Memorial Day

This article is about the American holiday.


Memorial Day

The gravestones at Arlington National Cemetery are decorated by U.S. flags on

Memorial Day weekend.

Type     National

Date     Last Monday in May
2011 date     May 30
2012 date     May 28
2013 date     May 27
Observances     Remembrance of American war dead

Memorial Day is a federal holiday observed annually in the United States on the last

Monday of May.[1] Memorial Day is a day of remembering the men and women who

died while serving in the United States Armed Forces.[2] Formerly known as

Decoration Day, it originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the

Union soldiers who died in the Civil War. By the 20th century Memorial Day had

been extended to honor all Americans who have died in all wars. It typically marks

the start of the summer vacation season, while Labor Day marks its end.

Many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who have

died in military service. Many volunteers place an American flag on each grave in

national cemeteries

By the early 20th century, Memorial Day was an occasion for more general

expressions of memory, as people visited the graves of their deceased relatives in

church cemeteries, whether they had served in the military or not. It also became a

long weekend increasingly devoted to shopping, family gatherings, fireworks, trips to

the beach, and national media events such as the Indianapolis 500 auto race, held

since 1911 on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend.

Annual Decoration Days for particular cemeteries are held on a Sunday in late spring

or early summer in some rural areas of the American South, notably in the

mountains. In cases involving a family graveyard where remote ancestors as well as

those who were deceased more recently are buried, this may take on the character

of an extended family reunion to which some people travel hundreds of miles.

People gather on the designated day and put flowers on graves and renew contacts

with kinfolk and others. There often is a religious service and a "dinner on the

ground," the traditional term for a potluck meal in which people used to spread the

dishes out on sheets or tablecloths on the grass. It is believed that this practice

began before the American Civil War and thus may reflect the real origin of the

"memorial day" idea.


Early History
Flags flying at gravesites at Fort Logan National Cemetery during Memorial Day,

2006, Denver, Colorado
Troops at the Washington, D.C. Memorial Day parade, 1942
A boy holding an American flag during the 2009 National Memorial Day Concert on

the West Lawn of the United States Capitol

The practice of decorating soldiers' graves with flowers is an ancient custom.

Soldiers' graves were decorated in the U.S. before and during the U.S. Civil War.[6]

There is documentation that women in Savannah, Georgia decorated soldiers'

graves in 1862. In 1863, the cemetery dedication at Gettysburg, PA was a

ceremony of commemoration at the graves of dead soldiers. Local historians in

Boalsburg, PA, claim that ladies there decorated soldiers' graves on July 4,

1864.As a result, Boalsburg promotes itself as the birthplace of Memorial Day.

Following President Abraham Lincoln's assassination in April 1865, there were a

variety of events of commemoration. The first well-known observance of a Memorial

Day-type observance after the Civil War was in Charleston, South Carolina on May

1, 1865. During the war, Union soldiers who were prisoners of war had been held at

the Charleston Race Course; at least 257 Union prisoners died there and were

hastily buried in unmarked graves. Together with teachers and missionaries, blacks

in Charleston organized a May Day ceremony in 1865, which was covered by the

New York Tribune and other national papers. The freedmen had cleaned up and

landscaped the burial ground, building an enclosure and an arch labeled, "Martyrs of

the Race Course." Nearly ten thousand people, mostly freedmen, gathered on May

1 to commemorate the dead. Involved were 3,000 schoolchildren newly enrolled in

freedmen's schools, mutual aid societies, Union troops, and black ministers and

white northern missionaries. Most brought flowers to lay on the burial field. Today

the site is used as Hampton Park. Years later, the celebration would come to be

called the "First Decoration Day" in the North.

David W. Blight described the day:

    "This was the first Memorial Day. African Americans invented Memorial Day in

Charleston, South Carolina. What you have there is black Americans recently freed

from slavery announcing to the world with their flowers, their feet, and their songs

what the War had been about. What they basically were creating was the

Independence Day of a Second American Revolution.”

Professor Blight admitted, however, that there is no evidence that this event in

Charleston led to the establishment of Memorial Day across the country.

The sheer number of dead soldiers, both Union and Confederate, who perished in

the civil war meant that burial and memorialization would take on new cultural

significance. Particularly under the leadership of women during the war, an

increasingly formal practice of decorating graves had already taken shape. In 1865,

the federal government began a program of creating national military cemeteries for

the Union dead.[citation needed]
In the North

The friendship between General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo,

New York, and General John A. Logan, who helped bring attention to the event

nationwide, was likely a factor in the holiday's growth.[citation needed] On May 5,

1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic - the

organization for Union Civil War veterans - Logan issued a proclamation that

"Decoration Day" should be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time

on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the

anniversary of a battle.

Events were held in 183 cemeteries in 27 states in 1868, and 336 in 1869. The

northern states quickly adopted the holiday; Michigan made "Decoration Day" an

official state holiday in 1871 and by 1890, every northern state followed suit. The

ceremonies were sponsored by the Women's Relief Corps, which had 100,000

members. By 1870, the remains of nearly 300,000 Union dead had been reinterred

in 73 national cemeteries, located near the battlefields and therefore mostly in the

South. The most famous are Gettysburg National Cemetery in Pennsylvania and

Arlington National Cemetery, near Washington.

The Memorial Day speech became an occasion for veterans, politicians and

ministers to commemorate the War - and at first to rehash the atrocities of the

enemy. They mixed religion and celebratory nationalism and provided a means for

the people to make sense of their history in terms of sacrifice for a better nation.

People of all religious beliefs joined together, and the point was often made that the

German and Irish soldiers had become true Americans in the "baptism of blood" on

the battlefield. By the end of the 1870s much of the rancor was gone, and the

speeches praised the brave soldiers both Blue and Gray. By the 1950s, the theme

was American exceptionalism and duty to uphold freedom in the world.

Ironton, Ohio, lays claim to the nation's oldest continuously running Memorial Day

parade. Its first parade was held May 5, 1868, and the town has held it every year

since. However, the Memorial Day parade in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, predates

Ironton's by one year.


In the South

Evidence exists showing that John Logan "adopted" for the North a pre-existing

annual Memorial Day custom that had already been in place in the South since 1866.

This separate tradition of Memorial Day observance which emerged earlier in the

South was linked to the Lost Cause and served as the prototype for the national day

of memory. Historians acknowledge that the Ladies Memorial Association played a

key role in that development.[19] Starting in 1866, the Southern states established

Confederate Memorial Day.[20]. Various dates ranging from April 25 to mid-June

were adopted in the different Southern states. By 1916, the June 3 birthday of

Confederate President Jefferson Davis was observed as a state holiday in 10

southern states.[citation needed] Across the South, associations were founded after

the War, many by women, to establish and care for permanent cemeteries for

Confederate soldiers, organize commemorative ceremonies and sponsor

impressive monuments as a permanent way of remembering the Confederate

cause and tradition. The most important was the United Daughters of the

Confederacy, which grew from 17,000 members in 1900 to nearly 100,000 women

by World War I. They were "strikingly successful at raising money to build

Confederate monuments, lobbying legislatures and Congress for the reburial of

Confederate dead, and working to shape the content of history textbooks."

On April 25, 1866, women in Columbus, Mississippi laid flowers at the graves of

both the Union and Confederate casualties buried in its cemetery. The early

Confederate Memorial Day celebrations were simple, somber occasions for

veterans and their families to honor the day and attend to local cemeteries. Around

1890, there was a shift from this consolatory emphasis on honoring specific soldiers

to public commemoration of the Confederate cause.[citation needed] Changes in

the ceremony's hymns and speeches reflect an evolution of the ritual into a symbol

of cultural renewal and conservatism in the South. By 1913, Blight argues, the theme

of American nationalism shared equal time with the Lost Cause.

At Gettysburg

The ceremonies and Memorial Day address at Gettysburg National Park became

nationally well known, starting in 1868. In July 1913, veterans of the United States

and Confederate armies gathered in Gettysburg to commemorate the fifty-year

anniversary of the Civil War's bloodiest and most famous battle.

The four-day "Blue-Gray Reunion" featured parades, re-enactments, and speeches

from a host of dignitaries, including President Woodrow Wilson, the first Southerner

elected to the White House since the War. James Heflin of Alabama was given the

honor of the main address. Heflin was a noted orator; two of his best-known

speeches were an endorsement of the Lincoln Memorial and his call to make

Mother's Day a holiday. His choice as Memorial Day speaker was criticized, as he

was opposed for his racism. His speech was moderate in tone and stressed

national unity and goodwill, which gained praise from newspapers.

Since the cemetery dedication at Gettysburg occurred on November 19, that day (or

the closest weekend) has been designated as their own local memorial day that is

referred to as Remembrance Day.


Flags at half-staff until noon

On Memorial Day the flag is raised briskly to the top of the staff and then solemnly

lowered to the half-staff position, where it remains only until noon. It is then raised to

full-staff for the remainder of the day.

The half-staff position remembers the more than one million men and women who

gave their lives in service of their country. At noon their memory is raised by the

living, who resolve not to let their sacrifice be in vain, but to rise up in their stead and

continue the fight for liberty and justice for all.
Name and date

The preferred name for the holiday gradually changed from "Decoration Day" to

"Memorial Day", which was first used in 1882. It did not become more common until

after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967.

On June 28, 1968, the Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved

four holidays, including Memorial Day, from their traditional dates to a specified

Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend. The change moved

Memorial Day from its traditional May 30 date to the last Monday in May. The law

took effect at the federal level in 1971. After some initial confusion and

unwillingness to comply, all 50 states adopted Congress's change of date within a

few years.

Memorial Day endures as a holiday which most businesses observe because it

marks the unofficial beginning of summer. The Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW)

and Sons of Union Veterans of the Civil War (SUVCW) advocate returning to the

original date, although the significance of the date is tenuous. The VFW stated in a

2002 Memorial Day Address:

    Changing the date merely to create three-day weekends has undermined the very

meaning of the day. No doubt, this has contributed a lot to the general public's

nonchalant observance of Memorial Day.

Since 1987, Hawaii's Senator Daniel Inouye, a World War II veteran, has introduced

a measure to return Memorial Day to its traditional date.
Traditional observance

Many people observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries and memorials. A

national moment of remembrance takes place at 3 pm local time. Another tradition is

to fly the flag of the United States at half-staff from dawn until noon local time.

Volunteers often place American flags on each grave site at national cemeteries.

For many Americans, the central event is attending one of the thousands of parades

held on Memorial Day in large and small cities all over the country. Most of these

feature marching bands and an overall military theme with the National Guard and

other servicemen participating along with veterans and military vehicles from various

wars.

One of the longest-standing traditions is the running of the Indianapolis 500, an auto

race which has been held in conjunction with Memorial Day since 1911. It runs on

the Sunday preceding the Memorial Day holiday. The Coca-Cola 600 stock car race

has been held later the same day since 1961. The Memorial Tournament golf event

has been held on or close to the Memorial Day weekend since 1976.

Because Memorial Day is generally associated with the start of the summer season,

it is common tradition to inaugurate the outdoor cooking season on Memorial Day

with a barbecue

The National Memorial Day Concert takes place on the west lawn of the United

States Capitol. The concert is broadcast on PBS and NPR. Music is performed, and

respect is paid to the men and women who gave their lives for their country.
Start of "summer"

Most school districts that had their school year begin in late August will end school

on the Friday before this day, while schools that started the school year the day after

Labor Day in early September will remain in session until early June.

Across most of the central and southern continental United States, summer-like

weather generally does begin reasonably close to Memorial Day time (somewhere

between mid-May and early June being the norm). But in the northernmost and

westernmost parts of the country, the holiday makes a far less reliable seasonal

marker. In these areas, cooler and unsettled spring weather often continues into

June. (In the Pacific Northwest, there is a somewhat popular expression that "real"

summer begins on the 5th of July.)
Interpretations

Scholars, following the lead of sociologist Robert Bellah, often make the argument

that the United States has a secular "civil religion" - one with no association with any

religious denomination or viewpoint - that has incorporated Memorial Day as a

sacred event. The obligation of both collective and individual to carry out God's will

on earth is a theme that lies deep in the American tradition. With the Civil War, a new

theme of death, sacrifice and rebirth enters the civil religion. Memorial Day gave

ritual expression to these themes, integrating the local community into a sense of

nationalism. The American civil religion, in contrast to that of France, was never

anticlerical or militantly secular; in contrast to Britain, it was not tied to a specific

denomination, such as the Church of England. The Americans borrowed from

different religious traditions so that the average American saw no conflict between

the two, and deep levels of personal motivation were aligned with attaining national

goals.
In literature and music

Charles Ives's symphonic poem Decoration Day depicted the holiday as he

experienced it in his childhood, with his father's band leading the way to the town

cemetery, the playing of "Taps" on a trumpet, and a livelier march tune on the way

back to the town. It is frequently played with three other Ives works based on

holidays as the second movement of A New England Holidays Symphony.

Tags: Decoration Day, Memorial Day

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Winning Over Worry Part II

Jesus said, "Don't worry about things—food, drink and clothes…. Don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time."1

The discovery of how worry and anxiety affect physical and emotional health was not made by our generation. It was three thousand years ago that the Bible pointed out that "a relaxed attitude lengthens a man's life."2 It was two thousand years ago when the Apostle Paul wrote, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus."3

However, it's one thing to know about God's peace and another thing to experience it. It begins with being able to see and admit our real fears, by facing and resolving them, and by learning to give them over to God—and not take them back.

The causes behind worry and anxiety can be many and varied. The following are some of the major ones with some helpful tips for winning over them.

First, if anxiety is situational—that is, caused by adverse circumstances or too much work, I find it helps to list all my responsibilities on paper. This is half the battle. I then eliminate the least important matters, work on the things I can do something about, and try to learn to accept the things I cannot change and to stop worrying about them.

Second. If the problem is repressed, pent-up feelings such as resentment, hurt or anger, those feelings need to be expressed in healthy ways. If you're nursing a grudge, you will need to put things right with the other person concerned and forgive him or her.4 Negative feelings can be talked out with a trusted friend or counselor. Or, if it helps, go for a drive in your car with the windows closed and shout your feelings out, go to the bedroom and cry them out, or write them out as David often did in the Psalms. Just don't bottle them up.

One night when I was worried and couldn't sleep, I got up and typed a letter to God sharing all my feelings with him. Within a half-hour I had released my pent-up feelings. I then read them back to God, tore up the page, went back to bed, and fell asleep immediately.

Good, hard physical exercise is also helpful when you're feeling worried or anxious.

Third, if your worry is caused by unmet emotional or spiritual needs, you can remedy this by growing in your relationship to God and other people—both of which are keys to vital, worry-free living. A spiritual growth group or a good twelve-step recovery program can be a big help for some. As you open up to other safe people and to God and feel their love and acceptance, you can slowly change feelings of fear, guilt, anger, inadequacy, anxiety, and worry for feelings of hope, confidence, peace, and love.

To be concluded…5/4/12


Suggested prayer: "Dear God, when I am worried and anxious, if there are hidden causes behind these, please help me to see them and lead me to the help I need to resolve these issues at their root so I can fully trust in you and not be worried, anxious or afraid. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Matthew 6:25, 34 (TLB)(NLT).
2. Proverbs 14:30 (TLB)(NLT).
3. Philippians 4:6-7 (TLB)(NLT).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

incontrovertible in-kon-truh-VUR-tuh-buhl , adjective:
Too clear or certain to admit of dispute; indisputable; unquestionable.

