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REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Friendship
"There are friends who 'pretend' to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."1 Many definitions have been given to describe friendship. Some time ago an English publication offered a prize for the best one, and, "A friend is one who understands our silence" was one of the thousands of entries. But the one that took first prize was this: "A friend—the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." To me, a true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you still, who gives you his or her presence, who listens with his or her heart and actually hears what you are saying—who accepts you for who you are and not for what you have or haven't done. A good friend is one who doesn't judge you, try to fix you, or tell you what you should do. He or she will appreciate your friendship and tell you so, will rejoice with you in your successes and weep with you in your sorrows. And, at times, a good friend will confront you and graciously point out a fault, but no matter what, he or she will stand by you. These friends are rare and precious. But the greatest friend of all is the One who stepped out of the ivory palaces of heaven and came to earth as a man—clothed in a garment of human flesh—to identify with us, and who died on the cross to save us from our sins, to give us a free pardon and the gift of eternal life. He is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" and will "never, not ever, no never leave us or forsake us."2 His love is absolutely total, unconditional, and eternal. His name is Jesus.
Prayer: "Dear Jesus, thank you that you are a friend of sinners and, as such, you have accepted me as a friend of yours. Help me to show my appreciation for your dying on the cross in my place by my living for you in every way possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
Proverbs 18:24 ( New Living Translation (NLT)) 24 There are “friends†who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
Hebrews 13:5 (New International Version (NIV))
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.â€
****************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
cockalorum
PRONUNCIATION: (KOK-uh-lor-uhm, -LOAR-) MEANING: noun: 1. A self-important or boastful person. 2. Bragging.
ETYMOLOGY: From Middle English cock (rooster), of imitative origin. Earliest documented use: 1715.
USAGE: "Sam also has to deal with a cockalorum fellow actor who shares just enough to demoralize him." Rohan Preston; 'Fully Committed' is Fully Glorious; Star-Tribune (Minneapolis, Minnesota); Jul 25, 2003.
"Once a comic space cowboy full of cockalorum, Spider One has refashioned himself into an advocate for our nation's impressionable youth." Friendly Fire; The Boston Globe; May 28, 2003.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Gullibility and credulity are considered undesirable qualities in every department of human life -- except religion. -Christopher Hitchens, author and journalist (b. 1949)
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Car Air Conditioning--Please Read (NOT a joke) CAR AIR CONDITIONING -VERY IMPORTANT!
My car book says to roll down the windows to let out all the hot air before turning on AC. WHY ? Car Air Conditioning -No wonder more folks are dying from cancer than ever before. We wonder where this stuff comes from but here is an example that explains a lot of the cancer causing incidents. Many people are in their cars first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, 7 days a week. As I read this, it makes me feel guilty and ill. Please pass this on to as many people as possible. Guess it’s not too late to make some changes. Please do NOT turn on AC as soon as you enter the car. Open the windows after you enter your car and then turn ON the AC after a couple of minutes of driving. Here's why: According to research, the car dashboard, seats, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin(carcinogen -take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car). In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer. Can also cause miscarriage. Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level. People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin. Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff. So friends, please open the windows and door of your car -give time for interior to air out-dispel the deadly stuff -before you enter. link attached below luv my friends and family, don't want anything to happen to you....pass this along to the people you love and care about http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/benzene.asp
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Plan Now to Protect Your Pet in a Natural Disaster
As a hurricane approaches land, residents are advised to evacuate. Many people, however, do not heed the warning-not because they want to risk their lives and be "thrill seekers," but because they are worried about their pets. Most communities aren't prepared to handle the evacuation of pets, and emergency shelters often won't accept animals unless they assist the disabled. If people can't take their pets with them, they either have to risk their own lives by remaining with them during the disaster, or leave them behind. And hurricanes, floods, wildfires, tornados, and other natural disasters, can leave animals stranded, lost, injured, and in shock. The best thing you can do is plan ahead. These suggestions can help you keep your pet out of harm's way or make sure you are reunited with your pet should you become separated.
Before Disaster Strikes
Keep your pet properly fitted with a collar and current ID and rabies tag at all times. Local phone lines are often out of service during a disaster, so consider adding a tag with an out-of-area phone number. Tag all carriers and cages, too. Purchase a leash and a portable pet carrier for each pet. The carrier should be large enough for your pet to stand up and turn around comfortably. In case you and your pet are separated during a disaster, make sure you have proof of ownership, such as a health certificate and photos of your pet. List friends and relatives who could care for your pet for an extended period of time if you lose your home. Create a list of boarding facilities within a 100-mile radius of your home. Identify nearby hotels that accept pets. Ask your local animal shelter if they have an evacuation plan for animals, and if they would be able to care for your specific type of pet (guinea pigs, birds, reptiles, etc.) during an emergency. Keep your pet's vaccinations up-to-date and a copy of their health certificate on hand in case you have to board your pet or leave the state. Create a list of neighbors or organizations within a 100-mile radius of your home that would be willing to board your livestock if you need to evacuate. Make sure you have access to horse and livestock trailers to transport your animals. Have an evacuation plan in place involving family members and neighbors to help animals in barns and outlying buildings. Have a supply of feed at a separate location that could be dropped by air if the animals become stranded. Make up a kit with leads, halters, equine and bovine first aid kits, and quieting hoods for easy transport.
Threat of a Disaster
Purchase a week's worth of emergency supplies – food, bottled water, cat litter, bedding materials, or medication your pet takes. Difficult or dangerous animals, such as snakes or reptiles, should be kept in special cages to reduce the possibility of them getting loose. Keep a hot water bottle or some type of non-electrical heating element ready to keep reptiles warm. If you are not asked to evacuate, survey your home for the best location to place your pets during an emergency. Keep them away from windows. Basements are often not good locations in areas where flooding can occur. If you have to evacuate, take your pet with you. If the area is unsafe for you to remain, then it is unsafe for your pet as well.
After a Disaster
If you are looking for your animal after a disaster, contact the local shelter or AH to see what emergency procedures are in effect. If your pet was left behind, let your local shelter or AH know so that rescue arrangements can be made. Be prepared to provide a photo ID of the pet, so that animal rescuers can be on the lookout for him. Offer to help others if you can. If your home is not affected by the disaster, and you have the room, you could offer to help the local shelter by fostering a few animals in your home until they can be reunited with their owners. The American Humane Association's Animal Emergency Services The American Humane Association's Animal Emergency Services cares for animals during disasters and reunites them with their families, often working in collaboration with local animal welfare agencies; local, state, and national emergency response teams; and national relief organizations. Volunteer Animal Emergency Services responders are specially trained to provide for animal needs in crisis situations like wildfires, floods, hurricanes, and blizzards, as well as human-caused catastrophes, such as terrorist attacks. In recent years, the American Humane Association's Animal Emergency Services has helped thousands of animals during devastating wildfires in California, Colorado, Arizona, and the Florida hurricanes.
About American Humane Founded in 1877, the American Humane Association is the nation's only organization dedicated to protecting both children and animals. Through a network of child and animal welfare and protection agencies and individuals, American Humane develops policies, legislation, curriculum, and trainings to protect children and animals from abuse, neglect, and exploitation. The nonprofit membership organization, headquartered in Denver, raises awareness about The Link® between animal abuse and other forms of violence, as well as the benefits derived from the human and animal bond. American Humane's regional office in Los Angeles is the authority behind the "No Animals Were Harmed..."® End Credit Disclaimer on TV and film productions, and American Humane's office in Washington, DC, is an advocate for child- and animal-friendly legislation at the state and federal levels. Visit www.americanhumane.org to learn more.
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Orange-Cinnamon French Toast
Yield: 6 Slices
INGREDIENTS 2 to 4 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted 2 tablespoons honey 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 3 eggs 1/2 cup orange juice 1/8 teaspoon salt, optional 6 slices bread Additional honey, optional
DIRECTIONS In a bowl, combine butter, honey and cinnamon. Pour into a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking pan; spread to coat bottom of pan. In a shallow bowl, beat eggs, orange juice and salt if desired. Dip bread into egg mixture and place in prepared pan. Bake at 400 degrees F for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. Invert onto a serving platter; serve with honey if desired.
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Hash Brown Hot Dish
Active Time: 40 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 45 Minutes Yield: 8 servings
This hot dish recipe is great for brunch, dinner, or as a side dish if you omit the bacon. It works well for parties, and you can substitute other meat (ground beef, ham) for the bacon, make ahead of time, freezes well, and is a huge family favorite.
INGREDIENTS 1 bag (32 oz) frozen southern style hash browns 1 16oz carton sour cream 1 can condensed cream of chicken soup 1 medium diced onion 2 cups shredded cheddar 1-2 lbs bacon (ends and pieces work better than strips) 3 cups crushed corn flakes 1 stick melted butter
DIRECTIONS Let frozen hash browns sit out to thaw while cooking bacon. Cook till crispy, but be careful not to overcook. Drain on paper towels until cool enough to handle. Set oven to preheat at 350 Dice onion, and put in very large mixing bowl. Add sour cream, soup, and cheddar to bowl. Mix all thouroughly. Add hash browns and break bacon into bite sized pieces into bowl. Don't crumble the bacon too small! Mix all again thorougly. Spread into buttered 9x13 baking pan Crush corn flakes, put into small bowl, add melted butter and mix thorougly to distribute evenly. Sprinkle evenly over entire top of hot dish Bake for an hour. Adjust time if center doesn't look melted/bubbly under the crumb mixture compared to edges.
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Swiss Potato Pancake Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 30 Minutes Yield: Makes 4 servings
INGREDIENTS 2 to 3 large whole baking potatoes, such as Idaho, about 1 pound total, unpeeled 3 tablespoons vegetable oil 1/3 cup thinly sliced onions 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
DIRECTIONS In a pot, boil the potatoes for 12 to 15 minutes, or until they are almost but not quite cooked. Cool completely. Peel the potatoes and grate coarsely. In a 10- or 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat the oil. Add the onions and sauté for 1 minute. Add the grated potatoes in a thin, even layer. Season with salt and pepper. Lightly press the potatoes together with a spatula. Cook over medium heat for 5 minutes, until a crust forms on the bottom. The potato pancake is then turned over in order to brown on the other side. Place a plate that is slightly bigger than the pan over the top of the pan. Turn the pan upside down so the pancake is resting on the plate. Slide the pancake back into the pan. The cooked side will now be facing up. Cook until the second side is brown and crisp, about 5 minutes. This pancake can be made ahead and reheated briefly in a 425 degree oven until crisp. Cut into pie-shaped wedges to serve.
********************************* Chicken Fajita Wraps
Dinner ready in 20 minutes! Chicken, broccoli, peppers, onions and mushrooms wrap up a bundle of great flavor in these spicy "fajita-wiches".
PREP TIME 20 Min TOTAL TIME 20 Min SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 teaspoon salt 1 1/4 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into thin strips 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 bag (1 lb) frozen broccoli, red peppers, onions and mushrooms (or other combination) 8 flour tortillas (8 inch) Salsa, if desired
1 In large bowl, sprinkle chili powder and salt over chicken; toss. 2 In 12-inch skillet, heat oil over high heat. Cook chicken in oil 3 to 4 minutes, stirring frequently, until no longer pink in center. Stir in vegetables. Cook about 4 minutes, stirring frequently, until vegetables are crisp-tender. 3 Onto center of each tortilla, spoon about 1/2 cup of the chicken mixture. Fold top and bottom ends of each tortilla about 1 inch over filling; fold right and left sides over folded ends, overlapping. Serve with salsa.
Expert Tips
It's all about options. If you can't find the frozen veggie combo suggested, try a 1-pound bag of frozen corn, broccoli and sweet red peppers or any of your favorites.
********************************** Sweet Potato Hash with Black Forest Ham Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 25 Minutes Yield: 4 servings, about 1/2 cup each
Flavorful Black Forest ham subtly enriches the hash without taking over. Serve this alongside chicken or duck, or set a poached egg on top for a light meal on its own.
