|
Viewing 289 - 297 out of 510 Blogs.
| Page:
|
|
|
|
|
33 |
|
|
|
|
|
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"I am your Healer, your Joy. With noiseless footsteps I draw near to you. I need no agonized pleading. Your need is My Call."
Our Daily Devotional:
Unto Completion
Philippians 1:6 NIV: "...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." There is an end product God has in mind when He looks at us. And it may look nothing like what we think it should. It certainly looks nothing like anything we force ourselves to be. God´s will for us is that we be where we are, and allow Him to take us where we are going. Paul said, "I have learned the secret of being content" (Phil.4:12). We are to rest at ease in the process. Otherwise we become anxious, and in so doing, hurry the process. The Bible tells us we are to be anxious for nothing (Phil.4:6). This includes our Christian walk. It is to be shaped, not forced. It is a daily process, not a finished product. It is God´s will for us that we be content with who we are today, and realize that God is making us for tomorrow.
Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men: - Isaiah 29:13
**************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
tin·der·box [ tÃnd?r bòks ] (plural tin·der·box·es) noun Definition:
1. somebody or something potentially violent: a person, place, or situation that is likely to become violent 2. box containing tinder: a metal box containing tinder, often fitted with a flint and steel, formerly used for lighting fires
**************************
Fresh Peach Salsa
"This pairs well with grilled chicken or fish.†Since this fresh salsa comes together in a food processor, it really takes almost no time to make.
16 Servings Prep: 15 min. + chilling
Ingredients 4 medium peaches, peeled and pitted 2 large tomatoes, cut into wedges and seeded 1/2 sweet onion, cut into wedges 1/2 cup fresh cilantro leaves 2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed 2 cans (4 ounces each) chopped green chilies 4 teaspoons cider vinegar 1 teaspoon lime juice 1/4 teaspoon pepper Baked tortilla chip scoops
Directions In a food processor, combine the first five ingredients; cover and pulse until coarsely chopped. Add the chilies, vinegar, lime juice and pepper; cover and pulse just until blended. Transfer to a serving bowl; chill until serving. Serve with chips. Yield: 4 cups.
Nutrition Facts: 1/4 cup (calculated without chips) equals 20 calories, trace fat (trace saturated fat), 0 cholesterol, 58 mg sodium, 5 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 1 g protein. Diabetic Exchange: Free food.
************************** Orange Blueberry Muffins
I got this recipe years ago, and it is still a family favorite. Blueberries are grown right here in the Midwest, and they have a delicious flavor. As an added bonus, not only are these muffins tasty, they're nutritious, too!
24 Servings Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
Ingredients 1 cup uncooked oatmeal 1 cup orange juice 3 cups all-purpose flour 1 cup sugar 4 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 cup canola oil 3 eggs, beaten 1-1/2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries 1 tablespoon grated orange peel
TOPPING: 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts 1/3 cup sugar 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Directions Combine the oatmeal and orange juice; set aside. In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and soda. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and add oatmeal mixture, oil and eggs. Stir just until ingredients are moistened. Carefully fold in berries and orange peel. Fill greased muffin cups three-fourths full. Combine walnuts, sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle over top. Bake at 400° for 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Serve warm. Yield: 2 dozen.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 each) equals 228 calories, 12 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 27 mg cholesterol, 200 mg sodium, 28 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 4 g protein.
**************************
Hungarian Chicken Paprikash
My mom learned to make this tender chicken dish when she volunteered to help prepare the dinners served at her church. It's my favorite main dish, and the gravy, seasoned with paprika, sour cream and onions, is the best. 6 Servings Prep: 20 min. Bake: 1-1/2 hours
Ingredients 1 large onion, chopped 1/4 cup butter, cubed 4 to 5 pounds broiler/fryer chicken pieces 2 tablespoons paprika 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon pepper 1-1/2 cups hot water 2 tablespoons cornstarch 2 tablespoons cold water 1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
Directions In a large skillet, saute onion in butter until tender. Sprinkle chicken with paprika, salt and pepper; place in an ungreased roasting pan. Spoon onion mixture over chicken. Add hot water. Cover and bake at 350° for 1-1/2 hours or until chicken juices run clear. Remove chicken and keep warm. In a small bowl, combine cornstarch and cold water until smooth. Gradually add to pan juices with onion. Bring to a boil over medium heat; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Remove from the heat. Stir in sour cream. Serve with chicken. Yield: 6 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 each) equals 377 calories, 22 g fat (11 g saturated fat), 144 mg cholesterol, 574 mg sodium, 7 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 34 g protein. **************************
Chicken Paprikash with Spaetzle
When my folks originated from Austria in the early 1900s, they brought many of the recipes they enjoyed in the old country. This wonderful dish is one of them.
6-8 Servings Prep: 15 min. Cook: 1 hour
Ingredients 1 jar (16 ounces) whole onions, drained 4 tablespoons butter, cubed 1 large onion, chopped 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 tablespoons paprika, divided 1 broiler/fryer chicken (2-1/2 to 3 pounds), cut up 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 1-1/4 cups chicken broth 1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream 3 tablespoons capers with juice
SPAETZLE: 1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 eggs, lightly beaten 1/2 cup milk 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 1 tablespoon butter, melted
Directions In a heavy skillet, saute whole onions in butter until lightly browned. Remove and set aside. In the same skillet, saute chopped onions until tender. Set aside. In a large plastic resealable bag, combine flour and 1-1/2 teaspoons paprika; add chicken, a few pieces at a time and shake to coat. Place chicken in skillet; brown on all sides. Add the salt, parsley, broth and remaining paprika. Cover and cook over low heat until juices run clear, about 45 minutes. For spaetzle, in a large bowl, stir the flour, eggs, milk, salt and baking powder until smooth (dough will be sticky). In a large saucepan, bring water to a boil. Pour dough into a colander or spaetzle maker coated with cooking spray; place over boiling water. With a wooden spoon, press dough until small pieces drop into boiling water. Cook for 2 minutes or until dumplings are tender and float. Remove with a slotted spoon; toss with butter. Remove chicken from skillet; set aside. In the same skillet, stir in the sour cream, capers and juice and onions. Return chicken to the skillet and gently heat through. Place spaetzle on a platter and top with chicken. Serve with sauce. Yield: 6-8 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (6 ounces) equals 450 calories, 23 g fat (11 g saturated fat), 148 mg cholesterol, 987 mg sodium, 33 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 25 g protein. ************************** Spaetzle Dumplings
These tender homemade noodles take only minutes to make and are a natural accompaniment to Mom's chicken. You can enjoy them with the chicken gravy or simply buttered and sprinkled with parsley.
6 Servings Prep Total Time: 15 min.
Ingredients 2 cups all-purpose flour 4 eggs, lightly beaten 1/3 cup milk 2 teaspoons salt 2 quarts water 1 tablespoon butter
Directions In a large bowl, stir the flour, eggs, milk and salt until smooth (dough will be sticky). In a large saucepan, bring water to a boil. Pour dough into a colander or spaetzle maker coated with cooking spray; place over boiling water. With a wooden spoon, press dough until small pieces drop into boiling water. Cook for 2 minutes or until dumplings are tender and float. Remove with a slotted spoon; toss with butter. Yield: 6 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 cup) equals 226 calories, 6 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 149 mg cholesterol, 855 mg sodium, 33 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 9 g protein.
**************************
Sour Cream Cucumbers
My mom always served this sweet-tart cucumber recipe with her Hungarian Chicken Paprika. The sauce is creamy and the cucumbers have a nice crunch.
8 Servings Prep: 15 min. + chilling
Ingredients 1/2 cup sour cream 3 tablespoons white vinegar 1 tablespoon sugar Pepper to taste 4 medium cucumbers, thinly sliced 1 small sweet onion, thinly sliced and separated into rings
Directions In a serving bowl, combine the sour cream, vinegar, sugar and pepper. Stir in cucumbers and onion. Cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours. Serve with a slotted spoon. Yield: 8 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 3/4 cup (prepared with reduced-fat sour cream) equals 52 calories, 1 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 5 mg cholesterol, 10 mg sodium, 8 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 3 g protein. Diabetic Exchange: 1-1/2 vegetable. ************************** Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities. - Aldous Huxley
It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art. - Oscar Wilde
Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. - Frank Moore Colby THINGS TO PONDER: If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into?
Confucious Says: Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.
=====================
JOKES:
You might be a REDNECK if... ...nailing an old tire to the front door is your idea of a Christmas Wreath. --------------------- A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for this kind of contest. ================
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS."
==========================
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever, and that the Jews could stay.
Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue."
Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe "How did you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Moishe. "First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."
----------------------------
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ***** on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
------------------------------
Phone answering machine message:
"...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
---------------------------
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor invites her in to sit down. "I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems." "What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my child and I'll love it regardless." "Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." "Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." "And it hasn't got any arms either." "What?" "Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, your child is only a very, very big ear." "Oh my God! This is terrible! Well, it's my child, and I'll love it. I'll learn all the lullabies in the world to sing to it." "Mrs. Smith, one last thing.... Unfortunately, your child is deaf."
**************************
An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
-------------------
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
-------------------- An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
------------------------ Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said.. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
---------------- Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. ' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'
-------------
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'
-----------------------
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
-------
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
-------------------------
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
Like those? Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh or two. --------------------------------------
Words of wisdom
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't .
2 .. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe .
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
12.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
16.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
17.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
18. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
19.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
20.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .
21 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
22 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
23.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on ---------------------------------------
ONE DAY A LITTLE KID DID. . . ..
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently. 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??' ' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4.... One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.' 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.' The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?' She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'
10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.' The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
Now keep that smile on your face and pass this on to someone else.
=============================
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
1 John 3:23
(23) And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.
When name is used in this way, it does not mean "the word by which a person is called," but rather "the whole nature or character of the person" as far as we know it or understand it. This is why the proverb says, "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches" (Proverbs 22:1; see Ecclesiastes 7:1). "Our help is in the name of the LORD" (Psalm 124:8). David, the psalmist here, does not mean that our help lies in the fact that God is called Yahweh. This name contains nothing magic in it at all. David means that our help is in His love, in His mercy, in His power, in His promises. It is in the things that have been revealed to us as parts of His nature, of His attributes, and of His character—and whether or not we have faith in them. So then, to "believe in the name of Jesus Christ" means to believe in the nature and the character of Jesus Christ. It means to believe that He is the Son of God and that He stands in relation to the Father in a way that no other person in the universe ever has or ever will. It means that He can perfectly reveal the Father to us. It means that we believe He is the Savior, the High Priest, the Mediator and Intercessor, and our soon-coming King. It means that we believe that through Him we have entrance into God's presence—not just entrance to Him, but actually, fellowship with Him.
1 Samuel 16:7 “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.â€â€
****************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
bower • BOW-er • noun 1 : an attractive dwelling or retreat 2 : a lady's private apartment in a medieval hall or castle 3 : a shelter made with tree boughs or vines twined together : arbor
Examples: Bryan knelt down before Maura -- who was seated on a bench in the bower -- took her hand, and asked her if she would marry him.
"With its urban parks and backyard bowers, and its many varieties of flowering and hardwood trees, Memphis sometimes seems more forest than city." -- From an article by John Beifuss in The Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN), July 21, 2011
******************************
PET TIPS:
All Dogs Can Swim - True or False?
Someone told me that all dogs are able to swim. That is not true.
Eric found out the hard way. He came running into the clinic with his dog in his arms crying, "She drowned, Doc ... help me!"
There are several life-threatening problems that occur more frequently during the summer months - one of them is drowning. Today, I want to give you some tips on water safety, because people never think that something like this will happen to them - until it does.
This is what happened recently.
Mr. Barnes was in panic mode when he brought Skipster to the clinic. His Brittany spaniel fell into the neighbor's pool - and he could not get out. Apparently there was no ladder, leaving no way for the dog to escape. He kept trying to get out of the pool until he became exhausted and went under water.
That is when his owner heard his cries. He jumped in and got the dog out of the pool. At the time, he did not think Skipster was breathing. He turned the dog upside down - with his back legs up in the air and his nose to the ground - and shook him. Then he jumped into the car with him. During the drive he keep pumping and tapping the dog's chest.
Mr. Barnes saved Skipster's life.
When he got to us Skipster was breathing, but only barely. His temperature and heart rate were low. He had aspirated pool water into his lungs.
We treated Skipster and he did great. It took about 4 days in the hospital (two days in ICU). He had oxygen, fluids, multiple medications - but he made it. I was so happy and so was Mr. Barnes.
The point is, you never know when something like this will happen. Fortunately Mr. Barnes was able and willing to do everything he could to save Skipster. But not everyone can afford the best care.
******************************* Expert Advice
Tree Care
• Thin apples on trees when fruit is the size of a dime. Leave one apple per cluster, spaced 8 to 12 inches apart.
• To keep mice away, make sure that the grass is well mowed and the area cleared of debris and branches.
• When you see tent caterpillars, pull the webs down into buckets of soapy water. Work on cool, rainy days, when tents will be full.
• Trap flies and moths before they damage your fruit trees by mixing together 1 cup water, 1/2 cup cider vinegar, 1/2 cup sugar, and 1 tablespoon molasses. Pour into small containers and hang one or two traps per tree. Clean and refill traps every few days.
*******************************
Cinnamon-Honey "Fried" Ice Cream
Get the delicious crunchy-creamy combo of fried ice cream without the fuss with this easy no-cook recipe.
PREP TIME 20 Min TOTAL TIME 55 Min SERVINGS 6
INGREDIENTS
3 cups chocolate or vanilla ice cream 1 1/2 cups finely crushed Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal 4 tablespoons honey
1 Scoop 6 (1/2-cup) balls of ice cream onto cookie sheet. Freeze 15 minutes. 2 Meanwhile, place cereal in shallow pan. Drizzle 2 tablespoons of the honey evenly over cereal; mix well with fork until crumbly. 3 Quickly roll 1 ball of ice cream at a time in cereal mixture to coat; return to cookie sheet. Freeze ice cream balls until firm, about 20 minutes. (If desired, cover and freeze until serving time). 4 In small microwavable bowl, microwave remaining 2 tablespoons honey, uncovered, on High 20 to 30 seconds or until warm. To serve, place ice cream balls in individual dessert dishes; drizzle each with 1 teaspoon warm honey.
Expert Tips Perfect for company, this fun frozen dessert can be prepared several days in advance.
************************ Baked Brie
Serves 6-8
Brie easy with this recipe chock full of elegance. It doesn't matter what the occasion is, everybody will go nuts for this baked brie that's the perfect appetizer or snack. One bite and your guests will be saying cheese, please!
Ingredients
3/4 cup of pine nuts 1 small wheel of brie cheese Favorite wafers or crackers
Methods/steps Place pine nuts in small frying pan until toasted. Stir occasionally to prevent burning. Place cheese on ovenproof plate and bake at 375 degrees for 5 minutes. Top with nuts and serve with crackers.
******************************** Crusty Parmesan Fillets
This quick tasty fish dish goes well with rice and salad--just right for a weekday meal. Can’t find snapper? Try this with cod, haddock or another white fish.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 18 minutes 4 (6-ounce) snapper fillets, about 1-inch thick 1/3 cup oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained 1/4 cup grainy mustard 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts 2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives, or two teaspoons dried chives 1/4 teaspoon pepper 1/4 to 1/3 cup water 3 tablespoons dry bread crumbs 3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese Lemon wedges, for serving Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Coat a 13 x 9-inch baking pan with nonstick cooking spray. Pat the fish dry with paper towels and arrange in the baking pan; set aside. Rinse the tomatoes under warm water and transfer to the bowl of a food processor fitted with the metal blade. Add the mustard, walnuts, chives and pepper and process to a coarse puree. Process again, adding enough water to make a spreadable paste about the consistency of mayonnaise. Spread the top of each fillet with one-quarter of the mixture. Stir the bread crumbs and cheese together and then sprinkle over the fish. Bake for 15 to 18 minutes, until lightly browned and the fish is done; it should flake easily and be opaque throughout. Serve with lemon wedges.
