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REMINDER FROM GOD:
Overcoming Addictive Behaviors
"When you ask , you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures"1
A Daily Encounter reader writes: "I am writing because I need to confess some things I am struggling with. I have a drinking, smoking, and pornography problem and am irresponsible with spending. As a result I have lost my home. I don't want to do these things and repent over and over but keep doing them. I am so sick of this filth that's inside of me. I feel like I'm going down this shame spiral. I feel very frustrated, depressed and angry. I want to change in a hurry before something more drastic happens."
Dear Tim (name changed), thank you for sharing your struggles. This is the beginning point of recovery. Unfortunately, I can't offer you a quick fix as it takes commitment, time and hard work, as well as God's help, to overcome problems that have established themselves in our life over a period of years.
The next step in recovery is to learn how to pray the right prayer; that is to pray honestly with the right motive. For instance, it is imperative that you admit that you are an addict—addicted to drinking, smoking, pornography and over-spending. Realize that any habit that controls us is an addiction. When we want God to deliver us only from our addictive behaviors without admitting the real issue of being an addict and dealing with the cause or causes (often hidden) of the addictive behaviors that enslave us, we are praying the wrong prayer with the wrong motive.
True, while your addictive behaviors are problems that need to be confronted, they are not the main issue, but the symptoms of a deeper problem—the fruit of a deeper root. It's at that deeper root level that God wants to heal you. When we focus our prayers only on the symptoms, we tend to reinforce them, for what the mind dwells on, the body acts on.
From what you have shared about your family background, it is obvious that you are suffering a deep love-deprivation need that goes all the way back to your childhood. It is at this level where you need healing. Your addictive behaviors have been used as a defense against feeling this pain and as a means to medicate and deaden it.
You need help to stop acting out in addictive behaviors so you can feel your pain, face it, confront it, and resolve it. Start by praying the right prayer. Admit to God that you are an addict, that you are powerless to overcome your addictions in your own strength, and ask God to help you see the real cause of your problem, and to lead you to the help you need to overcome it.
Also, realize that you can't overcome your problem alone. You have already learned that this doesn't help. A recovery program such as an AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) group can help you to stop acting out in addictive behaviors. This will allow you to get in touch with and resolve the cause or causes of your addictive behaviors.
Chances are that you are going to need help from a capable counselor who can help you work through and resolve your childhood hurts and lack of meaningful love—which is undoubtedly at the root cause of your addiction. (See below for helpful information.)
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in all my praying, please help me to be honest with myself and with you, admit what I really am (an addict that needs help … or name whatever problem you are struggling with), and see the root cause of my addictive behaviors. And please lead me to the help I need to resolve and overcome my problem. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
alembic uh-LEM-bik , noun: 1. Anything that transforms, purifies, or refines. 2. A vessel with a beaked cap or head, formerly used in distilling.
The dream-world of their experiences in the wood near Athens becomes a kind of 'alembic' which they pass through to a truer perception of reality. -- Ronald P. Draper, Shakespeare, The Comedies
But the more he read the more he was astonished to find how the facts had passed through the alembic of Carlyle's brain and had come out and fitted themselves, each as a part of one great whole, making a compact result, indestructible and unrivaled... -- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
Alembic is derived from the Arabic word al-anbiq, which means "a distilling cup." It developed its broader meaning in the 1300s.
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RECIPE:
Sole with Lemon Cream
You can use any type of sole for this dish, such as Petrale, lemon, or gray. They’re all delicate in flavor, as is the simple lemon cream sauce. The balance in strength ensures that neither will overwhelm the other; the sauce just enhances the fillets.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 5 minutes Cooking time: 6 minutes
2 tablespoons butter 2 pounds sole fillets, cut to make 4 pieces 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper 1/4 cup white flour 3/4 cup heavy cream grated lemon zest, of 1/2 lemon 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
In a large nonstick frying pan, melt the butter over moderate heat. Sprinkle the sole with 1/2 teaspoon of the salt and the pepper. Dust the sole with the flour and shake off any excess. Put the sole in the pan and cook for 2 minutes. Turn and cook until just done, about 2 minutes longer. Remove the sole from the pan.
Add the cream and lemon zest to the pan. Bring to a simmer and cook until starting to thicken, about 2 minutes. Stir in the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt, the lemon juice, and parsley. Serve the sauce over the fish.
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Irish Soda Bread
Prep: 15 min. Bake: 30 min. Yield: 6-8 Servings
Ingredients 2 cups all-purpose flour 2 tablespoons brown sugar 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons butter 2 eggs 3/4 cup buttermilk 1/3 cup raisins
Directions In a large bowl, combine flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Cut in butter until crumbly. In a small bowl, whisk 1 egg and buttermilk. Stir into flour mixture just until moistened. Fold in raisins. Knead on a floured surface for 1 minute. Shape into a round loaf; place on a greased baking sheet. Cut a 1/4-in.-deep cross in top of loaf. Beat remaining egg; brush over loaf. Bake at 375° for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown. Yield: 6-8 servings.
Nutritional Facts 1 serving (1 piece) equals 210 calories, 6 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 66 mg cholesterol, 441 mg sodium, 33 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 6 g protein.
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Greek Pita Pizzas
Colorful, crunchy and packed with fresh veggies and flavor, these quick pizzas taste just like a Greek salad. Whole-wheat pitas were never more delicious! —Trisha Kruse, Eagle, Idaho
Prep/Total Time: 25 min. Yield: 6 Servings
Ingredients 6 whole wheat pita breads (6 inches) 1-1/2 cups meatless spaghetti sauce 1 can (14 ounces) water-packed artichoke hearts, rinsed, drained and quartered 2 cups fresh baby spinach, chopped 1-1/2 cups sliced fresh mushrooms 1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese 1 small green pepper, thinly sliced 1/4 cup thinly sliced red onion 1/4 cup sliced ripe olives 3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese 1/4 teaspoon pepper
Directions Place pita breads on an ungreased baking sheet; spread with spaghetti sauce. Top with remaining ingredients. Bake at 350° for 8-12 minutes or until cheese is melted. Serve immediately. Yield: 6 servings.
Nutritional Facts 1 pizza equals 273 calories, 5 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 7 mg cholesterol, 969 mg sodium, 48 g carbohydrate, 7 g fiber, 13 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 medium-fat meat, 1 vegetable.
TIP:
Parmesan Pointers When a recipe calls for shredded Parmesan cheese, use the cheese found in bags in the grocery store dairy section. Shredded Parmesan is often used in salads or soups where the shreds make a pretty garnish. If grated Parmesan is called for, use the finely grated cheese sold in containers with shaker/pourer tops. This type works well in lasagna and casseroles. (You can substitute either shredded or grated Parmesan in equal proportions in your favorite recipes.) If you decide to buy a chunk of Parmesan cheese and grate your own, be sure to use the finest section on your grating tool. You can also use a blender or food processor. Simply cut the cheese into 1-inch cubes and process 1 cup of cubes at a time on high until finely grated. ********************************************** Baked Apricot Pancakes
Add a little fruit to your pancake batter, bake it, and enjoy! Perfect for a brunch.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 45 minutes
3 pieces crystallized ginger 3 eggs 3/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups milk 2 tablespoons rum 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 16-ounce can apricot, drained 2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar, sifted
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Chop the crystallized ginger in a food processor. Set aside. Blend the eggs, flour, milk, rum, salt and vanilla extract in the food processor until smooth. Pour half the batter into an 8-inch baking pan; bake for 20 minutes. Arrange the apricots and ginger on top. Pour on the remaining batter. Bake until the batter has set, about 25 minutes. Sift the confectioners' sugar over the pancake and serve warm.
********************************************** MONKEY BARS
1 2/3 cup(s) (about 5 bananas) mashed ripe bananas •3/4 cup(s) packed light-brown sugar •1/4 cup(s) oil •1/4 cup(s) milk •2 large eggs •2 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract •1 teaspoon(s) each baking soda and cinnamon •1/4 teaspoon(s) salt •1 3/4 cup(s) white whole-wheat flour •1 cup(s) mini chocolate chips
Directions 1.Heat oven to 350ºF. Line a 15 x 10 x 1⁄2-in. baking pan with nonstick foil (let the foil extend about 2 in. above pan at both ends). 2.Whisk mashed bananas, sugar, oil, milk, eggs, vanilla, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in a large bowl until mixed thoroughly. Whisk in flour just until blended; gently stir in 1⁄2 cup of the mini chocolate chips. 3.Spread batter in prepared pan. Sprinkle remaining chocolate chips on top. Bake 15 to 20 minutes until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. 4.Holding foil by ends, lift from pan onto a cutting board. Carefully cut lengthwise in 4 strips and then cut each strip in 10; remove foil.
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2 Ingredient Pineapple Corn Muffins
1 box Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix 1 8 oz can crushed pinaepple in juice
Mix both well. Pour into muffin cups. Bake at 400 for 15-20 mins makes 6 muffins
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TIP FOR DAY:
Go Orange!
Studies have shown that making lists encourages productivity. Tack a to-do list up in your office. Once you’ve completed something on the list, put a line through it with an orange highlighter. Why? The color orange stimulates the involuntary nervous system. It should make you feel more alert and competent
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JOKES:
Truth at its best?
For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. Not fair to make judgment of this, until you see what the Fire Chief says!!!!
In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex home was destroyed by a fire.
A Mexican family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members, Lived on the first floor, they died.
An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, All illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor, And they, too, all perished in the fire.
6 LA, Hispanic, Gang Bangers, & ex-cons, Lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died.
A lone, white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious!! They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera. They loudly demanded to know, Why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics, all died in the fire and why only the White couple lived?
The Fire Chief said, "They were at work"
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Used Car
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon Delia and Marilyn sitting in a used car.. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it? 'Heavens no, we bought it.' 'Then why don't you drive it away.' We can't drive.' Then why did you buy it?' 'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.
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WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE
Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'
The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN!
********************************************** Precious!!- A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man called Terry who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right." Terry thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the f**&ing Post Office "
********************************************** GRIN N BEAR IT:
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams ... If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a spaz. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalocan only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
What We Project
"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."1
It's amazing how many people actually blame God, the devil or anyone else for their own irresponsible behavior. I have a talk I used to give that I titled, "The Devil Didn't Make Me Do It—I Can Mess Things Up All by Myself." And I can. Sure we are all tempted from time to time but each of us is responsible for the choice we make either to resist temptation or to give in to it.
A former supporter of our work, a man in his mid-thirties complained to me about the opposite sex because of his repeated experiences in failed relationships and tried, without success, to get me to agree with him in his self-justification. No chance. A distressed young woman bemoans the fact that she and her boyfriend fell pregnant and wondered why God allowed it to happen. Amazing? Another man I know is convinced that there's something wrong with most of the men he has had dealings with because none of them like him.
And here's a classic from a woman in a support group I was leading some time ago. "I can't understand why God gave me such a terrible husband," she bitterly moaned in a whiney poor-me tone of voice.
"Who chose your husband?" I asked.
"God did!" she said and was dead serious. Her avoidance of personal responsibility and denial of reality was painfully pathetic. There was no way I could even begin to get her to face reality, let alone get her to take a good hard look to see the truth about herself. Without access to the truth there is no resolution, no recovery, and no freedom.
"When dealing with people [like this]," Jim Rohn says, "I generally take the obvious approach. When someone says, 'This always happens to me and that always happens to me. Why do these things always happen to me?' I simply say, 'Beats me. I don't know. All I know is that those kinds of things seem to happen to people like you.'"
That might sound tough but it's true. The fact is that what we project is what we get back and what we allow we reinforce. We either face reality and admit exactly what our part is in all of these situations and get into a recovery program, or we continue to repeat our past negative patterns. As the saying goes, "If we keep doing what we've always done, we'll keep getting what we've always got, and we'll keep feeling what we've always felt." It's either resolution or repetition.
The only people God or anyone can help are those who say, "I have a problem. I need help." And as long as you and I allow people in our life to get away with boundary-busting, irresponsible behavior, we become a part of their sickness.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, whenever I'm in a jam or caught in a conflict or a problem, please give me the courage to face reality and see the truth of what I am contributing to the situation. And then give me the good sense to do something about it and resolve my part in it. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. John 8:31-32 (NIV).
********************************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
pettifog PET-ee-fog , verb: 1. To bicker or quibble over trifles or unimportant matters. 2. To carry on a petty, shifty, or unethical law business. 3. To practice chicanery of any sort.
Marius, my boy, you are a baron, you are rich, don't pettifog, I beg of you. -- Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
Naturally, the wonderful tubers Brillat-Savarin dug up and dished out lacked the penultimate refinements of washing and cooking, but it would've been gauche to pettifog. -- Elizabeth Gundy, The Disappearance of Gregory Pluckrose
Pettifog comes from the Middle Dutch word voeger meaning one who arranges things and the word petty meaning insignificant.
********************************************** RECIPE:
Cabbage Rolls
INGREDIENTS:
6 pounds lean ground beef 2 cups cooked rice Milk to moisten 4 tablespoons chopped parsley 1 tablespoon onion salt 1 tablespoon garlic salt 2 teaspoons pepper 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 2 large heads cabbage 4 (8-ounce) cans tomato sauce 2 tablespoons brown sugar
TO PREPARE:
Mix together ground beef, rice, and enough milk to make mixture very moist (approximately 2 cups). Add parsley, salts, pepper, and 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg. Form into small individual loaves about the size of your fist, well patted. Separate cabbage leaves and boil a few at a time until pliable, approximately 1 minute. Wrap loaves in cabbage leaves, securing with toothpicks and pack tightly into a 10x13-inch pan. Pour tomato sauce over and sprinkle with the remainder of the nutmeg and the brown sugar. Cover tightly with aluminum foil and bake 2-1/2 hours in 250 degree oven. This may be made several days ahead and refrigerated. In fact, the flavors blend better if this is done. It freezes well too.