It is in the nature of philosophical questions that they do not have final, incontrovertible answers, or, more exactly, that every answer raises new questions.
-- George Soros, Open Society: Reforming Global Capitalism

And although the evidence was substantial, it was not incontrovertible.
-- Al Strachan, "Phantom Goal, part 2", Toronto Sun, May 23, 1999

Despite speculation based on ancient tales and ancient art, no incontrovertible evidence has been discovered of polio's existence before the nineteenth century, at least not in its epidemic form.
-- Sherwin B. Nuland, "A Summer Plague: Polio and Its Survivors", New Republic, October 16, 1995

Incontrovertible is in-, "not" + controvertible, which is derived from Latin controversia, "a dispute," from controvertere, "to turn against, to turn in the opposite direction, to dispute" from contro-, "against" + vertere, "to turn." It is related to controversy.

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Smart And Sassy Quaker Parrots

Quaker parrot owners boast of their birds' vast intelligence.
By Angela Pham

Fonzie, a 12-year-old quaker parrot, reacts to television shows much like a person might.

She watched a broadcast of Good Morning America with the cast from Dancing with the Stars and cheered them on, saying "Turn around!" and "Good dance!" While a Richard Simmons exercise video played, Fonzie the parrot picked up her wings and danced along, asking her owner, Ellen Krueger, if she needed a drink of water after the routine ended.

quaker parrot intelligence
Photos Courtesy of Paula Cook
Quaker's display an in-context vocabulary that surprises people.
quaker parrot behavior
Their misconceived reputation leads to surprised reactions to their sharp wit.

It's these displays of extensive and appropriate, in-context vocabulary that convince many bird owners that their quaker parrots are genuinely intelligent and capable of knowing what to say at exactly the right time. But their intelligence extends beyond just words. These parrots are notorious for being all-around clever birds, from weaving complex structures to unlocking complicated doors.

Krueger, editor of The Quaker Parakeet Society's newsletter, The Sentinel, and a freelance author of books about her quaker parrot, said Fonzie's signs of intelligence aren't rare among quaker parrots. She described another quaker-owning friend whose cockatiel passed away, leaving its mate alone in the cage.

"[Her Quaker parrot] climbed down from his cage, walked over to the other bird's cage and gave this bird a tissue," Krueger said. "They understand."

The treasurer of The Quaker Parakeet Society, Paula Cook, said her quaker parrot, Precious, taught its vocabulary to her 4-month-old blue quaker, Periwinkle. Periwinkle developed phrases that Cook had never spoken before, she said, making her a true believer in quaker birds' intelligence.

"The two of them just exchanged voicemails, I guess, while I was gone," Cook said.

This clever bird species is known as much for its talking as it is for its actions. Tom Nemerovsky, an owner and breeder of quaker parrots since 1980, said that the intelligence of the quakers must be in their nature, as he's encountered numerous signs of cognitive abilities. The proof is in the locks with chew-proof nylon webbing he has to attach to each and every cage door that houses a quaker, he said.

"They'll watch you for the first three days you put them in and out," he said. "They're watching you. They'll do the same thing."

But don't expect the quaker parrots to be predictable. Rhonda Heflin, fundraising committee member at The Quaker Parakeet Society, said her quaker parrot Chance Man definitely has a mind of his own.

"He's not a circus bird," Heflin said. "You don't make them talk. They shut their beak and stare at you when you try to say, 'They can do this!'"

Her bird, Chance Man, accompanies her nearly everywhere, chatting all the way. While the quaker parrot may not be the most beautiful-looking bird out there, Heflin said, it is a companion bird that she can't imagine living without.

Chance Man understands that at 4 p.m., it's dinner time, Heflin said. Around 7 p.m., he'll tell her, "I'm tired." At almost 8 years old, his vocabulary is at about 75 words, and he's even learned how to help Heflin make her bed, pulling the sheet up himself when he sees that the bed isn't made.

"They scare you," she said. "We've had him since he was 10 weeks old, and his brain has gone just so far. Chance Man's doing something different every few days."

Quaker parrot enthusiasts admit that those who aren't familiar with the bird species might underestimate their complex intelligence. Their small stature, muted colors and misconceived reputation as destructive "crop pests" lead to many surprised reactions at their vocabulary and wit.

Although some state governments perceive the quaker parrot to be a threat to local crops, Cook said the birds are not a hazard at all. Through The Quaker Parakeet Society, she hopes to enlighten the general public of the truth about the parrot species.

Krueger casts the bird in a similar optimistic light.

"They're not a destructive or invasive species," she said. "They're really fun birds. If you approach them the right way, they'll be friends with almost anybody."

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RECIPE:

Lemon Meringue Pie

A very sweet pie that's an old favorite. Make this on a dry winter day; meringue doesn't fare well in hot, humid weather.

Yield: 6 to 8 servings

    Lemon Filling:
    1-1/2 cups white sugar
    1-1/2 cups water
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/2 cup cornstarch mixed with 1/3 cup water
    4 egg yolks, slightly beaten
    1/2 cup lemon juice
    3 tablespoons butter
    1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
    Meringue:
    4 egg whites
    1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/2 cup white sugar
    1 baked 9-inch pie shell

To make the filling, combine the 1-1/2 cups sugar, 1-1/2 cups water, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a heavy saucepan or the top of a double boiler. Bring to a boil. Mix the cornstarch with the 1/3 cup water and add to the boiling mixture slowly, stirring constantly. Cook until thickened and clear. Remove from the heat. Stir in the egg yolks and lemon juice. Return the mixture to the heat and stir until it begins to bubble. Remove from the heat and stir in the butter and lemon zest. Cover and cool until lukewarm.

To make the meringue, combine the egg whites, cream of tartar, and 1/4 teaspoon salt and beat until frothy. Gradually add the 1/2 cup sugar, beating until glossy peaks form when you lift the beater.

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Pour the filling into the pie shell. Pile on the meringue, spreading to touch the edge of the crust. Bake for 15 minutes, or until lightly browned. Cool on a rack for 1 hour. Chill for at least 4 hours before serving. This is best served the day it is made.

If you prefer not to make a meringue with raw egg whites, substitute whipped cream for the egg white topping. Pipe sweetened whipped cream onto the pie just before serving.

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Lemon Cheesecake


Cake mix is the secret to an easy press-in-the-pan cookie-like crust and a foolproof cream cheese filling.


    PREP TIME     15 Min
    TOTAL TIME    6 Hr 50 Min
    SERVINGS      16
 
Crust

1      box Betty Crocker SuperMoist yellow cake mix
1/4      cup vegetable oil
1      egg
1      teaspoon grated lemon peel

Filling

2      packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened
3/4      cup sugar
3      containers (3.5 oz each) lemon pudding (from 4-pack container)
1/2      cup sour cream
3      eggs
2      cups frozen (thawed) whipped topping

    1 Heat oven to 300°F. Spray bottom and side of 10-inch springform pan with baking spray with flour. Wrap foil around outside of pan to catch drips. Reserve 1/4 cup of the cake mix; set aside. In large bowl, beat remaining cake mix, oil, 1 egg and lemon peel with electric mixer on low speed until crumbly. Press in bottom and 1 inch up side of pan.
  
 2 In same large bowl, beat reserved cake mix, the cream cheese, sugar, pudding and sour cream on medium speed until smooth and creamy. Beat in 3 eggs, one at a time, until mixed. Pour over crust.
 
  3 Bake 1 hour 20 minutes to 1 hour 35 minutes or until edges are set but center of cheesecake jiggles slightly when moved. Turn oven off; open oven door at least 4 inches. Leave cheesecake in oven 30 minutes longer.
 
  4 Remove cheesecake from oven; place on cooling rack. Without releasing side of pan, run knife around edge of pan to loosen cheesecake. Cool in pan on cooling rack 30 minutes. Cover loosely; refrigerate 4 hours or overnight. Remove side of pan before serving. Pipe or spoon whipped topping around outside edge of cheesecake. Store covered in refrigerator.

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Beef-Stuffed Crescents

“My neighbor makes this recipe using jalapenos instead of green chilis and calls it “rattlesnake bites”! "I love that it's so easy and has so few ingredients. I've made this for potlucks, family gatherings…and never have any leftovers.”

    Prep: 25 min. Bake: 15 min.
    Yield: 24 Servings

Ingredients

    1 pound ground beef
    1 can (4 ounces) chopped green chilies
    1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, cubed
    1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
    1/4 teaspoon chili powder
    3 tubes (8 ounces each) refrigerated crescent rolls

Directions

    In a large skillet, cook beef and chilies over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Add the cream cheese, cumin and chili powder. Cool slightly.
    Separate crescent dough into 24 triangles. Place 1 tablespoon of beef mixture along the short end of each triangle; carefully roll up.
    Place point side down 2 in. apart on ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 375° for 11-14 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm. Yield: 2 dozen.

Nutritional Facts 1 roll equals 175 calories, 11 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 20 mg cholesterol, 282 mg sodium, 12 g carbohydrate, trace fiber, 6 g protein.


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Apple Sundae Parfait

Vanilla ice cream, escalloped apples, and caramel sauce combine for an outstanding treat.

Rate This Recipe
Serves: 6
Prep Time: 5 minutes

 
2 packages (12 oz. Each) STOUFFER'S Harvest Apples, cooked and chilled
1/2 teaspoon rum or almond extract
1 quart vanilla ice cream
3 tablespoons caramel sauce


DIRECTIONS:

COMBINE escalloped apples and rum or almond extract. For each sundae parfait, LAYER ice cream, caramel sauce and apple mixture in parfait glass or bowl.


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Amazing 'Pizza' Pork Chops

servings: 5

Ingredients

5 boneless pork chops
1 pinch salt and ground black pepper to taste
5 slices tomato (1/2-inch thick)
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil
1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons olive oil
5 slices mozzarella cheese

Directions

1. Preheat an outdoor grill for medium heat.
2. Season the pork chops with salt and black pepper and arrange in the bottom of a disposable aluminum pan; top each with a tomato slice. Divide the basil, oregano, and garlic between the pork chops; drizzle with the olive oil. Cover the pan with aluminum foil.
3. Cook on the preheated grill until the pork is no longer pink in the center, about 25 minutes. An instant-read thermometer inserted into the center should read 160 degrees F (70 degrees C). Remove the pan from the grill; top each pork chop with a slice of mozzarella cheese, replace the aluminum foil over the pan, and wait until the cheese melts, 3 to 5 minutes, before serving

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Bacon Bourbon Wings


skill level  Easy
time  30-60min
servings  24

ingredients

    24 chicken wings
    Peanut oil for frying
    1/4 cup brown sugar
    4 cloves of garlic (finely chopped)
    1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
    1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
    3 tablespoons butter
    1/4 cup soy sauce
    1/2-3/4  cup bourbon
    3/4 cup ketchup
    A few dashes of hot sauce
    12 slices of bacon

    ingredients
    24 chicken wings
    Peanut oil for frying
    12 slices of bacon
  
 instructions
Fry wings in 425ºF peanut oil until they are just about done, about 5-6 minutes. Cut bacon slices in half.
   
    instructions
Remove wings from fryer and allow to cool slightly. Wrap them with bacon, using a toothpick to hold the bacon in place. Put the wings back in the fryer until they are done, about 1-2 minutes.
  
 ingredients

3 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup brown sugar
4 cloves of garlic (finely chopped)
1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/2-3/4  cup bourbon
 3/4 cup ketchup
 A few dashes of hot sauce

    instructions

Mix the butter, brown sugar, garlic, horseradish, ginger, soy sauce, bourbon, ketchup and hot sauce. Cook for 10 minutes over low-medium heat.
 
 Take the wings out of the fryer and drench them in the sauce.


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JOKES:


You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

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"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
- Helen Keller

CONFUCIOUS QUOTE:  The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

THINGS TO PONDER:     Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

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A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.
Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the
pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began
tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the
pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sending
his rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach.
 As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry for
what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord please
make this bear a Christian".
 Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell
to it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep and
said "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"

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Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago.  He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his
plane ticket on top of his dresser. 

He turned around and headed back to the house.  He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen.  He saw his wife
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.

She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out,
and squeezed her left tit.

"Leave only one quart of milk," she said.  "Jon won't be here for
breakfast tomorrow."

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals

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A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle.

When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at him.

It hit him in the temple and killed him.

He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, is that correct?"

"Yes, I am," he replied.

St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?"

The golfer replied, "You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

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You might be a REDNECK if...
    
    ...you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Winning Over Worry Part I "A relaxed attitude lengthens a man's life."1

It's Monday morning. The weekend is over. The alarm clock blares out its hideous jangle and suddenly you are snapped into the world of reality. First comes the struggle to get out of bed, then the rush to get to school or work on time, and then comes the stress of trying to juggle all of your seemingly endless responsibilities throughout the day.

Is this how your week starts? And aren't these pressures mild compared to the ones you face as the day and week wear on?

We live in a world of ever-increasing stress and worry with school, work, family, financial, and social pressures. Not many people are free from worry of some kind. However, an overload of worry and anxiety are a major problem of contemporary society. In excessive amounts they can take years off your life.

Some people like to think that things don't bother them. "No problem," they say as they put on a brave front and reach for the aspirin or alcohol bottle to medicate the pain of their inner anxieties.

But it isn't possible to deaden inner anxiety. It will reveal itself in many ways. For instance, George withdraws when he is upset, hurt, or uptight. Susan talks endlessly to cover her anxiety. Bill chain smokes to avoid facing his. Harry attacks when he feels threatened. Jack dominates and Judy procrastinates. Dennis is a constant complainer. Joan is a compulsive eater, Fred a compulsive drinker, Tom a compulsive worker, and Frank a compulsive gambler—all because of inner unresolved worry and anxiety.

Anxiety may also express itself in a physical way. Abdominal pains, high blood pressure, a twitch, allergies, ulcers, nervous stomach, tension headaches—all have been named by doctors as symptoms of anxiety and worry.

Yes, sooner or later unresolved worry and anxiety will win out. When one fails to talk out his worries in healthy ways, he will act them out in unhealthy ways in one form or another.

To be continued … 5/3/12

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, if and when I am worried or afraid, please help me not to deny it or escape into over-busyness, procrastination, or any addictive or compulsive behavior, but face it square on, see the cause and lead me to the help I need to overcome and win over my worry. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

pleach pleech , verb:
1. To interweave branches or vines for a hedge or arbor.
2. To make or renew (a hedge, arbor, etc.) by such interweaving.
3. To braid (hair).

Robert got up very early, and went off to pleach the big hedge at the foot of the far pasture.
-- Mary Webb, Seven for a Secret

I might not be able to install plumbing fixtures or to pleach apple trees, but I know how to throw a good party.
-- Nancy Atherton, Aunt Dimity and the Family Tree

Pleach is derived from the Middle French word plais, which meant "a hedge."

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Angry Bird? Find Out Why

Come to your bird’s emotional rescue with this look at anger management
By Chris Davis


Because different techniques are required to alter different behaviors, it is important to properly identify observed emotions. Symptoms of anger in an avian companion can manifest in numerous ways, which makes diagnosis difficult. This is where knowing your bird’s personality can be helpful.

Some birds, like people, are just grumpy. This is not always the same thing as anger, although a grumpy bird can become angry. Anger is stronger than grouchiness and the bird often appears extremely frustrated. An angry bird might also develop a short “fuse,” exhibiting little or no patience. The bird might also lash out violently, sometimes waging a full attack upon a person, animal or object.

This can be a tough call to make, especially because some destruction could be normal nesting behavior or an ecstatically happy and rambunctious little parrot doing what he does best — making a mess. One clue to look for is that an angry bird often does not seek positive social interaction, whereas a rowdy, happy little guy will.

Some apparent aggression might actually be territorial behavior, in which the bird defends his favorite person, place or object and attempts to drive all others away. That is not true anger, unless he is not taught that he cannot do this and eventually becomes angry because everyone is violating “his” property and not paying attention to his clear messages to keep away.