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1 small onion, thinly sliced 1 pound sweet potatoes (about 2 medium), peeled and coarsely grated 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/3 cup finely diced Black Forest ham (2 ounces) 1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme DIRECTIONS Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until softened and lightly browned, 3 to 4 minutes. Reduce heat to medium and add sweet potatoes and salt. Cook, stirring often, until the potatoes are tender, 4 to 5 minutes. Stir in ham and thyme; cook, stirring, until the ham is heated through, about 1 minute more.
******************************** The Arrogance of Authority A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!" The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... (I just love this part....) "Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !" ********************************
Brief Messages... Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns
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MEN'S EMOTIONS Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. So that's why us older guys put on weight!! ********************************
I ABSOLUTELY refuse to made to feel old without taking some hostages along for the ride with me. I really don't care if this is a true story or not. The fact that I can totally relate to it is enough pain for me. Some of you have already seen this - but alas, 'tis true that misery loves company. Enjoy if you can.
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"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- READ BELOW !
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today - - - The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. The CD was introduced two years before they were born. They have always had an answering machine. They have always had cable. Popcorn has always been microwaved. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard, "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel ," or "de plane, Boss, de plane." They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
********************************* When Insults Had Class These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts -- for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
********************************* Some Elderly Men can still think fast An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...' Some old men can still think fast.
******************************** Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo de Vinci Due to the overwhelming popularity of 100 Ways to Uncomplicate Your Life, here’s the next edition of ways to make this complicated old world just a little bit more lovely and simple… 1. Believe that everything will turn out just fine in the end, because it usually does 2. Learn the basics of investing, so that you’re able to grow your wealth 3. Say exactly what you mean with kindness 4. Believe in something bigger than yourself 5. File your taxes promptly 6. Be a peacemaker, not a warmonger 7. Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day 8. Don’t confuse love with sex 9. Before making any major decision, sleep on it 10. Pray, meditate or reflect every day 11. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all 12. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you 13. Find a reason to laugh every day 14. Teach your children about art, music, and literature 15. Teach your children how to save, invest and manage money 16. Don’t blame others for your situation 17. Accept that you can’t change anyone’s nature, including your own 18. Don’t be sad in order to make someone else happy 19. Don’t be less than you are to make someone else more comfortable 20. When you move to a new city or town, make friends quickly 21. Don’t harbour ill will towards authority for no valid reason 22. Don’t complain unless you have a solution 23. Make peace with your parents 24. Tell your young children “no†when necessary 25. All things in moderation 26. Buy white dishes that never go out of style 27. Take good care of yourself so that you’ll be able to do more for others 28. Understand that no one was put on this earth to make you happy 29. Allow others to make themselves happy 30. Be tolerant of other cultures, lifestyles, and religions 31. Don’t be defensive. Listen calmly to constructive criticism, act if it’s accurate, disagree politely if it isn’t. 32. Tell yourself the truth 33. Stop making negative comments about your body, your mind, or your beauty 34. Work harder on making the inside pretty, and less on making the outside pretty 35. Make due with what you have 36. Work to live, and live to eat 37. Fall madly, deeply, crazy in love, and don’t hold anything back 38. Take people at their word, until you’ve been shown that you can’t 39. Have your teeth cleaned every six months 40. Floss 41. Have a weekly date night with your partner 42. Don’t let your children become the center of your family; they need to begin their own life someday 43. Don’t make your children feel guilty for beginning their own life 44. Smile at others as often as possible 45. Be too busy to care what others think, but not too busy to care for others 46. Take the 100 Thing Challenge 47. Live by the phrase “vive le difference†48. Be monogamous 49. Cry when you need to 50. Tell your children that you believe in them, and be their number one fan 51. Agree to disagree 52. Don’t try to control others, accept them instead 53. Don’t try to control the situation, accept it instead 54. Don’t let pride stand between you and something you want 55. Let your silly side out more often 56. Sit up straight 57. Stand up straight 58. Stay home and rest when you’re sick 59. Don’t pretend to be sick 60. Don’t drive when you’re tired 61. Do your best to make others feel comfortable 62. Don’t keep guns in your home 63. Set healthy boundaries with others 64. Be careful not to say something in anger that cannot be taken back 65. Learn to like yourself 66. Take responsibility for your actions, even if it’s embarassing 67. If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so 68. Learn how to find the answers to things you don’t know 69. Stop smoking 70. Break your addiction to your iPhone or Blackberry 71. Create a basic wardrobe of quality classics, and only buy what you need to replace what has worn out 72. Have your pets checked regularly by their vet, including their immunization records 73. Stop waiting 74. Start living 75. Write thank you notes 76. Don’t compare yourself to others 77. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem 78. Read more 79. Skip more 80. Remove the television from your bedroom 81. Be present more often 82. Be a human being, not a human doing 83. Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone that you love them 84. Laugh at yourself 85. Stay in touch with people that remind you where you came from 86. Don’t be ashamed of your upbringing 87. Stop thinking the world owes you something 88. Realize that you owe the world your best self 89. Honour your elders 90. Be careful not to become self-absorbed 91. Give up the belief that great wealth, great beauty, or great fame will make you happy. It won’t. 92. Learn what does make you truly, utterly, undeniably happy on a lasting basis 93. Give more than you get 94. Stop making excuses 95. Stop being angry at the world 96. Throw out the self help books and get on with it 97. Don’t over analyze 98. Realize that no one in your life is perfect, and neither are you 99. Let out a huge sigh of relief at that realization 100. See change as a lovely ending to a book you’ve just finished reading, and go out and find the next book
********************************* 30 Days in Jail
cid:3D53716F56254AE592FD6BD9FA222E7A@OFFICE Harry and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Harry didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Harry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Harry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Harry, but one day, Sam approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Harry! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Harry, what in the world happened to you?'
Harry replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Harry said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'.
'The stupid judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD: Insignificant Goals "Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes."1 Some years ago a headline told of three hundred whales that suddenly died. The whales were pursuing sardines and found themselves marooned in a bay. Frederick Broan Harris commented, "The small fish lured the sea giants to their death. They came to their violent demise by chasing small ends, by prostituting vast powers for insignificant goals."2 How often in life "little things" can seem so insignificant. For instance, the kid who smokes his first cigarette probably reasons with himself, "One smoke will not hurt," never dreaming he would get addicted to nicotine. The same is true of the alcoholic and the drug addict. One drink will never hurt, or one drug will never hurt, never dreaming that they would end up as hopeless addicts. Then there are those of us who pride ourselves that we are not addicted to any substance, but allow our lives to be consumed by so many little things that are harmless in and of themselves but take us away from God's purpose for our life. All too often even good things become the enemy of the best in that they hinder or stop our becoming all that God has envisioned for us. May we so live that in the end when we meet God face to face we will have no regrets but hear his welcoming words, "Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Lord." How we live today will determine what that outcome will be.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me the good sense to know that my life here is just a journey and a preparation for eternity. Help me to know what your purpose for my life is and so live that I will have no regrets when I am called home, but will hear your words, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.' Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen." Song of Solomon 2:15
New King James Version (NKJV) HER Brothers 15 Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes.
********************************* WORD FOR THE DAY:
Cassandra • kuh-SAN-druh • noun 1 : a daughter of Priam endowed with the gift of prophecy but fated never to be believed 2 : one that predicts misfortune or disaster
Examples: The excitement of planning for Rachel’s graduation cookout was tempered by the pessimism of the family Cassandras , who were convinced it would rain that day. "The Cassandras were wrong: Despite dire predictions, municipal bonds haven't hurtled off a cliff." -- From an article by Ben Levisohn in the Wall Street Journal , May 20, 2011
Did you know? The story of Cassandra comes from Greek mythology and is both tragic and ironic, as such myths tend to be. Cassandra was the daughter of Priam, the king of Troy. She caught the eye of the god Apollo, who was accustomed to getting what he wanted. He was amazed and displeased when she refused his romantic advances, and he became vengeful.
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How to Get Rid of Razor Bumps in the Bikini Area
Article Get Rid of Razor Bumps in the Bikini Area
Razor bumps are not only an unsightly byproduct of hair removal but they can become infected and cause you pain and skin problems. The bikini area is the most problematic because it is a sensitive skin zone. Razor bumps are caused by the cut hair curling back into the skin after depilation.[1] Ensuring that you don't get them, or that you treat them speedily if you do, is part of good skin hygiene.
Steps 1 Use a new razor every time. This will ensure that the shaving experience can be the most effective in the shortest space of time and that a blunt or clogged blade won't be adding stress to your sensitive skin zone. As well as ensuring the razor is new though, make sure it is of good quality. Don't use cheap razors on your sensitive bikini zone skin! The only part of the razor that should be disposable is the head; the rest of the body should be a quality permanent razor that only accepts quality razor blades.[2] Use a brand-name razor; that way you know it can be trusted. Always shave the bikini area before any other part of your body. That way, the sharpest state of the blade is being used for the bikini zone and won't be dulled by armpit hair shaving, etc.
2Keep the bikini skin zone clean. You might even consider using a germicidal soap in place of a regular soap.[3]
3Soften the skin prior to shaving. This is important because it will lessen the chances of aggravating the skin. Soak the skin zone in warm water by applying a lukewarm, damp face washer to the area. Leave it there for a few minutes to give the pores a chance to open up.[4] Another method is to soak in a bath or to have a shower first.[5] Consider using a gel that will soothe the skin and help the razor glide smoothly. There are specialized gels on the market or some people are able to successfully use a thick shaving cream from a quality brand-name but you might need to test it first. Apply any such product to the skin area well in advance of shaving, to give it time to sit on the skin and to help the hairs stand up more.
4Shave with the grain of your hair or direction of the growth of your hair.[6]
5 Wear soft clothes Ensure excellent after-shave care. This is a crucial point at which you can prevent razor bumps from occurring, depending on what you do or don't do. Some suggestions include: At no point should you rub, scrub, or pull at the skin area.[7] Avoid using any lotions, creams, gels, etc. that contain alcohol. Anything containing alcohol will burn and irritate the bikini skin zone. There are commercial after-shaving treatments available that claim to reduce the chances of getting razor bumps. Not everyone is sold on them and some people consider them to be a waste of money because they don't work.[8] If you do wish to use one, consider using one that is suitable for sensitive skin (the least ingredients, the better), and perhaps one that contains lidocaine to soothe the area. Oat ingredients might also help. Avoid talc products as these are fine and may irritate the skin more. As with most beauty products, some brands or types of treatment may work better for you depending on your skin and hair type. If you are not getting the results you want, you may simply need to try a different product. Applying a cream containing glycolic acid may be helpful, as glycolic acid removes old surface skin cells.[9] The application to the shaved area may help reduce the chances for new razor bumps from forming.[10] Avoid creating friction. Don't wear tight clothing around the bikini skin zone, and prefer soft, non-irritating clothing choices. As well, avoid direct human contact in this region immediately after shaving. 6 Shave less even if this means changing your swimsuit options Keep razor bumps (infected or not) clean. If you haven't managed to escape the bumps, you'll need to go into remedy mode. Aim to shave this area of your body as little as possible if you're always experiencing razor bumps. By continuing to shave over it while it has bumps and is irritated, you risk making it worse and even infecting it. Leave at least 4 to 6 days between shaves, and the longer you can leave it, the better. Applying hydrocortisone cream on the area of skin affected by the razor bumps can help to reduce both the itchiness and the redness.[11] Apply a bacitracin-based ointment such as Neosporin, or any diaper rash cream. This will prevent infection and promote faster healing. Find a suitable product for reducing the bumps by speaking with your doctor or pharmacist who can direct you to an effective solution. 7 If the razor bumps are not going away and are hurting you or are infected, seek medical advice immediately. While it may seem like a small problem initially, if it worsens it can infect more areas of your body. It is probably best to see a doctor before considering trying to use a needle to removed embedded hairs. Sticking even a sterilized needle into your skin can be harmful when you don't know what you're doing, and any slip-up in sterilizing it can result in the spread of infection. Under no circumstances pluck or tweeze the hairs; this can cause infections and/or scarring.[12] Tips Consider waxing the area; it's a way around razor burn! Infant's diaper rash cream will get rid of razor burn quickly. Apply it over an existing rash or where you fear one might develop. Aloe vera gel can help to soothe the pain of razor bumps.[13] Try dabbing witch hazel or tea tree oil over the razor bumps. These astringents (the witch hazel contains tannins), may help to reduce inflammation on the skin.[14] Warnings While some people think that you should never shave around the bikini area (or any area) dry, others find it can help provided you don't already have razor bumps.[15] Never pluck, tweeze, or poke the embedded hairs.
