This is a copy of a post from my good friend Jackie Jackson who lives in South Africa. She suffers from Polycystic Kidney Disease and is in desperate need of a donor kidney to save her life. If you're able/willing to donate, please contact Jackie Jackson at jackie2me2@yahoo.com . Thank you for reading. Please pass info along to your friends .

Jackie Jackson

This is a plea for help as i'm currently in need of a kidney and on dialysis but have only two years as my husband then retires and i wont have any medical insurance to continue and will be taken off the dialysis machine. I'm living in south africa in cape town area and hoping someone will be able to help me . I'm 0+ and if there is anybody willing to donate me a kidney please contact me here or at jackie2me2@yahoo.com. This plea is not if you wish to sell me a kidney as that is illegal.
Hugs and blessings
Jackie.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


REMINDER FROM GOD:

Gossip

"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him … a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers."1

Somebody has said that most of us wouldn't think of stealing a man's transportation but think nothing of stealing his reputation, which is what gossip does.

Unfortunately, with gossip, once it's out, it's out. And like the ever widening concentric circles of a pebble thrown into a pool, its effects can keep reaching out into ever widening circles. And it can't be taken back any more than one can "unring a bell."

Gossip can come in many forms besides saying negative things about someone. When a person's name comes up all we need to say is, "Oh. Him?" in a tone of voice that immediately casts a doubt on that person. And we would deny vigorously that we ever gossiped about that person!

Gossip is not wrong because the Bible says so but rather, like any sin, the Bible says it's wrong because it is damaging to human personality. Remember, too, that God listed the sin of gossip with other sins such as homosexuality, evil, greed, depravity, envy, murder, deceit, malice, and slander.2 A sobering thought.

True, we need to be warned against dangerous people. On the other hand it can be very difficult to discern what needs to be said about another and what is malicious gossip. With God's wisdom and help, let us strive to avoid destructive gossip at all cost.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, some gossip can be such a juicy morsel in my mouth. Help me to develop a real bad taste for it—both for speaking it and for listening to it. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 6:16,19 (NIV).
2. Romans 1:24-32.

**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:

    recidivism
  
    rih-SID-uh-viz-um

    DEFINITION

noun
: a tendency to relapse into a previous condition or mode of behavior; especially : relapse into criminal behavior

    EXAMPLES

The judge took the rate of recidivism into account when assigning penalties for various criminal offenses.

"The Pittsburgh Commission on Human Relations has proposed a $65,000 study of housing problems faced by ex-offenders, an issue repeatedly raised last year during its community meetings on housing discrimination. Lack of jobs and housing has been tied to high recidivism rates across the nation." — From an article by Joe Smydo in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, May 2, 2012

    DID YOU KNOW?

"Recidivism" means literally "a falling back" and usually implies "into bad habits." It comes from the Latin word "recidivus," which means "recurring." "Recidivus" itself came from the Latin verb "recidere," which is a composite of the prefix "re-" and the verb "cadere" (meaning "to fall") and means "to fall back." "Recidivists" tend to relapse, or "fall back," into old habits and particularly crime. "Deciduous" and "incident" are two other English words that have roots in "cadere." "Deciduous" comes from the verb "decidere" ("de-" plus "cadere"), which means "to fall off." And "incident" comes from "incidere" ("in" plus "cadere"), which means "to fall into."

**********************************************
HINT FOR THE DAY:

6 Ways to Thrive in Tough Times

Tough times can bring you to your knees. They can also raise you to new heights.

You can be stressed to the max on a bad day, yet, as long as life seems manageable, you don’t usually look for new strategies to get through it. The tendency is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, grit your teeth and keep on going. During prolonged or sudden tough times, though, normal defense mechanisms are not enough to keep you from feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.

It’s when events feel overwhelmingly beyond your control, that you either find new ways to cope or are pulled down by the undertow. Your usual defenses are inadequate to protect from overwhelming long-term stress. Stress can build gradually beyond tolerance level, or a surprising turn of events like those recently reported in the news can create the kind of vulnerability that demands openness to change.

The soft inner core of your being feels exposed. This exposure opens a crack in the old armor through which an opportunity for renewed life can shine.

Here are six tips that can help you thrive in tough times.

Nourish Yourself – Let go of the bootstraps for a few moments, acknowledge your stress and be kind to yourself. What nourishes you — inspirational reading, music, a cup of tea …? Are there people or places, a favorite chair or spot in nature that provide sustenance? Make nurturing yourself every day a priority.

Stay Present – Don’t project ahead. Take life one day, one moment at a time. Tough times are more manageable when you pay attention to making decisions and taking action on only the next step. Fearful preoccupation or worries about dire imagined future possibilities can leave you open to illness, accidents and errors in judgment that compound your problems. Scale down, simplify your activities and concentrate your precious energy supply on only what is critically important right now.

Accept Support – This can be difficult for people who prize self-sufficiency. Remember it is as virtuous to receive, as it is to give. Without the receiver, the giver has no way to share their abundant gifts. Don’t deprive your friends and family of the pleasure to help you when you need it. Shared burdens provide opportunities for enhanced closeness and appreciation for one another.

Trust Your Resilience - Chances are you have been through tough times before. What natural strengths did you rely upon in those situations? How did you make it through adolescence, childbirth, marriage, divorce, school, first job? What are your natural inner resources? Trust that you have what you need to see this tough time through.

Visualize Success – See yourself moving into a new chapter of life. How do you want to write that chapter? Creation begins in the imagination. If you can think it, you can create it. In order to be free to dream and hope for something new, you must let go of old visions, descriptions and limitations of the person you think you are or can become.

Forgive Past Errors – Forgive past hurts, and people who may have inflicted them, knowingly or unknowingly. This is not out of kindness to them, rather out of kindness to you. After all, you are the one carrying the burden of these hurts. Forgive yourself for mistakes or paths not taken. Release the burden of the past so you can travel lighter in the present.

In times of crisis and radical change, remember that living means growing. I have never seen anything in nature grow backward. So, as bad as you feel, and as much as you doubt it, if you are alive you are growing.

Growth is creative. So, take advantage of the opportunity in these tough times to re-create your life by nourishing yourself, staying present, accepting support, trusting your resilience, visioning possibilities and letting go of the past and perceived limitations.

Even though tough times are hard, they can also be the best times to explore ways to live more harmoniously with yourself and others.

***********************************************

RECIPE:

Strawberry Smoothies

Easy to make drink that works equally well as a quick breakfast or a treat for the kids.

Serves: 3
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: none
 
2 cups frozen strawberries
2 frozen bananas
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup low fat yogurt


Blend ingredients in processor until smooth. Pour into glasses.

**********************************************

Nestle Treasure Torte Dusted With Gold

A truly eye-catching dessert that will wow your guests. This luscious chocolate torte with a hint of peanut butter is finished with a rich chocolate glaze and dusted with gold.

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes; refrigerate 2 hours
   

 
1 package NESTLÉ  TREASURES Peanut Butter
1 package NESTLÉ TOLL HOUSE  Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
10 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces
3/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3/8 teaspoon salt, divided
5 eggs
1/3 cup flour
1/2 cup whipping cream
3 (2 oz.) NESTLÉ  TOLL HOUSE  Semi-Sweet Chocolate Baking Bars, chopped
1 jar (12.5 oz.) caramel ice cream topping
1 container small gold dust or flakes



DIRECTIONS:

PREHEAT oven to 350°F. Grease and flour a 9-inch springform pan. Coarsely chop all but 12 Nestlé Treasures; set aside.

MELT morsels and butter in a large metal bowl set over a saucepan of gently boiling water; stir until smooth. Remove bowl from heat; cool mixture for about 10 minutes or until lukewarm. Stir in sugar, vanilla extract and ¼ teaspoon salt. Add yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in flour until thoroughly blended.

BEAT egg whites with remaining 1/8 teaspoon salt in a large mixing bowl until stiff peaks form. Beat ¼ of egg whites into chocolate mixture to lighten. Fold in remaining egg whites gently but thoroughly. Gently fold in chopped Nestlé Treasures. Pour into prepared pan.

BAKE on middle oven rack for 35 to 40 minutes or until wooden pick inserted about 2 inches from edges comes out slightly sticky. Cool in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove side of pan; cool completely. Invert onto rack; remove bottom of pan. While torte cools, prepare Ganache Glaze.

FOR GANACHE GLAZE:

Bring whipping cream to a boil in a small saucepan; add chopped chocolate. Reduce heat to low. Stir until completely smooth. Let stand for about 10 minutes, or until slightly thickened.

INVERT torte onto serving platter; spread Ganache Glaze evenly over top and sides. Refrigerate for 2 hours or until ready to serve.

TO SERVE, cut torte into 12 wedges. Place remaining Nestlé Treasures on top of each wedge. Drizzle serving plates with caramel topping; place torte wedge on top. Sprinkle with gold dust and gold flakes.


**********************************************

Individual Coconut-Lime Tartlets
   
Active Time:  35 Minutes
Total Time:  4 Hours 10 Minutes
Yield:  5 servings

These individual lime tarts garnished with lime slices will make you think of the tropics.

INGREDIENTS

For the Crust:
1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsweetened dried shredded coconut
3 tablespoons sugar
Pinch of salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, chilled, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1 large egg yolk
3 tablespoons chilled heavy cream

For the Lime Curd:
4 large eggs
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup fresh lime juice
1 teaspoon lime peel, minced
1/2 cup unsalted butter (1 stick), room temperature, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
5 thin lime slices

DIRECTIONS

FOR THE CRUST: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Mix flour, coconut, sugar and salt in food processor to blend. Add butter and mix until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal. Whisk egg yolk and cream in small bowl; drizzle over dry ingredients. Using on-off turns, process just until moist clumps form. Divide mixture equally among five 4-inch-diameter tartlet pans with removeable bottoms; press over bottom and up sides of pans. Pierce all over with fork; chill until firm, about 15 minutes. Bake until light golden brown, about 20 minutes. Transfer pans to rack; cool completely.

FOR THE LIME CURD: Fill bottom of double boiler with enough water to come 1 inch up sides of pan. Bring water to simmer over medium heat. Whisk eggs and sugar in top of double boiler to blend. Whisk in lime juice and peel; stir in butter pieces. Whisk over simmering water, until mixture thickens, about 15 minutes. Cool to room temperature.

DO-AHEAD TIP: Crusts and curd can be made 2 days ahead. Store crusts airtight at room temperature. Cover and refrigerate curd.

TO ASSEMBLE: Spread lime curd evenly over bottom of tarts. Chill until curd is set, at least 3 hours and up to one day. Top with lime slices and serve.

OPTIONAL GARNISH: Garnish tartlets with coconut shavings in place of lime slices. Coconut shavings can be found in bulk section of many health food stores. Or, buy fresh coconut, drain, open and make your own shavings by using vegetable peeler to remove strips approximately 2- to 3-inches long by 1/2-inch wide. Toast lightly at 275 degrees F until just tinged with color and to dry out the fresh coconut, about 10 minutes. You may toast purchased coconut too, if you like, but it isn't necessary.


**********************************************
Key Lime Meringue Cake

Active Time:  1 Hour
Total Time:  1 Hour 30 Minutes
Yield:  12 servings

A cake with a meringue? Though not unheard of, this one is definitely a flight of fancy, a cakey version of Key lime pie.

Make Ahead Tip: Wrap the cake layers in plastic wrap and store at room temperature for up to 1 day. Cover and refrigerate the lime filling for up to 1 day. Prepare meringue and assemble the cake just before serving.

 INGREDIENTS

For Cake:
1/2 cup  all-purpose flour
1/3 cup  whole-wheat pastry flour
1/4 teaspoon  salt
4   large eggs, at room temperature (see Cake-Baking Tips)
2/3 cup  sugar
1 teaspoon  vanilla extract
1 teaspoon  freshly grated lime zest, preferably Key lime (see Ingredient notes)
3 tablespoons  almond oil or canola oil

For Lime filling:
1 14-ounce can  nonfat sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated milk)
1/3 cup  lime juice, preferably Key lime
1 teaspoon  freshly grated lime zest, preferably Key lime

For Meringue:
2   large egg whites, at room temperature, or equivalent dried egg whites, reconstituted according to package directions (see Ingredient notes)
1/4 cup  sugar

Ingredient Note:

Key limes are more fragrant, acidic and juicy than the common Persian lime found in U.S. markets. Look for the small, round limes with yellow-green skin in the specialty-produce section of supermarkets or Latin food markets.

Dried egg whites are pasteurized—a wise choice when making an uncooked meringue. They are also convenient when you have no use for leftover yolks. You'll find them in the baking or natural-foods section of most supermarkets.

Cake-Baking Tips

When using cake pans, they must be greased and floured to create a thin layer of protection against the oven's heat. For greater convenience, use a cooking spray that has flour in the mix, such as Pam for Baking, Baker's Joy or Crisco No-Stick Flour Spray.

Whole-wheat pastry flour has less gluten-forming potential than regular whole-wheat flour, making it a better choice for tender baked goods.

To properly measure flour when baking, use a spoon to lightly scoop flour from its container into a measuring cup. Once in the measuring cup, use a knife or other straight edge to level the flour with the top of the cup. If the measuring cup is dipped directly into the container—a common mistake—the flour will be packed into the cup and result in extra flour being added to the recipe, yielding tough, dense baked goods.

Room-temperature butter for a batter is one of the biggest culinary missteps. In fact, butter must be below 68°F to trap air molecules and build structure. Otherwise, the fat will be liquefied and the cake will be flat. To get "cool" butter: Cut refrigerated butter into chunks and let them sit in a bowl for 5 minutes before beating.

Eggs must be at room temperature for the proteins to unwind enough to support the cake's crumb. Either set the eggs out on the counter for 15 minutes or submerge them in their shells in a bowl of lukewarm (not hot) water for 5 minutes.

Although you cannot overbeat the eggs, sugar and butter, you can overbeat the flour. If you do, you'll develop the gluten and create a quick bread rather than a layer cake. Beat the flour just until there are no white grains of undissolved flour visible but not until the batter is smooth.


DIRECTIONS
To prepare cake: Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat two 9-inch round cake pans with cooking spray with flour (see Tip); alternatively, coat the pans with regular cooking spray, line them with parchment paper and spray the paper.

Whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour and salt in a medium bowl.

Beat 4 eggs and 2/3 cup sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until pale yellow and doubled in volume, 5 to 10 minutes. Beat in vanilla and 1 teaspoon lime zest.

With a rubber spatula, gently fold almond (or canola) oil into the egg mixture, using long, even strokes, until just incorporated. Add the flour mixture; gently stir until just incorporated. Divide the batter between the pans; spread to the edges and gently rap the pans against the counter once or twice to settle the batter.

Bake, rotating the pans halfway through, until lightly browned and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, 20 to 22 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then invert the layers onto the rack, remove the pans and parchment paper, if using, and let cool completely, about 45 minutes.

To prepare lime filling: Whisk condensed milk, lime juice and 1 teaspoon lime zest in a medium bowl until combined. Refrigerate until thickened, at least 30 minutes or overnight.

To prepare meringue: Beat egg whites in a medium bowl with an electric mixer at high speed until soft peaks form. Beat in 1/4 cup sugar in a slow, steady stream. Continue beating until stiff peaks form.

Position oven rack about 6 inches from the heat source; preheat broiler. Transfer one layer, bottom-side down, to a large baking sheet. Spread the meringue on top of the cake, creating decorative peaks and valleys in the meringue with a rubber spatula. Broil until lightly browned, watching carefully to prevent burning, 30 seconds to 1 minute.

To assemble cake: Place the plain layer, top-side down, on a serving plate; spread the lime filling on top. Cover with the meringue-topped layer.


**********************************************
VEGETABLE KEBOBS

2 medium zucchini, washed, with ends cut off, and each zucchini cut into 6 slices
12 cherry tomatoes, washed and dried with paper towels
2 pounds fresh white mushrooms, washed and dried with paper towels
2 large onion, peeled and cut into eights
I large bell pepper (pimento), green, yellow or red, washed and cut into squares
1/2 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons fresh chopped parsley
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
3 garlic cloves, finely minced
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper


1.  Place vegetables on skewers, alternating vegetables.

2. Place olive oil in a small bowl. Add parsley, oregano, garlic and pepper. Mix well; and brush over all the vegetables.

3. Place skewers under the grill in an oven; or in an outdoor grill, either using a gas grill or over hot coals. Grill for about 5 minutes. Turn and grill another 5 minutes, brushing with olive mixture frequently while cooking. 
    Yield: 4 to  servings.


**********************************************

Watermelon, Pineapple and Peach Smoothies

This refreshing smoothie is sure to be a hit anytime of year.

Serves: 2
Prep Time: 10 minutes

2 cups chopped seedless watermelon
1 cup crushed pineapple, drained well
2 cups peach yogurt
dash of ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Blend ingredients together in a blender until smooth and serve immediately.


*******************************************

JOKES:

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's b..ls.

**********************************************

    I was in Timmy’s recently for a coffee and carrot muffin, when I suddenly realized I had a desperate need to fart.  There were a lot of people standing around and I didn't want to give up my seat. The music was really, really loud so I timed my farts with the beat of the music.
    After a couple of songs I started to feel better.  I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me! And suddenly I remembered .....................
    I was listening to my iPod……….............. and how was your day?

