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REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Genesis 6:9
(9) This is the genealogy of Noah. Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations. Noah walked with God.
The second of this verse's two problems, and the crux of the matter, is the word perfect. In the Hebrew text, this is tamîm (Strong's #8549), and its basic meaning is "complete" or "entire." It does not mean "perfect" as we think of it today, as "without fault, flaw, or defect." Other English words that translate tamîm better than "perfect" are "whole," "full," "finished," "well-rounded," "balanced," "sound," "healthful," "sincere," "innocent," or "wholehearted." In the main, however, modern translators have rendered it as "blameless" in Genesis 6:9. This does not mean that Noah never sinned, but that he was spiritually mature and that he had a wholehearted, healthy relationship with God, who had forgiven him of his sins, rendering him guiltless. The thought in Genesis 6:9 extends to the fact that Noah was head-and-shoulders above his contemporaries in spiritual maturity. In fact, the text suggests that he was God's only logical choice to do His work. The New Testament concept of perfection, found in the Greek word téleios (Strong's #5056), is similar to tamîm. Perhaps the best-known occurrence of téleios occurs in Matthew 5:48: "Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Certainly, Jesus desires that we become as flawless as we can humanly be, using the utter perfection of the Father as our model, but His use of téleios suggests something else. His aim is that a Christian be completely committed to living God's way of life, maturing in it until he can perform the duties God entrusts to him both now and in His Kingdom. In harmony with this idea of spiritual growth toward completion, téleios is well translated as "mature" in I Corinthians 2:6, and in Hebrews 5:14, it is rendered as "of full age." In addition, unlike Greek, biblical Hebrew is a rather concrete language, expressing itself in colorful, often earthy terms, and emphasizing its meaning with repetition and rephrasing. Because his vocabulary was limited by a relatively small number of words, a Hebrew writer relied on syntax, metaphors, puns, and other figures of speech to make his meaning clear. Perhaps chief in his bag of verbal tricks was parallelism. Parallelism is similar to the use of appositives in English. When we say, "Fred Jones, the pharmacist, often rode his bicycle to work," we restate the subject of our sentence and add information at the same time. The Hebrew writer did the same thing, but he was not limited merely to renaming nouns; he worked in phrases, clauses, and whole sentences. For instance, a well-known parallelism appears in Psalm 51:2: "Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin." Many of the proverbs of Solomon also follow this form, for example, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18). In the same way, "perfect in his generations" acts as a parallel thought to Noah being "a just man." Just represents the Hebrew tsaddîq (Strong's #6662), meaning "just," "righteous," "lawful" (in accord with a standard), "correct." Noah was a man who lived in accordance with God's revealed will, unlike all others of his time. In writing this description of Noah, Moses' use of parallelism emphasizes Noah's unusual righteousness for a man living among the spiritually degenerate humanity of his day. The thought of Noah being spiritually complete or righteous beyond all of his contemporaries fits hand-in-glove with the context. Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the LORD was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart. So the LORD said, "I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth, both man and beast, creeping thing and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them." But Noah found grace [favor, acceptance] in the eyes of the LORD. (Genesis 6:5-8) His fear of God, exhibited in his obedience to God's instructions—his righteousness—is why God chose Noah, not his supposed racial perfection! In fact, the verse contains no connotation of race at all but is entirely interested in Noah's spiritual résumé. God wanted Noah, a man of integrity and morality, to build the ark and reestablish human society on a godly footing. The biblical account testifies that he performed his responsibility as well as any man could. From what we have seen, a fair translation of verse 9 would be:
These are the records of Noah. Noah was a righteous man, blameless among his contemporaries. Noah walked with God. This is reinforced in Genesis 7:1, in which the Lord says to Noah, ". . . I have seen that you are righteous before Me in this generation." As God says in Isaiah 66:2, "But on this one will I look [have favor]; on him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My word." Such a man was Noah.
The apostle Paul writes in Galatians 3:26-28: For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Physical traits—such as genetic "perfection," social status, or gender—are not high on God's list of priorities regarding His children, but putting on the faith and righteousness of Jesus Christ is what impresses Him. In Noah's case, these qualities are what led to his salvation—not anything as insignificant as the color of his skin.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
corrade • kuh-RAYD • verb : to wear or crumble away through abrasion
Examples: Over the years, the rushing waters had corraded the riverbanks.
"The nearly pyramidal shapes in the Cydonia region of Mars -- which recent imagery suggest are likely no more than ancient mountains corraded by eons of sandstorms --were advanced by the late astronomer Carl Sagan and others as sites to be examined by future missions to Mars as potential artifacts of intelligence." -- From P. J. Capelotti's 2010 book The Human Archaeology of Space: Lunar, Planetary and Interstellar Relics of Exploration
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Seafood Chowder Pot Pie
PREP TIME 30 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 20 min SERVINGS 6
INGREDIENTS
1 teaspoon salt 2 cups peeled and diced potatoes (2 medium russet potatoes) 4 slices bacon, cut in half 1/3 cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour 2 bottles (8 oz each) clam juice 1/4 cup whipping cream 1/2 teaspoon onion salt 1 cup frozen peas and carrots, thawed 1 cup Green Giant® Niblets® frozen corn, thawed 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme leaves 1 cup cooked deveined peeled medium shrimp, tail shells removed (about 6 oz) 1 can (6 oz) crabmeat, drained, flaked (about 1 cup) 1 sheet frozen (thawed) puff pastry (from 17.3-oz package)
DIRECTIONS
1 In 2-quart saucepan, heat 2 cups water and the salt to boiling over high heat. Add potatoes; heat to boiling. Reduce heat to medium; cover and simmer 5 to 7 minutes or until tender; drain. 2 Heat oven to 400°F. Spray 11x7-inch (2-quart) baking dish with cooking spray. 3 Meanwhile, in heavy 3-quart saucepan, cook bacon over medium heat, turning occasionally, until crisp. Remove bacon; crumble and set aside. Using wire whisk, stir flour into bacon drippings. Gradually stir in clam juice, whipping cream and onion salt. Heat until thickened and bubbly, stirring constantly. Stir in potatoes, bacon, peas and carrots, corn and thyme. Cook 3 to 4 minutes longer or until hot. Stir in shrimp and crabmeat. Spoon mixture into baking dish. 4 On lightly floured surface, unfold pastry. Roll into 12x8-inch rectangle. With sharp knife, cut slits in pastry to allow steam to escape. Place pastry in baking dish over hot seafood mixture. Roll outer edges of pastry over edges of baking dish, and press onto edges. 5 Bake 30 to 40 minutes or until crust is deep golden brown. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.
Expert Tips Cut shell or fish shapes out of excess dough, brush with beaten egg, and attach to unbaked crust. Taste before adding salt to the chowder mixture. Salt levels vary in the clam juice, bacon and seafood, which will affect the desired amount of salt.
Nutrition Information:
1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 440(Calories from Fat 200),Total Fat 22g(Saturated Fat 8g,Trans Fat 1 1/2g),Cholesterol 145mg;Sodium 1090mg;Total Carbohydrate 42g(Dietary Fiber 3g,Sugars 3g),Protein 19g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 50.00%;Vitamin C 8.00%;Calcium 8.00%;Iron 25.00%;Exchanges:2 1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;1 1/2 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;3 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:3;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Burrito Pot Pies
PREP TIME 25 min TOTAL TIME 45 min SERVINGS 6
1 1/4 cups Bisquick Heart Smart mix 3/4 cup shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese (3 oz) 1/4 cup water 1 egg 2 cups cut-up cooked chicken 1 jar (16 oz) Old El Paso Thick ‘n Chunky salsa 1 can (15 oz) Progresso black beans, drained, rinsed 1 can (11 oz) Green Giant Niblets whole kernel corn, drained 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 ripe avocado, pitted, peeled and chopped Reduced-fat sour cream, if desired Lime wedges, if desired
1 Heat oven to 400°F. Spray 6 (10-oz) ramekins or custard cups with cooking spray; place on 15x10x1-inch pan. 2 In medium bowl, stir Bisquick mix, 1/2 cup of the cheese, water and egg until soft dough forms. Set aside. 3 In 3-quart saucepan, heat chicken, salsa, beans, corn and cumin to boiling. Remove from heat; fold in avocado. Divide chicken mixture evenly among ramekins. Spoon dollop of Bisquick mixture over each (dough will not cover entire top). 4 Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until crust is golden brown and filling is bubbly. Sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup cheese. Serve with sour cream and lime wedges.
Expert Tips Do you have frozen corn on hand? It will work just as well as the canned corn. Just thaw 1 1/4 cups corn and drain before using. These individual pot pies are the perfect way to help control portions. Ramekins are also ideal for making individual desserts.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 380(Calories from Fat 110),Total Fat 12g(Saturated Fat 2 1/2g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 80mg;Sodium 1330mg;Total Carbohydrate 42g(Dietary Fiber 5g,Sugars 6g),Protein 24g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 15.00%;Vitamin C 0.00%;Calcium 25.00%;Iron 15.00%;Exchanges:2 1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;0 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;1/2 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;2 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;1 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:3;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Hearty Chicken Pot Pie
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 45 min SERVINGS 6
1 package (16 ounces) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed 1 cup cut-up cooked chicken 1 can (10 3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup 1 cup Original Bisquick mix 1/2 cup milk 1 egg
1 Heat oven to 400ºF. Mix vegetables, chicken and soup in ungreased 2-quart casserole. 2 Stir remaining ingredients in small bowl with fork until blended. Pour into casserole. 3 Bake 30 minutes or until golden brown.
Expert Tips If desired, stir in 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, dried sage leaves or pepper. Use condensed cream of mushroom soup or condensed cheese soup instead of the chicken soup to give this dish a whole new taste! For Hearty Beef Pot Pie, use 1 cup cut-up cooked leftover or deli roast beef instead of the chicken and condensed cream of mushroom soup instead of cream of chicken.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 225 (Calories from Fat 80 ),Total Fat 9 g(Saturated Fat 3 g,Cholesterol 60 mg;Sodium 710 mg;Total Carbohydrate 27 g(Dietary Fiber 4 g,Protein 13 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 70.00%;Vitamin C 2.00%;Calcium 8.00%;Iron 10.00%;Exchanges:1 Starch;2 Vegetable;1 High-Fat Meat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Slow Cooker Chicken Stroganoff Pot Pie
PREP TIME 20 min TOTAL TIME 5 hr 30 min SERVINGS 4 1 envelope (0.87 to 1.2 ounces) chicken gravy mix 1 can (10 1/2 ounces) condensed chicken broth 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces 1 bag (1 pound) frozen stew vegetables, thawed and drained 1 jar (4 ounces) sliced mushrooms, drained 1 cup frozen green peas, thawed and drained 1/2 cup sour cream 1 tablespoon Gold Medal all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups Original Bisquick mix 4 medium green onions, chopped (1/4 cup) 1/2 cup milk
1 Mix gravy mix and broth in 3 1/2- to 6-quart slow cooker until smooth. Stir in chicken, stew vegetables and mushrooms. Cover and cook on low heat setting about 4 hours or until chicken is tender. 2 Stir in peas. Mix sour cream and flour; stir into chicken mixture. Cover and cook on high heat setting 20 minutes. 3 Stir together Bisquick mix and onions in small bowl; stir in milk just until moistened. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls onto hot chicken mixture. Cover and cook on high heat setting 45 to 50 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center of topping comes out clean. Serve immediately.
Note: This recipe was tested in slow cookers with heating elements in the side and bottom of the cooker, not in cookers that stand only on a heated base. For slow cookers with just a heated base, follow the manufacturer’s directions for layering ingredients and choosing a temperature.
Expert Tips You can use a 1-ounce envelope of beef stroganoff mix instead of the chicken gravy mix. The sauce will have slightly more sour cream flavor. A bag of frozen vegetables for stew--potatoes, carrots, onions and peas--is really handy for this recipe. The sizes of the vegetable pieces vary from brand to brand, but the good news is that all sizes of vegetable pieces will be done by the end of the cooking time.
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Easy Sloppy Joe Pot Pie
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 45 min SERVINGS 6 1 pound lean ground beef 1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup) 1 can (15 1/2 ounces) original sloppy joe sauce 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 ounces) 1 cup Original Bisquick mix 1/2 cup milk 1 egg
1 Heat oven to 400ºF. Cook beef and onion in ovenproof 10-inch skillet over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until beef is brown; drain. Stir in sloppy joe sauce. Sprinkle with cheese. 2 Stir remaining ingredients until blended. Pour over beef mixture. 3 Bake about 30 minutes or until golden brown.
Expert Tips Before baking, sprinkle with a tablespoon of sesame seed. Got a question for our Kitchen Experts? Ask it in the Message Boards
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 420 (Calories from Fat 215 ),Total Fat 24 g(Saturated Fat 10 g,Cholesterol 100 mg;Sodium 820 mg;Total Carbohydrate 29 g(Dietary Fiber 1 g,Protein 23 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 16.00%;Vitamin C 10.00%;Calcium 18.00%;Iron 14.00%;Exchanges:2 Starch;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Ham and Broccoli Cheese Pot Pie
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 50 min SERVINGS 6 INGREDIENTS:
1 bag (12 oz) Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers frozen broccoli cuts, thawed, drained 2 cups cut-up cooked ham 2 cans (10 3/4 oz each) condensed Cheddar cheese soup 1/4 cup milk 2 cups Original Bisquick mix 1 cup milk 2 tablespoons yellow mustard 2 eggs
DIRECTIONS 1 Heat oven to 400°F. In ungreased 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish, mix broccoli, ham, soup and 1/4 cup milk. 2 In medium bowl, stir remaining ingredients until blended. Pour over ham mixture. 3 Bake uncovered about 35 minutes or until crust is golden brown.
Expert Tips Two cups cut-up cooked chicken or turkey can be used instead of the ham. Purchase cut-up deli fruits for a salad, and let everyone enjoy top-your-own ice cream sundaes for dessert.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 450(Calories from Fat 190),Total Fat 21g(Saturated Fat 8g,Trans Fat 2 1/2g),Cholesterol 125mg;Sodium 1540mg;Total Carbohydrate 40g(Dietary Fiber 3g,Sugars 6g),Protein 25g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 50.00%;Vitamin C 15.00%;Calcium 20.00%;Iron 15.00%;Exchanges:1 1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;1 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;1 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2 1/2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000km on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "If I only can sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000km. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000km on it.
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Three women escape from prison....one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. The sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks. The sheriff told him to find out what was in them.....so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it......and she went "Bow-wow" so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one. Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went "Meow." The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again , and the blonde said "Potatoes."
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Revenge of the Blondes The only problem with women is men. Women prefer the simple things in life...like men. Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women. Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor. Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think. I only wanted to have a child, not marry one. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him. What's the difference between men and pigs?...Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke. Boys will be boys, but men are better at it. What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?...A widower. They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there? What's an orgasm Mom? I don't know...ask your father. If you catch a man...throw him back. Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up? What is the useless bit of skin of a penis?...A man
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Genesis 1:26
(26) Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."
Genesis 1:28
(28) Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
Genesis 2:15
(15) Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. New King James Version
To environmentalists, letting man have dominion over the animals and being told to subdue the earth means that God gives man free rein to do anything he wants to the planet—bend it to his uses and abuses, rape it of all its beauty and diversity—for his own benefit. "Does not the land have any rights?" they cry. "What about the plants and animals, birds and fish? What gives us the right to mine and burn and kill without care for nature?" Certainly, God did not give man the authority to degrade and destroy His earth. Environmentalists are correct in saying that mankind should consider and address environmental concerns. They are quite wrong, however, to blame God for the earth's ecological problems; He is not responsible for man's destruction of the natural world. To think that God gave man carte blanche to plunder and destroy the earth is simply ludicrous. He is its Creator! Why would He immediately command Adam to ruin it? Would any woodworker, upon just finishing a beautifully stained piece of furniture, tell his son to break it up for firewood? No! Just as God desires for His creation, the woodworker would put his handiwork to use and also care for it by keeping it waxed and dusted to prolong its life. This is exactly what God told Adam. Genesis 2 contains a parallel account of creation, adding detail to certain parts of the narrative of the first chapter. Notice God's expanded instruction: "Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend [dress, KJV] and keep it" (verse 15). This greatly modifies the force of "have dominion" and "subdue it" from Genesis 1:26, 28! Tend (Hebrew 'abad) means "to work or serve," and thus referring to the ground or a garden, it can be defined as "to till or cultivate." It possesses the nuance seen in the KJV's choice in its translation: "dress," implying adornment, embellishment, and improvement. Keep (Hebrew shamar) means "to exercise great care over." In the context of Genesis 2:15, it expresses God's wish that mankind, in the person of Adam, "take care of," "guard," or "watch over" the garden. A caretaker maintains and protects his charge so that he can return it to its owner in as good or better condition than when he received it. To Noah, God gives a similar command after the Flood: So God blessed Noah and his sons, and said to them: "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth. And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be on every beast of the earth, on every bird of the air, on all that move on the earth, and on all the fish of the sea. They are given into your hand. (Genesis 9:1-2) Once again God gives man dominion over all other life on the earth, and with this renewed authority comes the implicit responsibility to tend and keep what was explicitly given to Adam. In this post-Flood world, God gives mankind a second chance to use and preserve the resources He had so abundantly provided. To that end Noah, after 120 years as a preacher and shipwright, took up farming and planted a vineyard (verse 20). We can assume, from what we know of human nature, that this attitude of stewardship did not pass to very many of his descendants.
Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
ruction • RUK-shun • noun 1 : a noisy fight 2 : disturbance, uproar
Examples: The ruction outside the door prompted me to investigate what was going on.