SERVES: 18
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Perfume Pick-Me-Up
Douse a small natural sponge with you favorite perfume and put it in a plastic sandwich bag in your purse. Anytime during the day, moisten the sponge with some cold water and dab it behind your ears and knees, in your elbows and on your wrists to give you a refreshed feeling.
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Italian Cheese Balls
The cheese balls add a change to your pasta dinner!
Servings: 18
Ingredients
1 pound ricotta cheese
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons grated lemon zest
2 eggs, beaten
4 egg whites
3/4 cup white sugar
Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C).
2. In a medium bowl, mix together the ricotta cheese, cream cheese, flour, salt, vanilla, lemon zest and eggs. In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg whites and sugar. Pour into the cheese mixture, and mix until well blended. Roll into balls about the size of a golf ball, and place in a glass baking dish.
3. Bake for 45 minutes in the preheated oven, or until golden brown on top.
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Sweetie Swirl Cheesecake Bars
•1 1/2 stick(s) (3/4 cup) butter, softened •1 cup(s) confectioners' sugar •1/2 teaspoon(s) salt •1 1/2 cup(s) all-purpose flour •4 ounce(s) white baking chocolate •1 cup(s) frozen unsweetened raspberries, thawed •2 (8 oz each) bricks cream cheese, softened •1/2 cup(s) granulated sugar •2 large eggs •1/2 cup(s) sour cream •1 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract •2 tablespoon(s) all-purpose flour •1/4 teaspoon(s) liquid red food color •1/4 teaspoon(s) raspberry extract
Directions 1.Heat oven to 325°F. You'll need a 13 x 9-in. baking pan lined with foil (let foil extend about 2 in. above pan at both ends). 2.Crust: Beat butter in a medium bowl with mixer on medium-high speed until creamy. Add confectioners' sugar and salt; beat 1 minute until light and fluffy. On low speed, gradually beat in flour just until blended. With fingers, press evenly over bottom of pan. 3.Bake 18 minutes or until golden. Place pan on a wire rack; let cool. 4.Filling: Melt chocolate in a small bowl in microwave as package directs. Cool to room temperature. 5.Meanwhile, with a rubber spatula, press raspberries through a fine strainer set over a medium bowl (you should have 1⁄4 cup purée); discard seeds. 6.Beat cream cheese and sugar in a large bowl with mixer on medium-high speed 2 minutes or until creamy. On low speed, beat in eggs, 1 at a time, until combined. Beat in sour cream and vanilla extract, then flour just until blended. 7.Stir 1 cup batter, the food color and raspberry extract into raspberry purée; remove and reserve 1⁄2 cup. Stir melted white chocolate into remaining batter. Pour 1 1⁄2 cups white batter over crust; top with spoonfuls of remaining raspberry mixture, then remaining white batter to cover. Top with small dollops reserved raspberry mixture. Drag a toothpick through dollops and white batter to marbleize. 8.Bake 32 to 35 minutes until slightly puffed and set. Cool completely in pan on a wire rack, then refrigerate at least 1 hour until firm. 9.To serve: Holding foil by ends, lift to cutting board. Cut in 4 equal rows lengthwise and 8 crosswise.
********************************************** Garlic Cheese Biscuits ---------------------------------- 2 C Bisquick 2/3 C Milk 1/2 C Cheddar Cheese,shredded 2 Tbl Butter or Margarine,Melted 1/8 tsp Garlic Powder
Heat oven to 450. Mix Bisquick,Milk and Cheese until soft dough forms. Drop by heaping tablespoons onto ungreased baking sheet. Bake 8 - 10 minutes until golden brown. Stir butter and garlic powder together and brush over warm biscuits. Serve hot.
********************************************** Better for you Brownies
1 cup(s) (6 oz) semisweet chocolate chips •1/2 stick(s) (1⁄4 cup) unsalted butter, cut up •1 cup(s) packed light-brown sugar •1 cup(s) unsweetened applesauce •4 large egg whites •1 cup(s) white whole-wheat flour •1/4 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa •1/2 teaspoon(s) salt •1/2 cup(s) coarsely chopped walnuts
Directions 1.Heat oven to 350ºF. Line a 13 x 9-in. baking pan with nonstick foil (let the foil extend about 2 in. above pan at both ends). 2.Microwave chocolate and butter in a large glass bowl on high, stirring every 30 seconds, until melted and smooth. 3.Whisk in sugar, applesauce and egg whites until mixed well. Stir in flour, cocoa and salt just until blended. Spread into prepared pan. Sprinkle walnuts on top. 4.Bake 20 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. 5.Holding foil by ends, lift from pan onto a cutting board. Carefully cut lengthwise in 4 strips and then cut each strip in 6; remove foil.
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Important Tips While Training Parrots
The following are tips to keep in mind when training a parrot:
Training venue – It should be a safe and secure room. Make sure that all the windows, doors and other points of escape closed. The room should be bright and cheerful, but not too busy that it distracts or confuses your pet. Keep your parrot’s cage out of sight
Fun sessions – Try to keep training from getting boring. Make the sessions as enjoyable as possible. Treats often make the endeavor worthwhile for your parrot, so don’t forget to have them handy. Keep sessions short, about 10-20 minutes 2 to 3 times a day. Your bird will get tired of the routine if you drag it out longer than what its attention span can endure. Do it regularly so your parrot will anticipate it as a natural part of his day.
Rewards – Affirmation is important to parrots. Rewards for doing something right can come in the form of snack treats or toys. Your bird will soon recognize the cause and effect dynamics at play in the reward system. Make sure that the treat is special. Otherwise, it wouldn’t present sufficient incentive to your bird. Know when to hold back rewards. Parrots are very smart. They may learn not to obey commands for nothing in return, so don’t over-reward.
********************************************** JOKES:
THOUGHTS FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're it. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket. 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE: 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN: 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today. 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee! THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over? If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. BUT MOST OF ALL, Remember A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart
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Your Duck is Dead !
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's Chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
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Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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BEER, FISHING, SEX & GOLF
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
The Problem Is "Never" the Problem
"A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance."1
In teaching classes and counseling hurting people I often remind them that the problem is never the problem and the pain we feel is not the pain that is. This usually takes a while to sink in.
In most difficulties and conflicts what we see is the presenting problem which, more often than not, is the symptom of a deeper problem or "the fruit of a deeper root."
As someone else said, "When we have unresolved problems/issues, God is merciful in that he gives us symptoms." Relational conflicts, anxiety, insomnia, depression, addictions, spiritual dryness, physical ills, and any of a score of other symptoms can be caused or greatly aggravated by unresolved guilt over past unconfessed sins, a deeply buried resentment and a failure to forgive someone from a past hurt, unresolved grief from the loss of a love, or rebelling against the will of God, etc., etc. The roots of some of these issues can go all the way back to early childhood. All need to be confronted and resolved if we are to fully live and fully love, and maintain sound physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being.
Furthermore, many of our physical symptoms can be symbolic. Some ulcers, for example, are not caused so much by what we eat but by what is eating us. Tension headaches can be from jamming up anger in our head. Aching shoulders may be caused by feeling under a heavy load and so on. And if I have a pain in the neck … I may be one, or have someone or some situation in my life that I feel is a pain in the neck!
Tracing symptoms to their causes and resolving these opens the door for healing and recovery. If we don't connect to and resolve the original pain that is the root cause of our symptoms, we will suffer the ongoing pain of the symptoms. This is what I mean by saying, "The pain we feel is not the pain that is."
After David confessed his sin, he said, "What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven! What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record. There was a time when I wouldn't admit what a sinner I was. But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration. All day and all night your hand was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, 'I will confess them to the Lord.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."2
David gives us an excellent example to follow.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, no matter what symptoms I have in my life, if they are the fruit of a deeper root, please give me the courage to see and confront these. And please lead me to the help I need to resolve them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Proverbs 28:13 (TLB)(NLT). 2. Psalm 32:1-5 (TLB)(NLT).
********************************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
quadrennial kwo-DREN-ee-uhl , adjective: 1. Occurring every four years. 2. Of or lasting for four years.
noun:
1. An event occurring every four years, as an anniversary or its celebration. ...all we merely have here is just what Rod might call an exaggerated example of a quadrennial problem any administration with vision is going to have to face eventually anyway. -- David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
The inauguration of a President of the United States, I think, has always been treated as a great quadrennial ceremonial. -- United States Senate, Subcommittee of the Committee on the District of Columbia, Suffrage Parade
Clearly, quadrennial comes from the Latin words quadri- meaning four and annus meaning years, with the suffix -ial meaning pertaining to.
********************************************** RECIPE:
ONIONS! I had never heard this!!! PLEASE READ TO THE END: IMPORTANT In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu... Many of the farmers and their families had contracted it and many died. The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy. Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser. She said that several years ago, many of her employees were coming down with the flu, and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions: > Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about > the farmer's story...but, I do > know that I contacted pneumonia, and, > needless to say, I was very ill... I came > across an article that said to cut both ends > off an onion put it into an > empty jar, and place the jar next to the > sick patient at night. It said the > onion would be black in the morning from the > germs...sure enough it happened > just like that...the onion was a mess and I > began to feel better. > > Another thing I read in the article was that > onions and garlic placed around > the room saved many from the black plague > years ago. They have powerful > antibacterial, antiseptic properties. > > This is the other note. > > Lots of times when we have stomach problems > we don't know what to blame. > Maybe it's the onions that are to blame. > Onions absorb bacteria is the > reason they are so good at preventing us > from getting colds and flu and is > the very reason we shouldn't eat an onion > that has been sitting for a time > after it has been cut open. > > LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS > > I had the wonderful privilege of touring > Mullins Food Products, Makers of > mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning > came up, and I wanted to share > > > > what I learned from a chemist. > > Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food > chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone > asked if we really needed to worry about > mayonnaise. People are always > worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's > answer will surprise you. Ed said > that all commercially-made mayo is > completely safe. > > "It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No > harm in refrigerating it, but > it's not really necessary." He explained > that the pH in mayonnaise is set at > a point that bacteria could not survive in > that environment. He then talked > about the summer picnic, with the bowl of > potato salad sitting on > the table, and how everyone blames the > mayonnaise when someone gets sick. > > Ed says that, when food poisoning is > reported, the first thing the officials > look for is when the 'victim' last ate > ONIONS and where those onions came > from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's > not the mayonnaise (as long as > it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the > outdoors. It's probably the > ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the > POTATOES. > > He explained onions are a huge magnet for > bacteria, especially uncooked > onions. You should never plan to keep a > portion of a sliced onion.. He says > it's not even safe if you put it in a > zip-lock bag and put it in your > refrigerator. > > It's already contaminated enough just by > being cut open and out for a bit, > that it can be a danger to you (and doubly > watch out for those onions you > put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!). > Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll > probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your > sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in > a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial > mayonnaise will even begin to break down. > > Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their > stomachs cannot metabolize onions > Please remember it is dangerous to cut an > onion and try to use it to cook > the next day, it becomes highly poisonous > for even a single night and > creates toxic bacteria which may cause > adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food > poisoning. > > Please pass this on to all you love and care > about.
By: Bill Patchett
**********************************************
Cooking Sausage?
When a recipe calls for loose or bulk sausages and you only have link sausages, just remove the casings. Do this by using a knife or kitchen scissors to slit the casing lengthwise from top to bottom, and then peel it off.
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Banana S'more-Diabetic Friendly
Preparation time: 10 minutes Baking time: 10 minutes
1 medium-size, firm, ripe banana (about 6 ounces) 2 teaspoons mini semisweet chocolate chips 1 tablespoon miniature marshmallows 1/8 cup graham bear cookies (or 1/2 graham cracker square, broken into pieces)
Preheat oven to 400°F. Peel back, but do not remove, an inch-wide strip of banana peel. Cut a slit along the length of the banana. Be careful not to cut all the way through the banana. Push the chocolate chips down into the slit in the banana, then push in the marshmallows and graham bear cookies. Replace the strip of banana peel. Wrap the banana in aluminum foil. Turn off the oven. Put the banana in the oven for about 10 minutes, or until the marshmallows begin to melt. Eat with a spoon while warm.
Yield: 2 servings Serving size: 1/2 banana Nutrition Facts
Per Serving: Calories: 126 Carbohydrate: 26 g Protein: 1 g Fat: 2 g Saturated fat: 1 g Sodium: 23 mg Fiber: 2 g
Exchanges per serving: 1 fruit, 1 other carbohydrate Carbohydrate choices: 2
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Dreamsicle Mousse ----------------------------------
1 box sugar free orange Jell-O 1 box sugar free white chocolate instant pudding 1 small can of Mandarin oranges, packed in orange juice (drained) 1 8 oz. Tub of fat free cool whip
Dissolve Jell-O in 1 cup of hot water. Add 1 cup of cold and stir well and let sit about 5 minutes. Beat the pudding (dry) into the Jell-O with the mixer,until well blended. Add the mandarin oranges and fold in the cool whip. Chill several hours before serving.
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Traditional Beef Burritos
Dinner's on the table in less than an hour with these delicious bean and beef burritos, baked and browned, and topped with a dollop of sour cream.
Servings: 6
Ingredients
1 pound lean ground beef
1 cup chopped onion
2 large garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 cup taco sauce
1 (16 ounce) can fat-free refried black beans
6 (10 inch) flour tortillas
3/4 cup Daisy Brand Sour Cream
1 1/2 cups finely shredded Mexican cheese blend
Directions
1. Cook the ground beef in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat 5 to 7 minutes or until thoroughly cooked, stirring frequently; drain. Add the onion, garlic, chili powder, cumin and taco sauce to the meat and stir. Cook for 5 minutes or until thoroughly heated and the vegetables are tender, stirring frequently.
