REMINDER FROM GOD:

Conscience

"David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord, 'I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing.'"1

I'm not sure why God didn't want David to take a count of his "armed forces" unless it was that God wanted David to stay dependent on him—not on his military might. At any rate, David went against God's directives and became conscience-stricken.

Conscience can be a tricky thing. We weren't born knowing what was right or wrong but with the ability to learn this. The word "conscience" is comprised of the prefix "con" meaning "with" and "science" meaning "knowledge" and literally means "with knowledge."

At birth our conscience was like a blank tape that was programmed by those who shaped our early life. If you grew up in a rigid, legalistic, punitive home, church or religious group, chances are you will have a rigid, legalistic and punitive conscience. Some of these people feel so controlled, restricted and smothered that they end up rebelling against or even deadening their conscience. On the other hand if you grew up in a very liberal or loose environment, you may do some things God's Word teaches are wrong and not feel a twinge of conscience.

As a result of faulty teaching, some of us sometimes feel guilty (conscience-stricken) when we shouldn't and don't feel conscience-stricken when we should.

As adults, to have a healthy conscience many of us need to deprogram the legalism and other faulty teaching we received in the past, and reprogram our conscience with knowledge based on what God's Word teaches so that we know what is right and what is wrong so our feelings no longer confuse, control or lead us astray.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, sometimes I am confused so please help me to always know what is the right thing to do and the courage to do it. And help me to know what wrong things not to do, and the wisdom and strength not to do them—based on the truth of your Word and not on the basis of how I feel. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 2 Samuel 24:10 (NIV).


**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:

augury AW-gyuh-ree , noun:
1. The art or practice of foretelling events; divination.
2. An omen; prediction; prognostication; indication of the future.

But if Sligo seemed the eternal moment, the farms at Thomastown, with their seventeen bickering tenants, recalcitrant income and occasional violent incidents, represented a closer augury of the future.
-- R. F. Foster, W.B. Yeats: A Life, Vol. 1

Mr. Lee's new book, "A Moment of War: A Memoir of the Spanish Civil War," is a bleak monument to a conflict that is remembered now mainly as an augury of World War II.
-- Verlyn Klinkenborg, "One Poet's War", New York Times, July 25, 1993

Augury is from Latin augurium, from augur, a soothsayer.

**********************************************

RECIPES:

Spinach Cheese Mushrooms

Yield:  28 Servings (serving size: 2 each)

you'd never know it from the delicious creaminess, but these bite-size hors d'oeuvres are guilt-free.


INGREDIENTS
1/2 pound torn fresh spinach
2 tablespoons water
3/4 cup reduced-fat ricotta cheese
3 tablespoons butter or stick margarine, softened
1 egg
2/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup water chestnuts, chopped
1/3 cup finely chopped pecans, divided
56 large fresh mushrooms (about 3 1/2 pounds)
Refrigerated butter-flavored spray
   

DIRECTIONS
In a saucepan, bring spinach and water to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and cook for 3 minutes. Drain; squeeze dry and finely chop.

In a mixing bowl, beat ricotta and butter until smooth. Beat in egg. Stir in Parmesan cheese, water chestnuts, 3 tablespoons pecans and chopped spinach.

Remove stems from mushrooms (discard or save for another use). Spray inside of mushroom caps with butter-flavored spray. Place caps on a baking sheet coated with nonstick cooking spray. Stuff with spinach mixture; sprinkle with remaining pecans. Bake, uncovered, at 400 degrees F for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned.

**********************************************

Cream Cheese Pound Cake

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  3 Hours
Yield:  24 servings

Although so moist and seemingly rich you can eat it unadorned, we recommend trying this pound cake topped with our quick cherry sauce.

Make Ahead Tip: Wrap and store at room temperature for up to 3 days or freeze for up to 1 month.


 INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups  all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups  whole-wheat pastry flour
1 1/2 teaspoons  baking powder
1/2 teaspoon  salt
3   large eggs
1/2 cup  nonfat buttermilk
1/3 cup  canola oil
2 tablespoons  light corn syrup
1 tablespoon  vanilla extract
6   large egg whites
2 cups  sugar, divided
1/2 cup (1 stick)  unsalted butter, softened
8 ounces  Neufchatel cheese (see Ingredient note)

Ingredient Note:  For this recipe, be sure to use Neufchatel-type cream cheese that has 1/3 less fat than regular, not "light" cream cheese, which has less fat.
   

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 325° F. Coat a 12-cup Bundt pan with cooking spray and dust with flour.

Whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Whisk whole eggs, buttermilk, oil, corn syrup and vanilla in another medium bowl until well blended.

Beat egg whites in a large clean bowl with an electric mixer on high speed until light and foamy. Gradually beat in 1/2 cup sugar until stiff glossy peaks form.

Beat butter and Neufchatel in a large bowl until creamy. Add the remaining 1 1/2 cups sugar and beat, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed, until pale and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Alternately add the flour and buttermilk mixtures, beating until just smooth. Fold in about one-third of the egg whites with a rubber spatula until just smooth and no white streaks remain. Fold in the remaining egg whites. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading evenly.

Bake the cake until a wooden skewer inserted into it comes out clean and the top springs back when touched, 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Loosen the edges with a knife and turn out onto the rack; let cool for at least 1 hour more before slicing.

**********************************************

Shrimp Bisque

Active Time:  40 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 10 Minutes
Yield:  6 servings, 1 cup each

A broth made from shrimp shells, wine and aromatic vegetables makes a richly flavored base for this bisque. A dollop of reduced-fat sour cream is all you need for a luxurious finish.

Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 1 day.
 

INGREDIENTS
For the Shrimp Bisque:
12 ounces  shrimp (30-40 per pound) shell-on
1   onion chopped, divided
1   carrot peeled and sliced
1 stalk  celery (with leaves) sliced
1/2 cup  dry white wine
1/2 teaspoon  black peppercorns
1   bay leaf
3 cups  water
1 tablespoon  extra-virgin olive oil
4 ounces  mushrooms wiped clean and sliced (about 1 1/2 cups)
1/2   green bell pepper, chopped
1/4 cup  chopped scallions
2 tablespoons  chopped fresh parsley
1/4 cup  all-purpose flour
11/2 cups  low-fat milk
1/4 cup  reduced-fat sour cream
1/4 cup  dry sherry
1 tablespoon  lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon  salt
Freshly ground pepper to taste
Dash of hot sauce
   

DIRECTIONS
Peel and devein shrimp, reserving the shells. Cut the shrimp into 3/4-inch pieces; cover and refrigerate.

Combine the shrimp shells with about half the onion, all the carrot, celery, wine, peppercorns and bay leaf in a large heavy saucepan. Add water and simmer over low heat for about 30 minutes. Strain through a sieve, pressing on the solids to extract all the juices; discard the solids. Measure the shrimp stock and add water, if necessary, to make 1 1/2 cups.

Heat oil in the same pan over medium heat. Add mushrooms, bell pepper, scallions, parsley and the remaining onion. Cook, stirring, until the mushrooms are soft, about 5 minutes. Sprinkle with flour and cook, stirring constantly, until it starts to turn golden, 2 to 3 minutes. Slowly stir in milk and the shrimp stock. Cook, stirring to loosen any flour sticking to the bottom of the pot, until the soup returns to a simmer and thickens, about 5 minutes. Add the reserved shrimp and cook until they turn opaque in the center, about 2 minutes more. Add sour cream, sherry and lemon juice; stir over low heat until heated through—do not let it come to a boil. Taste and adjust seasonings with salt, pepper and hot sauce.

**********************************************

Coconut Custard Pie

Total Time:  45 Minutes
Yield:  Makes one 9-inch pie; serves 6-8

Since the early years of the 20th century, coconut cream pie has been enjoyed in lunchrooms, restaurants and diners across the country. If you like, use the unbaked graham cracker crumb crust used for the strawberry cheesecake in place of the prebaked pie crust.

 INGREDIENTS
1 prebaked pie crust
1 1/4 cups flaked coconut
For the Filling:
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 egg yolks
3 cups milk
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
For the Topping:
1 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons Confectioners' sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
   

DIRECTIONS

Prepare and bake the pie crust as directed and let cool.
Preheat an oven to 375 degrees F .
Spread the coconut in a single layer on a baking sheet with a rim. Bake, stirring several times, until golden brown, 6-8 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool.


FOR THE FILLING:
In a heavy nonaluminum saucepan, combine the granulated sugar, cornstarch and salt and whisk to mix well. In a bowl, whisk the egg yolks until blended, then gradually whisk in the milk. Gradually whisk the egg mixture into the sugar mixture, whisking well to dissolve the cornstarch.

Place the saucepan over medium heat and cook for 4-5 minutes, stirring occasionally over the bottom and to the edge of the pan. Switch to a whisk occasionally to prevent lumps from forming. Continue to cook, stirring constantly and whisking occasionally, until the mixture thickens and reaches a boil, 7-9 minutes longer. Boil for 1 minute, stirring constantly, then immediately remove from heat. Stir in the butter, vanilla and 1 cup (4 oz/120 g) of the toasted coconut. Immediately pour the filling into a bowl, press a piece of waxed paper directly onto the surface and let cool for 15 minutes.


FOR THE TOPPING:
In a large bowl, whisk the cream until semisoft peaks form. Add the confectioners’ sugar and vanilla and whisk until soft peaks form. Cover and chill until ready to use.


Pour the filling into the cooled crust and jiggle the dish until the filling is level. Cover and chill until ready to serve. To serve, mound the topping on the pie and sprinkle with the remaining 1/4 cup toasted coconut. Serve immediately.


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OLD FASHIONED MEATLOAF

Active Time:  10 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 45 Minutes
Yield:  Serves 6

For the most tender, moist meat loaf, use meat with 20 percent fat. A meat loaf pan, a wonderful recent invention consisting of one pan with drainage holes set inside a second pan, allows excess fat to drain out during cooking. Serve with a generous helping of mashed potatoes.


 INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 large yellow onion, chopped
1 carrot, peeled, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 lb lean ground beef
1 1/2 cups fresh bread crumbs
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, crumbled
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh parsley
1 tablespoon worcestershire sauce
2/3 cup catsup
1/2 cup tomato sauce, plus tomato sauce for serving, optional

DIRECTIONS
Heat the oil in a nonstick frying pan over medium heat. Add the onion and carrot. Sauté until the carrot begins to soften and the onion is almost translucent, 4-5 minutes. Add the garlic. Sauté 1 minute. Remove from the heat and cool.


Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly oil a 9x5x3-inch loaf pan. Whisk eggs, salt, pepper, thyme, parsley, Worcestershire sauce and catsup in medium bowl to blend. Combine the beef, bread crumbs and cooled vegetable mixture in a large bowl. Add the egg mixture. Using your hands, mix just until blended. Do not overmix or the loaf will be too compact and dry.


Gently pat the meat mixture into the prepared pan. Pour the tomato sauce evenly over the top. Bake until meat begins to shrink from the pan sides and instant meat thermometer inserted into center of loaf registers 150°F, about 1 1/4 hours. Transfer pan to a rack. Cool 10 minutes.


Cut the meat loaf into thick slices. Using a spatula, transfer slices to warmed plates. Serve warm or cold, accompanied with more tomato sauce, if desired.

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Gorditas de Chile Colorado

Active Time:  25 Minutes
Total Time:  25 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 16 Gorditas

In Saltillo, in the north of Mexico, where ancho chiles are called chile colorados, chile-spiced masa is used to make tortillas that are dipped in the ancho chile sauce, rolled up, and topped with chopped onion and crumbled fresh cheese. Here it is used to make gorditas, or thick tortilla cakes. They can be eaten either for a late breakfast or as a snack before lunch.

 INGREDIENTS

For Gorditas:
1 1/2 oz ancho chiles, toasted, with stems, seeds, and veins removed
8 oz prepared corn tortilla masa (dough for corn tortillas)
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste
For Sauce:
2 1/2 oz ancho chiles, toasted, with stems, seeds and veins removed
1 small onion, chopped
1 cup water
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste
For Topping:
1 small onion, minced
1/2 cup queso panela (low fat white cheese), farmer cheese, or cacciotta, crumbled
   
DIRECTIONS

FOR GORDITAS: Cook the chiles in boiling water to cover until very soft, approximately 5 minutes. Strain and grind the chiles in a molcajete or mortar to make a smooth paste.

Mix together the tortilla masa, flour, salt and chile paste until uniform in texture and color. Divide into 16 little balls and flatten to make thick tortillas about 3 inches in diameter.