********************************
BULL'S-EYE Memphis Style Drunken-Hog BBQ Ribs
total time 3 hr 15 min prep 5 min servings 4 servings
what you need 3 lb. pork baby back ribs 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1/4 cup bourbon 1/2 cup BULL'S-EYE Memphis Style Barbecue Sauce make it
PLACE ribs on large sheet heavy-duty foil. Mix sugar and bourbon; spread over ribs. Wrap ribs in foil. Refrigerate 1 hour.
HEAT charcoal grill to medium heat. Arrange coals evenly on each side of charcoal grate. Place wrapped ribs in center of grate; cover with lid. Grill ribs 2 hours.
REMOVE ribs from foil; discard foil. Place ribs, meat-sides down, on grill. Brush with 1/4 cup barbecue sauce. Grill 10 min., turning after 5 min. and brushing with remaining barbecue sauce.
kraft kitchens tips SIZE-WISE Enjoy your favorite foods while keeping portion size in mind. SUBSTITUTE Substitute whiskey or cola for the bourbon. SHORTCUT Bake wrapped ribs in 350ºF oven 1 hour. Unwrap and grill for the last
******************************** Blueberry-Citrus Mini Loaves
"Moist and packed with flavor, these healthful treats hit the spot." With subtle orange and blueberry and hearty whole wheat flour, they offer a delectable way to get your family going in the morning!
12 Servings Prep: 15 min. Bake: 40 min. + cooling
Ingredients 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 cup whole wheat pastry flour 3/4 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 egg 3/4 cup orange juice 1/4 cup canola oil 1 tablespoon grated orange peel 1/2 cup fresh or frozen blueberries 1/4 cup chopped pecans
Directions In a large bowl, combine the flours, sugar, salt and baking soda. In a small bowl, whisk the egg, orange juice, oil and orange peel. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in blueberries and pecans. Transfer to two 5-3/4-in. x 3-in. x 2-in. loaf pans coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks. Yield: 2 loaves (6 slices each). Editor's Note: If using frozen blueberries, use without thawing to avoid discoloring the batter.
Nutrition Facts: 1 slice equals 189 calories, 7 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 18 mg cholesterol, 157 mg sodium, 29 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 3 g protein.
********************************* Crab Roll
This healthier take on a lobster roll uses crab because it’s usually easier (and less expensive) to buy. But by all means use lobster if you prefer. Serve with coleslaw and an ice-cold beer.
4 servings, about 2/3 cup crab filling each Active Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 20 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1/4 cup low-fat mayonnaise 1 tablespoon freshly grated lemon zest 3 tablespoons lemon juice 10 dashes hot sauce, such as Tabasco 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1/8 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup finely chopped shallot 1/4 cup finely chopped celery 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh chives, divided 12 ounces cooked crabmeat (about 2 cups; see Tip), drained if necessary, any shells or cartilage removed 8 leaves red or green leaf lettuce 4 whole-wheat hot dog buns (toasted, if desired)
PREPARATION Whisk mayonnaise, lemon zest, lemon juice, hot sauce, pepper and salt in a medium bowl. Thoroughly mix in shallot, celery and 3 tablespoons chives. Mix in crab very gently so it doesn’t break up too much. Line each bun with lettuce and divide the crab filling among the buns. Garnish with the remaining 1 tablespoon chives.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate the crab filling (Step 1) for up to 1 day. Tip: Crabmeat (already removed from the shell) can be purchased canned, in shelf-stable pouches, frozen or pasteurized. Pasteurized usually has the best flavor; look for it in the fresh seafood section of the market. Crab from the U.S. and Canada are both considered good choices for the environment. If you live in an area known for crab, you may be able to get freshly cooked crabs at the seafood counter of your local market. NUTRITION Per serving: 238 calories; 5 g fat ( 1 g sat , 1 g mono ); 102 mg cholesterol; 2 g carbohydrates; 4 g added sugars; 21 g protein; 4 g fiber; 716 mg sodium; 269 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Iron (32% daily value), Vitamin A (26% dv), Vitamin C (17% dv), Calcium (16% dv)
Carbohydrate Servings: 2
Exchanges: 1 1/2 starch, 1/2 carbohydrate (other), 2 lean meat, 1 fat ********************************
When I worked as a medical intern in a hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent. It took a while before I understood that he had no health insurance. Since he was a World War II vet, I had him transported to a VA hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits. The next day my patient was back, along with this note from the VA admitting nurse: "Right war, wrong side."
********************************
My co-worker was being let go due to a nasty habit she had of not always showing up for work. As an officer in our union, I was preparing to argue on her behalf when she took matters into her own hands and insisted, "But I was really sick this time."
********************************
Dwellers in huts and in marble halls—
From Shepherdess up to Queen—
Cared little for bonnets, and less for shawls,
And nothing for crinoline.
But now simplicity's not the rage,
And it's funny to think how cold
The dress they wore in the Golden Age
Would seem in the Age of Gold.
—Henry S. Leigh.
************************** Little Willie wanted a birthday party, to which his mother consented, provided he ask his little friend Tommy. The boys had had trouble, but, rather than not have the party, Willie promised his mother to invite Tommy.
On the evening of the party, when all the small guests had arrived except Tommy, the mother became suspicious and sought her son.
"Willie," she said, "did you invite Tommy to your party tonight?"
"Yes, Mother."
"And did he say he would not come?"
"No," explained Willie. "I invited him all right, but I dared him to come."
******************************
Anna's mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter's name is Penny... the middle daughter's name is Nickel....... What is the oldest daughter's name?
You think you know it???
Aww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime.... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!
***********************
Respiratory infections are one of the most common problems seen in cats. Many cats are actually born with a group of viruses, or they quickly acquire them as kittens. The two primary viruses involved are feline viral rhinotracheitis (feline herpesvirus-1) and feline calicivirus. Feline chlamydia, a bacterial infection, can also result in upper respiratory tract infections.
The symptoms associated with these three infectious agents are very similar. The infection is referred to as "feline upper respiratory infection". How do cats get it? Here are the most common causes: Direct contact with an ill cat Contact with aerosolized infectious agents through exposure to sneezing, which can propel the virus or bacteria up to four feet away The infectious agent can be carried on human clothing or hands from an ill cat to a susceptible cat A nursing carrier queen can transmit the infection to her kittens around the time of weaning. This is the most common way that young kittens get it. What else should you know? Cats that recover from feline upper respiratory infection will periodically shed the virus throughout their life in times of stress. This is really common for cats under stress. For example, when a new cat comes into the house or a cat goes to a kennel for boarding, they start sneezing and have watery eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Feline Upper Respiratory Tract Infections (URTI) By: Dr. Dawn Ruben
Feline upper respiratory infection, also referred to as the feline upper respiratory infection complex, refers to infections in the area of the nose, throat and sinus area, much like the common cold in humans. In cats, these infections are quite common and very contagious.
Infection is common in areas associated with overcrowding and poor sanitation. Cats at increased risk include those in catteries, from rescue shelters and in outdoor feral cat populations. The disease is commonly diagnosed in the spring and summer months when many kittens are born.
Several organisms, both bacteria and virus, can cause the infection. The two primary viruses involved are feline herpesvirus-1 (FHV) and feline calicivirus (FCV). Feline chlamydia, a bacterial infection, can also result in upper respiratory tract infections. Other organisms include Bordetella bronchiseptica, feline reovirus, cowpox virus and mycoplasma.
These organisms are spread from cat to cat through eye, nasal and oral secretions. Infectionc an also be transmitted through contaminated crates, cages, bedding, bowls and clothing. Unfortunately, unsuspecting owners can carry the virus from an ill or viral-shedding cat to their homes. This is a common way that feline upper respiratory infections are transmitted. The FHV virus can live up to a month in the environment. These viruses are easily killed by household cleaners, such as bleach.
Cats that recover from feline upper respiratory infection will periodically shed the virus throughout their lives in times of stress. It is uncommon for the cat to have a reoccurrence of the upper respiratory infection but they are considered a reservoir for the virus.
What To Watch For
Sneezing Watery eyes Nasal discharge Lack of appetite Drooling Breathing problems Open mouth breathing Fever
Cats susceptible to upper respiratory infections generally develop early signs about two to five days after exposure. Fever and sinus congestion may also occur. The disease typically resolves in 10 to14 days, without complications. Be on the alert for complications such as lack of appetite due to poor smelling ability, pneumonia, eye ulcers or mouth sores. Very young kittens have a higher incidence of pneumonia and some do not survive the infection.
******************************* You've got to love this Lady!!! Priceless!
This woman stands as a proud example and exemplar for effective older peoples' strategies, for dealing with a changing world, and all the innovations that the young and old create. What a great and innovative way to get along!!! Enjoy…
A SENIOR MOMENT - An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorised Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client -- (Ps 20:7)Some may trust in chariots, and some in horses: but I will trust in the name of the LORD our God.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Mysterious Ways of God
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct [make straight] your paths."1
Patricia Saint John wrote about Mary, an English nurse who at the time was working in a mission clinic in an Arab country. "One morning she and her assistant, Fatima, needed to travel eight miles to another village. They caught a bus that was going in their direction. But after a few miles, the bus driver passed their stop and kept on driving. The bus driver ignored the women's pleas to return to the road that led to their village. Mary became upset, but Fatima remained calm, recalling their morning prayers asking for God's guidance.
"Finally, the bus stopped at the foot of a hill, many miles from Mary's and Fatima's homes. At this stop, there was an old woman with a baby in her arms. She walked up to Mary and presented the baby to her. The poor child had a severe eye infection and needed immediate medical attention to save her eyes.
"Mary asked the old woman how she knew to find help here so far from the main village. The old woman replied that a man had come to her in a dream and told her that the English nurse would be waiting at the end of this road the next day. Mary and Fatima had made no plans to come anywhere near this village. They couldn't have anticipated that a rude bus driver would leave them many miles from their designated stop. Yet God had told this desperate woman where to find them. Mary treated the baby's eyes; within days the infection was gone. Later, Mary and Fatima had the opportunity to give their Christian testimony to many people in that village because of their meeting with the old woman and the baby."2
Years ago I had a similar experience and, though not quite as dramatic, it helped change a major course in my life.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that when I trust in you with all my heart and continually commit my life and way to you, you do direct my path. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Proverbs 3:5-6 New King James Version (NKJV) 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
****************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
confection • kun-FEK-shun • noun 1 : something put together from varied material 2 a : a fancy dish or sweetmeat; also : a sweet food b : a work of fine or elaborate craftsmanship c : a light but entertaining theatrical, cinematic, or literary work
Examples: Her novels are delightful confections, perfect for those relaxing reads by the pool.
"President Michael Sorenson explains that the company processes fruit into juice, purees, essences and custom mixes for use in the making of beverages, sauces, bakery items, confections and other products." -- From an article by Chris Petersen in Food and Drink, June 22, 2011
*****************************
A happily married woman, who had enjoyed thirty-three years of wedlock, and who was the grandmother of four beautiful little children, had an amusing old colored woman for a cook.
One day when a box of especially beautiful flowers was left for the mistress, the cook happened to be present, and she said: "Yo' husband send you all the pretty flowers you gits, Missy?"
"Certainly, my husband, Mammy," proudly answered the lady.
"Glory!" exclaimed the cook, "he suttenly am holdin' out well."
*****************************
Frozen Strawberry-Pistachio Dessert
A quick cookie crumb crust and two types of ice cream get you started on a fabulous dessert, topped with creamy fudge sauce.
PREP TIME: 1 Hr TOTAL TIME: 6 Hr SERVINGS: 16
INGREDIENTS
Crust 1 1/2 cups chocolate cookie crumbs (from 15-oz. pkg.) 1/4 cup powdered sugar 1/4 cup chopped pistachios or almonds 6 tablespoons butter, melted
Strawberry Layer 1 (1/2-gallon) container strawberry or cherry ice cream
Pistachio Layer 1 (1/2-gallon) container vanilla ice cream 1 (3.4-oz.) pkg. instant pistachio pudding and pie filling mix 1 cup half-and-half
Fudge Sauce 2 cups powdered sugar 1 (6-oz.) pkg. (1 cup) semisweet chocolate chips 1/2 cup butter 1 (12-oz.) can (1 1/2 cups) evaporated milk 1 teaspoon vanilla Frozen whipped topping, thawed, if desired Fresh strawberries, if desired
DIRECTIONS 1 Line 13x9-inch pan with foil, extending foil over all sides of pan. In medium bowl, combine all crust ingredients; mix well. Press evenly in bottom of foil-lined pan. Freeze 30 minutes. Place strawberry ice cream in refrigerator to soften. 2 Spoon softened strawberry ice cream onto crust; smooth with back of spoon. Freeze 30 minutes. Place vanilla ice cream in refrigerator to soften. 3 Place softened vanilla ice cream in large bowl; stir with spoon until smooth. In small bowl, combine pudding mix and half-and-half; stir until blended. Add to ice cream; mix with electric mixer at low speed until well blended. Spoon over strawberry ice cream. Freeze 4 hours or until firm. 4 Meanwhile, in large saucepan, combine powdered sugar, chocolate chips, butter and evaporated milk; stir to mix. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Boil 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat. Stir in vanilla. Cool at least 1 hour before serving. 5 To serve, let dessert stand at room temperature for 15 minutes. Cut into squares. Serve each with fudge sauce, whipped topping and strawberries.
Expert Tips To save prep time, use purchased fudge ice cream topping. The fudge sauce for this dessert is delicious; try it over sundaes. Instead of spooning the fudge sauce over the dessert, drizzle it on the plate before adding the dessert square.
***************************** Dulce De Leche-Mocha Ice Cream Dessert
Dig into this frozen dessert layered with three types of ice cream - a delicious make-ahead treat.
PREP TIME 45 Min TOTAL TIME 6 Hr 45 Min SERVINGS 16
INGREDIENTS
Praline Crumbs 10 whole rectangular graham crackers 1 cup butter 1 cup firmly packed brown sugar 1 cup chopped pecans
Filling and Topping 1 quart (4 cups) dulce de leche ice cream, slightly softened 1 jar (16 oz) hot fudge ice cream topping 1 quart (4 cups) coffee ice cream, slightly softened 1 1/2 cups whipping cream 1/3 cup coffee-flavored liqueur
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Arrange crackers in single layer in ungreased 15x10x1-inch baking pan. Melt butter in medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir in brown sugar. Bring to a boil. Boil 2 minutes. Remove from heat. Stir in pecans. Pour and spread over crackers. Bake 10 minutes. Cool 30 minutes or until cooled. 2 Crush crackers into coarse crumbs. Sprinkle half of crumbs in bottom of ungreased 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish. Cut and remove carton from dulce de leche ice cream. Cut ice cream into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Arrange slices over crumbs, overlapping slightly. Spread ice cream with spatula until even pressing down firmly. Freeze 1 hour or until firm. 3 Place hot fudge ice cream topping in resealable 1-quart plastic bag. Cut small hole in bottom corner of bag with topping. Squeeze bag to pipe fudge topping over ice cream. Scatter remaining half of praline crumbs over fudge layer. Freeze 30 minutes or until fudge is firm. 4 Cut and remove carton from coffee ice cream. Cut ice cream into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Arrange slices over crumbs, spreading ice cream until smooth; press down firmly. Freeze while preparing topping. 5 Beat whipping cream in large bowl until stiff peaks form. Fold in liqueur. Spread over top of dessert. If desired, garnish with chocolate curls. Freeze 4 hours or until firm. Let stand at room temperature for 20 to 30 minutes before serving time.
Expert Tips Prepare this decadent treat up to 1 week in advance. Once the dessert freezes solid, cover it tightly with foil and keep it frozen until serving time.
