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REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Let God Be God
"In the beginning God."1
In response to the Daily Encounters on "Do Good People Go to Heaven?" I received many responses. Most were positive and as expected, some disagreeable. On the positive side, in those two days we received 90 salvation responses. On the negative side, we lost a bunch of subscribers, which always happens when I write on "touchy topics" as I like to call them. However, what was most disconcerting was those who claimed that because God was a God of love all good people will go to heaven. What is alarming is not that people disagreed with me, for my word isn't of any more value than anybody else's. Disagreement is a good thing and helps keep me on my toes. The problem is when people disagree with what God has clearly said in his Word and what Jesus, the Son of God, said when he was here on earth. What I have to say is of little consequence but what God has to say is of ultimate and eternal consequence. Herein lies the danger of disagreeing with God. When we do this, we put ourselves above the God of all creation and make ourselves the judge of God as to whether he is telling the truth or not. When we claim that what God has said is not the truth we are implying that God is a liar. And who are we to judge God, the Creator of you and me and the entire universe? I may not understand why God says what he says or does what he does. That is acceptable, but to put myself above God and become the judge of him is, in essence, making myself god. Instead of God having the ultimate voice of authority, I usurp his position and make myself the ultimate voice of authority. That's about the equivalent of an ant telling a man that it knows better than the man—and even this is a hopelessly inadequate comparison. To put myself and my word above God and his word is the ultimate in pride, self-delusion, and absurdity. What is even more alarming is that putting myself above God is the essence of sin. When man was tested in the Garden of Eden (whether this is literal or symbolic is beside the point in this context), God told man one thing. Satan came along and told him the opposite. Man then made himself the judge of who was correct. In doing so he elevated himself above God and made himself the judge of God. The tragic consequence was that man chose to disregard God's directive and go his own way. This is how sin entered the human race and is the very nature of sin. What many don't understand is that sin is rebelling against God and his directives and in essence making ourselves god. Acts of sin are the outcome. To put it another way, we are not sinners because we sin but rather, we sin because we are sinners. The only sensible and safe way to go is to let God be God and adhere to his directives. To do otherwise is not only the sin of pride (I know better than God) but the pathway to ultimate disaster and eternal damnation in hell which is eternal separation from God and all loving life. Remember, "In the beginning God." He will also have the final word in the end. Years ago Nietzsche said, "God is dead." Today God says, "Nietzsche is dead."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of pride and making myself the ultimate voice of authority, and always lead me on the path of truth—your truth as found in your Word, the Bible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Genesis 1:1.
1 John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
stridulate • STRIJ-uh-layt • verb : to make a shrill creaking noise by rubbing together special bodily structures -- used especially of male insects (as crickets or grasshoppers)
Examples: Lying in my tent that night, I could hear the campfire crackling and the crickets stridulating and none of the city sounds I was accustomed to.
"Water rushes and warbles over rocks, around our island in the middle of the stream. Insects stridulate in a hum almost electric." -- From an article by Ezra Kyrill Erker in the Bangkok Post, August 14, 2011
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The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. –Jack Handey
Lady Gregory "It is the old battle, between those who use a toothbrush and those who don't."
Abraham Lincoln "Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves."
Kin Hubbard "The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."
*************************** How to Take an Aromatherapy Bath
An aromatherapy bath (or "aromabath") can be a soothing retreat or a reviving experience and a lovely way to get clean. The addition of essential oils to a regular bath can enhance its ability to act as a therapeutic and sensual experience. Other benefits from an aromatherapy bath include softer skin through moisturizing and opening the pores, detoxifying and deodorizing your body.[1] If you're a beginner in the art of aromatherapy, starting with aromatherapy baths is a very simple and effective way to connect with the virtues of aromatherapy treatments for your overall well-being. Contents
1 Steps 1.1 Choosing scents for the aromatherapy bath 1.2 Choosing the aromatherapy bath and the temperature 1.3 Relaxing aromatherapy bath 1.4 Stimulating aromatherapy bath 1.5 No bath? Have an aromatherapy shower 2 Video 3 Tips 4 Warnings 5 Things You'll Need 6 Related wikiHows 7 Sources and Citations
Steps
Choosing scents for the aromatherapy bath
1 Start by choosing what you like. Start by choosing what you like. Initially, it's suggested that you choose scents that you know you like and that help you to feel calm or energized when you use them. As you become more experienced and more interested in aromatherapy though, you'll be able to select particular scents that are known to provide certain benefits when used.
2 Read the label or books on the topic for warnings. Be an informed user of essential oils. Always know the properties of any essential oil you're using and know the contra-indications, such as not using an oil when pregnant, breastfeeding, on infants or children or those who are immuno-suppressed, etc. Some oils have lingering after-effects such as increasing the likelihood of getting sunburn if you go into direct sunlight after using them. Read all of the labels, warnings and directions accompanying each essential oil. It is also important to know of any allergies before using, which can be done by using a skin patch test or through knowing that you're allergic to the plant source in some other form. You can get more information about an individual essential oil on its label, in books about aromatherapy, on websites concerning essential oils and aromatherapy or by talking to your essential oil supplier or manufacturer or even with your doctor or pharmacist.
3 Choose relaxing essential oils. Choose relaxing essential oils. Oils that are suggested as suitable for a relaxing aromatherapy bath include: Basil, bergamot, chamomile, clary sage, frankincense, juniper, lavender, marjoram, neroli (oranges), rose and rosewood, sandalwood, sage and ylang ylang.[2][3] Lavender and marjoram are ideal choices if you're plagued by insomnia.[4]
4 Choose stimulating and energizing essential oils. Choose stimulating and energizing essential oils. Oils that are suggested as suitable for an invigorating and energizing aromatherapy bath include: Cypress, eucalyptus, fennel, geranium, juniper, lavender, lemon, lemongrass, peppermint, pine, rosemary and thyme.[5][6]
5 Use a carrier oil. Use about 5 to 10 drops of the essential oil in one tablespoon of carrier oil per bath for an adult unless indicated otherwise on the label. Carrier oils are necessary to prevent the essential oil from being too powerful. They can be such oils as olive oil, jojoba oil or sweet almond oil. These carrier oils have the added benefit of nourishing and moisturizing your skin.[7] For a non-oily or non-slip bath suitable for children and the elderly, milk (full fat) or dairy cream can be used as the carrier base instead of vegetable oil.[8] For children aged 6-12 months, only use 1 to 3 drops of essential oil, and 3-4 drops for a child aged 1-5.[9] This is mainly because a child's bath uses less water but also be aware of which oils are suitable for children – geranium and mandarin are two good choices.[10]
6 Choose other forms of adding fragrance to the bath. Choose other forms of adding fragrance to the bath. You're not limited to using just essential oils. You can also use bath bombs, bath salts, bubble bath, soap flakes or soap, flower petals and other sources of fragrance. However, it is recommended that you seek the purer and more true forms of scent than synthetic versions and the less chemicals stamped on the back of the product, the better for you. And remember that the therapeutic benefits of a bath generally come from using the essential oils rather than other products.
Choosing the aromatherapy bath and the temperature
1Decide whether your purpose for the aromatherapy bath is one of seeking to relax or one of seeking stimulation.[11] In a nutshell, the choice of essential oils will be impacted by your motivation for the aromatherapy bath. While most people view a warm bath as a source of relaxing, provided the right essential oils are added, a bath can also be reviving with cold water, something which can be especially handy if you're about to go out again after a day at work or sport. 2Decide on the bath temperature. The temperature of the bath can vary from cold to hot, depending on what you're expecting from your aromatherapy bath, as well as personal preferences. The following bath temperatures are a guide and if you have any medical problems, always discuss bath temperature with your doctor first:[12] Cold bath: A cold bath is considered to have a temperature range between 21-27ºC or 70-80ºF. This is a stimulating bath that helps to improve circulation, breathing, muscle activity and can help various skin complaints. The time spent in a cold bath should be about 2-5 minutes. Warm bath: A warm bath is considered to have a temperature range between 27-34ºC or 80-93ºF. Most people enjoy warm baths without a fuss and this type of bath is very relaxing. In terms of the most therapeutic benefits from a warm aromatherapy bath, the best length of time for soaking is 20 minutes. Hot bath: A hot bath is considered to have a temperature range between 38-40ºC or 100-104ºF. This bath is good for those suffering from fevers associated with the influenza or to help remove toxins and increase sweating. Whether or not a hot bath is relaxing is dependent on your personal preferences! Hot baths are never recommended for children, pregnant women, heart condition sufferers or those with varicose veins or broken capillaries.[13] Even if healthy or not pregnant, you shouldn't take too many hot baths as they tend to increase your heart rate, enlarge your blood vessels and capillaries and end up leaving you feeling drained and weakened. 3 Always ensure that things are ready before getting into the bath. Always ensure that things are ready before getting into the bath. Having an aromatherapy bath is like performing a ritual, one that has been practiced for thousands of years by human beings who have appreciated the benefits of scented bathing. Place a fresh and unused towel (or towels) in an easy-to-reach spot, have all the essential oils or other scented items ready to add, have soaps and loofah or bath mitt near or on the bath and have your bath robe or other clothing ready to don laid out in an accessible part of the bathroom.
Relaxing aromatherapy bath
1 Create a calm environment with soft music and dim lights. Create a calm environment with soft music and dim lights. Having soft light is an important element of creating a peaceful sanctuary but if you can't turn down the lights, at least wear an eye mask. Shut the door and request that people keep out for the next 30 or so minutes. 2 Light one or two aromatherapy candles in your scent of choice. Light one or two aromatherapy candles in your scent of choice. Also, if you have aromatic plants, herbs, foliage or flowers, add these to the bathroom for added fragrance. 3 Fill the bath. Fill the bath. For a relaxing bath, the temperature should be warm, as outlined above. It is easiest to add mostly hot water and then add cool water until the bath is noticeably warmer than skin temperature, but not uncomfortably hot. It is easiest to add mostly hot water and then add cool water until the bath is noticeably warmer than skin temperature, but not uncomfortably hot. 4 Add the scent to the water as the bath is filling up, choosing the scents from the section on "Choosing Scents for the Aromatherapy Bath" above. Add the scent to the water as the bath is filling up, choosing the scents from the section on "Choosing Scents for the Aromatherapy Bath" above. If you're using scented bath salts, place 2 tablespoons in the bottom of the tub once you have plugged the drain. If you're using oils, add about 5-10 drops of essential oil to a carrier oil and then add to the water. You can even add it to the bottom of the tub before adding the water if preferred but bear in mind that adding to the water later will mean that the oils are more effective because oil is drawn to your skin from the top of the water.[14] Moreover, essential oils tend to evaporate quickly once added to the water.[15] If you're using herbs, make sure they are sealed in a cloth bag. Tie the bag to the faucet, so that the water will run directly through it. 5Add a bath pillow. If you don't have a bath pillow, use a rolled up towel. 6 Consider skin brushing to increase circulation prior to getting into the bath. Consider skin brushing to increase circulation prior to getting into the bath. Use gentle, circular motions with a loofah brush. Some aromatherapy bath rituals have the bather rub the relevant essential oil (in a carrier or massage oil base) all over the body from toes to upper chest before brushing. The oil is then washed off in the warm bath water.[16] 7 Step in and lie back with your head supported by the pillow. Step in and lie back with your head supported by the pillow. Soak yourself for at least 20 minutes. If possible, close your eyes and lean back in the tub. Concentrate on your breathing. Seek to let go of your worries and anxious thoughts. Allow the essential oils to soothe you and remove the stress. 8 Dry off with a soft, warm towel. Dry off with a soft, warm towel. Keep the towel on a warming towel rack if possible, otherwise you can always tuck a hot water bottle inside it which will warm it up while you're in the bath soaking. 9 Stay in the bathroom for several minutes while you drain the bath to enjoy the scented steam. Stay in the bathroom for several minutes while you drain the bath to enjoy the scented steam.
Stimulating aromatherapy bath
1Create an enjoyable and calm environment. While the lights don't need to be as soft, avoid anything blaring in your eyes. Shut the door from others and make the bathroom your space for the next 10 to 15 minutes.
2 Light candles which have the invigorating scents embedded in them.Light candles which have the invigorating scents embedded in them. Again, any relevant plants, herbs or spices that can add to the atmosphere can be brought into the bathroom too. However, this bath isn't going to last too long, so don't fuss too much.
3Fill the bath with cold water in the temperature range cited above.
4Add the relevant scents as the bath fills up. See the list of appropriate scents for an energizing bath in the section on "Choosing Scents for the Aromatherapy Bath" above. Also add a bath cushion for your head.
5 Consider preparing yourself prior to having the colder bath by skin brushing. Consider preparing yourself prior to having the colder bath by skin brushing. Simply use a body brush, bath mitt or a loofah and rub your back, legs, arms and torso to increase the circulation and remove dead skin cells and dirt from skin pores.[17] Use circular motions while brushing. Doing this will help to stimulate your circulation.
6Step into the bath. Soak in it for 2 to 5 minutes.
7Rinse. After you've soaked yourself, splash yourself all over with cold water (as cold as you can bear). Take this water either from the tap or the shower. If you don't like the feeling of being splashed, simply add the cold water to the bath itself and sit there as the cold water flushes around you.
8Step out of the bath. Using the towel, slap yourself dry to create a tingling sensation on the skin, or simply do a vigorous dry with the towel. Splash your face with cold water as the last part of energizing yourself.
9Feel energized. You should now be ready to start your day or to head back out after work or sport and feel a lot more refreshed than before the bath!
No bath? Have an aromatherapy shower
1Wash yourself as usual in a warm shower.
2Rinse off all the soap and shower gels.
3Add 2 to 3 drops of the relevant aromatherapy oil to a facecloth or a wet sponge.
4 Rub this cloth or sponge over all areas of your body while standing under the warm shower. Rub this cloth or sponge over all areas of your body while standing under the warm shower. It helps to plug the shower drain with a plug, your feet, a facecloth or something else. You can allow the water to fill up and add a few drops of essential oil to it, which will rise up in the steam. This is optional, as some people cannot bear water around their feet in the shower!
*************************** An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open"
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By the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. I Peter 1:22 (RSV) I’m a Southerner. I make mean cheese grits, I have an iron skillet reserved exclusively for corn bread and will happily spend half a day picking blackberries for a cobbler with a life span of three minutes. For some, the South has a bad reputation. A few years ago I was involved in a political campaign where the opposing camp, lacking anything bad to say about my candidate, attacked him for having a Southern drawl. Amazingly, that was right here in Nashville, Tennessee, and it worked! Good thing I’m not set on running for office, since I’ve been accused of turning pie into a three-syllable word. But I don’t mind my accent. For me, it’s just one more thing to love about the South. Here we still say “please†and “excuse me†and our words lack sharp corners. We talk a lot about tomato plants in the summer and find time to catch lightning bugs and take night walks. In the winter, snow is still scarce enough to close the schools and keep us home from work. We make snow cream and hot chocolate from scratch. We still pull over to the side of the road when a funeral procession passes. We love porches and being neighborly. We teach our children to call their elders Miss Linda and Mr. Bob. We take chicken soup to sick friends. Every section of our country and every nook and cranny of our world has its own defining characteristics. God made us different, not to divide us, but to delight us. Kindness isn’t regional; it doesn’t matter whether we say “y’all†or “youse guys†or “tus individuos.†He’s made our hearts multilingual, and that’s one more thing to love about being alive! Father, help us to delight in our differences and love one another as You have asked.
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Quick Beef Stroganoff
This easy version of beef Stroganoff is best for using up the extra Coriander-Dusted Roast Beef and gravy.
Yunhee Kim Serves: 4 Edit Total Time: 20 min Cook Time: 10 min
Ingredients 2 tablespoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil 1 onion, thinly sliced 8 ounce(s) cremini mushrooms, thinly sliced 1 teaspoon(s) chopped thyme Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper 1 cup(s) reserved gravy from Coriander-Dusted Roast Beef or other beef gravy 1/4 cup(s) sour cream 1/2 Coriander-Dusted Roast Beef or 12 ounces roast beef, sliced 1/4 inch thick and cut into strips Buttered noodles, for serving
Directions
In a large skillet, heat the olive oil until shimmering. Add the onion, mushrooms, and thyme, season with salt and pepper, and cook over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until tender and browned, 8 minutes. Add the gravy and bring to a boil. Stir in the sour cream. Add the beef and simmer until heated through, about 2 minutes. Serve over buttered noodles.
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Brown Sugar Rosemary Walnuts
1 cup / 5 oz / 140 g brown sugar or natural cane sugar 2 teaspoons fine grain sea salt 1 teaspoon chopped rosemary leaves 1/4 cup / 1 oz / 30g sesame seeds 2 large egg whites 1 lb / ~4 cups shelled walnut halves 1/3 cup / 1 1/2 oz / 45 g chopped dried figs, stems trimmed
Preheat oven with racks in the center to 300F / 150C. Then line two baking sheets with parchment paper. In a small bowl, combine the brown sugar, salt, rosemary, and sesame seeds. Now, in a large bowl whisk the egg whites a bit, just to loosen them up. Add the walnuts, and figs to the whites and toss until they are evenly coated - it'll take a minute or so. Sprinkle the sugar-spice mixture over the nuts and toss (really well) again. Split the nuts between the two prepared baking sheets in a single layer, separating them the best you can. Bake for ~25 minutes or until the walnuts are toasted golden and the coating is no longer wet. Cool for a few minutes, then slide the parchment/nuts off the hot baking sheets onto a cool surface to cool completely. These will keep for a week or so in an airtight container or baggie. Makes 1 pound of nuts, or 4 medium bags.
Prep time: 5 min - Cook time: 25 min
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Fresh Tomato & Black Olive Pizza
5 servings Active Time: 35 minutes Total Time: 2 hours
INGREDIENTS
THIN-CRUST WHOLE-WHEAT PIZZA DOUGH 3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon lukewarm water (105-115°F) 1 package active dry yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons) 1 teaspoon sugar 1 cup whole-wheat pastry flour (see Tips) 1 cup bread flour or all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons fine cornmeal All-purpose flour for dusting
TOPPINGS 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 1 clove garlic, minced 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 3 plum tomatoes, sliced 1/4 cup chopped black olives 8 ounces fresh mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil for garnish
PREPARATION To prepare dough: Stir water, yeast and sugar in a large bowl; let stand until the yeast has dissolved, about 5 minutes. Stir in whole-wheat flour, bread flour (or all-purpose flour) and salt until the dough begins to come together. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface. Knead until smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. (Alternatively, mix the dough in a food processor or in a stand mixer with a dough hook. Process or mix until it forms a ball. Continue to process until the dough is smooth and elastic, about 1 minute more in a food processor or 4 to 5 minutes more on low speed in a stand mixer.) Place the dough in an oiled bowl and turn to coat. Cover with a clean kitchen towel; set aside in a warm, draft-free place until doubled in size, about 1 hour. Position rack in lower third of oven; preheat to 450°F. Brush oil over a large baking sheet. Sprinkle the baking sheet with cornmeal to coat evenly. Combine oil, garlic, salt and pepper in a small bowl. Sprinkle flour over work surface. Roll out the dough to the size of the baking sheet (see Tips) and transfer to the baking sheet. Cover the dough with oil mixture. Scatter with tomatoes and olives and sprinkle with cheese. Bake until the crust is crispy and the cheese is melted and starting to brown, 15 to 20 minutes. Top with basil, if using.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 2, cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for up to 1 day. Or tightly wrap the unrisen dough in oiled plastic wrap and freeze for up to 3 months. Defrost the dough in the refrigerator overnight. Let refrigerated (or previously frozen) dough stand at room temperature for 1 hour before using.
Tips: Whole-wheat pastry flour is milled from soft wheat. It contains less gluten than regular whole-wheat flour and helps ensure a tender result in delicate baked goods while providing the nutritional benefits of whole grains. Find it at large supermarkets and natural-foods stores. Store in an airtight container in the freezer. No time to make your own dough? Look for balls of prepared whole-wheat pizza dough at your supermarket, fresh or frozen and without any hydrogenated oils. To Roll Out Pizza Dough: Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Dust with flour; dimple with your fingertips to shape into a thick, flattened circle. Then use a rolling pin to roll into the desired shape. If your dough “resists†being rolled out, let it rest for about 15 minutes, then try rolling it out again.