2. Spread 1/3 cup of refried beans on the bottom 1/3 of each tortilla, leaving 1-inch around bottom and edges. Spoon 1/3 cup of the meat mixture over beans. Top the meat with 1 tablespoon of sour cream and 1/4 cup of cheese. Start rolling up from bottom, enfolding the filling. Fold in the sides and continue rolling up.
3. Heat the oven to 375 degrees. Spray all sides of the burritos with cooking spray. Place burritos on a cookie sheet, seam sides down. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes or until thoroughly heated and browned, turning over once. Top with dollops of the remaining sour cream.
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Tortilla Soup
Here's a version of chicken tortilla soup that's both super-easy and delicious. To make it even quicker, use crumbled baked tortilla chips in place of the homemade tortilla strips and skip Steps 1-2. Serve with vinegary coleslaw, lime wedges and hot sauce.
6 servings, about 1 1/3 cups each Active Time: 30 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 8 corn tortillas, halved and thinly sliced Canola or olive oil cooking spray 1 tablespoon canola oil 3 Anaheim or poblano peppers, diced 1 medium onion, diced 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, trimmed and cut into 1-inch pieces (see Tip) 4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth 1 14-ounce can diced tomatoes with green chiles 2 tablespoons lime juice 1/2 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
PREPARATION Preheat oven to 400°F. Spread tortilla strips in an even layer on a baking sheet and coat with cooking spray. Bake until browned and crispy, 12 to 15 minutes. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add peppers and onion and cook, stirring, until the onion begins to soften, 3 to 5 minutes. Add cumin and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add chicken, broth, tomatoes and their juice. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer until the chicken is cooked through, 12 to 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in lime juice. Serve each portion topped with some of the baked tortilla strips, Cheddar and cilantro.
TIPS & NOTES Tip: To trim boneless, skinless chicken thighs, we like to use kitchen shears to snip the fat away from the meat.
NUTRITION Per serving: 288 calories; 12 g fat ( 4 g sat , 4 g mono ); 56 mg cholesterol; 25 g carbohydrates; 20 g protein; 5 g fiber; 483 mg sodium; 404 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (40% daily value), Iron (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2 Exchanges: 1 starch, 1 vegetable, 2 lean meat, 1 fat
********************************************** QUARTERBACK POTATO SALAD
Prep Time: 20 mins
Cook Time: 20 mins
Rest Time: 2 h
Total Time: 40 mins
Ingredients 2 1/2 pounds potato(es) 1 cup(s) dressing, low-fat mayonnaise-based 8 ounce(s) sour cream, light or fat-free 2 tablespoon milk, fat-free 1 teaspoon pepper, seasoned 1/4 teaspoon salt 3 egg(s), hard boiled, peeled and chopped 3/4 cup(s) scallion(s) (green onions) 2 ounce(s) cheese, cheddar, reduced-fat 4 slice(s) bacon milk, whole 1 avocado
Recipe Tip: Chill 2 to 24 hours.
Preparation
1. In a covered large saucepan, cook potatoes in a large amount of boiling water for 20 to 25 minutes or just until tender. Drain and cool. Cut into bite-size cubes.
2. In a very large bowl, stir together mayonnaise dressing, sour cream, the 2 tablespoons milk, the seasoned pepper, and salt. Gently stir in potato cubes, hard-cooked eggs, green onions, and cheese. Cover and chill for at least 2 hours or up to 24 hours. Cover and chill bacon separately.
3. Stir salad. If salad seems dry, add 1 to 2 tablespoons additional milk. Tote salad and bacon in an insulated cooler with ice packs. To serve, seed, peel, and chop avocado; stir into salad. Sprinkle with bacon.
*******************************************
JOKES:
LITTLE JOHNNY
Little Johnny We don't care who you are, this is funny! The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for myobvious success." "Very good" said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines" she said , "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazin es would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny" said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ...Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said."$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" Toothbrushes" said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town" said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!" Then I would say, "It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you something shitty, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth." Little Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his heart..
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Gotta love the concealed hand gun law! Retired Marine and former Pan Am/Delta Pilot John Lovell is Top Gun at Subway Sandwich Shop
Plantation, Florida: Last week police were called to investigate an attempted armed robbery: The 71-year-old retired Marine who opened fire on two robbers at a Plantation, Florida, Subway shop late Wednesday, killing one and critically wounding the other, is described as John Lovell, a former helicopter pilot for two presidents. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, and he works out every day. Mr. Lovell was a man of action Wednesday night.
According to Plantation police, two masked gunmen came into the Subway at 1949 N. Pine Rd. just after 11 p.m. There was a lone diner, Mr. Lovell, who was finishing his meal. After robbing the cashier, the two men attempted to shove Mr. Lovell into a bathroom and rob him as well. They got his money, but then Mr. Lovell pulled his handgun and opened fire. He shot one of the thieves in the head and chest and the other in the head.
When police arrived, they found one of the men in the shop, K-9 Units found the other in the bushes of a nearby business. They also found cash strewn around the front of the sandwich shop according to Detective Robert Rettig of the Plantation Police Department.
Both men were taken to the Broward General Medical Center , where one, Donicio Arrindell, 22, of North Lauderdale died. The other, 21-year-old Frederick Gadson of Fort Lauderdale is in critical but stable condition.
Mr. Lovell was a pilot in the Marine Corps, flying former Presidents John F. Kennedy and Lyndon B. Johnson. He later worked as a pilot for Pan Am and Delta Airlines.
He is not expected to be charged authorities said. ''He was in fear for his life,'' Detective Rettig said, "These criminals ought to realize that most men in their 70's have military backgrounds and aren't intimidated by idiots."
Something tells me this old Marine wasn't 'in fear for his life', even though his life was definitely at risk. The only thing he could be charged with is participating in an unfair fight. One 71- year young Marine against two punks. Two head shots and one center body mass shot.
Outstanding shooting! That'll teach them not to get between a Marine and his meal.
Florida law allows eligible citizens to carry a concealed weapon. Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?
**********************************************
Queen's Riddle
Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.
He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE
**********************************************
How Would You Rate this Student?
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
********************************************** An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Australian home. After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. ''How do you like it here?'' asks the grandson. ''It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful'', says grandpa. ''We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.'' ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents'', Abdullah says with a big smile. ''There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'! There's a dentist here -- 90 years old.. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?! And me -- "I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The f...... Arab" .
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Making Today Count
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."1
I have read how, when William Montague Dyke was a child, he was blinded in an accident, but he never allowed this handicap to deter him. He graduated with high honors from an English university and, while a student, fell in love with the daughter of a high-ranking British naval office whom he was to marry.
Before the wedding he had an eye operation in the hopes that it would restore his eyesight. However, he didn't want the bandages removed from his eyes until his wedding day when he stood before his bride to be. If the surgery failed, he would remain blind for the rest of his life. If successful, the person he wanted to see first was to be his bride.
The wedding day arrived. The dignitaries and guests waited in anticipation as the organ played the wedding march and the bride, accompanied by her father and the groom's surgeon, slowly walked the aisle to the altar. As William's sweetheart stood before him, the surgeon took a pair of scissors from his pocket and removed the bandages.
The entire party and all the guests held their breath for a brief moment until they heard the words of William which echoed throughout the cathedral as he said to his soon-to-be bride, "You're more beautiful than I ever imagined!"2
In one sense this gives us a faint glimpse as to what it will be like when we get to heaven and stand face to face with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When we see him in all his majestic beauty—the God of all creation—no words this side of heaven could ever describe, nor any imagination ever perceive, what this experience will be like. As a hymn we used to sing with great enthusiasm in my childhood days expressed it, "When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be. When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!"
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, Thank you for your wonderful promise that all who believe in your Son, Jesus, and have accepted him as their personal Lord and Savior and have had their sins forgiven have Jesus' promise that he is now in Heaven preparing a place for us and is coming back to take us to be with him and you for all eternity. 'What a day of rejoicing that will be.' Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV).
**********************************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
ad rem ad REM , adverb: 1. Without digressing; in a straightforward manner. adjective: 1. Relevant; pertinent.
I am sure these things are not ad rem. Some persons think, my lord, it is very hard these men should be forced against their consciences from the church. -- Richard Baxter, The Practical Works of Richard Baxter
The letter seems free of formulae, which suggests it was composed specifically ad rem. -- Roger Rees, Layers of Loyalty in Latin Panegyric
Ad rem is a useful Latin phrase that literally means "at thing" from the roots ad and res.
********************************************** RECIPE:
Blueberry Muffins
**Cook's note-These muffins can be flavored with any variety of fruits and toppings. Using the muffin recipe as a base for any flavor you like!**
Edited 12/24/11--Add your butter gradually if you decide to do the streusel topping. More or less may be needed depending on the humidity in your area to create a nice crumbly topping. If you find it is too soft add more flour to achieve the consistency you need.
Sugar Topping
1/3 cup (21/3 ounces) sugar 1½ teaspoons finely grated zest from 1 lemon
Streusel Topping 3 T white sugar 3 T brown sugar 1/3 cup flour 5 T melted butter
Muffins 2 cups (or less if you are me!) fresh blueberries, picked over 1 1/8 cups plus 1 teaspoon sugar 1 tablespoon water 2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon table salt 2 large eggs 4 tablespoons (½ stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly ¼ cup vegetable oil 1 cup buttermilk 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
If topping with lemon sugar, stir together sugar and lemon zest in small bowl until combined; set aside.
If topping the muffins with streusel, combine ingredients until it is the size of peas and set aside.
Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 425 degrees. Prepare standard muffin tins with nonstick cooking spray or liners. Bring 1 cup blueberries, water, and 1 teaspoon sugar to simmer in small saucepan over medium heat. Cook, mashing the berries with your potato masher or fork several times and stirring frequently, until berries have broken down and mixture is thickened and reduced by about half. This will take about 6 minutes. Transfer to small bowl and cool to room temperature, 10 to 15 minutes.
Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt together in large bowl. Whisk remaining sugar and eggs together in medium bowl until thick and well combined. Slowly mix in butter and oil until combined. Whisk in buttermilk and vanilla. Using rubber spatula, fold egg mixture and remaining cup blueberries into flour mixture until just moistened. (Batter will be very lumpy with few spots of dry flour; do not over mix.)
Using a cookie scoop or large spoon, divide batter equally among prepared muffin cups (batter should completely fill cups and mound slightly). Spoon teaspoon of cooked berry mixture into center of each mound of batter. Using chopstick or skewer, gently swirl berry filling into batter using figure-eight motion. Sprinkle lemon sugar or streusel evenly over muffins.
Bake until muffin tops are golden and just firm, 17 to 19 minutes. Cool muffins in muffin tin for 5 minutes, then transfer to wire rack and cool 5 minutes before serving.
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Peanut Butter Brownie Trifle
1 9 x 13 pan of your favorite brownie recipe (I use a Ghirardelli box mix) 5 oz package vanilla instant pudding mix 3 c milk ½ c peanut butter, creamy 2 tsp vanilla extract 1 c whipping cream, whipped and divided 24 regular sized peanut butter cups, divided
DIRECTIONS: Prepare brownies according to the recipe. If you want uniform pieces of brownie, line the 9 x 13 pan with parchment paper and spray with cooking spray before adding the brownie batter. (I always swirl in some peanut butter to my brownie batter after dumping it in the pan. Just put a few spoonfuls of peanut butter on top of the batter and use a butter knife to swirl around.) Bake according to recipe. Cool completely.
Cut brownies into ¾" pieces.
Coarsely chop peanut butter cups. Reserve some for garnish.
Combine pudding mix and milk in large bowl. Beat at low speed for 2 minutes. Chill for about 5 minutes, or until it has completely thickened. Add peanut butter and vanilla, and beat until smooth. Gently fold in half of whipped cream.
Place half of brownies in bottom of trifle bowl; top with 1/2 of chopped candy and half of pudding. Repeat layers. Top with remaining whipped cream, spooned or piped on. Garnish top with remaining peanut butter cups
********************************************** Cranberry-Almond Granola
Prep Time: 10 mins
Cook Time: 35 mins
Rest Time: 20 mins
Total Time: 1 h 5 mins
Ingredients cooking spray 2/3 cup(s) juice, apple, unsweetened concentrate, thawed 1/2 cup(s) maple syrup 1/3 cup(s) oil, almond, or oil, canola 1/4 cup(s) sugar, brown, dark, packed 1 tablespoon cinnamon, ground 1/2 teaspoon salt 5 cup(s) oats, rolled, (not quick-cooking) 1 cup(s) wheat germ, toasted 1 cup(s) nuts, almonds, raw, coarsely chopped 1/2 cup(s) sunflower seeds 1 cup(s) cranberries, dried, divided
Preparation
1. Position racks in the top and bottom thirds of the oven; preheat to 325°F. Coat 2 large baking sheets with sides with cooking spray.
2. Whisk apple juice concentrate, maple syrup, oil and brown sugar in a medium saucepan. Bring to a simmer over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat; stir in cinnamon and salt.
3. Mix oats, wheat germ, almonds and sunflower seeds in a large bowl. Stir in the juice mixture; toss to coat.
4. Spread the granola evenly on the prepared baking sheets.
5. Bake the granola for 15 minutes, stirring once or twice. Reverse sheets top to bottom and back to front. Continue baking until lightly browned and aromatic, stirring frequently, about 15 minutes more.
6. Transfer the baking sheets to wire racks; stir 1/2 cup dried cranberries into the granola on each sheet. Let cool completely.