***************************** Cinnamon-Honey "Fried" Ice Cream
Get the delicious crunchy-creamy combo of fried ice cream without the fuss with this easy no-cook recipe.
PREP TIME 20 Min TOTAL TIME 55 Min SERVINGS 6
INGREDIENTS
3 cups chocolate or vanilla ice cream 1 1/2 cups finely crushed Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal 4 tablespoons honey
1 Scoop 6 (1/2-cup) balls of ice cream onto cookie sheet. Freeze 15 minutes. 2 Meanwhile, place cereal in shallow pan. Drizzle 2 tablespoons of the honey evenly over cereal; mix well with fork until crumbly. 3 Quickly roll 1 ball of ice cream at a time in cereal mixture to coat; return to cookie sheet. Freeze ice cream balls until firm, about 20 minutes. (If desired, cover and freeze until serving time). 4 In small microwavable bowl, microwave remaining 2 tablespoons honey, uncovered, on High 20 to 30 seconds or until warm. To serve, place ice cream balls in individual dessert dishes; drizzle each with 1 teaspoon warm honey.
Expert Tips Perfect for company, this fun frozen dessert can be prepared several days in advance.
*****************************
Grilled Hamburger Steaks with Roasted Onions
Here's a juicy burger just begging to be picked up!
PREP TIME 15 Min TOTAL TIME 30 Min SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS
4 lean ground beef patties (4 to 6 ounces each) 2 tablespoons steak sauce 1 envelope (1 ounce) onion soup mix (from 2-ounce package) 2 large Bermuda or other sweet onions, cut in half, then thinly sliced and separated (6 cups) 2 tablespoons packed brown sugar 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
1 Heat coals or gas grill for direct heat. Spray two 18x12-inch sheets of heavy-duty foil with cooking spray. 2 Brush beef patties with steak sauce; sprinkle with half of the soup mix (dry). Place half of the onions on center of each foil piece. Sprinkle with remaining soup mix, the brown sugar and vinegar. Fold foil over onions so edges meet. Seal edges, making tight 1/2-inch fold; fold again. Allow space on sides for circulation and expansion. 3 Cover and grill packets and beef patties 4 to 6 inches from medium heat 10 to 15 minutes, turning patties and rotating packets 1/2 turn once or twice, until meat thermometer inserted in center of patties reads 160ºF. Place packets and patties on plates. Cut large X across top of each packet; fold back foil.
***************************** Grilled French Onion Burgers
Onion dip and onion soup mix are the flavor boosters in beefy burgers.
PREP TIME 25 Min TOTAL TIME 25 Min SERVINGS 8
INGREDIENTS
2 pounds ground beef 1 envelope (about 1 1/2 ounces) onion soup mix 8 ounces French onion dip (1 cup) 1/2 cup Progresso plain bread crumbs 1/8 teaspoon pepper Lettuce leaves 8 slices tomato 8 kaiser rolls, split and toasted Ketchup, if desired Pickle planks, if desired
1 Heat coals or gas grill for direct heat. Mix beef, soup mix (dry), onion dip, bread crumbs and pepper. Shape mixture into 8 patties about 3/4 inch thick. 2 Grill patties uncovered 4 to 6 inches from medium heat 10 to 15 minutes, turning once, until meat thermometer inserted in center of patties reads 160°F. Place lettuce leaves and tomato slices on bottom halves of rolls; top with burgers, ketchup and pickles. Top with remaining roll halves.
Expert Tips If this recipe makes too many burgers for your family, freeze half of the grilled burgers and you'll have the makings of an emergency meal!
To toast kaiser rolls, hamburger buns or hot dog buns, grill cut sides down about 4 minutes or until golden brown.
*****************************
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived, there was a limousine to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. 'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'
The driver said,'No problem. Have at it.'
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.
He told the supervisor,'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'
The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'
The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'
The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.' The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more important than that.' The supervisor finally asked,'Well then, who is it?'
The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, cause he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'
**************************
Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. ' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?' 1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!' 1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?' 2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.' 1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no pecker.
*************************
Newfie Lubricant
Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said, ‘Hey, Murph! You just had you a son! Ain't dat grand!’ Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain't finished yet!’ The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter! She is a pretty lil ting, too....’
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we ain’t got done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, 'Murph, you just had yourself another boy!'
Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies?'
The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.' Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'
Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, .....it's a feckin' good ting we didn't use WD-40.’
************************** John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home from school two hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John..
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
************************* A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.
It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little shit's name is Kevin."
************************** A man was sunbathing at a nude beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."
***************************** The friendship existing between Father Kelly and Rabbi Levi is proof against differences in race and religion. Each distinguished for his learning, his eloquence and his wit; and they delight in chaffing each other. They were seated opposite each other at a banquet where some delicious roast ham was served and Father Kelly made comments upon its flavor. Presently he leaned forward and in a voice that carried far, he addressed his friend:
"Rabbi Levi, when are you going to become liberal enough to eat ham?"
"At your wedding, Father Kelly," retorted the rabbi.
*******************************
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Proverbs 22:1
(1) A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.
The word "name" translates from the Hebrew word sheem, which designates something as a mark or memorial of individuality, and by implication, honor, authority, or character. The King James Version (KJV) also translates it into "fame," "famous," "infamous," "named," "renown," and "report." From this verse, we see that a good name (a combination of reputation and character) certainly should outweigh riches, prominence, position, and status. Conversely, a lack in either can leave us in a state of moral and/or spiritual poverty, seeking self-worth over godly worth. An example of this can be seen in those who strive for political office or a promotion. They attempt to leave an impression of character with the public or a boss, but it is an impression built on a shaky foundation of duplicity. While they may have a "good" reputation, it is not supported by the real important ingredient, character, which is earned throughout our lives. A starkly contrasting example of this is that of Jesus Christ as a man: " made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men" (Philippians 2:7). Christ—God Himself—humbled Himself, surrendering His right to a godly reputation, yet still left the legacy of righteous character and reputation as a human.
Ecclesiastes 7:1-8 gives another example of a good name, this time compared to that of fine ointment and life and death. The chapter starts with "A good name is better than precious ointment," but goes on to say "the day of death [is better] than the day of one's birth." Ointment, in this case, symbolizes a richness or excellence that is added to a person's state, or it may represent anointing oil used to set a person or thing apart as different or special. Verse 8 concludes, "The end of a thing is better than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." In human terms, we know at birth we are a clean slate—we have no knowledge, understanding, wisdom, reputation, or character. Only at death, after lifelong endeavor, do we have the total life experiences to establish a good or bad name and reputation, and this occurs because of the character we have gained or failed to gain in the process. For those who truly desire it, a good reputation and godly character is built patiently and not through devious or self-aggrandizing means. Based on this, reputation or a perceived good name is simply not enough without the character to accompany it.
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
facsimile • fak-SIM-uh-lee • noun 1 : an exact copy 2 : a system of transmitting and reproducing graphic matter (as printing or still pictures) by means of signals sent over telephone lines Examples: "Applications may not be submitted electronically or via facsimile and must be received by the Director of the Administrative Office of the Illinois Courts by 5 p.m. July 20." --From an article in the Belleville (Illinois) News-Democrat, June 22, 2011
"People can continue to see a facsimile of the Emancipation Proclamation as part of the Henry Ford’s 'Discovering the Civil War' exhibit that runs through Sept. 5 at the Dearborn museum." -- From an article by Cassandra Spratling in the Detroit Free Press, June 22, 2011
************************** Southwestern Grilled Pork Chops with Peach Salsa
Pair a spicy fruit salsa with zesty grilled pork chops and have it on your dinner table in less than 30 minutes.
PREP TIME 25 Min TOTAL TIME 25 Min SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS
3 ripe medium peaches, peeled, chopped (about 1 1/2 cups) 1/4 cup finely chopped red bell pepper 2 tablespoons finely chopped red onion 1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro 2 teaspoons packed brown sugar 2 teaspoons fresh lime juice 1/4 teaspoon finely chopped serrano or jalapeño chile 1 tablespoon chili powder 4 bone-in pork loin chops, 1/2 inch thick (4 oz each)
1Heat gas or charcoal grill. In medium bowl, mix peaches, bell pepper, onion, cilantro, brown sugar, lime juice and chile; set aside. 2Rub chili powder on both sides of each pork chop. Place pork on grill over medium heat. Cover grill; cook 6 to 9 minutes, turning once, until pork is no longer pink in center. Serve pork chops topped with salsa, or serve salsa on the side.
Expert Tips Boneless pork chops can be used instead of bone-in chops.
No peaches? You can use about 1 1/2 cups chopped mango or pineapple. ************************** Grilled Cuban Pork Chops
Tired of plain pork? Jazz grilled chops with a flavor-packed rub.
PREP TIME20 Min TOTAL TIME20 Min SERVINGS4
INGREDIENTS
Cuban Rub 2 tablespoons grated lime peel 1 tablespoon cumin seed 1 tablespoon cracked black pepper 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil 1 clove garlic, finely chopped Pork Chops 4 boneless pork loin or rib chops, about 1 inch thick (about 2 pounds) Mango slices, if desired
1Heat coals or gas grill for direct heat. Remove excess fat from pork. In small bowl, mix all Cuban Rub ingredients; rub evenly on both sides of pork. 2Cover and grill pork 4 to 6 inches from medium heat 8 to 10 minutes, turning frequently, until pork is no longer pink and meat thermometer inserted in center reads 160°F. Garnish with mango slices.
Expert Tips No cumin seed? Use 1 teaspoon ground cumin. Round out these flavor-packed pork chops with corn on the cob and cooked rice tossed with black beans. The Cuban Rub is also delicious on chicken breasts.
************************** Creamy Frozen Orange Squares
Enjoy a delicious frozen dessert flavored with orange and garnished with whipped cream.
PREP TIME 30 Min TOTAL TIME 4 Hr 30 Min SERVINGS 12
INGREDIENTS
2/3 cup coarsely chopped blanched almonds 5 tablespoons butter 60 vanilla wafer cookies, finely crushed (2 cups) 5 cups vanilla ice cream (from 1/2 gallon), softened 5 cups orange sherbet (from 3 pints), softened 1/2 pint (1 cup) whipping cream, whipped Orange peel curls, if desired
1 In medium skillet, toast almonds over medium heat 2 minutes, stirring occasionally, until light golden brown. Immediately remove from heat; reserve 2 tablespoons for topping. 2 Add butter to remaining almonds in skillet; stir until butter is melted. Add cookie crumbs; mix well. Press mixture in bottom of ungreased 13x9-inch pan. Cool completely, about 10 minutes. 3 In large bowl, stir ice cream and sherbet until partially blended. Spoon over cooled crust; smooth top. Cover; freeze until firm, at least 4 hours. 4 To serve, cut dessert into squares; place on individual dessert plates. Garnish each with whipped cream, reserved toasted almonds and orange curl.
Expert Tips Make this dessert and freeze it up to four days ahead of time. Transfer it to the refrigerator and let it soften 20 minutes before cutting and serving.
************************** Grilled Backyard Beer Burgers
Make burgers with a flavor bonus! Beer, garlic and onion are the extras.
PREP TIME 10 Min TOTAL TIME 25 Min SERVINGS 6
INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 lb lean (at least 80%) ground beef 1 small onion, finely chopped (1/4 cup) 1/4 cup regular or nonalcoholic beer 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 1 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon pepper 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped 6 rye or whole wheat hamburger buns, split Ketchup, if desired Pickle planks, if desired
1 Heat gas or charcoal grill. In medium bowl, mix all ingredients except buns, ketchup and pickles. Shape mixture into 6 patties, about 3/4 inch thick. 2 Place patties on grill rack over medium heat. Cover grill; cook 10 to 15 minutes, turning once, until meat thermometer inserted in center of patties reads 160ºF. Add buns, cut sides down, for last 4 minutes of grilling or until toasted. 3 Top burgers with ketchup and pickle planks; serve on buns.
Expert Tips For Burgundy Burgers, substitute 1/4 cup Burgundy wine for the beer!
Avoid pressing down on a hamburger patty while it's cooking--you'll squeeze out much of the flavorful juices!
************************** How to Harvest Rhubarb
Edible rhubarb (Rheum x cultorum) is one of the few perennial vegetables, making it a very versatile part of garden produce. It is treated as a soft fruit and is usually eaten stewed or baked into cakes and other baked goods. Even though it's a very undemanding vegetable to grow, harvesting it is no different from any garden produce in its need to be harvested at the right time and in the right way and in some respects, this is a little tricky. You do need to be patient because you won't see a good crop from rhubarb until its third or fourth year but it's worth the wait. This article explains how to harvest your rhubarb plants for maximum potential.
Steps
Choose the right time to harvest. Choose the right time to harvest. The harvesting period for rhubarb is late spring through to the end of summer.
Harvest according to the age of the rhubarb. Harvest according to the age of the rhubarb. It is important not to pull any stalks in the plant's first year of growth, as doing that will seriously weaken the establishing rhubarb plant. Allow each rhubarb plant to establish a strong root system the first year and leave the stalks intact (they'll come and go of their own accord). In the second season, only harvest in the first two weeks and only select the stalks that are large enough, always leaving plenty on the plant. In subsequent years, you can harvest rhubarb throughout the harvest period. From the third year on, you should find that the rhubarb can be harvested for a period of around 8 to 10 weeks.[1]
Note that some people also pick stalks that still have a lot of green on them and don't seem to mind the taste. Know when a stalk is ready for harvesting. Rhubarb stalks are ready when they are between 1.5cm/0.5" and 2.5cm/1" wide. They should be quite firm, and show an even dark pinkish or maroon colour.
Place your hand low on the stalk at the base Harvest the stalks by twisting. Pull a stalk as close as possible to the base of the plant.
Always twist to remove the stalk Pull gently, whilst twisting to ensure it comes away neatly. Rhubarb stalks should always be twisted clean from the crown, as twisting or pulling removes the most plant and invigorates the roots to produce more. Never dig or cut the plant as these don't produce the same vigorous growth. If it is the rhubarb plant's second season, only pull two stalks per plant, leaving at least five healthy stalks to continue growing. In following seasons, it's fine to remove three or four stalks per plant, as long as you leave a similar amount of stems still growing. It's recommended that you only harvest a third of the plant's harvest every season to avoid over-stressing the rhubarb plant.[2]
Tidy the rhubarb plant. Tidy the rhubarb plant. Never leave any broken stalks on the rhubarb plant as these can cause infections to grow. Remove any broken pieces from the base of the plant and either eat or discard them. Leave three to four mature leaves on the plant; these will help the rhubarb to grow vigorously.[3] Remove any flowering stalks when you notice them.
Pull or cut the leaves from the stalk. Pull or cut the leaves from the stalk. The leaves contain oxalic acid, which is poisonous and should not be eaten. Discard of these or add to the compost. Or make a rhubarb spray from the leaves to keep the pests off your broccoli, cabbage and Brussels sprouts. Do no feed to animals either!
Leave some of the stalks for strong growth Finish harvesting before exhausting the rhubarb plant. Harvesting of rhubarb should cease once all of the stalks become thin again or when you've already harvested a third of the plant.
Store the rhubarb properly. Store the rhubarb properly. While freshly picked rhubarb is best used as soon as possible after harvesting, it can be kept in a polyethylene bag in the fridge for up to three weeks.[4] The stalks can be frozen or bottled for longer term storage once they have been prepared.
To stew rhubarb, remove and discard leaves if not already done, chop the stalks into 1 inch (2.5cm) pieces and stew in enough water to cover. Stewing doesn't take long, so keep an eye on them.
TIPS Leave labels next to your rhubarb plants after planting, to indicate the year that it was planted, so that you know the age. Consider allowing each rhubarb plant to rest every other year. Try planting several so that you can harvest them on rotation.
Things You'll Need
Rhubarb crowns for planting in first year; plants for harvesting from 1 hand fork Gardening gloves (optional) ************************* Golf Panties....