"I wrapped my hand around it [the whip], but didn't want to use it and cause a ruction." -- From Damien Broderick’s 2011 novel Time Considered as a Series of Thermite Burns in No Particular Order
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DOG TIPS
Some people believe that small dogs have less health problems as they age than large dogs do. This is actually a myth - small dogs are just as likely to get sick as large dogs. There are some health issues, for instance, that are more common in smaller dogs. And some diseases can actually be found almost exclusively in small dog breeds. So what are the health risks for your small dog? What if you notice that your dog is having trouble breathing, coughing, and making a coughing sound that resembles the honk of a goose? These may be signs of a collapsed trachea. This health problem is found almost exclusively in small dog breeds, and can cause severe problems. It interferes with the dog's daily life, and should be treated right away to avoid complications. Another common small dog health problem is known as luxating patella. This happens when a dog's kneecap slips out of place. When a dog is suffering from this condition, he cannot straighten his leg. He has to stand with his leg bent and he walks oddly (skipping). Once again, this issue is very common in small dog breeds like the Pomeranian, the Pug, and other toy dog breeds. As you can see, the small dog has his own set of health problems. Still, there are some other health issues that you should be aware of, even though they're not as common in small dogs as in large dogs. For instance, arthritis is more likely to affect large or obese dogs - but many smaller dogs suffer from it as well. In fact, arthritis can cause big problems for small dogs because the more aggressive procedures to treat arthritis , like surgery, can be very stressful for their little bodies. This is why it's a good idea to watch out for symptoms of arthritis in your dog, regardless of his size. Some signs to watch out for are: Difficulty walking, jumping, or even just standing Limping or favoring a limb Behavior changes and sudden bad behavior Being less active and playful in general If you are concerned about your dog, it's better to take him to a vet than to wait it out. Arthritis can be treated but as it advances, the treatments become more invasive and stressful. It's a great idea to have a list of questions ready for your vet visit, so that you know you are covering everything you're concerned about. If you find out that your small dog has arthritis, you can help him by switching his diet. Diets specially formulated to help dogs suffering from arthritis typically contain high levels of omega-3 fatty acid to help ease joint stiffness, while EPA nourishes cartilage. Being aware of possible problems is the first step towards helping your dog! Prevention and early intervention are the best option when dealing with health issues. Have you taken your dog for his regular vet checkup yet?
*************************** Easy Peach Cobbler
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter 1 cup cake or all-purpose flour 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup whole milk 1 cup sugar 2 cups sliced peeled peaches, reserved in bowl DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Place butter in 13 by 9-inch baking dish. Place dish in oven to melt butter. Mix flour, baking powder, and salt in large bowl. Stir in milk and sugar to form batter. Using oven mitts, remove hot baking dish from oven. Pour batter into baking dish. Spoon peaches and any peach juices evenly over batter. Bake until batter rises and browns on top, about 30 minutes.
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Honey Bourbon Barbecue Chicken Breasts
Yield: Serves 4
When char-grilled to perfection, chicken, turkey and duck take on the smoky flavors of the grill and are transformed into juicy masterpieces.
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons butter 1 cup onion, minced 1 clove garlic, minced 2 cups ketchup 1 cup apple cider vinegar 1 cup molasses 1/2 cup honey 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 tablespoon black pepper 2 tablespoons bourbon (optional) 6 natural chicken breast halves, bone in, skin on 1 tablespoon coarse kosher salt 1/2 tablespoon black pepper DIRECTIONS Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and garlic and sauté until soft, about 4 minutes. Add the next 7 ingredients. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook slowly for 20 minutes; until the sauce thickens. Stir in bourbon. Prepare a medium-hot fire in the grill. Mix salt and pepper together. Sprinkle over chicken breasts and under the skin. Grill chicken about 10 minutes per side or until the internal temperature reaches 165°F. Reserve 1 cup of barbecue sauce. Brush chicken lightly with remaining sauce and cook for 2 minutes longer. Place chicken on a platter and cover loosely with foil until ready to serve
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Baked Apple-Cinnamon French Toast Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 9 Hours 30 Minutes Yield: 12 servings
This apple-cinnamon French toast is quick to assemble, but the best part about it is that you can make it the night before then finish in it the oven the next morning. Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 3 and refrigerate for up to 1 day.
INGREDIENTS 3 cups nonfat milk 2 cups pasteurized liquid egg whites, such as egg Beaters 3 tablespoons honey 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 1-pound loaf sliced whole-wheat bread 1 cup chopped dried apple rings (3 ounces) 1/2 cup raisins 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar DIRECTIONS Whisk milk, egg whites, honey, vanilla and salt in a large bowl. Trim crusts off 8 bread slices and set aside. Cut the crusts and the remaining bread into 1-inch pieces. Toss the cut bread with dried apples, raisins, cinnamon and nutmeg in a large bowl. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Transfer the bread mixture to the pan. Lay the reserved crustless slices evenly over the top of the casserole, trimming to fit. Whisk the milk mixture one more time, then pour evenly over the bread. Press the bread down with the back of a wooden spoon, making sure it’s evenly moist. Cover with parchment paper, then foil, and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or up to 24 hours. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake the casserole, covered, for 40 minutes. Uncover and continue baking until puffed, set and lightly browned, about 20 minutes more. Let stand for 10 minutes; dust with confectioners’ sugar and serve.
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Pear & Cinnamon Teacake
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: Serves 8
INGREDIENTS
1 egg, separated 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup milk 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 1/2 tablespoons butter, melted 1 cup self-rising flour, sifted 1 pear, peeled, cored, and thinly sliced Topping 1 tablespoon butter, melted 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 tablespoon sugar Heavy cream or butter, for serving DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Butter an 8-inch round cake pan. Whisk the egg white until stiff peaks form. Gradually beat in the sugar, then the egg yolk. Stir in the milk, vanilla, and melted butter. Gently fold in the flour, then pour into the prepared pan. Arrange the pear slices on top. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a skewer inserted in the middle of the cake comes out clean.
Topping: Allow the cake to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before turning out onto a serving plate. While the cake is still hot, brush the top generously with the melted butter. Combine the cinnamon and sugar and sprinkle over the top. Serve the cake warm or cold with the cream or spread with the butter.
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Apple Strudel
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 25 Minutes Yield: Serves 8
In Vienna it is said that in the making of a perfect apple strudel, the dough is stretched so finely that a love letter may be read through it.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups bread flour or all-purpose flour 1 egg, lightly beaten 1/2 cup unsalted butter 1 cup fresh bread crumbs 1/4 cup sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 1/4 pounds cooking or very tart dessert apples (about 4 medium) 1/2 cup golden raisins Confectioners' sugar, for dusting DIRECTIONS Sift the flour and a pinch of salt into a large bowl. Make a well in the center, add the beaten egg and 1/4 cup warm water, and mix with your hands to a smooth dough. With the bowl tipped to one side, and with open fingers, beat the dough, rotating your wrist. The dough is ready when it pulls away from the bowl and is difficult to beat. Place in a clean, lightly floured bowl, cover and leave in a warm place for 15 minutes. Melt half of the butter in a skillet. Slowly fry the bread crumbs until golden brown, then set aside to cool in a bowl. Mix the sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Thoroughly flour one side of a large clean dish towel, place the pastry on top and, with your fingers, gently stretch the dough to a large rectangle about 24-by-20 inches; cover with another dish towel and set aside for 15 minutes. Melt the remaining butter and set aside. Peel, quarter, core and thinly slice the apples and combine with the bread crumbs, cinnamon mixture and raisins. Brush the dough liberally with the melted butter, then sprinkle the apple mixture all over the dough. Trim away the thick edge with a pair of scissors. Pick up the dish towel from the shorter side, and push away and down from you to lightly roll the strudel up like a jelly roll. Tip the strudel carefully onto a baking sheet, seam-side down or to one side. Leave the strudel straight, or curve it lightly into the traditional crescent. Brush the pastry with any remaining butter. Bake for 35-45 minutes, or until crisp and golden. Cool, slightly, sprinkle with confectioner's sugar and serve warm with vanilla custard, ice cream or whipped cream served alongside.
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Cinnamon & Date Ring
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 35 Minutes Yield: Serves 8
INGREDIENTS
For the cake: 2 cups self-rising flour Pinch of salt 1/4 cup butter 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1 egg yolk 3/4 cup milk 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh dates 1/3 cup packed brown sugar 1/4 cup chopped walnuts 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 tablespoons butter, melted
For the glaze: 1 egg white, lightly beaten Confectioners' sugar, for dusting DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. Butter a baking sheet.
FOR THE CAKE: Sift the flour and salt into a bowl. Rub in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse breadcrumbs, then stir in the sugar. Mix the egg yolk and milk together, then add to the sugar mixture, stirring in quickly with a knife. Turn out onto a floured board and pat into a 12-by-6-inch rectangle. Mix together the dates, brown sugar, walnuts, cinnamon, and butter and spread over the dough, then roll up to make a 12-inch long roll.
FOR THE GLAZE: Form the dough into a ring, joining the ends with a little of the beaten egg white. Cut large slits in the ring and brush the top with the rest of the egg white. Place on the prepared baking sheet and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until puffed and golden.
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I was preparing to teach a college course on the history of movie censorship and went to the library to take out films that had been censored. "Do you have any banned movies in your collection?" I asked the librarian. "Oh yes," she answered. "We have some really good ones. What would you like: Tommy Dorsey? Glenn Miller?"
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Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"
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In vain we call old notions fudge
And bend our conscience to our dealing.
The Ten Commandments will not budge
And stealing will continue stealing.
—Motto of American Copyright League.
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Steward: Can I do anything for you, sir?
Passenger (faintly): You might present my compliments to the chief engineer and ask him if there is any hope of the boilers blowing up.
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We got a new dog, a dachshund. Next came the big question: what to call him.
The winner came from our son, Brian. "Hypotenuse," he suggested. Why? "He's got a long side between two shorter legs."
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A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy. "Where is the baby?" asked his Mum. "Under the bath."
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One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"
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One day some guys were doing a survey between "boxers" or "briefs".
They went to a 25 year old man and said "boxers" or "briefs"? He said briefs.
They went to a 40 year old man and said "boxers" or "briefs"? He said boxers.
Then they went up to a 80 year old man and said "boxers" or "briefs"? And the old man replied - "depends?"
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A motorist was driving in the country when he came upon a priest and a rabbi standing on the shoulder of the road, fishing. Next to them was a sign that read "Turn Around. The End Is Near."
The motorist didn't like to be preached to, so he rolled down the window and yelled, "Mind your own business, you religious nuts!"
A few seconds later the two fishermen heard tires screech, then a splash.
The rabbi turned to the priest and said, "I told you we should've just written, 'Bridge Out.' "
*************************** You might be a reneck if...
Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.
Your master bathroom has the words "porta" and "potty" written on the side.
You can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.
You only bathe when it rains.
You think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music.
You refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.
You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
You think 'possum is the "other white meat".
Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Nothing is by chance. No detail is forgotten in My Plans for you. " -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Judging Jonah
Jonah 4:4, NIV: "But the LORD replied, 'Is it right for you to be angry?'"
When the whole city of Nineveh repented, God determined not to destroy them as He had threatened. It may seem odd, but this angered the Lord's prophet. Jonah was brought to Nineveh to deliver the message that the Lord was about to destroy them--and he wanted to see it happen. But let's not be too quick to judge Jonah. From time to time we can be like Jonah. Sure, maybe we don't sit on a hill and long for fire and brimstone to rain down from heaven upon those we feel deserve God's judgment. But we, in our efforts to do the Lord's work, expect Him to do His work according to our understanding--even becoming frustrated if He does something else. Of the various obstacles we face in our efforts to do God's work, our frustration and anger can become our greatest hurdle. Such frustration can quickly take our eyes off of the work, the purpose of that work, and the Lord whose work it is. If we take our eyes off of Him, how shall we do His work? As God leads us into His work, He is well aware of the obstacles that lie ahead. We have a choice--we can put our eyes back on God and move forward; or we can sit angrily on our hill and glare at the things we think ought not be. In which case we may want to recall God's words to Jonah: "Is it right for you to be angry?" ... Don't be a judging Jonah.
For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
- Deuteronomy 7:4
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
solace • SAH-lus • noun 1 : alleviation of grief or anxiety 2 : a source of relief or consolation
Examples: After her husband’s death, Mary often found solace in reminiscing about him with their mutual friends. "In the last few years, Niagara Hospice has added creative services to its repertoire of solace and comfort, and found more ways to help more people … including having teen volunteers make videos of people telling their life stories, offering meal delivery and providing gift tote bags with handmade lap quilts inside." -- From an article by Michelle Kearns in the Buffalo News (New York), July 24, 2011
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How to Get Into Aromatherapy
Welcome to the world of Aromatherapy. Using essential oils in daily life can promote emotional and physical health. Essential oils can be used in many ways to deliver their therapeutic effect.
Steps
1Oil Burners.
Aromatherapy oil burner worked by heating a few drop of essential oils in a water bowl set above a tea light candle. Aromatherapy oil burner is the easiest way to benefit from essential oil’s scent, You also can try a simple blend to go with an oil burner. For a starter, put 6 drops of essential oil or blends to freshen up your room. Using heat destroys any therapeutic benefits of the oil. So this is for fragrance use.
2Nebulizer Diffuser
Sometimes called An Electric Oil Diffuser, will allow you the ability to create many fantastic scents and expand them into the air that is throughout your home. There are many types of electric oil diffuser you can choose today. It’s the most effective and easiest way to disperse essential oils in the air. It’s recommended for emotional and mental health as well as for diseases effecting the lung, blood and the brain. Electric Oil diffuser can break down the oils into separate molecules to make easier for the aroma to be inhaled. And once you switch it on, it will last for couple hours. Make sure your unit specifies cold air and does not use heat or vibration; that would destroy active medicinal constituents.
3Inhalation.
A Steam inhalation is commonly associated with treating respiratory illness such as colds and flu. Add about 10 drops of (eucalyptus radiata, peppermint or pine essential oils) into a bowl of hot water, then lean over the bowl and cover your head with towel for about ten minutes as you inhale. This treatment is good when you having colds.
4Sprays
If you want to quickly purify and freshen the air in your home, or in your office, make an aromatherapy air freshener. Fill 180 ml spray bottle with distilled water. Add 5-10 drops of the essential oil of your choice for each ounce of water. Shake well and use it to spray around the room as often as you need it. Remember to shake well before each new spray.
5Aromatic Bathing
Bathing can be a pleasurable, highly relaxing experience and adding essential oils to your bathwater increases the benefits tenfold. Start by adding 6 drops of essential oils or blend into the bath water. The scents of essential oils fill the room with delightful fragrances, while essential oils enter the skin pores and relax tired muscles.
6Massage
When used in massage these essential oils usually dilute with carrier oils, and then applied to the skin. With this, it is absorbed by the skin, and penetrates into the tissues of the body, your blood and the interstitial fluid. Smoothing fragrant oil into tired muscle is the most pleasurable ways to relax and unwind. It is absolutely essential that you use only oils that don't say don't use neet (undiluted) not to use internally. These are adulterated and can hurt you even if you dilute them.
7Compresses
This method is a fast and effective ways to speed recovery from muscular pain and strains after a rigorous workout, and a treatment for bruises, headaches, insect bites, toothache, spots and more. Compresses can be made from adding 3 – 6 drops of essential oils or blend into one quart of warm water. Stir carefully. Soak a clean cloth in the water, rinse it and apply to the affected area. Leave it there for 15-20 minutes. Repeated as needed.
8Perfume
Adding essential oils in your perfume base is lot more cheaper than you bought a branded perfume which is full of chemical added. To make an aromatherapy perfume is very easy. Please visit this additional related wikihows to start your signature perfume [Bella Mira Essential Oils] makes wonderful blends that are great for perfume.
9Candle
Candle can be used to help set the atmosphere and improve the ambience in many situations. They can be used in any room of your home and provide a wonderful enhancement. Using aromatherapy candle has a positive effect on our body and emotions. The key is in choosing the correct scent to match the emotion or sense you wish to evoke. Just FYI there are no real essential oil candles on the market. All those sold are fragrance oils. If you are looking for medicinal benefits you have to use a cold air diffuser.
Tips
To make a dilution essential oil for massage, you can combine 2 drops of pure essential oils with 15 ml of carrier oil.
Warnings
Please always refer to safety precautions on using essential oils
*************************** Swedish Pineapple Cake
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 20 Minutes
Basic pantry staples and fast and easy preparation are turned into a very moist, delicious cake. This cake has become a family favorite and is requested by everyone when talk turns of birthday cake choices. Even better the day after.
INGREDIENTS
CAKE: 2 cups sugar 1 large can crushed pineapple 1 teaspoon soda 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups flours 1 cup chopped pecans
ICING: 1 - 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened 1 stick margarine, softened 3/4 cup sugar 1 cup chopped pecans
DIRECTIONS
CAKE: In large bowl, mix all cake ingredients thoroughly by hand. Pour into ungreased 13" x 9" glass cake pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes.
ICING: Put cream cheese, margarine, and sugar in food processor and process until smooth. Add chopped nuts and process until mixed. Allow cake to cool for 5-10 minutes, then pour icing on cake and spread evenly.
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Frozen Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
Active Time: 1 Hour 30 Minutes Total Time: 9 Hours 30 Minutes Yield: 10 servings
Retro, creamy and delicious, this cake is the frozen version of the beloved classic. This takes a bit of extra time to make - but it's worth it.
Make Ahead Tip: Tightly wrap and store in the freezer for up to 2 weeks (do not refreeze). | Equipment: 9-inch springform pan
INGREDIENTS
1 20-ounce can pineapple rings in juice, drained, juice reserved 5 fresh cherries, pitted, or raspberries 3 large egg yolks, at room temperature (see Kitchen Tip) 6 tablespoons packed light brown sugar 2 large egg whites, at room temperature 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar 1/2 cup heavy cream 7 ounces angel food cake (see Kitchen Tip)
Tip: To get the most volume from beaten eggs, it's best for them to be at room temperature. Either set the eggs out on the counter for 15 minutes or submerge them in their shells in a bowl of lukewarm (not hot) water for 5 minutes. To make it easier to thinly slice the angel food cake (Step 7), place it in the freezer while preparing the filling. DIRECTIONS Coat a 9-inch springform pan with cooking spray; set it on a large plate. Blot 5 pineapple rings dry with paper towels; arrange in a circle in the bottom of the pan. Place a cherry (or raspberry) in the center of each pineapple ring. Place the remaining pineapple and the reserved juice in a blender; blend until smooth. Beat egg yolks and brown sugar in a 3-quart stainless-steel bowl with an electric mixer on medium speed until thick, pale brown and fluffy, 3 to 5 minutes. Beat in the pineapple puree, scraping down the sides as necessary. Bring 1 inch of water to a slow simmer in a large saucepan. Place the bowl of pineapple mixture over the simmering water and beat on medium speed until thick, doubled in volume and an instant-read thermometer registers 160°F, 5 to 8 minutes. Remove from the heat (be careful of the escaping steam) and continue beating on medium speed until room temperature, 8 to 10 minutes. Set aside. Clean and dry the beaters. Beat egg whites, sugar and cream of tartar in another 3-quart stainless-steel bowl on medium speed until foamy. Bring the water in the saucepan back to a slow simmer, set the bowl of egg whites over it, and continue to beat on medium speed while moving the mixer around, until the mixture is glossy and thick, about 3 1/2 minutes. Increase the speed to high and continue beating over the heat until very stiff and glossy, about 3 1/2 minutes more (the eggs will be at a safe temperature, 160°F, at this point). Remove from the heat (be careful of the escaping steam) and continue beating on medium speed until room temperature, 3 to 5 minutes. Whisk the meringue into the reserved pineapple mixture until smooth. Clean and dry the beaters one more time. Beat cream in a medium bowl with an electric mixer on high speed until soft, droopy peaks form, 30 seconds to 1 minute. Fold the whipped cream into the batter. Pour the batter over the pineapple slices in the pan. Cut angel food cake into nine 3/4-inch-thick slices. Lay the slices over the batter, completely covering the top. Cover with plastic wrap and freeze for at least 8 hours. Remove the cake from the freezer and let stand at room temperature for 10 minutes. Run a knife around the edges. Invert the pan onto a large serving plate and rap gently on the counter to loosen the cake. Remove the pan sides, then carefully remove the pan bottom. If the bottom does not release easily, place a towel soaked in hot water on it for a minute, then try again.