********************************************** Herbed Salisbury Mushroom Steaks
PREP TIME 25 min TOTAL TIME 35 min SERVINGS 5
1 package (8 oz) sliced fresh mushrooms (3 cups) 1 lb extra-lean (at least 90%) ground beef 1/4 cup Progresso® plain bread crumbs 1/4 cup fat-free egg product 1/4 cup fat-free (skim) milk 3/4 teaspoon dried thyme leaves 3 tablespoons ketchup 2 teaspoons canola or soybean oil 1 jar (12 oz) fat-free beef gravy
1 Finely chop 1 cup of the mushrooms. In medium bowl, mix chopped mushrooms, beef, bread crumbs, egg product, milk, thyme and 1 tablespoon of the ketchup. Shape mixture into 5 oval patties, 1/2 inch thick. 2 In 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Add patties; cook about 5 minutes, turning once, until browned. 3 Add remaining sliced mushrooms, 2 tablespoons ketchup and the gravy. Heat to boiling; reduce heat to low. Cover; cook 5 to 10 minutes or until meat thermometer inserted in center of patties reads 160ºF and patties are no longer pink in center.
Round out this homey meal with a side of steamed green beans and a simple mixed-greens salad. Garnish with a sprig of fresh thyme for a splash of color and flavor.
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Spinach-Cheese Balls
PREP TIME 10 min TOTAL TIME 25 min SERVINGS 30 1 box (9 oz) frozen spinach, thawed, squeezed to drain 1 cup Original Bisquick® mix 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (8 oz) 1 egg 2 teaspoons Italian seasoning 1 teaspoon garlic salt 1 cup tomato pasta sauce, if desired
1 Heat oven to 400°F. Spray cookie sheet with cooking spray. In large bowl, mix all ingredients, except pasta sauce. Shape mixture into 1-inch balls; place on cookie sheet. 2 Bake 10 to 15 minutes or until golden brown. Immediately remove from pan. Serve with pasta sauce. Expert Tips Cover and freeze unbaked balls up to 1 month. Heat oven to 350ºF. Place frozen balls on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until brown.
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JOKES:
To My Old-As-Dirt Friends & Relatives To qualify as "old as dirt".
For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream. Here are more of the actual signs:
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW OUT SO FAR IT MAY GO HOME IN ANOTHER CAR. BURMA SHAVE
TRAINS DON'T WANDER ALL OVER THE MAP 'CAUSE NOBODY SITS IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP Burma Shave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH BY MISTAKE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS HER HUSBAND JAKE Burma Shave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT Burma Shave
DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER LET'S REHEARSE ALL TOGETHER GOOD MORNING, NURSE Burma Shave
CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND A LITTLE MORE STEER Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKS THE SPOT Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT BEAUTIFUL CAR WASN'T IT? Burma Shave
NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU Burma Shave
A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' Burma Shave
AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY Burma Shave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE Burma Shave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING Burma Shave
CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. Burma Shave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE TAKE IT SLOW LET OUR LITTLE SHAVERS GROW Burma Shave
Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you're merely a child. If they do - then you're old as dirt ..LIKE ME!
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Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. - Berthold Auerbach
It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. - Dorothy Parker
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. - Oscar Wilde
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You might be a REDNECK if... ...you've ever burped and killed a fly **************
THINGS TO PONDER: Where do all the missing socks go?
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60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS) As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ' What are you thinking? ' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest.. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage! Andy Rooney is a really smart guy! Share this to five fine, fun, fabulous, fancy-free female friends over 50, or Men who might appreciate it too. *************************************
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Do You Believe In God?
James 2:19, NKJV: "You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe--and tremble!"
At a Christian university, a Philosophy professor asked his class how many of them believed in God. All hands went up immediately. He then asked, "Which God?" Puzzled faces filled the room. The simple point he was making is that to say one believes in God, can be an ambiguous statement outside of the proper context--just as it has become to call oneself a Christian. Christian can mean different things to different people. James writes, "You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe--and tremble!" Believing in God goes much deeper than believing that He exists. It goes to the point of trusting Him with your eternal life, as well as your day to day. It goes to the point of placing trust in the work accomplished through the Son; that what He did was sufficient to cleanse of from sin, and reconcile us with the Father. And it goes deeper still, to the point that we say, "I believe in You God; in what You do, stand for, and how you work." It goes to the point where we trust Him as a child--even when things don't make sense--and especially when they do.
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
- Isaiah 53:4
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
plenum PLEE-nuhm , noun:
1. A full assembly, as a joint legislative assembly. 2. The state or a space in which a gas, usually air, is contained at a pressure greater than atmospheric pressure. 3. A space, usually above a ceiling or below a floor, that can serve as a receiving chamber for air that has been heated or cooled to be distributed to inhabited areas. 4. The whole of space regarded as being filled with matter (opposed to vacuum).
The plenum allegedly demanded that Bukharin cease his hunger strike. -- Yuri Trifonov, Disappearance
They convened a plenary session of the Central Committee, and the plenum sided with them — the game was over! -- Feliks Ivanovich Chuev, Molotov Remembers
Plenum is literally the opposite of a vacuum. It came to be used in the sense of a full meeting of legislators in 1772 in Sweden.
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RECIPE:
Cheesy Chicken Pasta
This ooey-gooey pasta dish is a crowd-pleaser for adults and kids alike—think rich and creamy macaroni-and-cheese tossed with cauliflower and chicken. Serve with a spinach salad.
6 servings, about 1 1/3 cups each Active Time: 35 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes
INGREDIENTS 8 ounces whole-wheat penne 2 cups 1/2-inch cauliflower florets 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 cup finely chopped onion 1/2 cup dry white wine 3 cups low-fat milk 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1 cup shredded Gruyère, or Swiss cheese 3 cups shredded cooked chicken, or turkey (12 ounces; see Tip) 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard 2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives, or scallion greens
PREPARATION Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 5 minutes. Add cauliflower florets and cook until the pasta and florets are tender, about 4 minutes more. Drain, rinse and return to the pot. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and cook, stirring, until tender, 2 to 3 minutes. Add wine and cook until reduced slightly, about 1 minute. Whisk milk, flour, salt and pepper together in a medium bowl and add to the pan. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring frequently. Cook, stirring, until thickened, about 1 minute. Reduce heat to low and stir in cheese until smooth. Stir chicken (or turkey) and mustard into the cheese sauce; cook until heated through, about 2 minutes. Stir the sauce into the drained pasta and cauliflower. Serve sprinkled with chives (or scallion greens).
TIPS & NOTES Tip: To poach chicken breasts, place boneless, skinless chicken breasts in a medium skillet or saucepan. Add lightly salted water to cover and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer gently until chicken is cooked through and no longer pink in the middle, 10 to 12 minutes.
NUTRITION Per serving: 433 calories; 13 g fat ( 5 g sat , 5 g mono ); 75 mg cholesterol; 42 g carbohydrates; 34 g protein; 5 g fiber; 491 mg sodium; 483 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (38% daily value), Calcium (35% dv), Potassium (20% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 2 1/2 Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable, 1/2 low-fat milk, 3 lean meat
********************************************** Mini Shepherd's Pies
4 servings Active Time: 30 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes
INGREDIENTS 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 cup chopped onion 12 ounces 93%-lean ground beef 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1 tablespoon tomato paste 1 cup reduced-sodium beef broth 6 ounces baby spinach, chopped 3/4 teaspoon salt, divided 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder, divided 2 12-ounce packages frozen winter squash puree, thawed 1/3 cup finely shredded Parmesan cheese
PREPARATION Position rack in upper third of oven; preheat broiler. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring, until beginning to soften, about 2 minutes. Reduce heat to medium, stir in beef, flour and tomato paste, and cook, stirring, until the beef is mostly browned, about 3 minutes. Add broth, scraping up any browned bits with a wooden spoon. Bring to a boil and cook, stirring occasionally, until the broth is the consistency of thick gravy, about 4 minutes. Stir in spinach, 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder; cook until the spinach is just wilted, about 1 minute. Remove from the heat. Place squash in a fine-mesh sieve and gently press on it to extract excess liquid. Transfer to a bowl. Stir in the remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder. Divide the meat mixture among four 10-ounce broiler-safe ramekins. Top each with about 1/2 cup of the squash. Place the ramekins on a baking sheet. Broil until heated through and bubbling around the edges, about 10 minutes. Sprinkle with cheese and broil until it is just melted, about 3 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Equipment: Four 10-ounce broiler-safe ramekins
NUTRITION Per serving: 310 calories; 13 g fat ( 5 g sat , 3 g mono ); 70 mg cholesterol; 26 g carbohydrates; 29 g protein; 5 g fiber; 708 mg sodium; 421 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (175% daily value), Vitamin C (50% dv), Zinc (33% dv), Calcium (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2 Exchanges: 1 starch, 1 vegetable, 2 lean meat, 1/2 fat
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Homemade Tootsie Rolls
A childhood and adult favorite flavor that is so easy to make at home. Servings: 4 doz Prep Time: 24 hours 15 min Difficulty: Easy Ingredients Add to grocery list
12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips 1/2 cup light corn syrup 3/4 teaspoon water, warm 1 3/4 teaspoon orange extract wax paper or colored foil for wrapping
Directions
Line a baking tray (with sides) with plastic wrap and set aside. In a medium microwave safe bowl, melt chocolate. Stop to stir every 5-10 seconds so chocolate will not burn. Add the remaining ingredients and stir well. Scrap mixture onto the prepared baking sheet and press down with the back side of a spatula to a 1†thickness. (Paula’s Note: It will not completely cover the pan). Cover mixture with another piece of plastic wrap and let it set overnight at room temperature. The mixture will be stiff, but still moldable and flexible the next day. Peel off the plastic wrap and cut into strips (about 1/2â€-3/4†wide). Form each strip into a log and roll out the logs between your hands or on your work surface until they are about 1/2†in diameter. Cut into sections as long as you like and set aside for a few minutes to harden up again after you have heated them with your hands. Wrap in waxed paper or colored foil squares
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Eggs Been in the Fridge Awhile?
To test their freshness, place each raw egg in a pot of water. If the egg floats, it’s rotten. If it stands on its pointy end, it’s 10 to 14 days old. If the egg tilts, it’s about 3 or 4 days old. You want an egg to sink and lie on its side. That means it’s fresh—any fresher, and a live chicken will be walking out of your kitchen.
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Dustpan in a Pinch
If you need to sweep up some dirt, but don’t have a dustpan, cut a paper or plastic plate in half. POOF! There's your dustpan.
********************************************** Dogs have a lot more hair than us to take care of. All dogs require some fur maintenance, even short-haired dogs. Matted poor fur can indicate sickness or poor care. But I've found that some people are not sure of how to care for their dog's fur. So today - I wanted to give you a few tips on caring for your dogs coat. Here are a few things that I recommend to dog owners. Dogs need to be brushed often, especially if they have long fur. Different kinds of fur need different kinds of brushes. For short hair, use a brush with hard, metallic teeth. Longer hair may need a brush with softer, bristled teeth. There are a number of different kinds of brushes to choose from, so find the brush that's just right for your dog's fur type. Find out how to choose the best brush/comb for your dog.
It's a good idea to get your dog familiar with a brush early in his life . If you do - you will be so happy that you did as yor dog gets older. Teach your dog that there's nothing to be scared of, and show him that brushing is a rewarding time he can spend getting attention from you. When you're first beginning, you can even offer a small treat as a reward for behaving while getting brushed. Encourage him to enjoy it. Help him love it! Grooming salons can be expensive, but they are necessary once in a while. The salon can wash your dog, brush him, and trim his fur. Long fur can become uncomfortable and tangled. I would recommend visiting the salon when your dog is shedding. You'd be amazed at how much extra weight your dog has to carry around when he sheds! Doggie baths are another way to take good care of your dog and his fur. If your dog spends a lot of time outdoors, and especially if he sleeps on the furniture or in bed with you, you should be washing him from one a week to once a month, depending on his size. Here are some great tips on how to bathe your dog. A clean dog is a happy dog. If your dog's fur looks lifeless and in poor condition, it may be a good idea to take him to the vet for a checkup.
********************************************** JOKES:
Dogs Know,
Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when an earthquake is about to hit?
Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?
Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?
Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask. How do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.
Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right... when impending doom is upon us.
They'll always try to warn us!
********************************************** You might be a REDNECK if... ...you have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
********************************************** Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright
He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. - Richard Brinsley Sheridan
I'm still an atheist, thank God. - Luis Bunuel
"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions" - Albert Einstein
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Sadly, no one is safe from receiving the dreaded pink slip. Recently, a job application came across my desk at the federal personnel office in Washington, D.C. It was written on a standard form, which includes the question "Why did you leave your previous employment?" The applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, "The express wish of 116,000 voters."
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Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
–Jack Handey
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Easter Egg Only within the last century were chocolate and candy eggs exchanged as Easter gifts. But the springtime exchanging of real eggs-white, colored, and gold-leafed-is an ancient custom, predating Easter by many centuries. From earliest times, and in most cultures, the egg signified birth and resurrection. The Egyptians buried eggs in their tombs. The Greeks placed eggs atop graves. The Romans coined a proverb: Omne vivum ex ovo, "All life comes from an egg." And legend has it that Simon of Cyrene, who helped carry Christ’s cross to Calvary, was by trade an egg merchant. (Upon returning from the crucifixion to his produce farm, he allegedly discovered that all his hens’ eggs had miraculously turned a rainbow of colors; substantive evidence for this legend is weak.) Thus, when the Church started to celebrate the Resurrection, in the second century, it did not have to search far for a popular and easily recognizable symbol.