**********************************************

  Subject:  Doctor's Office...
 
A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple  dose of  Viagra.   The doctor told him that he couldn't allow  him  a triple dose.
'Why not?' asked the man.
'Because it's  not  safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,'  said the  man.
'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked  the  doctor. 
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming  into town on  Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my  wife is coming home on Sunday.. Can't you see? I've got to have a  triple dose.
The doctor finally relented saying,
'All right,  I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so  that I can check you to see if there are any  side effects.'
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself  into the doctor's office...his right arm in a sling.  The doctor  asked, 'Good gawd! What  happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up!'
 
**********************************************

    EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

    After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

    "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

    It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

    And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

    "That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

    And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

    Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

    "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

    "Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

    God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

    Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?
    
**********************************************

Rooneyisms....An Enlightened Perspective

If  you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis:
They're  written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......

I've learned ... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned ... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned ... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned ... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned ... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned ... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned ... That I can always pray for someone when  I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned ... That no matter how serious your life  requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 
I've learned ... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. 
I've learned ... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned ... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned ... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned ... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned ... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned ... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned ... That when you plan to  get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned ... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned ... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned ... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned ... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned ... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned ... Never trust a fart!
I've learned ... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned ... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time, before she passed away.
I've learned ... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned ... That a smile is the least inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned ... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned ... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.


**********************************************
25 Facts About Different Countries

Depending upon your definition, and whether or not you count Taiwan,
there are “approximately” 196 countries in the world as of this writing.
So while you may consider yourself to be a knowledgeable global citizen,
and we’re sure you are, given the dynamic and complex nature of our planet
there are certain to be at least a couple facts on this list that you will find surprising.
Here are 25 things that you wouldn’t believe about these countries.

#25. Covers the most time zones –France
 
France
If you count everything, including overseas territories, then France claims the title by covering 12 time zones.  The United States would be the runner-up with 11 and then Russia with 9.
 
#24. Most likely to disappear beneath the waves?
Maldives
 Maldives
With all the talks of global warming and rising sea levels, it is the residents of the Maldives that have the greatest reason to fear.
With an average height of around 1.8 meters above sea level their nation is the lowest on Earth.

#23. Most overweight population?
Nauru
Nauru
With over 95% of its population being overweight, the small island nation of Nauru is by far the fattest country on Earth.
Its obesity epidemic is primarily attributed to the importation of western fast food that coincided with an increased standard of living in the 20th century
due to the global popularity of its phosphate exports. It?s almost non sequitur?almost.

#22. Roads made of coral?
Guam
Guam
Because Guam doesn't have any natural sand, but rather coral,
the island nation makes its asphalt using a mix of ground coral and oil rather than importing sand from abroad.
 
#21. Has 350 sheep for every person?
Falkland Islands (UK)
Falkland Islands
With only about 3,000 people the Falkland Islands are home to approximately half-a million-sheep.
Not surprisingly wool is a major export.

#20. Oldest sovereign state?
Egypt
Egypt
This largely depends upon your definition of a sovereign state but if you are going by first acquisition of sovereignty then
Egypt would be the first country in the world to achieve sovereignty based upon the formation of the first dynasty in 3100 BC.

#19. Most lakes in the world?
Canada
Canada
With over 3 million lakes 9% of Canadian territory is actually fresh water
and over 60% of all the lakes in the world are found within its borders.

#18. Least likely place to meet your neighbour?
Mongoliaphoto
Mongolia
At 4 people per square mile Mongolia is the least densely populated country on Earth.
Compare this to the Mong Kok district of Hong Kong that has the highest population density in the world with 340,000 people per square mile.
 
#17. Largest number of tanks?
Russia
Russian tanks
It is a strange title to hold, but Russia has by far the most tanks of any army in the world (21,000).
Unfortunately for the motherland most of these outdated machines are tributes to its past, and although outnumbered (16,000),
 the United States has a much more advanced tank inventory.

#16. The land of no rivers?
Saudi Arabia
Saudi Arabia
Sounds a bit strange doesn't it? For a country as big as Saudi Arabia there has to be at least some sort of flowing water.
Well, there isn't. Most of their fresh water comes from desalinization plants or underground reservoirs.

#15. Youngest population of any country?
Niger
Niger
Generally the worlds youngest country is determined by calculating the portion of the population that is younger than 15.
Presently it is Niger that holds this distinction with roughly half of its population having barely reached puberty (49%).

#14. Most diverse country in the world?
India
India
In almost every category ? culturally, economically, climatically, racially, linguistically, ethnically,
and religiously India is either the most diverse country in the world, or the runner-up.

#13. Fastest disappearing nation?
Ukraine
Ukraine
With a natural decrease in population of .8% annually,
between now and 2050 Ukraine is expected to lose around 30% of its people.

#12. Most of its citizens live abroad?
Malta
Malta
After some rough economic times coupled with an increased birth rate,
Malta experienced significant immigration. It was so significant that there are now more Maltese living abroad than within the country itself.

#11. Smaller than Central Park in New York City?
Monaco
Monaco
Although Vatican City is smaller (.17 sq mi) than Monaco (.8 sq mi), unlike Monaco it doesn't have any permanent residents
which leaves Monaco as the smallest permanently inhabited nation in the world - smaller than Central Park.

#10. Almost entirely covered in jungle?Suriname

Suriname
With 91% of its land covered in jungle Suriname's half-a-million residents live primarily along the coast near the capital.
Only 5% of the population (mainly indigenous people) live inland.

#9. Almost entirely treeless?Haiti

Haiti
On the opposite end of the spectrum is Haiti, a country that has been so badly deforested that you can tell where it borders
the Dominican Republic by looking at a satellite image

#8. Largest country with no farms?
Singapore

Singapore
Although there are a number of small nations in the world that show no hint of having an agriculture based economy, (take Vatican City for example)
Singapore is the largest of these urban city-states.

#7. Most languages spoken?
Papua New Guinea
Papua New Guinea
Although English is its official language, only 1-2% of the population actually speak it.
As the most linguistically diverse country in the world, over 820 languages are spoken in Papua New Guinea or 12% of the world's total.

#6. Most educated people?
Canada
 
With 50% of its population having been educated at the post secondary level,
Canada easily has the most educated populace in the world. It is followed by Israel at 45% and Japan at 44%.

#5. The country desert?
Libya
Libya
With 99% of the country covered in desert
Libya is one of the most arid places in the world and in some regions decades may go by without a single drop of rain.

#4. Least peaceful nation in the world?
Somalia
Somalia
Although for the last three years Iraq has been ranked as the least peaceful country in the world,
according to the Global Peace Index Somalia overtook it this year for the top spot.

#3. Produces most of the world's oxygen?
Russia
Siberian forest
Siberia is home to approximately 25% of the world's forests that span an area larger than the continental United States,
making Russia the largest converter of CO2 into breathable compounds.

#2. World's largest opium producer?
Afghanistan
poppies in Afghanistan
Producing a whopping 95 percent of the world's opium,
not even 10 years of occupation by American forces have slowed down the industry.

#1. Most people behind bars?
United States
American prison
When it comes to incarcerating its population, the United States is the world’s uncontested leader.
With 2.2 million people behind bars it has 5% of the world’s population but 25% of the world’s incarcerated population.
China comes in second place at 1.5 million and Russia comes third at 870,000.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

1 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

Prodigal Children

Proverbs 22:6, NIV: "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Raising children can be a great adventure. You may be thinking, "That's one way to put it." From infant to adolescent, and into adulthood, we find joys as well as sorrows--easy times and challenging ones. And finally the day comes where its time for the baby bird to spread its wings. You look back at the long road you traveled to get where you are, and reflect. You look ahead to what is held in an uncertain future and you pray, and you hope, and you pray some more. Being a parent is not easy, as any parent will testify. It is so very hard when you see your children make poor choices, or finding themselves in the middle of suffering the consequences of their actions. You wonder, you worry, and you weep. Yet we are offered hope. We can place our children in the arms of our Lord--trust Him with their safety--knowing He will actively work in their lives to draw the prodigal children back home.

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

histrionics his-tree-ON-iks , noun:
1. Behavior or speech for effect, as insincere or exaggerated expression of an emotion.

2. Dramatic representation; theatricals; acting.

You are constantly talking about Beate's histrionics, her showing off.
-- Alberto Moravia, 1934

Of course it is not only southern writers, of lyrical bent, who engage in such histrionics and shout, "Look at me!" Perhaps it is a parable of all artists.
-- Tennessee Williams, New Selected Essays

Though it sounds like the word history, histrionics has a different root. It comes from the Etruscan root histrion- which meant "actor".

**********************************************
HINT FOR TODAY:

5 Uses For Sugar That Don't Involve Baking

Sugar is one of those kitchen staples you will always have on hand. (While I've admittedly forgotten to buy things like paper towels at the grocery store, I've never forgotten sugar for some reason.) Whether you prefer the standard white granules or the fancier raw version, sugar can do much more than make that morning cup of coffee a little sweeter. From pest control to beauty treatments, here are our favorite uses for sugar.

- Wasp Trap. It's almost that time of year for these stinging pests to make their appearance. If you've spotted a few, try this DIY wasp trap: Simply make a simple syrup solution by boiling equal parts water or sugar together. Then, pour into an empty soda bottle. Place outdoors, near the nest and watch the wasps fall into the trap.

- Stain Remover. Got grass stains? You won't for long, thanks to sugar. Make a thick mixture of sugar and a few drops of water, then work into the stain. Let sit for up to 30 minutes, then wash as usual.

- Face Scrub. Girlfriend tested, girlfriend approved. Mix in up to a tablespoon of granulated sugar into your usual cream or liquid face wash to make your own exfoliating scrub. Use on a weekly basis for brighter, smoother skin.

- Coffee Grinder Cleaner. After awhile, coffee grinds can build up into the grinding blades. To eliminate the mess, simply grind about a 1/3 to a 1/2 cup of sugar, then empty. This can also deodorize, making sugar an excellent "cleaner" for spice grinders, too.

- Flower food. A classic tip for keeping a bouquer lasting as long as possible, but for a good reason: It works. Add three tablespoons of sugar along with two tablespoons of vinegar to the water in your flower vase. The sugar provides nutrients to keep the clippings alive, while the vinegar fights off bacterial infections.

*********************************************

RECIPE:

Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp Skewers

2 lbs. wild-caught shrimp, defrosted if frozen, peeled and deveined

1 Tbsp. Creole or Cajun seasoning (or a dash each garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and oregano)

1 Tbsp. olive oil or drippings from bacon

approx. 12 pieces bacon, cut in half (maybe more, maybe less depending on shrimp-to-bacon ratio)

As you can see, I was lazy and tried to skip the pre-cooking bacon part. Don't be tempted. Pre-cook your bacon.

1) If using wooden skewers, soak in warm water for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, pre-cook bacon gently in a large skillet over medium heat until about half cooked. You want it still pliable to get it on the skewers. Toss shrimp with oil and seasonings and let sit at room temp. Preheat grill (if gas, turn on high for 10 minutes; if charcoal, light and wait until coals are white and hot).

2) When bacon has cooled enough to handle, start skewer with the top of a bacon slice, then a shrimp (through the body and tail, like a cent sign ¢, for easy turning), then pull the bacon slice around the shrimp and skewer the bacon, then repeat with another shrimp until the whole bacon slice is skewered. You’ll want to keep everything at the front of the skewer as you do this, then once you have an entire bacon slice on there, push everything to the back of the skewer. I promise it will make sense when you do it!

3) When grill is ready, throw those skewers on there. Keep an eye on them though, because the bacon grease can start some serious flare-ups. No burned shrimp! If you’re having too much trouble with it, move the skewers to a safer location on the grill away from flames.

4) Flip skewer after 3 minutes, or when nice grillmarks appear. Wait another 3 minutes, then check for doneness. Bacon should be cooked and shrimp should be pink and firm, but not shriveled and chewy.

Serves 4.

NOTES: For a super easy complete meal, skewer some veggies to go with the shrimp and grill them alongside. Here I grilled some zucchini and sweet onions, simply tossed with olive oil and S&P.
 
**********************************************

BBQ Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp


1 pound of bacon, thin center-cut style

2 teaspoons sweet paprika
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon curry powder
½ teaspoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon ground coriander
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon ground black pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 ½ pounds large shrimp (20-25 count), shelled, deveined, tails left on or off, your preference

1. Cut the slices of bacon on half. In a large heavy skillet, partially cook the bacon over moderate heat to render some of the fat without allowing the pieces to crisp. Remove the slices as they are done and drain on paper towels. They will still be flobby and look unappetizing. They need to be soft so you can wrap them around the shrimp, and you will finish cooking them on the grill.

2. In a medium bowl, combine the paprika, cayenne, curry powder, cumin, coriander, salt and black pepper. Stir in the olive oil, sugar and lemon juice. Add the shrimp and partially cooked bacon, and toss well to coat. Let marinate at room temperature for 30 to 60 minutes, stirring occasionally.

3. Meanwhile, light a charcoal fire. Remove the shrimp from the marinade, reserving the marinade. Wrap a half-slice of bacon around each shrimp and thread on a skewer. Overlap the ends of the bacon on the tummy of the shrimp, poking the skewer through that point and out through the back. You can also use a toothpick to individually secure the bacon, if you are using a wire basket or other means to keep the shrimp from falling through into the fire.

4. Place the skewers on a sheet pan covered with aluminum foil and drizzle the remainder of marinade over the shrimp.

5. Brush your grill rack with a little oil and set it about 5 inches from the glowing coals. Grill the shrimp skewers for about 5 minutes, until the bacon begins to be crispy. Turn skewers over and grill until the bacon is browned, and the shrimp is opaque throughout. Serve hot or warm.

**********************************************

Cheesy Buttery Puff

Move over, potatoes. Six simple ingredients blend and melt and puff up into an airy, delicious side. Be sure and serve it hot.

time 
prep:  10 min
total:  35 min
servings  total:  6 servings


    What You Need
    10     RITZ Crackers, crushed (about 1/3 cup)
    1/2    cup milk
    1/4    lb. (4 oz.) VELVEETA, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
    4    oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, cubed, softened
    4     eggs, separated
    3    Tbsp. chopped fresh chives


    Make It

    HEAT oven to 375°F.

    SPREAD cracker crumbs onto bottom of 9-inch square baking dish sprayed with cooking spray.

    MICROWAVE milk, VELVEETA and cream cheese in large microwaveable bowl on HIGH 1-1/2 min. or until smooth, stirring after each minute. Whisk egg yolks and chives until well blended. Stir into VELVEETA mixture.

    BEAT egg whites in small bowl with mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form; gently stir into VELVEETA mixture. Pour into prepared dish.

    BAKE 20 to 25 min. or until puffed and golden. Serve immediately.
    Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Healthy Living
    Save 30 calories and 4 g of fat per serving by preparing with 2% Milk VELVEETA and PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese.
    Substitute
    Prepare using 1/2 tsp. freeze-dried chopped chives.

**********************************************

Diploma rolls

A great recipe to use as a meal or slice it and use it as an appetizer!

Serves: 12
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
   
 
12 Rhodes Texas Rolls, thawed but still cold
12 slices turkey or ham
12 slices cheese

Roll each roll into a 4x6-inch rectangle. Cut off a 1/4-inch strip from the 6-inch side, and set aside. Place one slice of meat and one slice of cheese on each roll. Meat and cheese should be no larger than roll. Roll up in jelly-roll fashion. Tie with the 1/4-inch strip of dough. Place rolls on a large sprayed baking sheet. Cover with sprayed plastic wrap. Let rise 30 minutes. Remove wrap and bake at 350°F 15-20 minutes.

**********************************************
Grilled Pineapple with Coconut Black Sticky Rice

Active Time:  30 Minutes
Total Time:  45 Minutes
Yield:  6 servings, generous 1/3 cup rice & 1/2 cup pineapple each

A take on the classic Southeast Asian dessert of fresh mango with coconut white sticky rice, this version has grilled pineapple served over cardamom-infused coconut black sticky rice. The consistency should be that of a loose rice pudding, though black sticky rice is always chewy. For an equally delicious dessert, use grilled banana or mango instead of pineapple.


INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups  water
1 cup  black sticky rice  (see Note)
1 14-ounce can  lite coconut milk
1/2 teaspoon  ground cardamom
3 tablespoons  finely chopped palm sugar (see Note) or packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon  salt
1   small ripe pineapple, peeled, cored and cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices

Notes: Black sticky rice, often called Forbidden rice, has a sweet, nutty taste, is high in fiber and is a good vegetarian source of iron. When cooked the brown-black rice turns a shade of purple-black. It may also be labeled "black glutinous rice" or "black sweet rice." Sushi rice, brown rice or regular white rice cannot be substituted for black sticky rice.

PALM SUGAR, an unrefined sweetener similar in flavor to brown sugar, is used in sweet and savory Asian dishes. Commonly available in pod-like cakes, but is also sold in paste form at Asian markets. Store as you would other sugar.

Tip: How to oil a grill rack: Oil a folded paper towel, hold it with tongs and rub it over the rack.
   