*************************** Gamma's Mistake Brownies Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 2 Hours Yield: 12 brownies
I call this Gamma's Mistake Brownies because I made the recipe without coconut/butter/flour as you would make a five layer brownie or a 'Dolly Madison Bar' These are rich, cut well,serve well, can be made without the nuts if desired.
INGREDIENTS
1 lb package of graham cracker crumbs 2 cans of condensed milk (not evaporated) 1 12 oz package of chocolate semi sweet morsels 1 cup of walnuts (toasted in a dry pan for 2 minutes and ccooled) Butter and a trace of cocoa powder for dusting the pan
DIRECTIONS Dust a 9 x 9 inch pan with butter and cocoa mix grahman crackers, chocolate and condensed milk together until blended mix cooled nuts with a teaspoon of cocoa powder. Mix in with batter mixture will be very thick pour into the prepared 9 x 9 pan and smooth/level the top Bake at 350 degrees until the top is browned (about 30 to 45 minutes. Let cool and cut into amall but very rich squares.
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Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Stop & Shop anymore either."
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Death Wish
3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say.....LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy. Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home. That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away! Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. Well, dear, what exactly did he say? He said the reflector is broken. I can fix that in two minutes. What else? I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake...
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Fire Engine
A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that a young boy was wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that the wagon was being pulled slowly by a large Labrador Retriever. When the man got closer to the boy, he noticed that he had a rope tied around the dog's testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.
So, the man kindly says,"That's really a nice fire engine you have there...but I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck."
"Yeah," the boy replied, "but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
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Tommy and the Priest
Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says, "Is that you Tommy?"
"Yes father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you... For I do not wish to sully her reputation."
The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No father." "Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says firmly, "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Tommy goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and says, "What happened?"
Tommy replies, "Well, I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."
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The Irishman
An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face.
The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"Why do you say that?" he asks innocently.
"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."
That's once
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."
.***************************
Bill Gates Humor
Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.
And the third was Tech Support, and kept saying "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now..."
What do Viagra and Disney World have in common?
You have to wait 1 hour for a two minute ride.
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New Secretary
The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh by the way sir, did you know that your barracks door is open? He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
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Be Careful of what you wish for ....
Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie did appear! This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned to the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the sudden stillness as the the two men considered their circumstances.
The other man looked disgustedly at the one who's wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!!"
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Day At The Races
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
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Funeral
Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession he saw going down the street. Watching for a while, he observed that the cortege consisted entirely of men and that it was led by a man holding a Doberman Pinscher on a leash.
When his curiosity got the better of him, Hank walked up to the man at the head of the line and said, "Please excuse me for the interruption in your time of grief, but I've never seen such a funeral procession. Would you mind telling me who it's for?"
"It's for my mother-in-law," said the mourner. Tightening the leash, he looked down at the dog and said, "My Doberman killed her."
"Gee, that's terrible," said Hank. "But...hmmm...is there any way you might lend me your dog for a day or two?"
The bereaved son-in-law pointed over his shoulder, and said, "Get in line."
He Shoots He Scores
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the bartender in the foot. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! You just shot my bartender and you didn't pay for your sandwich! Who do you think you are?!?" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager rushes to his dictionary...
"pan*da n. (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) A rare, mountain dwelling mammal of China and Tibet, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
***************************
3 Beers
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
A man and his wife are doing yard work. The husband says to his wife, "your rear end is as wide as a grill." She ignores the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill....then he goes over to his wife while she is bending working in a flower bed.....he measures her rear end and gasps, "geez, it really IS as wide as the grill."
Later that night while in bed her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "if you think I'm going to fire up the grill for one little weiner, you are mistaken!
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
The Child That Went With the Fairies
by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, 1870 Eastward of the old city of Limerick, about ten Irish miles under the range of mountains known as the Slieveelim hills, famous as having afforded Sarsfleld a shelter among their rocks and hollows, when he crossed them in his gallant descent upon the cannon and ammunition of King William, on its way to the beleaguering army, there runs a very old and narrow road. It connects the Limerick road to Tipperary with the old road from Limerick to Dublin, and runs by bog and pasture, hill and hollow, straw-thatched village, and roofless castle, not far from twenty miles.
Skirting the healthy mountains of which I have spoken, at one part it becomes singularly lonely. For more than three Irish miles it traverses a deserted country. A wide, black bog, level as a lake, skirted with copse, spreads at the left, as you journey northward, and the long and irregular line of mountain rises at the right, clothed in heath, broken with lines of grey rock that resemble the bold and irregular outlines of fortifications, and riven with many a gully, expanding here and there into rocky and wooded glens, which open as they approach the road.
A scanty pasturage, on which browsed a few scattered sheep or kine, skirts this solitary road for some miles, and under shelter of a hillock, and of two or three great ash-trees, stood, not many years ago, the little thatched cabin of a widow named Mary Ryan.
Poor was this widow in a land of poverty. The thatch had acquired the grey tint and sunken outlines, that show how the alternations of rain and sun have told upon that perishable shelter.
But whatever other dangers threatened, there was one well provided against by the care of other times. Round the cabin stood half a dozen mountain ashes, as the rowans, inimical to witches, are there called. On the worn planks of the door were nailed two horse-shoes, and over the lintel and spreading along the thatch, grew, luxuriant, patches of that ancient cure for many maladies, and prophylactic against the machinations of the evil one, the house-leek. Descending into the doorway, in the chiaroscuro of the interior, when your eye grew sufficiently accustomed to that dim light, you might discover, hanging at the head of the widow’s wooden-roofed bed, her beads and a phial of holy water.
Here certainly were defences and bulwarks against the intrusion of that unearthly and evil power, of whose vicinity this solitary family were constantly reminded by the outline of Lisnavoura, that lonely hill-haunt of the “Good people,†as the fairies are called euphemistically, whose strangely dome-like summit rose not half a mile away, looking like an outwork of the long line of mountain that sweeps by it.
It was at the fall of the leaf, and an autumnal sunset threw the lengthening shadow of haunted Lisnavoura, close in front of the solitary little cabin, over the undulating slopes and sides of Slieveelim. The birds were singing among the branches in the thinning leaves of the melancholy ash-trees that grew at the roadside in front of the door. The widow’s three younger children were playing on the road, and their voices mingled with the evening song of the birds. Their elder sister, Nell, was “within in the house,†as their phrase is, seeing after the boiling of the potatoes for supper.
Their mother had gone down to the bog, to carry up a hamper of turf on her back. It is, or was at least, a charitable custom—and if not disused, long may it continue—for the wealthier people when cutting their turf and stacking it in the bog, to make a smaller stack for the behoof of the poor, who were welcome to take from it so long as it lasted, and thus the potato pot was kept boiling, and hearth warm that would have been cold enough but for that good-natured bounty, through wintry months.
Moll Ryan trudged up the steep “bohereen†whose banks were overgrown with thorn and brambles, and stooping under her burden, re-entered her door, where her dark-haired daughter Nell met her with a welcome, and relieved her of her hamper.
Moll Ryan looked round with a sigh of relief, and drying her forehead, uttered the Munster
ejaculation:
“Eiah, wisha! It’s tired I am with it, God bless it. And where’s the craythurs, Nell?â€
“Playin’ out on the road, mother; didn’t ye see them and you comin’ up?â€
“No; there was no one before me on the road,†she said, uneasily; “not a soul, Nell; and why didn’t ye keep an eye on them?â€
“Well, they’re in the haggard, playin’ there, or round by the back o’ the house. Will I call them in?â€
“Do so, good girl, in the name o’ God. The hens is comin’ home, see, and the sun was just down over Knockdoulah, an’ I comin’ up.â€
So out ran tall, dark-haired Nell, and standing on the road, looked up and down it; but not a sign of her two little brothers, Con and Bill, or her little sister, Peg, could she see. She called them; but no answer came from the little haggard, fenced with straggling bushes. She listened, but the sound of their voices was missing. Over the stile, and behind the house she ran—but there all was silent and deserted.
She looked down toward the bog, as far as she could see; but they did not appear. Again she listened—but in vain. At first she had felt angry, but now a different feeling overcame her, and she grew pale. With an undefined boding she looked toward the heathy boss of Lisnavoura, now darkening into the deepest purple against the flaming sky of sunset.
Again she listened with a sinking heart, and heard nothing but the farewell twitter and whistle of the birds in the bushes around. How many stories had she listened to by the winter hearth, of children stolen by the fairies, at nightfall, in lonely places! With this fear she knew her mother was haunted.
No one in the country round gathered her little flock about her so early as this frightened widow, and no door “in the seven parishes†was barred so early.
Sufficiently fearful, as all young people in that part of the world are of such dreaded and subtle agents, Nell was even more than usually afraid of them, for her terrors were infected and redoubled by her mother’s. She was looking towards Lisnavoura in a trance of fear, and crossed herself again and again, and whispered prayer after prayer. She was interrupted by her mother’s voice on the road calling her loudly. She answered, and ran round to the front of the cabin, where she found her standing.
“And where in the world’s the craythurs—did ye see sight o’ them anywhere?†cried Mrs. Ryan, as the girl came over the stile.
“Arrah! mother, ’tis only what they’re run down the road a bit. We’ll see them this minute coming back. It’s like goats they are, climbin’ here and runnin’ there; an’ if I had them here, in my hand, maybe I wouldn’t give them a hiding all round.â€
“May the Lord forgive you, Nell! the childhers gone. They’re took, and not a soul near us, and Father Tom three miles away! And what’ll I do, or who’s to help us this night? Oh, wirristhru, wirristhru! The craythurs is gone!â€
“Whisht, mother, be aisy: don’t ye see them comin’ up.
And then she shouted in menacing accents, waving her arm, and beckoning the children, who were seen approaching on the road, which some little way off made a slight dip, which had concealed them. They were approaching from the westward, and from the direction of the dreaded hill of Lisnavoura.
But there were only two of the children, and one of them, the little girl, was crying. Their mother and sister hurried forward to meet them, more alarmed than ever.
“Where is Billy—where is he?†cried the mother, nearly breathless, so soon as she was within hearing.
“He’s gone—they took him away; but they said he’ll come back again,†answered little Con, with the dark brown hair.
“He’s gone away with the grand ladies,†blubbered the little girl.
“What ladies—where? Oh, Leum, asthora! My darlin’, are you gone away at last? Where is he?
Who took him? What ladies are you talkin’ about? What way did he go?†she cried in distraction. “I couldn’t see where he went, mother; ’twas like as if he was going to Lisnavoura.†With a wild exclamation the distracted woman ran on towards the hill alone, clapping her hands, and crying aloud the name of her lost child.
Scared and horrified, Nell, not daring to follow, gazed after her, and burst into tears; and the other children raised high their lamentations in shrill rivalry. Twilight was deepening. It was long past the time when they were usually barred securely within their habitation. Nell led the younger children into the cabin, and made them sit down by the turf fire, while she stood in the open door, watching in great fear for the return of her mother.
After a long while they did see their mother return. She came in and sat down by the fire, and cried as if her heart would break.
“Will I bar the doore, mother?†asked Nell.
“Ay, do—didn’t I lose enough, this night, without lavin’ the doore open, for more o’ yez to go; but first take an’ sprinkle a dust o’ the holy waters over ye, acuishla, and bring it here till I throw a taste iv it over myself and the craythurs; an’ I wondher, Nell, you’d forget to do the like yourself, lettin’ the craythurs out so near nightfall. Come here and sit on my knees, asthora, come to me, mavourneen, and hould me fast, in the name o’ God, and I’ll hould you fast that none can take yez from me, and tell me all about it, and what it was—the Lord between us and harm—an’ how it happened, and who was in it.â€
And the door being barred, the two children, sometimes speaking together, often interrupting one another, often interrupted by their mother, managed to tell this strange story, which I had better relate connectedly and in my own language.
The Widow Ryan’s three children were playing, as I have said, upon the narrow old road in front of her door. Little Bill or Leum, about five years old, with golden hair and large blue eyes, was a very pretty boy, with all the clear tints of healthy childhood, and that gaze of earnest simplicity which belongs not to town children of the same age. His little sister Peg, about a year older, and his brother Con, a little more than a year elder than she, made up the little group.
Under the great old ash-trees, whose last leaves were falling at their feet, in the light of an October sunset, they were playing with the hilarity and eagerness of rustic children, clamouring together, and their faces were turned toward the west and storied hill of Lisnavoura.
Suddenly a startling voice with a screech called to them from behind, ordering them to get out of the way, and turning, they saw a sight, such as they never beheld before. It was a carriage drawn by four horses that were pawing and snorting, in impatience, as if just pulled up. The children were almost under their feet, and scrambled to the side of the road next their own door.
This carriage and all its appointments were old-fashioned and gorgeous, and presented to the children, who had never seen anything finer than a turf car, and once, an old chaise that passed that way from Killaloe, a spectacle perfectly dazzling.
Here was antique splendour. The harness and trappings were scarlet, and blazing with gold. The horses were huge, and snow white with great manes, that as they tossed and shook them in the air, seemed to stream and float sometimes longer and sometimes shorter, like so much smoke—their tails were long, and tied up in bows of broad scarlet and gold ribbon. The coach itself was glowing with colours, gilded and emblazoned. There were footmen in gay liveries, and three-cocked hats, like the coachman’s; but he had a great wig, like a judge’s, and their hair was frizzed out and powdered, and a long thick “pigtail,†with a bow to it, hung down the back of each.
All these servants were diminutive, and ludicrously out of proportion with the enormous horses of the equipage, and had sharp, sallow features, and small, restless fiery eyes, and faces of cunning and malice that chilled the children. The little coachman was scowling and showing his white fangs under his cocked hat, and his little blazing beads of eyes were quivering with fury in their sockets as he whirled his whip round and round over their heads, till the lash of it looked like a streak of fire in the evening sun, and sounded like the cry of a legion of “fillapoueeks†in the air.
“Stop the princess on the highway!†cried the coachman, in a piercing treble.
“Stop the princess on the highway!†piped each footman in turn, scowling over his shoulder down on the children, and grinding his keen teeth.
The children were so frightened they could only gape and turn white in their panic. But a very sweet voice from the open window of the carriage reassured them, and arrested the attack of the lackeys.
A beautiful and “very grand-looking†lady was smiling from it on them, and they all felt pleased in the strange light of that smile.
“The boy with the golden hair, I think,†said the lady, bending her large and wonderfully clear eyes on little Leum.
The upper sides of the carriage were chiefly of glass, so that the children could see another woman inside, whom they did not like so well.
This was a black woman, with a wonderfully long neck, hung round with many strings of large variously-coloured beads, and on her head was a sort of turban of silk striped with all the colours of the rainbow, and fixed in it was a golden star.
This black woman had a face as thin almost as a death’s-head, with high cheekbones, and great goggle eyes, the whites of which, as well as her wide range of teeth, showed in brilliant contrast with her skin, as she looked over the beautiful lady’s shoulder, and whispered something in her ear.
“Yes; the boy with the golden hair, I think,†repeated the lady.
And her voice sounded sweet as a silver bell in the children s ears, and her smile beguiled them like the light of an enchanted lamp, as she leaned from the window with a look of ineffable fondness on the golden-haired boy, with the large blue eyes; insomuch that little Billy, looking up, smiled in return with a wondering fondness, and when she stooped down, and stretched her jewelled arms towards him, he stretched his little hands up, and how they touched the other children did not know; but, saying, “Come and give me a kiss, my darling,†she raised him. And he seemed to ascend in her small fingers as lightly as a feather, and she held him in her lap and covered him with kisses.
Nothing daunted, the other children would have been only too happy to change places with their favoured little brother. There was only one thing that was unpleasant, and a little frightened them, and that was the black woman, who stood and stretched forward, in the carriage as before. She gathered a rich silk and gold handkerchief that was in her fingers up to her lips, and seemed to thrust ever so much of it, fold after fold, into her capacious mouth, as they thought to smother her laughter, with which she seemed convulsed, for she was shaking and quivering, as it seemed, with suppressed merriment; but her eyes, which remained uncovered, looked angrier than they had ever seen eyes look before.
But the lady was so beautiful they looked on her instead, and she continued to caress and kiss the little boy on her knee; and smiling at the other children she held up a large russet apple in her fingers, and the carriage began to move slowly on, and with a nod inviting them to take the fruit, she dropped it on the road from the window; it rolled some way beside the wheels, they following, and then she dropped another, and then another, and so on. And the same thing happened to all; forjust as either of the children who ran beside had caught the rolling apple, somehow it slipt into a hole or ran into a ditch, and looking up they saw the lady drop another from the window, and so the chase was taken up and continued till they got, hardly knowing how far they had gone, to the old cross-road that leads to Owney. It seemed that there the horses’ hoofs and carriage wheels rolled up a wonderful dust, which being caught in one of those eddies that whirl the dust up into a column, on the calmest day, enveloped the children for a moment, and passed whirling on towards Lisnavoura, the carriage, as they fancied, driving in the centre of it; but suddenly it subsided, the straws and leaves floated to the ground, the dust dissipated itself, but the white horses and the lackeys, the gilded carriage, the lady and their little golden-haired brother were gone.
At the same moment suddenly the upper rim of the clear setting sun disappeared behind the hill of Knockdoula, and it was twilight. Each child felt the transition like a shock—and the sight of the rounded summit of Lisnavoura, now closely overhanging them, struck them with a new fear.
They screamed their brother’s name after him, but their cries were lost in the vacant air. At the same time they thought they heard a hollow voice say, close to them, “Go home.â€
Looking round and seeing no one, they were scared, and hand in hand—the little girl crying wildly, and the boy white as ashes, from fear, they trotted homeward, at their best speed, to tell, as we have seen, their strange story.
Molly Ryan never more saw her darling. But something of the lost little boy was seen by his former playmates.
Sometimes when their mother was away earning a trifle at hay-making, and Nelly washing the potatoes for their dinner, or “beatling†clothes in the little stream that flows in the hollow close by, they saw the pretty face of little Billy peeping in archly at the door, and smiling silently at them, and as they ran to embrace him, with cries of delight, he drew back, still smiling archly, and when they got out into the open day, he was gone, and they could see no trace of him anywhere.
