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REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Revelation 6:8
(8) So I looked, and behold, a pale horse. And the name of him who sat on it was Death, and Hades followed with him. And power was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword, with hunger, with death, and by the beasts of the earth. New King James Version
A minor controversy exists concerning the last half of verse 8: "And power was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword, with hunger, with death, and by the beasts of the earth." The argument deals with whether this sentence applies to the fourth horseman alone or summarizes the depredations of all four. The latter seems preferable.
Jesus appears to treat the first four seals as a subgroup in His Olivet prophecy, saying of them, "All these are the beginning of sorrows" (Matthew 24:8). His intent is clear: These four judgments are a distinct set of calamities that acts as a kind of warm-up for the exceedingly more terrible judgments of the time of the end. As He warns, "See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet" (verse 6). It is entirely logical to believe that the same Revelator would likewise separate the four horsemen from the last three seals with a short summary of their work as well as the limits of their authority.
Another proof involves the fact that the sentence restates the missions of the red ("to kill with sword"), black ("with hunger"), and pale ("with death [thánatos, meaning disease]") horsemen. Applying these means of destruction to the fourth horseman alone would make the other two redundant and significantly diminish their roles. In addition, lumping pestilence in with hunger, war, and beasts as activities of the fourth horseman would obscure the role of disease as a judgment of God.
Commentators argue that the plural pronoun "them" in Revelation 6:8 has "Death" and "Hades" as its antecedents. They are certainly the closest antecedents, but the Greek does not demand them to be the pronoun's true antecedents. Besides, the real subject of the previous sentence is not really "Death" and "Hades" but the singular "name" of the fourth horseman. If God intended it to be a summary statement of the whole passage, we can easily recognize "them" to refer to the entire passage's active characters—the Four Horsemen—the ones to whom the Lamb gave authority to execute His judgment.
A final, curious factor is the inclusion of "by the beasts of the earth" in the powers of the horsemen; it seems to come out of the blue. However, it follows naturally in the progression of catastrophes. In times of severe war, famine, and disease, depopulation occurs, which upsets the precarious balance between human civilization and wildlife. Suddenly, with hunting and developing of wilderness areas reduced or eliminated, the population of predatory creatures expands, increasing the chances of animal attacks on humans.
The Bible provides an example of this in Genesis 10:8-9. It is thought that Nimrod's rise to power over the post-Flood world began with his skills in hunting and killing predators, which had the upper hand over the miniscule human population at the time. Another example appears in Exodus 23:29, in which God promises Israel, "I will not drive [the Canaanites] out from before you in one year, lest the land become too desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you" (see also Deuteronomy 7:22; Ezekiel 34:25, 28). Incursions of lions actually killed some Samaritans after Assyria took the bulk of the Israelites into captivity (II Kings 17:25).
Wild beasts are included in the curses for disobedience of Leviticus 26: "I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, destroy your livestock, and make you few in number; and your highways shall be desolate" (verse 22; see Deuteronomy 32:24; Jeremiah 15:3; Ezekiel 14:15). Through Ezekiel, God prophesies that disasters such as the Four Horsemen bring happen together with the scourge of wild beasts: "So I will send against you famine and wild beasts, and they will bereave you. Pestilence and blood shall pass through you, and I will bring the sword against you. I, the LORD, have spoken" (Ezekiel 5:17; see 14:21; 33:27). Though death by wild beasts is included in the text of Revelation 6:8 without warning, it fits nonetheless.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
newspeak • NOO-speek • noun, often capitalized : propagandistic language marked by euphemism, circumlocution, and the inversion of customary meanings : double-talk
Examples:
"With all the twists and turns of newspeak, it's virtually impossible to figure out exactly what any candidate stands for anymore," complained Brian.
"The cramped media room at Emerald Gardens was packed with sweaty print and radio reporters and half-a-dozen network cameras as Freddie Hutt offered up a tutorial in the language of sports management newspeak -- a language that made it seem as if the St. Pats had no responsibility in starting the bench-clearing brawl but had been innocent bystanders." -- From Michael McKinley's 2011 novel The Penalty Killing
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Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. 3For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2,3
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I’VE LEARNED...... I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
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MY SAVIOR FIRST OF ALL
Jesus is coming soon! One of the prophecies concerning His return concerns the rise of false prophets and even those who claim to be Messiah. Since 1891, when the blind hymn writer, Fanny Crosby wrote this hymn, there have been many false leaders who claimed to be the promised Messiah. Each of these charlatans lacked the required proof---the prints of the nails in his hands! Read carefully the words of this old hymn:
MY SAVIOR FIRST OF ALL
When my lifework is ended, And I cross the swelling tide, When the bright and glorious morning I shall see; I shall know my Redeemer When I reach the other side, And His smile will be the first to welcome me. Refrain: I shall know Him, I shall know Him, And redeemed by His side I shall stand, I shall know Him, I shall know Him, By the print of the nails in His hand. Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture When I view His blessed face, And the luster of His kindly beaming eye; How my full heart will praise Him For the mercy, love and grace, That prepare for me a mansion in the sky. Refrain: Oh, the dear ones in glory, How they beckon me to come, And our parting at the river I recall; To the sweet vales of Eden They will sing my welcome home; But I long to meet my Savior first of all. Refrain: Through the gates to the city In a robe of spotless white, He will lead me where no tears will ever fall; In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight; But I long to meet my Savior first of all. Refrain: I shall know Him, I shall know Him, And redeemed by His side I shall stand, I shall know Him, I shall know Him, By the print of the nails in His hand.
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Why Do Dogs Eat Grass? Dogs are not known for being fussy eaters. Put it in your dog's path and he'll gobble it up, whether it be table scraps, garbage ... or grass. Dogs are primarily carnivores (meat-eaters). Although they like to eat meat, they can also survive on a well-balanced vegetarian diet: Cats, on the other hand, may die without animal protein. Like all living creatures, dogs need a combination of fats, carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins, minerals, and water in a balanced diet that provides enough calories to meet their daily needs. We're not sure why your pup likes grass, although there have been many theories offered. Primarily, dogs are descended from wild canids (wolves and foxes), which ate the entire "kill" when they hunted for food. Since they consumed many herbivores (plant-eating animals), they wound up eating a lot of plants and even berries found in the stomach and intestines of their prey. Interestingly, carnivores tend to go for the stomach and its contents first, so it's likely that dogs may eat grass because they like it and it was once part of their normal diet. Then there is the great mystery: Do dogs eat grass to make themselves vomit? Or do they vomit because they eat the grass? Most veterinarians believe that dogs eat grass simply because they like it, and vomiting just naturally follows. When dogs eat grass, the grass acts as an irritant and causes vomiting. However, they may not be smart enough to use grass as a medicine when they have an upset stomach. That said, one of us has seem a dog with burrs stuck in his throat pounce on a Ficus plant and voraciously start scoffing great scads of leaves until he threw up, presumably in an attempt to dislodge the foreign material. Some veterinarians believe that dogs eat grass because their prepared diets are lacking in greens and so they eat grass. And as some support of this contention, dogs sometimes seek out a particular variety of grass to nibble. No matter what the reason, your dog's "grass" habit is normal behavior and you need not be concerned about it. A note of caution, however: Take care that your pet does not eat grass that has been treated with fertilizer, pesticides or herbicides. This could cause stomach upset or even worse problems for your dog.
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Fresh Corn Tamale Casserole
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 20 Minutes Yield: Serves 6
This half-sweet/half-salty casserole is typical of Hermosillo, Sonora. At grandfather Yzabal's house it was always made in a cazuela and served as an accompaniment to the main dish.
INGREDIENTS 10 ears corn, with kernels cut from the cob (about 3 cups) 3 1/2 ounces queso panela, or other semisoft, low-fat white cheese 3 1/2 ounces lard 1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1 tablespoon sugar 3 tablespoons raisins, soaked in a little hot water and drained 2 tablespoons shredded (grated) oaxaca cheese or mozzarella cheese 1 large poblano chile, roasted and cut into strips
DIRECTIONS Preheat the oven to 350 degress F. In a food processor, process the corn and cheese until smooth. With an electric mixer, beat the lard for 5 to 7 minutes until light and fluffy. Add the corn mixture and beat for another 2 minutes, adding the salt and baking powder at the end. Butter an 8-inch cazuela, or any ovenproof dish with high sides. Divide the mixture into 2 parts, adding the sugar and raisens to one of them. Spoon this mixture into one side of the mold. On the other side, spoon half of the corn mixture, then the shredded cheese and chiles, then the remaining corn mixture. Bake in the oven for 1 hour, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Serve in the casserole.
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No-Guilt Chicken Pot Pie
You can feel good about serving this comforting pot pie. It takes just 10 minutes to put together before baking, it's loaded with veggies and chicken, and the crust is made from reduced fat baking mix...so grab a fork and dig in!
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 30
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free) 1 pkg. (about 9 ounces) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed (about 2 cups) 1 cup cubed cooked chicken 1/2 cup milk 1 egg 1 cup reduced fat all-purpose baking mix 1. Heat the oven to 400 degrees F. Stir the soup, vegetables and chicken in a 9-inch pie plate. 2. Stir the milk, egg and baking mix in a small bowl. Spread the batter over the chicken mixture. Bake for 30 minutes or until the topping is golden brown.
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Mom’s Apple Squares
Traditional recipes for apple squares often use plenty of trans fat-laden shortening in the crust. We replaced it with a mixture of canola oil and butter and swapped out half the all-purpose flour for whole-wheat pastry flour for a little fiber. They are best enjoyed slightly warm. Gently reheat any leftovers in the oven or toaster oven to recrisp the crust.
12 servings Active Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 3 1/2 hours (including cooling time)
INGREDIENTS 1 1/4 cups whole-wheat pastry flour 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 2 tablespoons sugar, plus 3/4 cup, divided 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 4 tablespoons cold unsalted butter 5 tablespoons canola oil 1/3 cup ice water 1 large egg, separated 4 cups thinly sliced firm tart apples, such as Granny Smith, Empire or Cortland, peeled if desired 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
PREPARATION Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, salt and baking powder in a large bowl. Cut butter into small pieces and quickly rub them into the dry ingredients with your fingers until smaller but still visible. Add oil and toss with a fork to combine. Whisk water and egg yolk in a small bowl. Add to the flour mixture and stir until it begins to come together. Knead the dough with your hands in the bowl a few times until it forms a ball. Divide the dough in half and shape into 5-inch disks. Wrap each in plastic and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Preheat oven to 400°F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking pan with cooking spray and line the bottom and sides with parchment paper. Combine apples, the remaining 3/4 cup sugar and cinnamon in a large bowl. Roll one portion of dough between sheets of parchment or wax paper into a 9-by-13-inch rectangle. Peel off the top sheet and invert the dough into the prepared pan. Peel off the remaining paper. Trim the dough so it covers just the bottom of the pan. Spread the apple filling evenly over the dough. Using the parchment or wax paper, roll out the remaining dough, invert it over the filling and trim the edges so it just covers the filling. Whisk the egg white in a bowl until frothy and evenly brush over the top crust. Lightly sprinkle the crust with additional sugar, if desired. Bake until golden brown and bubbling, 40 to 45 minutes. Let cool for at least 1 hour before cutting into 12 squares.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Prepare the crust (Step 1), wrap tightly and refrigerate for up to 2 days or freeze for up to 6 months. | Equipment: Parchment paper
NUTRITION Per serving: 253 calories; 10 g fat ( 3 g sat , 4 g mono ); 28 mg cholesterol; 37 g carbohydrates; 3 g protein; 2 g fiber; 163 mg sodium; 49 mg potassium. Carbohydrate Servings: 2 1/2 Exchanges: 1 starch, 1 1/2 other carbohydrate, 2 fat
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Cheesy Apple-Bacon Brunch
Savor the flavor combo of cheese, apple and bacon in an easy egg bake.
PREP TIME 25 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr SERVINGS 8
1 lb sliced bacon 1 medium apple (such as Braeburn, Gala or Honeycrisp), peeled, chopped (1 cup) 2 tablespoons sugar 1 1/2 cups Original Bisquick mix 1 1/2 cups milk 4 eggs 2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese (8 oz)
1 Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 11x7-inch (2-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray. In 12-inch skillet, cook bacon over low heat 8 to 10 minutes, turning occasionally, until crisp. Drain on paper towels. Crumble bacon; set aside. 2 In small bowl, mix apple and sugar; spread in baking dish. In medium bowl, stir Bisquick mix, milk and eggs until blended; pour over apple. Sprinkle with cheese and bacon. 3 Bake uncovered 30 to 35 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean.
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Cashew Scotchies
PREP TIME: 15 min TOTAL TIME: 40 min SERVINGS: 20 bars
INGREDIENTS:
Crisco Original No-Stick Cooking Spray 1 cup Pillsbury BEST All Purpose Flour 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup Crisco Butter Shortening 1 1/4 cups firmly packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 large eggs 2 cups cashews, divided 1 cup butterscotch chips
DIRECTIONS: 1.HEAT oven to 350°F. Line a 9 x 9-inch pan with foil, extending foil over edges. Coat foil lightly with no-stick cooking spray. 2.COMBINE flour, baking powder and salt in medium bowl. 3.MELT shortening in large saucepan over low heat. Remove from heat. Add flour mixture, brown sugar, vanilla and eggs. Mix well. Stir in 1 1/2 cups cashews and butterscotch chips. Spread batter in prepared pan. Sprinkle 1/2 cup cashews evenly on top, pressing lightly into batter. 4.BAKE 35 to 40 minutes or until golden brown and toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely. Remove by lifting foil from pan. Cut into bars.
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Skillet Moussaka
In Greece, moussaka is made with beef or lamb, layers of sliced eggplant and a creamy béchamel sauce all baked together in the oven. This variation takes plenty of liberties to make it easy, quick and healthful. Serve over whole-wheat pasta or with potatoes.
4 servings, about 1 cup each Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 small eggplant (see Tips), 8 to 10 ounces 4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil or canola oil, divided 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped, divided 1 pound 93%-lean ground beef, lamb (see Tips) or bison 2 teaspoons dried oregano, divided 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 3/4 cup tomato puree or crushed tomatoes 1/2 cup water 1/3 cup low-fat or nonfat plain Greek yogurt, plus more for serving 1 medium onion, finely chopped 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella 1/2 cup chopped fresh mint or parsley
PREPARATION If your eggplant is skinny, cut crosswise into 1/4-inch-thick slices; if it’s fatter, first cut it in half lengthwise, then cut crosswise into slices. Using 1 tablespoon oil, lightly brush eggplant slices on both sides. Set aside. Heat 1 1/2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add half the garlic and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add meat, 1 teaspoon oregano, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring and breaking up the meat, until no longer pink, 4 to 8 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, remove meat and garlic from the pan, draining well, and transfer to a medium bowl. Add tomato puree (or crushed tomatoes), water and 1/3 cup yogurt to the meat mixture; stir to combine. Pour off any liquid in the pan and wipe the pan clean. Heat the remaining 1 1/2 tablespoons oil over medium heat. Add onion, the remaining garlic, the remaining 1 teaspoon oregano and the eggplant; cook, stirring, until the eggplant is softened, 3 to 4 minutes. Reduce heat to medium-low and add the meat mixture. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion and eggplant are soft, 12 to 15 minutes. Sprinkle cheese and mint (or parsley) on top and stir to combine. Serve topped with extra yogurt, if desired.
TIPS & NOTES Tips: If you’re using large, common globe eggplant, which can be more bitter than other varieties, salting beforehand can reduce bitterness. To salt: Place prepped eggplant in a large colander over a bowl and mix with 1 tablespoon salt. Top the eggplant with a plate weighted down with cans. Let sit for 30 minutes to 1 hour before using. Rinse well with cold water, then dry with paper towels. It’s not always easy to find lean lamb, but it’s easy to grind your own in a food processor. Choose a lean cut, such as leg or loin, trim any excess fat and cut into 3/4-inch pieces. Pulse in a food processor until uniformly ground, being careful not to overprocess. Or ask your butcher to grind a lean cut for you.
NUTRITION Per serving: 461 calories; 28 g fat ( 8 g sat , 15 g mono ); 96 mg cholesterol; 14 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 38 g protein; 5 g fiber; 822 mg sodium; 843 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Zinc (50% daily value), Iron (32% dv), Potassium (24% dv), Calcium (19% dv), Vitamin A & Vitamin C (17% dv), Magnesium (15% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2 Exchanges: 1 vegetable, 4 lean meat, 3 fat
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vaseline and dishes Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the >chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes." "No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the fucking dishes!" ***************************
HEAVEN
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination To determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a Clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his Or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a Good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She Claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry And I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was Into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the Balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the Rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his Fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was Broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I Found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the Balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this Point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and Died.? The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office. The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the Roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled Over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the Balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out On the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit Some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge Chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed And was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn?t help but chuckle As he directs the man to the next room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He Apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as The fellow in here just before you." "I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding' In this cedar chest....." ***************************
sharing of marriage...
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered --
(Continue below - This is great)
'THE TEETH.'
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Wooden Leg
A man and his wife, moved back home to Kentucky, from Indiana. The husband had a wooden leg, and to get insurance on it back in Indiana it cost them $2000 per year! When they arrived in Kentucky, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg. The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Kentucky to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Indiana! The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said,'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it is $39.You just have to know how to describe it!"
*************************** Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: Come. Q: How does a blonde spell farm? A: E-I-E-I-O Q: How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style? A: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg. Q: A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky. Q: Why is a blonde like Australia? A: They're both down under, and no one cares. Q: Why does a blonde like the number 77? A: She likes to be 8 (ate) more. Q: Why don't blondes like anal sex? A: They do not like their brains being screwed with. Q: Why can't a blonde water ski? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down. Q: Why are blondes like pianos? A: When they aren't upright, they're grand. Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? A: Who cares? Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful. Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread. Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? A: Cherry Float Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? A: a foursome. Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything? A: Penicillin. Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J.
