. Plus we substitute brown rice for white, reduce the cheese by half and swap turkey sausage for pork sausage. If you’re bringing it to a potluck, plan to reheat it before serving.

Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 5; cool, cover and refrigerate for up to 1 day. To finish, bake at 375°F until the casserole is hot and the cheese is melted, about 45 minutes.

 INGREDIENTS
1 1/2  cups long-grain brown rice
3 cups  reduced-sodium chicken broth
4 cups  diced zucchini and/or summer squash (about 1 pound)
2   red or green bell peppers, chopped
1   large onion, diced
3/4 teaspoon   salt
1 1/2  cups low-fat milk
3 tablespoons   all-purpose flour
2 cups  shredded pepper Jack cheese, divided
1 cup  fresh or frozen (thawed) corn kernels
2 teaspoons   extra-virgin olive oil
8 ounces   turkey sausage, casings removed
4 ounces   reduced-fat cream cheese (Neufchâtel)
1/4 cup  chopped pickled jalapeños

Tip: : To remove corn from the cob: Stand an uncooked ear of corn on its stem end in a shallow bowl and slice the kernels off with a sharp, thin-bladed knife. This technique produces whole kernels that are good for adding to salads and salsas. If you want to use the corn kernels for soups, fritters or puddings, you can add another step to the process. After cutting the kernels off, reverse the knife and, using the dull side, press it down the length of the ear to push out the rest of the corn and its milk.

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 375°F.

Pour rice into a 9-by-13-inch baking dish. Bring broth to a simmer in a small saucepan. Stir hot broth into the rice along with zucchini (and/or squash), bell peppers, onion and salt. Cover with foil. Bake for 45 minutes. Remove foil and continue baking until the rice is tender and most of the liquid is absorbed, 35 to 45 minutes more.

Meanwhile, whisk milk and flour in a small saucepan. Cook over medium heat until bubbling and thickened, 3 to 4 minutes. Reduce heat to low. Add 1 1/2 cups Jack cheese and corn and cook, stirring, until the cheese is melted. Set aside.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat and add sausage. Cook, stirring and breaking the sausage into small pieces with a spoon, until lightly browned and no longer pink, about 4 minutes.

When the rice is done, stir in the sausage and cheese sauce. Sprinkle the remaining 1/2 cup Jack cheese on top and dollop cream cheese by the teaspoonful over the casserole. Top with jalapeños.

Return the casserole to the oven and bake until the cheese is melted, about 10 minutes. Let stand for about 10 minutes before serving.

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Flourless Honey-Almond Cake
   
Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  2 Hours
Yield:  10 servings

Honey and almonds flavor this simple (and gluten-free) cake. It’s lovely for afternoon tea or a spring holiday dessert. Be careful not to overbeat the egg whites—they should be white and very foamy, but not at all stiff or able to hold peaks. If you beat them too much, the cake may sink in the middle as it cools.

Make Ahead Tip: Store the cooled cake airtight at room temperature for up to 1 day. Drizzle with honey and sprinkle with almonds just before serving. | Equipment: 9-inch springform pan, parchment paper

INGREDIENTS

For Cake:
1 1/2  cups   whole almonds, toasted (see Tip)
4   large eggs, at room temperature (see Tip), separated
1/2 cup  honey
1 teaspoon   vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon   baking soda
1/2 teaspoon   salt

For Topping:
2 tablespoons   honey
1/4 cup  sliced almonds, toasted (see Tip)

: To toast whole almonds, spread on a baking sheet and bake at 350°F, stirring once, until fragrant, 7 to 9 minutes. To toast sliced almonds, cook in a small dry skillet over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, until fragrant and lightly browned, 2 to 4 minutes.

Note: Eggs must be at room temperature for the proteins to unwind enough to support the cake’s crumb. Either set the eggs out on the counter for 15 minutes or submerge them in their shells in a bowl of lukewarm (not hot) water for 5 minutes before using.
   
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-inch springform pan with cooking spray. Line the bottom with parchment paper and spray the paper.

Process whole almonds in a food processor or blender until finely ground (you will have about 13/4 cups ground). Beat 4 egg yolks, 1/2 cup honey, vanilla, baking soda and salt in a large mixing bowl with an electric mixer (or use a paddle attachment on a stand mixer) on medium speed until well combined. Add the ground almonds and beat on low until combined.

Beat 4 egg whites in another large bowl with the electric mixer (use clean beaters on a hand-held mixer or the whisk attachment on a stand mixer) on medium speed until very foamy, white and doubled in volume, but not stiff enough to hold peaks, 1 to 2 minutes (depending on the type of mixer). Using a rubber spatula, gently fold the egg whites into the nut mixture until just combined. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan.

Bake the cake until golden brown and a skewer inserted into the center comes out clean, about 28 minutes. Let cool in the pan for 10 minutes. Run a knife around the edge of the pan and gently remove the side ring. Let cool completely.

If desired, remove the cake from the pan bottom by gently sliding a large, wide spatula between the cake and the parchment paper. Carefully transfer the cake to a serving platter. To serve, drizzle the top of the cake with honey and sprinkle with sliced almonds.

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Carla Hall's S'more Cream Puffs

 
skill level Moderate
time 60-120min
servings  12

ingredients

    For the Cream Puffs:
    1 cup Unsalted Butter
    2 cups Water
    1 Pinch Salt
    2 cups Unbleached Flour
    7 Eggs
    Cooking spray
 
  For the Cream Filling:
    2 cups Whole Milk
    5 Large Egg Yolks
    1 cup Sugar
    1/4 cup Cornstarch
    1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

    To Dip in Chocolate:
    1/2 cup Unsalted Buttet at Room temperature (cut into tablespoon-sized pieces)
    8 ounce Semisweet chocolate chips
   
To Top:
    Crushed graham crackers
    Mini Marshmallows


Measuring Spoons
next
step by step directions.

    ingredients    Cooking Spray
    instructions    For the Cream Puffs: Preheat oven to 400F, and line sheet pans with parchment. Lightly coat with cooking spray.
    ingredients    1 cup Unsalted Butter
    2 cups Water
    1 Pinch Salt
    2 cups Unbleached Flour
    instructions    In a medium pot, bring water, butter, and salt and a boil. Add all flour at once, turning heat down to medium-low and begin to beat until mixture pulls away from sides and forms a ball.
    ingredients    7 Eggs
    instructions    Transfer to the bowl of a stand mixer and beat at medium speed until cooled slightly. Turn speed up to high and add the eggs, one at a time, until full incorporated. Do not add the next egg until current egg is full incorporated.
    ingredients     
  
    instructions    When dough comes together, around 10 minutes, transfer to piping bag. Pipe 3" rounds onto the parchment lined sheet pan, leaving space between each.
    ingredients      
    instructions    Bake for about 40 minutes, until outside is golden brown and the inside of the puffs sound hollow. Cool completely before filling.
    ingredients    2 cups Whole Milk
    5 Large Egg Yolks
    1 cup Sugar
    1/4 cup Cornstarch
    1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
    instructions    For the Cream Filling: In a medium saucepan, whisk together milk, egg yolks, sugar and cornstarch. Place over a low heat whisking gently just until the mixture bubbles, about 15 minutes. Immediately remove from the heat. Strain through a fine mesh sieve into a large bowl. Stir in vanilla extract. Press plastic wrap directly on the top of the cream and place in fridge to cool completely, approximately 2 hours.
    ingredients      
    instructions    To fill the puffs, transfer the pastry cream to a piping bag, with a medium tip. Use the tip to break a small hole in the puff, and fill.
    ingredients    1/2 cup Unsalted Buttet at Room temperature (cut into tablespoon-sized pieces)
    8 ounce Semisweet chocolate chips
    instructions    To Dip in Chocolate: Heat chocolate in a double boiler. Add the room temperature butter, a piece at a time, melting into the butter. Dip puffs into mixture.
    ingredients    Crushed graham crackers
    Mini Marshmallows
    instructions    To Top: Top with crushed graham crackers and mini marshmallows. Allow to dry on a parchment lined sheet pan.

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JOKES:

CONFUCIOUS SAY:  If we don't know life, how can we know death?


THINGS to PONDER:  Is laughing stock cattle with a sense of humor?

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act
creates a ripple with no logical end." - Scott Adams

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.


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Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday.  While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo)  with a
group of thespians from St.  Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went overboard to
show them one of America's many marvels.  He demonstrated the
effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"  ...  the hard way.

Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was,
so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby.  However, once it became aware of its being
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.

"Sally (the rhino)  hasn't been feeling well lately.  She had been very
constipated.  We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to
relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank,"  said James
Douglass, caretaker.

During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored,
and a number of small animals escaped.  Also, during the stampede, three
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death.  As for Demuth, it took a
team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from
the rhino's buttocks.

First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down.  However, during
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.

"It was tricky.  We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield
our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.  I guess you could say that
Demuth was into it up to his neck.

Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working to
keep an air passage open for Mr.  Demuth.  We were able to tranquilize her
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear,"  said Douglass. 
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive.  "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can't take it to the zoo,"  commented Vladimir Zolnikov,
leader of the troupe.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

What If There Is a Heaven? Part II

"Now we know that if the earthly tent [our human body] we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."1

In continuing our series on heaven we have the evidence from the testimonials of famous people who shared their last words. For example, it is reported that Professor J.H. Huxley, the famous agnostic, as he lay dying suddenly looked up at some sight invisible to mortal eyes, and staring awhile, whispered at last, "So it is true."

Sir Francis Newport, head of the English Infidel Club, said to those gathered around his death bed, "Do not tell me there is no God for I know there is one, and that I am in his angry presence! You need not tell me there is no hell, for I already feel my soul slipping into its fires! Wretches, cease your idle talk about there being hope for me! I know that I am lost forever."

Dwight L. Moody, the famous Christian preacher, awakening from sleep shortly before he died had just the opposite to say: "Earth recedes. Heaven opens before me. If this is death, it is sweet! There is no valley here. God is calling me, and I must go."

"No, no, Father," said Moody's son, "you are dreaming." "I am not dreaming," replied Moody. "I have been within the gates. I have seen the children's faces." His last words were, "This is my triumph; this is my coronation day! It is glorious!"

Thomas Edison, the great scientific genius who was not given to idle words, in his dying moments, said to his wife and doctor, "It is beautiful over there."

Third, we have evidence from the experience of someone close to us. One of my best friends had cancer and passed away at age forty-four. As Graham's end neared, with arms outstretched and lifted heavenward, he graphically described to me how he longed to meet God.

The day before Graham died he went into a coma. Jenny, his wife, was with him. Jenny reported to me that while still in the coma, though gravely weakened in body, without any warning Graham seemed strangely energized as he suddenly sat bolt upright in bed and, turning his face heavenward, reached up with open arms as if being greeted by someone only he could see. A moment later his body slumped back lifeless. Graham was gone. Jenny also said, "Immediately following, a great sense of peace and divine presence filled the entire house."

Graham was a committed Christian. He had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. He knew where he was going after this life, and died triumphantly.

How different compared to the experience I had with Rosemary who also died of cancer. I was asked to visit her in the hospital. As far as I know Rosemary was not a Christian and was terrified of dying. She sat in a chair night and day, refusing to lie down for fear she would go to sleep and never wake up again.

It was difficult to communicate with her because she kept going in and out of consciousness. We just held her hand and repeated, "God loves you, Rosemary, God loves you."

"When she brightens a little," I said to her friend, "send for me and I'll come right back."

But Rosemary never brightened. Two days later she died terrified. I can't think of anything more tragic than to leave earth to go into a lost eternity when there is absolutely no need to. To make sure you don't do this, be sure to read the article, "How to Be Sure You're a Real Christian (without having to be religious)" at: www.actsweb.org/christian.

To be concluded …

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you have made it possible through the death and resurrection of your Son, Jesus, for all my sins to be forgiven so I can spend eternity with you in heaven. Help me to make sure that I am prepared to meet you face to face when I die. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 2 Corinthians 5:1 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

ravelment RAV-uhl-muhnt , noun:
Entanglement; confusion.

Hampered as I was by my well-known connection with the Gillespie poisoning case, I could not personally make a move towards the ravelment of its mystery without subjecting myself to the curiosity of the people among whom my attention of the District Attorney's office and the suspicion of the men whose business I was in a measure attempting to usurp.
-- Anna Katharine Green, One of My Sons

What I could see clearly, though, was the lower course of the burn: this bisected the small valley and appeared to loop around the far side of the dwelling, partly enfolding it before it broadened out and spread thence through arable to a ravelment of stone and incoming sea.
-- Clifford Geddes, Edge of the Glen

Ravelment derives from the word ravel which means "to become tangled". It entered English in the early 1800s.

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RECIPE:

Grilled Roadside Whole Chicken

Yield:  Serves 4

Slow-grilling in Mexico is done directly over a bed of hardwood charcoal that’s quite a distance from the chicken; we can achieve a similar result by heating only part of a gas grill or by banking live coals to the sides. A good number of Mexican chicken grillers are rotisserie jockeys, so if you’re an aficionado of the rotisserie attachment for your grill, you’re in good company.

 INGREDIENTS

For the Marinade:
1 1/2 tablespoons ground ancho chile powder (available from national companies such as McCormick, Mexican groceries and internet sites)
1 teaspoon dried oregano, preferably Mexican
A big pinch of ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon, preferably Mexican canela
2 garlic cloves, peeled and finely chopped or crushed through a garlic press
3 tablespoons vinegar (apple cider   vinegar gives a Mexican flavor)
1/4 cup orange juice
1 teaspoon salt, plus a little more for  the onions
1 large (3-pound) chicken (what some butchers call a large frying chicken, others call a small roasting chicken)
A little vegetable or olive oil for brushing the onions
2 large bunches green onions, preferably the ones with large (1-inch) white bulbs at the end (these "knob" onions are available at Mexican markets and many farmer’s markets), roots and wilted outer leaves removed
About 1 cup Roasted Tomatillo salsa, for serving
In a small bowl, mix together all the marinade ingredients.
   
DIRECTIONS
Heat one side of a gas grill to medium. If you have a grill with three burners, heat the outer two to medium, leaving the center one off. Or light a charcoal fire and let it burn until the charcoal is covered with white ash and about medium-hot; bank half the coals to one side of the grill, half to the other.

While the grill is heating, remove the giblets (if there are any) from the cavity of the chicken. Flip the chicken onto its breast. Using poultry shears, cut down both sides of the backbone from tail to neck; discard backbone. Or, if you don’t have shears, lay the bird on its back, insert a long heavy knife into the body cavity and press down hard with a rocking motion to cut down through both sides of the backbone. Open the bird out onto your work surface, breast side up. Make sure that the legs are turned inward. Using your fist or a mallet, wallop the bird on the breast, hard enough to dislodge the center bones and flatten out the breast. Twist the last joint of the wings up over the breast and then down behind the “shoulders,” tucking them in firmly to keep them in place during grilling.