Things You'll Need Wash cloth Suitable gel or shaving cream Sharp, new razor, quality Towel to pat dry (clean) After-shaving items Doctor's visit if the bumps get worse
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THINGS TO PONDER: If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything and Tupperware that's guaranteed not to break, what happens?
THINGS TO PONDER: How come the idiot is always in charge?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
"Success doesn't come to you, you go to it." - Marva Collins
"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." ******************************** French Chestnut Soup Serves 6 You don't have to be in France to do as the French do. This fabulous French Chestnut Soup provides an exotic taste right in the comfort of your own kitchen. Say au revoir to boring soups and bonjour to a palate-pleasing pottage. Ingredients 1 potato, diced 1 stalk celery, finely sliced 1 onion, finely chopped 2 cloves garlic, sliced 40 g unsalted butter 2 lb. chestnuts, peeled (yield will be half a kilo) 4 –5 cups of chicken stock 1/4 lb. creme fraiche Sea salt Fresh ground black pepper 1 tbsp. armagnac or amontillado sherry wine Freshly ground young parsley Methods/steps On low heat, sweat the potato, celery, onion and garlic in butter in a heavy based pot for 5 minutes. Add the chestnuts, stock and simmer, covered, for 25 minutes until the nuts and vegetables are tender. Strain through a colander into a bowl and puree the solids in a food processor. Return the liquid to the solids while holding back about 1 cup in case the soup is too liquid for your taste and strain back into the pot. Add the creme fraiche for extra tang and simmer the soup for 15 minutes to allow it to reduce slightly. Season to taste. Before serving, add the liquor to the hot soup. Garnish with chopped parsley. The French would add a little shredded duck comfit warmed in the alcohol into each bowl just right before serving
********************************* Fresh Fruit Tart Prep Time:15 min Cook Time:8 min Yeild:8 to 10 servings INGREDIENTS: GINGERSNAP CRUST 2 cups ground gingersnap cookies (about 38 cookies) 2 tablespoons sugar 1/3 cup Crisco All-Vegetable Shortening OR 1/3 stick Crisco Baking Sticks All-Vegetable Shortening FILLING 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 1/4 cup sugar 2 teaspoons lemon juice 1/2 cup heavy cream FRUIT TOPPING Assorted fruit, such as strawberry slices, blueberries, kiwi slices, orange segments, seedless grape halves 1/4 cup Smucker's Apricot Preserves 1 tablespoon water GARNISH Fresh mint leaves (optional) ALTERNATIVE CRUST OPTION Single crust Classic Crisco Pie Crust
PREPARATION DIRECTIONS: GINGERSNAP CRUST
1. HEAT oven to 350°F. 2.STIR together gingersnap crumbs and sugar in medium bowl. Blend in shortening with pastry blender or two knives until crumbs are moistened and begin to clump together. 3.PRESS mixture into bottom and up sides of a 10-inch tart pan with removable bottom. 4. BAKE crust 8 minutes, or until golden brown. Let crust cool completely before filling. FILLING 1. BLEND cream cheese, sugar and lemon juice until smooth in medium bowl using an electric mixer. Add cream; mix on high speed until light and fluffy. Spread filling over cooled crust using a rubber spatula. Refrigerate several hours.
ASSEMBLY 1. Just before serving: ARRANGE fruit on top of filling in a decorative fashion. Whisk together preserves with water in small bowl; brush mixture over fruit using a pastry brush. Garnish with mint leaves, if desired.
TIP For a lighter version, substitute an 8-oz. container of low-fat lemon or vanilla yogurt in place of the filling.
********************************* Chicken Fajita Salad Wraps
PREP TIME 35 Min TOTAL TIME 35 Min SERVINGS 8
INGREDIENTS Chipotle-Lime Dressing 1 cup ranch dressing 1 tablespoon lime juice 1 tablespoon finely chopped chipotle chiles in adobo sauce (from 7-oz can) 1 teaspoon grated lime peel Wraps 3 cups chopped cold deli rotisserie chicken (from 2- to 2 1/2-lb chicken) 2 cups thinly sliced iceberg lettuce 1 cup Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers Niblets frozen corn, cooked, cooled 1 small tomato, seeded, chopped (1/3 cup) 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese (4 oz) 1 package (11 oz) Old El Paso flour tortillas for burritos (8 tortillas; 8 inch) Old El Paso Thick 'n Chunky salsa, if desired Sour cream, if desired 1 In small bowl, mix dressing ingredients; set aside. In large bowl, stir together chicken, lettuce, corn and tomato. Add dressing; toss to coat. 2 To assemble each wrap, spoon 1/8 of chicken mixture down center of each tortilla; sprinkle with cheese. Roll up. Serve immediately with salsa and sour cream.
Expert Tips Purchase a bag of preshredded lettuce. ********************************* Chicken BLT Wraps with Aioli Make a no-fuss version of a French garlic spread to add punch to a roll-up with chicken and classic BLT ingredients. PREP TIME 15 Min TOTAL TIME 15 Min SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS Aioli 1/3 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing 1 large clove garlic, finely chopped 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice Wraps 4 flour tortillas (10 inch) 8 leaves green leaf lettuce 1 package (9 oz) thinly sliced oven-roasted chicken breast 2 medium tomatoes, chopped 1/4 cup bacon flavor bits or chips
1 In small bowl, beat aioli ingredients with wire whisk. Spread on each tortilla, leaving 2-inch border at bottom of each. 2 Arrange 2 lettuce leaves on each tortilla, leaving 2-inch border at bottom. Evenly top each with chicken, tomatoes and bacon bits. 3 Fold bottom edge of each tortilla up, and roll tightly. Secure, if desired, with toothpick, foil or waxed paper. Expert Tips Aioli is a French term meaning “garlic mayonnaise.†Make these wraps ahead. Cover in plastic wrap and stored in the refrigerator to eat at a later time. ********************************* Beef, Lettuce and Tomato Wraps PREP TIME 30 Min TOTAL TIME 30 Min SERVINGS 4
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon plus 1 1/2 teaspoons chili powder 2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon salt 1 lb beef top sirloin steak, about 3/4 inch thick 4 whole wheat tortillas (6 to 8 inch) 3/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream 1 tablespoon prepared horseradish 4 cups shredded lettuce 1 large tomato, chopped (1 cup)
1 In small bowl, mix chili powder, oregano, cumin and salt. Rub mixture on both sides of beef. Let stand 10 minutes at room temperature. 2 Set oven control to broil. Place beef on rack in broiler pan. Broil with top 3 to 4 inches from heat about 10 minutes for medium doneness, turning once, or until desired doneness. Cut into 1/8-inch slices. 3 Warm tortillas as directed on package. In small bowl, mix sour cream and horseradish. Spread 3 tablespoons horseradish mixture over each tortilla; top each with 1 cup of the lettuce and 1/4 cup of the tomato. Top with beef. Wrap tortillas around filling.
Expert Tips Your supermarket is likely offering many whole-grain options. Look for whole wheat tortillas, which are a great alternative to the white ones. Besides being a whole grain, they have more flavor and texture. Whole Grain Serving: 1/2 ******************************** As we age..... I just love this!!!!! You've no doubt heard about people who have been abducted and had Their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years Ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of Cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to Mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my Life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My arse was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they Took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had Stuck me with earlier. But my new arse was attached at least Three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to Give up my jeans in favor of long skirts. Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One Morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the Flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of The hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was Being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to Me next? When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with A turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the World wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons Are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and Me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', Look again - was it lifted from you? THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere Every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS! ********************************* A great letter from a Gutsy Cape Bretoner – Gotta love it! Dear Revenue Canada Enclosed and/or attached, you will find my 2010 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the Toronto Globe and Mail; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Canadian Department of National Defense is paying $171.50 per hammer and Fisheries and Oceans Canada has paid $600.00 per toilet seat for its icebreakers. As payment, I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Canadian Tire, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the 'Help Stephen Harper Re-election Fund,' as noted on my return. It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. God Bless Canada! Sincerely, A Cape Bretoner
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Do you have fears and doubts? Speak to Me, spend time with Me, then sweet Joy will flow into your heart." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Waiting For a Magic Wand
1 Corinthians 9:24, NIV: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." "Lord, make me a preacher of Your Word," Victor prayed to God. "With all my heart I so badly want to show others the way." Each day, Victor fell on his knees in his mountain home, and prayed the very same prayer. And each day, after his prayer, he would go about his daily work--wondering why the Lord had not responded as he expected. He seldom left his mountain home. He seldom saw anyone. He seldom read the Bible. It may seem a bit odd to think that someone would pray as Victor did; that someone would ask to be a preacher, and not seek out those to whom he would preach. It may seem strange that someone would want to proclaim God's Word who seldom reads it. Yet so many of us ask things of God and wait for Him as Victor did. Maybe we ask God to help us grow in the knowledge of His Word, yet we fill our time until there is no time to read and study. Perhaps we ask God to help us to overcome a sin, yet do not take action to avoid circumstances that tempt us. And so, we sit and we wish and we wonder why it's so hard to be what God wants us to be. God has great things in store for us that we will never know so long as we sit by waiting for the easy fix, or the wave of a magic wand.
For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. - Romans 1:16
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
kerf KURF , noun; 1. A cut or incision made by a saw or the like in a piece of wood. 2. In mining, a deep cut a few inches high, used to undermine a portion of a coal or mineral seam. 3. The act of cutting or carving. verb: 1. To cut or carve.
Quotes: They pass through a cleft that has been made across a low range of hills, like a kerf in the top of a log, and enter into a lovely territory of subtly swelling emerald green fields strewn randomly with small white capsules that he takes to be sheep. -- Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomicon The first chips that flew were ten inches long, but they quickly dwindled as the kerf sank in. -- Ernest Thompson Seton, Two Little Savages
Origin: Kerf comes from the Old English cyrf, "a cutting," which relates to carve.
************************** This Will Take Your Breath Away
A Red Skelton Show from 41 years ago....Please Watch!!! A "skit" from one of Red Skelton's 1969? T.V. shows... WOW.....just think about it, he said this on his T.V. show in 1969 & had no clue his words would ever come to fruition. SAD, isn't it? What a wonderful and worthwhile clip to watch and share with all your friends and acquaintances! This is one that needs to be passed on to everyone. The goal is 2,500,000 viewers. It should be 300 million.
http://media.causes.com/604250?p_id=42563578
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TIPS FOR YOUR PET:
Does your dog ever have trouble after eating? Have you noticed that he can't seem to keep his food down after meals? Maybe you've noticed he has loose stool when you take him out for a walk? If this is happening, it could be a sign that your dog has a sensitive stomach. For those of you who have dealt with this, you know just what I'm talking about. It can be difficult to overcome - constantly searching for foods that agree with your dog's stomach...constantly cleaning up messes from vomit and diarrhea. If your dog has these symptoms, the most important thing to do first and foremost is to take him to the vet, because even though these are usually signs of a 'sensitive stomach' you want to be sure they aren't more serious medical problems like pancreatitis or colitis. If your vet confirms your dog has sensitive stomach one of the most important things is to focus on what you are feeding him. No more table scraps or allowing him to eat 'people food' - dogs with sensitive stomach really need high quality foods. Similar to humans, dogs can be sensitive to both ingredients and how those ingredients are processed. Think about it. Some people are allergic to particular foods, but they may also have a hard time digesting foods that are processed a certain way (fried foods for example). The same holds true for dogs - in fact they may even react differently to the same ingredient simply based on how it is prepared. So it's important to feed them foods that not only contain high quality ingredients but are also processed carefully. Foods that contain balanced fiber can be beneficial to doggy digestion. Prebiotic fibers help maintain both a healthy GI tract and a healthy balance of 'good' bacteria in the gut. You should also be wary of giving your dog over-processed foods, which can really lower the quality of essential nutrients. Foods that contain Omega Fatty Acids and antioxidants can also be beneficial to their health. So in parting my message is this: we all know that over-processed or fast foods can be unhealthy for humans. Well let's take the same approach with our dogs. Don't resort to giving them 'fast food.' Nourish them with high quality foods that promote healthy digestion and are processed carefully so they get all of the nutrients they need - especially if they have a sensitive stomach.