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
************************** Canadian Joke # 1 After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, " Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona . " The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, " I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers' " , a Budweiser.' The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, " I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors. " He gets it.
The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, " Give me a Coke. " The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, " Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?'
The Molson Canadian president replies, " Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I. " CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!' exclaims Doug, 'Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.
He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
In Canada , we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, " SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!! "
CANADIAN JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper? " asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper! " yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Canadian, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
" Well, " said the Canadian, " I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the American and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing! " said the one of the doctors, " But what happened to the other two?"
" Last I saw them, " replied the Canadian, " the Scot was haggling over the price and the American was waiting for the government to pay his."
*************************
Male Strippers
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out
a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked
the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the
guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend
pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she
just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now
everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me
on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached
for my wallet. What could I do?
The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card,
swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks,and left!!!
**************************
Some info that could be useful
Subject: FW: WD-40 (worth a read, far 2 useful not 2 pass on)
Not sure if all of this is true! Check first before trying it out Before you read to the end, do you know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is?
I had a neighbour who had bought a new van. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that some vandal had spray painted red all around the sides of this white van. I went over and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to work out what to do, probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open.
Another neighbour came out and told him to get some WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm the paint that was on the van. I'm impressed! WD-40 - how did someone work out it would do that?
'Water Displacement No.40' The product began from a search for rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displacement' compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower screen. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as on glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your cooker top .... Kazamm! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed. Here are some other uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing. 2. Removes road tar and grime from cars. 3. Cleans and lubricates guitar 20 strings. 4. Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery. 5. Keeps flies off cows. 6. Restores and cleans blackboards. 7. Removes lipstick stains. 8. Loosens stubborn zips. 9. Untangles jewelry chains. 10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks. 11.. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill. 12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing. 13. Removes tomato stains from clothing. 14. Keeps glass shower screens free of water spots. 15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors. 16. Keeps scissors working smoothly. 17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes. 18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks. 19. Dead insects will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40! 20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a 20 shine for a super fast slide.. 21. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag. 22. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone! 23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open. 24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close. 25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers. 26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles. 27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans. 28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling. 29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly. 30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools. 31. Removes splattered grease on stove. 32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging. 33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs. 34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell). 35. Removes all traces of duct tape. 36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain. 37. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some counties . 38. Use it for gnat bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch. i can add another one......if u spray ur garden pots around the sides it stops slugs/snails eating ur plants : ) I can add another ... removes chewing gum from anything.
And for some reason............spray it on your arthritic knee joints etc and it will ease them.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL..
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"You must Love, how otherwise can you dwell in Me, where nothing unloving can come." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional: A Right Judgment John 7:24, NIV: "Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment." "Do not judge," Jesus tells us, "or you too will be judged." After all, it is not our place to judge [to pass sentence on another--to determine we know that a person should be punished and what punishment that person deserves]. But let's not deceive ourselves. Not judging is not the same as blind tolerance. Jesus tells us to "make a right judgment." It is necessary for us (in love, in truth, and in the Spirit), to examine the words, deeds, and lifestyles of others and make a right assessment (Mt. 7). How else shall we know how to pray for another? How else shall we restore a brother who has fallen (Gal. 6:1)? How else shall we, once we see clearly, be able to help another to extract the splinter from his eye (Mt. 7)? How else shall we see sin in another's life, and find in Christ what is needed to meet the needs of the sinner? It is not a matter of you being "without sin" or "casting the first stone." It is a matter of you looking also to the interests of others (Phil. 2:4), and making yourself available to hear God's voice concerning the person, and being willing to help however the Spirit would lead.
But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me? - Matthew 3:14
John 1:12-13 “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.â€
************************** WORD FOR THE DAY: ambsace EYMZ-eys , noun; 1. The smallest amount or distance. 2. The lowest throw at dice, the double ace (two ones.) 3. Bad luck; misfortune.
Quotes: "Sleeping is thick arras or ambsace, like an alcatraz across water." -- Brian Teare, Sight Map: Poems "We're within ambsace of being done." -- Jo Ann Ferguson, A Phantom Affair
Origin: Ambsace stems from the Old French ambes as, "both aces."
***************************** CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: Is virtue a thing remote? I wish to be virtuous, and lo! Virtue is at hand.
THINGS TO PONDER: Where does the lost sock in the washer and dryer go? THINGS TO PONDER: Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."- Tommy Lasorda
"Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit." - Conrad Hilton
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. –Jack Handey
Al Franken "It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world."
A. Whitney Brown "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
Robert Orben "To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so." ***************************** How to Make Rhubarb and Strawberry Compote
Rhubarb pulp cooking A compote is a dessert made of fruit that has been stewed to the consistency of a syrup. The sweetness can be sourced from sugar, honey, maple syrup, brown rice syrup, fruit juice or other sweet liquid. You can substitute sugar for your preferred sweetener and always consider the sweetness of the fruit itself for adding flavour. This recipe features rhubarb, an often overlooked old-fashioned, delicious "fruit".
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups of finely chopped rhubarb 3 cups of strawberries 3/4 cup of honey or sugar (or alternative sweetener) 1 tsp vanilla extract (essence) 1 tsp lemon juice
Steps
1Assemble ingredients.
2Clean the strawberries and cut them into quarters. 3After chopping the rhubarb finely, place it into a saucepan with the sugar, honey or other preferred sweetener. 4Cook the rhubarb and sugar over medium heat, until the rhubarb becomes tender. 5Add the strawberries and cook for a further 5 to 7 minutes. 6Take the mixture off the heat. 7Add vanilla extract and lemon juice; stir in gently.
Tips
Serve warm over pancakes, waffles, toast or pudding. Serve cool over yoghurt, toast, cereal, oatmeal (porridge) or just by itself. An excellent accompaniment to dried fruit that has been soaked in juice for half an hour - a dessert without too many calories but with a lot of flavour! Perfect as a sauce poured over a gently warmed up slice of chocolate cake.
**************************
Chicken Mushroom Marsala
Chicken Mushroom Marsala: Easy and Elegant for the Amateur Gourmet If you are having company and want to make something easy but really flavorful, try this chicken Marsala recipe. This is my favorite way to eat chicken for a few different reasons. First, I love how tender it comes out. If you really pound your chicken breasts nice and thin, it will result in unbelievable tenderness. Second, the flavors of this recipe are perfection. The sauce made with wine, butter, and chicken broth cannot be beat. Third, I love how quick and easy it is to prepare! If you are having it with rice and vegetables, be sure to start them first, because once you start cooking, this chicken will be done in about 15 minutes.
Here is what you will need:
2-3 Chicken Breasts, pounded thin 4 Tablespoons All-Purpose Flour 2 Teaspoons Marjoram ½ Teaspoon Salt 4 Tablespoons Butter 2 4oz. Cans Sliced Mushrooms 2 Tablespoons Sliced Green Onions 1 ½ Cups Chicken Broth 1/3 Cup White Wine
1. Mix together flour, marjoram, and salt. Pat chicken breasts into the mixture on each side to coat. Shake off any extra. 2. In a Large Frying Pan (preferably with deep sides) heat 1 Tablespoon of the butter over medium heat. Add mushrooms and green onion. Sauté for 5-10 minutes until tender. Transfer to a bowl. 3. Add the other 3 Tablespoons of butter to the pan. Brown chicken on each side over medium heat (about 4-5 minutes per side). 4. Pour mushroom mixture back into the frying pan. Add chicken broth and white wine. 5. Simmer for 5-10 minutes to let the flavors mix together.
I think this recipe is best served with some white rice and a steamed vegetable. You can spoon the sauce over the chicken and over the rice as well. If you need to let the chicken simmer on the stove a little longer than 10-15 minutes - don't worry - this recipe is very forgiving and it won't ruin the taste or tenderness. Just make sure you turn the heat down as low as possible for that period of time. Stacy Tabb is a successful internet publisher. She loves to enjoy food and a good glass of wine with friends. Her Gourmet Foods and Gifts website is a source for gourmet products, recipes, and information.
***************************** Mediterranean Marinade
Ingredients
4 tbsp. olive oil 1 tbsp. prepared mustard 1/2 cup lemon juice 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 tsp. fresh oregano
Methods/steps Combine and pour over thin boneless pork slices. Marinate in refrigerator 1-8 hours. Serve on grilled or roasted meat.
Additional Tips Ready in 10 min
***************************** Grilled Chicken with New England Barbecue Sauce
This sauce flavors the chicken with a sweet taste unobtainable any other way.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 2 minutes Cooking time: 25 minutes For the barbecue sauce 1/2 medium onion, finely chopped 1 clove garlic, finely chopped 12 ounce bottle chili sauce 1/3 cup maple-flavored syrup 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard 1/2 teaspoon ground hot pepper 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar For the chicken 1 cup barbecue sauce 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 1/8 teaspoon ground hot red pepper flakes 4 chicken breast halves, with bones and skins, rinsed and patted dry
For the Barbecue Sauce: Combine the ingredients in a medium-sized saucepan. Bring to a simmer over moderate heat and cook, stirring frequently, for 15 minutes. The sauce may be stored, covered, in the refrigerator for up to a week. In a small bowl, mix the garlic salt, black pepper and red pepper flakes. Sprinkle the chicken breasts with the spice mixture and allow to stand at room temperature for about 20 minutes. Heat the broiler to high.
Lightly oil a broiler rack and put the chicken on it. Broil the breasts about 5 inches from the heat for 25 to 30 minutes, turning them often. During the last 10 minutes of cooking time, brush the chicken with the barbecue sauce. Serve immediately with additional barbecue sauce, if desired.
************************** Peach Cobbler
I used fresh peaches in this recipe, but fresh ripe nectarines or drained canned peaches will work as well. Serve this cobbler with a scoop of vanilla ice cream or drizzle with a little cream.
Ingredients:
1 stick (4 ounces) butter, melted 1 cup plus 3 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided 1 cup all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 cup milk 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 3 to 4 ripe peaches, peeled, pitted, thinly sliced 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
Preparation:
Heat oven to 375°. Pour melted butter into a 2-quart baking dish (11x7 or 8-inch square). In a mixing bowl, combine 1 cup of the sugar, the flour, baking powder, and salt; stir to blend. Stir in the milk and vanilla until blended. Pour the batter over the melted butter. Toss the peaches with the remaining 3 tablespoons of sugar and 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon. Arrange the peach slices over the batter. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. The top will be browned and the cake will begin to pull away from the sides of the pan. Serve warm with a little heavy cream, whipped topping, or a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Serves 6.
***************************** Grilled Lemon-Pepper Pork Tenderloin
Just season and grill, this main dish is done in half an hour.
PREP TIME 30 Min TOTAL TIME 30 Min SERVINGS 6
INGREDIENTS
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt 1/2 teaspoon coarse ground pepper 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme or marjoram leaves 2 pork tenderloins (about 3/4 lb each) 2 teaspoons olive or vegetable oil
1 Heat coals or gas grill for direct heat. In small bowl, mix all ingredients except pork and oil. Brush oil over all sides of pork. Rub lemon peel mixture over pork. 2 Cover and grill pork over medium-low heat 15 to 20 minutes, turning occasionally, until pork has slight blush of pink in center and meat thermometer inserted in center reads 160°F. 3 Remove pork from grill; cover with foil. Let stand 5 to 10 minutes before slicing.
***************************** Glazed Sweet-and-Sour Grilled Pork Chops
The secret to these ultra-juicy and moist pork chops? Brush on the quick honey-mustard glaze right before you finish grilling.
PREP TIME 30 Min TOTAL TIME 15 Min approx SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS
Glaze 1/4 cup chili sauce 2 tablespoons honey 2 tablespoons rice vinegar 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard Pork Chops 4 (6-oz.) bone-in pork loin chops 1/2 teaspoon garlic-pepper blend 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon salt
1 Heat gas or charcoal grill. In small saucepan, combine all glaze ingredients. Cook over low heat for 3 to 5 minutes or until thoroughly heated and flavors are blended, stirring occasionally. 2 Sprinkle both sides of each pork chop with garlic-pepper blend, paprika and salt. 3 When grill is heated, place pork chops on gas grill over medium heat or on charcoal grill 4 to 6 inches from medium coals. Cook 10 to 15 minutes or until no longer pink in center, turning once or twice and brushing with glaze during last 5 minutes of cooking time. 4 Bring any remaining glaze to a boil. Serve warm glaze with pork chops.
************************** God of Target
A general who had gone out to battle was unable to stave off defeat when the God of the Target appeared to join his ranks and turned the tables on the enemy. Thereupon, the general kowtowed to the God and asked his name. "I am the God of the Target." "What have I done, my God, to deserve your assistance?" "I've always been grateful to you," replied the God of the Target, " because in the old days when you were practicing archery on the drilling ground, you never once hit me with your arrows."
***************************** Hair Color
Erap was just elected president & one of the news reporters goes up to talk to him. The reporter ask, "Oh congratulations on your victory as a president, now that your president do you plan to dye you hair? Erap replied, "No my hair is always alive" hahahahah!!!
***************************** Happy Reading
Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
************************** Having Cake
A man was very hungry, and went to buy cakes at a snack bar. When he finished a cake, he found he hadn't had enough, and so ate a second one. He felt so hungry that after eating six cakes in succession, he still hadn't satisfied his hunger. Not till the seventh cake was eaten up, did he feel satisfied. Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret.
"Ah, if I had known this before, I would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have been enough and there would not have been any need to eat those six others."
***************************** Henpecked
There was a man who lived in great fear of his wife. Once he incurred the wrath of his wife, who by way of punishment, was going to squeeze his fingers between sticks.
"We have no sticks at home," said the man.
His wife consequently sent him over to their neighbor to borrow a pair. On his way out, the man was heard grumbling. At that his wife instantly called him back and asked:
"What the hell were you grumbling about?"
"Nothing," answered the man. "I was just saying we should have our own instruments of torture."
*****************************
How To Solve The Trade Deficit With Japan
The Japanese people are said to have a great interest in Western things, especially those from the United States. This can be used to our strategic advantage to help solve our trade deficit with Japan.
We need to export TV shows like ``Perry Mason'' and ``LA Law'' and ensure that they are widely broadcasted. Once their children grow up wanting to become lawyers they are finished!
************************** Invent A Luxury Car If Filipinos invent a luxury car, what would it be? It would be shape like a mango for aerodynamic. Its tires would be made of spartan tsinelas. The seat would be made of ratan. The engine would be a carabao. The body frame would be made of kawayan. The cover would be made of coconut leaves. The carpet would be banig. It is held together by abaca. There would be a star logo on the hood & the rear. The mirror would be graphite rock. The windshield would be air. The radio would be themselves.
***************************** TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS. Observations On Growing Older ~Going Out is good.. Coming Home is better!
~You Forget names .... But it's OK because other people forgot they Even knew you!!!
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything ...... Especially Golf.
~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things that he doesn't remember.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore..
~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's Called his "pre-sleep".
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch..
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ???
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody Whispers. ~Now that your husband has retired .... You'd give anything if he'd find a job! ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet .... 2 of which you will never wear.
~~~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
Love You, "OLD FRIEND!" Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!!
It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived !
**************************
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1.. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
***************************** On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch…
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD
Amos 5:7
(7) You who turn justice to wormwood, And lay righteousness to rest in the earth!"