This happened often, with slight variations in the circumstances of the visit. Sometimes he would peep for a longer time, sometimes for a shorter time, sometimes his little hand would come in, and, with bended finger, beckon them to follow; but always he was smiling with the same arch look and wary silence—and always he was gone when they reached the door. Gradually these visits grew less and less frequent, and in about eight months they ceased altogether, and little Billy, irretrievably lost, took rank in their memories with the dead.
One wintry morning, nearly a year and a half after his disappearance, their mother having set out for Limerick soon after cockcrow, to sell some fowls at the market, the little girl, lying by the side of her elder sister, who was fast asleep, just at the grey of the morning heard the latch lifted softly, and saw little Billy enter and close the door gently after him. There was light enough to see that he was barefoot and ragged, and looked pale and famished. He went straight to the fire, and cowered over the turf embers, and rubbed his hands slowly, and seemed to shiver as he gathered the smouldering turf together.
The little girl clutched her sister in terror and whispered, “Waken, Nelly, waken; here’s Billy come back!â€
Nelly slept soundly on, but the little boy, whose hands were extended close over the coals, turned and looked toward the bed, it seemed to her, in fear, and she saw the glare of the embers reflected on his thin cheek as he turned toward her. He rose and went, on tiptoe, quickly to the door, in silence, and let himself out as softly as he had come in.
After that, the little boy was never seen any more by any one of his kindred.
“Fairy doctors,†as the dealers in the preternatural, who in such cases were called in, are termed, did all that in them lay—but in vain. Father Tom came down, and tried what holier rites could do, but equally without result. So little Billy was dead to mother, brother, and sisters; but no grave received him. Others whom affection cherished, lay in holy ground, in the old church yard of Abington, with headstone to mark the spot over which the survivor might kneel and say a kind prayer for the peace of the departed soul. But there was no landmark to show where little Billy was hidden from their loving eyes, unless it was in the old hill of Lisnavoura, that cast its long shadow at sunset before the cabin-door; or that, white and filmy in the moonlight, in later years, would occupy his brother’s gaze as he returned from fair or market, and draw from him a sigh and a prayer for the little brother he had lost so long ago, and was never to see again.
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Tags: Halloween Story
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Let God Be God
"In the beginning God."1
In response to the Daily Encounters on "Do Good People Go to Heaven?" I received many responses. Most were positive and as expected, some disagreeable. On the positive side, in those two days we received 90 salvation responses. On the negative side, we lost a bunch of subscribers, which always happens when I write on "touchy topics" as I like to call them. However, what was most disconcerting was those who claimed that because God was a God of love all good people will go to heaven. What is alarming is not that people disagreed with me, for my word isn't of any more value than anybody else's. Disagreement is a good thing and helps keep me on my toes. The problem is when people disagree with what God has clearly said in his Word and what Jesus, the Son of God, said when he was here on earth. What I have to say is of little consequence but what God has to say is of ultimate and eternal consequence. Herein lies the danger of disagreeing with God. When we do this, we put ourselves above the God of all creation and make ourselves the judge of God as to whether he is telling the truth or not. When we claim that what God has said is not the truth we are implying that God is a liar. And who are we to judge God, the Creator of you and me and the entire universe? I may not understand why God says what he says or does what he does. That is acceptable, but to put myself above God and become the judge of him is, in essence, making myself god. Instead of God having the ultimate voice of authority, I usurp his position and make myself the ultimate voice of authority. That's about the equivalent of an ant telling a man that it knows better than the man—and even this is a hopelessly inadequate comparison. To put myself and my word above God and his word is the ultimate in pride, self-delusion, and absurdity. What is even more alarming is that putting myself above God is the essence of sin. When man was tested in the Garden of Eden (whether this is literal or symbolic is beside the point in this context), God told man one thing. Satan came along and told him the opposite. Man then made himself the judge of who was correct. In doing so he elevated himself above God and made himself the judge of God. The tragic consequence was that man chose to disregard God's directive and go his own way. This is how sin entered the human race and is the very nature of sin. What many don't understand is that sin is rebelling against God and his directives and in essence making ourselves god. Acts of sin are the outcome. To put it another way, we are not sinners because we sin but rather, we sin because we are sinners. The only sensible and safe way to go is to let God be God and adhere to his directives. To do otherwise is not only the sin of pride (I know better than God) but the pathway to ultimate disaster and eternal damnation in hell which is eternal separation from God and all loving life. Remember, "In the beginning God." He will also have the final word in the end. Years ago Nietzsche said, "God is dead." Today God says, "Nietzsche is dead."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of pride and making myself the ultimate voice of authority, and always lead me on the path of truth—your truth as found in your Word, the Bible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Genesis 1:1.
1 John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
stridulate • STRIJ-uh-layt • verb : to make a shrill creaking noise by rubbing together special bodily structures -- used especially of male insects (as crickets or grasshoppers)
Examples: Lying in my tent that night, I could hear the campfire crackling and the crickets stridulating and none of the city sounds I was accustomed to.
"Water rushes and warbles over rocks, around our island in the middle of the stream. Insects stridulate in a hum almost electric." -- From an article by Ezra Kyrill Erker in the Bangkok Post, August 14, 2011
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The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. –Jack Handey
Lady Gregory "It is the old battle, between those who use a toothbrush and those who don't."
Abraham Lincoln "Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves."
Kin Hubbard "The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."
*************************** How to Take an Aromatherapy Bath
An aromatherapy bath (or "aromabath") can be a soothing retreat or a reviving experience and a lovely way to get clean. The addition of essential oils to a regular bath can enhance its ability to act as a therapeutic and sensual experience. Other benefits from an aromatherapy bath include softer skin through moisturizing and opening the pores, detoxifying and deodorizing your body.[1] If you're a beginner in the art of aromatherapy, starting with aromatherapy baths is a very simple and effective way to connect with the virtues of aromatherapy treatments for your overall well-being. Contents
1 Steps 1.1 Choosing scents for the aromatherapy bath 1.2 Choosing the aromatherapy bath and the temperature 1.3 Relaxing aromatherapy bath 1.4 Stimulating aromatherapy bath 1.5 No bath? Have an aromatherapy shower 2 Video 3 Tips 4 Warnings 5 Things You'll Need 6 Related wikiHows 7 Sources and Citations
Steps
Choosing scents for the aromatherapy bath
1 Start by choosing what you like. Start by choosing what you like. Initially, it's suggested that you choose scents that you know you like and that help you to feel calm or energized when you use them. As you become more experienced and more interested in aromatherapy though, you'll be able to select particular scents that are known to provide certain benefits when used.
2 Read the label or books on the topic for warnings. Be an informed user of essential oils. Always know the properties of any essential oil you're using and know the contra-indications, such as not using an oil when pregnant, breastfeeding, on infants or children or those who are immuno-suppressed, etc. Some oils have lingering after-effects such as increasing the likelihood of getting sunburn if you go into direct sunlight after using them. Read all of the labels, warnings and directions accompanying each essential oil. It is also important to know of any allergies before using, which can be done by using a skin patch test or through knowing that you're allergic to the plant source in some other form. You can get more information about an individual essential oil on its label, in books about aromatherapy, on websites concerning essential oils and aromatherapy or by talking to your essential oil supplier or manufacturer or even with your doctor or pharmacist.
3 Choose relaxing essential oils. Choose relaxing essential oils. Oils that are suggested as suitable for a relaxing aromatherapy bath include: Basil, bergamot, chamomile, clary sage, frankincense, juniper, lavender, marjoram, neroli (oranges), rose and rosewood, sandalwood, sage and ylang ylang.[2][3] Lavender and marjoram are ideal choices if you're plagued by insomnia.[4]
4 Choose stimulating and energizing essential oils. Choose stimulating and energizing essential oils. Oils that are suggested as suitable for an invigorating and energizing aromatherapy bath include: Cypress, eucalyptus, fennel, geranium, juniper, lavender, lemon, lemongrass, peppermint, pine, rosemary and thyme.[5][6]
5 Use a carrier oil. Use about 5 to 10 drops of the essential oil in one tablespoon of carrier oil per bath for an adult unless indicated otherwise on the label. Carrier oils are necessary to prevent the essential oil from being too powerful. They can be such oils as olive oil, jojoba oil or sweet almond oil. These carrier oils have the added benefit of nourishing and moisturizing your skin.[7] For a non-oily or non-slip bath suitable for children and the elderly, milk (full fat) or dairy cream can be used as the carrier base instead of vegetable oil.[8] For children aged 6-12 months, only use 1 to 3 drops of essential oil, and 3-4 drops for a child aged 1-5.[9] This is mainly because a child's bath uses less water but also be aware of which oils are suitable for children – geranium and mandarin are two good choices.[10]
6 Choose other forms of adding fragrance to the bath. Choose other forms of adding fragrance to the bath. You're not limited to using just essential oils. You can also use bath bombs, bath salts, bubble bath, soap flakes or soap, flower petals and other sources of fragrance. However, it is recommended that you seek the purer and more true forms of scent than synthetic versions and the less chemicals stamped on the back of the product, the better for you. And remember that the therapeutic benefits of a bath generally come from using the essential oils rather than other products.
Choosing the aromatherapy bath and the temperature
1Decide whether your purpose for the aromatherapy bath is one of seeking to relax or one of seeking stimulation.[11] In a nutshell, the choice of essential oils will be impacted by your motivation for the aromatherapy bath. While most people view a warm bath as a source of relaxing, provided the right essential oils are added, a bath can also be reviving with cold water, something which can be especially handy if you're about to go out again after a day at work or sport. 2Decide on the bath temperature. The temperature of the bath can vary from cold to hot, depending on what you're expecting from your aromatherapy bath, as well as personal preferences. The following bath temperatures are a guide and if you have any medical problems, always discuss bath temperature with your doctor first:[12] Cold bath: A cold bath is considered to have a temperature range between 21-27ºC or 70-80ºF. This is a stimulating bath that helps to improve circulation, breathing, muscle activity and can help various skin complaints. The time spent in a cold bath should be about 2-5 minutes. Warm bath: A warm bath is considered to have a temperature range between 27-34ºC or 80-93ºF. Most people enjoy warm baths without a fuss and this type of bath is very relaxing. In terms of the most therapeutic benefits from a warm aromatherapy bath, the best length of time for soaking is 20 minutes. Hot bath: A hot bath is considered to have a temperature range between 38-40ºC or 100-104ºF. This bath is good for those suffering from fevers associated with the influenza or to help remove toxins and increase sweating. Whether or not a hot bath is relaxing is dependent on your personal preferences! Hot baths are never recommended for children, pregnant women, heart condition sufferers or those with varicose veins or broken capillaries.[13] Even if healthy or not pregnant, you shouldn't take too many hot baths as they tend to increase your heart rate, enlarge your blood vessels and capillaries and end up leaving you feeling drained and weakened. 3 Always ensure that things are ready before getting into the bath. Always ensure that things are ready before getting into the bath. Having an aromatherapy bath is like performing a ritual, one that has been practiced for thousands of years by human beings who have appreciated the benefits of scented bathing. Place a fresh and unused towel (or towels) in an easy-to-reach spot, have all the essential oils or other scented items ready to add, have soaps and loofah or bath mitt near or on the bath and have your bath robe or other clothing ready to don laid out in an accessible part of the bathroom.
Relaxing aromatherapy bath
1 Create a calm environment with soft music and dim lights. Create a calm environment with soft music and dim lights. Having soft light is an important element of creating a peaceful sanctuary but if you can't turn down the lights, at least wear an eye mask. Shut the door and request that people keep out for the next 30 or so minutes. 2 Light one or two aromatherapy candles in your scent of choice. Light one or two aromatherapy candles in your scent of choice. Also, if you have aromatic plants, herbs, foliage or flowers, add these to the bathroom for added fragrance. 3 Fill the bath. Fill the bath. For a relaxing bath, the temperature should be warm, as outlined above. It is easiest to add mostly hot water and then add cool water until the bath is noticeably warmer than skin temperature, but not uncomfortably hot. It is easiest to add mostly hot water and then add cool water until the bath is noticeably warmer than skin temperature, but not uncomfortably hot. 4 Add the scent to the water as the bath is filling up, choosing the scents from the section on "Choosing Scents for the Aromatherapy Bath" above. Add the scent to the water as the bath is filling up, choosing the scents from the section on "Choosing Scents for the Aromatherapy Bath" above. If you're using scented bath salts, place 2 tablespoons in the bottom of the tub once you have plugged the drain. If you're using oils, add about 5-10 drops of essential oil to a carrier oil and then add to the water. You can even add it to the bottom of the tub before adding the water if preferred but bear in mind that adding to the water later will mean that the oils are more effective because oil is drawn to your skin from the top of the water.[14] Moreover, essential oils tend to evaporate quickly once added to the water.[15] If you're using herbs, make sure they are sealed in a cloth bag. Tie the bag to the faucet, so that the water will run directly through it. 5Add a bath pillow. If you don't have a bath pillow, use a rolled up towel. 6 Consider skin brushing to increase circulation prior to getting into the bath. Consider skin brushing to increase circulation prior to getting into the bath. Use gentle, circular motions with a loofah brush. Some aromatherapy bath rituals have the bather rub the relevant essential oil (in a carrier or massage oil base) all over the body from toes to upper chest before brushing. The oil is then washed off in the warm bath water.[16] 7 Step in and lie back with your head supported by the pillow. Step in and lie back with your head supported by the pillow. Soak yourself for at least 20 minutes. If possible, close your eyes and lean back in the tub. Concentrate on your breathing. Seek to let go of your worries and anxious thoughts. Allow the essential oils to soothe you and remove the stress. 8 Dry off with a soft, warm towel. Dry off with a soft, warm towel. Keep the towel on a warming towel rack if possible, otherwise you can always tuck a hot water bottle inside it which will warm it up while you're in the bath soaking. 9 Stay in the bathroom for several minutes while you drain the bath to enjoy the scented steam. Stay in the bathroom for several minutes while you drain the bath to enjoy the scented steam.
Stimulating aromatherapy bath
1Create an enjoyable and calm environment. While the lights don't need to be as soft, avoid anything blaring in your eyes. Shut the door from others and make the bathroom your space for the next 10 to 15 minutes.
2 Light candles which have the invigorating scents embedded in them.Light candles which have the invigorating scents embedded in them. Again, any relevant plants, herbs or spices that can add to the atmosphere can be brought into the bathroom too. However, this bath isn't going to last too long, so don't fuss too much.
3Fill the bath with cold water in the temperature range cited above.
4Add the relevant scents as the bath fills up. See the list of appropriate scents for an energizing bath in the section on "Choosing Scents for the Aromatherapy Bath" above. Also add a bath cushion for your head.
5 Consider preparing yourself prior to having the colder bath by skin brushing. Consider preparing yourself prior to having the colder bath by skin brushing. Simply use a body brush, bath mitt or a loofah and rub your back, legs, arms and torso to increase the circulation and remove dead skin cells and dirt from skin pores.[17] Use circular motions while brushing. Doing this will help to stimulate your circulation.
6Step into the bath. Soak in it for 2 to 5 minutes.
7Rinse. After you've soaked yourself, splash yourself all over with cold water (as cold as you can bear). Take this water either from the tap or the shower. If you don't like the feeling of being splashed, simply add the cold water to the bath itself and sit there as the cold water flushes around you.
8Step out of the bath. Using the towel, slap yourself dry to create a tingling sensation on the skin, or simply do a vigorous dry with the towel. Splash your face with cold water as the last part of energizing yourself.
9Feel energized. You should now be ready to start your day or to head back out after work or sport and feel a lot more refreshed than before the bath!
No bath? Have an aromatherapy shower
1Wash yourself as usual in a warm shower.
2Rinse off all the soap and shower gels.
3Add 2 to 3 drops of the relevant aromatherapy oil to a facecloth or a wet sponge.
4 Rub this cloth or sponge over all areas of your body while standing under the warm shower. Rub this cloth or sponge over all areas of your body while standing under the warm shower. It helps to plug the shower drain with a plug, your feet, a facecloth or something else. You can allow the water to fill up and add a few drops of essential oil to it, which will rise up in the steam. This is optional, as some people cannot bear water around their feet in the shower!
*************************** An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open"
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My in-laws came to visit on the day I brought my son home from the hospital. I'd had a c-section and wasn't ready to move around a great deal, but they all wanted pizza for dinner. So they made it. From scratch. When I looked out in the kitchen, there was flour everywhere. And, though I had a dishwasher, they were piling all the dishes in the sink, just so I (according to MIL), "could wash them up when I was up and feeling better."
************************ At our wedding, my mother-in-law asked me (the bride), and her other daughter-in-law and son-in-law to step out of the pictures so the photographer (who we were paying for) could take some pictures of "her family". So, there I was, the bride, standing on the side, watching her set up pictures of "her family". Her son-in-law told me to get used to it, as she does this at all occasions (I still can't get used to it!).
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After over 18 years, 3 children, and the usual problems in a marriage, my husband and I have survived. Now, my mother-in-law told me straight out that he should kick me out on the street. She is very blunt about this to my children as well. My youngest comes back to me and asks why "gramma wants daddy to kick you out." My husband is spineless when it comes to her. There are also 5 sisters that support my mother-in-law in her decisions. I have told her to stay out of our lives, but I was never rude, just firm. I have even brought the children up to see her, but they are getting to the point they don't want anything to do with her either. I will not make them visit her. To top it off, I am disabled and cannot do anything to please her. She thinks I am "faking it", and does not understand why I do not work.
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Do Good People Go to Heaven? Part II
"Jesus answered and said to him , 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.'"1
Do Good people go to Heaven, and if so, why, and if not, why not?
Continuing our two-part series on "Do Good People Go to Heaven?" If ever there were an individual who would have qualified for heaven through his goodness, it would have been Nicodemus, a religious leader of Christ's day.
By all human standards Nicodemus would have been a model citizen—strong in character, a man of integrity, and a sincere religious leader. It was to this good man that Jesus said, "You must be born again." In other words, unless a man/woman is born again he will not even see the kingdom of God/heaven let alone enter it.
"You must be born again," meant that Nicodemus, like everybody else, needed to be born spiritually (as well as physically) if he is to enter God's heaven.
Once, after addressing a group of church workers, the famous evangelist Dwight Moody was confronted by an angry person. "Mr. Moody," she said, "do you mean to tell me that I, an educated woman, taught from childhood in good ways, and all my life interested in the church and doing good, must enter heaven the same way as the worst criminal of our day?"