Smear both sides of the chicken with the marinade. Lay in the center of the grill (it will not be over direct heat). Cook, without turning, basting from time to time with any remaining marinade, until the juices run clear when a thigh is pierced deeply with a fork (an instant-read thermometer should register about 160 degrees F when inserted at the thickest part of the thigh), about 45 minutes. If you’re cooking over charcoal, you’ll want to add more charcoal to the fire after half an hour or so—the internal temperature of the grill should stay at about 325 degrees F.

About 10 minutes before the chicken is ready, brush or spray the green onions with oil and sprinkle with salt. Grill directly over the fire, turning frequently, until tender and browned.

Remove the chicken to a cutting board. It will lose less juice if you cover it loosely with foil and let it rest for 5 to 10 minutes.

Cut the chicken into quarters (or smaller pieces). Transfer a portion to each of four dinner plates. Top with the grilled onions, and you’re ready to serve. Pass the salsa separately.

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Never Fail Egg & Cheese 'Souffle' Casserole

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour
This cheesy, quiche-like egg casserole is the ultimate comfort food.

 INGREDIENTS
Butter, softened
10 slices white bread
12 ounces SHARP cheddar cheese, shredded
12 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded
8 eggs, lightly beaten
3-1/2 cups half & half
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspon minced onion
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/8 teaspoon red pepper (ground)
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon dry mustard

DIRECTIONS
Butter sides and bottom of a 13 x 9 inch baking dish or 2 (9-inch) square or round baking dishes.

Remove crusts from bread, butter each slice, and cut in cubes. Place half of the buttered cubes in baking dish (or if using two dishes, use a 1/4 of the bread) and sprinkle with half the cheddar and mozzarella cheeses (or if using two dishes, use a 1/4 of the cheese) then add the remaining bread in another layer and top with the remaining cheeses. Combine eggs, half & half, paprika, onion, curry powder, red pepper, Worcestershire and mustard. Pour over bread and cheese mixture.

Cover and refrigerate overnight.
Bake at 325 degrees 1 hour, or until knife inserted in center comes out clean and top is lightly browned.

Makes 8 to 10 servings.

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Key Lime Meringue Cake

Active Time:  1 Hour
Total Time:  1 Hour 30 Minutes
Yield:  12 servings

A cake with a meringue? Though not unheard of, this one is definitely a flight of fancy, a cakey version of Key lime pie.


Make Ahead Tip: Wrap the cake layers in plastic wrap and store at room temperature for up to 1 day. Cover and refrigerate the lime filling for up to 1 day. Prepare meringue and assemble the cake just before serving.

 INGREDIENTS

For Cake:
1/2 cup  all-purpose flour
1/3 cup  whole-wheat pastry flour
1/4 teaspoon  salt
4   large eggs, at room temperature (see Cake-Baking Tips)
2/3 cup  sugar
1 teaspoon  vanilla extract
1 teaspoon  freshly grated lime zest, preferably Key lime (see Ingredient notes)
3 tablespoons  almond oil or canola oil

For Lime filling:
1 14-ounce can  nonfat sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated milk)
1/3 cup  lime juice, preferably Key lime
1 teaspoon  freshly grated lime zest, preferably Key lime

For Meringue:
2   large egg whites, at room temperature, or equivalent dried egg whites, reconstituted according to package directions (see Ingredient notes)
1/4 cup  sugar

Ingredient Note:

Key limes are more fragrant, acidic and juicy than the common Persian lime found in U.S. markets. Look for the small, round limes with yellow-green skin in the specialty-produce section of supermarkets or Latin food markets.

Dried egg whites are pasteurized—a wise choice when making an uncooked meringue. They are also convenient when you have no use for leftover yolks. You'll find them in the baking or natural-foods section of most supermarkets.

Cake-Baking Tips

When using cake pans, they must be greased and floured to create a thin layer of protection against the oven's heat. For greater convenience, use a cooking spray that has flour in the mix, such as Pam for Baking, Baker's Joy or Crisco No-Stick Flour Spray.

Whole-wheat pastry flour has less gluten-forming potential than regular whole-wheat flour, making it a better choice for tender baked goods.

To properly measure flour when baking, use a spoon to lightly scoop flour from its container into a measuring cup. Once in the measuring cup, use a knife or other straight edge to level the flour with the top of the cup. If the measuring cup is dipped directly into the container—a common mistake—the flour will be packed into the cup and result in extra flour being added to the recipe, yielding tough, dense baked goods.

Room-temperature butter for a batter is one of the biggest culinary missteps. In fact, butter must be below 68°F to trap air molecules and build structure. Otherwise, the fat will be liquefied and the cake will be flat. To get "cool" butter: Cut refrigerated butter into chunks and let them sit in a bowl for 5 minutes before beating.

Eggs must be at room temperature for the proteins to unwind enough to support the cake's crumb. Either set the eggs out on the counter for 15 minutes or submerge them in their shells in a bowl of lukewarm (not hot) water for 5 minutes.

Although you cannot overbeat the eggs, sugar and butter, you can overbeat the flour. If you do, you'll develop the gluten and create a quick bread rather than a layer cake. Beat the flour just until there are no white grains of undissolved flour visible but not until the batter is smooth.
   
DIRECTIONS
To prepare cake: Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat two 9-inch round cake pans with cooking spray with flour (see Tip); alternatively, coat the pans with regular cooking spray, line them with parchment paper and spray the paper.

Whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour and salt in a medium bowl.

Beat 4 eggs and 2/3 cup sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until pale yellow and doubled in volume, 5 to 10 minutes. Beat in vanilla and 1 teaspoon lime zest.

With a rubber spatula, gently fold almond (or canola) oil into the egg mixture, using long, even strokes, until just incorporated. Add the flour mixture; gently stir until just incorporated. Divide the batter between the pans; spread to the edges and gently rap the pans against the counter once or twice to settle the batter.

Bake, rotating the pans halfway through, until lightly browned and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, 20 to 22 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then invert the layers onto the rack, remove the pans and parchment paper, if using, and let cool completely, about 45 minutes.

To prepare lime filling: Whisk condensed milk, lime juice and 1 teaspoon lime zest in a medium bowl until combined. Refrigerate until thickened, at least 30 minutes or overnight.

To prepare meringue: Beat egg whites in a medium bowl with an electric mixer at high speed until soft peaks form. Beat in 1/4 cup sugar in a slow, steady stream. Continue beating until stiff peaks form.

Position oven rack about 6 inches from the heat source; preheat broiler. Transfer one layer, bottom-side down, to a large baking sheet. Spread the meringue on top of the cake, creating decorative peaks and valleys in the meringue with a rubber spatula. Broil until lightly browned, watching carefully to prevent burning, 30 seconds to 1 minute.

To assemble cake: Place the plain layer, top-side down, on a serving plate; spread the lime filling on top. Cover with the meringue-topped layer.

Nutrition Facts per Serving
Yield: Yield:  12 servings
Calories:     244    Fat. Total:     5g    Protein:     6g    Carbohydrates, Total:     43g    Fat, Saturated:     1g   
Fiber:     1g    Cholesterol:     75mg    Sodium:     116mg  %            Cal. from Fat:     18%

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Oven Sweet Potato Fries
   
Active Time:  5 Minutes
Total Time:  25 Minutes
Yield:  2 servings

Making oven fries out of sweet potatoes brings out their inherent sweetness.

 INGREDIENTS
1   large sweet potato, peeled and cut into wedges
2 teaspoons  canola oil
1/4 teaspoon  salt
Pinch of  cayenne pepper

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Toss sweet potato wedges with oil, salt and pepper. Spread the wedges out on a rimmed baking sheet. Bake until browned and tender, turning once, about 20 minutes total.

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Easy Almond Torte

Active Time:  35 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour
Yield:  8 Servings

Quick, delicious and foolproof! This impressive dessert is light and looks beautiful on a cake pedestal. Teetotalers can omit the liqueur and use a small amount of almond flavoring to taste.

 INGREDIENTS
4 eggs
3/4 Cup sugar
2 Tbsp. flour
2-1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 Cup almonds

Filling:
2 Tbsp. soft butter
1 Cup powdered sugar
2 Tbsp. apricot jam
1 Tbsp. Amaretto
Topping:
1 Cup whipping cream
1 tsp. sugar
1 Tbsp. Amaretto or almond liqueur
Sliced almonds for garnish

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a blender, whirl eggs and sugar until well mixed. Add flour, baking powder and almonds. Blend at high speed for a few seconds. Pour into two 8' round pans, lined with waxed paper or parchment. Bake for 20 minutes or until test comes out clean. For filling, cream butter and powdered sugar; add apricot jam and Amaretto and spread between cooled layers. Whip cream with sugar and Amaretto; spread over top and sides of torte. Decorate with sliced almonds or serve with fresh fruit.

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Walnut Baked Mini Filo Tartlets
   
Yield:  Serves 15

Wondering how to wow your guest? Start with these stunning tartlets! Made with Mirabo walnut cheese and your favorite fruit spread, they promise to unite any appetite!

 INGREDIENTS

1 package pre-baked mini filo tartlet shells (15 count)
2 tablespoon Wild Oats Organic Raspberry, Blueberry, or Apricot Spreadable Fruit
4 ounces Mirabo walnut cheese, rind removed

DIRECTIONS

Place approximately 1/2 teaspoon jam in the bottom of each filo tartlet shell. Top with approximately 1 teaspoon cheese over the jam in each shell.

Preheat an oven to 375 degrees F. and bake for 3 to 5 minutes or until cheese is just melted.

Transfer to a serving platter and enjoy.

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JOKES:

A Short History of Medicine


I have an earache...

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen.  Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition.  Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective.  Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial.  Here, eat this root.


**********************************************

"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar out while you are in my store!"
"I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer.
"Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too."

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THING TO PONDER:  Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?

THING TO PONDER:  What is the purpose of that little ball on top of the flagpole?

"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
- Dale Carnegie

"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go."
- William Feather

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...the most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle."

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.


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The is at the bottom of this actual interview, but you'll need to
read the article to appreciate it...enjoy!

This is a verbatim extract from a National Public Radio interview between
a female broadcaster and Army LT.GEN. Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy
Scout Troop on his military installation.
----------------------------

Interviewer:  "So, LT.GEN. Reinwald, what are you going to do
with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"

LTGEN Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing,
canoeing, archery, and shooting."

Interviewer: "Shooting!  That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

LTGEN Reinwald: "I don't see why, they'll be properly
supervised on  the range."

Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?"

LTGEN Reinwald:  "I don't see how, we will be teaching them
proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."

Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent
killers."

LTGEN Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but
you're not one, are you?"

DEAD AIR.....NO FURTHER QUESTIONS..

**********************************************

This is an honest-to-God, true story. About 20 years ago, when
I was a young girl, and prettier than now, I got all dolled-up for
New Year's Eve, with a long floor length  gown, as was the
custom, then. I was especially dressed up, because, as I said,
it was New Year's Eve. My husband took me to the Casinos in
Atlantic City, and we were seated at a table, playing Blackjack,
for about a half hour, and the other players and dealer were
staring and staring at me, something fierce !!. I thought to
myself, WOW, I must look BEAUTIFUL, tonight ! (You know how
we all feel, when we are dressed to the hilt, and have new duds
on. Ha. Ha. )  SO, I thought, this was the case, and was feeling
SO GOOD! All of a sudden, I lost a hand, where I had foolishly
placed a $25.00 bet (Don't forget, that cheap me, had been
playing only $2.00, a hand, prior to this). I said to myself: "OH
SHIT, I LOST!!!!!!!", and placed my left hand on my head.
HOLY COW !! At that very moment, I touched Hair Rollers, on
my head. I whispered to my husband, "Take my money, and
meet me at the Ladie's Room, I'm not coming back". I was so
humiliated, I wanted to die. When I reached the Mirror in the
bathroom, and looked, I had three pink rollers on the right side
of my head, and 3 green rollers on the left side of my head. Can
you believe this person, I'm married to? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I can
laugh now, but it was VERY Embarrasing ! When he met me at
the Bathroom, and I started to fight, he calmly told me "Well, I DIDN'T KNOW !  I  thought, this was a new fashion, so I didn't say anything!

/////////////////////////////////

PERSONAL NOTE:    Risa  I hope your a/c is fixed today,  our heat in SC is on its way they say,  we have yet to use our a/c hoping we still wont have to, house is in the woods and shaded by big oak and hickory trees. . crossing my fingers for you. . .

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

What If There Is a Heaven? Part I

"Men of Galilee," they [the angels at the time of Christ's return to heaven after his death and resurrection] said, "why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven."1

Dr. Maurice Rawlings, formerly a cardiologist and professor of medicine at the University of Tennessee College of Medicine in Chattanooga, and his colleagues constantly treated emergency patients, many of whom had near-death experiences. A study of these cases by Dr. Rawlings was reported in Omni magazine.

It is no longer unusual to hear about people who have almost died who speak of seeing a bright light, lush green meadows, rows of smiling relatives and experiencing a deep sense of peace. However, Dr. Rawlings obtains additional information from his patients by interviewing them immediately following resuscitation while they are very much in touch with their experience. Dr. Rawlings says that nearly 50 percent of the 300 people that he has interviewed have reported lakes of fire, devil-like figures and other sights reflecting the darkness of hell. Rawlings says that these people later change their story because they don't want to admit where they've been, not even to their families.

"Just listening to these patients has changed my whole life," claims Dr. Rawlings. "There is a life after death, and if I don't know where I'm going, it's not safe to die."

But do these experiences prove that there is a heaven or a hell?

We don't really know because these particular people didn't quite make it to the other side. Even if they did and came back, we probably wouldn't believe them because most of us tend to believe only what we have seen or experienced for ourselves. Furthermore, we tend to see and believe only what we want to see and believe—often in spite of the evidence.

One can only present what evidence there is, and then it is up to each individual to either accept or reject that evidence. And what evidence do we have as to whether there is a heaven and a hell or life after death?

First, there is the evidence from scores of cases mentioned by Dr. Rawlings and others who have written about near-death experiences and explained what they saw and experienced.

Second, we have the evidence from the testimonials of famous people who gave us their last words.