Similar to Amos 6:12, this verse connects justice and righteousness. The fruit of righteousness is justice. Justice is fair treatment, not only in the courts but in every aspect of life. This strikes at the root of a major portion of God's judgment of Israel (Isaiah 59:13-15). Here, righteousness is pictured as a standard, flag, or banner thrown to the ground. They had " . . . to rest" or thrown aside the Torah, the law of God, the teachings of God. Instead, they were practicing what we call "situation ethics"—allowing their weak and untrained consciences to be their guide. The practical result was "anything goes." What does this mean in relation to social conditions? Righteousness is what is right with God: "For all Your commandments are righteousness" (Psalm 119:172). It is the cultivation of correct moral principles within ourselves. As a nation we should cultivate morality to produce spiritual and social growth. Righteousness—morality—is therefore the foundation of justice. Justice is correct moral practice, the practical application of morality. The Israelites were not cultivating God's commandments, the moral standards upon which any nation must operate if it is to be successful. Instead, they had developed a specious code of living which was incompatible with the Word of God. Since the right moral principles were not being cultivated, there was no justice in society and immorality reigned. While righteousness is inward, justice is out-going, concerning even such "trivial" things as being neat and orderly. Notice how much trash litters our highways and graffiti mars our cities. Maybe no law of God specifically regulates our driving, but is it not fair and just to be considerate of others on the road? Certainly God's law has to do with being thoughtful, gracious, tactful, and discreet, all of which are founded on one of its basic principles, the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). Once these "little things" stop being cultivated, then injustice begins to appear in more serious areas, such as increased crime, divorce, abortion, suicide, and the like. Morality plunges and the people move farther and farther from godly mores and values. And when God sees no repentance in sight, His wrath is not long in coming.
Matthew 5:14,16 ““You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.â€
******************************
WORD FOR THE DAY
gullible • GULL-uh-bul • adjective : easily duped or cheated
Examples: Carl's sister couldn't believe that he was gullible enough to fall for yet another urban legend.
"Tattooed carnies urged gullible visitors to try their luck at the ring toss and water gun race. Shrieking men, women, and children rode the Tilt-a-Whirl, the Matterhorn, and bumper cars." -- From Greg Cox's 2011 novel Warehouse 13: A Touch of Fever
*********************************
A. Whitney Brown "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
Robert Orben "To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so."
Isaac Asimov "Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil. –Jack Handey
****************************
TODAY'S PET TIP
Adding a New Pet to Your Home Introducing a new pet to your household? At the beginning make sure to feed the new member of the household in a separate location. At least separate food bowls as much as possible for the first few days. Aside from love, food is everything to your pets. So don't encourage ill will between future buddies with a too-close-for-comfort feeding time routine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a dog lover, you know that having a dog means having to deal with doggy odor on a daily basis. Young dogs, sick dogs and even old dogs can make mistakes. It is not uncommon for some older dogs to accidentally urinate in the house, or to have an episode of vomiting or diarrhea.
I talk about doggy odor a lot - mostly because it's a big problem for dog owners. Doggy odor from drool or from your dog's wet coat can make everything smell like dog - your furniture, your bed, your pillows ... even your car.
Sometimes younger dogs can get sick or have house training problems. Older dogs can become confused. Sometimes they just can't hold their urine as well as they used to. They can have accidents or leak urine in their bedding. It happens all the time.
Once they urinate in the house, it seem like the smell never goes away. And if you've had problems with your dog urinating in the house, you know that this is a smell that can be especially strong.
What can you do? Here are some tips:
1. Make sure to give your dog PLENTY of opportunities to urinate. Don't test your dog. Take him out even before you think he needs to go.
2. Wash your dog's bedding and blankets every week. Some older dogs will have trouble with leaking urine or anal glands ... and their bedding stinks. That musty "wet dog smell", dirt, drool and other odors can also get sealed in to your dog's bedding, so wash it weekly.
3. Wash your dog. Some dogs need to be bathed every week while others only need to be bathed every few weeks or once a month. If you can smell your dog, he definitely needs a bath! Make sure to bathe your dog on a regular basis.
4. Promptly clean all odors. If your dog vomits, has diarrhea or if he has an "accident", quickly clean up the mess. Use white paper towels and clean/dry the mess as best you can. You can also use water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TODAY'S PET TIP
How Cats Play Cats, like all mammals, engage in play as youngsters and continue to do so even after they have grown up. Play is a complex learning activity that helps kittens develop social relationships and helps them hone their physical and mental skills. But it is also fun, which is why adult cat continue to do it. You can spend many enjoyable hours just watching with amusement as your cat plays. Watching a cat play is one of the most entertaining pastimes afforded to the cat owner. A cat's play takes three forms, though often it is sometimes difficult to separate them. These are: social play, object play and locomotor play.
Is your cat bored? Many indoor-only cats are. And when your cat is bored it can lead to all kinds of problems - for your cat, and for you.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if a cat is bored. After all, cats sleep an average of 13 to 16 hours a day - and that doesn't leave an awful lot of "up" time. Cats sleep most of the day and are most active at dusk and dawn. Why is that? Just take a look at nature to get the answer. Cats instinctively stalk prey - and most of their natural prey (mice, lizards, bugs, etc.) are most active at dusk and dawn. So cats are "programmed" to stalk and hunt during the hours when these prey animals are most active. During the hours your cat is awake, how can you tell if boredom has set in - or if he's simply acting finicky and disinterested as usual? It's important to know the signs of boredom. A bored cat can begin to display inappropriate or destructive behaviors such as scratching, aggression or crying out (over-vocalization). Some suffer from depression or lethargy. Others begin to urinate outside the litter box. Some cats begin eating more when they are bored. Others begin eating less. And some will begin sleeping even more than normal. To keep your cat happy and mentally stimulated, you've got to make sure there's plenty for your cat to see and do inside your home. Your cat's environment should provide plenty of opportunities for fun, interaction and mental stimulation. Cats should have a good cat tree for climbing and a nice window seat with a great outdoor view. Provide a good scratching post and some catnip. And make sure to spend some "together" time with your cat every day. Cats need plenty of fun toys to play with - and they will become "bored" with the same toy after a while, so make sure to rotate your cat's toys to keep things fresh and interesting. (When you bring out a toy that has been put away for a while, that old toy becomes "new" again.) Different cats like different kinds of toys, but all cats love to chase and hunt so toys that simulate stalking and hunting behavior are big favorites for most cats. You should ideally spend at least 10 minutes of playtime with your cat every day - but the fun doesn't have to end when you're too busy to play. Interactive battery operated toys can provide automated play sessions for your cat while you're away - or when you're too busy to play along. That's a great backup plan to ensure that your cat will always have something fun to do. The Pioneer Pet Tiger Mobile is one of my favorite auto-play toys. It appeals to your cat's natural hunting instinct, encouraging him to stalk, jump and chase after it. It is a great way to keep your cat actively entertained while keeping his muscles toned and improving paw-eye coordination. And it's good for cats of any size, age or physical condition.
*******************************
Rosemary Beef Stew
Makes 8 servings
Although this recipe calls for beef, make the night even more tender by using juicy lamb as the main staple in this stew. Serve with a side of warm bread and a fresh salad. Ingredients
2 lb. beef stew meat 1 garlic clove 1/4 tsp. black pepper, fresh ground 1 onion, halved and sliced 12 oz. dark beer 2 cups low sodium beef broth 3 tbsp. no salt added tomato paste 2 cups of carrot, sliced 4 potatoes cut into quarters 2 turnips cut into quarters 1 tsp. rosemary 2 bay leaves 1/4 cup cornstarch 1/2 cup water
Methods/steps Combine all ingredients except the cornstarch and water in a slow cooker and cook on “low†for 7 hours. Combine the cornstarch and water in a bowl and stir into the stew. Turn on “highâ€, cover the slow cooker and allow the stew to cook an additional 30 minutes, until thickened slightly.
Additional Tips Ready in 8 hours
******************************* Rice Pudding Pie
Serves 8-10
Imagine two of your favorite desserts combined for one sweet treat. Now make it a reality with this delicious dessert that's the perfect way to finish off your favorite meal. It's also the perfect solution for your leftover rice. Ingredients
3/4 cup powdered sugar, plus extra for garnish 3 large eggs 2 tsp. pure vanilla extract 1 tbsp. orange zest 1 (15 oz.) container whole milk ricotta cheese 1/2 cup cooked short-grain rice 1/3 cup toasted pine nuts 6 sheets fresh phyllo pastry sheets or thawed phyllo pastry sheets 3/8 cup unsalted butter, melted
Methods/steps Blend 3/4 cup of powdered sugar, eggs, vanilla, orange zest and ricotta in a food processor until smooth. Stir in the rice and pine nuts. Set the ricotta mixture aside. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Lightly butter a 9 in. glass pie dish. Lay 1 phyllo sheet over the bottom and up the sides of the dish, allowing the phyllo to hang over the sides. Brush the phyllo with the melted butter. Top with a second sheet of phyllo dough, laying it in the opposite direction as the first phyllo sheet. Continue layering the remaining sheets of phyllo sheets, alternating after each layer and buttering each sheet. Spoon the ricotta mixture into the dish. Fold the overhanging phyllo dough over the top of the filling to enclose it completely. Brush completely with melted butter. Bake the pie until the phyllo is golden brown and the filling is set, about 35 minutes. Transfer the pan to a rack and cool completely. Sift powdered sugar over the pie and serve.
*******************************
Iced Cappuccino
Makes 3 servings
If you're in the mood for a caffeine kick, this iced coffee drink is sure to give it to you. Why blow money on those commercial coffee drinks when you can make your own?
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups strong brewed coffee 1/2 cup sweetened condensed milk 1/2 cup half-and-half cream 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
Methods/steps In a medium bowl, combine coffee and milk. Whisk in half-and-half and vanilla until well blended. Pour into glasses filled with ice.
Additional Tips Ready in 5 min
******************************* Honey-Glazed Salmon Brush heart-healthy salmon with a mixture of honey and Dijon mustard for a quick and easy grilled fish dinner.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons minced shallots 1 tablespoon chopped fresh or 1 teaspoon dried thyme 3 tablespoons honey 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper
4 (6-ounce) salmon fillets (about 1 inch thick) Cooking spray Thyme sprigs (optional)
Preparation Prepare grill or broiler. Combine first 6 ingredients in a small bowl. Brush honey mixture over skinless side of fish. Place fish on a grill rack or broiler pan coated with cooking spray, and cook 6 minutes on each side or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork. Garnish with thyme sprigs, if desired.
Yield: 4 servings
Nutritional Information Amount per serving Calories: 334 Calories from fat: 39% Fat: 14.4g Saturated fat: 2.5g Monounsaturated fat: 6.8g Polyunsaturated fat: 3.1g Protein: 35.1g Carbohydrate: 14.4g Fiber: 0.1g Cholesterol: 111mg Iron: 0.9mg Sodium: 490mg Calcium: 15mg
******************************* Coffee Cake
Makes 1 coffee cake
With the easy refrigerator dough, you can mix the dough two days ahead and shape the coffee cake the night before baking. All you need to do is to bake this delicious nut and cinnamon cake and bring it to your still sleeping sweetheart.
Ingredients
1/2 cup milk, scalded and cooled to lukewarm (105 to 115 degrees) 2 3/4 tsp. active dry yeast (1 package) 1/4 cup sugar, divided 1/2 tsp. salt 1 large egg, lightly beaten 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 cup unsalted butter, chilled and cut into pieces (2 sticks)
CINNAMON NUT FILLING 1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted 1/2 cup sugar 1 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
ICING 1 cup confectioners' sugar 2-3 tsp. cream or milk 1 tsp. vanilla
Methods/steps In a small bowl, combine the milk, yeast, and 1 tbsp. of the sugar. Let stand for 5 minutes until the yeast foams. Whisk in the salt and egg. Set aside. Measure the flour into a large mixing bowl or into the work bowl of a food processor. Cut the butter into the flour until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Pour the liquid ingredients over the flour mixture. Mix lightly with a fork or use short pulses if using the food processor, until the flour is just moistened. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 4 hours or up to 2 days. When you’re ready to shape the cake (you can shape the coffee cake, cover, refrigerate overnight, and bake it in the morning; or you can shape it, let it rise, and then bake it), remove the dough from the refrigerator. Lightly grease a baking sheet or cover with parchment paper. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and roll it out to make a 15 in. circle about 1/3 in. thick. To fill the cake, brush with the melted butter. Mix the sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl and sprinkle over the dough. Sprinkle with the nuts. Roll up jellyroll fashion. Place on the prepared baking sheet. Fold the roll in half so that one half is on top of the other. Seal the open ends together. With a sharp knife, make a cut from the folded end lengthwise down the center of the roll, cutting from the top roll through to the bottom to within 2 in. of the sealed end. In so doing the folded end of the roll will separate out to form the two lobes of a heart shape. Spread out the two sides to expose the filling. Let rise, lightly covered, until puffy, about 45 minutes, or cover and refrigerate over night. If refrigerated, remove from the refrigerator 1 hour before baking so that the coffee cake can rise and come to room temperature. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes until light brown. Remove and cool on a wire rack. In a small bowl, combine the icing ingredients. Drizzle over the warm coffee cake.
******************************* Baked Rice Pudding (Betty Crocker)
Serves: 6, Yield: 1 pan Prep Time: 15 mins Total Time: 30 mins
Ingredients:
2 cups whole milk 1/2 cup long grain rice (Uncle Ben's) 1/2 cup raisins, plump (soaked in hot water for 5 minutes) 1/4 cup butter or 1/4 cup margarine 3 eggs, beaten 1/2 cup granulated sugar 2 cups whole milk 1 teaspoon vanilla 1/2 teaspoon salt ground nutmeg ground cinnamon light cream or heavy milk
Directions:
1 In a heavy medium sized saucepan, bring 2 cups milk, uncooked rice, and raisins to a boil; reduce heat. Cover and cook over very low heat, about 15 minutes or until rice is tender. Remove from heat; stir in butter or margarine till melted. 2 In a mixing bowl stir together the eggs, 2 cups milk, sugar, vanilla and salt. Gradually, stir in the rice mixture into egg mixture. Pour into a 10x6x2' pan or baking dish. Bake in a 325*- for 30 minutes. Stir well; sprinkle with nutmeg and cinnamon. Bake for 15-20 minutes more or until knife in center comes out clean. 3 Serve warm or chilled with cream. A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:
He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
*******************************
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them. ******************************* My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" ******************************* A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand. `You'll need to be fit,' said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?' 'No, sir,' replied the young man proudly. `But you're on crutches. You must have had an accident!' said the farmer. `Oh, the crutches!' said the young man. `A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!' ******************************* During training at the restaurant where I work, I learned various codes posted on the kitchen door. The number "86" indicates a food has been sold out. One waitress must have slept through this part of the training. Seeing "86 lasagna," she crossed out the number and wrote "85" in its place.
"What are you doing?" the manager asked.
"I just sold one lasagna," she cheerfully replied. "Now there are only 85 left."
******************************* The visitor to the poet's wife expressed her surprise that the man of genius had failed to dedicate any one of his volumes to the said wife. Whereupon, said wife became flustered, and declared tartly:
"I never thought of that. As soon as you are gone, I'll look through all his books, and if that's so, I never will forgive him!"
*********************************
Prison Visitor: "Am I right in presuming that it was your passion for strong drink that brought you here?"
Prisoner: "I don't think you can know this place, guv'nor. It's the last place on earth I'd come to if I was looking for anything to drink."
*********************************
A young woman prominent in the social set of an Ohio town tells of a young man there who had not familiarized himself with the forms of polite correspondence to the fullest extent. When, on one occasion, he found it necessary to decline an invitation, he did so in the following terms:
"Mr. Henry Blank declines with pleasure Mrs. Wood's invitation for the nineteenth, and thanks her extremely for having given him the opportunity of doing so."
*******************************
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Jeremiah 25:3-4
(3) "From the thirteenth year of Josiah the son of Amon, king of Judah, even to this day, this is the twenty-third year in which the word of the LORD has come to me; and I have spoken to you, rising early and speaking, but you have not listened. (4) And the LORD has sent to you all His servants the prophets, rising early and sending them, but you have not listened nor inclined your ear to hear.