"No, madam," said Mr. Moody, "I don't. God does. He says everyone who would enter heaven, no matter how good they think they are, or how well educated, or zealous in good works, must be born again [that is, born spiritually]."
The difficult thing to grasp is that our sin has made us spiritually dead to God. This is why we all need to be reborn spiritually. To become a member of the human family, we were born physically. To become a member of God's family, we need to be born spiritually. But how can we do this?
Contrary to what many people think, it isn't by being good or through good works…or religion. It is simply by confessing our sinfulness to God and by believing that his Son, Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, and by responding to his call to receive him into our heart and life as personal Lord and Savior.
If you're not sure that you have been born again spiritually, you can be—right now—by sincerely praying a prayer such as the following:
"Dear God, I confess that I am a sinner and ask for your forgiveness. I believe that Jesus, your Son, died on the cross to pay the consequences and penalty for all my sins. And, dear Jesus, I thank you for doing this for me. Please come into my life as Savior and Lord and help me to become the person you want me to be and to live always for you. Thank you for your forgiveness and the assurance that I will spend eternity with you in heaven forever."
1. John 3:3(NIV).
Titus 2:2 “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
contumacious • kahn-too-MAY-shus • adjective : stubbornly disobedient : rebellious
Examples: "She sat still, looking a little contumacious, and very much indisposed to stir." -- From Charlotte Brontë's 1849 novel Shirley
"Americans are taught that the war was a noble conflict waged by Lincoln and the forces of light against misguided and contumacious Southerners…." -- From a book review by Geoffrey Wheatcroft in The New York Times, July 3, 2011
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Fibromyalgia: A Never-Ending Controversy Posted on July 16th, 2011 by Psyche Pascual
Twenty-two years ago when Novi, Mich. resident Sharon Ostalecki fractured her hip, she didn’t realize that years of pain lay ahead of her. A marathon runner before the accident, Ostalecki thought the pain would fade away once the break healed. But the pain never relented. And not just hip pain, but pain throughout her entire body. Every one of the 17 doctors she went to over 10 years couldn’t give it a name. Some said she had problems with estrogen. Others said she needed to see a marriage counselor. Ostalecki, now 53, said doctors thought it was all in her head and suggested she seek psychiatric care. “They see this female hypochondriac and all I did was complain,†she said. “And they said, ‘There’s nothing wrong.’ †About 5 million adults in the United States have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, about four out of five of them women, according to the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases. Yet the debate about how to diagnose and treat fibromyalgia continues. Doctors commonly look for persistent pain that lasts for at least three months. Patients also complain of sleeplessness, migraine headaches, depression, constant fatigue and stomach problems, such as irritable bowel syndrome. Although the American College of Rheumatology (ACR) issued guidelines to help doctors diagnose fibromyalgia in 1990, there is still no recognized test for it, and it can take years to diagnose. In 2010, they were revised in 2010 to help primary care doctors diagnose fibromyalgia. But doctors continue to debate over what causes fibromyalgia, how to treat it and whether it is a real condition. Patients are often called “fibrochondriacs.†Pain researchers point to scientific evidence that suggests fibromyalgia patients experience pain much more strongly than those without the condition. Dr. Stuart Silverman, a clinical professor of medicine and rheumatology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles, who heads the Fibromyalgia Rehabilitation Program at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, says there should be no argument that the condition is real. Recent research into the nerves of the brain showed that when fibromyalgia patients were touched, even lightly, it activated the pain centers that showed up in their brain scans. “The data’s pretty strong. It’s a real illness,†Silverman said. But it can still take many years before patients can get a fibromyalgia diagnosis, and in that period, they may undergo multitudes of tests and physical therapy, and take many antidepressants and pain and sleep medications. An international study showed that it takes an average of three years for patients to be diagnosed, even after having suffered with the condition for more than six years. Patients often have difficulty talking with their doctors, and many doctors are unfamiliar with the ACR guidelines of evaluating fibromyalgia, according to the study. Another study of 10,000 patients with fibromyalgia found that they had more tests and took more medicines than about 10,000 others who didn’t have the condition. In fact, they used twice as much pain medication, according to the study. But some doctors remain skeptical that complaints of chronic disease should be treated with a battery of medications. “These people suffer mightily,†Dr. Nortin Hadler, professor of medicine and microbiology/immunology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and an attending rheumatologist at UNC hospitals. He wrote extensively about fibromyalgia in his book, “Stabbed in the Back: Confronting Back Pain in an Overtreated Society.†“But until we can show that what is being done for you and to you has more benefit than risk, then I have a problem,†Hadler said. Silverman contends that patients who get a fibromyalgia diagnosis often live with less pain after a doctor confirms their diagnosis. One small study followed a group of patients before and after they were diagnosed. After three years, two-thirds of them said they were no longer disabled by pain and took fewer medications. Ostalecki, the fibromyalgia patient from Michigan, agrees with Silverman. She uses fewer sleep and pain medicines today than before she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and relies on daily stretching and exercises regularly to keep her symptoms under control. Ostalecki became a staunch advocate for fibromyalgia support groups. She authored the book, “Fibromyalgia: The Complete Guide From Medical Experts and Patients,†to help educate others. But she still encounters skepticism even from the medical community. When she sees her orthopedist, she makes sure she doesn’t discuss her illness. “If I bring up, he just rolls his eyes,†Ostalecki said. “Some of the docs, yes, they don’t look at me with skepticism anymore. I’m just glad I was finally diagnosed.†Sources Berger A, et al. “Patterns of Healthcare Utilization and Cost in Patients With Newly Diagnosed Fibromyalgia.†American Journal of Managed Care. 2010;16:S126-S137 http://www.ajmc.com/publications/supplement/2010/A291_2010mayFibromya... Wolfe F, et al. “The American College of Rheumatology Preliminary Diagnostic Criteria for Fibromyalgia and Measurement of Symptom Severity.†Arthritis Care & Research. Vol. 62, No. 5, May 2010, pp 600-610. Choy E, et al. “A patient survey of the impact of fibromyalgia and the journey to diagnosis.†BMC Health Services Research 2010, 10:102 doi:10.1186/1472-6963-10-102 http://www.biomedcentral.com/1472-6963/10/102/ Clauw D and Crofford L. “Chronic widespread pain and fibromyalgia: what we know, and what we need to know.†Best Practice & Research Clinical Rheumatology. Volume 17, Issue 4 August 2003, Pages 685-701. National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases. “Questions and Answers about Fibromyalgia.†http://www.niams.nih.gov/Health_Info/Fibromyalgia/default.asp White KP, et al. “Does the label “fibromyalgia†alter health status, function, and health service utilization? A prospective, within-group comparison in a community cohort of adults with chronic widespread pain.†Arthritis Care & Research, 47: 260–265. doi: 10.1002/art.10400 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/art.10400/full
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Moon Lore: Birthing and Courting
The Moon has a personal relationship with us all, and folklore has it that courting and birthing are influenced by the Moon. According to folklore, if a young woman sees a dove and glimpses the new Moon at the same instant, she should repeat: "Bright Moon, clear Moon, Bright and fair, Lift up your right foot, There'll be a hair." When she removes her shoe, she'll find a hair the color of her future husband's. Marriages consummated during the full Moon are most prosperous and happy, according to ancient Greeks, while a waning Moon bodes ill for wedded bliss. The full Moon is an ideal time to accept a proposal of marriage. Though nobody can be sure of when a baby will be born, Moon lore suggests that births are more likely to occur 7 days before through 7 days after a Full Moon. The Navajos, among others, believe that the full Moon's pull on a woman's amniotic fluids increases the chances of giving birth at this time. Some nurses and midwives claim the new Moon is also an active time for births. According to folklore, babies born a day after the full Moon enjoy success and endurance.
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Cream Cheese Almond Bars
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: 24 bars
I originally bought some of these at a bake sale (minus the toasted almonds) and couldn't rest until I found a recipe that emulated the total deliciousness I found that day!
INGREDIENTS Crust: 1 c. butter 1/2 c. powdered sugar 2 c. flour Filling: 8 oz. Cream cheese, softened 1/2 c. sugar 2 eggs 1 tsp. Almond extract Frosting: 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar 1 1/2 T. Milk 1/4 c. butter, softened 1 tsp. Almond extract 1/2 c. Toasted, sliced almonds DIRECTIONS Crust: Cut butter into dry ingredients and pat into 9 x 13 pan. Bake at 350 for 20 - 25 minutes. Filling: Mix sugar and cream cheese with mixer until well creamed. Beat in Eggs and almond extract until fluffy. Pour over crust while still hot. Bake at 350 for 15 - 20 minutes. Cool completely. Frosting: Cream sugar and butter, add milk and almond extract, mix well. Spread evenly on baked, cooled filling. Sprinkle toasted almonds on top.
*************************** Carrot Cake
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes Yield: 16 servings
An old favorite with an updated nutritional profile, but still as moist and delicious as ever.
INGREDIENTS For the Cake: 1/2 cup chopped walnuts 2 cups whole-wheat pastry flour (see Ingredient note) 2 teaspoons baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 3 large eggs 1 1/2 cups sugar 3/4 cup nonfat buttermilk 1/2 cup canola oil 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple, drained, juice reserved 2 cups grated carrots (4-6 medium) 1/4 cup unsweetened flaked coconut For the Frosting: 2 tablespoons coconut chips or flaked coconut 12 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, sifted 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Ingredient Note: Whole-wheat pastry flour is milled from soft wheat. It contains less gluten than regular whole-wheat flour and helps ensure a tender result in delicate baked goods while providing the nutritional benefits of whole grains. Available in large supermarkets and in natural-foods stores. Store in the freezer. DIRECTIONS To prepare cake: Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Toast walnuts in a small baking pan in the oven until fragrant, 5 to 10 minutes. Whisk flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a medium bowl. Whisk eggs, sugar, buttermilk, oil, vanilla and 1/4 cup of the reserved pineapple juice in a large bowl until blended. Stir in pineapple, carrots and coconut. Add the dry ingredients and mix with a rubber spatula just until blended. Stir in the nuts. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading evenly. Bake the cake until the top springs back when touched lightly and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 40 to 45 minutes. Let cool completely on a wire rack. To prepare frosting & finish cake: Place coconut in a small baking pan and toast in the oven at 300 degrees F, stirring several times, until light golden, 5 to 10 minutes. Beat cream cheese, confectioners’ sugar and vanilla in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Spread the frosting over the cooled cake. Sprinkle with the coconut.
*************************** One-Bowl Chocolate Cake
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes Yield: 12 servings
While cake mixes may be the easiest option for a home-baked cake, they often contain hydrogenated fats. By making this simple “scratch†cake, you can use healthful canola oil, incorporate whole-wheat flour and opt for a no-calorie sweetener, if you like.
INGREDIENTS 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons whole-wheat pastry flour 1/2 cup sugar or 1/4 cup 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup buttermilk or equivalent buttermilk powder (see Ingredient notes) 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar or 1/4 cup Splenda sugar Blend for Baking (see Ingredient notes) 1 large egg, lightly beaten 2 tablespoons canola oil 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup hot strong black coffee Confectioners' sugar for dusting
Substituting with Splenda: In the EatingWell Test Kitchen, sucralose is the only alternative sweetener we test with when we feel the option is appropriate. For nonbaking recipes, we use Splenda Granular (boxed, not in a packet). For baking, we use Splenda Sugar Blend for Baking, a mix of sugar and sucralose. It can be substituted in recipes (1/2 cup of the blend for each 1 cup of sugar) to reduce sugar calories by half while maintaining some of the baking properties of sugar. If you make a similar blend with half sugar and half Splenda Granular, substitute this homemade mixture cup for cup. When choosing any low- or no-calorie sweetener, be sure to check the label to make sure it is suitable for your intended use.
Ingredient Note: You can use buttermilk powder in place of fresh buttermilk. Or make "sour milk": mix 1 tablespoon lemon juice or vinegar to 1 cup milk. *************************** Angel Cake
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes Yield: Serves 6
Easy to make and exceptional to eat, this light, airy "down home" specialty is best cut with a serrated knife or separated into pieces with two forks. It's wonderful served simply, with the season's fresh fruit.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup all-purpose flour 12 egg whites, at room temperature Pinch of salt 1 teaspoon cream of tartar 4 drops vanilla extract 2 drops almond extract Confectioners' sugar, to dust strawberries, halved, to garnish DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Have ready an angel food cake pan, measuring 9 1/2-10 inches across the top and 4 inches in depth. The pan needs no preparation. Sift 1 cup of the sugar together with the flour. Repeat the sifting process six times, then set aside. Beat the egg whites in a large bowl, using an electric mixer, until they are foamy with soft peaks. Add the salt, cream of tartar, vanilla and almond extract and 1 tablespoon water, and when bubbles form, add the remaining sugar, a few tablespoons at a time. Beat in well until all the sugar has dissolved and the mixture stands in a very stiff peaks. Add the sifted flour and sugar and, using a plastic spatula, carefully fold in to blend thoroughly. Spoon into the pan and pull a flexible metal spatula, upright in the pan and touching the base, through the mixture in a circle. This will remove pockets of air and help to blend. Bake for 50 minutes, or until the cake springs back when lightly touched. Turn the pan upside down onto a wire rack and cool completely in the pan so that it will not collapse as it cools. To remove, the cake may require loosening around the edge with a metal spatula. Transfer to a serving plate, dust with the sifted confectioners' sugar and garnish with strawberries.
CHEF'S TIP: This cake can either be served plain with whipped cream and strawberries, or drizzled with melted chocolate. Alternatively, coat with whipped cream flavored with strong coffee or melted chocolate.
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Apple Butter Spice Cake
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 40 Minutes Yield: 9 servings
Buttermilk and apple butter contribute to the moistness of this simple, one-bowl cake.
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon butter 1 cup apple butter 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar 3 tablespoons canola oil 1/2 cup raisins 1/2 cup buttermilk 1 large egg 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking soda 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 2 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground allspice 1/4 teaspoon salt
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat an 8-inch square cake pan with nonstick cooking spray. Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat; swirl the pan until the butter turns a nutty brown, about 1 minute. Pour into a large bowl. Add apple butter, brown sugar (breaking up any lumps) and oil and whisk until smooth. Add raisins, buttermilk, egg and vanilla; mix well. Add flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, allspice and salt; whisk until just combined. Transfer the batter to the prepared baking dish and bake until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes before serving.
*************************** Lemon Pasta Envelopes with Cream Cheese Filling
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 40 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
INGREDIENTS For Pasta: 2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour 1 tablespoon superfine sugar Grated zest of 2 lemons Juice of 1 large lemon 1 egg, beaten
For Filling: 2/3 cup ricotta cheese 6 1/2 oz cream cheese 2 teaspoons grated lemon zest 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1/2 cup superfine sugar 2 eggs, separated 1/3 cup golden raisins
1 beaten egg, for sealing vegetable oil, for deep-frying Confectioners' sugar Fresh berries of your choice
DIRECTIONS FOR PASTA: Place the dry pasta ingredients and lemon zest in a food processor. Process briefly. Add the lemon juice and egg and process until the mixture forms a ball. Add a little more lemon juice, if necessary. Cover and let the pasta dough rest for 15 minutes.
FOR FILLING: Beat the ricotta and cream cheese with an electric mixer or food processor, until smooth. Beat in the lemon zest, lemon juice and superfine sugar. Beat in the egg yolks, one at a time. Fold in the raisins. Beat the egg whites in a bowl until soft peaks form. Fold into the cheese mixture. Divide the pasta into four parts. Roll out each piece into a very thin sheet. Using a pasta cutter, cut the pasta into 4-inch squares. Working a few at a time, paint around the edges of each square with a little beaten egg. Place a tablespoon of the filling in the center of each square, then fold it like an envelope to completely enclose the filling. (The envelopes can be sealed with a pasta shape of your choice, e.g. heart, if desired. Brush the back of the shape with beaten egg before applying.) Heat sufficient oil in a saucepan to deep-fry the envelopes. Deep-fry them, one at a time, for about 30 seconds, until golden. Drain on paper towels. When the envelopes are sufficiently cool, dust with confectioners' sugar. Serve warm or at room temperature, with fresh berries of your choice.
*************************** Beer Battered Fish and Chips
Total Time:55 min Prep25 min Cook30 min Yield:4 servings
Ingredients 4 large baking potatoes, cut into French fry strips
Beer Batter: 1 (12-ounce) bottle beer 2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon House Seasoning, recipe follows 1 1/2 pounds cod fillets, skinned with bones removed, and fish cut diagonally into 1-inch-wide strips (5 to 6-inches long)
Directions In a Dutch oven, heat oil to 375 degrees F. Fry potatoes until golden brown, roughly 10 minutes removing with a slotted spoon or spider. Hold in low oven to keep warm while cooking the fish. Preheat oven to 225 degrees F,
Batter:
In a large bowl, pour in 1 bottle of beer. Sift 1 1/2 cups flour into the bowl, whisking in gently until just combined, stir in House Seasoning. Pat fish dry and season on both sides with salt and pepper and coat the fish in the beer batter. Dredge the pieces of fish in 1/2 cup of remaining flour and slide into oil as coated. Fry fish, turning over frequently, until deep golden and cooked through, 4 to 5 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined baking sheet and keep warm in oven. Fry remaining fish in batches, returning oil to 375 degrees F between batches.
Serve fish with French fries
House Seasoning:
1 cup salt 1/4 cup black pepper 1/4 cup garlic powder Mix ingredients together and store in an airtight container for up to 6 months.
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SHRIMP'N BEER BATTER SHRIMP MARINADE: 1/3 c. Worcestershire sauce 1 c. lemon juice 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 tsp. pepper Place 20 to 36 medium or jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined in above marinade for 30 minutes. Dust lightly with plain flour. Then dip in beer batter and deep fry at 365 degrees about 7 minutes or until golden brown. BEER BATTER: 2 bottles beer 2 c. flour 2 tsp. baking powder 1/2 tsp. paprika
*************************** THREE HORNY DOGS
orny Dogs
There were three horny dogs (A British bulldog, A German shephard and a Chihuaha)
A poodle walked by and she says "Ill let one of you friggin me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence"
The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese"
She says "Nope that wont work"
The German shephard says "I love liver and cheese"
She says "Nope that wont work"
The Chihuaha says "Liver alone cheese mine"
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A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
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So God calls to Adam and says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" Adam replies, "The good news." God answers, "Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain." Then Adam says, "OK, so what's the bad news?" And God says, "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."
*************************** Come Judegement Day
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter." Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here"
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The Smartest Man In The World
There were 3 people in a crashing plane, the smartest man in the world, the president of the USA, and a little girl. There were only two parachutes. The smartest man in the world stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes and I being the smartest man am one of those." With that he grabbed one and jumped out. The president looks at the little girl and says "I've led a good long life, you take the last parachute." And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, we can both have one, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."