To be continued …

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that when Jesus returned to heaven after his death on the cross and resurrection, you sent your angels to assure his disciples and followers that Jesus would return to earth to take all of his true followers to be with him in heaven forever. Thank you for your wonderful promise that heaven is a reality for all who truly believe in you and have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Acts 1:11 (NIV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

shell game
    audio pronunciation
    SHEL-GAYM

    DEFINITION

noun
1
: thimblerig played especially with three walnut shells
2
: fraud; especially : a swindle involving the substitution of something of little or no value for a valuable item

    EXAMPLES

The company has been accused of playing an elaborate shell game in which investors are the ultimate losers.

"Bill Abersold will perform magic with coins, cards, ropes and gimmicks and will demonstrate con tricks like the shell game and three-card monte." — From an event notice in The Press-Enterprise (California), May 22, 2012

    DID YOU KNOW?

The shell game, a swindling trick in which a small ball or pea is quickly shifted from under one to another of three walnut shells or cups to fool the spectator guessing its location, is a version of one of the oldest and most widespread forms of sleight of hand. Conjurers have performed this trick, which is also called "the cups and balls trick" and "thimblerig," throughout the world for centuries. The version that became popular in the United States in the late 19th century used walnut shells and peas. "Shell game" thus became the popular term for the trick, and the trick itself became so well known that the term is now used figuratively to describe dishonest actions that are done to deceive people.

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RECIPE:

Never Fail Egg & Cheese 'Souffle' Casserole

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour
This cheesy, quiche-like egg casserole is the ultimate comfort food.

 INGREDIENTS
Butter, softened
10 slices white bread
12 ounces SHARP cheddar cheese, shredded
12 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded
8 eggs, lightly beaten
3-1/2 cups half & half
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspon minced onion
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/8 teaspoon red pepper (ground)
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon dry mustard

DIRECTIONS
Butter sides and bottom of a 13 x 9 inch baking dish or 2 (9-inch) square or round baking dishes.

Remove crusts from bread, butter each slice, and cut in cubes. Place half of the buttered cubes in baking dish (or if using two dishes, use a 1/4 of the bread) and sprinkle with half the cheddar and mozzarella cheeses (or if using two dishes, use a 1/4 of the cheese) then add the remaining bread in another layer and top with the remaining cheeses. Combine eggs, half & half, paprika, onion, curry powder, red pepper, Worcestershire and mustard. Pour over bread and cheese mixture.

Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Bake at 325 degrees 1 hour, or until knife inserted in center comes out clean and top is lightly browned.

Makes 8 to 10 servings.

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Grrandma Moss' Tex-Mex Breakfast Casserole

Yield:  6 servings
Serve with salsa, fruit plate, muffins, orange juice and coffee.

 INGREDIENTS

For the Base:
1 bunch green onions, diced
5-6 pieces pork sausage, cooked, drain and chopped
4-5 small pieces ham or Canadian bacon
1 (14 ounce) can undrained diced tomatoes
1 small can mushrooms if desired

For the Batter:
5 large eggs
2 tablespoons milk
2/3 cup instant pancake mix
1/2 teaspoon oregano
Black pepper

For the Topping:
2 cups Colby or Monterey Jack cheese
   
DIRECTIONS
Night before or one hour prior to serving: Spray one 9 inch quiche dish with cooking spray. Layer in dish the first set of ingredients.

In a separate bowl, mix batter and refrigerate, or you can mix in the morning.

Next morning, Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Pour batter over layered mixture. Top with cheese. Bake about 45 minutes or until golden brown.

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Southwestern Breakfast Casserole

 INGREDIENTS
1 (8 1/2 ounce) package corn muffin mix-prepared
3 cups cubed (1/2 inch) Italian bread
8 ounces Italian sausage
1 cup chopped onion
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1 (10-ounce) can diced tomatoes and green chiles, undrained
4 eggs
2 cups shredded Colby-Jack cheese, divided

DIRECTIONS

Prepare corn muffin mix according to package directions; cool. Crumble muffins into a large bowl and stir in bread. Set aside.

Remove casings from sausage and cook in large skillet with onion over medium heat until browned, stirring to crumble. Drain.

Combine milk, cumin, pepper, tomatoes, and eggs; stir until blended. Add sausage mixture; stir well. Stir into bread mixture. Spoon half of bread mixture into a 9 by 13 inch pan coated with cooking spray. Top with 1 cup cheese. Spoon remaining bread mixture over cheese, and then top with remaining cheese. Cover and refrigerate 8 hours or overnight.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake 40 minutes or until set. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

**********************************************

French Toast Casserole

Yield:  12 Servings

 INGREDIENTS

1 loaf (10 ounces) french bread, cut into 1-inch cubes (10 cups)
8 eggs
3 cups milk
4 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon salt, optional

For the Topping:
2 tablespoons butter or margarine, cubed
3 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
maple syrup, optional
   
DIRECTIONS

Place bread cubes in a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish. In a mixing bowl, beat eggs, milk, sugar, vanilla and salt if desired. Pour over bread. Cover and refrigerate for 8 hours or overnight.

Remove from the refrigerator 30 minutes before baking. Dot with butter. Combine sugar and cinnamon; sprinkle over the top.

Cover and bake at 350 degrees F for 45-50 minutes or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Let stand for 5 minutes. Serve with syrup if desired.

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Sam's Favorite Breakfast Casserole

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 15 Minutes

the total breakfast

 INGREDIENTS
8 Yukon gold potatoes
1 large red onion
3 cloves garlic
6-8 slices of cooked bacon(I use precooked)
2 tbs. butter
2 tbs. olive oil
shredded sharp cheddar cheese to taste

DIRECTIONS
Boil potatoes until nearly cooked - still firm. Spray pie pan or brownie size pan with cooking spray. Shred potatoe in pan. Season with salt and pepper.

Chop onion and garlic and saute slightly (or microwave) in butter/olive oil. Crumble bacon over potatoes. Pour onions and garlic over potatoes and mix well in pan. Shred sharp cheddar over top. Bake at 350 for about 1/2 hour.

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JOKES:

New Words & Slang

You know that word that really should be in the dictionary? Until it actually makes it in, here's where it goes. Welcome to our collection of user-submitted words.
RECENT ENTRIES

congraduations : an expression of congratulations in the event of a graduation...
meh : -used to express indifference...
birthaversary : the day of both a person's birth and his or her wedding anniversary...
whispanic : white and Hispanic...
epiphanical : having an epiphany or relating to an epiphany...

stressure
(noun) : the condition of being under great stress and pressure

destinasia (noun) : the tendency to forget why one has gone somewhere
John suffers from destinasia. He walked into my office and couldn't remember what he came in for.

multitext (verb) : to text more than one person at a time
fatfinger (noun) : a person who makes many typos when texting
Ameritrash (noun) : American boardgames
dl
(verb) : to put on the disabled list
The manager might have to dl his second baseman because of the thumb injury

barmetrics (noun) : exercise performed in playgrounds on jungle gym equipment that combines strength moves and gymnastics

Mr. Chapman lays claim to having founded barmetrics, a form of exercise forged on steaming summer days to loud hip-hop and a crowd hooting at the combination of calisthenics, gymnastics and acrobatics with extraordinary strength moves. —Corey Kilgannon, New York Times, May 25, 2012

mankini
(noun) : a man's bathing suit that looks and fits like a woman's bikini bottom

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To  Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with  a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To  Go'.
4. Sing Along At  The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party  Because You have a  headache.
6. When  Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking  lot, Yelling 'Run  For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7.  Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The  Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You  Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
          
8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

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On the Mobile Phone
 
You know how irritating mobile phone users are when they think the world needs to know their business?
 
After a busy day people were settling down in their seats on the train when a fellow (Peter) took out his mobile and started up:
 
"Hi darling it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss.
No darling you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.
 
This went on and on when the young woman near Peter, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice, "Hey, Peter, turn that bloody phone off and come back to bed!!"

**********************************************

HOW LONG DO YOU SUPPOSE IT WOULD TAKE TO LIVE THIS ONE DOWN
CAR KEYS

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.  I was looking for my keys.  They were not in my pockets.  A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car.  Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.  My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.  My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.  Her theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion.  Her theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.
I immediately call the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.  Then I made the most difficult call of all, Honey,? I stammered.  I always call her honey? in times like these.  I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.?
There was a period of silence.  I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice. Ken? she barked, I dropped you off!
Now it was my time to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, Well, come and get me.
Diane retorted, I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car??
 
 **********************************************

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable'
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

The Blessing I Could Be

Psalm 67:1, NIV: "May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us,"

I think of the blessing I could be to others, and how they are not even aware of it. But it is not me, but Jesus who resides within me. I have seen Him bless others through me, and I know He is able to do even more. But sometimes the offer is extended and politely ignored. I think of the blessing I could be to others, and how I am often too busy to consider it. I have seen Jesus work through me to bring His goodness into the lives of others, but there are times too much of me gets in the way?preventing His blessing from being shared. I think of the blessing that Christ could be to others, and how often we fail to grasp the truth of it. Pride prevents me from letting others bless me, and selfishness prevents me from letting Him bless others through me. I would hope and pray that one day we will not look back on our lives regretfully, when we consider the potential we had to be a blessing, and we let those moments pass.

**********************************************

Why Dogs Eat Grass

 Does your dog go outside and eat grass sometimes?

Most dogs do. Why do they do it?

Many believe that in nature, dogs ate both meat and plant materials.

Much of their plant materials came from eating food, grass and berries in the stomach of their prey. So eating grass is a normal behavior and is generally no reason to be alarmed.
 
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WORD FOR THE DAY:

pochismo poh-CHEEZ-moh , noun:
1. An English word or expression borrowed into Spanish.
2. A form of speech employing many such words.
3. An adopted U.S. custom, attitude, etc.

Along the Texas border, in the towns on both sides of the Rio Grande, they call a similar blending of languages pochismo.
-- Robert Wilder, Plough the Sea

The assimilation of English with Spanish speech and of Hispanic with Anglo traits in the mixed culture termed pochismo has brought contrasting values and characteristics into play within families and even within individuals.
-- Milo Kearney and Manuel Medrano, Medieval Culture and the Mexican American Borderlands

Pochismo entered English in the 1940s. It is a variation of the word pocho which refers to a person of Mexican heritage who has adopted American customs. The suffix -ismo is usually the Spanish equivalent of the English suffix -ism.

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How to Make Fairy Wings

Make Fairy Wings

Making fairy wings is a great way to save money on a Halloween costume or create a great gift for a child. To make fairy wings, follow these instructions.

 Steps

1    Obtain four to eight wire coat hangers. You can obtain them for free from your local dry cleaners, as they often recycle the hangers or even try to throw them away. Wire hangers with a clear, flexible coating are easier on the fingers when you bend them.

        To create four separate wings, you will need a minimum of four separate wire hangers. However, if you plan to make very rounded, hoop-like wings, it may be necessary to double up on the wire to keep your shapes sturdy; you will later be placing stockings over the wire structures, which may squeeze them into a more flattened form than you’d like.
        Alternatively, you can also buy thick wire. 16-gauge wire is the highest you should go; 12-gauge or lower will give you a stronger form to work with.
   
2    Straighten the wire hangers. Straighten the hooks, unwrap the twisted spiral tops, stretch the wires into straight pieces, and flatten out kinks with pliers.

3    Shape the first upper wing. Use one wire for an elongated shape or two for a rounded one. Bend the wire into the desired shape and twist the ends together when you’re done, leaving some excess sticking out so that you can attach this to the other wings later. For inspiration, look at photos or illustrations of butterfly wings. You can also make dragonfly wings by just shaping them into long ovals.

 4    Shape the second upper wing. Simply bend the wire into shape using the first wing as a guide. When you’re done, twist the ends together as before.

        If you only want to use one piece of wire for each wing, you can make both wings at the same time; if using two for each wing, however, do them separately, as bending four wires at once won’t be easy.
5    Repeat Steps 3 and 4 with the lower wings. The lower wings should be smaller than the upper wings, which may mean that you need to shorten these wires.

 6    Connect the four wings at the center. First, place the wires that jut out at the end of each wing so that they overlap the wires of the surrounding wings; you may need to do some additional bending to make this work. Then, secure the various wires together either by wrapping and tying them very firmly with string or by duct-taping them.

        Don’t worry too much about how your central wire hub ends up looking, as you will cover it later.
 7    Stretch and tie the leg of a stocking over each wing. The stockings fabric will form the wing material, so choose a color/pattern that achieves the look you’re going for (though you can also decorate the fabric later if desired). Simply feed a wing into the stocking, stretch it to the center, cut it to the necessary length, grab the open end on either side, and tie it over the center of the wire. Repeat with the other three wings.

        Note that stretching a stocking over the wing form may distend the shape; simply pull the wire back into the original shape after you’ve tied the stocking off. (The tighter you pull the stocking, the more the wire wing shape will flatten.)
8    Cut two long pieces of a wide ribbon. Since these will be used to tie the wings on, make sure they not only match the stockings, but are also long enough to tie around the torso (i.e. around each shoulder, in an X over the chest, etc. depending on the desired look).

9     Tie each ribbon around the center of the wings. Be sure to orient the knots inward (i.e. toward the spine) so that the wings will tie on easily.

 10     Decorate the wings if desired. For example, you can spray paint the edges, paint designs on the centers, paint the front and back sides differently, paint the top and bottom wings differently, or any combination thereof. You can also apply glue with a paintbrush and sprinkle glitter over the paint for a shimmery look.

        If you’d prefer angel wings, add feathers. This can be done by attaching store-bought feathers to the wings with a strong glue; simply place a dab of glue where you’d like a feather, then stick the tip of the feather through the glue and into the stocking for a tight hold. Start from the bottom so that the next row of feathers will cover the quills of the row beneath it. Place longer feathers on the bottom and shorter feathers on the top of the most realistic effect. Note that you will have to feather both sides of each wing to make them look complete.
 
 Tips

    To keep the wings from snagging and running easily, you can run superglue or glitter glue along the edges of the wings where the wire touches the pantyhose. You can also spray them with spray starch or with a clear acrylic sealant.
    A pair of pliers will help you hold the wires and bend them precisely.
    Wire any finer than 16 gauge will not hold up under the compressing force of nylons, no matter how much prettier and easier to work with you think it'll be.
    To save time, dye your nylons and create different effects on them before stretching them over the hangers.

 Warnings

    Please wear a mask or respirator if you are using spray paint.

 Things You'll Need

    4-8 wire coat hangers (or a thick wire)
    Pliers
    String (or duct tape)
    4 pantyhose legs
    Ribbons
    Paint, glitter, glue, etc. (alternatively, craft feath

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RECIPE:

EASY BLUEBERRY COBBLER     

3/4 stick butter
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup self-rising flour
1 cup milk
1 can blueberry pie filling

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Melt butter and pour into a 2.5 or 3 quart casserole baking. Mix sugar, flour and milk.