NUTRITION Per serving: 440 calories; 20 g fat ( 7 g sat , 10 g mono ); 36 mg cholesterol; 46 g carbohydrates; 1 g added sugars; 17 g protein; 5 g fiber; 814 mg sodium; 189 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (15% dv), Folate (34% daily value), Calcium (25% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 2 1/2 Exchanges: 3 starch, 1 high-fat meat, 2 fat
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Sweet & Sour Pork
Pineapple, tomato and pork combine in a sweet-tangy sauce in this easy, bright- flavored sweet and sour pork stir-fry. This dish does have a fair amount of acid (from vinegar, tomatoes and pineapple), which can affect the patina of your wok. So remove the food from the wok as soon as you’re done cooking, and if your wok shows any signs of rusting, reseason it
4 servings, about 1 1/4 cups each Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 pound trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt (see Tips), cut into 1/4-inch-thick bite-size slices 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger 4 teaspoons reduced-sodium soy sauce, divided 2 teaspoons plus 1 tablespoon Shao Hsing rice wine (see Note) or dry sherry, divided 1 1/2 teaspoons plus 2 teaspoons cornstarch, divided 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground white pepper 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil 2 tablespoons pineapple juice (see Tips) 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar 1 tablespoon ketchup 1 1/2 teaspoons light brown sugar 2 tablespoons peanut oil or canola oil, divided 1/2 cup sliced carrot (1/4 inch thick) 1 small tomato, thinly sliced into wedges (about 1 cup) 1/4 cup finely chopped scallions 2 cups bite-size pineapple chunks, fresh or juice-packed canned (drained)
PREPARATION Combine pork, ginger, 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 2 teaspoons rice wine (or sherry), 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch, salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Stir in sesame oil until well combined. Combine pineapple juice, vinegar, ketchup and brown sugar in a small bowl. Stir in the remaining 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 1 tablespoon rice wine (or sherry) and 2 teaspoons cornstarch. Heat a 14-inch flat-bottomed wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact. Swirl in 1 tablespoon peanut (or canola) oil. Carefully add the pork in one layer. Cook undisturbed for 1 1/2 minutes, letting it begin to sear. Then, using a metal spatula, stir-fry until the pork is lightly browned but not cooked through, 1 minute. Transfer to a plate. Swirl the remaining 1 tablespoon oil into the wok, add carrot and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Return the pork with any juice to the wok. Add tomato and scallions and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Swirl in the pineapple juice mixture, add pineapple and stir-fry until the pork is just cooked through and the sauce is lightly thickened, 1 to 2 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES
Tips: Pork shoulder or butt is available both bone-in or boneless and typically sold in portions significantly larger than 1 pound—3 to 5 pounds. To get the amount you need for this recipe, ask the butcher to start with 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 pounds before trimming to make sure you get 1 pound of trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt. Or buy a larger portion and freeze the rest for another use. If you’re making this with canned pineapple, you can use 2 tablespoons juice from the can. To season your wok the traditional way: Scrub a new carbon-steel wok with hot water, soap and a scouring pad to remove the factory coating. Rinse and dry thoroughly. Heat the wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds. Swirl 2 tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil into the pan. Add 1/2 cup sliced unpeeled fresh ginger and 1 bunch scallions cut into 2-inch pieces. Reduce the heat to medium and stir-fry the mixture, pressing it into the sides of the wok as you go. Keep stir-frying and pressing the seasonings all over the wok for about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool. (Discard the scallions and ginger.)
Note: Shao Hsing (or Shao xing) is a seasoned rice wine. It is available at most Asian specialty markets and in the Asian section of some larger supermarkets. If unavailable, dry sherry is the best substitute.
NUTRITION Per serving: 312 calories; 17 g fat ( 5 g sat , 8 g mono ); 65 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 19 g protein; 2 g fiber; 419 mg sodium; 465 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (77% daily value), Vitamin A (60% dv), Zinc (24% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2 Exchanges: 1 1/2 fruit, 2 1/2 lean meat, 1 1/2 fat
*************************** FRENCH FRIED ONION RINGS
4 servings
1/2 cup Pillsbury BEST All Purpose Flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 large Bermuda or Vidalia onions, peeled 2/3 cup milk Crisco Pure Vegetable Oil, for deep frying Salt
1.COMBINE flour and salt in small bowl. Cut onions into 1/4-inch slices. Separate into rings. Soak onion rings in milk; dip in flour mixture.
2.HEAT 2 to 3 inches oil in deep saucepan or deep fryer to 375ºF. Fry a few onion rings at a time until lightly browned, 2 to 3 minutes.
3.DRAIN on paper towels. Sprinkle with salt.
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Sweet & Sour Pork
4 servings, about 1 1/4 cups each Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 pound trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt (see Tips), cut into 1/4-inch-thick bite-size slices 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger 4 teaspoons reduced-sodium soy sauce, divided 2 teaspoons plus 1 tablespoon Shao Hsing rice wine (see Note) or dry sherry, divided 1 1/2 teaspoons plus 2 teaspoons cornstarch, divided 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground white pepper 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil 2 tablespoons pineapple juice (see Tips) 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar 1 tablespoon ketchup 1 1/2 teaspoons light brown sugar 2 tablespoons peanut oil or canola oil, divided 1/2 cup sliced carrot (1/4 inch thick) 1 small tomato, thinly sliced into wedges (about 1 cup) 1/4 cup finely chopped scallions 2 cups bite-size pineapple chunks, fresh or juice-packed canned (drained)
PREPARATION Combine pork, ginger, 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 2 teaspoons rice wine (or sherry), 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch, salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Stir in sesame oil until well combined. Combine pineapple juice, vinegar, ketchup and brown sugar in a small bowl. Stir in the remaining 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 1 tablespoon rice wine (or sherry) and 2 teaspoons cornstarch. Heat a 14-inch flat-bottomed wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact. Swirl in 1 tablespoon peanut (or canola) oil. Carefully add the pork in one layer. Cook undisturbed for 1 1/2 minutes, letting it begin to sear. Then, using a metal spatula, stir-fry until the pork is lightly browned but not cooked through, 1 minute. Transfer to a plate. Swirl the remaining 1 tablespoon oil into the wok, add carrot and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Return the pork with any juice to the wok. Add tomato and scallions and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Swirl in the pineapple juice mixture, add pineapple and stir-fry until the pork is just cooked through and the sauce is lightly thickened, 1 to 2 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES Tips: Pork shoulder or butt is available both bone-in or boneless and typically sold in portions significantly larger than 1 pound—3 to 5 pounds. To get the amount you need for this recipe, ask the butcher to start with 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 pounds before trimming to make sure you get 1 pound of trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt. Or buy a larger portion and freeze the rest for another use. If you’re making this with canned pineapple, you can use 2 tablespoons juice from the can. To season your wok the traditional way: Scrub a new carbon-steel wok with hot water, soap and a scouring pad to remove the factory coating. Rinse and dry thoroughly. Heat the wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds. Swirl 2 tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil into the pan. Add 1/2 cup sliced unpeeled fresh ginger and 1 bunch scallions cut into 2-inch pieces. Reduce the heat to medium and stir-fry the mixture, pressing it into the sides of the wok as you go. Keep stir-frying and pressing the seasonings all over the wok for about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool. (Discard the scallions and ginger.) Note: Shao Hsing (or Shao xing) is a seasoned rice wine. It is available at most Asian specialty markets and in the Asian section of some larger supermarkets. If unavailable, dry sherry is the best substitute.
NUTRITION Per serving: 312 calories; 17 g fat ( 5 g sat , 8 g mono ); 65 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 19 g protein; 2 g fiber; 419 mg sodium; 465 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (77% daily value), Vitamin A (60% dv), Zinc (24% dv)
Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2
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Homemade Chunky Granola
Savor the goodness of your own homemade granola, and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing exactly what's in it. Just 15 minutes of prep, and it will be oven ready.
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 30 min SERVINGS 28 6 cups old-fashioned oats 1 1/2 cups sunflower nuts 1 1/2 cups slivered almonds 1 cup Gold Medal whole wheat flour 3/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup vegetable oil 1/2 cup honey 1/2 cup water 1 bag (7 oz) dried mixed fruit, chopped
1 Heat oven to 300°F. In very large bowl, mix oats, sunflower nuts, almonds, flour, brown sugar and salt. In small bowl, beat oil, honey and water with wire whisk until well blended. Add liquid ingredients to dry ingredients, stirring until dry ingredients are moistened.
2 Spread on 2 ungreased large cookie sheets with sides. Place both cookie sheets in oven on 2 separate oven racks, one below the other.
3 Bake 20 minutes, stirring after 10 minutes. Reverse position of cookie sheets in oven; bake 10 to 20 minutes longer, stirring every 10 minutes, until golden brown. Cool completely on cookie sheets, about 30 minutes.
4 Stir mixture to break apart. Stir in dried fruit. Store in tightly covered container.
Expert Tips Sprinkle granola on top of yogurt, pudding or ice cream. Serve with milk for breakfast, or eat as a crunchy snack.
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Harvest Bread
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 2 hr 20 min SERVINGS 16 1 can (8 ounces) crushed pineapple in juice, drained and juice reserved 1/4 cup fat-free cholesterol-free egg product or 1 egg 2 tablespoons canola or soybean oil 1 1/2 cups Gold Medal all-purpose flour 3/4 cup packed brown sugar 1/2 cup raisins 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 cup shredded carrots (1 1/2 medium) 1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 Heat oven to 350º. Spray loaf pan, 8 1/2x4 1/2x2 1/2 inches, with cooking spray. Discard 3 tablespoons of the pineapple juice. Mix remaining juice, pineapple, egg product and oil in medium bowl. Stir in remaining ingredients until blended. Spread batter in pan.
2 Bake 50 to 55 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes. Remove from pan to wire rack. Cool completely, about 1 hour, before slicing.
Expert Tips “This is a healthy version of a quick bread, packed with flavorful fruit, vegetables and nuts.†Wanda S.
Breakfast eaters tend to have better overall nutrititious diets than those who skip morning meals. Even when you're in a hurry, you can fuel up with a good breakfast. If you don't have time for a leisurely breakfast, grab a slice of quick bread, a carton of yogurt and a handful of berries on your way out the door.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 180(Calories from Fat 60),Total Fat 7g(Saturated Fat 1/2g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 0mg;Sodium 160mg;Total Carbohydrate 27g(Dietary Fiber 1g,Sugars 15g),Protein 3g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 25.00%;Vitamin C 0.00%;Calcium 4.00%;Iron 6.00%;Exchanges:1 Starch;0 Fruit;1 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;1 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Do Good People Go to Heaven? Part I
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'"1
Do Good people go to Heaven, and if so, why, and if not, why not?
A Daily Encounter reader asks, "My aunts are of a non-Christian faith and have been good persons all their lives. They are elderly and I'd like to believe that they will be in Heaven. I talked to God about this yesterday. He did not speak directly back to me, but I felt that they would. God is a good and understanding God, and although not all of his children are believers, I think he will use his judgment when it comes to the end times as to who is, and who is not allowed in Heaven."
Dear Friend: Thank you for your email and for your concern about your aunts. First, however, the only way to know and understand God's plan for salvation and who qualifies for heaven is to know what his Word—the Bible—teaches, for God never acts contrary to his Word. Never. Furthermore, the issue is never what we feel or think but always based on what God says in his Word.
Second, sad to say no matter how good we are, our goodness doesn't qualify us for God's heaven. None of us is sinless no matter how good we are and because God is a God of absolute holiness, no sin or sinner can ever survive in his presence any more than a moth can survive in a flame. It just isn't possible.
Third, God is also a God of absolute justice and therefore all sinners—no matter how small—must be judged, otherwise God wouldn't be God. Because God IS God, the just judgment of all sin is death; that is, spiritual death which is actually eternal separation from a holy and just God in the place the Bible calls hell, whatever and wherever that may be.
Fourth, fortunately, God is also a God of absolute love. That's why he sent his Son Jesus to die in our place on the cross to pay the just penalty for all of our sins. If being good, religious, sincere, or being anything else could have qualified us for getting into God's heaven, Jesus would never have had to come to earth to die for our sins.
Fifth, to enter God's heaven we have to be saved or delivered from sin's consequences. That is, we need to be totally forgiven by God and cleansed from our sinfulness. All we need to do is: (1) believe that Jesus is the Son of God, (2) that he died in our place on the cross to pay the just penalty for our sins, (3) repent of [turn from] and confess our sinfulness to God and, (4) ask God for his forgiveness and accept and invite Jesus into our heart and life as our Savior.
For help to do this click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.htm
To be continued.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you have made it very clear in your Word, the Bible, what we need to do to have our sins forgiven and how we can become qualified for entering your heaven. And thank you for your love in giving your Son, Jesus, to die for my sins and making forgiveness and eternal life in heaven possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. John 14:6(NIV).
Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. Ephesians 6:11 *************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
flatfoot • FLAT-foot • noun 1 : a condition in which the arch of the instep is flattened so that the entire sole rests upon the ground 2 a : slang police officer; especially : a patrolman walking a regular beat b : slang sailor
Examples: In his latest movie, the actor plays an earnest flatfoot who is bested by some clever crooks.
"Conaway said a friend of his found some of Rohrbach's letters and papers at a rummage sale in Montgomery County. 'He turned it over to me because he knew I was with the veterans,' said Conaway, commander of the Neshaminy Falls Veterans Association. Seeing that Rohrbach was from Topton, the old flatfoot contacted the Reading Eagle for help finding the owner of the military memorabilia, including a solid gold Army airman's ring." -- From a column piece by Dan Kelly in the Reading Eagle (Pennsylvania), May 30, 2011
*************************** MY HOPE IS BUILT
My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name. Refrain On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand; All other ground is sinking sand. When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, My anchor holds within the veil. Refrain His oath, His covenant, His blood, Support me in the whelming flood. When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay. Refrain When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, Faultless to stand before the throne. Refrain
*************************** Farming by the Moon
When to Plant, Wean, Castrate, Build Fences, Harvest
The age-old practice of performing farm chores by the Moon stems from the simple belief that the Moon governs moisture.
Pliny the Elder, the first-century Roman naturalist, stated in his Natural History that the Moon "replenishes the earth; when she approaches it, she fills all bodies, while, when she recedes, she empties them."
The Moon's Phases The Moon's phases guided many a farmer and gardener in the past, and still do today:
Moonrise occurring in the evening brings fair weather, says one proverb, harking back to the belief that the waning Moon (full and last quarter, which rise in the evening) is dry. The New Moon and first quarter, or waxing phases, are considered fertile and wet. The new and first-quarter phases, known as the light of the Moon, are considered good for planting above-ground crops, putting down sod, grafting trees, and transplanting. From full Moon through the last quarter, or the dark of the Moon, is the best time for killing weeds, thinning, pruning, mowing, cutting timber, and planting below-ground crops. The time just before the full Moon is considered particularly wet, and is best for planting during drought conditions. To garden by the Moon in your area, see our "Best Planting Dates" guide on the main gardening page.
Moon Folklore Folklore is rich among farmers, given their close ties to Earth and her natural rhythms.
Rail fences cut during the dry, waning Moon will stay straighter. Wooden shingles and shakes will lie flatter if cut during the dark of the Moon. Fence posts should be set in the dark of the Moon to resist rotting. Ozark lore says that fence posts should always be set as the tree grew. To set the root end upward makes a short-lived fence. Don't begin weaning when the Moon is waning. Castrate and dehorn animals when the Moon is waning for less bleeding. Slaughter when the Moon is waxing for juicier meat. Crabbing, shrimping, and clamming are best when the Moon is full. Best days for fishing are between the new and full Moon. See our best fishing dates for the year. Dig your horseradish in the full Moon for the best flavor. Set eggs to hatch on the Moon's increase, but not if a south wind blows.