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The Smartest Man In The World
There were 3 people in a crashing plane, the smartest man in the world, the president of the USA, and a little girl. There were only two parachutes. The smartest man in the world stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes and I being the smartest man am one of those." With that he grabbed one and jumped out. The president looks at the little girl and says "I've led a good long life, you take the last parachute." And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, we can both have one, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."
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A Close Shave A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Jeremiah 1:9 – Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.
Sunk in a Sinkhole
"One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, 'Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?'"1 "In December 1985 an enormous sinkhole swallowed a house and carport and forced the evacuation of four homes in a retirement community in Florida. The hole was about the size of a pickup truck when it was discovered. Within three hours it had grown to 30 by 40 feet and had swallowed half of a small house. Two hours later it had expanded to more than 70 feet, and the house with its carport was gone. Authorities were grateful that it finally stopped growing without doing even more damage. "David discovered that sin is like an ever-expanding sinkhole. As he was walking on the flat roof of his palace, he saw a beautiful woman bathing. Instead of turning away, he stared longingly at her. At this point the sinkhole was small but expanding. When he inquired about who she was, the hole grew larger. And finally, when he sent for her, he soon found himself and those around him swallowed up. What started out as only a look ended in tragedy for all involved."2 Many people, like David, find themselves falling into the sinkhole of temptation because they leave the door open for temptation to enter. Temptation works the same for all of us. It's progressive. It can start with an innocent look, then a thought, and then if we linger longer on the look, the thought progresses to desire, then to becoming blind to reality and fooling ourselves into rationalizing that it won't hurt, and then to yielding. Following this pathway can quickly lead one into the sinkhole of sin as well as despair. To overcome temptation we need to realize how vulnerable we are to the pull that temptation has on us. Note that "what the mind dwells on the body acts on," so when temptation knocks on our door, the best defense is to change our thinking. To do this immediately, pray, "Help, Jesus, help," and say over and over, "Jesus Christ is Lord," until the tempting thoughts are wiped out. Also, as God's Word says, "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men [and women] of courage; be strong."3 And again, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."4 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."5
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, may I never forget that I, like David, am just as open and vulnerable to temptation as he was. Please help me to call on you in the hour or even the moment of temptation, and give me the strength to resist the devil so that he will flee from me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
2 Samuel 11:2-3 (NIV). 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NIV). 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV). James 4:7 (NIV).
Proverbs 29:25 “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
actitious • fak-TISH-us • adjective 1 : produced by humans rather than by natural forces 2 : not natural or genuine : artificial
Examples: Terry had the distinct feeling that her host's British accent was factitious -- part of an act designed to distance him even further from those around him.
"The energy generated here often feels factitious, all show (or show and tell) and little substance." -- From a theater review by Ben Brantley in the New York Times, April 28, 2011
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DOG TIP OF DAY: Cataracts in Dogs
Cataracts are the leading cause of vision loss in adults age 55 and older. According to EyeCareAmerica.com, the foundation of the American Academy of Ophthalmology, more than half of all the people in the "over 65" age group have some degree of cataract development. ?
My goal isn't to tell you about human cataracts, but as a medical professional I care about good health - canine or human. So I would like to tell you about cataracts in dogs.
Do you know what a cataract is?
A cataract is any opacity in the lens of the eye. The normal lens is translucent (clear), and it transmits and focuses light onto the retina in the back of the eye. A cataract within the lens may block the transmission of light to the retina. Learn more about canine cataracts - go to: Cataracts in Dogs
What are signs of cataracts?
• Bluish, gray or white color change inside of the eye • Tendency to bump into things • Reluctance to use stairs or jump up onto objects • Hesitancy in unfamiliar environments • Other signs of blindness • Inflammation or redness • Pain and squinting To see a photo of cataracts in dogs - click here
A cataract is not be confused with a condition called lenticular sclerosis, which is a normal aging change in the eye. To learn more, go to: Lenticular Sclerosis in Dogs If you aren't sure if your dog has cataracts, or if you have concerns about your dog's vision, please see your veterinarian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TODAY'S PET TIP
Grape and Raisin Toxicity Ingestion of grapes or raisins can be toxic to dogs. Ingestion of grapes and raisins does not appear to cause toxicity in all dogs but can cause acute kidney failure in some dogs.
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How to Listen to Trees Communicate
Trees are a source of wonder and beauty for many people who gaze upon them and spend time around them. People from all walks of life come into contact with trees daily - hikers, gardeners, artists, lovers of the great outdoors, dreamers, naturalists, travelers and tourists, hunters, botanists, and more. By dint of being rooted to the ground they grow in, trees are representative of strength and constancy for many and this can bring on a sense of peace and connection when spending time around trees. Listening to trees is either a relaxation or a meditating exercise, depending on how you choose to view it. Listening to the communications of trees (or rustlings and noises if you're really practical) is a way of attuning our hearing and paying more attention to what we hear around us rather than letting sounds invade our space unawares. Trees make for a wonderful subject of focus because they cannot move more than what the breeze blows, toning down distractions and causing us to relax and focus more clearly.
Steps
Find a suitable place for spending time with the trees. Find a suitable place for spending time with the trees. Choose a place that has at least two trees but preferably more. It is better that they have abundant foliage but even branches, twig, and bark have a place in making sounds. Make yourself comfortable and settled; you may wish to face the trunk(s) or sit against a trunk, or sit in the middle of a circle of trees. Do whatever feels right around the trees, as there are no rules, just instinctual responses. It is best if you can allow yourself to be led to the trees where you will listen. Actively avoiding choosing a particular tree to meditate or relax before you arrive can lead you to a tree with which you are unfamiliar and you may learn much more by interacting with it.
Be prepared to spend a decent amount of time on this exercise. Be prepared to spend a decent amount of time on this exercise. Trees are very noble and peaceful. They neither welcome the bird nor beckon for its return. They let things be as they are. Therefore, they won't welcome your willingness to listen, they'll only see you as you are and continue with their normal behavior. However, be sure to treat the trees with respect and this respect will emanate from you and become part of the microcosm of you and the trees, not acknowledged but always gently there. Your respect for the trees will improve your ability to listen, as well as helping you to be open to the possibilities that you may never have pondered before.
Notice the silence. Notice the silence. In looking for the silence, you will soon become aware that a copse of trees, a wood, or a forest has no real silence. The trees are always communicating, making noise, filling in the gaps between bird song and the industrious animals and insects.
Notice the sounds with greater precision. Notice the sounds with greater precision. You will hear the trees in the breeze or wind, the swaying of branches, the creaking of limbs, the rustling of leaves. Listen to how the wind or breeze flows through the trees and the how the very smallest of the sounds of the trees are amplified by the fact of you choosing to listen more closely. Be patient. It takes time and perseverance to learn to listen to the trees. Don't be disappointed if you cannot hear the trees at first. It may take several different tries and occasions before you tap into the interactions.
Experiment with sounds around and beneath the tree. Experiment with sounds around and beneath the tree. The sounds are quiet, so listen closely and attentively. Place your ear to the ground, perhaps above the roots of the tree. Can you hear anything approaching? Place your ear against the trunk of the tree. Listen for what you can hear; once you hear it, let the sound envelop you and create a reaction in you. How does hearing sounds through the trunk affect you?
Repeat the exercise of listening over and over. Repeat the exercise of listening over and over. As you listen, continue asking yourself how you are affected by the sounds of the tree. What is the quality of the sound and where does it resonate most within your body? What does the sound actually do – is it constant, intermittent, loud, soft, or always changing? The more you persist with this line of inquiry and a focus on simply listening to the trees, the more you will attune your hearing to the communications from the trees.
Listen with your other senses. Listen with your other senses. It is possible for the deaf to "hear" when listening to trees.[1] Opening up your senses means noting which parts of your body are most in tune with the tree's methods of communicating, through touch, smell, sound and sight. Continue listening as your accepted ideas about communication and about trees are turned upside down. Inhale deeply and slowly exhale to feel the discourse of the trees within you.
Repeat all meditative or relaxing steps as long as you like. Repeat all meditative or relaxing steps as long as you like. Hopefully this will further enlighten you. If you have enjoyed this experience of spending time with trees, consider broadening your listening to the communication of the trees to also embrace listening to your own body. From the experience of trees, you can learn to nourish your body as the tree knows instinctively how to nourish itself – selectively, slowly in small amounts, and aligned with the environment and seasons around you. As with the tree, take only what you need when needed and hear your body's needs, energizing it through eating for your body rather than to jumpstart or sedate it, and learn from the trees how to get your life back into balance.[2]
Tips Remain silent to hear all that whispers – the trees, the vegetation, the grasses, all of nature that goes to make up the ecosystem around you. Stay focused. Did you know? The people of Findhorn in Scotland believe that the consciousness of trees lives beyond the sawmill and that when we bring wood into our homes for furniture and use it build our homes, that the trees are aware of the shelter they've helped create and of the occupants they're helping to shelter.[3]
Warnings If you cannot see the point of listening to the trees communicate, then this exercise isn't for you. You need to have an open mind, a willingness to explore, and a liking for meditative relaxation. By the same token, don't denigrate that which you choose not to understand; one day perhaps you will find it as enlightening as others do but for now, simply respect that it is not for you and leave it alone without passing judgment.
Things You'll Need A mat or other ground cover for sitting/lying upon (optional) Journal if you feel inspired to write while spending time listening to the trees
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Oven-Fried Zucchini Sticks
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 30 Minutes Yield: 4 servings
Every bit as good as the restaurant-appetizer version--no deep fryer required.
INGREDIENTS Canola oil cooking spray 1/2 cup whole-wheat flour 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 tablespoons cornmeal 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1 1/2 pounds zucchini (about 3 medium), cut into 1/2-by-3-inch sticks 2 egg whites, lightly beaten DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 475°F. Coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray. Combine flours, cornmeal, salt and pepper in a large sealable plastic bag. Dip zucchini in egg white, shake in the bag to coat, and arrange, not touching, on the baking sheet. Coat all exposed sides with cooking spray. Bake on the center rack for 7 minutes. Turn the zucchini and coat any floury spots with cooking spray. Continue to bake until golden and just tender, about 5 minutes more. Serve hot.
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Chicken Chili Lasagna Yield: 12 servings (serving size: 1 piece)
INGREDIENTS 2 packages (3 ounces each) cream cheese, softened 1 medium onion, chopped 8 green onions, chopped 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded Mexican-cheese blend, divided 2 garlic cloves, minced 3/4 teaspoon ground cumin, divided 1/2 teaspoon minced fresh cilantro or parsley 3 cups cubed cooked chicken 1/4 cup butter or margarine 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups chicken broth 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded monterey jack cheese 1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream 1 can (4 ounces) chopped green chilies, drained 1/8 teaspoon dried thyme 1/8 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon pepper 12 flour tortillas (6 inches), halved DIRECTIONS In a mixing bowl, combine cream cheese, onions, 1 1/2 cups Mexican-cheese blend, garlic, 1/4 teaspoon cumin and cilantro. Stir in chicken; set aside. In a saucepan, melt butter. Stir in flour until smooth; gradually add broth.Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Remove from the heat. Stir in Monterey Jack cheese, sour cream, chilies, thyme, salt, pepper and remaining cumin. Spread 1/2 cup of the cheese sauce in a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish. Top with six tortilla halves, a third of the chicken mixture and a fourth of the cheese sauce. Repeat tortilla, chicken and cheese sauce layers twice. Top with remaining tortillas, cheese sauce and Mexican cheese. Cover and bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes. Uncover; bake 10 minutes longer or until heated through. Let stand 5 minutes before cutting.
*************************** Chicken Noodle Casserole
Yield: 6 Servings
INGREDIENTS
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted 1/2 cup mayonnaise 2 tablespoons lemon juice 2 cups cubed cooked chicken 1 small onion, chopped 1/4 cup chopped green pepper 1/4 cup chopped sweet red pepper 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded monterey jack cheese, divided 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded sharp cheddar cheese, divided 12 ounces medium egg noodles, cooked and drained DIRECTIONS In a large bowl, combine soup, mayonnaise and lemon juice. Add the chicken, onion, peppers, 1/2 cup of Monterey Jack cheese and 1/2 cup of cheddar cheese; mix well. Add noodles and toss to coat. Transfer to a greased 2-quart baking dish. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees F for 30-35 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheeses. Bake 10 minutes longer or until vegetables are tender and cheese is melted.
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Broccoli-Cheese Pie
Active Time: 35 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: 6 servings
If you want to give this a fancy name, call it a crustless quiche. For a vegetarian version, simply omit the Canadian bacon. Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through step 4. Cover and refrigerate for up to 12 hours.
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons plain dry breadcrumbs 4 large eggs 1 1/4 cups 1% milk 1/2 teaspoon hot sauce, such as 1/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste Freshly ground pepper to taste 2 cups cubed whole-wheat country bread (about 2 slices, crusts removed) 3 cups broccoli florets 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil 1 medium onion, chopped 1 cup grated Monterey Jack or part-skim mozzarella cheese (4 ounces) DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-inch deep-dish pie pan (6-cup capacity) with cooking spray. Add breadcrumbs, tilting to coat bottom and sides. Whisk eggs, milk, hot sauce, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Add bread and stir to coat. Set aside in the refrigerator. Steam broccoli until just tender, 3 to 4 minutes. Refresh under cold water and drain well. Chop coarsely. Heat oil in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion; cook, stirring often, until softened and light golden, 3 to 5 minutes. Add onion mixture and broccoli to the egg mixture; stir in cheese. Pour into the prepared pan, spreading evenly. Bake the pie until light golden and set, 45 to 50 minutes. Let cool slightly, cut into wedges and serve.
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Spinach, Feta and Tarragon Frittata
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 20 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
The combination of flavors here is pure genius. Tarragon is classic with both spinach and eggs, and a touch of sharp feta cheese accents the trio beautifully. Use these same ingredients to make superb omelets. INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons butter 2 scallions including green tops, cut into thin slices 10 ounces spinach, stems removed, leaves washed and cut into thin strips 1 1/2 teaspoons dried tarragon, or1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh tarragon 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon fresh-ground black pepper 8 large eggs 1 tablespoon olive oil 3 ounces feta cheese, crumbled (about 1/3 cup) DIRECTIONS In a 12-inch ovenproof nonstick frying pan, melt 1 tablespoon of the butter over moderate heat. Add the scallions and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add the spinach, dried tarragon, if using, and 1/8 teaspoon each of the salt and pepper. Cook, stirring frequently, until the liquid evaporates, about 3 minutes. Remove the spinach mixture and let cool. Wipe out the pan. In a large bowl, beat the eggs with the remaining 1/8 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Stir in the spinach mixture and fresh tarragon, if using. Heat the broiler. In the same frying pan, melt the remaining 1 tablespoon butter with the oil over moderate heat. Pour in the egg mixture and reduce the heat to low. Sprinkle the feta over the top and cook until the bottom is golden brown and the top is almost set, 6 to 7 minutes. Broil the frittata 6 inches from the heat, if possible, until the eggs are set, 2 to 3 minutes. Lift up the edge of the frittata with a spatula and slide the frittata onto a plate. Cut into wedges and serve.
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Rodney Dangerfield "I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
Laurence J. Peter "If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?"
Kin Hubbard "Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune."
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. –Jack Handey
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This old guy attended a service in the Episcopal Church for the first time in his life. Someone asked him afterward how he had enjoyed the experience.
"Not much, shohly not much," he declared, shaking his head. "Dat ain't no church for me. No' suh! Dey wastes too much time readin' the minutes ob the previous meetin'."
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Spicy Brunch Casserole Active Time: 40 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes Yield: 8 servings
Put a little Bite in your Brunch with this easy as pie casserole sure to get rave reviews and cause full tummys.
INGREDIENTS 6 tablespoons olive oil - divided 5 links spicy Italian Sausage- casing removed - browned well & chopped fine as it cooks 1 tablespoon dry parsley 1 large sweet onion chopped large bite size 2 large sweet bell peppers- chopped small bite size 3 cups frozen hash browns - thawed 1 cup broccoli florettes - chopped small bite size 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (or to taste-I use 1 Tbs! ) 4-5 Roma tomatoes sliced thin 12 eggs - well beaten with 2 tablespoons ice water salt and pepper to taste Velveeta Cheese - sliced 1/4' thick, enough to cover dish
DIRECTIONS Over medium heat in 2 tablespoons olive oil, brown Italian sausage, and turn heat to low. Add parsley, onion, bell pepper, and broccoli. Cook over low heat, covered, until the onion and pepper just start to soften, but are not cooked through yet. Remove to 9' X 14' casserole dish or 12' iron skillet. Add remaining olive oil to skillet and turn heat to medium. Once oil is hot, add hash brown potatoes, and salt and pepper to taste, and let brown until crisp, stirring as needed. In casserole or skillet layer sausage mixture, hash browns, cayenne pepper, sliced Roma tomatoes -place closely and cover top, salt and pepper to taste again. Cover complete top, overlapping if needed, with the cut Velveeta cheese. Scramble the eggs and water throughly ( a mixer works best here), salt and pepper to taste, and pour over entire cassarole. Bake in preheated 375 degree oven about 30-40 minutes or until just set in the center
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"As you spend more time with Me, you will be transformed into My Likeness." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Seventy Times Seven
Matthew 18:21-22, NASB: "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"
He carried His cross to the place where He would give His life. Along the way, Jesus--the Lord of Lords and King of Kings; God's Salvation for the world--was spat on and cursed; but He did not even become angry toward those who persecuted Him. Instead, He loved them. Though they did not understand Him, He showed understanding. From cradle to cross He demonstrated the grace of God which echoed in His words, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." This kind of forgiveness is something the Lord wants echoed in the lives of His followers. Any cross we have to carry fails greatly in comparison to His. True as that is, forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things to give--especially when we feel we have been hurt or treated unfairly. To not forgive is to open the door to resentment, bitterness, and anger. We must be careful, therefore, that we do not deceive ourselves; thinking we have forgiven when we have not. Sweeping a matter under the rug, or showing kindness to someone when your animosity seethes below the surface, is not forgiveness. "With God, all things are possible." He can help you to truly forgive even within the most difficult of circumstances. Forgiveness is not something that is always earned, but Christ commands us that it must be always given.
Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD. - Leviticus 19:18
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
mendacity men-DAS-i-tee , noun; 1. A tendency to lie; untruthfulness. 2. An instance of lying; falsehood.