In those days, wealthy people would cover a gift egg with gilt or gold leaf, while peasants often dyed their eggs. The tinting was achieved by boiling the eggs with certain flowers, leaves, log wood chips, or the cochineal insect. Spinach leaves or anemone petals were considered best for green; the bristly gorse blossom for yellow; log wood for rich purple; and the body fluid of the cochineal produced scarlet.
In parts of Germany during the early 1880s, Easter eggs substituted for birth certificates. An egg was dyed a solid color, then a design, which included the recipient’s name and birth date, was etched into the shell with a needle or sharp tool. Such Easter eggs were honored in law courts as evidence of identity and age.
Easter’s most valuable eggs were hand crafted in the 1880s. Made by the great goldsmith Peter Carl Faberge, they were commissioned by Czar Alexander III of Russia as gifts for his wife, Czarina Maria Feodorovna. The first Faberge egg, presented in 1886, measured two and a half inches long and had a deceptively simple exterior. Inside the white enamel shell, though, was a golden yolk, which when opened revealed a gold hen with ruby eyes. The hen itself could be opened, by lifting the beak, to expose a tiny diamond replica of the imperial crown. The Faberge treasures today are collectively valued at over four million dollars. Forty-three of the fifty-three eggs, known to have been made by Faberge, are now in museums and private collections. ***************************
Easter Has Arrived Abundance, rebirth and release.
Easter, which celebrates Jesus Christ's resurrection from the dead, is Christianity's most important holiday. It has been called a moveable feast because it doesn't fall on a set date every year, as most holidays do. Instead, Christian churches in the West celebrate Easter on the first Sunday following the full moon after the vernal equinox on March 21. Therefore, Easter is observed anywhere between March 22 and April 25 every year. Orthodox Christians use the Julian calendar to calculate when Easter will occur and typically celebrate the holiday a week or two after the Western churches, which follow the Gregorian calendar.
The exact origins of this religious feast day's name are unknown. Some sources claim the word Easter is derived from Eostre, a Teutonic goddess of spring and fertility. Other accounts trace Easter to the Latin term hebdomada alba, or white week, an ancient reference to Easter week and the white clothing donned by people who were baptized during that time.
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Where has all our innocence gone? While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'
*****
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them..'
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
******
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
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On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.'
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, 'That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
*****
God's Problem Now:
His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there now!"
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KENNEL COUGH
Kennel cough is a very common canine disease. Many dog owners know the term but don't know much about the disease. Today, I'd like to tell you more about it and what you can do to prevent it.
Kennel cough is a common term that refers to a contagious, airborne disease of dogs that is caused by different viruses and bacteria. It is easily spread from dog to dog through the air. Kennel cough is especially common in high-density areas where dogs are in close quarters and may be stressed (for instance, at the groomer's, in a kennel or at an animal shelter). The environment is similar to kindergarten, where kids are together in close proximity within the same area. If you know any parents of young kids, you know that in school, a cold virus or bug is commonly spread from one child to another to another.
Most kennels, groomers, and training classes require dogs to have the kennel cough vaccine. The other name for this vaccine is "Bordetella" - you may have heard that term.
As you may or may not know, pet insurance will not only cover medical costs when your dog is sick but many plans will also cover wellness coverage such as vaccinations, flea control and heartworm prevention. Find out if pet insurance is right for you. Take a minute and go to petinsurance.com.
Kennel cough is generally not a life-threatening disease but it can be very annoying. Many dogs end up going to the veterinarian or emergency clinic when they keep coughing or when they stop eating. Most dogs are treated with antibiotics to minimize or treat any bacterial component. Can you prevent kennel cough? Yes you can. If your dog goes to areas that are frequented by other dogs - boarding, grooming, dog parks, etc. - it is smart to have your dog vaccinated.
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TODAY'S PET TIP
Vomiting in Dogs Some dogs can vomit occasionally.
A common question owners ask is when should you worry?
If a dog vomits more than once in a day, the vomiting is associated with other signs including lethargy, diarrhea or not eating or there is blood in the vomit, then it is time to worry.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
What I See Is Who I Am
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"1
Ken Crockett, in his book, I Once Was Blind, But Now I Squint, shares the experience of Pastor Ed Manning who told "about a situation when a woman approached him to ask a question. As she drew closer to him, he tipped his head back to look through the bottom lenses of his bifocals to focus on her more clearly. 'There you go again!' the woman exploded. 'You stick your nose up in the air every time I talk to you! Who do you think you are? I'm sick of your arrogant attitude!'
"Manning was taken aback by her outburst of anger. 'You don't understand,' he explained. 'I'm not sticking my nose up in the air at you. I just can't see you when you get near me. I'm tilting my head back so I can see you through the bottom half of my bifocals.'"2
Sound familiar?
Blaise Pascal said, "We view things not only from different sides but with different eyes." Or to put it another way, "We see things not the way they are, but the way we are."
For instance, if I have unresolved anger, I will see things through angry, critical eyes. If have unresolved fears, I will view things through fearful eyes. If I have a negative attitude, I will look at things through negative eyes. If I am insecure, I will see things through insecure eyes. If I am a jealous person, I will view things through jealous eyes. If I am a cheat, I will see things through cheating eyes, and so on.
Whatever I see—the way I see it will always be twisted to match my distorted perception of reality and in so doing I will rationalize my every thought and justify my every action. A very unhealthy and self-defeating way to live.
Any wonder that Jesus said that if we are going to see things the way they are, we need to see the plank in our own eye and get rid of that. It is true, what I see is who I am. It is equally true, if I am a loving person, I will see things through loving eyes.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please open my eyes so that I will see clearly who I am—warts and all—and help me to get rid of any specks and all planks in my eye so I will see the truth as it is and not as I distort or want it to be. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Matthew 7:3 (NIV).
********************************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
hypochondriac
PRONUNCIATION: (hy-puh-KON-dree-ak)
MEANING: noun: One who is excessively and chronically preoccupied with imaginary or innocuous symptoms as indicators of some serious disease.
ETYMOLOGY: From Greek hypochondrios (abdomen, which was believed to be the seat of melancholy), from hypo- (under) + khondros (cartilage [of the breastbone]). Earliest documented use: 1599.
USAGE: "'Gadhafi was described as a hypochondriac who insisted that all examinations and procedures be filmed and then spent hours reviewing them with physicians whom he trusted,' the ambassador reported." Joshua Norman; U.S. Envoy to Libya Wikileaks' First Casualty?; CBS News (New York); Jan 5, 2011.
Explore "hypochondriac" in the Visual Thesaurus.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. -Ogden Nash, poet (1902-1971)
********************************************** RECIPE & HINTS:
Best Way to Wash a Wood Salad Bowl
It’s important to remember that wood is porous and may absorb some dish detergent. If you don’t want to wash your mouth out with soap when you eat dinner, then don’t wash a wood bowl with detergent! Instead, rinse out the bowl with plain water, then wipe the inside with a light coating of cooking oil on a paper towel.
********************************************** Bistro Panini
time prep: 5 min total: 5 min
what you need
2slices Italian bread 1tsp. KRAFT Mayo with Olive Oil Reduced Fat ayonnaise 1/4cup baby spinach leaves 4slices OSCAR MAYER Deli Fresh Oven Roasted Turkey Breast 3 roasted red pepper strips 1 KRAFT Colby Jack Cheese Slice with a TOUCH OF PHILADELPHIA 1Tbsp. olive oil
make it
HEAT panini grill.
SPREAD 1 bread slice with mayo. Fill both bread slices with all remaining ingredients except oil.
BRUSH outside of sandwich with oil.
GRILL 2 to 3 min. or until sandwich is golden brown and cheese is melted.
kraft kitchens tips
SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with smart sides, such as a piece of fruit and assorted cut-up fresh vegetables.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PANINI GRILL
Heat skillet on medium heat. Cook sandwich 3 min. on each side or until cheese is melted and sandwich is golden brown on both sides, gently pressing down top of sandwich with spatula to flatten slightly as it cooks.
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Cheesy Ham & Apple Panini
Absolutely love it! Used George Forman Grill since I don't have a panini grill. Use Smoked Gouda cheese instead of the kind on this recipe. Yum! This is my favorite panini .
Time prep: 10 min total: 10 min
what you need 2tsp. KRAFT Mayo with Olive Oil Reduced Fat Mayonnaise 1tsp. GREY POUPON Savory Honey Mustard 2slices sourdough bread 1 thin red onion slice 5slices OSCAR MAYER Selects Applewood Smoked Ham 6 thin apple slices 1 KRAFT Big Slice Colby Jack Cheese Slice 1tsp. olive oil
make it
HEAT panini grill.
MIX mayo and mustard; spread onto bread slices. Fill with onion, ham, apples and cheese.
BRUSH outside of sandwich with oil.
GRILL 3 min. or until golden brown.
kraft kitchens tipsSERVING SUGGESTIONServe with a mixed green salad and glass of fat-free milk to round out the meal.IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PANINI GRILLHeat skillet on medium heat. Cook sandwich 5 min. on each side or until cheese is melted and sandwich is golden brown on both sides, gently pressing down top of sandwich with spatula to flatten slightly as it cooks.
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Cheese-Lover's Pasta Roll-Ups
prep: 25 min total: 1 hr 15 min
what you need 1 egg, beaten 1container (15 oz.) POLLY-O Original Ricotta Cheese 2cups KRAFT 2% Milk Shredded Italian* Three Cheese Blend 4 green onions, chopped 1Tbsp. Italian seasoning 1jar (24 oz.) spaghetti sauce, divided 16 lasagna noodles, cooked 1/4cup KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese
make it HEAT oven to 375ºF. MIX first 5 ingredients until blended. SPREAD 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce onto bottom of 13x9-inch baking dish. Spread each noodle with 3 Tbsp. cheese mixture; roll up. Place, seam-sides down, in dish. Top with remaining sauce and Parmesan; cover. BAKE 40 to 50 min. or until heated through, uncovering for the last 10 min.
********************************************** Creamy Zucchini & Spinach Rigatoni
prep: 20 min total: 45 min
what you need 8oz. (1/2 of 16-oz. pkg.) rigatoni pasta, uncooked 1tsp. oil 1 zucchini, sliced 1/2lb. sliced fresh mushrooms 2cloves garlic, minced 1Tbsp. flour 1/4tsp. each dried basil leaves, oregano leaves and crushed red pepper 1cup fat-free reduced-sodium chicken broth 4oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese, cubed 1pkg. (6 oz.) baby spinach leaves 1/4cup KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese 1-1/2cups KRAFT Shredded Mozzarella Cheese with a TOUCH OF PHILADELPHIA, divided
make it HEAT oven to 375ºF. COOK pasta in large saucepan as directed on package, omitting salt. MEANWHILE, heat oil in large skillet on medium heat. Add zucchini, mushrooms and garlic; cook and stir 3 to 4 min. or until zucchini is crisp-tender. Add flour and seasonings; cook and stir 1 min. Stir in broth; cook and stir 2 to 3 min. or until thickened. Add Neufchatel; cook and stir 2 to 3 min. or until melted. DRAIN pasta; return to pan. Add zucchini mixture, spinach, Parmesan and 1/2 cup mozzarella; mix lightly. Spoon into 2-qt. casserole sprayed with cooking spray; top with remaining mozzarella. BAKE 10 min. or until mozzarella is melted.
kraft kitchens tips SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with fresh fruit and a side salad to round out the meal.PREPARING PERFECT PASTAFollow the package directions to ensure that enough water is used for cooking the pasta. Add the pasta to the boiling water and cook until al dente (tender but still a little firm to the bite), stirring frequently. To prevent pasta from sticking, add it slowly to plenty of boiling water and stir frequently while cooking. Adding oil to the cooking water is not recommended because some sauces may not cling to pasta coated with oil.
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JOKES:
It's just dawned on me!! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick ........
I think my dog is a member of Parliament!
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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in to the hair salon. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?" He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"
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Don't know who this person is who wrote this ....... but it is a good read! "Study the past, if you would divine the future." Confucius
I. Six Boys And Thirteen Hands...
Each year I am hired to go to Washington, DC, with the eighth grade class from Clinton, WI where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation's capitol, and each year I take some special memories back with me. This fall's trip was especially memorable.
On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history -- that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima, Japan, during WW II.
Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial. I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, 'Where are you guys from?'
I told him that we were from Wisconsin. 'Hey, I'm a cheese head, too! Come gather around, Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story.'
(It was James Bradley who just happened to be in Washington, DC, to speak at the memorial the following day. He was there that night to say good night to his dad, who had passed away. He was just about to leave when he saw the buses pull up. I videotaped him as he spoke to us, and received his permission to share what he said from my videotape. It is one thing to tour the incredible monuments filled with history in Washington, DC, but it is quite another to get the kind of insight we received that night.)
When all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak. (Here are his words that night.)
'My name is James Bradley and I'm from Antigo, Wisconsin. My dad is on that statue, and I just wrote a book called 'Flags of Our Fathers' which is #5 on the New York Times Best Seller list right now. It is the story of the six boys you see behind me.
'Six boys raised the flag. The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block. Harlon was an all-state football player. He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team. They were off to play another type of game. A game called 'War.' But it didn't turn out to be a game. Harlon, at the age of 21, died with his intestines in his hands. I don't say that to gross you out, I say that because there are people who stand in front of this statue and talk about the glory of war. You guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old - and it was so hard that the ones who did make it home never even would talk to their families about it.
(He pointed to the statue) 'You see this next guy? That's Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire. If you took Rene's helmet off at the moment this photo was taken and looked in the webbing of that helmet, you would find a photograph...a photograph of his girlfriend. Rene put that in there for protection because he was scared. He was 18 years old. It was just boys who won the battle of Iwo Jima. Boys. Not old men.