This passage, along with verses 8-9, gives a simple, clear, and graphic example of why hearing God's Word, believing it, and understanding God's sovereignty is important to practical applications in our life. This is why Jesus admonishes us to listen. The Jews certainly heard Jeremiah's voice proclaim God's warning, but it did not motivate them to act. They did not fear God's sovereignty over their lives. The direct result was disruption in society, the pain of warfare, and the captivity that followed. As almost any parent would say to his child in a similar situation, God is saying, "I told you not to do that. If you had listened to me, this would not have happened." Why did they not listen? The words spoken by God's prophets carried no authority in their minds because they had no faith in God's sovereignty. If asked, these people would have asserted they believed in God. In reality, they had no faith that God was even anywhere around, that He had the power to do what He said, or that He cared enough for them to do it. They lacked living faith. Why is it so important to listen to God's message? Because God's summons comes to those who listen to and believe the message, and through them His work is done. Notice John 6:29: "Jesus answered and said to them, 'This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.'" God is working salvation in all the earth (Psalm 74:12), and He is doing it in and through those who believe the Son. Only those who believe the Son will willingly submit to God's sovereignty because they look to Him as their Ruler.
Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,â€
********************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
exterminate • ik-STER-muh-nayt • verb : to get rid of completely usually by killing off
Examples: We finally had to call a professional to exterminate the cockroaches in our apartment.
"The movie-like game would feature a pesky race of aliens called The Seekers, who were out to exterminate humanity." -- From Harold Goldberg's 2011 book All Your Base Are Belong to Us: How Fifty Years of Video Games Conquered Pop Culture
********************** Recently I sent you some tips to help with cat boredom. This is such an important topic. A bored cat is not a happy cat ... and unhappy cats tend to have more behavioral problems.
Bored cats are known to have unhealthy or destructive behaviors such as scratching, aggression, depression, lethargy, over-vocalization/crying, increased or decreased appetite, and sleeping more. Bored cats also have more problems with urinating outside the litter box.
As I've mentioned before, keeping a cat indoors has many benefits. Among other things, it minimizes the chance for outdoor traumas such as being hit by a car, animal attacks and common infectious diseases, just to name a few. Indoor-only cats may live twice as long on average over indoor/outdoor cats.
But with the decision to keep your cat indoors comes the responsibility of making sure your indoor-only cat has the things he or she needs to be happy.
What do you think? Is your indoor cat bored or happy?
Here are some tips to help stimulate your cat so he or she can have an enriched happy environment:
First - Evaluate your home environment. Is it cat friendly? Are there lots of things for your cat to do, play with and watch? Consider the things cats enjoy...do you have them in your home?
Next - Think about what you can do to enrich your home with things that will make your cat happy. This may be as simple as moving a chair by the window to give your cat a view. There should be windows to look out of, things to watch, places to climb, and plenty of safe toys to play with.
Here are 7 great ways to keep your indoor cat happy:
1. Create a Window View . Think about getting a window perch or window seat for your cat. It is important for your indoor cat to have a "view" and the ability to watch what is going on outside. This is a great way to create a stimulating environment. There are commercially available "window beds" that attach to your window frame. Cats love these. Another option is a cat tree placed near a window that allows an outside view. 2. Rotate Plenty of Toys. Cats become bored with the same toys after a while. A great tip is to hide a toy for a while and then reintroduce it. Keep a supply of toys that you rotate. My favorite cat toy is the " Undercover Mouse". It is one of the best cat toys I've seen in a long while. This toy is like a "mouse hunt" indoors. It has a wand that randomly moves under a piece of fabric. The tip of this wand, which looks like a mouse's tail, peeks out from the edge of the fabric and cats just love to chase it. For more information, go to: www.petproductadvisor.com/undercovermouse. 3. Get Some Catnip. For cats that are sensitive to catnip, offer your cat some catnip to enjoy periodically. Also, "marinating" toys in catnip when you put them away is a great way to encourage your cat to enjoy them even more when you reintroduce them. 4. Schedule Playtime . Schedule time twice a day to play with your cat. Allow him or her to chase the ball, laser pointer or feathery flyer. Take at least 10 minutes out of your day to play with your cat. You can even do this while you are watching TV in the evening. 5. Give Plenty of Love Time. Some cats really want a little of your time and attention. Encourage your cat to curl up with you when you are resting. 6. Grow Some Cat Grass . Some indoor cats love to chew on a little cat grass - just like they would if they were outdoors. It is easy to grow and very healthy for your cat. 7. Give Your Cat a Spot of Sun. Cats love the sun. Find a nice window where the sun shines in and place a cat bed in that location. If you have the blinds or curtains closed, consider opening them so your cat can bask for a while in the sun.
Climbing posts, scratching posts, cat grass, windows perches, window beds, toys and a view to watch birds or squirrels are all great ways to enrich your indoor cat's life and prevent boredom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TODAY'S PET TIP
Cat Scratches Cat-scratch Disease (CSD), is an infection in humans that most often occurs after prolonged contact with a young cat. When diagnosed in cats this disease is called feline bartonellosis. It is caused by a bacteria called Bartonella henselae. All ages, breeds, and sexes of cat are susceptible; however, kittens under one year of age, kittens or cats infested with fleas, and feral cats or former strays are more likely to have the bacteria in their bloodstream. Fleas are believed to play a major role in cat-to-cat and possibly cat-to-human transmission. Cats can be infected with the organism for months, or even years, and never show any clinical signs. There is no home care for bartonellosis. Preventive care is based on maintaining good hygiene. Wash your hands after handling pets and wash scratches or bites thoroughly. Never let a cat lick an open wound, and maintain meticulous flea control.
********************** TODAYS DOG TIP:
Have you ever wondered how smart your dog really is?
Do you question if your pet understands the words you are saying, or if he is simply reacting to your tone of voice? I hear questions like these all the time so today I want to talk about dog IQ and what it means. Most dogs have the mental abilities of a two-year old child. They can understand up to 150 words and can count to 4 or 5. If you compare this to most other animals, this is considered pretty smart in the Animal Kingdom. These are all amazing things for a dog to be able to do, but they are also able to do one more thing: consciously deceive their owners! This final characteristic can prove troublesome, as many a dog owner can attest. Now you should have a basic idea of where your dog's I.Q. stands. And I encourage dog owners to use this information to make an informed decision about the toys they buy for their dogs. Not only should a toy be fun, it should also satisfy your dog's intellect. Simple toys often don't stimulate a dog to the level that they require, leaving them easily bored. That's a complaint I hear over and over again from so many dog owners. Do your best to keep your dog mentally stimulated and actively entertained. Not only will it make him happy, it will help keep him out of trouble.
********************************* Gourmet Caesar Chicken Salad
Great with or without chicken. This is delicious with leftover chicken, too!
Serves: 6 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 10 minutes 1 envelope Caesar salad dressing mix 1/4 cup lemon juice 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, cut into strips 6 cups torn romaine lettuce 1 cup seasoned croutons 1/3 cup shredded Parmesan cheese lemon wedges (optional) Prepare salad dressing as directed on envelope, substituting juice for vinegar. Cook chicken in 1 tablespoon of the prepared dressing in skillet on medium heat until cooked through. Place lettuce, chicken, croutons and cheese in large salad bowl. Add remaining dressing; toss to coat well. Serve with lemon wedges, if desired.
********************************** Asian Beef and Noodles
What a nice change for supper!
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 13 minutes 1 1/4 pounds ground beef 2 packages (3 oz each) Oriental-flavor instant ramen noodles 2 cups frozen oriental vegetables 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger 2 tablespoons green onion, thinly sliced In large nonstick skillet, brown ground beef over medium heat 8 to 10 minutes or until no longer pink, breaking up into 3/4 inch crumbles. Remove with slotted spoon; pour off drippings. Season beef with one seasoning packet from noodles; set aside. In same skillet, combine noodles (broken into several pieces), 2 cups water, vegetables, ginger and remaining seaasoning packet; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer 3 minutes or until noodles are tender, stirring occasionally. Return beef; heat through. Stir in green onion.
********************************** Marinated Chicken Fillets
Makes 4 servings It doesn't matter whether you're in the mood for a sandwich or a salad. If you have a hankering for grilled chicken, make this your dish. Use it to top the entree of your choice.
Ingredients
2 boneless chicken breasts, sliced in fillets 1/4 cup olive oil 1/4 cup red wine vinegar 1 garlic clove, minced 1 tsp. onion powder 1 1/2 tsp. Italian seasoning 1/2 tsp. thyme
Methods/steps Combine all ingredients except chicken in a zipper baggie and mix well. Slice breasts in half crosswise, making two thin fillets from each. Add the chicken to the bag seal and marinate 2 hours or longer, turning occasionally. Remove chicken from marinade and grill over medium heat until done, turning once.
********************************** Layered Enchilada Bake
total time 1 hr 10 min prep 15 min servings 8 servings
what you need 1 lb. lean ground beef 1 large onion, chopped 2 cups TACO BELL HOME ORIGINALS Thick 'N Chunky Salsa 1 can (15 oz.) black beans, rinsed 1/4 cup KRAFT Zesty Italian Dressing 2 Tbsp. TACO BELL HOME ORIGINALS Taco Seasoning Mix 6 flour tortillas (8 inch) 1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream 1 pkg. (8 oz.) KRAFT Mexican Style Finely Shredded Four Cheese
make it HEAT oven to 400ºF. BROWN meat with onions in large skillet on medium-high heat; drain. Stir in next 4 ingredients. ARRANGE 3 tortillas in single layer on bottom of 13x9-inch baking dish. Cover with layers of half each meat mixture, sour cream and cheese. Repeat layers; cover. BAKE 40 min. or until casserole is heated through and cheese is melted, uncovering after 30 min. Let stand 5 min.
********************************** Banana Pudding Squares
what you need 35 Reduced Fat NILLA Wafers, finely crushed (about 1-1/4 cups) 1/4 cup margarine, melted 1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese, softened 1/2 cup powdered sugar 1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Sugar Free Whipped Topping, thawed, divided 3 bananas, sliced 2 pkg. (1 oz. each) JELL-O Vanilla Flavor Fat Free Sugar Free Instant Pudding 3 cups cold fat-free milk 1/2 square BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate, grated
make it
1MIX wafer crumbs and margarine; press onto bottom of 13x9-inch dish. Refrigerate until ready to use. 2BEAT Neufchatel and sugar in medium bowl with whisk until blended. Stir in 1-1/2 cups COOL WHIP; spread over crust. Top with bananas. 3BEAT pudding mixes and milk with whisk 2 min.; spread over bananas. Top with remaining COOL WHIP and chocolate. Refrigerate 3 hours.
tips HOW TO EVENLY SPREAD COOL WHIP OVER DESSERTStir remaining COOL WHIP gently in tub until creamy; spoon small dollops over dessert. Use small metal spatula to spread COOL WHIP over dessert.HOW TO EASILY REMOVE DESSERT FROM DISHLine dish with foil before using, with ends of foil extending over sides of dish. Use foil handles to remove chilled dessert from dish before cutting to serve. MAKEOVER - HOW WE DID ITWe've made over this favorite dessert to save you 80 calories and 13 g of fat per serving compared to the traditional recipe. We used Reduced Fat NILLA Wafers and margarine instead of flour, butter and peanuts for the crust. In addition, we cut the amount of sugar and chocolate in half and used better-for-you products in the creamy layers. These simple changes result in a great-tasting dessert that can save you both fat and calories.
********************************** Bruschetta 'n Cheese-Stuffed Chicken Breasts
total time 1 hr prep 15 min servings 8 servings
what you need 1 can (14-1/2 oz.) Italian-style diced tomatoes, undrained 1-1/4 cups KRAFT Shredded Low-Moisture Part-Skim Mozzarella Cheese, divided 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil 1 pkg. (6 oz.) STOVE TOP Stuffing Mix for Chicken 8 small boneless skinless chicken breast halves (2 lb.) 1/3 cup KRAFT Roasted Red Pepper Italian with Parmesan Dressing
make it
HEAT oven to 350ºF.
1MIX tomatoes, 1/2 cup cheese and basil in medium bowl. Add stuffing mix; stir just until moistened. 2PLACE 2 chicken breasts in freezer-weight resealable plastic bag; pound to 1/4-inch thickness. Remove from bag; place, top-sides down, on cutting board. Repeat. Spread chicken with stuffing mixture. 3ROLL chicken breasts up; place, seam-sides down, in 13x9-inch baking dish. Drizzle with dressing. Bake 40 min. or until chicken is done (165°F). Sprinkle with remaining cheese; bake 5 min. or until melted.
tips VARIATION For a south-of-the-border-style chicken dish, use diced tomatoes with bell or jalapeno peppers, KRAFT Mexican Style Shredded Cheese instead of the mozzarella cheese and chopped cilantro instead of the basil. SERVING SUGGESTIONServe with CRYSTAL LIGHT Iced Tea and hot cooked broccoli sprinkled with KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese.HOW TO STORE LONG-STEMMED FRESH HERBSPlace long-stemmed fresh herbs, such as parsley, cilantro and dill, in a tall glass with the stem ends down. Fill with an inch of cold water; make sure no leaves are under the water. Cover the leaves loosely with a plastic bag and refrigerate until ready to use, changing the water every 2 days. Herbs should stay vibrant and fresh for about 5 days.
********************************** Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers....
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes....' The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children.. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. Please share this with someone you care about. I JUST DID! LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS....... IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN
God Bless America!!! You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. A generation which ignores history has no past and no future "For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?" (1 Peter 4:17). "If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land" (2 Chron. 7:14 A few moments of prayer for our friends and family's in uniform and in remembrance of those we have lost. ********************************** If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - H. H. Williams
Only the mediocre are always at their best. - Jean Giraudoux
CONFUCIOUS SAYS: I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
THINGS TO PONDER: Why does glass eventually get thicker towards the bottom?
"Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow." - Ronald E. Osborn
====================
JOKES:
Irish Answers "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
"Do we now?" came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.
-----------------------------
Robbery Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?"
To which accountant number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you." ----------------------
Searching
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short while ago?"
The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been searching for." ----------------------- Actuary
An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car. The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go. -----------------------
Application
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." ------------------
Razor "Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
------------------
Pharmacist Speech A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
********************************** You might be a REDNECK if... ...down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries ----------------------------
Nauseous Commuter Robin came home from her first day commuting into the city. Noticing that Robin was looking a little peaked, she asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," Robin replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," Robin replied, "there was no one there." ------------------------- Real Users
- Real users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
- Real users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
- Real users never use the Help key.
- Real users never stop asking new options.
- Real users never know what to do with new options. -----------------------------
Bad News
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer." -------------------------------
Brave Firefighters
One night , in a sleepy town a huge chemical plant exploded into flames. The alarm went off and departments from miles around raced to the scene. After fighting the fire for over an hour the chemical company president approached the fire chief, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"
At that,the firemen attacked with a renewed gusto. Two hours later they still had not gained any ground. At that, the company president offered $100,000 to the engine company that brought out the company's secret files.
In the distance, the wail of yet another siren was heard and soon another fire truck came into sight. The fire chief shook his head, aware it was that little rinky-dink volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. Much to his amazement, though, the fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove right into the middle of the inferno. He could see the old timers hopping off their rig , fighting the fire with an effort that he had never before witnessed.
Less than an hour later, the fire was out and the secret formulas were saved by this group of volunteers! The chemical company president was so ecstatic he doubled the reward to $200,000! After thanking the volunteers , the chemical company president couldn't help but ask what they planned to do with the reward money.