Pour mixture over butter, but do not mix. Pour the pie filling on top, but do not mix.

Bake at 350°F for 1 hour.

Serve warm with ice cream or as is.

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BLUEBERRY TARTS
     
1 qt. blueberries
1/2 c. water
1 c. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
12 tart shells or 2 pie shells
1 pt. heavy cream

Wash and pick blueberries. Add sugar and water. Cook until berries soften. Add vanilla and cool mixture. Spoon berries into tart shells and serve with whipped cream.

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BLUEBERRY YUM YUM     

2 c. fresh blueberries
2 c. sugar, divided
1/4 c. water
1/4 c. cornstarch
3 tbsp. water
1 c. all purpose flour
1/2 c. butter, softened
1 c. finely chopped pecans
1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
1 (9 oz.) container frozen whipped topping, thawed

Combine blueberries, 1 cup sugar and 1/4 cup water in a medium saucepan cook over low heat until berries are soft (about 15 minutes). Combine cornstarch plus 3 tablespoons water in a small mixing bowl; stir well. Add cornstarch mixture to blueberry mixture; cook, stirring constantly until thickened. Set aside to cool.

Combine flour, butter and pecans in a small mixing bowl. Mix well. Press dough evenly into a 13 x 9 x 2 inch baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Cool. Combine cream cheese and 1 cup sugar; beat until smooth. Fold in whipped topping. Spread topping evenly over cooled crust. Pour blueberry mixture evenly over top. Refrigerate, cut into squares to serve. Yield: 15 servings.

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Hungarian stuffed cabbage rolls

 ingredients

    CABBAGE ROLLS
    8 large Green cabbage leaves
    1 c Cooked long grain rice
    1/2 lb Ground beef
    1/2 lb Ground pork
    1/2 t Salt
    1/8 t pepper, freshly ground
    1/4 t thyme
    1 c Onions, minced
    1 large Egg, beaten

    SAUCE
    1 c Tomato juice
    1 c water
    2 Beef bouillon cubes
    1 c Onions, chopped
    2 T Fresh parsley, chopped

Cooking Hungarian stuffed cabbage rolls

1. Cook cabbage in 4 quarts boiling, salted water, 5 mins.
2. Drain.
3. Combine remaining cabbage roll ingredients.
4. Divide into 8 equal portions.
5. Wrap each portion in a cabbage leaf; tie w/string.
6. Saucei - combine all ingredients in lg. Skillet.
7. Add cabbage rolls; bring sauce to a simmer over med. heat. Cover and cook, turning occasionally, 1 hr. Discard string.
8. Serve rolls w/sauce.

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HUNGARIAN STUFFED CABBAGE     

1 lg. head cabbage
1 lb. ground beef
1/4 c. raw rice
1 sm. onion, minced
2 eggs
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 lg. onion, sliced
2 (8 oz.) cans tomato sauce
1 (#2) can (3 1/2 c.) tomatoes
1/4 c. lemon juice
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 clove garlic, minced or same amount of garlic powder

Remove 12 large leaves from cabbage and pour boiling water over them to "wilt" them so they can be rolled. Cut away the thick part of the base of each leaf. Drain leaves well. Combine meat (raw), rice (raw), onion, eggs, salt and pepper. Place mound of meat mixture on each leaf and roll it loosely starting with stem end, tucking in and under, then other end. Place them in casserole or Dutch oven alternately with sliced onion. Mix tomato sauce, tomatoes, lemon juice and seasonings, brown sugar and pour over rolls. Bake covered for 1 hour at 350 degrees. Remove cover and bake 2 hours longer at 325 degrees.

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JOKES:

When Love Fades...

    Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.

    "What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

    I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

    She replied "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat 

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God Created Husbands

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world. And then he made the earth round. That God - he's such a joker.

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Tolerance

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Sydney.

I think it should be the goal of every Australian to be tolerant.

Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.
That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.

We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods..
Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."
All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...

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Little Johnny! (Bless the little bastard)

 "Class, today's assignment is to spell and
use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence."

"Jane, you go first..."..Dough, D O U G H …Italians make pizza with dough."

Very good, Jane... now let's hear from Mary. "Dough, D O U G H . my brother makes things with play dough."
          
"Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add?"
"My mom says my dad doesn't make enough dough, and he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses a dill dough!"

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WARNING
 
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure,

When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,

When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
 
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
 
Warn all your friends!!!

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BE SURE YOU LOCK YOUR DOORS AND WINDOWS!
 

A Toronto  man was found dead in his home this weekend.
 
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
 
The tub had been filled with milk, sugar and cornflakes.
 
A banana was sticking out of his rear-end
 
Police suspect a cereal killer.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Don't Waste Your Pain—Invest It

"Dear Brothers [and sisters], is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don't try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete."1

In almost every trial we face God is seeking to "tell" us something. Sometimes the only time he can get our attention is when we're hurting sufficiently to slow us down so we will stop and listen.

That has certainly been true in my life. On one occasion, God used an accident and a time in the hospital to get my attention and to speak to me. The decision I made as a result ended up radically changing the total course of my life. Another time God used a major crisis and loss to expand my work. He used another setback to get me started in writing. That was more than four decades ago and I'm still writing!

When you are hurting, you can be sure that God has something to say to you too—something for your good. Ask him to help you hear what it is and to give you the courage to do what he is telling/leading you to do. Whatever it is, you can be certain it will enrich your life in one way or another.

Furthermore, whatever you do, don't waste your pain. Invest it in your own growth and then in helping another fellow struggler along the way.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see how you want to use all the trials that come my way to help me grow and change my life for the better. And please help me never to waste my pain but to invest it wisely in my own growth and in making me a more effective helper to other fellow strugglers. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. James 1:2-4 (TLB)(NLT).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

incorrigible • in-KOR-uh-juh-bul • adjective
1 : incapable of being corrected, amended, or reformed 2 : not manageable : unruly 3 : unalterable, inveterate

Examples:
Neil was such an incorrigible slob that his parents eventually gave up nagging him about cleaning his room and simply told him to keep the door closed.

"We first meet Moe, Larry and Curly as babies dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage run by nuns…. The kids immediately prove themselves to be violent, incorrigible and stupid, traits they will not outgrow as they get older." — From a movie review by Bill Goodykoontz in The Arizona Republic, April 13, 2012

Did you know?
"Incorrigible" has been part of English since the 14th century. Back then, it was used to describe people who were morally depraved, but now it is most often applied to people who merely have bad habits. Is there a "corrigible?" Yes, indeed, we've used "corrigible" in the sense of "capable of being set right; reparable" (as in "a corrigible defect" and "a corrigible sinner") since the 15th century. Both words are from Latin "corrigere," which means "to correct" and which is also the source of our word "correct."

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Music Eases Pet Anxiety

Pet anxiety can manifest itself in many different ways. We love our pets, so of course we worry about their health and safety. We don't want to see them upset or stressed out, especially when we can do something about it.

Some of you have said that your pets become upset when they are left home alone for any period of time. That's a common problem - in fact, it's so common that it even has a name: “separation anxiety.” Others have mentioned their dogs' anxiety or carsickness when traveling in the car. Some pets become very anxious when they are in unfamiliar surroundings like kennels and vet's offices. And some actually throw up or chew away areas of their hair and skin during thunderstorms, or when they hear loud noises like fireworks. When they are stressed, many dogs are likely to hide and not be found. Some dogs get so scared that they simply run for cover, which in turn leads to YOUR anxiety about finding your dog.

I've heard of lots of creative ways to ease your pets' stress, like leaving the TV or radio on for "company" when they are home alone. Unfortunately, that could actually be doing more harm than good. Studies have suggested that TV and radio can actually CREATE stress for our pets because of the drastic changes in programming and the random mix of musical styles. Think about it—how scared would you be if you suddenly heard gunshots, sirens, or dogs barking? The TV and radio certainly create "noise," but they don't necessarily create a relaxed environment.

Dog owners sometime ask me, “Does music soothe pets the same way it can relax people?" The answer is "yes" - but it depends on the music.

Music Eases Pet Anxiety - But Not Just ANY Music Will Do

Maybe you've heard the old saying that “music soothes the savage beast.” While this might conjure up images of tigers with iPods, the truth is that music really CAN calm animals down. Really!

Studies have been done to examine the relationship between music and stress, and some of the results might surprise you. Classical harp music is used around the world to help alleviate stress in dogs, cats, chimpanzees and other animals. Even animal shelters are installing sound systems and using music to create a more serene environment. In particular, studies show that dogs and cats seem to show lower levels of stress when exposed to classical music. Cats will relax in front of the speakers when classical music is playing, and many dogs will actually bark less - especially when listening to the music of Bach.

Many pets respond favorably to classical music under stress-inducing situations, often slipping into a very serene and peaceful state of mind after only a few minutes of listening. But all classical music will not have the same calming effect. For the music to soothe a pet, it must have a soothing dynamic from start to finish and transition calmly between pieces- which is not the case with most "off-the-shelf" classical music.

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RECIPE:

Pizza-Joint Pizza

The kids will love this good old American tomato and cheese pie.


Serves: 2 12-inch pizzas
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
 
pizza dough
1 1/2 to 2 cups marinara sauce
1 cup chopped peppers, optional
1/4 pound sliced pepperoni, (or salami), optional
1/4 pound sliced mushrooms, optional
2 cups part-skim mozzarella cheese, grated
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese


DIRECTIONS:

Position two racks in the bottom third and center of the oven. Heat the oven to 500 degrees.

On a floured surface, roll out half the pizza dough into a 12-inch circle. Transfer the dough to a pizza pan or a large baking sheet. Pinch up 1/2 inch of the outside edge of the dough to form a rim. Repeat the procedure with the remaining dough to make the second pizza.

Spoon the sauce over the pizzas, spreading it out so that it covers the entire surface. Sprinkle both pizzas with mozzarella cheese and then with Parmesan. Top with peppers, salami or mushrooms, or a combination of two or three, if desired.

Bake the pizzas for about 10 minutes until the crusts are golden brown and the cheese is melted.

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Marinara Pizza

Here's a recipe for two pizzas that is perfect for feeding a crowd. This makes a great meal for a large gathering or plenty of appetizers for your next party.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
   
     
1 package (15-oz.) refrigerated marinara sauce
2 packages (10 or 14 oz. each) Italian Premade Italian Thin or Regular pizza shells
2 cups (8 oz) shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup sliced white mushrooms
1/2 cup diced onion
1/3 cup diced red bell pepper
1/3 cup diced green bell peppers
1 1/2 cups (12-oz.) bulk Italian sausage, cooked and crumbled


PREHEAT oven to 400 degrees F.

SPREAD marinara sauce evenly over bread shells. Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. Top with mushrooms, onion, peppers and cooked sausage.

BAKE for 15 to 20 minutes or until lightly browned.

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Molten Hot Fudge Sauce

Try this sauce on ice cream, sherbet or fresh berries.

Serves: makes 1 1/2 cups
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes

1 tablespoon cocoa powder
1 cup sugar
3/4 cup evaporated milk
1/4 cup light corn syrup
3 tablespoons butter
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, finely chopped
Pinch salt
Few drops lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a medium-sized heavy-bottom saucepan, whisk the cocoa powder, sugar and about one-quarter of the evaporated milk until smooth.
Add the corn syrup, margarine, unsweetened chocolate, salt, lemon juice and the remaining evaporated milk. Insert a candy thermometer in the mixture and bring to the boil over medium heat without stirring.
Cook at medium heat for 3 minutes until the candy thermometer reaches 236 degrees. Remove the sauce from the heat and stir in the vanilla. The sauce will thicken as it cools.

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BLUEBERRY CRUMBLE
     
1 pkg. frozen or 3 c. blueberries
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2/3 c. packed brown sugar
1/2 c. flour
2/3 c. quick oats
1/3 c. butter
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt

Spread blueberries in square baking dish, 8 x 8 x 2 inches. Sprinkle with lemon juice. Mix remaining ingredients, sprinkle over berries.

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Bake about 30 minutes or until topping is light brown and berries are hot. Serve warm with cream or ice cream.

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BLUEBERRY COBBLER
     
2 c. Bisquick
3 tbsp. butter, melted
3/4 c. milk (or water)
1 c. sugar
1 egg
1 qt. blueberries

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place blueberries and butter in bottom of baking dish. Mix the rest of ingredients (Bisquick, milk or water, sugar and egg) and pour on top of blueberries. Bake until golden brown (about 20 to 30 minutes).

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CHEDDAR CHEESE COOKIES   
 
2 sticks butter
2 c. flour, cut into butter
8 oz. sharp Cheddar cheese, grated
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
2 c. Rice Krispies

Mix and roll into small balls. Press with fork to flatten somewhat. Bake in 350 degree oven for 15 minutes.

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JOKES:

THING TO PONDER:  Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic?


THING TO PONDER:  Why is there only ONE monopolies commission?

"Never worry about numbers.
Help one person at a time,
and always start with
the person nearest you."
- Mother Teresa

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...your family always goes to the movies in groups of     18 or more 'cause they were told 17 and under are     not admitted.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project     down in Biloxi.

 "The first wealth is health."  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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APHORISM:
A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.
 
  1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
  2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
  3. If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.
  4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
  6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
  7. Business conventions are important . .. . because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
  8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
  9. Scratch a cat . .. . and you will have a permanent job.
 10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity..
 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - like, it could be the right number.
 13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
 14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.
 15. Be careful about reading the fine print. . .. . There's no way you're going to like it.
 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
 17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos in strange places? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
 18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yaris.
 19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.
 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . .. and the ones that mind don't matter.
 21. Life isn't tied with a bow .... . . . . . . but it's still a gift.

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    SEWING ON A WEE BUTTON

    Angus Broon of Glasgow , Scotland ,comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't button me pants."
       "Oh Angus, I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
       About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs.

        Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"
        "Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button, an she did, everything was goin' fine but When she bent doon to bite off the wee thread,
             Mr MacDonald walked in."


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    I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday , minding my own business, waiting  on it to turn green.
    A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans,
    with a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a
    "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.
    The light changed, the Muslims praised Allah, shook their fists, hit the  gas & darted off ahead of me.
    Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly
    over their car, crushing it completely, killing everyone in the car.
    
    For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself,
    "Man... that could have been me!"
    
    So today ; bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
    
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Chapped Lips

    On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where
    the sun don't shine.  An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing.

    "Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked.

    "Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied.

    The old man asked, "Does that help?"