Cook the tortillas on a comal or a cast-iron griddle over low heat, a few at a time, for approximately 2 minutes a side, or until flecked with dark patches.

As soon as possible after removing from the pan, place a tortilla with the telita, or second side that was toasted, facing up, and pinch up the edge to form a ridge about 1/4 inch deep. Cover with a cloth to keep warm.

FOR SAUCE: Place chiles, onions, and water in a blender and blend until completely smooth. Add salt to taste and mix thoroughly.

Heat the oil in a small saucepan and fry the sauce over medium heat, stirring ocasionally for 3 to 4 minutes until slightly thickened. Use hot.

TO SERVE: Reheat the gorditas on a hot comal or cast-iron griddle. Spread 1 tablespoon of sauce on the pinched side of each, sprinkle with 1 teaspoon of onion, and some crumbled cheese.

Put the gorditas on a platter and serve immediately.

*******************************************

JOKES:



> Great Answers
>
> In France, at a fairly large conference, Prime Minister Steven Harper was
> asked by a French cabinet minister if Canadian involvement in Afghanistan
> was just an example of "empire building".
> Mr Harper answered by saying, 'Over the years, Canada has sent many of its
> fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our
> borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough
> to bury those that did not return.'
> You could have heard a pin drop.
>
> A Canadian Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals
> from the Canadian, US, English, Australian and French Navies.
> At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of
> officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was
> chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French Admiral
> suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, North
> Americans generally learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we
> always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking
> French?'
> Without hesitating, the Canadian Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the
> Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to
> speak German.'
> You could have heard a pin drop.
>
> When Robert Whiting, an elderly Canadian gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris
> by plane he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on at
> French Customs.
> 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked
> sarcastically.
> Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
> The official replied, 'Then you should know enough to have your passport
> ready.'
> The Canadian said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'
> 'Impossible, Monsieur. Canadians always have to show passports on arrival
> in France!'
> The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
> explained, 'Well, when I came ashore on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this
> country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'
> You could have heard a pin drop.
>
> Canadians are Cool.

**********************************************
My job search

"This is quite clever.  I wonder who thinks of all this stuff. "

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, 
      but I got canned.  Couldn't concentrate.

 
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, 
 but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.


3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, 
 but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

 
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, 
 but that was too exhausting.


5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, 
but just didn't have the thyme.


6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, 
but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard.


7. My best job was a Musician, 
 
but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
 

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, 
      but didn't have any patience.


9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. 
   Tried hard but just didn't fit in.


10. I became a Professional Fisherman, 
 but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.


11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,
       but the work was just too draining.


12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center,   
 but they said I wasn't fit for the job.. 


13. After many years of trying to find steady work, 
I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks,    
 but had to quit because it was the same old grind.  

15. SO, I TRIED  RETIREMENT 
 
AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

**********************************************
    Last night we went to a party at our local senior center. The second Tuesday of every month they have an evening potluck supper. We usually  eat, play bingo, reminisce, and drink a little wine and talk about the good ole days...

    We heard  Selma    Martin's grandson is staying with her for a few weeks. It's rumored he got in a scrap over some marijuana with the law out in Vancouver and he came to  Edmonton to avoid the heat.. Anyway, Selma   is known for her delicious Brownies and she always bakes up a quadruple batch for each get-together. She makes enough for everyone and some for folks to take one home for later. For some reason they were extra good this week and every last one of them was eaten. Not a one left over.. We later found out that  Selma 's grandson, Butch, laced the brownies with some of his marijuana.

    Knowing this, I guess it offers a logical reason for everyone feeling good that night By the time Zeke put on the bunny hop record, everyone was in a real good mood and it was the first time the  whole place got up and danced ...............

    That is until the cops came to check all the noise complaints.

    Well, that's another story. .....................
       

    YOU PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN AND ... 

    WELL YOU KNOW THE REST! ...............  .......................

      Life's too Short...
    Dance like No One is Watching You!
    See what we get to look forward to.
  
                                        ,,,,,,,,,,,, and you thought all we did was play Bingo !!!

**********************************************
Wrong Side of the Bed
Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers on their way to classes.
 
As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."
 
The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you."
But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
 
This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.
 
A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years.  She greeted them with "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you the wisdom for our students today."
 
"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you and may God be with you."
But again after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed today."
 
Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.
 
Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was Rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face before greeting Sister Mary.
 
"Good morning, Sister Mary, I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day."
 
"Ah, good morning, Mother Superior. I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
 
Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong?" I have tried to be pleasant but three times already today people have said that about me."
 
Sister Mary stopped her walker and looked Mother Superior in the face.
 
"Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers.."


**********************************************




> Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing
> this.
> Many NFLD folks DID hear this on the 94.7- OZ - FM morning show in
> St.
> John's NFLD.
>
> The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game
> is
> Called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they
> are
> Married or seriously involved with someone.
>
> If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random
> yet
> Highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the
> name
> Of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their
> partner
> Answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the
> prize.
> One particular game, however,several months ago made the St.
> John's
> Audience drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the
> funniest
> Thing they've ever heard yet. Read this and find out why.
> Anyway, here's
> How it all went down:
>
>
>
> DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on 94.7 OZ -FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate
> Match'?"
>
> Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have.
>
> DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast
> if
> You win. What is your name? First only please."
>
> Contestant: "Brian."
>
> DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
>
> Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
>
> DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
>
> Brian: "Sara."
>
> DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
>
> Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
>
> DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
>
> Brian: (l aughing) "Yes, she's at work."
>
> DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
>
> Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
>
>
> DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
>
> Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
>
> DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
>
> Brian: "About 10 minutes."
>
>
> DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever
> have said
>
> that if a trip wasn't at stake."
>
>
> Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
>
> DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8
> o'clock this
> Morning?"
>
> Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
>
> DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
>
> Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is
> staying with us
> For a couple of weeks..."
>
> DJ: "Uh huh...."
>
> Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the
> time."
>
> DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
>
> Brian: "On the kitchen table."
>
> DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the
> previous hundred
> Times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold,
> get his wife's
> Work number and call her up. You listen to this."
>
> [ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
>
> DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?"
>
> Touchtones.....ringing.....)
>
> Clerk: "Kinkos."
>
> DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
>
> Clerk: "This is she."
>
> DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with 94.7 OZ-FM. We are live on the
> air right
> Now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours
> now."
>
> Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
>
> DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian
> knows not to
> Give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... Do you
> know the rules
> Of 'Mate Match'?"
>
> Sarah: "No."
>
> DJ: "Good!"
>
> Brian: (laughing)
>
> Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
>
> Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay?
> Be
> Completely honest."
>
> DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions,
> Sarah. If
> Your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you
> will be off to
> The Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
>
> Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
> DJ: "All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
>
> Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went
> to work."
>
> DJ: "What time?"
>
> Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
>
> DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
>
> Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
>
> DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to
> protect
> his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one
> question
> away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
>
> Sarah: (laughing) Yes."
>
> DJ: "Where did you have it?"
>
> Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did
> you?"
>
> Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
>
> DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
>
> Sarah: "Well..."
>
> DJ: "Come on, Sarah.....where did you have it?
>
> Sarah: "Up the arse......"
>
> After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a
> station break."
>
> And the drivers of NFLD almost crashed their cars laughing!
>
> P.S. : The contestants won the trip!

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Scattered and Emboldened

Acts 8:3-4, NIV: "But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to

house, he dragged off men and women and put them in prison. Those who had

been scattered preached the word wherever they went."

The death of Stephen was certainly not a good thing; but, as God does so often,

He took what was intended for evil and used it for good. The people were

scattered, but they were also emboldened to preach the Word "wherever they

went." They could have, out of fear, been scattered and hid themselves away;

keeping silent so as not to be exposed. Yet, they were not silent. Praise God for

that. In various parts of the world today, Christians are still scattered; driven out by

the sword of persecution. But rest assured, even as God emboldened believers

once upon a time, that He still emboldens believers today. In America, as in a

number of other nations, we do not know such persecution. However, when such a

day comes (and it will come) that we are scattered, may it be that we too are

emboldened so that the scattering of the people of God results in the abundant

scattering of the seed of His Word.


**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

carp kahrp   , verb:
1. To find fault or complain querulously or unreasonably.
noun:
1. A peevish complaint.

She'd been carping about money lately – or not carping, but she'd inserted a few

pointed remarks about pulling your own weight into the prolonged and intent

silences that were her specialty – so he thought she'd be pleased.
-- Margaret Atwood, Oryx and Crake

And knowing he could not touch her by persuasion, he carped at her and teased

her like a schoolboy.
-- Anton Chekhov, "Excellent People," Chekhov's Doctors: A Collection of

Chekhov's Medical Tales

Carp comes from the Old Norse word karpa which meant "to brag or haggle."

**********************************************

RECIPES  &  HINTS :

Apple Betty with Almond Cream

 
I love making this treat for friends during the peak of apple season. I plan a quick

soup and bread meal, so we can get right to the dessert!

Prep: 15 min.
Cook: 3 hours
Yield: 8 Servings

Ingredients

3 pounds tart apples, peeled and sliced
10 slices cinnamon-raisin bread, cubed
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/8 teaspoon salt

WHIPPED CREAM:
1 cup heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
1/2 teaspoon almond extract

Directions
Place apples in an ungreased 4- or 5-qt. slow cooker. In a large bowl, combine the

bread, brown sugar, butter, extract, cinnamon, cardamom and salt; spoon over

apples. Cover and cook on low for 3-4 hours or until apples are tender.
In a small bowl, beat cream until it begins to thicken. Add the sugar, lemon peel

and extract; beat until soft peaks form. Serve with apple mixture. Yield: 8 servings.

Nutritional Facts
1 cup with 1/4 cup whipped cream equals 468 calories, 23 g fat (14 g saturated

fat), 71 mg cholesterol, 224 mg sodium, 65 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 5 g protein.


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Grilled Cuban Sandwiches

Makes 4 sandwiches

4 submarine rolls, split
4 t. mustard
1/3 lb. roast pork, thinly sliced
4 slices Swiss cheese
1/3 lb. deli ham, thinly sliced
dill pickle spears
1 Tbsp. butter, softened

Spread rolls with mustard; layer bottoms of rolls with pork, cheese, ham and

pickles. Add tops of rolls; lightly spread outside surface of rolls with butter. Grill on

a hot griddle over medium heat until lightly toasted and cheese is melted.

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Spinach Soup

1 (10 ounce) package fresh or frozen spinach
3 cups milk
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1/2 pint plain yogurt, cream cheese or sour cream
1 tablespoon instant minced onion
1 teaspoon chicken flavor base

Wash and drain spinach, or thaw frozen spinach. Put 1 cup of the milk in blender
container.

Add spinach, a little at a time, blending until smooth after each
addition.
In saucepan, melt butter. Stir in flour, salt, nutmeg and pepper. Cook
over medium-low heat until bubbly.

Stir in spinach mixture. Add remaining milk, yogurt, onion and chicken flavor
base.
Cook, stirring constantly, over medium heat, until mixture begins to boil.
Reduce heat and simmer, stirring, for 2 minutes.

Makes 5 1/2 cups.

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McCormick Cinnamon Caramel Swirl Bars

Cinnamon is the star ingredient in this indulgent recipe certain to please one and

all. This favorite spice combines with gooey caramel for a truly decadent dessert.

Servings: 24

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons McCormick® Ground Cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter, melted
2 eggs
2 teaspoons McCormick® Pure Vanilla Extract
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans (optional)
1 (14 ounce) package caramels, unwrapped
1/4 cup milk

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt in

medium bowl. Set aside.
2. Mix brown sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla and pecans in large bowl until well

blended. Add flour mixture; mix well. Reserve 1 cup of the batter. Spread

remaining batter into lightly greased foil-lined 13x9-inch baking pan. Bake 15

minutes or until firm.
3. Microwave caramels and milk in microwavable bowl on HIGH 2 to 3 minutes or

until caramels are completely melted, stirring after every minute. Pour over baked

layer in pan, spreading to within 1/2 inch of edges. Drop reserved 1 cup batter by

spoonfuls over caramel layer. Cut through batter with knife several times for marble

effect.
4. Bake 15 to 20 minutes longer or until center is set. Cool in pan on wire rack. Lift

from pan. Cut into bars.

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Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

Flavorful recipe for this farm raised fish that is easy and done in minutes! The fish

is broiled with a creamy cheese coating for an impressive flavor and texture.