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A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Let My purposes guide you rather than your own fears or others opinions." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Seventy Times Seven
Matthew 18:21-22, NASB: "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"
He carried His cross to the place where He would give His life. Along the way, Jesus--the Lord of Lords and King of Kings; God's Salvation for the world--was spat on and cursed; but He did not even become angry toward those who persecuted Him. Instead, He loved them. Though they did not understand Him, He showed understanding. From cradle to cross He demonstrated the grace of God which echoed in His words, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." This kind of forgiveness is something the Lord wants echoed in the lives of His followers. Any cross we have to carry fails greatly in comparison to His. True as that is, forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things to give--especially when we feel we have been hurt or treated unfairly. To not forgive is to open the door to resentment, bitterness, and anger. We must be careful, therefore, that we do not deceive ourselves; thinking we have forgiven when we have not. Sweeping a matter under the rug, or showing kindness to someone when your animosity seethes below the surface, is not forgiveness. "With God, all things are possible." He can help you to truly forgive even within the most difficult of circumstances. Forgiveness is not something that is always earned, but Christ commands us that it must be always given.
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do," says the LORD Almighty, "I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Let me prove it to you! Malachi 3:10 **********************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
acme ACK-mee , noun; 1. The highest point of something; the highest level or degree attainable.
Quotes: In 1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein aimed to corner the world oil market through military aggression against Kuwait (also aimed at Saudi Arabia); control of oil, a product of land, represented the acme of his ambitions. -- Richard Rosecrance, The Rise of the Virtual State So we drove around looking at daffodils and exploring countryside hamlets instead of lakeside tourist traps. These should not be scorned, however, by a browser interested in the curious categories of British humor, one of which achieves a kind of acme in funny postcards on sale in such places. "The weather's here," went one postcard I saw, "I wish you were lovely." -- Joseph Lelyveld, "The Poet's Landscape", New York Times, August 3, 1986
Origin: Acme comes from Greek akme, point, highest point, culmination.
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CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.
THING TO PONDER: Where are the germs that cause good breath?
"Yesterday's failures are today's seeds that must be diligently planted to be able to abundantly harvest tomorrow's successes." - Author Unknown
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you've ever tried to pass an entire funeral procession.
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Sweet & Sour Cabbage Rolls
Lean ground turkey and brown rice seasoned with fresh dill and caraway seeds makes a moist filling for these stuffed cabbage rolls. They're baked in a combination of tomato sauce, lemon juice and honey for the familiar sweet-and-sour flavor typical of the dish.
6 servings Active Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 2 hours
INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup brown rice 1 cup water 1 large Savoy cabbage, (about 3 pounds) 1 tablespoon canola oil 1 medium onion, chopped 4 cloves garlic, minced 6 tablespoons lemon juice, divided 1 pound 93%-lean ground turkey 3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill 1 teaspoon caraway seeds 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1 1/2 cups no-salt-added tomato sauce 1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth 1 tablespoon honey
PREPARATION Bring rice and water to a boil in a small saucepan. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer until the water is absorbed, 25 to 30 minutes. Set aside to cool. Meanwhile, bring a Dutch oven full of water to a boil over high heat. Boil the 12 largest outer cabbage leaves for 6 minutes. Drain and rinse under cool water until room temperature. Chop enough of the remaining cabbage to equal 2 cups. (Save the rest for another use.) Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and the chopped cabbage. Cook, stirring often, until softened, about 3 minutes. Add garlic; cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add 4 tablespoons lemon juice; cook, stirring, until the liquid has almost evaporated. Let cool for 10 minutes. Mix turkey, dill, caraway, salt, pepper, the onion mixture and cooled rice in a large bowl. Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch pan with cooking spray. Lay one cabbage leaf on your work surface; cut out the thick stem. Place about 1/3 cup of the turkey mixture in the leaf’s center. Fold the sides over the filling, then roll closed. Place seam-side down in the baking dish. Repeat with the remaining cabbage leaves and filling. Whisk tomato sauce, broth, honey and the remaining 2 tablespoons lemon juice in a medium bowl. Pour evenly over the rolls. Cover the pan tightly with foil. Bake the cabbage rolls for 1 hour. Uncover and continue baking, basting the rolls with sauce several times, for 20 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 6; refrigerate for up to 1 day or freeze for up to 1 month. If frozen, defrost overnight in the refrigerator before baking.
NUTRITION Per serving: 272 calories; 8 g fat ( 2 g sat , 2 g mono ); 44 mg cholesterol; 33 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 20 g protein; 7 g fiber; 318 mg sodium; 640 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (98% daily value), Vitamin A (46% dv), Folate (29% dv), Magnesium & Potassium (18% dv), Iron (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2
Exchanges: 1 starch, 2 vegetable, 2 lean meat
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Glazed Bourbon-Orange Pound Cake with Apricot-Orange Sauce
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 10
The bourbon heightens the orange and apricot flavors of the cake, rather than making the cake taste of alcohol.
INGREDIENTS For Cake: 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 2 tablespoons grated orange zest 1 teaspoon salt 5 large eggs 1/3 cup bourbon 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour For Glaze and Sauce: 2 1/2 cups apricot jam 1/2 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise 5 tablespoons orange juice 3 tablespoons bourbon DIRECTIONS FOR CAKE: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 2-inch high sides. Line bottom of cake pan with parchment paper; butter paper. Using electric stand mixer and paddle attachment, beat sugar, butter, orange zest and salt in large bowl on medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time. Gradually beat in bourbon. Add flour and beat just until blended. Transfer batter to prepared pan. Bake until tester inserted into center of cake comes out clean, about 50 minutes. Transfer pan to cooling rack. Meanwhile, combine jam and vanilla bean in heavy small saucepan. Melt jam. Strain. Cool completely. Stir in orange juice and bourbon. Pour 1/2 cup glaze over cake, let stand 5 minutes. Pour another 1/2 cup glaze over cake. Cool 10 minutes. Turn cake out onto rack. Place cake right side up on rack and cool cake completely. Cut cake into wedges. Transfer cake wedges to plates. Drizzle remaining sauce over and around cake and serve.
Nutrition Facts per Serving Yield: Yield: Serves 10 Calories: 591 Fat. Total: 21g Fiber: 2g Carbohydrates, Total: 92g Sodium: 439mg % Cal. from Fat: 32% Cholesterol: 156mg Protein: 6g
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Sweet & Sour Pork
Pineapple, tomato and pork combine in a sweet-tangy sauce in this easy, bright- flavored sweet and sour pork stir-fry. This dish does have a fair amount of acid (from vinegar, tomatoes and pineapple), which can affect the patina of your wok. So remove the food from the wok as soon as you’re done cooking, and if your wok shows any signs of rusting, reseason it (see Tips).
4 servings, about 1 1/4 cups each Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 pound trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt (see Tips), cut into 1/4-inch-thick bite-size slices 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger 4 teaspoons reduced-sodium soy sauce, divided 2 teaspoons plus 1 tablespoon Shao Hsing rice wine (see Note) or dry sherry, divided 1 1/2 teaspoons plus 2 teaspoons cornstarch, divided 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground white pepper 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil 2 tablespoons pineapple juice (see Tips) 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar 1 tablespoon ketchup 1 1/2 teaspoons light brown sugar 2 tablespoons peanut oil or canola oil, divided 1/2 cup sliced carrot (1/4 inch thick) 1 small tomato, thinly sliced into wedges (about 1 cup) 1/4 cup finely chopped scallions 2 cups bite-size pineapple chunks, fresh or juice-packed canned (drained)
PREPARATION Combine pork, ginger, 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 2 teaspoons rice wine (or sherry), 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch, salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Stir in sesame oil until well combined. Combine pineapple juice, vinegar, ketchup and brown sugar in a small bowl. Stir in the remaining 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 1 tablespoon rice wine (or sherry) and 2 teaspoons cornstarch. Heat a 14-inch flat-bottomed wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact. Swirl in 1 tablespoon peanut (or canola) oil. Carefully add the pork in one layer. Cook undisturbed for 1 1/2 minutes, letting it begin to sear. Then, using a metal spatula, stir-fry until the pork is lightly browned but not cooked through, 1 minute. Transfer to a plate. Swirl the remaining 1 tablespoon oil into the wok, add carrot and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Return the pork with any juice to the wok. Add tomato and scallions and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Swirl in the pineapple juice mixture, add pineapple and stir-fry until the pork is just cooked through and the sauce is lightly thickened, 1 to 2 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES
Tips: Pork shoulder or butt is available both bone-in or boneless and typically sold in portions significantly larger than 1 pound—3 to 5 pounds. To get the amount you need for this recipe, ask the butcher to start with 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 pounds before trimming to make sure you get 1 pound of trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt. Or buy a larger portion and freeze the rest for another use. If you’re making this with canned pineapple, you can use 2 tablespoons juice from the can. To season your wok the traditional way: Scrub a new carbon-steel wok with hot water, soap and a scouring pad to remove the factory coating. Rinse and dry thoroughly. Heat the wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds. Swirl 2 tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil into the pan. Add 1/2 cup sliced unpeeled fresh ginger and 1 bunch scallions cut into 2-inch pieces. Reduce the heat to medium and stir-fry the mixture, pressing it into the sides of the wok as you go. Keep stir-frying and pressing the seasonings all over the wok for about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool. (Discard the scallions and ginger.)
Note: Shao Hsing (or Shao xing) is a seasoned rice wine. It is available at most Asian specialty markets and in the Asian section of some larger supermarkets. If unavailable, dry sherry is the best substitute.
NUTRITION Per serving: 312 calories; 17 g fat ( 5 g sat , 8 g mono ); 65 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 19 g protein; 2 g fiber; 419 mg sodium; 465 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (77% daily value), Vitamin A (60% dv), Zinc (24% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2 Exchanges: 1 1/2 fruit, 2 1/2 lean meat, 1 1/2 fat *************************** Lasagna Rolls Active Time: 45 Minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: 6 servings, 2 rolls each
Crumbled tofu replaces the ricotta in our Italian-style vegetarian meal.
Make Ahead Tip: Freeze the cooked rolls and sauce for up to 1 month.
INGREDIENTS 12 whole-wheat lasagna noodles 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 14-ounce package extra-firm water-packed tofu, drained, rinsed and crumbled 3 cups chopped spinach 1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons finely chopped kalamata olives 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 25-ounce jar marinara sauce, preferably lower-sodium, divided 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese DIRECTIONS Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain, rinse, return to the pot and cover with cold water until ready to use. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 20 seconds. Add tofu and spinach and cook, stirring often, until the spinach wilts and the mixture is heated through, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl; stir in Parmesan, olives, crushed red pepper, salt and 2/3 cup marinara sauce. Wipe out the pan and spread 1 cup of the remaining marinara sauce in the bottom. To make lasagna rolls, place a noodle on a work surface and spread 1/4 cup of the tofu filling along it. Roll up and place the roll, seam-side down, in the pan. Repeat with the remaining noodles and filling. (The tofu rolls will be tightly packed in the pan). Spoon the remaining marinara sauce over the rolls. Place the pan over high heat, cover and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to medium; let simmer for 3 minutes. Sprinkle the rolls with mozzarella and cook, covered, until the cheese is melted and the rolls are heated through, 1 to 2 minutes. Serve hot.
*************************** Glazed Bourbon-Orange Pound Cake with Apricot-Orange Sauce Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 10
The bourbon heightens the orange and apricot flavors of the cake, rather than making the cake taste of alcohol.
INGREDIENTS
For Cake: 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 2 tablespoons grated orange zest 1 teaspoon salt 5 large eggs 1/3 cup bourbon 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
For Glaze and Sauce: 2 1/2 cups apricot jam 1/2 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise 5 tablespoons orange juice 3 tablespoons bourbon DIRECTIONS FOR CAKE: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 2-inch high sides. Line bottom of cake pan with parchment paper; butter paper. Using electric stand mixer and paddle attachment, beat sugar, butter, orange zest and salt in large bowl on medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time. Gradually beat in bourbon. Add flour and beat just until blended. Transfer batter to prepared pan. Bake until tester inserted into center of cake comes out clean, about 50 minutes. Transfer pan to cooling rack. Meanwhile, combine jam and vanilla bean in heavy small saucepan. Melt jam. Strain. Cool completely. Stir in orange juice and bourbon. Pour 1/2 cup glaze over cake, let stand 5 minutes. Pour another 1/2 cup glaze over cake. Cool 10 minutes. Turn cake out onto rack. Place cake right side up on rack and cool cake completely. Cut cake into wedges. Transfer cake wedges to plates. Drizzle remaining sauce over and around cake and serve.
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Chicken and Smoked-Sausage Gumbo
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 35 Minutes Yield: Serves 4 The flavor of browned roux is essential to the traditional taste of Louisiana gumbo. So don't worry if the flour mixture looks like peanut butter by the time the vegetables have softened. That's just as it should be. RECIPE INGREDIENTS 3 tablespoons cooking oil 3 tablespoons flour 1 onion, chopped 2 ribs celery, chopped 1 green bell pepper, chopped 1 10-ounce package frozen sliced okra 1 bay leaf 1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme 1 teaspoon dried oregano 2 teaspoons salt 1/4 teaspoon fresh-ground black pepper 1/4 teaspoon cayenne 1 3/4 cups crushed canned tomatoes in thick puree (one 15-ounce can) 1 quart canned low-sodium chicken broth or homemade stock 1/2 pound smoked sausage, halved lengthwise and cut crosswise into 1/4-inch slices 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 3/4-inch pieces 3/4 cup long-grain rice
DIRECTIONS In a large stainless-steel pot, heat the oil over moderate heat. Whisk in the flour and cook, whisking, until starting to brown, about 4 minutes. Reduce the heat to moderately low. Stir in the onion, celery, and bell pepper and cook until starting to soften, about 7 minutes. Add the okra, bay leaf, thyme, oregano, salt, black pepper, cayenne, and tomatoes. Cover and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in the broth and the smoked sausage. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Add the chicken and cook until just done, 4 to 5 minutes longer. Remove the bay leaf. Meanwhile, bring a medium pot of salted water to a boil. Stir in the rice and boil until just done, 10 to 12 minutes. Drain. Put a mound of rice in the center of each bowl. Ladle the gumbo around the rice.
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THEY LIVE AMONG US 7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. Is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage. 8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?'' *************************************** PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ? Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ***************************** A TIME TO THINK How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. - George Washington Carver ****************************************** OH TO BE HAPPY! The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.—Anonymous ****************************************** LESSONS LIFE TAUGHT ME Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. *************************************** THOUGHT FOR THE DAY……….. The Lord gives us friends to push us to our potential- and enemies to push us beyond it. Jim Vorsas *************************** *********************
After a long-overdue checkup, my dentist sat down with me to go over all the work I would need on my mouth. Her total estimate was $9,200. I gasped. "For that kind of money, I could get a tummy tuck and silicone implants."
"But what about your smile?" she asked.
"If I had all that done," I told her, "I guarantee no one would be looking at my teeth."
*************************** At the canteen on base, we sold snacks, coffee and soda for 25 cents. One night, we decided to charge officers 50 cents. It was explained away as a "Sir charge."
************************** A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
I’VE LEARNED..... I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Let My purposes guide you rather than your own fears or others opinions." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Seventy Times Seven
Matthew 18:21-22, NASB: "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"
He carried His cross to the place where He would give His life. Along the way, Jesus--the Lord of Lords and King of Kings; God's Salvation for the world--was spat on and cursed; but He did not even become angry toward those who persecuted Him. Instead, He loved them. Though they did not understand Him, He showed understanding. From cradle to cross He demonstrated the grace of God which echoed in His words, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." This kind of forgiveness is something the Lord wants echoed in the lives of His followers. Any cross we have to carry fails greatly in comparison to His. True as that is, forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things to give--especially when we feel we have been hurt or treated unfairly. To not forgive is to open the door to resentment, bitterness, and anger. We must be careful, therefore, that we do not deceive ourselves; thinking we have forgiven when we have not. Sweeping a matter under the rug, or showing kindness to someone when your animosity seethes below the surface, is not forgiveness. "With God, all things are possible." He can help you to truly forgive even within the most difficult of circumstances. Forgiveness is not something that is always earned, but Christ commands us that it must be always given.
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do," says the LORD Almighty, "I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Let me prove it to you! Malachi 3:10 **********************************
WORD FOR THE DAY:
acme ACK-mee , noun; 1. The highest point of something; the highest level or degree attainable.
Quotes: In 1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein aimed to corner the world oil market through military aggression against Kuwait (also aimed at Saudi Arabia); control of oil, a product of land, represented the acme of his ambitions. -- Richard Rosecrance, The Rise of the Virtual State So we drove around looking at daffodils and exploring countryside hamlets instead of lakeside tourist traps. These should not be scorned, however, by a browser interested in the curious categories of British humor, one of which achieves a kind of acme in funny postcards on sale in such places. "The weather's here," went one postcard I saw, "I wish you were lovely." -- Joseph Lelyveld, "The Poet's Landscape", New York Times, August 3, 1986
Origin: Acme comes from Greek akme, point, highest point, culmination.
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CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.
THING TO PONDER: Where are the germs that cause good breath?
"Yesterday's failures are today's seeds that must be diligently planted to be able to abundantly harvest tomorrow's successes." - Author Unknown
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you've ever tried to pass an entire funeral procession.
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Sweet & Sour Cabbage Rolls
Lean ground turkey and brown rice seasoned with fresh dill and caraway seeds makes a moist filling for these stuffed cabbage rolls. They're baked in a combination of tomato sauce, lemon juice and honey for the familiar sweet-and-sour flavor typical of the dish.