*************************** You Are What You Eat: Fibromyalgia and Food Choices Posted on August 7th, 2011 by Ingrid Schaefer Sprague
The latest research shows specific foods, dietary supplements, and food additives affect fibromyalgia. Specifically, eating certain foods and adding certain nutritional supplements relieves fibromyalgia. Other research shows the additives in processed foods can aggravate symptoms of fibromyalgia. Previously, the impact of nutrition on fibromyalgia was not clear. Until now, most information stated that any association between fibromyalgia and diet was variable among patients. For example, a certain food like chocolate may provide relief for some fibromyalgia patients, due to the release of specific “feel-good†neurotransmitters like dopamine, but had no effect on other fibromyalgia patients. Prior research also focused on the negative effects of refined carbohydrates, such as flour and sugar, on fibromyalgia. But the symptoms discussed in the literature appeared to be more similar to insulin resistance, rather than specific fibromyalgia pressure trigger points. Food Choices Do Impact Fibromyalgia Symptoms
Newer research has focused on the inclusion and exclusion of certain food groups, nutritional supplements, and food additives. One consistent message is fibromyalgia patients are encouraged to make better lifestyle choices, including adopting a healthier diet, exercising, and avoiding alcohol, smoking, and drugs to increase resistance and to improve overall health. While a healthier attitude toward lifestyle certainly can improve overall health, it cannot change certain health conditions – like fibromyalgia, once it has taken hold, according to Metagenics Inc. Director of Intramural Clinical Research Joseph J. Lamb, MD. “It is like in the movie ‘Cars’ where asphalt was placed over a road full of potholes,†he said. Dr. Lamb, former Adjunct Professor of Medicine at George Washington University, in Washington, D.C., studied the effects of a modified elimination diet and supplemental medical food on fibromyalgia symptoms in eight patients. For the first four weeks, patients ate a modified food pyramid diet and a nontherapeutic rice protein powder supplement. During the second four weeks, the same patients ate a modified diet, eliminating foods high in bad fats, gluten, corn, wheat, and caffeine. A phytonutrient-rich medical food, which included spent hops, pomegranate, watercress, prune skin, and green tea, was also consumed. While patients experienced some symptom relief with a simpler, more wholesome diet in the first phase, significant improvement in fibromyalgia symptoms was documented after adding the phytonutrient medical food in the second four weeks. Furthermore, there was an increase in metallothionein mRNA expression, which Dr. Lamb described as a “claw†that binds to toxic elements, including mercury, cadmium, lead, and arsenic. Excretion of mercury and arsenic were noted in Program B patients, and these levels were inversely related to fibromyalgia pain scores (from the Fibromyalgia Impact Questionnaire and the FibroQuest Symptom Survey). Dr. Lamb believes fibromyalgia patients may be likened to “canaries in the coal mine,†supporting the notion that daily exposure to certain elements in the environment contributes to symptoms in these patients. Food Sensitivities Among Fibromyalgia Patients
The idea of eliminating foods is based on the fact that about 10 percent of fibromyalgia patients experience food sensitivity. Fibromyalgia patient Rosanne Cifani is a personal trainer concerned with overall nutrition. She admits that she feels sore and lethargic after consuming foods with artificial sweeteners, glutamate, and sodium. Oregon Health and Science University Senior Research Associate Kathleen Holton, Ph.D., M.P.H., does not believe that gluten should be eliminated from the diet of all fibromyalgia patients, only in the subset of those patients with celiac disease or gluten intolerance. “Gluten does not cause fibromyalgia,†she said. Similarly, highly-restrictive vegetarian diets have improved fibromyalgia symptoms, sometimes dramatically, in patients, according to some research, said Holton. She acknowledges that in these diets healthy antioxidants are left in, but other negative effects may develop because other nutrients are eliminated. For instance, eliminating carbohydrates from the diet may put a patient at risk of ketosis, altering the insulin levels. As stated earlier, the elimination of all carbohydrates or gluten is not recommended in fibromyalgia patients nor will it improve symptoms (except in those who are gluten intolerant). She points out that highly-restrictive vegetarian diets, although high in certain nutrients like antioxidants, are unbalanced and unrealistic as a long-term treatment for fibromyalgia. “The goal of nutrition treatment for fibromyalgia is to identify the optimal diet that is not overly restrictive and is easy to follow.†Holton’s research concentrated on the role of specific amino acids that act as neurotoxins in food. Her findings will be published in the near future. While some amino acids, including those Holton studied, are produced by the body, others are necessary from the diet and may be consumed as food additives. In her research, Holton eliminated certain food additives and then challenged the patients with the additive later. When no food additives were consumed, the patients’ fibromyalgia symptoms improved, but returned when the additives were introduced later. Based on her research findings, Holton recommends avoiding food additives. Holton said the pain sensitivity of fibromyalgia may be due to excess excitatory neurotransmitters circulating in the body. These chemicals, which are found in food additives known as excitotoxins, include certain artificial sweeteners, glutamate (typically found as monosodium glutamate and hydrolyzed protein), and l-cysteine. However, it is important to note that amino acids also have important functions as neurotransmitters in the body, so complete elimination of bound protein in meat sources is not possible or recommended. Rather, Holton recommends focusing solely on the removal of food additives from the diet. Holton also recommends multi-vitamins for fibromyalgia patients who are unable to eat a totally balanced diet as they are making positive nutritional changes to help alleviate their symptoms. In summary, many fibromyalgia patients could benefit from eating a simple and whole diet free of additives to relieve their symptoms, adding specific nutritional supplements and medical foods when necessary. Sources:
Goldenberg DL “Fibromyalgia: A Leading Expert’s Guide to Understanding and Getting Relief from the Pain that Won’t Go Away†NY: The Berkley Publishing Group (2002), 142. Holton, K “The Excitotoxin Elimination Diet: A Novel Dietary Intervention for Those with Fibromyalgia and Irritable Bowel Syndrome†DocStoc http://www.docstoc.com/docs/77509046/The-excitotoxin-elimination-diet.... Accessed August 3, 2011. Lamb, JJ et al “A Program Consisting of a Phytonutrient-rich Medical Food and an Elimination Diet Ameoliorated Fibromyalgia Symptoms and Promoted Toxic-element Detoxification in a Pilot Trial†Alternative Therapies 17 (2011): 36-44. Starlanyl, DJ “The Fibromyalgia Advocate: Getting the Support You Need to Cope with Fibromyalgia and Myofascial Pain Syndrome†Oakland, Calif: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.(1998): 30, 61, 161, 172-173. Wilke, WS “The Cleveland Clinic Guide to Fibromyalgia†NY: Kaplan Publishing (2010), 102-107. ***************************
Ham-&-Cheese-Stuffed Chicken Breasts
Making a pocket in the chicken breast to hold the stuffing is easy with a good, sharp, thin-bladed knife. Browning the chicken in a skillet before baking gives it a beautiful golden color, and finishing in the oven ensures that it cooks evenly throughout. "This is simple but looks elegant. So delicious it's hard to believe it's low calorie! Love it! "
4 servings Active Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 50 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1/4 cup grated Swiss, Monterey Jack or part-skim mozzarella cheese 2 tablespoons chopped ham 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard Freshly ground pepper, to taste 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, (1-1 1/4 pounds total) 1 egg white 1/2 cup plain dry breadcrumbs 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
PREPARATION Preheat oven to 400°F. Use a baking sheet with sides and lightly coat it with cooking spray. Mix cheese, ham, mustard and pepper in a small bowl. Cut a horizontal slit along the thin, long edge of a chicken breast half, nearly through to the opposite side. Open up the breast and place one-fourth of the filling in the center. Close the breast over the filling, pressing the edges firmly together to seal. Repeat with the remaining chicken breasts and filling. Lightly beat egg white with a fork in a medium bowl. Place breadcrumbs in a shallow glass dish. Hold each chicken breast half together and dip in egg white, then dredge in breadcrumbs. (Discard leftovers.) Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken breasts; cook until browned on one side, about 2 minutes. Place the chicken, browned-side up, on the prepared baking sheet. Bake until the chicken is no longer pink in the center or until an instant-read thermometer registers 170°F, about 20 minutes.
NUTRITION Per serving: 236 calories; 7 g fat ( 2 g sat , 3 g mono ); 74 mg cholesterol; 10 g carbohydrates; 31 g protein; 1 g fiber; 287 mg sodium; 347 mg potassium.
Exchanges: 1/2 starch, 4 lean meat
*************************** Orange & Lemon Cake Active Time: 10 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes Yield: Serves 10
INGREDIENTS 1 cup shredded coconut 4 eggs 1 cup sugar 1/2 cup melted butter 3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon slivered almonds Grated zest of 1 lemon Grated zest of 1 orange 1/2 cup lemon juice 1/2 cup orange juice 1 cup milk 1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9-inch springform pan. Place all the ingredients in a food processor and process until well combined, 50-60 seconds. Pour the mixture into the prepared cake pan. Place the pan in the oven and bake for 1 hour, or until golden brown on top and a skewer inserted in the middle of the cake comes out clean. Remove from oven, cool in the pan on a wire rack, then turn out. This cake can be served with cream, if desired.
*************************** Cream Cheese Pound Cake Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 3 Hours Yield: 24 servings
Although so moist and seemingly rich you can eat it unadorned, we recommend trying this pound cake topped with our quick cherry sauce. Make Ahead Tip: Wrap and store at room temperature for up to 3 days or freeze for up to 1 month.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups whole-wheat pastry flour 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 large eggs 1/2 cup nonfat buttermilk 1/3 cup canola oil 2 tablespoons light corn syrup 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 6 large egg whites 2 cups sugar, divided 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened 8 ounces Neufchatel cheese (see Ingredient note)
Ingredient Note: For this recipe, be sure to use Neufchatel-type cream cheese that has 1/3 less fat than regular, not "light" cream cheese, which has less fat.
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 325° F. Coat a 12-cup Bundt pan with cooking spray and dust with flour. Whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Whisk whole eggs, buttermilk, oil, corn syrup and vanilla in another medium bowl until well blended. Beat egg whites in a large clean bowl with an electric mixer on high speed until light and foamy. Gradually beat in 1/2 cup sugar until stiff glossy peaks form. Beat butter and Neufchatel in a large bowl until creamy. Add the remaining 1 1/2 cups sugar and beat, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed, until pale and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Alternately add the flour and buttermilk mixtures, beating until just smooth. Fold in about one-third of the egg whites with a rubber spatula until just smooth and no white streaks remain. Fold in the remaining egg whites. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading evenly. Bake the cake until a wooden skewer inserted into it comes out clean and the top springs back when touched, 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Loosen the edges with a knife and turn out onto the rack; let cool for at least 1 hour more before slicing.
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Graham Cracker Cheesecake Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 3 Hours 30 Minutes Yield: Serves 10
INGREDIENTS For the Crust: 8 ounces graham crackers (sweet biscuits) 13 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
For the Cake: 1 1/2 cups, plus 2 tablespoons cream cheese 1 1/2 cups, plus 2 tablespoons ricotta cheese 1 cup sugar 3 eggs 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups sour cream 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 tablespoon grated lemon zest DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F.
FOR THE CRUST: Grind the graham crackers (sweet biscuits) in a food processor to fine crumbs. Place in a mixing bowl. Pour the melted butter over the crumbs, and stir to combine. Press into an 8-inch springform pan, lining the base and sides.
FOR THE CAKE: Place the cream cheese, ricotta cheese and sugar in a food processor and process until smooth. (Alternatively you can use an electric mixer.) Add the eggs, 1 at a time, mixing well after each addition. Transfer to a bowl (if using a processor) and fold in the flour, sour cream, lemon juice and lemon zest. Pour into the crust-lined pan. Bake for 1 hour, or until the cheesecake is set in the middle. Turn off the heat and leave in the oven for another 15 minutes, with the door ajar. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool completely. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving.
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Caramel Cream Cheese Custard (Flan de Queso)
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 6 Hours 15 Minutes Yield: 12 servings Every panaderia (bakery) in Puerto Rico has many flavors of flan, from vanilla to guava. Reduced-fat cream cheese gives this version a rich, comforting texture. RECIPE INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup sugar 2 tablespoons water 8 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese (Neufchâtel), softened 8 large eggs 1 14-ounce can nonfat or low-fat sweetened condensed milk 1 12-ounce can nonfat or low-fat evaporated milk 2 teaspoons vanilla extract EatingWell Free Trial Issue!
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350°F. Cook sugar and water in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, gently swirling the pan (do not stir), until the mixture turns golden brown, 5 to 7 minutes. Immediately, pour the caramel carefully into a 9-inch round metal cake pan. If it stiffens before it completely covers the bottom of the pan, warm the pan in the oven, then swirl to cover the bottom. Beat cream cheese in a large bowl with a mixer at medium-high speed until soft. Beat in eggs, one at a time, until thoroughly combined, scraping down the sides. Add condensed milk, evaporated milk and vanilla; mix until combined. Carefully pour into the prepared pan. (You may hear some cracking; the pan will be very full). Place the cake pan in a larger pan and pour enough hot water around it to come 1 inch up the sides. Bake until golden and set at the edges but still wobbly at the center, about 1 hour. A knife inserted in the center should come out clean. Transfer the cake pan to a wire rack and let cool to room temperature, about 1 hour. Then cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours or overnight. To serve, run a knife around the edge of the pan and invert the flan onto a plate.
*************************** Florentine Cheesecake
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 13 Hours 40 Minutes Yield: Serves 12 INGREDIENTS
For the Crust: 1 1/2 cups Graham crackers or shortbread crumbs 1 tablespoon brown sugar 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon 1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted and cooled
For the Filling: 1 pound cream cheese 1 cup ricotta cheese 4 eggs 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 cup sugar 3 tablespoons brewed strong black coffee 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
For the Topping: 1 cup sour cream 1/2 cup superfine sugar 1 tablespoon cocoa powder 1 teaspoon cinnamon DIRECTIONS Line a 9-inch springform cake pan with foil and lightly grease the sides.
FOR THE CRUST: Combine the cracker or shortbread crumbs, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a bowl, then stir in the melted butter. Press the mixture into the base of the prepared pan. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.
FOR THE FILLING: Place the cream cheese, ricotta cheese, eggs, cocoa powder, and vanila in a food processor and process until smooth. Add the sugar, coffee, and cinnamon and continue to beat for 10 minutes, or until the mixture is combined. Pour into the crust-lined pan and bake for 1 hour, or until just firm to touch. Allow the cake to stand for 5 minutes before spreading on the topping.
FOR THE TOPPING: Combine the sour cream, sugar, cocoa powder, and cinnamon in a bowl and stir thoroughly. Spread over the cooked cheesecake and return to the oven for 10-15 minutes, or until just set. Allow the cheesecake to cool completely in the pan before refrigerating overnight.
TO SERVE: Run a knife around the edge of the pan and gently remove the sides.
*************************** A simple message about life I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, waiting on it to turn green. A carload of young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, stopped next to me. The light changed, the Muslims shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me. Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it and them completely. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!" So, today, bright & early, I went out & got a job as a truck driver.
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A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
*************************** Dumb Men Jokes
1. What are three little words you'll never hear a man say? "I'll get it"
2. What are three little words you'll never hear a man say? "It's my turn."
3. What are three little words you'll never hear a man say? "Can I help?"
4. What do you call a man with a vasectomy? A humanitarian.
5. What's the difference between an attractive woman and a proctologist? A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.
6. What do you call a man with an IQ of 50? Gifted.
7. How long can a man live without a brain? Depends. How old's your husband?
8. What does a man say after his third orgasm? "Don't you guys believe me?"
9. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
10. what do men and beer bottles have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
11. Why is it important for a woman to look her best? Because plenty of men are stupid, but few of them are blind.
12. Why do men have bigger brains than dogs? So they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party.
13. Why do men think sex is like air? It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any.
14. Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
15. What's the difference between a man & a whale? Whales mate for life.
16. What's the difference between a man and yogurt? Yogurt has culture.
17. "Well, he's obviously a sincere man," said the first woman. "How can you tell?" "Who would pretend to act like an asshole?"
18. How can you tell when a man is lying? His lips move.
19. Why will there be a rash of divorces in about 15 years? Because that's how long it will take for most husbands to get most of these jokes.
20. What do you call a woman who works for a man? The victim.
21. Why are dogs better than men? If you get sick of a dog, you can always have it put to sleep.
22. What's a man's idea of a seven-course meal? Pizza and a six-pack.
23. How do you force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his legs.
24. Why do men have such big nostrils? Just look at the size of their fingers.
25. Why did God create man? He couldn't teach gorillas how to mow the lawn.
26. Why do men watch football? Because it would be boring to talk about sex all the time.
27. What's the difference between a man and a cat? One is a finicky eater who couldn't care less if you lived or died; the other is a house pet.
28. Why do men always have stupid grins on their faces? They're stupid.
29. What's the definition of a bad date? He excuses himself to go call the "little woman."
30. Why do men call their wives "the little woman"? "What?? You expect me to remember her name?"
31. If men had PMS... who could tell?
32. What's the difference between a man and childbirth? One is an excruciating, painful, unbearable experience; the other is just having a baby.
33. Why do men drive pickup trucks? So they'll have somewhere to put the empties.
34. What has eight legs and an IQ of 40? Four guys watching football.
35. How can you kill a man? Put a blonde and a pickup truck in front of him and tell him he can pick one.
36. What does a man say after sex? Who cares?
36. What are four little words you'll never hear a man say? "I did the dishes"
37. How can you tell if a man is horny? He's awake.
38. Why do men get married. Because Mom won't put up with their shit anymore.
39. What's the difference between a man and a sports car? you see alot of cute sports cars.
40. What was the first thing Adam said to Eve? "Stand back! I don't know how big this thing gets."
41. Why do I need a husband? I already have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears every afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
42. Why are beer cans so easy to open? Look who's drinking them.
43. No wonder men are so unhappy being men... There is so little chance for advancement.
44. Why do men act like such morons? Who says they're acting?
45. What's the soft, fleshy tissue that surrounds a penis. A man.
46. The rule with no exceptions: If it has tires or testicles, it'll be trouble.
47. Why would someone who thinks doing laundry is complicated think I need help buying a car?
48. "Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equalling a hundred miles."
49. Why don't men make ice cubes? They can't find the recipe.
50. Only God can make a tree, but it took a man to invent dwarf-tossing.
51. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? An oxymoron.
52. How do men define a long-term relationship? A second date.
53. What do you call a man who complains all day, watches sports all night and sleeps away his weekends? Normal.
54. How many men does it take to change a mind? None. Once their minds are made up they never change.
55. What's the difference between a wise man and a dumb amn? Absolutely nothing. They both think they know everything.
56. What do you call a man who gets his on beer between innings? Athletic.
57. What's the difference between men and chimpanzees? One is hairy, smelly, and picks his butt; the other can be taught to communicate with human beings.
*************************** WHEN I SAY GOOD MORNING I MEAN TO SAY: G-do O-ffers us His O-utstanding D-evotion to M-ake us O-bedient & R-eady for a N-ew day with Him. I-nspire others please, and N-ever forget G-do loves you! If you like it send it to others. God will bless you for doing just that!!! HAVE A BLESSED DAY!
***************************
I’VE LEARNED...... That you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
The "Yes-but" Disease
"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.'"1
In his weekly Character Counts series, Michael Josephson wrote, "Years ago I was talking to a group of Army generals about the way politicians often treat the defense budget as an all-purpose public works fund to help bring money into their districts. One general admitted, 'Yes, if the chairman of the Appropriations Committee comes from a place that makes trucks, we're probably going to buy those trucks. That's the way it is, the way it always was, and the way it always will be.'
"I suggested that it was a form of bribery to buy the trucks just to please the politician. The general barked, 'It's not bribery. It's extortion!'
"'Don't sound so powerless,' I replied. 'You're a GENERAL!'
"Without skipping a beat, he answered, 'Yeah, but I'm only a one-star.'"2
How many times do you and I make the "Yeah, but…" excuse to avoid personal responsibility? And how many times do we try to make it sound like we are agreeing with someone by saying, "Yes, but …" when all the time we are meaning "No"?
It's a thought worth pondering … and a practice worth dropping.
As Edward Everett Hale said, "It's true I am only one, but I am one. And the fact that I can't do everything will not prevent me from doing what I can do."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please deliver me from the 'yes, but' disease and help me to become an ethical, responsible person remembering that character does count. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
>
New International Version (©1984) Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
New Living Translation (©2007) Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will,' or 'No, I won't.' Anything beyond this is from the evil one.
English Standard Version (©2001) Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.
New American Standard Bible (©1995) "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes ' or 'No, no'; anything beyond these is of evil.
International Standard Version (©2008) Instead, let your message be 'Yes' for 'Yes' and 'No' for 'No.' Anything more than that comes from the evil one."
GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995) Simply say yes or no. Anything more than that comes from the evil one.
King James Bible But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
American King James Version But let your communication be, Yes, yes; No, no: for whatever is more than these comes of evil.
American Standard Version But let your speech be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: and whatsoever is more than these is of the evil one .
Bible in Basic English But let your words be simply, Yes or No: and whatever is more than these is of the Evil One.
Douay-Rheims Bible But let your speech be yea, yea: no, no: and that which is over and above these, is of evil.
Darby Bible Translation But let your word be Yea, yea; Nay, nay; but what is more than these is from evil.
English Revised Version But let your speech be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: and whatsoever is more than these is of the evil one.
Webster's Bible Translation But let your communication be, Yea, yea, Nay, nay: for whatever is more than these cometh of evil.
Weymouth New Testament But let your language be, 'Yes, yes,' or 'No, no.' Anything in excess of this comes from the Evil one.
World English Bible But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No.' Whatever is more than these is of the evil one.
Young's Literal Translation but let your word be, Yes, Yes, No, No, and that which is more than these is of the evil
***************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
mettle • MET-ul • noun 1 a : vigor and strength of spirit or temperament b : staying quality : stamina 2 : quality of temperament or disposition
Examples: The tractor had proved its mettle, lasting for over four generations, but Bobby knew that it was high time to lay it to rest.
"One thousand runners from across the country tested their mettle Saturday in the second annual Tough Mountain Challenge by flinging their bodies through obstacles on a 3-mile course." -- From an article by Terry Karkos in the Sun Journal (Maine), July 24, 2011
*************************** THING TO PONDER: Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you have ever been asked to leave a yardsale
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." - Elbert Hubbard
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you drive your truck through a metal detector...and it doesn't go off.
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - Goethe
*************************** TODAY'S PET TIP
Scent Marking Scent-marking is a form of communication, which has territorial and personal implications. It allows cats to advertise their priority with respect to living space, objects, other cats and people. It also serves as a method of advertising the breeding status of females. Domestic cats often engage in scent-marking of one form or another and while we enjoy their bunting, other forms of marking behavior involve urine, feces, or furniture scratching. These are not as attractive to us!
When a cat defecates on its owner's bedspread or urinates on an owner's legs, this behavior should be viewed as a great compliment, signifying close attachment. However, this is often not the pet owner's interpretation.
*************************** CREAMY CHERRY LEMON CHEESECAKE
prep time: 30 min cook time: 45 min 8 servings
CRUST 1 cup graham cracker crumbs 1/4 cup sugar 5 tablespoons Crisco Pure Vegetable Oil
FILLING 1 (3 oz.) package cream cheese, softened 2 cups cottage cheese 2 large eggs, lightly beaten 1/2 cup sugar 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 (20 oz.) can cherry pie filling
1. HEAT oven to 350ºF.
2. COMBINE graham cracker crumbs, sugar and oil in 9-inch pie plate. Mix well with fork. Press firmly onto bottom and sides of pie plate.
3. COMBINE cream cheese and cottage cheese in bowl of food processor. Pulse until completely smooth. Add eggs, sugar, lemon juice, lemon peel and vanilla. Blend well. Pour into crust.