DIRECTIONS
Combine water and rice in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to maintain a gentle simmer, cover and cook until the rice has absorbed all the water, about 20 minutes. The rice should be cooked yet still somewhat firm.

Bring the coconut milk to a boil in another medium saucepan. Reduce heat to medium-low, add cardamom, sugar and salt. Stir until the sugar and salt are dissolved. Set aside 3/4 cup of the seasoned coconut milk. Add the rice to the pan with the remaining seasoned coconut milk, return to a gentle simmer, cover and cook until the rice softens and absorbs almost all the liquid, about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, preheat grill to high. Oil the grill rack (see Tip). Grill the pineapple slices until slightly charred and softened, 1 to 2 minutes per side. Transfer to a cutting board; let stand until cool enough to handle. Chop the pineapple.

Serve rice and pineapple with the reserved coconut milk drizzled on top. Serve hot or at room temperature. Variation: White sticky rice can be substituted for the black sticky rice, but the cooking time in Step 1 will be 12 to 15 minutes and, in Step 2, 10 to 15 minutes. Check the rice while it's cooking to prevent scorching.

**********************************************

Maraschino Cherry Shake

This cool combo will please family and friends.

Serves: makes two 12-ounce servings
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 0 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

1 jar (10 ounces) maraschino cherries
3 cups vanilla ice cream
Whipped topping
Whole maraschino cherries, for garnish

Directions:

Put a colander or strainer in a bowl. Pour the cherries into the strainer.

Measure out 3 tablespoons of juice to use in the recipe. Discard the rest of the juice or save it for another use.

Turn the cherries out onto a cutting board. Remove any stems. Chop the cherries into small pieces.

Put chopped cherries, the juice and ice cream in the container of an electric blender or food processor and process until smooth.

Pour into 2 glasses. Top with whipped topping and garnish each with whole cherries.

*******************************************

JOKES:

THING TO PONDER:  If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

THING TO PONDER:  If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

THING TO PONDER:  Why do other people hear our voices different than we do?

"Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them,
we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them." - Orison Swett Marden

"Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money and power and
influence. It is no more or less than faith in action." - Henry Chester

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." - Chinese Proverb

CONFUCIUS QUOTE:  Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you have buried a dog and cried like a baby.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."


**********************************************

    World's Shortest Books

    
    MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
    By Tiger Woods
    ____________________________________________

    
    THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
    By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
    Illustrated by Michael Moore
    Foreword by George Soros
    ________________________________________

    
    MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
    & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
    By "The Rev Jesse Jackson" & "The Rev Al Sharpton"
    ______________________________________

    
    THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
    By Hillary Clinton
    _________________

    
    Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
    By Bill Clinton
    _________________

    
    THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
    By Bill Gates
    ____________________________________

    
    THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
    By Dennis Rodman
    _________________________________
    THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
    By Al Gore & John Kerry
    _____________________________________
    GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
    By Amelia Earhart
    ____________________________________

    
    HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
    By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
    __________________________________
    TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
    By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
    __________________
    GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
    By Mike Tyson
    __________________________________
    THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

    
    _______________________________________
    MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
    By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
    _________________________________________

    
    HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
    By Ted Kennedy
    _________

    
    MY BOOK ON MORALS
    By Bill Clinton
    With introduction by
    The Rev. Jesse Jackson
    and foreward by
    Tiger Woods with John Edwards
    ____________________________________________________
    HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL
    BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
    ___________________________________________________
    AND, JUST ADDED:
    My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
    By Nancy Pelosi
    ________________________________________________________
    And the shortest book of them all.......................
    THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
    by Barack Obama
    
**********************************************

Love the Irish
 
 
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
 
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
 
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
 
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful..

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
 
From one unstable person to another...
 
I hope everyone in your head is happy, 'cause we're all doing pretty good in mine!


**********************************************
Limericks......
       
The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'.
The requirements recently were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.
Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:


Third place:     

There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
T'was 'Hail to the Chief'
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

                       
Second place:     

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.

And the winning entry:   

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown........ 
                                      
**********************************************

An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek Islands.
He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian Barmaid.
As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.  Over the course of the evening they get chatting.  At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.
Although she is attracted to him she says no.  He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.
 As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again.  Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.  She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights.  On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner.  The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him.  So she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in Australia.  - "Melbourne", he tells her.
"So am I.  What suburb?" she enquires.  "Glen Iris" he replies.
"That's amazing........." she says excitedly, "..........so am I - what street?" "Cameo Street" he replies.
"This is unbelievable........." she says, her voice quavering.  >"What number?" "Number 20", he replies.
She is totally astonished.
"You are NOT going to believe this........", she screams, "but I'm from number 22!  My parents still live there!"
  "I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"

HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN
 
 
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

3 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

Salt and Light

Matthew 5:13, NIV: "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

"You are the salt..." Try to grasp the depth of that statement. "You are the light..." Try to realize the potential Christ has placed within you. He has come in to dine with you, and has taken up residence in your heart for eternity. He has brought the Light and all things good. And you are the avenue by which many should come to know His goodness and His light. When we who are indwelt with Christ come into contact with others, it should not be as it is with those who do not know Jesus. As others are around you, they should know that there is something different about you. The peace of Christ is in your eyes. The blessing of God surrounds all that you are. You are salt... You are light... And you have potential to affect the world so long as you continue to walk in Him each day.


**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

armamentarium ahr-muh-muhn-TAIR-ee-uhm , noun:
1. A fruitful source of devices or materials available or used for an undertaking.
2. The aggregate of equipment, methods, and techniques available to one for carrying out one's duties.

You can almost hear the crash as my medical armamentarium smashes to the ground.
-- Emily R. Transue, M.D., On Call

In addition to the past lying available in his memory, he had always had a technical armamentarium second to none; even the hostile critics had granted him that.
-- Orson Scott Card, Masterpieces

Litvikov led the way over to his long conference table, which was covered in green felt and stocked with an armamentarium of mineral-water bottles that the commissar never seemed to offer.
-- Robert Ludlum, The Tristan Betrayal

Armamentarium comes from the Latin root armament, which refers to equipment used by a military unit. The suffix -arium denotes a location or receptacle.

**********************************************

RECIPE:

Caribbean Shrimp

.Serves: 4 servings (1 1/2 cups each)
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
   
 
1 pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 large onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
1 large green pepper, chopped (about 1 cup)
1 fresh or canned jalapeño pepper, minced
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 jar (16 ounces) Pace® Salsa Verde
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut milk
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves
2 cups hot cooked regular long-grain white rice
lime slice
fresh cilantro leaves (optional)

DIRECTIONS;

Toss the shrimp with 1 tablespoon of the oil, lime juice and black pepper in a large bowl.
Heat the remaining oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, green pepper and jalapeño pepper. Cook and stir for 4 minutes or until the onion is tender.
Stir the red pepper, salsa verde and coconut milk in the skillet and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 10 minutes.
Add the shrimp and cilantro. Cook for 5 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. Serve over the rice. Garnish with lime slices and cilantro leaves, if desired.


Notes: Nutritional Values per Serving using Pace Salsa Verde: Calories 410, Total Fat 16g, Saturated Fat 7g, Cholesterol 221mg, Sodium 1080mg, Total Carbohydrate 36g, Dietary Fiber 3g, Protein 27g, Vitamin A 30%DV, Vitamin C 36%DV, Calcium 8%DV, Iron 32%DV

**********************************************

Chicken Crescent Pot Stickers


Here's a fun interpretation of a take-out favorite, with refrigerated crescent rounds hiding an Asian-flavored chicken filling.

    PREP TIME 35 Min
    TOTAL TIME 55 Min
    SERVINGS 16

 
2    cups shredded cooked chicken
1/4    cup shredded carrots
4    medium green onions, chopped (1/4 cup chopped)
1/3    cup hoisin sauce
2    tablespoons thick barbecue sauce
1    tablespoon grated fresh gingerroot
2    teaspoons sesame oil
2    teaspoons finely chopped garlic
2    cans (8 oz each) Pillsbury® Place 'n Bakeâ„¢ refrigerated crescent rounds
1    egg, beaten
2    tablespoons sesame seed


    1 Heat oven to 375°F. Grease or spray large cookie sheet. In medium bowl, mix chicken, carrots and onions. Stir in hoisin sauce, barbecue sauce, gingerroot, sesame oil and garlic.
    2 Unroll dough from both cans on work surface, but do not separate. Firmly press perforations to seal. Roll or press each into 12x8-inch rectangle. Cut each rectangle into 8 squares. Spoon about 2 tablespoons chicken mixture in center of each square. Bring edges up, pinching together and twisting to form bundle.
    3 Place on cookie sheet. Brush with beaten egg. Sprinkle with sesame seed.
    4 Bake 14 to 18 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm.

**********************************************

Chocolate Chunk Scones

Scones are similar to American biscuits -- made from an easy dough that is kneaded quickly and patted into a circle with your hands. Adding chocolate chunks just makes them extra-delicious, but you could omit them and the nuts for plain scones.

Serves: 8 scones
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 14 to 17 minutes

2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup buttermilk, or 1/2 cup milk mixed with 1 1/2 teaspoons vinegar
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, or milk chocolate, cut into 1/2-inch chunks
1/3 cup coarsely broken walnuts


Preheat the oven to 400º F. Lightly butter a baking sheet.
Reserve 1 tablespoon of egg for brushing on top of scones. In a medium bowl, stir together the buttermilk, remaining eggs, and vanilla.
In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Distribute the butter cubes over the flour mixture. With your fingertips, quickly rub the butter into the flour until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir the buttermilk mixture into flour just until combined. Stir in the chocolate chunks and walnuts.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until combined. This will take only 30 to 60 seconds. Do not overwork. With lightly floured hands, pat the dough into a 9-inch diameter circle on the prepared baking sheet. Brush the reserved egg over the top and side of the dough. With a serrated knife, cut it into 8 wedges. There is no need to separate the wedges from the circle during baking. Bake 14 to 17 minutes, or until lightly browned and a cake tester inserted in the center of a scone comes out clean.
Remove the baking sheet to a wire rack and cool for 5 minutes. Using a metal spatula, transfer the scones to a wire rack and cool for about 10 minutes. Recut into wedges, if necessary. Scones are best served warm.

**********************************************

Chocolate Streusel Banana-Carrot Cake

    PREP TIME 20 Min
    TOTAL TIME 2 Hr 30 Min
    SERVINGS 12
 
Streusel

1/2    cup chopped walnuts
1/4    cup packed brown sugar
2    tablespoons Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
2    tablespoons butter or margarine, melted
1/2    cup semisweet chocolate chips

Cake

1/2    cup semisweet chocolate chips
1    box Betty Crocker® SuperMoist® carrot cake mix
1 1/2    cups sliced very ripe bananas (about 3 medium)
1/3    cup sour cream
4    eggs
1/4    cup water
1/4    cup vegetable oil


    1 Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease and flour 13x9-inch pan, or spray with baking spray with flour. In medium bowl, mix all streusel ingredients except 1/2 cup chocolate chips. Stir in chocolate chips. Set aside.
    2 In small bowl, toss 1/2 cup chocolate chips with 1 tablespoon of the dry cake mix. In large bowl, mix bananas, sour cream and eggs; beat with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add remaining cake mix, water and oil; beat on low speed until combined. Beat 2 minutes on medium speed. Stir in coated chocolate chips; spoon into pan. Sprinkle with streusel.
    3 Bake 35 to 44 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean and top is light golden brown. Cool completely, about 1 1/2 hours. Store loosely covered.


**********************************************

Citrus Pork Kabobs

Try this easy recipe for pork kabobs. Your family will rave over the tangy taste.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 10 to 12 minutes

1 pound pork tenderloin, cut into ¾-inch cubes
1/3 cup smoky barbecue sauce
1/3 cup orange marmalade
2 tablespoons prepared horseradish


Light grill. Thread tenderloin cubes onto skewers (if using bamboo skewers, soak in water for 30 minutes before using to prevent burning). Stir together remaining ingredients for basting sauce. Place kabobs over medium-hot coals, brushing generously with basting sauce. Grill and turn to brown evenly, brushing frequently with sauce, just until done, about 10 to 12 minutes.

Serving suggestion:  Serve these spicy kabobs with rice pilaf and chutney.

**********************************************

Creamy Lime Pie

Active Time:  20 Minutes
Total Time:  5 Hours 45 Minutes
Yield:  Makes one 9- or 10-inch pie; serves 8


The perfect end to a chili-spiced meal, this easy pie cools and soothes the taste buds even as its sharp, citrusy flavor continues to excite them. When choosing limes for the recipe, look for ones that are yellowish and soft when squeezed; they’ll provide more juice and more flavor.

 INGREDIENTS
1 recipe empanada dough, chilled
3/4 cup fresh lime juice
1 pound cream cheese, at room temperature
1 can sweetened condensed milk
Finely grated zest of 1 lime
1 cup crema or creme fraiche
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar
1 lime, for garnish

Other necessary recipes:  Swiss Chard Empanadas  (see below)

DIRECTIONS

On a lightly floured work surface, roll out the dough into a round about 12 inches in diameter and 1/4 inch thick. Drape the round over the rolling pin and transfer to a 9- or 10-inch glass or ceramic pie plate. Ease the pastry into the pie plate, pressing it gently against the bottom and sides. Trim the edges, leaving a generous 1/2-inch overhang. Fold the overhang under, then crimp the edges decoratively. Cover and chill for 30-60 minutes.
Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F. Prick the bottom and sides of the pastry with a fork. Line the pastry with parchment (baking) paper or waxed paper, allowing the edges to hang over the sides and fill with pie weights or dried beans. Bake until only very lightly browned, 20-25 minutes. Remove from the oven and immediately remove the weights and paper. Transfer the pie shell to a rack and let cool completely.
In a food processor fitted with the metal blade, combine the lime juice, cream cheese and condensed milk. Process until smooth, scraping down the sides of the work bowl often. Add the lime zest and process to mix thoroughly. Pour into the pie shell and place in the refrigerator.
In a bowl, using a whisk, beat the crema or creme fraiche and confectioners' sugar until soft peaks form. Using a rubber spatula, spread the mixture over the top of the pie, creating peaks evenly over the surface. Slice 8 thin rounds from the center of the lime and cut each round once from the center to the edge. Form a twist from each round and place these twists, evenly spaced, on the pie.
Cover and chill for 4-6 hours or as long as overnight before serving.
______________________________________

Swiss Chard Empanadas
   
Active Time:  25 Minutes
Total Time:  2 Hours 25 Minutes
Yield:  Makes twelve 3-inch empanadas; serves 6

The turnovers of Mexico, empanadas are stuffed with all kinds of vegetables, including squashes, mushrooms and the chard used here. Be sure to use plenty of chard and season it well. You'll want to make a large batch of empanadas when you have the time, then store them well wrapped in the freezer for up to several weeks.

INGREDIENTS

For Dough:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup lard or unsalted butter, chilled
2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled
1/2 teaspoon salt
About 1/3 cup  ice water

For  Filling:
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large white onion, diced
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2 bunches swiss chard, about 1 lb total weight, trimmed, leaves cut into small pieces and stems cut into 1/2-inch (12-mm) dice
3/4 cup grated Cotija, Romano or Parmesan cheese 
1/4 cup grated asadero, manchego, Monterey Jack cheese or other good melting cheese
Squeeze of fresh lime juice
1 egg, beaten, for glaze
Freshly cracked pepper
   
DIRECTIONS

FOR DOUGH: In a bowl, combine the flour, lard, butter and salt. Mix lightly with your fingers until the mixture forms pea-sized pieces. Using a fork, stir in the ice water, a little at a time, until a dough forms, and then knead lightly until it comes together in a ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or as long as overnight.

FOR FILLING: In a large frying pan over medium heat, warm the olive oil. Add the onion, salt and pepper and sauté until the onion is soft and begins to turn lightly golden, 7-10 minutes. Add the chard stems and cook for 1-2 minutes. Then add the chard leaves and cook, stirring, until tender, 3-4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl and let cool. Add the cheeses and lime juice and mix well. Taste and adjust the seasonings.

TO ASSEMBLE: In a lightly floured board, roll out the dough about 1/8 inch thick. Using a 3-inch round cookie cutter, cut out 12 rounds. Place about 2 tablespoons of the filling on one-half of each round, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Dampen the edges of the dough with a little of the egg glaze, then fold the dough over to enclose the filling. Seal the edges by pressing firmly with the tines of a fork. Arrange the empanadas on a tray, cover with plastic wrap and chill for at least 30 minutes or up to 3 days before baking.

Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F. Place the empanadas on a baking sheet. Brush the tops with the egg glaze and sprinkle with cracked pepper. Using a sharp knife, cut 2 or 3 small slits in the top of each empanada to allow steam to escape.

Bake until golden, about 30 minutes. Transfer to a rack to cool. Serve warm or at room temperature.


*******************************************

JOKES:

"They can conquer who
believe they can."
- Virgil

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.


THINGS TO PONDER:      Is the grass really greener on the other side?


**********************************************

 A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for
   company. There's   plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing
   alright--but after a few   months he gets "lonely", if you know what I mean. The pig starts to
   look more and more   attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this
   poor guy makes an   advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost
   bit his leg. One day   the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it
   turns out to be a dinghy,   cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman,
   unconscious. He drags her   to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to
   health. Finally she is   well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for
   saving my life. I don't   know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything,
   just name it." The guy  thinks for a minute and says "Would you mind taking my dog for a
   walk?"