Servings: 8

Ingredients

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon celery salt
2 pounds tilapia fillets

Directions

1. Preheat your oven's broiler. Grease a broiling pan or line pan with aluminum foil.
2. In a small bowl, mix together the Parmesan cheese, butter, mayonnaise and

lemon juice. Season with dried basil, pepper, onion powder and celery salt. Mix

well and set aside.
3. Arrange fillets in a single layer on the prepared pan. Broil a few inches from the

heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Flip the fillets over and broil for a couple more minutes.

Remove the fillets from the oven and cover them with the Parmesan cheese

mixture on the top side. Broil for 2 more minutes or until the topping is browned

and fish flakes easily with a fork. Be careful not to over cook the fish

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Baked Cod Casserole   
 

Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  40 Minutes
Yield:  4 servings

The combination of wine, Gruyere cheese and toasty bread in this fish casserole

evokes the flavors of fondue...a perfect winter food. Choose Pacific cod, it’s an

ocean-friendly choice. Make It a Meal: Serve with steamed broccoli and a glass of

Sauvignon Blanc.


INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons  extra-virgin olive oil, divided
2   medium onions, very thinly sliced
1 cup  dry white wine
1 1/4 pounds  cod, cut into 4 pieces
2 teaspoons  chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon  kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon  black pepper
1 1/2 cups  finely chopped whole-wheat country bread (about 2 slices)
1/2 teaspoon  paprika
1/2 teaspoon  garlic powder
1 cup  finely shredded Gruyere or swiss cheese
 
DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Add

onions and cook, stirring often, until just starting to soften, 5 to 7 minutes. Add

wine, increase heat to high and cook, stirring often, until the wine is slightly

reduced, 2 to 4 minutes.


Place cod on the onions and sprinkle with thyme, salt and pepper. Cover the pan

tightly with foil; transfer to the oven and bake for 12 minutes.


Toss the bread with the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, paprika and garlic powder in a

small bowl. Spread the bread mixture over the fish and top with cheese. Bake,

uncovered, until the fish is opaque in the center, about 10 minutes more.


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JOKES:


You might be a REDNECK if...    
    ...your stair master has an ashtray!

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Taxi story
 
 
An Arab enters a taxi..........
 
Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not

hear music as decreed by his religion and,
in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is

music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........
 
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back

door.
 
The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”
 
The cabby answers:  “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
 
So get out and wait for a camel.”
 
 
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QUOTES:

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously.
  - Peter Ustinov

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
  - Benjamin Disraeli

The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely

as means to other things, are knowledge, art, instinctive happiness, and relations

of friendship or affection.
  - Bertrand Russell

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for

hours as
> the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
>
> Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up

anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
>
> He invited all his neighbors to come over andhelp him. They all grabbed a shovel

and began
> to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and

cried
> horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
>
> A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was

astonished at what
> he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing

something amazing.
> He would shake it off and take a step up.
>
> As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would

shake it
> off and take a step up.
>
> Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of

the well and
> happily trotted off!
>
> Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the

well
> is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We

can get out
> of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a

step up.
>
> Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
>
> Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
>
> Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
>
> Live simply and appreciate what you have.
>
> Give more.
>
> Expect less
>
>
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A man was sitting on the sofa  watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from

the kitchen.

"Precious what would you like for dinner? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

“Fuck You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat.”

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You might be a REDNECK if...      
            ...there is a gun rack on your bicycle
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Rules for Good Housekeeping (Especially for men!)

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the

inside.

2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the

vacuum cleaner.

5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all

over again.

6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,

thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

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Shorty

My Italian American friend is very self-conscious about his height, or lack thereof.

So I always steer clear of the subject.

One day, he and I went to lunch at a Sub shop.

"I'll take the Italian," he said to the guy behind the counter. "Salami, Provolone, and

peppers."

"Do you want a full hero or half one?" came the reply.

"Ah... gimme a half," my friend says.

After placing our orders, we took our seats. A few minutes later, my friend

grimaced when we heard...

"Small Italian, your order is up!"

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Perplexing Riddle

"It's time to see how clearly you can think," the teacher said to his class. "Now,

listen carefully, and think about what I'm saying. I'm thinking of a person who has

the same mother and father as I have. But this person is not my brother and not my

sister. Who is it?"

The kids in the class furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise

showed how hard they were thinking. But no one came up with the right answer.

When everyone in the class had given up, the teacher announced, "The person is

me."

Little Jeffrey beamed at learning the answer. "That's a good one," he said to

himself. "I'll have to try that on Mom and Dad."

At dinner that night, little Jeffrey repeated the riddle to his parents. "I'm thinking of a

person who has the same mother and father as I have," he said. "But this person

isn't my brother and isn't my sister. Who is it?"

His parents furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise pretended

that they were thinking hard. Then they both said, "I give up. Who is it?"

"It's my teacher!" Jeffrey said.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:


The Right Word

"Speaking the truth in love."1

Mark Twain said, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."

When English poet Keats was writing a poem he asked his friend Leigh Hunt what he thought of the line, "A beautiful thing is an unending joy."

"Good, but not quite perfect," said Hunt.

"How about this?" said Keats, "A thing of beauty is an unending joy."

Finally Keats put it this way, "A thing of beauty is a joy forever."

"That," said his friend, "will live as long as the English language is spoken.'

When God speaks he always has the right word. Sometimes his words are difficult to understand. Other times they are incredibly simple but extremely profound. The following are some examples: "Love one another," "God is love," "I am the bread of life," "I am the vine, you are the branches," "I am the door," and so on. His first word in the Bible is about as straightforward as anyone could make it. It simply says, "In the beginning God." His last word as the Bible closes is just as simple and just as profound: "I am coming soon!"

May God help us to always speak the right word? It doesn't have to be eloquent but it needs to be straightforward, genuine, and spoken in truth from the heart! God put it just right: "Speak the truth in love."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to say the right thing at the right time and always speak the truth in love—and keep my mouth shut when I need to. Always. Even when I'm ticked off. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Ephesians 4:15 (NKJV).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

brisance bri-ZAHNS   , noun:
The shattering effect of a high explosive.

The 'There' turned out to be crucial for the sense of brisance and closure and resolving issues of impotent rage and powerless fear that like accrued in Lenz all day being trapped in the northeastern portions of a squalid halfway house all day fearing for his life, Lenz felt.
-- David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

But this was sustained explosion, reaching now and then a quite unendurable brisance. Yet he endured it, not so much because it was her will as, unbelievably, what had become her need.
-- Thomas Pynchon, Against the Day

Brisance is a relatively new English word. It started being used commonly in the 1910s, but it can be traced to the Celtic word brissim meaning "to break."

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RECIPES:

Chicken Fried Steaks   

Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  15 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 4 servings


 INGREDIENTS
1 pound round steak, about 1/4-inch thick, cut into 4 pieces
2 eggs, lightly beaten
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup milk

DIRECTIONS
Using a mallet, pound the steaks until they are about 1/8 inch thick. Cut each steak in half. Sprinkle them with pepper, to taste.

Dip each steak in the beaten eggs and then in the flour. Set aside.

In a 10-inch skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the steaks to the pan and fry for 1 minute on each side. Remove the steaks to a plate lined with paper towels.

Pour the milk into the skillet and simmer, stirring, until the gravy thickens, about 1 to 2 minutes.

Place the steaks on a serving platter. Serve with the gravy on the side.

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Picnic Oven-Fried Chicken   
 
Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 35 Minutes
Yield:  4 servings

Whether you take it along on a picnic or serve it at home for a family supper, this updated "fried" chicken is a crowd pleaser. Marinating the chicken in buttermilk keeps it juicy, and the light coating of flour, sesame seeds and spices, misted with olive oil, forms an appealing crust during baking.

 INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup  buttermilk
1 tablespoon  Dijon mustard
2 cloves  garlic, minced
1 teaspoon  hot sauce
2 1/2-3 pounds  chicken legs, skin removed, trimmed and cut into thighs and drumsticks
1/2 cup  whole-wheat flour
2 tablespoons  sesame seeds
1 1/2 teaspoons  paprika
1 teaspoon  dried thyme leaves
1 teaspoon  baking powder
1/8 teaspoon  salt, or to taste
Freshly ground pepper to taste
olive oil cooking spray
 

DIRECTIONS
Whisk buttermilk, mustard, garlic and hot sauce in a shallow glass dish until well blended. Add chicken and turn to coat. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for at least 1/2 hour or for up to 8 hours.


Preheat oven to 425°F. Line a baking sheet with foil. Set a wire rack on the baking sheet and coat it with cooking spray.


Whisk flour, sesame seeds, paprika, thyme, baking powder, salt and pepper in a small bowl. Place the flour mixture in a paper bag or large sealable plastic bag. Shaking off excess marinade, place one or two pieces of chicken at a time in the bag and shake to coat. Shake off excess flour and place chicken on the prepared rack. (Discard any leftover flour mixture and marinade). Spray chicken pieces with cooking spray.


Bake the chicken until golden brown and no longer pink in the center, 40 to 50 minutes.

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Grilled Chicken, Plantain and Pineapple Skewers   
 
Yield:  4 servings

 INGREDIENTS

For the Chicken:
8 chicken thighs, boneless and skinless, cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks
4 strips bacon, cut into 1 1/2 inch pieces
1/2 pineapple, peeled, cored and cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks
2 plantains, ripe, peeled and cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1/4 cup     lime juice
2 tablespoons oregano, chopped
2 garlic gloves, minced
1/2 cup vegetable oil

For the Pineapple Dipping Sauce:
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1 large onion, minced
1 10-ounce jar of pineapple fruit spread and remaining marinade
 
DIRECTIONS

FOR THE PINEAPPLE DIPPING SAUCE:
In medium bowl, stir together vegetable oil, minced onion, pineapple fruit spread and remaining marinade. Boil as instructed before serving.


FOR THE CHICKEN:
On eight 10-inch skewers, thread chicken, bacon, pineapple and plantains, alternating ingredients. Set skewers on a tray with sides or in a glass baking dish. In small bowl, stir together pineapple juice, lime juice, oregano and garlic cloves. Pour pineapple juice mixture over skewers, turning to coat all sides thoroughly. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, and up to 24 hours, turning skewers occasionally.

Before cooking chicken, prepare pineapple sauce.

Prepare grill. When coals are hot, lift skewers out of marinade and brush lightly with vegetable oil. Grill over medium-hot coals for about 20 minutes, turning often. Stir remaining marinade into sauce. Boil sauce over hot stove, stirring often, for 4 minutes.

Serve skewers hot, passing Pineapple Dipping Sauce separately.

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Creamy Carrots

prep:20 min
total:40 min
servings  total:  6 servings, 1/2 cup each

what you need
1-1/2lb. carrots, peeled, cut diagonally into very thin slices
1/2cup fat-free reduced-sodium chicken broth
1/4cup PHILADELPHIA Chive & Onion 1/3 Less Fat than Cream Cheese
2Tbsp. chopped fresh chives
make it

BRING carrots and broth to boil in large skillet on medium-high heat; cover. Simmer on medium-low heat 8 to 10 min. or until carrots are crisp-tender.

UNCOVER; simmer 8 to 10 min. or until most of the broth is absorbed and carrots are tender.

REMOVE from heat. Add reduced-fat cream cheese; stir until melted. Sprinkle with chives.

kraft kitchens tips
VARIATION
Prepare using vegetable broth and substituting chopped green onions for the chives.
SPECIAL EXTRA
Serve topped with freshly cracked black pepper.

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Blueberry Strata

prep:  20 min
total:  13 hr 25 min
servings  total:  12 servings
 
what you need
12slices firm white bread, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (about 8 cups)
2cups fresh or frozen blueberries, divided
1pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, cut into small cubes
8 eggs
2-1/2cups milk
2tsp. ground cinnamon
1cup maple-flavored or pancake syrup, divided
1/4cup packed brown sugar

make it

SPREAD half the bread cubes onto bottom of 13x9-inch baking dish sprayed with cooking spray; cover with 1 cup blueberries, cream cheese and remaining bread.

WHISK eggs, milk and cinnamon in medium bowl until well blended. Add 1/3 cup syrup and sugar; mix well. Pour over bread. Refrigerate 12 hours or overnight.

HEAT oven to 350ºF. Bake strata, covered, 1 hour to 1 hour 5 min. or until center is set and top is lightly browned, uncovering after 30 min.