Tip on Understanding How Dogs Can Eat That
How can my dog eat that? While dogs excel in the listening department, their sense of taste is a bit less refined. This is certainly evident in some of the things they find tasty. Compared to humans, dogs have approximately 1/5 the number of taste buds. Perhaps this serves as an explanation for the little complaints we receive for feeding them dog food. Discovering your dog's sensory levels, breed-related instincts, relative intelligence and comprehension is simply a start to understanding your dog. Relationships between dogs and their human family are incredibly complex, however a little knowledge can greatly increase your understanding.
TODAY'S PET TIP
Encouraging Your Dog to Drink Proper hydration is crucial in the healing process; however, the ill or painful dog may not be interested in drinking. It is important NOT to force water into your dog, as it could lead to aspiration pneumonia if your dog is not swallowing appropriately. Listed below are several options to encourage your dog to drink.
1. Give your dog an ice cube to lick. 2. Allow your dog to lick water from your hand or your finger. 3. Feed canned dog food, as it has a higher water content. 4. Add warm water or low-sodium broth to your dog's food. 5. With your veterinarian's permission, offer small amounts of Pedialyte. 6. Adding an ice cube to the water bowl can encourage some dogs to drink. If your dog is weak and not interested in food or water, see your veterinarian.
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One such ailment that troubles some dogs is infection of the urinary tract. If left untreated, urinary tracts infections can lead to even more serious bladder and kidney issues and put your dog at great risk. There's no way of predicting whether your dog will suffer from UTIs or whether they will recur, so be prepared and consider getting pet insurance to help offset costs.
A healthy bladder is always free of bacteria. Urinary tract infections strike when there is bacteria present in the urinary bladder. The most common way that bacteria are introduced into the bladder is via contact with the animal's own feces. Female dogs are likelier to suffer from urinary tract infections, but male dogs can get them, too. Urinary tract infections can be very painful. Know the symptoms and be vigilant so that the second your dog presents any of them, you get her to the veterinarian immediately. Some symptoms of UTIs include, but are not limited to, the following: • Frequent urination in small quantities • Accidents in the home because of an inability to hold urine • Foul-smelling urine • Blood in the urine (in severe cases) It is important to take your dog to the veterinarian immediately so that she may run urine tests and diagnose the UTI and determine the best course of action to treat it. Especially if blood is present in the urine, your veterinarian may recommend advanced urine tests that can make a single trip to the veterinarian climb upwards of $300. Urine testing typically involves inserting a needle into the bladder and extracting urine directly from it. Urinary tract infections are treated with antibiotics. Typically, your dog will be placed on a two-week cycle to ensure all the bacteria are eradicated. You should see improvement in your dog within 48 hours-that is, if your dog responds well to the antibiotics, the frequent urination and accidents should minimize or go away entirely. Even if you see improvement, you must administer the full course of antibiotics, and be sure to take your pup in for a follow-up exam. Advanced urine tests are repeated on your dog's follow-up exam to confirm that the infection is indeed gone. That means you'll be responsible for paying approximately $600 in about a two-week period. Don't wait until this happens to you. The sooner you get pet insurance, the better. In cases where UTIs recur in your dog, your veterinarian may recommend X-rays or ultrasounds, making a single bill skyrocket. These tests are necessary and essential to determining why your dog suffers from recurring bladder infections. Untreated UTIs can lead to chronic and severe pain, and can spread to the kidneys, putting your dog at risk for severe illness or even death.
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Super Moist Pork Chops
Golden mushroom soup makes a simple and tasty sauce for tender sautéed pork chops.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 5 minutes Cooking time: 15 1 tbsp. vegetable oil 4 bone-in pork chops, 1/2" thick (about 1 1/2 pounds) 1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Condensed Golden Mushroom Soup 1/4 cup water
Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the pork and cook until well browned on both sides.
Stir the soup and water in the skillet and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 10 minutes or until the pork is cooked through.
************************** Spicy Baked Potato
Redefine the true meaning of a baked potato. This recipe puts cumin and tumeric to the test with a quiet blend of Indian inspiration. It's an ethnic twist that goes great with any meal. Ingredients
1 tsp. canola oil 1/2 tsp. mustard seeds 1/2 tsp. cumin seeds 1 tsp. sea salt 4 1/2 cups peeled shredded baking potato 2 tbsp. chopped fresh parsley 2 tbsp. canola oil 1/4 tsp. ground turmeric 1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper Dash of ground red pepper Cooking spray 5 tbsp. light sour cream
Methods/steps Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Heat 1 tsp. oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Add mustard and cumin seeds to pan; cook 2 minutes or until mustard seeds pop, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Place spice mixture and salt in a mortar; crush seeds with pestle. Set aside. Gently squeeze potato to remove excess moisture. Combine potato, spice mixture, parsley, 2 tbsp. oil, turmeric, and peppers in a large bowl. Divide mixture evenly into 10 (1/3 cup) portions; place on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Flatten to 1/2-inch thickness. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes or until golden. Turn over; bake an additional 5 minutes and serve with sour cream.
************************* Hamburger 'n' Corn Bake
Ingredients 4 tbsp bacon drippings or vegetable oil 3/4 cup onion, chopped 2 green peppers, sliced 1 lb ground round 1 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper 2 eggs, well beaten 2 cups fresh corn 2 medium-sized tomatoes 1/2 cup dry bread crumbs butter
Directions 1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. 2. Heat bacon drippings (oil) in a medium-sized skillet and saute onion and green peppers until onion turns golden. 3. Add ground round, salt and pepper. Cook until meat is lightly browned, then drain. 4. Place 1/2 the corn in the bottom of a casserole dish, cover with 1/2 meat mixture and top with layer of sliced tomatoes. Repeat layers and top with dry bread crumbs. Dot with butter. Bake 35 minutes.
************************** Tuscan Grilled Trout
The trout skin protects the flesh and turns an appealing golden brown during grilling. A sophisticated but simple outdoor supper.
Serves: 4 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 6 minutes 1/4 cup olive oil 1 clove garlic, cut into thin slices 1/2 teaspoon dried sage 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, crumbled 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper 8 trout fillets, about two pounds in all
Light the grill or heat the broiler.
In a small stainless-steel saucepan, combine the oil, garlic, sage, and rosemary. Cook over moderately low heat until the garlic just starts to brown, about 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and immediately stir in the vinegar, 1/4 teaspoon of the salt, and the pepper.
Put the trout fillets in a medium glass dish or stainless-steel pan. Sprinkle the fish with the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt. Add half of the oil-and-vinegar mixture and turn to coat. Grill or broil the fish skin-side down for 2 minutes. Turn and cook until just done, about 2 minutes longer for 1/4-inch-thick fillets. To serve, whisk the remaining oil-and-vinegar mixture and pour it over the hot fish.
************************** Strawberry Upside-Down Cake
How to Make Strawberry Upside-Down Cake
There are many people out there that have a strong love affair with pineapple upside-down cake, but let me introduce you to a recipe that will cause the most devoted of cake lovers to fall head over heels for something new, something out of this world.
Difficulty: Moderately Easy Instructions
Things You'll Need 2 Tablespoons butter (for the topping) 1/2 Cup Brown Sugar 1 Cup of Sliced Strawberries 1 1/3 Cup All-Purpose Flour 2/3 Cup Sugar 2 Teaspoons Baking Powder 2/3 Cup Milk 1/4 Soft Butter (for the cake) 1 Egg 1 Teaspoon Vanilla 9in round cake dish
1 Topping - In a 9in round cake dish melt the 2 table spoons of butter, mix in the brown sugar, add the strawberries, and then set it to the side.
2 Cake Mix - In a mixing bowl stir the flour, sugar, and baking powder together. Then add the milk, butter, egg, and vanilla. Mix with a mixer until smooth. Then gently pour over the fruit in the cake pan. You may want to use a lager spoon. The key is for the fruit to stay on the bottom, and not to mix with the batter.
3 Baking/Serving - Pre-Heat the oven to 350. Bake in the oven at 350 for 30 to 35 minutes. Check the middle of the cake with a toothpick or knife to see if it's done. When done remove from the oven and place on a rack to cool for 5 to 10 minutes. Then fillip it over on to a serving plate, and remove the pan.
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(Note: this must've been before Jan.1, 2010, because Arizonans no longer need a CCP to carry concealed weaons!)
The Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over pick-up truck owner Mike Murray for a weapons check because of an NRA bumper sticker. When the officer approached the vehicle, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver's license, insurance card and concealed carry permit. The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said, "Mr. Murray, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?" The driver replied, "Yes I do. I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a .45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot." The officer looked at Mike and asked, "Anything else?" "Yes. I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 in the trunk." The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver's face and said "Mr. Murray, you're carrying quite a few guns. May I ask what you are afraid of?" Mike locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered, "Not a f------ thing!!!"
******************************* Is it One Word or Two?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - "Is that one word or two?"
*************************** R.C.M.P. A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada Hwy about 2 miles West of Winnipeg .. When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Brandon to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late. The Mountie told the driver he was just fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a speeding ticket. The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Alberta got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car, pulled opened the rear door and then got in. The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk then replied to the Mountie .... You might as well take me to jail .... "Cause there's no way I can pass that test"
************************** Immigration officer put wife on terror list
Passport control /PA
An immigration officer was so sick of his wife that he put her on a terrorist watch list - so she couldn't get home from Pakistan. The officer added her name to the register of people banned from flights into the UK while she was visiting family overseas, reports The Mirror. When she went to the airport to get her return flight back, officials told her she could not board the plane and did not explain why. She called her husband, who promised to look into it - but left her stuck in Pakistan for three years while he had the "time of his life". An immigration source said: "A lot of people may dislike their other halves but to do this takes it to the next level. "Needless to say she was confused when she got to the airport as she had never been involved in anything criminal or terrorist related. "She obviously thought her husband, being an immigration officer, would be able to find out what was going on. "Little did she know it was him who had put her on the list. By all accounts he then had the time of his life." The officer was caught out when bosses vetted him after he went for a promotion that required him to have a higher level of security clearance. They realized his wife was on the watch list and asked him for an explanation. He had no choice but to confess what he had done - and was fired.
*************************** ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!!
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is ......
You're NOT my flight instructor?'
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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9 surprising things that make allergies worse Wine, chlorine and stressful work deadlines can make you sneeze and wheeze
If you’re a seasonal allergy sufferer (60 million of Americans are), you probably already have a few tricks to avoid triggers, like not running outside when pollen counts are sky-high or keeping the windows closed and blasting the AC. But you may not know about these less obvious factors that can make symptoms worse. Enjoy the great outdoors – even if you’re allergic!
1. Stressful work deadlines. In a 2008 experiment, researchers at Ohio State University College of Medicine found that allergy sufferers had more symptoms. after they took an anxiety-inducing test, compared with when they performed a task that did not make them tense. Stress hormones may stimulate the production of IgE, blood proteins that cause allergic reactions, says study author Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, PhD. If you’re under stress, get enough sleep. A sleep deficit can worsen both allergy symptoms and stress, she says. Silent signals you are very stressed
2. An extra glass of wine with dinner. Alcohol can raise the risk of perennial allergic rhinitis by 3 percent for every additional alcoholic beverage consumed each week, Danish researchers found. One potential reason: Bacteria and yeast in the alcohol produce histamines, chemicals that cause telltale allergy symptoms like stuffy nose and itchy eyes. Avoid alcohol when your symptoms are acting up, says Richard F. Lockey, MD, director of the division of allergy and immunology at the University of South Florida College of Medicine. 3. Waiting too long to take meds. Medications that block histamines work best before you’re even exposed to allergens, says allergist James Sublett, MD, a spokesperson for the American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology. Start medication a couple of weeks before the season commences or before you’ll be around allergens (if you react to grass, before a golf game, for example).