An angry bird often spends much of his time alone. He might be tense and sit relatively still, or he might tear around the cage destroying things. He might scream or be vocally or physically confrontational. He might destroy his feathers, often in a methodical and deliberate manner. However, taking the aforementioned things into consideration, the most accurate way of determining if a bird is angry is the fact that he will often just feel angry to those who know him.

Reasons For Anger

What kinds of things make birds angry and what can be done about them? Well, what situations make you angry? The reasons for problem behaviors are diverse, and pinpointing the cause is an important component of the behavior modification and healing processes in both humans and animals.

If it is not appropriately addressed, the symptoms could go into hiding only to reoccur at a later time and in a different form than their initial manifestations. Unfortunately, we can never be exactly sure of why a bird is angry. After all, we often don’t even know why people around us are angry. But we can still do our best to determine the most likely causes and go from there.

An angry bird might suddenly lash out for seemingly no reason. Sometimes, he just got up “on the wrong side of the perch” and simply does not want to interact at that moment. Or, he might actually be tired, or perhaps someone around him  behaved in a way that he perceived as threatening, in which case, he lashed out to tell the person to just leave him alone because he was tired or felt threatened.

This “sudden” reaction by the bird usually occurs after the human has failed to notice a myriad of tiny clues that would never be missed by another parrot. These include a slight change in the size of the pupils of the eyes, a barely perceptible shift in body language or the way the feathers are held against the head or body. Even larger hints, such as the bird walking away from his favorite person are often ignored by humans. These types of behavior are usually ephemeral and a direct result of some interaction. Some are actual anger and some are simply warnings.

If a bird calmly walks away from overtures to get him out of his cage and is then pursued until his patience is gone, he’s likely to become angry. Anger can also be a reaction to the introduction of a new family member — human or animal — especially one that is fawned over by his favorite individuals.

Sometimes, anger is part of the grieving process. Think about an emotionally rich creature who is experiencing very strong, maybe even crippling emotions and who is incapable of expressing those feelings.

For example, we are thrilled to invite a new feathered family member into our homes; however, even if the bird has been taken from a bad situation into a loving home, they still might harbor resentment or anger regarding the move. Although this might seem unreasonable, at first, it is important to note that this is also frequently seen in human children under similar circumstances. It is the classic case of feeling safer with the situation you know instead of risking the situation you don’t know. Sometimes, a change in the environment — a roomier cage, new perch or changing the cage location — garners similar reactions.

A frequent cause of anger in companion birds is when their people leave for extended periods and then, after a week or two of the bird’s worrying about them, they arrive back home, blissfully unaware that their friend is now furious with them for being away.  This often results in an angry bird stomping off when the person tries to coax him out of his cage. Some birds might bite upon the human’s return.

Prevent Anger

Prevention is our strongest tool when working with behavior in humans or animals. Be considerate. Many birds do not like surprises, especially those that strongly impact their lives. Anticipate events or situations that might trigger anger in your bird and diffuse them by preparing the bird ahead of time. This might include making changes in a gradual manner and making them seem exciting and fun by talking about them ahead of time and during their manifestation.

An excellent example of this is avoiding possible anger or jealousy by preparing your bird for new human or animal family members. Let your bird see baby cribs and all other paraphernalia essential for a new child. In the case of new pets, let him see food and water bowls, beds and toys before the new family member shows up. Some people actually use dolls or stuffed animals as part of this process, talking to them as they will their new family members. Talk to your avian friend about who is coming and remind him that he is still the most important and wonderful bird in the house. When the new family member arrives, do not hold him/her and then bring him/her to your bird. Instead, hold your bird and take him to the new individual.

When rearranging furniture, move only a piece at a time, or move it only a short distance, at first. Let it sit a couple of days and move it some more.

If you are leaving for an extended period, tell your bird that you are going. Count out the days on your fingers and tell him who will be caring for him. Reassure him that you love him dearly and will miss him greatly. Have whomever bird sits for you count down the days before your arrival. Don’t laugh until you’ve tried it. It’s one of my most popular suggestions and is highly successful.

Address The Problem

If it’s too late and your bird is already angry, address the cause, if possible. For example, if his anger seems related to changes in the environment, temporarily change things back to the way they were.

Time is often the greatest healer of anger, for both humans and animals. If your bird’s anger is a quick reaction to something you have done to offend him, simply apologize and walk away for a while. Often that gesture will suffice.

If your bird’s anger is in reaction to a new animal or human, apologize to him and then reintroduce everyone more carefully, while cuddling your avian friend.

If you have been away, apologize for not telling your bird ahead of time — be truly repentant — and tell him you love him more than any other bird on the entire planet. You really should have told him ahead of time, and it’s your fault he’s upset so lay it on thick. It might even take a couple of days for him to forgive you.

Anger can be a direct response to the way that the bird is being treated by the people around it. Many angry birds have been teased by people who either live in the home or who are visiting. If a bird is called ugly, stupid or funny looking, it understands the tone of voice and the emotions that are carried in those kinds of words. They do not like being called names any more than their human counterparts do.

You are your bird’s only champion. He needs you to stand up for him and to not allow him to be teased. Anyone who would tease an animal is not good friend material anyway so, if they are offended and leave, their absence will only make your life better, as well.

If your bird is grieving, then grieve along with him. Be sympathetic and compassionate. Let him know how much he is loved and how important he is to you. Everyone is different regarding how long it takes for grief to heal. Time, compassion, and loving friends can make the process bearable while the emotion runs its course.

If you have an angry bird and the foregoing hints do not work, the problem will need to be addressed on a one-to-one basis. Contact a qualified companion bird behavior consultant to set up a customized behavior modification program for your particular bird.

No one likes being angry and our avian friends probably feel the same way. With a little advance planning, we can prevent most anger from occurring, and with some love, compassion and behavior modification, we can eliminate existing anger. It’s the least we can do for our best friends, isn’t it?

 

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RECIPE:

Cherry & Port Glazed Ham
When you're feeding a crowd, this is your go-to recipe...a pre-cooked spiral ham with a make-ahead sweet and savory glaze. Delish!

Rate This Recipe Serves: 24
Prep. time: 20 minutes
Cooking time: 1 hr. 30 minutes
   
 
1 tablespoon cornstarch    
3 1/2 cups Swanson® Chicken Stock    
2 tablespoons butter    
1/3 cup chopped shallots    
1/8 teaspoon ground allspice    
1 cup port or other sweet red, wine     
1 package (5 ounces) dried cherries (about 1 cup)    
1/3 cup packed brown sugar    
1 turkey size oven bag    
1 unglazed fully-cooked, bone-in spiral-sliced ham (about 9 pounds)    

Stir the cornstarch and stock in a small bowl until the mixture is smooth.

Heat the butter in a 12-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the shallots and cook until tender, stirring occasionally. Stir in the allspice and cook for 30 seconds.

Increase the heat to medium-high. Stir the wine, cherries and brown sugar in the skillet and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cook until the mixture is slightly thickened, stirring occasionally.

Stir the cornstarch mixture in the skillet. Cook and stir until the mixture boils and thickens.

Place the oven bag into a large roasting pan at least 2 inches deep. Place the ham into the oven bag. Pour the cherry glaze over the ham. Close the oven bag with the nylon tie. Cut 6 (1/2-inch) slits in the top of the oven bag. Tuck the ends of the bag under to seal.

Bake at 250°F. for 1 1/2 hours or until the ham is heated through. Remove the ham from the oven bag to a serving platter. Spoon some of the cherry glaze over the ham. Serve the remaining cherry glaze with the ham.

RECIPE TIPS Make-Ahead: The cherry glaze can made in advance. Prepare as directed above and let cool to room temperature. Cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days. Reheat the glaze in a 3-quart saucepan over medium heat until heated through, stirring occasionally. Serve with the ham as directed above.

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Campbell's Beef Wellington

Looking for an impressive dish for the holidays?  It takes a little time to put this dish together, but it's simple to do...and the results are outstanding and delicious.

 
Rating:
Read Reviews
Rate This Recipe Serves: 10
Prep. time: 30 minutes
Cooking time: 55 minutes; chill time 1 hour
   
     
1 beef tenderloin, 2- to 2 1/2-pounds    
Freshly ground black pepper (optional)    
1 egg    
1 tablespoon water    
1 tablespoon butter    
2 cups finely chopped mushrooms    
1 medium onion, finely chopped (about 1/2 cup)    
1/2 - of a 17.3-ounce package Pepperidge Farm® Frozen Puff Pastry (1 sheet)    

Heat the oven to 425°F.  Place the beef into a lightly greased roasting pan. Season with the black pepper, if desired.  Roast for 30 minutes or until a meat thermometer reads 130°F.  Cover the pan and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Reheat the oven to 425°F.  Beat the egg and water in a small bowl with a fork or whisk.

Heat the butter in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the mushrooms and onion and cook until the mushrooms are tender and all the liquid is evaporated, stirring often.

Unfold the pastry sheet on a lightly floured surface. Roll the pastry sheet into a rectangle 4 inches longer and 6 inches wider than the beef. Brush the pastry sheet with the egg mixture. Spoon the mushroom mixture onto the pastry sheet to within 1-inch of the edges. Place the beef in the center of the mushroom mixture.  Fold the pastry over the beef and press to seal.  Place seam-side down onto a baking sheet.  Tuck the ends under to seal.  Brush the pastry with the egg mixture.

Bake for 25 minutes or until the pastry is golden brown and a meat thermometer reads 140°F.

Serving Suggestion: Serve with green beans amandine. For dessert serve with cheesecake topped with sliced strawberries.


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Best Lemon Bars

Start with a Betty Crocker cookie mix and turn out delectable homemade bars in no time!


    PREP TIME       15 Min
    TOTAL TIME     2 Hr 50 Min
    SERVINGS        24


Crust

1    pouch (1 lb.1.5 oz) Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix
2    tablespoons Gold Medal all-purpose flour
1/2    cup cold butter

Filling

4    egg yolks
1    can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)
1    tablespoon Gold Medal all-purpose flour
    Grated peel of 1 lemon (about 2 teaspoons)
1/3    cup fresh lemon juice
1    tablespoon powdered sugar


 1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom only of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray.
  
 2 In large bowl, stir cookie mix and 2 tablespoons flour. Cut in butter, using pastry blender (or pulling 2 table knives through ingredients in opposite directions), until mixture looks like fine crumbs. Press mixture in bottom of pan. Bake 13 to 15 minutes or until edges are lightly browned.
 
 3 Meanwhile, in medium bowl, mix egg yolks, condensed milk, 1 tablespoon flour, the lemon peel and lemon juice with whisk. Pour over hot crust. Bake 18 to 20 minutes longer or until filling is set. Cool on cooling rack 1 hour. Cover; refrigerate until chilled, about 1 hour.
 
 4 Sprinkle bars with powdered sugar. Cut into 6 rows by 4 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.


Expert Tips

If desired, garnish each bar with a few fresh blueberries.
Bars can be frozen, tightly wrapped, up to 3 months.

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Chicken Soup with Matzoh Balls

For tender, fluffy matzoh balls, don't crowd the pot. If necessary, use two pots or prepare in batches. What a perfect soup when you're feeling low or snuffly.

Serves: 6 to 8
Prep. time: 20 minutes
Cooking time: 35 to 45 minutes



4 large eggs    
1/4 cup mild olive oil    
2 1/2 to 3 quarts canned low sodium chicken broth, or homemade    
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste    
1 cup matzo meal    
3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill, chopped fresh parsley or 2 pinches ground ginger, optional    

In a large mixing bowl, whisk the eggs with the olive oil until foamy. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of the chicken broth and season to taste with salt and pepper. Stir in the matzoh meal and any of the optional seasonings. Let the batter stand for 2 or 3 minutes to allow the matzoh meal time to absorb the liquids. Stir again, but do not overbeat; the batter should be rather soft. If it seems dry, add 1 to 2 more tablespoons of chicken broth. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours and up to 24 hours.

In a large, wide pot, bring 4 quarts of salted water to a boil over high heat (use about 1 1/2 tablespoons of salt).

Meanwhile, shape the batter into walnut- or olive-sized balls and arrange on a plate. They will be soft.

When the water boils, lower the heat to a simmer and carefully slide or drop the balls, one at a time, into the water. Increase the heat and let the water return to a gentle boil. Cover and lower the heat again to a simmer.

Cook for 35 to 45 minutes. Do not lift the lid from the pan; you do not want any vital steam to escape. After 30 to 35 minutes, lift a matzoh ball from the pot and cut it in half. It should be tender, fluffy, and completely cooked through. If not, continue cooking for a few more minutes.

Using a skimmer or large slotted spoon, remove the matzoh balls from the water. (They are too fragile to dump into a colander.) Set them on a plate or in a shallow bowl. If not using right away, cover with a little chicken broth and refrigerate for a few hours.

Heat the chicken broth and add the matzoh balls. Simmer until everything is heated through. Serve in shallow bowls.

Note: To keep the matzoh balls light and fluffy, remember not to lift the lid at all during the first 30 to 35 minutes of cooking--they need the trapped steam for the correct texture.


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Gooey Chocolate Crock-Pot Cake


1 package chocolate cake mix
(any 2-layer size)
2 cups sour cream
1 pkg.instant chocolate pudding small box
1 small bag(6 ounces)semisweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup oil
4 eggs
1 cup water

Spray crock-pot with non-stick spray.
Mix all ingredients together.
Cook on low for 6 to 8 hours
or high for 3-4 hours.
Don't lift the lid. Serve with ice cream.
Store in fridge.Reheat or eat cold and enjoy!


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Braised Brisket with Garlic

Braised brisket is a lovely dish for the holidays or anytime for that matter. Advance preparation cuts down on last-minute cooking and makes it easier to remove the fat from the gravy.

Serves: 8 to 10
Prep. time: 30 minutes
Cooking time: 2 1/2 to 3 hours



36 plump cloves garlic    
3 tablespoons olive oil    
about 5 pounds beef brisket, trimmed of fat, patted dry with paper towels    
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar    
3 cups beef broth, or chicken broth, preferably homemade    
3 fresh thyme sprigs, or 2 teaspoons dried thyme    
2 fresh rosemary sprigs, plus 1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary    
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste    
1 teaspoon minced garlic    
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest    

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.

Drop the garlic cloves into boiling water for 30 seconds. Drain immediately and peel as soon as they are cool enough to handle. Set aside on paper towels to dry.

In a roasting pan large enough to hold the meat, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat (you may have to use two burners). Add the brisket and cook for about 10 minutes until well browned on both sides. Transfer to a platter.

Pour off all but 1 tablespoon of fat in the pan. Add the garlic cloves and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the edges of the cloves are tinged with gold.

Add the vinegar and scrape up the browned bits on the bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon. Add the stock, thyme, and rosemary sprigs and reduce the heat to a simmer.

Season the brisket on both sides with salt and pepper and return it to the pan, fat side up. Spoon the garlic sauce over the meat.

Cover (use foil if necessary) and roast in the oven for 2 1/2 to 3 hours until the meat is fork tender. Baste it with the pan juices every 30 minutes. Periodically check the pan juices; they should be gently bubbling. If they are boiling rapidly, reduce the oven temperature to 300 degrees F.

Transfer the brisket to a cutting board and tent it loosely with foil.

Strain the pan juice, reserving the garlic and discarding the thyme and rosemary sprigs. Skim and discard as much fat as possible from the liquid.

Transfer about half of the garlic cloves and about 1 cup of braising liquid to a food processor or blender. Puree until smooth. Transfer the puree, the remaining garlic cloves, and the braising liquid to a skillet. Add the chopped rosemary, minced garlic, and lemon zest. Bring to a boil and cook over high heat until the gravy is reduced to the desired consistency. Taste and adjust the seasonings. (For a smoother gravy, puree all the garlic.)