BRING remaining syrup and blueberries to boil in saucepan, stirring constantly; simmer on medium-low heat 1 min., stirring constantly. Serve over individual servings of strata.

kraft kitchens tips
SUBSTITUTEPrepare using
PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese.
USE YOUR MICROWAVE
To prepare blueberry topping in the microwave, combine remaining syrup and blueberries in microwaveable bowl. Microwave on HIGH 1 to 2 min. or until syrup mixture is heated through when stirred.
VARIATION
 Omit cinnamon and brown sugar. Substitute cinnamon-swirl bread for the white bread.

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JOKES:


TRIVIA:

Missing Days

Questions:

1. How many months have 30 days or less? For Bragging Rights, name those months.

2. Who said, "We have met the enemy and they are ours"?

3. In what battle was the preceding quote heard and remembered?

4. Name the first pope.

5. In Greek mythology, who is identified as the supreme god?

6. Name the Egyptian leader who was assassinated on Oct. 6, 1981.

7. Who piloted the first solo, nonstop flight across the Atlantic Ocean? And for Bragging Rights, how many hours did the flight take?

8. What former president's son served as secretary of war and later as minister to Great Britain following the death of his father?

9. What country was invaded by Adolf Hitler's forces in 1939, thus beginning World War II?

10. Name the first European to land in America.

///////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Answers:

1. Five months have no more than 30 days -- February, April, June, September and November.

2. These are the words of Naval Cmdr. Oliver Perry.

3. Perry said this statement during the War of 1812's Battle of Lake Erie.

4. St. Peter was the first pope.

5. Zeus is the mythological leader.

6. President Anwar el-Sadat was assassinated in 1981.

7. Charles A. Lindbergh piloted the 33-and-a-half hour flight.

8. Abe Lincoln's son Robert Todd Lincoln (1843-1926) served in these government positions.

9. Hitler attacked Poland.

10. Leif Ericson of Norway was the first European to land in America.

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The Old Telephone Man
   
You think you have lived to be  65 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!



An old telephone man sat down at the  Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee,  a young woman sat down next to him...
She turned to the telephone man and asked, 'Are you really a telephone man?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life installing telephone poles, PBX phone systems, data networks, trouble shooting down lines and short circuits, layingcable,installing wireless towers,
living through 3 national strikes, installed radio / wire integration for General Price in Germany, ran an SB 86 switchboard in the Army and a 555 PBX back home and I've taught 100's of people to sell phone systems, so I guess I'm a telephone man.

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I  spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in  the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about  naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a  young man sat down on the other side of the old telephone man and asked, 'Are you really a telephone man?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I am a lesbian.

******************************

What are those things on the bottom of airplane wings? Next to the engine?


Those two things... they look like engines but they're totally closed up. Do they hold fuel? I thought they held fuel in a bladder in the belly of the aircraft

Best Answer
The flaps on most large aircraft are hydraulic powered, and have fairly large hydraulic rams to drive them. There is no good way to mount these in the wings and get the flap movement they want. The solution is to mount the mechanisms outside of the wing. The problem with that is aerodynamics. You don't want big odd shaped things hanging out in the airflow. The easy solution is to build covers for them.

Hydraulic actuator covers, just that simple.

===================================
CONFUCIOUS SAYS:  I will not be concerned at other men's not knowing me;I will be concerned at my own want of ability.

THINGS TO PONDER:  How does the Cheshire cat only show his smile?

You might be a REDNECK if... 
    ...you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
 

George Burns
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

Emo Philips
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Fred Allen
"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange."

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How to Play Spades

Article
 Discuss View History
Spades is a really fun card game that is normally played with 4 players, though it can be done with only 2.


 Objective

To reach 500 points before the opposing team by laying the highest card of a certain round - each time you win, you've collected a "book."


 Unusual Rules

A deck of cards for Spades is a little different than a regular deck. First, take out the 2 of clubs and the 2 of hearts. Then put the 2 joker cards back into the deck. One of the jokers is the "Big Joker" and the other is the "Little Joker;" make sure everybody knows which is which. Spades "trump" - or beats - any other suit, and the Jokers and the 2s are considered Spades in this game.

Each card is worth its face value, with the following exception - the Spades suit goes as follows: Big Joker, Little Joker, 2 of Diamonds, 2 of Spades, Ace of Spades, King of Spades, Queen of Spades, etc.

Steps
1Players should sit so that everyone is facing someone, and no one is side by side. When seated, no one should be able to see your card hand, even your partner. The proper seating arrangement is your two opponents seated at your sides and your partner seated directly across from you.
2Determine the dealer for the first round. All players blindly select a card and the player with the highest card (2 is lowest, Ace is highest) deals. If players tie with a high card the process is repeated until one player has the highest card. This player shuffles the cards, has the player to their right cut the deck. After the cut, the dealer deals the cards face down to all the players, one by one, starting with the player to the left and continuing clockwise. Deal until all cards have been dispersed; each player should have 13 cards(if 4 people are playing).
3All players should pick up and view their cards, being careful to not let others view them. Cards can be arranged in the hand in any manner, however the simplest way is to group them by suit and arrange from highest to lowest.
4Bidding. Starting with the first player to the dealer's left, the players will bid on how many "books" their hand can take in the game. When the bid falls on the final player in his/her team that player combines what the partner bid to what they feel they can win to make a final bid for the team. This final number is then written down by the scorekeeper.
5Opening hand. Whichever player is holding the 3 of Clubs leads the hand by "throwing out" or laying the 3 of Clubs face-up in the center of the table. The player to the left then lays out a card of the matching suit, with play continuing clockwise. A player can play a higher card, or lower, so long as it's the same suit of card. When a suit is played and a player has no cards of the suit, the player can lay down any other card. This can mean either "trumping" the suit with a spade or "skating" with any other suit. When playing another suit other than what's lead the card has no value and can't ever win, unless it's a spade.
6Continuing the hand. Whoever plays the highest card claims the "book" for their team and lays out another card of his or her choice. Play continues clockwise as before, with the winner of each turn opening the next. A Spade can't be played as an opening card until one has been laid out and "trumped" a book. play continues until all "books" have been collected, keeping in mind that the Jokers and 2s are all "Spades," and high ones at that.
7Continuing the game. Deal is passed clockwise and another hand begins.

 Scoring
Each team tallies up their books at the end of each hand.
If they met their goal, they receive that many points, times 10 (for example, if Team A bids 6 books and wins 6, they receive 60 points.) Points are added together after each hand (for example, if Team A wins 6 books in the first hand and 7 books in the second, they receive 60 points for the first hand and 70 for the second, for a total of 130 points).
If they exceeded their goal, they receive that many points, times 10, but the extras are tracked separately (for example, if Team A bids 6 books and wins 8, they receive 60 points, with a "2" in the margin or added as an integer next to the points). Points and margin scores are added together after each hand. If the margin number reaches 10, the team loses 100 points from their total and the margin numbers go to 0 (for example, In the first hand, Team A bids 4 books and wins 8, they receive 40 points, margin "4". In the second, hand, Team A bids 4 books and wins 10 and receives 40 points, margin "6". 40+40=80, 4+6=10, so instead of keeping 80 points, they are at -20, with no margin number.)
If they didn't meet their goal, they lose those points, times 10 (for example, if Team A bids 6 books and only wins 5, they lose 60 points), with the amount being deducted from the total amount so far. There are no margin numbers for losing.

 Tips
Remember that spades are trump and will be beat any other suit.
Don't forget that the Jokers and 2s are high spades.
No cross-talk. You can't talk about what cards you're holding, and you certainly can't tell her that you have a bunch of clubs or three aces.
When you are bidding, pay attention to what else is in your hand. Your high cards will "probably" win a book, but only if nobody lays out a spade. If you have an Ace of hearts but also 6 other heart cards, somebody out there may not have any hearts at all and may lay out a spade to trump your ace.
Try to pay attention to when high cards are played, who plays them, and how many spades are out there.
Try not to trump your partner. If your partner lays out an Ace of hearts and you're pretty sure everybody else is going to be laying out a heart, that Ace is going to win. If you lay out a Spade and win instead, you're taking away one of his books and hurting yourself.
Don't trump yourself. If your partner lays out a 10 of spades to win over an Ace of hearts, don't lay out a King of hearts or a three of spades, you're just giving away points.


 Warnings
If you trump a suit and still have that suit left in your hand, an opponent can charge your team 3 books.

Things You'll Need

a deck of cards
pen
paper
3 friends (or at least casual acquaintances)
================================

Brad, a local beachgoer, couldn't even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.

"Dude, it's obvious," said the lifeguard. "You're wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You'll have all the babes you can handle."

The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it's not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.

"For cryin' out loud," said Brad, "it's worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What's wrong now?"

"Jeez, Brad!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!"
--------------------------------

 Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

One Texan turned to the other and said "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm gonna go over there and help."

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big Texan hands and asked "Kin ya swaller?"

Gasping, she shook her head "No."

He asked "Can ya breathe?"

Still gasping she again shook her head "No."

With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her ass. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own.

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said "Ya know, it's amazin' -- that hind-lick maneuver always works!"
-----------------------------

 One day in a nursing home, old Mr. Smith goes up to a candy striper and says, "My penis died."

Deciding to humor him, the girl says "Oh, poor baby. I'm sorry to hear that."

Two days later the girl is making her rounds and sees Mr. Smith wandering the halls with his frank and beans hanging out.

"Mr. Smith!" she cries. "I thought you said your penis had died!"

"It did. Today's the viewing."

**********************************
THINGS TO PONDER: Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

You might be a REDNECK if... 
    ...the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. 
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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The Origin and History of the Easter Bunny


In the Christian world, Easter is a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

On the third day after his crucifixion (which is remembered on Good Friday), the

New Testament tells us that Jesus arose from the grave, appeared to his disciples

and ultimately ascended to Heaven. It is this act that is celebrated by Christians

every year on Easter Sunday.

If the resurrection of Jesus Christ is the origin of Easter, where then does the

Easter Bunny come from? There is no mention of the Easter Bunny in the Bible,

and except for its modern association with Easter the rabbit has not been a

Christian symbol. Where then does the tradition come from?

The Hare: Ancient Fertility Symbol

In the ancient world, the rabbit has long been a symbol of fertility. The rabbit is

known for its reproductive prowess, in fact even today we talk of couples who have

many children as "multiplying like rabbits." Because it is known to reproduce often,

it was seen has having special powers in assisting humans to reproduce. In fact

our own lucky rabbit's foot goes back to this ancient tradition. (Not only is it a bodily

part of the fertile rabbit that can transfer power to the bearer, it also serves as a

phallic symbol).

In Europe prior to the introduction of Christianity the ancient pagans already had

their own springtime festivals, as did almost all other ancient peoples. Because

spring is the time, after the harshness of winter that the world begins to bloom

once more, it is seen as a time of replenishing and renewal, birth and rebirth,

fertility.

The Goddess of Fertility in Northern Europe before the coming of the Christians

was Eostre. It is in fact from her that our own word for Easter comes. The consort

of Eostre was none other than a hare, that great animal symbol of fertility.

According to some traditions, Eostre cast the hare into the Heavens, creating the

constellation we know today as Lepus the Hare. Some stories also say that Eostre

gave Lepus the ability to lay eggs once a year, eggs also being an ancient symbol

of fertility.

From Fertility Figure to Easter Bunny

As Christianity expanded north from the Mediterranean world where it was born and

first grew, it was common for Christians to attempt to incorporate pre-Christian

ideas and rituals and place them within the context of Christian ideas and rituals,

creating a mix of both Christian and Pagan.

These traditions co-existed for some time. When exactly the rabbit first became a

major part of the Christian celebration is unknown. Where is a little bit clearer, the

first written mentions of the Easter Bunny come from Germany in the 15th Century,

although we do not know for how long the Germans had used the symbol. It was

also in Germany that the tradition of making chocolate bunnies to celebrate Easter

began, sometime during the 1800's.

Before this, however, the Easter Bunny had already come to the United States.

German settlers in Pennsylvania brought along their traditions with them, including

the traditions of the Easter Bunny. They called him Osterhase, or Oschter Haws,

who would lay brightly colored eggs to good children who would make special

nests in their caps and bonnets the night before

Over time the tradition grew, and soon Osterhase (or the Easter Bunny as he is

known today) began to bring more than just eggs, but chocolate and candies as

well. Rather than making nests in caps and bonnets, the Easter Bunny would leave

his treasures in a decorated Easter basket.

Although begun by German immigrants, these practices soon caught on

throughout the United States and are now almost universally practiced. Christians

and non-Christians alike look forward to Easter as a celebration of life and family,

and the Easter Bunny, that ancient symbol of fertility, is the central figure. Across

the country and around the world children wait eagerly for Easter to find the

baskets full of eggs and chocolate left for them the night before by the Easter

Bunny.