4. A not-hot-enough washing machine. If you find yourself sniffling in bed, crank your washing machine to the hottest setting. In a South Korean study, laundering cotton sheets at 140 degrees killed 100 percent of dust mites, while a warm 104 degree-wash destroyed just 6.5 percent. A machine's "sanitize" setting is likely hot enough; check the manual if your model lacks this option. Some units heat water internally, but others use what flows through the pipes, so you may need to boost your water heater. (Caution: This temp can scald in 5 seconds.) Is your laundry making you sick?
5. Houseplants that make you sneeze. Your innocent orchid could bring tears to your eyes. More than 75 percent of hay fever sufferers are allergic to at least one common houseplant, found a Belgian study. Allergens in plant sap can diffuse into the air and set off your sniffling. Though any potted greens can be trouble, researchers found that ficus, yucca, ivy, palm, orchid, and fern varieties are most irritating to allergy-prone people.
The best houseplants for every room
6. Skipping medication in the evening. One time not to forget your allergy med? Before bed—so the medication will be circulating in your bloodstream early the next day. Symptoms such as sneezing, weepy eyes, and runny nose peak in the morning, says Richard J. Martin, MD, chair of the department of medicine at National Jewish Medical and Research Center in Denver. Choose regular (instead of nondrowsy formulas) for extra help falling asleep promptly. Natural home remedies that really work
7. Water workouts in an indoor pool. Chlorine-filled lap lanes can wreak havoc on your system. Used to disinfect, chlorine is highly irritating to the skin, eyes, and respiratory tract, says Prevention advisor Andrew Weil, MD. And a recent study in the journal Pediatrics found that teens who log more than 100 hours in a chlorinated pool have a 3 to 7 times higher risk of developing hay fever, compared with swimmers who dunk in chlorine-free pools. To reap the benefits of your water workout without wheezing and sneezing, consider wearing a mask or goggles when swimming to protect your eyes from chlorine's temporarily irritating effects. Try to swim in outdoor pools, where the gas is more readily dispersed, instead of indoor ones, and avoid swimming in chlorinated pools daily. 10 of the worst germ hotspots to avoid
8. Friends who smoke. Cigarettes—with their numerous toxic chemicals and irritants—are nasty for everyone, but allergy sufferers may be especially sensitive, according to the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences. In fact, one Japanese study of teenage students found that more than 80 percent of those who came from homes where family members smoked heavily showed signs of nasal allergies. Even if you don’t hang around smoky bars or other areas, particles on the clothing of smoking friends or coworkers can pollute the air in your home or office.
Smells that actually boost your health
9. Showering in the AM only. Hay fever sufferers would benefit from a quick rinse as soon as they get home from work or after being outside for a while, says allergist Stanley Fineman, MD, a physician at the Atlanta Allergy and Asthma Clinic. That’s because hidden pollen particles can get trapped on your body, hair, clothes, and shoes—continuing to trigger symptoms after you’ve returned indoors. If you’re prone to pollen allergies, slip off your shoes, throw your clothes in the hamper, and shower as soon as you get home to avoid dragging particles all over your home.
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In honor of Arnold Schwartzenegger, the Pope has added a new commandment. Be sure to write this one in underneath the other ten:
"Thou Shalt Not Share Thy Rod With Thy Staff."
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD: "Courage. Courage. Courage. Fear nothing. Rejoice even in the darkest place." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Waiting For a Magic Wand
1 Corinthians 9:24, NIV: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."
"Lord, make me a preacher of Your Word," Victor prayed to God. "With all my heart I so badly want to show others the way." Each day, Victor fell on his knees in his mountain home, and prayed the very same prayer. And each day, after his prayer, he would go about his daily work--wondering why the Lord had not responded as he expected. He seldom left his mountain home. He seldom saw anyone. He seldom read the Bible. It may seem a bit odd to think that someone would pray as Victor did; that someone would ask to be a preacher, and not seek out those to whom he would preach. It may seem strange that someone would want to proclaim God's Word who seldom reads it. Yet so many of us ask things of God and wait for Him as Victor did. Maybe we ask God to help us grow in the knowledge of His Word, yet we fill our time until there is no time to read and study. Perhaps we ask God to help us to overcome a sin, yet do not take action to avoid circumstances that tempt us. And so, we sit and we wish and we wonder why it's so hard to be what God wants us to be. God has great things in store for us that we will never know so long as we sit by waiting for the easy fix, or the wave of a magic wand.
Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. - John 3:5
************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
uncouth • un-KOOTH • adjective 1 : strange or clumsy in shape or appearance : outlandish 2 : lacking in polish and grace : rugged 3 : awkward and uncultivated in appearance, manner, or behavior : rude Examples: Stacy realized it would be uncouth to show up to the party without a gift, so she picked up a bottle of wine on the way. "For starters, Buckingham Palace isn't a great place to be fussy about food -- the hosts have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare dinner and it would be uncouth not to sample everything that's served…." -- From an article by Jessica Allen and Patricia Treble in Maclean's , May 2, 2011
Did you know? "Uncouth" comes from the Old English word "uncuth," which joins the prefix "un-" with "cuth," meaning "familiar" or "known."
************************** THINGS TO PONDER: If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
CONFUCIOUS SAYS: Heaven means to be one with God.
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You might be a REDNECK if... ...there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
"To guarantee success, act as if it were impossible to fail." - Dorothea Brande
************************* SUMMERTIME HINTS FOR YOUR DOG:
Some dogs do get into trouble during the summer months. Today is the first day of summer and I want to talk to you about a couple of common problems that you need to be aware of.
Now that summer is here, families will be enjoying months of outdoor fun. Summer holidays are perfect for barbeques, picnics and pool parties, and families will spend more time outside playing with their pets. To make the summer more enjoyable, pet owners need to be aware of summertime hazards that can result in injury or illness to your pet. Preventing these hazards can help you and your dog enjoy the carefree days of summer without a trip to the emergency vet clinic.? Here are 4 common summer hazards that you need to protect your dog from:
• Outdoor threats - There are many outdoor threats to dogs. Keep your pet leashed when you leave your yard. Taking your pet outdoors increases the likelihood of meeting other animals, so use a leash for your dog's safety and theirs. A fight with another pet or with any wild animal can result in cuts, lacerations or severe punctures. If these wounds are left untreated, complications can result. Dog bites and lacerations from fights are among the most common emergencies I see in our practices. The wounds can be simple to extensive and cost hundreds of dollars to treat. You need to be prepared for this type of emergency. If this type of unplanned expense would be difficult for you, consider pet insurance.
• Insects - Flies are more prevalent in the warmer months, and any injury to the skin, even something as small as an abrasion, can be a perfect place for flies to lay eggs. In a short time, these eggs hatch and become maggots. Keeping your pet clean and treating any skin injuries is crucial in avoiding maggot infestations.??
• Antifreeze - As summer approaches, many people change the antifreeze/water mixture in their vehicles. Antifreeze tastes sweet to pets and is highly toxic. ? ? • Trash - Summer heat speeds up decay and decomposition, especially in the trash. Keep your dog away from garbage areas. Pets that have access to garbage or compost can ingest molds that cause significant nervous system abnormalities including severe tremors or seizures. Eating trash can also cause vomiting and diarrhea or pancreatitis from eating spoiled foods. You never know when something bad is going to happen. Be prepared. Try to minimize hazards and keep your dog safe. I hope these tips will help keep your dog safe this summer.
************************************** Easy Waffle Iron Fix
Nobody wants to clean the mess made by a waffle iron that won’t let go of the waffles. To bring your waffle iron back to its nonstick condition, place a piece of waxed paper where the batter goes, close the iron and let it heat up. Keep an eye on it, and as soon as the waxed paper turns brown, remove it. Your waffle iron should be good as new.
************************************** Simply Delicious Strawberry Cake
Total Time: 45 min Prep 15 min Inactive 10 min Cook 20 min Yield: 8 servings
Ingredients 1 (18.25-ounce) box white cake mix 1 (3-ounce) box strawberry-flavored instant gelatin 1 (15-ounce) package frozen strawberries in syrup, thawed and pureed 4 large eggs 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1/4 cup water
Strawberry cream cheese frosting, recipe follows
Strawberry Cream Cheese Frosting 1/4 cup butter, softened 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened 1 (10-ounce) package frozen strawberries in syrup, thawed and pureed 1/2 teaspoon strawberry extract 7 cups confectioners' sugar Freshly sliced strawberries, for garnish, optional
Directions Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease 2 (9-inch) round cake pans.
In a large bowl, combine cake mix and gelatin. Add pureed strawberries, eggs, oil, and water; beat at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Pour into prepared pans, and bake for 20 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Let cool in pans for 10 minutes. Remove from pans, and cool completely on wire racks.
For the frosting:
In a large bowl, beat butter and cream cheese at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Beat in 1/4 cup of the strawberry puree and the vanilla extract. (The rest of the puree is leftover but can be used in smoothies or on ice cream for a delicious treat.) Gradually add confectioners' sugar, beating until smooth.
Spread frosting in between layers and on top and sides of cake. Garnish with sliced fresh strawberries, if desired.
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Strawberry Cake from Scratch
It is hard to find scratch strawberry cakes, so this one is worth it weight in gold to me as a caterer. I made this cake for a child's birthday party. It was a major hit! Frost with cream cheese or vanilla frosting - or for a treat, use a chocolate glaze!"
Prep Time: 10 Min Cook Time: 30 Min Ready In: 40 Min Servings: Original Recipe Yield 2 - 9 inch cake layers
Ingredients
2 cups white sugar 1 (3 ounce) package strawberry flavored gelatin 1 cup butter, softened 4 eggs (room temperature) 2 3/4 cups sifted cake flour 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1 cup whole milk, room temperature 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup strawberry puree made from frozen sweetened strawberries
Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour two 9 inch round cake pans. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, sugar and dry strawberry gelatin until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time, mixing well after each. Combine the flour and baking powder; stir into the batter alternately with the milk. Blend in vanilla and strawberry puree. Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a small knife inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Allow cakes to cool in their pans over a wire rack for at least 10 minutes, before tapping out to cool completely.
Nutritional Information Amount Per Serving Calories: 393 | Total Fat: 15.4g | Cholesterol: 97mg
************************************** Strawberry Upside Down Cake
Prep Time: 15 Min Cook Time: 25 Min Ready In:45 Min Servings Original Recipe Yield 1 - 9x13 inch pan
Ingredients
1 (18.25 ounce) package white cake mix 1 (6 ounce) package orange flavored gelatin mix 2 (10 ounce) packages frozen strawberries, thawed 1 (10.5 ounce) package miniature marshmallows
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9x13 inch pan. Put a single layer of miniature marshmallows on the bottom of the pan. Prepare cake mix according to package instructions. Pour batter over marshmallows in pan. Mix gelatin powder and strawberries in a medium bowl. Pour over cake batter in the pan. Bake according to package instructions. Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 178 | Total Fat: 2.4g | Cholesterol: 0mg ************************************** Strawberry Upside-Down Cake
How to Make Strawberry Upside-Down Cake
There are many people out there that have a strong love affair with pineapple upside-down cake, but let me introduce you to a recipe that will cause the most devoted of cake lovers to fall head over heels for something new, something out of this world.