**********************************************

Save the Yeasts


                      EVERY TIME A LOAF OF BREAD
                              IS BAKED,
                            APPROXIMATELY
                        150,000,000 YEASTS ARE
                                KILLED.

                 Come to the award-winning 1987 film,
                  "The Very Small and Quiet Screams"
        -- a cinematic electromicrograph of yeasts being baked.

"A must for those who care about yeast, and especially for those who don't."

                +------------------------------------+
                | Evening showing in Johnson & Wales |
                |    Pirsig Auditorium: 7PM, 4/19    |
                +------------------------------------+
============================================================================
                             SPONSORED BY
                Brown Anaerobe Rights Coalition (BARC)
               Student Bakers for Social Responsibility
              Coalition for the ELevation of Life (CELL)
                   Campus Crusade for Fetal Matters
============================================================================
   Defend all life: 'from greatest to least, from human to yeast!"



            This poster printed on 100% yeast-free paper.

**********************************************

Was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando.
"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head
and watch your step.

If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your
language. Thank you."

**********************************************

Jerome Irving Rodale:

Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation.

How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing the benefits of organic foods.

Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was never aired.

**********************************************
Bounce This Along
 
U.S. Postal service sent out a message to all letter carriers to put a sheet of Bounce in their uniform pockets to keep yellow-jackets away.
 
All this time you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer!
 
1. It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.  It also repels mice.
 
2. Spread sheets around foundation areas, or in trailers, or cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.
 
3. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums  that don't get opened too often.
 
4. It repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito  season.
 
5. Eliminate static electricity from your television (or computer) screen.
 
6. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of  Bounce to keep dust from resettling.
 
7. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.
 
8. To freshen the air in your home - Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.
 
9. Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.
 
10. Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded  needle through a sheet of Bounce before beginning to  sew.
 
11. Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet  of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.
 
12. To freshen the air in your car - Place a sheet of Bounce  under the front seat.
 
13. Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet  in a pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean.  The anti-static agent apparently weakens the bond between
the food and the pan.
 
14. Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of  Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.
 
15. Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce  will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
 
16. Eliminate static electricity from Venetian blinds.  Wipe  the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.
 
17. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering.  A used  sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.
 
18. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry.  Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.
 
19. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce  in your shoes or sneakers overnight.
 
20. Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.
 
21. Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and storing them.  It will keep them smelling fresh.
 
22. Wet a Bounce sheet, hose down your car, and wipe love  bugs off easily with the wet Bounce.
 
23. Put a sheet of Bounce in your suitcase when traveling, it  will help keep mites or any other critters out of it.  While you  are at it, travel with several Bounce sheets and run them up
and down your bed linen before getting into bed, it will cause all the critters already in your bed to run.  Keep a sheet in  your suitcase even after you have unpacked to protect your
suitcases from bugs nesting in it.
 
Quick, bounce this on!  Your friends will be glad to hear  these hints!
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

2 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

People Who Need People

"One standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken."1

Many readers will be familiar with the song made popular by Barbara Streisand, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." She's right of course.

Jesus was very definitely a people person. He was a friend to and of sinners and ordinary people alike. True, he needed space at times to be alone with God, but he always came back to be with people. He rarely, if ever, ministered alone (except for going to the cross which he alone could do for us). And he relaxed with friends, both male and female.

We all need some close, supportive friends. "Bear one another's burdens" and "love one another" is at the very heart of Christianity.

Make time to develop and maintain close friendships. In a day of trouble you will need them. You will also need them in good days. We were created for relationships and can only live healthy lives when we are in healthy relationships.

A poet wrote:

    I went out to find a friend,
    But could not find one there.
    I went out to be a friend,
    And friends were everywhere.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me first of all to be a loving friend and then find loving friends to be with. And thank you that you are a friend of sinners, such as I. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (TLB)(NLT).

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

eschew • ess-CHOO • verb
: to avoid habitually especially on moral or practical grounds

Examples:
The keynote speakers were two former gang members who now eschew violence.

"The women least likely to have epidurals, said Wilson, are those who arrive at the hospital in the nick of time and those determined to eschew drugs." — From an article by Leslie Mann in the Chicago Tribune, April 25, 2012

Did you know?
"Eschew" derives from the Anglo-French verb "eschiver" and is akin to the Old High German verb "sciuhen" ("to frighten off"), an ancestor of our word "shy." In his famous dictionary of 1755 Dr. Samuel Johnson characterized "eschew" as "almost obsolete." History has proven that the great lexicographer was wrong on that call, however. William Thackeray found "eschew" alive enough to use it almost one hundred years later in his classic novel Vanity Fair: "He has already eschewed green coats, red neckcloths, and other worldly ornaments." The word swelled in usage in English during the 19th and 20th centuries and is now common enough to be included even in small paperback dictionaries.

**********************************************
5 New Uses for Asprin

Aspirin is more than just a pain reliever. Variations of aspirin have had a variety of other uses, going back to the ancient Egyptians. We've asked around and here are some ways that you can use aspirin long after that headache goes away.
uses for aspirin
Flickr photo by schjelderup


Sunburn Reliever
Been out in the sun too long? Aspirin can fix it. Grind up a few pills and add just enough water to make it into a paste. You can then rub this paste on your sunburn, kind of like a topical analgesic. If that sounds too messy, you can take the aspirin (just make sure you follow the proper dosage information). Aspirin is an anti-inflamatory agent, helping reduce the pain caused by too much sun exposure.

Chlorine Remover
If swimming is your exercise of choice, or you just plan on being in the pool all summer, then you know that chlorine can wreak havoc on your hair. For starters, it can leave hair with a greenish tint. To bring your locks back to normal, dissolve about six to eight aspirin tablets in water. Massage the mixture into your hair, letting it sit for10 minutes. After that, rinse and shampoo it like usual. The aspirin solution will remove the chlorine residue in your hair.

Plant 'Prozac'
From being eaten by bugs, bad weather, plant disease and transplanting, it can be hard out there for a plant. But you can boost your plant's "immune system" by giving them aspirin. Just dissolve a tablet into a gallon of water, then pour into the plant pot (or, on the surrounding soil). This trick also works for cut flowers, too. Simply drop an aspirin in the vase for fresher flowers.

Laundry Helper
Sweat and antiperspirant stains can turn good clothes into rags-to-be. But you can remove those stains with the help of, you guessed it, aspirin. Dissolve eight aspirin pills into warm water (about half a cup). Pour this all over the stain and let it sit for ten to fifteen minutes, and then put the garment through the wash. If this doesn't completely remove the stain, repeat the process.

Skin Exfoliant
You know those expensive exfoliants and facial cleansers? They work thanks to salicylic acid, which is found in aspirin. You can use the leftover aspirin water solution from the hair cleaner that we made earlier to exfoliate your skin. Bonus: To make a blemish disappear, mash up an aspirin pill with water and then apply directly to the zit. Let sit overnight for clear, happy skin.



**********************************************
RECIPE:

EASY Freezer Sweet Pickles

Total Time:  3 hrs
Prep Time: 
Cook Time:  3 hrs

   Yield:   2-3Quarts

Ingredients:

    2 quarts thinly sliced cucumbers
    2 sliced onions
    2 tablespoons salt
    1 cup white vinegar
    3/4 cup sugar

Directions:

    1       Mix Cucumbers and Onions together and sprinkle with salt, mix well and let stand 2-3 hours.
    2      Rinse and drain well.
    3      Mix Vinegar and Sugar till sugar is dissolved.
    4      Put cucumbers and onions in freezer containers or freezer bags, pour vinegar/sugar mixture over cukes and onions (I only fill mine half full to leave room for expansion during freezing).
    5      Freeze 3 weeks before eating, the longer you let them sit the sweeter the pickles.
    6     Thaw in refrigerator or in cold water.

**********************************************

Blueberry Walnut Bars

With power-packing oats, walnuts and blueberries, kids aren't the only ones that are going to love this sweet treat. Health-minded parents can feel good about these bars, too. Dawn Onuffer - Crestview, Florida

This recipe is:   Healthy, Quick, Diabetic Friendly

    Prep: 20 min. Bake: 10 min. + cooling
    Yield: 12 Servings

Ingredients

    2/3 cup ground walnuts
    1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
    2 tablespoons plus 1/3 cup sugar, divided
    1/3 cup old-fashioned oats
    3 tablespoons reduced-fat butter, melted
    1 package (8 ounces) reduced-fat cream cheese
    1 tablespoon orange juice
    1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1/2 cup reduced-fat whipped topping
    2 tablespoons blueberry preserves
    1-1/2 cups fresh blueberries

Directions

    In a small bowl, combine the walnuts, cracker crumbs, 2 tablespoons sugar, oats and butter. Press onto the bottom of an 8-in. square baking dish coated with cooking spray.
    Bake at 350° for 9-11 minutes or until set and edges are lightly browned. Cool on a wire rack.
    In a large bowl, beat cream cheese and remaining sugar until smooth. Beat in orange juice and vanilla. Fold in whipped topping. Spread over crust.
    In a microwave-safe bowl, heat preserves on high for 15-20 seconds or until warmed; gently stir in blueberries. Spoon over filling. Refrigerate until serving. Yield: 12 servings.

Editor's Note: This recipe was tested with Land O'Lakes light stick butter.

Nutritional Facts 1 bar equals 167 calories, 9 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 17 mg cholesterol, 125 mg sodium, 19 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 3 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 2 fat, 1 starch.

**********************************************

Crisp Cucumber Freezer Pickles

Yield:  3  Pints  Units: US | Metric
Total Time:  72 hrs  30 mins
Prep Time:  30 mins
Cook Time:  72 hrs


This is a sweet cucumber pickle. These pickles stay crisp for up to a year in the freezer. They are so easy to make and very good.


Ingredients:

    7 cups thin sliced cucumbers (with peel)
    1 large sweet onion, medium sliced
    1/2 cup green pepper, thinly sliced
    1/2 cup red sweet pepper, thinly sliced
    1 tablespoon pickling salt
    1/2 teaspoon celery seed
    1 cup white vinegar
    2 cups white sugar

Directions:

    1    Combine all the ingredients in a bowl.
    2    Stir well, cover and refrigerate for 3 days. Stir every day.
    3    Pack into freezer containers and cover with brine (I use ziplock bags to have the pickles in small portions and then place the small bags in a larger freezer container). Freeze Thaw before serving.

**********************************************

Chicken Souvlaki

Grilled chicken on pita with tomatoes, onions, and tzatziki (yogurt and cucumber sauce) makes for a satisfying supper.

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
   
Ingredients:     
 
2 cups plain yogurt
1 cucumber, halved lengthwise, peeled, seeded, and grated
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1 garlic clove, minced
fresh ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon dried dill
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 1/3 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts, (about 4), cut into 1-inch cubes
4 pocketless pitas
6 tablespoons butter, at room temperature
1 small onion, cut into thin wedges
2 tomatoes, cut into thin wedges
1/3 cup Kalamata olives, (or other black olives) halved and pitted


DIRECTIONS:

Put the yogurt in a strainer lined with cheesecloth, a coffee filter, or a paper towel and set it over a bowl. Let drain in the refrigerator for 15 minutes. In a medium glass or stainless-steel bowl, combine the cucumber with 1 teaspoon of the salt; let sit for about 15 minutes. Squeeze the cucumber to remove the liquid. Put the cucumber back in the bowl and stir in the drained yogurt, the garlic, 1/8 teaspoon of pepper, and the dill.

Light the grill or heat the broiler. In a small glass or stainless-steel bowl, combine the oil, lemon juice, oregano, the remaining 1/4 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper. Toss the chicken cubes in the oil mixture and thread them onto skewers. Grill the chicken over high heat or broil, turning once, until done, about 5 minutes in all. Transfer the chicken to a plate.

Spread both sides of the pitas with the butter and grill or broil, turning once, until golden, about 4 minutes in all. Cut into quarters.

To serve, put the pitas on plates and top with the onion, tomatoes, and chicken skewers with any accumulated juices. Serve with the tzatziki (yogurt-cucumber sauce)and olives.

Wine Recommendation: This traditional Greek preparation goes with a number of choices to suit the occasion and your taste. Look for a very fruity red such as a Beaujolais, a sparkling wine from California, or a sauvignon blanc from northern Italy.

**********************************************

South Carolina Chicken Bog

Chicken Bog may sound a bit strange to you, but this is a tasty South Carolina treat that you and your family are sure to enjoy. Chicken Bog is like its name, it is a boggy combination of rice, sausage, chicken, bell peppers, onions and spices.


Prep Time  30 min
Cook Time 1 hrs  25 min
Total Time  1 hrs  55 min
Serves 6

Ingredients

8   cups water
3   tbsp sage
2   tsp salt
1   tsp minced garlic
2   tsp black pepper
1   bay leaf
1   chopped large onion
1   chopped large bell pepper
1   lb smoked sausage
3   lb whole chicken chopped and quartered
1   box Uncle Bens Wild Rice with 23 herbs and seasonings
2   cups white rice

Directions for South Carolina Chicken Bog

1  In a large stockpot boil chicken, onion, garlic and all spices in water until the chicken is tender or about 45 minutes.
2  Remove the chicken from the stock and allow chicken to cool.
3  After cooling, remove the meat from the bones.
4  Add chicken meat, sausage, bell pepper, white and wild rice to the remaining water and bring to a boil continuously stirring well for about 10 minutes.
5  Reduce heat, cover and allow to simmer for 30 minutes or until rice is tender, stirring often.

**********************************************

Healthy Onion Rings

Extra crunchy onion rings with half the guilt!

Serves: Serves 4
Prep Time: 8 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
   
     
Nonstick vegetable cooking spray, PAM
1 large onion
1 1/4 cups Italian style bread crumbs, Progresso
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh garlic, McCormick
1 cup lowfat milk
1 cup all-purpose flour, Pillsbury
3 large egg whites, beaten slightly

directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray 2 large cookie sheets with nonstick spray.
Cut onion into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Separate slices into rings.
In a small bowl, combine bread crumbs and garlic. Set aside. Place milk, flour, and egg whites into three separate small bowls.
Dip each onion ring into milk, flour, egg white, and bread crumbs (in that order). Place on prepared cookie sheets and bake for 20 minutes. Turn onion rings over and bake until golden brown, about 10 minutes longer.

*******************************************

JOKES:

In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her
vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm
that her doctor had recently given her.
"I followed all the instructions to the letter," she told her doctor,
"and used it with the jelly."
When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape."

**********************************************

Dumb Criminals

A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.


**********************************************

The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um...
little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor
and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for
her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says,
"listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband's
on his way out...Get this prescription, and put three drops in his
milk before he goes to bed." The wife is very happy and thanks the
doc profusely.

Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went.
The lady blushes, smiles and says, "well I put thirty drops in his
milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close
the coffin."

**********************************************

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being
   introduced to other
   members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that
   old man asleep
   in the chair by the fire- place? He is our oldest member and can tell
   you some hunting
   stories you'll never forget."
   They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
   "Well," he began,
   "I remember back in '44', we went on a lion hunting expedition in
   Africa. We were on foot
   and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I
   was so tired I had to
   rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on
   the tree, and fell
   asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a
   noise in the
   bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen
   jumped out of the
   bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!......' I
   tell you, I
   just shit my pants."
   The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame
   you, I would have
   shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his
   head and said, "No,
   no, not then, just now when I said
   'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!'"

**********************************************

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool.
When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other
and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?"
The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play
with!"

**********************************************

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second
time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost
you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
                                                   
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"

************************************************

'LIFE' THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY'

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?  AMEN, AMEN!
   

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
   

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. 
   

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
   

And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

3 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

Among the Thorns

Matthew 13:22, NIV: "The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful."

We are among so many things that can choke the Word in us. The cares of life, making a living, pursuing worldly gain or ambitions, to name a few, all have the potential of choking God's Word in us--making us unfruitful. Look into the eyes of Christians and what is it you see? Do you see the sparkle of light of a soul contented in Christ? Or do you see eyes like so many others that reflect the cares of this life? Shall we bear fruit? Or shall we be afflicted by the thorns? It may seem so very hard to be still before God when the world around you is spinning at such a high rate of speed. Yet the only way to take back the ground we've lost is to kneel on it, and get our eyes off life's cares and onto Christ's concerns; making His concerns ours, and giving us the opportunity to learn the joys of being the fruit bearers He created us to be.


But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
- 1 Samuel 16:7

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

pip pip , verb:
1. To peep or chirp.
2. (Of a young bird) to break out from the shell.
3. To crack or chip a hole through (the shell), as a young bird.

Stone's watch pipped eight o'clock. He had curly hair the color of motor oil, and pale green eyes.
-- Jonathan Franzen, The Twenty-Seventh City

As Fiona's horn pipped, just beyond the cab's black fender.
-- William Gibson, Zero History

Pip is a variation on the word peep which arose in the 1600s. It comes from the Lithuanian word p?pti which was originally imitative of a baby bird.

**********************************************

RECIPE:

Classic Peanut Butter Cookies

"Makes great cookies!"