6 servings Active Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 2 hours
INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup brown rice 1 cup water 1 large Savoy cabbage, (about 3 pounds) 1 tablespoon canola oil 1 medium onion, chopped 4 cloves garlic, minced 6 tablespoons lemon juice, divided 1 pound 93%-lean ground turkey 3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill 1 teaspoon caraway seeds 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1 1/2 cups no-salt-added tomato sauce 1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth 1 tablespoon honey
PREPARATION Bring rice and water to a boil in a small saucepan. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer until the water is absorbed, 25 to 30 minutes. Set aside to cool. Meanwhile, bring a Dutch oven full of water to a boil over high heat. Boil the 12 largest outer cabbage leaves for 6 minutes. Drain and rinse under cool water until room temperature. Chop enough of the remaining cabbage to equal 2 cups. (Save the rest for another use.) Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and the chopped cabbage. Cook, stirring often, until softened, about 3 minutes. Add garlic; cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add 4 tablespoons lemon juice; cook, stirring, until the liquid has almost evaporated. Let cool for 10 minutes. Mix turkey, dill, caraway, salt, pepper, the onion mixture and cooled rice in a large bowl. Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat a 9-by-13-inch pan with cooking spray. Lay one cabbage leaf on your work surface; cut out the thick stem. Place about 1/3 cup of the turkey mixture in the leaf’s center. Fold the sides over the filling, then roll closed. Place seam-side down in the baking dish. Repeat with the remaining cabbage leaves and filling. Whisk tomato sauce, broth, honey and the remaining 2 tablespoons lemon juice in a medium bowl. Pour evenly over the rolls. Cover the pan tightly with foil. Bake the cabbage rolls for 1 hour. Uncover and continue baking, basting the rolls with sauce several times, for 20 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 6; refrigerate for up to 1 day or freeze for up to 1 month. If frozen, defrost overnight in the refrigerator before baking.
NUTRITION Per serving: 272 calories; 8 g fat ( 2 g sat , 2 g mono ); 44 mg cholesterol; 33 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 20 g protein; 7 g fiber; 318 mg sodium; 640 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (98% daily value), Vitamin A (46% dv), Folate (29% dv), Magnesium & Potassium (18% dv), Iron (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2
Exchanges: 1 starch, 2 vegetable, 2 lean meat
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Glazed Bourbon-Orange Pound Cake with Apricot-Orange Sauce
Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 10
The bourbon heightens the orange and apricot flavors of the cake, rather than making the cake taste of alcohol.
INGREDIENTS For Cake: 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 2 tablespoons grated orange zest 1 teaspoon salt 5 large eggs 1/3 cup bourbon 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour For Glaze and Sauce: 2 1/2 cups apricot jam 1/2 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise 5 tablespoons orange juice 3 tablespoons bourbon DIRECTIONS FOR CAKE: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 2-inch high sides. Line bottom of cake pan with parchment paper; butter paper. Using electric stand mixer and paddle attachment, beat sugar, butter, orange zest and salt in large bowl on medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time. Gradually beat in bourbon. Add flour and beat just until blended. Transfer batter to prepared pan. Bake until tester inserted into center of cake comes out clean, about 50 minutes. Transfer pan to cooling rack. Meanwhile, combine jam and vanilla bean in heavy small saucepan. Melt jam. Strain. Cool completely. Stir in orange juice and bourbon. Pour 1/2 cup glaze over cake, let stand 5 minutes. Pour another 1/2 cup glaze over cake. Cool 10 minutes. Turn cake out onto rack. Place cake right side up on rack and cool cake completely. Cut cake into wedges. Transfer cake wedges to plates. Drizzle remaining sauce over and around cake and serve.
Nutrition Facts per Serving Yield: Yield: Serves 10 Calories: 591 Fat. Total: 21g Fiber: 2g Carbohydrates, Total: 92g Sodium: 439mg % Cal. from Fat: 32% Cholesterol: 156mg Protein: 6g
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Sweet & Sour Pork
Pineapple, tomato and pork combine in a sweet-tangy sauce in this easy, bright- flavored sweet and sour pork stir-fry. This dish does have a fair amount of acid (from vinegar, tomatoes and pineapple), which can affect the patina of your wok. So remove the food from the wok as soon as you’re done cooking, and if your wok shows any signs of rusting, reseason it (see Tips).
4 servings, about 1 1/4 cups each Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 pound trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt (see Tips), cut into 1/4-inch-thick bite-size slices 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger 4 teaspoons reduced-sodium soy sauce, divided 2 teaspoons plus 1 tablespoon Shao Hsing rice wine (see Note) or dry sherry, divided 1 1/2 teaspoons plus 2 teaspoons cornstarch, divided 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground white pepper 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil 2 tablespoons pineapple juice (see Tips) 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar 1 tablespoon ketchup 1 1/2 teaspoons light brown sugar 2 tablespoons peanut oil or canola oil, divided 1/2 cup sliced carrot (1/4 inch thick) 1 small tomato, thinly sliced into wedges (about 1 cup) 1/4 cup finely chopped scallions 2 cups bite-size pineapple chunks, fresh or juice-packed canned (drained)
PREPARATION Combine pork, ginger, 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 2 teaspoons rice wine (or sherry), 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch, salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Stir in sesame oil until well combined. Combine pineapple juice, vinegar, ketchup and brown sugar in a small bowl. Stir in the remaining 2 teaspoons soy sauce, 1 tablespoon rice wine (or sherry) and 2 teaspoons cornstarch. Heat a 14-inch flat-bottomed wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact. Swirl in 1 tablespoon peanut (or canola) oil. Carefully add the pork in one layer. Cook undisturbed for 1 1/2 minutes, letting it begin to sear. Then, using a metal spatula, stir-fry until the pork is lightly browned but not cooked through, 1 minute. Transfer to a plate. Swirl the remaining 1 tablespoon oil into the wok, add carrot and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Return the pork with any juice to the wok. Add tomato and scallions and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Swirl in the pineapple juice mixture, add pineapple and stir-fry until the pork is just cooked through and the sauce is lightly thickened, 1 to 2 minutes more.
TIPS & NOTES
Tips: Pork shoulder or butt is available both bone-in or boneless and typically sold in portions significantly larger than 1 pound—3 to 5 pounds. To get the amount you need for this recipe, ask the butcher to start with 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 pounds before trimming to make sure you get 1 pound of trimmed boneless pork shoulder or butt. Or buy a larger portion and freeze the rest for another use. If you’re making this with canned pineapple, you can use 2 tablespoons juice from the can. To season your wok the traditional way: Scrub a new carbon-steel wok with hot water, soap and a scouring pad to remove the factory coating. Rinse and dry thoroughly. Heat the wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds. Swirl 2 tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil into the pan. Add 1/2 cup sliced unpeeled fresh ginger and 1 bunch scallions cut into 2-inch pieces. Reduce the heat to medium and stir-fry the mixture, pressing it into the sides of the wok as you go. Keep stir-frying and pressing the seasonings all over the wok for about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool. (Discard the scallions and ginger.)
Note: Shao Hsing (or Shao xing) is a seasoned rice wine. It is available at most Asian specialty markets and in the Asian section of some larger supermarkets. If unavailable, dry sherry is the best substitute.
NUTRITION Per serving: 312 calories; 17 g fat ( 5 g sat , 8 g mono ); 65 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 3 g added sugars; 19 g protein; 2 g fiber; 419 mg sodium; 465 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (77% daily value), Vitamin A (60% dv), Zinc (24% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2 Exchanges: 1 1/2 fruit, 2 1/2 lean meat, 1 1/2 fat *************************** Lasagna Rolls Active Time: 45 Minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: 6 servings, 2 rolls each
Crumbled tofu replaces the ricotta in our Italian-style vegetarian meal.
Make Ahead Tip: Freeze the cooked rolls and sauce for up to 1 month.
INGREDIENTS 12 whole-wheat lasagna noodles 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 14-ounce package extra-firm water-packed tofu, drained, rinsed and crumbled 3 cups chopped spinach 1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons finely chopped kalamata olives 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 25-ounce jar marinara sauce, preferably lower-sodium, divided 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese DIRECTIONS Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain, rinse, return to the pot and cover with cold water until ready to use. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 20 seconds. Add tofu and spinach and cook, stirring often, until the spinach wilts and the mixture is heated through, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl; stir in Parmesan, olives, crushed red pepper, salt and 2/3 cup marinara sauce. Wipe out the pan and spread 1 cup of the remaining marinara sauce in the bottom. To make lasagna rolls, place a noodle on a work surface and spread 1/4 cup of the tofu filling along it. Roll up and place the roll, seam-side down, in the pan. Repeat with the remaining noodles and filling. (The tofu rolls will be tightly packed in the pan). Spoon the remaining marinara sauce over the rolls. Place the pan over high heat, cover and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to medium; let simmer for 3 minutes. Sprinkle the rolls with mozzarella and cook, covered, until the cheese is melted and the rolls are heated through, 1 to 2 minutes. Serve hot.
*************************** Glazed Bourbon-Orange Pound Cake with Apricot-Orange Sauce Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 10
The bourbon heightens the orange and apricot flavors of the cake, rather than making the cake taste of alcohol.
INGREDIENTS
For Cake: 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 2 tablespoons grated orange zest 1 teaspoon salt 5 large eggs 1/3 cup bourbon 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
For Glaze and Sauce: 2 1/2 cups apricot jam 1/2 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise 5 tablespoons orange juice 3 tablespoons bourbon DIRECTIONS FOR CAKE: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 2-inch high sides. Line bottom of cake pan with parchment paper; butter paper. Using electric stand mixer and paddle attachment, beat sugar, butter, orange zest and salt in large bowl on medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time. Gradually beat in bourbon. Add flour and beat just until blended. Transfer batter to prepared pan. Bake until tester inserted into center of cake comes out clean, about 50 minutes. Transfer pan to cooling rack. Meanwhile, combine jam and vanilla bean in heavy small saucepan. Melt jam. Strain. Cool completely. Stir in orange juice and bourbon. Pour 1/2 cup glaze over cake, let stand 5 minutes. Pour another 1/2 cup glaze over cake. Cool 10 minutes. Turn cake out onto rack. Place cake right side up on rack and cool cake completely. Cut cake into wedges. Transfer cake wedges to plates. Drizzle remaining sauce over and around cake and serve.
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Chicken and Smoked-Sausage Gumbo
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 35 Minutes Yield: Serves 4 The flavor of browned roux is essential to the traditional taste of Louisiana gumbo. So don't worry if the flour mixture looks like peanut butter by the time the vegetables have softened. That's just as it should be. RECIPE INGREDIENTS 3 tablespoons cooking oil 3 tablespoons flour 1 onion, chopped 2 ribs celery, chopped 1 green bell pepper, chopped 1 10-ounce package frozen sliced okra 1 bay leaf 1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme 1 teaspoon dried oregano 2 teaspoons salt 1/4 teaspoon fresh-ground black pepper 1/4 teaspoon cayenne 1 3/4 cups crushed canned tomatoes in thick puree (one 15-ounce can) 1 quart canned low-sodium chicken broth or homemade stock 1/2 pound smoked sausage, halved lengthwise and cut crosswise into 1/4-inch slices 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 3/4-inch pieces 3/4 cup long-grain rice
DIRECTIONS In a large stainless-steel pot, heat the oil over moderate heat. Whisk in the flour and cook, whisking, until starting to brown, about 4 minutes. Reduce the heat to moderately low. Stir in the onion, celery, and bell pepper and cook until starting to soften, about 7 minutes. Add the okra, bay leaf, thyme, oregano, salt, black pepper, cayenne, and tomatoes. Cover and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in the broth and the smoked sausage. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Add the chicken and cook until just done, 4 to 5 minutes longer. Remove the bay leaf. Meanwhile, bring a medium pot of salted water to a boil. Stir in the rice and boil until just done, 10 to 12 minutes. Drain. Put a mound of rice in the center of each bowl. Ladle the gumbo around the rice.
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THEY LIVE AMONG US 7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. Is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage. 8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?'' *************************************** PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ? Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ***************************** A TIME TO THINK How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. - George Washington Carver ****************************************** OH TO BE HAPPY! The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.—Anonymous ****************************************** LESSONS LIFE TAUGHT ME Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. *************************************** THOUGHT FOR THE DAY……….. The Lord gives us friends to push us to our potential- and enemies to push us beyond it. Jim Vorsas *************************** *********************
After a long-overdue checkup, my dentist sat down with me to go over all the work I would need on my mouth. Her total estimate was $9,200. I gasped. "For that kind of money, I could get a tummy tuck and silicone implants."
"But what about your smile?" she asked.
"If I had all that done," I told her, "I guarantee no one would be looking at my teeth."
*************************** At the canteen on base, we sold snacks, coffee and soda for 25 cents. One night, we decided to charge officers 50 cents. It was explained away as a "Sir charge."
************************** A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
I’VE LEARNED..... I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Religion Vs. Relationships
"He appointed twelve … that they might be with him."1
It may surprise some to realize that God isn't into religion. He's into relationships. He's not into morality either. He's into reality. And his goal isn't to make us good for goodness sake. God's goal is to make us whole for only to the degree that we are made whole will our lifestyle, our actions, our behavior, and our relationships be whole-some.
Becoming whole begins with wholesome relationships both with God through Jesus Christ* and with other loving Christians. As someone has said, "To be is to be in relationships." We don't grow in isolation. This is one reason we need to belong to a loving, accepting, non-judgmental, and non-legalistic church and within a smaller group in relationship with likeminded Christians. We only grow and become the person God wants us to be as we are in such relationships. We're not talking about "head to head" but rather "heart to heart" relationships that are open, authentic and real.
Selwyn Hughes pointed out that "the Christian movement began in relationships." As today's Scripture stated, "He appointed twelve…that they might be with him." If Jesus needed to be in relationship with others, how much more do we?
God's goal for the Christian is not for him/her to do good or even to be good. It is to be in relationship with Christ and become whole. It is out of being with him and being made whole that our desire to be good and to do good will come. This will be a natural expression of who we have become. As Hughes put it, "Trying to be good without that relationship [with Christ] is like trying to get a stream without a spring, or sunlight without the sun."2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to develop a healthy, maturing, and loving relationship with you as well as being in relationship with at least one or two other loving, open, honest and real Christians, so that I will become the person you want me to be, and do what you would have me to do. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Mark 3:14 New International Version (NIV) 14 He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach
Footnotes: Mark 3:14 Some manuscripts twelve—designating them apostles—
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
condone • kun-DOHN • verb : to regard or treat (something bad or blameworthy) as acceptable, forgivable, or harmless
Examples: The school handbook explicitly states that bullying will not be condoned.
"A workers' union spokeswoman said the union doesn't condone illegal action of any kind." -- From a wire report on NewsOK.com (Oklahoma), August 12, 2011
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DOG TIPS:
One of the most common emergency and office calls we see is lameness (dogs that are limping).
This is a common scenario and one that happened to me just the other day.
Foxy is a 3-year-old mixed breed dog weighing about 55 pounds. This dog is VERY active - she just loves to run the fence with the neighbor dog.
Foxy's owner called and said Foxy was outside playing and now she was limping. They waited for a while and Foxy was still limping so they brought her in.
What causes a dog to become lame?
This is a very common problem and can be caused by a variety of issues. They can include but are not limited to:
• Torn nail • Sprain • Soft tissue injury • Fracture or broken bone • Torn ligament • Bone tumor or cancer
These are just a few of the things that can cause lameness in a dog. And these things can vary in degree from serious to very minor. Well, it turns out that Foxy had a cruciate ligament tear. This is called the ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) and often requires surgery. This is the ligament in the knee that football players commonly injury. Surgery can be expensive. In my experience, the average cost of surgery to repair an ACL can be anywhere from $1,200 to $5,000. This can be a hard one. Most people want to help their dogs but that is a BIG expensive.
TODAY'S PET TIP
Exercising Your Senior Dog Some Exercise and play is important to all dogs, including your elderly dog. First of all, exercise helps maintain a healthy body weight. Being overweight may lead to a number of health problems. It places excess stress on your pet's heart. Excess weight on degenerating joints can speed up the development of arthritis. Your elderly dog's mental health may also benefit from exercise. Activity keeps oxygen and other nutrients at optimum levels in the brain. The brain is like every other organ in the body in that it requires good nutrition.
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Slow Cooker Cheesy Potato Soup
A hot, hearty soup is waiting for you when you get home if you rely on your slow cooker!
PREP TIME15 min TOTAL TIME6 hr 45 min SERVINGS6
1bag (32 oz) frozen southern-style diced hash brown potatoes, thawed 1/2cup frozen chopped onion (from 12-oz bag), thawed 1medium stalk celery, diced (1/2 cup) 1carton (32-oz) Progresso chicken broth 1cup water 3tablespoons Gold Medal all-purpose flour 1cup milk 1bag (8 oz) shredded American-Cheddar cheese blend (2 cups) 1/4cup real bacon pieces (from 2.8-oz package) 4medium green onions, sliced (1/4 cup)
1In 3- to 4-quart slow cooker, mix potatoes, onion, celery, broth and water. 2Cover; cook on Low heat setting 6 to 8 hours. 3In small bowl, mix flour into milk; stir into potato mixture. Increase heat setting to High. Cover; cook 20 to 30 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir in cheese until melted. Garnish individual servings with bacon and green onions. Sprinkle with pepper if desired
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Slow-Cooker Orange-BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwiches
total time 8 hr 10 min prep 10 min servings 12 servings
what you need 1 boneless pork shoulder (3 lb.) 1 bottle (18 oz.) KRAFT Original Barbecue Sauce Juice from 1 medium orange 12 sandwich rolls, split, toasted 1/2 cup KRAFT Real Mayo Mayonnaise make it
PLACE meat in slow cooker; top with barbecue sauce and orange juice. Cover with lid.
COOK on LOW 8 to 10 hours (or on HIGH 4 to 6 hours). Remove meat from slow cooker; cut into small pieces or shred with fork. Return to slow cooker; stir to evenly coat meat with sauce.
SPREAD rolls with mayo; fill with meat.
SIZE-WISE Serve with a crisp mixed green salad and fresh fruit to round out the meal.SPECIAL EXTRAFor more orange flavor, add 1 tsp. orange zest with the barbecue sauce and orange juice.SPECIAL EXTRAAdd CLAUSSEN Kosher Dill Sandwich Slices to sandwiches.
*************************** Slow-Cooker BBQ Short Ribs
total time 6 hr 10 min prep 10 min servings 8 servings
4 lb. beef short ribs 1 large onion, coarsely chopped 1/4 cup flour 1 cup KRAFT Original Barbecue Sauce 1/4 cup honey 1 Tbsp. yellow mustard make it
PLACE ribs in slow cooker; top with onions, then combined remaining ingredients. Cover with lid. COOK on LOW 6 to 8 hours (or on HIGH 3 to 4 hours). Remove ribs from slow cooker; cover to keep warm. SKIM excess fat from sauce; return ribs to sauce. Stir gently until evenly coated.
SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with mashed potatoes and your favorite hot cooked vegetable.NOTEMeats cooked in a slow cooker make great leftovers. Cover and refrigerate any leftover meat in the leftover sauce. When ready to reheat, remove and discard any fat from surface of sauce. Cook ribs and sauce in saucepan on medium-low heat until heated through, stirring frequently.SPECIAL EXTRAGarnish with chopped fresh parsley just before serving.
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Easy Bacon and Frank BBQ Beans
total time 35 min prep 10 min servings 10 servings, 1/2 cup each
what you need
1 onion, chopped 4 slices OSCAR MAYER Bacon, chopped 2 cans (16 oz. each) baked beans 2 OSCAR MAYER Selects Angus Beef Franks, sliced 1/3 cup KRAFT Original Barbecue Sauce 2 Tbsp. brown sugar 1 tsp. cider vinegar 1 tsp. hot pepper sauce make it
COOK and stir onions and bacon in medium saucepan on medium heat 5 min. or until bacon is browned and onions are tender. STIR in remaining ingredients. Bring to boil; simmer on low heat 15 min., stirring occasionally.
SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with a cold glass of prepared CRYSTAL LIGHT Iced Tea Drink.SUBSTITUTEPrepare using your favorite variety of KRAFT Barbecue Sauce
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Cream Cheese Flan
total time 4 hr 50 min prep 20 min servings 8 servings
what you need 2 cups sugar, divided 1 can (12 oz.) evaporated milk 1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, cubed, softened 5 eggs 1 tsp. vanilla Dash salt
make it HEAT oven to 350°F. COOK 1 cup sugar in small saucepan on medium heat until sugar is melted and deep golden brown, stirring constantly. Pour into 9-inch round pan; tilt pan to cover bottom with syrup. BLEND milk and cream cheese in blender until smooth. Add remaining sugar, eggs, vanilla and salt; blend just until smooth. Pour over syrup in pan. Place filled pan in larger pan; add enough hot water to larger pan to come halfway up side of smaller pan. BAKE 50 min. to 1 hour or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Cool slightly. Carefully remove flan from water. Cool completely on wire rack. Refrigerate several hours or until chilled. Unmold onto plate just before serving.
HOW TO UNMOLD FLAN Bake and refrigerate flan as directed. Run metal knife around edge of flan. Invert onto plate; shake gently to loosen. Gently twist to remove pan. To soften any remaining caramel in pan, dip bottom of pan in hot water; spoon caramel over flan.SUBSTITUTEPrepare using PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese.FLAVOR VARIATIONSPrepare as directed. Choose one of the following options: Guava: Add 1/2 cup guava paste, cut into pieces, or 1/2 cup canned guava shells in heavy syrup to cream cheese batter before pouring into prepared pan. Lime: Add zest from 1 lime to boiling sugar mixture; remove from syrup before sugar caramelizes. Pour into prepared pan as directed. Cajeta: Add 1/4 cup cajeta (Mexican goat milk caramel) to cream cheese batter before pouring into prepared pan. Chocolate-Orange: Add 2 squares BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate, melted and cooled, and 1 Tbsp. orange zest to cream cheese batter before pouring into prepared pan. Coconut: Omit vanilla and add 1/4 cup BAKER'S ANGEL FLAKE Coconut or 1/2 cup coconut milk and 1 Tbsp. rum to cream cheese batter before pouring into prepared pan.
*************************** Cheesy Cornbread Casserole
total time 55 min prep 30 min servings 10 servings
what you need 1 lb. lean ground beef 1 onion, chopped 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded, finely chopped 1 can (15 oz.) enchilada sauce 1 can (15 oz.) black beans, drained 1 tsp. garlic powder 1 tsp. ground cumin 1 pkg. (8.5 oz.) corn muffin mix 1 pkg. KRAFT Mexican Style Shredded Four Cheese with a Touch of PHILADELPHIA, divided
make it HEAT oven to 350ºF. BROWN meat with onions and peppers in large skillet. Stir in next 4 ingredients; cook and stir 3 min. or until heated through. Spoon into 13x9-inch baking dish. PREPARE muffin batter as directed on package; stir in cheese. Spread over meat mixture. BAKE 20 min. or until toothpick inserted in center of cornbread topping comes out clean. Cool slightly.
SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with your favorite steamed vegetable to round out the meal.MAKE AHEADPrepare meat mixture. Refrigerate 3 to 4 days, or freeze up to 1 month. When ready to use, spoon into baking dish. (Thaw first, if frozen.) Top with muffin batter and continue as directed. SPECIAL EXTRABump up the flavor by stirring chopped canned chipotle peppers in adobo sauce or chopped fresh chives into muffin batter before using as directed.
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In Paris last summer a southern girl was heard to drawl between the acts of "Chantecler": "I think it's mo' fun when you don't understand French. It sounds mo' like chickens!"—Life.
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So I said "Hey man, that's my beer."
Then he says, "No man, that's my beer."
Then the beers say, "No man, we're our own beers."
That's when we realized we had too many beers.
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There was a couple involved in a very bad car accident. The wife's face was badly burned. The doctors said they could take the burnt skin and replace it with extra skin. The woman's husband gladly allowed the doctors to use some skin from his behind. The woman healed beautifully and ask her husband if there was anything she could do for him for being so nice to donate his skin. And the husband replied, "no need...I get all the satisfaction I could ever want each time your mother kisses you on the cheek!"
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Filling in one weekend for a priest at a neighboring parish, I called the church early Saturday to inquire about my Mass schedule. I confess that I was taken aback when the caretaker picked up the phone. "Holy Angels," he answered, "Gabriel speaking."
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O'Grady: "And why do you want to sell your nightshirt?"
Pat: "Shure, and what good is it to me now whin oive me new job av night watchman an' slape in the day toimes?"
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"Tobaccy wanst saved my life," said Paddy Blake, an inveterate smoker. "How was that?" inquired his companion. "Ye see, I was diggin' a well, and came up for a good smoke, and while I was up the well caved in."
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My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six- year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife instructed.
Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner"!
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While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too." When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."
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Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off. So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room asking where all the guests were from. "Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out the friend sitting next to me.
"Burnt Mattress!" said the instructor, suppressing a laugh. "I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one. Where's it located?"
My friend shot back, "Right above Hot Springs."
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She: "I'm surprised at Jane's staying out in the boat all this time with a comparative stranger. A woman of thirty is old enough to know better."
He: "Aren't you afraid she is too old to know better?"
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An Irish wife went to see her parish priest for some counseling because of her husband's drinking. "Father," she said, "he comes home every night drunk. What will I do?"
Father said, "tonight put a sheet over your head and hide in the closet. When your husband comes home, jump out of the closet and say: 'the devil from hell is here!' and he will never drink again."
The woman did what Father suggested and waited for her husband in the closet. True to form the husband wandered home and into the house as drunk as a skunk. His wife jumped out of the closet as soon as he entered the house and yelled "the devil from hell is here!"
The husband was quite startled. "Thank God!" said he said, "I thought it was the wife out of her bed."
From Fr. Ted's tapes. Toronto Canada
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A young boy wished his teenage sister the sign of peace at Mass one Sunday. What did you say she said to him and listened carefully to his reply. Busy, Busy, Boo he said. She was shocked when she heard his answer. It is not Busy, Busy, Boo she said. It is "Peace be with you".
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The Definition of a modern day Christian: One who goes to church on Sunday to ask for forgiveness for what he did on Saturday and what he will do on Monday!
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A young pastor went to visit a farmer who never came to Sunday services. After encouraging the farmer to attend, the pastor said, "You know, sir, even God rested on the seventh day." "Sure", the old farmer answered, "HE was finished!"
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TRUE ORIGINS OF THE INTERNET
An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked up to a stone pulpit and said, "And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only if you bought Brother Gates' drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay," he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "Whoopee!" said Abraham. "No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com.........and that is how it all began.
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A man had been down on his luck, strapped financially. One day, he received $200 anonymously in the mail. He decided to tithe this blessing. He was looking outside his window from the second floor and below stood this disrumpled, down-and-out looking fellow by the pay phone. Here was an opportunity to put his tithe to direct use. So, he puts $20 in an envelope and writes on the outside of it "Don't despair," and drops it out the window. The fellow looks up a little puzzled, but takes it and goes into the phone booth. The next day, there was a knock on the door, and there he stands, handing him several hundred dollar bills. "What's this?," the first fellow says. The disrumpled-looking fellow answers, "It's your share. 'Don't Despair' paid 50 to 1!" ...Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground Christian Church, Stamping Ground, KY.
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This fellow always stopped at the pretzel stand that stood just outside his workplace, placed $2.00 on the counter, but didn't take a pretzel. One day, the stand operator said, "I've got something I'd like to say to you." "Oh, I know," the fellow says," you want to know why I lay down $2.00 every day and don't take a pretzel, don't you?" "No," said the vendor, "I just wanted to tell you they've gone up to $2.50." ...Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground Christian Church, Stamping Ground, KY.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Be Prepared: The Rapture Is Coming
"So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."1
When one of my nephews was only five, he heard me talking about Christmas being the time when we celebrate Jesus Christ's coming to earth. He wanted to know if Jesus would come back to earth again. I assured him that Jesus promised that he would come back again.2
According to Bible scholars the return of, or second coming of, Jesus Christ is called the Rapture which comes from the Latin word "Rapare" which means to take away or to snatch out.
Following Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection, he was "snatched away" and taken up to heaven. While Jesus' disciples were standing there looking up in amazement, two angels appeared to them and said: "Men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven."3
Jesus' first coming to earth 2000 years ago is an undeniable fact of history. His second coming is just as certain. The critical issue is to be ready for Christ's return. According to God's Word here's what will take place at the rapture: "For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we [true followers of Jesus] who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."4
Jesus is coming again just as he went. It could be today. He said that he would come at an hour when we do not expect him.5
To be absolutely sure you are ready for the rapture be sure to accept God's invitation for forgiveness and his gift of eternal life. To do so click on the "God's Invitation" button below or for further help click on the "Know God" button or on: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, again I thank you for the promise of Christ's return. Thank you for your great salvation and the promise of a home in Heaven for all who believe in and have accepted you as their Savior. Help me to be sure I am ready today for Christ's return by having repented of my sins, asked for and accepted your forgiveness and received Jesus as my Savior. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
He has not punished us for all our sins, nor does he deal with us as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our rebellious acts as far away from us as the east is from the west. Psalms 103:10-12
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
tutoyer • tew-twah-YAY • verb : to address familiarly
Examples: "Yes, now (to the outside world) we were on first-name terms, now to anyone within earshot I tutoyered him." -- From Marie Brenner's 1976 book Tell Me Everything
"Perfect strangers tutoyer us or attempt to perpetrate socialite air-kisses near our faces." -- From Glenn O'Brien's 2011 book How to Be a Man
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10 Health Problems Related to Stress That You Can Fix By R. Morgan Griffin WebMD Feature Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD Need another thing to get stressed out about? Your stress itself could be making you sick.
"Stress doesn't only make us feel awful emotionally," says Jay Winner MD, author of Take the Stress Out of Your Life and director of the Stress Management Program for Sansum Clinic in Santa Barbara, Calif. "It can also exacerbate just about any health condition you can think of."
Studies have found many health problems related to stress. Stress seems to worsen or increase the risk of conditions like obesity, heart disease, Alzheimer's disease, diabetes, depression, gastrointestinal problems, and asthma.
Recommended Related to Stress Management The Healing Power of Touch By Andrea Cooper These four hands-on therapies can ease your stress, anxiety, pain, and more. Read on to find the best remedy for you. Several years ago, Mike, my psychologist, urged me to see someone else for help in dealing with my stress. But he wasn’t referring me to another talk therapist. He thought I should try some sessions with Dana, a massage therapist specially trained to treat trauma victims. I had been abused as a child, and Mike thought that Dana might help me through...
Before you get too stressed out about being stressed out, there is some good news. Following some simple stress relief tips could both lower your stress and lower your health risks.
10 Health Problems Related to Stress
What are some of the most significant health problems related to stress? Here's a sampling.
Heart disease. Researchers have long suspected that the stressed-out, type A personality has a higher risk of high blood pressure and heart problems. We don't know why, exactly. Stress might have a direct effect on the heart and blood vessels. It's also possible that stress is related to other problems -- an increased likelihood of smoking or obesity -- that indirectly increase the heart risks. Doctors do know that sudden emotional stress can be a trigger for serious cardiac problems, including heart attacks. People who have chronic heart problems need to avoid acute stress as much as they can. Asthma. Many studies have shown that stress can worsen asthma. Some evidence suggests that a parent's chronic stress might even increase the risk of developing asthma in their children. One study looked at how parental stress affected the asthma rates of young children who were also exposed to air pollution or whose mothers smoked during pregnancy. The kids with stressed out parents had a substantially higher risk of developing asthma. Obesity. Excess fat in the belly seems to pose greater health risks than fat on the legs or hips -- and unfortunately, that's just where people with high stress seem to store it. "Stress causes higher levels of the hormone cortisol," says Winner, "and that seems to increase the amount of fat that's deposited in the abdomen." Diabetes. Stress can worsen diabetes in two ways. First, it increases the likelihood of bad behaviors, such as unhealthy eating and excessive drinking. Second, stress seems to raise the glucose levels of people with type 2 diabetes directly. Headaches. Stress is considered one of the most common triggers for headaches -- not just tension headaches, but migraines as well. Depression and anxiety. It's probably no surprise that chronic stress is connected with higher rates of depression and anxiety. One survey of recent studies found that people who had stress related to their jobs -- like demanding work with few rewards -- had an 80% higher risk of developing depression within a few years than people with lower stress. Gastrointestinal problems. Here's one thing that stress doesn't do -- it doesn't cause ulcers. However, it can make them worse. Stress is also a common factor in many other GI conditions, such as chronic heartburn (GERD) and IBS, Winner says. Alzheimer's disease. One animal study found that stress might worsen Alzheimer's disease, causing its brain lesions to form more quickly. Some researchers speculate that reducing stress has the potential to slow down the progression of the disease. Accelerated aging. There's actually evidence that stress can affect how you age. One study compared the DNA of mothers who were under high stress -- they were caring for a chronically ill child -- with women who were not. Researchers found that a particular region of the chromosomes showed the effects of accelerated aging. Stress seemed to accelerate aging about 9 to 17 additional years. Premature death. A study looked at the health effects of stress by studying elderly caregivers looking after their spouses -- people who are naturally under a great deal of stress. It found that caregivers had a 63% higher rate of death than people their age who were not caregivers. Still, you might be wondering why. Why would stress make us sick? Why would an emotional feeling wreck havoc on our bodies?
Stress isn't only a feeling. "Stress isn't just in your head," Winner says. It's a built-in physiologic response to a threat. When you're stressed, your body responds. Your blood vessels constrict. Your blood pressure and pulse rise. You breathe faster. Your bloodstream is flooded with hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.
"When you're chronically stressed, those physiologic changes, over time, can lead to health problems," Winner tells WebMD.
Stress Management Works
While the number of health problems related to stress might be alarming, don't despair. Studies suggest that stress management techniques will not only make you feel better, but they might have concrete health benefits.
For instance, one study of heart attack survivors found that taking a stress management class slashed their risks of a second cardiac event by 74%. There's even some evidence that stress management will improve immunity.
Still, many of us remain skeptical about stress management. After all, our lives are just plain stressful. We have busy jobs, families to raise, tight finances, and no time to spare. Stress management might seem like a nice idea, but completely impossible.
It's true that you might not be able to remove all the stressful things from your life. But you can change how you respond to them, Winner says. That's what stress management is all about. Learning some basic stress relief techniques isn't hard either.
4 Ways to Fight Back Against Stress -- and Improve Your Health
The next time you feel stressed, here are four stress relief tips you can try.
Breathe deeply. Just a few minutes of deep breathing can calm you and tame the physiologic stress response, Winner says. While building in a specific time to relax each day is a good idea, one advantage to deep breathing for stress relief is that you can do it anywhere -- at your desk or in your (parked) car, for instance. Winner recommends that as you breathe out, you relax a specific muscle group. Start with the muscles in your jaw. On the next breath out, relax your shoulders. Move through the different areas of your body until you're feeling calm. Focus on the moment. When you're stressed, you're probably living in the future or the past. You're worried about what to do next or regretful about something you've already done. To get some stress relief, instead try focusing on what you're doing right now. "You can calm yourself by bringing yourself back to the present moment," says Winner. "If you're walking, feel the sensation of your legs moving. If you're eating, focus on the taste and the sensation of the food." Reframe the situation. So you're already running late and then find yourself stuck in terrible traffic. Getting worked up is a natural reaction, but it won't help you at all. Rather than swearing and pounding the steering wheel, get a different perspective. Look at that time as an opportunity -- a few minutes to yourself where you don't have any other obligations. Keep your problems in perspective. It might seem Pollyannaish, but the next time you're feeling stressed out, think about the things for which you're grateful. "We get stressed when we focus so much on a specific problem that we lose perspective," says Winner. "You need to remind yourself of the basic ways in which you're lucky -- that you have family and friends, that you can see, that you can walk." It can be a surprisingly effective method for stress relief.
While these stress management techniques can help in the moment, you can also make a few larger changes to your way of life. Regular exercise is key to long-term stress management, says Winner. People who exercise tend to have better moods and more energy than people who don't. What's more, regular exercise will independently lower your risks for many health problems.
Learning some relaxation techniques, meditation, or yoga will help with stress management, too. Getting good at any of these approaches will take a little time and practice, but the payoff -- for your short-term mood and long-term health -- could be substantial.
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Blue Cheese Spread
This sure-to-please dish is easy to prepare and travels well — perfect for both autumn picnics and everyday meals. For the best and most pungent taste, crumble a wedge of domestic Maytag blue cheese with a fork rather than using prepackaged crumbled cheese.
Yields: Makes 1 1/2 cups.
Ingredients 1/2 cup(s) mascarpone cheese, softened 1 tablespoon(s) heavy cream 2 teaspoon(s) lemon juice 1 teaspoon(s) fresh thyme leaves, finely chopped 1/4 teaspoon(s) salt 1/2 teaspoon(s) coarsely ground black pepper 1/8 teaspoon(s) cayenne pepper 1 cup(s) crumbled blue cheese
Directions
Mix mascarpone, heavy cream, lemon juice, thyme, salt, pepper, and cayenne together in a medium bowl. Gently stir in blue cheese and serve.