Difficulty: Moderately Easy Instructions
Things You'll Need 2 Tablespoons butter (for the topping) 1/2 Cup Brown Sugar 1 Cup of Sliced Strawberries 1 1/3 Cup All-Purpose Flour 2/3 Cup Sugar 2 Teaspoons Baking Powder 2/3 Cup Milk 1/4 Soft Butter (for the cake) 1 Egg 1 Teaspoon Vanilla 9in round cake dish
1 Topping - In a 9in round cake dish melt the 2 table spoons of butter, mix in the brown sugar, add the strawberries, and then set it to the side.
2 Cake Mix - In a mixing bowl stir the flour, sugar, and baking powder together. Then add the milk, butter, egg, and vanilla. Mix with a mixer until smooth. Then gently pour over the fruit in the cake pan. You may want to use a lager spoon. The key is for the fruit to stay on the bottom, and not to mix with the batter.
3 Baking/Serving - Pre-Heat the oven to 350. Bake in the oven at 350 for 30 to 35 minutes. Check the middle of the cake with a toothpick or knife to see if it's done. When done remove from the oven and place on a rack to cool for 5 to 10 minutes. Then fillip it over on to a serving plate, and remove the pan.
************************************** Country Style Beef Pie
Ingredients 1/2 cup tomato sauce 3/4 cup bread crumbs 1 lb ground round 1/4 cup onion, chopped 1/4 cup green pepper, chopped 1 tsp salt 1/8 tsp oregano 1/8 tsp freshly ground pepper 1 1/2 cups quick cooking rice 1 cup water 1 1/2 cups tomato sauce 1 cup Cheddar Cheese, grated 1/2 tsp salt
Directions 1. In a large bowl, combine first 8 ingredients well. Pat mixture into a greased 9-inch pie plate. 2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 3. In a mixing bowl, combine rice, tomato sauce, water, and 1/2 the cheese. 4. Place rice mixture in meat shell. Cover with foil and bake 25 minutes. 5. Uncover, sprinkle with remaining cheese and bake 15 minutes longer.
************************************** Spinach-Hamburger Bake
Ingredients 2 tbsp bacon drippings or vegetable oil 1 lb ground round 1 pkg frozen spinach 1 can (about 10 1/2 oz) condensed cream of mushroom soup 2 tbsp soy sauce 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper 4 oz Cheddar cheese, grated 3 tbsp dry bread crumbs 1 tbsp sweet butter
Directions 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. 2. Heat bacon drippings (oil) in a heavy skillet. Brown ground round lightly. Drain and return to pan. 3. Add frozen spinach, cover and cook until it thaws. Break spinach apart with a fork and mix with meat. 4. Stir in cream of mushroom soup, soy sauce, pepper and about 5 tbsp grated cheese. Cook until cheese melts. 5. Place contents of skillet in a greased 2 qt casserole dish. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. 6. Melt butter in a small saucepan and toss bread crumbs lightly in butter. Sprinkle bread crumbs on top of casserole. Bake 10 minutes or until cheese melts.
************************************** A SOLDIER I WAS THAT WHICH OTHERS DID NOT WANT TO BE. I WENT WHERE OTHERS FEARED TO GO, AND DID WHAT OTHERS FAILED TO DO. I ASKED NOTHING FROM THOSE WHO GAVE NOTHING, AND RELUCTANTLY ACCEPTED THE THOUGHT OF ETERNAL LONELINESS ...SHOULD I FAIL. I HAVE SEEN THE FACE OF TERROR; FELT THE STINGING COLD OF FEAR; AND ENJOYED THE SWEET TASTE OF A MOMENTS LOVE. I HAVE CRIED, PAINED, AND HOPED ...BUT MOST OF ALL, I HAVE LIVED TIMES OTHERS WOULD SAY WERE BEST FORGOTTEN. AT LEAST SOMEDAY I WILL BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I WAS PROUD OF WHAT I WAS ... A SOLDIER
*************************************** 1981 & 2005 - Two Interesting Years
Interesting Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe . 3. Australia lost the Ashes. 4. The Pope died.
Interesting Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe . 3. Australia lost the Ashes. 4. The Pope died.
Lesson to be learned: The next time Charles gets married, someone should warn the Pope. REMEMBER WHEN: All the girls had ugly gym slips
It took five minutes for the TV to warm up
Nearly everyone's Mum was home when the kids got home from school
Nobody owned a purebred dog
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny Your Mother wore nylons that came in two pieces
All male teachers wore ties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels
You got your windscreen cleaned, oil checked and petrol served, without asking, all for free, every time..
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents
They threatened to keep children back a year if they failed the school year. . . And they did!
When a Ford Zephyr was everyone's dream car... And people went steady .
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles?
Playing cricket with no adults to help the children with the rules of the game
Bottles came from the corner shop without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger.
And with all our progress, don't you wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savour the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?
When being sent to the headmasters office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home.
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs etc.Our parents and grandparents werea much bigger threat!But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. As well as summers filled with bike rides, cricket, Hula Hoops, skating and visits to the pool, eating lemonade powder or liquorice sticks.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yes, I remember that'?
I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a Double Dare to pass it on. To remember what a Double Dare is, read on, and remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
Send this on to someone who can stillremember the Lone Ranger and Sgt Bilko
How Many Of These Do You Remember?
Coca Cola in bottles.
Blackjacks and bubble gums.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with tinfoil tops
Hi-If's & 45 RPM records.
78 RPM records!
Adding Machines..
Scalextric.
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Do You Remembera Time When..
Decisions were made by going 'Eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching tadpoles could happily occupy an entire day?
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was'chickenpox'?
Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a slingshot ?
War was a card game?
Cigarette cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange - flavoured chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!
Share this on to anyone who may need a break from their 'Grown-Up' Life. Double DareYou! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ END OF PAGE 1 go to page 2 for more . . .
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Do not fear. I am a wall of protection around you." - GOD
Better the Devil You Know
"The LORD spoke to Joshua the son of Nun, Moses' assistant, saying: 'Moses My servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them—the children of Israel. Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you.'"1 It wasn't too long after God delivered the ancient Israelites from slavery in Egypt that they wanted to go back there—in spite of the miracles they had witnessed, such as the parting of the waters of the Red Sea so they could cross over to the Promised Land on dry land. However, when the going got rough through the wilderness, they complained and wanted to return to Egypt. Was it because they were afraid that things weren't going to get any better, or that God had deserted them? Or were they afraid of change? Like the old saying goes, "Better the devil you know than the one you don't know." People haven't changed too much have we? As one writer said, "The trouble these days is that people want to get to the Promised Land without going through the wilderness." For the Christian God has a "promised Land" of freedom, growth, wholeness and fulfillment. It's there for the taking—but not without the struggles of working through our private wildernesses. Like Joshua who led the Israelites into the Promised Land, we too need to "arise, go and possess" the promises that God has for us. And we, too, will have plenty of obstacles and setbacks to overcome. At the same time, we have the same assurance that God gave to Joshua when he said to him, "Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me the courage to actively claim all the promises you have for me so that I will become and do all that you have envisioned for me to be and do. And give me the determination to never give up, no matter how challenging the way, knowing that you will be with me every step of the way. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea, - Matthew 3:1
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
catastrophe • kuh-TASS-truh-fee • noun 1 a : a violent and sudden change in a feature of the earth b : a violent usually destructive natural event (as a supernova) 2 : utter failure : fiasco
Examples: The party was a catastrophe; the band didn't show up, the food was awful, and a sudden rain shower sent the guests running for cover.
"The democratization of economics owes much to the financial crisis that first hit in 2007. That ongoing catastrophe, which few economists predicted, tarnished the profession's reputation, prompting some to look elsewhere for answers." -- From an article by Stephen Mihm in The New York Times Magazine, December 19, 2010
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THINGS TO PONDER: Was the only reason God gave us a shin is to find things in the dark?
THINGS TO PONDER: Why don't penguins in Antarctica ever get frostbite?
THINGS TO PONDER: If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
You might be a REDNECK if... ...your family tree has no forks
You might be a REDNECK if... ...the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
"Victory belongs to the most persevering." - Napoleon
"Do you know what a pessimist is A man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it." - George Bernard Shaw
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy. –Jack Handey
"I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition." - Martha Washington
******************* TODAY'S PET TIP:
I want to tell you about Peppy, a 9-year-old Miniature Poodle who came into the clinic because the owner noticed some dark spots on his skin. Peppy had abnormal bruising on his ears, back and belly. Aside from dental disease, Peppy had always been very healthy. Close examination of the skin around Peppy's ears, abdomen and prepuce revealed petechiae - small, red, pinpoint dots. These dots are actually focal areas of hemorrhage or bleeding. An in-house blood panel was run immediately and it revealed a frightening low platelet count. Platelets are one of the components of blood that are necessary for clotting. When platelet levels are abnormally low, bleeding can occur spontaneously or with the slightest bump. Treatment of this condition is supportive initially, but long-term management requires finding the cause of the decrease in platelets and preventing ongoing destruction. Potential causes can include: Bone marrow disease (e.g. cancer) Splenic sequestration secondary to cancer - platelets accumulate and remain in the spleen Immune mediated, either secondary to infection or another immune response that causes the body to destroy its own platelets Peppy was immediately started on the steroid prednisone in an attempt to stop his body from continuing to destroy any remaining platelets. At this point we explained to the owners that dogs with low platelets (thrombocytopenia) often required blood transfusions during their stabilization and work-up. Monitoring during stabilization would best be handled by a 24-hour emergency facility. Although Peppy was stable, his condition could decline rapidly. The owners opted to monitor Peppy at home and proceed to the emergency facility if his bruising progressed. Unfortunately for Peppy (and his owners), his condition worsened. Peppy was admitted to the closest emergency hospital where he spent several days undergoing testing and treatment. His condition was ultimately diagnosed as immune-mediated and Peppy would likely require medication for the rest of his life to prevent a recurrence. Peppy has done very well and I continue to see him for routine care and to periodically recheck his blood work. His story has a happy ending but if his owners had not been able to pay for his supportive care and ongoing therapy, Peppy likely would have died. This is another example of a life-threatening condition that is often treatable but expensive.
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Tip on When to Start Grooming Your Dog
Start regular grooming when you first bring your dog home and make it a part of his routine. Purchase a good-quality brush and comb and get your dog used to being handled. Praise your dog when he holds still and soon he will come to enjoy the extra attention. Some breeds have special grooming needs, so ask your vet or a professional groomer for advice on particular equipment necessary for your pet.
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How to Make Sticky Toffee Pudding
If you have tried coffee cake, this dessert is very similar to it. The gooey and soft texture of a sticky toffee pudding is delicious as a side dish to almost everything. And for those who love following Royal trends, sticky toffee pudding is said to be a favorite dessert of Kate Middleton's![1] This recipe serves 2 people.
Ingredients
6.5 oz (185 grams) of dates (stoned and chopped) 11.4 fl oz (325 ml) of water 1 teaspoon of baking soda 1.8 oz (50 grams) of butter 5.8 oz (165 grams) of sugar 2 eggs 6.2 oz (175 grams) of self-raising flour 2 tablespoons of rum
Ingredients to make a toffee sauce, (see below)
Chopped hazelnuts for garnish (optional)
Steps
Preheat the oven to 350ºF, 180ºC, or on gas mark 4.
Heat a pan on medium heat with the dates, water, and baking soda.
Cook and simmer for 4 to 5 minutes and stir occasionally to stop the liquid from overflowing.
Blend the butter and sugar in the mixer at a slow pace. Turn the speed pace up to create a good consistent whip. Add one egg to the mixture and whip it in. Stop the mixer and fold in the sides of the bowl. Add the other egg into the mixture and try to get a whipped and creamy consistency.
Add the dates mixture and rum to the mixer. Add a little flour at a time and turn up the speed for a creamier mixture. Be sure it is well mixed and not lumpy.
Scrape the mixture into the loaf tin.
Put the loaf tin in the preheated oven. Bake for 40 to 45 minutes.
Make the toffee sauce while you wait for the pudding to be done.
Prick a toothpick in the pudding after it's done baking. If the toothpick comes out clean and dry, then it's done. If it's wet or crumbs come out with it, then the pudding may need more time in the oven.