 
Original Recipe Yield 4 dozen
 
Ingredients

    1 cup unsalted butter
    1 cup crunchy peanut butter
    1 cup white sugar
    1 cup packed brown sugar
    2 eggs
    2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    1 teaspoon baking powder
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

Directions

    Cream together butter, peanut butter and sugars. Beat in eggs.
    In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking

soda, and salt. Stir into batter. Put batter in refrigerator for 1 hour.
    Roll into 1 inch balls and put on baking sheets. Flatten each ball

with a fork, making a criss-cross pattern. Bake in a preheated 375

degrees F oven for about 10 minutes or until cookies begin to

brown. Do not over-bake.

**********************************************

Bacon-Chicken Sandwiches

    Prep/Total Time: 25 min.
    Yield: 4 Servings

Ingredients

    4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (5 ounces each)
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/2 teaspoon pepper
    2 teaspoons canola oil
    4 tomato slices
    4 slices process Swiss cheese
    1/4 cup mango chutney
    3 tablespoons mayonnaise
    4 kaiser rolls, split and toasted
    1 cup fresh baby spinach
    8 slices ready-to-serve fully cooked bacon, warmed

Directions

    Flatten chicken to 1/2-in. thickness; sprinkle with salt and pepper. In a large skillet over medium heat, cook chicken in oil for 4-5 minutes on each side or until chicken juices run clear. Top each chicken breast half with a tomato and cheese slice; cover and cook for 2-3 minutes or until cheese is melted.
    Combine chutney and mayonnaise; spread over roll bottoms. Layer with spinach, chicken and bacon; replace tops. Yield: 4 servings.

Nutritional Facts 1 sandwich equals 599 calories, 25 g fat (7 g saturated fat), 100 mg cholesterol, 1,345 mg sodium, 46 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 43 g protein.

**********************************************

Beet-and-Apple Soup

This simple soup has only six ingredients but is full of flavor -- and a full serving of veggies!

Ingredients
   
    6 medium beets, peeled and chopped
    1  onion, chopped
    1 clove(s) garlic
    4 cup(s) apple juice
    3 tablespoon(s) lemon juice
    1 tablespoon(s) sour cream
    Salt and pepper, to taste

Directions

    Bring apple juice to a boil; add beets, onion and garlic and simmer for 25 minutes. Remove from heat and puree in a blender. Add lemon juice.
    Swirl sour cream into soup before serving. Season with salt and pepper.

**********************************************

Greek Grilled Chicken Pitas

    Prep: 20 min. + marinating
    Grill: 10 min.
    Yield: 4 Servings


Ingredients

    1/2 cup balsamic vinaigrette
    1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast halves

    CUCUMBER SAUCE:
    1 cup plain Greek yogurt
    1/2 cup finely chopped cucumber
    1/4 cup finely chopped red onion
    1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley
    1 tablespoon lime juice
    1 garlic clove, minced
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/8 teaspoon pepper

    PITAS:
    8 pita pocket halves
    1/2 cup sliced cucumber
    1/2 cup grape tomatoes, chopped
    1/2 cup sliced red onion
    1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese

Directions

    Pour vinaigrette into a large resealable plastic bag. Add the chicken; seal bag and turn to coat. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours or overnight. In a small bowl, combine the sauce ingredients; chill until serving.
    Drain and discard marinade. If grilling the chicken, moisten a paper towel with cooking oil; using long-handled tongs, lightly coat the grill rack. Grill chicken, covered, over medium heat or broil 4 in. from the heat for 4-7 minutes on each side or until a meat thermometer reads 170°.
    Cut chicken into strips. Fill each pita half with chicken, cucumber, tomatoes, onion and cheese; drizzle with sauce. Yield: 4 servings.

    Editor's Note: If Greek yogurt is not available in your area, line a strainer with a coffee filter and place over a bowl. Place 2 cups fat-free yogurt in prepared strainer; refrigerate overnight. Discard liquid from bowl; proceed as directed

Nutritional Facts 2 filled pita halves equals 428 calories, 14 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 85 mg cholesterol, 801 mg sodium, 41 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 33 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3 starch, 3 lean meat, 1 fat.

**********************************************

Grandma's Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie


Total Time:      1 hr 20 min
Prep      15 min
Cook       1 hr 5 min

Yield:
    1 pie

Level:
    Intermediate
Ingredients
Crust:

    2 cups all-purpose flour, plus additional flour as needed, up to 1/4 cup
    1/2 cup cake flour (recommended: Soft As Silk)
    3 teaspoons sifted powdered sugar
    1/2 cup butter-flavored shortening (recommended: Crisco)
    1/4 cup salted butter
    Pinch salt
    1 egg
    2 teaspoons vinegar
    1/4 cup ice cold water

Filling:

    2 1/2 cups chopped red rhubarb, fresh
    2 1/2 cups de-stemmed, washed and cut strawberries (in larger pieces)
    1 1/2 cups sugar (1 1/4 cups for high altitude)
    2 tablespoons minute tapioca
    1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
    1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
    1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
    1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    3 tablespoons butter, cubed small
    1 egg white beaten with 1 teaspoon water
    Large granule sugar

Crust Preparation:

Directions

Using 2 pastry blenders, blend the flours, sugar, shortening, butter and salt. Whisk the egg, vinegar and water in a 2-cup measure and pour over the dry ingredients incorporating all the liquid without overworking the dough. Toss the additional flour over the ball of dough and chill if possible. Divide the dough into 2 disks. Roll out 1 piece of dough to make a bottom crust. Place into a pie dish. Put dish in refrigerator to chill.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Filling Preparation:

Mix the rhubarb, strawberries, sugar, tapioca, flour, zest and juice of lemon, dash of cinnamon, and vanilla. Mix well in a large bowl and pour out into chilled crust. Dot the top of the filling with the butter. Brush edges of pie crust with egg white wash. Roll out the other piece of dough and place over filling. Crimp to seal edges.
Brush with egg white wash and garnish with large granule sugar.
Collar with foil and bake at 425 degrees F for 15 minutes.
Decrease temperature to 375 degrees F and bake for an additional 45 to 50 minutes, or until the filling starts bubbling.
Higher altitude will take 450 degrees F and 400 degrees F respectively. Also, you can use a pie bird for extra decor. Let cool before serving.

**********************************************

Grilled Caponata Wraps With Summer Vegetables

Yield: Makes 12 servings.

CAPONATA:

    5 to 6 tablespoons olive oil, divided
    1 medium eggplant, peeled and diced
    1 large onion, peeled and chopped
    2 yellow crookneck squashes, diced
    2 summer (pattypan) squashes, diced
    1 cup roasted red bell pepper strips
    3 tablespoons capers
    1/2 cup pitted kalamata olives, chopped
    1 can (8 ounces) tomato sauce
    1 teaspoon dried oregano
    2 tablespoons red-wine vinegar
    2 teaspoons sugar
    1/3 cup dried cranberries
    salt and pepper, to taste

In a large skillet over medium-high heat, warm 2 to 3 tablespoons of olive oil. Add the eggplant and cook until brown. Remove the eggplant from the skillet and add 2 to 3 more tablespoons of olive oil, then the onion and squashes. Cook until soft. Add the red pepper strips, capers, olives, tomato sauce, oregano, vinegar, sugar, dried cranberries, and salt and pepper. Return the eggplant to the mixture and heat through. Set aside.

WRAPS:

    2 packages (15 ounces each) spinach herb tortilla wraps
    1/2 pound Gorgonzola cheese
    1/2 cup roasted, shelled, and salted pumpkin seeds

Spoon about 1/2 cup of caponata into the center of each wrap, crumble Gorgonzola cheese on top, and sprinkle with pumpkin seeds. Roll the wraps like a burrito (fold two sides inward, then roll one open side toward the other). Brush the flat sides with olive oil and place on a panini grill one or two at a time (depending on the size of your grill). Grill 2 to 3 minutes, or until grill marks show on the wrap. Remove, cut in half, and serve.

*******************************************

JOKES:

"The greater danger for most of us is not
that our aim is too high and we miss it,
but that it is too low and we reach it."
- Michelangelo

THING TO PONDER:   Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you and your son are in the same fifth grade class.

**********************************************

ITALIAN VIRGIN
 


Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests.
Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'
  
**********************************************

BRITISH HUMOUR
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
 

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
__________________________________________________
 
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
__________________________________________________
 
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
 
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
__________________________________________________
 
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
__________________________________________________
 
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
 
Worn once by mistake.
 
Call Stephanie.
__________________________________________________
 
And the WINNER is...
 
 
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
 
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
 
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
 
__________________________________________________

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
 
 "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
 
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
__________________________________________________
 
Children Are Quick
 
TEACHER: Why are you late?
 
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
 
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
 
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
 
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
 
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
 
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
 
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
 
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
 
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
 
MILLIE: I is..
 
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
 
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
 
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
__________________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
 
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________________________
 
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

**********************************************

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
 
The case came up in court.
 
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

What he had to say for himself.
 
The man replied,

'Well your Honour, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus,

I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said,

'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time

And sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.'



'CASE DISMISSED!!'
 

**********************************************

Three  Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At  the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says,  'Sisters, you all
led such exemplary lives that the  Lord is granting you six months to go
back to earth  and be anyone you wish to be


The first nun  says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren;'


And  *poof* she's gone.


The second says, 'I want  to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.


The  third says, 'I want to be Sara  Pipalini..'


St.  Peter looks perplexed. 'Who?' he ask


'Sara  Pipalini,' replies the nun.


St.  Peter shakes his head and says, 'I'm sorry, but that  name just doesn't
ring a bell.'


The nun  then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to  St. Peter.


St. Peter reads the paper and  starts laughing. He hands it back to her  and
says.


'No  sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline'  that was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months.'


If you laugh, you're  going straight to hell!
 

THE  DEVIL MADE ME SHARE  THIS.
 
**********************************************
"The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living"

This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future she’s worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare  that she’s being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion.
 
Nov 18, 2011

Put me in charge . . .

Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of  cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50kg bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away.  If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicare. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations.  Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing.  Ever live in a military barracks?

You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good..”

Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices.  The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND while you are on Government subsistence, you no longer can VOTE!  Yes that is correct.  For you to vote would be a conflict of interest.  You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Government welfare check.  If you want to vote, then get a job.

Now, if you have the guts - PASS IT ON... 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

3 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

Hearsay

Proverbs 16:28, NIV: "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."

Sometimes well-intended, sometimes meant to harm--they are the words spoken in the secret places that will not remain in secret. They are perhaps one of Satan's greatest tools. He wields gossip like a cat-o'-nine-tails to rip apart the body of Christ. Through it, churches divide, lives are broken, hearts are torn, and forgiveness is not easily found. It is yet another device of the devil that, as a church, we must stand united against. We must do all we can to prevent gossip from getting a foothold in our church body. Have nothing to do with it. When it comes across your ears, you must go straight to God and obey His instruction. If you have said something, why have you said it? Is it because you are seeking God's will in the matter? Is it because you are seeking the best interest of the body of Christ? Gossip is deceptive. It clouds the motives, burrows into curiosity, and festers like a sore. It will not sleep until it has claimed a life.


Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.
- Leviticus 19:18

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

gambit GAM-bit , noun:

1. A remark made to open or redirect a conversation.
2. Chess. An opening in which a player seeks to obtain some advantage by sacrificing a pawn or piece.
3. Any maneuver by which one seeks to gain an advantage.

The leader was eyeing him up and down, shrewdly calculating. "Thirsty as all that, are you, my friend?" he asked. Gratefully Bomilcar seized upon the gambit. “Thirsty enough to buy everyone here a drink,” he said.
-- Colleen McCullough, The First Man in Rome

But in other cases the gambit may be a dependent clause introducing or rounding off some larger unit whose illocutionary force it helps to establish.
-- Thierry Fontenelle, Practical Lexicography: A Reader

Gambit is primarily a term used in chess. It came from the Italian idiom gambetto meaning "to trip up."

**********************************************

How to Make a Car Air Freshener

While you could buy cheap air fresheners from the store, there is something satisfying about making your own from recycled items around the house. Moreover, you can scent your own air freshener with scents you actually like. And you'll know the actual ingredients, something you can't say about most commercial car air fresheners. This project is simple and fun; make as many as you'd like and perhaps give some as gifts.

 Steps

    1    Assemble the items needed for this project. These are listed below under "Things You'll Need". In particular, use recyclable items to make this as sustainable a project as possible.

    2    Design the template for the air freshener. Typical designs include tree shapes or state, province or country shapes, food shapes, etc. but any design you'd like to make is fine. You might even consider a special word that means something special for you, such as "Love" or "Joy".

    3    Cut out the template.

    4    Place the template over the fabric. Cut out two pieces of fabric.

    5    Place the template over the cardboard. Cut out one piece of cardboard.

    6    Glue the fabric to each side of the cardboard. Allow to dry.

    7    Carefully drip 10 to 20 drops of the chosen oil over each side of the air freshener.

    8    Allow to dry.

    9    Punch a hole in the top of the air freshener. Thread the ribbon, twine or hanging item. Leave unknotted.

    10    Hang the air freshener from the rear vision mirror in the car. Knot into place over the mirror handle; as you're doing so, adjust so that it doesn't interfere with your view.

    11      Refresh the air freshener regularly. Simply dab or drop more oil drops onto the air freshener when it starts to lose its aroma.

   Tips

    If you don't want the air freshener hanging from the mirror, find another part of the car to hang it from like the coat hook or hand holds or simply let it sit somewhere like the drinks tray or in a door pocket.
    The air freshener can be decorated with crafty bits if liked; anything sitting around in the craft or sewing basket.

 Warnings

    Be cautious where you hang the air freshener! In many areas it is illegal to have anything hanging from your rear view mirror, even though you see them, this is still a cause to be pulled over, issued a citation and pay a fine.

 Things You'll Need

    Cardboard (recycle an old box, a file cover, unwanted board, etc.)
    Fabric, recycled
    Non-toxic glue suitable for paper and cardboard
    Scissors
    Hole punch or similar tool to make a hole
    Ribbon, twine or yarn; a rubber band is another option
    Essential oil or essential oil blend or fragrance oil of choice; pipette or dropper if wished (optional)



**********************************************

RECIPE:

Pork Chops with Quick Rhubarb Sauce

This grilled pork chop recipe features a savory rhubarb sauce that can cook in the microwave while you grill the pork chops.

4 servings, 1 pork chop & 1/4 cup sauce each
Active Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

    1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves, chopped, or 1/2 teaspoon dried
    1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
    1/2 teaspoon salt, divided
    1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, divided
    4 bone-in pork chops, 1/2-3/4 inch thick (about 2 pounds), trimmed
    1/2 cup 100% pomegranate juice
    1/2 cup reduced-sodium beef broth
    2 tablespoons honey
    3 medium shallots, thinly sliced
    1 1/2 cups sliced rhubarb, fresh or frozen (thawed and drained)
    1 teaspoon butter

Preparation

    Preheat grill to medium-high.
    Combine thyme, oil and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper in a small bowl. Smear evenly all over pork chops.
    Combine juice, broth, honey, shallots and the remaining 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper in a glass pie pan (or see Tips). Microwave, uncovered, on High until reduced by about half, 6 to 9 minutes. Stir in rhubarb and microwave, stirring once, until the rhubarb is beginning to break down, 3 to 6 minutes more. Stir in butter.
    Meanwhile, oil the grill rack (see Tips). Grill the pork chops, turning once, until cooked through, 2 to 3 minutes per side. Serve with the rhubarb sauce.

Tips & Notes

    Tips: No Microwave? To make rhubarb sauce (Step 3), bring juice, broth, honey, shallots, salt and pepper to a simmer in a medium saucepan and cook until reduced by half, 8 to 12 minutes. Stir in rhubarb and return to a simmer; cover, reduce heat to low and cook until the rhubarb is beginning to break down, about 4 minutes. Stir in butter.
    Oiling a grill rack before you grill foods helps ensure that the food won’t stick. Oil a folded paper towel, hold it with tongs and rub it over the rack. (Do not use cooking spray on a hot grill.) When grilling delicate foods like tofu and fish, it is helpful to coat the food with cooking spray.

Nutrition

Per serving: 303 calories; 13 g fat ( 4 g sat , 7 g mono ); 71 mg cholesterol; 18 g carbohydrates; 9 g added sugars; 28 g protein; 1 g fiber; 412 mg sodium; 561 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Zinc (17% daily value), Potassium (16% dv)
Carbohydrate Servings: 1
Exchanges: 1 fruit, 4 lean meat, 1 fat

**********************************************
Lime-Honey Glazed Chicken

The sweet and tangy lime-honey marinade is simmered on the stovetop and then used as a sauce to baste and glaze the chicken. Don't let the chicken marinate any longer than 2 hours; overmarinating in soy sauce and lime juice can make the texture of the meat spongy.