Cut the brisket into thin slices across the grain at a slight diagonal. Arrange on a serving platter and spoon some of the hot gravy over the meat.

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JOKES:


A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll
in the fields when they came across a cow and a
calf rubbing noses.

"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to
do the same."

"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."

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A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical
island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a
beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes
up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty
years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well,
what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll
show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him
one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like
love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

**********************************************

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. "We weren't making love."
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."
Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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Our Daily Devotional:

Unseen Sin

Romans 14:13, NIV: "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."

Consider the private sin--the sin that is between you and God, and no one else. What would that sin look like? It might be a matter you may choose to keep to yourself. It might be a matter that you should keep to yourself, or rather, only confessed to God and no other. It is certainly something to be confessed, to be repented of, and dealt with. It may be your worse stumbling block--or your greatest embarrassment. But rest assured, you are not the only one affected. There is reason to deal with sin; reason that goes beyond ourselves. The sin in our lives hinders us from being the men and women God calls us to be. It causes us to stumble, and in ways we may not even see, bring others down with us. It has been said that, "No man is an island." This is a very real truth in relationship to our Christianity. The sin may be private sin, but it hurts far more than just the sinner; and demonstrates that our need to overcome is of greater importance to the body, than just to the self.

For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:  - Job 19:25

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xenophilia zen-uh-FIL-ee-uh , noun:
An attraction to foreign peoples, cultures, or customs.

Yet the scenario of openhanded host and guest, of xenophilia, is played out time and time again in Homer's Odyssey. It mattered to those hill-bound and sea-scattered tribes that the wanderer be made welcome…
-- Nicholas Delbanco, The Lost Suitcase

This connectedness — so evident to the drama's spectator, so indiscernible to the dramatized participant — promotes what we might call xenophilia.
-- Susan Gubar, Critical Condition

The opposite of xenophobia, xenophilia has the same Greek roots. It literally means "attracted to strangers." It first appeared in English in the 1920s and was used heavily after the Second World War.


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Yummy Treats for Parrots

Whether for training or plain enjoyment, a good
parrot owner ought to have a ready supply of
tasty treats for their pets. The good thing is
that you don’t have to go to some pet specialty
shop for gourmet parrot treats to stock up.
There are plenty of everyday kinds of food that
your bird considers extremely palatable.

    Let’s start with fruits. Not only do they taste
    great, they’re healthy for your bird too. Just
    make sure that you offer them in chunks that
    your pet can easily finish.

    You might not be a fan of vegetables, but your
    parrot thinks they’re great. Some favorites are
    cauliflower, broccoli, carrot and asparagus.

    Whole grain bread is good for you too. It’s better
    to have that around than white bread. That way,
    you and your parrot can munch on a good source
    of fiber together.

    Pasta is a good carbohydrate option for your bird.
    Whether cooked or uncooked, your parrot will dig it.
    Try filling uncooked macaroni with peanut butter to
    make the treat extra special.

    Popcorn is another snack you and your pet can share.
    Your bird will actually eat the unpopped kernels; just
    make sure to boil them slightly first to soften the hulls.
    Stay away from microwave popcorn though as this is
    too fatty and salty for your parrot… and you.

    You might not be able to stand the heat yourself, but
    peppers are awesome treats for parrots. Try fresh chili
    or banana peppers. It would be really cute if you could
    teach your bird to say “Ay ay ay” or “Muy caliente”
    when they get this treat.

----------------------------------------------------------------

You might be a REDNECK if...
       
...your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

"The greatest mistake you can make in
life is to be continually fearing
you will make one."
- Elbert Hubbard

---------------------------------------------------------------

Idiot Pie

1.Mix 12ounce carton thawed Cool Whip,
1 can Eagle Brand,
1 small can drained crushed pineapple,
2/3 cup quartered,drained maraschino
cherries,
2/3 cup chopped pecans. Mix well.

2.Place mixture into graham cracker pie
shell And Freeze 4 hours.
Take pie out to thaw 15-20 minutes
before serving.

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Lemon Turkey Cutlets

These turkey cutlets are the perfect alternative to chicken!

Serves: serves 4
Prep. time: 8 minutes
Cooking time: 15 minutes
   
1 1/2 pounds refrigerated boneless turkey cutlets    
Salt and pepper    
1/3 cup all-purpose flour    
1 egg, beaten to blend    
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice, or ReaLemon®    
1 cup Italian style bread crumbs    
2 tablespoons finely chopped onion    
1/3 cup vegetable oil    

Rinse cutlets with cold water and pat dry with paper towels. Sprinkle cutlets with salt and pepper. Place flour in a medium bowl. In another medium bowl, combine egg and lemon juice. In a third medium bowl, combine bread crumbs and onion. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium high heat.
Working in batches, dip cutlets into flour, then egg, and then bread crumbs. Place cutlets in hot oil and cook until brown, about 3 minutes per side.

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Easy Mexican Casserole

This is an easy and very tasty dish. I often substitute ground turkey and low fat dairy products and it is still delicious! Serve with chips, salsa and green salad.

Servings: 6

Ingredients

1 pound lean ground beef

2 cups salsa

1 (16 ounce) can chili beans, drained

3 cups tortilla chips, crushed

2 cups sour cream

1 (2 ounce) can sliced black olives, drained

1/2 cup chopped green onion

1/2 cup chopped fresh tomato

2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

2. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, cook ground beef until no longer pink. Stir in salsa, reduce heat, and simmer 20 minutes, or until liquid is absorbed. Stir in beans, and heat through.

3. Spray a 9x13 baking dish with cooking spray. Spread crushed tortilla chips in dish, and then spoon beef mixture over chips. Spread sour cream over beef, and sprinkle olives, green onion, and tomato over the sour cream. Top with Cheddar cheese.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until hot and bubbly.

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Spinach Alfredo Lasagna

With Alfredo and spaghetti sauce, plus ground beef, spinach and three kinds of cheese, this main dish is super hearty and a true family-pleaser. When serving, be sure to scoop all the way down the slow cooker's ceramic insert to get some of each layer.


    Prep: 20 min. Cook: 4 hours
    Yield: 8 Servings

Ingredients

    1 pound ground beef
    1 medium onion, chopped
    2 garlic cloves, minced
    1 jar (24 ounces) spaghetti sauce
    1 package (8 ounces) no-cook lasagna noodles
    1 carton (15 ounces) ricotta cheese
    1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
    2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
    1/2 teaspoon pepper
    8 cups (32 ounces) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
    1 package (10 ounces) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
    1 jar (15 ounces) Alfredo sauce

Directions

    In a large skillet, cook the beef, onion and garlic over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Stir in spaghetti sauce.
    Spread 1 cup meat sauce in an ungreased 5- or 6-qt. slow cooker. Arrange four noodles over sauce, breaking noodles to fit if necessary. In a small bowl, combine the ricotta cheese, Parmesan cheese, parsley and pepper; spread half over noodles. Layer with 2 cups mozzarella cheese and 1 cup meat sauce.
    Top with four noodles, spinach, Alfredo sauce, 2 cups mozzarella cheese, four noodles and remaining ricotta mixture. Layer with 2 cups mozzarella cheese, 1 cup meat mixture and remaining noodles, meat sauce and mozzarella cheese.
    Cover and cook on low for 4-5 hours or until noodles are tender. Yield: 8 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 piece equals 757 calories, 40 g fat (23 g saturated fat), 143 mg cholesterol, 1,362 mg sodium, 43 g carbohydrate, 4 g fiber, 55 g protein.

------------------------------------------------------------

 Olof Swenson
 
 Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in Northern Minnesota, took a
 lightning-quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in
 agony, he fell to the ground.

 As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek
 and my fiance Lena , is still a Virgin - in every vay.”
 The doctor told him” “Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint
 to let it heal & keep it straight.  It should be okay next week,
 but leave it on dere as long as you can.”

 He took four tongue depressors & formed a neat little 4 sided
 splint & taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

 Olof mentioned none of this to Lena , married her & they went
 on their honeymoon to Duluth . That night in the Motel 6, Lena
 ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.

 She said: “Olof... you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.”

 Olof immediately dropped his pants & replied: “Look at dis Lena ....
 still in DA CRATE!”

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You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.


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Interesting trivia

 "Stewardesses" is the  longest word typed with only the left hand

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

And  "lollipop" is the  longest word typed with your right hand.
 
= = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

No word in  the English language rhymes with month,  orange, silver, or purple.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Dreamt" is  the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Our  eyes are always the  same size from  birth, but our  nose and ears never stop  growing.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


The  sentence:  "The quick  brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"
uses every  letter of the alphabet.
 
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The words  'racecar,' 'kayak'  and 'level' are the same  whether they are read left to right or right to left  (palindromes).

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 
There are only  four words in the English language which end in "dous":   tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and  hazardous
 
There are two  words in the English language that have all five vowels in order:   "abstemious" and "facetious."
 
= = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

TYPEWRITER is the longest  word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the  keyboard.
 
= = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

A cat has 32  muscles in each ear.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

A  goldfish has a memory  span of three seconds.
 
= = = == = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

A "jiffy" is  an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

A shark is the only  fish that can blink with both eyes.

= =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = =

A snail can sleep for  three years.
 
= = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Almonds are a  member of the peach family.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

An ostrich's  eye is bigger than  its brain.
(I know some  people like that also)

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Babies fare born  without kneecaps.  They don't  appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

February 1865  is the only month in recorded history not to have a full  moon.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

In the last  4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

If the  population of China walked past  you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of  reproduction.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Leonardo Da  Vinci invented the  scissors.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Peanuts fare one of  the ingredients of dynamite!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Rubber  bands last longer  when refrigerated.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The average  person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The cruise  liner, moves only six  inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The  microwave was invented  after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar  melted in his  pocket.
(Good thing he  did that.)

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The winter  of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. Thank God  for global warming!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

There are  more chickens than people  in the world.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Winston  Churchill was born in a  ladies' room during a dance.

= =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = =

Women blink nearly twice as  much as men.

= = = = = = = = = = =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Bonus!! All  the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the  Elephants!!

= =  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  = = = =

Catching many fish

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"


*********************************************

I have a question

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

*******************************************

A final diagnosis

Thought I'd let my doctor check me,'Cause I didn't feel quite right. . .All those aches and pains annoyed meAnd I couldn't sleep at night.He could find no real disorderBut he wouldn't let it rest.What with Medicare and Blue Cross,We would do a couple tests.To the hospital he sent meThough I didn't feel that bad.He arranged for them to give meEvery test that could be had.I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,My aging frame displayed.Stripped, on an ice cold table,While my gizzards were x-rayed.I was checked for worms and parasites,For fungus and the crud,While they pierced me with long needlesTaking samples of my blood.Doctors came to check me over,Probed and pushed and poked around,And to make sure I was livingThey then wired me for sound.They have finally concluded,Their results have filled a page.What I have will someday kill me;My affliction is old age!

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

1 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Healthy Doubts

"But the people of Beroea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and gladly listened to the message. They searched the Scriptures day by day to check up on Paul and Silas' statements to see if they were really so."1

John Henry Fabre, the French naturalist, conducted an interesting experiment with some processionary caterpillars, which are called by this name because they blindly follow each other, one behind another.

Fabre placed caterpillar food in the center of a flower pot and placed caterpillars end to end so they formed a complete circle around the edge of the pot. Round and around they went for seven days and nights until they dropped dead of starvation and exhaustion. With all the food they needed only a few inches away, they starved themselves to death.

Sad to say some people are like these caterpillars that blindly follow a leader never questioning what he says or teaches. This is especially noticeable in false cults but it can be equally true in any church or religious group, especially where legalism still exists. It can also be true in secular leadership including the political realm. It is imperative to know what the leaders we are following stand for and where they are leading us.

Imagine questioning the Apostle Paul, the most powerful leader in the early church. But the Christians in Beroea did and made sure that what he was teaching was in line with God's Word. And they were commended for it.

It is important that we, too, learn to study and know the Scriptures for ourselves and question everything we are taught to make sure it is what God's Word, the Bible, teaches. In other words, while we need to respect our leaders, we need to make God's Word our "final voice of authority" and not the word of man no matter how high his position is or how appealing his words.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be open to truth/s I have not yet seen or been aware of—and help me to make sure that all I am taught is in harmony with your Word. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Acts 17:11 (TLB)(NLT).


**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:


sudorific soo-duh-RIF-ik , adjective:
1. Causing sweat.
2. Sudoriparous.

noun:
1. A sudorific agent.

Having thrown him into a cold sweat by his spiritual sudorific, he attacks him with his material remedies, which are often quite as unpalatable.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Medical Essays, 1842-1882

Wracked by such sudorific thoughts, he tossed noisily about, maddened, aching.
-- Angela Huth, South of the Lights

Every sudorific hitherto employed had failed to produce this result upon a skin which horrible diseases had left impervious.
-- Honoré de Balzac, Cousin Pons

Sudorific comes from the Latin word sudor meaning "sweat." The word "sweat" is unrelated and comes from the Old English, swote.

**********************************************

Parrot Beak Care


Parrots use their beaks for a variety of purposes,
the most important of which is eating. Unfortunately,
without the activities they usually have in the wild
that allow them to keep their beaks in proper shape
and size, pet parrots are in danger of having overgrown
beaks. Enter the need for beak trimming. Before you get
to this point however, you can make sure that you do
everything to keep your pet’s beak healthy.

    Diet naturally plays an important role. Give your
    parrot a balanced diet with all the necessary nutrients
    for growth and maintenance to make sure that the
    beak remains healthy.

    Offer chew toys. The frequent contact with an object
    will keep the beak trim. Rotate chew toys to keep your
    pet interested. Give treats inside a wooden puzzle, so
    your bird will have to chew wood to get to the prize.

    Provide a conditioning perch. Your parrot will rub its
    beak against it, not only keeping it clean in the
    process, but also keeping it in good shape and size.
    The calcium in these mineral logs or also strengthens
    the keratin in the parrot’s beak.

Note: Unless you have plenty of experience as well as the
right tools, better leave beak trimming to the pros. It is
easy to hurt your parrot if you don’t know what you’re doing.

**********************************************
RECIPE:

Cheesy Pull-Apart Calzone

Melty, savory calzones made to order with turkey, veggie or cheese options. Pull 'em apart when they're warm and toasty for a family-pleasing dinnertime idea.

time
prep: 10 min
total: 34 min

servings total:  6 servings
   
What You Need

    1     can (13.8 oz) refrigerated pizza crust
    1/4     cup pizza sauce
    1     cup KRAFT Shredded Low-Moisture Part-Skim Mozzarella Cheese
    3     slices OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Oven Roasted Turkey Breast
    2      Tbsp. small broccoli pieces
    2      Tbsp. corn
    1      Tbsp. water
    1      Tbsp. KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese

    Make It

    HEAT oven to 400°F.

    CUT dough roll in half crosswise. Unroll 1 half on large baking sheet sprayed with cooking spray.

    SPREAD pizza sauce evenly down center of dough, leaving 1/2-inch around edges. Sprinkle with cheese. Top 1/3 with turkey and second third with broccoli and corn, leaving last third cheese only. Unfold remaining dough half over filling. Crimp edge with fork. Cut rectangle into thirds crosswise. Cut each rectangle on diagonal into 2 pieces (do not separate). Brush dough with water. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

    BAKE 15 to 19 min. or until golden brown. Cool 5 min.
   
Kraft Kitchens Tips
  
 Family Fun
    Customize pizza pockets to meet your family's tastes. Let the kids add their own "special" toppings on top of cheese.
 
  Variation Veggie Lovers Half & Half
    Place 1/4 cup sliced mushrooms and 4 thinly sliced green pepper rings on top of cheese over half of rectangle.