4. BAKE 40 to 45 minutes or until center is set. Turn off oven. Leave cheesecake in oven for 5 minutes. Remove from oven. Cool. Top with cherry pie filling and refrigerate 2 hours.
*************************** Scalloped Tomatoes
An easy side dish, scalloped tomatoes, shared on our forum. Scroll down to see more tomato recipes.
Cook Time: 50 minutes Total Time: 50 minutes
Ingredients:
1 large (28 ounces) can tomatoes, cut up 1/4 cup chopped onion 1/4 cup butter 1 1/4 cup fine dry bread crumbs 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon pepper Preparation:
Saute the onion in butter. Add the bread crumbs and brown sugar. Cook the mixture slowly until hot and well blended. Add the tomatoes and seasonings. Place the tomato mixture in a shallow buttered baking dish. Bake 45 minutes at 350°
*************************** Marinated Tennessee Hickory Flank Steak
Once you taste this marinated flank steak, you'll never want to make flank steak any other way!
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 5 minutes Cooking time: marinate 4 hours, cook 10-15 minutes 1 1/2 lbs. flank steak 1/2 cup Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Hickory Mesquite™ Grilling sauce 1/4 cup red wine
1. Place steak in large zip top bag. 2. Combine Grilling Sauce with red wine; pour mixture over steak. Seal bag and turn several times to coat steak. 3. Marinate 4 to 24 hours in refrigerator, turning several times. Discard marinade. 4. Grill steak over medium heat to desired doneness, turning and brushing with additional sauce.
***************************
Buttermilk Biscuits
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 35 Minutes Yield: Makes 6 biscuits
INGREDIENTS
2 cups all-purpose flour 1 tablespoon sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into small pieces and chilled 2/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon buttermilk
DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. In a large bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Work the butter into the flour with a pastry cutter or your fingertips, until it resembles coarse meal. Pour in the buttermilk and mix with a fork until the buttermilk has just been incorporated. Gently knead the dough, in the bowl, a few times to bring the dough together. Divide the dough into 6 equal balls and gently press each ball into 1/2-inch thick disks. Place the biscuits on a baking sheet and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a biscuit comes out clean. Allow the biscuits to cool on a rack for 10 minutes. Serve warm.
Serving size = 1 biscuit
*************************** Grilled Potato Packets
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 35 Minutes Yield: 4 servings, 1 1/4 cups per serving
Cooking potatoes in a foil packet means one less pot to wash, and highlights the delicate, earthy flavor of just-dug new potatoes.
INGREDIENTS 2 pounds new potatoes, scrubbed and cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices 3 medium shallots, thinly sliced 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper DIRECTIONS Heat grill to medium-high. Meanwhile, place potatoes, shallots, oil, salt and pepper in a large bowl; toss to coat. Place two 24-inch-long pieces of foil on the counter and lightly coat with nonstick cooking spray. Arrange potatoes and shallots in a single layer, slightly overlapping, on half of each piece of foil. Leave a 2-inch border on all sides. Fold foil over and pinch the edges together, making two packets. Place packets on the grill. Cover the grill and cook for 12 to 15 minutes, or until potatoes are tender. (When you open a packet to check doneness, be careful of steam). Serve immediately.
Nutrition Facts per Serving Yield: Yield: 4 servings, 1 1/4 cups per serving Calories: 172 Sodium: 299mg Fiber: 4g Carbohydrates, Total: 31g Protein: 5g % Cal. from Fat: 16% Fat. Total: 3g
***************************
Parmesan-Crusted Creamed Spinach Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 25 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
INGREDIENTS Three 10-ounce boxes chopped frozen spinach 5 tablespoons salted butter 1 small onion, minced 2 cloves garlic, minced Pinch ground nutmeg 1 cup heavy cream 3/4 cup grated parmesan cheese Salt and freshly ground black pepper 1 cup fresh bread crumbs
DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Defrost the spinach and squeeze out the excess liquid. Set aside. In a large frying pan over medium heat, melt 3 tablespoons of the butter. Add the onion and sauté for 5 minutes. Add the garlic and nutmeg and cook for 1 minute. Pour in the heavy cream, reduce the heat to medium low and simmer the mixture until it is reduced by half. Keep an eye on the cream as it reduces to prevent it from boiling over. The reduced cream will be very thick and turn a buttery yellow color when ready. Add a 1/4 cup of the cheese and stir constantly until it has completely melted. Remove the frying pan from the heat and add the spinach. Season to taste with the salt and pepper. Pour the spinach mixture into a baking dish with a 5-cup capacity. In a small frying pan, melt the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter. In a mixing bowl, pour the melted butter over the breadcrumbs and toss until the bread is thoroughly coated. Sprinkle the buttered crumbs over the spinach then sprinkle on the remaining 1/2 cup of cheese. Bake the creamed spinach for about 10 minutes, or until the cheese has melted and becomes golden brown. Serve hot.
*************************** A woman's husband dies. He had left $30,000 to be used for an elaborate funeral.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that "there is absolutely nothing left from the $30,000."
The friend asks, "How can that be?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost was $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the church. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks. The rest went for the memorial stone.
The friend says, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"
The widow says, "Four and a half carats."
***************************
Bad Medical Advice Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering. Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee. I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy." "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a damn?" My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a highway patrolman pulled us over as we were driving along the freeway. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car.
"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer.
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?" My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
*************************** Grandma Doesn't Know Everything........ Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"
***************************
After many years of trying, the Russian family was finally able to bring grandpa to America to live with them. The old gentleman could only speak Russian.
Each day when the family members were at work grandpa would spend his time in the park, walking, watching the children play and feed the ducks a few crumbs he brought along. So that he would be able to get a little something to eat they taught him to say, "apple pie, coffee."
Each day he would go to the nearby deli, climb on a stool at the counter and say to the counterman, "Apple pie, coffee."
This worked well for him until one day he decided that he just couldn't take another piece of apple pie. So the family taught him to say, "Ham sandwich, coke."
He went to the park the next day looking forward to being able to order a ham sandwich instead of apple pie. Smiling to himself he climbed onto the stool at the counter and waited his turn.
When the counterman asked for his order he proudly said, "Ham sandwich, coke."
To which the counterman asked, "White or rye?"
The old man replied, "Um, apple pie, coffee." ***************************
The Old Man A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
******************************
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him, he complained, "I forgot my teeth, what am I going to do now!?" The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them on. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair -- try these."
The speaker tried them on and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man& who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." I had just reached the wicket to purchase tickets to an exhibit. My friend was counting out admission money when I noticed the DISCOUNT TO SENIORS sign overhead. Only then did it occur to me that I had qualified at my last birthday, the month before. I was so excited at the prospect of a discount for the first time that I yelled out: "Wait. Don't pay full price for me. I get a seniors' discount!" Then, quietly, I asked the ticket seller if he needed proof of my age. In a voice heard by everyone standing behind me, he said, "Lady, any woman who would yell out her age like you did doesn't have to show me proof."
***********************************
MY FATHER, at age 93, had only the most basic needs and very few wants. Last fall my sister-in-law, hoping to get a little help in choosing a suitable birthday gift for him, asked, "Pa, what would you like for your birthday this year?"
"Nothing, " he replied.
"But, Pa," she kidded, "that's what we gave you last year."
"Well," he answered, "I'm still using it."
******************************* I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Almost Persuaded
"King Agrippa, do you believe the prophets? I know that you do believe." Then Agrippa said to Paul, "You almost persuade me to become a Christian." And Paul said, "I would to God that not only you, but also all who hear me today, might become both almost and altogether such as I am."1
"In the Peanuts cartoon the team statistician brings Charlie Brown, the manager, his report [which says]: 'I've compiled the statistics on our baseball team for last season,' Linus says. 'In twelve games we almost scored a run and in nine games the other team almost didn't score before the first out. In right field, Lucy almost caught three balls and once almost made the right play.
"'We led the league,' he concludes, 'in almosts.'"2
In Paul's day King Agrippa was also an almost … he was almost persuaded to become a Christian. We hope that he did while he had the opportunity. However, if he didn't, he is lost forever because there is no indication anywhere in God's Word that anybody is given a second chance after death to receive Jesus as their Savior.
2 Timothy 1:13-14 “What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
palliate • PAL-ee-ayt • verb 1 : to reduce the violence of (a disease); also : to ease (symptoms) without curing the underlying disease 2 : to cover by excuses and apologies 3 : to moderate the intensity of
Examples:
Don't try to palliate your constant lying by claiming that everybody lies. "Insomnia is a chronic disorder that needs to be managed with careful and often long-term pharmacotherapy, among other treatments, rather than relegated as a troublesome symptom that needs to be palliated over the short term." -- From an article by Dr. Qanta Ahmed in USA TODAY, July 29, 2011
*************************** Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull? –Jack Handey
Cathy Guisewite "Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups."
Carl Sandburg "I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way."
Oscar Wilde "I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly."
***************************
TODAY'S PET TIP
Traveling with Your Dog in the Car
Summer months see more Americans hitting the road for weekend trips and extended vacations. More and more pets are now joining their owners on these trips. When traveling with your pet in the car, it's import to follow these tips:
# Use Proper Restraint: When traveling in your vehicle, your pet should always be properly restrained for both your and their safety. In the case of an accident, a dog can weigh up 30 times its weight upon impact while traveling at 35 mph. Today, many companies create seatbelt systems and crates to keep animals safely secured while on the road.
# Never Leave Your Pet In the Car: In 70-degree weather and above, it takes only minutes for the temperatures in your car to escalate to triple digits. Leaving the window open an inch does not provide adequate ventilation. Many states are passing laws that prohibit leaving your pet alone in your automobile. So if your car is parked, please make sure to remove your pet from the car.
# Bring Water: Car travel can make your pets feel anxious and result in nervous panting. Be sure to take frequent breaks during your trip to allow your pet the opportunity to re-hydrate.
*************************** How to Change the Blades on a Riding Lawn Mower
Keeping the blades sharp and in good condition on a riding lawn mower will increase fuel efficiency, give better mowing results, and extend the life of this expensive piece of lawn maintenance equipment. Here are steps and tips on how to do this project yourself.
Steps
Check the condition of your mower blades to see if they need changing. If the blades are not significantly worn but are dull, they may only require sharpening. If, on the other hand, the airfoil built into the back of the blade is worn away, or the blade is bent or otherwise damaged, you probably need to replace them.
Set parking brake to keep the mower from rolling Park the mower on a suitable surface to work on it. Turn it off and lock the brakes or chock the wheels. Disconnect spark plug(s).
Raise the mower deck to its highest setting. Raise the mower deck to its highest setting to make it easier to access the blades.
Mower blocked up to work on it. Raise the mower itself to allow room to get your tools underneath it. You need to make sure it is supported solidly, as riding lawn mowers are heavy, and you don't want to risk having it fall on you while you work on it.
The nut at the bottom of the mandrel that holds the blade in place. Get the correct size wrench to fit the mandrel nut (or bolt) on your mower. You may also need a cheater pipe or other means of keeping the blade from turning while you remove the nut. Turn the nut (or bolt) counterclockwise to remove it from the mandrel shaft, then allow the blade to drop off. For blades that are tightly seated, you may have to pry the blade off or work it up and down to loosen it after the nut is removed.
Comparing blades at the hardware store. Take the old blade to a hardware store or mower repair shop to match it with the new blades you will install. Choose new blades to suit your own preferences – there are a number of different blades for each type mower, including enhanced discharging blades, mulching blades, and heavy duty blades.
A few of the many styles and sizes of blades at one small hardware store. Compare blades at the store to make sure the offset, spline (if applicable), length, and other features match. Since there are many different brands and manufacturers of riding lawn mowers, making sure the blades you purchase fit your mower is critical for a successful project.
An example of a damaged spline from an incorrectly installed blade. Install the new blades on your mower. Be sure to install the blade right side up, as they may fit upside down. Generally, if the blade has an offset in it, the center will be in a higher position than the ends of the blade. Make sure the blade fits all the way onto the spline to prevent damaging it when the nut that secures it is tightened.
Using a pull handle and socket to tighten the nut securely. Tighten the nuts that secure the new blade. You may have torque specifications for this step for your individual mower, but make sure they are as tight as you can pull the wrench in any case.
There are a lot of moving parts on a typical riding mower deck. Check the belts, pulleys, tensioners, and other parts of the mower deck assembly while you have the mower parked for servicing.
A typical grease fitting on the mandrel, it is much easier to access with the blade removed. Lubricate the mandrel bearings and other parts equipped with grease fittings before lowering the mower. Lower the mower off the blocks, and clean up/put away your tools.
Tips
Sharp blades make mowing faster and more efficient, and extend the life of your equipment. Aftermarket blades are often much less expensive and of equal quality to original manufacturer's parts.
A table showing the OEM part numbers for a riding mower. Some mowers have a parts list displayed on the mower itself to help select the right part for the job. When you have replaced the blades, keep the new one sharp, they will last much longer. Keep your lawn clean. Hitting debris shortens the life of your mower's blades.
Warnings
Mower blades have sharp edges, and with worn out blades, almost any edge can be sharp, not just the cutting edge. Make sure blades are properly fitted on the mandrel so they do not slip or come loose. Block the mower up solidly so it will not fall while working underneath it.
Things You'll Need
New blades Wrenches Block to support the mower
***************************
Sweet Potato & Cabbage Slaw Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 15 Minutes Yield: 6 servings, 1 cup each
Sweet potatoes can be eaten raw as well as cooked. Here they star in a sprightly slaw, a quick and light accompaniment for simple poached or steamed fish.
Make Ahead Tip: Refrigerate dressing and slaw separately for up to 1 day; toss together just before serving.
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons canola oil 1 tablespoon lime juice 1 1/2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 cups coarsely grated peeled sweet potato (about 1 large) 3 cups thinly shredded napa or savoy cabbage 4 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced 1 teaspoon finely minced serrano or jalapeno pepper with seeds (optional) DIRECTIONS Whisk canola oil, lime juice, sesame oil and salt in a large bowl. Add sweet potato, cabbage, scallions and serrano (or jalapeno), if using; toss to combine. Serve immediately
*************************** MAMA'S SLAW
Yield: 12
In the South, creamy slaws like this one are traditional with fish dinners, and this is the slaw we always serve at our fish fries. INGREDIENTS 2 small heads green cabbage, coarsely chopped 2 medium sweet onions, diced 2 ripe tomatoes, diced 3 cups mayonnaise Kosher salt, to taste Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
DIRECTIONS In a large bowl, combine the cabbage, onions, tomatoes, mayonnaise, salt, and pepper. Toss thoroughly. (You can prepare this up to 6 hours in advance and store it, covered, in the refrigerator. But if you do, do not add the salt until you’re ready to serve the slaw, and toss it again just before serving; otherwise, the slaw becomes watery
*************************** Calgary Stampede Ribs
Yield: 4 Servings INGREDIENTS 4 pounds pork back ribs, cut into serving-size pieces 3 garlic cloves, minced 1 tablespoon sugar 1 tablespoon paprika 2 teaspoons each salt, pepper, chili powder and ground cumin For the Barbecue Sauce: 1 small onion, finely chopped 2 tablespoons butter or margarine 1 cup ketchup 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 3 tablespoons lemon juice 3 tablespoons worcestershire sauce 2 tablespoons vinegar 1 1/2 teaspoons ground mustard 1 teaspoon celery seed 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper DIRECTIONS Rub ribs with garlic; place in a shallow roasting pan. Cover and bake at 300 degrees F for 2 hours.
Cool slightly. Combine the seasonings and rub over ribs. Cover and refrigerate for 8 hours or overnight.
In a saucepan, saute onion in butter until tender. Stir in the remaining sauce ingredients.
Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cook and stir until thickened, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat; set aside 3/4 cup.
Brush ribs with some of the remaining sauce. Grill, covered, over medium heat for 12 minutes, turning and basting with sauce. Serve with reserved sauce.
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Campbell's French Toast Casserole
Tempting cinnamon bread is soaked in a custard overnight, ready to be baked for a perfect brunch dish.
Serves: 8 Prep. time: 15 minutes Cooking time: 50 mins.
1 loaf (16 oz.) Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Swirl Bread, cut into cubes (about 8 cups) 6 eggs, beaten 3 cups milk 2 tsp. vanilla extract confectioners' sugar maple-flavored syrup, optional
Place the bread cubes into a greased 3-quart shallow baking dish. Beat the eggs, milk and vanilla extract in a medium bowl with a fork or whisk. Pour the milk mixture over the bread cubes. Stir and press the bread cubes into the milk mixture to coat. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour or overnight. Heat the oven to 350°F. Uncover the baking dish. Bake for 50 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Sprinkle with the confectioners' sugar. Serve with the syrup, if desired.
Tip: This recipe will work with any of the Pepperidge Farm® Swirl Breads (Cinnamon, Raisin Cinnamon or Brown Sugar Cinnamon)
*************************** Date Oatmeal Cookies
Sweet dates and crunchy oats make these a natural for school lunches.
Yield: About 8 dozen.
1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 3/4 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened 1 cup sugar 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 cups uncooked quick-cooking rolled oats 1 package (8 ounces) whole pitted dates, coarsely chopped 1 cup chopped walnuts Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. In a separate bowl, cream the butter and sugar with an electric mixer until light. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Add vanilla and blend in flour mixture. Beat in oats, dates, and nuts just until thoroughly blended. Shape into 4 logs about 7 inches long. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate until firm.
Adjust rack to lower third of oven and preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Slice each log into 1/8- to 1/4-inch-thick rounds, and place 1 inch apart onto parchment-lined baking sheets. Bake for about 8 minutes, or until cookies are set and light tan on the bottom. Cool on a wire rack.
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Apple Whole Wheat Honey Squares
Chock-full of goodness, these make a healthy dessert or afternoon snack for children.
Yield: Makes 4-5 dozen squares.
8 ounces cream cheese 4 ounces butter, melted 4 ounces margarine, melted 1 cup whole wheat flour 1 cup unbleached white flour 8 apples 1 teaspoon cinnamon 3 tablespoons honey 1 egg, beaten
Mix cream cheese, butter, margarine, whole wheat flour, and unbleached flour until dough is an even consistency. Refrigerate for 2 hours. Peel apples and shred on a coarse grater. Cut dough in half. Roll out half on a whole wheat flour-covered board to fit an 18x12-inch baking sheet. Grease the pan and line with the dough. Spread the apples evenly on the dough. Sprinkle with cinnamon and cover uniformly with honey. Roll out the other half of the dough and place over the top of the apple mixture. Score with a fork. Brush with egg wash and bake at 375 degrees F for 40 to 45 minutes.
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Miss Bizzy: "I am glad to hear that you are married, O'Brien, and hope that you and Bridget don't have many differences of opinion."
O'Brien: "Faith, ma'am, we have a good many, but Oi don't let her know about them."
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"Did you hear about the awful trouble that has befallen Mrs. Talkalot?"
"Don't tell me she has lost her voice."
"No, her husband has lost his hearing."
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WILLIS—"What's the election today for? Anybody happen to know?"
GILLIS—"It is to determine whether we shall have a convention to nominate delegates who will be voted on as to whether they will attend a caucus which will decide whether we shall have a primary to determine whether the people want to vote on this same question again next year."—Puck.
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"What is he so angry with you for?"
"I haven't the slightest idea. We met in the street, and we were talking just as friendly as could be, when all of a sudden he flared up and tried to kick me."
"And what were you talking about?"
"Oh, just ordinary small talk. I remember he said, 'I always kiss my wife three or four times every day.'"
"And what did you say?"
"I said, 'I know at least a dozen men who do the same,' and then he had a fit."
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Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."
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Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, I thought I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her," I told the CO.
Much to my surprise, he said, albeit curtly, "Permission granted."
Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass. His wife wasn't pregnant. So when the CO asked why he should grant him permission, my friend responded, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her."
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Bishop Goodsell, of the Methodist Episcopal church, weighs over two hundred pounds. It was with mingled emotions, therefore that he read the following in Zion's Herald some time ago:
"The announcement that our New England bishop, Daniel A. Goodsell, has promised to preach at the Willimantic camp meeting, will give great pleasure to the hosts of Israel who are looking forward to that feast of fat things."