Tips & Techniques
For the best and most pungent taste, crumble a wedge of domestic Maytag blue cheese with a fork rather than using prepackaged crumbled cheese.
*************************** Chunky Tomato Salsa
Cubed queso fresco adds richness to this fresh chunky tomato salsa, courtesy of Anna Getty, author of Easy Green Organic.
Serves: 32 Edit Yields: 2 cups, each serving 1 tablespoon Total Time: 5 min Prep Time: 5 min
Ingredients 1 1/2 cup(s) (about 3 large plum tomatoes) seeded, finely chopped red and yellow tomatoes 3/4 cup(s) cubed queso fresco 3 tablespoon(s) finely chopped red onion 2 tablespoon(s) capers, drained and coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil 1 teaspoon(s) fresh thyme Salt, to taste Freshly ground pepper, to taste
Directions
In a medium bowl, gently toss all ingredients to combine. Serve salsa chilled or at room temperature with crackers or chips, or as an accompaniment to grilled swordfish or chicken.
*************************** Pear and Chicken Hero
For a bit of sweetness in your hero sandwich, top rotisserie chicken with thin slices of Bartlett pear.
Serves: 4 Edit Yields: 4 sandwiches Total Time: 30 min Prep Time: 10 min
Ingredients 2 tablespoon(s) chopped fresh parsley 5 tablespoon(s) balsamic vinaigrette 1 plain or whole wheat baguette, about 18 inches long Breast meat of 1 small rotisserie chicken (about 1 3/4 pounds), sliced 1 Bartlett pear, thinly sliced
Directions
In a small bowl, stir together parsley and vinaigrette. Split baguette lengthwise and drizzle both sides of bread with half of vinaigrette mixture. Layer chicken slices on bottom half of baguette and season with salt and pepper. Drizzle with half of remaining vinaigrette. Layer pear slices over chicken. Drizzle with remaining vinaigrette and top with remaining half of baguette. Cut baguette into 4 sandwiches.
*************************** Pear Cakes
This sure-to-please dish is easy to prepare and travels well -- perfect for both autumn picnics and everyday meals. Paper cake molds make transporting easy.
Serves: 9 Edit Yields: 9 cakes Oven Temp: 400
Ingredients 1 1/2 cup(s) all-purpose flour 3/4 teaspoon(s) baking powder 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) baking soda 1/4 teaspoon(s) salt 6 tablespoon(s) unsalted butter, softened 3/4 cup(s) sugar 1 teaspoon(s) freshly grated nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon(s) ground cinnamon 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract 1/4 cup(s) sour cream 2 tablespoon(s) sour cream 1 cup(s) (grated) sweet pear 9 slice(s) (1/4-inch-thick) pear
Directions
Heat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly butter and flour 9 4-inch tart pans. Combine the first 4 ingredients in a medium bowl and set aside. Beat the butter and sugar, using a mixer set on high speed, until light and fluffy. Add the spices, egg, and vanilla; mix to combine. Reduce speed to low, add the flour mixture and sour cream. Stir in the pears. Pour 1/3 cup batter into each mold, top with a pear slice; bake for 20 minutes and cool.
*************************** SloopyJoe
Active Time: 35 Minutes Total Time: 45 Minutes Yield: 8 servings, generous 1/2 cup filling each
Our version of the classic, convenience dinner is sure to please the whole family, even with the added fresh vegetables. Make It a Meal: Serve with roasted potato wedges and steamed beans.
Make Ahead Tip: The filling will keep in the freezer for up to 1 month.
INGREDIENTS 12 ounces 90%-lean ground beef 1 large onion, finely diced 2 cups finely chopped cremini mushrooms (about 4 ounces) 5 plum tomatoes, diced 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/2 cup water 1/4 cup cider vinegar 1/4 cup chili sauce, such as Heinz 1/4 cup ketchup 8 whole-wheat hamburger buns, toasted if desired DIRECTIONS Crumble beef into a large nonstick skillet; cook over medium heat until it starts to sizzle, about 1 minute. Add onion and mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally, breaking up the meat with a wooden spoon, until the vegetables are soft and the moisture has evaporated, 8 to 10 minutes. Add tomatoes and flour; stir to combine. Stir in water, vinegar, chili sauce and ketchup and bring to a simmer, stirring often. Reduce heat to a low simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is thickened and the onion is very tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Serve warm on buns.
*************************** I’VE LEARNED...... For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues from generation to generation. Psalm 100:5 ***************************** SILLY SUNDAYS... People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. *************************************** THE PREACHER AND THE DRUNK... Before our pastor gets to the subject matter of his sermon, he usually captures the attention of our congregation by telling a joke or funny story. I had heard this one before but found it as funny as the first time I heard it: One evening a preacher held a country-type baptism. This is where those desiring baptism are submerged into a shallow pond. Quite often, many people gather around either to be baptized or to watch with curiosity at the baptism. On this occasion a drunk man wandered up to the scene, and stood next to the preacher. The preacher unknowingly dunked the drunk into the water, then quickly brought him up. He said to the drunk, "Did you find the Holy Spirit?" The drunk shook his head and said, "No." The preacher then dunked him and again repeated, "Did you find the Holy Spirit?" Again the drunk shook his head. The preacher then dunked him a third time, only held his head underwater for about 30 seconds. The preacher then brought the struggling drunk up and, as before, he repeated the question, "Did you find Him yet?" The drunk finally caught his breath, shook his head and answered, "Are you sure you lost him in this spot?" ****************************************** A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR: Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. ***************************** BASIC AVIATION TRUISMS 'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' -Multi-Engine Training Manual-
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On the Job as a dental receptionist, I answered the phone and noticed on the caller-ID screen that the incoming call was from an auto-repair shop. The man on the line begged to see the dentist because of a painful tooth. "Which side of your mouth hurts?" I asked the patient. He sighed and answered, "The passenger side."
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A soldier, a marine, and an airman A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.
Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “Which Branch of Service is the best?â€
St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.â€
Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows: “Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that.
(signed) GOD, USN (Ret.)â€
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Our Daily Devotional:
Following Through
Matthew 5:37, NIV: "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."
"When the going gets tough," it seems most people these days are more prone to throw in the towel than to "get going." Promises are easily broken and commitments made lightly. Should a person feel the need to bow out, it is expected that everyone should understand. There was a time when yes meant yes, but now, yes often means, "maybe...well, ok, unless something comes up." There is still something to be said for perseverance, seeing the commitment through to the end, and simply keeping your word. There is sometimes a good excuse, but more often we are excusing ourselves when we should not. Sometimes it can be tough. We overextend or overcommit, and it's hard to follow through. But, as Christians, our word should indeed be our bond, our yes should mean yes, and our no should mean no--anything else, comes from the evil one.
And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. And he turned again into the camp: but his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, departed not out of the tabernacle. - Exodus 33:11
Proverbs 22:6 “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
coruscate • KOR-uh-skayt • verb 1 : to give off or reflect light in bright beams or flashes : sparkle 2 : to be brilliant or showy in technique or style
Examples: The astronomy students observed the coruscating stars through a high-powered telescope.
"Down below the Sea of Galilee gleamed, coruscated, in the setting biblical sun." -- From Justin Cartwright's 2011 book Other People's Money
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How Can You Tell If Your Dog Has a Fever?
What do you know about fever in dogs? I've heard numerous pet owners over the years tell me their dog has a fever. Why? Because the dog's nose was hot, because the nose was dry, or because the dog "felt hot".
First, what is a fever?
A fever is defined as abnormally high body temperature resulting from internal controls. It is believed that fever is Mother Nature's method of fighting infection.
The body resets the temperature control area of the brain to increase the body temperature - probably in response to invasion of foreign matter such as bacteria or viruses. Since many invaders do not thrive in hot environments, by increasing the temperature of the body, these invaders can be destroyed. ??
This is different from hyperthermia, which is an increase in body temperature due to external influences such as hot weather, and inability to pant or sweat. The brain does not intend for the body temperature to increase. ??Fever is usually differentiated from hyperthermia based on the animal's recent environment, (for example if he was in a hot car or just went for a long jog in 100-degree heat), as well as the animal's response to the increased temperature. Animals that pant excessively and have increased heart and respiratory rates are typically victims of overheating (hyperthermia).
Animals with fever do not exhibit significant distress.
What is a dog's normal temperature? Do you know?
The normal temperature in dogs is 100.5 to 102.5 degrees Fahrenheit. ?? What causes a fever? There are many causes including infections, inflammation in the body, cancer, and reactions to drugs.
What are signs of a fever?
This is a tough one. Some pets will hide or not eat or drink well.
How can you tell if your pet has a fever?
By taking a rectal temperature. That is the only accurate method. The nose being cold or dry is not reliable.
There are many tests that can be used to help determine the underlying cause of the fever. These tests include a complete blood count, chemistry, blood spears, urinalysis and radiographs. These tests can all be expensive. In general, blood work and x-rays can range anywhere from $300 to $1,000 depending on the tests being done and your geographic area. This does not include any treatment or other tests.
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Honey-Garlic America's Cut Pork Chops
The honey and garlic really make these pork chops delightful!
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 20 minutes Cooking time: 15 minutes 4 boneless, center cut pork chops, each 1 1/2-inch thick 1/4 cup bottled lemon juice 1/4 cup honey 2 tablespoons soy sauce 1 tablespoon dry sherry 2 garlic cloves, minced
Combine marinade ingredients and pour over chops in heavy plastic bag, seal. Refrigerate 4 to 24 hours.
Light grill. Remove chops from marinade (discarding marinade) and grill chops over medium-hot coals 12 to 15 minutes, turning once.
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Tequila-Lime Chicken Brochettes
These brochettes can be cooked a day in advance and refrigerated; bring to room temperature, then garnish and serve. The longer the chicken marinates, the better it tastes. Soak bamboo skewers at least 1 hour before grilling.
Ingredients 1 ripe mango, cut into chunks 1 ripe banana, cut into chunks 1/3 cup(s) (packed) brown sugar 4 clove(s) garlic 1 tablespoon(s) kosher salt 2 teaspoon(s) chili or ancho chili powder 1/2 teaspoon(s) ground white pepper 1/2 cup(s) fresh lime juice 1/2 cup(s) tequila (white or dark) 4 pound(s) skinless boneless chicken breasts 2 limes, halved 2 tablespoon(s) pink peppercorns, crushed 1/4 cup(s) roasted pumpkin seeds, coarsely chopped Cilantro sprigs, for garnish
Directions
In a blender or food processor with knife blade attached, puree mango, banana, brown sugar, garlic, salt, chili powder, and white pepper until smooth. Add lime juice and tequila and process until blended. Cut chicken breasts crosswise on a slight diagonal into 3/4-inch-wide strips. Divide between 2 plastic refrigerator bags; add 1 cup marinade to each bag and seal. Turn bags to coat chicken evenly. Refrigerate 2 to 4 hours. While chicken marinates, cover and refrigerate remaining marinade. In a small saucepan, bring reserved marinade to a boil; reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Strain through a fine sieve into a bowl. Drain chicken in a colander. Thread onto presoaked bamboo skewers. Spray a grill pan with nonstick spray and heat until hot. Grill chicken skewers in batches, about 2 minutes per side, or until cooked through. Or broil skewers 4 minutes, turning once halfway through. Arrange on platters. Hit chicken with a squeeze of lime. Drizzle with cooked marinade; sprinkle with peppercorns and pumpkin seeds. Garnish with cilantro sprigs.
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Chicken, Mushroom, and Radicchio Lasagna
Low-fat cheese can be both creamy and bubbly — that's why it's so perfect for healthy cooking. This low-fat version of béchamel, a base sauce, can go in a thousand different directions. It uses Parmesan cheese, but you can use Cheddar to make mac and cheese, or Monterey Jack to make a Tex-Mex sauce.
Ingredients 2 (7 ounces each) boneless skinless chicken breast halves 1 bay leaf 2 teaspoon(s) salt 2 tablespoon(s) olive oil 1 medium onion, chopped 2 large cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 1/2 pound(s) mushrooms, brushed clean and sliced 1/4 teaspoon(s) freshly ground pepper 2 medium heads radicchio, halved, cored, and sliced 1 tablespoon(s) chopped fresh sage leaves 1/3 cup(s) all-purpose flour 4 cup(s) 2 percent milk 1/2 cup(s) freshly grated Parmesan cheese 1 pinch(s) ground nutmeg 1 container(s) (15-ounce) part-skim ricotta cheese 1 cup(s) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese 1 package(s) (8-ounce) no-boil lasagna noodles
Directions
In a medium saucepan, combine chicken breasts, bay leaf, 1 teaspoon salt, and enough water to cover chicken. Bring to a boil; skim off any foam. Reduce heat to low; simmer 5 minutes. Remove pan from heat and let chicken cool in cooking liquid. Remove chicken and shred or chop into bite-size pieces. Set aside. In a large nonstick skillet over medium-low heat, heat 1 tablespoon oil. Add onion; cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in garlic and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Stir in mushrooms, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon pepper. Increase heat to medium and cook, stirring occasionally, until mushroom liquid evaporates, 10 to 15 minutes. Remove mushroom mixture to a bowl. In a skillet over medium-high heat, heat remaining 1 tablespoon oil. Stir in radicchio and 1/4 teaspoon salt; cook, stirring frequently, until radicchio wilts and liquid evaporates, about 5 minutes. Stir in sage and cook 1 minute. Return mushroom mixture to skillet and stir to combine; set aside. Place flour in a large saucepan. Gradually whisk in milk until smooth. Over medium heat, cook, stirring frequently, until sauce comes to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove pan from heat; stir in 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, nutmeg, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon pepper. Set aside. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a 13" x 9" baking dish with cooking spray. In a small bowl, combine ricotta and mozzarella cheeses; stir well. Reserve 1 cup sauce for top layer. Spread 1/2 cup sauce in bottom of prepared dish. Arrange 4 lasagna noodles over sauce, overlapping noodles slightly to fit. Spread with 1/2 cup ricotta mixture. Spoon on half of mushroom mixture. Top with half of chicken. Pour half of remaining sauce over chicken. Repeat layering. Top with remaining lasagna noodles and spread with reserved 1 cup sauce. Coat a sheet of foil with cooking spray and cover baking dish. Bake lasagna 35 minutes. Uncover dish and sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. Bake uncovered 15 minutes. Let stand 15 minutes.
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Strawberry Cupcakes with Strawberry Buttercream
Yields: 34 cupcakes
Ingredients 2 3/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour 1/2 cup(s) cake flour (not self-rising) 1 tablespoon(s) baking powder 1 teaspoon(s) salt 8 ounce(s) (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened 2 1/4 cup(s) sugar 3 large eggs 1 large egg white 1 cup(s) whole milk 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) pure vanilla extract 2 cup(s) finely chopped strawberries Small strawberries, for garnish
Strawberry Buttercream
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line standard muffin tins with paper liners. Whisk dry ingredients in a large bowl. Cream butter and sugar with a mixer until light and fluffy. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating after each addition. Reduce speed to low. Mix milk and vanilla in a bowl. Add dry ingredients to butter mixture in 3 additions, alternating with milk mixture and ending with dry ingredients. Stir chopped strawberries into batter. Scrape sides of bowl. Divide batter among muffin cups, filling each 2/3 full. Bake cupcakes until testers inserted into centers come out clean, about 20 minutes. Let cool in tins on wire racks. Once cupcakes are cool, frost tops with Strawberry Buttercream. Frosted cupcakes will keep, covered and refrigerated, for up to 2 days. Top with a strawberry just before serving.
*************************** Red Velvet Cupcakes
Our Red Velvet cupcakes are topped with either dark- or white-chocolate frosting that has been cooked to produce a silky texture. This brightly hued confection gains some of its red tint through a natural reaction between cocoa and the acids in vinegar and buttermilk.
Yields: 2 dozen cupcakes Total Time: 50 min Prep Time: 10 min Cook Time: 40 min Oven Temp: 350
Ingredients Cake 1/3 cup(s) cocoa 3 tablespoon(s) red food coloring 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract 1/2 cup(s) butter, softened 1 1/2 cup(s) sugar 4 egg yolks 1 cup(s) buttermilk 1 teaspoon(s) salt 2 1/4 cup(s) sifted cake flour 1 teaspoon(s) baking soda 1 teaspoon(s) white vinegar Frosting 1 cup(s) milk 3 tablespoon(s) flour 1/8 teaspoon(s) salt 8 ounce(s) of either 62 percent dark chocolate or white chocolate 1 cup(s) butter 1 1/2 cup(s) confectioners' sugar 2 tablespoon(s) cocoa (for white chocolate frosting, omit cocoa) 1 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract Directions
Cake: Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 standard 12-cup cupcake tins with baking papers and set aside. Mix the cocoa, food coloring, and vanilla together in a small bowl and set aside. Beat the butter and sugar together in a large bowl, using a mixer set on medium-high speed. Add the yolks and beat for 1 more minute. Add the cocoa mixture and beat to combine. Stir the buttermilk and salt together and add it in thirds, alternating with the flour. Mix the baking soda with the vinegar and blend into the batter. Fill each cupcake tin with 3 tablespoons batter, and bake until a toothpick inserted in the cupcake center tests clean — about 15 minutes. Cool in the pans on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Release cakes and cool completely before frosting with Cooked Chocolate Frosting. Frosting: Whisk milk, flour, and salt in a small saucepan over medium heat until the mixture thickens and begins to bubble — 1 to 2 minutes. Transfer to a small bowl and let cool. Melt either dark chocolate or white chocolate. Set aside to cool. Beat butter, confectioners' sugar, and cocoa (for white chocolate frosting, omit cocoa) together until light and fluffy. Beat in the cooled chocolate and add milk mixture and vanilla extract (dark chocolate frosting only) until smooth and fluffy. Use immediately.
*************************** Banana-Peanut Butter Smoothie
For a thicker, colder smoothie, cut peeled banana into chunks and freeze up to a week in a self-sealing plastic bag.