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Cheesy Pepperoni Pulls

 used pepperoni,Italian sausage & cherry tomatoes. also  didn't use a full 1/4cup of Italian dressing and  used 2 cups of cheese. called it a upside down pizza ,

time
prep: 10 min
total: 50 min
servings total:  6 servings

    What You Need
    4     oz. (2/3 of 6-oz. pkg.) OSCAR MAYER Pepperoni Slices
    1     green pepper, chopped
    1     large onion, chopped
    1     cup grape tomatoes
    1/4   cup KRAFT Zesty Italian Dressing
    1      cup KRAFT Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
    1      pkg. (13.4 oz.) refrigerated pizza crust
   

Make It

    HEAT oven to 400ºF.
    COMBINE first 5 ingredients in 13x9-inch baking dish sprayed with cooking spray; top with cheese.
    UNROLL pizza dough; cut into 2-inch pieces with sharp knife or kitchen shears. Place over cheese.
    BAKE 30 min. or until golden brown; cool 10 min. Loosen edges from side of dish; invert onto platter. Carefully remove dish.
    Kraft Kitchens Tips
   
Serving Suggestion
    Serve with warm pizza sauce for dipping and your favorite hot steamed vegetable to round out the meal.
  
 Substitute
    Substitute cherry tomatoes for the grape tomatoes

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Cranberry-Graham Scones

Exceptionally easy & super moist! A hit with non-tea drinkers even...

time
prep: 10 min
total: 30 min
servings
total:  10 servings

    What You Need
    1     cup flour
    8     HONEY MAID Cinnamon Grahams, finely crushed
    1/4     cup sugar, divided
    2     tsp. CALUMET Baking Powder
    1/4     cup (1/2 stick) cold margarine or butter
    2      eggs
    3      Tbsp. milk, divided
    1/2      cup dried cranberries
    1/4      cup PLANTERS Pecan Pieces
 
   Make It

    HEAT oven to 375°F. Mix flour, graham crumbs, 3 Tbsp. sugar and baking powder in medium bowl. Cut in margarine with pastry blender or 2 knives until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add eggs, 2 Tbsp. milk, cranberries and nuts; stir just until blended.
    PAT dough into 9-inch circle on greased baking sheet. Brush with remaining milk; sprinkle with remaining sugar. Cut into 10 wedges. (Do not separate wedges.)
    BAKE 18 to 20 min. or until top is golden brown and toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool on baking sheet 5 min. Separate wedges, using knife to cut apart if necessary. Serve warm or at room temperature.
  

Kraft Kitchens Tips
 
 Substitute
    Substitute golden raisins for the cranberries.

**********************************************

Chocolate-Strawberry Shortcake Whoopie Pies

time
prep:20 min
total:1 hr

servings
total:16 servings


INGREDIENTS:

    1    pkg. (2-layer size) chocolate cake mix
    3/4    cup water
    1/2    cup oil
    3    eggs
    1    pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
    1    jar (7 oz.) JET-PUFFED Marshmallow Creme
    1    tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed
    3    cups fresh strawberries, sliced
  
 Make It

    HEAT oven to 350ºF.
    BEAT first 4 ingredients with mixer until well blended. Drop 2 Tbsp. batter, 2 inches apart, into 32 mounds on baking sheets sprayed with cooking spray. Bake 10 min. or until toothpick inserted in centers comes out almost clean. Cool on baking sheets 3 min. Remove to wire racks; cool completely.
    BEAT cream cheese and marshmallow creme in large bowl with mixer until well blended. Add COOL WHIP; beat on low speed just until blended.
    SPREAD about 2 Tbsp. COOL WHIP mixture onto bottom side of each of 16 cookies. Top with strawberries and remaining cookies.
  

 Kraft Kitchens Tips
 
  Size-Wise
    This special treat has built-in portion control and can be enjoyed on occasion.
 
   Variation
    Prepare using a yellow cake mix and reducing oil to 1/3 cup.
  
 How to Store
    Keep refrigerated.

**********************************************

 Pizza Dip

2 packages(8 ounces each)cream cheese,cubed,
1 can (15 ounces) pizza sauce
1 package(8 ounces)sliced pepperoni,chopped
1 can(3.8 ounces)chopped ripe olives,drained
2 cups(8 ounces)shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
Bagel chips or garlic toast

Place cream cheese in a 3-qt.slow cooker.
Combine the pizza sauce,pepperoni and olives;
pour over cream cheese.Top with mozzarella cheese.
Cover and cook on low for 1-2 hours or until cheese
is melted.
Stir;serve warm with bagel chips or garlic toast.

Yield: 5-1/2 cups.

**********************************************

Cheesy Buttery Puff

Move over, potatoes. Six simple ingredients blend and melt and puff up into an airy, delicious side. Be sure and serve it hot.

time
prep:  10 min
total:  35 min

servings
total:  6 servings

    What You Need
   
    10    RITZ Crackers, crushed (about 1/3 cup)
    1/2    cup milk
    1/4    lb. (4 oz.) VELVEETA®, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
    4    oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, cubed, softened
    4    eggs, separated
    3    Tbsp. chopped fresh chives

    Make It

    HEAT oven to 375°F.
    SPREAD cracker crumbs onto bottom of 9-inch square baking dish sprayed with cooking spray.
    MICROWAVE milk, VELVEETA and cream cheese in large microwaveable bowl on HIGH 1-1/2 min. or until smooth, stirring after each minute. Whisk egg yolks and chives until well blended. Stir into VELVEETA mixture.
    BEAT egg whites in small bowl with mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form; gently stir into VELVEETA mixture. Pour into prepared dish.
    BAKE 20 to 25 min. or until puffed and golden. Serve immediately.
 

  Kraft Kitchens Tips
  
Healthy Living
    Save 30 calories and 4 g of fat per serving by preparing with 2% Milk VELVEETA and PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese.
  
 Substitute
    Prepare using 1/2 tsp. freeze-dried chopped chives.

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JOKES:


Proofreading is a Dying Art
 
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Now, how do you do that?
________________________________________

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya' think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
 


Now that's taking things a bit far!
 
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
 

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
 

----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
 

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
 
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
 
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
 
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
 
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
******************************
 
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
 
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
 

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

**********************************************

1889 Thief Hanged and Spinning

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree..
She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.
Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows  in Montana territory:


On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:
'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times.
Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Harry Reid:

Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory .
His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad.
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.
In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency.
In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

NOW THAT's how it's done, Folks!  That's real POLITICAL SPIN!!!
 
**********************************************

    This Arab gets into a taxi .
    He asks the driver to turn off the radio and explains that he must not hear music as decreed by his religion for in the time of the prophet, there was no music ... no radio
    So the driver turns off the radio, stops the car , leans over and opens the back door.
    The Arab asks him: "What are you doing?"
    The driver replied: "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out my bloody car and wait for a camel."

**********************************************

Men Teaching
Classes for Women at

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

By Sun,                   , 2012

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down,
Or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes
Without Throwing Passengers
Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Send this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day...
And to all your gal friends who have a sense of humor!

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

1 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

Personal Giants

1 Samuel 17:45, NIV: "David said to the Philistine, 'You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.'"

The time will come when you stand face to face with your personal Goliath. The gauntlet will be thrown down and the challenge will ensue. It is then that you will face the moment of truth, and the once rhetorical question now bears down with pressing reality: "Do you believe?" You know what you have said you believe. You believe in God's Word, His protection, His provision, and guidance. You believe that He is able to take you through the darkest of valleys and lead you again beside green pastures. So now the test. What will you do? Will you remember God is with you? Will you remember to turn to Him first? Whatever giant you face, you must not lose hope. Before you reason, before you think, feel or react; before you give your situation another thought--stop. Open God's Word, pray, and seek His face. Only then will you be ready to face the giants of your life.

Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
- John 3:5

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

pother POTH-er , noun:
1. A heated discussion, debate, or argument; fuss; to-do.
2. Commotion; uproar.
3. A choking or suffocating cloud, as of smoke or dust.

verb:
1. To worry; bother.

"An' why all the pother?" Mrs. Rickards emitted a series of sniffs and returned his scowl with a frosty glare.
-- Colin Arthur Roderick, The Lady and the Lawyer

I don't know what's so extraordinary about it, or why there should be such a pother.
-- William Dean Howells, Novels 1886-1888, Volume 2

Pother is of unknown origin. It is not related to the word bother which did not enter English until the 1700s and is related to the word both.


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Lemons and Cancer

Useful info that may help someone ...

LISTEN UP FOLKS: This is something that we should all take seriously – just had a recent test myself that sent shivers up my spine – or near by – Even doctors are now saying that there is value in trying “LEMON”

So, a tablespoon of "real lemon" (the concentrate in a bottle) in a glass of water every morning. What can it hurt?
Subject: A must-read-
The surprising benefits of lemon!

I remain perplexed!
================================
Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street Baltimore , MD 1201.
This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer!

Read carefully & you be the judge.

Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy.
Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits. You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. Its taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy. How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations? As you know, the lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors. This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.
The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that: It destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas ... The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. And what is even more astonishing: this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.


Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street, Baltimore, MD1201


SEND TO EVERYONE ... Please! ! ! ! !

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RECIPE:


Candy Bar Brownies

This is a yummy dessert. Surprise your family with this wonderful tasting treat.

Serves: 3 dozen
Prep Time: 3 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
   
     
3/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup baking cocoa
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 SNICKERS chocolate candy bars, (2.07 ounces each), cut into 1/4-inch pieces
3 plain milk chocolate candy bars, (1.55 ounces each), coarsely chopped


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

In a mixing bowl, combine butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla.

In another bowl, whick the flour with the cocoa, baking powder and salt. Remove and reserve 1/4 cup. Add the remaining dry ingredients to the batter and mix well.

Toss the pieces of Snicker bar with the reserved flour mixture and when nicely coated, stir them into the batter. Transfer to a greased 13-x-9-x-2-inch baking pan. Sprinkle with the milk chocolate candy bar pieces. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean (do not overbake). Cool on a wire rack. Chill before cutting.

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Barbecue Beef Sandwiches

4 lbs Chuck or arm roast
1 scant cup of water
1 bottle of your favorite barbecue sauce

Put your meat and water in a crockpot
and salt and pepper to taste.
Let cook for about 8-10 hours on low till tender.
Remove meat and cool,then shred,removing any fat.
Put back in crock pot,with some of the
leftover roast drippings.
Add barbque sauce,mix and allow to stay warm
till you are ready .
Serve on hamburger buns.

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Arroz Con Leche (Rice Pudding)

Sweet and simple, this creamy dessert is real comfort food in any language. You’ll love the warm raisin and cinnamon flavors. It’s great served cold, too.

    Prep: 5 min. Cook: 30 min.
    Yield: 4 Servings

Ingredients

    1-1/2 cups water
    1/2 cup uncooked long grain rice
    1 cinnamon stick (3 inches)
    1 cup sweetened condensed milk
    3 tablespoons raisins

Directions

    In a small saucepan, combine the water, rice and cinnamon. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 15-20 minutes or until water is absorbed.
    Stir in milk and raisins. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 10-15 minutes or until thick and creamy, stirring frequently. Discard cinnamon. Serve warm or cold. Yield: 4 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1/2 cup equals 351 calories, 7 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 26 mg cholesterol, 99 mg sodium, 65 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 8 g protein.

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Coconut Rice Pudding

This rice pudding from our Test Kitchen has a hint of citrus and a mild coconut flavor. Look for unsweetened coconut milk in the Asian aisle of your grocery store.


    Prep: 10 min. Cook: 35 min.
    Yield: 10 Servings

Ingredients

    1-1/2 cups uncooked medium grain rice
    2-1/4 cups water
    1 tablespoon brown sugar
    1 tablespoon butter
    2 cinnamon sticks (3 inches)
    1 teaspoon salt
    1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
    2 cups milk
    1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
    1 can (13.66 ounces) coconut milk
    1/2 cup raisins
    1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 cup flaked coconut, toasted

Directions

    In a large saucepan, combine the rice, water, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, salt and lemon peel. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until rice is tender and water is absorbed.
    Stir in the milk, condensed milk, coconut milk, raisins and vanilla. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 20-25 minutes or until thick and creamy, stirring frequently. Discard cinnamon sticks. Sprinkle coconut over pudding. Serve warm or chilled. Yield: 10 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 serving (3/4 cup) equals 421 calories, 18 g fat (14 g saturated fat), 23 mg cholesterol, 354 mg sodium, 59 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 8 g protein.

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Lavender Scones

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon orange zest
2 teaspoons fresh lavender flowers or 1 teaspoon dried lavender
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
1 egg, slightly beaten
2/3 cup buttermilk

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, salt, zest, and lavender. Cut in the butter until the mixture resembles cornmeal. Stir in the egg and buttermilk with a fork.

Turn the dough onto a floured surface and briefly knead gently (don’t overknead). Divide the dough in half and pat each portion into a ¾-inch-thick round. Cut each round into six wedges and place the wedges 1 inch apart on an ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake for 20 minutes, or until golden. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Makes 12 scones.

Note: Buttermilk can be made by adding 4½ teaspoons of white vinegar or fresh lemon juice to 1 cup of milk. Place the vinegar or lemon juice in a glass measuring cup, then add enough milk to make 1 cup total liquid. Stir to combine and let stand for 10 to 15 minutes (the mixture will begin to curdle). Use as needed in a recipe or cover and refrigerate.

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Breakfast Calzone

Yield: Serves 8 to 10.

    1 pound bulk sweet sausage
    1 pound bulk hot sausage
    1 large green bell pepper, chopped
    1 large red bell pepper, chopped
    1 large yellow onion, chopped
    10 eggs, scrambled
    2 loaves frozen bread dough, thawed
    1 pound shredded mozzarella cheese
    caraway, sesame, or dill seeds (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Crumble sausage meats and brown. In a separate pan saute chopped peppers and onion. Mix together sausage meats, peppers, and onion. Add cooked scrambled eggs. Roll each thawed bread dough into rectangle about 3/4 inch thick. Place filling on rolled-out dough. Sprinkle with cheese. Roll up jelly-roll fashion. Place seam side down on cookie sheet. Bake for 35 minutes, until brown and crusty. Top may be sprinkled with caraway, sesame, or dill seeds. Slice and serve hot.

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JOKES:

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.


"He, who every morning plans the
transactions of the day, and follows that
plan carries a thread that will guide him
through a labyrinth of the most busy life"
- Victor Hugo

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...bikers back down from your momma.
CONFUCIOUS QUOTE:    Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...there is a wasp nest in your living room.


You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front ya


You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the     Governor to spare a loved one.


THING TO PONDER:  Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

THING TO PONDER: How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?

THING TO PONDER:  Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic?


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This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an
antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of
crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing
the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish
genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy
thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:, "I want to be white and
surrounded by cunt."
In an instant he is turned into a tampon.
Now the morale of this story is:
Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.


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The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
   dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband
   had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed
   to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
  
   One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall
   between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned,
   only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's
   door and just kept ringing the bell.
  
   When the model answered, the wife fumed,"I would like to know why it
   is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
  
   "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't
   helping none either."

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Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

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    Grandpa, What Is couple,Sex?
    
    
    
    An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather,
    who was working in the yard and asked him,
    "Grampa, what is sex?"
    
    The grandfather was surprised that she would ask
    such a question, but decided that if she's old enough
    to know to ask the question, then she's old enough
    to get a straight answer.  Steeling himself to leave
    nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about
    human reproduction and the joys and
    responsibilities of intercourse.
    
    When he finished explaining, the little girl was
    looking at him with her mouth hanging open,
    eyes wide in amazement.
    
    Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather
    asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
    
    The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of secs

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Free to a Good Home
 
Our house was broken into last night by two robbers who locked me in the bathroom, and proceeded to steal all they could carry.  Our watchdog ‘Killer’ did not alert us at all, and for this reason we are giving him away.