    The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

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Black Panties

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont ..
Their first night there, she undressed as he did
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning."

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom ..

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Fickle or Faithful Friends

"A friend loves at all times."1

Babe Ruth was one of the all-time greats of American baseball. For years he had been the idol of sports fans. Time, however, took its toll. I read how, in one of his last games, he began to falter. He struck out and made several misplays that allowed the opposing team to score five runs in one inning. As he walked from the field, he was greeted with an enormous storm of boos and catcalls from the stands. Fans shook their fists.

Then a little boy jumped over the railing and, with tears running down his cheeks ran out to the great athlete. Unashamedly, he flung his arms around his hero's legs and held on tightly. Babe Ruth picked him up, hugged him, set him down, and together the two of them walked off the field hand in hand.

An unknown poet wrote:

    I went out to find a friend,
    But could not find one there.
    I went out to be a friend,
    And friends were everywhere!

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a faithful friend at all times. And thank you that your friendship for me is never based on my performance—good or bad—and that you love me at all times no matter what. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

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The History of Father's Day

Let's All Cheer for Fathers!

The year 2010 marked the 100th anniversary of Father’s Day in America. While it wasn’t made a national holiday until 1972, the efforts of one woman in Washington sparked a movement to celebrate Dad’s long before then.
Sonora Dodd and the first Father's Day

In 1909, Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, was inspired to create a holiday honoring fathers. William Jackson Smart, her father, was a farmer and Civil War veteran that raised Sonora and her five younger brothers by himself after his wife, Ellen, died giving birth to their youngest child in 1898. While attending a Mother’s Day church service in 1909, Sonora, then 27, came up with the idea.

Within a few months, Sonora had convinced the Spokane Ministerial Association and the YMCA to set aside a Sunday in June to celebrate fathers. She proposed June 5, her father’s birthday, but the ministers chose the third Sunday in June so that they would have more time after Mother’s Day (the second Sunday in May) to prepare their sermons. So it was that on June 19, 1910, Sonora delivered presents to handicapped fathers, boys from the YMCA decorated their lapels with fresh-cut roses (red for living fathers, white for the deceased), and the city’s ministers devoted their homilies to fatherhood.
A National Holiday

The widely publicized events in Spokane struck a chord that reached all the way to Washington, D.C., and Sonora's celebration started it's path to becoming a national holiday.

    In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson and his family personally observed the day.
    Eight years later, President Calvin Coolidge signed a resolution in favor of Father’s Day “to establish more intimate relations between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers the full measure of their obligations.”
    In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson signed an executive order that the holiday be celebrated on the third Sunday in June.
    Under President Richard Nixon, in 1972, Congress passed an act officially making Father’s Day a national holiday. (Six years later, Sonora died at age 96.)

Different Days for Different Dads

North America is not the only place where Father’s Day is celebrated.

    In traditionally Catholic countries such as Spain and Portugal, Father’s Day is observed on March 19, the Feast of St. Joseph.
    Taiwanese celebrate Father’s Day on August 8, the eighth day of the eighth month, because the Mandarin Chinese word for eight sounds like the word for “Papa.”
    In Thailand, Father’s Day occurs on the king’s birthday, which for current King Bhumibol Adulyadej is December 5.
 
*********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:

larrup LAR-uhp , verb:
To beat or thrash.

When a seagoing canoe beached on the stones, or when a neighbor came larruping from around back of the house, Martha Obenchain, peeling potatoes at a table in the sun, rose and put the kettle on, tickled pink.
-- Annie Dillard, The Living

A fast white boat comes larruping around the point from the direction of Mercer Island and banks towards him.
-- Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomicon

Larrup may derive from the Dutch word larpen meaning "to beat with flails".

**********************************************

RECIPE:

Sizzling Beef Kabobs

A mild soy sauce marinade lends an appealing flavor to these tender beef and veggie kabobs. With colorful chunks of yellow squash and sweet red and green peppers, they're perfect party fare

    Prep: 20 min. + marinating Grill: 10 min.
    Yield: 8 Servings

Ingredients

    1/3 cup canola oil
    1/4 cup soy sauce
    2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
    2 teaspoons garlic powder
    2 pounds beef top sirloin steak, cut into 1-inch pieces
    2 medium yellow summer squash, cut into 1/2-inch slices
    1 large onion, cut into 1-inch chunks
    1 large green pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces
    1 large sweet red pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces

Directions

    In a large resealable plastic bag, combine the oil, soy sauce, vinegar and garlic powder; add beef. Seal bag and turn to coat; refrigerate for at least 1 hour.
    Drain and discard marinade. On eight metal or soaked wooden skewers, alternately thread beef and vegetables. Grill, covered, over medium-hot heat or broil 4-6 in. from the heat for 8-10 minutes or until meat reaches desired doneness, turning occasionally. Yield: 8 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 kabob equals 227 calories, 12 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 63 mg cholesterol, 326 mg sodium, 6 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 23 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3 lean meat, 1 vegetable, 1 fat.

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Shrimp and Vegetable Kabobs

Source: Original Recipe to serve 2

14 jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 small zucchini, cut into thick chunks
8 baby portabella mushrooms
1/2 red pepper, cut into thick slices
1/2 vidalia onion, cut into thick wedges
Extra virgin olive oil
Kosher salt and black pepper
1 lime
A handful of fresh cilantro, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced

1. Place 8-10 wooden skewers in a dish of water to soak for 30 minutes.

2. Place the vegetables in a bowl, and place the the shrimp in a second bowl. To each bowl, add a liberal drizzle of olive oil and the juice of 1/2 lime. Sprinkle with Kosher salt, black pepper, cilantro, and minced garlic. Mix to combine.

3. When you’re ready to grill, skewer the vegetables and the shrimp, making sure to keep them on different skewers because the shrimp will cook much more quickly than the vegetables.

4. Grill the vegetable skewers first, for approximately 7-10 minutes per side. Pour any extra marinade that has accumulated in the bowl over the skewers after you place them on the grill. When the vegetable skewers are just about finished, grill the shrimp skewers for approximately 1-2 minutes per side.

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Orange Julius

This is a refreshing drink year-round, but it also is a festive beverage to serve around the holidays. It's a good alternative to sugared soft drinks, too.


    Prep/Total Time: 10 min.
    Yield: 4 Servings


Ingredients

    1 can (6 ounces) frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
    1 cup milk
    1 cup water
    1/4 cup sugar
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    10 to 12 ice cubes

Directions

    In a blender, combine the orange juice, milk, water, sugar and vanilla. Cover and blend until smooth. With blender running, add ice cubes, one at a time, through the opening in lid. Blend until smooth. Serve immediately. Yield: 4-5 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 cup equals 156 calories, 2 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 8 mg cholesterol, 31 mg sodium, 32 g carbohydrate, trace fiber, 3 g protein.

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Strawberry Rhubarb Shortcake

Sauce

8-10 stalks rhubarb, trimmed and cut into 1-inch lengths (throw away the
poisonous leaves)
4 cups strawberries, hulled and sliced in half
Sugar to taste
Zest and juice of one orange
Zest of one lemon
Combine all the ingredients in a heavy saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Once boiling reduce the heat and simmer until the rhubarb is tender.

Makes 8 cups

Shortcake

Use your favorite shortcake recipe

Cut the shortcake in half on a plate, pour some sauce on the biscuit, cover with the top biscuit, more on more sauce, and top with whipped cream or ice cream!

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Strawberry Rhubarb Leather

1 cup rhubarb
1/4 cup water
2 cups strawberries sliced
1/2 cup sugar

Combine finely chopped rhubarb and water. Simmer over medium heat for about 5 minutes. Add strawberries and sugar. Simmer another 5 minutes. Puree mixture until smooth in a blender or food processor. Dehydrate in a dehydrator or in oven.*

To dry in an oven just set temp at lowest possible setting --about 140 degrees F. Dry until fruit feels leather like, yet pliable. This would probably best be done on parchment paper to prevent sticking. Remove the leather while it is still warm and roll it up.


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Marinara Pizza

Here's a recipe for two pizzas that is perfect for feeding a crowd. This makes a great meal for a large gathering or plenty of appetizers for your next party.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
   
     
1 package (15-oz.) refrigerated marinara sauce
2 packages (10 or 14 oz. each) Italian Premade Italian Thin or Regular pizza shells
2 cups (8 oz) shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup sliced white mushrooms
1/2 cup diced onion
1/3 cup diced red bell pepper
1/3 cup diced green bell peppers
1 1/2 cups (12-oz.) bulk Italian sausage, cooked and crumbled


PREHEAT oven to 400 degrees F.

SPREAD marinara sauce evenly over bread shells. Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. Top with mushrooms, onion, peppers and cooked sausage.

BAKE for 15 to 20 minutes or until lightly browned.

*******************************************

PENNY  FOR A STING


* **This information may be something to remember, as this season will soon be here again...
 
It might be wise to carry a penny in your pocket while working in the yard..........  BEE STINGS !
 
A couple of weeks ago, I was stung by both a bee and hornet while working in the garden.
 
My arm swelled up, so I went to the doctor.  The clinic gave me cream and an antihistamine.  The next day the swelling was getting progressively worse, so I went to my regular doctor.  The arm was Infected and needed an antibiotic.The doctor told me - "The next time you get stung, put a penny on the bite for 15 minutes".
 
That night, my niece was stung by two bees.  I looked at t he bite and it had already started to swell.  So, I taped a penny to her arm for 15 minutes.  The next morning, there was no sign of a bite.  We decided that she just wasn't allergic to the sting.
 
Soon, I was gardening outside.  I got stung again, twice by a hornet on my left hand.  I thought, here I go again to the doctor for another antibiotic.
 
I promptly got my money out and taped two pennies to my bites, then sat and sulked for 15 minutes.  The penny took the string out of the bite immediately.
 
In the meantime the hornets were attacking, and my friend was stung on the thumb.  Again the penny.  The next morning I could only see the spot where the hornet had stung me.  No redness, no swelling.  My friend's sting was the same; couldn't even tell where she had been stung.
 
She got stung/ again/ a few days later upon her back---cutting the grass!  And the penny worked once again.
 
Wanted to share this marvelous information in case you experience the same problem... We need to keep a stock of pennies on hand/.
 
The doctor said that the copper in the penny counteracts the bite.  *
 
*It definitely works!
 
Please remember and pass this information on to your friends, children, grandchildren.

**********************************************

8 Reasons Why Many Seniors Prefer Senior Living Communities to Living Alone

By Jeff Anderson

Nursing home. For many, the term  conjures images of a sterile, white walled, overcrowded institutional setting complete with 1950s metal hospital beds.  If you haven’t visited a senior community in a while, you may have some misconceptions; senior communities have changed significantly over the last couple of decades.

Senior communities today range from cozy and homelike to the posh luxury of a high-end hotel or cruise ship, and they definitely don’t feel institutional. Most seniors who have moved to independent living or assisted living communities report that they prefer life at their new home to life alone. Here are some common reasons why:

1. The end of yard work and home maintenance:

Keeping up a home is hard, especially for those of us who have developed physical ailments. Mowing the lawn, climbing a ladder to change light bulbs, shoveling snow, pulling weeds, vacuuming- these become things of the past. But don’t worry green thumbs: Residents are more than welcome to adopt a garden.

2. Vanquishing boredom:

Residents need never be bored at a senior community. There’s something for everyone. All kinds of entertainment and activities are offered, both on-site and out in the local community. Entertainment can range from visiting musicians and performers, to day trips that might include local landmarks, forays into nature, or just an outing to the local art museum.
Woman with pearls

Seniors who experience declines while living alone often thrive in a more supportive environment.

3. Better family relationships:

Older folks frequently become dependent on their grown children, or other close family members, for help of all kinds. Unnatural role reversals can strain relationships and foster unhealthy feelings of resentment, both by parents and their sons and daughters. Younger family members are liberated from the role of full-time caregivers, and are able to assure that time with their older loved one is meaningful and high-quality. Older residents are glad to return to the role of family matriarch or patriarch and often pleased that their grown children no longer have to “parent the parent”.

4. Better food:

There are many residents at senior communities who used to live alone, and were not eating right. Some skipped meals, some were living on ice-cream alone, and one lady would put cat-litter in the coffee brewer. At senior living communities, residents don’t have to worry about grocery shopping, meal preparation, or even coffee brewing. Instead, they get to enjoy a fine dining experience every day of the week. The food tastes good, alternative meals are almost always offered and special diet needs can ordinarily be accommodated. It’s common for new residents, who had been eating poorly before they moved-in, to experience breathtaking improvements in their health and wellbeing just from three square meals per day.

5. No more stressful driving:

Driving can be a tense and stressful as we age, and our driving abilities may not be what they once were either. For these reasons, most residents prefer to take advantage of the free transportation that’s provided by independent and assisted living communities. There’s no need to rely on a car any longer, although parking is available for residents who still drive.

6. Feeling like myself again:

 Living alone, we may not be able to participate in games and activities we enjoyed, that were both fun, and helped keep us sharp. But senior communities offer a wealth of opportunities to keep engaged. This can include favorite games like chess, bridge and poker, engaging reading groups and discussion groups, and fascinating classes and lectures on every conceivable topic.

7. Making new friends:

Older adults who live alone often become isolated, which is unhealthy at any age. At senior communities we can make friends, share a meal, and enjoy festive occasions with one another. On the other hand, those of us who are more introverted appreciate that our privacy is respected, but are still glad to have folks around.
8. Finally feeling safe:

Residents can rest easy knowing that they are secured from thieves, con-men and ne’er-do-wells. Furthermore, residents enjoy the peace of mind that comes from the emergency response systems that are in each apartment, or sometimes on the resident’s person as a pendant. This alleviates fears about falling and becoming trapped for hours or even days, a scenario that’s all too common for senior’s residing alone.

Certainly, there are seniors who live alone and are just fine. We recognize that senior communities aren’t for everyone. But it’s without doubt that there are vast numbers of seniors living alone in unsafe or unhealthy situations who would benefit immensely from life at a senior community.

******************************************************************

 JOKES:


West Virginia man

An 80-year-old WV hillbilly goes to the doctor for a
check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in
and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'
'I'm from WV and I am a hunter,' says the old guy, 'and
that's why I'm in such good shape.. I'm up well before daylight and out
hunting all day .. I have a beer, and all is well.'
'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?'
'Who said my Father's dead?'
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and
your Father's still alive. How old is he?'
'He's 100 years old,' says the old Hillbilly 'In fact he
hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a
while and had a little beer and that's why he's still alive. He's A WV
man and he's a hunter, too.'
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure
there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old
was he when he died?'
'Who said my Papaw's dead?'
Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old
and your grandfather's still alive?'
'He's 118 years old,' says the old Hillbilly
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I
guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'
'No, Papaw couldn't go this morning because he's getting
married today.'
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting
married!! Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?'