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
*************************** Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.
The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood!" as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
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Our friend, who had just turned 60, was doing some spring planting with the help of his 91 year-old father. When the older man began to put up beanpoles in straight lines, the son suggested that stacking them teepee-style was better. A disagreement arose.
"Dad," our friend finally said, sighing, "this is my garden, and I want to use the teepees."
The father threw down his hoe and stomped off towards the house. "You kids!" he snorted over his shoulder. "Turn sixty and think that you know everything!" ******************
A new wine for seniors California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.
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A Heart Warming Story - An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!" The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Do Good People Go to Heaven? Part II
"Jesus answered and said to him , 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.'"1
Do Good people go to Heaven, and if so, why, and if not, why not?
Continuing our two-part series on "Do Good People Go to Heaven?" If ever there were an individual who would have qualified for heaven through his goodness, it would have been Nicodemus, a religious leader of Christ's day.
By all human standards Nicodemus would have been a model citizen—strong in character, a man of integrity, and a sincere religious leader. It was to this good man that Jesus said, "You must be born again." In other words, unless a man/woman is born again he will not even see the kingdom of God/heaven let alone enter it.
"You must be born again," meant that Nicodemus, like everybody else, needed to be born spiritually (as well as physically) if he is to enter God's heaven.
Once, after addressing a group of church workers, the famous evangelist Dwight Moody was confronted by an angry person. "Mr. Moody," she said, "do you mean to tell me that I, an educated woman, taught from childhood in good ways, and all my life interested in the church and doing good, must enter heaven the same way as the worst criminal of our day?"
"No, madam," said Mr. Moody, "I don't. God does. He says everyone who would enter heaven, no matter how good they think they are, or how well educated, or zealous in good works, must be born again [that is, born spiritually]."
The difficult thing to grasp is that our sin has made us spiritually dead to God. This is why we all need to be reborn spiritually. To become a member of the human family, we were born physically. To become a member of God's family, we need to be born spiritually. But how can we do this?
Contrary to what many people think, it isn't by being good or through good works…or religion. It is simply by confessing our sinfulness to God and by believing that his Son, Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, and by responding to his call to receive him into our heart and life as personal Lord and Savior.
If you're not sure that you have been born again spiritually, you can be—right now—by sincerely praying a prayer such as the following:
"Dear God, I confess that I am a sinner and ask for your forgiveness. I believe that Jesus, your Son, died on the cross to pay the consequences and penalty for all my sins. And, dear Jesus, I thank you for doing this for me. Please come into my life as Savior and Lord and help me to become the person you want me to be and to live always for you. Thank you for your forgiveness and the assurance that I will spend eternity with you in heaven forever."
1. John 3:3(NIV).
Titus 2:2 “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
contumacious • kahn-too-MAY-shus • adjective : stubbornly disobedient : rebellious
Examples: "She sat still, looking a little contumacious, and very much indisposed to stir." -- From Charlotte Brontë's 1849 novel Shirley
"Americans are taught that the war was a noble conflict waged by Lincoln and the forces of light against misguided and contumacious Southerners…." -- From a book review by Geoffrey Wheatcroft in The New York Times, July 3, 2011
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Fibromyalgia: A Never-Ending Controversy Posted on July 16th, 2011 by Psyche Pascual
Twenty-two years ago when Novi, Mich. resident Sharon Ostalecki fractured her hip, she didn’t realize that years of pain lay ahead of her. A marathon runner before the accident, Ostalecki thought the pain would fade away once the break healed. But the pain never relented. And not just hip pain, but pain throughout her entire body. Every one of the 17 doctors she went to over 10 years couldn’t give it a name. Some said she had problems with estrogen. Others said she needed to see a marriage counselor. Ostalecki, now 53, said doctors thought it was all in her head and suggested she seek psychiatric care. “They see this female hypochondriac and all I did was complain,†she said. “And they said, ‘There’s nothing wrong.’ †About 5 million adults in the United States have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, about four out of five of them women, according to the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases. Yet the debate about how to diagnose and treat fibromyalgia continues. Doctors commonly look for persistent pain that lasts for at least three months. Patients also complain of sleeplessness, migraine headaches, depression, constant fatigue and stomach problems, such as irritable bowel syndrome. Although the American College of Rheumatology (ACR) issued guidelines to help doctors diagnose fibromyalgia in 1990, there is still no recognized test for it, and it can take years to diagnose. In 2010, they were revised in 2010 to help primary care doctors diagnose fibromyalgia. But doctors continue to debate over what causes fibromyalgia, how to treat it and whether it is a real condition. Patients are often called “fibrochondriacs.†Pain researchers point to scientific evidence that suggests fibromyalgia patients experience pain much more strongly than those without the condition. Dr. Stuart Silverman, a clinical professor of medicine and rheumatology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles, who heads the Fibromyalgia Rehabilitation Program at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, says there should be no argument that the condition is real. Recent research into the nerves of the brain showed that when fibromyalgia patients were touched, even lightly, it activated the pain centers that showed up in their brain scans. “The data’s pretty strong. It’s a real illness,†Silverman said. But it can still take many years before patients can get a fibromyalgia diagnosis, and in that period, they may undergo multitudes of tests and physical therapy, and take many antidepressants and pain and sleep medications. An international study showed that it takes an average of three years for patients to be diagnosed, even after having suffered with the condition for more than six years. Patients often have difficulty talking with their doctors, and many doctors are unfamiliar with the ACR guidelines of evaluating fibromyalgia, according to the study. Another study of 10,000 patients with fibromyalgia found that they had more tests and took more medicines than about 10,000 others who didn’t have the condition. In fact, they used twice as much pain medication, according to the study. But some doctors remain skeptical that complaints of chronic disease should be treated with a battery of medications. “These people suffer mightily,†Dr. Nortin Hadler, professor of medicine and microbiology/immunology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and an attending rheumatologist at UNC hospitals. He wrote extensively about fibromyalgia in his book, “Stabbed in the Back: Confronting Back Pain in an Overtreated Society.†“But until we can show that what is being done for you and to you has more benefit than risk, then I have a problem,†Hadler said. Silverman contends that patients who get a fibromyalgia diagnosis often live with less pain after a doctor confirms their diagnosis. One small study followed a group of patients before and after they were diagnosed. After three years, two-thirds of them said they were no longer disabled by pain and took fewer medications. Ostalecki, the fibromyalgia patient from Michigan, agrees with Silverman. She uses fewer sleep and pain medicines today than before she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and relies on daily stretching and exercises regularly to keep her symptoms under control. Ostalecki became a staunch advocate for fibromyalgia support groups. She authored the book, “Fibromyalgia: The Complete Guide From Medical Experts and Patients,†to help educate others. But she still encounters skepticism even from the medical community. When she sees her orthopedist, she makes sure she doesn’t discuss her illness. “If I bring up, he just rolls his eyes,†Ostalecki said. “Some of the docs, yes, they don’t look at me with skepticism anymore. I’m just glad I was finally diagnosed.†Sources Berger A, et al. “Patterns of Healthcare Utilization and Cost in Patients With Newly Diagnosed Fibromyalgia.†American Journal of Managed Care. 2010;16:S126-S137 http://www.ajmc.com/publications/supplement/2010/A291_2010mayFibromya... Wolfe F, et al. “The American College of Rheumatology Preliminary Diagnostic Criteria for Fibromyalgia and Measurement of Symptom Severity.†Arthritis Care & Research. Vol. 62, No. 5, May 2010, pp 600-610. Choy E, et al. “A patient survey of the impact of fibromyalgia and the journey to diagnosis.†BMC Health Services Research 2010, 10:102 doi:10.1186/1472-6963-10-102 http://www.biomedcentral.com/1472-6963/10/102/ Clauw D and Crofford L. “Chronic widespread pain and fibromyalgia: what we know, and what we need to know.†Best Practice & Research Clinical Rheumatology. Volume 17, Issue 4 August 2003, Pages 685-701. National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases. “Questions and Answers about Fibromyalgia.†http://www.niams.nih.gov/Health_Info/Fibromyalgia/default.asp White KP, et al. “Does the label “fibromyalgia†alter health status, function, and health service utilization? A prospective, within-group comparison in a community cohort of adults with chronic widespread pain.†Arthritis Care & Research, 47: 260–265. doi: 10.1002/art.10400 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/art.10400/full
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Moon Lore: Birthing and Courting
The Moon has a personal relationship with us all, and folklore has it that courting and birthing are influenced by the Moon. According to folklore, if a young woman sees a dove and glimpses the new Moon at the same instant, she should repeat: "Bright Moon, clear Moon, Bright and fair, Lift up your right foot, There'll be a hair." When she removes her shoe, she'll find a hair the color of her future husband's. Marriages consummated during the full Moon are most prosperous and happy, according to ancient Greeks, while a waning Moon bodes ill for wedded bliss. The full Moon is an ideal time to accept a proposal of marriage. Though nobody can be sure of when a baby will be born, Moon lore suggests that births are more likely to occur 7 days before through 7 days after a Full Moon. The Navajos, among others, believe that the full Moon's pull on a woman's amniotic fluids increases the chances of giving birth at this time. Some nurses and midwives claim the new Moon is also an active time for births. According to folklore, babies born a day after the full Moon enjoy success and endurance.
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Cream Cheese Almond Bars
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: 24 bars
I originally bought some of these at a bake sale (minus the toasted almonds) and couldn't rest until I found a recipe that emulated the total deliciousness I found that day!
INGREDIENTS Crust: 1 c. butter 1/2 c. powdered sugar 2 c. flour Filling: 8 oz. Cream cheese, softened 1/2 c. sugar 2 eggs 1 tsp. Almond extract Frosting: 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar 1 1/2 T. Milk 1/4 c. butter, softened 1 tsp. Almond extract 1/2 c. Toasted, sliced almonds DIRECTIONS Crust: Cut butter into dry ingredients and pat into 9 x 13 pan. Bake at 350 for 20 - 25 minutes. Filling: Mix sugar and cream cheese with mixer until well creamed. Beat in Eggs and almond extract until fluffy. Pour over crust while still hot. Bake at 350 for 15 - 20 minutes. Cool completely. Frosting: Cream sugar and butter, add milk and almond extract, mix well. Spread evenly on baked, cooled filling. Sprinkle toasted almonds on top.
*************************** Carrot Cake
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes Yield: 16 servings
An old favorite with an updated nutritional profile, but still as moist and delicious as ever.
INGREDIENTS For the Cake: 1/2 cup chopped walnuts 2 cups whole-wheat pastry flour (see Ingredient note) 2 teaspoons baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 3 large eggs 1 1/2 cups sugar 3/4 cup nonfat buttermilk 1/2 cup canola oil 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple, drained, juice reserved 2 cups grated carrots (4-6 medium) 1/4 cup unsweetened flaked coconut For the Frosting: 2 tablespoons coconut chips or flaked coconut 12 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, sifted 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Ingredient Note: Whole-wheat pastry flour is milled from soft wheat. It contains less gluten than regular whole-wheat flour and helps ensure a tender result in delicate baked goods while providing the nutritional benefits of whole grains. Available in large supermarkets and in natural-foods stores. Store in the freezer. DIRECTIONS To prepare cake: Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Toast walnuts in a small baking pan in the oven until fragrant, 5 to 10 minutes. Whisk flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a medium bowl. Whisk eggs, sugar, buttermilk, oil, vanilla and 1/4 cup of the reserved pineapple juice in a large bowl until blended. Stir in pineapple, carrots and coconut. Add the dry ingredients and mix with a rubber spatula just until blended. Stir in the nuts. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading evenly. Bake the cake until the top springs back when touched lightly and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 40 to 45 minutes. Let cool completely on a wire rack. To prepare frosting & finish cake: Place coconut in a small baking pan and toast in the oven at 300 degrees F, stirring several times, until light golden, 5 to 10 minutes. Beat cream cheese, confectioners’ sugar and vanilla in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Spread the frosting over the cooled cake. Sprinkle with the coconut.
*************************** One-Bowl Chocolate Cake
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes Yield: 12 servings
While cake mixes may be the easiest option for a home-baked cake, they often contain hydrogenated fats. By making this simple “scratch†cake, you can use healthful canola oil, incorporate whole-wheat flour and opt for a no-calorie sweetener, if you like.
INGREDIENTS 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons whole-wheat pastry flour 1/2 cup sugar or 1/4 cup 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup buttermilk or equivalent buttermilk powder (see Ingredient notes) 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar or 1/4 cup Splenda sugar Blend for Baking (see Ingredient notes) 1 large egg, lightly beaten 2 tablespoons canola oil 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup hot strong black coffee Confectioners' sugar for dusting
Substituting with Splenda: In the EatingWell Test Kitchen, sucralose is the only alternative sweetener we test with when we feel the option is appropriate. For nonbaking recipes, we use Splenda Granular (boxed, not in a packet). For baking, we use Splenda Sugar Blend for Baking, a mix of sugar and sucralose. It can be substituted in recipes (1/2 cup of the blend for each 1 cup of sugar) to reduce sugar calories by half while maintaining some of the baking properties of sugar. If you make a similar blend with half sugar and half Splenda Granular, substitute this homemade mixture cup for cup. When choosing any low- or no-calorie sweetener, be sure to check the label to make sure it is suitable for your intended use.
Ingredient Note: You can use buttermilk powder in place of fresh buttermilk. Or make "sour milk": mix 1 tablespoon lemon juice or vinegar to 1 cup milk. *************************** Angel Cake
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes Yield: Serves 6
Easy to make and exceptional to eat, this light, airy "down home" specialty is best cut with a serrated knife or separated into pieces with two forks. It's wonderful served simply, with the season's fresh fruit.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup all-purpose flour 12 egg whites, at room temperature Pinch of salt 1 teaspoon cream of tartar 4 drops vanilla extract 2 drops almond extract Confectioners' sugar, to dust strawberries, halved, to garnish DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Have ready an angel food cake pan, measuring 9 1/2-10 inches across the top and 4 inches in depth. The pan needs no preparation. Sift 1 cup of the sugar together with the flour. Repeat the sifting process six times, then set aside. Beat the egg whites in a large bowl, using an electric mixer, until they are foamy with soft peaks. Add the salt, cream of tartar, vanilla and almond extract and 1 tablespoon water, and when bubbles form, add the remaining sugar, a few tablespoons at a time. Beat in well until all the sugar has dissolved and the mixture stands in a very stiff peaks. Add the sifted flour and sugar and, using a plastic spatula, carefully fold in to blend thoroughly. Spoon into the pan and pull a flexible metal spatula, upright in the pan and touching the base, through the mixture in a circle. This will remove pockets of air and help to blend. Bake for 50 minutes, or until the cake springs back when lightly touched. Turn the pan upside down onto a wire rack and cool completely in the pan so that it will not collapse as it cools. To remove, the cake may require loosening around the edge with a metal spatula. Transfer to a serving plate, dust with the sifted confectioners' sugar and garnish with strawberries.
CHEF'S TIP: This cake can either be served plain with whipped cream and strawberries, or drizzled with melted chocolate. Alternatively, coat with whipped cream flavored with strong coffee or melted chocolate.
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Apple Butter Spice Cake
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 40 Minutes Yield: 9 servings
Buttermilk and apple butter contribute to the moistness of this simple, one-bowl cake.
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon butter 1 cup apple butter 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar 3 tablespoons canola oil 1/2 cup raisins 1/2 cup buttermilk 1 large egg 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking soda 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 2 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground allspice 1/4 teaspoon salt
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat an 8-inch square cake pan with nonstick cooking spray. Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat; swirl the pan until the butter turns a nutty brown, about 1 minute. Pour into a large bowl. Add apple butter, brown sugar (breaking up any lumps) and oil and whisk until smooth. Add raisins, buttermilk, egg and vanilla; mix well. Add flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, allspice and salt; whisk until just combined. Transfer the batter to the prepared baking dish and bake until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes before serving.
*************************** Lemon Pasta Envelopes with Cream Cheese Filling
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 40 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
INGREDIENTS For Pasta: 2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour 1 tablespoon superfine sugar Grated zest of 2 lemons Juice of 1 large lemon 1 egg, beaten
For Filling: 2/3 cup ricotta cheese 6 1/2 oz cream cheese 2 teaspoons grated lemon zest 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1/2 cup superfine sugar 2 eggs, separated 1/3 cup golden raisins
1 beaten egg, for sealing vegetable oil, for deep-frying Confectioners' sugar Fresh berries of your choice
DIRECTIONS FOR PASTA: Place the dry pasta ingredients and lemon zest in a food processor. Process briefly. Add the lemon juice and egg and process until the mixture forms a ball. Add a little more lemon juice, if necessary. Cover and let the pasta dough rest for 15 minutes.
FOR FILLING: Beat the ricotta and cream cheese with an electric mixer or food processor, until smooth. Beat in the lemon zest, lemon juice and superfine sugar. Beat in the egg yolks, one at a time. Fold in the raisins. Beat the egg whites in a bowl until soft peaks form. Fold into the cheese mixture. Divide the pasta into four parts. Roll out each piece into a very thin sheet. Using a pasta cutter, cut the pasta into 4-inch squares. Working a few at a time, paint around the edges of each square with a little beaten egg. Place a tablespoon of the filling in the center of each square, then fold it like an envelope to completely enclose the filling. (The envelopes can be sealed with a pasta shape of your choice, e.g. heart, if desired. Brush the back of the shape with beaten egg before applying.) Heat sufficient oil in a saucepan to deep-fry the envelopes. Deep-fry them, one at a time, for about 30 seconds, until golden. Drain on paper towels. When the envelopes are sufficiently cool, dust with confectioners' sugar. Serve warm or at room temperature, with fresh berries of your choice.
*************************** Beer Battered Fish and Chips
Total Time:55 min Prep25 min Cook30 min Yield:4 servings
Ingredients 4 large baking potatoes, cut into French fry strips
Beer Batter: 1 (12-ounce) bottle beer 2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon House Seasoning, recipe follows 1 1/2 pounds cod fillets, skinned with bones removed, and fish cut diagonally into 1-inch-wide strips (5 to 6-inches long)
Directions In a Dutch oven, heat oil to 375 degrees F. Fry potatoes until golden brown, roughly 10 minutes removing with a slotted spoon or spider. Hold in low oven to keep warm while cooking the fish. Preheat oven to 225 degrees F,
Batter:
In a large bowl, pour in 1 bottle of beer. Sift 1 1/2 cups flour into the bowl, whisking in gently until just combined, stir in House Seasoning. Pat fish dry and season on both sides with salt and pepper and coat the fish in the beer batter. Dredge the pieces of fish in 1/2 cup of remaining flour and slide into oil as coated. Fry fish, turning over frequently, until deep golden and cooked through, 4 to 5 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined baking sheet and keep warm in oven. Fry remaining fish in batches, returning oil to 375 degrees F between batches.
Serve fish with French fries
House Seasoning:
1 cup salt 1/4 cup black pepper 1/4 cup garlic powder Mix ingredients together and store in an airtight container for up to 6 months.
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SHRIMP'N BEER BATTER SHRIMP MARINADE: 1/3 c. Worcestershire sauce 1 c. lemon juice 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 tsp. pepper Place 20 to 36 medium or jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined in above marinade for 30 minutes. Dust lightly with plain flour. Then dip in beer batter and deep fry at 365 degrees about 7 minutes or until golden brown. BEER BATTER: 2 bottles beer 2 c. flour 2 tsp. baking powder 1/2 tsp. paprika
*************************** THREE HORNY DOGS
orny Dogs
There were three horny dogs (A British bulldog, A German shephard and a Chihuaha)
A poodle walked by and she says "Ill let one of you friggin me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence"
The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese"
She says "Nope that wont work"
The German shephard says "I love liver and cheese"
She says "Nope that wont work"
The Chihuaha says "Liver alone cheese mine"
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A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
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So God calls to Adam and says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" Adam replies, "The good news." God answers, "Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain." Then Adam says, "OK, so what's the bad news?" And God says, "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."