We no longer want this dog.  We’ve decided on installing an electric fence and detection devices with alarms.  They're cheaper to maintain and definitely more reliable.  For those interested in adopting the dog please send an e-mail immediately.  ‘Killer’ is fun to hang out with, but otherwise pretty useless.

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"Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you're going to use it by
knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal, and by maintaining focus." - Oprah

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

2 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Lessons From Geese: A Reminder

"There are different kinds of service in the church, but it is the same Lord we are serving. There are different ways God works in our lives, but it is the same God who does the work through all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us as a means of helping the entire church."1

Fascinated by the conduct of flying geese, Dr. Robert McNeish, wrote "Lessons From Geese" for a sermon in his church in 1972. Demonstrating the power of a good idea, his essay spread and has become a classic statement of the importance of teamwork.

Fact: As each goose flaps its wings, it creates "uplift" for the birds that follow. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.

Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

Fact: When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies to the point position.

Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with geese, people are interdependent on one another's skills, capabilities and unique arrangements of gifts, talents or resources.

Fact: The geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

Lesson: We need to make sure our honking is encouraging. In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater. The power of encouragement (to stand by one's heart or core values and encourage the heart and core of others) is the quality of honking we seek.

Fact: When a goose gets sick, wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it to help and protect it. They stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then they launch out with another formation or catch up with the flock.

Lesson: If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by one another in difficult times as well as when we are strong.

Fact: When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front of it.

Lesson: If we have as much sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to know what my God-given gifts are, develop them, and use them to work in harmony with others to help do your work in your church here on earth. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 1 Corinthians 12:5-7 (NTL).

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WORD FOR THE DAY:

besot bih-SOT , verb:
1. To infatuate; obsess.
2. To intoxicate or stupefy with drink.
3. To make stupid or foolish: a mind besotted with fear and superstition.

We mustn't besot ourselves with big words like independence and sovereignty. We must begin with small concrete tasks.
-- Piotr Rawicz and Peter Wiles, Blood from the Sky

He tried to appear as besot with her as he was with her father's power and money.
-- Judith Pella and Tracie Peterson, A Hope Beyond

The prefix be was used in Middle English to denote verbs, as in the contemporary words become and befriend. The word sot referred to an alcoholic.

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The ABC of Parrot Behavior
    Bonnie Jay LA Parrots Examiner

All living beings are learners and we all behave. How we behave is determined in large part by the consequence of our behavior. If we like the consequence (what happens because of the behavior) then we are more likely to repeat the behavior. Consequences teach us and give us feedback. If we don't like it, we tend to change the behavior. Here's an example we all know. If you touch a hot stove, get burnt and end up dancing all about the kitchen, you are likely to avoid touching a hot stove in the future because the consequence of touching it was pain. We learned it hurts to touch a hot stove and we will now avoid repeating that particular behavior in order to avoid the consequence of pain. We all do this. If a behavior doesn't get us something we feel is rewarding, we do not repeat it.
 

It's the same with parrots and behavior.
 
Some parrots in captivity may exhibit less than desirable behaviors (only unacceptable because they are living in homes, rather than in the forest or jungle) like screaming, screeching, calling, biting, nipping, chasing and more. What we want to understand here is that there is an effective and humane way to teach new  behaviors that can then replace undesired ones.  This is a win/win process, possible by applying the scientific principles of behavior change from the field of Applied Behavior Analysis. Positive reinforcement is our most powerful teaching tool.
 
Let's look at the ABC that describes the basic behavior unit. A is the Antecedent. B is the Behavior. C is the Consequence of the behavior. To use this tool we must hone our observation skills and our thinking. First we identify the Behavior. Next we look at whatever happens immediately before the Behavior that sets the stage for the Behavior to occur. That is called the Antecedent. Then we look at the result of the Behavior and that is called the Consequence. The consequence serves a purpose; it gives the behavior function.  ABC.
 
We will not use labels such as, 'he's mad' or 'she doesn't like', or anything that is an assumption about what the bird is thinking.  We cannot know what a bird is thinking, even if you think you can, you can't.  We want to look at observable behaviors like 'he leans back and flares his tail', or 'she lunges at me with her wings outstretched', or 'he screams when I leave the room'. Actions are what we want to describe. Repeatable, observable actions. After we describe the Behavior (action) we describe the observable Consequence.  Example: 'I go back into the room when he screams', 'I slam the cage door and leave the room', or 'he throws himself to the bottom of the cage and screams.'
 
Once we understand the Antecedent, the Behavior and the Consequence relations we can move forward to change the Behavior by either changing the Consequence of said behavior or the Antecedent that are the circumstances that set the stage for the Behavior to occur.
 
Functional assessment is what we call this examination of what the heck is going on between behavior and the environment that supports it. The process is always about observable, repeatable actions in observable, repeatable conditions. 
 
One of the most important aspects of this assessment is learning what kinds of 'things' (consequences) are rewarding to the bird be they physical objects like toys or food treats like a bit of air popped popcorn or a tickle on the neck, or actions like ringing a bell or chewing on a wooden toy.  Every bird is an individual and the rewards will be different from bird to bird. But once you have a few rewards that are specific to that particular bird, you are well on your way to working with your bird in order to change or teach a desired Behavior to replace the unwanted Behavior.
 
 
If you have a problem behavior give the assessment process a whirl and see if you can determine what sets the stage for the behavior (the antecedent), what the exact behavior is that you wish to change (remembering it is an observable action or set of actions), and the consequence (the purpose) of those actions for the bird.
 
 
May Compassion and Patience Prevail

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RECIPE:

Chicken Breasts with Creamy Vegetable Topping


Red bell pepper, scallion, and carrot are sautéed briefly, then mixed with cream cheese to form a bright, speckled sauce that bakes right on the chicken - simple and delicious.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
   
       
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1 red bell pepper, chopped
2 scallions, including green tops, chopped
1 carrots, grated
8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
4 Bone-in chicken breasts, (about 2 1/4 pounds in all), skin removed

Heat the oven to 425 degrees F.

In a medium frying pan, heat the oil over moderate heat. Add the bell pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until starting to soften, about 3 minutes. Add the scallions and carrot and cook 2 minutes longer. Mix the vegetables with the cream cheese, 3/4 teaspoon of the salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of the black pepper.

Sprinkle the chicken breasts with the remaining 1/4 teaspoons of salt and pepper. Put the breasts in a roasting pan and spread them with the vegetable cream cheese. Bake the chicken until just done, 20 to 25 minutes.

Wine Recommendation: A crisp and fruity white will cut through the rich cheese and pair well with the acidity of the bell pepper and scallion. A kabinett riesling from the Mosel-Saar-Ruwer region of Germany.

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Quick Quiche

This is an innovative way to make quiche, and it's delicious, too!
Serves: 4
Prep Time: 7 minutes
Cook Time: 30 mins.
   
       
4 Mission Soft Taco Size Flour Tortillas
3 eggs
1/3 cup milk
1 tbsp. all-purpose flour
1/8 tsp. Tabasco sauce
1/2 cup canned corn, drained
1/2 cup ham, diced
3/4 cup Cheddar cheese, grated
1 tbsp. chives, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Spray both sides of the tortillas with cooking spray and press into large muffin tins or custard cups. Bake for 10 minutes or until tortilla just begins to turn golden.

2. Remove from heat and cool slightly. In medium bowl, beat together eggs, milk, flour, hot pepper sauce, corn, ham, cheese and chives. Season to taste.

3. Pour mixture into prebaked tortilla shells and bake at 400 degrees F. for 20 minutes, or until set. Serve warm with your favorite salsa.

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Source: Fabulous Food Associations

  [Choclate Truffle] 
   
Fresh Lemon Meringue Pie

This classic lemon meringue pie is a crowd pleaser.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
   
     
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup water, cold
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
3 egg yolks, well beaten
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
1 1/2 cups boiling water
grated lemon zest, from 1/2 lemon
2 drops yellow food coloring, (optional)
3 egg whites, for meringue
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar, for meringue
6 tablespoons sugar, for meringue
1 (9-inch) pie crust

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Prick the bottom of the pie crust and cover it with aluminum foil. To prevent the pie crust from bubbling, spread dried beans, dry rice, or pie weights over the foil. Bake for about 10 minutes or until light golden brown. Set the partially baked pie crust on a wire rack. Remove the dried beans, dry rice or pie weights and foil. Let the crust cool completely.

Put the sugar, cornstarch, and salt in a saucepan and whisk to mix. Gradually stir in the cold water and lemon juice. Whisk in the egg yolks.

Add the butter and boiling water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring constantly. As soon as it boils, reduce the heat to medium and simmer rapidly for about 1 minute. Remove from heat and stir in lemon zest (not peel) and food coloring, if using. Pour the into the cooled pie crust.

Spread the Three-Egg Meringue (see below) over the filling, sealing well at edges.

Bake for 12 to 15 minutes until the meringue is lightly browned on top. Cool on a wire rack for 2 hours before serving.

Three-Egg Meringue:

In a clean dry bowl of an electric mixer set on medium-high speed, beat 3 egg whites and 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar until foamy. Increase the speed to high and slowly beat in 6 tablespoons of sugar until stiff peaks form.

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Black Forest Chocolate Mousse

There is one word for this dessert---delicious!

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
View Nutritional Facts
   
1 1/4 cups whipping cream
1 can (16 1/2 ounces) pitted Bing cherries, in heavy syrup
1 1/2 tablespoons kirsch, (cherry brandy)*
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, (3 ounces)
Grated semisweet chocolate, for garnish (optional)
mint sprigs, for garnish (optional)

In deep, 2-quart bowl, whip cream to form stiff peaks. Spoon ½ cup of the whipped cream into a small bowl, cover, and refrigerate. Set aside the remaining whipped cream. Thoroughly drain cherries in strainer, reserving 1/4 cup of syrup. Transfer the syrup to a small saucepan and add the kirsch. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat and cook for 5 to 8 minutes or until reduced to about 1/4 cup. Put the chocolate chips in the container of blender. Pour the hot syrup over the chocolate. Blend until smooth. Scrape down the sides of the blender with a rubber spatula as necessary. Scrape the chocolate into the reserved whipped cream. Fold just until the streaks disappear. Fold in the cherries, reserving 4 cherries for garnish. Cover and refrigerate 2 to 6 hours. Spoon into 4 stemmed dessert glasses. Dollop with whipped cream and garnish with remaining cherries, grated chocolate, and mint sprigs.

 *Note: You can eliminate kirsch and use a total of 1/3 cup syrup from cherries, bring to a boil and reduce to ¼ cup.

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Source: Fabulous Food Associations

  [Choclate Truffle] 
   
Panettone

Serve this delicious loaf cake at parties and teas.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 90 minutes
Cook Time: 45 minutes

4 1/2-5 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, unsifted
1/2 cup sugar
1 tablespoon salt
2 packages active dry yeast (package)
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup margarine, 1 stick
3 eggs, at room temperature
1/2 cup candied citron, chopped
1/2 cup raisins, seedless
2 tablespoons pine nuts
1 tablespoon anise seed
1 egg
1 tablespoon water


In a large bowl thoroughly mix 1 1/2 cups flour, sugar, salt and undissolved dry yeast.

Combine milk, 1/2 cup water and margarine in a saucepan. Heat over low heat until liquids are warm. (Margarine does not need to melt.) Gradually add to dry ingredients and beat 2 minutes at medium speed of electric mixer, scraping bowl occasionally. Add 3 eggs and ½ cup flour, or enough flour to make a thick batter. Beat at high speed 2 minutes scraping bowl occasionally. Stir in citron, raisins, pine nuts and anise seeds. Add enough additional flour to make a soft dough. Turn out onto lightly floured board; knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 to 10 minutes. Place in greased bowl, turning to grease top. Cover, let rise in warm place, free from draft, until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour. Punch dough down. Cover; let rise again until almost double, about 30 minutes.

Punch dough down again; turn out onto lightly floured board. Divide in half; form into round balls. Place on opposite corners of a greased baking sheet. Cut a cross 1/2 inch deep on top of each ball. Cover; let rise in warm place, free from draft, until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat 1 egg with 1 tbsp. water. Use to brush tops of cakes. Bake about 35 to 45 minutes, or until done. Remove from baking sheet and cool on wire racks. Makes 2 loaves.


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JOKES:


How old is Grandpa???

Stay  with this -- the answer is at the end.. It will  blow you away.
Just a bit too close to home..............

One  evening a  grandson was talking to his grandfather about  current  events..
The  grandson  asked his grandfather what he thought about the  shootings at  schools, the computer age,  and just things in general.

The  Grandfather replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen  foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees  and

' the  pill

There were no:

' credit cards

' laser beams or

' ball-point   pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers

' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet  walked on the moon


Your Grandmother and  I got married first, . . .. and then lived  together.

Every family had a father and  a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every  man older than me, 'Sir'.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual  careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed  by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and  common  sense.

We were taught to  know the difference between right and wrong and  to stand up and take responsibility for our  actions.

Serving your country was a  privilege; living in this country was a bigger  privilege.

We thought fast food was what  people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze  started..

Time-sharing meant time the  family spent together in the evenings and  weekends-not purchasing  condominiums.



We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric  typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid  blowing his brains out listening to Tommy  Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made  in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term  'making  out' referred to how you did on  your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's,  and instant coffee were unheard of.

And if you didn't  want to splurge,  you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to  mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

 

In my day:

' 'grass'  was mowed,

' 'coke'  was a cold  drink,

' 'pot'  was  something your mother cooked in and

' 'rock  music' was  your grandmother's lullaby.

' 'Aids'  were  helpers in the Principal's office,

' '  chip' meant a  piece of wood,

' 'hardware'  was  found in a hardware store and

' 'software'  wasn't  even a word.


And we were the  last generation to actually believe that a lady  needed a husband to have a baby.

No  wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say  there is a generation gap... and how old do you  think I am?

I bet you have this old man  in mind........you are in for a  shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if  you think about it and pretty sad at the same  time.

Are   you ready ?????


This man would  be only 59 years  old.
 
 
**********************************************

Statler Brothers (Burma Shave)
Have your sound on.

Here's one for you ... Burma Shave with the Statler Brothers. You may need to watch it twice; once to watch the Burma shave signs change and once to catch all the pictures plus listening to the music of the Statler Brothers. I am only Sharing this to my "older friends" (because most folks under 50 would have no idea what they are singing about) and to our kids (so that they understand why we are the way we are). Too bad they missed it!
 
Click:   http://oldfortyfives.com/DYRT.htm

 
**********************... What
 
The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.

"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."

The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"


**********************************************
An armless man


An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.

He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.

The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.

The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.

The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times.
By the way, where is your restroom?"

The bartender quickly replies -,
"The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."

**********************************************

Italian Pregnancy
 
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months..  Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
 
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
 
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
 
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
 
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
 
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
 
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem’.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation  but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..
If a boy is born , my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
 
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
 
"Youa gonna try again!"

**********************************************
(Too cute not to share!!)

Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school .
She had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?"

"I died of shame!" She answers !

Koos from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Piet in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.

Her mother answers laughingly “But that’s no reason to be ashamed?”

“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that daddy had to make me himself!”

*******************************************

This has been around a few times but it still made me laugh, good for the soul!!! LOL
  
            Drunks  have the best sense of humor  EH  !!!!!
                                                                    




A  drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out  of a bar with a key in his hand and he is  stumbling

Back and  forth. A Mountie on the beat sees him and  approaches,

"Can I  help you Sir?"

"Yessh!  Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the Newfie  replies.

The Mountie   asks, "Where was your car the last time  you saw it?"