Quotes:
This was my introduction to a lifetime of mendacity. I too must learn to say these gorgeous untruths. -- Christopher Buckley, Losing Mum and Pup: A Memoir
If divorce had presented itself as the dastardly antithesis of all this, it could easily have been cast onto the other pan of the scales, along with betrayal, illness, thieving, assault and mendacity. -- Ian McEwan, Atonement
Origin: Mendacity is derived from Latin mendax "lying, deceitful," which is related to menda "fault, defect, carelessness in writing."
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CONFUCIOUS SAY: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln
You might be a REDNECK if... ...the figurines on top your wedding cake were wearing overalls.
THING TO PONDER: Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from? Why when you say a color a lot does it start to sound really strange?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your screen door has no screen.
"You have achieved success if you have lived well, laughed often and loved much." - Author Unknown
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Chocolate Brownie Cookies
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 40 Minutes Yield: Yields about 4 1/2 dozen cookies
These cookies are really popular at our bakery, Grace Baking. A pastry bag is faster than a spoon for piping the cookie batter; use a #4 tip. It's okay to pipe the cookies close together; they won't spread much during baking.
INGREDIENTS 4 tablespoons unsalted butter; more for the pan 12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped 3 large eggs, at room temperature 3/4 cup sugar 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/3 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 cup chopped toasted pecans DIRECTIONS Position an oven rack on the center rung. Heat the oven to 350 degrees F and line two baking sheets with parchment (or grease and flour the pan). In a double boiler over simmering water, melt the butter and chocolate. Stir to combine; let cool. In an electric mixer with the whisk attachment, beat the eggs and sugar on medium high to a ribbon consistency, 3 to 4 minutes. Take the bowl off the mixer. Add the cooled chocolate mixture and the vanilla; stir to combine. Sift the flour, baking powder, and salt together. Stir the flour mixture and the nuts into the batter; let the batter rest for 5 minutes. Spoon the batter into a pastry bag fitted with a #4 tip (or into a heavy-duty zip-top bag with one bottom corner snipped to create a 2/3-inch diagonal opening). For each cookie, pipe 1 tablespoon batter onto the lined baking sheet. While you pipe the second tray, bake the first until the cookies are puffed and cracked and the tops barely spring back when pressed, 8 to 10 minutes. The cracks should be moist but not wet. Cool the cookies on a wire rack.
VARIATION: Substitute 1-1/2 teaspoons mint extract for the vanilla and the nuts.
NOTES: All recipes can be doubled easily; use a 13x9-inch pan and increase the baking time slightly. The recipes give a range of baking times - use the shorter time for metal pans, the longer for Pyrex pans.
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Potato Cinnamon Rolls with Sugar Glaze Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 10 Hours Yield: Makes 12 rolls
While the addition of mashed potatoes to these rolls may seem surprising, it actually makes a lot of sense. Yeast loves the starch in potatoes and reacts with it beautifully to produce fluffy, tender rolls. These cinnamon rolls are baked in an oversized muffin tin and rise up into plump, spiraled mushrooms. If you don't have the pan, you can place them 2-inches apart on a parchment-lined baking sheet, but they will look very different.
INGREDIENTS
For the Dough: 1/3 cup instant mashed potatoes 1/2 cup boiling water 1 cup buttermilk 2 large eggs 6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) butter, softened cut into pieces 1/4 cup sugar 3/4 teaspoons salt 3 1/2 cups bread flour 2 teaspoons bread machine yeast or 1 1/2 teaspoons SAF instant yeast
For the Rolls: 3/4 cup (packed) golden brown sugar 1/4 cup granulated sugar 2 tablespoons ground cinnamon 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, softened 2/3 cup pecan pieces
Sugar Glaze
Active Time: 5 Minutes Total Time: 5 Minutes This simple glaze is delicious drizzled over warm cinnamon rolls. INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon butter 1 tablespoon whole milk 1 tablespoon water 1 1/4 cups powdered sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS
FOR THE DOUGH: Line large baking sheet with parchment paper; sprinkle lightly with flour. Stir instant mashed potatoes and boiling water in small bowl until thickened. Cool until warm, about 10 minutes. Place potato mixture and all remaining dough ingredients in bread machine pan in order listed. Program machine for Dough Cycle; press Start. Transfer prepared dough to baking sheet (dough will be very soft, almost sticky, yet smooth and springy). Pat dough into thick rectangle. Cover with two layers of plastic wrap; refrigerate 6 hours to overnight. Check once and press dough down to deflate.
FOR THE ROLLS: Butter sides and bottoms of two 6-cup giant muffin pans. Combine sugars and cinnamon in small bowl; set aside. Let dough stand on counter 20 minutes. Press dough down to deflate. Transfer dough to lightly floured work surface. Roll out dough to 18x12-inch rectangle. Spread softened butter evenly over dough, leaving 1-inch border around edges. Sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar and pecans; press in pecans with fingers. Starting at one long side, roll dough jelly-roll style forming log. Pinch seam to seal. Trim ends. Cut log crosswise into twelve 1-inch-thick pieces. Arrange slices cut side down in prepared muffin cups. Cover loosely with plastic.
FOR THE GLAZE Heat butter, milk and water in medium bowl in microwave just to boiling. Stir in vanilla. Add sugar; stir until smooth.
DO-AHEAD TIP: At this point, rolls can be made up to 1 day ahead. Cover tightly with double-layer of plastic wrap and refrigerate. Loosen plastic wrap before proceeding. Let loosely covered rolls rise at room temperature until puffy, about 1 hour and 15 minutes (or 1 hour and 30 minutes for refrigerated rolls). Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 375 degrees F 20 minutes before baking. Bake rolls until tops are dark brown and filling bubbles, about 18 minutes. Transfer pans to wire racks. Cool until warm, about 25 minutes. Remove rolls from pans. Drizzle with Sugar Glaze. Serve warm or at room temperature.
DO-AHEAD TIP: Finished rolls can be made up to 1 month ahead. Cool completely. Enclose each roll in plastic sandwich-size freezer bag and freeze.
*************************** Scalloped Corn
Yield: 4 servings
Good way to use up leftover corn on the cob
INGREDIENTS 4 ears fresh corn, or 1 10-ounce package frozen whole kernel corn, cooked and draned, or 1 16-ounce can whole kernel corn, drained 1 small onion,chopped (about 1/4 c up) 1/2 small green pepper, chopped 2 tablespoons butter or margaarine 2 tablespoons flour 1 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon paparika 1/4 teaspoon dry mustard Dash of pepper 1/4 cup milk 1 egg, slightly beaten 1/3 cup cracker crumbs 1 tablespoon margarine or butter, melted
DIRECTIONS Prepare and cook corn; cut enough kernels from corn to measure 2 cups. Cook and stir onion and green pepper in tablespoons butter or margarine until onion is tender; remove from heat. Stir in flour, salt, paprika, mustard and pepper. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in milk gradually. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in corn and egg. Pour into ungreased 1-quart casserole. Mix crumbs and 1 tablespoon melted margarine or butter; sprinkle over corn. Cook uncovered in 350 degrees oven, until bubbly, 30 to 35 minutes.
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Bratwurst Braids Active Time: 15 Minutes
Yield: 4
INGREDIENTS 1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury refrigerated crescent dinner rolls or 1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® Crescent Recipe Creations® refrigerated seamless dough sheet 4 teaspoons spicy brown mustard 1 can (8 oz) sauerkraut, well drained on paper towels (1 cup) 4 cooked smoked bratwurst (thawed if frozen) 1 egg, beaten 1/2 teaspoon caraway seed
DIRECTIONS Heat oven to 375°F. Spray cookie sheet with cooking spray. If using crescent rolls: Unroll dough; separate into 4 rectangles. Place on cookie sheet. Press each into 6x4-inch rectangle, firmly pressing perforations to seal. If using dough sheet: Unroll dough; cut into 4 rectangles; place on cookie sheet. Press each into 6x4-inch rectangle. Spread 1 teaspoon mustard over each rectangle to within 1/2 inch of edges. Place 1/4 cup sauerkraut and 1 bratwurst lengthwise down center of each rectangle. On long sides of each rectangle, make 5 cuts at an angle and 1 inch apart almost to edge of sauerkraut. For braided appearance, fold strips of dough at an angle across bratwurst with ends of strips slightly overlapping, alternating from side to side; press ends to seal. Brush tops with egg; sprinkle with caraway seed. Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until deep golden brown. Immediately remove from cookie sheet. Serve warm with additional mustard, if desired.
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Lasagna Rolls
Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: 6 servings, 2 rolls each
Crumbled tofu replaces the ricotta in our Italian-style vegetarian meal. Make Ahead Tip: Freeze the cooked rolls and sauce for up to 1 month.
INGREDIENTS 12 whole-wheat lasagna noodles 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 14-ounce package extra-firm water-packed tofu, drained, rinsed and crumbled 3 cups chopped spinach 1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons finely chopped kalamata olives 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 25-ounce jar marinara sauce, preferably lower-sodium, divided 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
DIRECTIONS Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain, rinse, return to the pot and cover with cold water until ready to use. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 20 seconds. Add tofu and spinach and cook, stirring often, until the spinach wilts and the mixture is heated through, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl; stir in Parmesan, olives, crushed red pepper, salt and 2/3 cup marinara sauce. Wipe out the pan and spread 1 cup of the remaining marinara sauce in the bottom. To make lasagna rolls, place a noodle on a work surface and spread 1/4 cup of the tofu filling along it. Roll up and place the roll, seam-side down, in the pan. Repeat with the remaining noodles and filling. (The tofu rolls will be tightly packed in the pan). Spoon the remaining marinara sauce over the rolls. Place the pan over high heat, cover and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to medium; let simmer for 3 minutes. Sprinkle the rolls with mozzarella and cook, covered, until the cheese is melted and the rolls are heated through, 1 to 2 minutes. Serve hot.
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Tuna and Potato Casserole
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 13 Hours Yield: Serves 4
The Basques have a great seafaring tradition. They also like eating well and are renowned as good cooks. Marmitako is the most popular dish among fishermen during the bonito season from October to June. It can be cooked perfectly even in a small oven on board, amid the swaying of the boat and the splashing of waves against the gunwale. On land the best accompaniment to marmitako is undoubtedly a good txacoli cider from Guetaria, served well chilled.
INGREDIENTS 2 lb bonito tuna 3/4 cup olive oil 2 small onions, finely chopped 2 green bell peppers, seeded and chopped 1 lb potatoes, cut into chunks salt 4 dried red bell peppers, soaked for 12 hours
DIRECTIONS Remove the skin and bones of the bonito, then cut into chunks. Heat the oil in a heatproof casserole and fry the onions and green bell peppers over low heat until they start to soften. Add the potatoes, fry gently, then add enough water to cover. Cook for 30 minutes. Saute the bonito in a small amount of oil in a skillet. Transfer to the casserole, add a little salt and cook for 10 minutes. Puree the dried red bell peppers and add to the casserole. Check the seasoning, then remove from the heat and allow to rest for a few minutes. Serve hot.
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A FEW JOKES ABOUT NASCAR:
A man came into a bar with his dog. A race was on the TV and the man asked where Ricky Rudd was. 12th was the reply and with that the dog ran around the bar stool 12 times. A bit later the man again asked about Rudd, this time he was running 8th, and the dog took 8 laps around the stool. Again the man asked, " Where's Rudd running now?" the barkeep said third and the dog took 3 laps around the stool. The bartender said, "Wow that's amazing. What happens when Ricky wins the race?" The man said, " I dunno, I've only had the dog for 2 1/2 Years!"
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Why does Gordon never hit the wall? The wall aint got no numbers on it.
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Did you see where that lady that won the 20 million dollar lawsuit for the Mcdonalds coffee being too hot, is suing Walmart? Apparently she bought a Ernie Irvin Shirt and hit the wall 10 times before she left the store.
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Tony Stewart's house is on fire so he runs outside to use a payphone to call for help. He gets the 911 operator, and gets transferred to the firehouse. "Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire you have to help me!" The Fireman replies, "Yes, yes Sir, how do I get to your house?" The Chefboyardee Kid pauses a moment, and replies, "Umm, it's the house that's on fire." Realizing he is now talking to Tony Dimwit Stewart, the fireman comes back with "No Sir, how would you like me to get to your house?", to which Tony replies, "Duh, big red truck."
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At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked Rick Hendrick. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" Rick stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. Rick still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," said Rick, "I thought he was talking to you."
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Have you Heard? Terry Labonte is in the Hospital! Apparently he hasn't passed anything for almost 2 years!
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Gordon IN JAIL! Jeff Gordon was arrested last night for trespassing and breaking and entering. He was picked up on the sales floor of the local Ford dealership. When reached for comment Gordon just said " I just wanted to finally get a look at the FRONT of one of them new FORDS" .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Albert Einstein decides to take a tour of heaven and check out the new inductees. So he begins his walk and he sees a man playing the piano and he spends some time talking with him about Bach, Beethoven and Various other forms of Instrumental Music. He then sees a man building a house and spends some time talking about architecture and designs. He continues his walk and he sees a man who is beating a bag of raw chicken parts over his head, peeing rampantly and rubbing feces all over himself, So Einstein walks over to him and says "How About That Jeff Gordon?"
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Dale Earnhardt Jr was walking across campus when Kurt Busch rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great bike?", asked Jr. Kurt replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" Jr nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
*************************** You Know you are a NASCAR Fan if...
You can't balance your checkbook, but CAN explain the point system.
You run out of gas and try to explain to the cop (who's giving you a sobriety test) your weaving from lane to lane was just an attempt to get fuel into the pickup.
You teach your child to count like this... Park, Wallace, Earnhardt, Hamilton,Terry Labonte, Martin, etc. and then it confuses him because of the driver changes every year
When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel. The second thing you do is blame Robby Gordon.
Every time you rotate your tires at home you put the stop watch to it and record the time and try to better it next time.
You're sitting behind someone at a red light, and when it changes, you yell, "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! GO! GO! GO!
If you were Rusty you would have just gone when the other light turned yellow!
You know you're a Rusty Wallace fan if you go on green and cop pulls you over for going too soon on the green.
You time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull into the self serve gas n go.
On an Interstate exit ramp you stay on the outside to keep the RPMs up.
You try the left foot braking method and kiss the windshield.
You draft with a Fox Photo delivery car because "that Kodak car is stout."
You get away from a Lowe's delivery truck as quickly as possible.
You make sure to stay under 55 as you leave the gas pumps.
You say "But officer, I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting"
You name your first born Richard Trickle (insert last name here).
You paint a large 3 on the side of your 74 camaro.
You respond to motor noises.
You watch tapes of old rain delays.
You plan family vacations around a race date.
You have a poster of Benny Parsons above your bed.
When you pass someone on the highway you refer to it as taking them on the inside.
You pull into the gas station behind someone else just to see if you can beat them out. requires the wife to clean the windshield & son to check the tires).
You take your 4yr old son with you because you need a spotter.
You know what "The Cale Scale" is....
You know what a "whopper" of an engine is.... you remember the only time a "winner" was black flagged, and couldn't sit still for days because you were so ticked....
You count the cars you pass going to work as positions gained and when they pass you, positions lost.
You sign up for flu shots (at work) on Friday so you can fake sick in order to get home in time to see qualifying.
After riding behind the same two dumdums riding side by side for SOOOOoooo long, you decide to make it three wide down the front stretch, and pass them in the emergency lane (after looking, of course)
Your buddy is passing someone on the interstate, you're in the passenger seat yelling,"CAR HIGH !!!.....CLEAR!!
Only the driver's side of your windshield gets cleaned.
You can get 12 cans of pop. 4 quarts of Gatorade, and 8 sandwiches into a 14" cooler and NOT squash anything.
You think nothing of getting up at 4am, driving for 5 hours, sitting in a traffic backup for 3 hours, baking in the sun, spending 5 hours to get out of the parking lot, driving 5 hours home, getting up the next morning at 5 am, going to work on 3 hours sleep, and telling everybody what a GREAT time you had.
You line your diecasts up in the same order as the starting grid each week.
You rearrange your diecasts to match the grid during cautions
You have a mini winners circle for your diecasts
You get caught stealing the lifesize cut out of your favorite driver from Food Lion.
You put together an extra 1/32 scale Revell Snaptite to have a backup in the 1/32 rig you have.
You drive up close behind somebody in hopes you can "get him loose" in order to be able to pass him.
Your mechanic has to remind you to stop referring to him as "your crew chief"
Every time you hop out at the gas station, you yell to your wife to time you.
You have ever told your body shop guy "just pull the fender out with your hands" because you want to get back out there and trade some more paint.
Your wife has to keep telling you it's "your damn driveway, not victory circle".
You find yourself having a tough time explaining to the patrol officer why you fell asleep and hit the wall during heavy traffic. (Sorry Dale, it was too good to pass up)
You install an ignition kill switch in the center of the dash in your Geo Metro.
You refer to the family station wagon as the "team hauler" (or "war wagon").
You blow a flat on the highway and get mad because it took you more than 19 seconds to change it.
The big story at your parties is how you put Jeff Gordon (or other name here) into the wall at Talladega in your Nascar Racing 2 game.
You have AAA "TripTiks" that show how to get to all of the tracks, but you've never been to a race.
You hit the car in front of you, and tell the police officer "Rubbin' is racin'!"
You think the first car at a stoplight is "on the pole."
You have to eat macaroni and cheese for a month because you bought too much memorabilia at the track.
You've ever seriously considered putting an "onboard camera" in your car.
At a stop light with two lanes each direction, you pull into the left lane because you 'qualified faster' than the guys on the right.
You have planned out a route to work where you only have to turn left.
The wife asks how your day was and you start by saying, "Well, I had a real good car today..."
You go on long trips with a buddy driving another car. You drive right on his rear bumper "drafting" to the front.
You consider slower cars in the left lane as "lapped traffic".
You peel out of gas stations loudly and try to beat your buddy to the on ramp to get "the preferred line".
Traffic slows or stacks up, you wave your right hand from side to side, signaling to your buddy that there is trouble ahead.
Before traffic begins to resume regular speed again, you find yourself weaving side to side warming up the tires to optimum tempature.
At gas station stop #2 you actually let a half pound of air out of the tires to fix that "push" you picked up after the 1st stop.
When a car comes flying up from behind, you speed up trying to stay "on the lead lap". If he passes you, you try to pass him back to "get your lap back".
At gas station stop #3 you "block" your buddy in his "pit stall" preventing him from beating you out of the pits.
Even though you are not religious, you start thinking about being reincarnated as a NASCAR driver *if* you come back after you die.
You can't wait for next year to see what Soap powder your favorite driver has as a sponsor because the one he's got now keeps giving you a rash.
You drive for 2 hours out to the closest official Valvoline Quik Lube.
When you see another vehicle with Nascar stickers on it, You feel it is your duty to show them how fast a "Earnhardt Fan" can take that curve.