*************************** Come Judegement Day
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter." Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here"
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The Smartest Man In The World
There were 3 people in a crashing plane, the smartest man in the world, the president of the USA, and a little girl. There were only two parachutes. The smartest man in the world stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes and I being the smartest man am one of those." With that he grabbed one and jumped out. The president looks at the little girl and says "I've led a good long life, you take the last parachute." And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, we can both have one, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."
***************************
The Smartest Man In The World
There were 3 people in a crashing plane, the smartest man in the world, the president of the USA, and a little girl. There were only two parachutes. The smartest man in the world stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes and I being the smartest man am one of those." With that he grabbed one and jumped out. The president looks at the little girl and says "I've led a good long life, you take the last parachute." And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, we can both have one, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."
***************************
A Close Shave A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
The Power of One
"Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus. The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah" (that is, the Christ). And he brought him to Jesus."1 Did you ever stop to think how very important you are in God's economy and his plans? Pretty much throughout the entire Bible when God had a work to be done, he chose and called an individual to lead. True he chose the nation of Israel to be his special people, but he chose individuals to lead this nation to do his work. God also has a place for you and me in his plan. It may not be a gigantic role, but it is an important one. Think of the twelve disciples, for example, who were all a vital part of God's mission. Half of them never said anything that is recorded in the New Testament. And if I remember correctly, three of them said only a word or two that was recorded. And Andrew, who didn't have much to say, brought Peter, who became the early church leader and evangelist, to Jesus. Andrew was also the one who brought the boy with the two loaves and fishes to Jesus that Jesus used to feed the multitude. It was only Peter, James, Matthew and John that we heard much from, but every one of Jesus' disciples had an equally important role to play in God's program. Whether your task is great or small, God wants to use you to be a part of his plan in what he is doing in your world today. All we need is to be available. Remember, as an anonymous poet wrote:
One song can spark a moment, One flower can wake the dream. One tree can start a forest, One bird can herald spring. One smile begins a friendship, One handclasp lifts a soul. One star can guide a ship at sea, One word can frame the goal. One vote can change a nation, One sunbeam lights a room. One candle wipes out darkness, One laugh will conquer gloom. One step must start each journey, One word must start each prayer. One hope will raise our spirits, One touch can show you care. One voice can speak with wisdom, One heart can know what's true. One life can make the difference, You see it's up to you!
In the words of Edward Everett Hale: "I am only one. But still I am one. I cannot do everything, But still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the Something that I can do." Don't ever forget how very important you are, not only to your loved ones, your work, but also to God. Remember, too, "if it's going to be, it will be up to you and me!"
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, I'm available, please use me to be a part of your plan and what you are doing in the world in which I live. Use me to be 'as Jesus' in some way to make a difference in someone's life today. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. John 1:40-42 (NIV). 40 Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus. 41 The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, “We have found the Messiah†(that is, the Christ). 42 And he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas†(which, when translated, is Peter).
Colossians 1:28 “He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
marginalia • mahr-juh-NAY-lee-uh • noun 1 : marginal notes or embellishments (as in a book) 2 : nonessential items
Examples: "Read between the lines of an old family recipe and you're liable to read the story of the family itself. The scrawled marginalia and cooking stains, the collective memory of shared feasts…." -- From an article by Lila Byock on GiltTaste.com, August 15, 2011
*************************** DOG TIPS
What EVERY Puppy Owner MUST Know!
So...you've got a puppy! Congratulations! It can be such a joy to welcome these furry bundles of joy into your home. With their miniature bodies, soft fur, sleepy eyes and affectionate nature it's no wonder we fall in love with them!
While raising a puppy can be a wonderful time, it may also make you a bit nervous. You may wonder if you're doing everything right... How do I keep my fragile puppy safe? How do I feed him? How do I train him? The list goes on and on. The truth is, understanding these things will be essential to ensuring your puppy grows up healthy and happy. So, to help you on your "puppy journey", we've compiled a list of the most important things EVERY puppy owner MUST know. In fact, it's so simple you'll learn how to care for your new puppy in 5 minutes or less at our Puppy University!
At Puppy University, you will quickly learn how to:
1. Shop for Your Puppy 2. Feed Your Puppy 3. Housetrain Your Puppy 4. Keep Your Puppy Healthy 5. Keep Your Puppy Safe 6. Groom Your Puppy
Puppies Puppies are so cute and cuddly that choosing your newest family member can be a huge decision. Puppy Health , Naming Your Puppy , and Training Your Puppy are some key aspects in your new canine, but this article is designed to give you the 5 most important decisions you should make BEFORE buying your puppies. If you're looking for any of these other common topics, feel free to click on any of the links above to go to more specific pages (we even have one for cute Puppy Photos !).
However, if you're a potential puppies owner, then you have come to the right place. Here are 5 decisions every soon-to-be owner should make before purchasing their new companion. Read through. Trust me, it'll save you a whole lot of headache.
Do You Want Puppies That Are Lovers or Loners?
From the wallflower to the football captain, from the high-powered CEO in New York to the hermit in the Himalayas, as humans, we all have different levels of social interaction. Dogs are no different. One of the first questions you should ask yourself before buying your puppy should be: "How many humans is my pet going to regularly encounter?"
As any dog owner will tell you, most puppies have more energy than they know what to do with at anytime, anywhere. This is all well and good until the dog matures into your full-grown canine. Suddenly, you could be stuck with a dog who enjoys being attached to only one or two humans in a household of twelve or a party animal (literally) tied down to a home with a lone owner.
Did you know that certain breeds have been discovered to have vastly different social skills? Did you know, for example, that golden retrievers have been proven to thoroughly enjoy groups of people, including large families? Or that pugs love living the quiet life? This is one of the most underestimated mistakes made in future puppy owners today. Don't make it!
Looking for a dog that will love being in large groups? Check out our page on Top Dog Breeds for Families. Want a pooch that is accustomed to a quieter setting? Our page on Lap Dogs will prove quite helpful.
Will Your Puppies Spend Their Lives Outdoors or Indoors?
One of the most common decisions made when buying puppies is considering where their future will be spent: A small apartment with no outdoor option or a country home with a 3-acre backyard? This distinction will play a huge part in the future happiness of your baby canine.
Most vets advise owners to keep their pet indoors for the first few weeks to months, but once they have reached the age where outdoor life is safe, will you want to keep them inside or show them the backyard? Don't think this is important? Certain breeds put outdoors can actually decline in health due to the elements! Be informed!
Rottweilers, Mastiffs, and Siberian Huskies are just a few of the dogs that have been bred through the centuries for rugged life outdoors, and won't mind it a bit! Top Outdoor Dog Breeds has the full list!
However, Schnauzers and Terriers are among those breeds that thrive indoors, not out. Get help with this imperative decision at Dogs Breeds for Apartment Life
Will Your Puppies be Massive or Miniature When Full-Grown?
Despite what they say, size matters. As a matter of fact, when picking out your future companion, this is often considered the most crucial of all decisions made. Larger dogs can be quite the hassle physically speaking, but many owners would love the exchange of sacrifice for those huge hunks of love. Other owners would love nothing more but to hold their toy-sized Toto to their chest, despite their irrepressible Napoleon complex.
Though your puppies may start out small, rest assured that they will grow, either by a few inches, or a few feet! Whether you end up picking a Great Dane or a Chihuahua, be certain that your new loved one will be the perfect size for you.
Split up into five sections determined by weight, take a gander at the lists of breeds by size: Toy Dog Breeds; 2-9 lbs. (Maltese, Chihuahua, Pomeranian), Small Dog Breeds; 7-35 lbs.(Beagle, Bichon frise, Dachshund), Medium Dog Breeds; 35-65 lbs.(Border collie, English bulldog, Pointer), Large Dog Breeds; 55-85 lbs.(Afghan, Standard Poodle, Weimaraner), and Giant Dog Breeds; 75-120+ lbs.(Bullmastiff, Great Dane, Bloodhound)
Do You Need to be Cautious of Puppies That Set Off Allergies or Not?
For some puppy buyers, this decision never even crosses their mind. However, those allergic to dogs can tell you the importance of picking a puppy that doesn't shed when full-grown. Whether there is a loved one already in your life that is allergic to dogs or you would like to be conscientious for future family and friends, dogs that don't shed can be life-savers.
Medically speaking, most humans are not allergic to dogs themselves or their hair. They are actually allergic to the dandruff that can often be found attached to the dogs' hair. For highly sensitive humans, a dog can be a walking minefield while a shedding dog is a force to be reckoned with.
Consider being considerate for future friends with allergies, and check out this list of breeds that has been created by the American Kennel Club here: Top Dog Breeds for People With Allergies. You might be surprised with how common some of the breeds are (Poodles and Schnauzers are included!).
Do You Want Puppies That Will be Solo or Sociable?
Dogs in general are animals that have always traveled and lived in packs. However, certain breeds are specially suited to a solo existence without other dogs. Much like Decision #1, a potential puppies purchaser needs to ask him/herself: "How many other dogs is my pet going to regularly encounter?", the difference being ¡¥other dogs' rather than "other humans".
Certain breeds truly do enjoy a solo life, being very territorial and independent all by their selves. Many are notorious for their "Alpha-dog" mentalities that can be so frustrating when you place two together. These breeds just adore being the top dog in their household, and if you own only one, more power to you; they will live happily flying solo.
In fact, contrary to popular belief, you will find that many breeds you are familiar with enjoy the single life, including Pugs, Golden Retrievers, and Yorkshire Terriers!
Dealing with Puppies Problems
Information to help you deal effectively when your puppy is sick or has behavior problems.
• Puppies Health: Vomiting, diarrhea, fleas and more
• Puppies Behavior Problems: Chewing, nipping, barking and more
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Sweet Potato and Banana Bread
this delicious, and moist, bread to add still another vegetable element to his school lunch menu. But it also makes a tasty snack spread with cream cheese or low-fat cottage cheese.
Yield: Makes 9 to 12 pieces.
2 cups whole wheat flour (pastry flour preferred) 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon baking powder (preferably aluminum-free, available at health food stores) 2 teaspoons baking soda 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon ginger 1/2 cup honey 1 large cooked sweet potato, mashed 2 eggs, beaten 1/2 cup oil 2 very ripe bananas, mashed 1/2 cup chopped nuts 1/2 cup raisins, plumped in 1/2 cup orange juice
Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl. Mix together remaining ingredients and stir into dry mixture, stirring just enough to avoid lumps. Pour into an oiled and floured 9- by 9-inch pan. Bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees F, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
*************************** Date Oatmeal Cookies
Sweet dates and crunchy oats make these a natural for school lunches.
Yield: About 8 dozen.
1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 3/4 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened 1 cup sugar 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 cups uncooked quick-cooking rolled oats 1 package (8 ounces) whole pitted dates, coarsely chopped 1 cup chopped walnuts
Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. In a separate bowl, cream the butter and sugar with an electric mixer until light. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Add vanilla and blend in flour mixture. Beat in oats, dates, and nuts just until thoroughly blended. Shape into 4 logs about 7 inches long. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate until firm. Adjust rack to lower third of oven and preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Slice each log into 1/8- to 1/4-inch-thick rounds, and place 1 inch apart onto parchment-lined baking sheets. Bake for about 8 minutes, or until cookies are set and light tan on the bottom. Cool on a wire rack
*************************** Parmesan-Crusted Chicken Tenders
Crispy, Parmesan-flecked chicken tenders dipped in marinara sauce is an easy dinner the whole family will love. Dipping them in a mixture of plain yogurt with chopped fresh basil would be tasty too. Serve with sautéed green beans and roasted sweet potato wedges.
Ingredients Canola or olive oil cooking spray 1/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour 2 large eggs 1/2 cup(s) Parmesan cheese, finely shredded 1 cup(s) coarse dry breadcrumbs, preferably whole-wheat 1 pound(s) chicken tenders 1 tablespoon(s) Italian seasoning 1 teaspoon(s) garlic powder 1/4 teaspoon(s) salt 1 cup(s) marinara sauce, heated
Directions Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Place a large wire rack on a baking sheet and coat with cooking spray. Place flour in a shallow dish. Lightly beat eggs in another shallow dish. Combine Parmesan and breadcrumbs in a third shallow dish. Toss tenders with Italian seasoning, garlic powder, and salt in a medium bowl. Coat each tender in flour, shaking off any excess. Dip in egg and let any excess drip off. Then roll in the breadcrumb mixture. Place the tenders on the prepared rack. Generously coat the top of each tender with cooking spray. Bake for 10 minutes. Turn each tender over and coat with cooking spray. Continue baking until the outside is crisp and the tenders are cooked through, about 10 minutes more. Serve the tenders with marinara sauce for dipping.
Exchanges: 1 starch, 1 vegetable, 3 lean meat. Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2.
*************************** Philadelphia Cheese Steak
Every Philly resident has his or her own preferred version of this hometown favorite. Beef -- in this case thin-sliced sirloin -- rules in this onion-and-pepper-smothered hot sandwich.
Ingredients 1/4 cup(s) vegetable oil 4 medium (about 1 1/4 pounds) onions, thinly sliced 1 1/2 pound(s) boneless sirloin, cut into 1/2-inch-wide strips 1/4 teaspoon(s) chili powder 1/4 teaspoon(s) ground black pepper 1 teaspoon(s) salt 2 teaspoon(s) Worcestershire sauce 2 teaspoon(s) molasses 2 clove(s) garlic 2 (about 12 ounces) red bell peppers, thinly sliced 2 (about 12 ounces) green bell peppers, thinly sliced 4 small (about 6 inches long) Italian or French loaves of bread, split open 1/2 cup(s) shredded mozzarella cheese 1/2 cup(s) shredded provolone cheese
Directions
Prepare the meat filling: In a large nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium heat and sauté onions and sirloin until onions are soft -- about 3 minutes. Add chili powder, pepper, salt, Worcestershire, molasses, and garlic and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add red and green peppers and cook 3 more minutes. Assemble the sandwiches: Preheat oven broiler. Fill each loaf with 2 cups of meat mixture and sprinkle with 2 tablespoons mozzarella and 2 tablespoons provolone. Place under broiler until cheese melts -- 30 seconds to 1 minute.
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New York Reuben
By substituting pastrami for corned beef in this recipe, you can make a "New Yorker" our version of this Big Apple deli favorite. Serve it with our Oven-Baked Sweet-Potato Fries.
Ingredients 8 slice(s) rye bread 4 teaspoon(s) coarse-grain prepared mustard 1 pound(s) corned beef, thinly sliced 1/2 pound(s) Swiss cheese, thinly sliced 8 ounce(s) sauerkraut, drained 1/2 cup(s) Russian Dressing 1/2 tablespoon(s) butter
Directions
Prepare the sandwiches: On a work surface, place 4 slices of rye bread and spread each with 1 teaspoon mustard. Layer each bread slice with 1/4 pound corned beef followed by 2 ounces Swiss cheese and 2 ounces sauerkraut. Spread 2 tablespoons Russian Dressing on the remaining 4 slices and place dressing-side down on top of sauerkraut. Toast the sandwiches: In a large nonstick skillet, melt butter over medium-high heat. When butter begins to sizzle, place sandwiches in the pan and toast until golden brown -- about 3 to 5 minutes. Turn sandwiches over and continue to toast for 3 to 5 more minutes. Serve immediately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Russian Dressing
Condiments offer powerful flavor and build harmony between the bread and main ingredients of a sandwich. Here, ketchup and horseradish enhance homemade Russian Dressing. Try this with our New York Reuben.
Ingredients 1/2 cup(s) mayonnaise 3 tablespoon(s) ketchup 2 tablespoon(s) sweet pickle relish 1 tablespoon(s) prepared white horseradish
Directions
In a small bowl, combine all ingredients. Stir until well blended. Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 4 days.
*************************** Oven-Baked Sweet Potato Fries
Side dishes offer powerful flavor and build harmony between the bread and main ingredients. Try these spiced sweet-potato fries with our New York Reuben.
Serves: 4 Edit Oven Temp: 400
Ingredients 1/2 teaspoon(s) ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon(s) salt 1/4 teaspoon(s) ground red pepper 1 tablespoon(s) vegetable oil 2 large (about 1 1/2 pounds) sweet potatoes
Directions
Prepare the sweet potatoes: In a small bowl, combine cumin, salt, and pepper. Set aside. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Peel potatoes, cut each in half lengthwise, and cut each half into 6 wedges. In a large bowl, combine the cut potatoes, oil, and spice mixture. Toss until potatoes are evenly coated. Bake the fries: On a baking sheet, arrange potatoes in a single layer and place on the middle shelf of the oven. Bake until edges are crisp and potatoes are cooked through -- about 30 minutes. Serve immediately.
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I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then . . .
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then... You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case. ***************************
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"
*************************** Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.
One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."
*************************** The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello". "Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking." "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward. "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him. Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde. She knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club were all aghast. At the very first chance, they cornered him and asked, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replied, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continued to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replied. "What, did you tell her - that you were only 50?" Bob smiled and said, "No, I told her I was 90."
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A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex." Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What made the submarine sink, was it the octopus?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "No, Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!"
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Revelation 17:1-6
(1) Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and talked with me, saying to me, "Come, I will show you the judgment of the great harlot who sits on many waters, (2) with whom the kings of the earth committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth were made drunk with the wine of her fornication." (3) So he carried me away in the Spirit into the wilderness. And I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast which was full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. (4) The woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet, and adorned with gold and precious stones and pearls, having in her hand a golden cup full of abominations and the filthiness of her fornication. (5) And on her forehead a name was written: MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. (6) I saw the woman, drunk with the blood of the saints and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus. And when I saw her, I marveled with great amazement.
Revelation 18:7-10
(7) In the measure that she glorified herself and lived luxuriously, in the same measure give her torment and sorrow; for she says in her heart, "I sit as queen, and am no widow, and will not see sorrow." (8) Therefore her plagues will come in one day?death and mourning and famine. And she will be utterly burned with fire, for strong is the Lord God who judges her. (9) "The kings of the earth who committed fornication and lived luxuriously with her will weep and lament for her, when they see the smoke of her burning, (10) standing at a distance for fear of her torment, saying, "Alas, alas, that great city Babylon, that mighty city! For in one hour your judgment has come." New King James Version
as the head of gold, Babylon's alluring qualities are manifest in the world, and we must avoid these to keep from being ensnared. They are clearly delineated in Revelation 17 and 18, and they are these broad areas of possible temptation or trial for us: idolatry, prostitution, self-sufficiency, self-glorification, pride, complacency, reliance on luxury and wealth, avoidance of suffering, and violence against life.
Especially emphasized in these chapters is pride ("she glorified herself"), and the second is satiety, to seek the fullness of everything. It is especially used in regard to seeking food—to become full and then go beyond that. It is to become over-full in everything. However, satiety can apply to other things as well. Some people lose themselves in entertainment: A little bit of entertainment is not enough—their whole lives must consist of entertainment, practically from morning to night. Revelation 18:7 says that the great harlot lived luxuriously. Then there is the avoidance of suffering, where she says in the same verse, "I shall see no sorrow."
These three are interrelated, and when combined with the other attitudinal factors, they become the perfect matrix for producing Laodiceanism in the careless Christian. The world is already largely caught up in these things, but they are a temptation to us.
A matrix is described in the dictionary as "the environment in which something is developed." In some cases, it is synonymous with another better known and more frequently used word, "womb." The womb is the perfect matrix for the development of a baby. We in this society are living right in the midst of the perfect environment for developing Laodiceanism, which is why it is so important that we understand the origin, nature, and fruit of the Israelitish culture that has become the very epitome of the Babylonish system.
For Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
pelf • PELF • noun : money, riches
Examples: "Nowadays Western Union is good only if you want to wire cash to your child in college or pelf to a partner in peril." -- From an editorial by Vincent L. Hall in The Dallas Morning News, June 19, 2011
"On an island with the third-highest GDP per capita in the world, where every British bank has a presence, where numberless tax-dodgers stash their pelf, perhaps it shouldn't be surprising." -- From an article by Oliver Thring in the Guardian Unlimited, April 20, 2011
*************************** Common Baking Spices
The following list of commonly-used baking spices each have a unique history of discovery and lore.