Tags: Easter, Easter Bunny

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I read this somewhere and this meant something to me this Good Friday and wanted to share with you all.  May you all have a Blessed Easter.

Who Killed Jesus?

"He [Jesus Christ] was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."¹

Many readers would have seen the 2004 Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ. Many raved about it. Many sharply criticized it claiming that it blamed the Jews for crucifying Jesus and, as a result, would stir up renewed anti-Semitism. Others claimed that it was far too violent.

Yes, I saw the movie. Yes it is violent. And yes, it does appear that the Jews were responsible for the death of Jesus and yet it was the Romans that violently beat and crucified him.

No matter how violent or how brutal the physical torture of Christ, as gruesome as that was, no movie, no painting, no book, no article, or no sermon could ever depict the far greater suffering of the Christ when he, the holy and divine Son of God, took upon himself the sin of all mankind and who, while hanging on that cross, was forsaken by God the Heavenly Father. As humans we cannot even begin to imagine the depth of this pain and suffering that Jesus Christ endured to pay the penalty of our sins—and to save us from a lost eternity in hell.

The fact is that Jesus gave his life willingly. No Jew, Roman, or anyone else could take his life from him. He was the Son of God. He could have called on ten thousand angels to save him. But he didn't because he was giving his life as a ransom for your sins and mine. The Jews of his day and the Romans were only the instruments of his torturous death. It was for your sins and mine that he gave his life and suffered such intense agony.

As God's Word says, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."

Because of Christ's death for us, God now offers you and me a total pardon for all our sins and the gift of eternal life. So the crucial issue is NOT who killed the Christ, but have you accepted God's full and free pardon and the gift of eternal life?

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The God Who Hung on the Cross

Jesus said, "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth [on the cross], will draw all men to myself."¹

"In their cruel march through Cambodia to destroy much of its infrastructure, the Khmer Rouge enslaved, killed, or otherwise caused the deaths of millions of Cambodians. When they reached one village, they forced everyone out of their huts and lined them up to dig a deep pit. The villagers realized they were digging their own mass grave. Anyone who tried to run or hide was shot on sight and dragged to the edge of the pit that was being dug. When the pit was finally finished, the soldiers ordered the people to turn and face the pit. As the people stood, helplessly awaiting their execution, they began to cry out in some desperate plea for help. Some screamed to Buddha, some to ancestors, to demon spirits, and some even for their mothers.

"Then one woman, drawing on the distant memory of something her mother told her, began to cry out to one she called 'the God who hung on the cross.' Surely this one who had suffered so himself might have compassion on those about to die. Soon, the screams around her became just one desperate wail—crying out to the God who hung on the cross. And then there was silence. As the people slowly turned, they realized the soldiers were gone. And ever since that day, they were, as the book says, 'waiting for someone to come and tell them more. More about the God who hung on the cross.'"²

It was September of 1999 when a Cambodian pastor came to tell these people about Jesus and learned this story from an older woman who grabbed his hands and said, "We've been waiting for you for twenty years."

It was Jesus Christ's death on the cross that paid the ransom price for your sins and mine. Only through him can we ever come to God and be freely forgiven and given the gift of eternal life. If you have never done this, be sure to click on the "God's Invitation" button link below, or on http://tinyurl.com/gods-invitation, to find out how to do this.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, how can I ever thank you enough for the cross of Christ,  and for Jesus Christ who gave his life in my place so I could be freely forgiven and receive your gift of eternal life. Grant that my life and the way that I live it will be a thanksgiving offering to you for all that you have done for me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

NOTE: See the article, "Will the Dead Live Again?" at: http://tinyurl.com/alive007

1. John 12:32 (NIV).

Tags: religion, easter

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

GIGO

"If you want a happy life and good days, keep your tongue from speaking evil, and keep your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Work hard at living in peace with others."1

Most readers will be aware of "computerese" language that has developed in relation to computers, email and the web. Words, or letters rather, with specific meanings such as: HTML, FTP, PDF, CSS, LOL, RSS, GIGO etc., etc. GIGO stands for "garbage in garbage out." That is, if we put garbage (nonsensical information) into our computer we will get nonsensical information out of it. It's the same with life.

For instance, you may have read the story about the mother who was cleaning and slicing vegetables for a salad when her daughter came into the kitchen to ask permission to go to a movie—one with sufficient rating to indicate that it had "adult" language and other material offensive to Christians.

"All the kids are going," she said, "and their parents don't think it will hurt them."

As she talked, she saw her mother pick up a handful of the scraps and throw them into the salad. Rather startled, she shouted, "Mother, you're putting the garbage into the salad!"  "I know," her mother replied, "but I thought if you didn't mind garbage in your heart and in your mind that you wouldn't care about a little in your stomach.

Thoughtfully, the girl picked the peelings from the salad and then smiled at her mother. "I guess I'll just tell them I'm staying at home tonight," she said as she went through the kitchen door.2

The world we live in is plagued by evil and moral filth. As Christians a vital part of living a happy, meaningful and fulfilling life is, as God's Word instructs us, "turn away from evil and do good."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me the insight to immediately recognize those things that are morally wrong and the good sense to turn from them. Help me to maintain a pure heart and live a life that is pleasing to you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 1 Peter 3:10-11 (NLT).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

vernal VUR-nl   , adjective:

1. Appearing or occurring in spring.
2. Of or pertaining to spring.
3. Appropriate to or suggesting spring; springlike.
4. Belonging to or characteristic of youth.

By and by a bird piped in the garden; the shriek of a swallow made itself heard from a distance; the vernal day was beginning to stir from the light…
-- William Dean Howells, A Foregone Conclusion

Where are you trampling vernal blooms?
-- Alexander Pushkin, Eugene Onegin

Vernal stems from the Latin word vernus meaning "pertaining to spring." It is related to the word "verdant."

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RECIPES & HINTS :

Chicken-Fried Steak with Sausage Gravy   

Yield:  Serves 4

This dish is emblematic of great home-style Southern cooking. Some say its origins are in Europe, where wiener schnitzel was invented--and there are some similarities. The connection ends, though, with the country-style sausage gravy with which we smother our pan-fried cutlets. Europeans serve their version with with a humble (and lean) wedge of lemon. I retain the gravy but lightened it up dramatically--and instead of pan-frying the cutlets in bacon fat as they do in some parts of the South, I choose to bread and bake them.

 INGREDIENTS
1 cup whole-wheat flour
2 cups whole-wheat panko breadcrumbs, such as Ian's All-Natural
3 large egg whites
Four 3-ounce portions lean filet mignon, pounded about 1/3 inch thick
Nonstick cooking spray
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
One 6-ounce link hot Italian turkey sausage with casing removed
1 cup low-fat, low-sodium chicken broth
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 cup nonfat Greek yogurt
 
DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Place a wire rack on a baking sheet lined with foil, set it aside.


Put the flour in a shallow dish. Put the panko in another shallow dish. In a medium bowl, whip the egg whites until they are very foamy but not quite holding peaks. Dredge the steaks in flour, shaking off any excess. Dip them into the egg whites to coat. Then dredge the steaks into the panko, coating them evenly.


Place the steaks on the wire rack and spray them with cooking spray. Season the steaks with salt and pepper to taste, and roast them until they are golden brown and crispy, 8 to 10 minutes.


Meanwhile, heat a large nonstick saute pan over high heat. When the pan is hot, add the sausage and stir to break it up. Cook the sausage until it is just done, about 4 minutes.


While the sausage is cooking, whisk the chicken broth into the cornstarch in a small bowl.


Add the cornstarch mixture to the sausage and bring it to a simmer. When the gravy has thickened slightly (after about 2 minutes), remove the pan from the heat.


Stir the yogurt into the gravy. Season it with salt and pepper to taste. Pour the hot gravy over the steaks and serve immediately.


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Mexican Skewers with Charred Corn and Black Bean Salsa   
 

 INGREDIENTS
1 petite shoulder tender (8 ounces)
1/4 cup lime juice
1/4 cup pineapple juice
2 tablespoon cointreau
2 tablespoon tequila
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
1/2 cup parsley, chopped
1 medium jalapeno, seeded
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper, to taste

Other necessary recipes:
Charred Corn and Black Bean Salsa  (see below)
 
DIRECTIONS
Cut petite tender into one inch cubes, set aside. In a food processor, combine remaining ingredients processing until smooth.


Add beef cubes to marinade and refrigerate
30 minutes to overnight. Drain marinade; discard. Place marinated beef cubes on a five-inch wooden skewer. Grill to medium doneness.

Serve with Charred Corn and Black Bean Salsa.

**********************************************

Charred Corn and Black Bean Salsa   
  
INGREDIENTS
4 ears corn, roasted or grilled
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/4 cup jalapeno pepper, seeds and ribs removed
1 medium tomato, chopped, seeds removed
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Juice of one lime
Salt and pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS
Combine all ingredients, chill and serve.


**********************************************
Easy Window Cleaner
Combine 1 cup of distilled white vinegar with 3 cups of warm water. If your windows seem extra grimy or greasy, add either 2 tablespoons of rubbing alcohol or 2 tablespoons of pulp-free lemon juice. Dip a scrunched-up piece of black and white newspaper (no colored ink) into the mixture, squeeze it until it stops dripping, then use it to clean the window. Be sure to wear rubber gloves so that the newsprint doesn’t get on your hands. Dry the window with some dry pieces of black and white newspaper.

**********************************************

Chicken & Roasted Red Potatoes

  time:
prep:  30 min
total:  2 hr
servings
total:  6 servings
 
what you need

1/4cup KRAFT Ranch Dressing
6large bone-in chicken thighs (1-3/4 lb.), skin and visible fat removed
4slices OSCAR MAYER Bacon
1-1/2lb. red potatoes (about 5), cut into 1-inch chunks
1 onion, cut into 1/2-inch chunks
1cup KRAFT Shredded Triple Cheddar Cheese with a TOUCH OF PHILADELPHIA
2Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley

make it

POUR dressing over chicken in shallow dish. Refrigerate 30 min. to marinate.

HEAT oven to 400ºF. Cook bacon in large skillet on medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon from skillet, reserving 1 Tbsp. drippings in skillet. Drain bacon on paper towels.

ADD potatoes and onions to reserved drippings; cook 5 min., stirring occasionally. Remove from heat. Crumble bacon. Add to potato mixture; mix lightly. Spoon into 13x9-inch baking dish. Remove chicken from marinade; discard marinade. Place chicken over potato mixture.

BAKE 55 min. to 1 hour or until potatoes are tender and chicken is done (165ºF). Top with cheese and parsley.

kraft kitchens tips
SERVING SUGGESTION
Serve with cooked fresh green beans.
SPECIAL EXTRA
Mix 1/2 tsp. hot pepper sauce with ranch dressing before pouring over chicken.
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"Eggs In A Basket"
----------------------------------

4 slices of bread
4 eggs
Butter

Using a small cookie cutter,
cut a hole in each piece of bread.
Then lightly butter both sides of
the bread. Then place the bread in
a large non-stick frying pan/griddle
on medium heat.Once the bread has browned
a little turn it over,then fill each hole
with an egg.
Once the egg has cooked halfway through,
flip the bread.You can have your eggs the way
you like them cooked.

What's neat is you can use different
cookie cutter,too...Example....Heart
for Valentines...Shamrock for St Pats.
Easter Egg for Easter and so on.
My kids love these;)

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Eastertime Leg of Lamb
Serve this spring lamb with fresh asparagus.
Rating:
Read Reviews
Rate This Recipe Serves: 8-10
Prep. time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 1 1/2 hours or more
   
 
1 leg of lamb, bone-in (6-9 pounds)    
2 cloves garlic, slivered    
1/2 cup lemon juice    
2 teaspoons basil, chopped    
2 teaspoons chopped fresh rosemary    
salt, to taste    
pepper, to taste    

Place lamb in shallow roasting pan. Cut slits in surface and insert garlic slivers in slits. Rub lemon juice over lamb surface. Sprinkle with herbs, salt and pepper; rub into surface. Roast in preheated 325-degree oven for 20-25 minutes per pound or until meat thermometer registers 145-150 degrees. Remove from oven, cover loosely and let stand for 15 minutes.