While explaining to the officer while your car is smashed into the interstate ramp's guardrail, you explain: Well, the First National Bank / Smith family Chevy was really running great today. That blue Ford got in behind me, loosened me up, I drifted high and the next thing I knew, I was in the wall, but....I don't blame the other driver, heck, what can I say, that's racing!! Compliments of Bob Ingram
You have ever had an arguement with your wife because you told her to get the 2 Richard Petty Car Wisk Packages and she came home with two of the same one and refuses to go back and get the other one. Compliments of personal experience
You have ever actually yelled 'YOU KISS MY ASS' out the window of your car when you see a car with a '24' license plate. Compliments of personal experience
You've ever pushed little kids onto the ground at Toys-R-Us to get to the Racing Champions cars first. Compliments of Larry Murdock
You drink Miller Lite, get your car serviced with GM Goodwrench Service Plus, use Kodak Film in your camera, eat Kellogg's Corn Flakes, use Valvoline In your car, buy a Philips TV from Circuit City and spend all your time watching Cartoon Network (which you get from Primestar), wash your clothes with Tide, have a loan from First Plus Financial to pay off your MBNA Visa card, use Interstate Batteries & Citgo fuel in your car, smoke Winston Cigarettes, paint your house with DuPont, shop for your home at Lowe's and Heilig-Meyers, eat Skittles, use Tabasco on your Winn-Dixie steaks, have Bellsouth as your phone company, collect Hot Wheels cars, have a shotgun from Remington, have a John Deere rider-mower, only eat Thorn Apple Valley Premium Meats, and when you run out of Thorn Apple Valley Premium Meats, you go to McDonald's. Compliments of Larry Murdock
When you total your car and tell the cop "it was just one of them deals". Compliments of Ronnie Hiatt
You've ever stood outside for over an hour in the freezing cold waiting for a table at the Denny's at Dover because you can't stand being away from the track. Compliments of a personal experience from Larry Murdock
You have ever thrown your voice out screaming at the TV because some racer just wrecked your driver on the final lap to take the win.(Any Rusty Fans Out there? Say "Woah!" "Hey!", yeah you know me!)
If it take the judge longer to settle custody of the diecast collection than the kids. Compliments of Amy Grant
You know you are a NASCAR fan if the way your father remembers your birthday is that it's during Speedweeks. Compliments of the personal experience of Amy Buttram
If someone asks the time at church and you answer an hour and a half till race time. Compliments of Beth Myers
If someone asks the time on Saturday evening and you answer 2 beers till the race starts.. Compliments of Beth Myers
If you just cussed out a Home Depot manager for no reason except your repressed rage over a certain guy in a orange car just wrecked your favorite driver by trying to race like it was the last lap when it's only lap 6.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Isaiah 56:9-12
(9) All you beasts of the field, come to devour, All you beasts in the forest. (10) His watchmen are blind, They are all ignorant; They are all dumb dogs, They cannot bark; Sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber. (11) Yes, they are greedy dogs Which never have enough. And they are shepherds Who cannot understand; They all look to their own way, Every one for his own gain, From his own territory. (12) " Come," one says, "I will bring wine, And we will fill ourselves with intoxicating drink; Tomorrow will be as today, And much more abundant." New King James Version
Do these two prophecies describe America? "Everyone is given to covetousness," "greedy dogs which never have enough." A Protestant saying is that "the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." An anonymous wit paralleled this, saying the U.S. motto should be, "The chief end of man is to glorify prosperity and enjoy it forever." A European observer wrote that "desire is enthroned in the mind of the American consumer." We are immersed in a constant barrage of advertisement. Our whole economy works to stimulate our desire for food, clothing, automobiles, furniture, jewelry, and travel, filling our minds with the "gimmies." It is difficult to resist unless our focus is disciplined toward going in the right direction. Because of these sins, God calls upon the nations to devour His people. The leaders are just as blind to the nation's real needs because, instead of speaking out and acting upon moral issues, they are embroiled in their own lusts. While America sinks into the quicksand of that way of life, they proclaim an even better and brighter tomorrow! Another reason why coveting has the power to destroy the coveter is revealed in the credit purchasing system that dominates the American economy. Buying on credit is based upon the idea of possessing something before one can afford it. Advertising usually accompanies credit, and the two of them together seductively lure the unwary and weak. Yet because of the charges collected by the lender, credit actually makes things even more expensive, causing greater debt! But, God asks in Jeremiah 6:9-13, who will listen? People will not listen to such simple wisdom as delaying a purchase to pay in cash to save money. They will not listen even when told they will be able to make more purchases because they will have more money to spend. They do not listen because their minds are on their sin. The cycle of sin continues onto other sins their covetousness motivates. This is why tithing comes as such a shock to many new brethren. As a nation, we are living way over our heads. When we learn of tithing, the penalty for our prior stealing from God really hurts. We then have to learn to pay in adversity. Covetousness has boomeranged and caught us in a way we never dreamed.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
obsequious • ub-SEE-kwee-us • adjective : marked by or exhibiting a fawning attentiveness
Examples:
The executive brought with him an entourage of obsequious assistants who would do anything he asked of them.
"The staff are amazing, ever-helpful without being obsequious, always cheerful (generally) and quick to join in the laughter and banter no matter how juvenile or how often they've heard it before." -- From a review of a pub in The Telegraph (London), July 18, 2011
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Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. John 14:1
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I’VE LEARNED...... I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
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A UNIVERSAL PEACE
"A universal peace ... Is in the catalogue of events, which will never exist but in the imaginations of visionary philosophers, or in the breasts of benevolent enthusiasts." --James Madison
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THE FIRST ESSENTIAL
" good moral character is the first essential in a man, and that the habits contracted at your age are generally indelible, and your conduct here may stamp your character through life. It is therefore highly important that you should endeavor not only to be learned but virtuous." --George Washington, letter to Steptoe Washington, 1790 ***************************** “CRUNCH!†Pastor Cecil A. Thompson, January 3, 2011 Mark 13:30-31, “Assuredly, I say to you, this generation will by no means pass away till all these things take place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.†Have you ever experienced a situation in which what you dread will happen is going to happen and you are helpless to do anything about it? You feel that time is moving in slow motion and the thing you dread is going to happen. I do not want to be melodramatic, but this came to my mind when I recall a new car I owned that had a temperature gauge attached to the driver’s side rear view mirror. It was amazing how much I enjoyed looking out and seeing a indication of how hot or cold it was. One day I was driving along when the thermometer dropped off and rolled down the street. I immediately stopped and then saw a car approaching. I tried to wave for him to miss my thermometer, but he did not catch my meaning. You guessed it! I heard the crunch as his wheels made mincemeat of my thermometer. I was able to buy a replacement from the car dealer, but it never worked right. Whoa is me! In a spiritual vein we see those around us who are making such wrong choices that it is inevitable that there is a crunch coming into their life. We try our very best to save them from the “crunch†but often it is to no avail. What can we do? I think that the Lord would have us pray before we rush in. If He directs, we can help pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and help them find true meaning to their lives. The crunch may be the thing that brings them to find Jesus as Savior.
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A QUESTION:
You have had a difference, major or minor, with a friend or relative, and are angry, ask yourself this question: Would you rather be right or have a relationship? I chose relationship, and that was right!
*************************** Alopecia (Hair Loss) in Cats By: Dr. Mark Thompson Alopecia is the complete or partial lack of hair in any area of the skin where hair would normally be found. It may be caused by self-trauma by scratching or chewing, hair follicle diseases that cause the hair to fall out, or the failure of hair to grow after normal loss. Severe hair loss makes your cat more susceptible to the elements. In addition, some of the diseases that can cause alopecia may also have harmful effects on other organ systems of your cat.
What to Watch For Hair loss Abnormal appearance of the skin
Diagnosis As with any disease, a complete history is very important. Be prepared to answer questions such as:
How long has your pet had alopecia? How severe is the hair loss? Has any hair regrown? Does your cat itch? Have you used any medications and if so, were they helpful?
Following a complete history, your veterinarian will perform a thorough physical examination of the skin paying special attention to the pattern of alopecia, the appearance of the skin and how easy the hair comes out. A flea comb may be used to look for fleas, flea dirt or other parasites. Diagnostic tests that may be needed to determine the cause of the alopecia include: A trichogram. A microscopic exam of the hair may be done to determine if the hair is being pulled out or simply falling out. Skin scrapings. Your veterinarian scrapes a blade against the skin to remove some surface cells to look for mange mites and other parasites. A fungal culture. This determines whether ringworm is present. A biopsy of the skin. A pathologist may examine the skin under a microscope to determine the type of alopecia that is present.
Treatment There is no specific treatment for alopecia. Instead, treatment is aimed at eliminating the underlying cause of the problem.
Home Care and Prevention Cats with alopecia need to be kept groomed and free of fleas. If the hair loss is significant, some cats may need to wear a sweater in the winter to protect them from cold weather. In the summer, sunburn may be a concern. If fleas are a problem, consult your veterinarian to discuss a comprehensive flea control program.
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Potato Kielbasa Skillet
4 Servings Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
Ingredients 1 pound red potatoes, cubed 3 tablespoons water 3/4 pound smoked kielbasa or Polish sausage, cut into 1/4-inch slices 1/2 cup chopped onion 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 tablespoons brown sugar 2 tablespoons cider vinegar 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme 1/4 teaspoon pepper 4 cups fresh baby spinach 5 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
Directions Place potatoes and water in a microwave-safe dish. Cover and microwave on high for 4 minutes or until tender; drain. In a large skillet, saute kielbasa and onion in oil until onion is tender. Add potatoes; saute 3-5 minutes longer or until kielbasa and potatoes are lightly browned. Combine the brown sugar, vinegar, mustard, thyme and pepper; stir into skillet. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 2-3 minutes or until heated through. Add spinach and bacon; cook and stir until spinach is wilted. Yield: 4 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1-1/2 cups equals 576 calories, 39 g fat (13 g saturated fat), 88 mg cholesterol, 1,695 mg sodium, 31 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 25 g protein.
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Parmesan-Crusted Chicken
2 Serving Prep: 15 min. Bake: 20 min.
Ingredients 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder 1 egg 1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese 2 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (6 ounces each) 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 teaspoons lemon juice
Directions In a shallow bowl, combine the flour, salt and garlic powder. In another bowl, beat the egg. Place the Parmesan cheese in a third bowl. Coat chicken in flour mixture, then dip in egg and roll in cheese. In a skillet, brown chicken in oil on both sides. Transfer to a shallow 1-qt. baking dish coated with cooking spray; drizzle with lemon juice. Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 18-20 minutes or until juices run clear. Yield: 2 servings.
Nutrition Facts: 1 chicken breast half equals 394 calories, 18 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 173 mg cholesterol, 830 mg sodium, 11 g carbohydrate, trace fiber, 45 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 5 lean meat, 2 fat, 1 starch
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Halloween Luminarias
These no-flame luminarias will set the Halloween mood! Sure, you may have set out traditional luminarias—small paper bags weighted with sand with lit votive candles—at Christmastime, especially if you live in the Southwest. But with a little imagination, you can dress them up for Halloween, too! Place these fun lanterns in the shadows along your front walk, porch or deck at night, and you'll find these decorative little lanterns suddenly give new meaning to "mood lighting!" Have no fear—our versions won't cost you an arm and a leg. These luminarias use castoffs and other readily available materials. They're simple enough for kids to make, and to keep things safe, we use battery-operated candles or Christmas tree lights instead of open flames.
Materials Needed: Containers: Wide-mouth glass jars, plastic soft drink or water bottles (2-liter and smaller), milk cartons Papers: Lightweight craft paper, copy paper, construction paper, paper twist, tissue paper, decorative papers and so forth Ties: Raffia; orange and black ribbons Light sources: Battery-operated candles or white Christmas lights Scissors, utility knife Tape Glue stick Sand Optional: Plastic spiders, netting, highlighting markers…be creative!
Remove labels and carefully cut plastic bottles or milk cartons below the neck to a variety of heights. Wrap paper around each container, so it's even at the bottom and several inches past the top edge. Tape the back. You can color in "eyes" with a highlighting marker for an extra-spooky effect, or fringe the top. Wrap ribbon or raffia around bottle and tie a bow or knot; add spiders, netting or other accents. Weight with sand to keep the luminarias upright and from blowing around the neighborhood. Position a battery-operated candle or Christmas lights in the center of each bottle. If using Christmas lights, cut an X through the back (both the paper and the container) of each luminaria with a utility knife and push the bulb through.
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Pumpkin Ice Cream Folks who favor the flavor of pumpkin really need to try this spiced ice cream from our Test Kitchen. But be prepared to make more!
10 Servings Prep: 15 min. Process: 20 min./batch + freezing
Ingredients 2 cups heavy whipping cream 1-1/2 cups canned pumpkin 1 cup packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
Directions In a large bowl, combine all ingredients; stir until the sugar is dissolved. Fill cylinder of ice cream freezer two-thirds full; freeze according to manufacturer’s directions. Refrigerate remaining mixture until ready to freeze. Transfer to a freezer container; freeze for 2-4 hours before serving. Yield: about 1 quart.
Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1/2 cup) equals 261 calories, 18 g fat (11 g saturated fat), 65 mg cholesterol, 87 mg sodium, 26 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 2 g protein.
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Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie
8 Servings Prep: 15 min. Bake: 35 min. + cooling
Ingredients 1 cup apple butter 1 cup canned pumpkin 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger 3 eggs, lightly beaten 3/4 cup evaporated milk 1 unbaked pastry shell (9 inches) Additional pie pastry, optional Whipped cream, optional
Directions In a large bowl, combine the apple butter, pumpkin, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt and ginger. Add eggs. Gradually beat in milk until smooth. Pour into pastry shell. Bake at 425° for 35-40 minutes or until set (cover edges loosely with foil if necessary to prevent overbrowning). Cool on a wire rack. If decorative cutouts are desired, roll additional pastry to 1/8-in. thickness; cut out with 1-in. to 1-1/2-in. leaf-shaped cookie cutters. With a sharp knife, score leaf veins on cutouts if desired. Place on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 400° for 6-8 minutes or until golden brown. Remove to a wire rack to cool. Arrange around edge of pie. Garnish with whipped cream if desired. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 8 servings. Editor's Note: This recipe was tested with commercially prepared apple butter. Nutrition Facts: 1 piece (calculated without pastry cutouts and whipped cream) equals 413 calories, 19 g fat (10 g saturated fat), 92 mg cholesterol, 308 mg sodium, 54 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 6 g protein.
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Jumbo Pumpkin Pecan Muffins Recipe
Perk up an autumn morning with one of these hearty muffins. You’ll really enjoy the pumpkin-spice flavor and crumbly nut topping
6 Servings Prep: 25 min. Bake: 25 min.
Ingredients 2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 eggs 1 cup canned pumpkin 1/2 cup buttermilk 1/4 cup canola oil 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup chopped pecans
TOPPING: 1/3 cup packed brown sugar 1/3 cup finely chopped pecans 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 cup cold butter, cubed
Directions In a large bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. In another bowl, combine the eggs, pumpkin, buttermilk, oil and vanilla. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in pecans. Fill six greased or paper-lined jumbo muffin cups three-fourths full. In a small bowl, combine the brown sugar, pecans and flour; cut in butter until crumbly. Sprinkle over batter. Bake at 375° for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack. Serve warm. Yield: 6 muffins.
Nutrition Facts: 1 muffin equals 666 calories, 31 g fat (7 g saturated fat), 91 mg cholesterol, 583 mg sodium, 88 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 11 g protein.
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Three-Meat Stromboli Recipe
24-32 Servings Prep: 20 min. Bake: 35 min.
Ingredients 2 loaves (1 pound each) frozen bread dough, thawed 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided 1/4 pound pastrami, finely chopped 1/4 pound pepperoni, finely chopped 1/4 pound hard salami, finely chopped 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded Swiss cheese 1 egg, beaten
Directions Roll each loaf of bread dough into a 12-in. x 7-in. rectangle. Spread mustard to within 1 in. of edges. Sprinkle each with 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese. Combine the pastrami, pepperoni, salami and Swiss cheese; sprinkle over dough. Top with remaining Parmesan cheese. Brush edges of dough with egg. Roll up, jelly-roll style, beginning with a long side. Seal seam and ends. Place seam side down on a greased baking sheet; cut three slits in the top of each loaf. Bake at 350°for 35-40 minutes or until golden brown. Slice; serve warm. Yield: 2 loaves (12-16 slices each).
Nutrition Facts: 1 slice equals 135 calories, 6 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 18 mg cholesterol, 377 mg sodium, 15 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 7 g protein.
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Halloween Costume Party. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked except for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his manhood. His wife gave him a weird look and then the husband replied, "If you're going as a sour-puss, I'm going as a dictator."
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Subject: Top Ten Reasons Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex. 10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack. 9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some. 8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning & groaning. 7. Less guilt the morning after. 6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are. 5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. 4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door. 3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again. 2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some. 1. You can do the whole neighborhood!
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Subject: Halloween Misspelling. Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
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Subject: The Devil. A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded. "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
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Subject: Halloween Party. A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,wondering what explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a great time!"
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Subject: The Bar. It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and walked up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied. "I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third. "OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
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Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A: Mas-scare-a.
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Who was the most famous ghost detective? A: Sherlock Moans.
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Q: Who was the most famous witch detective? A: Warlock Holmes.
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Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A: Sherlock Bones.
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Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart.
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Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A: Bamboo.
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Q: Where does Dracula water ski? A: On Lake Erie.
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Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables? A: In a blood bank.
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Q: Why would you expect a snappy comeback from a mad scientist? A: They are known for their quick retorts.
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Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost? A: "Do you believe in people?"
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Q: What do you get if you cross a mad scientist with another mad scientist? A: A horrible par a dox.
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Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A: The Vampire State Building.
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Q: What do you call an empty hot dog? A: A hollow weenie.
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Q: Why do you always find ghouls and demons together? A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
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Q: When a witch lands, where does she park? A: In a broom closet.
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Q: Where does Count Dracula make his withdrawals? A: At the blood bank.
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Q: What haunts your house and honks? A: Poultergeese!
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Q: Why do vampires drink blood? A: Because coffee keeps them awake all day!
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Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining? A: Bone appetit!
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Q: Why don't witches ever have babies? A: Warlocks have hollow weenies.
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Q: Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? A: Because he's a pain in the neck!
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Q: Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike? A: The skeleton crew!
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Q: Who belongs to the monster PTA? A: The mummies and deadies!
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Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A: They're afraid of flying off the handle!
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Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest? A: No body
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Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining? A: Bone appetit !
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Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day? A: Dayscare centers
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Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? A: His ghoul friend.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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