Allspice Columbus found allspice (the symbol of compassion) in the West Indies in 1493. The Physician on his ship noted that the tree had the "finest smell of cloves" he had ever encountered. It is a member of the pepper family. In Caribbean cooking, it's known as Jamaica pepper, and in Poland, it's called kubaba. Tastes like a blend of cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. Use in pot roasts, stuffings, cakes, cookies, biscuits, pies, and relishes.
Anise Seed Considered good for digestion, anise was common in cough drops and in flavoring homemade spirits and tonics. In 13th-century England, the tax on anise paid for repairs to London Bridge.
Sweet licorice flavor. Use in cookies, cakes, fruit fillings, and breads, or with cottage cheese, shellfish, and spaghetti dishes.
Cardamom, Ground Cardamom, related to ginger, was used in old recipes for pickled vegetables, fruits, and herring, custards, spiced wines, liqueurs, and in sauerbraten. Mild ginger flavor. It can be used in cakes and pastries (use it instead of nutmeg in pumpkin pie), curries, jellies, and sweet potatoes.
Cinnamon An appetite stimulant, cinnamon has been used as a perfume and in sacred oils for anointing. In folklore, sniffing cinnamon was said to cure the common cold. Cinnamon sticks (the bark of the cinnamon tree, native to Ceylon) were used by colonial Americans as a digestive aid, and to flavor or "mull" cider. Warm, spicy flavor. Use ground cinnamon in baked goods, stewed fruits, vegetables, spiced teas, and coffees.
Cloves To cure the toothache, to scent the closet, or to repel moths, colonists looked to whole cloves. They grow only near the sea, particularly in Zanzibar, Madagascar, and the West Indies. Their scent can be detected at sea even before land is sighted. Hot, spicy flavor. Use in baked goods, curries, baked beans, and beef stew, and as a pickling spice.
Ginger, Ground Europe had Jamaican ginger as early as 1585. It was used to protect against plague during the Black Death. It was already used in medieval times as an ingredient of gingerbread. In the 1800s, a tincture of ginger ("digest an ounce of ginger in a pint of spirits in gentle heat for a week") was an "expellant to purgative droughts" and a cure for seasickness. Sweet, spicy flavor. Use in pies, pickles, puddings, cookies, cakes, cheese dishes, salad dressings, and soups. It's also an important ingredient in Chinese, Indian, and Arab dishes.
Mace The dried aril of nutmeg, mace comes in pressed, flat blades when fresh. It is most commonly used ground. Old recipes used mace sparingly (often with cherries) because it was quite precious. Has a soft nutmeg flavor. Use in doughnuts and other baked goods and sauces, or with chicken, creamed fish, seafood, and fruits.
Nutmeg Nutmeg was once considered good for head ailments and eyesight. Some old-timers used nutmeg to remove freckles. In 1760, large quantities were burned in Amsterdam to keep prices high. Spicy, sweet taste. Add to sweet foods, cakes, cookies, applesauce, eggnog, souffles, pies, custards, and meat and vegetable recipes.
Poppy Seed A symbol of sleep, poppies grow where battles raged and where England's holy maid Margaret slew the dragon. Nut-like, sweet flavor. Good in breads, cakes, pastries, and salad dressings. Try also with vegetables and noodles.
Sesame Seed Open, "Sesame" is what Cassim forgot in Ali Baba's tale. In East India, the seeds found culinary and ceremonial uses, including rituals for burial and fertility. Nutlike flavor when toasted. Use the white seeds in breads, rolls, and cookies. The black seeds are used in Asian cooking to coat meat and fish before cooking and to season rice and noodle dishes.
Vanilla Bean The pod of a climbing orchid, vanilla grows in tropical climates and was used by the Aztecs for flavoring chocolate. Frugal housewives bury chunks of it in sugar for a subtle vanilla flavor. Sweet, rich taste. Use in custards, ice cream, cookies, and pastries, and to flavor sauces.
*************************** Vegetable beef soup
INGREDIENTS 3 large ox tails 2 large onions, chopped 6 carrots, shredded one large can tomatoes one cup frozen corn one cup cabbage shredded sea salt and pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS Cook oxtails overnite on low in a slow cooker Pick bone and fat out of oxtail meat, placing meat back in crock pot. Discard fat and bones Add two quarts of water and add all the vegetables to cook in slow cooker for 6 hours on low. Keep lid on cooker.
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Mediterranean Pasta Salad
Yield: 16 servings RECIPE INGREDIENTS 1/3 cup red bell pepper 1/3 cup yellow bell pepper 1/3 cup green bell pepper 3/4 cup artichoke hearts 3/4 cup Daisy Brand Sour Cream 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar 1 tablespoon chopped basil 1 tablespoon chopped oregano 1 tablespoon Italian flat leaf parsley 2 1/2 pounds pre-cooked tri-colored Rotini pasta 1 cup sliced black olives DIRECTIONS Julienne bell peppers. Rinse, drain, and quarter artichoke hearts. Combine sour cream, mayonnaise, red wine vinegar, basil, oregano and Italian flat-leaf parsley, and mix well.
In separate mixing bowl, combine remaining ingredients and mix well. Add sour cream mixture and mix until evenly coated. Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper.
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Fettuccine Alfredo Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
A delicious creamy dish that is simple and quick to make. For good results, however, it is essential to use freshly grated Parmesan, as store-bought grated parmesan is usually a poor substitute.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups heavy cream 2 1/4 cups freshly grated parmesan cheese 1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley 1 lb. dried fettuccine Freshley grated parmesan cheese, to serve salt and pepper (to taste) DIRECTIONS Place the cream in a heavy-bottomed saucepan and bring to a boil. Gradually whisk in the Parmesan. Add the parsley, salt and freshly ground black pepper and stir until well combined.
Meanwhile, bring a large saucepan of salted water to a boil. Add a splash of oil to stop the pasta from sticking and cook the fettuccine according to the manufacturer's instructions. Drain well and toss with the cream sauce. Serve with freshly grated Parmesan on the side.
*************************** Broccoli, Ham & Pasta Salad
ctive Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 50 Minutes Yield: 5 servings, about 2 cups each
A great make-ahead entree, this lightened-up pasta salad is loaded with broccoli and peppers. Smoky ham and sweet raisins give it plenty of punch. Enjoy the leftovers for a fuss-free lunch.
Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 2, cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days.
INGREDIENTS For Creamy Herbed Dressing: 1/2 cup low-fat mayonnaise 1/3 cup nonfat plain yogurt 1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream 3 tablespoons rice vinegar or white-wine vinegar 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1 tablespoon honey, or more to taste 1 1/2 teaspoons dried minced onion or dried chopped chives 1 1/4 teaspoons dried tarragon or dill 1/2 teaspoon onion salt or celery salt or 1/4 teaspoon of each white pepper to taste For Salad: 3 cups cooked whole-wheat fusilli or similar pasta (about 6 ounces dry) 4 cups chopped broccoli florets (about 1 1/2 large heads) 1 1/2 cups diced ham (8 ounces), preferably reduced-sodium 1 large red or yellow bell pepper (or a combination), diced 1/4 cup diced red onion, plus slices for garnish 1/3 cup raisins Freshly ground pepper to taste 4 cups spinach leaves 1 cup torn radicchio leaves DIRECTIONS To prepare dressing: Combine mayonnaise, yogurt, sour cream, vinegar, mustard, honey, onion (or chives), tarragon (or dill) and onion salt (and/or celery salt) in a bowl until well blended. Season with white pepper. Taste and adjust seasonings, if desired.
To prepare salad: Combine pasta, broccoli, ham, bell pepper, diced onion and raisins in a large bowl. Add dressing and toss until evenly incorporated. Cover and refrigerate to blend the flavors for at least 30 minutes and up to 2 days.
Serve on a bed of spinach and radicchio, garnished with slices of red onion.
***************************
KO Sloppy Joe
This champion recipe will knock you out! Easy, quick, packed with flavor -- a winner the family will cheer.
Serves: 6 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 15 minutes
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 cup tomato sauce 1/2 cup ketchup 1/4 cup tomato paste 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 2 medium yellow onions 1 green bell pepper 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 pounds ground beef 1 teaspoon red pepper sauce, such as Tabasco, optional 6 hamburger buns, split Grated jack or Cheddar cheese, for topping, optional
In a small bowl, stir together the brown sugar and garlic powder and set aside.
In another bowl, stir together the tomato sauce, ketchup, tomato paste, and Worcestershire sauce and set aside.
Chop the onions into 1/2 to 1/4-inch-wide pieces. Cut the peppers in half and remove the seeds and ribs. Chop the peppers into pieces about the same size as the onions. Set these aside.
In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the meat, breaking it up and spreading it around with a long-handled fork or wooden spoon. The meat will begin to lose its pinkness. Drain the fat from the pan.
Add the brown sugar mixture and the onions and peppers and cook for 7 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally to mix, until the vegetables soften. Stir in the tomato sauce mixture. Flavor to taste with red pepper sauce, if desired.
Reduce the heat and let the mixture simmer for 5 to 10 minutes longer, or until the sauce thickens. Stir occasionally to prevent sticking and to make sure everything is well mixed.
Meanwhile, toast the buns under the broiler, on a grill, or in a toaster just until lightly browned. Lay the toasted buns on each of 6 plates. Spoon the sloppy joes over the buns and serve topped with grated cheese, if desired.
*************************** THE FINAL INSPECTION The soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass. 'Step forward now, you soldier, How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?' The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 'No, Lord, I guess I ain't. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough. But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills got just too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears. If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand. There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God. 'Step forward now, you soldier, You've borne your burdens well.. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell.' Author Unknown~
*************************** Redneck Home Security
How to install a redneck home security system:
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: 'Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.'
5. INSTALLATION COMPLETE!
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Replacing the Rooster
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. The farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barn yard.
Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried.
"So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster. "I've got to do something about this."
He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy.
"You're on," said the young rooster. "and since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."
So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there.
Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster. By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead.
He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself,
"Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month." ***************************
Rednecks Play the Lottery
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!" ****************************
Getting old is so hard at times. Yesterday I got Preparation 'H' mixed up with Poli-Grip.
NOW, I talk like an asshole...but my gums don't itch!
****************************
While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop."
Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "go ahead."
"And this is my pole," he said.
My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain."
****************************
During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying---until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing.
After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst.
"Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied, "but I was just checking his pulse." ***************************
I’VE LEARNED...... 'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Jeremiah 7:4-12
(4) Do not trust in these lying words, saying, "The temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD are these." (5) "For if you thoroughly amend your ways and your doings, if you thoroughly execute judgment between a man and his neighbor, (6) if you do not oppress the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place, or walk after other gods to your hurt, (7) then I will cause you to dwell in this place, in the land that I gave to your fathers forever and ever. (8) "Behold, you trust in lying words that cannot profit. (9) Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, burn incense to Baal, and walk after other gods whom you do not know, (10) and then come and stand before Me in this house which is called by My name, and say, "We are delivered to do all these abominations"? (11) Has this house, which is called by My name, become a den of thieves in your eyes? Behold, I, even I, have seen it," says the LORD. (12) "But go now to My place which was in Shiloh, where I set My name at the first, and see what I did to it because of the wickedness of My people Israel.
We can learn a great deal from the prophets' descriptions of conditions in Israel in the years just before God scattered them. Jeremiah 7 contains an especially vivid description, describing attitudes and conduct just before Babylon's invasion of Judah. Anybody who cares and diligently searches for the causes of our present scattered condition can easily find many of them. Verse 4 reveals a casual, self-righteous, and presumptuous self-confidence that, since they were fellowshipping with the "church," everything would be fine! Nevertheless, the enemy conquered Judah and took the people into captivity, so membership in the church is no guarantee that judgment will not come on us individually or collectively. Jeremiah expresses the Jews prideful assumption of being above correction, an attitude that has its basis in a confused understanding of God's love and the purity of His holiness. We must be prepared for God's Kingdom. The attitudes and conduct of these people, expressed here but applied to us now, show that we were not living up to God's expectations. We can learn, though, that fellowshipping with the church without the right attitudes and conduct can easily foster a delusion that all is well, while by God's judgment all clearly is not well! Verses 5-6 illustrate that their judgment of how to apply God's Word in their lives was severely compromised. They definitely did not love their neighbor as themselves; they were unmistakably self-centered. Is there more evidence here that we may have been the same? Verse 10 expresses the extent this delusion had permeated their lives. By ignoring God's moral and ethical demands, they were in effect telling God that attending services released them from the guilt accrued during the rest of their lives. It was as if God's judgments did not apply to them. They were after all "in the church," right? It reads almost as if they felt they were doing God a favor by showing up! What is more, while there, they heard insipid messages telling them, "Peace, peace. Everything is okay. God's grace covers all." Though ceremonially going through the motions, they lacked thorough dedication and devotion to God's way in every aspect of life. Beginning in verse 12, God reminds them that they should remember the history of former generations and take warning because they are on track to experience the same calamities. Have we in our time repeated their assumptions that everything is fine when it is not? It seems so, since the Laodicean assumes he is rich and increased with goods and needs nothing. The reality is that he is blind to his true condition and not clothed with God's righteousness. God has called us into a courtship relationship leading to marriage with Jesus Christ. He makes clear what He expects from us as our part in this relationship. Jesus says to His disciples, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15). A love relationship requires each to sacrifice thoughtfully for the other. Keeping of the commandments does not "save" us, but it prepares us to live eternally with Him and shows our attitude of submission to Him. Jeremiah 7:5-9 plainly portrays precious little concern for fellow man. In fact, most of the sins Jeremiah directly mentions are transgressions of the last five commandments. Only one sin, idolatry, focuses directly on the first four commandments. This suggests that a breakdown in human relationships quickly followed the disintegration of the relationship between God and Israel. Similarly, I John 4:20-21 calls upon those who say they love God and claim to be Christians to love the brethren. John goes so far as to say that, if we do not love the brethren, our claim to love God is a lie! This is another area in which many fell short, and it led to division, which continues to the present. This indicates that self-absorbed people indulged themselves at others' expense. Self-absorption produces strained marital relationships (and ultimately divorce) and alienated children as they and their parents go in wildly different directions. Within congregations, it yields shallow and casual relationships that show little true concern. Its fruit are intolerance, impatience, strong opinions about trivial things, offense, harsh judging, and division. It produces busy people who feel as if they are accomplishing a great deal because they seem to get many things done. The church member may even prosper more than at any other time in his life. However, the busy-ness is spent on things of minor spiritual importance. Meanwhile, the relationship with God, while existent, is allowed to be neglected. That is what Laodiceanism is. People bring it in from the world where God is a figurehead but with whom there is no relationship. It is a deceitful fruit of too much time, attention, and energy focused on the wrong things. Laodiceanism is deceitful because the Bible reveals that the person afflicted with it is unaware that he has it. He is blind to it, but God certainly is not because He is being neglected in this relationship. How can He possibly marry someone who will not draw close to Him because of involvement in so many other things?
Ephesians 2:19 “Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household,â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
precatory • PREK-uh-tor-ee • adjective : expressing a wish
Examples: Mr. Tyler’s will included a precatory provision that his grand piano be restored and donated to a music school.
"A shareholder proposal to declassify the Board was defeated by shareholders who voted either by proxy or at the Meeting.… For the precatory proposal to pass, the affirmative vote of a majority of the shares represented in person or by proxy at the Meeting was required." -- From a Business Wire article in The Street, June 6, 2011
*************************** County Fair Funnel Cakes
Yield: 6 Servings INGREDIENTS 2 eggs, lightly beaten 1 1/2 cups milk 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt Oil for deep-fat frying confectioners' sugar DIRECTIONS In a bowl, combine the eggs, milk and brown sugar. Combine flour, baking powder and salt; beat into egg mixture until smooth.
In an electric skillet or deep-fat fryer, heat oil to 375 degrees F.
Cover the bottom of a funnel spout with your finger; ladle 1/2 cup batter into funnel. Holding the funnel several inches above the skillet, release finger and move the funnel in a spiral motion until all of the batter is released (scraping funnel with a rubber spatula if needed).
Fry for 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Repeat with remaining batter. Dust with confectioners' sugar; serve warm.
Please Note: The batter can also be poured from a liquid measuring cup instead of a funnel.
*************************** Slow-Cooked Lemon Chicken
Yield: 6 Servings
INGREDIENTS 6 bone-in chicken breast halves (about 3 pounds), skin removed 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt 1/4 teaspoon pepper 2 tablespoons butter or margarine 1/4 cup water 3 tablespoons lemon juice 2 garlic cloves, minced 1 teaspoon chicken bouillon granules 2 teaspoons minced fresh parsley Hot cooked rice
DIRECTIONS Pat chicken dry with paper towels. Combine the oregano, seasoned salt and pepper; rub over chicken. In a skillet over medium heat, brown the chicken in butter; transfer to a 5 quart slow cooker. Add water, lemon juice, garlic and bouillon to the skillet; bring to a boil, stirring to loosen browned bits. Pour over chicken. Cover and cook on low for 3-4 hours. Baste the chicken. Add parsley. Cover and cook 15-30 minutes longer or until meat juices run clear. If desired, thicken cooking juices and serve over chicken and rice.
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Slow-Cooker Black Bean-Mushroom Chili
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 9 Hours 15 Minutes Yield: 10 servings, generous 1 cup each
Earthy mushrooms, tomatillos and a subtle layering of spices combine to give this full-bodied vegetarian chili a deep complexity of flavor. Note that dried beans need to be soaked before going into the slow cooker. Once that's done, the chili can gently bubble for hours, adding flexibility to your schedule. Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days or freeze for up to 3 months. Thaw in the refrigerator, if necessary, and reheat on the stovetop or in a microwave.
INGREDIENTS 1 pound dried black beans (2 1/2 cups), picked over and rinsed 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/4 cup mustard seeds 2 tablespoons chili powder 1 1/2 teaspoons cumin seeds or ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon cardamom seeds or ground cardamom 2 medium onions, coarsely chopped 1 pound mushrooms, wiped clean, trimmed and sliced (4 1/2 cups) 8 ounces tomatillos, husked, rinsed and coarsely chopped (see Ingredient Notes) 1/4 cup water 5 1/2 cups mushroom broth or vegetable broth, homemade or canned (see Ingredient Notes) 1 6-ounce can tomato paste 1-2 tablespoons minced canned chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (see Ingredient Notes) 1 1/4 cups grated Monterey Jack or pepper jack cheese 1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro 2 limes, cut into wedges
Ingredient Notes: Popular in Mexican cooking, the tomatillo looks like a small green tomato with a papery husk. Chipotle peppers are smoked jalapenos with a fiery taste, canned in adobo sauce. Mushroom broth can be found in the natural-foods section of large supermarkets and in natural-foods stores. DIRECTIONS Soak beans overnight in 2 quarts water. (Alternatively, place beans and 2 quarts water in a large pot. Bring to a boil. Boil for 2 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand for 1 hour). Drain beans, discarding soaking liquid. Meanwhile, combine oil, mustard seeds, chili powder, cumin and cardamom in a 5- to 6-quart Dutch oven. Place over high heat and stir until the spices sizzle, about 30 seconds. Add onions, mushrooms, tomatillos and 1/4 cup water. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are juicy, 5 to 7 minutes. Uncover and stir often until the juices evaporate and the vegetables are lightly browned, 10 to 15 minutes. Add broth, tomato paste and chipotles (with sauce); mix well. Place the beans in a 5- to 6-quart slow cooker. Pour the hot mixture over the beans. Turn heat to high. Put the lid on and cook until the beans are creamy to bite, 5 to 8 hours. To serve, ladle the chili into bowls. Garnish each serving with cheese, a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkling of cilantro. Pass lime wedges at the table. Stovetop method: Total: 4 1/2 hours In Step 2, increase broth to 8 1/2 cups. Omit Step 3. Add the beans to the Dutch oven; cover and simmer the chili gently over low heat, stirring occasionally, until beans are creamy to bite, about 3 hours.