The engineer (driver) looked him tight in the eye, ready with his answer. "First thing we 'll do is fix the stupid brakes on that truck!" **********************************
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
The Power of Little Things
"Calling the Twelve to him, he sent them out two by two."1 Bridge builder, Charles Eliet, had a contract to build a suspension bridge across the Niagara River. One of the first problems he faced was how to stretch his first cable across the wide expanse of raging waters. If a boat tried to cross the river it would be swept over the falls. Eliet thought of a simple idea. If a kite could be flown to the opposite bank using a light cord, a stronger cord could be attached and pulled across, and then a stronger cord pulled across and so on until a cable could be attached and drawn across. Eliet called for a kite flying contest and a young man named Homan Walsh succeeded on his second attempt. Charles Eliet's simple plan worked and the bridge was built. In life some of us often feel we don't have a very important role to play. What we do seems so insignificant. It isn't so. Every Christian has an important part to play. It all adds up in the numerous "little things" we are called to do every day. Jesus started spreading the gospel to the whole world by simply sending his disciples out two by two! So, never underestimate the importance of what God has called you to do. The important thing is to keep at it—day by day!
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you use ordinary people like me to do your work on earth. Help me to realize that my part—no matter how small—is a vital part of the whole picture. Help me always to be faithful and responsible, and never let down on doing my part. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Mark 6:17-28(NIV) 17 For Herod himself had given orders to have John arrested, and he had him bound and put in prison. He did this because of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, whom he had married. 18 For John had been saying to Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.†19 So Herodias nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him. But she was not able to, 20 because Herod feared John and protected him, knowing him to be a righteous and holy man. When Herod heard John, he was greatly puzzled; yet he liked to listen to him. 21 Finally the opportune time came. On his birthday Herod gave a banquet for his high officials and military commanders and the leading men of Galilee. 22 When the daughter of Herodias came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his dinner guests. The king said to the girl, “Ask me for anything you want, and I’ll give it to you.†23 And he promised her with an oath, “Whatever you ask I will give you, up to half my kingdom.†24 She went out and said to her mother, “What shall I ask for?†“The head of John the Baptist,†she answered. 25 At once the girl hurried in to the king with the request: “I want you to give me right now the head of John the Baptist on a platter.†26 The king was greatly distressed, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he did not want to refuse her. 27 So he immediately sent an executioner with orders to bring John’s head. The man went, beheaded John in the prison, 28 and brought back his head on a platter. He presented it to the girl, and she gave it to her mother.
*************************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
volition • voh-LISH-un • noun 1 : an act of making a choice or decision; also : a choice or decision made 2 : the power of choosing or determining : will
Examples: The employee left the company of his own volition.
"I'd been promoting a novel non-stop for four months, advancing through my schedule without volition, feeling more and more like the graphical lozenge on a media player's progress bar." -- From an article by Jonathan Franzen in The New Yorker, April 18, 2011
************************************* DOG TIPS:
YOUR BEST FRIEND HAS CANCER
Many pet owners consider their pets to be true family members and friends. Today, pets are living longer lives than ever, in part because veterinary medicine has taken such great leaps forward in the last 20-30 years to accommodate this shift in owner attitude.
But as the average lifespan of our pets continues to increase, we see more chronic diseases and illnesses that come with old age. Treatment of these conditions can be quite expensive That's why it is so important for pet parents to plan ahead and consider pet insurance Cancer, in all its various forms, is high on the list of diseases we now see on a daily basis in veterinary practice. Although we now have the knowledge and ability to treat chronic conditions like cancer, the cost of such treatment is often much too high for many pet parents to afford. Just the other day I met "Big Face", a 7-year-old St. Bernard. His owners brought him in to be evaluated for limping on his left rear leg. They noticed the limping on and off for several weeks but now it appeared to be more "on" than "off". Pain was localized in the hock region of Big Face's leg. This is equivalent to the human ankle. Here is an X-ray of Big Face's leg.
Shown on an x-ray is the moth-eaten appearance of the portion of bone indicated by the red arrows. This is evidence of bone DESTRUCTION. Excessive bone PRODUCTION is indicated This pattern of destruction and production of bone is consistent with an aggressive type of bone cancer called osteosarcoma. Compare those sections with the normal bone A confirmed diagnosis of osteosarcoma requires a biopsy. But Big Face's owners did not have the financial means to pursue further diagnostics. They opted instead for conservative treatment to keep their friend comfortable during his remaining time. Aggressive treatment of osteosarcoma often involves amputation of the affected limb followed by chemotherapy. Treatment of this particular type of cancer is not often rewarding and survival times vary between 3 and 9 months even with aggressive therapy. However, all cancer is not created equal. Lymphoma is another type of cancer that is commonly diagnosed and treated with great success in veterinary practice. Remission times of 2 years or more are not unheard of when treating lymphoma aggressively. Pets often tolerate the chemotherapy well and do not usually suffer the same side effects that make humans so uncomfortable during their treatments. Unfortunately treatment of any cancer is not cheap and can quickly run into the thousands of dollars.
************************************** Thai Chicken Saté
Tender slices of skewered chicken are marinated in a curried coconut milk blend. Pickled cucumbers make a perfect partner.
Serves: 4
Ingredients 12 (12-inch) bamboo skewers 1 English (seedless) cucumber, thinly sliced crosswise 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) salt 1 tablespoon(s) Thai green curry paste 1/4 cup(s) well-stirred unsweetened coconut milk , not cream of coconut (see direction step 3) 1/3 cup(s) well-stirred unsweetened coconut milk , not cream of coconut (see direction step 5) 4 medium (about 1 1/4 pounds) skinless, boneless chicken-breast halves , each cut diagonally into 6 strips 1/4 cup(s) creamy peanut butter 2 teaspoon(s) soy sauce 1 teaspoon(s) packed dark brown sugar 1/8 teaspoon(s) ground cayenne pepper 1/4 cup(s) rice vinegar 3 tablespoon(s) granulated sugar 2 medium shallots, thinly sliced 1 jalapeño chile, seeds and membrane discarded, minced
Directions
Place skewers in water to cover; let soak at least 30 minutes. While skewers are soaking, in medium bowl, toss cucumber with salt; let stand 30 minutes at room temperature. In another medium bowl, stir curry paste and 1/4 cup coconut milk until combined. Add chicken and turn to coat. Let stand 15 minutes at room temperature, stirring occasionally. Prepare charcoal fire or preheat gas grill for covered grilling directly over medium heat. Meanwhile, prepare peanut sauce: In small bowl, with wire whisk, mix peanut butter, soy sauce, brown sugar, ground red pepper, remaining 1/3 cup coconut milk, and 1 tablespoon hot water until blended and smooth. Transfer sauce to serving bowl. Makes about 2/3 cup. Drain cucumber, discarding liquid in bowl. Pat cucumber dry with paper towels. Return cucumber to bowl; stir in vinegar, granulated sugar, shallots, and jalapeño; refrigerate until ready to serve. Thread 2 chicken strips on each skewer, accordion-style; discard marinade. Place skewers on hot grill rack. Cover grill and cook 5 to 8 minutes or just until chicken loses its pink color throughout, turning skewers over once. Arrange skewers on platter. Serve with peanut sauce and pickled cucumbers.
************************************* Grilled Chicken Breasts with Spicy Orange-Ginger Glaze
This dish is all about a tasty marinade that turns plain chicken breasts into a tender and juicy creation that tastes like citrus and spice.
Serves: 6 Ingredients 3 organic chicken breasts (ask your butcher to cut the breasts in half and pound them a 1/4-inch thick) 1/2 cup(s) fresh orange juice 2 tablespoon(s) seasoned rice wine vinegar 1/4 cup(s) orange marmalade 1 teaspoon(s) red pepper flakes 1 tablespoon(s) fresh ginger, minced 1 clove(s) garlic, minced 4 tablespoon(s) olive oil 1 tablespoon(s) kosher salt Canola oil
Directions
Place the chicken in a container large enough to hold six pieces of chicken. To prepare the marinade: In a glass bowl, whisk together the orange juice, rice wine vinegar, orange marmalade, red pepper flakes, ginger, garlic, and olive oil. Pour over chicken, seal, and leave in the refrigerator 8 hours or, even better, overnight. This will tenderize the chicken. To grill: Remove chicken from marinade and pat dry. Sprinkle both sides with kosher salt. Heat a grill pan or heavy skillet or fire up your outdoor grill until hot. Season the surface of the grill with 1 tablespoon of canola oil and use a paper towel to spread the oil evenly. Turn down the heat to medium-high. Do not place chicken breasts too close together, or you will create steam. Grill the chicken 3 inches apart. Grill the chicken for 3 minutes on each side. Continue to grill for 1 more minute on each side for a total grill time of 8 minutes. Some of the pieces may grill faster if they are thinner than the others. Keep your eye on it and don't let it overcook or burn. Remove the chicken from grill and let rest on a cutting board for 5 minutes. Slice the chicken into strips or serve whole.
************************************** Grilled Chicken with Greek Flavors
With just five main ingredients — chicken breasts, red wine vinaigrette, oregano, tomatoes, and feta cheese — you can have a delicious Greek-inspired grilled chicken dinner.
Serves: 4 Total Time: 2 hr 25 min Prep Time: 25 min
Ingredients 4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts (about 2 pounds) 1 cup(s) red wine vinaigrette (such as Wish-Bone's) 1 tablespoon(s) chopped fresh oregano 1/2 teaspoon(s) salt 1 pound(s) cherry or small mixed heirloom tomatoes, halved 2 tablespoon(s) red wine vinaigrette 1/4 teaspoon(s) salt 1/2 tablespoon(s) torn fresh oregano, plus more for garnish 1 1/2 ounce(s) feta cheese
Directions
Marinate chicken breasts in a mixture of red wine vinaigrette, fresh oregano, and salt for 1 hour. Remove chicken from marinade and cook on a grill, or grill pan, over medium-high heat, turning once, until cooked through, 10 to 12 minutes. Keep warm. Meanwhile, toss tomatoes, red wine vinaigrette, and salt in a medium bowl. Lower grill temperature to medium. Sear tomatoes, cut sides down, until slightly softened, about 2 minutes. Return tomatoes to bowl and toss with torn fresh oregano. Slice chicken and transfer to a platter. Spoon tomatoes alongside chicken. Crumble and sprinkle feta cheese plus additional fresh oregano over tomatoes.
************************************* Shaker-Style Smoked Chicken Thighs
Based on a recipe of the Shakers, a Quaker splinter group that flourished in the eastern U.S. in the mid-19th century, this marinade derives its flavor from a hefty jolt of cider vinegar and lots of chopped shallots. Apple-wood chips are our first choice for smoking, but maple and hickory impart great flavor as well.
Serves: 4 Total Time: 1 hr
Ingredients 1/2 cup(s) cider vinegar 1/4 cup(s) extra-virgin olive oil 3/4 teaspoon(s) kosher salt 1/4 cup(s) chopped shallot 2 clove(s) garlic 2 pound(s) boneless, skinless chicken thighs 1 cup(s) applewood chips, or you may substitute maple or hickory chips
Directions
Whisk vinegar, oil and salt in a medium bowl. Stir in shallots and garlic. Add chicken and toss to coat. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for 20 minutes to 3 hours. Prepare wood-chip packet. Place the packet under the grill racks. Preheat grill and packet until smoky. Transfer the chicken to the grill, allowing excess marinade to drip back into the bowl (discard marinade). Grill the chicken, turning once, until cooked through, 6 to 8 minutes per side. Serve hot or chilled.
************************************** Jacqui's Jerk Chicken
Sweet, savory, and spicy all at once, Jacqui Sinclair's jerk marinade is absolutely addictive. Try it on pork loin, firm white fish, or even goat if you can find it. The wood chips are optional if you're grilling, but they add an authentic, subtle flavor to the chicken. Serve with a slightly sweet side dish, such as sweet potatoes or cornbread, to balance the heat.
Serves: 4 Yields: 4 servings Total Time: 3 hr Prep Time: 1 hr
Ingredients 1 bunch(es) scallions, chopped 1 small white onion, chopped 1 Scotch bonnet chile peppers, stemmed and quartered (see Tips & Techniques) 1/4 cup(s) lime juice 1 tablespoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil 1 tablespoon(s) light brown sugar 1 tablespoon(s) whole allspice berries 1 teaspoon(s) ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon(s) freshly grated nutmeg 1 teaspoon(s) salt 1/2 teaspoon(s) fresh thyme leaves 4 6-ounce bone-in chicken thighs, skin removed, trimmed 2 12-ounce bone-in chicken breasts, skin removed, trimmed and cut in half crosswise 1 cup(s) wood chips, such as apple or hickory, for smoking (optional)
Directions
To prepare jerk marinade: Place scallions, onion, chile pepper to taste, lime juice, oil, brown sugar, allspice, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, and thyme in a blender. Process until smooth. Place chicken in a nonreactive baking dish (see Tips & Techniques). Rub 2/3 cup of the marinade onto both sides of the chicken. Transfer the remaining marinade to a small bowl, cover, and refrigerate. Marinate the chicken in the refrigerator for 2 to 24 hours. Twenty minutes before you're ready to grill, soak wood chips (if using) in a bowl of water. (No grill? See broiler variation). Fold a 12-by-20-inch piece of heavy-duty foil in half to create a 12-by-10-inch double-thick piece. Transfer the wet wood chips to the center of the foil, allowing as much water as possible to drip back into the bowl. Create a packet by folding the short ends of the foil over the wood chips and sealing the open sides. Make 6 holes in the top of the foil packet with a skewer or the tip of a knife. Place the packet of wood chips, pierced-side up, under the grill rack on top of the burners. Close the lid. Heat the grill to medium-high until the chips in the packet smell smoky and smoke begins to billow from under the lid, about 15 minutes. (Don't worry if the packet temporarily catches on fire.) Grill the chicken, turning and basting with the reserved marinade occasionally (discard any unused marinade), until just cooked through, 20 to 30 minutes total, depending on the size.
Broiler variation: Position rack in upper third of oven; preheat broiler to high. Line a broiler pan with foil and coat with cooking spray. Place the chicken on the pan and broil for 10 minutes. Turn, brush with some of the reserved marinade, and broil until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part without touching bone registers 165°F, about 10 minutes more.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C & Zinc (20% daily value). Tips & Techniques
Kitchen tips: One of the hottest chile peppers, Scotch bonnets come in vivid shades of red, orange, and green and are used throughout the Caribbean. Though they look similar to habaneros, Scotch bonnets have a citrus note that makes them undeniably different. You can control the heat of a dish a little by discarding the membranes that hold the seeds, which are the spiciest part of chile peppers, along with the seeds themselves. Be sure to wash your hands thoroughly after handling hot peppers or wear rubber gloves. If you can't find Scotch bonnet peppers, habaneros can be substituted. A nonreactive dish or pan — stainless steel, enamel-coated, or glass — is necessary when marinating foods in acidic ingredients, such as lime, lemon, or vinegar. The acid in the marinade can react with "reactive" dishes or pans, such as aluminum and cast-iron, and impart an off color and/or off flavor in the prepared foods.
************************************* FRESH TANGERINE CAKE
Servings: 8 Prep Time: 20 min Cook Time: 25 min Difficulty: Easy
Ingredients Vegetable oil cooking spray 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 3/4 cups sugar 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 eggs, beaten 1 cup vegetable oil 1 (8-ounce) container sour cream 1 cup tangerine juice 1 tablespoon tangerine zest
Tangerine Icing, recipe follows
Tangerine Icing: 1/2 cup butter, room temperature 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, room temperature 6 cups confectioners’ sugar 3 tablespoons tangerine juice 1/2 tangerine, zested
Directions Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray 2 (9-inch) circular cake pans with vegetable oil cooking spray. In a large bowl add the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Mix together with a spatula. Using a hand-held mixer, add the eggs, vegetable oil, sour cream, tangerine juice and zest. Mix until well combined. Divide the batter evenly into the pans. Bake for 25 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool completely before icing. Ice the cakes, as desired, and serve. Tangerine Icing: Mix together the butter, cream cheese and sugar together in a large bowl. Add the tangerine juice and zest and combine well.
**************************************
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - Oscar Wilde
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. - Rita Rudner
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. - Jules Renard
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself" - Jim Rohn
CONFUCIOUS SAYS: The book salesman should be honored because he brings to our attention, as a rule, the very books we need most and neglect most.