**********************************************

THE MUSLIMS ARE NOT HAPPY?

They´re not happy in Gaza.
They're not happy in Egypt.
They're not happy in Libya.
They're not happy in Morocco.
They're not happy in Iran.
They're not happy in Iraq.
They're not happy in Yemen.
They're not happy in Afghanistan.
They're not happy in Pakistan.
They're not happy in Syria.
They're not happy in Lebanon.
 
So, where are they happy?
 
They're happy in Australia.
They're happy in England.
They're happy in France.
They're happy in Italy.
They're happy in Germany.
They're happy in Sweden.
They're happy in the USA.
They're happy in Norway.
 
They're happy in almost every country that is not Muslim!
 
And whom do they blame?
 
Not Islam . . ...
Not their leadership . . ...
Not themselves . . ...
 
THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN !
 
And they want to change the countries they're happy in, to be like the countries they came from, where they were unhappy.
 
Try to find logic in that !
 
**********************************************

The Kiss

        
        A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a
        beautiful young woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
        The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are
        you doing?"

        "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

        While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
        opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't
        you give me a parting kiss?"

        So she does... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss.

        After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss
        I've ever had! How about another?"
        The second kiss was even hotter and more sensuous.
        "Mmmmm - that was some turn-on kiss" the biker says. "you know, ....
        you have a real talent there that you would be wasting. You could
        have any guy you wanted and be very happy. Why in the world would
        you want to commit suicide?"

        "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

        The authorities think she may have been pushed.

         **********************************************


History of the Automobile Air Conditioner
Did you know?
 
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner.
 
Here's a little fact for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.
 
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.  On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
 
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
 
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
 
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
 
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
 
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
 
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner', on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
 
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
 
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --
 
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
 
Control yourself !!!

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

I Stand Amazed

Psalm 95:4-6, NIV: "In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker."

The morning sun peeks over the hillside, laying golden streams across the treetops and fields. This is just one of the many scenes that draws my mind to God. The hymn writer writes, "I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder. Thy power throughout the universe displayed..." Many beautiful wonders surround us everyday. Yet there are times that God displays His wonders to us and it is truly breathtaking. And yet, none of those moments will hold a candle to the day we see God in His glory. At the instant our eyes behold Him, we will stand amazed. If, in that moment, I am able to speak, I imagine I might say something like, "Wow... Look at You... I had no idea." Sometimes we take for granted the wonders of God's creation. And often, throughout our living, we forget to consider the Glory of God. But a day will come when we will be faced with the most incredible experience we could ever know--the day we come into His Glory--the day we will truly stand amazed.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  - Isaiah 53:4   


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WORD FOR THE DAY:

lookism • LOOK-iz-um • noun
: prejudice or discrimination based on physical appearance and especially physical appearance believed to fall short of societal notions of beauty

Examples:
As a teacher, Kim's response to recent studies showing that attractive students receive better grades was to try to be vigilant against her own possible lookism.

"We now so expect 'lookism' that the novelty in TV is shows specifically designed to get around it. On the already popular 'The Voice', judges listen to the singers with their backs turned — deliberately cutting them off from the psychological trick that beauty does to the brain." — From an article by Sarah MacDonald at www.dailylife.com.au, April 23, 2012

Did you know?
There are a lot of -isms in the English language but most people overlook "lookism." It describes the prejudice or discrimination people have toward others because of their appearances. People first used the word in the late 1970s in reference to how people were viewing others who were heavier set. Today the panorama of "lookism" extends from the "overly" beautiful actor or actress to the homely child. Economists, sociologists, and psychologists alike pay close attention to the lookism that occurs in everyday life and examine how it affects people and society as a whole.

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BIRD TIPS:

Keeping Clean

As smart as they are, those parrots are not going
to clean up after themselves. You just have to resign
yourself to the fact that you get the dubious honor
of doing this. It’s important for your pet to always
have a clean cage for it to keep healthy. In any case,
you really don’t want a messy birdcage inside your
house. Naturally, it’s impractical to wash the cage on
a daily basis, so in between regular sessions of general
cleaning, the following are the cleaning tasks you have
to perform everyday:

    Change the liner. Whether you’re using newspaper
    or custom-made liners, they’ll have accumulated
    a collection of food bits and droppings at the end
    of the day, so they really need changing daily.

    Wash and dry food and water dishes. Bacteria easily
     grow on dirty feeding dishes, so they need to be
    kept clean and dry.

    Wipe down what you can. Perches, toys and even
    the cage bars can collect traces of food and
    droppings, so wipe them off with a damp rag regularly
    until the next overall power wash. Most cages
    nowadays are powder-coated so they’re easy to wipe
    down

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RECIPE:

Wilted Cabbage

Categories: Vegetable

Yield: 4 Servings

4 sl Bacon
1/2 c Chopped onion
2 tb Sugar
1/4 c Vinegar
1/2 ts Salt
1/8 ts Pepper
4 c Shredded cabbage

Cook bacon in large skillet until crisp; remove bacon, reserving drippings in skillet. Crumble bacon and set aside. Add onion and next 4 ingredients, stirring until blended. Stir in cabbage. Cook over medium heat, uncovered, 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Sprinkle with bacon. Yields 4-6 servings.

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Turkey Lasagna

Ingredients:

    1/4 cup margarine
    1/2 cup diced onion
    1/4 cup flour
    1 tsp. salt
    1/4 tsp. pepper
    1/2 tsp. poultry seasoning
    2 cups milk
    3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
    2 Tbsp. chopped pimento
    1 can mushroom pieces and stems
    3/4 lb. lasagna noodles
    2 cups cooked diced turkey or chicken

Directions:

Melt margarine in saucepan and saute onions. Add flour and seasonings, remove from heat and add milk. Cook til sauce thickens, stirring constantly. Add half of the cheese and pimento, let cheese melt. Add mushrooms that have been drained. Place a layer of cooked noodles in a 9 inch square pan. Cover with layer of turkey, then sauce. Repeat, ending with noodles. sprinkle remaining cheese over top. Cover and bake at 400 degrees F for 20 minutes. Garnish with green pepper strips if desired. Makes about 6 servings.

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Reuben Casserole

Ingredients:

    2 cups sauerkraut, drained
    2 medium tomatoes, sliced
    1/2 cup low-cal Thousand Island salad dressing
    8 oz. sliced corned beef
    1 tsp. caraway seed
    1 1/2 cups grated Swiss cheese
    1/4 cup rye bread or cracker crumbs
    1 Tbsp. butter

Directions:

Layer sauerkraut, tomato slices, dressing, corned beef, and cheese in a 1 1/2 qt. baking dish. Bake at 375 degrees F for 15 minutes. Remove from oven. Mix the rye bread crumbs or cracker crumbs, margarine, and caraway seed with fork til crumbly. Sprinkle crumb mixture evenly over top. Return to oven and bake 15 minutes longer. Serve hot.

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Peanut Butter Bars
These peanut butter bars taste just like peanut butter cups.

Servings: 12

Ingredients

1 cup butter or margarine, melted
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 cup peanut butter
1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
4 tablespoons peanut butter

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, mix together the butter or margarine, graham cracker crumbs, confectioners' sugar, and 1 cup peanut butter until well blended. Press evenly into the bottom of an ungreased 9x13 inch pan.
2. In a metal bowl over simmering water, or in the microwave, melt the chocolate chips with the peanut butter, stirring occasionally until smooth. Spread over the prepared crust. Refrigerate for at least one hour before cutting into squares.

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Orange-Glazed Chicken Wings

Orange-Glazed Chicken Wings are always a hit whether it's for a party or just a snack. Be sure to make plenty of these wings because they will surely be a hit!

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes

1 cup fresh orange juice (from about 2 oranges)
2 tablespoons grated orange zest (from about 3 oranges)
6 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
4 pounds chicken wings


DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 400 degrees. In a large bowl, combine the orange juice with the orange zest, garlic, soy sauce, brown sugar, salt, and pepper. Add the chicken wings and toss to coat.

On two large baking sheets, arrange the wings in a single layer. Reserve 1/4 cup of the orange mixture and spoon the rest of the mixture over the wings. Bake for 20 minutes. Turn the wings over and baste them with the reserved orange mixture. Cook until just done, about 10 minutes longer.

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South Carolina Chicken Bog

Chicken Bog may sound a bit strange to you, but this is a tasty South Carolina treat that you and your family are sure to enjoy. Chicken Bog is like its name, it is a boggy combination of rice, sausage, chicken, bell peppers, onions and spices.


Prep Time  30 min
Cook Time 1 hrs  25 min
Total Time  1 hrs  55 min
Serves 6

Ingredients

8   cups water
3   tbsp sage
2   tsp salt
1   tsp minced garlic
2   tsp black pepper
1   bay leaf
1   chopped large onion
1   chopped large bell pepper
1   lb smoked sausage
3   lb whole chicken chopped and quartered
1   box Uncle Bens Wild Rice with 23 herbs and seasonings
2   cups white rice

Directions for South Carolina Chicken Bog

1  In a large stockpot boil chicken, onion, garlic and all spices in water until the chicken is tender or about 45 minutes.

2  Remove the chicken from the stock and allow chicken to cool.

3  After cooling, remove the meat from the bones.

4  Add chicken meat, sausage, bell pepper, white and wild rice to the remaining water and bring to a boil continuously stirring well for about 10 minutes.

5  Reduce heat, cover and allow to simmer for 30 minutes or until rice is tender, stirring often.

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JOKES:


THINGS TO PONDER:   Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?
THINGS TO PONDER:   Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

"If you don’t have time to do it right,
when will you have time to do it over?"
- John Wooden


"Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the
world. It beats money and power and
influence. It is no more or less
than faith in action."
- Henry Chester


You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...every day someone comes to your door mistakenly thinking you're having a     yard sale.


**************************************************

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his
hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man
were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said "Well,
ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".

So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle"
was. And he said "When your driving down a country road, and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.
You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't
get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor
thing down."

**************************************************

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing
   out some of the rules:
   "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
   the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
   this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
   He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will
   be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.
   Are there any questions?"
   At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a
   season pass?"

**************************************************

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when
he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

**************************************************

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his
hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man
were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said "Well,
ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".

So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle"
was. And he said "When your driving down a country road, and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.
You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't
get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor
thing down."

*****************************************

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing
   out some of the rules:
   "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
   the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
   this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
   He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will
   be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.
   Are there any questions?"
   At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a
   season pass?"

*******************************************

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when
he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

*******************************************
How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time


Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,
empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe,
humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug,
coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate,
nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply,
accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm,
lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate,
attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,
coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize,
detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace,
accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead,
borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch,
crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for,
dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine,
cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate,
enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite,
taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on
the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey,
hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if
I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize,
humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free
world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,
drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate,
indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and
worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.


************************************************************

How to Satisfy a Man Every Time

Show up naked.


**************************************************

A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an
   elderly chinaman
   skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the
   water, the mountains
   surrounding the lake echoed back, "CHING...CHANG...CHUN..."
   The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on.
   "Oh", said the chinee, "magic spirit of the lake echo back the names
   of your ancient
   ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters".
   "Wow", said the negro, "can I try it?".
   "Certainly", replied the chinaman.
   The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a
   mighty heave across the
   waters...and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed
   back
   "CHIM...PAN...ZEE....

**************************************************

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle.

When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes,"
Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around.

After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no...
I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.."

"It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal-
Mart."

The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..."

"Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

Eye Opening Experience

Romans 13:14, NKJV: "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts."

Sometimes, the experience carries with it such joy as is almost indescribable. You?ve known for some time that you needed to go to the eye doctor, and one day, you finally do. All builds up to the moment you don your corrective lenses, and voila, your eyes are opened--things are clearer than they have been in a long time. For me, this experience was elating. I was certain I must have been wearing a very silly looking smile, and was trying to contain myself as best I could. I remember a similar time my eyes were opened. It was when I "put on" the Lord Jesus Christ. All things had suddenly become clear. I was filled with joy, I was elated, and I was kiddingly accused of wearing a silly grin. I often look back on that time with fondness. But the truth is, there is no need to be looking back. Each day with Jesus can be an eye opening experience should we choose to allow God to perform regular "I" exams on each of us. And as He diagnoses and makes His correction, we get to reap the wonder of seeing things in focus once again.

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
- Isaiah 53:3

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

apoplectic ap-uh-plek-tik , adjective:
1. Intense enough to threaten or cause a stroke.
2. Of or pertaining to apoplexy.
3. Having or inclined to apoplexy.

noun:
1. A person having or predisposed to apoplexy.

When Abie used to shout, Rebecca always used to make a joke that he was having one of his apoplectic fits.
-- Alan Grayson, Mile End

...four years, one recession and a host of battles — over financial regulation and the nomination of Elizabeth Warren, over Dodd-Frank and the Buffett Rule — have taken their toll. Some on Wall Street are apoplectic. One former supporter, Dan Loeb, compared Obama to Nero; the president’s enemies insinuated worse.
-- Nicholas Confessore, "Obama’s Not-So-Hot Date With Wall Street", The New York Times Magazine, May 2, 2012

Apoplectic stems from the Greek word apoplektikós which meant "pertaining to stroke". It literally meant "struck down".

**********************************************

Facts about Lories and Lorikeets


Known for their vibrant colors, lories and lorikeets
have long endeared themselves to humans for being
fun pet birds. Here are some bits of trivia about
these fascinating parrots:

    Which is which? Lories and lorikeets seem to be
    interchangeable, but if you want to nitpick, lories
    are bigger, but shorter-tailed, while lorikeets are
    smaller, but longer-tailed. Notwithstanding this
    often negligible difference, both belong to the
    medium-sized breed of parrots.

     Let them brush you with their tongue. Lories
    and lorikeets are definitely distinct from other
    parrots for having extendable bristles on their
    tongues, hence their label of “brush-tongued
    parrots”.

    They have a more exotic diet than the regular
    parrot. Sure, they can eat seeds and fortified
    pellets, but that bristled tongue isn’t there for
    nothing. Lories and lorikeets actually prefer to
    feed on flower nectar and pollen, as well as
    grubs and worms.

    They have shorter life expectancy in captivity.
    Lories and lorikeets may be mid-sized parrots,
    but their life span of 10-15 years is more similar
    to that of smaller-sized parrots. This could be
    partly attributed to the fact that they are more
    difficult to feed. Considering their eating habits
    in the wild, they thrive better on soft, wet diet
    consisting of fruits and vegetables.