'The next guy here, the third guy in this tableau, was Sergeant Mike Strank.. Mike is my hero. He was the hero of all these guys. They called him the 'old man' because he was so old. He was already 24. When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn't say, 'Let's go kill some Japanese' or 'Let's die for our country.' He knew he was talking to little boys.. Instead he would say, 'You do what I say, and I'll get you home to your mothers.'
'The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona ... Ira Hayes was one of them who lived to walk off Iwo Jima . He went into the White House with my dad. President Truman told him, 'You're a hero' He told reporters, 'How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?'
So you take your class at school, 250 of you spending a year together having fun, doing everything together. Then all 250 of you hit the beach, but only 27 of your classmates walk off alive. That was Ira Hayes. He had images of horror in his mind. Ira Hayes carried the pain home with him and eventually died dead drunk, face down, drowned in a very shallow puddle, at the age of 32 (ten years after this picture was taken).
'The next guy, going around the statue, is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop, Kentucky .. A fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. His best friend, who is now 70, told me, 'Yeah, you know, we took two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store. Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn't get down. Then we fed them Epsom salts. Those cows crapped all night.' Yes, he was a fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19. When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store. A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother's farm. The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning Those neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away.
'The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue, is my dad, John Bradley, from Antigo, Wisconsin, where I was raised. My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews. When Walter Cronkite's producers or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say 'No, I'm sorry, sir, my dad's not here. He is in Canada fishing. No, there is no phone there, sir. No, we don't know when he is coming back.' My dad never fished or even went to Canada. Usually, he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell's soup. But we had to tell the press that he was out fishing. He didn't want to talk to the press.
'You see, like Ira Hayes, my dad didn't see himself as a hero. Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, 'cause they are in a photo and on a monument My dad knew better. He was a medic. John Bradley from Wisconsin was a combat caregiver. On Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died. And when boys died on Iwo Jima, they writhed and screamed, without any medication or help with the pain.
'When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero. When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, 'I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back. Did NOT come back.'
'So that's the story about six nice young boys. Three died on Iwo Jima , and three came back as national heroes. Overall, 7,000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Corps. My voice is giving out, so I will end here. Thank you for your time.'
Suddenly, the monument wasn't just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top. It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero. Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero nonetheless.
We need to remember that God created this vast and glorious world for us to live in, freely, but also at great sacrifice
Let us never forget from the Revolutionary War to the current War on Terrorism and all the wars in-between that sacrifice was made for our freedom...please pray for our troops.
Remember to pray praises for this great country of ours and also ...please pray for our troops still in murderous places around the world.
STOP and thank God for being alive and being free due to someone else's sacrifice.
God Bless You and God Bless America .
REMINDER: Everyday that you can wake up free, it Always take a small magnet on your vacation, they come in handy at the end of it. This is pretty good info. Never even thought about key cards containing anything other than an access code for the room!
HOTEL KEY CARDS
Ever wonder what is on your magnetic key card? Answer: a. Customer's name b. Customer's partial home address c. Hotel room number d. Check-in date and out dates e. Customer's credit card number and expiration date!
When you turn them in to the front desk your personal information is there for any employee to access by simply scanning the card in the hotel scanner. An employee can take a hand full of cards home and using a scanning device, access the information onto a laptop computer and go shopping at your expense. Simply put, hotels do not erase the information on these cards until an employee reissues the card to the next hotel guest. At that time, the new guest's information is electronically 'overwritten' on the card and the previous guest's information is erased in the overwriting process.
But until the card is rewritten for the next guest, it usually is kept in a drawer at the front desk with YOUR INFORMATION ON IT!
The bottom line is: Keep the cards, take them home with you, or destroy them. NEVER leave them behind in the room or room wastebasket, and NEVER turn them into the front desk when you check out of a room. They will not charge you for the card (it's illegal) and you'll be sure you are not leaving a lot of valuable personal information on it that could be easily lifted off with any simple scanning device card reader.
For the same reason, if you arrive at the airport and discover you still have the card key in your pocket, do not toss it in an airport trash basket. Take it home and destroy it by cutting it up, especially through the electronic information strip!
If you have a small magnet, pass it across the magnetic strip several times. Then try it in the door, it will not work. It erases everything on the card.
Information courtesy of: Metropolitan Police Service.
PLEASE FORWARD to friends and family . 's going to be a great day.
One thing I learned while on tour with my 8th grade students in DC that is not mentioned here is . . that if you look at the statue very closely and count the number of 'hands' raising the flag, there are 13. When the man who made the statue was asked why there were 13, he simply said the 13th hand was the hand of God.
Great story - worth your time - worth every American's time.
********************************************** The History Of Pizza “We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.†Jeff Arder
Related articles: The History of Pizza Hut, The History of Domino's Pizza
The history of pizza margherita hanging on a wall in a restaurant in Napels. The history of pizza has been, and is contentious, for we can never know which nation invented pizza, but pizza history is no less colorful for that fact. As we cannot know the date when the first pizza was invented ,we can only speculate who invented pizza.
Pizza, as we know it today, is a bread crust covered with a tomato base and then flavored with other toppings. Yet tomatoes did not appear on European menus until the Sixteenth Century, when they were brought over from the New World by the Spanish conquistadors. Pizza as we know it today, with a crust, tomato and other toppings, was even later in history; it did not originate until the eighteenth Century in Naples .
Italian folklore claims that the first pizza was Italian, and it is certain that in ancient times the ancient Greeks and Romans had a type of unleavened bread, topped with a flavor before being baked. We know from historical writings that the Greek pizza was merely vegetables, but the origin of the pizza in Italy was more sophisticated. It was topped with pork scraps, olives and the sweet desserts with honey, raisins and pine nuts. Some of those sweet dessert pizza recipes have been enshrined in pizza history and are still used in Italy today.
Italian pizza history The precise history of the pizza and its origin will never be known, but here is what we know about the Italian pizza history:
The history of pizza goes back to the time of Virgil, who died in the first Century BC, but not before writing down a pizza recipe for posterity.
Around 1000 AD the word “picea†started to appear in historical records in Italy , it was a circle of dough and the topped with a variety of fillings then baked. The word pizza came into common usage at about the same time.
It was some time later before pizza became to be made from leavened dough, as we know it today. At the same time the pita type bread schiacciata was made.
Towards the end of the eighteenth Century historical records show an early record of the “Calzone†it was rolled with the stuffing completely encased inside it, and it was then shaped like a crescent, and baked.
The pizza as we know it today began to originate in Naples; they were flavored with oil and garlic, cinciielli (a small fish), or anchovies, and mozzarella cheese.
Up to 1830 the pizzas were sold from Neapolitan market stalls. The first pizza restaurant was called Port' Alba. It had installed an oven fired by volcanic rock from Mount Vesuvius as these reach the high temperatures that help to make the best pizza.
Salvatore di Giacomo, the Naples poet and dramatist, dedicated several poems to pizza.
Alexander Dumas, the author of the three musketeers was inspired to write about pizza. Dumas referred to a pizza that was not eaten for eight days. However he had obviously never tried one. He mentions that it was called an “Ottoâ€, the Italian word for eight, but in this he got it wrong, it was eaten immediately but the baker got paid eight days later. There were still a few bakers in Naples that carried this tradition until the seventies and it is possible this tradition exits even today. “ The pizza is a kind of stiacciati which is round in shape and made with bread dough, at first glance it looks like a simple food, but when examined more closely it looks more complicated â€. Dumas By the nineteenth century the pizzas in Naples were garnished with pork fat, oil lard cheese, tomatoes and tiny fish, surprisingly enough not the recipe for a winning pizza!
The sixteenth century Bourbon queen Maria Carolina loved the tri colored green red and white pizza (the forerunner of the Margherita pizza) so much that she convinced her husband King Ferdinand IV to allow the pizzas to be made in the royal ovens. She had a problem because pizza as a food was associated very much with the peasants.
No history of pizza would be complete without the classic story of the pizza Margherita. Modern pizza history was made in 1889 when Queen Margherita Teresa Giovanni, the consort of Umberto I, visited Naples with her king. Don Raffaele Esposito, who owned Pietro Il Pizzaiolo, was asked to prepare a special dish in honour of the Queen's visit. Esposito consulted his wife who was the real pizza expert and together they developed a pizza featuring tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, and basil. He named it the Margherita Pizza, after the city's guest of honor.
Mozzarella is made from buffalo's milk and had never before been used to make a pizza. Ironically a cheese, basil and tomato pizza was already popular in Naples, but it did not have quite the same impact in the annals of pizza history .
Baker's shops in Pompeii show evidence of flat breads that could have been amongst the world's first pizzas. If they are, they must qualify to be the world's most preserved pizza, enshrined in lava forever. History of pizza in the US Italian immigrants brought pizza to America. Gennaro Lombardi made the first pizza In the US , when he opened the first pizzeria in New York City , in 1905. The restaurant was named Lombardi's Pizzeria Napoletana, located at 53-1/2 Spring Street in New York City . It was not to be a commercial success, as the roots of the history of pizza in the US had not yet been established. The demand in the USA was not there at the start of the twentieth Century.
The Second World War changed American pizza eating habits forever, the serving GI's had got the taste for it in Italy and they could not get enough of it when they went home.
The first pizza restaurant in Chicago was called Pizzeria Uno and was run by Ike Sewell. Pizza history was made when he made the first deep dish pizza.
As contentious as the history of pizza is, no one can argue that it is not one of the most popular cuisines that the world has ever seen.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Unexpected Strangers
"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."1
Imagine you were an expert mechanic working on your car and along comes a stranger and tells you what you should do to fix it. What would you think and how would you feel? At the very least I'd question the stranger's reliability.
Maybe that's the way Peter, James and John felt after they had been fishing all night and caught nothing when Jesus told them to take their boats out and try again. They were experienced fisherman so what would Jesus know about fishing that they didn't know? They didn't know who he really was. Nevertheless, they did what he suggested and caught so many fish they had to get help to bring in the nets.
Then there were the religious leaders of Christ's day who had no idea who Jesus was either, but they were jealous of him and had him crucified.
Unfortunately, it is true that we can't trust everybody and we need to be on our guard against deceptive and dishonest people. At the same time we never know who the stranger is that has crossed our path. He/she may be an angel unawares. Or he/she may be a person in need of a helping hand, an encouraging word, or just "a cup of cold water." Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to sense so that I will know when you have sent a 'stranger' to minister to me in my hour of need, or if you have brought into my life a person in need of a helping hand or a touch from you—please help me to be as Jesus to him or her. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Hebrews 13:2 (NIV). 2. Matthew 25:40 (NIV).
********************************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
Apollonian
PRONUNCIATION: (ap-uh-LOH-nee-uhn)
MEANING: adjective: Serene; harmonious; disciplined; well-balanced.
ETYMOLOGY: After Apollo, the god of music, poetry, prophecy, healing, and more in Greek and Roman mythologies. He is considered the opposite of his brother, Dionysus. Earliest documented use: 1664.
USAGE: "The end result was that the once-Dionysian Jagger became trapped in the crisp, precise Apollonian realm and was no longer capable of producing lyrics that matched Richards's thunderous, blues-based inventions." Camille Paglia; Dancing As Fast As She Can; Salon (New York); Dec 2, 2005.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY: I realize that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone. -Edith Cavell, nurse and humanitarian (1865-1915)
********************************************** RECIPE:
Blueberry-Ricotta Pancakes
Active Time: 40 Minutes Total Time: 40 Minutes Yield: 4 servings, 2 pancakes each
Serve these light pancakes with our Chunky Blueberry Sauce, maple syrup or honey. Sprinkling the berries on top of the cooking pancakes ensures even distribution. Keep finished pancakes warm in a 200°F oven, if desired, while cooking the rest.
INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup whole-wheat pastry flour (see Source) 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon sugar 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 3/4 cup part-skim ricotta cheese 1 large egg 1 large egg white 1/2 cup nonfat buttermilk (see Tip) 1 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest 1 tablespoon lemon juice 2 teaspoons canola oil, divided 3/4 cup fresh or frozen (not thawed) blueberries
Tip: Source: Look for whole-wheat pastry flour in the natural-foods section of large supermarkets and natural-foods stores.
Tip: No buttermilk? Mix 1 tablespoon lemon juice into 1 cup milk.
DIRECTIONS Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and nutmeg in a small bowl. Whisk ricotta, egg, egg white, buttermilk, lemon zest and juice in a large bowl until smooth. Stir the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until just combined.
Brush a large nonstick skillet with 1/2 teaspoon oil and place over medium heat until hot. Using a generous 1/4 cup of batter for each pancake, pour the batter for 2 pancakes into the pan, sprinkle blueberries on each pancake and cook until the edges are dry and bubbles begin to form, about 2 minutes. Flip the pancakes and cook until golden brown, about 2 minutes more. Repeat with the remaining oil, batter and berries, adjusting the heat as necessary to prevent burning.
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Big Blueberry Muffins
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: Makes 12 RECIPE INGREDIENTS nonstick vegetable oil spray 3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/4 cup sugar 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 1 tablespoon baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon ground mace 1 1/2 cups buttermilk 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 cups fresh or frozen, unthawed, blueberries
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Place 12 round mousse rings on large heavy flat baking sheet and spray insides with nonstick spray. Using electric stand mixer, blend flour, sugar, butter and salt in large bowl until mixture resembles fine meal. Reserve 1/2 cup of mixture in small bowl. Add baking powder, baking soda and mace to remaining flour mixture in large bowl. Whisk buttermilk, eggs and vanilla to blend in medium bowl. Gradually beat into flour mixture. Carefully and evenly fold in blueberries. Divide batter evenly among prepared rings. Sprinkle streusel over tops of muffins.