   COMMENT:
    "This dish was very tasty I however put it in a pan to cook rather then on the grill with the sauce and a little water. Really allowed the sauce to soak in. Will be making again. "

8 servings
Active Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 3 1/2 hours (including 2 hours marinating time)

Ingredients

    6 tablespoons honey
    6 tablespoons reduced-sodium soy sauce
    2 teaspoons freshly grated lime zest
    6 tablespoons lime juice
    1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
    4 6-ounce bone-in chicken thighs, skin and excess fat removed
    2 12-ounce bone-in chicken breasts, skin and excess fat removed, cut in half crosswise

Preparation

    Mix honey, soy sauce, lime zest, lime juice and crushed red pepper in a large bowl. Add chicken pieces; stir to coat. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours, stirring occasionally.
    About 20 minutes before you are ready to grill, preheat a gas grill (with all burners lit) to 400°F or build a fire in a charcoal grill and let it burn down to medium heat (about 400°F).
    If using a gas grill, turn off one burner (leaving 1 to 2 burners lit, depending on your grill). If using a charcoal grill, move the coals to one side. Remove the chicken pieces from the marinade (reserve marinade) and place bone-side down (with the thick part of the meat facing up) on the unheated side of the grill rack. Close the lid and roast undisturbed for 25 minutes.
    Meanwhile, place the marinade in a small saucepan over medium-high heat and boil until reduced by about half and thickened to a glaze, 8 to 10 minutes.
    Rotate the chicken to other spots on the unheated portion of the grill to ensure even cooking and lightly brush with some of the glaze. Cover and continue roasting, basting once more about halfway through cooking, until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the center of the meat without touching bone registers 165°F, 10 to 20 minutes more.

Nutrition
Per serving: 227 calories; 7 g fat ( 2 g sat , 2 g mono ); 81 mg cholesterol; 15 g carbohydrates; 26 g protein; 0 g fiber; 366 mg sodium; 279 mg potassium.
Carbohydrate Servings: 1
Exchanges: 3 1/2 lean meat, 1 carbohydrate (other

**********************************************

Baked Parmesan Tomatoes

A sprinkle of Parmesan and a drizzle of olive oil transform tomatoes into the perfect side dish. Or try sandwiching them between slices of your favorite whole-wheat country bread.

4 servings
Active Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients

    4 tomatoes, halved horizontally
    1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
    1 teaspoon chopped fresh oregano
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    Freshly ground pepper, to taste
    4 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

Preparation

    Preheat oven to 450° F.
    Place tomatoes cut-side up on a baking sheet. Top with Parmesan, oregano, salt and pepper. Drizzle with oil and bake until the tomatoes are tender, about 15 minutes.

Nutrition

Per serving: 91 calories; 6 g fat ( 2 g sat , 4 g mono ); 4 mg cholesterol; 6 g carbohydrates; 3 g protein; 2 g fiber; 375 mg sodium; 363 mg potassium.
Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2
Exchanges: 1 vegetable, 1 fat
Nutrition Note: What you get: Vitamins A & C, potassium, calcium

**********************************************

Parmesan-Squash Cakes

In this recipe we shred summer squash and use it like shredded potatoes to make tasty little pancakes flavored with Parmesan cheese and shallots.

4 servings
Active Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 35 minutes

Ingredients

    1 large egg
    2/3 cup finely chopped shallots
    1 tablespoon chopped flat-leaf parsley
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
    2 cups shredded seeded summer squash, (2-3 medium, about 1 pound; see Tip)
    1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
    1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

Preparation

    Preheat oven to 400°F.
    Beat egg in a large bowl. Stir in shallots, parsley, salt and pepper. Place shredded squash in the center of a clean kitchen towel; gather up the ends and twist to squeeze out any liquid. Add the squash and cheese to the bowl; stir to combine.
    Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Pack a 1/3-cup measuring cup with the squash mixture and unmold it into the pan; gently pat it down to form a 3-inch cake. Repeat, making 4 squash cakes. Cook until browned and crispy on the bottom, 3 to 4 minutes. Gently turn the cakes over and transfer the pan to the oven. Bake for 10 minutes. Serve immediately.

Tips & Notes

    Tip: To remove the seeds from summer squash, cut the squash in half lengthwise and scrape out the seeds with a spoon. To shred the squash, use the large-holed side of a box grater.

Nutrition
Per serving: 130 calories; 8 g fat ( 3 g sat , 4 g mono ); 62 mg cholesterol; 9 g carbohydrates; 7 g protein; 1 g fiber; 322 mg sodium; 406 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (35% daily value), Calcium & Vitamin A (15% dv).
Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2
Exchanges: 1 vegetable, 1 lean meat, 1/2 fat

**********************************************

Mahogany Wings

Many fragrant flavors combine to create slow-cooked wings to please any palate.

Serves: 18 servings (about 4 wings each)
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 4 hours
   
       
6 pounds chicken wings (about 36 wings)
1 can (10 1/2 ounces) Campbell's Condensed Beef Broth
2 bunches green onion, chopped
1 cup soy sauce
1 cup plum sauce
6 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup light molasses or honey
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1 tablespoon cornstarch


Cut off the chicken wing ends and discard. Cut the chicken wings in half at the joint.
Stir the broth, onions, soy sauce, plum sauce, garlic, molasses and vinegar in a large nonmetallic bowl. Add the chicken and stir to coat. Cover and refrigerate for 6 hours or overnight.
Stir 1/2 cup of the marinade and the cornstarch in a small bowl.  Add the cornstarch and chicken mixture to the cooker.
Cover and cook on HIGH for 4 to 5 hours* or until the chicken is cooked through.
*Or on LOW for 7 to 8 hours.

**********************************************

Pepperoni Pinwheels

These golden brown rounds from field have lots of pepperoni flavor. "They're easy to make, and really good!"

    Prep: 20 min. Bake: 15 min.
    Yield: 12 Servings

Ingredients

    1/2 cup diced pepperoni
    1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
    1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
    1 egg, separated
    1 tube (8 ounces) refrigerated crescent rolls

Directions

    In a small bowl, combine the pepperoni, cheese, oregano and egg yolk. In another small bowl, whisk egg white until foamy; set aside. Separate crescent dough into four rectangles; seal perforations.
    Spread pepperoni mixture over each rectangle to within 1/4 in. of edges. Roll up jelly-roll style, starting with a short side; pinch seams to seal. Cut each into six slices.
    Place cut side down on greased baking sheets; brush tops with egg white. Bake at 375° for 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 2 dozen.

Nutritional Facts 1 serving (2 each) equals 122 calories, 8 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 26 mg cholesterol, 291 mg sodium, 8 g carbohydrate, trace fiber, 4 g protein.

*******************************************

JOKES:

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.

THING TO PONDER:  Does a fish get cramps after eating?

"All life is a chance. So take it!
The person who goes furthest is the one
who is willing to do and dare."
- Dale Carnegie

CONFUCIOUS QUOTE:  No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...Winn-Dixie catered your wedding.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

**********************************************

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I
   would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree", sighed the
   pheasant, "but I haven"t got the energy".
   Well, why don"t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
   "They"re packed with nutrients".
   The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
   him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next
   day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch and so
   on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the
   top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into
   the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out
   of the tree.

   Moral of the Story:
   Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won"t keep you there.

**********************************************

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the woman's brain costs "30,000.00."

The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large difference between the male and the female brain?"

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."

**********************************************

Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates will donate $100 million to help
immunize children in developing countries against meningitis
and respiratory and diarrheal illnesses. With the shot, however,
the children will have Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.0 installed in
them.

**********************************************

A friend of mine said he and his son were at the grocery store
when his son (about 9) asked him what "Oriole sex" was.  I
told him the store wasn't a proper place to talk about it, but
I'd explain it to him on the way home.  On the way, I decided to
tell the truth and explain it fairly graphic and clinical.  I thought
I did pretty good until my son said, "Oh, you mean like a blow
job, huh?"

**********************************************

Rubbermaid Inc. is recalling about 60,800 toboggans because
they can break apart, causing loss of control and injury. They
are sold under the brand name *Way-Too-Flexible-Flyers*.

*************************************************

EVER WONDER   ???    How much money, in pennies, is lying on                      the streets of the world?

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

1 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

The Why of Materialism

"Then he said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.'"1

Here in the West, at least, we have the greatest wealth, comforts, conveniences, and material possessions of any people anywhere in the world … and at the same time we are plagued by stress, anxiety, depression, impaired relationships, and the breakdown of the family. You'd think we'd get it that material possessions, while they may bring fun for a while, don't bring any kind of lasting happiness or fulfillment. For many of us the more we get the more we want.

So why are we so materialistic? One major reason is because we are so repressed; that is, emotionally repressed.

"And what do you mean by that?" I can hear some readers saying.

It's because when we don't have that which is real, we exchange it for the false; that is, we settle for a poor substitute. For example, when fear is repressed it can express itself as anger or in phobias. Instead of feeling my fear, I lash out in anger. Or instead of facing my fear within, I project it onto the spider on the wall or some other irrational object or circumstance. By blaming my fear on an external object I avoid having to face it within.

Also when the emotion of love is repressed, it may express itself in an insatiable thirst for approval or as lust. Both of these may feel like love but they aren't love. And while at first they may bring some "pleasure" for the moment, they leave the person empty and unsatisfied, and hungering for more approval or more sexual exploits. This in turn increases their feeling of emptiness, and their "searching for love in all the wrong ways and places" becomes a never-ending vicious cycle. Wanting more and more … and being satisfied less and less.

What about the emotion of wonder? Wonder is the emotion that when we see a beautiful sunset, walk along a sandy beach, stand on top of a high mountain and view the splendor below, feel the grasp of a baby's tiny hand, etc., etc., we experience an overwhelming sense of awe and hopefully marvel at God's creation. When wonder is repressed, not only do we not feel this great sense of awe, but are characteristically bored with life, and end up unhappily loving things and using people instead of loving people and using things. That's materialism. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have nice possessions. Not at all. But when our life is driven and controlled by a never-ending desire for more money to buy more things to get more possessions, that's materialism at its core, and is a sure-fire symptom of an empty, repressed life and an equally empty society.

If we are going to overcome the problem of materialism, it is imperative that we get in touch with all of our God-given emotions and use them as God intended. This, by the way, is a vital part of being made whole and being in touch with one's "whole" or entire self. Keep in mind, too, that when we repress our emotions our stomach keeps score and can, and often does, lead to stress, sickness, depression, impaired relationships and spiritual dryness.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, knowing that you desire 'truth in the innermost being'  please help me to get in touch with all of my God-given emotions, and never bury, deny or repress them, but use them as you designed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Luke 12:15 (NIV).


**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:

hiatus • hye-AY-tus • noun
1 a : a break in or as if in a material object : gap b : a gap or passage in an anatomical part or organ 2 a : an interruption in time or continuity : break; especially : a period when something (as a program or activity) is suspended or interrupted b : the occurrence of two vowel sounds without pause or intervening consonantal sound

Examples:
The band released several hit albums in the '90s and aughts, and then went on hiatus.

"Wasting no time, Joshua Michael Stern is set to begin principal photography in May while Kutcher is on hiatus from the CBS sitcom 'Two and a Half Men.' Kutcher is a natural to play Jobs; the resemblance between the two is unmistakable." — From an article by Pamela McClintock in The Hollywood Reporter, April 1, 2012

Did you know?
"Hiatus" comes from "hiare," a Latin verb meaning "to gape" or "to yawn," and first appeared in English in the middle of the 16th century. Originally, the word referred to a gap or opening in something, such as a cave opening in a cliff. In the 18th century, Laurence Sterne used the word humorously in his novel Tristram Shandy, writing of "the hiatus in Phutatorius's breeches." These days, "hiatus" is usually used in a temporal sense to refer to a pause or interruption (as in a song), or a period during which an activity is temporarily suspended (such as a hiatus from teaching).


**********************************************
RECIPE:

Baklava

Puff pastry is filled with an exquisite cinnamon-walnut-sugar combination, baked, and then topped with a sweet honey topping to make a spectacularly delicious dessert!

Serves: 24 servings (2 pieces each)
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
   
 
1 package (17.3 ounces) Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Sheets, thawed
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup butter
2 cups finely chopped walnuts
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup water
1/2 cup honey
1 tablespoon Lemon juice


DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 375°F.  Lightly grease 2 baking sheets.
Unfold 1 pastry sheet on a lightly floured surface.  Roll the pastry sheet into a 9x12-inch rectangle.  Place the pastry onto a baking sheet.  With a sharp knife, score the pastry surface to make 12 (about 4-inch) triangles.  Brush the pastry with the egg.  Repeat with the remaining pastry sheet.
Bake for 10 minutes or until the pastries are golden brown.  Let the pastries cool on the baking sheets on wire racks for 10 minutes.  Cut the pastry sheets into triangles along the score marks.  Split each pastry into 2 layers, making 48 layers in all.
Heat the butter in a 3-quart saucepan over medium heat.  Add the walnuts and cinnamon.  Cook and stir until the walnuts are lightly browned.  Stir in the brown sugar. Cook and stir until the brown sugar is dissolved.  Remove the saucepan from the heat.
Spread about 1 tablespoon walnut mixture on each of 24 bottom pastry halves.  Top with the top pastry halves.  Place the pastries onto 2 rimmed baking sheets.

Bake for 5 minutes or until the pastries are hot.

Heat the granulated sugar, water, honey and lemon juice in a 3-quart saucepan over medium heat to a boil.  Reduce the heat to low.  Cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Drizzle the hot honey mixture over the pastries.  Let the pastries cool in the pans for 2 hours before serving.  Cut each pastry in half before serving.


**********************************************

Creamy Chicken on Linguine

Sliced chicken with a creamy onion sauce layered on linguine. Good reheated the next day, too! Serve with garlic toast or bruschetta.

Servings: 8

Ingredients

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons butter
1 clove garlic, minced
6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 (16 ounce) package linguini pasta
1 onion, chopped
1 cube chicken bouillon, crumbled
1/2 cup water
1 1/4 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup milk
4 green onions, sliced diagonally into 1/2 inch pieces
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

1. In a large saute pan, heat oil, butter and garlic over medium heat. Add chicken and cook until juices run clear. Remove chicken from pan let cool and slice diagonally into long strips. Reserve oil in pan.
2. Meanwhile, cook pasta according to directions on package. Drain.
3. Reheat oil in pan, add onion and saute, stirring often, until onion is soft but still white. Add bullion cube and water; bring to a boil and simmer uncovered for approximately 10 minutes. Stir in cream, milk, green onions and Parmesan cheese.
4. Place pasta in a bowl, layer chicken slices in a decorative pattern over pasta, pour sauce over top of chicken and around pasta. Garnish with parsley or any herbs you desire. Serve immediately.

**********************************************

Classic sour cream coffee cake

Start to finish: One hour, 15 minutes (15 minutes active)

Servings: 12

For the batter
1 cup unsalted butter
1-1/2 cups granulated sugar
1-1/4 cups sour cream (not light or non-fat)
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups sifted flour (sift before measuring)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt

For the cinnamon-sugar filling
1 cup pecans, chopped
3/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon cinnamon
Pinch of sea salt

Heat the oven to 325 degrees. Coat a 12-cup (large) Bundt pan with a bit of vegetable oil or cooking spray (do not use baking spray).

To make the batter, in a large bowl, combine the butter and sugar. Use an electric mixer to beat until light and fluffy. Add the sour cream, eggs and vanilla, then mix again until well-incorporated.

Measure and sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Add the flour mixture to butter-sugar mixture a little at a time, mixing between additions and scraping the sides of the bowl as needed, until well-mixed. Set aside.

To make the filling, in a large bowl, combine the pecans, brown sugar, granulated sugar, cinnamon and salt. Mix well. Spoon a shallow layer of the filling mixture over the bottom of the Bundt pan. Spoon half the batter into the pan over the filling. Sprinkle all but 1/4 cup of the remaining filling evenly over the batter.

Pour the rest of the batter over the filling, smoothing it with a silicone spatula. Sprinkle with the remaining filling.

Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, or until the cake pulls away from sides and a toothpick inserted at the center comes out clean. Start testing for doneness after the cake has baked for 40 minutes since ovens and pans vary in the way they bake. Remove from oven and transfer cake pan to a cooling rack. Let cool before slicing.

Chicken Cacciatore

Using bottled pasta sauce and shredded cheese makes this classic Italian dish quick and easy -- and so good!


Serves: 4 to 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 20 to 25 minutes


INGREDIENTS:
 
8 ounces fettuccine, cooked as package directs
2 tablespoons flour
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
4 (about 1 pound) boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cups (about 8 ounces) fresh mushrooms, sliced
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 (26-ounce) jar roasted garlic pasta sauce
1 cup (4 ounces) shredded mozzarella or provolone cheese


DIRECTIONS:

In a shallow dish, combine the flour and Italian seasoning. Coat the chicken with the mixture. In a large skillet, over medium-high heat, brown the chicken in hot oil; remove the chicken from the skillet.

Add the mushrooms and onion to skillet; cook and stir until tender. Add the pasta sauce and chicken. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until the chicken is fully cooked. Top each chicken breast with cheese. Serve with hot pasta.

**********************************************

Chimichangas

prep: 15 min
total: 55 min
servings
total:  4 servings

    What You Need
    1     lb. ground beef
    1/2      cup finely chopped onions
    2      cloves garlic, minced
    1      tsp. dried oregano leaves
    1      tsp. crushed red pepper
    8      flour tortillas (6 inch)
    6      oz. VELVEETA®, cut into 8 slices
    2      cups oil
    1/4      cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream
    1/4      cup finely chopped fresh cilantro



    Make It

    BROWN meat in large skillet on medium-high heat; drain. Add onions, garlic, oregano and pepper; cook until onions are tender, stirring occasionally.