"It wasss  on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie  replies.

About that  time the Mountie  looks down and sees  the man's willyhanging out of his fly for all  the world to see.

He asks  the man, "Sir are you aware that you are  exposing yourself?"

Momentarily  confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his  crotch and without missing a beat, blurts  out....
"Holy  shit! Me girlfriend's gone, too!!

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

He Is True

1 Samuel 18:12, NIV: "Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with David but had left Saul."

Have you ever felt like the Lord has left you? It may have been a time when you did not feel as close to Him as you once did, or perhaps it was a time of struggle. The Lord would have us remember, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Satan would have you believe that is not true. He might remind you that the Lord left Saul. He might remind you of Jesus' parable of the talents. Satan has twisted scripture to destroy lives before; he will certainly do it again. John would have us remember, "Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God" (1 Jn. 4:1). Even when reading the Bible, it is important to remember this. How do you know for certain whose voice you hear? Jesus said, "I know my sheep and my sheep know me" (Jn. 10:14), and "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me" (Jn. 10:27). The best way to hear His voice is to draw near to Him. But sheep are sometimes prone to stray--and so are we. Yet Jesus reminds us, "no one can snatch them out of my hand." (Jn. 10:28). Whether we wander or we are troubled, the Lord is true to His children--and to His Word, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."


Behold, I will send for many fishers, saith the LORD, and they shall fish them; and after will I send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain, and from every hill, and out of the holes of the rocks.

- Jeremiah 16:16

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

mensch mench , noun:
A decent, upright, mature, and responsible person.

It's easy to be a mensch, his dad says. You honor your father and mother. You stay married, you set your kids a good example, you don't lie or cheat or steal. And every once in a while, Cookie, you gotta pick up the check, his father says, then winks.
-- Jane VanDenburgh, Physics of Sunset

A mensch is not usually interested in fame. You are liable to meet a mensch in almost any situation.
-- Ira Wood, The Kitchen Man

Mensch entered English from Yiddish in the 1950s. In Yiddish, it meant "man, human being" and had the positive associations that carried into English. It is related to the German word mensch.

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10 Ways to Use Up Leftover Taco Shells


You know how there are always a few leftover taco shells in the box? Well, do we have some fun ideas for you! Here’s 10 fantastic ways to use up those shells.


You know that moment when you peek into the taco shell box and see just a few shells left? There isn’t enough for the whole family and you really don’t want to go out just to buy another box.

Don’t fret, we have 10 spectacular and easy ways to use them up, taking regular ‘ol shells up to a whole new level.

Old El Paso Taco Shells

1. First up, why not make a single or double serving of Cheesy Nachos? Break the shells up a bit, top with cheese, beans, olives or whatever you love on your nachos, then give them a zap in the microwave and you’re done!
 
Cheese Nachos

2. Why not add a crunch to your next salad? Just throw them on top of your favorite salad; we love to add rinsed canned black beans, corn and a zesty dressing for a tex-mex inspired salad.

3. How about an easy breakfast for one? Just scramble up a couple of eggs and pack them into the leftover shells. Top with salsa, hot sauce or jalapenos for a bit of heat.

Breakfast Tacos

4. Add a crunchy topping to baked macaroni and cheese. Creamy, cheesy mac & cheese gets even more amazing when topped with something crunchy. Forget breadcrumbs and instead reach for those leftover taco shells.

5. Skip store-bought bag ranch chips and and make your own. It's easy! Just sprinkle a packet of ranch seasoning along with broken taco shells into a plastic bag, then shake and enjoy!

Ranch Chips

6. Make a batch of rice and beans then add some crunch with crumbled up taco shells. The corn flavor will go wonderfully with the creamy beans.

7. Make your own chicken nuggets. Go ahead and crumble up extra taco shells, then use them as a crunchy breading for chicken. Cut up the chicken, dredge them in flour, dip in egg then coat in the crumbled shells. Bake or fry for deliciously crunchy nuggets.

Taco Shell Crusted Chicken

8. Kick your sandwich up a notch with some extra crunch. One of our favorite sandwiches is tuna salad, but they don’t have much texture, so adding a handful of crumbled taco shells adds crunch and excitement.

9. Why not pop open a can of your favorite soup and crumble the shells on top? This es especiallly fabulous for Progresso’s Zesty Santa Fe Style Chicken Soup.

10. Last, but most certainly not least, turn those extra shells into dessert! Throw a few broken shells into a plastic bag with cinnamon and sugar, then drizzle with caramel or chocolate sauce. Serve with fruit or splurge with some ice cream!


***************************************************

RECIPE:

Funky Monkey Taquitos

Make plenty, they'll go very fast!

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 6 minutes
Cook Time: 6 mins.

 
4 Mission Burrito Size Flour Tortillas
3/4 cup peanut butter, smooth
3 bananas, sliced
4 oz. vanilla yogurt
2 tbsp. honey
4 tbsp. butter


1: Spread peanut butter over tortilla, top with banana slices then roll up tightly. Secure with toothpick. In bowl, mix yogurt and honey and set aside.

2: In a skillet, melt butter and cook taquitos till golden brown. Serve taquitos with yogurt/honey dipping sauce.

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Chimichangas

prep: 15 min
total: 55 min
servings
total:  4 servings

    What You Need
    1     lb. ground beef
    1/2      cup finely chopped onions
    2      cloves garlic, minced
    1      tsp. dried oregano leaves
    1      tsp. crushed red pepper
    8      flour tortillas (6 inch)
    6      oz. VELVEETA®, cut into 8 slices
    2      cups oil
    1/4      cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream
    1/4      cup finely chopped fresh cilantro



    Make It

    BROWN meat in large skillet on medium-high heat; drain. Add onions, garlic, oregano and pepper; cook until onions are tender, stirring occasionally.

    SPOON 1/4 cup meat mixture onto center of each tortilla; top with VELVEETA. Fold in all sides of tortillas to completely enclose filling; secure with wooden toothpicks. Place in single layer on baking sheet. Refrigerate 20 min.

    HEAT oil in large saucepan on medium-high heat. Add chimichangas, 2 at a time; cook 5 min. or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Remove and discard toothpicks. Serve chimichangas topped with sour cream and cilantro.
   
Kraft Kitchens Tips
   
Variation
    Save 140 calories and 18g of total fat per serving by substituting 1 lb. potatoes, cooked and cubed, for the browned ground beef and by using 2% Milk VELVEETA and BREAKSTONE'S Reduced Fat or KNUDSEN Light Sour Cream. To prepare, cook and stir onions with seasonings in large skillet 3 min. or until crisp-tender. Add potatoes; cook 3 to 5 min. or until heated through, stirring frequently. Spoon onto tortillas and continue as directed.
 
  Thawing Ground Beef Safely
    To thaw ground beef safely, keep the meat wrapped and thaw it in the refrigerator -- not on the countertop. Store on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator to prevent any drippings from cross-contaminating other foods. Use thawed meat within 2 days.


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Apple Cinnamon Empanadas

Serve these warm with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce for a great finale to a Mexican meal. Paired with steaming mugs of hot chocolate, these make a wonderful breakfast as well!

Serves: 36 servings
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
         
2 packages(12 ounces each) STOUFFER'S Frozen Harvest apples, cooked according to pkg. directions, chilled
1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar, divided
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (36 ct.) package frozen roll dough, defrosted according to pkg.directions
1/4 cup milk
1/3 cup butter, melted


PREHEAT oven to 375° F. Lightly grease 2 baking sheets.

COMBINE cream cheese, ¼ cup sugar and vanilla extract in medium bowl; mix until smooth. Combine remaining sugar and cinnamon in small bowl.

PLACE dough for 1 roll on lightly floured surface; roll into 4-inch circle. Spoon about 1 tablespoon cream cheese mixture and 1 tablespoon Harvest Apples onto lower half; brush edges with milk. Fold dough in half; crimp edges with fork. Repeat with remaining dough.

BRUSH each empanada with butter; sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar. Place on prepared baking sheets.

BAKE for 15 minutes or until golden brown; serve warm

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Beef Taco Salad

Classic taco ingredients plus a flavor-packed sauce turn a simple dish into something spectacular.

Serves: 4 servings (about 2 1/2 cups each)
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
  
1 pound Ground Beef
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup
8 cups mixed salad greens torn into bite-sized pieces
2 cups tortilla chips
Chopped tomatoes
Sliced green onion
Shredded Cheddar cheese
Sliced pitted ripe olive


Cook the beef and chili powder in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until the beef is well browned, stirring often to separate meat.  Pour off any fat.

Stir the soup in the skillet and cook until the mixture is hot and bubbling.
Place the greens and chips onto a platter.  Spoon the beef mixture over the chips.  Top with the tomato, onions, cheese and olives.


Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using Campbell's Tomato Soup: Calories 344, Total Fat 16g, Saturated Fat 5g, Cholesterol 67mg, Sodium 479mg, Total Carbohydrate 27g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 24g, Vitamin A 41%DV, Vitamin C 17%DV, Calcium 7%DV, Iron 21%DV

**********************************************

Zesty Citrus-Thyme Shrimp Kabobs

The Zesty Citrus-Thyme Marinade really makes this recipe. The kabobs go nicely over a bed of rice -brown basmati and wild rice would be a good blend. Heat the remaining marinade and drizzle on top of the kabobs before serving to flavor the rice as well.

Serves: makes 6 servings
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: electric grill 1 min. and 10-15 seconds
   
     
 
juice of 1 orange
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon dried thyme
1 tablespoon garlic, minced
1 teaspoon grated orange zest
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
1 pound shrimp, (24-32 count), peeled and deveined
6 bamboo skewer, soaked in water for 15-30 minutes
Dash canola oil, for grid, if using grill


To make the marinade, combine all the ingredients in a medium bowl and mix well. Cover and marinate for 1 to 2 hours in the refrigerator. Reserve the marinade and heat. Thread the shrimp onto skewers (about 6 per skewer), allowing a little space in between each so they can cook evenly. (If using an electric grilling machine, cut the skewers to fit the machine.) Prepare the grill or electric grilling machine for cooking. If using a charcoal grill, oil the grid and place it over ashen coals. Place the skewers over direct heat and cook for 2 minutes. Turn and brush with marinade. Grill for 2 minutes longer, or just until the shrimp turn slightly pinkish in color (sometimes opaque white) and are just firm to the touch. Be careful not to overcook, as shrimp will become tough. (Larger shrimp may take a bit longer to cook.) If using an electric grilling machine, place the skewers on a hot grill, drizzle a bit of the marinade over the top, cover, and cook for 1 minute and 10 to 15 seconds, or just until the shrimp turn slightly pinkinsh in color (sometimes opaque white) and are just firm to the touch. Be careful not to overcook, as shrimp will become tough. (Larger shrimp may take a few seconds longer to cook.) To serve, place a skewer on each plate over a bed of rice. Drizzle a bit of the hot marinade over the top and serve immediately.

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Easy Crock Pot Chicken & Stuffing 

4 boneless/skinless chicken breast halves
1 can cream of celery soup
or cream of mushroom soup
1/3 cup milk
1 package seasoned stuffing mix
with seasoning packet (we use Stove Top)
1 1/2 cups water
Salt and pepper to taste

Place chicken in crock pot. Combine soup
of choice and milk and pour over chicken.
Combine stuffing, seasoning packet,salt and pepper
(if using) and water. Mix well.
Spoon the mixture the over the chicken and soup.
Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

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JOKES:

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.


THING TO PONDER:  f it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...your teeth sit on the dresser at night.



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Getting Married in Heaven

                                                                                                                                                            
    It's Sunday children and time for the "Weekly Word" from...........(da Rev)   Click Me!
 
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
 

**********************************************

Irish Viagra Coffee
 
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.
'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an Irish Viagra...
Just drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee.  He won't even taste it.  Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.  He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!  With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop!  T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!   But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'

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THE BLOND WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and,with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholichusband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'
In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've everheard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'
 
**********************************************

Ed the Chicken

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and
 fell into a deep slumber.

 He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your
sleep, Ed.'

 Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for.
 Send me back!'

 St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and
 that is as a chicken.'

 Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.
 The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking
 the ground..

 A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day
 here?'

 'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like
 I'm gonna explode!'

 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid
 an egg before?'

 'Never,' said Ed.

 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was
 overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg
 -- his joy was overwhelming..

 As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his
 head, and heard.....

 "Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"

 Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

*******************************************

“Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.”  - Author Unknown

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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REMINDER FROM GOD:

Good Guilt—Bad guilt

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves

no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."1

Guilt, false guilt, and shame can all look alike but they're not. For

instance true guilt says you have done something wrong or bad,

while shame says you are bad; that is, you are a bad person.

With real guilt, if you know you've done something wrong, and

confess it and make restitution, the feeling of guilt goes away. If it

doesn't, it may be false guilt or shame you are struggling with.

You can confess false guilt forever, but that will never resolve it

because it isn't guilt. It is a conditioned response learned mostly in

earlier years.

It can come from parents, siblings, and even from some rigid

churches, sad to say.

Some of it, at least, works like this: "If you do what I want you to

do, behave the way I want you to behave, conform to what I want,

and even believe what I want you to believe, I will give you my love

and approval. If you don't do these things, I will withhold my love

and approval and make you feel guilty. Or if you do things I don't

like, I will make you feel ashamed with my 'shame on you'

statements and attitude." Or if a child was sexually violated or

abused he or she may feel shame-based.

False guilt and shame are destructive ways of controlling other

people. Both are psychologically damaging. To overcome these, a

recovery program or counseling is often needed.

As I understand it, guilt in the Bible is a legal—not a feeling—entity.

If we have sinned and done wrong, we are guilty regardless of

what we feel. Its purpose is not to make us feel that we are bad

persons or to shame us, but to inform us that we have done wrong

and that there are always consequences. The feeling response we

ought to feel when we have done wrong is Godly sorrow. This is to

motivate us to come to Jesus Christ for his salvation and

forgiveness, wherever possible to put right the wrongs we have

done, and to genuinely repent of (turn away from) sinful actions.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me never to use false guilt or

shame to control anyone. Also, help me to resolve any feelings of

false guilt and shame that I may have and therein experience your

unconditional love, forgiveness, and affirmation at the very core of

my being. If there is any real guilt in my life, help me to see it, to

seek your forgiveness for it, and wherever possible put right any

wrongs that I have done. Thank you for hearing and answering my

prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. 2 Corinthians 7:10 (NIV).


**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

maffick • MAF-ik • verb
: to celebrate with boisterous rejoicing and hilarious behavior

Examples:
Fans mafficked for hours outside the stadium, celebrating the

team's dramatic victory in the division championship.

"In half an hour, after the mildest of mafficking, the last visitors of

the exhibition's last day had gone out of the gates and the staff

began their final acts of closing up shop." — From an article in The

Guardian (London), October 1, 2011

Did you know?
"Maffick" is an alteration of Mafeking Night, the British celebration

of the lifting of the siege of a British military outpost during the

South African War at the town of Mafikeng (also spelled Mafeking)

on May 17, 1900. The South African War was fought between the

British and the Afrikaners, who were Dutch and Huguenot settlers

originally called Boers, over the right to govern frontier territories.

Though the war did not end until 1902, the lifting of the siege of

Mafikeng was a significant victory for the British because they held

out against a larger Afrikaner force for 217 days until

reinforcements could arrive. The rejoicing in British cities on news

of the rescue produced "maffick," a word that was popular for a

while, especially in journalistic writing, but is now relatively

uncommon.