*********************************************

PET TIPS:

Parakeet Facts – Get to Know Your Parakeet


Parakeets are cute, sweet and playful birds
to have. If you have one or are thinking of
getting one, it’s best to arm yourself with
as many facts as possible.
Australian parakeets in the wild are green
in color. Breeders, however, have produced
birds in a variety of other shades, from
white to blue green to lavender.
  When parakeets shudder and shake their
feathers, this means that they are feeling
relaxed and are ready to take on something new.
Look at the cere (what looks like the bird’s nose)
of your parakeet to determine its gender. A
bluish cere means male and a brownish cere
means female. For younger birds, a pinkish
cere means male, while a whitish cere means
female.
Male parakeets tend to be easier to train to
talk than female ones. However, women and
children have more success in teaching them
as they have a voice pitch that is easier for
parakeets to mimic.
Spitting or throwing up on you is a parakeet’s
way of expressing love and care. They’re just
trying to feed you. Parent parakeets feed their
young through regurgitating digested food into
the babies’ mouths.
If you’re concerned that your parakeet doesn’t
seem to be urinating, don’t be. They simply pee
and poop at the same time. Their droppings
consist of liquid and solid waste.


**********************************************
JOKES:

E. B. White
"Be obscure clearly."

Joan Rivers
"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor."

Jay London
"I saw a stationery store move."

Murray Walker
"And now, excuse me while I interrupt myself."

Bill Vaughan
"The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them."

Stephen King
"French is the language that turns dirt into romance."

**********************************************

All the trouble in the Garden of Eden started when Eve took a bite out of the apple, then handed it to Adam and said, "Take out the garbage."

----------------

 Rest assured. It's an unfounded rumor that the Obama Administration's "You're Too FAT!" Czar is trying to have Thanksgiving declared an illegal holiday.

-----------------------

 I just read an interesting statistic. Right now there are only 167 roller coaster rides in the entire world -- 166 if you exclude (LOCAL COMMUTER SERVICE).
-----------------------

 One computer hacker has mixed feelings about the Obama Administration's new "Snitch On Your Neighbor" Department. He knows they've tapped his modem line, but they're also paying half his ISP bill.

---------

 I read a biography about Michelangelo that explains exactly why it took seven years to paint one ceiling. It was a civil service job.

------------------------------

My dentist is a shrewd operator; He doesn't give you laughing gas until just before he gives you the bill.

**********************************************

CONFUCIOUS SAYS:  To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principle. 

THINGS TO PONDER:  Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Leading by Serving

"Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."1

Many years ago a rider on horseback came across a squad of soldiers who were trying to move a heavy log. A corporal stood by giving lordly orders to "heave." But the log was too heavy for the squad to move. So the stranger on horseback asked the corporal to give them a hand.

"Me? Why, I'm a corporal, Sir!"

Dismounting, the stranger carefully took his place with the soldiers.

"Now, all together, boys—heave!" he said. And the heavy log slid right into place.

The horseman?

George Washington!

It has been said that you can tell a truly great person by the way he or she treats ordinary people.

Suggested prayer: "Dear Jesus God, you were and are truly the Servant of all. Teach me the secret of service and so enable me to find fulfillment in life through serving others. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Jesus in Luke 22:26 (NIV).


**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:

conniption kuh-NIP-shuhn , noun:
A fit of hysterical excitement or anger.

"Wah!" says Stella-Rondo. I knew she'd cry. She had a conniption fit right there in the kitchen.
-- Eudora Welty, "Why I Live at the P.O." The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty

When they came home, everybody was having a conniption about a big giant fight in the village over who got whose share of their horrid meat.
-- Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible

A day or two later I was going about my business when a voice from above bellowed, ALL HAPPY FAMILIES RESEMBLE ONE ANOTHER, nearly giving me a conniption.
-- Nicole Krauss, The History of Love: A Novel

Conniption is actually an invented word. It first appeared in America in 1833 and may be related to the word corruption which was use in the sense of "anger" in the early 1800s.
**********************************************
RECIPE:

Baked Lamb Ribs

Crisp, tasty ribs, and as a bonus, some flavorful broth. The process is easiest if you can simmer the ribs one day and bake them the next, but can easily be done in one day.

Servings      4

Prep Time  1 hour
Cook Time  2 hours



Ingredients

    4 pounds lamb ribs
    2 onions
    4 garlic cloves: vary this amount according to your preference
    2 celery stalks with leaves (optional)
    2 carrot(s) (optional)
    2 bay leaves
    bunches of fresh herbs:parsley, thyme , oregano, rosemary
    Make an herb sauce: (or use prepared barbeque sauce if you wish)
    2 garlic cloves, or more,if you wish
    1/4 cup olive oil
    2 tablespoons fresh herbs, finely chopped; or 2 teaspoons crmbled dried herbs
    1 teaspoon salt, and pepper to taste


Directions

Cooking lamb ribs involves two processes: first simmering and then baking.  Each takes an hour or more, but doesn't require much time or attention from the cook. Rib amounts are approximate, but prepare at least 1 pound per person, since much of the weight is fat and bone.

    Put the ribs, fresh or frozen, into a stock pot or pan large enough to hold them easily with vegetables and cooking liquid. Add several cut-up onions and garlic cloves, a teaspoon of salt, a few bunches of herbs of your choice, and if you wish, cut up carrot and/or celery.
    Add water to cover everything and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a slow simmer and skim off any scum that rises to the surface during the first few minutes of cooking. Cover with lid slightly ajar and continue to simmer until the meat begins to be tender - about an hour.
    Remove the ribs and set the cooking liquid aside. While the ribs cool, mash together in a small bowl 1 teaspoon salt and 2 or more minced or pressed cloves of garlic. Add and mash in 2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh herbs (or 2 teaspoons dried and crushed herbs): a mix of some (or all) thyme, oregano, marjoram and rosemary.  Stir in the olive oil and set aside.
    When the ribs are cool enough to handle, use your fingers and a sharp knife to remove as much fat as possible without having the ribs fall apart. Then, spread the ribs out in a roasting pan and smear all over with the olive oil mixture or a prepared barbeque sauce. Cover tightly with aluminum foil and bake at 350 for an hour. Remove foil and bake for another 20 - 30 minutes to crisp up the surfaces, or until the meat is very tender.
    While the ribs are baking, skim fat from the cooking liquid. Discard the fat. Taste the broth for seasoning and consistency and boil to reduce it, if you prefer.  Strain out any solids and refrigerate (for use within a few days) or freeze for use in scotch broth, shepherd's pie or any appropriate recipe.
 
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Grilled Lamb Riblets.

Total Time:   5 hrs 30 mins                     
Prep Time:    4 hrs           
Cook Time: 1 hrs 30 mins


I love lamb riblets and this is a great way to cook them on the grill--I think it will work for lamb chops too just changing the cookin

Ingredients:

Servings:  4-6

To make the glaze

    3 tablespoons butter
    3 tablespoons olive oil
    ¼ cup shallot , minced
    4 garlic cloves , pressed
    2 teaspoons dried thyme
    ½ cup honey
    ¼ cup lemon juice
    ½ cup fresh mint , minced
    salt
    pepper

For the ribs

    8 ½ lbs lamb riblets , breast (about 6 racks)
    2 lemons , halved (or limes, halved, see note above)
    4 teaspoons ground coriander
    4 teaspoons ground cumin
    salt
    pepper
    1 bunch fresh mint (garnish)
    lemon wedge (garnish)

Directions:

    1     To make the glaze: in a saucepan over medium high heat melt butter and oil together. Stir in shallots and sauté for 4 minutes or until golden brown.
    2     Stir in garlic and sauté for 2 minutes.
    3     Stir in thyme and cook stirring for 1 minute.
    4     Stir in honey and lemon juice and bring to a simmer, stirring until honey dissolves. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring frequently.
    5     Stir in mint and simmer stirring frequently for 10 more minutes or until glaze is thick.
    6     Add salt and pepper to taste.
    7     Cover and let stand for 3 hours. (*Glaze can be prepared one day ahead, covered and refrigerated. Before using, stir over low heat until heated.).
    8     To prepare riblets: rub riblets with cut sides of lemons (or limes see note above in description). Season both sides with spices, salt and pepper. Cover and let stand for 45 minutes while preparing barbecue grill.
    9     Prepare grill to medium high heat. Brush grill with oil.
    10     Place ribs on grill and sear for 8 - 10 minutes per side.
    11    Cover with grill lid or aluminum foil and continue grilling, turning occasionally for 20-30 minutes or until lamb is done. Uncover.
    12    Brush riblets with some of the glaze and continue grilling for 10 minutes or until lightly charred.
    13     Cut riblets into serving pieces and then arrange them on platter, garnishing with mint and lemon wedges.

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Awesome Red Beans and Rice

 
Total time: ½ day    
Prep time: 10 min
Serves   5 servings

Ingredients     
1/2  lb kidney beans (dry red)
16 ozs andouille (sausages or smoked sausage)
1 tsp liquid smoke
pepper
cajun seasoning
garlic
1 tbsp bacon grease (drippings)
1 cup minute rice
1 tbsp louisiana hot sauce


1    Soak red beans over night, you may sprinkle baking soda in the water to lessen the gas affects. Place beans, and everything but the rice in a slow cooker. Set on low and cook for about 8 hours, or until beans are soft. Put 1 c rice in slow cooker and cook on high until rice is completely done. Serve with cornbread if you like.

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Caramel Cream Cheese Custard (Flan de Queso)   
 
Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  6 Hours 15 Minutes
Yield:  12 servings

Every panaderia (bakery) in Puerto Rico has many flavors of flan, from vanilla to guava. Reduced-fat cream cheese gives this version a rich, comforting texture.

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cup  sugar
2 tablespoons  water
8 ounces   reduced-fat cream cheese (Neufchâtel), softened
8   large eggs
1 14-ounce can   nonfat or low-fat sweetened condensed milk
1 12-ounce can   nonfat or low-fat evaporated milk
2 teaspoons   vanilla extract
 
 
DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Cook sugar and water in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, gently swirling the pan (do not stir), until the mixture turns golden brown, 5 to 7 minutes. Immediately, pour the caramel carefully into a 9-inch round metal cake pan. If it stiffens before it completely covers the bottom of the pan, warm the pan in the oven, then swirl to cover the bottom.

Beat cream cheese in a large bowl with a mixer at medium-high speed until soft. Beat in eggs, one at a time, until thoroughly combined, scraping down the sides. Add condensed milk, evaporated milk and vanilla; mix until combined. Carefully pour into the prepared pan. (You may hear some cracking; the pan will be very full).

Place the cake pan in a larger pan and pour enough hot water around it to come 1 inch up the sides. Bake until golden and set at the edges but still wobbly at the center, about 1 hour. A knife inserted in the center should come out clean.

Transfer the cake pan to a wire rack and let cool to room temperature, about 1 hour. Then cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours or overnight. To serve, run a knife around the edge of the pan and invert the flan onto a plate.

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Cheese-Garlic Biscuits (Cooking for 2)
 
Bisquick Heart Smart recipe! Mmm! Warm and cheesy biscuits are a snap to make.

 
PREP TIME  10 min
TOTAL TIME  20 min
SERVINGS  5
 

1 cup Bisquick Heart Smart mix
1/3 cup fat-free (skim) milk
1/4 cup shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese (1 oz)
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
Butter-flavor cooking spray, if desired

1 Heat oven to 450°F.

2 In small bowl, stir Bisquick mix, milk, cheese and garlic powder to make a soft dough. Drop dough by 5 spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet.

3 Bake about 8 minutes or until golden brown. Spray warm biscuits with cooking spray before removing from cookie sheet. Serve warm.


**********************************************
Cheese-Lover's Pasta Roll-Ups


prep: 25 min
total:  1 hr 15 min
servings
total: 8 servings

what you need

1 egg, beaten
1container (15 oz.) POLLY-O Original Ricotta Cheese
2cups KRAFT 2% Milk Shredded Italian* Three Cheese Blend
4 green onions, chopped
1Tbsp. Italian seasoning
1jar (24 oz.) spaghetti sauce, divided
16 lasagna noodles, cooked
1/4cup KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese

make it

HEAT oven to 375ºF.

MIX first 5 ingredients until blended.

SPREAD 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce onto bottom of 13x9-inch baking dish. Spread each noodle with 3 Tbsp. cheese mixture; roll up. Place, seam-sides down, in dish. Top with remaining sauce and Parmesan; cover.

BAKE 40 to 50 min. or until heated through, uncovering for the last 10 min.

* Made with quality cheeses crafted in the USA. kraft kitchens tips

SUBSTITUTE
Prepare using POLLY-O Natural Part Skim Ricotta Cheese.