THINGS TO PONDER: If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? **********************************
You might be a REDNECK if... ...Winn-Dixie catered your wedding. ...you have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
-------------------
You might be having a bad day, if:
1 You woke up in a strange place 2] Your new diet doesn't seem to be working 3] You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise 4] Your new hat looked better on you at the store 5] You keep losing things 6] You feel like you're in the wrong place at the wrong time 7] The boss chewed you out at work 8] You got caught in the rain at lunchtime 9] You feel trapped somehow... 10] Traffic on the way home was brutal 11] You think you might be coming down with the flu 12] You're home alone and you hear a noise in the basement
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
Shut up. You know it's funny. Now send it on to someone else and make them smile. --------------------------------- TO MY CRACKPOT FRIENDS
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.' The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?' 'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.' 'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.' Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
--------------------------------- IRISH VIAGRA An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things go'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!' 'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor. 'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor,' Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'Freakin' jaysus, t'was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!' ---------------------------- A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.' So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before. They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320. Then he gets the full house and wins £1000. Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000. The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the fullhouse and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!' 'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24.' 'F*** me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well !!
*************************************
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Ephesians 6:10-14 (10) Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. (11) Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. (12) For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (13) Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. (14) Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
Notice the number of times in these few verses that we are exhorted to stand. We must hold our ground as we fight against the pressures of Satan and this world. In verse 11, Paul tells us to "stand against" the Devil's tricks. In verse 13, he encourages us to prepare "to withstand in the evil day" and "having done all, to stand." In the next verse, he concludes, "Stand therefore" and put on the armor that God can supply. There are two things to notice here. First, we are to stand firm. Paul does not instruct us to be agile or swift of foot. To the contrary, he advises us not to move; we are to stand on a firm foundation, as it were. We are to be securely grounded, rooted and unmoving. A person living a life of integrity is not shifty, but has solid convictions rather than preferences that vary with circumstances. Second, Paul details the armor we need to "take up." He lists several pieces of "the whole armor of God," but "the breastplate of righteousness" deals mostly closely with integrity. Most soldiers in Paul's day wore a breastplate, and even today, the most basic protection offered to police and soldiers is the armored or bulletproof vest. The Roman breastplate, primarily made of bronze and backed with leather, was worn around the chest, protecting the heart and other vital organs. In Paul's spiritual analogy, the breastplate guards the heart, the seat of our attitudes and emotions. In other words, if we are to stand firm in the truth, our heart must be protected! Interestingly, the translation of the New Testament by J.B. Phillips renders "the breastplate of righteousness" as "integrity your breastplate." Paul instructs us to protect our heart, our love, and our emotions with a breastplate of integrity! As part of the equipment each Christian needs to stand firm in the spiritual war we have been recruited to fight, we must fasten integrity right across our chests to provide protection. What happens when a soldier takes off his breastplate? He opens his soft abdomen to attack; he is unprotected! Spiritually, the heart becomes vulnerable, apt to be turned away.
Be not deceived; God is not mocked; for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." Galatians 6:7
I'VE LEARNED.........Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. John 14:19, NIV
**************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
undulationuhn-juh-LEY-shuhn, uhn-dyuh-, -duh- , noun:
1.A regular rising and falling or movement to alternating sides; movement in waves.2.A wavelike form, outline, or appearance.3.One of a series of waves or wavelike segments.
Origin: Undulation is from Late Latin undula, "a small wave," diminutive of Latin unda, "wave."
************************** CONFUCIOUS SAYS: Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself!
THINGS TO PONDER: If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. - Jef Mallett
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. - Brendan Gill
If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody. - Agatha Christie
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
QUST: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
ANS: A rumor
************************** Asian-Style Baby Back Ribs
The combination of tender grilled pork and an irresistible sauce will have you licking your fingers.
2 Servings Prep: 70 min. Grill: 10 min.
Ingredients 1-1/2 pounds pork baby back ribs 4-1/2 teaspoons molasses 1 tablespoon garlic salt 1 teaspoon onion powder 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
GLAZE: 1/2 cup reduced-sodium soy sauce 3 tablespoons thawed pineapple juice concentrate 2 tablespoons rice vinegar 2 tablespoons hoisin sauce 2 tablespoons ketchup 1 teaspoon lemon juice 1 teaspoon stone-ground mustard 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 1 teaspoon minced fresh gingerroot 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic Chopped green onion
Directions Pat ribs dry. Combine the molasses, garlic salt, onion powder and Worcestershire sauce; spoon over meat. Place ribs on a rack in a small shallow roasting pan. Cover and bake at 325° for 50-60 minutes or until tender. In a small saucepan, combine the soy sauce, pineapple juice concentrate, vinegar, hoisin sauce, ketchup, lemon juice, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, ginger and garlic. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 10 minutes or until slightly thickened, stirring occasionally. Using long-handled tongs, moisten a paper towel with cooking oil and lightly coat the grill rack. Brush ribs with some of the glaze; grill, uncovered, over medium heat for 8-12 minutes or until browned, turning frequently and brushing with additional glaze. Serve remaining glaze on the side. Garnish with onion. Yield: 2 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving equals 787 calories, 47 g fat (17 g saturated fat), 184 mg cholesterol, 5,848 mg sodium, 45 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 43 g protein.
************************** Meatballs with Spaetzle
4 Servings Prep: 10 min. Cook: 50 min.
Ingredients 1 egg 1/4 cup milk 1/4 cup dry bread crumbs 1 tablespoon dried parsley flakes 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon poultry seasoning Dash pepper 1 pound ground beef 1 can (10-1/2 ounces) condensed beef broth, undiluted 1 can (4 ounces) mushroom stems and pieces, drained 1 medium onion, chopped 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon caraway seeds 1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
HOMEMADE SPAETZLE: 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon salt 2 eggs, lightly beaten 1 cup milk 2 quarts water or beef broth
Directions In a bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. Crumble beef over the mixture and mix well. Shape into 1-1/2-in. balls. In a skillet, brown meatballs; drain. Add broth, mushrooms and onion. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Combine the flour, caraway seeds and sour cream until smooth; stir into meatball mixture. Cook over low heat until heated through and thickened, about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine the flour, salt, eggs and milk. Let stand for 5 minutes. In a large saucepan, bring water or broth to a rapid boil. Place spaetzle batter in a colander or spaetzle press. Holding over the boiling liquid, press batter through holds of colander. Cook and stir for 5 minutes or until tender; drain. Serve meatballs and sauce over spaetzle. Yield: 4 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 each) equals 692 calories, 28 g fat (14 g saturated fat), 264 mg cholesterol, 1,811 mg sodium, 65 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 40 g protein.
**************************
Raisin Oatmeal Cookies
"A soft and chewy oatmeal raisin cookie. Easy to make and good to eat."
Prep Time:15 Min Cook Time:10 Min Ready In: 25 Min Servings Original Recipe Yield 3 dozen
Ingredients
1/2 cup shortening 1 cup white sugar 2 eggs 1/4 cup milk 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 cup raisins 1 2/3 cups quick cooking oats
Directions
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets. In a medium bowl, cream together the shortening and sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the milk. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, gradually stir into the creamed mixture. Add the raisins and quick oats; mix until just combined. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 99 | Total Fat: 3.5g | Cholesterol: 14mg **************************
Butter rum cake with lime icing ("Panetela boracha") Lourdes Castro
Ingredients
For the cake batter: 2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, at room temperature 1 1/2 cups sugar 4 eggs 2 cups cake flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 1 (3 1/2-ounce) package vanilla instant pudding mix 1/2 cup milk 1/2 cup light rum 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the rum syrup: 1/2 stick (1/4 cup) butter 1 cup sugar 1/4 cup water 1/4 cup light rum
For the lime icing: Juice of 1 lime (about 1 tablespoon) 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1 bunch of fresh mint
Preparation Rum cake has always been a Cuban staple at weddings, birthdays, Christmas parties and celebrations of all kinds. The secret ingredient in this recipe is the package of instant pudding mix added to the cake batter — it makes the cake perfectly moist every time. Another feature of this recipe is the touch of lime juice I add to the icing, and the mint garnish — it's my ode to the mojito cocktail. Prepare the batter and bake the cake Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 12-cup Bundt pan. Set aside. Using a handheld electric mixer or stand mixer with the paddle attachment, beat the butter and sugar until well combined and the mixture is pale yellow and fluffy, 2 to 4 minutes depending on your mixer. Add the eggs and continue beating until the mixture is light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Scrape the bottom and sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula if necessary. Combine the flour, baking powder, salt and vanilla pudding mix in a bowl and set aside. Combine the milk, rum and vanilla in a measuring cup and set aside. Alternate adding the flour mixture and the milk mixture to the butter and eggs, mixing until all the ingredients are well incorporated. Pour the cake batter into the prepared Bundt pan and bake for 1 hour. The cake is ready when a skewer inserted in the center comes out clean. You may also see the sides of the cake shrink away from the pan. Prepare the rum syrup and soak the cake Place the butter, sugar and water in a pan and simmer until the liquid becomes slightly thickened, about 8 minutes. The mixture will foam a bit. Stir occasionally and lower the heat if the mixture begins to bubble over. When the mixture has thickened, add the rum and stir well. Remove from the heat and set aside. As soon as you remove the cake from the oven, poke holes all over its surface with a long skewer. Slowly drizzle all of the rum syrup over the cake (it may seem like overkill, but make sure you use all the syrup). Allow the cake to cool complete in the pan. Once the cake is cool invert it onto a serving dish. Prepare the lime icing and ice the cake Mix the lime juice and confectioners' sugar in a small bowl until the sugar is dissolved. It should be the consistency of mayonnaise. Drizzle or pipe the icy over the top of the cake, allowing it to drip down the sides. Garnish by placing plenty of fresh mint sprigs in the center hole of the cake.
COOKING NOTES: Techniques Piping the lime icing: In order to drizzle the icing properly, you can carefully pour it over the cake, allowing it to drip down the sides. Alternatively, you can create a piping bag with a resealable plastic bag and push it toward a bottom corner. Snip off the tip and pipe the icing through. Bundt pan: I like using a Bundt pan for a couple reasons: It allows for easy slicing and serving, and its center hole is perfect for holding the bunch of fresh mint. The mint should not be placed on the cake until it is reading to be served, as it will quickly wilt at room temperature. Serving Size Serves 12 to 18. ************************** BOSTON FUDGE CAKE WITH FUDGE SAUCE
Servings: 9 servings Cook Time: 45 min Difficulty: Easy
Ingredients
Cake: 2 cups brown sugar 1/2 cup shortening 1 cup buttermilk 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 squares unsweetened chocolate, melted 3 eggs 2 cups sifted all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt
Fudge Sauce: 1 bar German chocolate 1/2 square unsweetened chocolate 1 stick butter 3 cups unsifted powdered sugar 1 2/3 cups evaporated milk 1 1/4 teaspoons vanilla extract
Directions Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a sheet pan. To make the cake, cream together sugar, shortening; add buttermilk and vanilla. Add melted chocolate, and eggs, 1 at a time; beat for 2 minutes. Sift together dry ingredients, add to creamed mixture. Beat an additional 2 minutes. Pour into prepared sheet pan. Bake for 35 minutes. To make the sauce, melt chocolate and butter in saucepan over very low heat. Stir in powdered sugar, alternately with evaporated milk, blending well. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Cook and stir until mixture becomes thick and creamy, about 8 minutes. Stir in vanilla; serve warm over cake. ************************** Honey-Glazed Salmon Brush heart-healthy salmon with a mixture of honey and Dijon mustard for a quick and easy grilled fish dinner. Ingredients 2 tablespoons minced shallots 1 tablespoon chopped fresh or 1 teaspoon dried thyme 3 tablespoons honey 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper 4 (6-ounce) salmon fillets (about 1 inch thick) Cooking spray Thyme sprigs (optional) Preparation Prepare grill or broiler. Combine first 6 ingredients in a small bowl. Brush honey mixture over skinless side of fish. Place fish on a grill rack or broiler pan coated with cooking spray, and cook 6 minutes on each side or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork. Garnish with thyme sprigs, if desired. Yield: 4 servings
Nutritional Information Amount per serving Calories: 334 Calories from fat: 39% Fat: 14.4g Saturated fat: 2.5g Monounsaturated fat: 6.8g Polyunsaturated fat: 3.1g Protein: 35.1g Carbohydrate: 14.4g Fiber: 0.1g Cholesterol: 111mg Iron: 0.9mg Sodium: 490mg Calcium: 15mg
************************** FASCINATION HISTORY
Pierre didn't know where it came from, he only knew that it came and it helped in oh-so-many ways. The money always arrived with a small short note that simply said, "Keep up the great cause, we will prevail," and was simply signed, "Manny."
Pierre didn't know who Manny was - nobody did! Not then anyway, we do now. But this was during World War II when the Black Horror was sweeping Europe . That's what Manny called it, The Black Horror, and of course he was referring to the Nazi plague that was taking over most of the continent. Pierre was a leader of the French Resistance, commonly called the underground. He fought with groups of French citizens in the best way he could, by living within main society and leading bands of armed resistance against the Germans in clandestine activities. They would ambush German patrols, blow up German installations and sabotage Nazi operations in any way they could.
The Allies were good at providing arms and weapons, but the underground also needed money. That was a commodity that was very hard to come by during the war, especially when your country is completely occupied by an invading military force.
And that's where Manny came in. He sent money, and he sent a lot of it. Manny was Emmanuel Goldenberg, born a Romanian Jew, who was now living in America . Manny had done very well in his life and he knew only too well what kinds of horrors were going on in his native Romania and the rest of Europe. Jews and others were being gassed and killed by the millions and he had to do something. One thing he could do was use his good fortune to help the war effort. He had tried to join the Armed Forces, but he didn't qualify so he did what he could. He sent money to where it was needed the most - to the resistance as I said, Pierre was one of the leaders of the resistance There were many, but Pierre controlled the action around the area of Normandy . He and his people were very instrumental in assisting the Allied invasion on D-Day by sabotaging redirecting many Nazi forces moments before the actual invasion. Much of this was possible because of the money that arrived every month. Month after month for two years money arrived for Pierre and his cause from Manny. It never failed!
It literally saved the day. No, Pierre never knew who Manny was, only that he sent money for food, clothes, gasoline and many other important things. But years later, we know who Manny was, that silent guardian angel of the French underground. So do you! He was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood and a fine gentleman. It's a little known fact that a very important part of the success of the French underground came from a source they never knew:
Emmanuel Goldenberg was the very fine actor, Edward G. Robinson.
******************************************
COMMENTS MADE IN THE YEAR 1955! That's only 54 years ago! 'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.'
'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.'
'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.' 'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'
'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.' **************************** THOUGHT FOR THE DAY……….. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? Matthew 14:29-31 KJV I'VE LEARNED.........Temptation always promises more than it produces. **************************
SU WONG MARRIES LEE WONG. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, But definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy. 'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him... Are you ready for this? Picture: winking baby Sum Ting Wong *************************************** PROOF-READING IS A DYING ART, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?) Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter Some shooter here!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------Â-- I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No, really? Ya think? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Â- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! ----------------------------------------------------------- Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
***************************************
ARCHAEOLOGICAL DISCOVERY After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists, finding traces of a 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.’ One week later, The Pioneer Press, a local newspaper in Minnesota, reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Embarrass, Minnesota, Ole Olson, a self-taught archaeologist reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Minnesota had already gone wireless."
Atta boy Ole! You go guy! Way to show 'em dat we're not so backward as dey tink! Who said Minnesotans are hicks? UFFDA!!!
***************************************
To love him for his failures is to love him well. It is that love which THOUGHT FOR THE DAY……….. To love your child for his perfection is nothing. will form the later man- the man whom failure cannot defeat. Louis Binstock
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
| Page:
|
|
|
|
|
33 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