Serves: 1 Edit Total Time: 5 min
Ingredients
1 small (ripe) banana, cut in half 1/2 cup(s) (low-fat ) milk 1 teaspoon(s) creamy peanut butter 3 ice cubes
Directions
In blender, combine banana, milk, peanut butter, and ice cubes; blend until mixture is smooth and frothy. Makes about 1 1/2 cups.
*************************** Gorp
Serves: 2 Edit Total Time: 5 min
Ingredients 1/2 ounce(s) whole shelled (unpeeled) almonds 1/4 ounce(s) unsalted dry-roasted peanuts 1/4 ounce(s) dried cranberries 1 tablespoon(s) chopped pitted dates 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) chocolate chips
Directions
Combine almonds, peanuts, cranberries, dates, and chocolate chips in a small bowl.
*************************** Parmesan Pita Crisps
These crispy homemade pita chips are perfect for dipping, but they are also flavorful enough to hold their own on the snack table.
Yields: 80 crisps Total Time: 27 min Prep Time: 15 min Cook Time: 12 min Oven Temp: 350
Ingredients 3 tablespoon(s) olive oil 3/4 teaspoon(s) ground cumin 1/4 teaspoon(s) ground red pepper 5 whole(s) (5 to 6 inch) whole wheat or white pitas with pockets 1/2 cup(s) coarsely grated Parmesan cheese Salt, (optional)
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In cup, with fork, mix oil, cumin, and ground red pepper. With knife or kitchen shears, carefully split each pita in half. Brush 1 side of pita halves with oil mixture. Cut each half into 8 wedges. Arrange wedges, oiled-side up, in 2 ungreased 15 1/2" by 10 1/2" jelly-roll pans. Sprinkle with Parmesan, and salt if you like. Place pans on 2 oven racks and bake crisps 12 to 15 minutes or until golden, rotating pans from upper to lower racks halfway through baking for even browning. Cool crisps in pans on wire racks. Store crisps in tightly covered container or large self-sealing plastic bag up to 1 week. . ***************************
Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?" Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting." Customer: "Well, you should ask everybody!" Tech Support: "Do you have call waiting?" Customer: "What's that?"
*************************** A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door. After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, "Who are you? What do you want?" "I'm staying here!" "Stay there, then," she retorted, and slammed the window shut!
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A man was having a bad day and happened to rear-end the vehicle in front of him. Out jumped a dwarf, with arms akimbo, who proclaimed, "I'm NOT happy!!"?o which the man replied, "Well, which one are you, then?"
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I was working as a school psychologist in a major city when I was reassigned to a different school. I arrived at my new location early and started to get acquainted with the staff. The secretary checked for the correct spelling of my name so she could place it on the directory posted near the school entrance. Later in the day I happened to walk past the directory and saw that she had completed the job, though not in the format I would have expected. There, in front of my name, was the word "psycho."
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While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."
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Sometimes the use of a diplomatic method defeats its own purpose, as in the case of the old fellow who was enthusiastic in praise of the busy lawyer from whose office he had just come, after a purely social call.
"That feller, for a busy man," he declared earnestly, "is one of the pleasantest chaps I ever did meet. Why, I dropped in on him jest to pass the time o' day this mornin', an' I hadn't been chattin' with 'im more'n five minutes before he'd told me three times to come and see 'im agin."
*************************** Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.
"Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl. "Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash up as far as possible."
"Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash 'possible'!!!"
*************************** Perks of being over 55 Kidnappers are not very interested in you. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. No one expects you to run into a burning building. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with elevator music. Your eyes won't get much worse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. ***************************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" After working his farm every day, an old farmer rarely had time to enjoy the large pond in the back that he had fixed up years earlier with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and benches. So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up. Much to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came down to feed the alligator." Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.
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Courage, the highest gift, that scorns to bend
To mean devices for a sordid end.
Courage—an independent spark from Heaven's bright throne,
By which the soul stands raised, triumphant, high, alone.
Great in itself, not praises of the crowd,
Above all vice, it stoops not to be proud.
Courage, the mighty attribute of powers above,
By which those great in war, are great in love.
The spring of all brave acts is seated here,
As falsehoods draw their sordid birth from fear.
—Farquhar.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD: "In your dark hours when human help fails, feel My Hand of Love press yours in silent understanding." -- GOD
Identity Crisis
Ephesians 5:8, NIV: "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light."
"Who am I?" I asked. "Can a leopard change its spots?" The answer has been slowly more evident through years of spiritual growth. What began with a moment of surrender to Christ has continued a transformation process, just as in all who come to Christ desiring to be changed. Each day we see a little more. Each day we change, a tiny bit or leaps and bounds perhaps. Each day the Master's Hand is near to us--shaping our lives as new creations. We have all once been corruptible creatures called sinners. We were stricken and stained by sin. But now we are washed by the blood of the Lamb, and no longer the creatures we were once. New creations. No stain, no spot. But comes the time of momentary lapse, wherein we attempt things as the creatures we were once. No longer does such behavior fit. "Can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?" (James 3:12) A fig tree cannot bear olives. A grapevine cannot bear figs. Neither does the leopard change his spots. For in fact it is not the spots that are changed, but the leopard.
Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. - John 3:5
Isaiah 46:4 “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
chichi SHEE-shee , adjective; 1. Affectedly trendy.
Quotes: "Going in gangs to those chichi clubs at Maidenhead." -- E. Taylor, Game of Hide-&-Seek "Whether the chichi gender theorists like it or not, sexual duality is a law of nature among all highly evolved life forms." -- Camille Paglia, "The sort of real delicious Italian country cooking that is a revelation after so much chichi Italian food dished up in London." -- Daily Telegraph, January 22, 1969 " Hope -- who lives in East Hampton, where the Clintons have a lot of chichi friends -- has been getting ink by the barrelful with her regular interviews quoting conversations with the first lady, on subjects ranging from Senate ambitions to summer and post-White House living arrangements." -- Washington Post, June 4, 1999
Origin: From the French word that literally means "curl of false hair"; used figuratively in the phrases faire des chichis, "to have affected manners, to make a fuss"; and gens à chichis, "affected, snobbish people." Sometimes spelled "chi-chi."
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CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: I will not be concerned at other men's not knowing me;I will be concerned at my own want of ability.
THING TO PONDER: Why is a boxing ring square?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
"It's time to start living the life you've imagined" - Henry James
*************************** How to Make a Bottle Watering Can
Watering cans aren't always the cheapest item at the garden center and using pails (buckets) to water your more delicate plants can be too much water for them, causing them to bend and even break. If you're keen to recycle and you need a watering can, it's simple to make your own using a large plastic bottle. Give that bottle another opportunity to be useful!
Steps
Wash the bottle well. Wash the bottle well. Wash the inside in soapy water and leave to soak overnight. Rinse out the soapy water the next day and remove the label.
Determine the distance of the holes from the top part of the bottle. Determine the distance of the holes from the top part of the bottle. The placement of the holes should be confined as best as possible within one square, and that square should not extend too far to the bottom of the bottle. Ensure that the holes are not too close or too far from each other. The best number of holes works out at around 25 holes, with 5 holes placed horizontally and 5 holes placed vertically, and the remaining holes evenly placed within these roles to form a square. The top holes should be 1 inch (2.5cm) down from the bottle cap. If necessary, mark the hole pattern using a marker if you're having difficulty in memorizing the pattern or find it hard to get the holes even just by guessing.
Use pliers to hold the hole-creating finishing nail (or any other small nail). Use pliers to hold the hole-creating finishing nail (or any other small nail). To improve the ability of the nail to pierce the plastic bottle, place the pointed part of it over a candle fire for 20 seconds.
Remove the nail from the heat and immediately push the nail into the desired pattern of the holes. Remove the nail from the heat and immediately push the nail into the desired pattern of the holes. Push in one hole for every time you heat the nail. Push the nail in until you get the desired size of the hole; it should be as small as it could be, but be sure water can pass out. Wiggle the nail to remove it from the bottle. After each hole has been created, heat the tip of the nail again and again for 10 seconds before pushing another hole. Finish the whole pattern following this method.
On the exact opposite side of the holes (exactly center hole), draw a "U" shape with a horizontal line on top (like an open mouth). On the exact opposite side of the holes (exactly center hole), draw a "U" shape with a horizontal line on top (like an open mouth). Make the pattern as small as half of the hole pattern. Cut the shape out using a sharp knife.
Add designs using stickers or colored permanent markers if you want a decorative "watering can". Add designs using stickers or colored permanent markers if you want a decorative "watering can". This step is definitely optional and doesn't improve performance. You could attach a long strip of strong plastic or leather on the opposite side of the holes for easier use, as if you're holding a real watering can. Make sure the strip is bonded in place. Never punch a hole just to attach the handle, or else stored water may leak. Use superglue or the like to attach anything.
Fill the bottle through the "U" shape hole. Fill the bottle through the "U" shape hole. Fill it until the water level reaches 1/2 to 1 inch (1.5-2cm) below the bottom holes.
Start watering the plants. Start watering the plants. Carefully tilt the bottle horizontally, with the holes facing downward. Make sure that the water doesn't flush out through the "U" shape hole. Water the plants well, as required by their individual needs. Refill the container as necessary.
Tips
Other kinds of bottles can be used. If available, the best bottle is a 1 gallon (3.7 litres) container. Put in as many holes you want. If you want faster watering, more holes are necessary. If you want light watering or if you're watering seedlings, put in only a few holes. You could add soluble fertilizer on you water to water the plants. The best times to water plants are in the early morning and late afternoon.
Warnings
Do not use unwashed bottles. These may contain contaminants that can harm your plants. Too many holes can result in a strong "rain shower" rather than a gentle one. Use as large of a bottle as possible. If you use small bottles, you will need to come back to the water supply again and again to supply water. Avoid using water that is too cold or too hot. This may kill the plants. Use appropriate care when punching holes and cutting out the "U" shape.
Things You'll Need
Large plastic bottles with tight caps Pliers Candle and match Finishing nail (or any other small nails) Permanent marker Sharp knife Soluble fertilizer (optional) Stickers, colored permanent markers or any other designing materials, material for a handle (optional)
*************************** Lemon-Poppy Seed Cake
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 50 Minutes Yield: 12 servings
Just like your favorite morning muffin made into an elegant cake. Unlike that bakery muffin, though, you can help yourself to seconds: each serving has just 1 gram saturated fat.
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons plus 1 1/4 cups sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour 3 tablespoons poppy seeds 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 large egg 1 cup buttermilk 3 tablespoons canola oil 2 teaspoons freshly grated lemon zest 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
lemon curd (see below)
DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 6- or 8-cup tube pan with nonstick spray. Sprinkle pan with 2 tablespoons sugar, tapping out excess. Whisk flour, poppy seeds, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a large bowl. Whisk egg in another bowl until frothy. Whisk in remaining 1 1/4 cups sugar, buttermilk, oil, lemon zest and vanilla. Gradually add wet ingredients to dry ingredients, whisking until just moistened. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake the cake until top springs back when touched lightly and a skewer inserted in the center comes out clean, 30 to 40 minutes. Immediately loosen edges and invert onto a wire rack. Let cool completely. Serve with Lemon Curd, if desired.
Lemon Curd
Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 20 Minutes Yield: 1 1/2 cups Try this for a different topping for waffles.
Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days.
INGREDIENTS 1 large egg 2 large egg whites 3/4 cup sugar 1 tablespoon freshly grated lemon zest 2/3 cup lemon juice juice 1 tablespoon butter DIRECTIONS Whisk together egg, egg whites, sugar, lemon zest and juice in a medium nonreactive saucepan. Add butter and cook over low heat, whisking constantly, until thickened, 5 to 7 minutes. Do not let sauce come to a simmer. Transfer to a small bowl and let cool slightly; serve warm.
*************************** Basic Beer Batter Recipe for Fish and Seafood
This is a quick and easy recipe for a beer batter that goes great with nearly any fish and seafood; it's basically a fish-n-chips batter made with a good beer, flour and a little oil. The keys here are cold batter, hot oil and quality fish. This recipe works well with tilapia, cod, haddock, walleye, seabass, snapper, halibut -- really any firm fish. You can even use it for shrimp, calamari or oysters. Serve this with chips, and a dipping sauce. I like simple mustard. This recipe makes enough batter for 2 pounds of fish or seafood.
Prep Time: 25 minutes Cook Time: 15 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes
Ingredients: 2 pounds fish, shrimp, oysters, clams or squid 8 T. self-rising flour 2 T. olive oil About a half a bottle of good beer 1/2 t. salt Oil for frying Kosher salt
Preparation: Mix the flour, oil, salt and beer together in a bowl. Add the beer last and do it slowly, stirring all the time. You want enough beer in the batter to make it the consistency of house paint, or pancake batter. Put the batter in the fridge for 20 minutes. After 10 minutes, take out the fish and salt it liberally. Let it sit on the counter for 5 minutes or so, then slice it into pieces about the size of a large shrimp. Heat the oil to 350 degrees. I use canola oil, but any vegetable oil will do. When the oil is hot, dredge the fish into the batter and let it get coated thickly. Gently place it in the oil and repeat. Do not crowd the pot or deep-fryer. Do this in several batches. Fry until the fish is golden brown, moving it around the oil so it does not stick anywhere. This take about 5-8 minutes. Let the fish drain on a wire rack or paper towels. Serve at once with a sauce (tartar sauce, cocktail sauce, mustard, hot sauce, ketchup, etc) and an ice cold beer.
*************************** The Lady and Sons Beer-Battered Fried Shrimp Recipe courtesy Paula Deen
Total Time:3 hr 20 min Prep15 min Inactive3 hr 0 min Cook5 min Yield:4 servings Level:Intermediate
Ingredients 1 cup beer 1 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt Oil, for frying 21 to 25 large shrimp, peeled with tails left on
Directions Preheat a fryer or a deep pot halfway filled with oil to 350 degrees F.
In a bowl, combine the beer, flour, and salt, and allow to sit at room temperature for several hours. Pat the shrimp dry with paper towels and dip the shrimp in the batter and fry for approximately 2 to 3 minutes. Drain shrimp on paper towels.
*************************** CHICKEN IN A BEER POT 1 (5-6 lb.) whole chicken Lemon juice Salt Pepper 2 cans beer 2 lg. onions, chopped 2 tsp. salt 1 c. celery, sliced 1 garlic clove, chopped 8 carrots, scraped and cut in 2 inch pieces 16 sm. whole peeled new potatoes 16 sm. peeled white onions 16 sm. whole mushrooms 1 (10 oz.) pkg. frozen peas Paprika
Rub chicken inside and out with lemon juice. Sprinkle inside and out with salt and pepper. Tie legs together and put chicken in large Dutch oven. Add beer, onions, salt, celery, garlic and parsley. Cover tightly and simmer 1 1/2-2 hours or until chicken is tender, adding more beer as necessary to keep up the level of liquid. When chicken is just tender, add carrots, potatoes, and onions. Cover and simmer until vegetables are tender. Add mushrooms and peas. Cover and cook an additional 5 minutes. Sprinkle chicken with paprika. To serve, carve chicken. Serves 6-8
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SOUTHERN SWEET POTATO PIE 1/3 c. butter 1/2 c. sugar 2 eggs, beaten 3/4 c. evaporated milk 1/2 tsp. cinnamon 1/2 tsp. nutmeg 2 c. cooked mashed sweet potatoes 1 tsp. vanilla 1/4 tsp. salt 1 (9 inch) unbaked pie rust
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and stir. Add sweet potatoes and mix well. Stir in milk, vanilla, salt, and spices and mix thoroughly. Pour into pie shell and bake 40 minutes.
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Chocolate Cream Cheese Brownies
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 20 Minutes Yield: Yields about 48 bars
With three different chocolate layers, these brownies are intense. The cocoa in them beckons for tall glasses of milk.
INGREDIENTS
For the Filling: 1 cup chopped bittersweet or semisweet chocolate or chocolate chips 1/4 cup heavy cream 1/2 lb. cream cheese, room temperature 1 egg 2 teaspoons flour For the Brownie Batter: 9 ounces (18 tablespoons) unsalted butter, room temperature; more for buttering the pan 1 1/2 cups sugar 5 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/8 teaspoon almond extract 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
For the Icing: Approximately 12 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, finely chopped (about 2 cups) DIRECTIONS
FOR THE FILLING: Slowly melt half the chopped chocolate and cream together in a microwave or a double boiler. Set aside to cool. In an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and egg together until fluffy. Add the cooled chocolate mixture and mix well. Add the flour and the remaining chocolate and mix until incorporated. Chill the filling while you assemble the brownie batter. FOR THE BROWNIE BATTER: Heat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9 by 13-inch baking pan. Cream the butter and sugar in an electric mixer until fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, making sure that each one is fully incorporated before adding another. Occasionally scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the vanilla and almond extracts. Sift together the flour, cocoa, and baking powder and gently blend them into the batter. TO ASSEMBLE: Using an offset metal spatula, spread half the brownie batter into the prepared pan. Spread the filling over the batter. Spoon the remaining brownie batter over the filling and gently spread it into an even layer. Bake for 35 minutes, until a knife inserted into the center of the brownies comes out clean. FOR THE ICING: As soon as you remove the brownies from the oven, sprinkle about three-quarters of the chocolate on top. Let sit about 5 minutes, until the chocolate has melted. Gently spread the soft chocolate into a thin, smooth layer. If it isn’t enough chocolate, sprinkle a few more pieces on top and spread again, but be careful not to make the icing too thick. TO SERVE: Let the bars cool before cutting.
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Got to Get a Job
My 3 year old niece is getting ready to graduate from pre-school. so she told her mother that she was going to make a speech at the graduation. Her mother said to her "You know what happens after you graduate?" . Her response "I GOTTA GET A JOB, RIGHT MOM?"
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Long-Haired Drivers
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...." To which his father replied, "Yes, and they WALKED every where they went!" ************************************
Can't Keep Up With It
My Mother-in-law at a ripe old age of 88 has been in the nursing home for several years and is suffering from dementia. The home has made her a special chair from PVC pipe with wheels. When she first received her chair, she was so excited because she could visit with the other residence. One day she was up and down the hall until she had worked up a sweat. Finally, she stopped at the nurse's station and told the nurse on duty, "You've got to take the motor off this chair. I just can't keep up with it"!