MAKE AHEAD
Assemble recipe as directed; cover with foil. Refrigerate up to 24 hours, then bake, covered, 1 hour 5 min. or until heated through, uncovering for the last 10 min. Or, assemble lasagna, wrap tightly with foil and freeze up to 1 month. When ready to serve, thaw overnight in refrigerator, then bake, covered, 1 hour 5 min. or until heated through, uncovering for the last 10 min.

ONE EFFORT, TWO MEALS

Assemble roll-ups as directed; place half in each of 2 (9-inch) square baking dishes. Bake one as directed and freeze the other for later enjoyment. Wrap second lasagna tightly with foil, then freeze up to 1 month. When ready to serve, thaw overnight in refrigerator, then bake, covered, 1 hour 5 min. or until heated through, uncovering for the last 10 min.

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JOKES:


 
Story  from an OPP Officer:
 
Description: Description: C:UsersBrendaAppDataLocalMicrosoftWindowsTemporary Internet FilesContent.IE5WNQNHZ5FMP900402673[1].jpgI made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding
on Hwy 401 Eastbound at Hwy 400.
I asked for her driver's license, registration, and  proof of insurance.
The  lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)
to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask  if
she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
 
She responded that she indeed had a .45  automatic in her glove  box.
Something---body  language, or the way she said it---made me want
to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having
a  9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more
time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have
just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what
was she so afraid of.
 
She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a f#cking thing!"

**********************************************
A Cardiologist's Funeral
     
This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral. 
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...
A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the
beautiful heart forever..

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry,
I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.

The priest fainted.

**********************************************

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
 
 Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirrorcomplaining to my husband that my breasts
are toosmall
 
 Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of  toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'.
 
 Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
 
'How long will this take?' I asked. 'They will grow larger over  a period of years,' my husband replies.
 
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts
every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your butt, didn't
it?'
 
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he
may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his
meals through a straw.

**********************************************
Sunburn treatment
Bet you never thought of this... New Treatment For Sunburn -

A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and
got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the
hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with
second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was
in,the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do
for him, Doctor'?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll
keep the sheets off his legs.'

**********************************************
Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
 Now you know why some people are where they are!
        

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Scattered and Emboldened

Acts 8:3-4, NIV: "But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off men and women and put them in prison. Those who had been scattered preached the word wherever they went."

The death of Stephen was certainly not a good thing; but, as God does so often, He took what was intended for evil and used it for good. The people were scattered, but they were also emboldened to preach the Word "wherever they went." They could have, out of fear, been scattered and hid themselves away; keeping silent so as not to be exposed. Yet, they were not silent. Praise God for that. In various parts of the world today, Christians are still scattered; driven out by the sword of persecution. But rest assured, even as God emboldened believers once upon a time, that He still emboldens believers today. In America, as in a number of other nations, we do not know such persecution. However, when such a day comes (and it will come) that we are scattered, may it be that we too are emboldened so that the scattering of the people of God results in the abundant scattering of the seed of His Word.


**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

carp kahrp   , verb:
1. To find fault or complain querulously or unreasonably.
noun:
1. A peevish complaint.

She'd been carping about money lately – or not carping, but she'd inserted a few pointed remarks about pulling your own weight into the prolonged and intent silences that were her specialty – so he thought she'd be pleased.
-- Margaret Atwood, Oryx and Crake

And knowing he could not touch her by persuasion, he carped at her and teased her like a schoolboy.
-- Anton Chekhov, "Excellent People," Chekhov's Doctors: A Collection of Chekhov's Medical Tales

Carp comes from the Old Norse word karpa which meant "to brag or haggle."

**********************************************

RECIPES  &  HINTS :

Apple Betty with Almond Cream

 
I love making this treat for friends during the peak of apple season. I plan a quick soup and bread meal, so we can get right to the dessert!

Prep: 15 min.
Cook: 3 hours
Yield: 8 Servings

Ingredients

3 pounds tart apples, peeled and sliced
10 slices cinnamon-raisin bread, cubed
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/8 teaspoon salt

WHIPPED CREAM:
1 cup heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
1/2 teaspoon almond extract

Directions
Place apples in an ungreased 4- or 5-qt. slow cooker. In a large bowl, combine the bread, brown sugar, butter, extract, cinnamon, cardamom and salt; spoon over apples. Cover and cook on low for 3-4 hours or until apples are tender.
In a small bowl, beat cream until it begins to thicken. Add the sugar, lemon peel and extract; beat until soft peaks form. Serve with apple mixture. Yield: 8 servings.

Nutritional Facts
1 cup with 1/4 cup whipped cream equals 468 calories, 23 g fat (14 g saturated fat), 71 mg cholesterol, 224 mg sodium, 65 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 5 g protein.


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Grilled Cuban Sandwiches

Makes 4 sandwiches

4 submarine rolls, split
4 t. mustard
1/3 lb. roast pork, thinly sliced
4 slices Swiss cheese
1/3 lb. deli ham, thinly sliced
dill pickle spears
1 Tbsp. butter, softened

Spread rolls with mustard; layer bottoms of rolls with pork, cheese, ham and pickles. Add tops of rolls; lightly spread outside surface of rolls with butter. Grill on a hot griddle over medium heat until lightly toasted and cheese is melted.

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Spinach Soup

1 (10 ounce) package fresh or frozen spinach
3 cups milk
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1/2 pint plain yogurt, cream cheese or sour cream
1 tablespoon instant minced onion
1 teaspoon chicken flavor base

Wash and drain spinach, or thaw frozen spinach. Put 1 cup of the milk in blender
container.

Add spinach, a little at a time, blending until smooth after each
addition.
In saucepan, melt butter. Stir in flour, salt, nutmeg and pepper. Cook
over medium-low heat until bubbly.

Stir in spinach mixture. Add remaining milk, yogurt, onion and chicken flavor
base.
Cook, stirring constantly, over medium heat, until mixture begins to boil.
Reduce heat and simmer, stirring, for 2 minutes.

Makes 5 1/2 cups.

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McCormick Cinnamon Caramel Swirl Bars

Cinnamon is the star ingredient in this indulgent recipe certain to please one and all. This favorite spice combines with gooey caramel for a truly decadent dessert.

Servings: 24

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons McCormick® Ground Cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter, melted
2 eggs
2 teaspoons McCormick® Pure Vanilla Extract
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans (optional)
1 (14 ounce) package caramels, unwrapped
1/4 cup milk

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt in medium bowl. Set aside.
2. Mix brown sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla and pecans in large bowl until well blended. Add flour mixture; mix well. Reserve 1 cup of the batter. Spread remaining batter into lightly greased foil-lined 13x9-inch baking pan. Bake 15 minutes or until firm.
3. Microwave caramels and milk in microwavable bowl on HIGH 2 to 3 minutes or until caramels are completely melted, stirring after every minute. Pour over baked layer in pan, spreading to within 1/2 inch of edges. Drop reserved 1 cup batter by spoonfuls over caramel layer. Cut through batter with knife several times for marble effect.
4. Bake 15 to 20 minutes longer or until center is set. Cool in pan on wire rack. Lift from pan. Cut into bars.

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Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

Flavorful recipe for this farm raised fish that is easy and done in minutes! The fish is broiled with a creamy cheese coating for an impressive flavor and texture.

Servings: 8

Ingredients

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon celery salt
2 pounds tilapia fillets

Directions

1. Preheat your oven's broiler. Grease a broiling pan or line pan with aluminum foil.
2. In a small bowl, mix together the Parmesan cheese, butter, mayonnaise and lemon juice. Season with dried basil, pepper, onion powder and celery salt. Mix well and set aside.
3. Arrange fillets in a single layer on the prepared pan. Broil a few inches from the heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Flip the fillets over and broil for a couple more minutes. Remove the fillets from the oven and cover them with the Parmesan cheese mixture on the top side. Broil for 2 more minutes or until the topping is browned and fish flakes easily with a fork. Be careful not to over cook the fish

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Baked Cod Casserole   
 

Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  40 Minutes
Yield:  4 servings

The combination of wine, Gruyere cheese and toasty bread in this fish casserole evokes the flavors of fondue...a perfect winter food. Choose Pacific cod, it’s an ocean-friendly choice. Make It a Meal: Serve with steamed broccoli and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc.


INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons  extra-virgin olive oil, divided
2   medium onions, very thinly sliced
1 cup  dry white wine
1 1/4 pounds  cod, cut into 4 pieces
2 teaspoons  chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon  kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon  black pepper
1 1/2 cups  finely chopped whole-wheat country bread (about 2 slices)
1/2 teaspoon  paprika
1/2 teaspoon  garlic powder
1 cup  finely shredded Gruyere or swiss cheese
 
DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook, stirring often, until just starting to soften, 5 to 7 minutes. Add wine, increase heat to high and cook, stirring often, until the wine is slightly reduced, 2 to 4 minutes.


Place cod on the onions and sprinkle with thyme, salt and pepper. Cover the pan tightly with foil; transfer to the oven and bake for 12 minutes.


Toss the bread with the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, paprika and garlic powder in a small bowl. Spread the bread mixture over the fish and top with cheese. Bake, uncovered, until the fish is opaque in the center, about 10 minutes more.


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JOKES:


You might be a REDNECK if...    
    ...your stair master has an ashtray!

**********************************************

Taxi story
 
 
An Arab enters a taxi..........
 
Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and,
in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........
 
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.
 
The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”
 
The cabby answers:  “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
 
So get out and wait for a camel.”
 
 
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QUOTES:

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously.
  - Peter Ustinov

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
  - Benjamin Disraeli

The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely as means to other things, are knowledge, art, instinctive happiness, and relations of friendship or affection.
  - Bertrand Russell

**********************************************

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
> the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
>
> Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
>
> He invited all his neighbors to come over andhelp him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
> to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried
> horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
>
> A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what
> he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
> He would shake it off and take a step up.
>
> As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
> off and take a step up.
>
> Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and
> happily trotted off!
>
> Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
> is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
> of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
>
> Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
>
> Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
>
> Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
>
> Live simply and appreciate what you have.
>
> Give more.
>
> Expect less
>
>
**************************************************

A man was sitting on the sofa  watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen.

"Precious what would you like for dinner? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

“Fuck You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat.”

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You might be a REDNECK if...      
            ...there is a gun rack on your bicycle
**************************************

Rules for Good Housekeeping (Especially for men!)

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

************************************

Shorty

My Italian American friend is very self-conscious about his height, or lack thereof. So I always steer clear of the subject.

One day, he and I went to lunch at a Sub shop.

"I'll take the Italian," he said to the guy behind the counter. "Salami, Provolone, and peppers."

"Do you want a full hero or half one?" came the reply.

"Ah... gimme a half," my friend says.

After placing our orders, we took our seats. A few minutes later, my friend grimaced when we heard...

"Small Italian, your order is up!"

**************************************

Perplexing Riddle

"It's time to see how clearly you can think," the teacher said to his class. "Now, listen carefully, and think about what I'm saying. I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have. But this person is not my brother and not my sister. Who is it?"

The kids in the class furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise showed how hard they were thinking. But no one came up with the right answer.

When everyone in the class had given up, the teacher announced, "The person is me."

Little Jeffrey beamed at learning the answer. "That's a good one," he said to himself. "I'll have to try that on Mom and Dad."

At dinner that night, little Jeffrey repeated the riddle to his parents. "I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have," he said. "But this person isn't my brother and isn't my sister. Who is it?"

His parents furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise pretended that they were thinking hard. Then they both said, "I give up. Who is it?"

"It's my teacher!" Jeffrey said.


**********************************************

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

  Revelation 20:12-13

(12) And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. (13) The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works.

  Romans 14:11-12

(11) For it is written:
" As I live, says the LORD,
Every knee shall bow to Me,
And every tongue shall confess to God." (12) So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.
New King James Version   Change Bible versions

Since all are to be judged according to their works, what if one claiming to be Christian has no works to show when God clearly expects them? James 2:19-20 clinches the argument: "You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?"

This entire issue is actually quite simple. No amount of works can justify us before God. Justification by faith in Christ's atoning blood makes one legally free to access God and to begin a relationship with Him. However, from that point on, works are absolutely required for sanctification unto holiness—to the extent that, not only is one's reward contingent upon them, but also salvation itself. Will God reward one who can show no works at all, or provide salvation to one whose faith is so weak it produces bad works? Such a person would be totally out of place, unfit for living eternally in the Kingdom of God.