Bake until golden brown and tester inserted in center comes out clean, about 25 minutes for fresh berries and 35 minutes for frozen. Cool 5 minutes on baking sheet.
Using spatula, carefully transfer muffins to rack and cool until warm. Starting at bottom, run small, sharp knife around edge of muffin to loosen and remove ring.
DO-AHEAD: Muffins can be made 2 days ahead. Store airtight at room temperature. Rewarm in 275 degrees F oven for 10 minutes, if desired.
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Avocado-Corn Salsa
Ingredients 3/4 cup(s) corn, frozen, thawed 1/2 cup(s) tomato(es), grape, quartered 1 medium avocado, diced 1 tablespoon cilantro, fresh, chopped 2 teaspoon lime juice 1/4 teaspoon salt, Kosher
Preparation
Toss avocado, corn, tomatoes, cilantro, lime juice and salt in a medium bowl.
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Total Time: 5 mins
Ingredients 2 cup(s) milk, fat-free 1 medium banana(s), sliced and frozen 3 tablespoon cocoa powder, unsweetened 2 tablespoon honey 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Preparation
1. In a blender, combine milk, banana, cocoa powder, honey, and vanilla. Cover and blend until smooth and frothy
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1 can cream of mushroom soup 1 cup sour cream 1 cup mushrooms(fresh or canned) 1 bag of frozen precooked meatballs You can defrost ahead of time for faster meal
In medium saucepan,mix together mushroom soup and sour cream. Gently stir in mushrooms and meatballs. Simmer until meatballs are heated through. Serve over buttered egg noodles.
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Tasty, Low-Fat Popcorn
If you air-pop popcorn and want to add salt, garlic powder or any other seasoning, lightly spray the popcorn with vegetable spray first to help the seasoning adhere to the popcorn.
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Group Travel They are a hoot and short (about 30 seconds each). ENJOY!! http://www.youtube.com/v/gBnvGS4u3F0?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1
http://www.youtube.com/v/mgCIKGIYJ1A?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1
http://www.youtube.com/v/LuVPnW0s3Vo?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1
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BRITISH HUMOUR These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! __________________________________________ FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. __________________________________________ FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. __________________________________________ COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. __________________________________________ JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. __________________________________________ WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. __________________________________________ And the WINNER is... FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. (Statement of the Century) __________________________________________ Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" __________________________________________ Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
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JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOU...................?
Father John Powell, a professor at Loyola University in Chicago, writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:
Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the day I first saw Tommy. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders.
It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day. I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.
I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange... Very strange.
Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course.
He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.
When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a cynical tone, "Do you think I'll ever find God?" I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically. "Why not," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."
I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then I called out, "Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!" He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.
I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line -- He will find you! At least I thought it was clever.
Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was duly grateful.
Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer.
Before I could search him out, he came to see me.
When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe.
"Tommy, I've thought about you so often; I hear you are sick," I blurted out.
"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks." "Can you talk about it, Tom?" I asked. "Sure, what would you like to know?" he replied. "What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying? "Well, it could be worse. "Like what?â€
"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real biggies in life.â€
I began to look through my mental file cabinet under "S" where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)
"But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, "is something you said to me on the last day of class." (He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me. Then you said, 'But He will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My clever line. He thought about that a lot!) "But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.
But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success?
You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.
"Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an afterlife, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said:
'The essential sadness is to go through life without loving..’
But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.
"So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him. "Dad." "Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper. "Dad, I would like to talk with you." "Well, talk.†"I mean. It's really important." The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?" "Dad, I love you, I just wanted you to know that." Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him. "The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning."
“It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me." "It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years."
"I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long."
"Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to..
"Then, one day I turned around and God was there.
"He didn't come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give you three days, three weeks."
Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour.
"But the important thing is that He was there. He found me! You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him."
"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love..
You know, the Apostle John said that. He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.
"Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn't be half as effective as if you were to tell it..â€
"Oooh.. I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class."
"Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call."
In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me.
So we scheduled a date.
However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class.
Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed.
He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.
Before he died, we talked one last time.
"I'm not going to make it to your class," he said. "I know, Tom." "Will you tell them for me? Will you...tell the whole world for me?"
I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best."
So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy, as best I could.
If this story means anything to you, please pass it on to a friend or two.
It is a true story and is not enhanced for publicity purposes.
With thanks, Rev. John Powell, Professor, Loyola University, Chicago **********************************************
Lion Story
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired Lawn Bowler in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life. " He then turns to the retired bowler and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old bowler replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there." **********************************************
The US recession has hit everybody really hard...
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. CEOs are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. And, finally.... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck! J
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
No Guarantee
To the rich man in Jesus' parable who said to himself, "I have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry," God said, "You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you."1
This past week a teacher friend of mine attended an extremely sad funeral. One of the younger teachers from his school was on her way home with her two young children. She stopped her car in the driveway at their home to pick up the mail from the mail box. Somehow her car started to run towards the house. She ran to protect her children and got caught between the car and the garage—was pinned to the garage door—and killed. One moment she was alive and vibrant, the next her life was snuffed out.
Life can be like that. One of our ACTS Board members, still in his forties, found out one November that he had cancer. He died in January. Every time I drive on the Los Angeles freeways and see a lunatic speeding driver darting in and out of heavy traffic, I tremble—not so much for him but for myself and/or for someone else's loved one that, in a split second, he is just as likely to kill or maim for life.
The reality is that not one of us has any guarantee of tomorrow. Whether our life is taken suddenly or if we should live to a ripe old age, it is imperative that we are ready to go because, as God's Word says, "It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment"2 And again, "Prepare to meet your God."3
According to God's Word, after this life we will all appear before God as either our Savior or our judge. It is crucial that we make that choice today. To be sure you are prepared to meet God as your Savior do read the article, "To Know God and be sure you're a real Christian" at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that over and over you have warned all mankind in your Word, the Bible, that the human soul never dies in that there is life after physical death either with you in heaven or apart from you in hell (whatever and wherever that may happen to be). Please help me to be certain that when my time is up, I will meet you as my Savior and not my judge. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
truce
PRONUNCIATION: (troos)
MEANING: noun: 1. A suspension of hostilities by mutual agreement; armistice; cease-fire. 2. A temporary respite from something unpleasant.
ETYMOLOGY: Respelling of trewes, plural of Middle English trewe (agreement, pledge), from Old English treow (belief, trust). Ultimately from the Indo-European root deru-/dreu- (to be firm), which is also the source of truth, trust, betroth, tree, endure, and druid. Earliest documented use: around 1330.
USAGE: "The government has instigated a policy of peace talks and truces, although a number of rebel groups remain in conflict." Hundreds of India Separatists Lay Down Arms; BBC News (London, UK); Jan 24, 2012.
Explore "truce" in the Visual Thesaurus.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY: We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. -John F. Kennedy, 35th US president (1917-1963)
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RECIPES & HINTS:
Carrot Smoothies
Prep Time: 10 mins Cook Time: 15 mins Rest Time: 10 mins Total Time: 25 mins
Ingredients 1 cup(s) carrot(s), sliced 1 cup(s) orange juice 1 1/2 cup(s) ice cubes 1/2 teaspoon orange peel, finely shredded
Preparation
1. In a covered small saucepan, cook carrots in a small amount of boiling water about 15 minutes or until very tender. Drain well. Cool.
2. Place drained carrots in a blender. Add finely shredded orange peel and orange juice. Cover and blend until smooth. Add ice cubes; cover and blend until smooth. Pour into glasses. If desired, garnish with orange peel curls.
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Stuffed Strawberries
You can add some finely chopped semi-sweet chocolate if you want! These are perfect for baby showers or wedding showers. A plastic sandwich bag can be used instead of a pastry bag by filling with the cream cheese mix and making a tiny cut in the corner.
Servings: 4
Ingredients
1 pint fresh strawberries 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, or to taste 2 tablespoons orange flavored liqueur, or to taste
Directions
1. Cut the tops off of the strawberries and stand upright on the cut side. Make a cut 3/4 of the way down from the tip of the strawberry towards the bottom.
2. Beat together the cream cheese, sugar, and liqueur until smooth in a mixer or a food processor. Place into a piping bag with a star tip. Pipe into each strawberry and arrange on a serving platter.
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Cheeseburger Meatloaf
This meatloaf is extremely juicy, and the potential variety of different flavors is as big as your imagination. You can do American cheese with ketchup and mustard on top and served with dill pickle chips. Another one might be Swiss cheese and mushroom topping.
Servings: 8
Ingredients
2 pounds ground beef 3/4 cup fresh bread crumbs 1/2 cup minced onion 2 eggs, beaten 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 1/2 teaspoons ground black pepper 3 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, combine the beef, bread crumbs, onion, eggs, salt and pepper, and mix well. Pat out meat mixture into a 14x18 inch rectangle on a piece of wax paper. Spread cheese over the meat, leaving a 3/4 inch border around the edges. Roll up jelly roll fashion to enclose the filling and form a pinwheel loaf. Press beef in on both ends to enclose the cheese. Place in a 10x15 inch baking dish.
3. Bake in the preheated oven 1 hour, or until internal temperature reaches 160 degrees F (70 degrees C).
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Healthier Cake!
Believe it or not, there is a fat substitute for some (not all) cakes. It works best with recipes that include wet ingredients, such as milk or fruit. Just substitute an equal quantity of applesauce or other fruit purée for the oil, butter or margarine called for in the recipe.
************************************************************** A helpful tip for burns Interesting…. True? BURNS A young man sprinkling his lawn and bushes with pesticides wanted to check the contents of the barrel to see how much pesticide remained in it. He raised the cover and lit his lighter; the vapors ignited and engulfed him. He jumped from his truck, screaming. His neighbor came out of her house with a dozen eggs and a bowl yelling: "bring me some more eggs!" She broke them, separating the whites from the yolks. The neighbor woman helped her to apply the whites onto the young man's face. When the ambulance arrived and the EMTs saw the young man, they asked who had done this. Everyone pointed to the lady in charge. They congratulated her and said: "You have saved his face." By the end of the summer, the young man brought the lady a bouquet of roses to thank her. His face was like a baby's skin. A Healing Miracle for Burns: Keep in mind this treatment of burns is being included in teaching beginner firemen. First Aid consists of first spraying cold water on the affected area until the heat is reduced which stops the continued burning of all layers of the skin. Then, spread the egg whites onto the affected area. One woman burned a large part of her hand with boiling water. In spite of the pain, she ran cold faucet water on her hand, separated 2 egg whites from the yolks, beat them slightly and dipped her hand in the solution. The whites then dried and formed a protective layer. She later learned that the egg white is a natural collagen and continued during at least one hour to apply layer upon layer of beaten egg white. By afternoon she no longer felt any pain and the next day there was hardly a trace of the burn. 10 days later, no trace was left at all and her skin had regained its normal color. The burned area was totally regenerated thanks to the collagen in the egg whites, a placenta full of vitamins. Since this information could be helpful to everyone: Won't you please pass it on? ************************************************************** JOKES:
Moving to Mexico Dear Mr. President: I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care for my entire family. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English. 4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers. 5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school. 7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start. 13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. 14. I want to receive free food stamps. 15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies. 16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government. 17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $ 4,500 to help me buy a new car. 18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!
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OLD LADY
A doctor on his morning walk, She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, have sex, and I don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Forty," she replied
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$50 for the Homeless I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day. Both of her parents, staunch NDP supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed. "Wow... what a worthy goal." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where homeless guys hang out, and you can give them the $50, you earned, to use toward food and a house." She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why don't the homeless guys come over and do the work, and you can just pay them the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Conserative Party." Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
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Instead of the same old, same old ?? - - - TRY Newfoundland Turtle Burgers ... Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave, Then the next step, add hot dogs as the heads, legs with slits for toes and tail. Next step. Place on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil and baked for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees. Or you can do them on the Barbee, too. A little crispy, not too crunchy... just how a turtle should be, right? Should be served in close proximity to a portable defibrillator unit!
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Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?'
Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.'
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Heaven: What Will It Be Like and Who Will Be There?
As Shakespeare said so eloquently, "There is a tide in the affairs of men, / Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; / Omitted, all the voyage of their life / Is bound in shallows and in miseries." If heaven is real and the opportunity to gain entrance thereto is omitted, the consequences for all eternity are unthinkable. How unwise not to consider its validity?
Is Heaven Real?
In God's Word, the Bible—in the New Testament alone—there are 276 references to "heaven" and "heavenly" such as in heavenly places, assuring us that heaven is as real a place as is earth. The greatest evidence that we have regarding the validity of the Bible can be found in the fulfillment of prophecies written hundreds of years in advance. For instance, a thousand years B.C. the Bible said that Christ would come through the family of David.1 Seven hundred years B.C.., Bethlehem was named by the prophet Micah as the birthplace of Christ.2 Six hundred years B.C., the prophet Daniel predicted the time of Christ's coming.3 All of these predictions were fulfilled exactly as stated in the Bible. And hundreds of years before Christ came to earth both David and Isaiah predicted in specific detail the sufferings of Christ and the manner of his death. David, referring to and "speaking for" Jesus Christ, wrote in the Psalms, "They pierced my hands and my feet."4 This is precisely what happened when Jesus was crucified on a Roman cross. For more evidence regarding the validity of the Bible read, "Is the Bible God's Word?"*
Where Is Heaven?
The Bible doesn't tell us where heaven is located, but what it does tell us is that it is where God is, and that it is the place of God's throne.5 Furthermore, it is also where Jesus is. As the Bible says, "After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them [his disciples— following his resurrection], he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God."6
Heaven is also where Jesus has gone to prepare a place for his followers. As he promised his disciples, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house [God's home] has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."7
What Will Heaven Be Like?