**********************************************
RECIPE:

Prosciutto Chicken Frittata
   
Active Time:  25 Minutes
Total Time:  25 Minutes
Yield:  Serves 6 as an appetizer


 INGREDIENTS
3 tablespoons butter
8 new potatoes, thinly sliced
1 red (Spanish) onion, sliced
3 oz prosciutto, thinly sliced
10 oz cooked chicken, shredded
1/3 cup drained sun-dried tomatoes in oil, sliced
8 eggs, lightly beaten
salt and pepper
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 cup grated jarlsberg cheese
1/2 cup shredded fresh basil
   
DIRECTIONS
Heat 2 tablespoons of the butter in a shallow 10-inch nonstick

frying pan. Add the potatoes to the pan and cook, turning

occasionally, until golden brown and tender; remove from pan.

Heat the remaining butter in the pan, add the onion and prosciutto

cook, stirring, until the onion is soft. Return the potatoes to the pan,

mix well and then press the mixture flat in the pan. Top with the

tomatoes and chicken.


Combine the eggs, salt and pepper, cheeses and basil and mix

well. Gently pour the egg mixture over the chicken mixture in the

pan. Cook over a low heat until the base is golden brown (about 10

minutes). Place the pan under a hot broiler (grill) to set and brown

the top - cover the pan handle with foil if it is plastic.


Loosen the edges of the frittata, turn onto plate or board and cut

into wedges to serve.


This recipe can be made up to a day ahead.

**********************************************

Smoked-Sausage, Cabbage, and Potato Soup

Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  30 Minutes
Yield:  Serves 4

Sausage is one of our favorite soup ingredients, but we're less

fond of the grease slick it can leave floating on the surface. Our

solution: Brown the sausage while the soup is simmering, and

combine the two just before serving. No cooking time added, and

much fat subtracted.


INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons cooking oil
1 onion, chopped
1 3/4 pounds green cabbage (about 1/2 head), shredded (about

13/4 quarts)
1 pound baking potatoes (about 2), peeled, halved lengthwise, and

cut crosswise into 1/2-inch slices
1 quart water
2 cups canned low-sodium chicken broth or homemade stock
1 bay leaf
1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3/4 pound smoked sausage, such as kielbasa, quartered

lengthwise, thinly sliced crosswise
   

DIRECTIONS
In a large pot, heat the oil over moderately low heat. Add the onion;

cook, stirring occasionally, until translucent, about 5 minutes.

Add the cabbage, potatoes, water, broth, bay leaf, thyme, and salt

to the pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, partially

covered, stirring occasionally, until the cabbage and potatoes are

tender, about 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, put a large nonstick frying pan over moderate heat.

Add the sausage and cook, stirring occasionally, until browned, 2

to 3 minutes. Remove the sausage from the pan and drain on

paper towels. Just before serving, remove the bay leaf from the

soup and stir in the sausage.


Variation:
In a separate pan, cook three quarters of a pound of sausage

links, cut into slices, and stir them into the soup instead of the

smoked sausage.

**********************************************

Banana Nut Bread

Active Time:  10 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 10 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 1 loaf

The walnuts are toasted just enough to remove their raw edge

before being added to the batter.

 INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup coarsely chopped walnuts (3 ounces)
1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2  teaspoon cinnamon
1/2  teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1/2 cup canola oil
3 medium overripe bananas, mashed (1 1/4 cups)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
   

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Coat a 9-by-5-inch loaf pan

with cooking spray. Spread the walnuts in a pie pan and toast in the

oven for 5 to 8 minutes, or until fragrant; let cool.

In a medium bowl, whisk the flour with the baking soda, cinnamon

and salt. In another bowl, combine the sugar, eggs and oil and

beat at high speed until light-colored and creamy. Add the mashed

bananas and vanilla and beat until smooth. Stir in the dry

ingredients until thoroughly blended. Fold in the nuts.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake in the middle of the

oven for 50 to 60 minutes, or until the top is springy and a cake

tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Let the loaf cool in

the pan for 10 minutes before turning it out onto a rack to cool

completely.


MAKE AHEAD: Wrap the bread tightly in plastic and refrigerate for

up to 5 days or freeze for up to 2 months.

**********************************************

Old-Fashioned Spaghetti & Meatballs
   
Active Time:  40 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 15 Minutes
Yield:  6 servings

To stretch the ground beef, we use high-fiber bulgur and whole-

wheat breadcrumbs in the meatballs, which are baked rather than

fried.

 INGREDIENTS

For Meatballs:
1/3 cup  bulgur
1/2 cup  hot water
4 ounces  lean ground beef
4 ounces  hot Italian sausage
1   medium onion, very finely chopped
2   large egg whites, lightly beaten
3 cloves  garlic, very finely chopped
1 teaspoon  dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon  salt
1/2 teaspoon  freshly ground pepper
1 cup  fresh breadcrumbs, preferably whole-wheat (see Tip)
For Sauce & Spaghetti:
4 cups  prepared marinara sauce
1/2 cup  slivered fresh basil leaves or chopped fresh parsley
1 pound  whole-wheat spaghetti or linguine
1/2 cup  freshly grated Parmesan or romano cheese (1 ounce)

Tip: To make fresh breadcrumbs: Trim crusts from firm sandwich

bread. Tear the bread into pieces and process in a food

processor until coarse crumbs form. One slice makes about 1/3

cup.

DIRECTIONS
To prepare meatballs: Combine bulgur and water in a small bowl.

Let stand until the bulgur is tender and the liquid is absorbed,

about 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a rack with cooking spray and place it

over a baking sheet lined with foil.

Combine ground beef, sausage, onion, egg whites, garlic,

oregano, salt, pepper, breadcrumbs and the soaked bulgur in a

large bowl; mix well. Form the mixture into 1-inch meatballs (about

24). Place the meatballs on the rack and bake for 25 minutes. Blot

well with paper towel.

To prepare sauce & spaghetti: Put a large pot of lightly salted

water on to boil. Bring sauce to a simmer in a Dutch oven. Add the

meatballs to the sauce and simmer, covered, for 20 minutes. Stir

in basil (or parsley).

Meanwhile, cook spaghetti (or linguine) until just tender, 8 to 10

minutes. Drain and transfer to a serving bowl. Top with the sauce

and meatballs and serve with grated cheese.

**********************************************

White Chocolate Blondies with Dark Chocolate Glaze and White

Chocolate Drizzle

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 35 Minutes
Yield:  Makes about 24 blondies

These are extremely rich and and a bit ''gooey'' so it's better to

underbake them instead of overbaking. The test for doneness is

when the tester inserted into blondies comes out with moist

crumbs attached. The blondies will firm up as they cool. These can

also be cut into smaller pieces for a bigger yield if you prefer.

INGREDIENTS

For Blondies:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
8 ounces white chocolate morsels (white chocolate chips; about 1

1/4 cups)
4 large eggs
1 cup sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups all-purpose flour
16 ounces semisweet chocolate chips (about 2 1/2 cups)

For Semisweet Chocolate Glaze:
1/3  cup whipping cream
1 tablespoon dark corn syrup
8 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
For White Chocolate Drizzle:
3 ounces white chocolate morsels (white chocolate chips)
4 teaspoons (or more) whipping cream
   
DIRECTIONS

FOR BLONDIES: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 13 x 9 x

2-inch metal baking pan. Line bottom with parchmment paper;

butter parchment. Melt 1 cup butter in heavy medium saucepan

over medium-low heat. Add the white chocolate morsels (8

ounces) and stir briefly. Remove from heat; cool slightly.

Using electric mixer, beat eggs in large bowl until frothy. Gradually

add sugar and beat until mixture is thick and pale yellow, about 5

minutes. Add melted butter- white chocolate mixture, vanilla and

salt and beat until well blended. Add flour and beat just until

blended. Stir in 16 ounces semisweet chocolate chips. Transfer

mixture to prepared pan. Using off-set spatula or rubber spatula,

spread evenly, smoothing top.

Bake until tester inserted into center comes out with moist crumbs

attached and top begins to color very slightly, about 35 minutes.

Cool completely in pan on rack. (Can be prepared 1 day ahead.

Cover pan with foil and store at room temperature.)

FOR SEMISWEET CHOCOLATE GLAZE: Bring cream and corn

syrup to boil in small saucepan. Remove from heat. Add chocolate

and whisk until melted and smooth. Spread chocolate mixture over

blondies in pan, covering completely. Chill until chocolate sets,

about 30 minutes.

FOR WHITE CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE: Stir white chocolate and 4

teaspoons cream in small saucepan over low heat until chocolate

is melted and smooth, adding more cream by teaspoonfuls if

mixture is too thick to drizzle from spoon. Using fork or small

spoon, drizzle melted white chocolate in zigzag pattern over

semisweet chocolate atop blondies in pan. Let stand until white

chocolate is set. Trim edges around blondies in pan while at room

temperature (to prevent chocolate from cracking).

Use trimmings as snacks or discard. Cut into 24 pieces. (Can be

prepared 1 day ahead. Wrap tightly in foil and store at cool room

temperature.)

**********************************************

Slow-Cooked Provençal Beef Stew
   

Active Time:  50 Minutes
Total Time:  4 Hours
Yield:  10 servings, about 1 1/3 cups each

The flavors in a slow-cooked beef stew improve as it sits for a day

or two, so it is a perfect make-ahead for a dinner party. Buy nicely

marbled meat, such as chuck, for this recipe.

Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 8, let cool to room

temperature, cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days. Reheat at a

gentle simmer on the stovetop for about 30 minutes or in a 350°F

oven for 1 1/4 hours before serving. | Equipment: Kitchen string,

parchment paper

 INGREDIENTS

For Bouquet Garni:
2   large green leek leaves  (about 6 inches long)
1   bay leaf
1 stalk   celery
2 sprigs   fresh parsley, with stems
3 sprigs   fresh thyme
1 2-inch-long strip   tangerine or orange peel

For Stew:
3 tablespoons   extra-virgin olive oil, divided
2 ounces   pancetta or bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
3 pounds   beef stew meat, such as chuck, trimmed and cut into 1-

to 1 1/2-inch pieces
2 teaspoons   kosher salt, divided
1/2  teaspoon   freshly ground pepper, divided
2   medium yellow or red onions, chopped
3 cloves   garlic, chopped
1 1/2 pounds   carrots, sliced into 1-inch rounds
2 tablespoons   tomato paste
1 pound   button mushrooms, halved if small, quartered if large
1 bottle (750 ml)   full-bodied red wine, such as Burgundy or Pinot

Noir
1/2 cup   chopped fresh parsley
Freshly grated zest of 1 tangerine or orange
   

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 250°F.

To assemble bouquet garni: Place one leek leaf on the counter.

Top with bay leaf, celery stalk, parsley sprigs, thyme sprigs and

tangerine (or orange) peel. Place the second leek leaf on top and

tie the bundle together in four spots with kitchen string. Set aside.

To prepare stew: Heat 1 tablespoon oil in an ovenproof Dutch

oven over medium-high heat. Add pancetta (or bacon) and cook

until barely brown, 1 to 2 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined

plate, leaving any drippings in the pot.

Add beef in batches (do not crowd the pot) and cook until browned

on all sides. Transfer to a large bowl and season with 1 teaspoon

salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper.

Add 1 tablespoon oil to the pot and add onions and garlic. Cook,

stirring, until the onions are translucent, 3 to 4 minutes. Add carrots

and cook, stirring, until they begin to soften, 4 to 5 minutes. Stir in

tomato paste. Season with the remaining 1 teaspoon salt and 1/4

teaspoon pepper. Transfer the mixture to the bowl with the beef.

Reduce heat to medium and add the remaining 1 tablespoon oil to

the pot. Add mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally, until they

are tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Transfer to a small bowl; set aside.

Pour wine into the pot and bring to a boil, scraping up any browned

bits. Return the browned beef, the carrot mixture and the reserved

pancetta (or bacon) to the pot along with the bouquet garni. Press

down on the beef and vegetables, making sure to submerge them

completely in the wine; if necessary, add just enough hot water to

make sure they are covered. Cut a piece of parchment paper to fit

the pot and press it directly on top of the stew, covering it

completely.

Transfer the stew to the oven and cook, with the lid off, until the

beef is tender enough to cut with a fork, about 3 hours. Check

every hour to be sure the ingredients stay submerged in liquid

during the entire cooking time. If too much wine evaporates, add a

little hot water to make up for the loss. During the last 15 minutes

of cooking, stir in the reserved mushrooms.

Remove and discard the bouquet garni. Combine chopped

parsley and tangerine (or orange) zest in a small bowl and scatter

on top of the stew just before serving.

*******************************************

JOKES:

CONFUCIOUS QUOTE:  Look at the means which a man

employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man

simply cannot conceal himself!

THING TO PONDER:  Is it possible to be totally partial?


Success Tip # 089 :  "Life is like a combination lock; your job
is to find the right numbers, in the
right order so you can have
anything you want."


You might be a REDNECK if...       
    ...your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

**********************************************
This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a
   beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"
  
   Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"

to
   which the little boy responds "No."
  
   "Then you can't have one."
  
   A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks,

"Can I
   have on of those?"
  
   Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"

to
   which the little boy responds "No."
  
   "Then you can't have one."
  
   Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for

food and
   each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy

says
   "I just won $50,000"
  
   Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"
  
   The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch

your
   asshole?"
  
   "Yes," Says grandpa.
  
   "Then go friggin yourself"

**********************************************

Two story house

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that?
What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache'
and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'

**********************************************







    While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped
    at a roadside restaurant for lunch.  After finishing their meal, they

left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
    
    When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses

on the table, and she didn't  miss them until they had been driving

for  about forty minutes.  

    By then, to add to the aggravation, they  had to travel quite a

distance before  they could find a place to turn around,  in order to

return to the restaurant to  retrieve her glasses.

    All the way back, the elderly husband  became the classic

grouchy old man.  He fussed and complained, and scolded
    his wife relentlessly during the entire  return drive.  The more he

chided her,  the more agitated he became.  He just
    wouldn't let up for a single minute.

    To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman

got out of the car,
        and hurried inside to retrieve her  glasses, the old  geezer

yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat

and the credit card!"

**********************************************

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans 
                       
'1'
Blaming your farts on me....
not funny... not funny at all !!! 
Description: 1.2930900861@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
'2'
Yelling at me for barking.
I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
Description: 2.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------  -
'3'
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
Description: 3.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
--------------------------------------------------
'4 '
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it! 
Description: 4.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
'5'
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff 
up when you're not home.
Description: 5.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
'6'
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo!  What
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
Description: 6.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
'7'
Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip',
then acting surprised when I freak 
out every time we go back!
Description: 7.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
'8'
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't mastered that handshake thing yet. 
Description: 8.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
'9'
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven't you noticed the fur?

-------------------------------------------------- 
'10'
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.
Description: 9.2930900862@web121805.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
-------------------------------------------------- 
Now lay off me for some of these things. 
We both know who's boss here!
You don't see me picking up your poop... do you? 
EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY. 
A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 
CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT! 
 
**********************************************

MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter

was having sex..


Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the 

family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any

attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then

told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and

until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.


Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the

mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of

condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother,

saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake

the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a

damned fine sermon. Damned good!'


The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use

profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put

five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel

appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his

rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just

feed him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a

large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied.  'The rest are for your father.'
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find

her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman..  She

became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their

20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.  Brought before the court,

on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say

in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly,
'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in  Tampa .  'The

material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of

us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode

your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat

diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term

harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is

one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten,

or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the

most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row

raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the

Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year

-old tall, tan and terrific "hoochie-mamma" who knocks everyone's

socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs

over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.  His buddies

at the club are all aghast.  At the very first chance, they corner him

and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'  Bob replies,

'Girlfriend?  She's my wife!'  They are knocked over, but continue

to ask.  'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'  'I lied about

my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY

 
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through  Holland 

..  As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them

through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk

was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many

goats were grazing.  'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats

put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'  She then asked,

'What do you do in  America  with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
 
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

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