    They are natural clowns. They certainly have
    the right colors for the costume. Lories and
    lorikeets are very active and love to engage in
    silly and playful stunts. They spend a lot of time
    hopping and hanging upside down. You won’t
    have trouble giving them a bath as they just love
    water.

    They tend to be nippy. Other parrots tend to be
    shy and wary of people, but lories and lorikeets are
    very sociable. They do tend to bite in their
    enthusiasm, but it’s more uncontrolled excitement
    than a true sign of aggression. Thankfully, they can
    be trained out of the habit.

**********************************************

RECIPE:

Longhorn Potato Soup

Ingredients:

    2 stalks celery, sliced/diced
    1 medium onion, chopped
    1 Tbsp. melted margarine
    6 med. potatoes, cubed
    2 carrots, grated
    3 cups water
    5 chicken bouillon cubes or 5 tsp. chicken bouillon granules
    3/4 tsp. seasoned salt
    1/2 tsp. crushed thyme
    1/2 tsp. rosemary
    dash garlic powder
    2 cups milk
    1 cup grated Longhorn cheese

Directions:

Saute celery and onions in margarine in a large pot until tender, but not brown. Add potatoes, carrots, water, bouillon or granules, salt, thyme, rosemary, garlic powder and pepper; cover and simmer about 20 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Remove from heat and mash vegetables. Add milk and cheese; return to heat, stirring constantly until cheese is melted. Serve hot and freeze remainder.

**********************************************

Onion Rings
   
Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  45 Minutes
Yield:  4 servings

When sweet Vidalia onions are in season, slice them up thick for these baked onion rings.


NGREDIENTS
2   vidalia onions
2/3 cup  buttermilk
3/4 cup  fine dry breadcrumbs
1/2 teaspoon  salt
1/4 teaspoon  freshly ground pepper
olive oil cooking spray
   
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly oil a baking sheet.
Cut onions into 1/2-inch rounds and separate into rings. Place in a bowl and toss with buttermilk. Combine breadcrumbs, salt and pepper in another bowl. Dredge onion rings in breadcrumbs and place on the prepared baking sheet. Lightly mist with olive oil cooking spray. Bake until lightly browned, about 25 minutes.

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Impossibly Easy Mini Chicken Pot Pies

Enjoy this chicken pot pie filled with peas and carrots – a delightful dinner made using Original Bisquick mix.

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 1 Hr
    SERVINGS 6
 
Chicken Mixture

1    tablespoon vegetable oil
1    lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-size pieces
1    medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)
1/2    cup chicken broth
1    cup frozen peas and carrots
1/2    teaspoon salt
1/4    teaspoon pepper
1/4    teaspoon ground thyme
1    cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 oz)

Baking Mixture
1/2    cup Original Bisquick® mix
1/2    cup milk
2    eggs


    1 Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 12 regular-size muffin cups with cooking spray.
    2 In 10-inch nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Cook chicken in oil 5 to 7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until chicken is no longer pink in center. Add onion and chicken broth; heat to simmering. Add frozen vegetables and seasonings. Heat until hot, stirring occasionally until almost all liquid is absorbed. Cool 5 minutes; stir in cheese.
    3 In medium bowl, stir baking mixture ingredients with whisk or fork until blended. Spoon 1 scant tablespoon baking mixture into each muffin cup. Top with about 1/4 cup chicken mixture. Spoon 1 tablespoon baking mixture onto chicken mixture in each muffin cup.
    4 Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 5 minutes. With thin knife, loosen sides of pies from pan; remove from pan and place top sides up on cooling rack. Cool 10 minutes longer, and serve.

**********************************************

Healthy Onion Rings

Extra crunchy onion rings with half the guilt!

Serves: Serves 4
Prep Time: 8 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
   
     
Nonstick vegetable cooking spray, PAM
1 large onion
1 1/4 cups Italian style bread crumbs, Progresso
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh garlic, McCormick
1 cup lowfat milk
1 cup all-purpose flour, Pillsbury
3 large egg whites, beaten slightly

directions:

Preparation: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray 2 large cookie sheets with nonstick spray.
Cut onion into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Separate slices into rings.
In a small bowl, combine bread crumbs and garlic. Set aside. Place milk, flour, and egg whites into three separate small bowls.
Dip each onion ring into milk, flour, egg white, and bread crumbs (in that order). Place on prepared cookie sheets and bake for 20 minutes. Turn onion rings over and bake until golden brown, about 10 minutes longer.

**********************************************

HUNGARIAN STUFFED CABBAGE     

1 lg. head cabbage
1 lb. ground beef
1/4 c. raw rice
1 sm. onion, minced
2 eggs
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 lg. onion, sliced
2 (8 oz.) cans tomato sauce
1 (#2) can (3 1/2 c.) tomatoes
1/4 c. lemon juice
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 clove garlic, minced or same amount of garlic powder

Remove 12 large leaves from cabbage and pour boiling water over them to "wilt" them so they can be rolled. Cut away the thick part of the base of each leaf. Drain leaves well. Combine meat (raw), rice (raw), onion, eggs, salt and pepper. Place mound of meat mixture on each leaf and roll it loosely starting with stem end, tucking in and under, then other end. Place them in casserole or Dutch oven alternately with sliced onion. Mix tomato sauce, tomatoes, lemon juice and seasonings, brown sugar and pour over rolls. Bake covered for 1 hour at 350 degrees. Remove cover and bake 2 hours longer at 325 degrees.

**********************************************

Grilled Bone-in Pork Chops with Hawaiian Marinade
   
 
Active Time:  5 Minutes
Total Time:  15 Minutes
Yield:  4 servings

Fire up the grill and try something new. So zesty and easy to prepare, these Grilled Bone-in Pork Chops with Hawaiian Marinade are the perfect addition to weeknight dinners and backyard barbecues.


INGREDIENTS
4 bone-in pork loin chops, 3/4-inch thick
2 6-oz cans pineapple juice, unsweetened (1 1/2 cups)
3 scallions, white parts sliced into thin rounds
3 tablespoons ginger, peeled and minced
3 tablespoons soy sauce, reduced-sodium
2 tablespoons Asian sesame oil, dark
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
3/4 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt

DIRECTIONS
Mix pineapple juice, white parts of scallions, ginger, soy sauce, sesame oil, brown sugar, pepper and salt together in large, resealable bag. Add chops, seal bag and refrigerate for 2 to 10 hours.
Prepare a medium-hot fire in grill. Brush grill grate clean and lightly oil grate. Remove chops from marinade, shaking off excess marinade. Do not pat dry. Discard remaining marinade. Grill chops directly over heat, turning once, until internal temperature on a thermometer reads 145 degrees Fahrenheit, 8 to 10 minutes, followed by a 3-minute rest time.

*******************************************

Caribbean Shrimp

.Serves: 4 servings (1 1/2 cups each)
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
   
 
1 pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 large onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
1 large green pepper, chopped (about 1 cup)
1 fresh or canned jalapeño pepper, minced
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 jar (16 ounces) Pace® Salsa Verde
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut milk
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves
2 cups hot cooked regular long-grain white rice
lime slice
fresh cilantro leaves (optional)

DIRECTIONS;

Toss the shrimp with 1 tablespoon of the oil, lime juice and black pepper in a large bowl.
Heat the remaining oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, green pepper and jalapeño pepper. Cook and stir for 4 minutes or until the onion is tender.
Stir the red pepper, salsa verde and coconut milk in the skillet and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 10 minutes.
Add the shrimp and cilantro. Cook for 5 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. Serve over the rice. Garnish with lime slices and cilantro leaves, if desired.

Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using Pace Salsa Verde: Calories 410, Total Fat 16g, Saturated Fat 7g, Cholesterol 221mg, Sodium 1080mg, Total Carbohydrate 36g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 27g, Vitamin A 30%DV, Vitamin C 36%DV, Calcium 8%DV, Iron 32%DV

*******************************************

JOKES:

THINGS TO PONDER:  How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

THINGS TO PONDER:  Why is yawning contagious?

"The heights by great men reached and kept, were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions
slept, were toiling upward in the night." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions" - Albert Einstein

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you think that the styrofoam cooler is the                  greatest invention of all time.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...fifth grade was the best six years of your life

**********************************************

The Naming of Jesus


A group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth
was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that
the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the
name Joshua. Another argued that Joshua was Hebrew, not Aramaic, to which a third argued that
Hebrew should be used because Jesus was said to be the King of the Jews. The debate went on
and on and became more and more sophisticated and obtuse. Finally, an old man known for his
wisdom intervened. He informed the group that he knew how Jesus was named. When Jesus was born,
a star shown in the sky, and three wise men from the East travelled to Bethlehem. They had
travelled for days, suffered great deprivation, and when they finally got to Bethlehem got
lost trying to find the manger. Finally, after much ado, and in rather foul moods, they
reached the manger and entered the stall. As one of them came through the door, he tripped on
the door sill, and fell into the wall hitting his head. "Jesus Christ!" he screamed, and
that is how the baby was named.

**********************************************

Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day
   when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses,
   carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked
   that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a
   conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then,
   curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?"
  
   "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."
  
**********************************************

"Say, how old are you anyway ?" the reporter asked as the
obviously young lass was disrobing.

"Thirteen." she replied with a shy smile.

"Thirteen ??? My God girl !!! You get those clothes back on at
once and get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered.

Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet
smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?"

**********************************************

An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian
   outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer
   swilling locals and in his well educated voice asks the bartender,
   "May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man."
  
   One of the locals says to his mates, "Geez, cobbers, what kind of a
   fucking man's drink is that?"
  
   Then, turning to the Englishman, "Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom!
   Gin and fucking tonic -- are you some fucking kind of a poofter or
   something?"
  
   "Ac...actually," the englishman, terrified, replies, "I'm a
   taxidermist."
  
   "Oh yeah? And what's a taxidermist then?"
  
   "I mount d..d..dead animals."
  
   "It's alright, cobbers," says the local, turning to his mates, "He's
   one of us!"
  

*******************************************

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

**********************************************

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.

*******************************************

"It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
- J. K. Rowling

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:


All I Need to Know

"Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."1

You are probably familiar with the article by Robert Fulghum titled, "All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." It's a classic and contains priceless advice.

"Most of what I really need to know about life, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but here in the sandbox at nursery school.

"These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush! Live a balanced life. Learn and think, draw and paint, sing and dance, play and work a little every day.

"When you get out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder.

"Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up, and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that.

"Goldfish, hamsters, white mice, and even the little seed in the plastic cup—they all die. So do we.

"And then remember the book about Dick and Jane, and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule, love and basic sanitation, ecology, politics and sane living.

"Think of what a better world it would be if all of us—the whole world—had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon, and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation, and other nations, always to put things back where we found them, and cleaned up our own messes.

"And it's still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it's best to hold hands and stick together."

Personally speaking, I had a dear friend whom I met very early in life. We went through grade school and technical college together. We'd been through national service together, too, and even though we'd lived thousands of miles apart, we never lost contact with each other. Not so long ago my friend fell on hard times, became discouraged, withdrew into himself and took his life. A tragic waste. I wish he had reached out to me in his hour of despair. How sad it is when, in our hour of need, as adults, we forget to hold hands and reach out for the help and support we need—so we can, as Jesus taught, "bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a loving and kind burden-bearer, and above all to be Christ-like in all that I say and do for others. And when I need help, give me the courage to reach out and admit that I have a problem and need help. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Galatians 6:2.

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

halcyon • HAL-see-un • adjective
1 : calm, peaceful 2 : happy, golden 3 : prosperous, affluent

Examples:
Although Grandma spoke longingly of the halcyon days of her childhood, Jamie suspected all had not been as perfect as she recalled.

"It was a halcyon period for her, although she continued to take prescription drugs, a portent of problems that lay ahead." — From Lois Banner's 2012 biography Marilyn: The Passion and Paradox of Marilyn Monroe

Did you know?
According to Greek mythology, Alkyone, the daughter of the god of the winds, became so distraught when she learned that her husband had been killed in a shipwreck that she threw herself into the sea and was changed into a kingfisher. As a result, ancient Greeks called such birds "alkyon" or "halkyon." The legend also says that such birds built floating nests on the sea, where they so charmed the wind god that he created a period of unusual calm that lasted until the birds' eggs hatched. This legend prompted people to use "halcyon" both as a noun naming a genus of kingfisher and as an adjective meaning either "of or relating to the kingfisher or its nesting period" or "calm."

**********************************************

RECIPE:

Pink "Champagne" Punch (Non Alcoholic)

When my 5 kids were young, I would make this for New Year's Eve, the loved it! Years later I found out they really thought it was real champagne!

Ingredients:

    1 (12 oz.) bottle white grape juice
    1 (6 oz.) can frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
    1 (16 oz.) pkg. frozen whole strawberries, thawed
    1 (12 oz.) can lemon-lime soda, chilled
    8 cherries (optional)

Directions:

Combine 1/2 of the grape juice, lemonade, and strawberries in a blender. Whirl until smooth and pour into drink container. Repeat steps 1 and 2 with remaining juice, lemonade, and strawberries. Add soda and stir well. Pour into 8 fancy plastic glasses. Add a cherry to the glass for garnish.

Variation: You can substitute regular grape juice for white grape juice.

Note: Add more soda if you want a less slushy drink. Use plastic champagne glasses; they look great and won't break.

**********************************************

Peanut Butter Meltaways

These are the smoothest and easiest meltaways ever.

Ingredients:

    1 bag milk chocolate chips
    1 bag white chocolate chips
    1 1/2 cup smooth peanut butter

Directions:

Prepare pans by either lining a jellyroll pan with parchment paper OR placing small paper baking cups in tassie pans (muffin tins).

Put everything in a microwave safe bowl. Heat for 1 minute, stir well. Continue heating and stirring at 30 second intervals until completely smooth. Pour into prepared pans and cool in fridge until set. Enjoy!

These are great for the holidays as gifts.

**********************************************

Glazed Lemon Chicken and Rice


A 20-minute stir-fry starts with instant rice and quick-to-cook chicken.