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Mr. Rogers is in the "hood"
While watching "Mr. Rogers" with my 3 year old daughter, Hannah, one afternoon I explained to her that Mr. Rogers went to live in Heaven. Hannah immediately said "No mama, he lives in the neighborhood!" ************************************
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
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Aboard an airplane one day, everything was going fine until someone noticed smoke coming out of one of the engines. The pilot came on the PA and announced "I'm sorry to inform you that one of our engines has failed, but don't worry we still have three more. This will just mean a slight delay in our scheduled arrival time. Just to re-assure you, I'd also like you to know that nothing will happen to this plane as we have four ministers of religion on board." Someone at the back of the plane piped up "I'd feel happier if we had four engines and three ministers!"
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Have you ever noticed how geese fly in that V formation? Have you ever wondered why one side is always longer than the other? Answer- There's more geese on that side!
************************************ A local council (in the UK) built a new road (street) in which they also built a number of homes and flats (apartments) for the elderly. They were going to call the street "St. Peter's Close" until some wise person thought it was not appropriate for all the old people living there! ************************************ It is easy to tell when your children are growing up. They stop asking where they came from and start refusing to tell you where they are going.
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I saw a man leaving the hospital the other day. His clothing and the bag he carried made me think he had been working out at the hospital's fitness center. He was wearing a black tee shirt with the following message on his back:
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The older I get the better I was. ************************************ ************************************
Adam and Cullen were very young cousins. Sitting together in church one Sunday with Adam's mother, the preacher started his sermon with, "Adam, where are you"? He paused, then cried out a little louder, "Adam, where are you"? Cullen looked puzzled and then, pointing to his cousin Adam, and shouted: "here he is!" Sent By their grand-father, Rev. Odus Jackson
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My daughter invited her new pastor and his family over for dinner. As the meal was being finished, the pastor remarked how much he enjoyed the meal. The pastor's young daughter said, "I'm sure glad it wasn't dog poop!". Her parents were embarrassed and then began to laugh. The pastor's wife had told the child before coming to my daughter's house that she was to eat whatever was being served, no matter what - even if it was dog poop.
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'THINGS MAMA TAUGHT ME'
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......'LOGIC' "If you fall of that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......MEDICINE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......TO THINK AHEAD "If you don't pass your spelling test, you are never going to get a good job."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......ESP "Put your sweater on, Don't you think I know when your cold?"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......TO MEET A CHALLENGE "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you|.Don't talk back to me."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......HUMOR "When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME......HOW TO BE AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT......SEX "How do you think you got here?"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT......GENETICS "You are just like your father."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT MY......ROOTS "Do you think you were born in a barn?
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT......THE WISDOM OF AGE "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT......ANTICIPATION "Just wait until your father gets home."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT......RECEIVING "You are going to get it when we get home."
AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE THING......JUSTICE "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU.....then you'll see what it's like."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Rest in Me. Underneath are Everlasting Arms. Rest in them as a tired child rests. " -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
I Am Ruined
Isaiah 6:5, NIV: "'Woe to me!' I cried. 'I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.'"
Do we walk in blissful ignorance, willfully evading God's truth about the lifestyle we lead? Do we live within denial, never allowing ourselves to question our actions for fear that we may find out more about ourselves than we can handle? Do we don a mask before we look into the mirror so that all we see of ourselves is what we expect, or desire? It is not easy to come close enough to the living God so that His light shines on us--revealing all. It is not comfortable. It is easier to hide from His truth--or so we think. Yet, painful as it is, it is far more beneficial for us to see ourselves in truth, just as God sees us. It takes far more courage to approach God and say, "Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind" (Psalm 26:2). What He shows you then may drop you to your knees. What He shows you after that, will lift you to heights not yet imagined.
Let the people turn from their wicked deeds. Let them banish from their minds the very thought of doing wrong! Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. Isaiah 55:7
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
panache puh-NASH; -NAHSH , noun; 1. Dash or flamboyance in manner or style. 2. A plume or bunch of feathers, esp. such a bunch worn on the helmet; any military plume, or ornamental group of feathers.
Quotes: Dessert included a marvelous bread pudding and a fair bananas Foster,the old-time New Orleans dish, which was prepared with great panache tableside, complete with a flambé moment. -- Eric Asimov, "New Orleans, a City of Serious Eaters.", New York Times, July 4, 1999 It is... an inevitable hit, a galvanizing eruption of energy, panache and arrogantly sure-footed stage craft that comes at a time when theatrical dance is in the doldrums. -- Terry Teachout and William Tynan, "Seamy and Steamy.", Time, January 25, 1999 Although Black didn't have many friends and was not among the school's leaders, he was likeable, had panache, and his contemptuous tirades were rarely taken at face value. -- Richard Siklos, Shades of Black: Conrad Black and the World's Fastest Growing Press Empire
Origin: Panache is from the French, from Medieval French pennache, from Italian pinnacchio, feather, from Late Latin pinnaculum, diminutive of penna, feather. It is related to pen, a writing instrument, originally a feather or quill used for writing.
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CONFUCIOUS QUOTE: In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
THINGS TO PONDER: If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your wedding cake was made by Sarah Lee ..your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".
"It's never too late to become the person you might have been." - George Elliot "The belief in a thing makes it happen." - Frank Lloyd Wright
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Rise-and-Shine Waffles
PREP TIME30 min TOTAL TIME30 min SERVINGS4 3/4cup old-fashioned oats 1/4cup packed brown sugar 1cup fat-free (skim) milk 1cup Yoplait Fat Free plain yogurt (from 2-lb container) 1/4cup real maple or maple-flavored syrup 1/4cup fat-free egg product or 2 egg whites, slightly beaten 3tablespoons canola or soybean oil 2/3cup Gold Medal all-purpose flour 2tablespoons ground flaxseed or wheat germ 2teaspoons baking powder 1teaspoon grated orange peel, if desired 1/4teaspoon baking soda
1In large bowl, mix oats, brown sugar and milk; let stand 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in small bowl, mix yogurt and maple syrup until well blended; refrigerate until serving time. 2Stir egg product and oil into oat mixture. Stir in remaining ingredients until blended. Let stand 5 minutes longer. Meanwhile, heat waffle maker; grease with vegetable oil if necessary (or spray with cooking spray before heating). 3For each waffle, pour batter onto center of hot waffle maker, spreading batter to edges. (Check manufacturer's directions for recommended amount of batter.) Close lid. 4Bake 4 to 5 minutes or until steaming stops and waffle is golden brown. Carefully remove waffle. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve waffles with topping.
Expert Tips A good habit to get into is to add oats, wheat germ, flaxseed and other heart-healthy grains to your baked goods.
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Quick Pastrami Hash & Eggs
When we’re in a hurry, we love to have breakfast for dinner. Precooked diced potatoes—available in the refrigerated section of most supermarkets—help make this pastrami hash ultra-fast. (If you have leftover cooked potatoes, use about 3 cups diced cooked potatoes instead.) Serve with rye toast and sautéed spinach.
4 servings Active Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 20 minutes
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 1 16- to 18-ounce package precooked diced potatoes (peeled or unpeeled) 1 large onion, quartered and thinly sliced 1 medium green bell pepper, diced 1 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon plus a pinch of salt, divided 1/4 teaspoon plus a pinch of freshly ground pepper, divided 5 ounces deli pastrami, diced (about 1 generous cup) 4 large eggs
PREPARATION Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium and add potatoes, onion, bell pepper, paprika and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Stir to combine, then spread in an even layer in the pan and cook, undisturbed, for 3 minutes. Stir in pastrami, spread back into an even layer and cook undisturbed again until a crust starts to form on the bottom, about 5 minutes more. Remove from the heat and cover to keep warm. Just after you add the pastrami to the hash, coat a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray and place over medium heat. Crack each egg into a small bowl and slip them, one at a time, into the skillet, taking care not to break the yolks. Season with the remaining pinch of salt and pepper. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover and cook undisturbed for about 2 minutes for soft-set yolks. Divide the hash among 4 plates and top each serving with an egg.
NUTRITION Per serving: 307 calories; 14 g fat ( 4 g sat , 8 g mono ); 210 mg cholesterol; 29 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 17 g protein; 3 g fiber; 611 mg sodium; 638 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (58% daily value), Zinc (19% dv), Potassium (18% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 2 Exchanges: 1 1/2 starch, 1 vegetable, 2 medium-fat meat, 1 fat
*************************** Farmers' Market Fried Rice
This fried rice recipe features a fall mixture of sliced Brussels sprouts and parsnips, but feel free to use whatever is fresh and in season. This recipe works best in a wok— a skillet is too small for the volume of food and requires more oil to prevent sticking. Always use cold cooked rice, otherwise the fried rice will be gummy and sticky.
4 servings, about 1 1/2 cups each Active Time: 30 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes
INGREDIENTS 2 teaspoons plus 2 tablespoons peanut oil or canola oil, divided 2 large eggs, beaten 2 tablespoons minced garlic 1/2 cup thinly sliced shallots 1 cup 1/4-inch diced, peeled and cored parsnips (see Tips) 4 medium Brussels sprouts, trimmed and sliced 1/4 inch thick 4 cups cold cooked brown rice (see Tips) 12 cherry tomatoes, halved or quartered (if large) 2 tablespoons reduced-sodium soy sauce 1/4 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
PREPARATION Heat a 14-inch flat-bottomed wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact. Swirl in 2 teaspoons oil, coating the bottom completely. Add beaten eggs and cook, tilting to cover the surface as thinly as possible to make an egg pancake. When the pancake is just set, 30 seconds to 1 minute, flip using a metal spatula and allow it to set for about 5 seconds. Transfer to a cutting board. Cut into bite-size pieces. Swirl 1 tablespoon oil into the wok, add garlic and shallots and stir-fry, using a metal spatula, until fragrant, 10 seconds. Add parsnips and Brussels sprouts, reduce the heat to medium-high and stir-fry until the vegetables are nearly cooked through, about 2 minutes. Swirl in the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, add rice, tomatoes and soy sauce and stir-fry, breaking up the rice, until heated through, 2 minutes. Sprinkle with cilantro, salt and pepper; add the egg pieces and toss to combine.
TIPS & NOTES To prep parsnips, peel with a vegetable peeler, then quarter lengthwise and cut out the fibrous, woody core with a paring knife before dicing. To make 4 cups cooked brown rice, bring 4 cups water and 2 cups brown rice to a boil in a large saucepan. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer at the lowest bubble until the water is absorbed and the rice is tender, about 40 minutes. Let stand, covered, for 10 minutes. To cool, spread the cooked rice out on a large baking sheet and let stand until room temperature, then refrigerate until cold.
NUTRITION Per serving: 400 calories; 13 g fat ( 3 g sat , 6 g mono ); 93 mg cholesterol; 60 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 11 g protein; 7 g fiber; 471 mg sodium; 541 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (53% daily value), Magnesium (29% dv), Vitamin A (20% dv), Folate (17% dv), Potassium (15% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 3 1/2 Exchanges: 3 1/2 starch, 1/2 medium-fat meat, 2 fat
*************************** Southwestern Three-Bean & Barley Soup
Serve this zesty bean and barley soup garnished with chopped fresh cilantro and a squeeze of lime, if desired.
6 servings, about 1 1/3 cups each Active Time: 30 minutes Total Time: 2 1/4 hours
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1 large onion, diced 1 large stalk celery, diced 1 large carrot, diced 9 cups water 4 cups (32-ounce carton) reduced-sodium chicken broth, “no-chicken†broth or vegetable broth 1/2 cup pearl barley 1/3 cup dried black beans 1/3 cup dried great northern beans 1/3 cup dried kidney beans 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 3/4 teaspoon salt
PREPARATION Heat oil in a Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onion, celery and carrot and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add water, broth, barley, black beans, great northern beans, kidney beans, chili powder, cumin and oregano. Bring to a lively simmer over high heat. Reduce heat to maintain a simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, until the beans are tender, 1 3/4 to 2 1/2 hours (adding more water, 1/2 cup at a time, if necessary or desired). Season with salt.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 3 days. Slow-Cooker Variation: Use 2 cups water (instead of 9 cups) and combine all ingredients in a 5- to 6-quart slow cooker. Cover and cook until the beans are tender, about 4 hours on High or 7 to 8 hours on Low.
NUTRITION Per serving: 205 calories; 3 g fat ( 1 g sat , 2 g mono ); 0 mg cholesterol; 35 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 11 g protein; 10 g fiber; 705 mg sodium; 601 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (49% daily value), Magnesium & Potassium (17% dv), Iron (16% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1 1/2 Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable, 1 lean meat, 1/2 fat
*************************** Chicken & Spiced Apples
The buttery apples suit these chicken breasts, which are pounded thin so they cook evenly and quickly. You could also serve this compote with any roasted meat or vegetable.
6 servings Active Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 20 minutes
INGREDIENTS 2 apples, preferably Braeburn, peeled and thinly sliced 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 3 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided 3 teaspoons unsalted butter, divided 1 1/8 teaspoons herbes de Provence, (see Note), divided 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed 1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth 1 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest
PREPARATION Toss apple slices with lemon juice and cinnamon in a small bowl. Heat 1 teaspoon oil and 1 teaspoon butter in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the apples and cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 5 minutes. Keep warm. Mix 1 teaspoon herbes de Provence, salt and pepper. Place chicken between sheets of plastic wrap and pound with a meat mallet or the bottom of a small saucepan to a 1/2-inch thickness. Sprinkle the chicken on both sides with the seasoning mixture. Heat 1 teaspoon oil and 1 teaspoon butter in a large skillet over high heat. Add half the chicken and cook until no longer pink in the center, 2 to 3 minutes per side. Remove to a platter and keep warm. Add the remaining 1 teaspoon oil and 1 teaspoon butter to the pan; heat over high heat. Cook the remaining chicken in the same manner. Add broth, lemon zest, the remaining 1/8 teaspoon herbes and any accumulated juices from the chicken to the pan. Cook, stirring to scrape up any browned bits, until slightly reduced, about 3 minutes. Spoon the sauce over the chicken and serve with the sautéed apples.
TIPS & NOTES Ingredient note: Herbes de Provence is a mixture of dried herbs commonly used in the south of France. You can find commercial mixtures in specialty stores, but it is easy to make your own. Mix 1 tablespoon each (or equal proportions) dried thyme, rosemary, oregano, marjoram and savory in a small jar. If desired, add a pinch of dried lavender and crushed aniseed.
NUTRITION Per serving: 191 calories; 6 g fat ( 2 g sat , 2 g mono ); 72 mg cholesterol; 6 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 27 g protein; 1 g fiber; 292 mg sodium; 342 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Niacin (65% daily value), Selenium (29% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2 Exchanges: 1/2 fruit, 3 1/2 lean meat, 1 fat
*************************** Apple-Bacon Pancakes with Cider Syrup
If you like apple pancakes and you like bacon, you’ll love the taste of these sweet, smoky pancakes. Any kind of apple works well. A quick cider syrup drizzled on top enhances the apple flavor.
4 servings, 2 pancakes & 2 tablespoons syrup each. Active Time: 30 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup apple cider 3 tablespoons packed light brown sugar, divided 1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch 1/2 cup whole-wheat pastry flour 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1 large egg 1 large egg white 1/2 cup nonfat buttermilk 1 medium apple, peeled and finely diced, (about 1 cup) 4 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled 1 teaspoon canola oil, divided
PREPARATION Combine cider, 2 tablespoons brown sugar, lemon juice and cornstarch in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, whisking, and cook until thickened, 1 to 2 minutes. Set aside. Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda and the remaining 1 tablespoon brown sugar in a small bowl. Whisk egg, egg white and buttermilk in a large bowl. Stir in the dry ingredients, apples and bacon until just combined. (The batter will be thick.) Brush a large nonstick skillet with 1/2 teaspoon oil and place over medium heat until hot. Cooking 4 at a time, use about 1/4 cup batter for each pancake and gently spread it to make them about 3 inches in diameter. Cook until the edges are dry and bubbles begin to form, about 2 minutes. Flip the pancakes and cook until golden brown, 1 to 2 minutes more. Repeat with the remaining oil and batter, reducing the heat as necessary to prevent burning. Reheat the cider syrup, if desired, and serve with the pancakes.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate the syrup (Step 1) for up to 1 week. Reheat on low before serving.
NUTRITION Per serving: 256 calories; 6 g fat ( 2 g sat , 3 g mono ); 63 mg cholesterol; 40 g carbohydrates; 9 g protein; 2 g fiber; 465 mg sodium; 165 mg potassium. Carbohydrate Servings: 3 Exchanges: 1 1/2 starch, 1/2 fruit, 1 other carbohydrate, 1 fat
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You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about. Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house. The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live... The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely~! As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband; He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.. Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up? Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? "Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America ." "No, not that; read further." "One cent?" "No, keep reading.." "In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?" "And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment... I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Fortunate for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful! When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message. It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient. read down
Thought for the Day: If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it... He sends you flowers every spring. He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you! Send this to every "beautiful person" you wish to bless. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. Read this line very slowly and let it sink in..... If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
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Indian Wanting Coffee:
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun In one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee..... The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling Another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to The waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, Leave mess for others to clean up, Disappear for rest of day."
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A Wish To Live Forever I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!" "Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses." "You crafty bastard," said the fairy. ***************************
A PRINCIPLE INCORPORATED INTO THE POLICY OF AMERICA
"It is a principle incorporated into the settled policy of America, that as peace is better than war, war is better than tribute." --James Madison, letter to the Dey of Algiers, 1816
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DON'T ASSUME
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted the plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
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LET PRINCIPLE BE YOUR GUIDE "In selecting men for office, let principle be your guide. Regard not the particular sect or denomination of the candidate -- look to his character... --Noah Webster, Letters to a Young Gentleman Commencing His Education, 1789
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THE TWENTY AND THE ONE A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation... The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean " "Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!" "So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Catholic Church and the Lutheran Church. " The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY……. He who helps a child helps humanity with an immediateness which no other help given to human creatures in any other stage of their life can possibly give again. Phillips Brooks
I’VE LEARNED...... The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
The Human "Face" of God
"Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, 'Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?'"1
In the Australian edition of Encounter magazine Ivor Bailey wrote how Trinity College in Cambridge, England, has a long-held tradition of sending students to the slums of South London. At the parish of Camberwell the students sleep in the parish hall and spend a week each year working among the parishioners.