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Caramelized Onion Soup
Active Time: 5 Minutes Total Time: 12 Hours 5 Minutes Yield: Serves 6
INGREDIENTS 3-4 cups caramelized onions 6 cups beef broth Salt and pepper to taste 6 toasted rounds of French bread 1 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese Other necessary recipes: Slow Cooker Caramelized Onions DIRECTIONS Add the broth to the onions in the slow-cooker, cover and cook on high until hot. Preheat the broiler to high with the rack in the upper third of the oven. Divide the soup among six oven proof bowls. Top each with a slice of bread and add several tablespoons of cheese. Place the bowls on a rimmed baking sheet and broil until only the cheese is bubbling. Serve immediately.
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Raspberry-Glazed Pork Chops with Pickled Onions
Brining enhances flavor and renders pork chops moist and juicy. While the chops brine, prepare the pickled onions and the raspberry sauce. The thick flavorful sauce, rich pork chops and pickled onions all come together in an explosion of flavors and textures.
4 servings Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 2 1/2 hours (including 2 hours brining)
INGREDIENTS 4 cups cold water 2-3 small onions, thinly sliced and separated into rings (2 cups), divided 1/4 cup plus 4-6 tablespoons pure maple syrup, divided 1/4 cup plus 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt, divided 1 bay leaf 1 clove garlic, crushed 4 bone-in, center-cut pork loin chops, 1/2-3/4 inch thick (1 1/2-1 3/4 pounds) 1/4 cup raspberry or red-wine vinegar 2 teaspoons fresh thyme leaves, divided 1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground pepper, plus more to taste 3 cups fresh raspberries, divided 1/2 cup white wine 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
PREPARATION Combine water, 2/3 cup onions, 1/4 cup maple syrup, 1/4 cup salt, bay leaf and garlic in a large bowl or large sealable plastic bag. Add pork chops; turn to combine. (If brining in a bag, place the bag in a large bowl.) Marinate in the refrigerator, turning the meat once or twice, for 2 to 8 hours. Whisk raspberry (or red-wine) vinegar, 2 tablespoons maple syrup, 1 teaspoon thyme, 1/8 teaspoon salt and pepper together in a medium bowl. Add 2/3 cup onions; toss to coat well. Refrigerate, stirring once or twice, while the pork is brining. About 15 minutes before you’re ready to cook the pork chops, combine 1 1/2 cups raspberries, the remaining 2/3 cup onions, wine, 2 tablespoons maple syrup, balsamic vinegar and 1/4 teaspoon pepper in a blender or food processor. Blend or process until pureed. Pour the sauce through a fine-mesh sieve into a small bowl; stir and press on the solids to extract all the sauce. Stir in the remaining 1 teaspoon thyme. Remove the pork chops from the brine and pat dry. (Discard brine.) Sprinkle both sides with the remaining 1/8 teaspoon salt and a generous grinding of pepper. Place a large cast-iron or heavy-bottomed skillet over medium-high heat until hot enough to sizzle a drop of water on contact. Add oil and tilt the pan to coat the surface. Add the pork chops and cook until browned, 2 to 3 minutes per side. Transfer the chops to a plate; tent with foil to keep warm. Reduce heat to medium, add the raspberry sauce and boil, stirring constantly, until the sauce is reduced by half, about 3 minutes. Taste and add 1 to 2 tablespoons maple syrup if the sauce is too tart. Return the chops and any accumulated juices to the pan and cook on medium heat, turning the chops to coat with the sauce, until they register 145°F on an instant-read thermometer, 1 to 2 minutes. Drain the pickled onions (discard the pickling mixture or save for another use). Gently toss with the remaining 1 1/2 cups raspberries. Serve the chops with the pan sauce and top with the pickled onions and raspberries.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Brine pork chops (Step 1) for up to 8 hours. The brined chops, patted dry, can be wrapped in plastic and refrigerated for up to 2 days.
NUTRITION Per serving: 317 calories; 11 g fat ( 3 g sat , 6 g mono ); 69 mg cholesterol; 22 g carbohydrates; 27 g protein; 7 g fiber; 259 mg sodium; 542 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (45% daily value), Potassium (16% dv), Selenium (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1 Exchanges: 1 fruit, 1 vegetable, 3 1/2 lean meat
*************************** Corn & Broccoli Calzones
These calzones are stuffed with a summery combination of corn and broccoli, but you can use whatever you have in your fridge. Part-skim ricotta and mozzarella make our pizza pockets lower in saturated fat. Plus a whole-wheat crust adds a nutty flavor and extra fiber. Serve with your favorite marinara sauce for dipping.
6 calzones Active Time: 30 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups chopped broccoli florets 1 1/2 cups fresh corn kernels, (about 3 ears; see Tip) 1 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese 2/3 cup part-skim ricotta cheese 4 scallions, thinly sliced 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper All-purpose flour, for dusting 20 ounces prepared whole-wheat pizza dough, (see Tip), thawed if frozen 2 teaspoons canola oil
PREPARATION Position racks in upper and lower thirds of oven; preheat to 475°F. Coat 2 baking sheets with cooking spray. Combine broccoli, corn, mozzarella, ricotta, scallions, basil, garlic powder, salt and pepper in a large bowl. On a lightly floured surface, divide dough into 6 pieces. Roll each piece into an 8-inch circle. Place a generous 3/4 cup filling on one half of each circle, leaving a 1-inch border of dough. Brush the border with water and fold the top half over the filling. Fold the edges over and crimp with a fork to seal. Make several small slits in the top to vent steam; brush each calzone with oil. Transfer the calzones to the prepared baking sheets. Bake the calzones, switching the pans halfway through, until browned on top, about 15 minutes. Let cool slightly before serving. Healthy Heart Variation: To reduce saturated fat even further, use nonfat ricotta in place of the reduced-fat ricotta. 334 calories, 2 g saturated fat.
TIPS & NOTES Tips: To remove corn kernels from the cob: Stand an uncooked ear of corn on its stem end in a shallow bowl and slice the kernels off with a sharp, thin-bladed knife. This technique produces whole kernels that are good for adding to salads and salsas. If you want to use the corn kernels for soups, fritters or puddings, you can add another step to the process. After cutting the kernels off, reverse the knife and, using the dull side, press it down the length of the ear to push out the rest of the corn and its milk. Look for balls of whole-wheat pizza dough at your supermarket, fresh or frozen and without any hydrogenated oils.
NUTRITION Per calzone: 350 calories; 7 g fat ( 3 g sat , 3 g mono ); 21 mg cholesterol; 50 g carbohydrates; 17 g protein; 4 g fiber; 509 mg sodium; 250 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (35% daily value), Calcium (25% dv), Vitamin A (20% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 3 Exchanges: 3 starch, 1 medium-fat protein
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Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night will stop my fellow mail carriers and me from delivering junk mail. One day, I delivered an envelope full of coupons to a home that was addressed: "To the Smart Shopper at..." The next day, the envelope was returned with this note scrawled on it: "Not at This Address."
*************************** When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as "ma'am."
"I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!" She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio. Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?"
She replied, "The oldies station."
*************************** A new baby arrived at a house. A little girl—now fifteen—had been the pet of the family. Every one made much of her, but when there was a new baby she felt rather neglected.
"How are you, Mary?" a visitor asked of her one afternoon.
"Oh, I'm all right," she said, "except that I think there is too much competition in this world."
***************************
A tourist was chatting with the proprietor of the village inn.
"This place boasts of a choral society, doesn't it?" he asked.
The innkeeper looked pained.
"We don't boast about it," he replied, in low, sad tones. "We endure it with all the calm resignation we can!"
***************************
A certain young man's friends thought he was dead, but he was only in a state of coma. When, in ample time to avoid being buried, he showed signs of life, he was asked how it seemed to be dead.
"Dead?" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. I knew all that was going on. And I knew I wasn't dead, too, because my feet were cold and I was hungry."
"But how did that fact make you think you were still alive?" asked one of the curious.
"Well, this way; I knew that if I were in heaven I wouldn't be hungry. And if I was in the other place my feet wouldn't be cold."
*************************** "I'm at the head of my class, pa," said Willie.
"Dear me, son, how did that happen?" cried his father.
"Why, the teacher asked us this morning how to pronounce C-h-i-h-u-a-h-u-a, and nobody knew," said Willie, "but when she got down to me I sneezed and she said that was right."
*************************** As William Faversham was having his luncheon in a Birmingham hotel he was much annoyed by another visitor, who, during the whole of the meal, stood with his back to the fire warming himself and watching Faversham eat. At length, unable to endure it any longer, Mr. Faversham rang the bell and said:
"Waiter, kindly turn that gentleman around. I think he is done on that side."
***************************** THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR > > Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S > NIPPLES FOR? > A: It's Braille for "suck here". > > Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? > A: It's the same as a French kiss, but only "down > under." > > Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? > A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a > Goodyear. > > Q: WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? > A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. > But when > they go, they take your house and car with them. > > Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP > IN THE > MORNING? > A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Stop all feverish haste and be calm. Come to me not only for petitions to be granted but nearness to Me." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
The Image of Servitude
Luke 6:46, NIV: "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?"
Imagine if you will that you have a personal servant, or assistant. Draw in your mind the picture of a typical day of someone in your service. What sort of tasks do you expect this person to perform? At what hour does this person begin work, or end the day? Does this person's day start when yours does, and end the same? The servant is at your beckon call. The servant's workload, breaks, and time off are all dependent upon your desires. What is done and how it is done is according to your wishes--your will be done. We call ourselves the servants of Jesus. What does that mean to us? What picture do we draw to mind that represents what we feel would accurately portray the life of a servant of Christ? How closely does your life look like that picture you have in mind? Our cultural viewpoints most likely distort our understanding of true servitude. We live in a time and place where ideals like individualism and personal rights make being subservient to anyone sound archaic. But we do not need to look to the world around us to understand what it means to be a servant. We need only to look to the person of Jesus Christ. He is the perfect picture of a servant--the image of what we ourselves must try to become.
Then cometh Jesus from Galilee to Jordan unto John, to be baptized of him. - Matthew 3:13
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
parergon pa-RUR-gon , noun; 1.Work undertaken in addition to one's principal work. 2.Something that is an accessory to a main work or subject; embellishment.
Quotes: This labor resulted in a side adventure or parergon: On his way to the chase, Heracles was entertained by the centaur Pholus, who set before him a jar of wine that belonged to all the centaurs in common. -- P. O. Morford, Robert J. Lenardon, Classical mythology "It is a singular thing that you at the outset of your career - even as I thirty years ago at the same point of mine - should take up such a parergon and alight upon the same discovery." -- Stanley John Weyman, Chippinge
Origin: Parergon consists of a combination of Greek roots, para- meaning "beyond, and ergo meaning "work, labor."
*************************** CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.
THINGS TO PONDER: If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything and Tupperware that's guaranteed not to break, what happens?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...when you was little, your front yard got toilet papered and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." - Robert F. Kennedy
THINGS TO PONDER: When sign makers go on strike is there anything written on their signs?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your family tree is a telephone pole.
"Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them, And they flew..." - Guillaume Apollinaire
Joe E. Lewis "You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough."
Laurence Sterne "An English man does not travel to see English men."
Harry S. Truman "If you can't convince them, confuse them." When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil. –Jack Handey
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Healthy Flea Fighting Dog Biscuits
Small amounts of garlic can be good for your dog and also help to deter fleas from taking up residence in his coat.
Ingredients:
2 cups of whole wheat flour 1/2 cup of wheat germ 1/2 cup of brewer’s yeast 1 teaspoon of salt 3 tablespoons of olive oil 2 cloves of garlic, crushed 1 pint of chicken stock or broth
Instructions for baking healthy dog biscuit recipes:
Preheat the oven to 400 F/200 C/Gas Mark 6. In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients - the whole wheat flour, wheat germ, yeast and salt. Blend the oil and garlic together and add to the dry mixture. Add the stock and mix ingredients thoroughly until you have a slightly sticky dough. Knead the dough and roll into a ball. You may need to add a little flour to the mixture if it's too sticky. Turn out onto a lightly floured board and roll out until the dough is approximately 1/4 inch thick. Cut into desired shapes with a knife or a biscuit cutter and place on a non-stick baking tray. Bake in the oven for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Turn off the oven and allow the biscuits to cool and harden overnight. The number of treats the above healthy dog biscuit recipes produce may vary depending on how thinly you roll out your dough and the size of cutter or shape used.
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BBQ Shrimp & Pineapple Kabobs
Total time 16 min prep 10 min servings 2 servings, one kabob each
what you need 6 large shrimp (1/4 lb.), peeled, deveined 6 chunks fresh pineapple (1-1/2 inch) 6 squares green pepper (1-1/2 inch) 6 wedges onion (1-inch wide) 1/4 cup KRAFT Teriyaki Sesame Ginger Barbecue Sauce
make it
PREHEAT grill to medium-high heat. Using four long wooden skewers, place two skewers, side-by-side on clean work surface.
THREAD shrimp onto each set of two parallel skewers alternately with the pineapple, peppers and onions. (You will have two kabobs.)
GRILL kabobs 4 to 6 min. or until shrimp turn pink, turning and brushing occasionally with the barbecue sauce. Serve over hot cooked rice.
kraft kitchens tips SUBSTITUTE Substitute boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces, for the shrimp. SUBSTITUTEPrepare as directed, using KRAFT THICK 'N SPICY Brown Sugar Barbecue Sauce mixed with 1/8 tsp. gr
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Campbell's Shortcut Chicken Cordon Bleu
Boneless chicken breasts are quickly sautéed and topped with a mouthwatering sauce starring cream of chicken soup, white wine, ham and Swiss cheese.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 20
1 tbsp. butter 4 boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 lb.) 1 can (10 3/4 oz.) Campbell’s Cream of Chicken Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free) 2 tbsp. water 2 tbsp. Chablis or other dry white wine 1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese 1/2 cup chopped cooked ham 4 cups hot cooked medium egg noodles, cooked and drained
Heat the butter in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken and cook for 10 minutes or until well browned on both sides. Stir the soup, water, wine, cheese and ham in the skillet and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 5 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. Serve the chicken and sauce with the noodles.
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Coconut Pie
Original Recipe Yield 1 -9-inch pie
Ingredients
1 cup white sugar 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/2 cup butter 3 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 cup milk 1 cup flaked coconut 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch single crust pie
Directions
Mix flour with sugar. Cream in butter and eggs. Mix in vanilla and milk until well combined. Fold in coconut. Pour into prepared pie crust. Bake at 300 degrees F (150 degrees C) for one hour. Cool completely before cutting.
Nutritional Information Amount Per Serving Calories: 405 | Total Fat: 24g | Cholesterol: 112mg
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Peach Cobbler
Total Time: 1 hr 0 min Prep 15 min Cook 45 min Yield: 8 to 10 servings
Ingredients 4 cups peeled, sliced peaches 2 cups sugar, divided 1/2 cup water 8 tablespoons butter 1 1/2 cups self-rising flour 1 1/2 cups milk Ground cinnamon, optional
Directions Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Combine the peaches, 1 cup sugar, and water in a saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from the heat.
Put the butter in a 3-quart baking dish and place in oven to melt.
Mix remaining 1 cup sugar, flour, and milk slowly to prevent clumping. Pour mixture over melted butter. Do not stir. Spoon fruit on top, gently pouring in syrup. Sprinkle top with ground cinnamon, if using. Batter will rise to top during baking. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes.
To serve, scoop onto a plate and serve with your choice of whipped cream or vanilla ice cream *************************** OLD-FASHIONED CORN STICKS
1 1/2 c. cornmeal 1/2 c. all purpose flour 2 tsp. baking powder 1/2 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 tsp. sugar 2 eggs, lightly beaten 1 1/2 c. buttermilk 1/4 c. vegetable oil or bacon drippings
Combine first 6 ingredients. Combine eggs, buttermilk and oil; add to dry ingredients, stirring just until moistened. Place a well greased cast iron corn stick pan in a 450 degree oven 3 minutes or until hot. Remove pan from oven; spoon batter into pan, filling three-fourths full. Bake at 450 degrees for 15 minutes or until lightly browned. Yield: 1 1/2 dozen.
NOTE: To make muffins instead, grease and heat muffin pans as for corn sticks. Spoon batter into pans, filling two-thirds full. Bake as for corn sticks.
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Zucchini Stuffed with Smoked Turkey
Hollowed-out zucchini make tasty containers for all sorts of fillings. This one is particularly good for an easy supper.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 30 minutes Cooking time: 20 minutes 2 pounds zucchini 3 tablespoons butter or margarine 1 cup finely chopped onion 1/4 cup thinly sliced celery 1/4 cup finely chopped green or red pepper 1/4 cup finely chopped walnuts 1 1/2 cups smoked turkey 1 (8-ounce) can whole tomatoes, chopped 1 cup fresh whole wheat bread crumbs 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Cut the zucchini in half lengthwise. Scoop out the seeds and pulp with a spoon, leaving a 1/4-inch-thick shell. Chop the zucchini pulp and reserve.
Cover the bottom of a large frying pan with about 1/2 inch of water. Add salt and bring to the boil over high heat. Add the zucchini shells and lower the heat to a simmer. Cook, covered, for 5 minutes, until the shells are bright green and partially cooked. It may be necessary to cook the shells in 2 batches.
Remove the zucchini shells to a colander and rinse with cold water. Pat dry and put the shells in a baking dish.
Heat the butter in a large frying pan over medium heat. Add the onions, celery, peppers, walnuts and reserved zucchini pulp and cook for 5 or 6 minutes until the onions are just tender. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the smoked turkey, tomatoes, breadcrumbs and black pepper. Mound the mixture into the zucchini.
Combine the mozzarella and Parmesan in a bowl. Sprinkle over the stuffed zucchini shells. Bake for about 25 minutes, until the zucchini is heated through and the cheese is golden.
*************************** A blonde thought if she died her hair brown she would become smarter. Whilst driving in the country she spotted this farmer herding sheep and asked him "If I guess how many sheep you have will you let me have one?" The man said "Sure." Well she looked over and over and said 73. He said "Wow your good." So the blonde claimed her prize. While walking her back to the car the man said "If I guess your hair color can you give me my dog back?"
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Flower Curse
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
*************************** Angry Blonde
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.
She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, now she's angry!
She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"
"Shut up," she says, "You're next." ***************************
Because I'm Blonde?
A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you're 25."
*************************** A blonde city girl named Judy marries a Saskatchewan rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Judy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here." The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blond, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?" "That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?" The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
( It's nice to see a blond winning once in awhile.)
*************************** Drinking Codes A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk into a bar. For the sake of brevity, each one orders her drink with an abbreviated code word. The brunette walks up to the bartender and says, "Hey give me an ML." The bartender nods his head and hands her a Miller Lite.
Following her, the redhead walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a BL." Giving her a nod, the bartender pulls up a Bud Lite.
Last, the blonde walks up to the bartender and says, "Give me a Fifteen."
"A Fifteen?" the bartender replies, "What the hell is that?"
"Oh, you know," the blonde says, "A Seven and Seven."
*************************** Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following Conversation took place.
First guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend! I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend'
Second guy: 'That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I'd build her a new deck for the pool.'
Third guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'd remodel the kitchen for her.'
They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy hasn't said a word, they asked him. 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?'
Fourth guy smirks and says: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said: 'Fishing or Sex?
She said: 'Wear sun-block.
***************************
Magic Sandals
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'
*********************************
ONE FOR US OLD FARTS
One for all us OLD FARTS..........
A little silver-haired old gentleman calls his neighbour and says,
"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
His neighbour asks,
"What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired old gentleman says,
"According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
His neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
He lets him in and shows him where he has the puzzle spread all over the table.
The neighbour studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to him and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
"Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh .............
"LET'S PUT ALL THE CORNFLAKES BACK IN THE BOX"
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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