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 20 Min
    SERVINGS 2
 
INGREDIENTS:

1/3    cup water
1    tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2    teaspoons cornstarch
2    tablespoons honey
1    teaspoon grated lemon peel
1    cup uncooked instant white rice
1    cup water
1    teaspoon olive or vegetable oil
1/2    lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces
2    teaspoon salt
3    green onions, cut into 1-inch pieces
1    small orange bell pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces


DIRECTIONS:
    1 In 2-cup measuring cup, stir 1/3 cup water, the lemon juice, cornstarch, honey and lemon peel until cornstarch is dissolved; set aside.
    2 Cook rice in 1 cup water as directed on package; keep warm.
    3 Meanwhile, in 10-inch nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Add chicken; sprinkle with salt. Cook 2 to 3 minutes, stirring frequently, until chicken is brown. Stir in onions and bell pepper. Cook 2 to 4 minutes, stirring frequently, until chicken is no longer pink in center. Reduce heat to low.
    4 Stir lemon juice mixture in measuring cup. Pour into skillet; stir to coat chicken mixture. Cook until slightly thickened. Serve chicken mixture over rice.

**********************************************

Pineapple-Coconut Gooey Butter Cake

This is an exceptionally easy cake to make. I've not found anyone yet who doesn't love it. It is my favorite cake, and I do enjoy getting all the fantastic compliments.

Ingredients:

Cake:

    1 (18 1/4 oz.) box yellow cake mix
    1 large egg
    1/2 cup melted unsalted butter

Filling:

    1 (8 oz.) softened cream cheese
    2 large eggs
    1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
    1 (16 oz.) box confectioners' sugar
    1/2 cup melted unsalted butter
    1 cup flaked coconut
    20 oz. crushed pineapple, drained

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 13 x 9 x 2 inch baking pan.

For the cake: In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine cake mix, egg, and butter and mix well. Pat into bottom of prepared pan and set aside.

For filling: Still using an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese until smooth. Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Dump in confectioners' sugar and beat well. Reduce the speed and slowly pour in butter. Mix well. Fold in coconut and pineapple.

Pour filling onto cake mixture and spread evenly. Bake for 40 to 50 minutes.

Oven temperatures almost always vary a little. You want the center of your cake to be a little gooey, so don't bake it past that point. After it has baked for 40 minutes, check for doneness and if it needs a little more, bake for 5 minutes, and test again. Test at 5 minute intervals until the cake has that little bit of "gooiness" that we love.

Remove from oven and allow to cool in the pan completely. Cut into squares and serve at room temperature. A big spoonful of whipped cream never hurt, but it is a little bit like "gilding the lily".

Servings:     15-18
Time:     20 Minutes Preparation Time
50 Minutes Cooking Time

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KO Sloppy Joe

This champion recipe will knock you out! Easy, quick, packed with flavor -- a winner the family will cheer.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
     
 
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 cup tomato sauce
1/2 cup ketchup
1/4 cup tomato paste
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
2 medium yellow onions
1 green bell pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 pounds ground beef
1 teaspoon red pepper sauce, such as Tabasco, optional
6 hamburger buns, split
Grated jack or Cheddar cheese, for topping, optional


In a small bowl, stir together the brown sugar and garlic powder and set aside.

In another bowl, stir together the tomato sauce, ketchup, tomato paste, and Worcestershire sauce and set aside.

Chop the onions into 1/2 to 1/4-inch-wide pieces. Cut the peppers in half and remove the seeds and ribs. Chop the peppers into pieces about the same size as the onions. Set these aside.

In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the meat, breaking it up and spreading it around with a long-handled fork or wooden spoon. The meat will begin to lose its pinkness. Drain the fat from the pan.

Add the brown sugar mixture and the onions and peppers and cook for 7 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally to mix, until the vegetables soften. Stir in the tomato sauce mixture. Flavor to taste with red pepper sauce, if desired.

Reduce the heat and let the mixture simmer for 5 to 10 minutes longer, or until the sauce thickens. Stir occasionally to prevent sticking and to make sure everything is well mixed.

Meanwhile, toast the buns under the broiler, on a grill, or in a toaster just until lightly browned. Lay the toasted buns on each of 6 plates. Spoon the sloppy joes over the buns and serve topped with grated cheese, if desired.

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Swiss Chard Empanadas
   
Active Time:  25 Minutes
Total Time:  2 Hours 25 Minutes
Yield:  Makes twelve 3-inch empanadas; serves 6

The turnovers of Mexico, empanadas are stuffed with all kinds of vegetables, including squashes, mushrooms and the chard used here. Be sure to use plenty of chard and season it well. You'll want to make a large batch of empanadas when you have the time, then store them well wrapped in the freezer for up to several weeks.

INGREDIENTS

For Dough:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup lard or unsalted butter, chilled
2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled
1/2 teaspoon salt
About 1/3 cup  ice water

For  Filling:
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large white onion, diced
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2 bunches swiss chard, about 1 lb total weight, trimmed, leaves cut into small pieces and stems cut into 1/2-inch (12-mm) dice
3/4 cup grated Cotija, Romano or Parmesan cheese 
1/4 cup grated asadero, manchego, Monterey Jack cheese or other good melting cheese
Squeeze of fresh lime juice
1 egg, beaten, for glaze
Freshly cracked pepper
   
DIRECTIONS

FOR DOUGH: In a bowl, combine the flour, lard, butter and salt. Mix lightly with your fingers until the mixture forms pea-sized pieces. Using a fork, stir in the ice water, a little at a time, until a dough forms, and then knead lightly until it comes together in a ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or as long as overnight.

FOR FILLING: In a large frying pan over medium heat, warm the olive oil. Add the onion, salt and pepper and sauté until the onion is soft and begins to turn lightly golden, 7-10 minutes. Add the chard stems and cook for 1-2 minutes. Then add the chard leaves and cook, stirring, until tender, 3-4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl and let cool. Add the cheeses and lime juice and mix well. Taste and adjust the seasonings.

TO ASSEMBLE: In a lightly floured board, roll out the dough about 1/8 inch thick. Using a 3-inch round cookie cutter, cut out 12 rounds. Place about 2 tablespoons of the filling on one-half of each round, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Dampen the edges of the dough with a little of the egg glaze, then fold the dough over to enclose the filling. Seal the edges by pressing firmly with the tines of a fork. Arrange the empanadas on a tray, cover with plastic wrap and chill for at least 30 minutes or up to 3 days before baking.

Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F. Place the empanadas on a baking sheet. Brush the tops with the egg glaze and sprinkle with cracked pepper. Using a sharp knife, cut 2 or 3 small slits in the top of each empanada to allow steam to escape.

Bake until golden, about 30 minutes. Transfer to a rack to cool. Serve warm or at room temperature.

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Taco Lasagna

Ingredients:

    hamburger
    red hot sauce
    chili powder
    garlic powder
    onions, diced
    butter
    cooked lasagna noodles
    shredded Mexican cheese
    salsa
    taco chips
    sour cream

Directions:

Preheat oven 350 degrees F.

Cook hamburger with hot sauce, chili powder, garlic powder, and ginger. Drain. Cook onions in butter until translucent. Add to hamburger.

Place first layer of noodles in lasagna dish. Cover with salsa and add second layer of noodles. Cover with hamburger mixture, then top with cheese. Add third layer of noodles and cover with salsa. Top with crushed taco chips and cheese. Bake for 20 minutes.

Serve with sour cream and desired hot sauce.
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JOKES:

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's b..ls.
 

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    I was in Timmy’s recently for a coffee and carrot muffin, when I suddenly realized I had a desperate need to fart.  There were a lot of people standing around and I didn't want to give up my seat. The music was really, really loud so I timed my farts with the beat of the music.
    After a couple of songs I started to feel better.  I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me! And suddenly I remembered .....................
    I was listening to my iPod……….............. and how was your day?

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  Subject:  Doctor's Office...
 
A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple  dose of  Viagra.   The doctor told him that he couldn't allow  him  a triple dose.
'Why not?' asked the man.
'Because it's  not  safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,'  said the  man.
'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked  the  doctor. 
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming  into town on  Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my  wife is coming home on Sunday.. Can't you see? I've got to have a  triple dose.
The doctor finally relented saying,
'All right,  I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so  that I can check you to see if there are any  side effects.'
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself  into the doctor's office...his right arm in a sling.  The doctor  asked, 'Good gawd! What  happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up!'
 
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    EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

    After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

    "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

    It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

    And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

    "That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

    And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

    Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

    "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

    "Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

    God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

    Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?
    
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Rooneyisms....An Enlightened Perspective
 

If  you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis:
They're  written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......
I've learned ... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned ... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned ... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned ... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned ... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned ... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned ... That I can always pray for someone when  I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned ... That no matter how serious your life  requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 
I've learned ... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. 
I've learned ... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned ... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned ... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned ... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned ... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned ... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned ... That when you plan to  get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned ... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned ... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned ... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned ... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned ... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned ... Never trust a fart!
I've learned ... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned ... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time, before she passed away.
I've learned ... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned ... That a smile is the least inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned ... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned ... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.


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25 Facts About Different Countries

Depending upon your definition, and whether or not you count Taiwan,
there are “approximately” 196 countries in the world as of this writing.
So while you may consider yourself to be a knowledgeable global citizen,
and we’re sure you are, given the dynamic and complex nature of our planet
there are certain to be at least a couple facts on this list that you will find surprising.
Here are 25 things that you wouldn’t believe about these countries.

#25. Covers the most time zones –France
 
France
If you count everything, including overseas territories, then France claims the title by covering 12 time zones.  The United States would be the runner-up with 11 and then Russia with 9.
 
#24. Most likely to disappear beneath the waves?
Maldives
 Maldives
With all the talks of global warming and rising sea levels, it is the residents of the Maldives that have the greatest reason to fear.
With an average height of around 1.8 meters above sea level their nation is the lowest on Earth.

#23. Most overweight population?
Nauru
Nauru
With over 95% of its population being overweight, the small island nation of Nauru is by far the fattest country on Earth.
Its obesity epidemic is primarily attributed to the importation of western fast food that coincided with an increased standard of living in the 20th century
due to the global popularity of its phosphate exports. It?s almost non sequitur?almost.

#22. Roads made of coral?
Guam
Guam
Because Guam doesn't have any natural sand, but rather coral,
the island nation makes its asphalt using a mix of ground coral and oil rather than importing sand from abroad.
 
#21. Has 350 sheep for every person?
Falkland Islands (UK)
Falkland Islands
With only about 3,000 people the Falkland Islands are home to approximately half-a million-sheep.
Not surprisingly wool is a major export.

#20. Oldest sovereign state?
Egypt
Egypt
This largely depends upon your definition of a sovereign state but if you are going by first acquisition of sovereignty then
Egypt would be the first country in the world to achieve sovereignty based upon the formation of the first dynasty in 3100 BC.

#19. Most lakes in the world?
Canada
Canada
With over 3 million lakes 9% of Canadian territory is actually fresh water
and over 60% of all the lakes in the world are found within its borders.

#18. Least likely place to meet your neighbour?
Mongoliaphoto
Mongolia
At 4 people per square mile Mongolia is the least densely populated country on Earth.
Compare this to the Mong Kok district of Hong Kong that has the highest population density in the world with 340,000 people per square mile.
 
#17. Largest number of tanks?
Russia
Russian tanks
It is a strange title to hold, but Russia has by far the most tanks of any army in the world (21,000).
Unfortunately for the motherland most of these outdated machines are tributes to its past, and although outnumbered (16,000),
 the United States has a much more advanced tank inventory.

#16. The land of no rivers?
Saudi Arabia
Saudi Arabia
Sounds a bit strange doesn't it? For a country as big as Saudi Arabia there has to be at least some sort of flowing water.
Well, there isn't. Most of their fresh water comes from desalinization plants or underground reservoirs.

#15. Youngest population of any country?
Niger
Niger
Generally the worlds youngest country is determined by calculating the portion of the population that is younger than 15.
Presently it is Niger that holds this distinction with roughly half of its population having barely reached puberty (49%).

#14. Most diverse country in the world?
India
India
In almost every category ? culturally, economically, climatically, racially, linguistically, ethnically,
and religiously India is either the most diverse country in the world, or the runner-up.

#13. Fastest disappearing nation?
Ukraine
Ukraine
With a natural decrease in population of .8% annually,
between now and 2050 Ukraine is expected to lose around 30% of its people.

#12. Most of its citizens live abroad?
Malta
Malta
After some rough economic times coupled with an increased birth rate,
Malta experienced significant immigration. It was so significant that there are now more Maltese living abroad than within the country itself.

#11. Smaller than Central Park in New York City?
Monaco
Monaco
Although Vatican City is smaller (.17 sq mi) than Monaco (.8 sq mi), unlike Monaco it doesn't have any permanent residents
which leaves Monaco as the smallest permanently inhabited nation in the world - smaller than Central Park.

#10. Almost entirely covered in jungle?Suriname

Suriname
With 91% of its land covered in jungle Suriname's half-a-million residents live primarily along the coast near the capital.
Only 5% of the population (mainly indigenous people) live inland.

#9. Almost entirely treeless?Haiti

Haiti
On the opposite end of the spectrum is Haiti, a country that has been so badly deforested that you can tell where it borders
the Dominican Republic by looking at a satellite image

#8. Largest country with no farms?
Singapore

Singapore
Although there are a number of small nations in the world that show no hint of having an agriculture based economy, (take Vatican City for example)
Singapore is the largest of these urban city-states.

#7. Most languages spoken?
Papua New Guinea
Papua New Guinea
Although English is its official language, only 1-2% of the population actually speak it.
As the most linguistically diverse country in the world, over 820 languages are spoken in Papua New Guinea or 12% of the world's total.

#6. Most educated people?
Canada
 
With 50% of its population having been educated at the post secondary level,
Canada easily has the most educated populace in the world. It is followed by Israel at 45% and Japan at 44%.

#5. The country desert?
Libya
Libya
With 99% of the country covered in desert
Libya is one of the most arid places in the world and in some regions decades may go by without a single drop of rain.

#4. Least peaceful nation in the world?
Somalia
Somalia
Although for the last three years Iraq has been ranked as the least peaceful country in the world,
according to the Global Peace Index Somalia overtook it this year for the top spot.

#3. Produces most of the world's oxygen?
Russia
Siberian forest
Siberia is home to approximately 25% of the world's forests that span an area larger than the continental United States,
making Russia the largest converter of CO2 into breathable compounds.

#2. World's largest opium producer?
Afghanistan
poppies in Afghanistan
Producing a whopping 95 percent of the world's opium,
not even 10 years of occupation by American forces have slowed down the industry.

#1. Most people behind bars?
United States
American prison
When it comes to incarcerating its population, the United States is the world’s uncontested leader.
With 2.2 million people behind bars it has 5% of the world’s population but 25% of the world’s incarcerated population.
China comes in second place at 1.5 million and Russia comes third at 870,000.

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