Some years ago a student was helping do some home repairs when the occupant, a bed-ridden elderly lady, asked him if anyone had ever told him that he bore a remarkable likeness to Prince Charles. "Spitting image of him you are," she said. The student replied, quite truthfully, that no one had ever told him that before. "Strange," she replied, "even with my poor eyes you look just like him." To her dying day she probably never realized that her drains were being cleaned by the heir to the throne of England [Prince Charles].2
Some 2,000 years ago the King of kings came into the world as a baby and most of the people of his day, including the religious leaders, never recognized him as the long-promised Messiah because he didn't fit the role of what they expected. However, there were those who did see him for who he was. Even the loose-living woman, whom Jesus ministered to at the well in Samaria, was so impressed with the fact that Jesus accepted her that she ran back to her community and shared how this stranger ministered to her and she asked, "Could this be the Christ?"
How sad and how tragic when we don't recognize Jesus for who he is and for the gift of salvation and eternal life he has for all who come to him.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, though I cannot see you with my physical eyes, please open the eyes of my understanding so that I recognize you for who you truly are and always be aware of the leading of your Spirit in every area of my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. John 4:28-29 (NIV).
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
haruspex • huh-RUSS-peks • noun : a diviner in ancient Rome basing his predictions on inspection of the entrails of sacrificial animals
Examples: The haruspex declared that the outcome of the battle would be favorable.
"The coroner-cum-haruspex will divine the mystery of her death, read the entrails of the bird that flew too far and too fast…." -- From an article by Violet LeVoit in the Baltimore City Paper, August 17, 2011
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DOG TIPS
3 Myths About Dog Aging
We think we know what's best for our pets, but the truth is that sometimes we can be misinformed. When it comes to aging, for example, there are a number of misconceptions that pet owners sometimes believe. Here are three "facts" you may believe about aging in dogs... and why they're wrong. 1. One year in dog years is equal to 7 human years. This formula was developed as a simple way to gauge a dog's stage of life. However, it is much too simple to accurately reflect a dog's age. This formula is also misleading because it does not take into account the size or breed of the dog. Larger dogs tend to age quicker and have shorter life spans than smaller dogs. 2. It's easy to tell when your dog is getting old. This statement goes hand in hand with the "fact" that sick dogs show that they're sick. As with many animals, there is a large disadvantage to displaying symptoms of sickness or weakness in the wild. It is simply not advantageous for dogs to show that they're sick. As a result, you don't always realize that your dog is sick or getting old until they are at an advanced stage of the process. 3. Slowing down is a natural part of a dog's aging process and there's nothing I can do about it. Many dog owners assume that as their dogs age, they will experience mobility loss and difficulty getting up and moving around. And because they truly believe that their dogs are simply undergoing natural changes, they will also assume that they can't do anything to help their dogs. Once again, this statement is false. Many times loss of mobility is a sign that your dog is experiencing age related problems like arthritis, and there are many things you can do to help. Now that you understand the truth behind these myths, you can do something with your knowledge. Your dog's age in years is just a number. Many older dogs can continue to have an excellent quality of life, with some help from you. What can you do? The first step to helping your dog through the aging process is to make regular visits to your veterinarian. A vet can check for problems that may not be readily apparent to you. When you're not at the vet's, keep an eye on your dog for symptoms of illnesses or age related stress. Early detection is key! Finally, make sure you are feeding your dog right. Once dogs pass a certain stage of their life, they need to be fed a different diet. A dog's aging body needs a different balance of nutrients and proteins to maintain it. This is especially true if you find that your dog has arthritis. Arthritis can become a big problem if it is not treated right away.
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Dog Adoption
Are you thinking about getting a new dog? There are several factors to consider before you bring a dog into your home. If so, there are several things you should consider when getting a dog including:
1. Are you ready for a dog? 2. Do you have enough money for a dog? 3. When is the wrong time to get a dog? 4. What kind of dog should you get? 5. What age is best for you? 6. Where do you get your dog? 7. Is adoption right for you? 8. What's in an adoption contract? 9. How do I choose between dogs? 10. How do I plan to include the dog in my home? 11. What do I need before taking my new dog home?
*************************** Apple Pork Chops
Sweet-tart apple, onion, thyme and Dijon give these chops delightful flavor. —Deborah Williams, Peoria, Arizona
4 Servings Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
Ingredients 2 teaspoons cornstarch 3/4 cup chicken broth 4 boneless pork loin chops (4 ounces each) 2 teaspoons canola oil 1 large apple, peeled and thinly sliced 1 small onion, finely chopped 1/3 cup unsweetened apple juice 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
Directions In a small bowl, combine cornstarch and broth; set aside. In a large skillet, brown pork chops in oil. Remove and keep warm. In the same skillet, saute apple and onion until apple is crisp-tender. Stir in the broth mixture, apple juice, mustard and thyme; bring to a boil. Add pork chops. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 8-10 minutes or until a meat thermometer reads 160°. Yield: 4 servings.
Cooking for 2: Apple Pork Chops for Two Nutrition Facts: 1 chop with 1/4 cup sauce equals 221 calories, 9 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 56 mg cholesterol, 277 mg sodium, 12 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 22 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3 lean meat, 1 starch, 1/2 fat.
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Pork Chops with Apple Dressing
4 Servings Prep/Total Time: 25 min.
Ingredients 1-1/2 cups crushed seasoned stuffing 1 medium tart apple, peeled and chopped 3 tablespoons butter, melted 2 tablespoons chopped onion 1 tablespoon sugar 1/4 teaspoon rubbed sage 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup raisins 4 boneless pork loin chops (1/2 inch thick and 6 ounces each) 1 envelope pork gravy mix
Directions In a small bowl, combine the first eight ingredients. Place in a greased 11-in. x 7-in. microwave-safe dish. Top with pork chops. Cover and microwave on high for 8-12 minutes or until a meat thermometer reads 160°. Prepare gravy mix according to package directions. Serve with pork chops. Yield: 4 servings. Editor's Note: This recipe was tested in a 1,100-watt microwave. Nutrition Facts: 1 pork chop with 3/4 cup dressing equals 465 calories, 19 g fat (9 g saturated fat), 105 mg cholesterol, 940 mg sodium, 36 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 36 g protein.
*************************** Baked Egg Rolls Recipe
“Chinese take-out can be high in sodium, fat and calories, so these crispy appetizers are a nice alternative. Whenever my husband craves a take-out egg roll, I make these instead,†shares Barbra Annino of Galena, Illinois.
8 Servings Prep/Total Time: 30 min.
Ingredients 1-1/3 cups chopped fresh broccoli stir-fry vegetable blend 1 cup shredded cooked chicken breast 4-1/2 teaspoons reduced-sodium soy sauce 2 teaspoons sesame oil 2 garlic cloves, minced 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 8 egg roll wrappers
Directions In a small bowl, combine the first six ingredients. Place 1/4 cup chicken mixture in the center of one egg roll wrapper. Fold bottom corner over filling; fold sides toward center. Moisten remaining corner with water; roll up tightly to seal. Repeat with remaining wrappers and filling. Place seam side down on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Spray tops of egg rolls with cooking spray. Bake at 425° for 10-15 minutes or until lightly browned. Serve warm. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 8 egg rolls.
Nutrition Facts: 1 egg roll equals 140 calories, 2 g fat (trace saturated fat), 16 mg cholesterol, 315 mg sodium, 21 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 9 g protein.
*************************** FRENCH FRIED ONION RINGS
5 min 3 min 4 servings
1/2 cup Pillsbury BEST All Purpose Flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 large Bermuda or Vidalia onions, peeled 2/3 cup milk Crisco Pure Vegetable Oil, for deep frying Salt
1.COMBINE flour and salt in small bowl. Cut onions into 1/4-inch slices. Separate into rings. Soak onion rings in milk; dip in flour mixture.
2.HEAT 2 to 3 inches oil in deep saucepan or deep fryer to 375ºF. Fry a few onion rings at a time until lightly browned, 2 to 3 minutes.
3.DRAIN on paper towels. Sprinkle with salt.
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Easy Beef Tacos
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 30 min SERVINGS 10 1 pound lean (at least 80%) ground beef 1 cup Old El Paso Thick 'n Chunky salsa 10 Old El Paso taco shells 1/2 head lettuce, shredded 1 medium tomato, chopped (3/4 cup) 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 ounces)
1 Cook beef in 10-inch skillet over medium heat 8 to 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until brown; drain. 2 Stir salsa into beef. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly; reduce heat to medium-low. Cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour beef mixture into large serving bowl. 3 Heat taco shells as directed on package. Serve taco shells with beef mixture, lettuce, tomato and cheese.
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Southwest Spanakopita Bites
fans of the southwest-style egg rolls served at restaurants and wanted to recreate them without the fat of deep frying. Phyllo dough was the solution! For a main dish, I fill small flour tortillas with the filling and bake,"
24 Servings Prep: 40 min. Bake: 10 min.
Ingredients 2 tablespoons finely chopped sweet red pepper 1 green onion, finely chopped 1 teaspoon canola oil 1 package (10 ounces) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry 3/4 cup shredded reduced-fat Monterey Jack cheese or Mexican cheese blend 1/2 cup frozen corn, thawed 1/2 cup canned black beans, rinsed and drained 1 tablespoon chopped seeded jalapeno pepper 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon chili powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 8 sheets phyllo dough (14 inches x 9 inches) Butter-flavored cooking spray
SAUCE: 1/3 cup cubed avocado 1/4 cup reduced-fat mayonnaise 1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream 1-1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
Directions In a small skillet, saute red pepper and onion in oil until tender. Transfer to a large bowl; stir in 1/2 cup spinach (save the rest for another use). Stir in the cheese, corn, beans, jalapeno, cumin, chili powder and salt. Place one sheet of phyllo dough on a work surface with a short end facing you. (Keep remaining phyllo covered with plastic wrap to prevent it from drying out.) Spray sheet with butter-flavored spray; cut into three 14-in. x 3-in. strips. Place a scant tablespoon of filling on lower corner of each strip. Fold dough over filling, forming a triangle. Fold triangle up, then over, forming another triangle. Continue folding, like a flag, until you come to the end of the strip. Spritz end of dough with spray and press onto triangle to seal. Turn triangle and spritz top with spray. Repeat with remaining phyllo and filling. Place triangles on baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 375° for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Meanwhile, mash avocado with the mayonnaise, sour cream and vinegar. Serve with warm appetizers. Yield: 2 dozen (1/2 cup sauce). Editor's Note: Wear disposable gloves when cutting hot peppers; the oils can burn skin. Avoid touching your face. Nutrition Facts: 1 appetizer with 1 teaspoon sauce equals 50 calories, 3 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 4 mg cholesterol, 103 mg sodium, 5 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 2 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 1/2 starch, 1/2 fat.
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The Perfect Pastor
....The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church janitor.
....The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the parish. He is 29 years old and has 40 years' worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome.
....The Perfect Pastor has a burning desire to work with teen-agers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his parish. He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.
....The Perfect Pastor always has time for parish council and all of it's committees. He never misses the meeting of any parish organization, and is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.
....The Perfect Pastor is always in the next parish over!
If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other parishes that are tired of their pastor too. Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the parish at the top of your list. If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1, 643 pastors. One of them should be perfect.
Have faith in this letter. One parish broke the chain and got its' old pastor back in less than three months.
-by Father McGinn
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LUTHERAN AIRLINES, INC.
If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in the same boat on Lutheran Air, where flying is an uplifting experience. There is no First Class on any Lutheran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls, 7-15 bring a salad, 16-21 a main dish, and 22-30 a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599. Okay then, listen up: I'm only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so will Captain Olson because we fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I wouldn't bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes.
Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest with you, we're going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet... sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.
In the event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying the Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to the part about forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere with the plane's navigational system, which is seat of the pants all the way... no, it's because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mouth on the side of your head. We're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with the coffee pot up front. Then we'll have the hymn sing... hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours with you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!
Right now I'll say Grace... "Come Lord Jesus be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, may we land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen." ***************************
One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. Her daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts." Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
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Everybody knew the roof was leaking, but the church kept putting off replacement. Finally some areas of the ceiling in the sanctuary began to sag. They called a congregational meeting. A very wealthy member rose and pledged $300 toward fixing the roof. Just then a small piece of the ceiling fell and hit him on the head. Somebody in the back of the church said, "Hit him again, Lord!"
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The strongman at a circus squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then said to the audience, "I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze another drop from this lemon. A thin scholarly looking woman came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the woman and asked, "What is the secret of your strength?" "Practice," the woman answered. "I was the treasurer of a Lutheran Church for thirty-two years!
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Church-Lite Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments. We trim off guilt as we are Low-Cal... low Calvin, that is. We feature a 7.5% tithe, a 35 minute worship service with 7 minute sermons. Next Sunday's sermon is on the Feeding of 500.
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Power of Prayer? A true story: the chairman of the Finance Committee declared the meeting could not be convened for lack of quorum. He asked one of the ministers present to lead in a prayer. Tired of the lengthy meeting, the minister intended to help the cause when he prayed: "Lord, we thank you for your Word that says, 'where two or three are gathered in your name, they have a quorum. . ." The meeting was promptly convened with a full quorum!
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Unusual Transfer After the service a young couple talked to me about joining the church. I hadn't met the husband before, and I asked what church he was transferring from. After a short hesitation, he replied, "I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course."
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Temptations A pastor known for his hell-fire-and-brimstone sermons was preaching one Sunday morning. During the course of his sermon, he looked up to the chior loft and saw a woman standing so close to the rail that he could see up her skirt. In shock, he announces to the congregation, "There is a woman in the chior loft standing so close to the railing that you can see up her skirt. Anyone who turns around and looks will go blind." An old man in the front pew covers one eye, turns around and says, "I'll risk one eye!" R.K.
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Praise the Lord . . . everybody! We were gathered at a little Pentecostal-style church where the preacher had had a difficult time getting the congregation involved.....ie..amens, etc. This particular Sunday he was preaching on praise and worship. He never noticed his mistake. It was hilarious (but embarrassing we thought) as he yelled out "let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord!" Everyone tried to hide their laughter as it seemed improper, but you could hear snickers throughout the entire congregation.
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Forgiveness? A story is about old Jack and old John, two board members of the First Church of Sheboygen, who were always at odds with each other. They were constantly at each others' throat especially in board meetings. When one of them said "yea," you could be assured that the other would say "nay."
So, one day old Jack dies and arrives at the pearly gate. He notices how St. Peter asks everyone a question, before they proceeded. When it was his turn, St. Peter said: "Hi Jack, to see if you qualify for heaven, I need to ask you to spell Jesus for me." "That's easy," says Jack, and goes: "J-E-S-U-S." Peter said: "great, you're in, but could you do me a small favor and take over here for a while; I just need to check on something. I'llbe back"
Jack didn't mind and asked everyone in line to spell Jesus. Just then, old John was coming through the line. "What are you doing here?" asked old John. Said Jack; "O, I am just filling in for St. Peter asking everybody to spell a word before they can pass through." "O yeah, what's the word?" asked John. After thinking for a moment Jack said: "spell Albuquerque!"
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The Catholic Dog A farmer lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he loved dearly. One day the dog died and the farmer went to the parish priest, inquiring if a mass could be for the dead pet. Father Patrick told the farmer: "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." The farmer said: "Thanks, I'll go right away. By the way, do you think 50,000 is enough to donate for such a service?" to which Father Patrick replied: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
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What is your church preference? While filling out an application for employment, the applicant came to a query which asked, "What is your Church Preference?" The man, not being a person of extraordinary intelligence thought the question for some time because he really needed the job. He wanted to impress the employer and answered very confidently, "I prefer a red brick church."
*************************** What denomination circulates in your church? A gathering of folding money of various denominations was chatting about all the places they had recently been. The 1000 Dollar bill said that he had been traveling all over the world: Rio, Spain, France, and back to the USA. The 100 Dollar bill said he had been to the gambling boats: Shreveport,Vicksburg, Baton Rouge. The 1 Dollar bill said it had been travelling from church to church to church! ***************************
A variation of the above A 100 dollar bill, a 20 dollar bill, and a one dollar bill meet up at the shredder at the end of their lives. The 100 says, "I've seen the whole world during my lifetime. Why, I've been on cruises in Caribbean, safaris in Africa, and vacations in Europe." The 20 says, "Well, I've not done quite as well, but I have been to Atlantic City, Disneyland, and Starbucks." They both turn to the one dollar bill and ask, "How about you?" The one, not wanting to be outdone, says, "I've seen the whole country as well. I've been from church to church to church..." Then the 100 asked, "What's a church?"
*************************** Free admission to...what? I passed a church sign the other day which read: First Baptist Church presents "Heaven's Gates or Hell's Flames." Free admission!
*************************** Which Service? A young girl observed some plaques on the wall of the church building and asked her mother: "Mum who are those people? Whose names are on the wall?" to which mum replied: "They are the people who died in the service." Immediatley came the retort: "did they die In the morning or the evening service?" ***************************
One day a discussion was focused on St. Francis of Assisi in a First Grade religion class. After school, a First Grader came home all excited and blurted out to his mother, "Guess what, Mommy? I learned in school that St. Francis was a sissy!" ***************************
Question: How do you make God laugh? Answer: Tell Him your plans!!!!!!!
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Why do only 30% of church board members (deacons, consistory members, parish counsel members, etc) go to heaven? Because if any more got in . . . it would be hell!
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A seminary student was preaching his first sermon. He meant to say that "God called me to heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out the devil." However, what came off of his stammering tongue was, "God called me to heal the dead, cast out the sick, and raise the devil."
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A senior Church Member kept noticing that the Church Newsletter always had inflated statistics on attendance. This is obviously to please the Bishop who will be reading the material at the the Diocesan Office. One day he decided to confront the Vicar on the issue. "Padre, this statistics don't seem right - I'm quite sure last week's attendance was only about 50 but you have put 110 ! How do you explain that?
The Vicar calmly said 'My dear good man, don't you know we worship with 'Angels and Arch-angels and ALL the company of Heaven' ? Contributed by John Selvaraj
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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