Remove the pudding from the loaf tin with care. Tip upside down over a chopping board and
Cut individual slices. Cut into generous, chunky slices.
For a neater presentation, cut the slices into two pieces.
Serve. Place the individual slices on the serving plate.
Drizzle toffee sauce on top of the pudding.
Sprinkle chopped hazelnuts over the top. This is optional. A sprig of mint and a dollop of cream also make ideal toppings.
Tips
The pudding may be more prone to breaking if it's cut while hot. Things You'll Need
2 saucepans Mixer with whisk attachment Toothpick Rubber spatula Buttered loaf tin; 25 cm x 11 cm (9.8" x 4.3") Knife Chopping board Spoon
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How to Make Sticky Toffee Sauce
Sticky but very tasty. This sauce is ideal for covering ice cream, sponge cake, various puddings and sponge fingers. Ingredients
25g butter 25g soft brown sugar 2 tbsp double cream (heavy cream) 1 tsp lemon juice
Steps
1Heat the butter with the sugar, cream and lemon juice in a small pan over a medium heat. 2Stir until smooth and all the sugar has dissolved and butter has melted. 3Take off the heat just before it starts to bubble. 4Pour over your dessert of choice.
If you choose to keep the sauce, store refrigerated and reheat just before serving to serve warm.
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OLD FASHION POTATO CANDY 1 sm. potato 2 boxes 10X sugar 1/2 jar peanut butter 1 tsp. vanilla extract
Boil potato whole. Drain well and mash. Add vanilla, add 1 box of 10X sugar and enough of next box to make a dough the consistency of pie dough. Roll out into a rectangle and spread with peanut butter. Roll up jelly roll style and cut into serving pieces. Let candy dry and store in a container in layers.
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Chicken, Shrimp and Egg Fried Rice Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 15 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
In the Asian kitchen, leftover rice is never discarded. It is stir-fried with bits of meats and vegetables and turned into a tasty snack, light meal or side dish. A favorite way of serving fried rice in Indonesia is to top it with a crispy fried egg. The yolk is broken and mixed into the rice by the diner.
INGREDIENTS 4 shallots or 1 yellow onion, coarsely chopped 2 cloves garlic 1 teaspoon dried shrimp paste 2 fresh small red chili peppers, seeded 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric 2 tablespoons ketchup 1 tablespoon Indonesian sweet dark soy sauce (ketjap manis) 2 tablespoons light soy sauce 3-4 tablespoons peanut oil or corn oil 5 cups cold, cooked white rice 1 1/2 cups shredded green cabbage 3/4 cup green peas, blanched for 1 minute and drained 1/4 lb medium-sized shrimp, peeled and deveined 1 cup diced, cooked chicken 4 green onions (spring onions), sliced 4 eggs Optional Garnishes Fried shallot flakes Fried shrimp crackers DIRECTIONS In a mortar or mini food processor, combine the shallots or onion, garlic, shrimp paste, chilies and turmeric and mash with a pestle or grind to a paste; set aside. In a bowl, mix together the catsup and dark and light soy sauces; set aside. Place a wok over medium-high heat. When it is hot, add 2 tablespoons of the oil. When the oil is hot, add the spice paste and fry, stirring continuously, for 2 minutes. Raise the heat to high. Crumble the cold rice between your palms into the wok. Using a wok spatula, toss and gently flatten any clumps of rice until the grains are separated. Add the catsup mixture and stir-fry until all the rice grains are evenly coated. Add the cabbage, peas, shrimp and chicken; stir and toss until the shrimp turns pink, 2-3 minutes. Divide the rice among 4 individual plates and garnish with the green onions. Cover loosely to keep warm. Reheat the wok over medium-high heat. When it is hot, add 1/2 tablespoon of the oil. When the oil is hot and almost smoking, crack 1 egg directly into the oil. Fry until the edges are blistered and crisp and the whites are almost set, about 1 minute. Using a slotted spatula, turn the egg over and fry for a few seconds longer to brown. Transfer the fried egg to the top of 1 plate of rice. Repeat with the remaining oil and eggs. If desired, sprinkle with the fried shallots and garnish with the shrimp crackers. Serve hot.
******************* Sweet Red Bean Soup
Active Time: 10 Minutes Total Time: 14 Hours 30 Minutes Yield: Serves 8
The vibrant color of red signifies happiness and luck. For this reason, it is always present at special celebrations such as weddings, birthdays, and most of all the Chinese New Year. This soup is made of red azuki beans, which are small, dried sweet-flavored beans. The dried lotus seeds, with a slight nutty flavor, are added to create a dramatic contrast in color and texture. The soup may be served hot, at room temperature, or chilled.
INGREDIENTS 1 cup dried red azuki beans, soaked 4 hours or overnight, drained 1/4 cup dried lotus seeds, soaked for 12 hours, or overnight, drained 1/3 cup to 1/2 cup sugar DIRECTIONS Combine beans and 7 cups water in large pot. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Cook uncovered until beans are tender and the liquid has reduced by 3 cups, about 2 hours. Add the lotus seeds and cook until almost tender, about 20 minutes longer. Divide soup among 8 soup bowls and serve.
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Mushroom Fried Rice
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 20 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
The quickest, and most authentic way to make this hearty version of a Chinese-restaurant favorite is to start with leftover rice (you'll need about three cups). But even if you start with raw rice, you'll still be ready to eat in well under an hour.
INGREDIENTS
For the Rice: 1 1/2 cups long-grain rice For the Mushrooms: 3 tablespoons cooking oil 1/2 pound cremini mushrooms, sliced thin 1/2 pound shiitake mushrooms, stems removed, caps sliced 1/2 pound white mushrooms, sliced thin
1/4 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger 6 scallions including green tops, sliced thin 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup soy sauce 1/2 cup frozen peas 1 teaspoon Asian sesame oil DIRECTIONS
FOR THE RICE: Bring a medium pot of salted water to a boil. Stir in the rice and boil until just done, about 10 minutes. Drain the rice and set aside to cool.
FOR THE MUSHROOMS: Meanwhile, in a large nonstick frying pan or wok, heat 1 tablespoon of the cooking oil over moderately high heat. Add half the mushrooms and cook, stirring frequently, until the mushrooms are tender and golden, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a plate. Repeat with the remaining mushrooms and another tablespoon of the cooking oil. Add these mushrooms to the plate.
TO ASSEMBLE: In the same frying pan, heat the remaining tablespoon of cooking oil over moderate heat. Add the red-pepper flakes, ginger, and scallions and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Increase the heat to moderately high and add the rice, salt, and soy sauce. Cook, stirring, for 2 minutes and then add the peas and mushrooms. Cook, stirring, until everything's warm, another 1 to 2 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the sesame oil.
VEGETABLE TIP: Most people throw away shiitake stems because they're tough. But you can simmer them gently in stock, or any liquid, until they're tender. If that's too much trouble, just save them to add flavor to stock.
WINE RECOMMENDATION: Salty, sweet, and hot Asian food lends itself as no other cuisine to the fruity piquancy of German rieslings. Try a simple Qualitaswein bestimmter Anbaugebiete (QbA) from the Mosel for best effect.
******************* Orange-Spice Bars
Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 10 Minutes Yield: 40 Bars
You can leave out the nuts and coconut if you are worried about a choking hazard for young children. Remember, have them brush their teeth well after eating goodies with this much sugar!
INGREDIENTS 2/3 cup butter 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (packed) 2 eggs 1 teaspoon grated orange peel 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel 2 and 1/2 Tablespoons orange juice 1/2 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups flour (sifted) 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon cloves 1 cup chopped walnuts For glaze: 2 cups confectioners sugar 2 - 3 Tablespoons orange juice 1 teaspoon grated orange peel 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel Optional: Coconut (flaked or grated) DIRECTIONS Cream butter and brown sugar. Add eggs, grated peel. orange juice and vanilla. Sift dry ingredients and add. Mix well. Add walnuts. Spread mixture in greased 10 x 15 jelly roll pan. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 20 - 25 minutes until top is brown and springs back when touched. Cool 15 minutes and spread with glaze. Cut into bars. (Makes about 40) You can sprinkle with coconut if you wish.
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A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it-- until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: "Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."
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My mom had always wanted to learn to play the piano, so Dad bought her one for her birthday. A few weeks later, I called and asked how she was doing. "We returned the piano," said Dad. "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because," he explained, "with a clarinet, she can't sing along."
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Mrs. Storme: "How is your Debating Society getting along?"
Mrs. Karn: "Very well. We have forty members, and we all agree beautifully."
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I was in las Vegas, when a man walked up to me and "Sir do you have a extra $20.00, my wife badly needs an operation that costs $1000.00. I have $980.00 and just need the last $20.00"
Well I thought about it and asked the man, "How will I know that you are not going to walk into that casino and gamble it away?
The man replied "No sir... I have money for gambling."
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Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first. A: Two - one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers. A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"
******************* A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! It's so warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring."
******************* A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg". The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name. The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."
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After O'Connell had obtained the acquittal of a horse-stealer, the thief, in the ecstasy of his gratitude, cried out, "Och, counsellor, I've no way here to thank your honor; but I wish't I saw you knocked down in me own parish—wouldn't I bring a faction to the rescue?"
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE
Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'
The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land mines.â€
Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN
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A LOVING WIFE
A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband.
She says, "I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
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Tags: jokes
REMINDERS OF GOD: God's Chosen "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."1
Mike Barnicle, a former columnist for the Boston Globe and more recently with the New York Daily News, tells about a baby born to Mary Teresa Hickey and her husband in 1945. The parents came from Cork, Ireland. The baby was a Down's Syndrome boy. Mary Teresa held the baby tightly, saying, "He's ours and we love him. He is God's chosen one."
The family lived in the Dorchester section of Boston. Their other boy was Jimmy. The dad died young of a heart attack, and Mary was left to raise the two boys, nine-year-old Jimmy and seven-year-old Danny. To pay the rent she scrubbed floors at a chronic care hospital.
Jimmy took good care of Danny. Dan felt at home with all the kids because no one told him he was different. Then one day, as they were boarding a trackless trolley, some strange kids shouted, "No morons on the bus!" That was the day Jimmy Hickey learned to fight. It was also the day Jimmy decided to be a priest. Little Danny attended the Kennedy school in Brighton and eventually obtained a job.
In 1991, Mary Teresa Hickey died at age ninety-one after showering her sons with unyielding love all their lives. Father Jim Hickey had been a priest for thirty years. In every parish to which he was assigned, Danny went along with him. The people were favored with both men.
In October 1997, Danny was in the hospital. His fifty-two-year-old body was failing. One night when ordinary people were eating supper, watching a ball game or going to a movie, a simple story of brotherly love played itself out at the bedside of a man who never felt sorry for himself or thought he was different.
Father Jim held his brother and asked, "Do you trust me, Danny?"
"I trust you."
"You're going to be OK."
"I be OK." Eight hundred people stood in line at his wake. Parishioners packed the church for his funeral. They sang and cried and prayed. Later that day, Daniel Jeremiah Hickey was gently laid beside his parents at New Calvary cemetery. The granite headstone bore his name and the inscription: "God's Chosen."2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you for your promise that you are preparing a place in Heaven for all who have accepted you as their Lord and Savior and have put their trust in you. All of these are your chosen ones too. Thank you for this blessed hope knowing that when our time on earth is over, we will go to be with you in Heaven and live with you forever. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
***************************** WORD FOR THE DAY: susurrus
PRONUNCIATION: (soo-SUHR-uhs) MEANING: noun: A whispering or rustling sound.
ETYMOLOGY: From Latin susurrus (whisper, humming), from susurrare (to whisper or hum), of imitative origin. Earliest documented use: 1826.
USAGE: "A susurrus of dismay rustled through the ranks of the Aboriginal leaders gathered there." Annabel Crabb; Gracious Rudd Turns Grubby; The Sydney Morning Herald (Australia); Oct 31, 2009. ************************************** Ground Control to Major Tom?