We cannot even begin to imagine what heaven will be like apart from a tiny glimpse of the new heaven as found in God's Word where it says that the "the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass."8 The Bible also says that "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."9
Furthermore, in heaven there will be no more death; no more sorrow; no more crying; no more pain; no more sun or moon, no abominations,10 and no more hunger, thirst or heat.11 In other words there will be no more sickness, sadness, crying, death nor loss of loved ones or friends, and no more suffering of any kind, but eternal peace, satisfaction and joy. As King David wrote: "In Your [God's] presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."12
Most important of all is that a temple will no longer be needed "because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp."13 In other words, the glory of God will be the very center of heaven for all existence will radiate from and revolve around him.14
Who Will Be in Heaven?
As Jesus said, he was going to prepare a place in heaven for all who believe in him.15 That is, all who believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that he died on the cross to pay the penalty for all our sins, and in doing so, grants forgiveness and the gift of eternal life to all who accept him as their personal Lord and Savior. There are no other grounds for entering heaven. As Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."16
God's Word also says, "But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God."17 And again, "He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God."18
The important thing is that you know that have received God's forgiveness and his gift of eternal life by having accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior—and thereby be absolutely certain that you will be with God in heaven forever.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you for the promise in your Word that there is a heaven. Thank you, too, that right now Jesus is preparing a place there for all who believe in him, and have accepted your forgiveness. Please help me to be absolutely certain that I will go to heaven when my life on earth is over—or should you return for your true followers before I die. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen.
********************************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
bril·liant [bril-yuhnt] adjective 1. shining brightly; sparkling; glittering; lustrous: the brilliant lights of the city. 2. distinguished; illustrious: a brilliant performance by a young pianist. 3. having or showing great intelligence, talent, quality, etc.: a brilliant technician. 4. strong and clear in tone; vivid; bright: brilliant blues and greens; the brilliant sound of the trumpets. 5. splendid or magnificent: a brilliant social event. noun 6. Jewelry . a gem, especially a diamond, having any of several varieties of the brilliant cut. 7. Printing . a size of type about 3 1 / 2 -point.
Origin: 1675–85;
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HOUSEHOLD TIP FOR TODAY:
Practical Packing
Instead of folding clothes, roll them. It doesn’t take up more room in a suitcase, and your clothes will be less creased when you unpack. If you have clothes on hangers, put plastic dry-cleaner bags over them and, yes, roll them up.
********************************************** RECIPE:
SWEET POTATO PIE
Ingredients 1 (1 pound) sweet potato 1/2 cup butter, softened 1 cup white sugar 1/2 cup milk 2 eggs 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 (9 inch) unbaked pie crust
Directions 1. Boil sweet potato whole in skin for 40 to 50 minutes, or until done. Run cold water over the sweet potato, and remove the skin. 2. Break apart sweet potato in a bowl. Add butter, and mix well with mixer. Stir in sugar, milk, eggs, nutmeg, cinnamon and vanilla. Beat on medium speed until mixture is smooth. Pour filling into an unbaked pie crust. 3. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 55 to 60 minutes, or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Pie will puff up like a souffle, and then will sink down as it cools.
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DARK CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES
Ingredients 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream 1 2/3 cups NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Dark Chocolate Morsels Finely chopped toasted nuts, toasted flaked coconut and/or NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Baking Cocoa for coating truffles
Directions 1. Line baking sheet with parchment or wax paper. 2. Heat cream to a gentle boil in medium, heavy-duty saucepan. Remove from heat. Add chocolate. Stir until mixture is smooth and chocolate is melted. Refrigerate for 15 to 20 minutes or until slightly thickened. 3. Drop chocolate mixture by rounded measuring teaspoon onto prepared baking sheet. Refrigerate for 20 minutes. Shape or roll into balls; coat with nuts, coconut or cocoa. Store in airtight container in refrigerator.
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MAGIC MINT CHOCOLATE BARK
Ingredients 1 2/3 cups NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Dark Chocolate & Mint Morsels 1/3 cup coarsely chopped oven-roasted or toasted almonds
Directions 1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line small baking sheet with foil or parchment paper. 2. Pour morsels onto prepared baking sheet. Arrange morsels so they are touching each other in a single layer (roughly an 11 x 9-inch rectangle). 3. Bake for 1 to 3 minutes or until morsels are shiny. Remove from oven to wire rack. With tip of butter knife or wooden pick, immediately swirl morsels to create a swirled pattern. 4. Sprinkle with nuts. Hold baking sheet 3 inches above counter and drop to settle nuts into melted morsels. Refrigerate for 1 hour or until firm. Break into pieces. Store in airtight container in refrigerator.
Footnotes
VARIATION: Substitute broken pretzel pieces or another nut of choice for the almonds.
********************************************** MILK CHOCOLATE POPCORN
ngredients 12 cups popped popcorn 2 1/2 cups salted peanuts 1 (11.5 ounce) package NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Milk Chocolate Morsels 1 cup light corn syrup 1/4 cup butter or margarine
Directions 1. PREHEAT oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C). Grease a large roasting pan. Line a large bowl or serving plate with waxed paper. 2. COMBINE popcorn and nuts in prepared roasting pan. Combine morsels, corn syrup and butter in medium, heavy-duty saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture boils. Pour over popcorn; toss well to coat. 3. BAKE, stirring frequently, for 30 to 40 minutes. Cool slightly in pan; remove to prepared serving plate. Store in airtight container for up to two weeks.
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STICK and STONES CANDY BARK
Ingredients 1 (11 ounce) package NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Butterscotch Flavored Morsels, divided 1 1/2 cups NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter 2 cups thin pretzel sticks 2 cups dry roasted peanuts 1 (10 ounce) package NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate-Covered Raisins
Directions 1. BUTTER a 9x13 inch glass baking dish. 2. MICROWAVE 1 1/3 cups butterscotch morsels, semi-sweet morsels and peanut butter in large, microwave-safe bowl on HIGH (100 percent) power for 1 minute; stir. Microwave at additional 10- to 20-second intervals, stirring until smooth. 3. ADD pretzels, peanuts and chocolate covered raisins; stir well to coat. Spread into prepared baking dish. 4. PLACE remaining butterscotch morsels in small, heavy-duty plastic bag. Microwave on MEDIUM-HIGH (70 percent) power for 30 seconds; knead bag to mix. Microwave at additional 10- to 20-second intervals, kneading until smooth. Cut tiny corner from bag; squeeze to drizzle over candy. 5. REFRIGERATE for 1 hour or until firm. Break into bite-size pieces.
********************************************** Kids' Candy Land Gingerbread House
A step-by-step tutorial for assembling and decorating a child's fantasy "Candy Land" gingerbread house for the holidays.
To decorate this house you will need the following candy: Roof: candy wafers, mini marshmallows Trees: ice cream cones, almond bark, pumpkin seeds, silver and red dragees Windows: lined in royal icing Windowpanes: crushed clear red candies Fence: pretzel sticks, royal icing Base of house: wheel-shaped candies, red licorice bites, gummy candies Mosaic path: black licorice, red licorice, colorful candy-coated chocolate pieces Orange bushes: sliced jelly fruit slices Lollipop trees: mini candy canes, jelly fruit slices, wintergreen wheel-shaped candies Christmas lights: thin licorice ropes, jelly beans, colorful candy-coated chocolate pieces Wreath: Christmas candy corn, gummy raspberries, royal icing Cart: pretzel squares, wintergreen wheel-shaped candies, red cinnamon candies, graham cracker, frosted wheat cereal Snow: shredded coconut
1. Roll chilled dough on a well-floured surface to a 1/8-inch thick square.
2. Line your cookie sheet with parchment paper. Place template on top of dough; using the tip of a sharp paring knife, trace the shape. Transfer shapes to parchment-lined pan, and chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes.
•Gingerbread House Template
3. Remove dough from refrigerator. Sprinkle crushed red candies in the spaces cut out for the windowpanes. The candy will melt and create a stained glass effect for windows (optional). Bake 20-30 minutes until center is firm; don't let edges get too dark. Cool completely before removing from parchment.
4. Assemble your components and build your house (see main Gingerbread Houses article). Fill your piping bag with royal icing. Pipe a thick line of icing on the bottom (base) edge of the first side wall. Stand side wall on your sturdy foundation, icing side down, 2 inches in from the edge of the "yard." Hold for about 5 minutes to set; use cans from your pantry to stabilize--one on each side of the wall--and hold it in place. •Gingerbread Houses
5. Pipe a thick line of icing onto front edge of side wall. Pipe icing along base of front panel and press edges of walls together at a right angle. Hold walls together for about 5 minutes and then hold up with cans. Pipe icing along the front of the vertical seam where the two walls meet, and along the bases to stabilize.
6. Add second side wall to the front panel in the same fashion: stabilize with icing, hold to set, and prop up with cans. Pipe icing on vertical seam and along the base.
7. Pipe more icing and reposition cans to stabilize walls, if necessary.
8. Add back panel: pipe icing along edges of side walls and along the bottom of the back panel. Press the back panel into place and hold for 5 minutes. Carefully reach inside the house from above and pipe icing along all bases and seams to reinforce the walls. Use cans for support, if needed. Let stand for 30-60 minutes until dry and hard before adding the roof.
9. Remove cans from inside the house before assembling the roof. Pipe a line of icing along the diagonal edge front wall, continuing to pipe icing along edge of top of adjoining side wall, then up the diagonal edge of the back panel.
10. Pipe a line of icing around the inside edge of the roof panel, and press it into place. The top edge of the roof should align with the edges of the front and back panels.
11. The edge of the roof should create an "eave," an overhang of about ¾ inch or so. Hold the roof panel in place for 5 minutes. Pipe additional lines along roof joints, and carefully reach inside the house pipe inner seams as well. Repeat with second half of the roof. If necessary, prop up the roof with cans to hold the panels in place. Let the house sit a minimum of 6 hours or overnight so that the icing can harden.
12. When the house is assembled and dry, you can begin decorating! Start with the roof. Spread icing over the entire rooftop.
13. Begin at the bottom edge of the roof. Pipe a thin line of icing to adhere roof tiles. Apply candy wafers in rows, alternating colors. Rows should overlap the previous tiles slightly, about an eighth of an inch.
14. When both sides of roof are tiled, pipe a line of icing across the peak and cover with two rows of mini marshmallows.
15. Pipe a thick line of icing along base of house using a star tip. Decorate base of house with candies.
16. Outline the pathway and spread with icing. Alternate rows of licorice and candy. Pipe icing along the edge of the path and use red candy-coated chocolate pieces as a border.
17. Using a star tip, pipe a decorative swag of icing up the front edges of the house, from base to peak. Press black licorice ropes lightly into the icing. Pipe dots of icing on the licorice and decorate with candy "light bulbs" for Christmas lights.
18. The front door is left ajar. Outline door using a small tip and create little pearl drops. Use this same piping around your windows. At the base of the windows create a snow ledge with a thick star tip.
19. Spread yard with icing and sprinkle with coconut. Add lollipop trees, fence, pine trees, and presents.
20. Finishing Touches:
These accessories can be assembled in advance, while you wait for the house to dry.
Wreath: Pipe a circle of icing on parchment paper and fill in with additional icing. Starting from the outside and working inward, arrange Christmas candy corn to make a wreath. Let dry completely. Pipe a small amount of icing on the back of wreath; hold in place a few minutes on the front of the house to adhere. Front door: Decorate with a wheel-shaped candy for the window; top with icing "snow." Gingerbread kids: Bake gingerbread people cut-outs, and decorate a boy and a girl. Pine tree: Dip ice cream cones in the melted almond bark and use tweezers to trim the trees with pumpkin seeds, silver balls, and red cinnamon candies. Lollipop trees: Cut off curved ends of candy canes. Insert top end into a round fruit slice. Adhere bottom of candy cane to a wheel-shaped candy with icing to stabilize the tree. Fence: Four pretzel sticks per fence section, affixed with royal icing. Presents: Small square cookies decorated with green piping and sliced candies. Cart: Attach pretzel squares to a graham cracker quarter. Make wheels with the wheel-shaped candies and red cinnamon candies; attach to cart with icing. Fill with presents. Fill with snowy "hay"--shredded wheat biscuits.
******************************************* JOKES:
Global Facts About Sex At Any Given Moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 senior citizen is reading emails.
You hang in there, Sunshine .........
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Some Bikers Are the Good Guys
A group of bikers was riding into Key West when they saw a girl about to jump off the Cow Key Channel bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, got off his bike and said, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she said.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss a golden opportunity so he asked,
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she did and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she finished, the biker said;
"Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had. That's a real talent you’re wasting. Why are you, such a beautiful young thing with such a passion for romance, even thinking of committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
Then the biker threw him off the bridge!
“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.â€
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Gotta Love the South Alabama A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!" Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings." Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world." North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither." Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied, "That's why I'm dumpin' here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' Y'all kin say whut ya want 'bout the South, but y'all aint never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North! What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
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For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you. 2 Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like Blenders You need one, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like Chocolate Bars . Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say. ! 7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 8. Men are like .... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .... Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like! Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12 . Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
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ANNUAL WARNING:
WHAT GOES AROUND ON THE INTERNET IS NOT NECESSARILY 100% ACCURATE
Occupy Movement Here is an item that you won't see in the media.
The mayor of Fort St. John , BC recently attended at the Occupy protest in Vancouver and met with the protesters. He shook their hands and handed out dozens of business cards, inviting them to phone him if they wanted a job up north (where there is a shortage of workers).
No one phoned.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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