    SPOON 1/4 cup meat mixture onto center of each tortilla; top with VELVEETA. Fold in all sides of tortillas to completely enclose filling; secure with wooden toothpicks. Place in single layer on baking sheet. Refrigerate 20 min.

    HEAT oil in large saucepan on medium-high heat. Add chimichangas, 2 at a time; cook 5 min. or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Remove and discard toothpicks. Serve chimichangas topped with sour cream and cilantro.
   
Kraft Kitchens Tips
   
Variation
    Save 140 calories and 18g of total fat per serving by substituting 1 lb. potatoes, cooked and cubed, for the browned ground beef and by using 2% Milk VELVEETA and BREAKSTONE'S Reduced Fat or KNUDSEN Light Sour Cream. To prepare, cook and stir onions with seasonings in large skillet 3 min. or until crisp-tender. Add potatoes; cook 3 to 5 min. or until heated through, stirring frequently. Spoon onto tortillas and continue as directed.
 
  Thawing Ground Beef Safely
    To thaw ground beef safely, keep the meat wrapped and thaw it in the refrigerator -- not on the countertop. Store on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator to prevent any drippings from cross-contaminating other foods. Use thawed meat within 2 days.

**********************************************

Dirty Rice with Shrimp

Serve a tasty (and different) main dish for the family!

Serves: 4
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 29 minutes
   
INGREDIENTS:     
 
2 tablespoons cooking oil
1/2 pound ground pork
1 onion, chopped
2 ribs celery, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1 bay leaf
1 3/4 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
1 1/2 cups long grain rice
3 cups canned low sodium chicken broth
1 pound medium shrimp, shelled and halved
2 scallions, including green tops, sliced


DIRECTIONS:

In a large saucepan, heat 1 tablespoon of the oil over moderate heat. Add the pork and cook until the meat is no longer pink, about 2 minutes.

Reduce the heat to moderately low and add the remaining tablespoon oil to the pan. Add the onion, celery, bell pepper, and garlic. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables start to soften, about 5 minutes. Stir in the cayenne, paprika, oregano, bay leaf, salt, black pepper, and rice. Cook for 1 minute, stirring. Add the broth. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer, covered, for 15 minutes.

Raise the heat to moderate and stir in the shrimp. Cover and cook for 2 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and let stand, covered, until the rice and shrimp are just done, about 5 minutes longer. Remove the bay leaf. Stir in the scallions.

Wine Recommendation: These assertive and varied flavors require a simple and fruity red wine, such as Beaujolais. This wine is at its best in its frisky youth; buy the most recent vintage you can find.

**********************************************

Chocolate-lined Strawberry Pie

Active Time:  15 Minutes
Total Time:  1 Hour 25 Minutes
Yield:  Makes 8 servings

Like chocolate- dipped strawberries, this luscious pie is an extravagant treat. Another time, try making it in a graham cracker or vanilla wafer crust.

INGREDIENTS
Fully Baked Pastry Shell
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate pieces or chopped semisweet chocolate
1 tablespoon margarine or butter
1/4 cup whipping cream
1 teaspoon light corn syrup
8 cups medium strawberries, stems removed
2/3 cup water
2/3 cup sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch

Other necessary recipes:
Basic Pie Pastry
   

DIRECTIONS

Prepare and bake pastry shell as directed; set aside to cool. Meanwhile, in a small saucepan melt chocolate pieces and margarine or butter over low heat; set aside. In a heavy saucepan stir together whipping cream and corn syrup. Bring to a gentle boil. Reduce heat and cook 2 minutes. Remove from heat; gradually stir into chocolate mixture. Cool to room temperature. Spread cooled chocolate mixture over the bottom and up the sides of baked pastry shell; set aside.

In a blender container or food processor bowl combine 1 cup of the strawberries and the water. Cover and blend or process till smooth. Add enough additional water to equal 1 1/2 cups liquid. In a medium saucepan combine sugar and cornstarch. Stir in puréed berry mixture. Cook and stir over medium heat till mixture is thickened and bubbly. Cook and stir for 2 minutes more. Cool for 10 minutes without stirring.

Arrange half of the remaining strawberries, stem end down, in pastry shell. Carefully spoon half of the thickened mixture over fruit, thoroughly covering each piece of fruit. Arrange remaining strawberries over first layer. Spoon remaining thickened mixture over fruit, covering each piece of fruit. Chill for 1-2 hours before serving.


*******************************************

JOKES:

THINGS TO PONDER:  Why do men's bicycles have crossbars?
THINGS TO PONDER:  What does nothing look like? 

"Most of our obstacles would melt away
if, instead of cowering before them,
we should make up our minds
to walk boldly through them."
- Orison Swett Marden

"When a man is willing and eager,
the gods join in."
- Aeschylus

You might be a REDNECK if...     
    ...you use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

**********************************************

The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field.
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."

The CO said "I see millions of stars."

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"

CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

**********************************************

Promises to Wife

 
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."

**********************************************

Doctor Convention

 
A world renowned neurologist is giving a seminar to a group of doctors about involuntary muscular contractions. He goes on to explain that there are many muscles in our body are reacting involuntarily of each other and without us even knowing. He senses the class is becoming bored with his speech, so he tries to lighten it up a bit by asking a woman doctor in the front row, “You probably have no idea what your asshole is doing every time you have an orgasm”. She smiled sheepishly and replied, “ I know exactly what he’s doing, he’s out fishing with his friends.”

**********************************************

JEFF FOXWORTHY'S Top 10 Reasons you might be a Redneck Fisherman

 
10. You have more fish on your wall than pictures.

9. You're raising catfish in your bathtub.

8. Your wife has earrings that you use as fishing lures.

7. You've ever combed your hair with a fish scaler.

6. You video tape fishing shows.

5. You recieved a tube of crickets as a wedding present.

4. You keep bait in your refrigerater.

3. Your boat hasn't left your driveway in years.

2. You've used your fishing license as a form of I.D.

1. YOU HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S FISH.

**********************************************

Things You Should Never Say at a Strange Tackle Shop

      "All right, whose going to be a sport and show me their favorite fishing hole?"
    "Anyone know who owns the red pick-up out front that I just hit?"
    About the shop's merchandise: "Look at all this antique tackle."
    "Let me tell you about a fish I once caught..."
    "What! No high-tech lures? How can you people catch anything?"
    "One of you has got to be named Bubba...let me guess."
    "You do take travelers checks, don't you?"
    "Your rods look as if they were wrapped at the Lighthouse Project for the Blind."
    About a picture hung behind the cash register: "Are those some ugly fish you caught or is that a family portrait?"
    "I only use imported hooks."
    "I need a new rod. Do you have anything in blue to match my reel?"
    When a woman walks into the shop: "Want to see my lure?"
    And never, ever say: "You call this live bait? Why, in New York we..."

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

2 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Come Unto Me

"Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."1

I have read that one of Denmark's leading sculptors had a consuming ambition to sculpt the greatest stature of Jesus Christ ever made. He began by painstakingly shaping a clay model of a triumphant, majestic figure. "This will be my masterpiece," he stated on the day the model was completed.

However, during the night, a heavy fog rolled into the area and sea-spray seeped into the sculptor's studio through a partially open window. In the morning, he was shocked to see his model. The droplets of moisture that had formed on the statue created the illusion of bleeding. The head had drooped. The facial expression had melted into compassion. The arms drooped and expressed welcome. The artist was horrified and was aghast at having to start all over again.

As he kept looking at his statue of the Savior, his thoughts began to take a different shape. He realized that this image of Christ was much closer to reality. He then wrote his caption and placed it under the figure: "Come unto me!"

Indeed, that is the call of Jesus to each of us today, "Come unto me."

Suggested prayer: "Dear Jesus, 'Just as I am without one plea / And that thy blood was shed for me / And that you bid me come to thee / O Lamb of God I come, I come.' Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.  - Deuteronomy 7:4

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:

skulk • SKULK • verb
1 : to move in a stealthy or furtive manner 2 : to hide or conceal something (as oneself) often out of cowardice or fear or with sinister intent b chiefly British : malinger

Examples:
"I sometimes met with hounds in my path prowling about the woods, which would skulk out of my way, as if afraid, and stand silent amid the bushes till I had passed." — From Henry David Thoreau's 1854 collection of essays, Walden

"These handsome gray birds … are usually found skulking amid the shadows of shrubs and thickets below a forest canopy." — From an article by Gary Phillips at MyrtleBeachOnline.com, April, 11, 2012

Did you know?
Here's one for the word-puzzle lovers. Can you name three things that the word "skulk" has in common with all of these other words: booth, brink, cog, flit, give, kid, meek, scab, seem, skull and wing? If you noticed that all of the terms on that list have just one syllable, then you've got the first (easy) similarity, but the next two are likely to prove a little harder to guess. Do you give up? All of the words listed above are of Scandinavian origin and all were first recorded in English in the 13th century. As for "skulk," its closest known Scandinavian relative is the Norwegian dialect word "skulka," which means "to lie in wait" or "lurk."

**********************************************

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?


2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu


3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.


4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle


5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle


6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.


7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.


8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.


9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell


10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer


11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt


12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.


13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.


14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.


15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

**********************************************

RECIPE:

Cheesy Quesadillas

So simple yet so tastey and versital. I dip mine in salsa and sour cream.

time
prep:  5 min
total:  41 min
servings
total:  18 servings, 2 wedges each

    What You Need
    1-1/2     cups KRAFT Mexican Style Finely Shredded Four Cheese
    2      Tbsp. green onion slices
    12      flour tortillas (6 inch)
    3/4      cup TACO BELL® HOME ORIGINALS® Thick 'N Chunky Salsa
  
 Make It

    MIX cheese and onion. Spoon about 2 Tbsp. of the cheese mixture onto center of each tortilla; fold tortilla over to completely enclose filling.

    SPRAY large skillet with cooking spray. Cook 1 or 2 quesadillas at a time on medium-high heat 2 to 3 min. on each side or until crisp and lightly browned on both sides.

    CUT each quesadilla into thirds. Serve warm with the salsa.
  
    Kraft Kitchens Tips
    Special Extra
    Serve with guacamole, corn-pepper relish or your family's favorite cut-up fresh fruit.


**********************************************

Apple Lasagna

Apples and pasta? You bet. This is a tasty and unexpected dessert. Use your own homemade apple pie filling, if you prefer.

Serves: 12 to 15
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 55 mins.

 
8 uncooked lasagna noodles
two 20-ounce cans apple pie filling

Filling
1 cup part skim ricotta cheese
1/4 cup egg substitute
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/4 cup sugar
Topping
6 tablespoons flour
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
3 tablespoons margarine or butter
6 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 cup quick-cooking oats
Dash ground nutmeg
Garnish
1 cup sour cream, optional
1/3 cup brown sugar, optional


DIRECTIONS:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease or spray a 9-by-13-by-2-inch baking pan.

Cook lasagna noodles according to package directions for al dente. Drain.

Spread 1 can of apple pie filling in the pan, slicing any extra thick apples. Layer 4 lasagna noodles over the apples to cover.

In a bowl, mix together the ricotta, egg substitute, and almond extract. Spread evenly over lasagna and top with the remaining 4 pieces of lasagna. Spread the remaining can of apple pie filling over the lasagna.

In a small bowl, crumble together the flour, margarine, brown sugar, oats, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Sprinkle over the apple filling.

Bake for about 45 minutes until the top is lightly brown and the filling is bubbling hot. Remove from the oven and let the dessert stand for about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, stir the sour cream and brown sugar together.

Cut the lasagna into serving pieces and top each with a dollop of sour cream mixture.


**********************************************

Crock Pot Peach Cobbler

2 pounds fresh or canned peaches,sliced
2/3 cup oats
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
3/4 cup softened butter or margarine

Place peaches in a 3-4 qt crock pot.
Combine oats,flour,sugar,and spices.
Add butter and stir until crumbly.
Pour mixture over peaches.
Cook on low 3 hours.

Serves:6-8

**********************************************

Cheesy Creamed Corn


2 oz.(1/4 of 8-oz. pkg.)Cream Cheese,cubed
2 Tbsp. milk
1 can (14-3/4 oz.)cream-style corn
1 pkg.(10 oz.)frozen corn,thawed
1/2 cup Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1/3 cup sliced green onions

Cook cream cheese and milk in medium saucepan on
medium heat until cream cheese is melted, stirring
frequently.
Add cream-style and thawed frozen corn;stir.Cook 4
min. or until heated through, stirring occasionally.
Spoon into serving dish;sprinkle with Cheddar cheese
and onions.

**********************************************

Baked Macaroni and Cheese


1(16 ounce) package macaroni
1(10.75 ounce)can condensed
Cheddar cheese soup
1 cup milk
1 pound shredded Colby cheese

Preheat oven to 350.Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil.
Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente;drain.
Place macaroni in a 2 quart casserole dish.
Stir in cheese soup and milk until well combined.
Sprinkle with shredded Colby. Bake 25 to 30 minutes,or until cheese is brown
and bubbly.

**********************************************

Breakfast Tacos

These breakfast tacos are the perfect way to start a busy weekend. Prepare all ingredients and invite family and friends to a fix-your-own taco feast. This will get your weekend off to a great start!

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
   
 INGREDIENTS:    
 
6 ounces breakfast sausage
1 can (16-oz.) ORTEG Refried Beans
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
8 eggs, lightly beaten
12 ORTEG Taco Shells or White Corn Taco Shells, warmed
2 cups mild cheddar cheese
2 cups chopped tomato
2 cups chopped green bell pepper
2 cups ORTEGA Thick & Chunky Salsa, (Medium)


DIRECTIONS:

BROWN sausage in a large skillet until no longer pink; drain. Stir in beans; heat for 3 to 4 minutes. Remove from skillet; keep warm.

MELT butter in a medium skillet over medium heat. Add eggs; cook, stirring constantly, for 3 to 4 minutes or until eggs are of desired consistency.

FILL taco shells with sausage mixture and egg mixture. Top with cheese, tomato, bell pepper and salsa.


*******************************************

JOKES:

A traveling salesman is driving down a country road when he comes across a farmer who is standing in his orchard, hoisting pigs into the apple trees with ropes. He stops. "What are you doing?" the salesman asks. "I'm feeding the pigs," answers the farmer, incredulous that someone could ask a question with such an obvious answer. "Well," says the salesman, "why don't you let the apples fall to the ground, gather them up in baskets, and feed the pigs that way?" The farmer ponders, then says, "Hmmmm. Yes, I guess I could do it that way. But what would be the point?" The salesman is a bit exasperated: "Well, it would save time, wouldn't it?" The farmer ponders again. "Yes," he says after a pause, "I guess it would save time. But what's time to a pig?"


**********************************************

Two men are standing on a golf course. The first one steps up, tees his first ball, and positions himself for a swing. The man lifts his club, swings smoothly down and smacks the ball into the air. It sails off in a nice, long arc, but as it comes down the two men can see that it's heading straight for the water trap.

Just then, a wind picks up, and a lily pad is blown directly into the ball's path. The ball lands on the lily pad, and after a few seconds a frog hops up onto the pad, grabs the ball in its mouth, jumps off the pad and swims for shore.

When the frog reaches dry land, it spits out the ball, and no sooner has it disappeared into the water than a squirrel comes running up to the ball, grabs it in its paws, and scampers off across the grass. But before it can reach the trees, a hawk swoops down out of nowhere, grabs the squirrel in its talons, and begins to climb back up into the sky. Panicked and struggling to get free, the squirrel releases the ball from its paws, and with the altitude and speed gained from the hawk, the ball sails down in a long, clean fall straight into the hole. Hole in one.

The second man turns to the first, and says "OK, God. Are you going to play golf or are you going to friggin around?"

**********************************************

Job Applicant:  "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer:  "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."
Applicant:   "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an
advisor."
Employer:  "More than we can use already."
Applicant:  As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do
paperwork, I'll be a clerk,  If you have too many, I'll start as a
janitor."
Employer:  "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for
a person with your qualifications."
Applicant:  As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd
have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer:  "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a
seat, we may have an opening."

**********************************************

The Wife And The Win..

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.

That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said: "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"

And so it is with life: "What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge."

**********************************************

Old Motor Running
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.

The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.

The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome!

How do you do it?'

The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:

Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!

**********************************************
Retiring Farmer

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.

"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

2 comments View Entry

REMINDER FROM GOD:

Our Daily Devotional:

The Doorway of Obedience

John 14:26, NIV: "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."