All good. The last one is best. Thank you! Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet.. how much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this....I've got the little Fokker in sight." A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport" A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!" Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers." One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206. Clear of active runway.." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark...... and I didn't land." While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then, an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" *************************************** DOG TIPS I want to reinforce how important it is to protect your dog from exposure to glues, toxins and medications. Keeping your dog confined to your yard or on a leash is also very important to prevent common traumas. As I told you a few weeks back, spending time in some emergency rooms is allowing me to give you the best and most useful information. A couple of weeks ago I told you about a few unusual cases and today I want to tell you about a few more. I thought you might be interested in what I learned and it will also help you to pick up some tips on how to prevent these problems in your pet. 1. Trouble breathing - A cute 6-year-old bulldog named "Bully" came into the ER. This dog had a tracheostomy 2 years prior because of breathing problems in his upper airway. They created a hole in his neck that allowed him to breathe. The dog had been doing great. That morning at the pet store, Bully got a new toy, a cute little bandana and some treats. Shortly after, Bully was RUSHED in because he was having trouble breathing. What was the problem? The owner had put a cute seasonal bandana on him and it was covering his hole. The treatment? We removed the bandana and he was fine! Their total bill was the emergency fee, which was $95. 2. Cat ate 42 hair bands - A cat came to the clinic for vomiting. This cat was last seen chewing on the owner's hair bands. You know the little stretchy things used to tie back hair? The cat's x-ray suggested there was something in the stomach. The owner opted to go to surgery and 42 hair bands were removed! This cat must have been eating them and eating them and eating them! Some cats simply cannot be trusted with string, ribbon and other objects. This cat recovered from surgery and did fine - but their bill was $1,375! 3. Dog ate tennis balls - This is another one that is hard to believe. A basset hound named "Barney" came in with a laceration on his foot. He had been in the yard and somehow got cut. The laceration was minor and was easily "fixed" with a few sutures. However, during the exam the veterinarian felt the abdomen and thought the stomach felt "funny". They asked the owners if Barney had any vomiting or digestive problems and the owner said that he vomits occasionally but no real problems. The veterinarian felt strongly that something was not right and recommended an X-ray. The owner agreed. The X-ray showed the dog had 7 tennis balls in his stomach! How could this dog have eaten seven tennis balls? The owner said they often saw him playing with a ball and then never saw it again! Unbelievable. Although these balls were not actively causing the dog a problem, the vet recommended that the tennis balls be surgically removed. Barney is now doing fine and his owner will not give him any more tennis balls. Pets get into all kinds of things - it's a common problem. This emphasizes the importance of monitoring your pets. They can eat and ingest toys, string, ribbon and just about anything else. Underwear, socks and panty hose are other favorites of many dogs. Please monitor your dog closely. ************************************** Grilled Fruit Skewers with Ginger Syrup Yield: 4 to 12 servings, depending on selection Preparation Time: 30 minutes Start to Finish Time: 35 minutes 1 cup sugar 1 cup water 1/4 cup peeled and thinly sliced fresh ginger 4 bananas, not overly ripe 4 peaches 1 small pineapple 1 papaya, ripe but not too soft Combine first three ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil and simmer 3 minutes. Remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and strain. (Refrigerate if not using right away; it will keep at least a week.) Cut unpeeled bananas into 2-inch-long chunks and make a small slit in the peel. Quarter peaches, discarding pit. Peel and core pineapple; cut into 2-inch chunks. Peel papaya, cut in half, discard seeds, and cut into 2-inch chunks. Thread fruit on eight skewers and brush lightly with ginger syrup. Grill over high heat until lightly browned, about 2 minutes per side. Brush again with ginger syrup and serve warm. ************************************** Grilled Seafood Salad with Summertime Citrus Dressing Yield: 10 to 12 servings
12 12-inch wooden skewers 16 sea scallops 2 pounds colossal shrimp, peeled and deveined Extra-virgin olive oil Grill Mix 4 lobster tails, cut in half lengthwise 2 pounds cleaned baby calamari (tubes only)* Summertime Citrus Dressing 1 fennel bulb, quartered and thinly sliced Garnish: fresh fennel leaves 1 day ahead: Place skewers in water to cover, and let soak 10 minutes. Thread scallops and shrimp onto skewers. Brush with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with Grill Mix. Brush lobster tails and calamari with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with Grill Mix. Grill calamari over high heat (400 degrees F to 500 degrees F) 1 to 3 minutes total, turning once, until just opaque (overcooking yields tough, rubbery meat). Grill scallops about 4 to 6 minutes, turning once. Grill shrimp 6 to 8 minutes, turning once. Grill lobster tails 8 to 10 minutes, turning once. Cut calamari into 1/4-inch rings and lobster tails into 1/2-inch chunks; combine with shrimp and scallops. Cover and chill up to 24 hours. 30 minutes ahead: Toss seafood with Summertime Citrus Dressing to coat. Mix in sliced fennel and toss gently. Just before serving: Garnish salad with fresh fennel leaves. ************************************** Seven-Layer Salad This attractive salad looks just great when you assemble it in a clear glass bowl. This is a salad that must be made about 8 hours before serving, which makes it very convenient for church suppers and potlucks when you don't have time for a lot of last-minute preparations. Yield: 10 to 12 servings
1 head lettuce, torn in bite-size pieces 1 cup diced green bell pepper 1 cup chopped celery 1 cup diced onion 1 package (10 ounces) frozen peas, thawed 2 cups mayonnaise (low-fat mayonnaise can be used) 1 tablespoon white sugar 6 slices bacon, fried crisp and crumbled 3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese Place the lettuce in the bottom of a clear salad bowl. On top of the lettuce, layer the pepper, celery, onion, and peas in that order. Spoon the mayonnaise over the top to cover and seal the vegetables. Sprinkle the sugar, bacon, and cheese on top. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 8 hours before serving.
************************************** Watermelon Gazpacho The delicate flavors of cucumber and watermelon go hand in hand to create a sweet-and-savory chilled soup, perfect as a first course on a hot night.
Serves: 6 Total Time: 20 min Prep Time: 20 min
8 cup(s) finely diced seedless watermelon , (about 6 pounds with the rind) (see Tip) 1 medium cucumber, peeled, seeded and finely diced 1/2 red bell pepper, finely diced 1/4 cup(s) chopped fresh basil 1/4 cup(s) chopped flat-leaf parsley 3 tablespoon(s) red-wine vinegar 2 tablespoon(s) minced shallot 2 tablespoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil 3/4 teaspoon(s) salt
Directions Mix watermelon, cucumber, bell pepper, basil, parsley, vinegar, shallot, oil and salt in a large bowl. Puree 3 cups of the mixture in a blender or food processor to the desired smoothness; transfer to another large bowl. Puree another 3 cups and add to the bowl. Stir in the remaining diced mixture. Serve at room temperature or chilled.
************************************** Shrimp Bánh Mì French colonial rule in Vietnam influenced the country's cooking profoundly, as here with this street-food sandwich (bánh mì), usually served on a baguette. The spicy mayo mélange adds tartness.
Serves: 6 Total Time: 25 min Ingredients 1 large carrot, peeled and shredded 2 tablespoon(s) rice vinegar 1/3 cup(s) chopped fresh cilantro 2 1/2 tablespoon(s) reduced-fat mayonnaise 2 1/2 tablespoon(s) low-fat plain yogurt 3/4 teaspoon(s) fish sauce 1 tablespoon(s) lime juice 1/4 teaspoon(s) cayenne pepper 3 12-inch baguettes, halved lengthwise 1 pound(s) peeled cooked shrimp (21-25 per pound; thawed if frozen), tails removed 18 slice(s) cucumber 3 scallions, thinly sliced lengthwise and cut into 2-inch pieces
Directions Place carrot and vinegar in a small bowl; stir to combine. Let marinate while preparing the rest of the ingredients. Place cilantro, mayonnaise, yogurt, fish sauce, lime juice and cayenne in a medium bowl; stir to combine. Spread 2 teaspoons of this sauce on the bottom half of each baguette. Add shrimp to the remaining sauce; toss to coat. Using a slotted spoon, divide carrot among the baguettes (discard vinegar). Top with shrimp, cucumber and scallions. Cut each baguette into two 6-inch sandwiches. ************************************** Broccoli, Ham, and Pasta Salad
A great make-ahead entrée, this lightened-up pasta salad is loaded with broccoli and peppers. Smoky ham and sweet raisins give it plenty of punch. Enjoy the leftovers for a fuss-free lunch.
Total Time: 50 min Prep Time: 20 min
Ingredients 1/2 cup(s) low-fat mayonnaise 1/3 cup(s) nonfat plain yogurt 1/4 cup(s) reduced-fat sour cream 3 tablespoon(s) rice vinegar or white-wine vinegar 1 tablespoon(s) Dijon mustard 1 tablespoon(s) honey, or more to taste 1 1/2 teaspoon(s) dried minced onion or dried chopped chives 1 1/4 teaspoon(s) dried tarragon or dill 1/2 teaspoon(s) onion salt or celery salt or 1/4 teaspoon of each White pepper to taste 3 cup(s) (about 6 ounces dry) cooked whole-wheat fusilli or similar pasta 4 cup(s) (about 1 1/2 large heads) chopped broccoli florets 1 1/2 cup(s) (8 ounces) diced ham, preferably reduced-sodium 1 large red or yellow bell pepper (or a combination), diced 1/4 cup(s) diced red onion, plus slices for garnish 1/3 cup(s) raisins Freshly ground pepper to taste 4 cup(s) spinach leaves 1 cup(s) torn radicchio leaves
Directions To prepare dressing: Combine mayonnaise, yogurt, sour cream, vinegar, mustard, honey, onion (or chives), tarragon (or dill), and onion salt (and/or celery salt) in a bowl until well blended. Season with white pepper. Taste and adjust seasonings, if desired. To prepare salad: Combine pasta, broccoli, ham, bell pepper, diced onion, and raisins in a large bowl. Add dressing and toss until evenly incorporated. Cover and refrigerate to blend the flavors for at least 30 minutes and up to 2 days. Serve on a bed of spinach and radicchio, garnished with slices of red onion.
Exchanges: 1 1/2 starch, 1/2 fruit, 2 vegetable, 2 lean meat. Carbohydrate Servings: 2 1/2. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (167% daily value), Vitamin A (85% dv), Folate (24% dv), Potassium (20% dv), Magnesium (18% dv), Zinc (17% dv), Iron (16% dv). ************************************** In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.--John Adams ************************************** Old Man As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car, and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty five feet away. I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade. He then turned back to the old man. I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying: "You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age." And then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot. I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief, and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her; he appeared to tell her it would be okay.. I had seen enough, and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight, and as I got near him I said, 'Looks like you're having a problem.' He smiled sheepishly, and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself, and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road, and I told the old man that I would be right back. I drove to the station and I went inside.. I saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them, and related the problem the old man had with his car. I offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him. The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine), I spoke with the old gentleman. When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve with?' He had mentioned that he served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal ..... He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card. He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We all shook hands all around again, and I said my goodbye's to his wife. I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the station. Once at the station, I told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me. One of them pulled out a card from his pocket, looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then that they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off. For some reason I had gone about two blocks, when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name was written: 'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.' I sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage, and an honor to have been in his presence. Remember,OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM for America . Thanks to those who served and still serve, and to all of those who supported them, and who continue to support them. America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them! Remember, Freedom IS NOT free. Thousands have paid the price, so you can enjoy what you have today. LET'S DO THIS: JUST 19 WORDS: GOD OUR FATHER, WALK THROUGH MY HOUSE AND TAKE AWAY ALL MY WORRIES; AND PLEASE WATCH OVER AND HEAL MY FAMILY; AND PLEASE PROTECT OUR FREEDOMS, AND WATCH OVER OUR TROOPS, WHO ARE DEFENDING THOSE FREEDOMS. AMEN. This prayer is so powerful. Pass this prayer to 12 people, including me. ************************************** PHONE REPAIR Lawrence , Kansas , December 12, 2008 A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called. 4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by Pissing and Moaning.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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