Ephesians 2:8-10 makes this reality even stronger. Even though we are saved by grace through faith, the very reason we are created is for good works that God Himself prepared beforehand for us to walk in. The gospel of the Kingdom of God provides the reasons for which works are required—the major one being to prepare us for living in God's Kingdom.

God intended Israel's forty-year journey through the wilderness to prepare them for living in the Promised Land. However, even though Israel had the gospel preached to them and had godly leadership provided by the likes of Moses, Aaron, and Joshua, in their stiff-necked unbelief they refused to submit in obedience to God's commands. They thus failed to receive the necessary preparation for using the Promised Land rightly, becoming an eternal example of why works of preparation are needed (Hebrews 4:1-2).

Can we learn a lesson from their examples? When God brings us out of spiritual Egypt, He is not done with us yet. In fact, a great deal of spiritual creating within us remains to be accomplished before we will be fit to live and occupy a working position in God's Kingdom. We are being created in Christ Jesus, created in His image. Can we honestly say we are already in His image when we are merely legally cleared of sin? Absolutely not! As great as this is, it is not the end of God's creative process. God is not merely "saving" us. His purpose is far greater than that.



**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:

prima facie PRY-muh-FAY-shee; -shuh , adverb:

1. At first view; on the first appearance.
adjective:
1. True, valid, or adequate at first sight; as it seems at first sight; ostensible.
2. Self-evident; obvious.
3. (Law) Sufficient to establish a fact or a case unless disproved.

Rather, they are the product of considerable artistry in the analysis and exposition of statistical data, giving the conclusions a prima facie credibility.
-- Arnold R. Weber, "Keeping Management Awake", New York Times, June 10, 1984

With all rich men and women there is, of course, a substantial body of populist literature that concludes that their riches were won from the labor of others, or that the structure of capitalist society ensured that the rich would grow richer as the poor grew poorer, or that riches are prima facie evidence of unethical behavior.
-- Robin W. Winks, Laurance S. Rockefeller: Catalyst for Conservation

Consumers pick up a CD at the store and think the difference between the 60 cents it takes to make a disk and the $16 retail price is prima facie evidence of gouging. But the dreary economic facts are these: Subtract all the costs and the overhead that serves to support other artists under the same roof, and the net profit that the record company retains is about 59 cents per CD.
-- Randall E. Stross, "Napster nonsense", U.S.News & World Report, May 29, 2000

Prima facie is from the Latin phrase meaning "at first appearance."

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RECIPE:

Slow-Cooker Pork Cacciatore 

 Excellent recipe. Very flavorful and easy to make. I also substituted chicken instead of the pork which also turned out great. My family loved it. I served it over past...read moreposted by heysuzy1 on 9/20/2011time

prep:  15 min
total:  4 hr 40 min
servings  3:17 PM 3/13/2012total: 4 servings
 
what you need
1can (14.5 oz.) diced tomatoes, undrained
1can (6 oz.) tomato paste
2large green peppers, chopped
1pkg. (8 oz.) sliced fresh mushrooms
1small onion, chopped
1 pork tenderloin (1 lb.)
1tsp. dried oregano leaves
2cups multi-grain penne pasta, uncooked
1Tbsp. cornstarch
1/4cup water
1cup KRAFT 2% Milk Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
2Tbsp. KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese

make it

MIX tomatoes and tomato paste in slow cooker until well blended. Stir in vegetables.
CUT meat into 8 pieces; pound to 1/2-inch thickness. Sprinkle with oregano. Add to slow cooker; press into sauce with back of spoon. Cover with lid; cook on LOW 4 to 4-1/2 hrs. (or on HIGH 2-1/2 to 3 hours).
COOK pasta as directed on package, omitting salt. Transfer meat to plate, reserving sauce in slow cooker; cover meat to keep warm. Mix cornstarch and water until well blended. Add to sauce; stir. Cook, covered, on HIGH 6 to 8 min. or until thickened.
DRAIN pasta; spoon onto serving plates. Top with meat, sauce and cheeses.

kraft kitchens tips
SPECIAL EXTRA
Top each serving with 1 Tbsp. chopped fresh basil or Italian parsley.

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Brew Pub Pork Chops 

Introducing the man's man of grilled meats. This hearty beer-marinated chop with mustard-garlic rub is sizzling with big flavor. time

prep:  10 min
total:  1 hr 22 min
servings
total:  4 servings
 
what you need

1cup beer
1cup water
2Tbsp. sugar
1Tbsp. salt
4 bone-in pork chops (1-1/2 lb.)
1/4cup KRAFT Real Mayo Mayonnaise
1Tbsp. GREY POUPON Dijon Mustard
1clove garlic, minced
1/2tsp. chopped fresh rosemary

make it

MIX first 4 ingredients until sugar is dissolved; pour over chops in shallow dish. Turn chops over to evenly coat both sides of each chop. Refrigerate 1 hour to marinate.
MEANWHILE, mix remaining ingredients.
HEAT grill to medium-high heat. Remove chops from marinade; discard marinade. Grill chops 5 to 6 min. on each side or until done (160ºF), brushing occasionally with mayo mixture.

kraft kitchens tips
HEALTHY LIVING
Save 50 calories and 7 grams of fat per serving by preparing with KRAFT Mayo with Olive Oil Reduced Fat Mayonnaise.SUBSTITUTEPrepare using GREY POUPON Savory Honey Mustard.


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Brew House Baby Back Ribs 

 Ah, there's the rub. Hints of cocoa with a kick of cayenne, to be exact. Add a hot grill and beer-based BBQ sauce and these ribs sing. time

prep:10 min
total:1 hr 30 min
servings total:8 servings
 
what you need
1/2cup packed brown sugar
1/2cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2Tbsp. minced garlic
1Tbsp. onion powder
1Tbsp. coarse kosher salt
1/2tsp. ground red pepper (cayenne)
4lb. pork baby back ribs
1cup BULL'S-EYE GUINNESS Draught Beer Blend Barbecue Sauce

make it
HEAT oven to 350°F.
MIX sugar, cocoa powder, garlic and seasonings. Rub onto both sides of ribs. Place in 13x9-inch foil-lined pan. Bake 1 hour.
HEAT grill to medium-high heat; cover grill grates with additional foil. Transfer ribs from pan to grill.
GRILL 20 min. or until done, turning and brushing occasionally with barbecue sauce.

The GUINNESS word is a trademark and is used under license. © Guinness & Co. kraft kitchens tipsSERVING SUGGESTIONBalance this indulgent entree with smart side dishes. For example, choose a mixed green salad tossed with your favorite KRAFT Light Dressing, and baked or roasted potatoes.SPECIAL EXTRACut 2 lb. baking potatoes into wedges, cutting each potato into 4 wedges. Place in 13x9-inch pan. (Not the same pan used for ribs.) Drizzle with 2 Tbsp. oil; sprinkle with 1 tsp. seasoning salt. Bake in oven along with the ribs. Transfer to grill after 1 hour, along with the ribs. Grill 20 min. or until potatoes are tender, turning after 10 min. Serve with ribs.

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Barbecue Beef Sandwiches
----------------------------------
4 lbs Chuck or arm roast
1 scant cup of water
1 bottle of your favorite barbecue sauce

Put your meat and water in a crockpot
and salt and pepper to taste.
Let cook for about 8-10 hours on low till tender.
Remove meat and cool, then shred , removing any fat.
Put back in crock pot , with some of the
leftover roast drippings.
Add barbque sauce , mix and allow to stay warm
till you are ready .
Serve on hamburger buns.

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Classic Reuben Panini

PREP TIME  25 min
TOTAL TIME  25 min
SERVINGS  4
 
2 tablespoons butter, softened
8 slices rye bread
1/4 cup Thousand Island dressing
1 cup sauerkraut, drained, squeezed dry (from 14.5-oz can)
1/2 lb corned beef, thinly sliced
8 slices Swiss cheese

1  Heat closed contact grill 5 minutes.
2  Spread butter on one side of each bread slice. On unbuttered side of 1 bread slice, spread 1 tablespoon of the dressing. Top with 1/4 cup of the sauerkraut, 2 oz corned beef, 2 slices cheese and remaining bread slice, buttered side up. Repeat for remaining sandwiches.
3  When grill is heated, place sandwiches on grill. Close grill; grill 5 to 6 minutes or until cheese is melted and grill marks appear. Serve immediately.

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Pork Chops with Cranberry Dijon Sauce
 
Here’s a rich-tasting dish with bold flavors that come together really well. Quick and special, it’s a terrific choice for both family and unexpected guests.

Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
Yield: 4 Servings

Ingredients
1 medium apple, peeled and thinly sliced
2 tablespoons dried cranberries
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
1 tablespoon honey
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme
1/8 teaspoon rubbed sage
1/8 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
1/8 teaspoon pepper
Dash salt
Dash ground nutmeg
4 boneless pork loin chops (4 ounces each)
1 tablespoon butter

Directions
In a small bowl, combine the first 12 ingredients. In a large skillet coated with cooking spray, brown pork chops in butter. Stir in fruit mixture. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 3-4 minutes on each side or until a meat thermometer reads 160°. Yield: 4 servings.

Nutritional Facts
1 serving equals 229 calories, 9 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 62 mg cholesterol, 283 mg sodium, 13 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 22 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3 lean meat, 1 starch, 1/2 fat.

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JOKES:


You might be a REDNECK if...
       ...the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.


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An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.
 
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
 
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
 
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a box of quality street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
 
He phoned the Arab & asked him:
"I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... but you only
gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, because now I have Scottish blood in ma veins". 
            
 
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Rabbi Hears Confession

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the
street and asked him to cover for him.

The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show
him what to do.

The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”

The priest asks, “What did you do?”
The woman says, “I committed adultery.”
Priest: “How many times?”
Woman: “Three times.”
Priest: “Say two Hail Marys, put five dollars in the box and go and sin no more.”

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Priest: “What did you do?”
Man: “I committed adultery.”
Priest:”How many times?”
Man: “Three times.”
Priest: “Say two Hail Marys, put five dollars in the box and go and sin no more.”

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it, so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Rabbi:”What did you do?”
Woman: “I committed adultery.”
Rabbi: “How many times?”
Woman: “Once.”
Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for five dollars"


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Go the Dutch - but why wait until 2013?
    The Netherlands, where six per cent of the population is now Muslim, is scrapping multiculturalism:    The Dutch government says it will abandon the long-standing model of multiculturalism that has encouraged Muslim immigrants to create a parallel society within the Netherlands.
    A new integration bill, which Dutch Interior Minister Piet Hein Donner presented to parliament on June 16, reads: "The government shares the social dissatisfaction over the multicultural society model, and plans to shift priority to the values of the Dutch people.  In the new integration system, the values of the Dutch society play a central role.  With this change, the government steps away from the model of a multicultural society.
    The letter continues: "A more obligatory integration is justified because the government also demands that from its own citizens.   It is necessary because otherwise the society gradually grows apart and eventually no one feels at home anymore in the Netherlands ..
    The new integration policy will place more demands on immigrants.   For example, immigrants will be required to learn the Dutch language, and the government will take a tougher approach to immigrants who ignore Dutch values or disobey Dutch law.
    The government will also stop offering special subsidies for Muslim immigrants because, according to Donner;   "It is not the government's job to integrate immigrants." (How bloody true).
    The government will introduce new legislation that outlaws forced marriages and will also impose tougher measures against Muslim immigrants who lower their chances of employment by the way they dress.    More specifically, the government will impose a ban on face-covering, Islamic burqas as of January 1, 2013.     Holland has done that whole liberal thing, and realized - maybe too late - that creating a nation of tribes will kill the nation itself.

  The future of Australia , the UK and Canada may well be read here. READERS NOTE: Muslim immigrants leave their countries of birth because of civil and political unrest "CREATED BY THE VERY NATURE OF THEIR CULTURE."

  Countries like Holland, Canada, the UK and Australia have an established way of life that actually works, so why embrace the unworkable?    If Muslims do not wish to accept another culture, the answer is simple;   "STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!"

  This gives a whole new meaning to the term; 'Dutch Courage' - Unfortunately Australian, UK and Canadian politicians don't have the ... guts to do the same. There's a whole lot of truth here!!!!

ELECTION 2013 IS COMING.    A Nation of Sheep, Breeds a Government of Wolves!    I'M 100% for PASSING THIS ON!!!  Let's Take a Stand!!!
  Borders: Closed!
  Language: English & French only!
  Culture: Canadian Constitution, is the Bill of Rights!
  Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!
  NO freebies to: Non-Citizens! We the people are coming!!!

  Only 86% will send this on.   Should be a 100%. What will you do?
 
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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