According to Oswald Chambers, "The golden rule for understanding in spiritual matters is not intellect, but obedience." This was perhaps no better seen than in the differences between the learned scholars of Jesus' day, and Jesus' own disciples; some of which, according to Acts 4:13, "were uneducated and untrained men." Did you know that some of Jesus' disciples were considered uneducated and untrained? Do you think that stopped them from proclaiming Christ even to those who seemed to be of superior intellect? Perhaps when it comes to spiritual matters, you have been one to feel uneducated, or untrained. Maybe you never felt like you were smart enough to read the Bible and understand what it is saying. When it comes to understanding God's Word and spiritual matters the first thing we must understand is that it is the Spirit who brings the understanding. It is not a matter of how smart you think you are, but how much you obey Christ and are willing to trust Him with all things. James writes, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God..." And so we should ask--and we should seek, and we should knock. If we lack wisdom, godly knowledge, or spiritual maturity or understanding, we should do what God would have us do to learn from Him and grow in Christ. Do what you know to do, and trust that such things come to us through the doorway of obedience.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.  - Romans 1:16

**********************************************

WORD FOR THE DAY:


sibilant SIB-uh-luhnt , adjective:
1. Hissing.
2. Phonetics. Characterized by a hissing sound; noting sounds like those spelled with s in this.

noun:
1. Phonetics. A sibilant consonant.

This is the way the presence of a ghost was detected: Some sound would be heard, such as a sibilant noise, a soft whistle, or something like murmurs, or some sensation in a part of the body might be felt.
-- George H. Ellis, Legends of Gods and Ghosts: Hawaiian Mythology

He just drank his coffee, making a little sibilant sound, and watched the earth mover lumber back and forth, back and forth, its shovel going up and down and over and up and down and over again.
-- Anna Quindlen, Object Lessons

The wind in the patch of pine woods off there—how sibilant.
-- Walt Whitman, Prose Works 1892: Specimen Days

Sibilant stems from the Latin word sibilant- which meant "whistling or hissing." It is assumed to imitative of the sound itself.

**********************************************

ONIONS! I had never heard this!!!
>
>
> PLEASE READ TO THE END: IMPORTANT
>
> In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million
> people there was this Doctor that
> visited the many farmers to see if he could
> help them combat the flu...
> Many of the farmers and their families had
> contracted it and many died.
>
> The doctor came upon this one farmer and to
> his surprise, everyone was very
> healthy. When the doctor asked what the
> farmer was doing that was different
> the wife replied that she had placed an
> unpeeled onion in a dish in the
> rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms
> back then). The doctor couldn't
> believe it and asked if he could have one of
> the onions and place it under
> the microscope. She gave him one and when he
> did this, he did find the flu
> virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed
> the bacteria, therefore, keeping
> the family healthy.
>
>
>
> Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser.
> She said that several
> years ago, many of her employees were coming
> down with the flu, and so were
> many of her customers. The next year she
> placed several bowls with onions
> around in her shop. To her surprise, none of
> her staff got sick. It must
> work. Try it and see what happens. We did it
> last year and we never got the flu.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it
> to a friend in Oregon who
> regularly contributes material to me on
> health issues. She replied with this
> most interesting experience about onions:
>
> Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about
> the farmer's story...but, I do
> know that I contacted pneumonia, and,
> needless to say, I was very ill... I came
> across an article that said to cut both ends
> off an onion put it into an
> empty jar, and place the jar next to the
> sick patient at night. It said the
> onion would be black in the morning from the
> germs...sure enough it happened
> just like that...the onion was a mess and I
> began to feel better.
>
> Another thing I read in the article was that
> onions and garlic placed around
> the room saved many from the black plague
> years ago. They have powerful
> antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
>
> This is the other note.
>
> Lots of times when we have stomach problems
> we don't know what to blame.
> Maybe it's the onions that are to blame.
> Onions absorb bacteria is the
> reason they are so good at preventing us
> from getting colds and flu and is
> the very reason we shouldn't eat an onion
> that has been sitting for a time
> after it has been cut open.
>
> LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
>
> I had the wonderful privilege of touring
> Mullins Food Products, Makers of
> mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning
> came up, and I wanted to share
>
>
>
> what I learned from a chemist.
>
> Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food
> chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone
> asked if we really needed to worry about
> mayonnaise. People are always
> worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's
> answer will surprise you. Ed said
> that all commercially-made mayo is
> completely safe.
>
> "It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No
> harm in refrigerating it, but
> it's not really necessary." He explained
> that the pH in mayonnaise is set at
> a point that bacteria could not survive in
> that environment. He then talked
> about the summer picnic, with the bowl of
> potato salad sitting on
> the table, and how everyone blames the
> mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
>
> Ed says that, when food poisoning is
> reported, the first thing the officials
> look for is when the 'victim' last ate
> ONIONS and where those onions came
> from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's
> not the mayonnaise (as long as
> it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the
> outdoors. It's probably the
> ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the
> POTATOES.
>
> He explained onions are a huge magnet for
> bacteria, especially uncooked
> onions. You should never plan to keep a
> portion of a sliced onion.. He says
> it's not even safe if you put it in a
> zip-lock bag and put it in your
> refrigerator.
>
> It's already contaminated enough just by
> being cut open and out for a bit,
> that it can be a danger to you (and doubly
> watch out for those onions you
> put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!).
> Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll
> probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your
> sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in
> a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial
> mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
>
> Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their
> stomachs cannot metabolize onions
> Please remember it is dangerous to cut an
> onion and try to use it to cook
> the next day, it becomes highly poisonous
> for even a single night and
> creates toxic bacteria which may cause
> adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food
> poisoning.
>
> Please pass this on to all you love and care
> about.
>

**********************************************
RECIPE:

Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich

 Most of the good stuff in a Philly cheese steak, from thin-sliced steak to onions, peppers and mushrooms, is still here but we opt for slightly-less-gooey but more flavorful provolone cheese in place of Cheese Whiz. We adore spicy banana peppers as a topping, but omit them if you can do without the heat.


4 servings | Active Time: 35 minutes | Total Time: 35 minutes

Ingredients

    2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
    1 medium onion, sliced
    8 ounces mushrooms, sliced
    1 red or green bell pepper, sliced
    2 tablespoons minced fresh oregano, or 2 teaspoons dried
    1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
    1 pound sirloin steak, trimmed and thinly sliced (see Tip)
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
    1/2 cup sliced hot banana peppers (optional)
    1/4 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth
    3 slices reduced-fat provolone cheese (about 3 ounces)
    4 whole-wheat buns, split and toasted

Preparation

    Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until soft and beginning to brown, 2 to 3 minutes. Add mushrooms, bell pepper, oregano and pepper and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are wilted and soft, about 7 minutes. Add steak and salt and cook, stirring, until the meat is just cooked through, about 4 minutes.
    Reduce heat to low. Sprinkle the vegetables and meat with flour; stir to coat. Stir in banana peppers (if using) and broth; bring to a simmer. Remove from the heat; lay cheese slices on top of the vegetables and meat, cover and let stand until melted, 1 to 2 minutes.
    Divide into 4 portions with a spatula, leaving the melted cheese layer on top. Scoop a portion onto each bun and serve immediately.

Tips & Notes
    Tip: It is easiest to cut meat into thin slices if it is partially frozen. If you have time, freeze it for 20 minutes before slicing.


Nutrition
Per serving:
439 calories; 15 g fat (6 g sat, 6 g mono); 74 mg cholesterol; 31 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 45 g protein; 5 g fiber; 646 mg sodium; 884 mg potassium.

Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (72% Daily Value), Zinc (55% dv), Calcium & Potassium (25% dv), Iron & Vitamin A (22% dv), Magnesium (21% dv), Folate (16% dv).
3 Carbohydrate Serving

Exchanges: 2 1/2 starch, 1 vegetable, 5 1/2 lean meat

**********************************************

Portobello "Philly Cheese Steak" Sandwich

  Cheese steaks are a Philadelphia tradition: thin slices from a rich and very fatty slab of beef, fried up and topped with a heavy cheese sauce. We've cut down on the fat considerably - but not on the taste. All it needs is a cold beer or a glass of pinot noir on the side. Make this vegetarian by using vegetable broth in place of chicken stock.

4 sandwiches | Active Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: 25 minutes

Ingredients

    2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
    1 medium onion, sliced
    4 large portobello mushrooms, stems and gills removed (see Tip), sliced
    1 large red bell pepper, thinly sliced
    2 tablespoons minced fresh oregano, or 2 teaspoons dried
    1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
    1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
    1/4 cup vegetable broth, or reduced-sodium chicken broth
    1 tablespoon reduced-sodium soy sauce
    3 ounces thinly sliced reduced-fat provolone cheese
    4 whole-wheat buns, split and toasted

Preparation

    Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until soft and beginning to brown, 2 to 3 minutes. Add mushrooms, bell pepper, oregano and pepper and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are wilted and soft, about 7 minutes.
    Reduce heat to low; sprinkle the vegetables with flour and stir to coat. Stir in broth and soy sauce; bring to a simmer. Remove from the heat, lay cheese slices on top of the vegetables, cover and let stand until melted, 1 to 2 minutes.
    Divide the mixture into 4 portions with a spatula, leaving the melted cheese layer on top. Scoop a portion onto each toasted bun and serve immediately.

Tips & Notes
    The dark gills found on the underside of a portobello are edible, but if you like you can scrape them off with a spoon.

Nutrition Profile

Nutrition
Per serving:
268 calories; 10 g fat (4 g sat, 4 g mono); 15 mg cholesterol; 35 g carbohydrates; 13 g protein; 7 g fiber; 561 mg sodium; 704 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (140% daily value), Selenium (49% dv), Vitamin A (30% dv), Calcium (25% dv), Potassium (20% dv), Magnesium (16% dv).
2 Carbohydrate Serving
Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable, 1 high-fat meat

**********************************************

Grilled Eggplant & Portobello Sandwich

Looking for a vegetarian option for your next cookout? This grilled eggplant and portobello sandwich is our answer. For extra flavor, we top it with slices of garden-fresh tomato and spicy arugula. Serve with a mixed green salad.

4 servings
Active Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 25 minutes

Ingredients

    1 small clove garlic, chopped
    1/4 cup low-fat mayonnaise
    1 teaspoon lemon juice
    1 medium eggplant (about 1 pound), sliced into 1/2-inch rounds
    2 large or 3 medium portobello mushroom caps, gills removed (see Tip)
    Canola or olive oil cooking spray
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
    8 slices whole-wheat sandwich bread, lightly grilled or toasted
    2 cups arugula, or spinach, stemmed and chopped if large
    1 large tomato, sliced

Preparation

    Preheat grill to medium-high.
    Mash garlic into a paste on a cutting board with the back of a spoon. Combine with mayonnaise and lemon juice in a small bowl. Set aside.
    Coat both sides of eggplant rounds and mushroom caps with cooking spray and season with salt and pepper. Grill the vegetables, turning once, until tender and browned on both sides: 2 to 3 minutes per side for eggplant, 3 to 4 minutes for mushrooms. When cool enough to handle, slice the mushrooms.
    Spread 1 1/2 teaspoons of the garlic mayonnaise on each piece of bread. Layer the eggplant, mushrooms, arugula (or spinach) and tomato slices onto 4 slices of bread and top with the remaining bread.

Tips & Notes
    Tip: The dark gills found on the underside of a portobello mushroom cap are edible, but can turn a dish an unappealing gray/black color. Gently scrape the gills off with a spoon.

Nutrition
Per serving: 250 calories; 7 g fat ( 1 g sat , 3 g mono ); 4 mg cholesterol; 39 g carbohydrates; 10 g protein; 9 g fiber; 688 mg sodium; 789 mg potassium.

Nutrition Bonus: Potassium (22% daily value), Folate (20% dv), Magnesium & Vitamin C (18% dv).
Carbohydrate Servings: 2
Exchanges: 2 starch, 2 vegetable, 1/2 fat

**********************************************

Spinach & Roasted Red Pepper Calzones

 Using our quick food processor pizza dough or purchased dough, these stuffed turnovers are as easy to make as a flat pizza. If you like, serve the calzones with a bowl of extra sauce for dipping.

4 calzones | Active Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: 40 minutes

Ingredients

    Cornmeal, for dusting
    1 pound Whole-Wheat Pizza Dough, (recipe follows) or other prepared dough
    3/4 cup prepared marinara sauce, or Basic Tomato Sauce (recipe follows)
    1 10-ounce package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
    Salt & freshly ground pepper, to taste
    1 7-ounce jar roasted red peppers, rinsed and sliced (1/2 cup)
    3/4 cup crumbled feta, or ricotta salata cheese (3 ounces) (see Note)

Preparation

    Position rack in lowest position; preheat oven to 450°F. Sprinkle a baking sheet generously with cornmeal.
    Prepare Whole-Wheat Pizza Dough, if using.
    Divide the dough into 4 pieces on a lightly floured surface,. Roll each piece into an 8-inch circle. Spread 2 tablespoons sauce on the lower half of each circle, leaving a 1-inch border. Season spinach with salt and pepper and distribute it over the sauce. Top with roasted red peppers and cheese.
    Brush the border with cold water and fold the top half of each circle over the filling. Fold the edges over and crimp with a fork to seal. Transfer the calzones to the prepared baking sheet.
    Bake the calzones for 12 to 15 minutes, or until golden. Let cool slightly before serving.

Tips & Notes

    Ingredient Note: Ricotta salata is ricotta cheese that has been aged with salt. Look for it in a specialty cheese shop or gourmet food store.


**********************************************
SAUSAGE CHEESE BREAD      

1 loaf of frozen bread, thawed
1/2 lb. sausage, cooked & drained
1 c. hot pepper cheese
1 egg
1/2 tbsp. parsley flakes
1 c. shredded Mozzarella cheese

Roll bread out flat into rectangle. Layer sausage (cooked and drained), egg-well beaten, 1/2 tablespoon parsley flakes, Mozzarella cheese, hot pepper cheese. Roll layered dough up jelly roll fashion. Secure ends. Tuck all seams on bottom.

Bake 50 to 60 minutes at 350 degrees. Cover with foil last 15 minutes to prevent over browning. Pepperoni may be substituted for sausage.

*************************************************

5 Uses For Sugar That Don't Involve Baking

Sugar is one of those kitchen staples you will always have on hand. (While I've admittedly forgotten to buy things like paper towels at the grocery store, I've never forgotten sugar for some reason.) Whether you prefer the standard white granules or the fancier raw version, sugar can do much more than make that morning cup of coffee a little sweeter. From pest control to beauty treatments, here are our favorite uses for sugar.
uses for sugar

- Wasp Trap. It's almost that time of year for these stinging pests to make their appearance. If you've spotted a few, try this DIY wasp trap: Simply make a simple syrup solution by boiling equal parts water or sugar together. Then, pour into an empty soda bottle. Place outdoors, near the nest and watch the wasps fall into the trap.

- Stain Remover. Got grass stains? You won't for long, thanks to sugar. Make a thick mixture of sugar and a few drops of water, then work into the stain. Let sit for up to 30 minutes, then wash as usual.

- Face Scrub. Girlfriend tested, girlfriend approved. Mix in up to a tablespoon of granulated sugar into your usual cream or liquid face wash to make your own exfoliating scrub. Use on a weekly basis for brighter, smoother skin.

- Coffee Grinder Cleaner. After awhile, coffee grinds can build up into the grinding blades. To eliminate the mess, simply grind about a 1/3 to a 1/2 cup of sugar, then empty. This can also deodorize, making sugar an excellent "cleaner" for spice grinders, too.

- Flower food. A classic tip for keeping a bouquer lasting as long as possible, but for a good reason: It works. Add three tablespoons of sugar along with two tablespoons of vinegar to the water in your flower vase. The sugar provides nutrients to keep the clippings alive, while the vinegar fights off bacterial infections.


************************************************

JOKES:


"If we all did the things we are capable
of doing, we would literally
astound ourselves."
- Thomas Edison

THINGS TO PONDER:  Why are a goose and his wife called geese, but a moose and his wife aren't called meese

THINGS TO PONDER:   What's another word for thesaurus?

THINGS TO PONDER:   If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?


You might be a REDNECK if...
      ...you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner     are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You might be a REDNECK if...
      .....you've ever financed a tattoo.

You might be a REDNECK if...
        ...you wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock     auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and     vacations.

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere
with what you can do."
- John Wooden

**********************************************

At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England
   stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more
   assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and
   told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would
   have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the
   second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had
   cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
  
   The crowd cheered.
  
   The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years'
   conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do
   his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first
   day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the
   third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my
   washing as well."
  
   The crowd cheered.
  
   The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last years'
   conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do
   his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first
   day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the
   third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

**********************************************

Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and casual affair. Just let the child s*%# all over everything. This prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
It used to be thought that children should act like "little adults". Like many things that used to be thought, this is true. In fact, now more than ever. Today's real adults are self-involved, impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out playing. They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate every kind of activity that requires self-restraint. Adults are the children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because there's only so much room in the world for kids.

--P.J. O'Rouke

**********************************************

My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving something with
the phrase "my ass!"  She would say "Four hundred dollars,
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!"  One day a friend of
mine and I were having a conversation, which she was listening
to, and I said something like "...so it would be easy to
penetrate.."  She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!"  My friend
and I laughed so long and hard we forgot what we were even
talking about!  Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any
more.

**********************************************

Warning about e-Bay]

If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.  Be careful what you purchase on eBay.  I have just spent $100 on a penis enlarger.
 
Buggers sent me a magnifying glass.
 
Instructions said, "Do not use in the sunlight."

**********************************************

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped: "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $50 for sex."
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $55..."


**********************************************

PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)
Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase
is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous
situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of
paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man
is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness,
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target,
shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
 

Tags: Religion, Recipes, Tidbits, Jokes,

4 comments View Entry